#framed like... how good u r at emotional vulnerability means you 'deserve/dont deserve' to be in a happy relationship? idk how to phrase i

[idiotsonlyevent]

i'm not saying 'chilchuck did nothing wrong,' but i'm becoming increasingly bothered by the framing that the marriage failed because it was 'only his fault,' when his wife did just up and leave, seemingly without saying anything to him or having a conversation about it?

and i know we don't see anything from Her perspective, so maybe she did try, but the fact that he had no idea anything was wrong, despite being fairly present with her and their daughters is i think pretty indicative that she was probably stewing with her frustrations in silence for a long time... like, i'm not pinning the blame on her, but leaving your spouse without saying anything is also not great? especially if it's some sort of 'test'?

like, i think they both Kind Of Messed Up and now there's a stalemate where they're upset, and chilchuck is afraid to make the next move because he doesn't want to upset her further, but the longer he waits, the more frustrated she gets... and so it continues

also, dunmeshi spends SO much time focusing on how we often unintentionally hurt our loved ones, but how there's almost always ways to move past it and grow, so it feels very strange to me when people insist that there's no reason for them to get back together. like if you don't want them to, that's fine! but insisting that there's no way to repair their relationship, or that it's only one person's fault, or that it's unhealthy or whatever... idk, but it doesn't sit right w me.