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the-trans-otter33 · 5 years ago

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Sanders Sides The Martian AU

Note: I used canon information from the original The Martian characters so jobs, education levels, and other facts could be accurate to the story. It will remain this way just for the sake of accuracy. All original character info can be found on The Martian Wikia and all credit is due to Author Andy Weir, creator of The Martian

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Introduction Post

JULY 7TH, YEAR 2035

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Roles:

Commander: Thomas Sanders

Doctor: Patton McManus

Pilot: [Major] Roman Cone

Computer Specialist: Logan Locke

Navigator: [Dr.] Remus Cone

Botanist: [Dr.] Virgil AsheFord

EVA Specialist: D. Dain Dechard

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Character Info.

April 24th, 1993, 42, Thomas Sanders- Thomas was the first to be chosen for the Ares III mission. He graduated with honors from the US Naval Academy with a Doctorate in oceanography. After the navy, he entered into CalTech's Division of Geological and Planetary Sciences before joining NASA and taking trips to the SpaceX Station. He takes a lot of time to speak at public gatherings and conferences, encouraging others to achieve their dreams as he did and living life to the fullest. Thomas has dedicated his recent months as Commander to making sure his team bonds and remains safe, oftentimes treating them like family or adopted sons. Thomas is NASA’s first openly gay commander and is proud of it and his 22 year long marriage with his husband, Daniel.

Appearance: Thomas Sanders is 5' 10" with a healthy body. He is not lean nor pudgy, being in a somewhat perfect balance in-between. Sanders wears a classic brown undercut with no ability to grow facial hair, much like Patton. His eye color is brown and he enjoys staying in old and new uniforms more than regular clothing.

January 15th, 2001, 34, Patton McManus- The youngest member of the 7 person crew on Ares III, Patton McManus is not someone to be trifled with, especially when it comes to his intelligence. Due to his young age, he finds himself underestimated a lot of the time, and not listened to. It was no surprise to him and his parents though when he got accepted into the Yale School of Medicine, receiving the Norma Bailey Berniker Prize, and his extensive training in Aerospace Medicine as a Captain in the United States Air Force Reserves. He joined NASA in 2029, increasing his training with a Masters Degree in Biomedical Science and was the second person chosen for the Ares III mission. Kind, caring, and generally just a sweetheart, Patton hopes to lighten all spirits on the mission and hopes to bond closely with everyone on board. Dr. McManus hopes that one day his 4-year-old son [from a past relationship] will follow his views on the world and grow up to help people just as his father does.

Appearance: Patton McManus is a soft healthy, 6' teddy bear. Dr. McManus is ginger, his hair always messy with untamed short curls. Freckles spot his face around his nose and under his eyes. He's a bit pudgy around the middle, having close to a dad bod [even though he has no kids]. He cannot grow any facial hair and wears round glasses with thick light blue frames, matching the color of his eyes. Patton tends to wear light-colored polo's and khaki's if he can but jeans work out just fine too. He is also almost always seen with a grey jacket tied around his waist or his neck resting on his shoulders.

June 4th, 1995, 40, Roman Cone- Roman was the third person to join the Ares III Crew, immediately getting along with Commander Sanders and Dr. McManus. Before joining the crew, Roman spent eleven years in the United States Air Force. Originally trained as a fighter pilot, Major Cone worked his way up to the USAF Test Pilot School. Continuing to keep up high marks and great performance he quickly gained respect from his peers and commanders. From a young age, he knew he was destined for NASA so he gained a bachelor of science in astronautical engineering at USAF Academy. At NASA he also became an MDV/MAV Specialist. Witty and outgoing, Roman enjoys taking up all the attention in the room, often doing dramatics to do so.

Appearance: Roman Cone is a sight to see, standing at 5' 9". He is more on the muscular side, though nothing near Dain's level of muscle mass. Major Cone is dirty blond, sporting a magnificent pompadour, never seen without it perfectly done, he has long sideburns that transition from blond to brown the more he grows them out. Roman tries not to let them grow into mutton chops but sometimes finds them there anyway. Surprisingly Roman enjoys sweatpants and baggy shirts more than anything fancy or dramatic. Roman's eyes are light green.

November 3rd, 1998, 36, Logan Locke- Logan graduated at the young age of 16, winning in NASA's largest hackathon a year later. Afterward, Logan moved onto MIT for dual undergraduate degrees in math and computer science. While starting graduate school, Mr. Locke started a private software company in the hopes of becoming a software engineer and CEO. Though his plans changed suddenly when he came into contact with a SpaceX executive who was impressed by his work. His decision to join NASA was later founded when she helped develop software that would later become an integral part of the Hermes operating system. With that knowledge of the Hermes, he wiggled his way into the Ares III crew, being the fourth one to join as the System operator and Reactor Technician. Logan found himself seemingly alone among the crew due to his introverted lifestyle along with his inability to "take a joke" [said by Roman after joke about MIT]. His emotionally repressive behavior got especially worse when Remus joined a few days after, mocking Logan for his OCD. These habits and behaviors seemed to only start getting better after meeting Ares III Botanist Virgil AsheFord, who shared some of these traits. Locke never includes his thoughts though when anyone bring up parents or family back home, no one knows why.

Appearance: Logan Locke is a lanky 5' 8" nerd. Wearing rectangle-shaped glasses with white half frames. Logan has thin cheekbones with a thick chin strap beard connected with a black goatee. His hair is slicked back but not as tightly nor as long as Dain's and without curls in the back. Logan's eyes are dark blue shade, often matching his professional outfits. Mr. Locke often wears button-down shirts or polos with a blue or black tie running below his belly button. he usually tucks his shirts into his pants, which are almost always jeans held up with an always new looking leather belt. he also wears what Roman calls "old man shoes" though he is quite proud of their permanent shininess. Logan actively chooses to not work out, instead, he just makes sure to eat as healthily as he can.

June 5th, 1995, 40, Remus Cone- Remus was the fifth person to be chosen for Ares III. Remus was invited to join the crew through NASA and the European Space Agency after being located in Germany for several years. Holding two master's degrees in chemistry and astrophysics. Remus has also earned a doctorate in chemistry from spending six months on Antarctica. Remus has published dozens of papers in international journals to pass time. Dr. Cone felt the need to assert himself with the family name after his brother Roman upstaged him constantly in college. Remus is fluent in French and German, often using those languages to swear when visiting his brother in the USA. Remus has a knack for being a trouble-maker around almost everyone he meets, making messes mostly on accident due to his childish clumsy nature. Dr. Cone is only found being serious when there's work to be done, the dedication to his job is one of the only things bonding him with the rest of the Ares III crew.

Appearance: Remus us a 5' 10" pure blond man. he is often found wearing unmatched clothing that some would call ugly af [but he likes it that way]. Sporting a low hanging man bun, his hair just might be the most yellow thing at NASA HQ and on the Hermes, but it's completely natural! To go along with his man bun, Remus has a majestically neat handlebar mustache. Remus resembles his older twin brother Roman a lot with his light blue eyes and wide chin. Baring a bigger nose than Roman though. He also cannot grow any other facial hair. Remus isn't as muscled as Roman, being a bit round in the middle but tries his hardest to remain interested in working out. Nowadays his interest is kept by working out with his gym buddy, Dain.

December 19th, 1999, 34, Virgil Asheford- Virgil had spent eleven months already working at NASA when he was chosen for Ares III. Originally attending the University of Chicago, Doctor AsheFord moved to Northwestern University to earn his Ph.D. in Plant Biology and Conservation with an emphasis on hydropedalogy and environmental engineering. When joining NASA, his work focused on hydrologic flow paths and sustainable water resources management within Earth's Critical Zone. Virgil spent the next two years in the peace Corps engineering sustainable agriculture and water irrigation systems for developing nations. Afterward, Virgil applied to the NASA Astronaut Candidate Program and was ultimately selected. Throughout his life Virgil has had a constant battle with his depression and anxiety, growing more introverted over time. His interest in Botany helped him through the battle he has fought so hard to win. Despite over complicating many different thoughts, solutions, and ideas, Virgil often finds the outcome satisfying and without flaw. Emotional repression from before and after his little sister's death made him hesitant to accept his part in Ares III until he met Computer Specialist Logan Locke, who also dealt with emotional repression. The two instantly bonded due to being different from the rest of the team as well as their inexplicable ability to fall into intensely deep existential crises.

Appearance: Virgil is a 5' 6" pale, thin man. He is healthily thin despite eating a lot [his fast metabolism runs in the family]. Virgil's hair was dyed crow-black before being selected for Ares III but is naturally brown in a Faux hawk style. Virgil usually has short stubble lining the bottom half of his face, never letting it grow longer than 1-2.5 millimeters long. Virgil regularly applies eye shadow around his eyes, earning him the nickname Plant Raccoon from Remus. AsheFord can always be seen wearing dark if-not-black clothing, unless in his NASA jumpsuit or his Ares III Mars EVA suit [he hates that it's mainly white and orange]. Virgil also wears many different types of boots, specifically requesting some from NASA for the Ares III trip to Mars. he takes extra time to make sure they are neat, clean, and shiny each morning, something he now does with Logan.

[Deceit] February 3rd, 1996, 39, D. [Dain] Dechard- The last member to join the Ares III crew, yet welcomed with open arms. Dechard often says little white lies to the crew and others around him to rile them up when he's bored and wants some action. He has a severe disliking towards his first name, so he tells people to call him Dain. The crew is always theorizing what his real name is. Dain was first brought into NASA by his father, a Rocket Engineer, and was immediately interesting in becoming an EVA Specialist so he could travel into space for Ares III. Before specializing in EVA, Dain had been a NASA Mathematician with an associate's degree, bachelor's degree, master's degree, and Ph.D. in Mathematics. From the age of 18 to 34, Dain was in College constantly to earn these degrees and never gained any friends because of it. Dain promised before leaving for the Ares III, that he’d keep in contact with his 9-year-old niece.

Appearance: Dain is a 6' 4" lean [ripped] gym rat. He's got slicked back ink-black hair with lines of grey coming in at his temples due to years of work and school. The back of his head is riddled with curls coming from the ends of strands. Sporting a lighter coal-black Van Dyke goatee [and quite proud of it too] he also has scars riddled across the side of his face from chin to forehead. More scars can be found throughout his body in an inconsistent pattern but suspiciously only on the right side of him. Dain's eyes are dark green and he tends to wear joggers and shorts along with skin-tight shirts. While his gym buddy has an ugly sense of fashion, Dain has no fashion sense whatsoever.

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Not-the-boys cast:

The administrator of NASA: Teddy [Theodore] Sanders [No relation to Commander Thomas Sanders]

Director of NASA Media Relations: Annie Montrose

Director of NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory: Bruce Ng

Head of Mars Operations: Venkat Kapoor

Flight Director for Ares III: Mitch Henderson

NASA Analyst/Satellite Coverage: Mindy Park

Physicist: Rich Purnell

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TAG LIST

@ladylokilove

@girl-of-1000-fandoms

@thatswhat24

@ifrickenhatedeverythingaboutthis

@ahoskarose-76

@marshmallowmischief

@notyourbeesknees

@awkward-child-of-satan

@sanderssidesbuddybois

Feel free to request to be on the tag list and send asks about something you’re curious about within the story! Your asks will strive to be the main drive for the story!

#sanders sides #TheMartianAU #thomas sanders #Thomas is the only one with an unchanged last name #crazy right?#patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #intro post #future relationships #analogical

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munchyn · 6 years ago

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Sylvie Pauline

Word count: 7052

Warning: I think there are some things that are worth giving you a warning, but I’m too lazy right now to re-read this. I do know that she is ill and that part is kinda depressing.

A.N: This is something I wrote at school and it doesn’t really have a plot but I plan on fixing that. Hopefully.

(I kinda picture Sylvie as a genderbent Percy Jackson)

The fourth of March was a fairly normal day. Apart from the fact that it was the day of the auction. People never knew which kids were chosen to leave. The guards just appeared at your house and took them. There was a rumour that they were already chosen in the big cities, but there was no proof. That’s exactly what had happened to Sylvie Pauline. She was enjoying time with her older fifteen-year-old sister, Danielle when there was a knock on the makeshift door of their little house. Her mother opened the door and the men entered the house like a stampede. They took Sylvie by the arm as she clawed to escape from their grip. She was too shocked to say anything as the men had appeared out of nowhere.

They hauled her into the back of the pickup truck along with four other kids. Sylvie looked back at her home as the truck engine roared to life. She watched as her mother and sister watched her leave.

“Hey,” said a teenage girl next to her. At that age, she wouldn’t be able to know what age the girl was but knew she was definitely older than her. “I’m Annabelle. Who are you?” Sylvie looked at her in awe. Finally, she answered by telling the girl, Annabelle her name, “Sylvie.”

Along the ride away from the massive Trash Park she lived in, Sylvie watched as they neared the gates that separated the countries largest dumpster from the outside world. She stood up in the crammed cargo of the truck and headed to the front, trying to keep her balance whenever the truck passed over some stray piece of garbage. She got up on some wooden boxes to get a better view of where they were going. She looked back at the iron gates that were covered in the dry thorny branches of blackberry bushes. The guards there would check if the people had any diseases like rabies, which you could get from a rat bite or any other sickness. They checked every month to keep them healthy in the Trash Parks and take the sick to a hospital to get treatment. Bringing them back once they recovered fully. Sylvie sat back down. She looked at the kids in front of her, she didn’t speak the whole trip to Paris. She sometimes would take a peek at the driver. He was short and bald, he also was on the chubby side. In the rearview mirror, Sylvie could see he was wearing a pair of sunglasses.

In a few hours, Sylvie could see the glow of city lights up ahead in just a twenty minutes drive. She stood up again and was fascinated as they got closer. Annabelle warned her to be careful of not falling down.

“Be careful,” she said. “You won’t want to fall down.” Sylvie looked back and flashed her a smile. ‘She seems nice.’ she thought as she turned back to the glorious Paris. She saw planes coming and going, cars driving in and out of the city. Sylvie had never seen so much action in one place. The only thing she had seen so far in her life were makeshift homes, skinny kids who played with her every day and fights between stray dogs and cats. This was a drastic change for her and the other kids. The ones of her age joined her as they oohed and wowed. Sylvie stayed silent though. When they reached the first bump the kids fell back on their butts. They quickly scrambled to get back to their seats. They sat there for the rest trip until they reached a haunted-looking building. Sylvie hoped it didn’t look like this during the day. ‘Cause then she wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

The man stepped out of the driver's seat and wobbled to the back of the truck. He unhooked the door and helped the kids get out while the teens jumped off. Once the chosen children were all out of the pickup truck of the driver who had presented himself as Mr Burman earlier. He took them to the gates of the building. He called somebody inside with a walkie he had in the pocket of his Bermuda pants. Sylvie wondered how he wasn’t freezing to death, she shivered as the breeze pierced the skin under her shirt. After a few minutes of waiting, a young lady with brown hair came to open the gates. She thanked Mr Burman and lead them through the glass doors of the building. From there she instructed the teens into different rooms than the younger children. The woman gave them each a change of clothes for them to sleep in. They got all cleaned up and got into their beds.

The next morning, Sylvie was woken by beams of sunlight directed straight to her face. She stood up and slowly followed the rest of the kids that were streaming out of the doors of the room. She got glimpses of them as they bumped into her. Most of them were so excited they dashed through the hallways to get to wherever they were going. Others went at a calm pace like what whatever was ahead of them didn’t change a thing about their life.

She ended up sitting at a plastic white picnic table between two boys about her age. There were plastic plates filled with food in front of her. They had a mix of mashed potatoes, broccoli, steak and a loaf of bread. She started to eat her potatoes, they were the best food she had ever eaten. That is comparing it to her previous meals in the Trash Park. Soon she felt someone poke her in the arm. She looked up at one of the boys next to her.

“What’s your name?” he said in a heavy French accent. Sylvie blinked a few times before she answered.

“My name is Sylvie,” she said. “Sylvie Pauline.” The boy nodded.

“I’m Rael,” he said. “When did you come here?” Sylvie told Rael that she had arrived yesterday. Then about her former life with her family in the dumpster. How she played various games with her sister Danielle. Then about her trip to her current home. The Orphanage of Paris. In exchange, Rael told her how he had been born in the city of Paris but his parents had died when he was just a baby. His aunt hadn’t wanted him in her care so she sent him to the orphanage. In Sylvie's opinion that was even worse than her case. At least then in the dumpster, her family had loved her and taken care of her.

Already in her fourth year, Sylvie entered the dining area. She searched for her dear friend Rael. She found him next to her other friends Alexa, Marine and Sophia. All of them (like Rael) Had been born in Paris. Making Sylvie the only one to know the original French. Sylvie told them what their names meant, Sophia meaning wisdom or skill and Marine meaning from the sea. Sylvie was about to start eating her breakfast when a familiar woman entered the room. Sylvie stood up from the bench and walked to the door. She looked back at Rael, who just smiled and waved at her before she disappeared from his sight.

What Sylvie expected to be on the other side of the door certainly wasn’t the richest family in France but that was just her luck. There stood the Renée family. Smiling at her, it was weird and awkward. There were a tall man and a woman, with them were two little kids one was a boy and looked about as old as Sylvie. The other was just a mere baby. She had big blue eyes and an adorable little face. Sylvie felt like going to her and squishing her chubby little cheeks, the urge was strong but she fought it. She didn’t know these people, therefore she couldn’t touch any of them. That was what her mother used to say, “Respect others Sylvie, and they’ll respect you,” Sylvie listened to her like she would a goddess. To her, her mother spoke words filled only with wisdom. “And with mutual respect fille, no harm will come to you. That was the one she turned out to be wrong. Sylvie had respected every living thing on the face of the earth and still, she had been taken away from everything she loved. She always used many of her mother's sayings. The day she had joined in the orphanage and stayed there for four years, she did as her mother said. Never show sadness for a loss.

Sylvie always looked joyful, laughing around with her friends and being nice to everyone. Even the so-called “mean kids”. The familiar looking woman spoke. Then Sylvie remembered who she was. It was Annabelle from the truck ride, Sylvie thought she had left the orphanage when she had become old enough to fend for herself. Sure she had heard rumours that she had gotten a job at the orphanage but she never really believed them, “Sylvie, this is your new family, Mr and Mrs Renée and their children.” Annabelle kneeled down to her level and gave her a tight hug. “Goodbye Sylvie, I’ll miss you.”

Sylvie slowly hugged back and let a tear slip down her face. Annabelle pulled away and gave her a light kiss on the forehead. The now grown woman pulled away once more and stood straight again. She allowed Sylvie and the Renée’s to have some time alone. Sylvie could see Annabelle wipe away the tears forming in her eyes. The first few months at the orphanage Sylvie would sneak out of the room she shared with fifty other children and go to the bathroom where she would always find the teen she had met on the ride.

She watched as Annabelle walked back into the dining room to give the news that she Sylvie had been adopted. She couldn’t help but imagine Rael’s face when he heard the news, and Alexa, Sophia and Marine. She knew they would be happy for her. But still upset at losing a friend. She looked back at the Renée’s. The woman stepped forward and let out a hand for Sylvie to shake.

“I’m Claudia Renée,” she said. “This is my husband Nicola Renée.” Mrs Renée gestured to the tall thin man. His face reminded Sylvie of somebody who was breathing some kind of really stinky smell. ‘Don’t let looks defy you fille,’ her mother would say. Sylvie assumed he wasn’t like this all the time. She guessed Mrs Renée had dragged the whole family here to adopt her. The idea made Sylvie giggle. The woman smiled.

“Had to beg him to come here you know,” she whispered. Sylvie smiled widely. Then she noticed the boy staring at her. She stared right back. He had stormy grey eyes like his mother and black hair like his father. The baby in her mother’s arms reached out to Sylvie. Mr Renée smiled at the baby and then back at Sylvie. “This little girl here is Marie.”

The girl smiled a toothless grin. Sylvie smiled back for what felt like the thousandth time. The woman then led them all back to the parking lot outside, that Sylvie never knew existed. The family had a big black van. With seats for three and for five at the back. Sylvie sat next to the boy. Marie sat in her booster in front of her. It was a long ride of uncomfortable silence until Sylvie finally asked, “So-” she looked at him carefully. “-What’s your name?”

“Jen,” he said. Sylvie nodded. “How long have you been in the orphanage?”

Sylvie thought for a moment before answering. “Some four years. By the way, how old are you?” Sylvie asked Jen.

“Eleven,” he answered. Jen didn’t sound excited, but that didn’t affect Sylvie.

“Me too!” the girl said it like she had just drunk a dozen cups of coffee. “My birthday’s on the fifth of May. Yours?”

“The sixth of February,” said Jen. The two continued talking until the car stopped. Sylvie looked out the window and saw a white marvel mansion with huge oak doors. Her jaw dropped in awe. She sat gaping there until Jen tapped her shoulder, signalling her to get off. She closed her mouth and hopped out of the van. She walked next to Jen, when they got to the huge doors Sylvie wondered how they could open them. The doors looked extremely heavy. Mr Renée typed in a code into a small screen on the wall. Immediately, the doors swung open.

Sylvie guessed she looked confused because Jen explained to her that they were the only family in France that could manage to afford a mansion with tech as advanced as they had. Sylvie simply nodded at everything he said, she was too stunned to even talk.

On the inside of the manor, there were two staircases, each crossing the other halfway up. The floor was made out of a red carpet floor, the same could be said for the staircases. Sylvie had to resist the urge to run up and down the steps. She looked back at Jen as if asking if she could go, Jen just shrugged. He just looked at his mother. The woman saw the look on Sylvie's face and just smiled.

“Common Sylvie,” she said. “I’ll show you your room.” they both went up the stairs and then turned a right before reaching a black door. Mr Renée unlocked the door with a silver key. She hears a few clicks and The blonde woman pushed the door and it opened with a creak. She frowned then said, “We really need to fix this door.”

Sylvie looked inside the room. It seemed fairly normal, there was a bed with black sheets, a desk, and a closet. Sylvie didn’t suspect anything about it, apart from the fact that it seemed pretty dark with all the black. Once she could, she’d ask her new family for a more colourful touch. “I’m sorry for the gloomy look,” said the woman. “No one’s used this room in a long time. My brother,-” she paused at the word. “-He was a pretty dark person. When he moved out he was never seen again.”

She shook her head and the smile from earlier returned to her face. “We’ll change it to your liking as soon as we can.” she began to walk out of the dark room. “I’ll give you a moment to settle in.” and with those words, she was out in the hall.

Sylvie jumped onto the bed. The pillow was soft and squishy, and she was certain she didn’t want to replace it. She decided to go to sleep since she had nothing to do and she was tired. I know, weird. She just had breakfast and she’s already tired. The night/day went fast, Sylvie had no dreams, and without her knowing Jen and his mother had come to check on her around the afternoon. They had started to get worried since she hadn’t come out in the whole day. Mrs Renée smiled at the sight of it. Sylvie's black hair spread all over the pillow and drool coming out from the corner of her mouth, she thought it was just adorable. They left her to rest until the next morning.

Sylvie woke to the cry of a little baby. She rubbed her eyes and sat up, yawning. She headed to the door and pulled it open. What she saw made her have to suppress a laugh. Mrs Renée was holding little crying Marie while speaking on the phone, holding it between her cheek and shoulder. She also held a backpack in her hand. A sleepy Mr Renée walked out of the room, his raven black hair was sticking out everywhere and he had dark bags under his eyes. He had a mug in his hand that read ‘Meilleur papa au monde’ (Best dad in the world). That was what made her burst out laughing. The couple didn’t notice her. Mrs Renée handed the baby to the father, who put the mug down and rubbed his face with his hand as he took the baby.

Mrs Renée finally got Jen to get the backpack and gave him some toast. She rushed him out of the manor and then told Sylvie to get in too. They all buckled up and left the other two alone in the mansion. As they went on their way to the school Mrs Renée spoke up, “So Sylvie, I asked the head of school if you could join in with Jen at school and he said that if you have a high enough level you could.-” she pushed the breaks as they reached a red light. “-So today I’m taking you to take a quiz of sorts.” Sylvie nodded and the woman smiled at her through the rearview mirror.

After a while of driving Mrs Renée parked the van. Jen opened the sliding door of the vehicle and hopped off, Sylvie followed. Jen immediately ran to catch up with his friends.

Mrs Renée signalled for Sylvie to follow her, Sylvie did just that. She followed the blonde woman through halls of classes, at some point she saw Jen working with a curly red headed girl on a science project. Jen saw her and waved, Sylvie waved back.

She followed Mrs Renée into a room with a man sitting at a desk. The man had wispy white hair and glasses that slid down his small nose every few minutes. Mrs Renée knocked on the open door and the man looked up. He smiled once he saw who it was at the door.

“Ah, Mrs Renée,” he said and then looked at Sylvie. “And this must be Sylvie.” Mrs Renée nodded. She had a serious face instead of her usual smile so Sylvie just assumed the two didn’t have a good history. “Here to take the quiz?”

Sylvie nodded looking into the man's glassy blue eyes, Sylvie thought they made him look like a ghost. The man smiled, but unlike Mrs Renée’s his was cold and didn’t seem to have a lot of joy put into it. Sylvie didn’t want to see it again. He pulled out a few papers from a drawer and handed them to Sylvie, “If you could just answer all these questions and then give the papers back to me. Then I’ll have a little word with...your mother.”

Sylvie was surprised at the thought of Mrs Renée being her mother. She looked at the woman and saw that her face was a bright red. What Sylvie didn’t know was if that red was out of anger or embarrassment. Was it really that embarrassing to have her as a child? Sylvie shook it off. Mrs Renée leads her to a small table and gave her a pencil to write with. Sylvie wrote her name at the top of the page. She had memorised the moment of it since she had a problem with reading as if the letters would float in the air around her. She had been taken to the doctor at the orphanage. But even they didn’t know what it was. It was probably another one of those things that had affected the new generation of people in France to the bombs dropped, but those symptoms were extremely rare.

She looked at all the math problems but made nothing of them. She looked back at Mrs Renée. “I can’t read it,” she said bowing her head in shame. She looked up at the woman and saw the shock on her face.

“What do you mean you can’t read it Sylvie?” the woman said in a kind voice. “Didn’t they teach you at the orphanage?” Sylvie nodded.

“Yes, but the letters float around when I try to read,” Sylvie started to cry as she explained. Mrs Renée hugged her tightly as she shook in her arms. “They took me to the doctor at the orphanage but he didn’t know what it was. They thought it might be one of those things that happen to the people of the new generation, but…”

Mrs Renée shushed her and stroked her black hair as tears poured out of the girls sea green eyes. She put her hands on Sylvie's shoulders and told her, “Don’t worry Sylvie, we’ll tell Mr Bruno about it and see what he says.” They stood up and walked back to the man at the desk, which Sylvie assumed was Mr Bruno.

Mrs Renée stopped in front of him almost leaning onto the table. She cleared her voice to get the man's attention, “Excuse me Mr Bruno,” she started. “Um-” she looked down at Sylvie, who had tear stains on her cheeks and was looking down at her feet in embarrassment. Mrs Renée looked back at the principal. “Sylvie, she um...she can’t read the problems on the paper.”

Mr Bruno’s head snapped up, “She doesn’t know how to read?” The woman looked down at Sylvie, who still had her head bowed.

“Not exactly,” she said. “She says that the letters float around in the air when she tries to read.” Mr Bruno knitted his bushy eyebrows in thought. He hummed and nodded.

“I see,” he finally said. “What Sylvie has is a simple case of dyslexia.” Sylvie looked up for the first time in the whole conversation.

“Is it one of those things that happened to the people affected by the bombs?” she asked.

“No, no,” said the ghost man, as Sylvie had decided to call him a minute ago. “This was here centuries ago. In fact, there is a book from the two thousand were most of the characters were dyslexic, but never mind.” Mr Bruno pushed up his glasses as they were sliding down. “I’m afraid we can’t have Sylvie join us due to this...dyslexia. But I know other schools that will gladly accept her.” The man smiled.

Mrs Renée smiled, but Sylvie noticed it was fake. “Thank you Mr Bruno.” She held Sylvie's hand as they walked out of the room. They walked back through the same corridors and past the same rooms and saw Jen working on a math problem with one of his friends. They passed the same glass doors as before, and took the same path through the parking lot and got into the same black van as before.

They drove back to the mansion. Mrs Renée typed in the code and they headed into the families home. Mrs Renée looked like an angry bull you didn’t want to get on the bad end of. She kept rambling on about how they wouldn’t let Sylvie into the school. Then a now fully awake Mr Renée came into the entrance room (although it was the size of a ballroom).

“Hello mon amour,” he said with a smile on his face. But when he saw his wife his face quickly changed into a frown. “What happened?” Mrs Renée just kept on rambling and he understood what had happened. His expression lost all its happiness, “Oh.”

“Yeah, and we don’t have the time to pick them up at different schools! I mean, I don’t blame you Sylvie for your dyslexia but couldn’t the school at least give her a separate mentor? I’m sure the only problem here is that she’s not able to read and that she could understand the problems perfectly if the just read them out loud for her!”

“Breathe mon amour, breath,” Mrs Renée did as her husband said and breathed in deep breaths. This seemed to calm her. “Tomorrow we’ll figure it out. I’m sure there’s an easy solution to this.”

The rest of the day Sylvie stayed with little Marie. Occasionally she would call the infant petit soeur. Once she did when either of the couples was in the room. Really bad idea, they would get very excited and Sylvie hated the attention. Her face would also be as red as a tomato. She tried to ignore them as they cooed at her and the baby.

By around four p.m Jen was back at the home. Jen was glad to have him back. It was kinda boring in the house being the only eleven years old. Then Sylvie had an idea, she looked all around the house searching for her new mother. When she finally did she proposed her idea, “Um, mom?” she hesitated. It felt awkward to use that word with the blonde woman. “Mom?” she said again. This time the woman turned around to face Sylvie. She was covered in grease from fixing the bike of her husband. Her eyes widened when her brain connected the dots to the fact that Sylvie had called her mom. She shook her head and stared at Sylvie.

“Yes?” she asked.

“Well,” started the girl. “I’d like to propose an idea. When Jen comes back from his school he could teach me what he learned that day by showing me his homework, and while he’s at school I could stay at home doing chores with one of you,” she said. “If you don’t have work to do of course,” she added quickly, lifting her hands in front of her.

“I love the idea, Sylvie,” said Mrs Renée. “I’ll go tell dad about it once I finish fixing his bike okay.” Sylvie nodded and walked out of the garage. Once she had closed the door she heard the voice of Mrs Renée screaming out to her husband, “She called my mom, oh I’m so happy.” Sylvie rolled her eyes. She was going to enjoy her time with this family.

So the years passed and Sylvie would basically live in the house. Taking care of the dog Marie had insisted they get. It was a breed of Labrador and dalmatian. It was adorable. It had bicolour eyes and black and white fur. She was also there to comfort Marie at Dobby’s (the dog’s) funeral when he died of a car crash. She was there at the parties at Jens schools. All his friends complimenting her on how good she looked. She went along great with all of them. She was also there at two of his graduations. She was another member of the family. She helped Mr Renée with chores around the house. But her favourite days were when Mrs Renée had to stay late at work and she’d sit in the couch, curled up in a blanket burrito with Mr. Renée and Jen would come back home from school with Marie to join them there and watch from horror all the way to kids movies until they all fell asleep together. Then Mrs Renée finding them there at three in the morning and turning off the TV as the credits rolled and also joining the rest of her family.

Soon the time came when Sylvie had to leave and start her own new life. They gave her an apartment to start with and a phone to contact them. But of course there were taxes and so she was kicked out of her home. She didn’t have a job or anything that would help her win money. The first week on the streets was terrible. She didn’t have any idea of how to get food. She remembered something about putting aluminium foil on the inside of a backpack, and that if you put anything inside no one would notice you stole it. Of course, unless they count the stuff every day. Sylvie put aluminium foil into the pockets of her hoodie, pants and into her backpack. She got herself food this way and fresh clozes, she also got shampoo and body soap, books, notebooks, pencils, colouring supplies, a laptop, a charger and many other things. At some point, she decided she’d start stealing from other people's wallets. With that money she decided to spend time at cafes with her laptop, drinking hot cocoa and charging her devices. She wrote stories of her own in the notebooks (which was extremely hard due to her dyslexia), she did it all for fun. At the cafes, she met plenty of people. She met Elizabeth, who let her use the shower at her house.

“Hello, may I sit here with you?” asked a woman who couldn’t be older than Sylvie. “Every other place is full.”

“No not at all,” said Sylvie. She put away most of the notebooks that littered the table to make space for the nice looking woman. They sat there in silence for a while. Until the woman asked Sylvie, “So, where do you live?”

Sylvie looked up at her, “Huh?” The woman repeated her question. “Oh, I live on the outsides of Paris. The plumbing there is terrible.” It wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t the complete truth either. Sylvie lived in an abandoned mall in the outskirts of Paris. There weren’t any showers or anything so that’s why she was filthy. Her blue hoodie had spots of dirt and mud and rain all mashed all up into one piece of clothing. It was the hoodie the Renée’s had given her when she left. She loved it and just didn’t find herself able to get rid of it.

The woman's big brown eyes sparkled in the sunlight coming in through the windows. The same expression in them as Mrs Renée when she would do anything for Sylvie to feel welcome. Sylvie liked the woman in front of her, she looked like she would be a great friend and she hadn’t had one of those in a while. “I’m Elizabeth,” she said as she put out a hand.

“Sylvie,” she shook Elizabeth's hand.

“If you want you could come to take a shower at my house every once in a while,” she said, “Rub off all the dirt you have on you.” Sylvie smiled and thanked her.

“By the way, have you seen my pencil?” she asked Elizabeth. “I swore I had on this table.” together they looked for Sylvie’s pencil as they got to know each other. By the time Elizabeth spotted the black and yellow writing utensil in Sylvie’s messy bun, she already knew about Sylvie’s dyslexia and extreme allergy to peanuts.

Sylvie was on her way to Elizabeth’s house on a stormy night. When she was about halfway there a chameleon had dropped onto her head, she swatted it away. And though silently to herself ‘Where did that come from’, but that’s not the point She wore a Coca Cola hoodie and a pair of jeans. Her Adidas shoes were soaking wet and so was the backpack she so desperately had tried to shield from the rain (it had her laptop in it). She felt someone collide with her shoulder, sending her tumbling down into a puddle on the ground. Her butt was soaking wet now and so was all she was wearing. She looked up at the man who had sent her down into the world of soaking wet and cold clothes.

The man had shaggy black hair and pale olive skin. Sylvie was about to yell at him some censored stuff until she recognized the man. She had seen him in pictures around the mansion. “You’re- you’re Markus Adeleile,” Sylvie stuttered in shock. The man’s eyes widened in shock.

“How did you-” he started to wonder but was cut off by Sylvie.

“I lived with your sister, she and her husband adopted me a few years back.” Sylvie stopped for a moment. “That would make you my uncle. Would you like to come with me? I know you’ve been living on the streets. I’ve seen you before in shops, stealing stuff, like me. I’m going to a friends house to take a shower. If you want you could take one too, I’m sure she would be more than happy to help more than one homeless person.” Markus nodded and followed a shivering Sylvie to her friend's house.

Sylvie knocked on the door and Elizabeth immediately opened. She let them both in, gave Markus a towel and showed him where the shower was. She also gave him some extra clothes from her boyfriend’s closet. Sylvie talked with Elizabeth about the man.

“So how do you know him?” asked Elizabeth.

“He’s my uncle,” replied Sylvie. Elizabeth looked shocked. “Well, his sister adopted me when I was eleven. Since then they’ve been my family.”

“Okay,” said her shocked friend. “But how did you meet him?”

“When I was on my way here, he bumped into me and sent me into a puddle on the floor. I asked him if he wanted to take a shower at your house and he’s homeless. Like me.” Sylvie only muttered the last part, but it was enough for Elizabeth to hear.

“Wait, Sylvie, you’re homeless?” Sylvie nodded as she looked down at the floor in embarrassment, holding the warm cup of hot cocoa close to her chest. She muttered an “I’m sorry.” and Elizabeth looked at her incredulously. “Sylvie! I could’ve given you a room in my house. I could’ve helped you find a job, a hobby and even a partner to share your life with!” Sylvie looked up at her dearest friend and smiled at her.

“Thank you Elizabeth but I’m fine,” right then Markus went in wearing a Tommy Bahama and some shorts. Sylvie snorted, cocoa shooting out of her nostrils. She rapidly fanned her face as Elizabeth stifled in a laugh. “Lizzie, it’s not funny!”

For the next months, Markus and Sylvie lived with Elizabeth and her boyfriend. They both had a pretty big house, so it didn’t necessarily bother them. But Sylvie had a secret she wouldn’t tell anyone, every time she tried to eat, everything just went back up again. She didn’t know what it was but it worried her and that’s precisely why she didn’t want to tell anyone. She didn’t want Elizabeth, or her boyfriend or Markus to worry about her. It wasn’t necessary. In the past month, she had lost a considerable amount of weight and she could see her ribs under her skin.

She had tried to go to the doctor, but something always came up. First the job interview, then Elizabeth coming everywhere with her. She just never found the time. Then they also had to find Markus a job too, it was just impossible. As the months passed Sylvie got worse and worse. Her birthday was also coming up. This was just like a terrible birthday present. Sylvie didn’t even know how she lasted this long. She was sure she was going to be dead by the fifth of May anyway. Her dream at that time was just to live long enough to have one more birthday party.

Speaking of parties. It was just her luck that today was a party and Sylvie had to go. Elizabeth had invited a buttload of people and there was food everywhere. Everybody gave her something to try but kept it all on her on her plate, not bothering to even bring it up to her lips, but dinner time (unfortunately) eventually had to come. Everyone sat at the table. Sylvie’s plate was still full, she didn’t want to be rude so she put a forkful of food into her mouth. She swallowed. She gagged at first but slowly tried again as the food went down her oesophagus. She could feel her stomach fighting back against the food.

She put on a fake smile as her face became a sickening green. Elizabeth asked if she was okay and Sylvie nodded. Elizabeth focused back on chatting with one of her colleagues from work. Sylvie got dizzy and lost the will to fight against her stomach. She threw up on the floor, falling out of her chair. Elizabeth rushed to her friend's side. Holding her in her arms as she seemed to be freezing from the way she shook. Elizabeth touched her friend's forehead and quickly pulled away at the freezing touch. Sylvie started to pass out as Elizabeth yelled at someone to call an ambulance. Then after that, all she saw was darkness.

Sylvie woke up in a hospital bed. She opened her eyes fully and saw a girl in the chair next to her bed. Beside her was a familiar looking man. “Hello, Sylvie.” She jumped at the sudden voice. The memories flooded her mind. The party, the food, passing out.

“How long was I out?” she asked. Elizabeth looked her friend straight in the eyes.

“A month,” she said. Sylvie sat back in thought. She l heard a groan from her right and there she saw...Mr. Renée? No. He had grey eyes.

“Jen…?” she looked at her adoptive brother. She smiled and jumped into his arms. Waking up the teenager sitting next to him. The girl had choppy black hair and big turquoise eyes. “Marie!” yelled Sylvie, pulling her sister into the hug.

“Want to go home?” asked Jen. Sylvie nodded like a chiwawa and got off of her siblings.

After Jen had a small word with a nurse at the counter, and then they were gone. They drove to the Renée mansion. Sylvie sat next to Jen in the passenger seat. They didn’t speak much, it felt awkward. But what had Sylvie wondering, was the constant smile on both of the two Renée siblings. She slowly smiled as she saw the white marvel mansion appear as they turned the corner. One moment it had been tall buildings (that weren’t there when Sylvie was younger by the way) and then it was a wide field with a white manor next to the forest.

Jen drove through the dirt path and parked in front of the oak doors. The three got out of the car as Elizabeth pulled up behind them. She and her boyfriend got out of their black SUV. Sylvie suddenly felt two hands over her eyes and felt someone guiding her to the doors. She smirked at the sound of shuffling feet. The person lifted the hands from her face and at first, all Sylvie could see darkness. Then a blinding light (ok, I exaggerated).

People jumped out from behind pots with plants, tables, chairs and from under the stairs yelling, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY SYLVIE!”

There was a blue banner with the words “Happy B-Day Sylvie!” written in red. Her hands shot up to her mouth in shock and joy. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she jumped up and down. Everyone was there Mr and Mrs Renée, Markus, Jen, Marie, Elizabeth and somehow they had managed to get Rael and all of Sylvie's friends from the orphanage there. “Who put this all together?” she asked looking around at everybody. They all pointed at Jen. Sylvie ran up to him and gave him a koala hug. She got off and saw that his face was all red. She smiled and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Thank you so much, Jen.”She then went to her parents as they wrapped her in a huge hug.

The rest of her life Sylvie lived with her family in the mansion. Markus lived there as well. Sylvie didn’t have eating problems any more after a bit of treatment. She gave advice to Marie and she would plan pranks with her on her husband Jen (It’s not weird because they’re adoptive siblings). He didn’t enjoy them, and with Sylvie’s years of thievery experience, it made it all the worse. Sometimes she would ask him if he had his wallet, and he confidently answered with a yes.

“You sure?” she would ask. Jen rolled his eyes and answered with another yes. But then he would look in his jean pockets as Sylvie showed his wallet in her hand.

They had twin brothers together and a daughter. Quinn, Harvey and Danielle, after Sylvie's blood sister. The two twins were both boy versions of a younger Sylvie and Danielle had the curly blonde hair from her grandmother along with the grey eyes of her father. Sylvie was also there to help her children out with their homework.

We were all riding in the van of my mother's childhood. She had begged dad to go to an abandoned mall, she literally stood on her knees with her hands clamped together as she begged him to go. The sight was pretty funny. Dad parked the van and helped me, Quinn and Harvey, out of the back. Mom ran through the mall looking for someplace. I don’t know what so don’t ask me. Finally, she stopped in front of a bookstore. Well, an abandoned one anyways. I wondered why she wanted to be here since she’s dyslexic. My mom is weird, you’ll learn that about her soon enough.

She came out with three huge backpacks. They were all packed with stuff. She said we were ready to go. After that, I discovered that what she had in the bags were books and notebooks filled with stuff she had written in them. That is how my mom soon became a famous author and I followed in her footsteps.

These days I write books for a living and share an apartment with my adoptive sister (and wife) Adelaila. We both own a dog called Claudia (after my grandmother) and a cat called Percy. Adelaila made me name it that. She helped me write the story of our mother, getting the information out of the old (yet beautiful) dyslexic woman. Mother doesn’t remember the name of the president very well but she can tell you her story with such detail that you feel everything that she felt. Her guidance has helped me and my sister out through this book.

All the way from reading her books and asking her in person. I hope you enjoyed this story. It was hard due to me and Adelaila’s daughter kept erasing it over and over. The story of my mother keeps inspiring me to this day and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Until my next story my readers.

Sincerely,

Your Author Danielle.

^this is how I picture Jen and Sylvie having fun when they become bf and gf (before they got married basicaly).

#my random stories #hope you liked it #sylvie pauline

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meaningofmotorsport · 3 years ago

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French Grand Prix Preview

Off the back of another bonkers race at Baku, chances are, that we will see a return to a rather more mundane and orderly race, here at Paul Ricard. History suggests that Mercedes are quick here, and there is not much racing action, will we see anything different in 2021?

In terms of Mercedes, they will likely have their biggest challenge yet at this track, with how good Red Bull are this year. That being said, they are still favourites, and the pace from Bottas especially suggests they could leave here with a much needed win! If Valtteri can continue to show his pace today, over the next two days, and win the race, it would really be of aid both mentally for himself, but also for his standing in the team for the future. Lewis wasn’t happy with the car in practice; however, they will work at it through the night, and will probably come back stronger tomorrow.

Much like we said at Barcelona, the performance of Red Bull compared to Mercedes, will show us where they stand for the season. As even if they don’t win here, as long as they are pushing them hard, there is hope that on many other tracks, they could beat them. That may have been what we got today, as Max was close in FP1, and fastest in FP2, although the Mercedes didn’t have a perfect run, and may have carried more fuel. If Verstappen could get 2nd here it would be a great result, and minimise the losses in the title fight, but if he were to win, it could be huge as to how this year plays out! All Perez needs to do is carry the momentum from Baku, and make sure he is solidly ahead of the midfield as we return to a ‘normal track’, if he could pressurise the Silver Arrow’s too, that would be a huge bonus!

I am not going to say they are the 3rd fastest team here, however, Alpine are coming on strong at the moment, and have the potential to score a good haul of points, which would be amazing in their home grand prix. I am wary though, as we know how McLaren sandbag on a Friday, and Leclerc can pull out some amazing laps on a Saturday, so they won’t have it easy by any means. Yet, if they could be in the battle for 5th place in France, it may help to ease the pressure they likely have from the big bosses, after a tough time recently. With Ocon signing a new contract, and coming to his home race, watch out for something special from him here!

McLaren could be the team to beat here in terms of the midfield, as they have Mercedes power behind them, and the high speed corners may play more into their hands, than those of Ferrari. The team needs to fight back, in the battle with them for 3rd in the constructors, before they get too much of a lead over them. Daniel was able to pretty much match Lando for pace in practice, he just needs to repeat that tomorrow and on Sunday.

After two race weekends that exceeded their expectations, despite the heart break at Monaco, here should be where Ferrari fall back into the melee, with teams like Alpine and Alpha Tauri. With their lack of engine power, they may find it a struggle on the Mistral straight, especially in the race, with cars flying past them. All they need is a solid weekend, ideally with both cars in the points, to minimise their loses.

Alpha Tauri are beginning to have the year we thought they would have from the start, as Gasly has finished well in the past few races. Taking a brand new engine here, like the senior team did, could prove useful for them, if a battle pack starts to form in the midfield, where any little bit of power could be crucial. I doubt they can match it with McLaren and Alpine, yet points must be their aim. All Tsunoda needs to do, is have a quiet weekend, and not be far from Pierre.

With Alpine jumping to the front here, it may just be Aston Martin and Alfa Romeo, who find it hard to score points. Aston Martin’s pain caused by the change in regulations for 2021, were masked at the 2 street circuits, where the chassis is more important than downforce, but on a track like this, they will likely be back to bottom end of the grid sadly. Alfa Romeo were lucky to score points due to the chaos at Baku, and with the Ferrari engine, points may be a long shot for them.

Williams and Haas continue to run at the back of the grid, where the windy conditions here on a flat track, will hamper any chances of points for Williams. The one thing I admire about Haas, is how they are not getting down about where they are, they go into each weekend with confidence, despite knowing how it will probably go. That could be what helps to drag them up the grid in the future!

Whilst I do hope for a good weekend of racing here, it will probably show us once again, why a smooth flat track surface, with loads of run off, just isn’t what F1 needs right now! You never know though, and there will always be the intrigue of the title fight to watch out for!

-M

Thank you very much for reading this article! To keep up to date with when they go out, and to see my reactions to races and other news, follow me on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/MeaningofMotor1

Also, if you want to support me, I have a Patreon Page at: https://www.patreon.com/meaningofmotorsport

#f1 #frenchgp #french gp 2021 #motorsport

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phantom-le6 · 4 years ago

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Episode Reviews - Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 5 (6 of 6)

As we continue our run of episode reviews for Star Trek: The Next Generation, we now come to the last two episodes of season 5, beginning with the wide-acclaimed episode “The Inner Light.”

Episode 25: The Inner Light

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The Enterprise finishes a magnetic wave survey of the Parvenium system and finds an unknown probe. The device rapidly scans the ship and directs an energy beam at Captain Picard, who collapses on the bridge and then wakes up to find himself on Kataan, a non-Federation planet. His wife, Eline, tells Picard that he is Kamin, an iron weaver recovering from a fever. Picard speaks of his life on the Enterprise but Eline and their close friend Batai try to convince Picard that his memories were only fever dreams and incorporate him into their society as Kamin. Picard begins living his life as Kamin in his village, Ressik, having children with Eline and learning to play the flute. Kamin spends much time outdoors and with his Dobsonian telescope studying nature. As years pass for him, he begins to notice that the drought is caused by increased radiation from the planet's sun. He sends reports to the planet's leaders, who seem to ignore his concerns.

On Enterprise, the crew continues attempts to revive Picard. They try to block the influence of the probe but Picard nearly dies, so they are forced to let it continue. They trace the probe's trajectory to a system whose sun went nova 1,000 years before, rendering life extinct in the system. Years pass and Kamin outlives Eline and Batai. Kamin and his daughter Meribor continue their study of the drought. They find that it is not temporary; the extinction of life on the planet is inevitable. Kamin confronts a government official who privately admits to him that they already know this but keep it secret to avoid panic. The official gravely points out to Kamin that they have only recently launched artificial satellites using primitive rockets: their race simply does not possess the technology to evacuate people before their planet is rendered uninhabitable.

One day, while playing with his grandson, Kamin is summoned by his adult children to watch the launch of a rocket, which everyone seems to know about except him. As he walks outside into the glaring nova light, Kamin sees Eline and Batai, as young as when he first saw them. They explain that he has already seen the rocket, just before he came there. Knowing that their planet was doomed, the planet's leaders placed memories of their society into a probe and launched it into space, in the hope that it would find someone who could tell others about their species. Picard realizes the context: "Oh, it's me, isn't it?", he says, "I'm the someone... I'm the one it finds", realizing that Kamin was the avatar they chose to represent their race.

Picard wakes up on the bridge of the Enterprise to discover that while he perceived many decades to have transpired, only 25 minutes have passed. The probe terminates and is brought aboard the Enterprise. Inside, the crew finds a small box. A somber Riker gives the box to Picard, who opens it to find Kamin's flute. Picard, now adept at the instrument, plays a melody he learned during his life as Kamin.

Review:

Apparently, this episode was created by combining two ideas. The first was Michael Piller wanting to do an episode where Picard lives a life he never really lived at all, and the second came from freelance writer Morgan Gendel wanting to do a story about Picard and Riker getting memories of a war beamed into their head in an anti-war story. After multiple re-writes, the two ideas end up combined in this episode, and yet both also later appear in other episodes within Trek. Picard ends up experiencing another life unlived in the episode ‘Tapestry’ in season 6 and within the Nexus during the film Star Trek: Generations, while the anti-war story would later be the centre of a Star Trek: Voyager episode.

Until I saw the episode synopsis on Wikipedia, I for one thought the memory dump concept was somehow not quite realised properly; I thought it would make more sense for Kamin’s memories to be dumped verbatim into Picard and he’d just play along with them right from the start of the alternate life. However, in actuality he’s not really getting a simple memory dump; rather, he’s living a kind of virtual reality simulation based on the collective memories of an alien world. As such, the issue then becomes why isn’t that explained more explicitly, and how did they manage that technical feat when they were barely getting rockets up into space? Basically, the containing premise for Piller’s idea sadly has a few technical flaws that slightly spoil the overall experience.

That all being said, this is a great episode, especially in-so-far-as it never tries to get the audience to buy into Picard’s virtual life being any kind of substitute for reality. There’s another TNG episode in one of the remaining seasons, and an episode of the Batman animated series from the same era that TNG was being made in, where the show seems to be trying to get us to buy into the idea that the reality of the show isn’t reality. Frankly, I hate episodes like that; once a show establishes what its reality is, that has to remain constant or I get very angry and lose interest. Reality is reality in all things, and while we might all perceive it differently, its most basic laws are immutable. Our sun, for example, always exists until such time as it may burn out; the coming and going of night time or clouds cannot alter this. A kettle will always boil water after a set period of time according to its design and will only truly take longer when its components start to fail; whether it is watched or not will only make it seem like it takes longer; it will not actually take longer.

Because the episode doesn’t ask us to buy into Picard’s alternate life ourselves, we can actually sit back and enjoy it, and it is an enjoyable episode in that Patrick Stewart delivers a great performance as Picard, and he is actually joined by his real-life son Daniel Stewart in this episode. It’s very much a character piece, though, so don’t go expecting any kind of issue exploration. The closest we get to that is inadvertent parallels between the on-going cover-up by the officials in Kaman’s life around the impending super-nova and how many people in real life react to the concept of climate change. However, that matters even less when you also consider that the experience does change Picard somewhat, and it’s good to see Next Generation create something that can be called back to. Even by the time of this episode, overarching continuity was something the show was reluctant to do, though the Deep Space Nine and Voyager spin-off shows would compensate for this.

So overall, we have a great episode that for me almost manages to hit a top score, but falls just short through the technical flaws of the memory dump, though not by much. My end score for this episode is 9 out of 10.

Episode 26: Time’s Arrow (Part 1)

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The Enterprise is recalled to Earth on a priority mission regarding evidence of aliens on the planet 500 years before. They are shown a cavern near Starfleet Headquarters in San Francisco containing 19th century relics, and the disembodied head of Data. Investigation reveals cellular fossils native to the planet of Devidia II, indicating a race of shapeshifters were visiting Earth's past. The Enterprise leaves for the planet, taking Data's second head. Upon arrival they discover a temporal disturbance on the planet. Though no life forms are visible, Deanna Troi senses the presence of suffering humans. The crew determine that the aliens are slightly out of temporal phase with them. Data notes that his android body has a phase discriminator that would allow him to see the aliens. Captain Picard reluctantly allows him to join the away team. Data establishes a means of communicating what he sees to the rest of the crew while in temporal sync with the aliens. Once in phase with the aliens, Data describes them as absorbing strands of light from a device in the centre of the cavern, appearing otherwise benign. He describes two aliens entering a time portal, that he is drawn into. Data finds himself on Earth in San Francisco on August 11, 1893.

Data realizes he needs money to accomplish his goals. He wins a sizable amount beating card sharks at their own game in poker. Data takes up residence in a local hotel, befriending the bellhop (future author Jack London). Data claims to be a French inventor. He enlists London to acquire 19th century supplies under the pretense of building an automobile engine, when in fact Data is building a detector to find the aliens. Data sees a photo of Guinan, the bartender from the Enterprise, in a newspaper photo. He goes to a reception she will be attending, believing she also came back in time from the future. Data interrupts her speaking with Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain), speaking to her as if she is from the 24th century, which spark's Clemens' curiosity. Speaking privately, it becomes clear to Data that Guinan is native to 1893 and has yet to meet the Enterprise crew. Clemens is discovered eavesdropping on this conversation, and he becomes determined to discover the truth behind Data and Guinan.

Meanwhile in the 24th century, the Enterprise crew has determined how to build a similar phase discriminator to Data's. This will allow them to see the aliens, and go back in time to rescue Data. Guinan convinces Picard to join the pending away mission, warning that otherwise Picard and Guinan will have never met at all. The away team activates the phase discriminator and see the aliens as Data described. The strands of light are human life forces, taken at the moment of death. The away team uses the time portal to travel back to investigate further and to hopefully find and save Data as well.

Review:

There’s not much to this episode; basically, TNG was trying to make sure that they ended on a cliff-hanger in order to quash rumours generated by the start-up of the DS9 spin-off series that Picard and his crew were on the way out. Now in some respects, there’s a lot of elements that certainly drum up interest. You’ve got the idea of Data going back in time to late 19th century Earth and potentially dying, an encounter with a past Guinan that present-day Guinan suggests is pivotal to her mysterious acquaintance with Picard, random time-travelling aliens and the curious ramifications of having Mark Twain thrown into the mix. The problem, however, is that beyond this there’s not much really going on. There’s not much character development and no issue exploration, creating a cliff-hanger that is more about plot than these other things. Granted, that’s a change of pace, but it’s not the stuff of great Trek. Hopefully part 2 compensates for this. Overall, I’d give this episode 7 out of 10.

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whovian223 · 5 years ago

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It’s week 3 of our weekly look through the Boardgame Geek Top 100 to see what games I’ve played and which ones I may be interested in playing.

Last week I got educated about Dominion, maybe even enough to try it again some day.

What will this week bring?

Maybe a treatise on train games?

You got that in you, Dave? (let’s see if he reads this…)

I picture Dave like this.

Let’s see if he even sees this…if so, I’m sorry.

Anyway, this week there are a lot more that I’ve played, and some good stuff in here.

And some…well, not so good stuff. At least for me.

So let’s get started!

#80 – Roll for the Galaxy (Rio Grande Games) – 2014

Designers: Wei-Hwa Huang, Thomas Lehmann

Artists: Martin Hoffmann, Claus Stephan, Mirko Suzuki

Roll for the Galaxy is the dice version of Lehmann’s Roll for the Galaxy, but it is so much more than that.

No screenshots of the app yet, so have to make do with boring pictures of the tabletop game

Each player will get a set number and type of dice depending on their starting world development that they choose at the beginning of the game. These dice will then be rolled and secretly used to activate actions.

You get points based on the points on the tiles that you build, whether they are developments or worlds that you colonize (just like the card game) but you have to assign dice to these tiles on your player sheet. Each tile takes the number of dice equal to the point value to put them into your tableau. If you don’t build it in one shot, those dice are trapped until you do.

When you assign your dice, you have to choose one action to activate (Explore, Develop, Settle, Produce and Ship). You can use any die to activate an action, but all subsequent dice assigned to that action have to actually have that action’s symbol (there are ways around that, of course).

If somebody else chose an action that you have dice for, you get to use those dice as well, but if nobody did, they go back into your cup.

I really like this game a lot, and it’s a shame that I haven’t played it since 2017. It just hasn’t come out to the table since then and the one guy who owns it hasn’t been to our game day in quite a while.

I have played some games on Boardgame Arena, though, which is nice.

Here’s hoping I do get it to the table again soon!

#79 – Russian Railroads (Z-Man Games) – 2013

Designers: Helmut Ohley, Leonhard “Lonny” Orgler

Artists: Martin Hoffmann, Claus Stephan

Two entries in a row with Hoffmann & Stephan art!

Russian Railroads is a game that breaks my brain, though part of that is because I tried to figure it out on Boardgame Arena a few times.

It never really made that much sense to me, but I think I have an inkling of what’s going on in the game.

I’m just terrible at optimizing actions.

Needless to say, I’ve never played it on the table, though it has shown up at a couple of game days in the last year or so.

There’s just been something else I wanted to play instead.

Essentially you’re trying to build the best railway network in Russia (I assume, based on the name).

From BGG:

“The development of simple tracks will quickly bring the players to important places, while the modernization of their railway network will improve the efficiency of their machinery. Newer locomotives cover greater distances and factories churn out improved technology. Engineers, when used effectively, can be the extra boost that an empire needs to race past the competition.”

There are three tracks that you’re trying to extend, but you’re also trying to make them good tracks, as well as doing other things. There are multiple paths to victory (so they say) and like most games where that’s the case, I always found myself doing a little of everything and thus falling way behind.

I wouldn’t mind trying this once just to see if I can wrap my head around it when I can physically manipulate the pieces.

However, it’s not that urgent.

If I never get the chance to play it, I won’t be that heart-broken.

Fans of the game, tell me why I should play this as soon as possible.

And then maybe I’ll do it.

#78 – Codenames (Czech Games Edition) – 2015

Designer: Vlaada Chvátil

Artists: Stéphane Gantiez, Tomáš Kučerovský, Filip Murmak

I’m not big into party games for some reason. Maybe I’m just an anti-fun guy, I don’t know.

Codenames is a party game in that there are two teams of multiple players and they’re both trying to make contact with their agents by using the clues that the clue-giver on the team says to try and identify the words on the table that match their agents.

A number of cards with words are laid out in a 5×5 grid. The clue-givers on each team have a layout of which cards are their agents and which ones aren’t. They give one-word clues and say how many of the cards they are referencing with that clue.

The other players have to then try to guess, but if they choose one of the opposing team’s agents, they their turn ends and that helps the other team because they have fewer agents to identify. If they choose an innocent bystander, their turn just ends.

If they choose their own, then they can keep guessing. If either team accidentally chooses the assassin, they lose.

The starting team has 9 agents to identify while the other team has 8.

Whoever identifies all of their agents first wins!

Codenames is a fun little game but it’s not something that really grabbed me that hard. I’m not that great at deduction games and I am a terrible clue-giver in this one. I haven’t played it since 2016 (back when I was less diligent taking pictures, as I couldn’t find one!) and I have no aching desire to do so either.

Of course, it’s moved on now with multiple variations of the same thing (Marvel, Disney, etc), including a 2-player cooperative game!

So many Codenames, so little time.

#77 – Architects of the West Kingdom (Renegade Games Studios/Garphill Games) – 2018

Designers: Shem Phillips, S J Macdonald

Artist: Mihajlo Dimitrievski

On the other hand, how about one of my Top 10 games played of all time?

Yeah, that would be Architects of the West Kingdom, a game that I’ve reviewed here (and people really seem to gravitate towards it as it now has my second-highest view count on this blog)

Blue didn’t build much, I see…

Go check out the review if you want to know how to play, but why do I like it so much?

I love the “place workers to get resources and the more workers you have there, the more you get but somebody might come and capture all of them to weaken you again” mechanic (say that 3 times fast!). I love the apprentices and how they work to make your actions even better, or at least help you build more buildings.

I love the Black Market and how Virtue can get you points but also can affect whether you can either build in the Church or visit the Black Market (though come on, in reality if you are too virtuous to visit the Black Market you would find a way to get somebody to go for you).

Everything just goes together so well and it’s a blast to play. And it doesn’t even take that long either.

The University adornment gets you a new building card and 2 more points! The Smithy adornment gets you three stone immediately and also 2 more points.

I only have one play of the game with the Age of the Artisans expansion, but I think it will make this game go up even higher in my esteem (if that’s possible).

After you’re done reading this review, go try a game of this however you can. See if you think I’m right.

Because I am.

#76 –Marvel Champions: the Card Game (Fantasy Flight Games) – 2019

Designers: Michael Boggs, Nate French, Caleb Grace

Artists: N/A

I first (and only) played this game at OrcaCon in January and while it ain’t no Marvel Legendary it is kind of fun in its own right.

It’s a totally cooperative game where you all play a Marvel hero (I believe there are 4 in the basic box?) that will be teaming up with other heroes to defeat the nasty villains and their schemes.

The base box comes with Captain Marvel, Black Panther, Spider-Man, and Iron Man but you can buy multiple expansion packs with new cards, new heroes, new villains, and stuff like that.

It was a fun game and I liked how it scales based on the number of players (basically each player draws a card from the villain deck at the end of their turn and has to face what happens, so fewer players means that fewer cards come out.

I just have a thing about Living Card Games (LCGs). I don’t want to be constantly buying new stuff, even though I do like that you know what the new stuff will be rather than buying random Magic: the Gathering packs.

The Marvel Champions packs seem to just add new scenarios and heroes and stuff. I don’t think they add cards for the original heroes (though maybe they do? Somebody please tell me).

The other LCGs that I took a look at, namely Arkham Horror: the Card Game, while you can play with the suggested decks it also has deck customization options as well. I don’t want to construct a deck before each scenario/story and that along with having to buy more and more stuff to get the varied content has just turned me off to the whole concept.

However, as a standalone experience, Marvel Champions was a fun game to play and I wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to play it again.

LCGs just don’t really appeal to me in general as far as playing multiple times.

Somebody tell me what I’m missing.

#75 – Aeon’s End (Indie Boards & Cards) – 2016

Designer: Kevin Riley

Artists: Gong Studios, Stephanie Gustafsson, Scott Hartman, Daniel Solis

Aeon’s End is a cooperative card game where you are trying to defend a town from ancient evil (or maybe just evil in general).

You will choose a Nemesis which will come with its own card deck and then up to 4 players.

There are a couple of interesting-sounding twists to this.

First, there is no shuffling. When you discard your hand, you choose the order it goes in. When you are out of cards, you just flip your discard pile over and start playing again. So you know exactly what cards are coming and when.

Secondly, who acts first, second, etc, is completely randomized. The bad guys could go twice in a row, or maybe it will end up being in order.

Who knows?

From the app, since I haven’t played this before

I have only played the Steam version of Aeon’s End and I know I’m having a devil of a time trying to figure out how to play this and win. I know the basic rules (or can pick them up again, as I haven’t played in a while), but I get my ass kicked every time I play.

It’s starting to hurt.

I wouldn’t mind trying this on the table once, especially with somebody who’s played it before and can coach me.

Because otherwise, there’s no way to win.

When a village sees me coming to protect it, they start setting up their wills and everything because they know they’re going to die.

#74 – Patchwork (Lookout Games) – 2014

Designer: Uwe Rosenberg

Artist: Klemens Franz

Patchwork is a 2-player tile-laying game where you are trying to fill a grid (quilt) with a bunch of different misshapen pieces of cardboard (fabric). You are collecting buttons that will then enable you to take one of up to three pieces that are available to you (depending on how many buttons they cost).

At the end of the game, your points will be the number of buttons you have minus points for any missing squares on your grid.

I have to say that tile-laying “Tetris-shaped pieces” games don’t really do a lot for me.

When I first (and only time) played it on the table back in March 2016, I didn’t really care for it that much.

I don’t like spatial puzzles and this was the ultimate in spatial puzzles.

Then I played the app.

Wow, man, I fell in love with it.

Sure, I still suck at it and probably will never win a game.

But I decided that it didn’t matter. I really really like it.

So much so that I have finally bought a copy (when 401 Games is able to get it to me).

I’ll be able to let you know more a little later whether the game on the table holds up or not.

I’m really looking forward to it, actually.

#73 – Agricola – Revised Edition (Lookout Games) – 2016

Designer: Uwe Rosenberg

Artist: Klemens Franz

It’s a Lookout Games/Uwe Rosenberg/Klemens Franz twofer!!!!!

Yes, we have another Uwe game with Klemens art but they couldn’t be any more different.

Agricola is the first of Uwe’s many “place workers (family members) somewhere to get something, and then don’t forget to feed them at the end or bad things will happen” games (For some reason I have trouble shortening these descriptions).

In it, you’re running a family farm, trying to build up your farmhouse, raise many sorts of animals and plant your crops.

Each round an additional space opens up for you to place your worker, where you can get resources, food, animals or crops to then sow in your plowed fields.

At the end of a certain number of rounds, you have to have enough food to feed all of your family members.

Don’t worry, nobody dies. You just have to beg for food (and lose points).

Might be more fun if somebody did die.

It would be an Ameritrash game then!

I have never played this game on the table, but I have played the app of the original version (this revised edition came out in 2016).

I’m honestly not really sure what the Revised Edition does.

I really don’t enjoy this game that much. The idea of feeding your family is ok (and has been done in many games since) but it’s a very punishing game.

I have never been able to figure this one out. I have played its sister game, Caverna, and it’s much more pleasurable to me (though I still haven’t played it in a long time). Caverna isn’t quite as punishing with the feeding mechanism and that makes me feel less trapped.

I’ve played this on the app recently and unfortunately it still doesn’t agree with me.

Sorry to you fans.

#72 – Troyes (Pearl Games) – 2010

Designer: Sébastien Dujardin, Xavier Georges, Alain Orban

Artists: Sébastien Dujardin, Xavier Georges, Alain Orban, Alexandre Roche

I played this game once on the table but have played many games on Boardgame Arena since then.

This is a dice rolling and drafting (kind of) game where you are managing your own section of the population of this famous city (pronounced “Twah” for those uninitiated). This population is in the form of dice depending on what regions you have your people stationed: Religious, Civil or Military.

You roll your dice and then the first thing everybody has to do is beat off invasions using some of their dice.

Remaining dice are then used to do various actions around the city (or out in the countryside where you may use them to cancel bad stuff that’s sitting out there). You can even buy your opponents’ dice because you need more and you don’t want them to have them.

That can be a mean thing.

It’s a game I enjoy but don’t love, and I haven’t had much of an urge to get it to the table again (not that I could without buying it, as I don’t think anybody I know has it anymore).

It’s fun enough, though, and I’m always willing to play an asynchronous game on BGA, but it’s not something I’m burning to play again any time soon.

I do like the dice drafting mechanics and how you can place your workers in a bunch of different areas to make actions more efficient (as well as possibly get points for them at the end of the game).

I really like how you can buy other players’ dice too.

Overall, I think it’s worthy of its spot in the Top 100 even if it wouldn’t be in mine (well, maybe it would since I’ve only played something like 350 games, but you know what I mean).

#71 – Battlestar Galactica: the Board Game (Fantasy Flight Games) – 2008

Designer: Corey Konieczka

Artists: Kevin Childress, Andrew Navaro, Brian Schomburg, WiL Springer

And now we come to almost the ultimate hidden traitor game, a game that sounds so cool that I really want to play it.

Sadly, I never have.

And it’s not for lack of opportunity, because I have seen it being set up at conventions and stuff.

It just intimidates the crap out of me, partially because of the deduction aspect and partially because it can take 2-3 hours to play. Every time I’ve had the opportunity, something has just told me “no, you need to leave yourself open to other stuff” and I back away slowly.

Maybe I’m a Cylon in disguise and I just don’t know it?

It’s a semi-cooperative game because you are trying to get the Humans to safety, but some of you (at least one, I think, and perhaps more than one?) are Cylons hidden for years without even knowing about it, programmed to doom humanity.

Do you hide the fact that you’re a Cylon or do you just go balls to the wall and try to kill everybody?

Those sound like exciting decisions.

If I ever get back to a con and I see this being set up (or if it’s a scheduled game), I need to sit down and play it.

Scratch that itch, fulfill that dream, kill that human get the humans to Earth.

Crap, that was supposed to be a “delete,” not “strikethrough”

I have revealed myself.

Run for your lives!!!!

So we’ve reached the end of another week. I’ve played 6 this week with one on Boardgame Arena and one on Steam (also an iOS app if you don’t count the Revised Edition). Not too bad.

That makes 13 that I’ve played “officially” (on the table) out of the bottom 30. Almost 50%

Will that go up or down next week?

I guess you’ll have to tune in and find out.

What do you think of these games? Love them? Hate them? Good enough for Cylons but not you?

Is there something I really need to play in there?

Let me know in the comments.

Posts in this Series:

#100-91 #90-81 #80-71

Boardgame Geek Top 100 - Played or Play? 80-71 #boardgames @riograndegames @Zmangames_ @FFGames @czechgames @PlayRenegade @garphillgames @IBCGames It's week 3 of our weekly look through the Boardgame Geek Top 100 to see what games I've played and which ones I may be interested in playing.

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gadgetsrevv · 5 years ago

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Rashford shows again that he is Manchester United’s most important player

There are plenty of ifs and buts in every season, but just imagine if Paul Pogba had not missed that penalty for Manchester United at Wolves last month and left it to Marcus Rashford to maintain his — at that point — flawless record from the spot.

If Rashford had stepped up and scored at Molineux, would he have done so again in the following game against Crystal Palace at Old Trafford, when his spot kick miss, which former United captain Gary Neville suggested was “inevitable,” contributed to United being beaten?

Whatever the answer to that hypothetical question, the reality is that Rashford is at the heart of everything for Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s team and his match-winning performance in the 1-0 win against Leicester City on Saturday only served to underline his status as the most important player at the club.

Pogba might be the one with the £89m price tag, but the French World Cup winner was absent against Leicester due to injury and United were able to win without him. Granted, there might have been less midfield creativity, but there was also a greater sense of work rate and collective with Scott McTominay, Nemanja Matic and Andreas Pereira in the engine room.

It is difficult to envisage United coping quite so well without Rashford, though. Solskjaer has always had great faith in the 21-year-old forward, but if it was in any doubt, the manager’s decision to offload Romelu Lukaku and Alexis Sanchez — without replacing either — was a clear statement of his belief that Rashford can score in excess of 20 league goals this season and keep the team in contention for a top-four finish.

Marcus Rashford’s first goal since the opening weekend of the season gave Manchester United victory.

Such a total would represent a career high, but Rashford is about more than just goals: He also sets the United tempo with his effort and willingness to chase lost causes. Anthony Martial, who missed the Leicester game through injury, is perhaps a more natural scorer, but has never been the type of player to inspire a team like Rashford can, and probably never will be.

The same can be said of Pogba. Yes, he can produce a spellbinding pass to transition his team from defence to attack, but there have been plenty of occasions when his lack of concentration and poor work rate has led to United conceding a goal.

Rashford, by contrast, is a constant bundle of energy and desire and United desperately need a player with those qualities. He makes things happen, but also makes those around him better, with young winger Daniel James on obvious example. The pair offer industry and commitment up front, in stark contrast to what Lukaku and Sanchez brought to the table when called upon last season.

– Ratings: 7/10 Maguire keeps his former club quiet – Luck Index: Man City still suffering; VAR has little impact

Against Leicester, Rashford was fouled by central defender Caglar Soyuncu to win the eight-minute penalty that he converted, but also rattled the crossbar with a second-half free kick and was the first United player on the scene to defend McTominay after his teammate had been roughed up by Soyuncu and Ben Chilwell in second-half stoppage time.

In front of the watching Gareth Southgate, Rashford produced a top-class performance as a centre-forward, which gave a perfect riposte to the England manager’s suggestion, made earlier this week, that he is better as a “wide raider.”

Many will point to Rashford’s Mancunian roots, being born and raised just a few miles from Old Trafford, but his passion and determination is about more than simply growing up a United fan. It is also about professionalism, desire and the willingness to work hard; attributes that Solskjaer believes are crucial for every player in his squad.

Summer signings James, Aaron Wan Bissaka and Harry Maguire all have such qualities and their influence is beginning to rub off. Rashford, though, is the driving force of this new United team and that, in itself, poses a problem for his manager. Such is the lack of forward depth that Solskjaer might struggle to find opportunities to take Rashford out of the line-up.

Without Martial, 17-year-old Mason Greenwood is the only other fit striker, so what happens when Solskjaer has to pick a team to face Astana in the Europa League on Thursday and, the following Wednesday, against Rochdale in the Carabao Cup? Rashford will have to be rested in at least one of those games, with a Premier League to West Ham falling between them, next Sunday.

Clearly, a club of United’s stature needs more than one player to turn to when the chips are down, but they are still growing under Solskjaer and Rashford remains their most important performer. Indeed, had he scored those penalties against Wolves and Palace, we would be talking about United staying on the coat-tails of league leaders Liverpool and Manchester City in the title race.

As it is, they sit fourth after a hugely important win against Leicester. Whether United can stay in the Champions League places remains to be seen, but they will need Rashford fit and firing to have any chance.

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thechurchillreview · 8 years ago

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Contains SPOILERS for Alien (1979), Prometheus (2012), and Alien: Covenant (2017).

The problem I have with both Prometheus and Alien: Covenant is that the Alien proto-Xenomorph (Stupid unconvincing and not scary CGI! No suspense or terror with it this time around...) never needed anything resembling an origin story. These aren't questions I had. Nor answers I ever thought of seeking before. Sometimes, the mysterious should stay, well, a mystery. Alien comic by the always fantastic @faitherinhicks.

In Alien, those aboard the Nostromo are woken up and diverted far away from their charted course home to investigate a message of unknown origin. Kane enters a vagina-shaped looking entrance of a found spaceship, becomes a figurative sperm, touches a mystery egg that a Facehugger then emerges from. From that point forward, Kane’s body serves as an incubator for the titular Alien until some early spoken dialogue comes back to violently haunt him (“I feel dead”). The chestburster ripping out of Kane is one of the most iconic scenes in Alien. It is messy, frightening, and bloody. I mean, jeez, Kane was a victim of clear sexual assault and an unwanted pregnancy kills him in the process! Viewers are given glimpses of something grisly occurring (“Bones are bent outwards...Like he exploded from inside”), but the full disturbing magnitude of the parasitic sexual predator is observed here. Prior to, simultaneously, the audience and Nostromo crew learn that the organism has put Kane into a coma, possesses a defense mechanism of molecular acid-like blood, and can survive adverse environmental conditions.

Heck Alien screenwriter Dan O'Bannon said so himself in the Alien Saga documentary released in 2002. "One thing that people are all disturbed about is sex... I said 'That's how I'm going to attack the audience; I'm going to attack them sexually. And I'm not going to go after the women in the audience, I'm going to attack the men. I am going to put in every image I can think of to make the men in the audience cross their legs. Homosexual oral rape, birth. The thing lays its eggs down your throat, the whole number." The more you know right?

See, Alien chiefly works because of its claustrophobic horror atmosphere combined with its characters being in the dark as much as we too stumble about spliced with the subtext I already mentioned earlier. You feel the tension. You fear and totally envision what the “alien” could be capable of. The human mind's perception of a mysterious horror combined with imagination is ridiculous: hence the strength of the withheld image. This is especially heightened throughout the air ducts scenes. Due to this, akin to the malfunctioning mechanical shark named Bruce in Steven Spielberg’s Jaws (1975), the less the Alien’s Xenomorph is visibly seen, the more compelling and terrifying the reveal moment is.

And even when information is gathered about the "alien" the humans are still stuck grasping at straws.

Always one step behind.

Another cadaver.

Eventually, Nostromo’s seven crew members is whittled down to one. Leaving Ellen Ripley, a science-fiction icon, portrayed by Sigourney Weaver, the last one. Where everyone else failed with attempted teamwork, Ripley triumphs alone.

Look, Ripley’s function in Alien is to carry the story forward. That it is her story was and remains a big deal in the big Hollywood picture. Ripley is seen briefly (...Sorry) in her underwear towards the conclusion to signify the “conclusion” of her terrible ordeal (the removal of battle attire, how we change out of work clothing and slip into something more comfortable). I used to have a problem with this, but over the years I saw it more as Ripley foolishly lowering her guard too soon (became too cocky before truly winning) while the exposure of her flesh reflects her vulnerability. Earlier in Alien, the men are seen in their underwear too when they’re awakening. The comatose Kane in his underwear medically make sense I believe, yet could be additionally stating his level of vulnerability at the time. I don’t sleep in solely underwear with a shirt. Nope, I prefer jeans and a shirt, always.

She stealthily and quickly dons astronaut attire, bravely impales the Xenomorph with a harpoon gun shot that sends it into the void of space, and fries it with the engines of the ship burning up the cable to leave it adrift out there. The nightmare is no more. Now mourning, reporting, and sleeping is next. So, through the aforementioned sexual assault subtext, Ripley isn't depicted as powerless or weak in Alien. She courageously kept her composure and survives against the lethal threat that killed the rest of the Nostromo’s crew.

Yeah, the one key aspect that both Prometheus and Alien: Covenant have utterly failed is generating another woman on equal footing with Alien’s Ripley. The freaking focus of the Alien prequels is a male robot designed by a male creator. His creator should’ve of comprehended the deeper implications of David’s piano piece selection of instead of outright criticizing his choice. *Shudders* I don’t study music compositions and I know the meaning behind what David chose, jeez. Should’ve destroyed him immediately. Nope, too dumb to think of that.

We do get female characters and in the kindest way possible that I’m typing they’re essentially awful. Elizabeth Shaw has her uterus cut open (courtesy of David poisoning/killing her boyfriend), repairs him, and is experimented/tortured upon. In comparison, after discovering that Ash isn’t human, Ripley finds out all she can before pulling his plug. Shaw fixed an already proven to be duplicitous android…? What a fool. In Covenant, Daniels “Dany” Branson putting too much trust in Walter backfires when the painfully obvious twist towards the end rears its ugly head. Daniels not verbally battling harder for Christopher Oram to reconsider his position before landing on a trap which also goes against the purpose of the Covenant? The fact that Daniels was allowed to speak a famous Ripley line still baffles and enrages me! You’re not her. Neither is that moron Shaw.

Don’t get me started on Oram following David to a lair of Facehuggers after the android tried to befriend an alien that decapitated Covenant crew member Rosenthal. Or Oram abandoning the mission because they perhaps found another suitable colonization location that isn’t seven years away? His choice kicks off the unspeakable horrors his crew faces against. He jeopardized the lives of his crew and almost 2,000 innocent others inside of the Covenant! Oram, you’re seriously an atrocious captain! Or how about Rosenthal not following orders about staying close by whilst freshening up despite witnessing an alien ripping another crew member’s jaw off with a tail swipe? Or Maggie Faris freaking out at the sight of blood, locking Karine Oram inside with the very deceased transforming Ledward, coming back with a weapon, slipping on blood which makes her miss her target, unable to save the being mauled to death Karine, breaking her ankle when running away then falling down often, missing with every shot except for a bunch of exposed blasting explosives than in turn blow up a ship and herself?! Once again, Ripley follows proper quarantine protocol with her captain Dallas, the infected Kane, and Lambert...Until Ash undermines her and lets them inside the ship. Every crew member lacking a helmet since the air is apparently (that’s not suspicious to anyone? Really?) breathable leads to the demises of Ledward and Hallett plus the freshly born alien killing machines. It was their fault for intentionally touching something or stomping around without a care in the world.

Yes, the sheer idiocy on display in Alien: Covenant is unbearable. Hilarious even. Er, sadly.

The truth is that there’s a barbarous beauty to Alien and with Ridley Scott insisting on prequels to the original classic he's hurting what made Alien so special in the first place.

Look Covenant isn't entirely bad...Just absolutely needless. The ideas within its DNA have considerable merit (same with the previous installment Prometheus) and Scott should of established a new IP instead of piggybacking off of an existing mostly looked upon favorably motion picture brand-name. It is confusing and complex for the sake of it. Covenant notoriously introduces some stuff and then doesn't bother to follow-up on any of them to a degree where it matters in the narrative being told! Such as the theme of love versus duty, to name an example. “Here’s a gay couple! Lope and Hallett! After the fact. Enjoy that cake everyone! Unless you viewed The Last Supper prologue video on Youtube that is.” Um, that is not how you garner praise. Just more deserved derision. Having and reinforcing the script’s couple concept crew might have been interesting. If only Alien: Covenant had bothered to color those finalized paper-thin cut-outs masquerading as genuine individuals and actually followed this angle.

The alien existing as its own damn unmanufactured species in the depths of space apparently isn’t good enough anymore. The “perfect mysterious organism” has been ruined by Covenant: that’s the truth. Dagnabit! No, the world must have at least three prequels to Alien (Scott hinted at six in all). What the French toast?! Basically, the ideas/themes in Prometheus and Alien: Covenant deserve or should've been in a franchise that isn't remotely connected to Alien. We’re eight entries in (counting the AVP movies). EIGHT! With it would seem six more planned to go, oh my goodness. In other words, don’t waste your breath on Prometheus or Alien: Covenant. They offer misplaced themes, awe from certain gorgeous visuals alongside vexation, bafflement, and unintentional hilarity.

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how2to18 · 6 years ago

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HIS NAME WAS DANIEL, he told me, eventually. He’d found me stumbling down the highway near the Hungarian-Croatian border on a sweltering day. I still had a vague hope of getting to Budapest, but by that point I’d given up trying to catch a ride and was seriously dehydrated. Seeing a two-liter bottle peeking out from the roadside grass, I’d run across two lanes to have a look. As I unscrewed the cap, the vapor of heated urine rose up and I fumbled the bottle back to where I’d found it. I kept walking, not holding my thumb up anymore, only trying to scout out a spot over the barrier where I could sleep. While I wasn’t looking, Daniel’s shiny new BMW pulled over in front of me and I bumped into it.

The short, bald, muscular man inside, dripping with sweat, started swearing in French. He asked what the hell I thought I was doing. In my own stuttering French, I thanked him for stopping and asked where he was headed. He told me Romania. Running through the map in my head, I asked whether he could drop me off near Budapest. He said he would and handed me a bottle as I got in. I guzzled the water down, and we sped away.

When I caught my breath, I said he didn’t sound like he was French. Speaking in a mix of stilted English and oddly accented French, he told me he was from Transylvania. He’d trained as an engineer, but there’d been no jobs, so he’d joined the French Foreign Legion. I asked whether it was true that they took on criminals sometimes. “Not if you are a fucking psychopath,” he said. “Not if you killed a bunch of people or burnt down a school. If you just robbed a bank, then maybe yes.”

He’d been a paratrooper in the Congo. He wouldn’t tell me anything more. Instead, he told me about his trip, how he’d started in the south of France and had driven to where he’d picked me up, more than 700 miles, without stopping, except for gas. When I pressed him for stories about the Legion, he looked at me with genuine pain. “Do you want me to tell you how I watched my friends die for the first time? How I left them? No! About how it feels to take life? Non, bien sur.”

He went on to tell me about how he’d fought off malaria in the jungle, how he’d refused field medication because “it tears you up inside.” He told me of the deep shame and guilt he felt over the things he’d had to do. I asked him how he’d survived and how he dealt with those memories. “It took great strength,” he said, pointing to his temple. “If you’re so curious, why don’t you join the Legion? Quelle age are you?” I told him I’d just turned 18. “You’re a child,” he said and asked me what I wanted to do. I told him I wanted to write. “Another good way to get yourself killed.”

Now you may say I didn’t have the right to ask all those questions. I didn’t have his experiences and couldn’t possibly understand his trauma. Besides, ours was just a passing acquaintance. But we came to an understanding that we were two human beings trying to be good. What gave me license to excavate his shame was my relative innocence, my uncurdled curiosity, my belief that he too was trying to be a good man, and my suspicion that talking might help.

After figuring out that I was originally Russian, he told me he’d found some salvation in the works of Dostoyevsky. He’d read of Dostoyevsky’s epileptic Christ character in The Idiot, a man of limitless good who tragically succumbs to his yearning for goodness. Daniel thought that this character’s sacrifice for the sake of others was a worthy one. I unreservedly agreed. Now, Daniel said, he was raising a young son, named Andrei, like my Russian name. He hoped he too would be a good man.

Daniel’s shame was transformative, constructive. He told me that his favorite novel, the one that most defined the shape of his life since the Legion, was The Brothers Karamazov, about a faithful man sent back into the world to deal with the earthly affairs of his family. Of course, it’s about a whole lot of other things too, but that was what Daniel remembered. He concluded that we were all just trying to help each other to be better.

His compassion — and its pairing with an intense interest in Dostoyevsky — wasn’t exactly surprising or unfamiliar to me at the time. In those days, when I was criss-crossing continents hitchhiking, people would ask me whether I liked On the Road. I’d tell them there wasn’t enough hitchhiking in it for my taste, too much roadtripping. What I really liked was Dostoyevsky. I loved The Brothers Karamazov, loved The Idiot, Demons, Crime and Punishment, everything he’d labored over. And I had a suspicion that, if Kerouac had been asked the same question, his mind would have shot off in the same direction, as would the minds of so many literary hitchhikers.

“What’s the name of that Russian author you’re always talking about — the one who put the newspapers in his shoe and walked around in a stovepipe hat he found in a garbage pail?” Remi Boncoeur asks Sal Paradise in On the Road, sounding more like he’s conjuring up the memory of Diogenes than Dostoyevsky. “This was an exaggeration of what I’d told Remi of Dostoevski,” Sal comments. Remi then goes off about people with faces that deserve a name like Dostoyevsky.

But Kerouac’s allusion has a deeper significance. In certain ways that the writer of history’s greatest hitchhiking novel must have picked up on, Dostoyevsky’s late novels reflect the openness and the vulnerability of standing by a road waiting — hoping — for a car to stop. They reflect the experience of hoping — believing — that the driver will be good.

There’s something about entrusting your welfare to the whims of speeding humanity that is essential to engaging with Dostoyevsky’s radical project, and there’s something about Kerouac that made him particularly successful in that engagement. The two main things Kerouac must have understood about Dostoyevsky, if only because these things chimed with his own life and work, were that there was a powerful yearning for sainthood in Dostoyevsky, a yearning — not necessarily religious, though tinged with Christianity in Dostoyevsky’s case — to be good, to be moral, almost beyond human capacity, and that sainthood is inaccessible without accepting that one must pass through darkness to get there.

A ride through the south of England made clear to me just how essential this darkness was to the saintly paths Dostoyevsky set out on. The car belonged to an engineer who was apocalyptically obsessed with Demons, which may outdo Crime and Punishment as Dostoyevsky’s scariest novel. He picked me up at a service station near Essex where he’d stopped for a cigarette. He gave me a lift because he remembered hitchhiking from his home to Turkey as a young man.

“Nothing will get better until we exterminate the politicians,” he said, not long into the ride. Brexit had just happened and that sentiment wasn’t new to me — I’d heard it all over Britain — though his phrasing was a little more brutal than the standard rhetoric most of his countrymen offered. “We need some sort of natural disaster that will make people realize that they must oppose their government.”

He had a thin, upper-crust accent and an air of almost threatening confidence and intelligence. He seemed unbelievably efficient. His hair had gone gray but his intensity had not abated, or perhaps it had been renewed. He worked for a wind-power company that was based in Denmark and he was going down to London to attend to some offshore turbines.

His politics tended toward the optimistically catastrophic and the catastrophically optimistic. “It’s a system run by the very few,” he said. “We need London or New York to flood. Or even Tokyo. Something to cause a major depression and cause a real change.” I asked him what would come after, whether he was some form of communist. He denounced that as a failed creed. Instead, he brought up the conspiratorial nihilist group in Dostoyevsky’s Demons. He seemed to view them as a kind of example.

That’s funny, of course, because Dostoyevsky, though he was involved with similar groups as a young man, wrote the book largely as a denunciation. The engineer understood this, but nonetheless he sympathized with the violent conspirators. On my next reading of the novel, I was reminded of his fiery spirit and the group came to much more vivid life.

Eventually, he dropped me off, giving me a firm handshake and wishing me good luck. The hard, pouring rain made hitchhiking a chore, so I ran across a couple of traffic circles, hopped a roadside fence, and crossed a creek. As I walked through the woods, scouting for a level, relatively dry spot to sleep, my mind was filled with the radical notions of bygone days.

In that forest, as rain droplets pattered on the surface of my tent and water began to drip through, I thought about how Dostoyevsky’s youthful association with that conspiratorial circle in St. Petersburg finally caught up with him. Consequences burst into his room in 1849 in the form of the czar’s soldiers. Later, as he stood in front of a firing squad with his fellow radicals, the thoughts that passed through his head were exactly what you’d expect. “He felt only a mystic terror,” a friend recalled Dostoyevsky’s description half a lifetime later, “and was completely dominated by the thought that in perhaps five minutes he would be going to another, unknown life.” And yet the bullets did not leave their chambers. They never made that swift journey through his flesh.

Anticlimactically, Dostoyevsky and his co-conspirators were led back to their cells. What happened in his head at that moment, the mysterious and powerful operations of his rare neurons, set him apart from the other men who’d stared down the gun barrels with him. It didn’t take long for most of them to fall apart, physically and mentally, following the shock and terror. Dostoyevsky, however, accepted his fate at that moment, and he allowed it to alter him. “Now, deprivation means nothing to me,” he wrote his brother from the cell, and he would later tell his wife that he sang louder that day than he’d ever sung before, so loud that his voice touched its limits, “so happy was I at being given back my life.”

What followed wasn’t the release and amnesty Dostoyevsky had hoped for, but though he would soon be sent off to serve a horrific sentence in a Siberian work camp, that moment changed him, in some ways, for the better. Dostoyevsky’s biographer Joseph Frank claims that, immediately after returning to the cell, the writer experienced a revelation, a “blinding truth that Dostoevsky now understood for the first time — the truth that life itself is the greatest of all goods and blessings, and that man has the power to turn each moment into an ‘eternity of happiness.’”

This understanding wasn’t limited to his life. It permeated his work. It’s what makes reading him so powerful for people like Daniel, the former legionnaire, and for people like Kerouac and me. “If the values of expiation, forgiveness, and love were destined to take precedence over all others in Dostoevsky’s artistic universe,” Frank continues, “it was surely because he had encountered them as a truth responding to the most anguished predicament of his own life.”

This is exactly the sort of sweeping epiphany that Kerouac tried to build toward in his books, and the experiences and motivations that led to those revelations, though not the same, must have felt comparably powerful.

Kerouac never faced down a firing squad, not a literal one. But he did live with guilt, and he suffered in ways big and small. The primary cause was the death of his older brother Gerard when Kerouac was four years old. In later years, he explicitly associated his brother’s decline with the rise of his own saintly urges and behavior. “The world was his face,” he wrote, “the flower of his face, the pale stooped disposition, the heartbreakingness and the holiness and his teachings of tenderness to me.” He wrote, in Visions of Gerard, that the death didn’t affect him immediately, but it hit him hard enough that he returned to write about it all those years later.

And yet, unlike Dostoyevsky, who found the merits of suffering in huge, almost melodramatic plots, especially in his earlier writing, Kerouac relegated events of that caliber to the sidelines. The first lines of On the Road read, ��I first met Dean not long after my wife and I split up. I had just gotten over a serious illness that I won’t bother to talk about, except that it had something to do with the miserably weary split-up and my feeling that everything was dead.” This prominently placed split-up haunts all that follows, but it’s never mentioned again. In the original scroll manuscript, Sal’s comment about “feeling that everything was dead” refers specifically to the death of his father. At some point in the writing process, Kerouac chose to emphasize smaller sufferings.

Kerouac found shades of transformative, transcendent hardship in the mundane experiences of travel. They were there for him to explore because travel isn’t just a continuous shock of freedom and joy; it’s just as often an experience full of obstacles and discomforts, of setbacks and confusion. Fundamentally, the overwhelming excitement that makes travel so compelling is caused by gnawing, impatient longing for the next thing, and by not knowing what comes next.

Kerouac doesn’t shy away from these aspects. He writes about scrounging up money, about being pulled over by humorless cops, about missing his friends, about loneliness and being lost. But it’s not depressing because not only does he not shy away from all this, he focuses on each of those moments. By flinging himself on the world, by accepting all that comes at him, whether good or bad, as beautiful, and by focusing on the smaller things, Kerouac’s books begin to touch a sort of sainthood.

The sun was starting to set and the heat had evaporated by the time Daniel dropped me off on the ramshackle outskirts of Budapest, among the stray dogs and scrap-metal fences. Before he let me go, he made me write down his number, telling me to call him when I got to my friend’s apartment. “I’d like to be sure you’re okay,” he said. But after talking to him, I wasn’t sure he or anyone could ever be fully okay, nor was I sure we wanted to be.

Dostoyevsky and Kerouac were never quite okay. They lived troubled lives, striving toward aspects of goodness, and neither of them lived to grow peaceful and calm, perhaps because they didn’t really want to. Dostoyevsky’s sainthood, to the extent that he achieved it, was hard-won, born of guilt, early onset cynicism, and a lifetime of fuck-ups. Kerouac’s sainthood was shrouded by alcoholism and dissatisfaction. What they shared, and what I think allowed them to experience moments, if not a lifetime, of near inhuman goodness, was a sort of transcendent shame and a willingness to take the good with the bad, to accept the world as they experienced it. I think Daniel experienced those moments too.

Hitchhiking, with all its indignities and discomforts, also forces you to accept those saintly, beautiful moments, if not necessarily to experience some sort of deeper transcendence. Kerouac must have known that. He must have known that the moment you step out with a thumb up, the world can do with you as it likes. He must have known that, to even get to that roadside, you had to believe in the possibility of good, to believe that you can fall in the world and yet, by doing so, paradoxically rise. He must have known that nothing he’d found in literature would prepare him for the surprises and mysteries that the world would throw at him once he gave himself up to it — the difficulties and upsets, and the unexpected joys.

Nothing, that is, except what he’d found in the novels of Dostoyevsky, the secret Patron Saint of Hitchhikers.

Andrew Fedorov is a writer often found in New York and sometimes found walking across countries. Follow him on Twitter @andrewfed.

Banner image by Bradley Gordon.

The post The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Dostoyevsky appeared first on Los Angeles Review of Books.

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hellosaltysaladcollectionstuff · 6 years ago

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And yet, unlike Dostoyevsky, who found the merits of suffering in huge, almost melodramatic plots, especially in his earlier writing, Kerouac relegated events of that caliber to the sidelines. The first lines of On the Road read, “I first met Dean not long after my wife and I split up. I had just gotten over a serious illness that I won’t bother to talk about, except that it had something to do with the miserably weary split-up and my feeling that everything was dead.” This prominently placed split-up haunts all that follows, but it’s never mentioned again. In the original scroll manuscript, Sal’s comment about “feeling that everything was dead” refers specifically to the death of his father. At some point in the writing process, Kerouac chose to emphasize smaller sufferings.

Nothing, that is, except what he’d found in the novels of Dostoyevsky, the secret Patron Saint of Hitchhikers.

Andrew Fedorov is a writer often found in New York and sometimes found walking across countries. Follow him on Twitter @andrewfed.

Banner image by Bradley Gordon.

The post The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Dostoyevsky appeared first on Los Angeles Review of Books.

from Los Angeles Review of Books https://ift.tt/2K16mPM

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annaxkeating · 6 years ago

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Almost 60% of marketers haven’t implemented AMP, see why (and why it’s no excuse)

When it comes to page speed, a few seconds of slowdown can cost you. Slow load times cripple conversion rates, raise the price you pay for ad impressions, and even drive qualified traffic to your competitors.

All this being true, Accelerated Mobile Pages (AMP) would seem like the hail mary pass that marketers have been waiting for. Essentially, AMP is a Google-backed framework for creating web pages that deliver near-instant load times, even on mobile. I say “near-instant” here, but I like how the AMP Project itself puts it: AMP pages are “so fast they appear to load instantly.”

What does AMP mean for marketers? Faster delivery of your content, for one thing. The end of waiting altogether, maybe. Ultimately, AMP can result in a significant uptick in traffic and improved conversion rates overall.

So, naturally, every marketer is planning to adopt it in 2019, right? Right!?

*record scratch*

Marketers have been slow to adopt AMP for a variety of reasons (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

Wait, wait, I can explain. As part of our 2019 Page Speed Report, we asked marketers if they planned to implement AMP in the near future. 57% of them told us they have no plans to implement it, while 23% are still considering it.

Those who haven’t adopted the framework have a range of reasons why, but they fall into three broad categories:

AMP requires a significant investment of developer resources.

AMP is poorly understood (or perhaps poorly messaged).

Google’s past behavior has made some people wary of AMP.

I’ll explore these reasons in further detail below. For now, it’s worth saying that each has some validity. But I don’t think any of them—alone or together—should be your excuse not to implement AMP for your marketing campaigns.

In the long run, businesses who overcome these objections will be better positioned than those who don’t, despite perceived drawbacks. As I wrote elsewhere, “Turbo-charged landing pages result in more traffic and higher engagement, boosting conversions and helping PPC campaigns win increased ad impressions for less.” The AMP framework helps you achieve this kind of performance, even on a smartphone.

Want more insights about page speed? You can explore all the findings in the complete 2019 Page Speed Report for Marketers here. Access is free and ungated, so take a look.

Reason 1: Limited development resources

A significant hurdle that marketers face when it comes to adding AMP to their site has to do with technical resourcing. Four of the answers to our survey question touched on this problem:

Developers are not experienced with coding for AMP (12% of respondents)

No developer capacity to implement it (32% of respondents)

Too time-consuming to implement it (12% of respondents)

Validation issues with AMP pages we did create (2% of respondents)

It’s no secret that AMP comes with a steep-ish learning curve.

By using a restricted version of HTML and a custom JavaScript library, the framework ensures an optimized (read: fast-loading!) experience. Using Google’s AMP Cache (a content delivery network that stores your page on Google’s servers) further accelerates your pages.

But it also requires your developers to dedicate time to learning and mastering AMP-HTML and the AMP JavaScript library. And since Google’s AMP Cache requires validation once you’ve built an AMP page, there’s really no “good enough” moment here. Either your page works and goes live, or it doesn’t and you need to find your error. Who feels motivated to learn under those conditions?

AMP validation in action—or should I write, “inaction”? (via The AMP Project).

By its very nature, the limitations of AMP also demand a certain, let’s say, technical dexterity. Because bloated scripts tend to be a major contributor to slowdown, AMP’s JavaScript library puts the brakes on the third-party scripting that people have gotten used to using. (And AMP HTML comes with its own quirks.) Working within these constraints can often produce innovation, but it’s also a source of frustration for many who just wanna get stuff done.

Finally, poor analytics has been significant speed bumps on the road to AMP adoption. Tracking and analyzing visitor behavior is an integral part of running an online marketing campaign, but early in its life, AMP asked us to go blind. No thank you.

Why time and dev work are no excuse…

First, let’s be real: the AMP framework is a set of restrictions. That’s the point. So wishing for an AMP without any limitations at all doesn’t make sense.

In addition, many of the difficulties that plagued developers in the early years of AMP are no longer an issue. Tracking, for instance, has improved dramatically since AMP launched in 2015. Today, by using the AMP Analytics tag, you can isolate and analyze AMP traffic in Google Analytics. Though it can’t yet do everything that standard tracking can, it will collect data about users, pages, browsing, and (most significantly) events. As Search Engine Journal points out, “for most content marketers, that’s sufficient.” Not a ringing endorsement, sure, but tracking is now good enough for most marketing purposes.

As AMP development has continued, scripting has also become more robust, and the options available have expanded. Unfortunately, many people rely on scripts from third parties for tracking and integrations, but a lot of companies have been slow to deliver AMP-compatible versions. As adoption has increased, however, so too has the pressure on these companies to deliver.

That said, some of what AMP asks us to leave behind is also inessential. Pages clogged by unoptimized script may soon be looked upon we look at the tailfins on the back of a 50’s Cadillac. (Or, hey, remember the heady days when every site seemed to require Macromedia Flash? When it comes to the web, more isn’t always better.)

Reason 2: Some marketers really don’t get this whole AMP thing

Despite having a mouth to Google’s megaphone, the AMP Project has struggled to be heard beyond web development or publishing circles. When we asked marketers in The Page Speed Report, we discovered the following:

There’s a lot of misunderstanding when it comes to AMP (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

While 54% of the digital marketers said they have some understanding of AMP, the rest assuredly did not. A quarter of ’em hadn’t even heard of Accelerated Mobile Pages before taking our survey.

Why misunderstanding is no excuse…

First, AMP is hardly floundering, despite the fact that you may not have heard about it. It has the combined might of Google, Pinterest, Twitter, WordPress, and Bing backing it. And AMP already covers more than 31 million domains serving billions of AMP pages. If you browse the web on your smartphone, in other words, chances are very strong you’ve visited an AMP page.

AMP pages appear in the search results with a lightning bolt icon.

Second, if you hadn’t heard of AMP until you read this article, no worries—because now you have. That gives you an advantage over the 24% of marketers who’re still in the dark. It’s always best to think competitively about page speed. Knowing about AMP (and implementing it) can put you out in front of your competitors by dramatically improving your load times.

EDITOR’S NOTE. There’s a lot of misinformation or misunderstanding out there about AMP. You can read more about AMP and its myths in this blog post from Unbounce’s Larissa Hildebrandt.

Reason 3: Google is “evil” now

Even before they stripped the “don’t be evil” clause from their official code of conduct last year, Google earned a reputation for shady doings.

With the launch of the AMP Project in October of 2015, though, they stirred up a controversy that they didn’t seem to anticipate. Critics were quick to argue that AMP represents yet another move to lock down the web, gallingly disguised as an open-source project.

Many of these accusations point to the Google AMP Cache, which speeds up delivery of content by storing your pages on Google’s servers. AMP doesn’t actually require using Google’s cache—people can create their own—but this tends to be how it’s done. In most cases, the content lives with Google, and a searcher may never touch your actual website. As Daniel Miessler puts it, this is potentially “poisonous to the underlying concept of an open internet.”

Why it’s no excuse…

The language of dissent can get a little, uh, heated (see Barry Adam’s colorful “Google AMP Can Go To Hell”) but a free and open internet is a public good we should be all getting behind. Keeping Google from controlling the entire universe is a definite good for free speech and democracy. (And it’s better for business too.)

But so is delivering fast speeds so that more people can access the web. And AMP helps with that, big time. Remember, the loss of net neutrality means providers can potentially throttle speeds, offering “slow” and “fast” lanes depending on what customers can afford. And 70% of connections globally will remain 3G or slower through 2020 regardless. For these reasons, AMP seems downright necessary, and that’s why news organizations—like The Guardian and The New York Times—were among the first to adopt it.

For what it’s worth, Google has pled innocent in the court of public opinion. In September they took steps to distance themselves from the AMP Project by adopting a new governance model that includes other companies. What this means is that—though Googlers conceived and shepherded AMP—its future is now squarely in the hands of a group that may not always act in the tech giant’s interests. That’s a very good thing.

Why marketers should implement AMP

It’s well-known that delays can create anticipation. But make no mistake, your sluggish website in no way resembles the slow, sultry, seductive pour of Heinz ketchup onto a plate of golden french fries. In fact, the experience has more in common with waiting for your number to be called at the DMV.

By making prospects sit through delays, you’re serving up a heaping helping of frustration, annoyance, and uncertainty. All before they ever even see your content…

…or, rather, if they ever see your content. Because many of ’em won’t make it that far. In Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report for Marketers, a majority of consumers told us that they’ll wait 4-6 seconds before giving up on a slow page.

A majority of consumers say they’ll wait 4-6 seconds before clicking away (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

Data gathered by Google says the actual number is closer to 3 seconds. After that, many consumers told us they close their browser or even go to a competitor’s site instead. 45% of them told us that a slow loading site makes them less likely to make a purchase. If you want to get fast—like, really, really fast—AMP can get you there.

Unbounce + AMP

It’s no secret we’re bullish on AMP at Unbounce. That’s because Accelerated Mobile Pages have many tangible benefits as a quick way to create a near-instant visitor experience. Not only can they have a dramatic effect on your conversion rates, but they can also increase organic traffic overall and improve Quality Scores in Google Ads.

We were surprised to learn in the Page Speed Report how many marketers are avoiding AMP due to difficulty with developer resources. So, as part of our initiatives to improve page speeds, we’ve sought to make AMP friendlier to the non-developer, reducing or eliminating frustration. You can now drag and drop together AMP experiences, and we’re walking you through what AMP is, why you need it, and how to implement it.

So what’s the ultimate reason you no longer have an excuse for not implementing AMP?

Because we’re making it much easier.

In the coming weeks, we’ll be making AMP landing pages available to all Unbounce customers. Using them can still mean choosing efficiency over flashy scripts, but we’ve already seen our beta test community finding new ways to balance beauty and speed. We’re excited to hear how AMP landing pages impact your conversion rates when they hit. And I’m excited to start sharing some success stories (and actionable takeaways) with readers of this blog.

from Digital https://unbounce.com/online-marketing/why-marketers-should-implement-amp/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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josephkchoi · 6 years ago

Text

Almost 60% of marketers haven’t implemented AMP, see why (and why it’s no excuse)

So, naturally, every marketer is planning to adopt it in 2019, right? Right!?

*record scratch*

Marketers have been slow to adopt AMP for a variety of reasons (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

Those who haven’t adopted the framework have a range of reasons why, but they fall into three broad categories:

AMP requires a significant investment of developer resources.

AMP is poorly understood (or perhaps poorly messaged).

Google’s past behavior has made some people wary of AMP.

Want more insights about page speed? You can explore all the findings in the complete 2019 Page Speed Report for Marketers here. Access is free and ungated, so take a look.

Reason 1: Limited development resources

A significant hurdle that marketers face when it comes to adding AMP to their site has to do with technical resourcing. Four of the answers to our survey question touched on this problem:

Developers are not experienced with coding for AMP (12% of respondents)

No developer capacity to implement it (32% of respondents)

Too time-consuming to implement it (12% of respondents)

Validation issues with AMP pages we did create (2% of respondents)

It’s no secret that AMP comes with a steep-ish learning curve.

AMP validation in action—or should I write, “inaction”? (via The AMP Project).

Why time and dev work are no excuse…

First, let’s be real: the AMP framework is a set of restrictions. That’s the point. So wishing for an AMP without any limitations at all doesn’t make sense.

Reason 2: Some marketers really don’t get this whole AMP thing

There’s a lot of misunderstanding when it comes to AMP (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

While 54% of the digital marketers said they have some understanding of AMP, the rest assuredly did not. A quarter of ’em hadn’t even heard of Accelerated Mobile Pages before taking our survey.

Why misunderstanding is no excuse…

AMP pages appear in the search results with a lightning bolt icon.

EDITOR’S NOTE. There’s a lot of misinformation or misunderstanding out there about AMP. You can read more about AMP and its myths in this blog post from Unbounce’s Larissa Hildebrandt.

Reason 3: Google is “evil” now

Even before they stripped the “don’t be evil” clause from their official code of conduct last year, Google earned a reputation for shady doings.

Why it’s no excuse…

Why marketers should implement AMP

By making prospects sit through delays, you’re serving up a heaping helping of frustration, annoyance, and uncertainty. All before they ever even see your content…

A majority of consumers say they’ll wait 4-6 seconds before clicking away (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

Unbounce + AMP

So what’s the ultimate reason you no longer have an excuse for not implementing AMP?

Because we’re making it much easier.

Almost 60% of marketers haven’t implemented AMP, see why (and why it’s no excuse) published first on https://nickpontemrktg.wordpress.com/

0 notes

jjonassevilla · 6 years ago

Text

Almost 60% of marketers haven’t implemented AMP, see why (and why it’s no excuse)

So, naturally, every marketer is planning to adopt it in 2019, right? Right!?

*record scratch*

Marketers have been slow to adopt AMP for a variety of reasons (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

Those who haven’t adopted the framework have a range of reasons why, but they fall into three broad categories:

AMP requires a significant investment of developer resources.

AMP is poorly understood (or perhaps poorly messaged).

Google’s past behavior has made some people wary of AMP.

Want more insights about page speed? You can explore all the findings in the complete 2019 Page Speed Report for Marketers here. Access is free and ungated, so take a look.

Reason 1: Limited development resources

A significant hurdle that marketers face when it comes to adding AMP to their site has to do with technical resourcing. Four of the answers to our survey question touched on this problem:

Developers are not experienced with coding for AMP (12% of respondents)

No developer capacity to implement it (32% of respondents)

Too time-consuming to implement it (12% of respondents)

Validation issues with AMP pages we did create (2% of respondents)

It’s no secret that AMP comes with a steep-ish learning curve.

AMP validation in action—or should I write, “inaction”? (via The AMP Project).

Why time and dev work are no excuse…

First, let’s be real: the AMP framework is a set of restrictions. That’s the point. So wishing for an AMP without any limitations at all doesn’t make sense.

Reason 2: Some marketers really don’t get this whole AMP thing

There’s a lot of misunderstanding when it comes to AMP (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

While 54% of the digital marketers said they have some understanding of AMP, the rest assuredly did not. A quarter of ’em hadn’t even heard of Accelerated Mobile Pages before taking our survey.

Why misunderstanding is no excuse…

AMP pages appear in the search results with a lightning bolt icon.

EDITOR’S NOTE. There’s a lot of misinformation or misunderstanding out there about AMP. You can read more about AMP and its myths in this blog post from Unbounce’s Larissa Hildebrandt.

Reason 3: Google is “evil” now

Even before they stripped the “don’t be evil” clause from their official code of conduct last year, Google earned a reputation for shady doings.

Why it’s no excuse…

Why marketers should implement AMP

By making prospects sit through delays, you’re serving up a heaping helping of frustration, annoyance, and uncertainty. All before they ever even see your content…

A majority of consumers say they’ll wait 4-6 seconds before clicking away (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

Unbounce + AMP

So what’s the ultimate reason you no longer have an excuse for not implementing AMP?

Because we’re making it much easier.

from Marketing https://unbounce.com/online-marketing/why-marketers-should-implement-amp/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

#SEO

0 notes

itsjessicaisreal · 6 years ago

Text

Almost 60% of marketers haven’t implemented AMP, see why (and why it’s no excuse)

So, naturally, every marketer is planning to adopt it in 2019, right? Right!?

*record scratch*

Marketers have been slow to adopt AMP for a variety of reasons (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

Those who haven’t adopted the framework have a range of reasons why, but they fall into three broad categories:

AMP requires a significant investment of developer resources.

AMP is poorly understood (or perhaps poorly messaged).

Google’s past behavior has made some people wary of AMP.

Want more insights about page speed? You can explore all the findings in the complete 2019 Page Speed Report for Marketers here. Access is free and ungated, so take a look.

Reason 1: Limited development resources

A significant hurdle that marketers face when it comes to adding AMP to their site has to do with technical resourcing. Four of the answers to our survey question touched on this problem:

Developers are not experienced with coding for AMP (12% of respondents)

No developer capacity to implement it (32% of respondents)

Too time-consuming to implement it (12% of respondents)

Validation issues with AMP pages we did create (2% of respondents)

It’s no secret that AMP comes with a steep-ish learning curve.

AMP validation in action—or should I write, “inaction”? (via The AMP Project).

Why time and dev work are no excuse…

First, let’s be real: the AMP framework is a set of restrictions. That’s the point. So wishing for an AMP without any limitations at all doesn’t make sense.

Reason 2: Some marketers really don’t get this whole AMP thing

There’s a lot of misunderstanding when it comes to AMP (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

While 54% of the digital marketers said they have some understanding of AMP, the rest assuredly did not. A quarter of ’em hadn’t even heard of Accelerated Mobile Pages before taking our survey.

Why misunderstanding is no excuse…

AMP pages appear in the search results with a lightning bolt icon.

EDITOR’S NOTE. There’s a lot of misinformation or misunderstanding out there about AMP. You can read more about AMP and its myths in this blog post from Unbounce’s Larissa Hildebrandt.

Reason 3: Google is “evil” now

Even before they stripped the “don’t be evil” clause from their official code of conduct last year, Google earned a reputation for shady doings.

Why it’s no excuse…

Why marketers should implement AMP

By making prospects sit through delays, you’re serving up a heaping helping of frustration, annoyance, and uncertainty. All before they ever even see your content…

A majority of consumers say they’ll wait 4-6 seconds before clicking away (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

Unbounce + AMP

So what’s the ultimate reason you no longer have an excuse for not implementing AMP?

Because we’re making it much easier.

from Marketing https://unbounce.com/online-marketing/why-marketers-should-implement-amp/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

0 notes

kennethmontiveros · 6 years ago

Text

Almost 60% of marketers haven’t implemented AMP, see why (and why it’s no excuse)

So, naturally, every marketer is planning to adopt it in 2019, right? Right!?

*record scratch*

Marketers have been slow to adopt AMP for a variety of reasons (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

Those who haven’t adopted the framework have a range of reasons why, but they fall into three broad categories:

AMP requires a significant investment of developer resources.

AMP is poorly understood (or perhaps poorly messaged).

Google’s past behavior has made some people wary of AMP.

Want more insights about page speed? You can explore all the findings in the complete 2019 Page Speed Report for Marketers here. Access is free and ungated, so take a look.

Reason 1: Limited development resources

A significant hurdle that marketers face when it comes to adding AMP to their site has to do with technical resourcing. Four of the answers to our survey question touched on this problem:

Developers are not experienced with coding for AMP (12% of respondents)

No developer capacity to implement it (32% of respondents)

Too time-consuming to implement it (12% of respondents)

Validation issues with AMP pages we did create (2% of respondents)

It’s no secret that AMP comes with a steep-ish learning curve.

AMP validation in action—or should I write, “inaction”? (via The AMP Project).

Why time and dev work are no excuse…

First, let’s be real: the AMP framework is a set of restrictions. That’s the point. So wishing for an AMP without any limitations at all doesn’t make sense.

Reason 2: Some marketers really don’t get this whole AMP thing

There’s a lot of misunderstanding when it comes to AMP (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

While 54% of the digital marketers said they have some understanding of AMP, the rest assuredly did not. A quarter of ’em hadn’t even heard of Accelerated Mobile Pages before taking our survey.

Why misunderstanding is no excuse…

AMP pages appear in the search results with a lightning bolt icon.

EDITOR’S NOTE. There’s a lot of misinformation or misunderstanding out there about AMP. You can read more about AMP and its myths in this blog post from Unbounce’s Larissa Hildebrandt.

Reason 3: Google is “evil” now

Even before they stripped the “don’t be evil” clause from their official code of conduct last year, Google earned a reputation for shady doings.

Why it’s no excuse…

Why marketers should implement AMP

By making prospects sit through delays, you’re serving up a heaping helping of frustration, annoyance, and uncertainty. All before they ever even see your content…

A majority of consumers say they’ll wait 4-6 seconds before clicking away (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

Unbounce + AMP

So what’s the ultimate reason you no longer have an excuse for not implementing AMP?

Because we’re making it much easier.

Almost 60% of marketers haven’t implemented AMP, see why (and why it’s no excuse) published first on http://nickpontemktg.blogspot.com/

0 notes

samanthasmeyers · 6 years ago

Text

Almost 60% of marketers haven’t implemented AMP, see why (and why it’s no excuse)

So, naturally, every marketer is planning to adopt it in 2019, right? Right!?

*record scratch*

Marketers have been slow to adopt AMP for a variety of reasons (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

Those who haven’t adopted the framework have a range of reasons why, but they fall into three broad categories:

AMP requires a significant investment of developer resources.

AMP is poorly understood (or perhaps poorly messaged).

Google’s past behavior has made some people wary of AMP.

Want more insights about page speed? You can explore all the findings in the complete 2019 Page Speed Report for Marketers here. Access is free and ungated, so take a look.

Reason 1: Limited development resources

A significant hurdle that marketers face when it comes to adding AMP to their site has to do with technical resourcing. Four of the answers to our survey question touched on this problem:

Developers are not experienced with coding for AMP (12% of respondents)

No developer capacity to implement it (32% of respondents)

Too time-consuming to implement it (12% of respondents)

Validation issues with AMP pages we did create (2% of respondents)

It’s no secret that AMP comes with a steep-ish learning curve.

AMP validation in action—or should I write, “inaction”? (via The AMP Project).

Why time and dev work are no excuse…

First, let’s be real: the AMP framework is a set of restrictions. That’s the point. So wishing for an AMP without any limitations at all doesn’t make sense.

Reason 2: Some marketers really don’t get this whole AMP thing

There’s a lot of misunderstanding when it comes to AMP (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

While 54% of the digital marketers said they have some understanding of AMP, the rest assuredly did not. A quarter of ’em hadn’t even heard of Accelerated Mobile Pages before taking our survey.

Why misunderstanding is no excuse…

AMP pages appear in the search results with a lightning bolt icon.

EDITOR’S NOTE. There’s a lot of misinformation or misunderstanding out there about AMP. You can read more about AMP and its myths in this blog post from Unbounce’s Larissa Hildebrandt.

Reason 3: Google is “evil” now

Even before they stripped the “don’t be evil” clause from their official code of conduct last year, Google earned a reputation for shady doings.

Why it’s no excuse…

Why marketers should implement AMP

By making prospects sit through delays, you’re serving up a heaping helping of frustration, annoyance, and uncertainty. All before they ever even see your content…

A majority of consumers say they’ll wait 4-6 seconds before clicking away (via Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report).

Unbounce + AMP

So what’s the ultimate reason you no longer have an excuse for not implementing AMP?

Because we’re making it much easier.

from Marketing https://unbounce.com/online-marketing/why-marketers-should-implement-amp/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

#Digital Marketing

0 notes