#found this out because no one told me that my mathematics essay was due in 4 days and I haven't started it yet

[crabussy]

SHOCKER!!!!!! the student who is constantly beating himself up for not working hard enough, slacking off, and being lazier than the other students has discovered that when he pushes himself to do the same level of work as everyone else he shuts down and gets burnt out (read: disabled and was subconsciously coping with it without realising by limiting the amount of work I do)

[silvermoongirl10swfics]

Learning to deal with emotionally crippling pain

For @codywanweek 2021 Day 2: AU (Modern University AU.)

You can also read this fic here on A03.

(The title of the fic will make sense after reading the fic.)

This is set at Manchester Metropolitan University in the UK, where I went to uni. As I wanted to combine the uni I loved going to with one of my favourite ships.

No major warnings, but there is a slight, non-graphic, description of how bodies were buried during the Black Death (this may seem very random, but I don’t want to gross anyone out.)

(I was inspired by @catawampuscorner​ drawing adorable baby clones in animal onesies, the cuteness now lives rent free in my brain and my brain desperately wanted to add baby clones and baby Jedi in animal onesies to this fic due to their wonderful drawings of the baby clones. So, I have referenced codywan and some other clones being youngsters in animal onesies near the end of this fic.)

Also Wolffe and Fox are twins because I thought of the idea about a month ago and loved it so much. 

Cody hefted his kit bag onto his shoulder and nodded in thanks to the bus driver as he stepped off the bus on Oxford Road. He turned hearing a loud thump and rolled his eyes, Fives had, against Cody’s and Rex’s advice, decided to sit on the top deck of the double-decker bus while carrying his heavy rugby kit bag. Unsurprisingly Fives stumbled and hit the wall of the stairs as he tried to walk down the steep steps, his bag over balancing him. Rex threw out an arm to steady their younger brother and then the two of them joined Cody on the pavement.

“We did warn you,” stated Rex with a roll of his eyes.

“Whatever,” griped Fives. Without another word, Fives was walking through All Saints Park, no doubt heading back to the student halls where he shared a flat with his twin Echo and six other first year students.

“I really hope Echo is better soon. I don’t know how much longer I can take Fives in this mood,” sighed Rex shaking his head.

“You and me both,” agreed Cody with a nod of his head at his younger brother.

Cody was the eldest of the four brothers, and was currently in his third and final year of studying his undergraduate history degree at Manchester Metropolitan University. Rex was eleven months younger than him and was in his second year studying law, Echo and Fives were their younger brothers who were twins. The family hadn’t thought that Fives was interested in going to university, which was fine with them as they didn’t want to push him into something he didn’t want. But when Echo announced his intention of going to study mathematics at the same university where Cody and Rex were studying, Fives suddenly announced that he was also going to Man Met to study physiotherapy. The twins were in their first year and two years ago, at eighteen, Cody had thought he would be getting some peace from his three younger brothers, in the end he only got one year of peace before his brothers joined him in quick succession. But thankfully he only had to put up with living with them when they were all home for the holidays. As Cody shared a one-bedroom flat with his long-term boyfriend Obi-Wan who had also chosen to study at Man Met, also in his third year, studying English literature. Obi-Wan and Cody had been best friends since their first day at primary school aged four, later confessing their romantic feelings for each other when they were sixteen, both coming down from the stress of getting their GCSE results. They hadn’t actually told each other where they were applying for university, not wanting to influence each other’s decision. But they still ended up at the same university anyway, not that Cody was complaining.

Like Cody, Obi-Wan had not been able to escape his younger brother. Anakin was friends with Fives and Echo as they were the same age, Anakin was in his first year studying engineering at Man Met. It was funny to Cody, because Echo and Anakin’s subjects were in the same faculty, they often saw each other as their lectures and seminars took place in the John Dalton buildings, whereas Fives went to lectures across the main road on the slightly smaller campus in the Brooks Building. Fives had always been protective of Echo, his reasoning being he was the older twin so had to look out for Echo. But after Echo got hurt in a car accident when they were fifteen driving home with their dad, Fives had grown even more protective, somehow blaming himself because he wasn’t there in the car with Echo. The youngest of the four brothers hadn’t been seriously hurt, but the accident had gained him a constant shadow. So, when the twins applied to the university, they looked at the map of the two campuses and picked Oxford Court for their student halls accommodation because it was pretty much in the middle of where the two of them would have their lectures and seminars.

With another look in the direction Fives had gone, feeling a rare moment of relief at seeing his brother walk away. Cody loved his brothers, but because Echo had gotten injured in their last rugby game, he couldn’t take part in practice and it had left Fives in a mood for the past week. Neither Echo, Cody or Rex could seem to talk Fives out of his mood, leading to Cody thinking he may have to call their parents to talk some sense into Fives. But he didn’t want to worry his mum, which is what would happen if Cody had to tell her Fives still wasn’t okay a week after Echo badly spraining his ankle. So, Cody’s only other option would be to call his twin cousins, Wolffe and Fox who were both in their third and final years of studying at the same university in London. Wolffe was studying sport science, while Fox was studying history like Cody, but with more of a focus on medical history while Cody preferred military history.

Wolffe and Fox were the closest cousins Cody and his brothers had, due to their parents all moving to Britain from New Zealand due to his father and uncle getting jobs with the same tech company before Cody, Wolffe and Fox were born. Leaving the rest of the aunts, uncles and cousins back in New Zealand with their grandparents. Cody then reflected, calling the other twins might not be a bad idea. Wolffe would be gruff but caring in talking to Fives and if that failed, Fox would just beat sense into him either verbally or physically. With there being direct trains from London to Manchester, Cody wouldn’t be surprised if Fox came in person to beat some sense into Fives. Fox had no patience for Fives’ protective older brother routine of Echo and that was down to Wolffe being protective of Fox. Which he hated, but to be fair to Wolffe, he was fully justified going by the amount of coffee and lack of sleep Fox was powering through to work on his assignments and dissertation. Despite the fact it was still January and Fox had three months left until he had to hand in his dissertation.

Thinking of dissertations, Cody waved goodbye to Rex and headed towards the cafeteria in the Business School building to get some tea for his boyfriend. Once he acquired the tea in a take away cup, he went next door to the library where Obi-Wan was working on his dissertation, thankful that their university library allowed food and drink as long as it was silent. Fox was insanely jealous as his university library forbade any food or drink to enter the building, meaning Fox was deprived of his precious coffee. Which was why Wolffe pushed Fox to work in the library as often as he could. Cody didn’t mind plying Obi-Wan with tea, because while he could say Obi-Wan was additive to his tea, he didn’t drink any caffeinated tea two hours before going to bed, unlike Fox who was known to drink a mug of coffee before going to bed if Wolffe hadn’t managed to stop him. It was a wonder Wolffe hadn’t gone grey with the amount of time he spent worrying over his twin brother.

Cody scanned his student card to let him past the barriers and started walking up the two flights of stairs to the floor Obi-Wan liked to work on. The library was massive, with its different wings and five floors, but Cody was glad it was so big because it could be divided into silent study areas and group study areas, where you could talk so long as you were quiet. Obi-Wan, like Cody, hated working in complete silence and in their first year they found a nook between some shelves that had a table where they could bring their own laptops to work on their essays together. But were conveniently close to university computers so they could log on to print their work if needed. It was also a space their brothers had been unable to find them in, although Cody was fairly certain Rex knew where he liked to work, but was kind enough to leave him alone. Anakin, Echo and Fives would not be as considerate.

He walked through the doors into the study area and walked halfway into the big room with its rows of computers and shelves of books, until he found Obi-Wan hunched over his notes and two books he was using for his dissertation. Cody silently reminded himself that he was due to meet with his dissertation supervisor tomorrow to check the progress on his second chapter. He placed the cup of tea on the table beside Obi-Wan’s laptop and pressed a kiss onto the mess of copper hair, noting that his boyfriend hadn’t shaved again, making him wonder if Obi-Wan was committing to growing a beard. If he did, it would be because Obi-Wan was fed up of people thinking he was sixteen or seventeen, rather than being almost twenty-one years old, something that delighted Anakin to no end. Obi-Wan slowly sat up and blinked owlishly at him and rubbed a hand over his face. “Rugby practice is over already?” he asked in confusion as he looked at his watch.

Cody snorted in amusement, “thankfully yes.” Obi-Wan had come to the library just after Cody left their flat for practice, that had been two and half hours ago.

Obi-Wan reached for his tea and sighed in pleasure when he sipped on the hot liquid. “Fives still in a mood then?”

“Yes,” he sighed in exasperation as he sat down beside Obi-Wan and putting his kit bag on the floor with a roll of his shoulder.

Raising a knowing eyebrow over the rim of his cup, Obi-Wan asked. “Are you going to call Wolffe and Fox?” Cody nodded in agreement, smiling to himself, happy at how easily Obi-Wan fit into his family. Obi-Wan, Cody, Wolffe and Fox had all gone through school together. Obi-Wan and Anakin’s dad, Qui-Gon, was a friend of Cody’s parents and often came over for dinner. According to his dad, Cody’s mum and Qui-Gon had been having wine nights when they lamented over their empty nests and how it was unfair how quickly their children were growing up. While Cody’s aunt just laughed at them because Wolffe and Fox had left home for university almost three years before.

They lapsed into silence, and Cody just let himself day dream as he listened to the clack of Obi-Wan’s keyboard. He also ran through a mental list of things he needed to do for his dissertation and thought he could do with another trip down to London to go to the National Archives again for some more primary sources. His phone buzzed and Cody snorted at the text message from Echo.

[Echo] Fives is in SUCH a bad mood! Please help me!

[Cody] Sorry Echo. Rex and I had him for two hours, we need a break.

[Echo] WORST BIG BROTHERS EVER!!!!

[Echo] I hope you marry Obi-Wan so I can adopt him as my favourite older brother.

[Echo] You know what. I’m not waiting until you marry him. He’s my favourite brother now.

Cody chuckled to himself, he couldn’t argue with Echo, Obi-Wan was his favourite person too.

[Cody] What WILL Fives say?

[Echo] Right now I don’t care. He’s driving me INSANE!!!!

[Cody] I was going to call Wolffe and Fox to see if they could help.

[Echo] PLEASE!!! I am BEGGING YOU!!!!

[Echo] You know what?

[Echo] Just skip straight to Fox.

[Echo] And record it. I want to relive that future moment for forever. Fox’s position as my favourite cousin will be secured.

Cody snorted in amusement again, Obi-Wan turned to him in question. So, Cody just showed him the messages and Obi-Wan shook his head in amusement, but he blushed slightly. No doubt due to Echo’s comments on Cody marrying Obi-Wan.

“Echo wishing harm on Fives. I never thought I’d see the day,” commented Obi-Wan, his blue eyes sparkling with laughter. No doubt remembering the times Fox lost his patience with bullies and idiots they went to school with and just went for them. Their aunt had to give Fox the disapproving lecture, but she also slipped Fox money for standing up to bullies for other kids. So, Fox’s handling of bullies and idiots had never been stopped, only been encouraged.

“Oh, Echo can be pushed to it,” chuckled Cody, recalling the few times Fives had made Echo lose his temper. Echo was a nice and quiet person, which also made him one of those people you did not want to make angry, because when his patience snapped. It snapped. He could be worse than Fox, and that said something.

“By the way, your dad text me. He’s invited me to a family reunion dinner in a month’s time. So, is anyone coming over from New Zealand?” Obi-Wan asked as he started to tidy his books away and turn off his laptop.

Cody nodded. “My grandparents are coming over in three weeks and are staying until the summer as they want to be here for mine, Wolffe and Fox’s graduations. Then a few of the cousins are coming over in the summer.” He smiled to himself; it would be nice to see his family members again. They all saw each other every year, one year Cody and his family would fly out to New Zealand and the next year the family would fly over to Britain for a few weeks. With all of the cousins now at university, it made sorting out reunions easier due to the longer holidays they all had.

Obi-Wan’s eyes sparkled with amusement again, “anymore family arguments to look forward to?” he laughed.

“Probably,” Cody sighed as he rolled his eyes. Obi-Wan had come out to New Zealand with him last summer and witnessed some truly spectacular family arguments and rather silly ones as well. The most prominent being about Fox and Echo’s names.

When Fox had been a toddler, he and Wolffe had been put into animal onesies (Cody and his brothers also shared that misfortune with their cousins, but the less said about that the better), Wolffe into a wolf onesie and Fox into a fox onesie. Ever since Fox wanted to be called Fox, as he hated his proper name, the name being Frederick. If anyone ever called him Frederick when he was a small child he bit them, leading to his parents to tell their school when they started that it would be best if they didn’t call Fox Frederick for the safety of their own fingers.

Then when Echo had been four and in school, learning about words that began with the letter E, he heard the word Echo and wanted to call himself that, because he didn’t like being called Eli. Cody’s mum had tried to tell Echo his name was Eli, but Echo said Fox picked his name, so why couldn’t he? Cody’s mum tried her hardest to get Echo to forget about calling himself Echo, seeing as he was named after his mum’s father-in-law Elias and didn’t want to offend him. But Echo just started repeating everything everyone said, until the point their dad begged their mum to just let Echo call himself Echo. Fives didn’t want to be left out, and chose the nickname Fives, but he wasn’t involved in the arguments because he let their grandmother still call him Felix. Echo and Fox on the other hand, both refused to answer to their given names. And Obi-Wan had witnessed their grandmother once again getting annoyed when Echo and Fox didn’t answer her when she called them Eli and Frederick. That was also the visit where Obi-Wan learnt just who Echo and Fox inherited their stubbornness from. Grandpa Elias was not offended and found the whole thing hilarious and continued to congratulate Echo on his name every time he saw Echo. Cody was also convinced, his grandmother only continued the argument for the sake of it, he had seen her handwriting in birthday cards calling Echo and Fox by their chosen names. But she still wrote Eli and Frederick on family Christmas cards, again probably just for the drama.

But some uncles and aunts were not happy with Echo and Fox changing their names, albeit not legally, because other cousins began following their lead. Namely their four cousins who were all siblings (two sets of twins), Hunter, Crosshair, Wrecker and Tech. The four of them changing their names and even happily calling themselves the Bad Batch at family gatherings much to the ire of their mother. Fives was blamed for their collective nickname, as Obi-Wan found out and thought it was hilarious. The Bad Batch had invited Echo to play with them when they were small, and Fives who had not been invited to play had been jealous and called them the Bad Batch, the four of them had loved it and adopted it as their group name.

Obi-Wan started to laugh quietly to himself as he put his laptop away in his bag. At Cody’s questioning look he smiled and said. “I’m just wondering who will be the first to say something to disrupt family dinner. Either you, your brothers or your cousins will say something. You have done ever since the first family dinner I was invited to when I was five.”

Cody smirked to himself and nodded, “honestly I’m expecting it to be Fox again. You know he deals with stress in the weirdest ways.”

“You mean like putting everyone else off their food?” teased Obi-Wan, his eyes glinting at the memory of the last dinner everyone had together.

Over the four-week long Christmas holiday, Cody’s parents had hosted numerous family dinners, wanting to spend as much time together as possible. As it was understood with Cody, Obi-Wan, Wolffe and Fox graduating university later that year, they may not get to come home as often anymore. Also, as Cody’s uncle and aunt lived next door to them and Obi-Wan lived five houses further down the road, it was very easy for Cody’s uncle and aunt, Wolffe, Fox, Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon and Anakin to join their family for dinner. Which also meant, Cody and Obi-Wan had to suffer the embarrassment of watching Qui-Gon and Cody’s mum tearfully looking at photos of them growing up, mourning the loss of their ‘little ones’. While Cody’s aunt sipped on her glass of red wine and cackled at them, saying it was better to have both her kids leave the nest at once, as she didn’t have to go through kids moving out more than once.

Cody had also been horrified to learn there existed a photo of him in an animal onesie after all, and to make it worse, he was four in the photo. He was at school, but because his mum wanted a picture of all her boys in their animal onesies, he had been put into his old lion onesie (mane included on the hood) that was getting too small for him. But it had interested him to see it was a group photo of all of them sat on the living room floor. Obi-Wan was also in the photo, in a onesie that resembled the fictional varactyl creature he had been obsessed with when he was four. His unimpressed look matching Cody’s, in the photo both of them had their arms crossed as they glared at their parents off camera. Wolffe and Fox were also in the photo, but too busy pulling on each other’s hoods, Wolffe almost taking off one of Fox’s onesie’s ears. Rex, at three, was happily beaming at their mum in his elephant onesie that included a small trunk attached to the hood. Leaning against Rex on his left was Anakin, who at two, was too busy trying to eat his own foot as he sat in his dog onesie. On Rex’s right was the little twins, Echo beaming at the camera in his giraffe onesie as he lifted a hand up to squeeze the felt face of the giraffe attached to the hood and Fives, in a moose onesie (seriously where had his parents found these?), was busy trying to grab one of his felt antlers and eat it. Apparently, their parents had kept all of the onesies, what they planned to do with them Cody couldn’t guess.

But while the onesie group photo had been embarrassing, it hadn’t put anyone off their food. No, that came when Cody’s dad asked all of them how university was going. Everyone listened as one by one, all the boys explained what they had been doing. The adults patiently listened as Cody, Obi-Wan, Wolffe and Fox talked about their dissertations and skilfully manoeuvring the conversation so as to avoid third year meltdowns as the families had taken to calling their tearful, stressed rants. While Rex, Anakin, Fives and Echo stared at them in dawning horror as they realised what was in their immediate future. Fox had given Cody advice on where to find primary sources, as Fox was writing his ten-thousand-word dissertation on the Black Death and at this point, was basically an expert on where to find medical documents from varying time periods. Which was immensely helpful for Cody because his dissertation was on the treatment of shell shock in the First World War.

Dinner seemed to then settle, with all the boys commenting on funny or interesting things they had heard at university. When Fox piped up, “I was reading a chapter for my dissertation when the author commented that they buried people who had died of the Black Death by lying down a layer of bodies, then a layer of soil, another layer of bodies, more soil, more bodies and then the final layer of soil. It was interesting that the author used the analogy of the bodies been buried like how you make a lasagne.”

Everyone stopped, many of the people gathered around the table stared at Fox, with forks paused in the air. Fox, oblivious continued to eat his dinner with a smile on his face. Which was lasagne. Wolffe just shook his head and sighed in exasperation as he stopped eating his portion of lasagne and instead reached for a piece of garlic bread. Obi-Wan, taking interest in the analogy, was asking Fox if he had come across any other analogies like it. Rex, Echo and Fives dropped their forks and looked at their food in faint disgust. Qui-Gon and Anakin, who normally didn’t find anything disgusting, looked down at the lasagne on their plates in muted horror. Cody’s parents and uncle just sighed, with his uncle massaging his forehead in exasperation, while Cody’s aunt lifted her wine glass up and saluted Fox with it before taking a sip (Fox was a lot like his mother). Cody raised an eyebrow at his cousin, Fox smirked and then reached for the serving dish in the centre of the table. “Oh, no one else wants anymore? Guess I’ll finish the lasagne up then,” Fox stated with a mock innocent look on his face. Wolffe just sighed again and thumped his head down onto the table. Leaving Cody with the impression that Fox was hungry and saw how quickly the food was disappearing and decided to take matters into his own hands.

As Cody and Obi-Wan walked out of the library holding hands, Cody turned to Obi-Wan and smirked. “It is safe to say, lasagne will not be on the menu.”

Obi-Wan laughed loudly as they made their way into the cold air outside, wrapping his scarf tighter around his neck. Obi-Wan also admitted that neither his father nor Anakin, had been able to eat lasagne since that dinner. Anakin had seen lasagne being served for lunch at the university one day and had practically fled the cafeteria.

Together they walked to the bus stop that was less than a minute walk from the library and sat in contented silence as they travelled from campus on the short bus journey to their flat. Their shoulders knocked gently together as they swayed as the bus pulled in and out of bus stops. Their hands were still clasped together, and Obi-Wan was looking out of the window with a smile on his face as he watched people go about their day. Cody found himself unable to tear his gaze away from Obi-Wan’s face, watching as his eyes crinkled as he smiled at the sight of a giggling child play peekaboo with their younger sibling. The bright winter sun turned Obi-Wan’s copper hair into flames and it was a sight that always memorised Cody without fail. It was the sight that led to four-year-old him talking to Obi-Wan on their first day at school because he had never seen someone with the same-coloured hair as Obi-Wan before. Cody only realised they had reached the bus stop they needed when Obi-Wan pressed the button to alert the driver to stop. He reached down for his kit bag and swung it up onto his shoulder, they walked off the bus, thanked the driver and continued walking while holding hands. Obi-Wan began to talk about a book he had had to read for one of his modules and while Cody never heard of the book before, he enjoyed seeing how excited Obi-Wan was about it.

Once they got inside their flat, Obi-Wan put his bag, that contained his laptop and some books, on the floor by the door and went into the kitchen. Cody watched him for a moment, glad to see Obi-Wan was distracted making them both some lunch. Cody sat at their table and turned his laptop on and logged into the website where he was creating a photobook of photos of himself and Obi-Wan throughout their lives as a birthday present. There were hundreds of photos of them together over the years they had known each other, there were photos of primary, secondary and sixth form last days. Seeing how they had changed in those years was endearing and funny at the same time. Cody caught Obi-Wan looking over at him and Cody playfully tilted his laptop screen away from Obi-Wan’s view, not that his boyfriend could see it from where he was anyway. Obi-Wan smiled and then turned back to the sandwiches he was making. Obi-Wan knew he was getting his birthday present, just as Cody was aware Obi-Wan was also organising his birthday present, as Obi-Wan’s birthday was two days before Cody’s.

Cody checked through the photobook one last time and then seeing that everything was as he wanted it, he clicked order and waited for the confirmation email to arrive. Once it had, he closed his laptop down and smiled as Obi-Wan, at that moment, walked up to him and handed him a plate with his sandwich and an apple.

“I love you,” Cody said with a smile.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes fondly, “ah yes. You only love me for my sandwich making skills.”

“You caught me!” chuckled Cody as he held his hands up in defence. They shared a smile and then both began eating their sandwiches in earnest. They chatted about friends from home who had gone to other universities or who went into work, the friends they had made in Manchester, the antics of crazy younger brothers and they also talked about if they wanted to do a Masters degree in their subject and if they did, where should they go? As it wasn’t a question about if they would go together, even if Obi-Wan decided to do a Masters and Cody didn’t, he was still going to move to whichever city Obi-Wan chose to go to for his Masters. But Cody was also liking the idea of doing a history Masters himself. “We could go to London. Wolffe and Fox are both going to do a Masters, we could go to uni with them.”

Obi-Wan frowned at him in amusement. “I thought you loved living in Manchester.”

“I do,” agreed Cody. “But I also want some peace from my brothers.” He added with a faked whining tone.

His boyfriend chuckled and then said. “You could apply to University of Manchester. So, you can stay in the city, but be in a different university to your brothers.”

Cody rolled his eyes. “As if that would stop them just turning up on Uni of’s campus,” he grumbled under his breath. He didn’t even think moving to the moon would stop his brothers from turning up to inconvenience him.

Obi-Wan just chuckled to himself as he shook his head, having to admit that going to Uni of would not stop Rex, Fives and Echo from turning up to see Cody. Within three weeks of starting the academic year, they had already worked out what rooms Cody had his seminars in and at what time they finished, so they could stand outside and wait for him. Despite Cody never once showing them his timetable.

After lunch, Cody began looking through some books for information he could add to his dissertation, while Obi-Wan turned his laptop on to work on one of his assignments. At the sound of an exasperated sigh, Cody looked up with one raised eyebrow to find Obi-Wan glaring at his laptop screen. “Problem?” he prompted lightly.

His boyfriend rolled his eyes and stated, “I hate this. We have a dissertation and other essays we need to complete that count towards our final degree. But then we are asked to write a two-thousand-word essay on the skills we have learnt doing our English degree and how those skills can help us in the workplace. While also having to give examples of jobs that use and need those skills.” Obi-Wan growled in frustration, “it is so pointless, but we have to do it otherwise we can be penalised if we don’t. But it’s wasting our time, we have other more important things to do.”

Cody grimaced and then reached out to squeezed Obi-Wan’s hand. “I totally get your frustration. We have been asked to do the exact same thing.”

Obi-Wan just groaned and thunked his head on the table, “I hate this. This is stress I do not need.” Cody smiled to himself and with his free hand, he ran his fingers through Obi-Wan’s hair, gently scratching at his scalp with his nails.

When Obi-Wan had relaxed, Cody recalled the lecture when he had been told about the assignment and how the career’s department guest lecturer and one of his usual history lecturers asked for people to give examples of skills, they had learnt doing their degree. He must have laughed to himself, because Obi-Wan was turning his head, leaving his face resting against the table top, and gave him an unimpressed glare. “Are you laughing at my pain?”

“No,” soothed Cody, brushing the hair out of Obi-Wan’s eyes. “Just remembering what Bly said in our lecture about the skills we have learnt doing a history degree.”

“Care to share? It might help me out,” asked Obi-Wan.

Cody smirked, “we have learnt to deal with emotionally crippling pain.”

There was a pause, and then Obi-Wan was laughing, his shoulders shaking as he lifted his head up from the table and instead rested it against Cody’s shoulder. “Oh, that’s a good one. I wonder if I could get away with using it?” he mused.

“I have no idea. But like you, I am tempted to use it,” stated Cody, happy to see a bit of life back in Obi-Wan’s eyes. There was nothing more depressing that having to complete a pointless assignment when you had a hundred other things to do that actually mattered for your degree.

They made the collective decision to stop working for the rest of the day, they were both mentally tired and decided they could do with a break. So, they found a film to watch, which led to another film, which led to another, until it was time for them to eat dinner. After they had shared the cooking, eaten and then shared the washing up, they decided to have an early night. Seeing as they both had nine am lectures on campus and arranged to meet in the library afterwards before Cody’s meeting with his dissertation supervisor.

As they stretched out on their bed, Cody pulling Obi-Wan to half lay on top of him, their legs tangled together. Despite the early time of the evening, the warmth and the presence of each other led them both to become drowsy and their eyes flickered heavily.

“Good night Cody,” yawned Obi-Wan, his jaw cracking at the force of the yawn.

“G’night Obi. Love you,” Cody breathed out on a sigh, his eyes closing as he felt himself begin to drift.

“Love you Code,” mumbled Obi-Wan as he pressed his face into the crook of Cody’s neck. With his nose pressed into Obi-Wan’s hair, Cody pressed a kiss against Obi-Wan’s forehead and felt a kiss pressed against his neck in return. With a smile on his face, Cody drifted off into sleep, where university stress faded away until it captured his attention tomorrow, but for now, he was able to sleep peacefully with his boyfriend in his arms.

End note:

I would draw the photo of all the boys in their onesies, but alas I cannot draw so let the image live on in our imaginations. 

Also I really enjoyed writing this AU, so if anyone wants to see more from it (including Rex, Fives, Echo, Wolffe, Fox and Anakin) let me know!

I went to Manchester Metropolitan University and as I loved it there so much, I chose to make it the setting for my AU for codywanweek. The road, buildings, halls and park are real places at the university and writing this fic has just made me want to go back there. I couldn’t come up with a degree for Cody so I just gave him my degree and dissertation focus (so yes there does exist a 10,000-word dissertation on the treatment of shell shock in WWI). At MMU we did call the University of Manchester Uni of, to differentiate between the two universities.

The Black Death lasagne analogy does actually exist in a historical book somewhere. I didn’t actually read it, but one of my flatmates in first year, who also did history, did. He was revising for one of our exams and he excitedly burst into the shared kitchen, saw me and geeked out over the funny analogy, we laughed about it, about how it was such a random analogy to use. (But after a few years I still remember it, so I guess it’s useful.) But then one of our other flatmates, who wasn’t studying history, turned around and complained at us, because she was in the process of making lasagne for her dinner. So, the reactions to Fox’s gleeful explanation of the analogy are based on truth. Our flatmate didn’t want to eat her dinner because of us. As I was writing this fic, the analogy popped back into my head and I felt it would be such a Fox thing to say.

Cody’s line of “we have learnt to deal with emotionally crippling pain” during a career’s lecture. Is something that I heard said in a career’s lecture I had to sit through in my second year. So again, something else in this fic that is based on truth.

[monochromeweek]

Smpyhony of Dreams - Day 5

Weiss tapped her pencil across her notebook as she stared at the blank page in front of her. While usually she was okay with working with the background of her roommate, Ruby Rose, today she had been unable to focus. Instead of blowing up at Ruby, she closed the notebook that had an outline and a few other notes as well as a few books with her and placed them in a bag. Standing up and grabbing the bag, she said that she was going out for a bit. Seeing Ruby nod in response to that, she opened the door and headed out.

 It wasn’t that she didn’t like her roommate at Beacon Academy, anything but that. It’s just that certain times Ruby could be…a bit much. And sometimes she called Ruby out on it. Then again, Ruby Rose was something of a particular genius when it came to mathematics and physical education. In fact, she had been told by Ruby that she was only here because of a scholarship or something along those lines.

 “Unsufferable dolt…” she muttered as she made her way towards one of the quieter places on the college grounds: the library. Once she made her way to the building, she opened the door and headed inside, giving a light nod to the Head Librarian, Glynda Goodwitch. Once that was accomplished, she headed towards the table that she usually frequented in the back…but as she did so, she noticed that someone was already there. Curious, she moved with a little more pep in her step.

 “Um…excuse me?” she asked softly as she noticed the other student deep in thought as she was biting the end of her pen. She didn’t want to disturb the raven-haired youth but knew that she had to. She would have never forgiven anyone who had done that to her after all. ‘She is a beauty though…’ she silently admitted, hoping that the girl wouldn’t be able to see the blush on her face. Seeing the girl had looked towards her with a question on her face. “Um…yes?” she asked, staring up at the person in front of her.

 “Do you mind if I sit here?” she asked, noticing how the girl’s feline ears were twitching lightly.

 “Not at all…though I might be distracted just a little with a beautiful girl next to me,” she said with a light tease, causing Weiss to scowl at that. “But before you sit down, can you tell me your name?” the ravenette asked.

 “It’s Weiss. Yours?” she asked trying to not sound too annoyed as she sat down across from her.

 “Blake. Blake Belladonna,” she replied as Weiss sat down and got her books out of her bag as Weiss got to work after acknowledging that she had heard Blake’s name. Staring at the blank page in front of her, Weiss tried to think of how to start the essay, but the words weren’t coming to her and she sighed lightly. She was still also a little annoyed at what Blake had done and wondered if it would just be better to move to another table instead. However…something stopped her from doing that. Maybe it was the girl’s beauty, or her work ethic, but something about Blake Belladonna was causing Weiss to stay seated.

 “Having trouble?” Blake asked after a few minutes of seeing Weiss copying the same tick she had when contemplating something. She also half-expected Weiss to just brush her off. However, after a few minutes of silence…she put her pen down next to the notebook and nodded.

 “If you don’t mind…” she admitted before Blake nodded and shifted chairs so that she was next to the white-haired girl, noticing that Weiss’s cheeks were a light crimson as of now, but chose not to comment about it. After being asked about the assignment, Blake let out a small smile before nodding lightly.

 “Well…if it’s for your Shakesperian Literature class…then you came to the right girl,” Blake said with a smile. “And since the topic is related to one of my favorite plays…” she commented before writing the first line. “You don’t have to keep that line, but I find that just staring at a blank page is only going to make you think and think about what you want to write. If you write something…anything really, then that’s when the writing stops and your brain stops thinking as it puts words on the paper, or screen,” she said before noticing the time. “Anyways…I have another class to get to, but…maybe I can see you around more often?” she asked.

 “Sure. Besides…I think I can get a lot more work done here than I can in my dorm room. My roommate…she sometimes can’t take a hint when I need her to be quiet,” she admitted as Blake laughed at that. ‘What a beautiful laugh…’ she thought to herself but didn’t say anything as she returned Blake’s wave of goodbye and saw the black-haired female walk out of the library before getting back to her assignment.

 ‘Maybe I should do homework here more often…’ she thought as the image of Blake came to her mind, causing her to blush lightly at how beautiful she looked.

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Blake Belladonna had been sitting at the table in the back for the past ten minutes staring at what she had last wrote for her book and was deciding on to how to go about it. And while she loved her roommate, Yang Xiao Long, like the sister she never had…it was the times when Yang had gotten drunk was when it was nearly impossible for her to work. And seeing how Yang was tipsy when she entered the room, Blake had quickly, and quietly, exited the room after stuffing her writing book, a few pens and pencils, and other small nick knacks into her bag before leaving. At least it wasn’t as bad as the last time…which caused the feline faunus to outright ban any alcoholic beverage from ever coming into their dorm room.

Blinking lightly as she found herself in front of the library building, she was surprised that she had been lost in thought as she walked here. Mentally shrugging lightly at that, she headed towards the door and opened it before heading on through, nodding her head at Ms. Goodwitch once the blonde-haired staff member came into view.

“Ah, Miss Belladonna, so nice to see you. Take it you need a place to write in peace?” she asked as Blake nodded. Glynda then told Blake about the table in the back, where she would most likely not be disturbed by anyone. Getting a verbal thanks at the advice, Blake had made her way towards the aforementioned table and sat down before starting to work in peace. She wasn’t sure how long it was until she was finished with what she had already written and was just about to write down some words. “What to do next…?” she muttered to herself before placing the end tip of the pen in her mouth, lightly biting into the cap as she pondered on it. That is, until a voice broke through her resolve.

“Um…excuse me. Do you mind if I sit here?” a beautiful white-haired girl had asked, causing her to silently wonder why she was asking instead of just sitting down like most other people did. Regardless of her reason, she was actually a little glad that the young woman had asked…mentally adding a plus to the girl.

“Not at all…though I might be distracted just a little with a beautiful girl next to me. But before you sit down, can you tell me your name?” Blake asked. After the words came out of her mouth, she was mentally appalled. ‘Why would I say something like that?! Sure I think she’s beautiful, but I really shouldn’t have told a complete stranger that…and now she’ll probably think I’m some weirdo or something…’ Blake thought, mentally berating herself as she did so.

“It’s Weiss. Yours?”

“Blake. Blake Belladonna,” she replied as she saw Weiss sit down and get a few books out before starting to work on something, which she did the same. Starting to write a few paragraphs after the exchange, she noticed that Weiss was having trouble with whatever she was here for with and decided to ask if she wanted help. “Having trouble?” she decided to use as her words for asking for help, hoping that the white-haired female didn’t take it the wrong way. And after hearing nothing but silence for a few moments…she had a feeling that she was right. However…a few minutes later and she heard Weiss asking for some help. Deciding it would be better to be next to the girl rather than across from her, she listened intently as Weiss explained her assignment as Blake desperately hoped that the girl didn’t hear the loud and fast beats that her heart was giving out due to the proximity of her.

“Alright then…mind if I…?” she asked as Weiss shook her head. With permission granted, Blake took the notebook and pen into her hand before writing a few sentences. Once she was done, she passed the two back to their respective owner.  “You don’t have to keep that line, but I find that just staring at a blank page is only going to make you think and think about what you want to write. If you write something…anything really, then that’s when the writing stops and your brain stops thinking as it puts words on the paper, or screen.” she said before thinking about telling her about how she came to that philosophy but ultimately decided against it. “Anyways…I need to get going since I have a late class. But maybe I’ll see you around Weiss” she commented before leaving the library, a soft smile on her face as she did so.

 ‘Weiss huh? Maybe I should start doing my writing exclusively at the library from now on…especially if it means I can bump into her more often. She was definitely cute…I just hope that she doesn’t see me as a complete weirdo…

[youreawizardharr]

Cradlesona Event: School Days AU

[the image used can be sourced here.]

Welcome to Milreth

Name: Milreth Academy

Location: Central Quarter

Emblem: Two Staffs Clashing

Motto: "Ever Progressing."

Headmaster: William Latton

Academy Hours: 7:30 a.m - 4:30 p.m

Office Hours: 6:20 a.m - 6:20 p.m

Lunch Hour: 12:30 p.m - 1:15 p.m

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My piece for the Cradlesona AU event

Tagging: @lovingsiriusoswald

The uniform below can be found right here.

The uniform Eirene has worn since she attended Milreth Academy as a first year student. She always wears the jacket during class hours, and takes it off during breaks.

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"Hold fast to dreams,

For if dreams die

Life is a broken-winged bird,

That cannot fly."

Basic Information

Name: Eirene Beverly Chapman

Age: 20

Date of Birth: July 9th

Bloodtype: AB

Gender: Female

Height: 5'3"

Weight: 127lbs

Occupation(s): The Classicists

Affiliation(s): Milreth Academy

Alignment: Neutral Good

Item(s): a lanyard with her student ID

Academic Information

Year at Milreth Academy: Second Year

Academic Club: House of Arts

Choice of Course: Art & Design

Major: Fine & Studio Arts

Degree Needed: Master's Degree

The Overview: The coursework of a studio and fine art degree typically focuses on the branch of art students choose, such as painting, sculpture, illustration, animation or performance.

Favorite Subject(s):

Reading

History

Literature

Language Arts

Least Favorite Subject(s):

Mathematics

Science

Grade Point Average: 3.8

Academic Credits: 390

Studying Habits:

Eirene prefers a quiet enviroment to study for exams, complete homework or class assignments, practicing with drawing on paper, painting illustrations.

She sometimes organizes study sessions for upcoming exams or class projects (to which she deems important for social interactions, boosts friendships, and helps others in areas they have a harder time with). Eirene usually studies with almost everyone, but studies with Harr and Loki mostly.

Eirene has an exceptional memory, so she doesn't have to write down everything she needs to do or to get.

Her sleep schedule varies at nighttime, mostly because of projects, assignments, writing essays, or exams.

She makes sure to eat healthier snacks.

Student History:

Eirene received a perfect attendance award for never missing a day, or being marked as tardy for being late to class.

A painting she did of the garden in the Civic Center was auctioned at a museum for an extremely high price.

She has wrote several short stories which were published and sold at bookstores across the Central Quarter.

Student Life:

Eirene doesn't have much of a social life, meaning she isn't the partying type, and likes to spend her time wisely by being productive than some of her friends.

She loves going to Milreth's enormous library, but avoids the cafe because it gets overly crowded during exam days.

Eirene enjoys taking long walks or jogging along Milreth's huge courtyard.

Whenever inspiration strikes, she loves drawing, writing, or painting whatever it is that catches her interest. Eirene usually submits these pieces for classes.

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Relationships

Harr Silver ;

Harr is a third year student at Milreth Academy. However, he and Eirene are taking two completely different courses. With Eirene having chosen art & design, majoring in fine and studio art, where as he's taking a course on engineering, majoring in architecture. The two are constantly busy, but always find the time to spend together.

Eirene leans forward, continuing to run the tips of her fingers through black tresses. "Hey, Harr?" Her inquiry is murmurered, but the man in question hears her, humming to confirm he heard her. "Want to come over for a study session? You can bring Loki along, if you feel uncomfortable being alone with me." Harr opens his visible eye, staring up at his girlfriend of two years. "W-What do you need help with?" He looks away from her, a blush blossoming onto his face. "Are you having problems with math again, Eirene?"

She stops playing with his hair to stroke his reddening cheek. "You know I've never been particularly talented with mathematics, Harr. But you seem to have no issues with figuring out complicated math problems, am I right?"

The third year student sat up, shifting to address his lover. "I can help you in areas you have the most trouble with. If I have issues with drawing and maping things out, I know you will help me. We balance eachoth--- Eirene cuts him off, pressing her lips against his. Pulling away, she smiles happily. "You know I'll do anything for you, right, Harr?"

Loki Genetta ;

Loki is a first year student at Milreth Academy. He decided to take a course on business, majoring in business management & administration, minoring business sales. Loki wanted to take a course on business, so that he can work closely with Harr. Hoping that, when the two of them graduate, they can open up their own business in Cradle.

Eirene and Loki always hang out together on weekends or through group study sessions. If Harr is too busy, Loki will help Eirene with her standardized homework, and even allows her to practice drawing illustrations of him and watch her paint them, afterward.

Loki procrastinates completing his work alot of the time, making Harr lecture him about the importance of his education and that working hard will pay off once he graduates, even reminding Loki about them opening their own business in the Central Quarter, which inspires Loki to complete his work.

"Loki, have you completed your homework?" Harr inquired the pink haired teen, scrubbing a filthy dish with a soapy sponge. "Have you even started your class project? You know, your paper is due next week." Loki silently toys around with his unfinished dinner, causing the tips of the fork to scrap against the glass. "Eirene is writing my paper. And before you start nagging, she offered to write it for me. She said she wanted to practice writing, so I agreed in exchange for doing her math homework for her. I hate writing, you know that. I believe this is fair."

Harr rinces the plate once he finished scrubbing, setting it down in the dish rack. "Your education is important. I've told you this countless times. Both of you should be doing the work yourselves, so that you can learn to accomplish in areas you're weak in." The third year student grabs another plate to scrub. "Do you want to open up a business with me once you graduate from the academy?" Loki stood up from the table to scrap leftover food into the trash with his fork. "I do want to open up a business with you, Harr. I thought this course would be fun, but it's not fun. There's too much work involved." A sigh escapes from Harr. "Loki, you have to work for what you want. Life isn't going to hand everything to you. If you want to open up a business with me, work hard to achieve it. I will support your dream."

Loki ran up the stairs to his room, the sound of the door slamming shut echoing throughout the house. Harr returns to washing the rest of the dishes, making a mental note to lecture Eirene at a later date.

Seth Hyde ;

Seth is a third year student at Milreth Academy. He decided to take a course in art & design, majoring in fashion & apparel design. He wants to be a fashionista, and expand his experience in the fashion industry of Cradle. Seth is confident in his ability to design fashion wear for women.

Eirene and Seth met by accident one afternoon (during break, to be more precise), becoming good friends with one another.

"You made a mistake." Eirene pointed out, gesturing toward the mistake Seth made. The man let out a shriek when he noticed the mistake. "How can this be?! I was certain I drew the curves correctly!" Smiling, Eirene takes the artbook from him, using her own pencil to erase the mistake and correct it. "No worries." She handed the drawing book back to him. "My name is Eirene Chapman."

He grins, placing the artbook down beside him. "My name is Seth Hyde. Want to be friends, Eirene? We can bond over artwork."

The two of them mostly hang out during breaks, sharing their drawing techniques, offering advice about improving styles, etc. Seth and Eirene brainstorm color palettes, and Seth watches Eirene paint his designs.

Jonah Clemence ;

Jonah is a third year student of Milreth Academy. He decided to take a course in art & design, majoring in drama & theater art. He's confident with his performances on the stage, and wants to be a famous, talented actor of Cradle. Eirene met Jonah when she was tasked to help set the stage for an upcoming event the academy planned for.

"This goes against my aesthetics." Jonah remarked, taking Eirene's artwork and throwing it on the floor of the stage. "Make it better." The second year student kept her mouth shut, feeling her eyes sting with unshed tears. Seth came up besides Eirene, picking up the scenery illustration she made. "What do you know about aesthetics, Cling of Hearts? I believe Ei did a fantastic job painting this piece. Do you know how many hours she's worked on it?" The fashion designer scolded the young actor. "Do you?"

The Queen of Hearts scoffed, regarding Seth with disdain. "No, but I don't care. Everything has to be perfect for this play, since I have the lead role. Second best is not an option."

Eirene forces a smile, reaching down to pick up an opened can of paint. "You think my work is second best? I put my heart into everything I draw, paint, and write. If you wanted someone better, then you shouldn't have wasted your time asking for MY help." She dumps all the paint on Jonah, throwing the can off to the side once there's nothing left, storming off the stage, leaving a shocked Seth and an angry Jonah behind.

[dynamic-instability]

In one of my classes we have to write weekly personal narratives about an experience with illness. This week, mine turned into this. It’s probably too personal, and too... immediate?? to turn in to a professor without cutting out a lot of stuff, but not too personal to post online I guess lol

_____________________________

It’s November again.

In 2009 the lights were too bright. Mid-October one morning I woke up to my dad turning on my lights and it was like having to look into the sun while posing for a photo—my eyes wouldn’t stay open, if I forced them to, they couldn’t stay pointed in one direction, they spasmed and hurt. When the light was dimmed, I still saw double. That morning, I showered in the dark, and I remember being scared. They gave me eyedrops that paralyzed my accommodative muscles. In November my pupils were giant discs and I wore reading glasses over sunglasses to look at the computer, and when it was all said and done, the lights were still too bright, and I still saw double.

In 2011 I was tired. There’s fatigue and then there’s fatigue, I learned that Fall. In May of that year I had pulled two all-nighters in a week, and that was the only other time I’d felt this kind of tired, a sensation in about the 30th hour of the second time where it’s like my brain itched. I once saw someone else online describe it as “nausea, but in your head and eyes instead of in your throat and stomach” and that’s the closest anyone else has come to describing it. By November this was happening more and more often. I remember laying down in the corner of the room during a break of Citywide choir and thinking what the hell is wrong with me? I got a cold the next week, and I thought that maybe that was all it was. It wasn’t.

In 2013 I went to the ER for the fifth time in three months of college, and when I wanted to leave before waiting another couple of hours to eventually see a doctor who would tell me once again that they couldn’t do anything to help me, the woman from student life who was there to drive me back to campus made me call my parents on speaker phone and get their permission to leave before she would turn on the car. I had missed more chemistry labs than I could afford to miss without failing, passed out in a voice lesson, was asked by the director to drop out of choir because watching me was distraction when I looked like I was in pain, and if I passed out it would have ruined the concert for everyone. I remember leaving calculus in the mornings mid-class to go to the bathroom and lay on the floor and cry. I remember not being able to lift my hand off the mattress of my dorm room bed. I withdrew from half of my classes on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, and took the Spring semester off.

In 2014 I had made a promise to myself that I would come back to college full time for that Fall semester just to see if I could do it, and then if I couldn’t I would drop out for good. There was one week where I thought that might be happening. Mid-November. The girls in my dorm had made a fort in the lounge out of sheets and blankets and colorful scarves and I remember laying on the couch through the green-filtered light and feeling the world spin and thinking oh god I still can’t do this. The door opened with a rush of cold air and my friends came in with food for me, since I’d been too sick to go to dinner. They sat with me and helped me with chemistry, offered to type up a paper if I dictated it, told jokes and made me laugh. I took an incomplete in one class, but I passed everything else, just barely scraped through, and came back in January.

In 2015 I just wanted to sleep. I passed out in an elevator and heard familiar voices, concerned voices, as I came to, and I stayed there laying motionless for another minute longer, because as long as I wasn’t awake I didn’t have to keep pushing. I wrote whole pages of completely unreadable ochem notes because my hand wasn’t working any better than my brain, and woke up on the floor and was wheeled out on a stretcher crying. It was dark all the time. My cane slipped on wet leaves and I felt my wrist crunch and there it was, one too many missed organic chemistry labs. I couldn’t stand for an entire choir rehearsal because breathing to sing made me lightheaded. I slept for 16 hours a day. The week before Thanksgiving, I called my mother to tell her I had decided to take another hardship withdrawal, and she sighed. I had applied to transfer schools during my much more optimistic Spring semester and Summer, and the week I left was also the week I found out I’d been accepted.

And so okay now it’s 2019, and it’s October and now November again, semester plan again, dark again. My reading is piling up again, feeling overwhelmed again, laying on my kitchen floor again. But here’s the thing—my health is… fine? Midterm week I didn’t sleep, and yes I passed out twice, but no ER. For the past 18 months, I can count on one hand the number of mornings I’ve been unable to get out of bed because of fatigue. My heart still pounds too hard but my head doesn’t swim every time I sit up. I walk the streets of New York City like mobility has never been a problem. I always take the stairs. My brain doesn’t itch until it’s been 30 hours no sleep.

I couldn’t go to class last week. I lay on the floor of my kitchen and stared up at the ceiling and tried to get up, tried to type out an email to my professors, and I couldn’t do it. I was not too tired. I was not too weak. I was not in pain. I could not move. I try to write and try to write and try to write and the words don’t come. I eat instant oatmeal at 9 PM because I haven’t been to the store in a month. I have lost nearly 15 pounds since moving to New York. I clean the stove for two and a half hours but can’t bring myself to take the dead spider off the side of the bathtub. I check the door lock one-two-three times, pace the floor, sit back down. I do not read Austerlitz. I write a Canvas post for Self and Other but it’s nonsense. I do not write a Canvas post for Accounts of Self. I do not write a Canvas post for Applied Writing. I write a Canvas post for Illness and Disability and somehow forget to post it, the one thing I’ve actually done, because I’m too busy feeling sick at everything I haven’t. I shadow a doctor for the clinical witnessing assignment and everything is fine but when I try to write it up I have a panic attack that leaves me sobbing on my couch and the assignment nine days late and counting. It takes me eight hours to write two pages. I watch 18 hours of YouTube video essays discussing drama about creators I don’t even watch and play a stupid game on my phone for an entire weekend until I’ve spent $25+ in a labyrinth of microtransations and every time I close my eyes I see the moving dots.

In November of 2015 I had three overdue essays for Global Literature, and two more due in the next two weeks. More than half were on books I had not read. My pre-lab wasn’t done for organic chemistry, and I wondered for a moment, if I pretended to pass out, if that would be easier. I stayed up until 4 AM laying on my floor and listening to Hamilton. I was sick, that much is true, but when I felt okay I still sat at my computer and could not bring myself to write.

In 2011 I had so many unfinished assignments for my college-level English class that I resigned myself to failing and I went to school the morning of the final class, but I hid in the stairwell by the choir room until I heard the bell, and I never went back to that class.

2009 was the year my dad stopped being able to yell at me for not doing my homework, because no one, including me, could tell whether it was actually my eyes stopping me.

In 2008 I wrote 6 essays in the 5 days of Thanksgiving break because I had not done any work for Intro to Lit all semester. I pulled it off, somehow, even aced the class because of an unusually lenient late work policy, but what I most remember is the sick feeling of dread as I lay on the floor in the living room staring up at the Christmas tree and feeling invisible sand slip through an invisible hourglass and a vice tightening in my chest.

In 2006 I stayed up almost all night writing a paper and crying my eyes out because I couldn’t find the words to explain to anyone why it had been so impossible for me to get the work done, that I wasn’t being lazy or distracted, I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t necessarily reading YA novels or watching TV or IMing my friends instead of working, I could sit and stare at a blank word document for 6 hours straight and still it would not get done. Everyone talked about potential, talked about how smart I was, but a gradebook that is half 100’s and half 0’s still averages out to an F. No one, including me, could explain the discrepancy. The logic of that simple math was not lost on me, the knowledge that turning in half-finished or not very good work was mathematically better than not doing it, but that didn’t mean I could do it. Words failed me when I tried to explain the illogic of my particular suffering.

I didn’t hear the term executive dysfunction until I was in my 20s. In retrospect I was tentatively told at 16 that I had “probably some ADHD and OCD”, but that psychiatrist was someone I’d been sent to by a neurologist because he thought she could fix my eyes, and when she said she couldn’t, I stopped making appointments. After I got sick, physically sick, the lines blurred between what was causing what, to the point where even I have no idea. Two of the Novembers missing here are ones I spent at CC, on the block plan where I only took one class at a time. My physical health arguably improved a little after transferring in January of 2016, but mostly it didn’t, not until Spring of 2018 at least. And you can see that evidence in dropped blocks, concussions from passing out onto hard surfaces, a couple of incompletes taken when viral illnesses (or concussions) compounded my other problems. What the block plan changed was the way things pile up, lessened the struggle of constant task switching between classes. (Admittedly, I also had fewer papers when taking mostly science classes. Writing takes much more energy, and it’s much harder to convince myself it doesn’t have to be perfect to be worth submitting.) At CC nothing ever really reached the level of catastrophe. Some of that is purely the ability to drop a single block, meaning when it was my physical health that was the problem, I didn’t lose a whole semester, just one class, then reset. But I should have realized sooner that the block plan wouldn’t account for the level of improvement if my physical health had really been the only barrier.

So we’re back to now. Grad school. November again. Dark again. Semester plan again. Too much writing again. Crushing dread again. Dysfunction again. Panic attack in the middle of the night increasingly elaborate organizing rituals scream of the subway tracks in my mind can’t stop can’t start can’t breathe can’t move burnout again. This time without the explanation of chronic fatigue to fall back on.

I have my tricks, have actually learned somewhat to cope in the past 18 years. Schedules help, break tasks into pieces that are as small as possible. Mindfulness meditation. Forgive yourself when it’s not perfect. Get started with something easy, set a timer for 20 minutes and only work for those 20 minutes and then let yourself stop if you want to (and surprisingly often, you won’t want to, sometimes that momentum is all it takes). If you work better in the night, work in the night, who cares what society says your sleep schedule should be. When switching tasks, physically get up and move to a different location. Allow yourself to procrastinate on work with other work if that’s what you have to do. Delete the stupid games from your phone. One or two missed assignments are not actually the end of the world, if you let yourself view it as piling up, you won’t be able to get anything done, so if you absolutely have to, just move through and move on.

It’s not a catastrophe, this November. It’s a fight, but it’s not a catastrophe. I read Austerlitz and forgive myself for skimming it. I write a Canvas post and forgive myself when it’s only 500 words and doesn’t make complete sense. I read Toni Morrison and Édouard Louis and classmates’ discussion posts about Deaf culture and identity and remember why this matters in the first place, that it’s not just a series of assignments to overwhelm me, it’s a series of interesting complicated exhausting important thoughts and questions. I get it done. Some of it. Most of it. I let myself sleep. I breathe. I remember to be grateful because I can get out of bed in the mornings and take the stairs. I am okay.

[anarenedob]

Appreciation Through Education

What if you start studying the ‘’career of your life’’, and the only choice you could take was studying something that doesn’t interest you?

And what if, surprisingly, you end up finding inspiration in it? Hey, my name is Ana and this is my story of how I learned to appreciate teaching.

When I was about to graduate from high school, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Existential questions began to pester me, " Who do I want to be? Do I want to be a dentist? Or maybe a psychologist?…. Hmmm, does one of these things have anything to do with the other? How am I supposed to know what to choose?".

I found myself burdened with a bag full of wonders and potential opportunities for my future. But, wait a minute, will I have the opportunity to leave my hometown in order to choose any of these careers? Because none of them are taught where I live.

My father, as always, was one step ahead of me and knew that I was not going to leave town. Due to the current socio-political context that was going on in my country, I had to stay at home.

The sweat of confusion and broken expectations began to blur my mind. I had to make a decision and choose one of the careers available in my city. The only options were Medicine, Engineering, and Education.

Little Ana, (Hmmm not so little actually, considering I was 16 at the time, but memories feel like I was a child) began to explore the possibility that a person who does not like numbers would choose a career in equations and mathematics.

What a nightmare I began to imagine, remembering the feeling of not being good enough because I didn't understand much in class. Why wasn't I considering education? Was engineering the only valuable career to consider, wasn't Education cool enough for me or in the eyes of others?

Whether it was cool or not, I had a decision to make. As I lay in my messy bed, I called one of my best friends, Vanessa, who is a smart and straightforward person. Vanessa picked up the phone and, I started to tell her that maybe Chemical Engineering might be an interesting option and… She went crazy.

She started questioning the idea I told her a second ago. She asked me if I hadn't already figured out that I was a humanities type of person, letters and theory are my things. We figured it out because:

I've always been good at doing analysis for our essays in class.

English didn't give me problems in school like it did for others.

I was good at explaining theoretical subjects to my classmates.

Physics, Mathematics, and Chemistry always gave me anxiety and made me feel not so smart and uncomfortable.

Then, a revelation occurred...

and the only considerable decision was choosing language teaching. Numbers were no longer an option… and neither was being a doctor.

Months passed, and my friends began to leave the city to move to the place where they were going to study their dream careers. In my case, the time to go to study something that seemed boring and not so promising was approaching day by day.

Well, the day came and I went to the university. There I had the opportunity to meet a professor who was brilliant in the execution of the teaching task. She was charming, had great pronunciation, and told amazing stories of the experiences she had had as an exchange teacher in the UK. She was kind in correcting you and inspiring in sharing her favorite stories in the classroom.

My mindset began to change as I discovered how wonderful the teaching experience could be, thanks to her kindness and vocation.

A realization Opportunity fell from the sky

A couple of semesters after I started going to college, I began taking an English course to polish my grammar. Here, most of the teachers were young and close to my age. They made this teaching and learning environment feel like the coolest experience to be a part of.

There was soft acoustic music playing in the background because one of the teachers liked to play guitar in his spare time. In the hallways, you'd always run into discussions that helped others improve their skills. And there was also a welcoming feeling of being surrounded by people of all ages with a common goal, learning.

To my surprise, when I finished the course, I was told that I had done an excellent job. The director of this institute asked me to do an internship there as an English teacher. It was the perfect opportunity to learn more about teaching.

After considering it for a couple of days, the director received my acceptance. And suddenly, I found myself for the first time at the age of 19, teaching English to people between the ages of 11 and 60.

I learned how patient I could be, which was a hidden quality, or at least that's what my mom said. And discovered how delightful it feels when you are able to help someone master something that seems impossible to them.

Appreciation through education

As the days went by, and as I gained more experience in each class, I began to fall in love with teaching. This journey, where I have been learning the wonders of language teaching and communication, has been the one that has brought out the best in me.

I am certain that you will all agree that it all starts from the seed of Education. Learning how to behave, how chemistry works, and how to be a good doctor or a psychologist. Without a teacher, most of us would not be here reading this.

By underestimating the importance of Education, I didn't give myself a chance to realize that it was the best thing I could ever do. Because this is the best way I can help make this a better world than the one I have found.

[mozart-and-mocha]

Rafaela

It was nearly 12 weeks since I first ran into the keys, and while things got weirder as I learned more about their world, school was getting more stressful. I’m enrolled in the International Baccalaureate program, and for anyone who has earned their diploma, they will understand how stressful it is.

Today was Wednesday, which meant that classes ended at 3.15pm for me, and instead of going home, I decided to stay in school and get some work done. I was on a roll, which for me meant that my ADHD brain was in a productive mode and I didn’t want to waste it. I was working on my Theory of Knowledge essay, and I was so exhausted after an hour and 45 minutes that I felt dizzy. Enough for now, I told myself. I’ll go home and either do more tonight or take a break.

Earlier today, I had acted up and jumped up and down in front of the class when the maths teacher (who happened to be the key of D major) returned our fortnight test scores. My class was taking Higher Level mathematics, and since it was a hard class, D major decided that frequent practice would help us in dealing with this class. Every two weeks, we would have a short quiz with 3-5 questions. That might not sound like a lot, but we always had new content to cover, and each question had many parts to it. This time, I had done fairly well by my standards, which were lower than most of the class since I struggled in school due to my ADHD. For me, getting 60% and above was an achievement, especially if I did not take my meds. I scored 67% for today’s test, and my impulsivity led me to jump excitedly in the air for a few seconds while the rest of the class stared at me. I apologised and returned to my seat, feeling heat radiating from my face. D major glanced at me sympathetically before continuing with the lesson. The whole class knew about my condition, however, that didn’t stop the stares. After that, during lunch, some of my classmates started laughing at me. I stormed out of the classroom, while my friend Erica accompanied me and tried to comfort me. “It’s okay,” she said. “They don’t understand what it’s like, and they need to feel better about themselves, so they’ll find anything weird to laugh at. You’re awesome, Raf. You’ll always be cool to me.” I didn’t believe her.

The anger and sadness that I would not be normal and not fit in with my classmates stayed with me until I finally went home. As I made my way out of the school building, I saw a couple of my classmates ahead of me, walking alone. I decided to avoid them and purposely walked slower than my usual walking speed. As I walked past the shopping mall next to my school, I saw a familiar figure walking towards me. F major.

He spoke in his kind and gentle voice. “Hey, Rafaela.”

“Hi,” I mumbled. I wasn’t in any mood to talk, but with F major, I felt my mood begin to lighten. “Any reason you’re here today?”

“A major was supposed to be here today, but she was busy talking to A minor, so here I am. I think she’s coming here soon, though, so I’m free to leave.”

“So...what are your plans for later? I’m supposed to have dinner at home, but my mother and I had an argument this morning, and I don’t really feel like going home.” As I spoke, I continued walking towards the train station.

“Won’t your parents get mad? Not like I really had them myself, but when we were in our early stages, before the Baroque era, people took care of us. I guess that’s my closest understanding to what you call parents.” I turned to look at F major in amazement.

“I didn’t know you existed that far back,” I remarked. Suddenly, I had a craving for Starbucks, and since there was an outlet at the mall next to my school, I found my feet pointing in that direction. “I have a sudden craving for Starbucks,” I announced. “Don’t mind me.” In reality, I was secretly hoping F major would come along. I just loved having him around.

“How about a treat?” he said.

“No way,” I replied. “I...can’t expect free stuff from other people. Or...um...you know what I mean.” Did F major count as a person when most of the world didn’t know he existed?

He smiled. “I’m having a meeting with F minor there, anyway. You could come say hi.”

“What? F minor?”

“...yes?” F major looked confused. 

“I met her before, only that I didn’t know that then. She was my swimming coach,” I explained.

“I’m not surprised,” he admitted. “C major probably set that up. He’s in charge of most of us, in the sense that he assigns our groups for working together, or plans where we go to find synaesthetes. I mean specifically people with ordinal linguistic personification, but the musical form.”

By this time, we were at Starbucks. I looked around and saw my former swimming coach sitting at a low table, looking athletic as ever. She was looking at the door as we walked in, and she smiled. I ran over to her and gave her a hug. “It’s been a while,” I said. “We’ve met a couple of times, since then, but these were hurried and we didn’t get to talk much.”

F minor smiled at me, and in that instant, I suddenly saw how similar she and F major were to each other. The vibe they were both giving off was powerful, and I suddenly felt ready to face my classmates again, only that I’d have to wait until tomorrow. 

“I told her she could come say hi,” F major said. “I wonder, what if you had been her piano teacher instead?”

“You what?” My voice went up.  “You’re a piano teacher as well?!”

“Maybe you could sit in with us, Rafaela,” F minor invited. “Unless you need to go home. I don’t want to keep your parents waiting.”

Are you kidding, I thought. I got to spend some times with my favourite key and his parallel minor, who had been my swimming coach and whom I liked very much as well.

“It’s fine,” I said. “I just need to be home by 10PM.” 

“Are you sure?” F major said. “We don’t want you to get into trouble.”

“I’m fine,” I insisted. “So...what are the two of you discussing today?”

F minor laughed, a familiar sound I didn’t realise I missed. “Before we get into that, let’s buy something so it doesn’t look like we’re hogging the space.” She waved me towards F major. “Choose anything you want.”

“No!” I protested, as I followed F major to the counter. “I’m paying for my order myself.”

“Well, you can choose to do that and still have a free drink that you may or may not like, or you can choose to tell me what you want and let me pay for it, and save your money in the process, not to mention the effort put in by the baristas to make your drink,” F major said. 

“Hey, that’s unfair. I...”

“So which is it, Rafaela?” F major smiled. “You can choose.”

I realised I wasn’t going to win. “Fine, I’ll have a grande chocolate chip frappe with whipped cream. Thanks,” I said. I fought the urge to hug him. What was it with me and F major?

We walked back to our table after getting our orders, and the two F-based keys sat next to each other, opposite me. I wondered if we looked like family where the kid was having a treat with her parents after school. For a moment, I wished that they were my family.

“On Saturday, we will be waiting around the library near the concert hall,” F major said. “You have classes in the morning, so you’ll come after you’re done. If nothing happens, we just update C major with what happened via electronic means and move on with the next step. If something happens, let’s say, a fight with one of those officials, we call for backup. I’ll have A major and D minor with me if we need them.”

F minor nodded. “I’ll have A-flat major and D-flat major join us too, if we need them.”

“Hold up,” I interrupted. “Officials? Back up? And two flat major keys with lots of flats as backup?”

F minor grinned. “I’m sure F major has explained to you that there are officials who are stifling expressions of creativity and emotion, and classical music is among the targets. As such, these guys often attack musicians, to intimidate them, and that’s why they need us to help them. In a way, we too need them, because it takes us and them to work together to keep classical music going, and in turn, emotion will remain here. Other art forms have their own fighters too, though we don’t know much of them. We wouldn’t know if, for example, there are personified colours walking around, doing similar jobs as us, but for painters and other visual artists. Sometimes, when we’re engaged in a fight with one of them, occasionally to defend a musician, we find that there are more of them we can handle. So that’s where the backup comes in, typically consisting of the trios we are assigned to. The tonic of F major’s trio makes up the D minor triad: D minor, F major, and A major. Mine is the D-flat major triad: D-flat major, me, and A-flat major. If we’re lucky, we have our relative keys in the same triad as us, but it’s not necessary. Sometimes we go out in different groups, if C major wishes to switch things up a little. Once, he even sent out pairs that formed tritones.”

F major grimaced. “I was in one of those pairs. I had to work with B minor, and the tension that was constantly there was exhausting to navigate. We nearly ended up yelling at each other.”

“Wow,” I wheezed. “So what’s with F minor’s triad? I mean, I kinda expected you to be in a triad of a different key, like your own.”

F major glanced at F minor and smiled mischievously. “You might not believe it, but F minor is so strong and fierce that D-flat major and A-flat major were chosen to calm her down sometimes. You remember that F minor is the mediant key of D-flat major, and A-flat major is the relative. Since both keys are flat keys and relatively calm, they were selected as the perfect balance for fiery F minor. C major didn’t want another flat minor key to be with her in the same group, since that would be too intense, and other triads should get a flat minor if possible. Anyway, F minor called for backup once, but by the time D-flat major and A-flat major arrived, her opponents, yes, two of them, had run away. In a different scenario, though, F minor might have really needed the backup. F minor and her companions use different strategies to fight, and how D-flat major and A-flat major fight. These two can fight like F minor, but they are much better at calming the opponent down until they are in no mood to fight. Sometimes the opponent may even become sleepy when battling D-flat major and A-flat major, since music in these keys is often calming. ”

“Clair de Lune by Debussy,” I said. “And Schubert’s Impromptu Op. 142, No. 2. Well, at least the opening is calming, anyway.”

“Usually the first 20 measures or so, including repeats, suffice when generating the emotion or mood required. And also, when it comes to my assigned triad, people often expect these two keys to be tranquil and not worth paying attention to in a fight, but these two use that perception of them to their advantage.”

“Any chance I’d meet them soon?” I asked. “I’ve already met you two, D minor, and A major. And I’ve seen A minor once in public, but she was busy talking to A major, and then she left. I don’t think A minor even knew I was there.”

“Let’s hope that time doesn’t come soon, because that would mean things are getting bad. And I have to go, since I have a swimming class at 6.30pm,” F minor said. I glanced at my watch - it was 5.45pm. 

Suddenly my mind went back to those weekend evenings when I had swimming class that lasted for one and a half hours. I hated the backstroke, because I kept crashing into the lane ropes and occasionally whacking my hand on the concrete at the end of the lane. Sometimes I’d even swim into another swimmer’s feet, since I was on my back and couldn’t see them. And the double arm butterfly stroke was tiring, but it was amazing to be able to do, and hold my breath for 4 or more kicks. “I miss those days,” I said. “Sometimes I want to go back to the past.”

“We all have these feelings, kid,” F major said. “But focusing on the present is what’s important, and maybe the future.”

“I’ve gotta go. See you soon,” F minor waved goodbye as she walked away. 

I was alone with F major. “So...that was it? I felt like most of it was explaining things to me rather than the two of you actually discussing your plans.”

“Honestly, it was just to make sure we were both up to date on our plans. Usually, we only spend a few minutes planning, and then we spend the rest of the time bonding together, which is important since this new order is trying to destroy our bonds and return everything to a dull, emotionless state, which includes the use of atonality specially engineered for this purpose. I’m aware that not all atonality is emotionless, but the kind we’re facing in recent years most certainly is, and that’s what we’re fighting against. We can’t let society, even the non-musicians, go to that state. Like F minor said, we’re indirectly working together with the other art forms. Professionals in their respective artistic fields are also up to the task of defending their art forms.”

“That’s sad. Having to defend yourself, I mean,” I said. This reminded me of constantly defending myself from bullies, teachers who didn’t understand my ADHD, and even my own parents sometimes. With F minor gone, I suddenly dreaded the thought of going to school tomorrow. I was tempted to make myself sick so I wouldn’t have to go to school for a valid reason, then I remembered I had a consultation regarding my music essay at 1.15pm tomorrow. And then I started thinking about my other subjects as well, kind of like playing “6 degrees of Kevin Bacon” but with the thoughts in my mind.

Before I knew it, I was tearing up. I realised F major was looking at me with concern in his eyes, but I was too embarrassed to make eye contact with him. “I’m fine,” I mumbled. “Just stressed about school. I have this critical thinking essay, a music essay I have a consultation for tomorrow, I need to study for mathematics, and I have a lab session for chemistry on Friday.” At this point, I was crying. “I like chemistry, but the lab sessions are so stressful. I always misread the instructions, I have to repeat my experiments, and then my data is different from everyone else’s. And then writing the lab report is hard, and my teacher gets mad at me for not keeping up.”

“Here.” F major handed me a paper handkerchief. I took it, and then I moved from my seat to where F minor had sat just now, so that I was next to F major. I wished he would hug me, but maybe he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable. Or maybe he was worried about what other people might think if they saw a grown man hugging an unrelated girl, even though we both knew it would be innocuous.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “ADHD is a bitch to have. It ruins my academic success and my social life.”

F major patted my head sympathetically. “I know,” he said. “A major and D minor both told me.”

My phone buzzed, and when I checked it, it was a text from my father. He had had a meeting in town, and since he was near my school, he wanted to know if I needed a ride home since he knew I sometimes stayed back to study. I’m at the Starbucks next to my school with a friend, I texted back.

Stay there, my dad replied. Apparently, he needed to buy something and it was available at the mall where I was right now. He would buy whatever it was, then he would come to Starbucks to get me. After that, we would walk to the car together.

“My dad’s coming here soon, in around twenty to thirty minutes,” I told F major. I felt the tears drying. “Sorry for all of that, by the way. It’s just...being who I am makes life hard. Sometimes it’s the thought of you guys that makes me excited for the next day when I’d see one of you again.”

F major almost looked sad. At that moment, I realised how sad F major could be, especially for a major key. Did he ever reach D minor levels of sadness?

“Guess who I’ve heard that line from,” he said. “You two sound eerily alike sometimes, especially when you’re sad, or in her case, severely depressed.”

“Hey now, I’m not depressed. I have ADHD, which is not depression.” 

“I’m no psychiatrist, but ADHD and depression can and do occur together,” F major said. “Sometimes depression comes as an effect of dealing with ADHD, especially in an unsupportive environment, and sometimes it’s there by itself, independent of ADHD. What I mean is, having ADHD doesn’t mean you’re immune from depression. Quite the opposite, actually. There’s a higher risk of having depression as a co-morbid condition if you have ADHD.”

“Damn,” I said. “I really hope I do not have it. Having ADHD is bad enough, I do not need to have to deal with depression too.”

“My relative minor deals with depression, and that’s who I meant when I said you two sound eerily similar when you’re sad,” F major said. I felt a jolt go through me at the mention of D minor.

“Is..she okay?” I demanded, forgetting about my own problems. 

“I think you should focus on yourself for now,” F major replied, avoiding giving me an answer, which made me suspicious. “You’re very kind, Rafaela, but worrying too much about others isn’t going to do you and your grades any favours. I’m sure you’re managing well at school, and now isn’t the time to uproot all of that, especially when you’ve worked so hard for your grades. ADHD can make school even harder, and I want you to do well.”

I glanced at my watch. At least 15 more minutes until my dad came. “That’s not an answer,” I said, fiddling with the used paper handkerchief which was soaked with my tears from minutes ago. “D minor is my friend like you are, and I’m worried for her the same way I’d be worried for you if you were in that position.”

“You sure you want to waste your energy worrying about something you can’t control?” F major said. “We’ve been around since the start of classical music history, our early days were during the Renaissance period, and you’re 17. We’ve been handling our issues much longer than you’ve been handling your own.”

I was comfortable being with F major that I had nearly forgotten he wasn’t just an older adult I felt safe with.

“When you put it that way...I guess I should just trust that you have things sorted out. But you’re still affected by human experiences, and some of them can be horrible to go through.”

At that moment, I started thinking about what had happened earlier today and how my classmates had laughed at me. I felt myself freeze, and a cold nervous feeling spread from my stomach to the rest of my internal organs. It was the same feeling I got when the teacher was about to hand back test papers and the announcement before the return of the papers was that some students did really badly. More often that not, I was one of those students. I inhaled deeply.

F major stared out the window, watching people walk by for a few seconds before speaking. He almost looked wistful. “I would know about that. I’ve gone through some of that myself.”

I looked at him. “Like what?”

“Let’s just say that some people, apart from those officials we are always up against, don’t like me, and while that’s fine, the problem is that sometimes I’ve been decked in public because of that. It helps that I can defend myself, but the emotional impact sure gets me. And that makes me worry that if something like that were to happen to D minor, I can’t protect her since I’d likely be attacked myself. I know F minor’s fine, it’s my relative minor I’ve always been afraid I can’t protect.” 

I wondered if F major was aware that his voice had gotten sadder as he spoke. In a way, he almost reminded me of D minor. I thought it was sweet of him, to worry about his loved ones even when he himself was in trouble.

“I’ve noticed you seem pretty sad for a major key,” I said. 

“Again, you’re not the first person to say that to me. D minor said that to me once, when we were discussing how sometimes, after a fight, she would find me knocked out. She said that it kinda shook her since I’m supposed to be the protective one among the two of us.”

“Do relative majors always do the protecting in a relative pair of keys?” I asked.

“You’ve forgotten about F minor,” F major said, with a hint of a smile. “She does most of the fighting, while A-flat major keeps the opponent in a calm and restful mood.”

I mentally cursed myself for forgetting how powerful F minor was, and assuming that she as a minor key depended on A-flat major for protection. “Right,” I said. “F minor and A-flat major seem like the odd pair where the minor appears to be stronger and more active than the major.”

“I think the same could be said of G major and E minor, but they’re so different in personality I think they’re happy to work in different triads.”

At that moment, I looked up past F major’s face and saw my dad walking through the door, looking for me. I stood up and yelled across the café, ignoring the stares. My dad smiled when he saw me, and when he saw F major sitting next to where I was standing, he looked confused. He walked over to us.

“Hi, Raf. I hope you were productive today,” my dad said, as he ruffled my hair affectionately. I did not introduce F major and my dad to each other, since my dad didn’t know anything about music apart from note names. However, my dad had other ideas.

“Hi, I’m Rafaela’s dad,” he said, smiling to F major. “I’m assuming you’re her friend?”

Whoops. I had no idea how F major planned to introduce himself to my non-musical, non-synaesthetic dad. Even if my dad only knew music theory but didn’t have synaesthesia, this situation would have been a lot less awkward. What human name should I give F major for this situation? If it had been D minor here with me now, I’d just call her Re and my dad would think her name was Rae/Ray/Rey or one of those spellings, though probably a more feminine one. (I’m aware that Ray/Rey are more likely to be used on a guy.) “Hi,” F major said, interrupting my thoughts. “You’re right, I’m her friend. She was productive today.”

“That’s great,” my dad said distractedly. “Hope you’re doing well in school,” he added, as he turned away and started walking. I realised that 1. my dad was only being polite and he didn’t really have any interest in talking as he was stressed about work, and 2. he thought F major was my classmate, or at least my schoolmate. I felt relief spread throughout my body. I turned around and waved to F major, who looked amazing. Fluffy layered brown hair that was shorter than shoulder-length, soft blue eyes set in a pale face, lean shoulders...and as he stood up, I suddenly noticed how tall he was, which somehow I had never noticed before. He was a head taller than me. F major looked like the kind of European guys I was always staring at. For some reason, I found that kind of face pleasant to look at, but I had never felt any attachment to the people whose faces they were as I didn’t get to know them personally, but this was different. I knew F major. As I followed my dad to the carpark, I wondered what it was like, charging into battle with F major against those officers who tried to stifle the arts. And maybe grabbing a coffee afterward, watching the sunset. 

[dragonswordmaster]

Symphony of Dreams - Day 5

Weiss tapped her pencil across her notebook as she stared at the blank page in front of her. While usually she was okay with working with the background of her roommate, Ruby Rose, today she had been unable to focus. Instead of blowing up at Ruby, she closed the notebook that had an outline and a few other notes as well as a few books with her and placed them in a bag. Standing up and grabbing the bag, she said that she was going out for a bit. Seeing Ruby nod in response to that, she opened the door and headed out.

 It wasn’t that she didn’t like her roommate at Beacon Academy, anything but that. It’s just that certain times Ruby could be…a bit much. And sometimes she called Ruby out on it. Then again, Ruby Rose was something of a particular genius when it came to mathematics and physical education. In fact, she had been told by Ruby that she was only here because of a scholarship or something along those lines.

 “Unsufferable dolt…” she muttered as she made her way towards one of the quieter places on the college grounds: the library. Once she made her way to the building, she opened the door and headed inside, giving a light nod to the Head Librarian, Glynda Goodwitch. Once that was accomplished, she headed towards the table that she usually frequented in the back…but as she did so, she noticed that someone was already there. Curious, she moved with a little more pep in her step.

 “Um…excuse me?” she asked softly as she noticed the other student deep in thought as she was biting the end of her pen. She didn’t want to disturb the raven-haired youth but knew that she had to. She would have never forgiven anyone who had done that to her after all. ‘She is a beauty though…’ she silently admitted, hoping that the girl wouldn’t be able to see the blush on her face. Seeing the girl had looked towards her with a question on her face. “Um…yes?” she asked, staring up at the person in front of her.

 “Do you mind if I sit here?” she asked, noticing how the girl’s feline ears were twitching lightly.

“Not at all…though I might be distracted just a little with a beautiful girl next to me,” she said with a light tease, causing Weiss to scowl at that. “But before you sit down, can you tell me your name?” the ravenette asked.

“It’s Weiss. Yours?” she asked trying to not sound too annoyed as she sat down across from her.

“Blake. Blake Belladonna,” she replied as Weiss sat down and got her books out of her bag as Weiss got to work after acknowledging that she had heard Blake’s name. Staring at the blank page in front of her, Weiss tried to think of how to start the essay, but the words weren’t coming to her and she sighed lightly. She was still also a little annoyed at what Blake had done and wondered if it would just be better to move to another table instead. However…something stopped her from doing that. Maybe it was the girl’s beauty, or her work ethic, but something about Blake Belladonna was causing Weiss to stay seated.

“Having trouble?” Blake asked after a few minutes of seeing Weiss copying the same tick she had when contemplating something. She also half-expected Weiss to just brush her off. However, after a few minutes of silence…she put her pen down next to the notebook and nodded.

“If you don’t mind…” she admitted before Blake nodded and shifted chairs so that she was next to the white-haired girl, noticing that Weiss’s cheeks were a light crimson as of now, but chose not to comment about it. After being asked about the assignment, Blake let out a small smile before nodding lightly.

“Well…if it’s for your Shakesperian Literature class…then you came to the right girl,” Blake said with a smile. “And since the topic is related to one of my favorite plays…” she commented before writing the first line. “You don’t have to keep that line, but I find that just staring at a blank page is only going to make you think and think about what you want to write. If you write something…anything really, then that’s when the writing stops and your brain stops thinking as it puts words on the paper, or screen,” she said before noticing the time. “Anyways…I have another class to get to, but…maybe I can see you around more often?” she asked.

“Sure. Besides…I think I can get a lot more work done here than I can in my dorm room. My roommate…she sometimes can’t take a hint when I need her to be quiet,” she admitted as Blake laughed at that. ‘What a beautiful laugh…’ she thought to herself but didn’t say anything as she returned Blake’s wave of goodbye and saw the black-haired female walk out of the library before getting back to her assignment.

‘Maybe I should do homework here more often…’ she thought as the image of Blake came to her mind, causing her to blush lightly at how beautiful she looked.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Blake Belladonna had been sitting at the table in the back for the past ten minutes staring at what she had last wrote for her book and was deciding on to how to go about it. And while she loved her roommate, Yang Xiao Long, like the sister she never had…it was the times when Yang had gotten drunk was when it was nearly impossible for her to work. And seeing how Yang was tipsy when she entered the room, Blake had quickly, and quietly, exited the room after stuffing her writing book, a few pens and pencils, and other small nick knacks into her bag before leaving. At least it wasn’t as bad as the last time…which caused the feline faunus to outright ban any alcoholic beverage from ever coming into their dorm room.

Blinking lightly as she found herself in front of the library building, she was surprised that she had been lost in thought as she walked here. Mentally shrugging lightly at that, she headed towards the door and opened it before heading on through, nodding her head at Ms. Goodwitch once the blonde-haired staff member came into view.

“Ah, Miss Belladonna, so nice to see you. Take it you need a place to write in peace?” she asked as Blake nodded. Glynda then told Blake about the table in the back, where she would most likely not be disturbed by anyone. Getting a verbal thanks at the advice, Blake had made her way towards the aforementioned table and sat down before starting to work in peace. She wasn’t sure how long it was until she was finished with what she had already written and was just about to write down some words. “What to do next…?” she muttered to herself before placing the end tip of the pen in her mouth, lightly biting into the cap as she pondered on it. That is, until a voice broke through her resolve.

“Um…excuse me. Do you mind if I sit here?” a beautiful white-haired girl had asked, causing her to silently wonder why she was asking instead of just sitting down like most other people did. Regardless of her reason, she was actually a little glad that the young woman had asked…mentally adding a plus to the girl.

“Not at all…though I might be distracted just a little with a beautiful girl next to me. But before you sit down, can you tell me your name?” Blake asked. After the words came out of her mouth, she was mentally appalled. ‘Why would I say something like that?! Sure I think she’s beautiful, but I really shouldn’t have told a complete stranger that…and now she’ll probably think I’m some weirdo or something…’ Blake thought, mentally berating herself as she did so.

“It’s Weiss. Yours?”

“Blake. Blake Belladonna,” she replied as she saw Weiss sit down and get a few books out before starting to work on something, which she did the same. Starting to write a few paragraphs after the exchange, she noticed that Weiss was having trouble with whatever she was here for with and decided to ask if she wanted help. “Having trouble?” she decided to use as her words for asking for help, hoping that the white-haired female didn’t take it the wrong way. And after hearing nothing but silence for a few moments…she had a feeling that she was right. However…a few minutes later and she heard Weiss asking for some help. Deciding it would be better to be next to the girl rather than across from her, she listened intently as Weiss explained her assignment as Blake desperately hoped that the girl didn’t hear the loud and fast beats that her heart was giving out due to the proximity of her.

“Alright then…mind if I…?” she asked as Weiss shook her head. With permission granted, Blake took the notebook and pen into her hand before writing a few sentences. Once she was done, she passed the two back to their respective owner.  “You don’t have to keep that line, but I find that just staring at a blank page is only going to make you think and think about what you want to write. If you write something…anything really, then that’s when the writing stops and your brain stops thinking as it puts words on the paper, or screen.” she said before thinking about telling her about how she came to that philosophy but ultimately decided against it. “Anyways…I need to get going since I have a late class. But maybe I’ll see you around Weiss” she commented before leaving the library, a soft smile on her face as she did so.

 ‘Weiss huh? Maybe I should start doing my writing exclusively at the library from now on…especially if it means I can bump into her more often. She was definitely cute…I just hope that she doesn’t see me as a complete weirdo…

[marketinginnocom]

I am Freaking out Because I Can Not Look For A Roommate!

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I am Freaking out Because I Can Not Look For A Roommate!

I am Freaking out Because I Can Not Look For A Roommate!

I will be just starting to freak out. I must submit an application for housing soon and I do not have roomie yet. I asked a buddy from senior school if she wants to space with me at college but she said no because she’s residing regarding the honors flooring. However attempted to find some people via best place to buy an term paper an group that is online they all dropped through. Exactly what do I do if I don’t find one?

It’s difficult for ‘The Dean’ answer this concern because you’ve left out some key information. Have you been about to be considered a freshman? (we’m inferring yes.) Would you plan to survive campus (yes once again, I think).

If i have guessed correctly regarding the situation, however’m additionally guessing that the college or university provides a ‘Random’ option that enables students to join up for a dormitory room without having chosen a roomie, then the housing workplace will assign one. Does your school offer this arrangement? In that case, it’s not as frightening as it may appear.

Numerous pupils who choose this method are only because happy using their results as those who opted to reside having a senior high school friend or whom found a roommate through Facebook or via another group that is online. If you’re ready to take ‘pot luck,’ call the housing office to inquire of exactly how this works at your school. You may even be able to submit a questionnaire which will help the housing folks match you with someone who shares your preferences on such problems as cigarette smoking, bedtime or partying. If your university doesn’t offer the official ‘Random’ protocol, it’s most likely that the housing workplace maintains a list of names of other pupils who, like you, remain unpaired as well as on the hunt for a roomie.

If you fail to take the Random path at your university and in case the housing office refuses to assist you, compose straight back, and I’ll suggest other avenues to explore. But as freaked out as you may feel, you ought to simply take solace in realizing that we now have probably dozens (and even hundreds) of other people in your shoes, along with your college officials is going to be in a position to assist you to all to fix this puzzle quickly.

6 HS Seniors on What They want They’d Known About the Admissions Process

    The college admissions process can be daunting at times, but you can relieve the worries by learning from those that went before you. University Confidential chatted to six graduating seniors and asked whatever they wish they would done differently through the process. Check out their advice below.

Never Compare Your Self to Other People

Don’t get overrun whenever you hear the stats of other pupils in your school there is a complete much more to your admissions tale compared to the figures plus, you will find those who lie about their figures! I recall getting really stressed hearing about children whom stated they got 34 and 35 through the ACT junior year, and then I later discovered those kids really got more like a 28. I do not understand why everything is so competitive, but understand that not everybody is telling the reality, that makes it more confusing. Allison Midland, Ohio.

Have Quality Rec Letter Alternatives

I wish We’d established closer relationships with additional teachers. I knew several teachers pretty well, nevertheless when it came time and energy to request recommendation letters, it might have already been good to have experienced a lot more options so instructors could actually speak about me personally in an even more way that is detailed. The main one instructor I knew the greatest that would absolutely have written a solid page for me personally finished up venturing out on sick leave before I had a chance to ask her for the letter, after which I was kept with a few instructors from extracurriculars who knew me personally well as well as others who did not know me well at all from core classes. J.T. – Michigan.

Focus on What Sets You Apart

I invested a great deal time during junior year consumed with stress about what everyone ended up being doing me to sound like everyone else that I ended up writing a generic essay that allowed. We thought plenty of my classmates had been the right U Maryland applicants in my essay, but I don’t think it allowed me to show my individuality that I tried to sound more like them. That I was enough like everyone else to warrant my acceptance if I had it to do over again, I would write the essay highlighting how my experiences were shaped by my differences rather than trying to convince the school. T. Cromwell, Maryland.

Prepare Everything Early

I understand everybody already says this all the full time, but If only We’d paid attention to the advice to begin then process early like summer time before senior early year. If We’d started sooner, I would personally not have made mistakes in my own essay, and my letters that are rec have been turned in on time. The due dates arrived up on me faster than I expected and I sort of tossed my applications together. I wish We’d had the time and energy to have made them perfect. John Tanner, Florida.

Never Assume State Schools Are Going To Be Cheaper

My parents told me we could only pay for prices that are in-state. We put on just schools that are in-state will be attending one. However a man I know whose stats had been a comparable as mine got sufficient merit money at a private university out of declare that it wound up being cheaper than the state school i’m going to be going to. I would personally much rather have kept their state and wish I’d investigated some personal college choices where I may have gotten money. Erin F., Sc.

Understand the Prerequisites

Nearly every school has particular classes they want you to consume high school just before attend their university. I didn’t do sufficient research on what those had been before applying. My stats lined up well utilizing the stats that accepted students at my goal university had. But I only took three mathematics classes in senior school and also this college necessary that all applicants simply take four. If I’d known that, I possibly could have taken another but We applied with three maths and got rejected. C.F., Ca.

[angrycollectordaze-me-blog]

Assignment代写：Personal Narrative Essay

下面为大家整理一篇优秀的assignment代写范文- Personal Narrative Essay，供大家参考学习，这篇论文讲述了作者摆脱电子游戏的经历。初中的时候，在朋友的推荐下，作者第一次接触到电子游戏，并且很快就迷上了它。作何也喜欢通过游戏聊天和交朋友，这给了他很多以前从未有过的情感支持和归属感。后来到了高二，作者的成绩已一落千丈，在家人和老师的教导下，作者下决心放弃电子游戏，并且通过最喜欢的数学来与游戏作斗争，最终成功了。

Until high school, I considered my life to be quite smooth and uneventful. Everything proceeded as planned and expected by myself and my parents. High school became the turning point of my life because I experienced the first major bump: I played video games too much when I was entering in my high school so that I didn’t get high scores on most subjects. This marked a terrible beginning of my high school. Despite the defeat, I still got high scores on math due to my strong interest in it. My passion for mathematics became my saving grace. Through math, I gradually stopped playing video games and indulging myself in the virtual environment. Instead, I focused on my studies and my real life. This first major bump in my life all started back when I was a high school junior student in 2012.

My first contact with video game was because of the recommendation of my friends in 2012. Back then, there was this game called “Defense of the Ancients” that got very popular among us students. A lot of my friends around me were playing. I simply didn’t like the feeling of being left out. And usually some of my friends communicated with the terms in the game. As I didn't play, I usually couldn't understand what they were talking about. So, from that time on, I made up my mind to learn to play the game and got hooked quickly. Not only did the game settings and heroes intrigued me, I also loved to chat and make friends through the game, which gave me a lot of emotional support and sense of belonging that I had never felt before. As a result, I began spending more and more hours gaming.

Weeks after learning about the game, I started spending more and more hours on it. The good thing about being a junior student was that most of the materials taught in class was only an extension of the middle school stuff. This allowed me to pass the exams quite easily even though I did not spend much time on studying. However, my solid knowledge base from middle school was soon stretching thin. By the second year of my high school, my grades took a nosedive and I ranked the bottom in my high school class, an unprecedented low in my academic profile. Although I knew I needed to find a way to stop, whenever I arrived home planning to do my homework, I wanted to play more as I saw the computer. Meanwhile, I was also exposed to several other games. Playing video games became more of a compulsory habit for me than a leisure time enjoyment.

Entering the second semester, my teacher was among the first to realize that I had problems. She had always been caring about every student in her class, and she would not allow my grades to continue dropping. At the semester end of the junior year, I remember being asked to go to her office and have a chat with her. When she found out about the reason for my dropping grades, she said: “It is nice to have hobbies. However, you are too smart to allow your hobbies consume your life.” She told me that she always considered me to be a promising and bright student, because I was never among the trouble makers in the class. She expected me to sort out my problems in the following year, because the lessons were only getting more and more difficult. Without enough effort, she was worried that I could not get into a good university.

Seeing the dropping grades in spring 2013, my always liberal parents knew that they had to interfere as well. During that time, after returning home in the evening, I hurriedly ate the meal and started playing the video game. One day during the summer vacation that year, I continued until after 12 a.m. My father told me that I should go to sleep, but I just continued playing because I was too focused on the game. My father urged a few times, and it didn’t work. At nearly 1 a.m., my father was really angry and shut down my screen. In the following morning, my parents had a serious conversation with me. They threatened to confiscate my computer unless I had healthier schedules and improved my grade in the new semester.

The final decision to stop playing came from myself by the end of the summer vacation. Deep down, I knew the warnings from my parents and my teacher were right and for my own good. However, it was difficult to let go of the game because I had made so many friends. In addition to being in the game, we also had contacts in private. We had a special bond with each other and we could chat about almost anything, although we never met in real life. To my surprise, when I told them my worries about the dropping grades, they had similar opinions like my teacher and my parents did. They all suggested me to gradually stop playing games for a while at least and invest more effort in studying. By the end of junior year, seeing my math grades suffer was truly the last straw for me. Thanks to the support from my teacher, my parents, and my friends, I made up the decision not to play video games anymore, so that my real life wouldn’t turn into nothing but dullness and disappointment.

As I began year two of my high school life in September 2013, I began fighting the addiction through my favorite subject: math. Math had been my favorite subject since day one. I always find the numbers, shapes, and figures in math fascinating. In order to keep myself alarmed about what video games had done to my grades, I even created a function that recorded the intensity of my video game playing as well as my grades. Having plotted the graph with the two set of entries, a huge decline appeared in the graph as I first realized the damage of gaming. I continued plotting my grade changes in the following semesters as a form of motivation. My goal was to plot a rising curve by putting in all my efforts into studying.

In order to further reduce the temptation of gaming, I persuaded myself to sell my laptop and focused on improving my grades. I used the money to buy more books about math, physics and English, as they were the subjects that I was interested in the most. In addition to paying attention to my teachers in class, I also took extra classes to make up for the slack in year one. These efforts paid off as my grades began rising to satisfying levels. To my biggest satisfaction, my math grade remained among the top 5 in class. Interestingly, I found the similar joy in studying like I did in video games. Just like how my friends in gaming supported and guided me, my friends in class offered me their help as well. They were always there when I encountered a problem, and I was there to help them with math as well. My teachers and parents seemed delighted about my change as well.

In the spring of 2014, I joined my high school basketball club to enrich my leisure life. In addition to improving grades, I discovered a range of new hobbies as well. Basketball is among them. I had been playing basketball occasionally since middle school, until video games attracted most of my attention. Basketball served as a great distraction from the temptation to play more games. Through basketball, I experienced the importance of teamwork and friendship. Again, this experience created similar feelings like when I was playing DOTA. Unconsciously, my life was experiencing a major transition. I had much more regular schedules than year one. I work up and went to bed early every day, attended regular basketball trainings, and paid full attention in class. During the weekends, I found myself to go out more to the movies or the library, instead of locking myself in front of the computer screen for the entire day.

In the senior high school year, I could finally say with confidence that I said goodbye to playing video games for good. I obtained quite good scores on many subjects in the final year after changing the habit of playing video games. I always remember how my teacher warned me about the distinction between healthy hobbies and unhealthy indulgence. I consider this experience a valuable lesson for my life. Just like the old say of not putting all the eggs into one basket, out life is way too important to put into one basket as well. Focusing too much on one activities may bring temporary pleasure. However, it makes life extremely imbalanced and fragile. This is why I like to fill my days with different types of activities nowadays. In the future, I will explore more possibilities with my life and enrich it as much as I can.

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