#fuck i'mn hungry

[lothricknightgirl]

fuck it all

you hungry?

I'm hungry.

Let's do an egg sandwich.

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What you need for this:

Smoked Paprika (Optional) (a fucking amount of however the hell much you want to taste, the smokyness is just MMGH)

Hot Sauce (Optional) (my preferred choice is Sriracha but go for whatever you like i just like the salsa-ish flavor)

Salt (Optional) (see above for amount)

Pepper (Optional) (generous but Do Not overdo it lest you fancy sneezing into thine food)

Butter (always assume that whenever anything calls for any amount of butter that you should have a stick on hand. yes the whole stick. no we're not using the whole thing but motherfucker when i say you have to be generous with it you must be generous)

Two Eggs (or however many you feel like you can juggle at a time I'm just fucking hungry so two it is)

Two pieces of bread (preferably not ends because the ends Suck Ass and not in the fun way)

Cheese (of whatever kind, american for efficiency, muenster because its just good, pepper jack if you're eccentric, you've got Optiones here is what i'm saying)

Spatula or any kind of utensil you could feasibly use to flip a greasy piece of toast

That's it. No, literally, it's so bloody easy, this is like 6-7 minutes, tops.

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MEDIUM HEAT! Like, 5 or 7, it really does not matter, more heat only means more expediency at the cost of how much you can manage in a certain timeframe and folks i cannot multitask like that

Slap a solid square of butter in the pan. We don't want the bitch swimming so not too much but enough to at least generously coat the bottom of the pan because you're toasting two pieces of bread in it AND using it to make flipping your eggs easier.

Put your two pieces of toast in, off to the side-ish, where the fuck ever

PAUSE, before you put your eggs in. On a scale of Beware The Yolk to Burnt how do you want this to come out? If towards beware the yolk, only flip it onto its other side for a maximum of maybe 5-10 seconds. If towards the other side, let it go for as long as you want it to go for. Less time on either side means more gooey-ness but more mess in your hands. You do you.

NOW, put thine eggs in, on the other side, keep them close together for ease of seasoning. don't worry if it attaches to the toast just cut it off with your spatula/whatthefuckever

Paprika, not a lot, it's strong, but an amount as to be pleasing to thine tastes

Salt, same as above

Pepper, not so much as for sneezing, snot in your food is unpleasant, but enough for taste

Hot sauce in whatever pattern or amount, i do a smiley face sometimes to feel something

By the time you've accomplished all that, it should have gone for long enough on this side, you may flip your eggs now. If it won't flip, be stubborn and try harder or lubcricate with additional butter. failing that, cry.

Now's the time to check your toast, if toasted, put on plate, if not, remove eggs from heat by shifting pan and put toast over the flame *NOT LITERALLY ON THE FLAME DO NOT DO THAT I MEAN IN THE PAN

Toast done, eggs done, put cheese on toast, put eggs on toast, slap on top of eachother, badafugginbing baddafugginboom

sammich

Plates up, good eatin', hope this helped whoever's lookin' at it

and with that, at 212 AM on the dot,

good the fuck night