#for someone who overshares i sure put up a LOT of emotional walls around myself!

[likelyamused]

My 𝐓𝐨𝐩 24 𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 from 2024 🥳

Thanks to @elderwisp, @lynzishell and @igotsnothing for tagging me in this!

I started on Tumblr in March of this year and then my own first post was on April 23rd. I've learned so much in the last few months, I'm sure this will be interesting. Most of all, I think I'm learning about appreciating the experience rather than focusing on the results. For someone who's struggled with performance anxiety most of my life, this shows how far I've come and I'm really proud of myself.

I tag @weirdosalike, @hashimasims, @onestormeynight. No stress, do it if you want to. I don't think I saw you do one of these yet.

I will be oversharing in this post. Feel free to skip, or not.

April

I started off with Max, a bit of gameplay, a bit of story. I had a vague idea of his story intertwined with Marco's and Celia's from another save I played them in. I was also learning to use poses and Reshade here.

May

In May, I started to get more serious about exploring these characters. I made character sheets where I fleshed them out and a story outline. Making a vision come to life was pretty exciting, but also quite a process. From storytelling, to planning the shots, to photo editing, I'm really happy about this chapter of all three characters coming together (sort of) and how it feels. This is also were I started to get creative with diverting poses from their original purposes. 👇

June

The Halloween party! That awkward moment when they meet for real and don't quite know what to talk about. I had a hard time with the lights on this one. I upped my Reshade game and figured it out. My game kept crashing, though, that was frustrating. Should have learned about decosims sooner, ig 🤦‍♀️

July

Marco's little origin story. I should revisit this at some point. Elena was fun to play with.

August

Their first "date" that was not a date. For those who are all caught up in the story: Max, the answer to all your doubts is right there☝️!

September

The first scene here gave me quite a headache. The light and scenery were beautiful, but there were quite a lot of continuity errors because of the leaves on the ground. I finally found a terrain paint to help with that and used broom poses (for spellcasters) to get the interaction shots. In the end, it looks great! The Bubble Tea shop scene was a dream. I just put everyone in position and moved around the scene. And that look between Max and Celia 💕 I just love the last one: I think it adds to them hiding what they're doing with half the shot in the dark.

October

I really like these dawn shots, I think it adds to the desperation of Max's situation, being homeless in a inhospitable climate. And Marco reuniting with his old friends 😭Jeannette is another one of those touchy feely people. All the intensity of her feelings are here in this touch : "I loved Elena. I'm grieving her loss. I'm happy you're here. I want to be here for you." She'll be back, and I can't wait ❤️

November

This house and that light👌A little glimpse of Max's past. That trailer: Marco being practical, Max getting overwhelmed and emotional (emotions?! I can't have those!), Magoo being the cutest dog ever!!!

December

I bought myself a new computer. In 41 years of life, this is my first ever new computer. I've always been fine with my husbands old gamer computers, but the last one was crashing all the time for minor things. It was getting really old. Since switching over to the new one, everything just flows.

I built this location taking inspiration from a punk concert hall that I used to go out to. I wanted that experience for these little pixels. I remember the walls of the narrow staircase being covered with homemade 90s flyers and posters, the floors being sticky and the unisex bathrooms having no doors and purple lights so no one could shoot up in there... And my mom and dad let me go there every week-end 😶 Those were the 90s.

The kiss. Finally. Through that kiss, I also wanted to show how much Max has been starved of real human affection and connection in his life. It's not just intense because they're horny teenagers.

And the last two are of things to come. The first one is part of the last post of 2024. I just love the light and the creaminess of it. The last one is a WIP. I'm learning pose making. Something I couldn't do with the old computer. And, of course, my first pose includes 2 rigs and an object (that I hid, because it would have been such a spoiler). Baby steps? Don't know what those are!

Enough ramblings! If you stayed with me until the end, thank you so much! I want to thank everyone that has given me support in this journey. I can't express how much this means to me. I wish you all a very merry Christmas! If you don't celebrate, I wish you an awesome day!

[travellingthoughts]

Being overseas by yourself is fucking hard.

Some call it oversharing, some call it venting. Either way, keep your opinions to yourself. I've been meaning to write a feelings post for a while now. I just so happen to begin writing it down whilst sitting on a park bench in Carlton Hill in Edinburgh overlooking a gorgeous view. I don't know where to start I guess, I'm very confused about a lot of things. Obviously being overseas has been fabulous and all, and I'm trying to do a lot of self development and searching whilst I'm over here. Trying to find out who I am, who I want to be, how I'm going to achieve this, what I want in my life, my short term and long term goals and everything in between. On top of this I'm dealing with a vast array of emotions; happiness, loneliness, sadness, excitedness, stress and fear. I'm really struggling to sort out my feelings. Especially with Daniel. It all started to come crashing down when I went to Harry Potter World in London. That was something we started and finished together and loved. Binged watched all the movies and let ourselves be taken away to a magical world with each film. I couldn't help but think about how much he would have loved to be there. Up until then I tried to suppress any thoughts I had about him and us, as it's something I know I need to get over and put behind me. This, as you can only imagine, has been incredibly difficult. Being overseas has been a massive trigger for thinking about him. The last time I was overseas I was with him in America, going through the emotions together as a solid unit who would support each other through all of the doubt. We barely fought, like I think the only time we really had a "tiff" was when I couldn't fucking read the map in San Fransisco and we had to get the go car back in 10 minutes. So insignificant and meaningless and we both laughed about it for ages after. It was so much easier when I had someone's shoulder to cry on. A best friend who had your back with everything. I know being by myself whilst I'm going through this will help me to grow in the future, but it doesn't help how I feel right now. I know I don't want to be with him but I can't help but feel sad about how far we had come and how quickly it all felt apart. I can't see us ever getting back together and it breaks my heart. Literally everything I knew crumbled in front of my eyes and I felt so helpless. It sounds so cliche I know but I truly saw us spending the rest of our lives together. We were two peas in a pod, we got each other on a different level as you would expect after 6 years together. I still can't help but feel a little angry towards him for allowing it all to happen and not putting a stop to it. I literally did everything for him; emotionally, physically and mentally. I was his number one supporter with everything he went through. Helped him with things he felt like he couldn't even tell his mates. Held him whilst he would ball his eyes out. I was there for him when no one else was and it's such a shame that he threw it all away. For whatever reason it happened and I can't do anything but move on and learn to love again. Which brings me to N. I don't know what the fuck it is about the kid but there is definitely something about him which ignites my insides. He is fucking hilarious and really witty with his language. Extremely intellectual. Nothing he says is ever simple. Like he is speaking in tongue and you have to de-code what he is saying. There is something so attractive about that. It reminds me how Daniel used to be when he was in high school. When he would write me elaborate messages about absolutely nothing. N is stunning on the outside. Muscular and tall; just the way I like my men. He plays rugby and there is something sexy as fuck about a man that plays sport. Maybe I admire it because I have always wanted/still want to play a sport seriously. He has never had a girlfriend before which is fucking great because I feel like his horizons have so much opening up to do and that's exciting. However there is always a down fall and I don't know how to feel about it. He is a little cocky sometimes, not overly though. I always compliment him which hasn't helped. I don't know if he is being serious about what he says or if it's a facade. Another thing (and the more serious of the two) is that the struggles to be emotional IN THE SLIGHTEST like I'm talking I'll ask a simple question and he will answer with something that either deflects from the topic at hand or respond with something sarcastic. It drives me fucking crazy. I feel like he isn't taking anything seriously at the moment and that he couldn't take a girl seriously either. But I see so much potential in him :( I really wish he could just say something that he feels like SURELY he feels something, right? I just don't get why he can't just say something. Whether I am wasting my time is a thought that goes through my mind often because I wonder if it will ever change. Will he ever open up? I honestly don't know. He is a guy's guy, I get it. But give me something. Idk I feel like right now it's all physical and I can't deal with feeling a little used. I know these aren't his intentions but at the same time it can't all be just physical. That's enough to make any girl go insane. Another part of me tells myself to shut the fuck up and let nature take its course. I'm overseas and will be for the next 2 months. Nath tells me to have my fun with guys and life and what not but I literally can't. Not because of him but just because it's not who I am. I have a massive wall up now after everything with Daniel, and I can't just fuck around with anyone. Besides the negatives, I think another reason why my gut says go for N is because it was so effortless for me to say yes to going on a date. The date itself was effortless. How effortless it was for me to bring him chocolate and icecream to make him feel better after being concussed. I just kind of let my guard down and didn't think twice. And it still surprises me that I let myself do that so soon after meeting him. He has something about him that I can't explain. I can't see myself sticking around too much longer without him telling me his feelings as I would just rather shut it all down instead of getting hurt. Gotta love having your guard up. But I don't want to do that either because what if it all falls into place. Fuck over thinking is so annoying. Another thing on my mind is that tomorrow I'm off to Dublin, which is new and unfamiliar. Exciting of course, but I have anxiety every time I go to a new place so that's the prominent feeling towards it all as I'm typing this. I'm scared to go somewhere where I don't know anything. Anyways that's my emotions for you all, with no clarity at the end whatsoever. Going to channel my energy into smashing some some weights at the gym.