#fucking prehensile penis over here

[official-penis-posts]

just saw ur ask from earlier and decided to type this whole thing with my penis without touching it or the phone with my hands At All. No training wheels. i win 😼

What? HOW??

My fat thumbs can barely use the tiny keyboard on my phone and I guarantee your penis is bigger than my thumbs!

OK now type out my immortal 😜

[sinisterexaggerator]

I am over here rethinking Duros dick and alien biology after two years in the fandom (headcanons).

NSFW below the cut:

I write Cad Bane with two dicks. I also go with the idea he has a bussy (cloaca), or slit where they emerge from. I think they are moderately prehensile (not saying he can pick things up), and that he has internal sex organs as well that mimic female genitalia and it is just below the base of his cocks. He could also potentially lay eggs ( for a fun AU idea ) if he met another Duros or compatible species.

When I write "Banaka," for instance, I imagine a scene where Hondo and Bane are already both naked and they're making out. Maybe they're standing, and Hondo has a hard-on. Bane has his tongue in his mouth as his two dicks are winding around him, basically giving him a "hand job (dick job)" and Bane self lubricates, so it’s nice and slick, right, and he’s working him all slow, but get this -- he can guide him inside with them as if it's another hand.

And now, since I want to make Duros intersex after much thought, I want to say that hormones play a role that is quite important. Around Jango and Hondo, maybe Bane seems to release more of an estrogen type hormone, but with Shriv he releases more testosterone for some reason and acts more dominate. He can of course switch at any moment, but that also makes it so he either has the soft tentacle dicks, or they go rigid when he fucks a female or is more in tune with his manly side that day. Therefore, it is the best of both worlds.

But, Duros can also penetrate things with the tentacle dicks, too. Ehehehe.

With Shriv, I imagine him with a woman slowly fucking her with one tentacle-type dick while the other massages her clit. He could also probably use them to spread you wide as he inserts a massive finger or two into your cunt.

Of course, they are not actually tentacles. It's a hemi-penis, much like real reptiles have in the wild here on Earth. The only thing that has really changed is making them a little more flexible, and the fact Bane/Shriv can choose how they want to fuck you. >D SORRY, NOT SORRY!

[wri0thesley]

These cock logistics are more entertaining than I thought. Does double the cock also mean a double load? Does he ejaculate simulataneously or can he do it separately? Is one dick a pseudo-penis?

SDJVKS anon i am just trying to be horny here on main and now i need to JUSTIFY it

in my personal opinion: - yes, double the load, although idk i feel like sukuna’s loads are probably heavy ANYWAY.  - both cocks usually ejaculate at the same time but can ejaculate separately; he’s got a surprising amount of control over them - no they are both functioning penises that he CAN and WILL use

most of my experience writing for double dicks comes from writing hemipenises for naga characters. this usually means that i write one dick being more prehensile and sometimes like, ribbed/different texturally. this is not the case for sukuna who just really does have two massive fucking dongs.

[robotslenderman]

Do you have any Conclave of Prague Headcanons?

I was actually writing a post on this and was about to make it its proper post, lol.

So, I’ll give you the involvement of my former Sabbat vamps (+ Millicent Rue)!

You said in the notes of the original post --

I understand your skepticism, but considering that Theo worked with Lucita, a Lasombra, in Gehenna The Final Night, stranger things have happened. ;)

On one hand, I’m pretty sure there isn’t any penis throwing in that novel.

On the other... they live in the same city, and an outrageous distraction is probably the best distraction you can get. Like, it’s a penis. Everyone is going to want to look to see what the fuck is going on.

Theo Bell’s probably heard of the descendant of Sascha Vykos whose life dream is to throw a penis in Hardestadt’s face, just like her great-grandsire. It’s not common knowledge, but since the Sabbat used to have the city most people who live there have heard of her ambition, even if they don’t know the name of the Tzimisce who had it. She used to live there, maybe she never left. Tzimisce have Vicissitude, after all.

Nastasya poses as Laika Petrova, the Gangrel, these days. She’s seen Theo Bell around at Elysium from time to time, so she’s not surprised to see him there again one night. She’s surprised he’s walking towards her, but not alarmed.

Then he says, “I’ve heard you can get me in contact with Anastasia Sokolova.”

And Laika just side eyes him all, “The Tzimisce? Why would I have any connections to her?”

And he just looks at her.

And she sighs and is like, “FINE. Meet me at the Bow Bridge in Central Park at 3AM.”

So they meet. She does so in her regular Tzimisce form. She doesn’t bother taking precautions to protect herself; Bell isn’t the type to lure an enemy into an ambush when he could’ve just exposed her in plain sight. He doesn’t want her destroyed, she’s pretty sure.

Theo Bell is like, “I’ve heard you want to throw a penis at Hardestadt.”

Nastasya tries not to laugh her ass off, because “are you seriously telling me the Camarilla actually dispatched an Archon over penis throwing?”

“No,” says Theo. “Actually, I want a distraction. You want to pull a Vykos. There’s a conclave in Prague in three months. I can help you get in and make it happen. Let’s talk.”

Nastasya. Is. Delighted.

She doesn’t even ask questions. Just like Theo hoped she would.

And then this post happens:

Nastasya wakes up in the middle of the day. Proteans into the form of a rat. Makes a ghoul carry her in a light-proof box to her sire’s haven.

Shakes him awake. Holding him by the shoulders, eyes bloodshot, she gets right up in his face.

“We need to go to Prague.”

Her sire is, like, so done with Nastasya and her Vykos obsession, but he works hard to be a Good Sire even though she’s been released for a decade, so you know he’s letting himself get dragged there anyway.

Nastasya texts Sullivan’s ghoul. “We’re going to Prague to throw a penis in the face of Hardestadt, you in?”

And Sullivan just takes one look at it and is like “tell her I’ll have to track down Millicent and bring her, because she will never forgive me if she misses out on this.”

So Sullivan gets to work. He and Nastasya, as a favour to him, pull every string they have with the Nosferatu antitribu to track down Millicent. Sullivan finally finds her in a dive bar in Los Angeles, managing the blood trade there under the noses of Anarchs and Camarilla alike.

Sullivan just cuts straight to the chase all, “I’ve been looking for you for weeks! I got an offer I don’t think you’ll want to refuse.”

“You have an offer. Grammar.”

She ditches him as a fledgling when the Sabbat starts fracturing, they don’t see each other for years, that’s how they greet each other. Yeah,  the two of them are just Like That.

“You know Nastasya?” Sullivan tells her. “She’s a Tzimisce friend of mine in New York. She’s the great-grandchilde of Sascha Vykos.”

“What about her?”

“There’s a convention in Prague. Hardestadt will be there. Stasya wants to continue a family tradition. Wanna come?”

Millicent hears “great-grandchilde of Sascha Vykos”, “convention” and “family tradition” and just stops cleaning the glass (she’s at a bar, they’re always cleaning glasses with rags, saves on the water bill).

She stares at him.

She says, “It’s taken quite some time for me to carve out my own part of the blood trade here.”

“Yup,” says Sullivan.

Millicent doesn’t tell him to say yes, not yup. “It takes a lot of maintenance to prevent the competition from muscling in.”

“I’d expect so.”

“And you want me to drop everything and go to Europe to watch a Tzimisce with the maturity of a thirteen-year-old boy throw a lewd body part in the face of a founder of the Camarilla?”

“Yep!”

She stares at him.

Then she says, “Our elders are trying to get the clan into the Ivory Tower. If we’re going to do this, it’s now or never.”

“I knew you’d like it.”

-o-

Nastasya’s grandsire comes too. Having been subject to Sascha’s abuse personally, he often feels like Nastasya doesn’t take Vykos seriously enough, but he has to admit this would be pretty fucking funny so he tags along.

Theo Bell smuggles the ex-Sabbat in. The sires are all deeply amused that he’s helping, and when Millicent is the first person to have the brain cells to ask why, Nastasya tells her, “don’t look a gift Cammy in the mouth!”

Nastasya’s been practicing throwing penises ever since the plan was hatched. It is a bad-dragon esque penis, a foot long and thicker than a man’s forearm, and it’s prehensile and squirming.

She can’t just copy Vykos, she has to outdo them, you know. Put her own spin on the penis. If she ever meets them, she’ll say, “Mine was bigger!”

She waits for the time Theo Bell told her to. A time when the Ventrue are coming back from recess, but nobody’s suspicious the Brujah haven’t quite made it back yet. A time when the conclave hall isn’t too loud and everyone’s just murmuring to each other.

There’s a piercing whistle and a, “Hey, Hardestadt!” Everyone’s heads snap up.

And the penis is thrown. Thrown, but more like hurled. There’s Potence behind it. She wants that penis to hurt.

When everyone turns their heads to see where it comes from, Nastasya makes sure to yell, “Tradition, bitches! The Vykos bloodline sends its regards!"

(She’s spent weeks coming up with the words.)

It’s the best distraction Theo Bell could have hoped for. Even the most bored Kindred with glazed-over eyes is immediately snapping to attention to see the thing squirm its way up Hardestadt’s trouser leg from where it bounced off him and fell on the floor. Jan, who may or may not be in on the whole thing, is trying not to laugh.

There’s dead silence, then the Ventrue start yelling.

And then the ambush happens. The Brujah start cutting down Ventrue.

Hardestadt doesn’t realise what’s happened at first, because he’s trying to get the thing out of his shirt. So it’s pretty easy for Theo to blow his fucking head off.

-o-

Sullivan tells Millicent, “You know, when you said it was now or never, you weren’t fucking kidding.”

Millicent tells him off for cursing.

-o-

So, you know, fuck it.

It’s headcanon now.

[randomshitsavedonmycomputer]

SPONGEBOB, ME LAD, YOU HAVE TOO MANY ORIFICES FER YER OWN GOOD. YER GETTIN' A PROMOTION!" said Mr. Krabs as his hard red carapaced cock jabbed into the back of Spongebob's head. "I feel like I'm absorbing some weird fluid," spluttered Spongebob as Krabs' nasty crustaceo-jizz poured from his mouth, nose and eyes. "NOW EARN YOUR KEEP, LANDLUBBER," said Krabs as he grabbed Spongebob by his jizz-soaked trousers and began using him to clean the floor. "Oh Mr. Krabs, I-" "CALL ME MASTER YE BITCH" Krabs stepped down hard in Spongebob and a puddle of his own jizz began spreading radially on the floor of the Krusty Krab. "Hurgghbglbgblblgbl." "CHOKE ON IT, YE INVERTEBRATE, OR I CAN'T GET HARRRRRRD. THESE CLAWS AREN'T JUST GOOD FER MATIN…OH, WAIT, YES THEY ARE," said Krabs as he caressed his eleventh leg. The jizz began floating up toward the ceiling as Krabs brandished his seven-inch red masthead. You have to realize this is to scale, so it was about twice his body size. Anyway, Squidward burst into the room wearing only a gimp suit and a tutu. "TAKE ME MASTER, I NEED TO BE HUMILIATED," he said, as his four-millimeter calamari poked limply from the tight leather. "TAKE THIS, THEN," said Krabs as he jabbed one of his prehensile eyestalks up Squidward's stankhole. Squidward moaned, rubbing himself gently with 5 of his tentacles. "I CAN SEE YOU DON'T TAKE CARE OF YOUR HOLE VERY OFTEN," said Krabs. Patrick burst into the room wearing nothing but a smile and brandishing a towel. "DID SOMEBODY CALL THE HOLE DOCTOR?" "Are you a real doctor?" asked Spoogebob. "I went to community college," said Patrick as he forcibly yanked out Krabs' eyestalk and shoved it in his gay fat mouth. "Hold this open, will ya?" said Patrick as he ripped off Spongebob's erect penis and used it to jam Squidward's hole open. It immediately grew back but smaller and wetter. "Hmm... there's a lot of SHIT in here," said Patrick. "How much fiber is in Krabby Patties anyway?" "YE WOULDN'T BELIEVE," said Krabs, as a gigantic turd stretched his red asshole until it tore. "I NEED AN ENEMA," said Patrick. "OH WAIT WE'RE UNDERWATER." Patrick nibbled gently at the tip of Krabs' eyestalk as he released it from his mouth. He wiped eye fluid from the corner of his mouth and put Squidward's zippered lips to his own. "ON THE COUNT OF THREE" said Patrick. "ONE… TWO… OH FUCK IT HNRRRRRRGGUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!" Patrick blew Squidward like a trumpet. All 8 of his tentacles went rigid and his squidjuice spilled out from the dick hole in his suit. The immense force started to blow crusty chunks of shit out of Squidward's ass. "I must keep the Krusty Krab clean!" yelled Spoogebob as he rushed over and opened his mouth. Spongebob recognized bits of the Krabby Patty formula in his mouth as Squidward's acrid shit coated his tongue and teeth. "SWALLOW, YE LANDLUBBER," said Krabs, poking his dick at Spongebob's lips. "HMRGGRGHRGUHF," said Spongebob, shaking his head. He wanted to savor it, but Krabs had other plans. Krabs got up on his desk and flexed. "GET READY" he yelled as he jumped down on Spongebob with a stone cold stunner. Blood, semen and shit sprayed powerfully from every one of Spongebob's holes. The force of the explosion tore both of his legs off. The assorted fluids and solids coated the walls of Krabs' office. "YE GOT THAT SHIT ALL OVER ME FIRST DOLLAR," screeched Krabs. "AND YOU KNOW THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO CLEAN IT!" Squidward, Patrick and Spongebob all begged at Krabs' knees, pleading to be the ones who got to lick the moist brown dollar. "THE FIRST ONES WHO CAN FIND SANDY AND SUCK OFF HER FUTA COCK GET TO LICK THE DOLLAR," decreed Krabs, stowing the dollar in his ass for safekeeping. The three homos scrambled out of the room and towards the treedome. ONE HOUR LATER Spongebob, Patrick and Squidward approached the door of Sandy's tree house, not so much as an undergarment between them, and knocked politely on the door. Sandy didn't respond, so Patrick broke down the door with his erect, barrel-like member. "SANDY," they screamed, not caring about the lack of water. "SAAAAAANDY!" Patrick picked up some mud and smeared it on his face. "I'M DIRTY DAN," he growled. "I hope Dirty Dan likes getting RAMMED UP THE ASS," yelled Spongebob, as he thrust his supple yellow cattle prod into Patrick's chasmal pink rear. Patrick groaned in pleasure. "Who you callin' pinhead?" "SHUT THE FUCK UP! DIRTY DAN DOESN'T TALK," screamed Spongebob as he climaxed. Patrick scooped out some of Spongebob's cum from his cavernous brown crevice and smeared it into Squidward's eyes. "YOU'RE DIRTY DAN!" "UNGHHHH, IT HURTS SO GOOD!" Squidward smeared the semen into his eyes until they bled. Blood and semen gushed down his face. "THIS REMINDS ME OF THAILAND," said Spongebob pensively, puffing on his pipe, which he fashioned out of one of his older penises. Squidward enjoyed what remained of Spongebob's cum as Spongebob rode the tip of Patrick's voluminous horsehitch into Sandy's room. She was sleeping, but she looked like she had put on weight. Her futa cock was fully erect. "LET'S RAPE HER," suggested Patrick, peeling Spongebob off his penis and throwing him violently against the wall. "Wait Patrick, don't you know ANYTHING about squirrels?" cautioned Spongebob, ripping off his damaged member and growing a new one. He placed the damaged one on a necklace he was keeping. "I KNOW THEY'RE EXCELLENT TARGETS FOR RAPE, ESPECIALLY WHILE THEY'RE SLEEPING," said Patrick as he jammed his holiday yule log into Sandy's ear. She was fast asleep and didn't seem to notice, but her cock twitched. "It's called HIBERNATION, Patrick. Squirrels stuff valuable treasures into their vaginas and then go to sleep for six months." "TREASURE? I WANT TREASURE" roared Patrick as he dove head-first into Sandy's gaping pussy. "UHH, I'M STUCK. WHERE'S THE TREASURE?" "GO...DEEPER!" grunted Spongebob, giving Patrick a good shove. "I CAN'T. I'M TOO FAT," he replied. "I'M REALLY HORNY THOUGH." Spongebob chuckled. His plan had worked. Patrick was incapacitated and he was free to suck off Sandy's futa cock while she slept. "SPONGEBOB? SPONGEBOB, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE?" Patrick's muffled voice rang out from somewhere nearby, but Spongebob was enjoying Sandy's hard, flexible prick in his mouth. Sandy rolled over and her dick went through the side of Spongebob's mouth and out one of his ear holes. "COME ON, DAMMIT, WHY WON'T YOU CUM?" muttered Spongebob as he moved himself sensually up and down the length of Sandy's anaconda. At last, the sleeping squirrel climaxed, shooting hot greasy cum from Spongebob's ear. He pocketed some of it because he knew Krabs would require proof, probably while raping him violently. "MMMRH? WHO SUCKED ME OFF?" murred Sandy as she rubbed her eyes. "SPONGEBOB, YOU CHEATER!" yelled Patrick, his voice muffled by the squirrel's vaginal wall. Spongebob ran as fast as his gay little legs would carry him out of Sandy's room. Squidward was attempting to fuck a tree.

[noxrynne]

this is a dream that’s like “starts horror ends in not horror”  warning i mention a dick at the end

I had this dream, where:

I was on a plane, family was with me and I was bored and found the general state of the plane weird. Like, it had no walls (but the walls came back so it didn't play a big part), and as I looked around I found this old box. I think it was in the back of an overhead that was otherwise empty, had some warning labels on it I didn't care to read and after I opened it there was this assortment of white and black caterpillar looking things. Around six or seven, but I only woke up two of them -- and they felt like, the white felt closer to metal plating, with black underneath that moved their armored shells around. Both stood up on hind legs and had arms like a praying mantis, kinda shrimp-looking as they just meandered around on my plane tray. I thought they were dope as fuck and watched the lil guys walk around.

Flight attendant thought they were much less dope, let out an exasperated sigh and left. After probably ten minutes of watching these lil dudes eat things -- the tray, some hard plastic on the floor, eating some belongings, getting larger and eating bigger things (like the metal on chairs, a metal grate at one point, and they started to get real sharp ass teeth as they got bigger) the flight attendant came back with a hatchet.

I was nervous since I didn't want these beautiful fuckers to die, but I watched as she cut one in half to end it. The other one slunk away somewhere and couldn't be found, but somehow, manage to either create or take up residence in a child? Red-haired, big green eyes, part of this family near the back it stayed with while slowly I moved up away from it since it kept staring at me and I wasn't too sure if it was gonna start hunting people yet.

After probably an hour or so of this metal eating child being around, the flight attendant eventually figured out it was the bug and went after it with the hatchet.

Fucker just ate the hatchet. Then like, ate her arm, but she shot something into the child's face that tore the face apart around the forehead that just revealed this set of bone-white jaws that shot forward and ripped her throat out.

So I was like, "looks like some kinda problem here" though at some point it'd do something to corpses to reanimate them, but not like, zombies, just people acting like people but with a very clear knowledge in my brain that those weren't "real" people. And through, over the hours, I'd just ask it questions sometimes since it seemed more interested in answering my questions than like, idk, biting my leg off. So it reanimated corpses of people through some process of puppetry involving webbing that, in a dream, made total sense and sounded cool.

Over time more people are trying to figure out how to deal with it, the idea to summon a metal monstrosity from some other realm is presented, but no one wants to do it because it's hard to control (not the whole, y'know, on an airplane but it's a dream).

Time passes, I don't think the dream really did anything to account from time A to B here, except a buncha people at this point were those reanimated things and I was just casually talking to this insect that could, somehow, communicate just fine in English. Figured it was because it took over some body and asked it about that, and it basically just said "yeah that's how it works."

So eventually this things sloughs off the flesh of this human host, like in this really nasty, bloody spectacle where just a face is slowly ripped apart as the flesh and muscles just melt off what's underneath. Kinda gross.

And then this big guy, this big, insectoid, moth-like guy, stands up out of it and wipes off the residue like it's no problem and then just eats the remains of the host he'd been in. And at this point, it was like, very humanoid body just kinda covered in the white plating from before sorta like armor, with these big ass white and black wings and red eyes, razor sharp teeth, fuzzy antennae and fur up around from the back around his neck and all that.

Dream jumps again a bit and this insect-demon-man and me at this point know each other very well, he likes to cuddle his head against me and just purr a bunch, kills people who I don't like (like i dont ask him to murder he just Does), tries to give presents but isn't very good at it because what am I gonna do with someone's brain you know.

Then it went into him talking about what he intends to set out and do, which basically was creating some kinda colony out in the boonies of the world and asked me to be his queen even though there was no technical benefit to me being a "queen" since I have a penis and no means of reproduction, but he just liked me that much and liked that I'd talk to him and ask him questions about his species, habits, etc...

I woke up after we fucked. (He had a long prehensile dick)

[ancientbooshartifacts]

Ways and Means (Part 1)

Author: The_Reverend

Year: 2010

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Saboo/Tony Harrison

“Oh, you can’t do that, you’re getting sand all over me tentacles!” “Can you really call them that, Tony? Aren’t they more tendrils than tentacles? Wouldn’t tentacles be of some use, serve some purpose, like self-propulsion maybe?” “Shut up you twat and pass me a trowel. I’ve got skills you don’t know about… no, no, it needs more turrets. More turrets!” “I don’t recall inviting you over to muck with my sandcastle. How did you get over here anyway, did you roll on your giant ball head? I don’t even know how you transport yourself.” “Ways and means, lad, ways and means.” “What does that mean, you pink imbecile?” “You carry me ‘round behind the showers and I’ll show you.” “The only thing I’d carry you behind the showers for is a solid beating.” “Oh, feisty, big man.. You’ve got a fire in you! I like that.” “What’s that, I should light you on fire, is that what you’d like?” “Don’t resist me. I’m a master of seduction. I’ve had men and women alike, linin’ up for the pleasure of being caressed by my limp tentacles.” “That’s appalling.” “You could find out, big man.” ___________ Actually, Saboo had always been curious. “You’re getting the sheets all sandy, Harrison!” He wasn’t about to huddle behind the showers on a public beach for a quick… whatever it was Tony actually did with his… whatever he actually did it with. Far more than the sandy bed of his hotel room, he required four solid walls and a securely locked door. “It ain’t my fault. You could have given me a little rinse in the sink.” “Why do I imagine that’s like trying to get sand out of silly putty?” “My skin’s as smooth as glass! Soft glass, with fetching freckles.” “You haven’t any freckles,” Saboo said, sitting beside Tony at last, having had his own little rinse. He was brushing sand from Tony’s unfreckled tentacles. “I have. In inconspicuous places.” “There’s nothing about you that isn’t conspicuous, Tony. You’re a pink ball sack with stringy bits hanging down. You don’t even wear clothes.” “I’ve secrets, my friend. Why don’t you lie back and find out?” Saboo hesitated, looking down at what he would on a good day arguably call his friend, the testicle. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. “Stop waffling, you emo retard, I’m horny as fuck-all and those little shorts of yours ain’t helpin’ the situation. Now show me what they look like in a heap on the floor and then give me a hand.” Saboo searched for a biting comment but instead, against all logic, he stood and stripped off his shorts, resisted the urge to fold them and left them in a heap on the floor as instructed. He reached for his hat. “No, leave it on!” Tony whined, even though he hadn’t actually looked away from Saboo’s slightly interested arousal since it had been revealed. His eyes were wide and he licked his lips in a way that made Saboo a bit uncomfortable and exponentially more aroused. “You are lanky as a mother, Saboo. I like that in a human. Rather fond of limbs having none to speak of, meself.” “Yes… that.” Saboo said lamely. “Oh do get in bed, you gorgeous nonce, I’m aching for it.” “How,” Saboo began, sitting on the bed, sheets cool against his skin and just a bit sandy still. “… I mean…” “Give me a lift, that’s it, right onto your fuzzy belly. I do love the feel of manfuzz on me underparts.” Tony smiled lecherously, closed his eyes and… it was hard to explain. Saboo felt… something, sort of an undulating movement against his skin. “What’s that about?” He asked. “Ways and means, my friend!” After a moment Saboo realized that Tony was moving, slightly, slowly, backward, the undulations apparently some means of propulsion. It tickled a bit to be honest, but Saboo was no stranger to the Crunch, and this was the Crunch if ever he had ever experienced it. Harrison was moving at a snail’s pace, eyes closed in some sort of testicularean enjoyment, ooh-ing and ahh-ing and baring his teeth. Occasionally a tentacle would graze Saboo’s waning erection but, to be honest, he was beginning to grow a bit bored. It was weird, but then when was Tony not? And he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands, so he just crossed his arms and leaned back. At least Tony was enjoying himself. Just when he was about to call the whole thing quits, Tony slowly slithered into place over his groin. Harrison’s eyes shot open, a bit disappointed. “Aw, c’mon, big man. That all you’ve got? You’re as limp as uncooked pasta. The fresh kind, not the dried stuff.” “I’ve yet to have any reason to be excited, Tony. If I wanted to be pleasured by a testicle I could just fondle my own.” “Nevermind that,” Harrison said, a bit perturbed, a bit giddy, “I don’t need your participation to get this going large!” And just like that, quite without warning, Saboo felt his penis sucked up into some void, some wet, hot void, like a moist, pink hoover. “Oh dear,” he said, uncrossing his arms and tilting his head in an uncertain way. “That’s right, my man,” Harrison said gleefully, “I could suck the trunk off of an elephant!” “That is… whoah, what… what is going on there?” The sensation was… not unpleasant. It was, in fact, suddenly rather mind-blowing, and Saboo, now fully erect and throbbing inside his best worst mate, could only make unintelligible moans and little embarrassing squeaks and ohs and once, “fuck, Tony, please.” It was the same wave-like movement he’d felt as Harrison had crossed his abdomen, but hotter and stronger and tighter and darker and more complex than he could have imagined. On the outside, Tony moved very little, mostly waving his tendrils about tickling Saboo’s thighs, the slightest up-and-down movement of his, er, body. But inside…. “I’ve got forty-six different muscles stroking your manhood, my friend, I told you I was skilled in ways you couldn’t imagine. Shit off, you feel fucking good inside me nethers.” Tony wasn’t boasting, in fact Saboo wondered if there weren’t more than forty-six forces at work. His cock felt alive, powerful, larger than himself. There was a tight gripping pressure around the base, holding Harrison in place. A thousand gentle, fluttering forms moved against his shaft, all along it, back and forth and round and round, a multitude of pink, wet tongues. And some entirely different sensation swirled around the head, probing at the slit, slick and everywhere. And all over there was a gentle pulsing suck that made an obscenely loud noise, punctuated by Tony’s swearing and moaning. Saboo could no longer just sit back, unmoving. He slid down on the bed, sand scratching at his back, his hat pushing forward and then tumbling off and onto the bed. He thrust his hips upward, hands fisting in the sheets. “That’s it, my man,” Harrison said loudly, greedily, “give us a buck. Let old Tony ride you like a hairy, lanky stallion. Oh, I’ve got a grip, I’ve got a grip and I ain’t letting go!” Saboo thrashed about on the bed, begging for more, and Harrison seemed to have no limit to his abilities. It didn’t matter if he asked for it harder, faster, or with more suction, Tony obliged, laughing at every strangled request. When Saboo thought he couldn’t take any more, for all his boasts of being a master of the Crunch, one of Harrison’s tentacles, stiffer, fuller, more prehensile than usual, slithered beneath his balls, caressing them with care and a gentleness Saboo would never have expected from Tony, then further still, probing, pushing, somehow slick and thick and…! Saboo bucked, arched his back, eyes squeezed tightly and came hard and long, up into the pink ball he sometimes called a friend, with a tentacle massaging his prostate and sand grainy beneath his shoulders. It seemed to last an age, but at last he lowered his bottom back onto the bed, collapsing in a heap with Harrison still wantonly milking his softening sex. “Good man,” Harrison cooed, “oh, you fuck like you argue, angry and beautiful. It’s an outrage we haven’t done this before.” After a while Harrison disengaged himself from Saboo’s lap, then slowly shuffled his way up rumpled sheets, leaving a trail of Saboo’s fluids behind him, his tentacles once again limp tendrils. Saboo regarded him sleepily, limbs all useless. “That was pretty nice.” “Nice? Shit off, that was amazing. Don’t pretend that wasn’t the best lapdance you’ve ever had!” “Alright, I won’t.” Harrison smiled. “Anyway, it ain’t the last by far.” Saboo woke up a bit at that. He coughed, sat up on one elbow, pulled a sheet over his lower half. “Now, Tony,” he said, “this was fun and all, however—" “Oh don’t go getting modest on me now, boy. Mrs. Harrison doesn’t go for the shy type. She likes the performers, a little dance routine before hand.” “Mrs. Harrison? I fail to see…” “Well you’re family now, ain’t you? This was a wedding ritual, you buffoon. We’re hitched you and I. And Mrs. Harrison. And that severed head of the jazzy blind fellow, though he went to stinking and we had to have a divorce.” “Oh god.” “That’s the spirit!” “I feel ill.” “I feel a bit queasy meself. Got a bit of motion sickness back there, flung all about, clamping onto your cock for dear life. Don’t you worry, though, Mrs. Harrison’s got a firm grip and a stronger constitution. Where do you reckon we should honeymoon?”

[tod-und-steuern]

"SPONGEBOY, ME BOB, YOU HAVE TOO MANY ORIFICES FER YER OWN GOOD. YER GETTIN' A PROMOTION!" said Mr. Krabs as his hard red carapaced cock jabbed into the back of Spongebob's head.

"I feel like I'm absorbing some weird fluid," spluttered spongebob as Krabs' nasty crustaceo-jizz poured from his mouth, nose and eyes. "NOW EARN YOUR KEEP, LANDLUBBER," said Krabs as he grabbed spongebob by his jizz-soaked trousers and began using him to clean the floor. "Oh Mr. Krabs, I-" "CALL ME MASTER YE BITCH"

Krabs stepped down hard in spongebob and a puddle of his own jizz began spreading radially on the floor of the Krusty Krab. "Hurgghbglbgblblgbl." "CHOKE ON IT, YE INVERTEBRATE,

OR I CAN'T GET HARRRRRRD. THESE CLAWS AREN'T JUST GOOD FER MATIN…OH, WAIT, YES THEY ARE,"

said krabs as he caressed his eleventh leg.

The jizz began floating up toward the ceiling as krabs brandished his seven-inch red masthead. You have to realize this is to scale, so it was about twice his body size. Anyway, Squidward burst into the room wearing only a gimp suit and a tutu. "TAKE ME MASTER, I NEED TO BE HUMILIATED," he said, as his four-millimeter calamari poked limply from the tight leather. "TAKE THIS, THEN," said Krabs as he jabbed one of his prehensile eyestalks up Squidward's stankhole. Squidward moaned, rubbing himself gently with 5 of his tentacles.

"I CAN SEE YOU DON'T TAKE CARE OF YOUR HOLE VERY OFTEN," said Krabs. Patrick burst into the room wearing nothing but a smile and brandishing a towel. "DID SOMEBODY CALL THE HOLE DOCTOR?" "Are you a real doctor?" asked Spoogebob. "I went to community college," said Patrick as he forcibly yanked out Krabs' eyestalk and shoved it in his gay fat mouth.

"Hold this open, will ya?" said Patrick as he ripped off Spongebob's erect penis and used it to jam Squidward's hole open. It immediately grew back but smaller and wetter. "Hmm... there's a lot of SHIT in here," said Patrick. "How much fiber is in Krabby Patties anyway?" "YE WOULDN'T BELIEVE," said Krabs, as a gigantic turd stretched his red asshole until it tore.

"I NEED AN ENEMA," said Patrick. "OH WAIT WE'RE UNDERWATER." Patrick nibbled gently at the tip of Krabs' eyestalk as he released it from his mouth. He wiped eye fluid from the corner of his mouth and put Squidward's zippered lips to his own.

"ON THE COUNT OF THREE" said Patrick. "ONE… TWO… OH FUCK IT HNRRRRRRGGUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!" Patrick blew Squidward like a trumpet. All 8 of his tentacles went rigid and his squidjuice spilled out from the dick hole in his suit. The immense force started to blow crusty chunks of shit out of Squidward's ass.

"I must keep the Krusty Krab clean!" yelled Spoogebob as he rushed over and opened his mouth. Spongebob recognized bits of the Krabby Patty formula in his mouth as Squidward's acrid shit coated his tongue and teeth.

"SWALLOW, YE LANDLUBBER," said Krabs, poking his dick at Spongebob's lips. "HMRGGRGHRGUHF," said Spongebob, shaking his head. He wanted to savor it, but Krabs had other plans.

Krabs got up on his desk and flexed. "GET READY" he yelled as he jumped down on Spongebob with a stone cold stunner. Blood, semen and shit sprayed powerfully from every one of Spongebob's holes. The force of the explosion tore both of his legs off. The assorted fluids and solids coated the walls of Krabs' office.

"YE GOT THAT SHIT ALL OVER ME FIRST DOLLAR," screeched Krabs. "AND YOU KNOW THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO CLEAN IT!"

Squidward, Patrick and Spongebob all begged at Krabs' knees, pleading to be the ones who got to lick the moist brown dollar. "THE FIRST ONES WHO CAN FIND SANDY AND SUCK OFF HER FUTA COCK GET TO LICK THE DOLLAR," decreed Krabs, stowing the dollar in his ass for safekeeping. The three homos scrambled out of the room and towards the treedome.

hmmm