#from roommate crush to straight girl crush to discord friends crush

[fakeblue]

also apologies for just talking about movies and people I have crushes on. this is the place I’ve chosen to post 🫡

[roseharpermaxwell]

Hi! For the fic rec... Numbers 2, 5 and / or 17 please?

Thanks for another fun ask! I’ll do Drarry, Dramione, and rare pair picks again.

2. A fic you've reread several times

5. A fic you'd re-read ten years from now

I’m combining these two because: so much overlap. A lot of the recs on this list belong here too, but a few necessary to repeat because I have read them so many times: Nice Things, Apple Pie and Other Amends, and Love Me in the Dark.

Drarry:

Come As You Are by @peachpety. E, 3.8k. Muggle High School AU featuring Jock!Harry, Draco wearing his letterman jacket, and an unfortunate bathroom wank.

Potter's Got a Tiny Dick (that I can't stop thinking about swallowing whole) by @vukovich. E, 4k. Opens with a list of things Draco can fit in his mouth and things he’d like to. *One of the reasons I’ve read this one multiple times is that I want to maybe live read it on discord, and I need to know if I can get through it with a straight face. Mixed results so far.

Lucid by @dracoladon. E, 4.7k. Harry's not sure what makes him harder; listening to Draco talk about astronomy, or shagging Draco so thoroughly that he can't talk at all. Both, probably.

The Great British Wank-Off by @p1013. E, 6.3k. Opens with a “last man standing” eighth year boys masturbation contest and continues with a private best two out of three rematch.

Like This and Like This (Dreams of Lace) by @primavera-cerezos. E, 6.6k. Harry gets an accidental peek. He can’t think of anything else.

Check this hand 'cause I'm marvelous by @lqtraintracks. E, 7.9k. Harry's had a crush on Malfoy for months now. But it will take a bar full of his friends, some Firewhisky, wagers made on his behalf, and Malfoy himself to get him to act on it.

Timing is Everything by @fleetofshippyships. M, 12k. Harry soon finds his piercing is good for throwing Malfoy off-balance, and shamelessly uses it at every opportunity to torment him.

GOODNIGHT FROM YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND by GallaPlacidia. NR, 13k. Draco accidentally sends Harry a drunken letter proposing marriage. Harry responds.

Things We Do by @the-sinking-ship. E, 16k. Drinking, dancing, and the sorts of decisions made after one too many shots of vodka. Includes the tag “fuckboy island population: HJP”

Mixed Drinks and Crossed Wires by @korlaena. E, 16k. Draco is a handsy drunk. Harry is okay with it, really. They’re friends, so it doesn’t mean anything.

head over heels by derekmaliknurse. T, 21k. Everyone in Harry’s life thinks he’s engaged to Malfoy. The solution to this is not pretending to date Malfoy, but here he is doing that anyway.

The Romantic Prawn Who Loved Christmas by @bixgirl1. E, 39k. Eighth year; Ron warns Draco of roommate Harry’s sleepwalking problem. His nighttime activities are still a bit of a shock.

Dramione:

Upper Body Injury by @provocative-envy. T, 1.9k. Muggle AU with Hockey Player Draco, who is both flustering and distracting.

Truths and Tiramisu by @adasttrawrites. E, 5.2k. Draco's a chef, Hermione's a food critic. Neither of them are particularly hungry. At least, not for food.

Oh my God they were roommates by @lovesbitca8. E, 7.5k. Hermione accidentally moves in with Draco, and they’re very creative in attempts to get each other to move out.

Party Lines by @pacific-rimbaud. E, 10.1k. Muggle College AU set during the US 2000 presidential election. Nostalgic and so satisfying.

The Seduction by @senlinyu. E, 11.6k. “I have been trying to seduce you for over two years; ever since I first brought up the idea of our having a book club together.”

Right Way Down by uselessenglishmajor. E, 16.6k. Draco has a plan. Hermione has a problem. Hogwarts’ first post-war Head Boy and Head Girl are going to have to work all their issues out.

Guidelines for the Treatment of Non-Wizard, Part Humans by @mightbewriting. E, 25k. Hermione is Draco’s ministry-appointed liaison for his transition as a vampire. He is less than cooperative.

Life After Grief by @misdemeanor1331. M, 25k. Junior Healers Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger are called in to help find a cure before Collier’s virus claims another life.

Troublesome Thing About Time by @ladykenz347. M, 38k. Draco Malfoy has just arrived from twenty years in the future and insists on speaking to his wife, Hermione Granger.

Kiss, With Tongue by @sportivetricks. E, 59k. Frustrated with the male propensity to 'shag and run,' the girls engage in a contest to see who can go the farthest by Valentine's Day without going all the way.

Rare Pairs/Triads:

Seventeen by @gracerene. E, 2.7k. (Scorpius/Albus, Draco/Harry). "Shh," Scorpius whispered. "They'll hear us."

Tommy Played Guitar by PacificRimbaud. E, 3.5k. (Tomione). Tom Riddle takes his coffee black and plays in a rock and roll band.

Sardines by @shiftylinguini. E, 4k. (Scorpius/Albus, Teddy/James). Albus and Scorpius are stuck in the same room, in a bed not more than a metre away from his brother and his godbrother. His brother and godbrother who are currently shagging.

Game, Set, Match by @writcraft. E, 13k. (Harry/Teddy). Teddy is smitten, Harry is lonely and tennis seems like a great way to avoid dealing with this thing between them.

17. A fic you wish you could read again for the first time.

Some of these are heavy on the angst. Statistically more MCD than I usually read. My masochistic side must wish for a second go at that first-time pain! Stop All the Clocks would belong on here for sure, although I've read it many times and it always hurts. Mind the tags, as always.

Drarry:

Yours, Draco by @drarrytrash. T, 3.5k. MCD All that's left are 15 letters, and then those are gone, too.

Draco at Nineteen by birdsofshore. E, 5.1k. It's the middle of the night and Harry Potter is sitting on my bed looking distinctly weird. I've had some fucked-up dreams in my time, but this one... this one is something new.

Nobody's Ever Died of a Broken Heart by Frayach. E, 10k. MCD Harry staggers under a burden of grief, trying both to remember and to forget

The One You Feed by @sweet-s0rr0w. T, 10k. Draco's been a werewolf for almost twenty years now, and he's an expert in helping new werewolves adapt to the change.

World's Edge by RurouniHime. E, 14k. In the harshest environment on earth, Harry finds that escaping is harder than simply running.

You've got the antidote for me by kandakicksass. M, 20k. When Harry Potter unintentionally severs their soulbond before it can fully form, Draco Malfoy resigns himself to a slow death.

together we wait for silence by @ashes-and-ashes. T, 23k. Muggle High School AU; swim team best friends. Mutual pining goes on a road trip.

Come For Me by Frayach. E, 24k. After Draco is paralyzed in an accident, he and Harry discover a new way to make love. The fic that cured me of saying “I’ll read any kink except…”

Grounds for Divorce by @tepre. E, 122k. Accidental bonding, mutual pining, angst. Pain. But worth it.

Dramione:

On the Virtues of Inexhaustible Burning by PacificRimbaud. T, 5k. In which Draco Malfoy wrestles geology and Hermione receives several gifts.

In Each of Us by spamwise_gamgee. T, 5.6k. MCD. She bleeds through every facet of his life, colors every moment, invades every sense. Even when she’s gone. Every year after Hermione's death Draco mourns a little differently.

May All Your Christmases Be White by @caitlincheri28. M, 5.8k. MCD Draco is lost in grief over the death of his mother.

Self-Pity Dealer by @forgotten-traveler. M, 6.2k. One day, I get a letter. It’s from Granger, and the words splinter my regimen of loneliness.

Draco Malfoy Runs a Marathon by @purplesugarquills. T, 8k. After the war and Azkaban, Draco Malfoy finds himself bored, unemployable, filthy rich, and restless. Sometimes he drinks. Often, he feels sorry for himself. And then, one day, he decides to go for a run.

Draco Malfoy’s Halfway House for Wayward Hens by @chaoticcrumpets. T, 9.9k. A story about Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger and 562 ex-battery hens.

The Cerulean Room by @somandalicious. E, 21k. There is a big, beautiful world beyond the Cerulean Room, if only Draco Malfoy could find the courage to leave.

Five Days by RavieSnake. M, 30k. No one knows that they are missing. No one knows where they are. No one knows that they are trapped. No one knows that they are dying.

What You Think is Right by @icepower55. M, 59k. Six years after the war, Hermione’s parents are dying and her marriage to Draco is crumbling.

Rare Pairs/Triads:

Nightlight by PacificRimbaud. T, 1k. (NottPott). MCD. It hurts and then it hurts some more, but it’s also stunning.

Wildest Dreams by @leilahmoon. E, 1.9k. (Hermione/Draco/Ron) Hermione and Draco are joined by a third partner for the evening.

Count of Three by DrunkenWinky. M, 2k. (Harry/Pansy) “Where in the blithering fuck did you get a bolo tie?”

You’ve Got the Right Stuff, Baby by sportivetricks. E, 4.4k. (Hermione/Ron). Ron thinks Rose's birthday present would look great on Hermione.

Heat Waves by PurpleSugarQuills. E, 6.9k. (Oliver/Daphne). Daphne just wants to get over someone else, but Oliver’s a little too perfect to stay a rebound.

Cycles of Revision by icepower55. NR (character death), 7k. (Scorpius/Rose, Draco/Hermione, Harry/Ginny). His parents' knees are parallel, and still. Very still. The air crackles with something . He can’t ever find the name for it, but it’s like how animals can sense an incoming flood. That’s how he feels about his parent’s fights. Intuitive. Primal. A sixth sense.

Watching You Get Turned On (I'm Yours) by @frumpologist. E, 8.1k. (Draco/Hermione/Harry). Harry has enjoyed both Hermione and Draco separately, but after one night at the Ministry’s Yule ball, he selflessly helps Hermione achieve two of her greatest fantasies.

Brick by @olivieblake. M, 11.5k. (Harry/Theo). Everyone has a hobby. Theirs is… uniquely theirs. Lego building competition!

Those Who Can, Teach by @inlovewithforever. E, 12k. Remus/Hermione. “You’re not my professor. Not anymore.” Featuring gratuitous use of erotic poetry as foreplay.

You can pick another number off the list if you’d like me to answer! 8, 12, and 15 are here.

[superpaperclip]

I Don’t Wanna Wait In Vain

My first Red White and Royal Blue fic!! Thank you to the discord who inspired me and encouraged me! Read on AO3 here.

When Alex arrived home a few hours earlier than scheduled, the last thing he expected to see was his roommate making out with some boy on their couch. Henry’s hands were tangled in his dark hair, one leg thrown over his hips. As soon as Henry caught sight of Alex in the doorway, he sprang back from the guy, pushing him away. 

“Alex! I- I didn’t expect you home so soon! I- um- this is, uh, Aiden. Aiden, this is my roommate Alex.” Henry’s eyes darted between Alex and Aiden as Alex felt his face heat up. 

“I’m just gonna… go to my room.” muttered Alex, and hurried past the couch. Shutting the door a little too hard, he sank to the ground and let his head fall back with a thump. Why was his heart racing? Why was there a lump in his throat and a knot in his stomach? He knew Henry was gay, and he didn’t have a problem with it. At least, he didn’t think he did. He certainly didn’t have a problem with Liam or his boyfriend Spencer. He didn’t have a problem with the LGBT people in his classes. So why did he have a problem with Henry?

He heard voices rising in volume on the other side of the door, one that he recognized as Henry’s, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. Eventually, he heard the front door slam and Henry groan. There was a knock on Alex’s door. 

“Hey, uhm, Aiden is gone if you wanna… y’know… come out.” Alex nodded, before realizing Henry couldn’t see him. Why did he feel like his chest was lighter and a weight was lifted off his shoulders? He had too many questions and not enough answers, so he decided to do what he always did when he needed a distraction- throw himself into his work. Opening his laptop and spreading out his books and papers, he started on an essay. 

He was startled out of his concentration by another knock on his door and Henry informing him that it was dinnertime. A quick glance at the clock showed that it was almost 6:30. Alex finished the paragraph he was typing and closed his laptop. Leaving his room, he joined Henry on their couch, tucking one foot under his other leg. The TV was quietly playing in the background, some cooking show that Alex didn’t care for. His mind was cloudy and unfocused, and he couldn’t stop thinking about Henry kissing some guy on their couch. 

“So. Who was that?” Alex asks. 

“Aiden? He’s… no one.”

“No one? Is that why you were sucking face with him on our couch?” Alex’s voice had a bit more vitriol than he intended. Still, he didn’t back down, even when he saw Henry cringe. 

“Erm… yes. He was… no one. Really, Alex, just let it go.” For some reason, that just made Alex angrier. 

“Let it go? I’d rather not come home and see that. Can you at least do it in your room?”

“That's what we were planning to do. Sorry for not being able to predict that you would get home early!” That just clouded Alex’s thoughts more. In the back of his mind, he registered sharp points of pain in his shin. Looking down, he saw he had been digging his nails into his leg, most likely leaving crescent-shaped marks. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes until the doorbell rang, and Alex went to get the pizza. When he returned, Henry had put on A New Hope. Alex forced himself to focus on the movie and not the thick tension between them as they ate their dinner. They were both uncharacteristically quiet, offering no comments or quips. 

***

The silence and tension continued for a week, Henry bringing home various men and Alex trying in vain to ignore it. Eventually, Alex had enough. He knew he couldn’t fix this himself. He needed help. After laying in his bed for hours and thinking of how badly he fucked things up with Henry, he rolled over and grabbed his phone, texting Nora before he could talk himself out of it. 

>Skype lunch this weekend? I need to talk to you.

>Only if you’re buying.

Can June come?

>Sure.

***

That Sunday, Alex eats lunch in his room instead of on the couch like usual. After taking a bite of his burger, he plugs in his headphones and opens skype on his laptop, calling Nora. After two rings she picks up. Straight to the point, Nora asks what’s bothering him. Sighing, Alex explains his problem.

“So Henry and I have been roommates for years, right, and I’ve know he’s gay the whole time. But last week, I got home early and he was making out with some guy on the couch. And then I realized that he’s never actually told me about any of his crushes or boyfriends, so I told him he’s welcome to talk about that stuff with me, and he said he didn’t have a love life and that the guys he’s brought over don’t actually mean anything.  I don’t know what’s happening.” 

Nora and June laugh so hard Alex has to rip his headphones off. Faintly, he can make out the words ‘Alex’ and ‘idiot’, and then more laughter. It takes several minutes for both of them to calm down, during which Alex huffs at them to stop multiple times. It only makes them laugh harder. Eventually, Nora is the first to speak.

“Alright, let’s go back to the guy on the couch. What happened there? Like, walk us through what happened when you walked in.” Alex frowns, but explains the events from when he walked into the apartment that day. That just prompted another bout of laughter from June and Nora. After sharing a look with Nora, June was the first to talk.

“Alex, what you’re describing- the lump in your throat, your stomach churning, your heart racing- are jealousy. You’re fucking jealous!” Nora and June smirked at each other, then looked expectantly at Alex.

“What do I have to be jealous of? I don’t want to kiss Aiden. I don’t even know him.” At that, the women groaned in unison. 

“You’re jealous of Aiden, not Henry. Come on, you’ve wanted to kiss him practically since you saw him. And he wants to kiss you too.” Nora states matter-of-factly.

“Hold on. Back up. I don’t like Henry, and he doesn’t like me, at least not like that. We’re just friends. And I’m straight.” But Alex’s voice wavered, his mind already running through his and Henry’s relationship. The day they met and how Alex’s first thought was that his new roommate was very handsome, the light feeling in his chest when Henry laughs at a joke he told, and the fire in his gut when he saw Henry kissing Aiden. Then his mind wandered to his high school years- trying not to look at other guys in the locker room, thinking about large hands and wide shoulders when he was in the shower, and whatever went on between him and Liam. At the thought of Liam, Alex quickly ended the call and shut his laptop. He had a lot to think about.

***

Alex didn't pay attention to anything that afternoon, nor did he get any sleep that night. He had been too wired to fall asleep, wandering through his memories and picking out the moments that, in retrospect, he should’ve recognized as not being very straight. By the time the thin rays of dawn were filtering through his curtains, he had come up with a list.

One. He’s not as straight as he thought he was.

Two. He’s attracted to Henry, and probably has been since they moved in together.

Three. He really wants to kiss Henry.

Four. He can’t stand seeing Henry kiss other people. 

Five. According to Nora, Henry also likes him. 

Now he just has to figure out what to do with that information. He went through his day on autopilot, not retaining any information from his classes. His professors droned on about laws and their applications, but Alex’s mind was on Henry. Henry’s soft blond hair, Henry’s bright blue eyes, the way Henry gets excited when he talks about literature or LGBT history. His strong hands, his laugh, the way he comes out of his shell when they’re together. 

When he pushed the door of the apartment open that afternoon, Henry was once again on their couch, this time curled up with a book against the armrest. Something by Jane Austen, Alex guesses. Steeling his nerves, he sits on the other side of the couch and clears his throat. Wordlessly, Henry looks up from his book and raises an eyebrow. 

“I’m sorry. I’ve been an asshole lately.” Alex apologizes, hoping he looks as guilty as he feels. Thankfully, Henry closes the book and puts it down. 

“Frankly, yeah, you have.” 

“Yeah, um, I was because I was… jealous.” Multiple emotions flashed across Henry’s face, including something Alex couldn’t identify, before he schooled his features again. 

“What do you have to be jealous of? You could get girls if you wanted. You tell me about all the girls who hit on you. I’m sure any one of them would be happy to sleep with you.”

“No, I’m…” Alex sighed, trying to figure out how to say what he wanted to. “I'm not jealous of you for how much you, ahem, get. I’m jealous… of Aiden. And… everyone else you bring home.” He could see Henry trying to wrap his mind around Alex’s confession. 

“I, um, talked to Nora and June about me being an asshole, and they helped me realize that it was… jealousy. I thought about it, and I’m not as straight as I thought.” Henry’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“So… what are you trying to tell me?” Alex groaned and put his head in his hands. This was harder than he thought it would be. Then again, he had never confessed his love to his roommate after realizing he’s not straight. 

“I’m bisexual and I like you. As more than a friend.” Alex said in one breath. As soon as he said the last word, he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Slowly, he looked up and saw Henry was staring at him, his eyes wide.

“You’re- I- What? Wait, really? I- I didn’t-”

“So, um, I get it if you’re not into me like that, but I just needed to get it off my chest.” Alex rubbed the back of his neck, self conscious of Henry’s eyes on him.

“Are you really that thick? I’ve been flirting with you since we met. I just had no hope because, y’know, you’re straight. Or at least, I thought you were.” A blush spread across Henry’s face, reaching from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. 

“So, what was Aiden?”

“A pathetic attempt to get over you. Really, he was no one.” Alex let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. They sat in silence, Henry shifting in his seat and Alex running his finger along the key around his neck. Alex was the first to speak.

“So what are we now? I mean, I’d like to, y’know, be with you…”

“I want that too!” Henry quickly interjected. Alex’s heart skipped a beat at the thought of dating Henry, of kissing him, of doing other things with him.

“So, I guess we can just, like, see where this goes?”

“Yeah, I think that would be best.” As soon as the words left Henry’s mouth, Alex realized how close they were. They had slowly been moving towards each other, and now they were almost touching. If he just leaned forward a bit, Alex realized with a start, he could press their lips together. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asked breathlessly. Henry nodded. Their lips met, and it was perfect.

[cilliankelly]

text 📱 cillian & jude.

Discord thread featuring: cillian & @judetaylorhq

When: november 22 (from 1:25am onward)

Mentions: @robinscnfm

Description: cillian texts jude to thank him for bringing over pizza and beer and the rest is just a rollercoaster of confessions, feelings, fighting, and flirting. these two idiots right here, i tell yah. 

Trigger Warnings: brief discussion about family drama, some nsfw stuff, and some good old fashioned angst.

Cillian

thanks for bringing the pizza and beer, man

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

Sure man. You good?

Cillian

what, cause of the black eye? or cause i’m sleeping on ellie’s couch? i’m alright, man, hanging in there.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

I meant more the..barely talking since we swapped spit part

Cillian

ooooooooooh that.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

Yuh

Cillian

i’m sorry it was weird. i don’t like being all awkward around you, you’re my best friend, yknow? not to get all mushy and shit. but yeah.

i guess i miss you and stuff.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

So you were just drunk?

Cillian

i didn’t say that

is that what you think?

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

I just assumed. You went to Ellie's place and not mine. She's not even your best friend

Cillian

i guess things were still kind of weird between us and i was worried. maybe that was dumb but i wasn’t really thinking straight either.

lot happened. all very fast.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

It's whatever bro.

Cillian

it’s not though, is it?

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

It is what it is

Cillian

what is it? do you know? because i don’t.

look i’m like, the king of shrugging shit off and ignoring it but that’s not working and i miss my best friend

you didn’t ask me about my eye. or about why i’m staying at ellie’s.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

You didn't tell me. I figured it was part of the not talking..

I miss you too or whatever

Cillian

i don’t really know how to say this bc i’m really not good at this but here goes: i didn’t hate sucking face with you. like at all. not even a little bit.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

yeah no shit dude.

Cillian

okay well that was news to me okay? i didn’t know what to do with that info, it’s all confusing and kind of scary and i needed a minute

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

I guess...I just don't like being the guy you experiment on and never call again.

that felt like shit, bro. yu could have just told me you were like...questioning or something.

Cillian

trust me you are not that guy. i didn’t mean to make you feel like that i’m just really shit at this. i wasn’t trying to use you or anything.

i didn’t mean to ghost you or anything. i just wanted to figure out how i really felt.

shit, why’s this feelings shit so hard.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

Well, did you figure it out? Or are you still into chicks?

Cillian

sooooooo this is the part where the black eye comes in

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

Someone hit you?

Cillian

i wanted to be sure i was feeling what i was feeling so i’ve been trying out some different stuff. like a lot of different stuff. and my dad decided to make a surprise reappearance and walked in on me with another dude and things got kind of ugly.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

you fucked other guys?

Cillian

yeah. i did.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

sucks about your dad.

Cillian

he’s an asshole. wasn’t surprised.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

still..

So you went to ellie's...

Cillian

yeah. i can’t go back there. home i mean.

i haven’t really told her why. just that i got into it with my dad.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

Well...i mean i'd offer the spare room here. But clearly that wasn't an option to you, so.

best of luck or whatever

Cillian

jude

are you mad at me?

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

I'm fine dude. I'm just busy trying to fuck your new roommate.

Cillian

right

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

don't tell me you fucked her too?

Cillian

ellie?

not recently. why does it matter, dude?

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

Are you ever not gonna fuck girls that I'm into?

fuck, i can't have anything.

Cillian

i didn’t know you were seriously into her? she doesn’t like me anyways, man

it’s just sex anyways

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

whatever i'm not into her anymore.

Cillian

why? cause she’s slept with me?

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

Yeah dude.

Cillian

and what? don’t want my seconds?

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

Yeah, exactly.

I want like, one fucking person to be into me and not want to fuck you. Because you're a jackass.

Cillian

jeez, sorry everyone you ever liked has such bad taste.

want me to make you a list so that it doesn’t happen again?

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

Yeah.

You fucked another dude.

Cillian

yeah and what about it, jude? you have something to say?

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

Yeah I do.

But I'm not gonna, because clearly I'm just some drunk hook up.

Cillian

you’re wrong, but whatever.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

It's not whatever.

You made me feel like shit. And then you go out and fuck anyone that breathes. Besides me, apparently.

Cillian

what?

do you want me to fuck you?

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

In your dreams.

You could never handle me.

Cillian

THEN WHY?! i don’t understand you dude. if you don’t want that then why do you care that i’m fucking other dudes.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

I care, but there's no point in like telling you about feelings and shit when you don't care.

YOu didnt even come to me.

You went to Ellie's. Fuck that, bro.

Cillian

i do care though! i care a lot.

i dunno how to prove that to you. i’m sorry i didn’t come to you first but i was worried. and i guess i was right to be based on your response.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

You really confused me with that kiss. And then you just like...cut me out.

Cillian

you don’t think i was confused too? i didn’t know how to be around you. or anyone really. i was scared you hated me, man. it sounds stupid but i thought i fucked everything up

and then you texted me the next day like it didn’t even happen

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

it's like whatever. i've just had a crush on you for like...ever.

Cillian

no you haven’t.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

okay fine.

i guess i just offer my ass to every guy i meet or whatever.

Cillian

jude. seriously.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

Why would i make this shit up? you think I want to like you? you're an asshole!

Cillian

yeah, exactly, which is why it doesn’t make sense.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

are we done here then? cuz you're obviously not gonna listen to me.

Cillian

no, fuck, sorry. i just don’t get it. why me?

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

fuck if i know dude.

Cillian

so you like me... but you don’t want me?

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

i didn't say that.

you don't want me

Cillian

i didn’t say that either.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

you didn't say anything

Cillian

i didn’t know what i wanted. but i think i figured it out.

this is gonna sound gross as shit but i don’t think there’s been a day since that i haven’t thought about the kiss.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

that sounds so gross. you totally wanted to suck my dick.

Cillian

you wishhhhhhh.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

come on, man. i'm adorable.

Cillian

i guess you’re pretty okay

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

i woulda done it.

Cillian

what?

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

sucked you off

Cillian

yeah?

would you still?

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

yuh

no homo though.

..unless.

Cillian

oh my god. next time i see you i’m gonna tackle your ass.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

my ass?

Cillian

yup.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

hot.

Cillian

shut up

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

kinky

Cillian

so. how long have you had this big ooey gooey crush on me then?

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

ooh...and there it goes, big shot

Cillian

fuck. just when i was letting it go to my head.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

don't worry i'll always be sure to kick your ass

Cillian

i’d like to see you try

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

maybe i will

Cillian

do it. i dare you.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

bet.

Cillian

hey jude

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

what dude?

Cillian

all those times i said i wasn’t an ass man? lies, all of it.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

DUDE.

i got a great ass fr.

Cillian

i’ve definitely checked it out more than once

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

nice. i knew it.

i checked you out too bro

Cillian

aaaaand? thoughts?

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

i don't know. i'd have to see it without all the layers to decide

see how fuking smooth i am?

Cillian

sooooooo smooth, hot damn.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

i know right?

Cillian

here i thought i was the suave one this whole time

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

i got game, bro.

[scnnyfm-old]

chicago’s very own sunshine ‘sunny’ carmichael has been spotted on madison avenue driving a bmw 3 series , welcome ! your resemblance to dua lipa is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-third birthday bash . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re sensitive , but being altrustic might help you . i think being a cancer explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be the scent of bubblegum, an abundance of house plants, and freshly baked cookies . ( cis female + she/her ) 

helloooooo ghouls, goblins, and everything in between. it’s ya girl aneesa or whatever fun nickname you wanna call me, and this is my child sunny! you can reach me via ims or catch me on discord at 𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐚 🦋☀#5408

* && 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐬

full name — sunshine carhmichael

nicknames — sunny (preferred name actually)

birthday — july 15

height  — 5′ 8″

age  — twenty-three (23)

pronouns — she/her/hers

occupation(s) — singer, record executive, fashion/cosmetics brand ceo, fashion designer, reality show star, & model

languages spoken — english (barely)

orientation — bisexual

* && 𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎ 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑶𝑹𝒀 𝑺𝑶 𝑭𝑨𝑹...

sunshine hawthorne grew up in the foster care system, according to the letter her mother left her, she was just a teenager with strict religious parents who threw her out the minute they learned of her pregnancy, and sunshine’s father was nowhere to be seen, and giving sunshine up was easier than living on the streets trying to fend for herself and a child

SEXUAL & PSYCHICAL ABUSE TW growing up in the foster care system was a lot, she bounced from family to family, and the things that happened were unspeakable. sometimes the abuse was physical, emotional, or sexual and it just caused a lot of deep personal trauma for herself that was never resolved

this caused her to become reserved, stuck up for the underdog even if it was at her own expense, just intrinsically unselfish, has always been the mom friend to a fault

she was 10 when she got adopted into an extremely wealthy family, like i’m talking top ten wealthiest families in the states, and suddenly sunny hawthorne became sunny carmichael 

so let’s take a minute to talk about the carmichael’s 

they originate from old money, i’m talking so far back it’s unclear whether or not the money they have was obtained legally or not, this caused her parents to be a little reckless w their spending

her father: sebastian carmichael is the one who inherited the wealth from his father, who inherited it from his father, and the cycle continues, he was addicted to gambling add that to the fact that he was a serial cheater and you have an extremely poor father figure

ALCOHOL & DRUGS TW her mother: davina carmichael was a drug dependent alcoholic who spent all of husband’s money to makeup for the fact that he was cheating on her, started her own billion dollar company from scratch, plans on ‘giving it’ to sunny

the carmichaels were very problematic and all of their scandals were extremely public, in fact the only reason they adopted sunny in the first place was so that they could appear more well-rounded then they were

after that would come give siblings, and it fell upon sunny to take care of all of them, so from a young age she acted extremely mature, learned to fend for herself, and still managed to have a soul flourishing with tender spots

sunny was a gifted kid, not academically, she struggled A LOT, she had trouble paying attention, couldn’t read as well as the other kids. she got teased a lot for being ‘dumb’ and honestly hated it, it’s one of her biggest insecurities to this day. but what she lacked academically she made up for artistically, she was musically inclined, and it was clear that she loved to draw (apparent from all the doodles in the margins of her notebooks)

her family capitalized on this as if she were some sideshow attraction, come see our daughter! look how good she is at painting and doodling! pay us money! and although it made her feel like some trophy the could polish and show off, and this messed up sunshine even more because she knew deep down they didn’t love her

in high school she was the bubbly ditzy popular girl, chewed on enough bubblegum to finance a new mercedes, and just was that stereotypical girl ripped straight out of an early 00′s movie

was on the cheerleading team because again i tell you she was just living her best teen life! having an amazing time! vibing!

although her parents could give her anything they wanted and were decent enough to pay the bills for her and her siblings, she wanted to provide for herself, not have to depend on her parents for anything

she got into modeling! and although t took her a while to find her footing eventually she did, and it was a great time! but eventually parents got jealous and made her quit modeling altogether, because god forbid that she get more attention than they did

eventually (and to everyone’s surprise lmao) she went to college, and somehow got accepted into an ivy league....for art! not as surprising, but her family lied and said she went to business school bc of course they did

she went to harvard and majored in visual arts, she got her degree, and got her her happy ass out of there, mostly stayed focused on her studies, occasional party here and there

she was extremely worried about her siblings and she immediately went back home to them, surprisingly they were in one piece, not surprisingly they were being raised by nannies

she applied her visual arts degree and started designing clothes, then modeling said clothes, because although her parents had enough money to get her company off the ground, she wanted to do it by herself

and she did! finally bringing a decent name to the carmichael family!

was a guest judge on a bunch of modeling/runway shows, occasionally starred in her family’s reality tv show against her will, and was so dynamic she would be offered her own, and of course she jumped at the opportunity! 

her mother tried handing off the company to her, and she declined! instead she opened up her own company selling her designs and was very hands on in learned to make cosmetics, and her company has been doing extremely well so far, it’s set to surpass her family’s company in a couple of years

as if she didn’t have enough on her plate she wanted to pursue her singing career, ended up having a whirlwind romance w a singer that she collaborated with, they were pretty serious and talked about being engaged, but eventually things fizzled out

said romance inspired a lot of her music, and encouraged her to keep going with her music career, she even worked her way up to the title of executive of their label, she’s on top of the world

she’s come a long way from the shy girl from foster care who afraid of her own shadow, but she’s lost none of her softness!

still extremely charitable and even started multiple charities all ranging from helping fund the foster care system to providing more funding for no kill shelters (she’s a vegan!) all of her charities are nation wide and oh boy does she have a lot on her plate

has....literally no time for anything else....still tries to prove to herself that she’s definitely not stressed and has so much free time! sdflksj tries to party and have fun, but mostly craves staying inside and takes baths with scented candles and just watches the same romcom over and over again 

* && 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭

....okay so maybe it’s not completely believable that she got into an ivy league with her own merit, after all she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed and spoiler alert she didn’t

her parents bribed an admissions counselor to let their daughter in their visual arts program, they even donated enough money to renovate the art museum 

all of this happened without sunny’s knowledge and she continues to live in blissful ignorance about the whole thing

* && 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

zodiac — cancer rising, cancer sun, & scorpio moon

alignment — lawful good

mbti — infp-t

enneagram — type 2 ( the helper )

temperament — phlegmatic

house — hufflepuff

positive traits — ( + ) altruistic , committed , conceptual , curious , courteous , determined , generous , humble , inventive , imaginative , loyal , loving , organized , passionate , playful , reliable , selfless , supportive , thoughtful , and trustworthy

negative traits — ( - ) anxious , cautious , compulsive , critical , disorganized , dogmatic ,, hyperactive , indifferent , insecure , impulsive , logical , oblivious , pedantic , protective , and resilient

* && 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

please don’t feel limited by this list because i have a brain the size of a walnut and this is all i can think of these are almost all ripped off ryker’s intro bc i’m not creative

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎ 𝑭𝑨𝑴𝑰𝑳𝑰𝑨𝑳....

family friends  maternal or paternal cousins

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏�� ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎ 𝑹𝑶𝑴𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑰𝑪...

past crush  current crush  flirtationship except she prolly doesn’t realize bc head empty  unrequited love ( on either side )  fwbs  will they? won’t they?  someone her friends are trying to set her up with  forbidden love of some kind idk maybe not  exes on good terms  exes on bad terms  first love high school or college romances  summer romance  childhood crush friends to lovers  pr relationship somebody who leads her on 

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎ 𝑷𝑳𝑨𝑻𝑶𝑵𝑰𝑪...

BEST FRIEND / ROOMMATE PLOT BASED ON NEW GIRL OR FRIENDS PLS I WILL GIVE YOU MY EVERYTHING  best friends  confidants  ride or die sibling like friends  close friends  neighbors??  enemies to friends  reunited childhood friends drunk / party friends  someone she’s a good influence on  bad influence  unlikely friends  secret friends, aka friends who do not hang around in the public eye as their family or friends may not get along  #married....just they argue and love each other like a married couple

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎ 𝑵𝑬𝑮𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑽𝑬...

enemies  former best friends  frenemies

[uhhhdanika]

is that SEO SOOJIN? no, that’s just DANIKA KANG. SHE is TWENTY-THREE years old and is a STUDENT NURSE. rumor has it they’ve been in town for TWO MONTHS. on a good day, they’re INTUITIVE & PROTECTIVE. but watch out! they can also be COLD & BLUNT. MORE BY HALSEY plays in my head whenever i think of them. can’t wait to see them around springhill! 

HELLO !! I’m so excited to be here... this is Danika, the infamous twin sister to Daniel Kang !! Get it ?? Dani and Danny !! Anyways, below the cut will be her intro that I just kind of whipped together, forgive me !! I will also include some wanted connections below as well, mostly based on songs because that’s where I get the most muse !! Like this to plot or hit me up with your muse’s name on discord @ shut up you spunky lesbian#0666  @shstarters​

tw: emotional abuse, miscarriage(s)/stillbirth, abortion mention, depression

Danika, like Daniel, was raised in a loving home. With the house being so full, you would think she would often have to fight for her turn with affection and attention. However, the Kangs were a very equal home. Naturally, being the absolute youngest (Daniel being only a few moments older than her), Danika grew to have a peculiar complex where she thinks that no one actually cares? It’s weird. She has this odd need to prove herself to her family at all times, which no one in the family knows where it comes from. Maybe she just wants to be the best... who knows. 

Growing up, she wasn’t the most fashionable, growing up with her elder sister’s hand-me-downs but making the best of them. Considering their family never had much, the need to prove herself grew from just impressing her family to impressing her peers. In school, she was an honour roll student with a GPA of 4.0 throughout her academic career. 

However, straight after high school, she didn’t take her intelligence into post-secondary. Instead, she left the entire idea of school behind to go live with a new boyfriend. The two moved away from her native Seattle to Inglewood, California. They lived in a small, crowded two-bedroom apartment with two other roommates. Of course, she missed her family, but she was independent !! So she thought. What Danika doesn’t realize is that at eighteen years old, you actually don’t know everything about the world. 

During this time, her boyfriend became emotionally abusive, gaslighting her and controlling her every move. Soon, she stopped calling her family as often as she did, only checking in with them, so they know she was still alive. Danika was so enamoured by him, she didn’t clue into his behaviour and how harmful it actually was. The man had convinced her that her entire family hated her for moving (which was far from the truth). 

At the same time, Danika became pregnant. She was ecstatic, he was not. Although her boyfriend was a grade-A asshole, he didn’t make her get rid of the baby. The one thing in the world that Danika wanted most, but never expressed to anyone but her twin, was to be a mother. Things seemed to be looking up, she started to buy small items such as baby clothes or toys and keeping them in a small storage bin in their shared room. 

One night she awoke with intense pain, and her worst fear came true. She was in the middle of losing her baby, the baby she just found was a little girl. The girl she was dreaming of having her eyes and her boyfriend’s nose. It was too late to try and save the baby, with the couple not being able to do anything but let it happen. It seemed out of grief, the boyfriend began to cheat on her. Most of her friends in her life called bullshit, but Danika being in love with him, decided to give him a couple more chances. After walking in on them in their apartment, that was Danika’s final straw. She packed up her things and moved back to Seattle. 

Showing up on her family’s doorstep, hoping that they would forgive her after the last year and a half of ghosting them. Spoiler alert: they did.  Danika ended up telling them everything, minus her pregnancy. The wound was still too fresh for her to talk about, even months later. The previous relationship changed her, she became colder and blunter. Trust issues began to grow, leading to failed relationship after failed relationship. 

Eventually at 21 years old, after two years of living back with her parents, Danika had a new boyfriend. He seemed much more loving, caring, and overall a 180 compared to her last boyfriend. A couple months into their relationship, they decided they wanted to start a family. Danika moved in with him and they ended up trying for a baby with no luck until just when they were going to give up. 

Danika got pregnant again and almost carried to full-term before losing the baby. It was two months before she was due, the couple having the nursery complete and the baby shower happening the month before. This crushed her, leaving her to develop post-partum depression. This one hurt more than the first. She had a name, she had a nursery. This time she had two loving parents who wanted her. She and her boyfriend ended up splitting up from the grief and once again, Danika moved back with her parents. Danika grew jealous of the older siblings with children, her heart yearning for that same joy. 

Eventually, in order to heal from her pain, Danika decided to go to school far away from Seattle. She and her twin moved to Springhill for different reasons, but they lived together. Figuring that if she couldn’t protect her own child, she might as well protect her brother as well as she could. Danika decided that she wanted to go to nursing school, eventually specializing in labour and delivery.

Fast Facts

She is bisexual but has never had a serious relationship with a woman.

Her favourite colour is burgundy. 

She is an ISFJ personality type.

Some defining features for her would be her nose ring in her left nostril, a small tattoo on her hip of her baby’s initials. 

Connections They Could Have

Hurricane (based on Panic! at the Disco’s 2011 song):

Messy, unhealthy friends with benefits/hook up relationships. They can be either male or female or NB. They are absolutely terrible for each other, using sex to cope with their life issues. Outside of this intimacy, the two could hate each other or be frenemies.

said no more war, no more clothes. give me peace! oh, kiss me!

Picturing Love (based on July Talk’s 2016 song):

Two friends just destroying the patriarchy! Just kidding. However, just two friends that bitch about relationships in this day in age and how they don’t expect their love lives to get any better.

One Last Night (based on Vaults’ 2015 song): 

An on and off again relationship, could just be beginning or could be someone from Seattle. Male or female!

UDK (based on Olivia O’Brien’s 2019 song)

Frenemies or a dislike for each other. Spreading rumours about each other around town, not understanding how one could dislike someone this much before actually getting to know them.

Best friends?? 

She just needs more friends other than her twin lol.

[goodlesson]

got tagged by the ever wonderful @fortiesbucky to answer 73 (!!!!) questions. since i’m a lil wine drunk and waiting for my pokemon game to download i figured why not, let’s do it!!! here goes nothing. my answers are under the cut!

this is a ridiculous undertaking but i’ll tag some ppl i guess. if you have some time to kill....go for it! @dansmlth @mabelmcbae @mirandabeach @the-best-of-what-we-had-youknow @stormerforweekes @unseenpolarstars

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? like a 4?? we’re in the middle of a global pandemic (Yikes) but my big job interview is finally over with and it went really well so i guess that’s kind of exciting!

describe yourself in a hashtag? #DoItForDua

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? i’m ace let’s bake a cake together instead (looking @ u dan bastille)

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? this is not a musical despite the copious amounts of terrible singing

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? i WILL cry when ur least expecting it 

what’s your wake up ritual? make coffee/breakfast, mess around on tumblr for a bit and catch up on messages from friends, then log on to start work at nine

what’s your go to bed ritual? i’ve been playing animal crossing for like an hour before bed every night. that’s about it

what’s your favorite time of day? morning after i’ve had my coffee and i have my one hour of motivation to do things sxkljsdf

your go to for having a good laugh? vines that cured my depression compilations on youtube

dream country to visit? oh this is a hard one!! would love to go to the UK someday

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? my 13th bday party when my mom got all of my friends together to surprise me 🥺

heels or flats/sneakers? converse baby

vintage or new? new. i’m not trendy or skinny enough to pull off vintage anything

who do you want to write your obituary? anyone except my mother

style icon? when dua lipa went through that phase of wearing sweatpants and bras onstage....yeah i vibe w/ that

what are three things you cannot live without? music, my hydroflask, and my electric blanket

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? GARLIC

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? listen...i really just wanna hang out with dan smith. also niall from 1d. and hm....maybe....ok this is a weird answer but marina keegan. she died at 22 after graduating from yale and her book literally changed my life

what’s your biggest fear in life? love & intimacy oop

window or aisle seat? window

what’s your current tv obsession? too hot to handle is the funniest thing i’ve ever seen

favorite app? rn i’m using discord a lot. also instagram

secret talent? i know every word to every cover the glee cast ever did

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? studying abroad in ecuador!

how would you define yourself in three words? positive, introverted, and....and.....maybe simple? (in the sense that i’m ok with just living a life without fancy things or huge ambitions)

favorite piece of clothing you own? my fuzzy north face fleece jacket!

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? buy yourself a good rain jacket pls just do it

a superpower you would want? being an empath would be cool

what’s inspiring you in life right now? my friends!!! i have so many ppl to talk to rn and staying connected with them is really keeping me going

best piece of advice you’ve received? everything works out in the end, don’t stress about what you can’t control

best advice you’d give your teenage self? just tell ppl you aren’t straight it really isn’t a big deal

a book everyone should read? out east by john glynn

what would you like to be remembered for? loving my friends and writing some stuff that maybe impacted a few ppl

how do you define beauty? kindness! openness!

what do you love most about your body? my smile i guess?

best way to take a rest/decompress? listening to music, wasting time on the internet

favorite place to view art? ....online?

if your life was a song, what would the title be? Avoiding Intimacy 

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? guitar

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? i’ve been thinking about this lately. probably on the inside of my arm somewhere?

dolphins or koalas? DOLPHINS (are fish! no they aren’t. yeah they are. just cuz they live in water doesn’t mean they’re fish!)

what’s your spirit animal? penguin

best gift you’ve ever received? my boss surprising me with those brownies yesterday was pretty cool

best gift you’ve given? i made my best friend in college this little jar full of our inside jokes written on little slips of paper. i thought it was pretty cute

what’s your favorite board game? rummikub, life, cards against humanity

what’s your favorite color? yellow

least favorite color? brown

diamond or pearls? diamonds

drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore

blow-dry or air-dry? blowdry (with a diffuser of course)

pilates or yoga? neither wtf do i look like a flexible person to u

coffee or tea? coffee

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? my roommates and i were playing that avocado smash game a few nights ago and now the word ‘avocado’ will never sound correct ever again

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? dark chocolate

stairs or elevators? elevators (i’m lazy)

summer or winter? summer!

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? BAGELS

a dessert you don’t like? anything with a jelly or creamy/custardy filling

a skill you’re working on mastering? playing the guitar

best thing to happen to you today? my interview went really well!!!

worst thing to happen to you today? i had like three crazy stress dreams about said interview so i was exhausted all day lol

best compliment you’ve ever received? ‘your smile just lights up a room’ 🤧

favorite smell? vanilla

hugs or kisses? I WUV HUGZ

if you made a documentary, would it be about? how the portrayal of sex in modern pop culture affects our views of love and romance and intimacy in negative and unrealistic ways!!!!

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? bitch every livestream dan bastille does makes me tear up

lipstick or lipgloss? the only correct answer is CHAPSTICK

sweet or savory? sweet

girl crush? dua lipa and it’s not a girl crush i full on fuckin LOVE HER

how do you know you’re in love? don’t ask me this

a song you can listen to on repeat? anything by bastille

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? would love to be a cat just chillin on the ground someday

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? normally i’d say all the concerts i have coming up lmao screw you corona

[eleanorcasco-blog]

LENNY CASCO. If it feels good, tastes good, it must be mine.

name: eleanor fiona “lenny” casco. dob: 05/30/1994 [twenty-five]. occupation: hair stylist. zodiac: gemini. alignment: chaotic evil. mbti: estp. temperament: choleric. hogwarts house: slytherin. face claim: chloe bridges.

hello, lovelies! i’m liss and i’ll be playing lenny (death of a bachelor). this isn’t as fleshed out as i wanted it to be, but i wanted to get it up so i could start plotting with everyone! i’m busy until sunday afternoon but i’m going to try and be on ims as much as possible. i can’t wait to talk to all of you! you can reach me on here or on discord at liss#4287.

late-night neon 'open’ signs, rain cutting into a curl of smoke, an alarm clock going off in an empty room, gold acrylics tapping frantically against a phone screen, thin fingers combing softly through another’s hair, a storm at the end of a beautiful day, red lipstick on collars, a round of shots, a drawer full of lace, fingertips pulling haunted notes from a keyboard.

- lenny’s parents divorced when she was four, though the two kept close in distance to avoid dragging her all over the place. she lived with her mom until she was eleven, and although she was a spoiled brat and a nightmare to parent, she didn’t often do anything specifically wrong. at that point, however, her father gained primary custody, for reasons still unbeknownst to lenny (nowadays, she doesn’t particularly care the reason). 

- her father wasn’t strict about much except school. he had her attend a private school a couple of neighbourhoods over, and it was there that things started to slide downhill. by thirteen, she was smoking, starting fights, having sex. the behavior went by mostly unnoticed, and so it continued. she learned quickly that all of the ‘fun’ things she was doing weren’t all they were cracked up to be--she never felt like she had a particularly exciting youth. she wondered if it was because she’d started so young and just gotten so used to it, or if this edginess of hers just wasn’t as much of a thrill as she’d expected.

- at the beginning of high school, lenny fell in love with music and tried various instruments that never stuck until she found herself playing the keyboard. it was perfect for her, and is still pretty much the only way she lets out any emotions. she’s been in a couple of bands, but isn’t very good at sticking to them.

- lenny has never been in love, but she doesn’t think she’ll ever come as close as she did to the girl she met when she was fifteen. it was a whirlwind romance, over almost as quickly as it had started, characterized by getting high together and fighting way too much. she wouldn’t admit it, but a huge chunk of the reason she doesn’t think she’s going to settle down is because she feels like if that relationship didn’t work out, no other one possibly could. she would scoff at anyone else who thought they had that kind of a connection at fifteen, and if she could look back at it clearly she’d know that it wasn’t ‘that kind’ of a connection at all. 

- each summer she spent with her stricter and more attentive mother, and things started to shape up a little bit each time she stayed with her. but each year she would return to school and to her friends and things would go back to ‘normal’. you could call her a modern-day persephone. 

- again, school was the one thing her father cared about--so she graduated high school in the top five of her class. she even went to a semester of community college, but after failing almost all of those classes (thanks to poor attendance and a general lack of caring), she dropped out. after all, she was an adult now, and what her father wanted didn’t matter.

- adult or not, she still wasn’t quite ready to be on her own, so she moved back in with her mother. her mom helped her be a better human--taught her to cook, got her to stop smoking (cigarettes, at least) for a while, showed her how to respect herself a little more. 

- she got herself a job at a nearby hair salon, having taken cosmetology courses in high school, and she excelled at it. clients not only loved her bubbly and humorous demeanor, but the talent she held for hair styling. 

- all forms of art had always been her strong point, actually, including her favorite--street art. she loves making her mark on the city. she’s always careful not to get caught, and never has been.

- lenny is always insistent on using condoms, for multiple reasons... except when she’s too far gone to notice. when she was twenty, she found out she was pregnant. she didn’t think twice about having an abortion--at least, not until she’d had it. it wasn’t that she wanted a baby at all, because she didn’t and doesn’t think she ever really will. but to this day, she can’t help but wonder from time to time what stage her child would be in, what they would be like. she’d love to dip into an alternate universe where she could have those answers. she doesn’t get sad often, but when she does, it’s often her being wistful about the questions she has.

- at around twenty-two, she moved into her own apartment on venice blvd and has lived there ever since. she’s made a few friends and a few enemies since moving in, but she’s always felt that life is more exciting with a few enemies--she thrives off of drama. she’s often out of the apartment building, anyway, either at work or out on the town. when she is home, she can often be found roaming the building looking for something to do or a partner in crime; she needs constant stimulation or she gets antsy.

- lenny has lost a lot of friends over the years, for plenty of reasons. she’s fiercely loyal to her true ride-or-dies but not at all loyal to those friends that aren’t quite there. she’ll stab most people in the back if it means getting her way or having a good time. she also has quite the attitude, and has been known to pick fights just to have something to do. some friends just drifted away after realizing that she wasn’t going to grow out of the partying and drugs and shitty behavior.

- she’s very much into herself. she’s her own biggest fan. her arrogance and pride can backfire on her sometimes, but she doesn’t learn her lesson. in her eyes, it’s much better to be cocky than to be self-deprecating--and who wouldn’t be cocky, if they were as great as her?

wanted connections:

* all connections are open to all genders. platonic connections are open to all ages and romantic connections should be within a few years of 25.

- ride-or-dies: lenny has probably two or three super close friends, and she would do anything for them. and more importantly, she would never do anything to them, which is more than she could say about most of her friends. could be a ‘likely’ friend who has the same idea of a good time as she does, or an ‘unlikely’ friend who might be quiet, super nice, or a bit of a goody-two-shoes.

- partner in crime: this is her go-to person for getting blitzed with, the person she brings with her to watch or join in on her street art, and the person she feels most comfortable telling her craziest stories to.

- good influence: they try their best to keep her in line, but she’s not the type to be easily kept in line.

- childhood friend: they were good friends in elementary school but have long since drifted apart.

- ex-friends: she’s most likely the reason they aren’t still friends. she may have betrayed them somehow, or they may have just gotten sick of her behavior.

- exes: she probably cheated on them, started too many stupid fights, or got sick of them and ghosted them. she’s never been in love, although she may have been really close with one or two of her exes.

- current flings/hook-ups: lenny will go for anyone she finds attractive, even if they don’t mesh well at all, and even if she thinks they’ll say no (though she doesn’t often think that). this could be just about anyone who could put up with her.

- unrequited crush: could go either way. lenny doesn’t crush often but it’s not impossible.

- enemies: a lot of her ‘enemies’ are people she used to be friends with, but there are certainly plenty of people she’s just always disliked and who have always disliked her. she gets off on the wrong foot with a lot of people. 

- roommate: lenny’s family is relatively well-off but she prefers not to take money from her parents, so i could see her having a roommate to split the bills with. they could get along or completely butt heads.

- cousins: lenny has lived in the area her whole life and has a pretty big extended family.

- bandmates: she plays the keyboard and i envision her as being in a band. that said, her priorities aren’t very straight and her dedication isn’t very strong, which could cause problems.

- clients: whether they love her (her work personality is much more pallatable than her normal) or don’t like her, they come back for the amazing work she does on their hair.

- gym buddy: lenny isn’t the type to go to the gym every day, but she tries to go a few times a week to keep in shape.

- dealer: she’s gotta get ‘em from someone.

[jasperrollswrites]

Ink

I’ve been having trouble writing lately.

Maybe it’s the season, maybe it’s a particularly bad bout of depression. I don’t know. I feel like I’ve been fighting against myself to write something and I couldn’t manage to write anything. My brain and my body didn’t want to do anything, so I didn’t do anything.

I don’t know that I’m completely out of the funk yet, but I’m trying. This is me trying to get out. A Discord Server I’m on posted a image of a fat guy covered in tattoos, and I felt inspired to do something warm and positive, about breaking free of constraints and being yourself.

Hopefully you’ll enjoy.

------------------------------------

Jason had never been one for rebellion. His parents had been as strict and stern with him as they had with all 5 of his siblings. Honour thy father and thy mother, the 5th commandment said, and for many years of his life, Jason had followed that commandment as closely as he had followed the other nine. He hadn't strayed from the path set out so carefully by his parents, followed dutifully by his 3 brothers and 2 sisters, and now him. His carefully curated and managed life had let him grow up into a handsome young man. Swimming lessons had given him a thin, toned body with muscle that made girls smile flirtily at him, his face was clean shaven and carefully looked after, with not a pimple or zit to be seen and a strong jaw and straight, slim nose giving him an attractive look, assisted by his blue eyes. His bright blonde hair was neatly cut, carefully trimmed and combed every day to look its best. The Lord's path had never steered him wrong, and he'd never strayed, under the watchful eye of his parents.

But now, in his early 20s, he was at university. Away from home, away from family, he had expected to a certain amount that he would come across people who did not believe the same things he held dear. He believed he was ready for it - but the first few weeks had seen his faith tested harder than he could have ever imagined. The roommates he had liked to go out drinking in bars, seemed to have premarital sex with astonishing frequency that revolted him to hear through the walls of their freshman dorm apartment, and he was certain one of them smoked marijuana. His faith had been tested - and now, at 4 in the morning, in a room illuminated only by the blue light on his PC, curled up in the corner of his bed, knees held close to him, he was horrified that he had failed the test.

Hindsight was 20/20, and now he knew he'd made a horrible mistake, but at the time it had just seemed like a silly laugh. Had his mind been addled by the marijuana coming from his friend? He had no idea what had compelled him, but now he was trapped with the mistake he'd made for life. To be fair, it was a fairly small mistake, and not a bad looking one, by any means. Discrete, easy to hide. Really, no-one would ever need to know, but the shame was something else. A burning, indelible guilt he felt like he'd never be able to escape as long as the ink remained on his wrist. He had marked his body, permanently.

He'd gotten a tattoo.

It was just under the sleeve of his white long-sleeved shirt, on his right wrist, a simple black ink drawing of a rose. As mentioned, it wasn't a big or even unpleasant looking mistake, but he still felt a horrible sickness in his stomach whenever he saw it or thought about it, which right now was constantly. He felt like he’d contracted a terrible illness - all these years of always doing as he’d been told, doing right, and then one night had been all it took and now he felt like he was doomed. He tightly grasped the denim of his slim blue jeans.

The fact that it was easily hidden somehow made it worse. Now it was a horrible secret he had to hide from his family, a dark shame hidden just under his sleeve, burning into his skin. None of them ever had to know - and it just made the guilt hurt all the more. Had his brothers and sisters faced trials and tribulations like this? They must have. Which made it all the more sickening that they had stayed the course while he had failed. His parents would disown him. God would have him cast into hell. All for some ink. It felt like it would never end, the crushing guilt of his failure weighing on his chest, like an anchor pulling him down into the Earth. He just wanted it to be over. He just wanted to be free of it.

The rose unfurled quietly under the sleeve, beginning to blossom.

Jason blinked, tears springing from his eyes - but he didn’t feel sad. It was a difficult feeling to describe. It was like he had been drowning, something had been holding him under the surface of the water, and then it had stopped. He was still in the darkness. Acid was still churning in his stomach at the thought of the tattoo, there was still that unexplainable weight in his chest, but he didn’t feel like it was inescapable, all of a sudden. He felt the tears trickling down his face, but they felt alien. Maybe a tattoo wasn’t the end of the world.

There was laser removal. It’d probably cost a lot, but he’d always been a good person. Everyone strays from the path sometimes, even the most devout, has a moment of weakness. His parents would understand, surely. Might even spot him the money for it, considering the many years he’d been good and loyal. It would still be a lot of money, though…

The anchor shifted. Around the wrist, a circlet of ink, a crisscross pattern connected to itself. His stomach was beginning to settle, and in place of sickness, a warmth was beginning to grow. It was soft and pleasant, and it comforted him slightly. His stomach expanded a little as he breathed out slowly - but did not contract as much when he breathed in.

He uncurled his body a little, coming out of the fetal position slightly. In the meantime, there was always...being a man, he didn’t know much about makeup, but he’d heard about it...they had things for covering up blemishes in the skin, didn’t they? He could just use one of those, cover it up, so no-one saw it. And then he could save up for the removal sessions. And it would be like it had never happened. The only person who really needed to know was God.

From beneath the bracelet of ink, an intricate fretwork of lines was being drawn by an invisible artist, slowly travelling up his wrist. No clear imagery, just abstraction. His body was changing. The warmth in his stomach was making his torso slowly expand with each exhalation. With every breath, the slight six pack he’d put all that effort into was slowly disappearing, the muscles slacking, as fat took its place, his stomach becoming more smooth and soft. His slender fingers were filling out, becoming rounder, his palms swelling, a little like he’d been stung by a bee, but all over. The few fat cells that were in his body were multiplying, splitting apart but becoming more in the process.

Jason slowly sat up, looking around the dark room. The weight was lifting from his chest. He wiped his eyes, clearing his vision. It wasn’t as bad as it seemed. He’d just made a mistake, was all. He could move past it. There were a lot of ways to deal with this - and one interesting one came into his mind. He reached up and slid the sleeve of his shirt down, revealing the tattoo encircling his wrist, the lines of ink travelling up his arm. He stared at it, frowning a little. It felt like something was off, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Well, of course it was off. He’d gotten a tattoo there. It’d take a bit of work to cover it all, but…

Did he really need to cover it?

Could it not be a sign of his faith? It would require a bit of a stretch - he couldn’t remember any specific bible verses about roses off-hand, or any of this fretwork stuff...but maybe it could be a personal symbol, a reminder of God marked on his wrist. The ink continued to spread up his arm, the lines becoming less abstract, taking form. Every layer seemed to be something different - one divided into small segments, like reptilian scales, another continued the intricate mandala-esque design it had begun as, another layer began to curl and flick upwards, like black flames. It surprised Jason how much the tattoo artist had managed in just an hour or so.

He pulled the sleeve up further, watching the design grow across his arm. There was no fear or concern. What had, maybe a couple of minutes ago, filled his stomach with revulsion was becoming enchanting, and hypnotic. His jaw slackened, his mouth open slightly, as he watched in a trance, seeing the different designs weave in and out of each other, distinctly different but strangely unified despite their contrast. His arm was expanding, filling out with fat that made his arms flabby, but firm in spite of the fat, allowing for a bigger, more complex design that was being drawn from nothing. Jason slowly ran a fatter finger from his left arm along what had already been drawn. It was embedded in his skin, faded slightly, markings much older than a few hours ago.

This was not a concern to Jason. All he thought of was how beautiful it all looked, how beautiful it was making him look. His body was becoming a canvas for something amazing. He had come to this place as a business major, but as the ink rose over his shoulder and began crossing over towards his chest and back, he was beginning to realize what those weird kids at the art building meant when they were saying anything could be art. His body could be art. And it was all for…

Well, it could be for him. Why did it need to be for God? Or any God? Couldn’t it just be for him. Because he liked it? Because it made him feel beautiful? This was his body. He owned it, and he could devote it how he liked, couldn’t he? This was what he wanted. It had been scary at first, but as the ink blossomed across his body, he was realizing how incredible it really was. The artistry, the effort, the talent. The more he thought about it, he was realizing he didn’t need the rules that had been laid out for him, the path that had been so dutifully forced upon him. He was not straying now - he was intentionally stepping away, and realizing that there were so many paths in life, just as there were many lines of ink on his body. And he could choose which one he wanted to take.

He grabbed the bottom of the shirt, pulling it up, and as he did, his growing stomach flopped out, no longer constrained by the soft cotton. He pulled it over his head, struggling a little to pull his head through the hole, but the ink didn’t stop for his temporary blindness. It continued to develop across his chest, which was bloating outwards above his belly, his previously muscled pectorals filling out with fat. Just above his right nipple, the ink seemed to be making a gap in the design, the layers curving as something considerably less abstract appeared in the space. Sharp teeth, flared nostrils, fierce, inhuman eyes. The ink travelled down lower across his chest, as the design formed the head of a chinese dragon, roaring with fire spilling out of its mouth. His pecs were swelling and sagging, becoming a pair of plump moobs, settling atop a belly that was only getting bigger.

It was bloating outwards and hanging down, spilling into his lap, which was getting pretty big in itself. The muscles that had propelled him through water with speed were losing their power, as fat multiplied rapidly, making his thigh thick and flabby, the size of tree trunks that were quickly tearing up his slim jeans. The sides went first, the seams splitting apart, threads being ripped open. Before long the jeans were no better than useless scraps hanging loosely off of his thickening frame, the waistline getting trapped beneath his fattening belly.

Despite this, his white briefs seemed to hold on, expanding to hold in the absolutely gigantic pair of buttocks he was gaining. The fabric was stretched to its limit, leaving little to the imagination about the size of Jason’s new titanic ass. They clung snugly to his cock, which didn’t seem to have quite the incredible growth as the rest of him. Rather, it remained roughly the same size, perhaps getting slightly smaller, becoming buried in a fat pad from which it would be something of a struggle for him to reach in future. This thought seemed to arouse him as it stirred, stiffening under the briefs.

Jason reached down, pulling the remains of the jeans out from the underside of his belly, but didn’t even really notice he was doing it, absorbed in the spectacle of the ink spreading across his body. It flowed over across to his left moob, where another gap opened up, for another dragon head, the twin of the one on the right, breathing flame down towards his stomach. The ink was crossing his left shoulder, now flowing down his left arm, which had already received a plentiful amount of fat, plenty of room for a mirrored design.

There was a tingling along his back, and it was much stronger than any kind of sensation he’d ever felt across his back before, mainly because its width had practically tripled to support the increase in weight. A dumbfounded smile crossed Jason’s face. He wished he could see what was on the back right now, but he’d need two mirrors for that, and he doubted either would be wide enough. Still, he could imagine it clearly enough. The long bodies of the dragons, sweeping over his shoulders and entwining behind his back in a strange circle that made it hard to tell where one began and the other ended.

Jason smiled, and his face fattened with the smile, his cheeks filling out, becoming chubbier. His jaw was becoming softer, rounder, as the increasing fat diminished the strong chin he’d developed over years, being lost under a swelling of fat - and now hair, as the jawline he’d taken so much effort to keep clean shaven was growing hair at an incredible rate. Across his lips, along the jaw, down towards the neck, a straggly, unkempt beard of black hair was growing.

Sideburns grew out along the side of his face, growing up towards the blonde hair atop his head. The second the two colours connected, the blonde was overtaken by the black. Hair grew out and down, cascading over his shoulders. He brought an arm to sweep the new hair back, as his face broadened, his nose flattening but becoming wider. His dimples became deeper, giving him a jolly expression. The warmth that had started in his stomach was flowing through his entire body.

His attention was brought back to his belly, as the twin plumes of flame flowed down across his chest towards the center of his belly, where they met. Over his belly button, a figure was drawn in, a man with dark emerald skin, wreathed in flame, holding a sword in his right hand, staring outward with fierce eyes. Jason ran his flabby fingers over the artwork that adorned his body, fascinated by it. It was amazing. He was amazing. He loved it, and he loved himself, in a way that he never had before.

And now, his memory was changing. The broad details were still the same - strict parents, strict Christian upbringing, 5 siblings all showing him the way, but now he was seeing himself rejecting it. Turning away. The path they’d laid out for him wasn’t a guide, but a prison of personality. They had wanted him to be a good, straight, perfect boy, just like his siblings. And he didn’t want it. He had never wanted it. He was his own person.

His first tattoo at fifteen. He vividly remembered horror on his mother’s face when she saw. He’d been ‘grounded’ for a year for the act of rebellion, but he’d stopped paying attention to their rules by then. He was going to live his own life, a life of happiness and love on his own terms, not on the terms of their restrictive religion.

And despite his rebellious attitude, he was hardly an idiot. He had worked hard in school despite them, done well in his exams. Of course, they had utterly refused to support him in any way, and he’d had to scrape together the money for community college by himself, working every shift he could get at the pub he worked at, but he’d managed it, and he was here, studying art, making art, being art. He was a work of art, and he loved himself. He felt like he was finally free.

There was a knock on the door, and it opened. Jason looked up to see his roommate, Conrad. Conrad’s brown shoulder length hair, covered by a beanie, glowed slightly in the light coming from the hallway. A too big Nine Inch Nails shirt adorned his lanky body, and a pair of briefs covered up anything unsightly - but not very well. A lit blunt hung loosely from his lips, the smell of weed beginning to permeate the room. His eyes were glazed over. He smiled.

Jason thought he looked kind of like an angel, if an angel was a stoner.

Conrad approached. “Heard you movin’ around, babe. You alright?” He mumbled, in that way he did when he was high - which was often. What minutes ago would’ve earned a sneer from Jason brought a smile to his already happy face. Conrad walked over to the bed, leaned down, taking the self-rolled blunt out of his mouth, and kissed Jason on the lips. Jason kissed him back without hesitating, his cock stirring slightly as he felt Conrad’s arms slide around his flabby body. Being touched in such a tender way always made him feel a little aroused. Part of him felt a bit of hypothetical schadenfreude at the thought of his parents knowing that on top of going to community college rather than university, he was gay too! But for the most part, he was just happy to be in love.

They broke the kiss, and looked into each others eyes. “Yeah, I was just...uh...admirin’ my tatts.” Jason explained, giggling a little.

Conrad looked down, running slender fingers over Jason’s massive belly. “Hell yeah, dude. Fuckin’ sick is what they are.” He said quietly, but enthusiastically, placing the blunt back in his mouth. “Any reason why now, though?” He asked, sliding to Jason’s side and leaning against him, pressing his head against Jason’s belly.

“I dunno...they’re just special to me is all. The first tattoo I got…” Jason raised his right wrist, showing the rose on it. “It was like...the first time I really rebelled against my parents. It was the start of my liberation from their laws. I’d always been kind of a brat with attitude but that was like the first time I was really like...I won’t be held down by your rules. And now, I have so many tatts, all over my body, and...it reminds me that I’m free of them. That I’m free to...to do what I want and love who I love...and…

“Just...realizing...I’m finally free to be me.”

“Right on, man.” Conrad smiled, and hugged Jason’s belly tight. “God, you’re soft, dude. You mind if I sleep with you tonight? You’re way more comfy than my pillow.”

“No prob, man. If you don’t mind sharing that blunt, of course.” Jason said, lying back on the bed.

“Yeah, yeah…” Conrad said, holding tightly onto Jason.

The warmth flowed out of Jason, happiness radiating from him, filling the world with light as the sun begun slowly began to rise on a new day.

[geetahvrrison-blog]

( NAOMI SCOTT, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ) meet GEETA HARRISON, the BASSIST of the band SHY VIOLETS. the TWENTY-THREE year old is definitely DEDICATED and CLEVER, but can also be kind of COCKY and CONFRONTATIONAL. i hope she finds success with the band. after all, it’s not easy to make it in the music business these days.

— ✧ HISTORY

your first memory is her laughter. years later it still rings in your head, it resounds against the walls of your chest. it’s still in you. the sound of her voice as she cradled you, sang with your head against her chest. you still don’t understand the language, but the soft hums and vibrations tell you that you are oh, so wanted. oh, so loved. 

your parents are DAVID and SAMIRA. your parents were young and in love. your parents were broke. your parents moved to SAN FRANCISO and started a band. you weren’t planned, but who cares about plans anyway ?

you are born from their music. you sprout from the fingertips that caress the piano keys, or strum the guitar. they name you SONG, in your mother’s native tongue ( GEETA, GEE-TAH ). you were always meant to make music. to BE music.

you never knew silence. there was always MUSIC, always beautiful harmonies filling the air and flooding your lungs. the beatles, the stones, hendrix, joplin, dylan, bowie. you don’t listen to the radio. you only know your father’s records, and your mother’s voice. the strum of his guitar. her fingers on the piano keys.

you turn TEN years old and you hold a guitar for the first time. he teaches you his favorite songs, which are also yours. you take to it like a duck to water. you were B O R N from music, like athena from zeus’ head. you were ALWAYS meant for this.

school lets out, and you run to the music store. you make music for the people, take advantage of the instruments on display. you learn how to play on borrowed keys and strings.

the first time you hold a BASS guitar in your hands you’re FOURTEEN. you feel as if part of your body has been missing until this very moment. it’s a tan-colored stratocaster, and it feels like coming HOME.

the summer after you turn FIFTEEN, you’ve got your eyes set on a seafoam green fender. you work all summer. you don’t see your friends. you bring her home and name her PENNY LANE.

in high school, you join every band that will have you. you just want to play music, you don’t care about the genre. you NEED to play. at home, you write your own songs, but you keep them to yourself. one day, they’ll find the right outlet.

you’re EIGHTEEN and almost out of high school when some drunk asshole C O L L I D E S with your mom as she’s driving home one night. they rush her to the hospital. you’re hanging out with your band after a show when you get the call. your father is holding her hand as she takes her last breaths, moments before you come running in. you’re too L A T E.

you almost don’t graduate. you stop playing. you stop writing. you live with your father in complete silence. the next year passes by in a foggy blur. suddenly you’re NINETEEN and nothing has happened. you haven’t moved an inch.

one day, you sit down at the piano your mother used to play. it doesn’t sound the same as when she played it, each notes bouncing off the walls of the apartment you grew up in, but it kind of feels like she’s still THERE. your dad starts crying.

the next day you pack your things and drive to LA. you don’t have a plan yet, but you’re not too worried. again, who cares about plans ?

you find a tiny apartment, you get a job at a music store ( those have always felt like home, no ? ). you join a band called SHY VIOLETS. you’re back to playing the bass, and you feel like you have a home again. THIS IS WHAT YOU WERE MEANT TO DO.

— ✧ PERSONALITY

ZODIAC SIGN: aries-taurus cusp ( april 20th ) PERSONALITY TYPE: estp – the entrepreneur ENNEAGRAM: type 8 – the challenger TEMPERAMENT: melancholic HOGWARTS HOUSE: gryffindor MORAL ALIGNMENT: true neutral PRIMARY VICE: pride PRIMARY VIRTUE: diligence ELEMENT: earth MORE STATS HERE !! [ coming soon ]

okay !! so !! geeta’s a pretty quiet and reserved, she just really wants to focus on her music and being the best bassist she can be / making the band the best it can be.

she’s all about the music, she does very little that isn’t music-related. definitely needs to learn how to relax and get a life outside of the band. music is just...her life. she doesn’t care about other stuff.

she’s pretty great at what she does and she knows it, so she can get cocky sometimes. she’s very proud of the band and what they’ve achieved, and sometimes that can go to her head.

she’s stubborn as a mule and that definitely shows when dealing with the band. she knows what she wants and has trouble compromising. shy violets is all she has so she’s fiercely protective of it, and extremely loyal to her bandmates.

she doesn’t trust people easily, so she’s very cautious when making band-related decisions. who they sign with, where they play, etc.

she’s a generally friendly person, but she doesn’t open up easily and plays things close to the vest. she’s only comfortable enough to be emotionally open with a few select people. or, of course, through the music she writes.

she can’t back down from a fight. it’s a problem, and she knows it, but she can’t avoid confrontation, she runs headfirst into it, even if she’s in the wrong.

she’s always listening to music. she’s that – *planet explodes* *removes one earbud* what – meme

a bicon™ because i’m a firm believer that straight people don’t exist.

you will all learn soon enough that my specialty is sad girls™ and this is. only the first. it’ll only get sadder from here on out.

— ✧ EXTRAS

BASSIST CLAIM: laena geronimo from the like THEME SONGS: some nights – fun. | don’t take the money – bleachers | everybody lost somebody – bleachers | wake me up when september ends – green day | ( more later ) PINTEREST: xx PLAYLIST: [ still very much a wip ] xx

— ✧ CONNECTIONS

i’m probably gonna work out a page for these, but in the meantime, i’m just gonna list some general ideas in case anyone is interested !!

best friend, ride or die, soul sister, platonic life partner ( jade vandermeer )

roommate !! ( nate taylor )

first friend she made in LA ( ricky clark )

old coworkers from when she worked at the music store

shitty ex she does everything in her power to avoid

hookups ( could be more than one )

that one person she kinda hates but still hooked up with once and now they won’t let her forget about it because she’s so easy to annoy

crush she’s still in denial about ( ricky clark )

coming up with connections isn’t my strong suit but i’m open to pretty much anything !! hmu here or on discord and we’ll talk !!

[the-punforgiven]

ALL OF THEM, 1 TO 150

…

Aight, let’s go I guess

I’mma put it under a readmore since it’s pretty long lmao

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?My cat lmao

2. Are you outgoing or shy?Shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?@cardiac-ossification​, someday

4. Are you easy to get along with?I mean once you get used to the fact that I barely speak and that one-word responses do not mean I don’t want to talk to you, I guess maybe?

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?Most likely

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?Pretty much anyone who could kick my ass lmao

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?I sure hope so

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?@cardiac-ossification​

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?Depends on who I’m talking about it with honestly, like for the most part yeah, but like if I’m really close with someone then that changes things somewhat lmao

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?….. Also @cardiac-ossification​

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?Rad

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

A Sound of Thunder - Hello Nurse

Whispered - Strike

Children of Bodom - All Twisted

Ye Banished Privateers - Lamentation of a Marooned Sailor

Arsis - Unwelcome (but like the whole album lmao)

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?Yes

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?Yeah

15. What good thing happened this summer?Bold of you to assume I remember when anything has happened

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?No

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?Oh absolutely, whether that’s just like, microbes or something I dunno but thinking of the entire vastness of space I find it really hard to believe that this planet’s the only one with life

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?No

19. Do you like bubble baths?I guess? To be honest I haven’t had one since I was a kid Probably since I don’t actually even fit into the tub anymore lmao

20. Do you like your neighbors?I don’t think I’ve actually met them lmao, I’ve talked to them like twice when they asked me to help find their dog but they seem alright lmao

21. What are you bad habits?Procrastinating and just fucking forgetting literally fucking everything

22. Where would you like to travel?Norway and Wisconsin are my two big ones

23. Do you have trust issues?Yeah? I feel like I tend to trust people too easily lmao

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?Sending cute good morning messages to my girlfriend lmao

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?Probably either my stomach or my body hair honestly

26. What do you do when you wake up?Open my eyes Roll around a bit and immediately grab my phone lmao

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?Not really, I honestly don’t care, it’s gonna be gone soon enough anyway

28. Who are you most comfortable around?Fun game take a shot everytime I tag @cardiac-ossification​

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?No

30. Do you ever want to get married?Maybe

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?Yeah.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

33. Spell your name with your chin.Today I have learned that I can’t actually lean that far down

34. Do you play sports? What sports?No? I mean I spar a bit and would love to try out the Armored Combat League, if that counts?

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?TV, I’d honestly probably die without music lmao

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?Yeah

37. What do you say during awkward silences?bold of you to assume I can talk at all

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Literally just @cardiac-ossification​ lmao

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?Can’t say I really have any that spring to mind, honestly, like if they sell guitars, cd’s, or swords then I’m gonna be good but I don’t have an actual favourite place lmao

40. What do you want to do after high school?Visit my girlfriend, join a band, achieve omnipotence

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?I prefer to think of that sort of thing on a more case-to-case basis, but for the most part, Yes? 

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?Extremely quiet’s just my natural state of being lmao Silent however usually just denotes that I’m in a horrible mood

43. Do you smile at strangers?I mean, I try to but I’ve also been told I’m like hella intimidating and I know I’ve got a pretty bad case of supervillain grin so I dunno it that’s actually the best idea lmao 

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?If you’re offering I’d go with Space, since unlike the ocean I can’t just walk there

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?Need for caffine and whatever the fuck you call those pills that stop heartburn I forget the name

46. What are you paranoid about?Everything. Though talking in my sleep’s a big one for some reason

47. Have you ever been high?No

48. Have you ever been drunk?Barely

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?Yeah, though I mean someone already knows about it I’m just embarassed about that whole topic in general lmao

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?I don’t actually remember since I like never wear hoodies anymore but probably Black

51. Ever wished you were someone else?Occasionally in a sort of brief non-serious way, but like intensely? No

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?that’s really tough honestly, I’d probably want either more muscles or a fucking functioning brain

53. Favourite makeup brand?I don’t wear makeup lmao

54. Favourite store?Wasn’t this already asked?

55. Favourite blog?I’ve got a lot lmao, I can’t narrow it down to one, sorry…

56. Favourite colour?Black, if that counts, if not probably that one shade of purple

57. Favourite food? Spaghetti

58. Last thing you ate?Shepherd’s Pie

59. First thing you ate this morning?Bold of you to assume I’ve eaten today

60. Ever won a competition? For what?I honestly don’t think I have lmao, and if I did I don’t remember lmao

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?I was suspended for like half my fuckin time in middle school because I’d just fuckin fight everyone if memory serves

62. Been arrested? For what?I haven’t lmao

63. Ever been in love? I am right now

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?Uhhh, watching Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny with my first girlfriend and I just kinda asked if she’d be down. She said yeah and… there we go. Fuckin… Great mood movie

65. Are you hungry right now?Yeah

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?A lot of my real friends follow me on here so I’m not sure I can answer this lmao

67. Facebook or Twitter?I’m not terribly fond of either to be honest

68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr, I guess

69. Are you watching tv right now?No

70. Names of your bestfriends? Thanks for pluralizing but I dunno if they’re comfortable with me giving out their names on the internet so I’mma err on the side of caution here lmao

71. Craving something? What?Uhhh meat lmao, I need the protien

72. What colour are your towels?We’ve got a lot of varying colours lmao

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?I mean there are two on my bed but I don’t actually use them they’re just kinda there lmao

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?… Yes?

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?Three? I’ve got a stuffed bear that I’ve had since I was a baby that’s just kinda rotting away in my closet, a stuffed hyena that I got from my wonderful girlfriend, and a plushie undead warlock that I got at a con lmao

75. Favourite animal?The Snow Tiger. Not only are they cute cats, but also majestic and aesthetic

76. What colour is your underwear?My what now Black

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?Cookie Dough I guess?

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?Black

80. What colour pants?Also black

81. Favourite tv show?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

82. Favourite movie?Kung Fury? I dunno I don’t remember like half the movies I watch

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?I haven’t actually seen either of them lmao

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?.. Haven’t seen 21 Jump Street either lmao

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Why are there so many Mean Girls questions

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

87. First person you talked to today?My sister, who dutifully wakes me up every afternoon by destroying my fucking door jesus christ child calm down I’ve had to fix the thing like twice already

88. Last person you talked to today?I dunno, discord buddies

89. Name a person you hate?No one really springs to mind honestly, I don’t know if I’ve got anyone I really hate, y’know?

90. Name a person you love?@cardiac-ossification​

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?Me

92. In a fight with someone?Also Me Not really lmao

93. How many sweatpants do you have?Exactly one that I made myself a few years ago. They’re falling the fuck apart and they’re pretty ugly since the only fabric I had available was that really gross camo green so I honestly don’t care lmao

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?Like three? I think? I’ve kinda unofficially given them away to my brother and sister, but they’re still here so I dunno lmao

95. Last movie you watched?I don’t remember, I mean I was present in the room the other night while my roommate was watching the Hateful Eight but it’s a stretch to say I was actually watching it lmao

96. Favourite actress?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

97. Favourite actor?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

98. Do you tan a lot?No, I am disgustingly ginger so I don’t tan at all I just go straight to burning

99. Have any pets?I do! I have a cat, her name’s Groucho, and she’s the sweetest little thing! I live with another cat, two dogs, and a couple of birds but they’re not technically mine lmao

100. How are you feeling?Horrible, thank you for asking! I’m getting sick physically and I’m constantly reminded that I’m a defective fucking human being!

101. Do you type fast?Not really, like I type fast-ish in short bursts, but the space between them is regrettably long lmao

102. Do you regret anything from your past?Anything and everything! It’s only in the last couple of years have I really started to realize what an insufferable pile of shit I’ve been for my entire life and knowing that nobody’s ever gonna forget that really keeps me up at night!

103. Can you spell well?No

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?Not particularly.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?I think so yeah

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?not that I know of?

107. Have you ever been on a horse?no

108. What should you be doing?Not being the most useless creature in the universe, contributing to society in literally any way, actually caring about my health, pursuing any hobbies, the list is endless!

109. Is something irritating you right now?Yeah!

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?Also yeah lmao

111. Do you have trust issues?Yes, but I feel as if it’s more so in the sense that I trust people too quickly/easily rather than too little and- Wait wasn’t this also already asked?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?……. Also @cardiac-ossification​, kinda?

113. What was your childhood nickname?Uhhh, there were a lot and all of them were gross and insulting, so I’d rather not say lmao

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?Yeah

115. Do you play the Wii?Back when we had one, yeah. I was a fucking god at Wii Boxing, and at one point had mastered getting that perfect angle to always hit strikes in Wii bowling. Fucking wish I could do that with actual bowling lmao

116. Are you listening to music right now?I am, currently checking something out that was in my recommended list, but I’m not sure if I’m really into it yet though

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?Yeah

118. Do you like Chinese food?Yes! I especially love chow mein and ginger beef, the place in town that makes it is just the fuckin best. 

119. Favourite book?Overlord I guess? I dunno I barely ever read anymore

120. Are you afraid of the dark?Not unless I’ve been given a reason to be.

121. Are you mean?I… Try not to be…

122. Is cheating ever okay?No

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?no

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?Not really. I believe in attraction at first sight, but love’s something that I find needs to be built up over time? I guess?

125. Do you believe in true love?I think so, yeah?

126. Are you currently bored?Yeah

127. What makes you happy?@cardiac-ossification, music, art, and For Honor trailers lmao

128. Would you change your name?Maybe? I don’t really care about it enough to want to change it lmao

129. What your zodiac sign?Virgo

130. Do you like subway?Yeah! It gives me massive heartburn but it’s pretty great

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Calmly explain to them that I’m in a committed relationship already

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?Say it with me now, @cardiac-ossification

133. Favourite lyrics right now?Not sure, I mean everything Gloryhammer’s ever written are great for a giggle but like on a serious tone, I’ve got nothin lmao

134. Can you count to one million?There is no way in hell I’d have the patience to lmao

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?There are way to many to choose, I am a fucking terrible liar lmao

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?Closed

137. How tall are you?6′2

138. Curly or Straight hair?Is this question in terms of which I prefer or which I have? in which case I don’t really have a preference and mine is straight

139. Brunette or Blonde?Honestly I’m not sure? Like, my two favourite hair colours are like, jet black and blinding white lmao, all the rest of them I’m pretty neutral on lmao

140. Summer or Winter?Winter, on the sheer basis that I can be outside without having to sacrifice a good chunk of my flesh to the sun gods

141. Night or Day?Night

142. Favourite month?October, for obvious reasons

143. Are you a vegetarian?No

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?Dark Chocolate, 100%. Milk Chocolate is a pretty good second place, but white chocolate just makes me sick

145. Tea or Coffee?Coffee

146. Was today a good day?meh, it had it’s highs and lows, so overall it’s about average I’d say

147. Mars or Snickers?Snickers, I guess

148. What’s your favourite quote?nothing springs to mind, aside from the super pretentious “Just because perfection is unattainable, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for it” or however the fuck it went

149. Do you believe in ghosts?Yeah

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “For this rough bunch who valued an adventurer’s strength above all, what he was saying made sense”

Thanks for the asks!

[flynnardkuwata]

Remember Noodle’s Secret Lover?  Part 1/? (Chapters 1-3)

So, the topic of bad fanfiction came up in that one Gorillaz fandom Discord server, and I was reminded of just how much Gorillazbiggestfan’s magnum opus still amuses me to this day.  And after a little thinking, I decided “Y’know what?  I don’t have the energy to write an entire sporking again, but I could do a sort of chapter(s)-by-chapter(s) revisiting of it!”  Because seriously, it’s just too good to be forgotten; I really do consider this the fandom’s version of My Immortal.

*Now, I think one reason why this fic not getting the attention such a reputation should warrant (aside from Gorillaz being a small-ish fandom) is because the first three chapters are so boring.  See, in My Immortal, you're whapped with a sack full of preposterous and irreverent bullshit right off the bat: we get a long-ass introduction of an over-the-top Sue (and her outrageous clothing choices), Draco in Leather Baggy Black Skater Pants takes her on a date to a Good Charlotte concert in Hogsmeade, and then they fuck in the Forbidden Forest before being memetically interrupted by Dumbledore with a headache.  This story, meanwhile, has no such insanity to hook the reader in.  It starts out as your run-of-the-mill “2Nu plus an OC shipper on deck” tale, and it stays that way long enough to bore away most readers.

*Oh, and when first sporking this thing, I also found it rather amusing that the author was helped by her friend, D.D.Darkwriter - whom a certain few might recall penned another fic I sporked.  I might mention that while it isn’t nearly as batshit as this particular tale, Finding Fate is still quite enjoyably bad, and so I recommend that one as well.

*So the artifact premise of this fic is essentially an Operation Jealousy plotline.  Noodle, who is now of legal age, tries to jump 2D one night after having nursed a crush on him for years, but when he rejects her sudden advances, she and her roommate Kitty (who was introduced in a previous story the author has written, which I have not yet read) conspire to pretend to be in a relationship and thus draw his attention.  The reader might find themself wondering why Noodle would even care so much about being with some guy when she's likely well-aware of how sketchy the relationship would look, let alone why she’d turn to such a juvenile method of winning his affections; but other than that, this fic is quite unspectacular so far.

*Already, you will notice that there’s a lot wrong with the fic mechanically - shoddy spelling, poor punctuation, a tendency towards muddled wording, etc.   But these problems are common to all badfic, and so I will see little reason to mention them except in certain moments.

*While it isn’t until next chapter that Kitty begins to warp the story around herself (as Sues do), this chapter does give us a small hint of things to come - when she comforts Noodle by telling her to “stop crying [her] eyes are too beautiful for that,” Noodle responds straight away by commenting on the beauty of Kitty’s own eyes (which are green).  It’s indicated later that the author didn’t know Noodle’s eyes were also supposed to be green (which is a pretty understandable mistake in this fandom), so I’m not gonna chalk this down to Kitty attempting to ape/one-up Noodle’s characteristics; all the same, though, this does ring odd to me considering all that happens later...

*As it turns out, 2D is in fact outside their room and eavesdropping on the conversation!  This has no real effect on the plot, however, (aside from spurring another event, which turns out to be pointless, and rendering the fic’s title meaningless - the “secret lover” is no longer a secret) so this reveal is devoid of tension.  He tells himself he’s not gonna let their shenanigans get to him through a few badly-worded sentences (which won’t entirely turn out to be true), and then he just toddles back to his room to sleep.

*Then Chapter One just sort of ends with Noodle and Kitty snuggling up together for warmth.  A riveting first installment, no doubt, but bear with me and you’re gonna start to see some real shit.  

*Chapter Two starts with Noodle waking up and feeling weird because they’re both in their undies (anyone else find it odd that their clothes are off, if they’re just pretending to be together in public?).  She gets up and starts a shower, the steam from which somehow wakes Kitty as well (no, seriously, it’s explicitly stated that the steam is what wakes her...I don’t think steam works that way), and then Kitty comes in and decides to join her for reasons.  

*Kitty is stated to be wearing a halter top, which I mention because the author inserts a parenthetical note explaining that it is a “half-shirt” - or, rather, a “half-shit.”  I am immature. XD

*So we get a showering scene featuring awkward and repetitive descriptions of the women washing themselves and each other, with Noodle becoming a little hot and bothered by the situation.  While it’s later revealed - or should I say retconned - that she’s had a thing for Kitty as well, it is soon stated outright that their interest in each other’s bodies is purely aesthetic; this discrepancy is probably explained by said reveal actually being a retcon.

*The first of Kitty’s physical traits that really stands out as Sue-ish is her long white hair, which she always keeps in two ponytails.  This resemblance to Princess Yue is never explained, though it is later shown that her mother has inexplicably weird hair as well - and this is a universe where, among other things, Lamarck Was Right.  Bad genetics is probably the least of everything wrong with Kitty, so I won’t harp on it too much.

*Then they go downstairs to have breakfast, but where are all the others?  A clumsy cut to 2D’s room tells us the answer: he’s called the other two in for a meeting to discuss his Very Important Findings.  Because Russel is typically portrayed as an over-reactionary Angry Black Man in pre-2014 Gorillaz fic (among other rather unfavorable things), he “bellow[s]” about how this is “the most ridiculous thing [he] ever heard!”, and then we find out Kitty’s connection to Gorillaz canon: she is, according to this story, Russel’s sister!  Russ randomly lauds her for being someone who loves to help people with their problems (a trait we never really see evidence for, of course), and then...that’s it, that’s the scene.  Told you it was pointless.  

*Back to Noodle and Kitty in “NOODEL’S ROOM,” where they decide that if they’re gonna pretend to be a couple, they have to actually do things, if you know what I mean. >:3 Though in all seriousness, no they don’t; they’re behind closed doors, where no one’s gonna be watching...

*...or WILL they?  We cut straight back to 2D and Murdoc, who hear makeout noises coming from Noodle’s room, and they open the door to catch them in the act!  DUN DUN DUN...oh wait, nothing’s actually gonna come of this.  My bad.

*Chapter Three (”DID YOU SEE THAT?”) begins with the boys losing their shit over the apparent fact that Noodle and Kitty are together (seriously, I doubt a bunch like the Gorillaz would even bat eyes if one of their members was in a not-straight relationship, even back in the 2000s when gay marriage was a hot-button issue), and among other things, we’re given a bit of TMI about how Murdoc in particular reacted (which would be rather in-character for him, to be honest, if he wasn’t completely gobsmacked by the sight of girls kissing).  

*For some reason, Kitty and Noodle decide to have breakfast again, and they open the door to Murdoc, who isn’t even trying to hide his boner.  In front of Noodle?  Oh, I think not.

*“You must be really happy to see me!”  Aside from how painful that line was, this too predicts the actions we’ll soon see Kitty take.  More on that in the next part.

*So, they have a really cutesy time cooking breakfast (during which we see signs of Murdoc becoming uncharacteristically smitten with Kitty), and they they all trot off to watch a movie together as the chapter ends.  So far, the fic is boring and full of contrivances meant to provoke drama (all of them failing), but it’s rather inoffensive, right?  What could such a fic do to earn being hailed as the new My Immortal? *sighs* Wait till the next part, and you shall begin to see.

[crimsxnrebellion-blog]

So, I’m gonna be dumb for a bit and just...literal word vomit for a bit. Stress, depression, and general anxiety have kicked in harder than hell this past week and I need an outlet. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it so this is what’s happening so maybe I won’t worry people? And if you do read this (I expect no one will, and I don’t expect anyone to because I’m just going to come off as a whiny little shit) you have no reason to worry. I’m stable now. In a midzone of numbness with an edge of all the bad junk that comes out once in a while. I just need to work through some stuff. I’ll relate it to my blog in this way: activity is going to be garbage, even though I have like one thread going here and a few on discord.

So I guess I’ll start with what I know is a trigger for all this bad juju: my job. Yeah, everyone hates their job. Why don’t you just quit? Why don’t you get a new job? (BTW asking me any question like this or variation does not help, and I can’t imagine it helps anyone else in a similar situation either, just saiyan) The short answer to those questions right now is that I’m going on a cruise at the end of the year, and I hate to get a job and be like, “Hey, I need a week and some odd days off in December, that cool?” right off the bat.

As many of you know, I work in retail. Customer service in retail. For seven years now. And it is just the most soul sucking and depressing job I think I could have. Like...my coworkers don’t even make it worthwhile any more. I go to work and I just feel like absolute dogshit. And, when I don’t, someone, whether it’s an entitled customer or management, just ruins any semblance of a good mood I had. The place just makes me feel worthless. The work is unfulfilling. Now that I work more hours, I make enough money but...ugh. The money isn’t worth it. The money isn’t worth feeling this way every day. It’s not worth the long hours, the weird hours, the leniency on needing days off...This shit isn’t worth my sanity and my life but I feel trapped right now. It’s so hard to be patient. 

I wish I could quit and just spend my days writing but I can’t do that. My dad is retiring at the end of the year and, since I’m living with them at the moment, I pay them some money for rent and help with groceries. And it isn’t a lot, but it helps them out with their bills and I should pay them to live here. I’m twenty five; there’s not reason I should expect them to take care of me. I don’t want them to, even if they would to an extent. I just need to hold out a little longer...deal with the bullshit for a few more months...

Next item is...a little harder to talk about. Like even to myself. Tried with my brother but talking to him is hard even though he can most relate to what I’m going through (depression and anxiety wise).

I’m not a lovey dovey person. Like I’ve suspected that I’m aromantic and just...incapable of loving someone. But I knew that wasn’t true because I was...am in love with someone. Well, why don’t you tell them, Momo? Let them know how you feel? Shit, I’d give this advice, and I wish I had ages ago. I’m kicking myself so hard, and I just feel stupid. I was too slow because I was coward. I was scared to be rejected. I was scared to ruin the friendship I had built with them over the years, easily one of the best friends I have, even though it’s long distance. 

So that story...it’s not hard to guess after this outpouring. I’ve been friends with this person for years (like 5 or 6? I’m not sure). Started out as a crush but developed into more as time went on. Typical shit. Thing is...I never told her because I was sure she wasn’t into other women. I thought she was straight and would never date me. The long distance didn’t help for her either, I don’t think. At least, that’s what I had gleaned from all of our conversations. So, that helped keep my blossoming emotions in check: 1. she’s not into girls, 2. she doesn’t like long distance, and 3. don’t fuck up a friendship that you would absolutely hate to lose because you already know you hate when you don’t talk to her for even a day. How somehow you miss her even though you’ve never officially gotten a chance to meet. It seems so dumb because I doubt she thinks that but...fuck, here I am.

As expected, she got a boyfriend. Which is great, don’t get me wrong. I was happy she found someone. After all the shit she has been through, she deserves a good relationship with someone who treats her right and makes her happy. I want her to be happy, most of all. He seems like a good guy, save for a few things that have happened but that’s a relationship for you; there are going to be ups and downs. For a while, my Three Reasons held up with jealousy popping it’s ugly head in every once in a while. I also had school and ex roommate drama to distract me, so that helped.

It wasn’t until there was a mention of her thinking he MIGHT MIGHT propose that I just...broke. I told her that’s exciting, and if it DID happen I would be happy for her but...I don’t remember what all was said but she sensed that I just shut down, that I was fleeing into myself because I had zero chance with her left. No matter how many times I whispered to myself that she would never love me like I did her anyway, that it would never happen anyway...it tore me up inside. I have a feeling she had figured it out before this...that when we said I love you to each other, mine didn’t mean quite the same thing her’s did. And she called me out on it. I admitted to it, late as I was to the party. 

And then it was the most bittersweet moment when she told me if she wasn’t with her bf, she would probably give dating me a shot. My heart soared but felt heavy. My chest tight and of course I was still crying. For once, it wasn’t that I wasn’t good enough for someone. It was because I didn’t say anything. I didn’t tell them how I felt, and somehow, that felt worse than not being enough. Even as I write this, I can’t decide if I’m sad or angry at myself.

And I feel so gross thinking any of this because she is happy. For the past week I’ve been trying to shut it all out again, especially because she has enough on her plate without worrying about me being sad. I hate that this part of me exists. That it keeps me from being 100% fully happy for her in this situation. That a tiny, minuscule, disgusting .05% part of my nature is hoping it won’t work out. And it’s so so so so so so so gross and it makes me sick that it’s a reality, and pushing it off as human nature and just hurting or being in love doesn’t make me hate myself less for even that tiny bit that feels that way.

There was a part of me that night that said I should just...stop talking to her, there were moments before. Once where I offered it because her bf didn’t like us talking, and I didn’t want to wreck their relationship. But I couldn’t stand the thought of losing my best friend because I’m dumb and caught feelings. And we still talk obvs; her finding out (or vocalizing that she knew) didn’t disgust her, thankfully. And, after my mental breakdown early this week (only partially related to this whole thing; an episode at work with a customer like SUPER LYING about an interaction I had with them and my manager seeming to take their side over mine plus coming home and accidentally hurting my mom’s dog’s leg and she yelled cuz she was worried and not mad at me but my emotions just exploded anyway, I threw my phone, and left for an hour or two, ugly crying in my car as I drove). But she helped me come out of that...out of this state of absolute emotional turmoil that I can barely remember super clearly. 

(btw if you read this bebe I’m not mad at you in any way, shape, or form and I don’t want you to worry about me. Like I said...this is just me word vomitting. Working through all of my fucked up feels. You focus on you ok?)

So that brings me to that mental breakdown cuz wow. I haven’t had a REALLY bad one like that in a while. And it was a lot of things building up. Fear of the future. Will going back to school pay off. Would I ever be able to quit this fucking job that is killing me. Just feeling helpless, hopeless, and worthless in general for so long. And I think it all just festered up and welled over until I finally just...broke. Completely broke. And it was scary. I wanted to die. I wasn’t at a point of hurting myself or killing myself but...there were a few moments where I wanted it all to end. But yeah...it’s...been awhile since I’ve gotten that low, and I’m not sure I’ve fully recovered? Like I should probably get help but...I dunno. 

wow. This got long. I feel liek I have more to work through but eh. I’m getting sleepy and just ugh. Plus I have work at 5:30 am ;-;. So me @ me is saying go to bed. should probably keep a journal for shit liek this cuz I think this helped some. Just to word vomit....