#friends weren't in the right mindset to get it but i knew tumblr would understand

[morganasfakeschlong]

mozzarella cheese vs religion

Was out camping with a group of friends and we lost a bag of mozzarella cheese and we were making these loaded potatoes so that bag of cheese was ESSENTIAL and it got to the point that we were overturning backpacks looking for that shit. Eventually we found it and when we were sitting around for dinner and i brought up the bag of cheese and we realised that in the midst of the mozzarella deprived hunt we had all resorted to our respective gods to help us find it.

Mind you our group was made up of me, a buddhist, along with 2 others, 2 christians and 2 muslims. So i suggested that the next time we lose something, only 1 of us prays for it to turn up, and if it does we conclude that our god is real and if i doesn't we fall into existential crisis while someone from the winner religion convinces us to convert.

natural selection if you will.

[straightlightyagami]

I wanna tell you smth, i hope this isn't bad, i just feel like sharing this, you don't have to reply. I have spent the last few years practicing probably the worst self studying imaginable. just absolute trash, I would pick books that were considered very challenging for beginners because i thought that would give me the right motivation, and as a result a lot of the material (apparently) flew right over my head, and as i struggled through the books, i felt as if i was just superficially reading everything, without getting an actual feel for what was going on, the harder the books/material, the more obvious this problem was. As I felt that i constantly needed to up the challenge, given the learning curve that was supposed to take place, i also felt as if i was punishing myself, my self worth was determined by whether or not i could go through the challenges i was posing myself. At this point, though i had not realized it yet, i had lost the drive of fun that had fueled the first period of my self studying path, or rather, this drive was shadowed by my need to prove myself worthy to myself. The first signs of defeat began to show, I wasn't finishing books anymore, i would either loose interest or concentration in what I was doing quicker than ever. And the books that i was actually going through were taking more and more, i would spend days or even weeks at times on a , no exaggeration, 2 page proof, and pushing through that stuff felt like i was giving up on fully understanding it, more-so than actually getting the proof. At this point i was doing stuff none of my friends could do at school, or were ever going to do in their future (none of them want to be mathematicians), i was doing stuff my teachers didn't know, but this knowledge and their praise meant nothing, as none of them were dedicating themselves to this material in the same way i was, so none of them could understand that i should have been able to understand this stuff quicker, better, none of them truly knew how bad i was at what i loved most. The most hopeless battle that has been going on for the past 2 years or more was studying algebraic topology. This was the peak of my failure, combined with regret and sadness that i couldn't achieve this. What, from outside, seemed like a great set of achievements, I knew to be nothing but a facade. ((tumblr won't let me put this into a single ask so continued))

I realized this wasn't working I also realized that this had been going on since the very beginning, though i noticed something. When i first studied abstract algebra, a lot of the material went over my head, and a lot of the stuff i was doing seemed like it didn't stick at all. As I was learning stuff that required that knowledge though, i realized that, years after I'd studied them for the first time, i found the material easier to relearn. I'd secretly gotten used to the right mindset for each piece of material i was working with. This helped, as it made me realize that all my studying failures weren't merely a failure, but they were actually gonna help a lot once i revisited the material, be it in a short or (more likely) a long time. This consideration however did not make it easier to study, and neither did any change of study method, environment etc. I started taking breaks, they seemingly did not help. I changed book, encountered a new topic, and had a partial breakthrough, i wasn't stuck again on the same thing. I excitedly started studying more of it, only to stop again. This would have disappointed me again had i not changed my way of thinking. (also continued)

I changed books again, and changed topic again, i broke through what used to be an absolute unbreakable wall for me, though it didn't feel like a big success. The main realization i got from this was simple, hell I'd heard it before, but i never truly understood it: Learning is not a straight path, it is a tempestuous and punishing hike, to truly go further you have to be able to value small successes in the right way. This is deeply personal. The more i found ways of easing this path for myself, the more i realized that what i was doing had a deeply personal aspect. I wasn't learning the material, i was teaching it to myself, i was analyzing in detail what gears made my head work in the right way, i was taking slow steps and trying out new paths all the time, and progress was slow as hell, but impatience was what had brought me to my greatest falls, so i was actively trying to avoid it. Most importantly though, I found enjoyment in it again. This being said, I'm not gonna act like it's suddenly become all sunshine and rainbows just cuz i made a stupid ass obvious realization, I'll be the first one to say that this is hard as shit and I fucking wish I could be better at this and that this is often discouraging. Idk if this applies directly to you, it may easily miss the spot completely, it may not touch at all on the actual problems you're struggling with. but that's not rly the point. Whenever I see passionate people who are dedicating themselves to this amazing wonderful craft, saying they're too bad for math, I remember my experience. Because that's exactly how I felt, and idk if this is an elitism problem that dwells in the whole field of research that is mathematics, or if this is born from the outer perspective that people have on mathematics, but regardless, i think people studying math should realize that they're doing it because they love it, regardless of apparent insuccesses. I fucking suck at drawing, idk shit about it, human figures, colour theory, technique are beyond me, but i enjoy it nonetheless. On the opposite side of the spectrum, I see artists with the lowest morale in the world cuz they can't reach what they aimed for, and yet their drawings are infinitely better and more interesting compared to mine, and it's clear they pour more passion into it, so I would guess this feeling also spreads to artists. I'm sick of this idealized bullshit version of what pursuing a passion looks like, I am genuinely so fucking tired of it and I wish it didn't exist. Alas it does and it won't go away any time soon, so I'll just purposelessly express my laments indefinitely. As a final note, and to close this long ass ask that isn't asking anything, even if none of this remotely comes close to clicking any buttons in you, I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that although I may not know you, I deeply care about you, and i deeply care about you having a healthy relationship with this passion of yours. I don't wanna pressure you to pursue a math career. That's for you to decide, but i do not want the same shit that happened to me to get even close to happening to other people. also i don't want this to sound preachy or anything similar, i mostly just wanna show sympathy and (maybe) spark a tiny little bit of hope. Take care

Hi anon, thank you for taking the time to write this ask. I am very touched that you care.

I guess I will share what my main... issue is, in vague terms to not potentially doxx myself. Basically, when I was a kid I knew about math olympiads and obviously I wanted to eventually participate and win, but then I tried once at some point in middle school and it was bad so I decided I'm just shit at it and should not waste my time. And I continued doing math, took uni-level classes and read books and did problems and it was fun and I liked it and I knew that it was what I wanted to do forever. It's not like I had or have anything to complain about, I had perfect or near-perfect grades in all my classes and everyone was always so impressed with how "smart" I was or whatever. However, since I'm "good at math," I should also be good at math competitions so everyone is more impressed with me, so in my second to last year of school, after knowing zero olympiad math I decided to start participating.

By any objective metric I did and am doing "really well," but "really well" is not good enough. Another thing is, I fucking hate olympiad math and (ironically) I hate anything competitive (god really played a cruel trick with my psychological state, as you see). I guess the one good thing is combinatorics problems can be fun and I like them. But basically, I spend so much time practicing and I am only happy I can solve the problem and otherwise it's like why am I even trying, I will never win IMO gold and I will never be good enough. I am aware that it's not important, and the problem is that I have something wrong with my brain. Nothing less than perfect is ever good enough; I cannot be satisfied with things that most people would be happy with. Also, it feels so pointless because I solve problems much better when I can take a break and walk around etc, I find that on the actual competitions I sometimes can't solve problems much easier than ones I did before. I just miss doing math that is fun, I guess, and I look forward to starting university so I will be ineligible to compete and nobody will care that I'm an idiot. I guess I would have preferred being a math person who just was not interested in competitions than to having to spend all my free time practicing when I'm shit.

[cassieschaosdimension]

I'm going to post this on tumblr instead of wattpad cause I'm like that, but this will be a collection of fanfic one shots from Draco's perspective giving him a redemption arc cause he deserves! Please let me know if you do want more after this.

The Train:

Eleven year old Draco Malfoy was standing on Platform Nine and Three Quarters hoping for a glimpse at the boy who lived. He like everyone else in the Wizarding world had grown up hearing his name. The story was one of legend and he wondered if Harry remembered it all. He was interrupted in his thoughts by two rambunctious red headed boys who brushed past him laughing loudly. He heard his father give a sniff of disapproval.

He pitied the boys even though he knee nothing about them. His father, Lucius Malfoy, was notorious for making sure none of his enemies were around to stop him. Draco had always wondered about the company his parents kept much perfering to stay in his room whilst they had any  visitors at all.

"Draco darling," that was his mother. He sauntered over to where she was and listened to what she had to say. "Draco remember no matter what happens at school your father and I love you very much. We will write you as soon as we get home and eagerly await your owl. Chin up, back straight. Malfoys and Blacks do not slouch."

Nodding his head Draco says "Yes mother. I love both of you too. And I can't wait to see the castle with the lake and my classes. Mom, do you think people will like me? What if I can't make any friends? I don't want to hang out with Blaise or Crabbe and Goyle or Pansy. They're mean and stuck up to people."

"Just be yourself darling and remember what I told you. Go see your father." Mrs. Narcissa Malfoy, formerly known as Black, was a thin woman who demanded respect when she walked into a room. No one ever knew what she was thinking, but one thing they knew was she loved her family dearly. She would do anything to keep her son safe and away from harm.

Draco walks over to his father. "Draco, while you're at Hogwarts please try to remember we are not like the others. We are of noble blood and we must be treated as such. Do not let others get you down. You are a Malfoy and the name of Malfoy has demanded respect for centuries. Do not mess it up. Have fun at Hogwarts, but do not forget what I have told you. Get on the train."

Mr. Lucius Malfoy did not have the best childhood and when Narcissa became pregnant he vowed to protect his son from harm. He did this by only letting him intermingle with those of his own kind. Pureblood was what Draco was so pureblood it was. He made sure his son had a normal childhood. Well as normal as he would let him.

After hugging and kissing his mother and shaking hands with his father Draco runs excitedly onto the train waiting to see if he could make any friends before he even got to Hogwarts. After looking into one compartment on the train he shies always from that one. It had really tall, really loud people in it! He didn't want that at all.

Another compartment had only girls. His only experience with girls his own age had been Pansy and he wasn't eager to find out if all girls were like her. She was enough to deal with. He wanted a group of guy friends. Crabbe and Goyle did what he said because his father was the boss of their fathers. They weren't his friends. They had to do whatever he said and he didn't like it. He wanted to have stimulating conversations like he had with his mother over tea.

Whenever Pansy and her parents came over she was so mean to the poor house elves Draco always went and apologized for her behavior. The house elves were sad to see him go off to school, but they were excited too.

Draco was not excited to leave his only friends behind. His parents had always taught him to look down on the house elves, but he was nice to them in secret. He didn't feel nice knowing he had to be mean to people. Elves were just like witches and wizards only different and way way shorter.

"Excuse me. Coming through. Lee has a trantula for us to look at. Budge along." It was the two rambunctious red headed boys who had brushed him going onto the platform. When they got to where Draco was their patient look turned sour.

The one on the right looked at the one on the left and said "Pardon me your Highness. Will you let us pass to get to our compartment?" Draco didn't like the tone he used. He wasn't doing anything wrong. The train hadn't even started to move yet!

"Oh yeah," Draco pressed himself up against the wall to let the two pass. He didn't like these two and hoped he wouldn't have to interact with them in class. They looked older though like they were definitely not first years. In fact all of these people looked a lot older than he was.

Draco was starting to get scared and started to stumble along the long, velvet carpeted, hallway separating the compartments from the platform.

With each peek into a compartment, he was getting worried. He had yet to see any people who looked like first years. At one compartment he saw Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy and immediately lurched past with his head down.

Shaken up at seeing them he stepped into a random compartment and was relieved to see a round faced brown haired boy with a toad sitting next to him. This boy looked like a first year like him.

"May I sit down?" Draco asked politely.

The boy looked to Draco and jumped in surprise. "Yes, yes you can. My name is Neville Longbottom and this is Trevor." He gestured to the tod sitting next to him. "Sit down and close the compartment please, Trevor might escape like he's tried four times already."

Grinning at the warm greeting, Draco complied. He stuck out his hand and said, "I'm Draco Malfoy. It's really nice to meet you Neville! I hope we can be friends!"

At the name Malfoy, Neville shot up in his seat in alarm. "M-mal-malfoy?! As in the Death Eaters?!" He started to fidget and panic.

Draco looked at the poor boy in utter confusion. "Former Death Eaters. Are you okay Neville?"

Eyes wide in fright Neville grabs Trevor and huddles at the furthest edge of the compartment. Away from Draco as if he had a disease. Draco wanted to cry. Here was a first year boy who looked terrified of him because of his name. He didn't understand why Neville was so scared. His parents weren't Death Eaters anymore and they only did it because He - Who - Must - Be - Named made them! All he wanted was a real friend!

Draco on the verge of tears turns to go. As soon as he opens the door he's met with a mane of brown, frizzy, bushy hair. He falls backwards in shock and hears a whimper from Neville.

"Hello. Everywhere else is full. They're about to depart so would you mind letting me into the compartment they would be wonderful." The bushy haired girl says with authority. "I would like to be seated when the lurch is felt. Excuse me."

She pushes past him and Draco stands up and when he's turned around the scene he looks at is chaotic.

Neville stands up to leap after Trevor, who with the door open, makes his way hopping faster than Draco expected towards freedom.

All else forgotten Neville screams "Grab him!" The bushy haired girl lunges for the toad and misses. Now it's Draco's turn to redeem himself in Neville's eyes. He too lunges for the toad and manages to grasp his left hind leg before he falls flat on his face his grip loosening on the toad who hope away unaware of the chaos he is about the cause.

Neville's face is distraught. "My great uncle Algie gave me Trevor when I got accepted into Hogwarts. See they didn't expect me to get in. I didn't show any signs until I got pushed off the Blackwell Pier. They expected me to drown, but I didn't!"

Draco and the girl exchange concerned glances. Draco knows that any Wizarding family will have almost all of their family members accepted unless they're a Squib and he's sure his family tree doesn't have any Squibs.

"So you're a pureblood?" Draco says cautiously accidentally falling into the girl who just sat down as the train gives a lurch just as the girl said.

The girl huffs and moves to give Draco room to sit and he smiles gratefully at her. He's never seen her before and she seems to give off the same air he does and he wonders if she's a pureblood from another country. As she speaks again he realizes they sound the same.

"Oh purebloods! I've read about them. They're the silly witches and wizards who think that half-bloods and Muggleborns are scum. I find that absolutely atrocious as I am a Muggleborn myself," the girl turns to Draco. "My guess is you're a pureblood?"

When he nods she starts to lecture him. "You all should be ashamed of yourselves! I read that if you guys didn't marry outside of your circle you would have died out! The mindset is completely rubbish and shouldn't even be put into practice. And at a school no less!"

Neville and Draco look at her shocked. For such a tiny girl she can inflict fear into anyone with that tone. "I'm Hermione Granger. And what House do you hope to be in? Personally I want to end up in Ravenclaw or Gryffindor as Slytherin seems filled with selfish and mean people and Hufflepuff seems filled with pushovers." (please don't hate me I adore the Houses remember she is basing them off of what she read in Hogwarts: A History it was really hard to insult my own House HUFFLEPUFF for life 💛💙💚♥️ fair House representation)

At this Draco swells. "Excuse me! My whole family has been in Slytherin for centuries and I can tell you we are not selfish and mean people! We care for the greater good!" (Just so you know I do not condone this type of thinking. This is just so wrong on so many levels this is just how he was raised remember that)

Neville seems to shrink into his corner again at the last three words and Draco instantly regrets. He wants Neville as a friend and now maybe he won't want to be his friend!

Hermione turns towards him so fast her hair slaps him in the face. "You sound like Grindelwald! He sounded like you! Are you a supporter of He Who Must be Named?! They were both awful men! How can you sit there saying that when they did such horrible things!"

Fear starts to creep into his eyes. These two do not like him. He is only repeating what he's heard his parents say! Should he say that? The words pop out before he can stop them. "My parents taught me that and I'm sorry if that was wrong all I want are real friends for once! Please give me a chance!"

Hermione looks at Neville and walks over to him. They converse in hushed voices. Draco's heart begins to sink. Will they give him a chance to be their friend?! All he wants is a real friend he count on! He doesn't think he wants to be a Malfoy if this what the name gives him.

The waiting is agonizing. It seems like forever when they suddenly turn to him and Neville says, "How do we know you're not lying? Your mom's sister made my parents insane! I had to be raised by my grandma! I love her, but I miss my parents!"

Hermione rubs his back and looks at Draco. "Okay, we don't trust you, but we are willing to give you a chance. Now, please help us find Trevor. He's special to Neville and he doesn't want to start Hogwarts without him. Please help us look for him."

Draco sensing a wonderful opportunity stands eagerly and nods. "Where do you want to start? Should we split up or stay together? Personally I think we should stay together because all of those people out there are scary."

The two stare at him in shock. They were not expecting him to jump up so suddenly and agree wholeheartedly.

Hermione says split up and Neville agrees, but then Draco pointed out no one would tell him anything since almost everyone knew who he was anyway. Finally it was agreed Neville would go on his own and Draco and Hermione would ask together.

Neville heads off to the left towards the front of the train because that's where he thinks Trevor would have gone. Hermione and Draco head towards the back of the train.

The first few compartments they encounter will only tell Hermione if they saw Trevor or not and ignored Draco completely. He wants to cry. Is the Malfoy name really making people not like him?! But they don't even know him! How are they supposed to know they don't like him if they don't know him?!

The last compartment holds two boys: one very red headed and one with round glasses and black hair. Draco had learned to hang back while Hermione does the asking. When she asks, they say no. The red headed boy pulls out a wand and Draco inches closer to see a real spell done. His mother made him promise not to use his wand until his first class because he could hurt people and he agreed.

The red haired boy says something about rats, daisies and yellow. As expected the rest does not turn yellow. Hermione scoffs and then fixes the black haired boy's glasses.

When the red haired boy introduces himself as Ron Weasley, Draco wrinkles his nose. He can't help it. His father says the Weasleys are blood traitors and Mugglelovers. He was always taught they were bad, but now he's not so sure.

Then when the black haired boy says his name is Harry Potter, Draco surges forward. As he comes into view Ron turns away in disgust and he deflates a little bit. He's going to have to be careful in how he says things. "Hello! My name is Draco Malfoy and I'm also looking for Neville's toad. I'm assuming since this is the last compartment he's not here. Hermione, I'm going to head back to the compartment to see if Neville found him."

With a smile and wave goodbye he leaves the three of them stunned into silence. The smile falls off his face as he trudges with a heavy heart towards the compartment to put his robes on. He realizes he should only stick to the people he has already met and he vows to steer clear of Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy for as long as he can and since they'll be in Slytherin like him it'll be hard. He'll manage.

He puts his robes in in the empty compartment and waits for Neville and Hermione to come back. Hopefully they will since their trucks are here. Smiling to himself at the he stares out the window already imaging what fun things he can do with his new friends!

Thank you for reading it! I hope you enjoyed it!