#from the very beginning I've been drawn to something specific in daesung

[daesungindistress]

1) Different anon here, but there's also that humiliating punishment he was made to endure by standing outside naked. Don't think that can be explained by cultural differences since his neighbour was shocked and tried to help him. After telling that story at D-na, he kinda laughed it off and said he was drained of energy now and wanted to go home. In BB pre-debut documentary, he told a story of being quite young, complaining about some side dishes and his dad punished him by not allowing him to

eat for 3 days. I’m sorry, but so much of what Daesung has revealed over the years about his upbringing is disturbing and sad. It’s what has made me think that his humility and tendency to be easily scared/startled probably didn’t stem from the best circumstances. Also concerns me that he recently revealed that he thinks he would be a strict father bc of how he was brought up - I hope that doesn’t include the kind of pain and humiliation that was inflicted upon him as a child.

Thanks for writing. I’m just gonna go ahead and put my entire reply under a cut, to save dashes everywhere.

I’m glad you mentioned cultural differences. Because I was talking to another tumblr user some time ago about Daesung’s punishment where he was made to stand outside naked, and as much as it pains me to think about, I just couldn’t bring myself to condemn his father for it and, say, start screaming abuse. I definitely don’t like it and do find it disturbing, but even so, I can’t help wondering… though it seems extreme to me, could this perhaps be a matter of perspective? (Although, yes, his neighbor’s reaction might be a big red flag.)

Asian parents are notoriously strict. For example: one of my good friends is Chinese, born and raised in China until moving to the US at 10 years old, and based on some stories she’s shared with me… sometimes things are just… different over there. Right, China is not Korea, but still. Somehow, about a month ago, while with a group of friends, we all got to talking about our parents’ varying levels of strictness with us growing up. She told us of a time she almost got caught in a lie in high school for a fairly minor thing; said her life “flashed before her eyes,” and went on to explain how that’s not just an expression, that it really, truly felt that way. This was coming from someone not easily rattled.

At the risk of getting long-winded, let me explain that last bit. Back in college (which is where we met and became roommates), while visiting her parents for the weekend, their house was burglarized. She was there alone and the men who broke in tied her up and left her on the bed while they took what they could. She said one of them peeked under her skirt and asked how old she was, but otherwise left her alone (she told them she was… I don’t remember the exact age, but made herself out to be a minor, which she most definitely was not. Smart though). We met up at a pizza joint a few days later so she could tell me about it, and I’ll never forget sitting there across the table from her like, “…WHAT?!” I asked her if she was okay, surprised by her nonchalance over it all, and she just shrugged and said, well, yeah, and as far as I can tell it’s never really bothered her since.

Anyway… this is why that recent comment she made about how she feared her parents in her formative years really surprised me, knowing that she’s not easily shaken, and makes me a bit less inclined to think too hard on Daesung’s accounts of how his own parents chose to “scold” him (using his word). FWIW, my friend and her parents have a good relationship today; she meets them for lunch/dinner from time to time and speaks well of them… although she did say that if she were to live with her parents again she would still have a curfew– at 28 years old!

Look, I don’t like it either, these stories Daesung is sharing with us about how his father disciplined him as a child. I would never condone sending any child outside naked to humiliate them for some wrong committed. In a scenario like that I absolutely would have been the neighbor covering him up and ushering him inside. “Beating” him daily, whatever that means, also sounds bad for sure… though I’d like to know exactly what was meant by that since “beat” may have been the fan’s word for it, not Daesung’s. Semantics are important. (And keep in mind he’s speaking in Japanese, not his mother tongue; it’s possible something was lost in translation: from Korean->Japanese->English.) Lastly, while I understand sending a child to bed without dinner for being a picky eater, withholding meals for 3 days is way overdoing it (thanks for sharing, I hadn’t heard that). God, and to think I just reblogged a post a few days ago about how Daesung is “always looking forward to eating”… The thought of him suffering from hunger, of all things, hits me really hard. :(

Also like you, this is giving me second thoughts about how readily he submits to authority. Being well-mannered and respectful isn’t a bad thing at all, quite the contrary! But it’s terribly sad to think that this might have come about as a result of his father quite literally beating it into him. And how he scares when something comes at him suddenly… I’ve known people (my childhood best friend) who were easily startled seemingly for no particular reason, and I’ve always assumed Daesung’s case was the same, but after hearing these snippets I can’t help wondering. It is disturbing. It is sad.

However… the fact that he’s sharing these things so openly, on stage in front of hundreds (is that right? I don’t know how many are attending these smaller shows) gives me this nagging suspicion that these kinds of punishments might not be all that out of the ordinary where he’s from (coming back around to cultural differences). It’s possible that he’s doing so with the expectation that the fans in the audience, being almost entirely Japanese, are going to nod along with a kind of “been there, done that” mentality.After all, this is Daesung, who prefers to keep his thoughts and worries to himself and goes out of his way to avoid burdening others with his problems. D na Show is supposed to be a fun environment; I struggle to picture him revealing these things if he thought they would shock and appall, or deemed them too serious for such a setting. So for now I’m sort of… reading, frowning, filing it away, and moving on.

That said, I too am just a little concerned about his comments regarding being a “strict” father; it depends on what he means by that. It’s incredibly difficult for me to imagine him doling out such punishments, but if it’s how he was raised and it’s all he knows… maybe it’s not too far-fetched. At the same time, it’s not really any of my business how he chooses to raise his future kids. Anyway, that other tumblr user I talked with about this, she said something that I thought was beautiful and sad and hopeful all at once, and even though I still hesitate to use the term abuse I’d like to repeat her words here: “The abuse doesn’t always repeat itself. Sometimes it just chips away at love and trust.”

I know this has been all over the place so I’m gonna wrap it up, but if there’s one positive thing to come of this, it’s seeing Daesung’s courage and resilience made evident like never before. The fact that he was able to essentially defy his father’s wishes, not just risking his disapproval but actively working against it, now knowing more about how authoritative and intimidating he could be… Becoming a successful idol/singer in spite of doubts (his own, his father’s, and those of everyone else who didn’t think he had what it took)… is, I think, a testament to just how strong a person he really is.

(Editing to add: anyone who grew up in an Asian household, please feel free to write me to help shed some light on whether Daesung’s comments about his upbringing seem culturally “normal” or not. I’d hate to find that I’m being totally ignorant about this.)