#for it to become more or less universally recognized that yeah... you're just being a backwards asshole about things

[love-triangles-au]

wow! What a big son! Can I find out more about him?

Lol, yeah, absolutely! We could probably use a dedicated Cuz post.

Cuz is Venuz's younger cousin and is actually a hybrid between Venuz's race (we've been calling them "Alabasters") and another venusian species called Fireballers, which is why he grows up to be so much bigger than Venuz (his anatomy is also a bit different; he has narrower teeth all around his mouth and some limited fire-breathing abilities). He was never given a name, so Venuz just took to calling him cuz, and, by the time he had become Gun God, they were kinda stuck with it. :P

If being immortal was hard enough to grapple with for an average joe, it's especially hard when you're just a kid. Immortals who haven't reached their race's physical prime continue to age until then, and so Cuz has only grown around eight years older over the past seventy years (when the story begins, he's about 13).

Consequentially, Cuz has always been ahead of his peers, and arguably ahead of Venuz, as well. He's rather smart and internalized very early on in life from their travels that mistakes can be deadly, so he tries to eliminate them whenever he can. Most assume all he's doing online is playing video games, but he actually spends a good chunk of his time making use of the archived Earth internet and researching whatever might be useful to know.

The downside to all this is that he's rather lonely. School came and went and, even when he got time to interact with his classmates, they just couldn't relate to one another anymore. Those with mental faculties closer to his aren't often able to get past the fact that he looks and sounds like a preteen, and it's not like he doesn't still have some kid tendencies, either, so he doesn't fit in with much of anybody and has grown discouraged from trying.

And, so, it's Wikipedia and Fortnite all day until he's old enough to be seen as an adult. On the bright side, he's gotten insanely good at his games of choice :P

From the moment he met Bill, he saw right through him. It hadn't been the first time someone had feigned interest in order to manipulate Venuz, and he got an especially bad vibe from this silver-tongued, emotionally volatile alien who both didn't seem to understand how his own body worked and held so much arrogance you'd think he thought himself a gift to the universe. Cuz knows that Venuz has been feeling lonely, too, so he's in a particularly susceptible mindframe for that.

And, likewise, Bill recognized that Cuz didn't trust him, meaning he had to go. He would attempt to steal away as much of Venuz's time as possible, but he underestimated how close they were, and his attitude towards Cuz would eventually become a big problem for his relationship with Venuz.

Will probably save most of the nuances and details on the aforementioned problem for the fic, but I can for sure say that he and Bill very much do not like each other, and Cuz likes even less that he has to constantly bear witness to this asshole slobbering all over his well-meaning cousin who deserves so much better :P

~ Mod Emily 🦇

[uboat53]

In the last few weeks I've gotten some interesting questions and read some interesting things about the atheist perspective and, being the kind of person I am, I thought other people might find some of my thoughts and answers interesting. This is kind of a LONG RANT (TM), but it's a bit more scattershot than usual.

Fair warning, though, this is written entirely from the perspective of an atheist and I haven't softened anything to make it sound better to religious people, read at your own risk. In no particular order, here goes.

FAITH VS RELIGION

First off, I want to make a distinction between faith and religion because it's important to understanding the rest of this. There's some overlap, but for the most part, religion is an organized system of belief while faith is a belief internal to a single person.

The most important thing I want you to recognize from this is that an atheist may not have religion (after all, what's there to organize around?), but I have as much faith in what I believe as any religious person. An agnostic, someone who says "I do believe in God" is a person without faith, but an atheist, a person who says "I believe there is no God" is a person of faith, though not a person of religion.

Keep all of that in mind when reading the rest of this.

WHAT DOES RELIGION LOOK LIKE FROM OUTSIDE?

The specific question I got, from someone who's on their own journey of faith and was curious, was "does any religion look more or less ridiculous to an atheist?" and the short answer is "no". To be perfectly honest, all metaphysical beliefs and all religious rituals and chants look fairly ridiculous from my point of view, but none of them are particularly more ridiculous than any others.

To me, Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Paganism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Mormonism, and all of the other thousands or even millions of different religious systems out there are almost indistinguishable to me. Once you take away the specific symbols and trappings, they all come down to the same basic thing. And, sure, they believe different metaphysical things, but I assure you that your familiar metaphysical belief is no less impossible, insane, or ridiculous from the outside than those other people's strange and unfamiliar metaphysical belief.

The slightly longer answer, however, is that there is one form of religion that does look more ridiculous to me as an atheist. It's the religion that demands things of people that don't follow it. Look, you can believe whatever you want and practice whatever you want in your own mind, we all have a right to our own thoughts and beliefs, but it takes a special kind of crazy to think, despite the fact that you can't prove any of these things, that your personal beliefs are so important that they should be forced upon other people.

So, yeah, don't worry about whether this belief or that belief is too crazy, they're all crazy to me, but no more than any other. The only time you've crossed the line is when you become so crazy that you decide you're the universe's main character and everyone else has to do what you say.

THE ANGRY ATHEIST

We've all met that guy, heck, I've been that guy, the angry atheist who loves getting in "debates" and discussions about religion, the guy who sounds like Richard Dawkins or Bill Maher.

I'll level with you, there is pretty much no atheist who hasn't, at some point, been the angry atheist. You probably would be the angry "insert-religion-here" too if you lived in a society where your system of belief wasn't just a minority or disrespected, but actively despised by most of the people around you.

If you're not atheist, I don't expect you to understand the depth of it because they don't do it to you, but lots of religious people are absolutely awful to atheists, and I have a particular point of comparison because I'm also Jewish (not religiously, but that rarely matters). People, Christians mostly where I live and where I grew up, are so much more accepting of a Jew or any other religious minority than an atheist, and I think it's because a Jew doesn't threaten the very idea of religion. Ultimately, a Jew believes in something metaphysical, and that's enough; an atheist rejects the very concept. You have no idea the number of times I've heard religious people tell me that other religions are wrong, but an atheist is worse because no one can be moral without religion (more on that later). No one cared that I was a Jew growing up, at least, not that much, but multiple times in grade school I would have my entire class spend upwards of a half hour trying to convert me, the atheist; all of them against me. You either get good at arguing and debating or you crumble.

Almost every atheist, really as a matter of survival, will become the angry atheist for at least some period as a way to survive this. Going on the offense is a really good way to throw the hate off balance and it can feel good to push hate right back. It took me a while to get past the angry atheist phase and part of it, at least for me, was finding Christopher Hitchens who, while also an obnoxious atheist like Dawkins and Maher, rooted his critique in a powerful morality. These days I'm probably a good deal less obnoxious than Hitchens was, but that's where it started, with an example that wasn't just about "beating" the religious.

So, while I disagree with the angry atheist and the way they approach society, and, if I'm in a position to do so, I'll try to guide them out of it if only because anger is even more toxic for the person experiencing it than it is for the target, I understand it and I certainly don't blame them. If you're a religious person and you encounter this angry atheist, I'd only ask that you treat them with a bit of sympathy; society is regularly far worse to them than they are to you even if you never get to see it.

SOCIAL NORMS

In a bit of a line with the previous topic, you should also realize how heavily societal norms and standards of politeness are slanted toward religious people. To give you an example of this, take the following:

I've been in situations where I've had some kind of personal loss and someone will say "I'm praying for you", "they're in heaven now", or something to that effect. And, look, it's not the kind of social faux pas that's bad enough for me to call out and make a scene about, but why would someone say that to someone who they know is non-religious? I know the intent behind it, but prayers literally do not mean anything to me, heaven doesn't exist to me, and people know that.

Ultimately, it may not be meant that way, but it really comes across as a power move. The atheist may be the one who's suffered a loss and is grieving, but the religious person still has the societal power to force the situation to conform to their beliefs. If an atheist calls them out on it and/or rejects their prayers or well-wishes, then they become the bad guy for not respecting the other person's beliefs because society values religious beliefs over those of an atheist.

And, look, I'm not saying that religious people are evil for doing this; clearly I'm friends with a good many of them and, most of the time, I can take "I'm praying for you" in exactly the way that it's meant, because it's almost always meant well. But, just as racism tends to express itself not through single, overt acts, but through hundreds of individually small actions (normally called "microaggressions"), the prejudice against atheism is similar and, just as most people committing racial microaggressions are unaware they are doing so because they live in a society where white supremacy is normalized, religious people are also mostly unaware of how what they're doing comes across because religious supremacy is so ingrained in our society.

If you've done this, I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty about it or even to make you stop. Like I said, I know it's meant well and, ultimately, it's not your fault; we live in a society where the atheist perspective is hidden from you so there's really been no way for you to even know how what you're saying comes across. The only thing I would ask is, in the future, if you have an atheist or atheists in your life that you consider to be friends or loved ones, they'll appreciate it if, especially in a vulnerable situation, you think just a bit more about what how what you're saying sounds to them and say something that is comforting to them and not just to you.

FINDING FAITH

Most people don't have faith. Let's start there. I've had religious and theological discussions with all kinds of people for all kinds of reasons, as much for understanding as debate or conversion, and what I can tell you is that most people never think deeply enough about what they truly believe to have actual faith. They have religion.

You see, most people are born into some kind of religious framework. Their parents start taking them to church or some kind of religious observance at an early age and the path of least resistance is to just keep doing whatever that is. Questioning religion or rocking the boat can lead to social stigma, damaged relationships, and sometimes even financial destitution, so for most people it's simply not worth doing to the point where they don't even consider it. They just go through the motions and don't worry too much about it because there's simply no good reason to.

There are some people who will still go through the difficult process of finding faith in that situation, but I've found that most people who truly have faith are the ones who have questioned and often even broken away from what they were brought up with. Specific to atheists, almost none of us were raised atheist. It wasn't a particularly difficult rejection for me because my family wasn't particularly dogmatic about it, but I wasn't raised atheist either; I figured out what I believed, I found my faith, when I started questioning all of the things that I was brought up with and all of the things that others around me believed. Ultimately, I accepted a lot of it in terms of the moral system I follow, but I rejected all of the metaphysical.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people who turn to atheism for reasons like rebellion or to fit in with a (usually small) group, but most adult atheists you see out there are people who have gone through a journey and found faith; it's not a default option for the vast majority of us.

I also don't want you to think I'm saying that only atheists have faith, I've met plenty of religious people who have faith as well and it's something brilliant when you do find it (meeting such a person was also a big part me no longer being an angry atheist). The point is more that, as a percentage, far more atheists than religious people have true faith; it's easy to be religious, but why would one put up with all the problems that being atheist brings if you didn't truly believe it?

ATHEIST MORALITY

So this is the last one and it's a bit of an important one. You see, as I mentioned in the section about angry atheists, much of the prejudice against atheists I've experienced has been justified by the idea that atheists, because we reject the idea of God and the metaphysical, cannot be moral. Specifically, there is an idea in religion that morality can only come from a metaphysical source.

Now, I can't speak for all atheists here. As I mentioned before, there's nothing about atheism that lends itself to organization, so this is just me speaking. That said, I can tell you that those people are 100% wrong here, not least because many of them were genuinely awful people who used their own religion and its metaphysically justified rules as an excuse to be immoral themselves.

Personally, I consider myself to be generally Utilitarian in my moral beliefs. It's much more complicated than this, but in simple terms Utilitarianism is a belief that what maximizes the well-being, happiness, and pleasure of all people and what minimizes harm, pain, and unhappiness, is moral. One could summarize it as "the greatest good for the greatest number" if one were being particularly simplistic about it.

Why do I believe that? Simple, I live in a society and that society benefits me, I'd even say it benefits me greatly. Having studied some political theory, it's clear that societies where everyone is better off make do a better job of actually making people, even those at the top, better off and are more stable and consistent in the long run, so it makes sense that I should want to live in such a society. Ultimately, though, societies are made up of people, they're not things of their own, so a society is a reflection of the actions of the people who live in it.

In other words, if I want to live in a society that makes people (like me!) better off, I need to act in a way that makes that society more likely. Now, I obviously don't control anyone other than myself, but if I do what's right, then I can find other people who also do what's right and we can become a community. It's not guaranteed, but that's how anything worth having starts and, if we all continue this long enough, we build what we want to live in. I live my life morally because it's the only way that what I want can come about and, if I cheat, I'll know that I'm damaging the future I hope to build.

After doing this for a long time, though, one of the biggest benefits I've found, though, is that I like myself when I'm moral. That's important because I have to live with me!

No metaphysics required, my morality not only provides me with a rational (to me at least) reason to act morally, it ultimately subjects me to a judge that will see everything I do and never lapses: me. Those who are religious will say that an all-knowing God being their ultimate judge is a stronger motivation to be moral but, to quote Thomas Huxley from Evolution and Ethics, "Every day, we see firm believers in the hell of the theologians commit acts by which, as they believe when cool, they risk eternal punishment; while they hold back from those which are opposed to the sympathies of their associates."

Ultimately, I think that every system of morality is either personal or social (usually some combination of both). Even if you believe in God, gods, or other forms spirituality, none of us understand perfectly their nature or the nature of the universe, so we're all just doing what feels right to us or our community. Atheism doesn't preclude morality any more than religion guarantees it and I've found/developed a moral system that works for me without any need for the metaphysical.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

One of the things I've come to realize over the years is that the concept of atheist is truly alien to people of religion. Yes, they find other religions strange and unfamiliar, but the basic shape of the worldview makes sense to them. Atheism is alien and frightening to many.

Hopefully this gave you a bit of insight into what's going on there. If you have any other questions about atheism or the atheist experience, feel free to ask, I'm more than happy to share.

[loving-family-poll]

ok hold on lemme elaborate. first and foremost lemme preface this by saying that on a personal level the resemblance is superficial at best. when I say "parallel" I mean "there is a narrative parallel" not "stewy is similar to logan as a person". the second statement is truly nonsensical. HOWEVER... both stewy and logan represent an image of an american dream of a self-made man, and, more than that, seek to embody this image and Become it (to the detriment of their respective moral characters). logan is an immigrant that has built his business empire from nothing, he is the archetypal Self Made Capitalist. Stewy is an immigrant that has built a Perfect Life for himself from nothing, and HE seeks to embody spirit of a Newer capitalism (his area of work is not a part of the "real" economy, his job is to exercise the most predatory form of market pressure). both have fundamentally abandoned their humanity in the process, logan is supposedly "doing everything for his kids" while. not spending any meaningful time with them for the sake of the Business, and stewy is "always honest", but. his name is STEWY. this man has buried every aspect of his cultural identity for the sake of success. he kills the man he was yesterday every time he wakes up in the morning.

additionally, stewy is Positioned in the narrative as a mirror to logan. he is a mirror to tom (outsider to the family, metaphorial groom for one of the siblings), and, well. we all know about tom. additionally, we have the whole... dinner for winners thing. which positions stewy above kendall in the hierarchy of logan's approval, but, well, that will never mean anything because stewy is not white. nevertheless, stewy is a winner.

ADDITIONALLY, i strongly believe that kendall's love language is being led. he has to have someone giving him pointers and directions, we see it obviously with logan, when logan isn't there he asks rava for it, etc etc etc. logan himself recognizes it (through the words of brian cox), by describing the situation in the end of s1 as "kendall is under this corrupt influence of stewy" (yet another case of logan being a jealous jealous old man btw).

there is ALSO the aspect of food. stewy and logan are among the few characters that in this show eat, and eat confidently, whenever they want (another notable specimen is TOM). there are approximately 5 thousand essays written about food in succession, so I won't delve very deep, but. it's about a show of power. and about being able to take have and enjoy whatever they want.

returning briefly to the "kendall's love language is being led": all of kendall's relationships are in some way influenced by his relationship with logan. they are either a way to validate himself In Front of logan or they are about filling the logan-shaped hole in him. I strongly believe that stewy "I think you should do cocaine with me, despite the fact that you are very much in recovery right now" hosseini is capable of filling that hole.

anyway. I love stewy. I could talk about him forever. muah.

love, succ anon

Yeah I guess I just disagree with your analysis. For one, you're just incorrect about Stewy's origins - he isn't an immigrant, or if he is, his family must've immigrated when he was a young child. He certainly grew up in the U.S., we know he and Kendall were in at least university and high school together, and possibly knew each other even younger. And Stewy isn't self-made, he, like Kendall, was born into immense wealth. They are two rich boys who met as teens, did a ton of coke together, blew daddy's money (and each other 😉), and became lifelong besties and worsties. Also Stewy is positioned not as a mirror to any of the Roy's or Tom, but in contrast with them. He is neither a patriarch nor under the thumb of one, he couldn't give less of a shit about Logan, he is as far as we see a functional if shallow human being who's capable of normal relationships with others. Stewy doesn't really control or direct Kendall, he enables him, which the cocaine thing is an example of. I also disagree with the idea that Stewy is dishonest bc of his assimilation into white hegemony? That's not reflective of Stewy's character, but of the necessity of erasing personal identity and conforming to white supremacy in pursuit of weath. If anything, Logan and Stewy are opposites - the self-made industrialist patriarch of a bygone era vs. the new born-rich investor generation

[shadowmaat]

Flexible Morality

If you say you support a cause/group, but you make exceptions whenever it's "inconvenient" for you then you don't actually support anyone but yourself.

If people want to play the wizard game, that's fine. I'll judge them for it and trust them less, but it's their choice and I obviously can't stop them.

If they pay for it, they're blocked. Flat-out. No exceptions. Their money is a clear statement of support for JK and she will use that support not only to justify her horrific views, but will use that money to further immoral, inhumane causes.

If they justify it by saying they pirated it and no money changed hands, I'll just unfollow/mute them. The entire premise of the game is antisemitic and I have no doubt other unsavory elements are incorporated as well. Playing the game- even for free- is still supporting antisemitism and reinforcing antisemitic tropes.

I know the wizard 'verse was a crucial environment for a lot of people when they were growing up. There's no problem with that. Being too young or undereducated to recognize problems in the text doesn't make you a Bad Person. How you approach the material once you're made aware of the underlying issues is much more telling. Ignoring them or otherwise pretending they don't exist says a lot and little of it is in your favor.

Sometimes, yes, you can separate the art from the artist. That isn't a universal law, though, and when the art itself contains some of the same toxic elements that the artist has spouted it becomes harder to justify. Or at least it should.

Enjoying past materials through the filter of nostalgia is understandable, but that filter doesn't apply to current and future material. Now, you know. And you're actively choosing to ignore it. That isn't the same thing at all.

Anyway, yeah, I have no interest in hearing excuses or justifications. If the series saved your life or helped you get through a bad time then I am sincerely grateful on your behalf. But at some point you have to recognize that just because it helped you then doesn't mean it isn't hurting people now. Which is more important? Nothing will ever change all the good things it did for you, but now? Now there's more to think about than just yourself and what the series meant to you. Do you consider the hurt being caused to others or do you maintain that they don't matter when compared to your own needs and wants?

[valaglarios]

rough drifter timeline/Fun Facts post about them and also a link compilation for myself so i can keep my inane thoughts about them in one place

the "original" drifter/alternate universe operator died on the zariman. drifter as we see them in duviri is a figment of their imagination borne out of their desire that they were strong enough to protect their loved ones on the zariman, which they then projected onto the "hero" from the actual tales of duviri book. more on that here, in the last pargraph; here; and here

drifter comes into existence and the inner conflict between their partial identity as both an extension of a real person and as a storybook character means that they have a huge identity crisis. having no memory of what their "place" in duviri is or where in the "real world" they came from, they just kind of start to ignore/block out all the freaky "dreams"/memories they have but can't make sense of. their identity as a "real" person sort of melts away and they become a living archetype like other duviri characters. thrax, absolutely shit scared of them discovering that they're The Hero who's supposed to "save" duviri from him, takes advantage of this to be like "don't you remember?? you're one of my courtiers!! haha please don't usurp me"

i think brimon still exists in this version of duviri -- there's no reason why there can't be more than one avatar of pride -- but where brimon embodies the sort of surface-level pride where, like, yeah he's a braggart and kind of obnoxious but that's really it, drifter is, as The Hero, that sort of "heroic" pride that's actually really isolating and self-destructive. they don't necessarily view themself as being above or inherently better than others -- instead they're an avid perfectionist, every little mistake they make eats away at them, they're adamant about doing everything Alone and they will refuse any semblance of help if it means literal death. this is what keeps them from accepting teshin's help for a long time, and finally learning that they do actually do need help and that they're not Bad for it is the first step in helping them break their spiral and become capable of growth

they're aware that it's weird that they're not blue (da ba dee) and will hide it while in public with makeup/just keeping their skin covered but they aren't remotely inclined to examine Why they're so weird. thrax uses this to emphasize that they need to stick together bc they're both weirdos

thrax in general is desperate to have drifter stick with him because 1) He Needs Control and knows that if anyone can take that from him, it's them, and 2) he recognizes that they're opposite sides of the same coin, that they're both extensions of the child who died on the zariman, and they're the only person he has left that he feels he can actually trust and relate to. i've discussed before that i think he feels responsible for drifter's happiness -- he's The Inner Child to drifter's Maladjusted Adult, he's the embodiment of the coping mechanisms they formed as a scared kid, and the idea of not being able to keep drifter happy, that they don't need him anymore and would do better without him, scares the fuck out of him. maybe i'll compile that whole rant in another post lol

also this

so thrax affords drifter a lot of dignity that he doesn't really give his other courtiers. he views them as more or less an equal while he considers the other courtiers as clearly beneath him/them.

drifter's role is basically to be his PR agent. this isn't explored a lot in canon, but i do envision that most of the courtiers had/have roles beyond just entertaining thrax: lodun, of course, is in charge of duviri's military force & is basically a cop; mathila, in this duviri, is his advisor for "peasant business" (keeps tabs on her island's trade & economy/crop yields/use of the land, organizes their tribute, etc); and drifter is a spy of sorts who does a number of odd jobs like political assassinations, doing a lot of propaganda work/damage control for thrax, stemming discontent among the peasantry before lodun has to come in and put the boot down, stuff like that. they're also sort of a supervisor to the other courtiers and keeps them all on track, enforces deadlines, etc.

i think drifter thinks that they're genuinely Doing Good in their job. at the end of the day, they're an embodiment of pride, and they're not going to admit to potentially being wrong easily. i think their rationale is that they do a lot of "little" harms (poisoning one or two malcontents) to prevent "big" harms from happening (thrax getting pissed and sending a wyrm in to destroy an entire island and everyone on it). i think they have a lot of love for the kingdom and believe that thrax does too. also, like, who else could they possibly install as monarch??? lodun??? absolutely fucking not.

i talked about this extensively in another post but drifter Does Not Fucking Like lodun. however they do end up befriending mathila, who is the only person in all of duviri who tolerates lodun, and i'm obsessed with the idea of mathila scruffing them both like they're kittens and putting them in a room together and telling them that they have to get along now Or Else.

and it works.

pretty much everything that happens in-game still applies to them... i haven't sorted out the rest of the stuff that leads up to the duviri paradox but obviously at some point they find out that thrax has been lying to them about Everything the whole time and they're like "hey what the fuck dude" and ditch him, and after a lot of bargaining to try to get them back thrax gets pissed and starts hunting them down. etc etc etc.

i think they probably actually spend a lot of time in duviri after the events of paradox bc like... that's their home and also they recognize that they owe it to the citizens to help build a better place to live, and help thrax grow, etc. a bit on that here

idc what DE says, drifter adopts thrax with their wife hombask and everyone in duviri gets to come live on the zariman before the void consumes them all and they all live happily ever after

a lil more about drifter and hombask here and here

[arcanavoid]

I get Propaganda is supposed to persuade people to vote for them so here's some anti-propaganda to help Lucios case under the cut :]

Everything said in the og post is (in one way or another) true.

Not sure about other graphic novels but Arcanas routes are each a separate story, so almost like alternate universes. So while yes Lucio is a BIG dick in the majority of routes, those… technically don’t count unless you're only playing that route? I hope that makes sense,,, it's not like he's this big dick who's tried to kill you 5 different times or anything, it's literally once a universe if he's trying to get you out of his body which Asra stole for you.

Anyway, yes! He's a man child, his own mother says so, and yes he was stupid enough to make deals with demons and then not hold up his end of the bargain, which is why he's carrying a plague around with him. He straight up was like oh no plague! Guess I'll run! And he even states in his own route that he didn’t realize the damage he has caused with the plague, granted that's because he was so far up his own ass he didn't care. Not to even mention he neglected duties as a count and a whole district flooded because of it. 

Now wait a second this is all sounding pretty pro-worst guy ever, why is this anti-propaganda? 

Because he actually does change and get better, granted only in his route, but that's because it's his route, it's not Nadia’s route, or Portia's route. No it's for him, for him to have a space to grow. So yeah he's the villain or at least a mild jerk in majority of routes but as i said earlier those are all alternate universes, so take it all how you will but don't ignore his own route where he proves he can change. Another, smaller disclaimer, all of the secondary main three routes were heavily rushed and poorly written, it’s very accepted among the fandom that they had the right ideas with the routes but with funding getting low and assets being more and more rushed for the sake of finishing the routes they came out less than uh… standard quality. 

That being said, im taking the ideas the devs had for his route to heart and not entirely what was actually in the route. His whole route is about him either learning to be independent and live with his mistakes or become entirely independent on MC [since every route has a good/bad ending]. Bad ending: he basically stays the same but becomes your bitch. Good ending though, he grows, he realizes the damage he's done and the hurt he's put others through and he finally gets his head out his own ass and starts trying to actively fix them. He doesn’t take back the role of count, he helps where he can when his friends ask him to. And while everyone is still iffy around him they’ve all recognized that he's at least trying. He apologizes to the majority of them, like Asra and their parents, as well as Nadia and julian. He doesn't even force Muriel to hear out his apology, I'd assume. The point is he was a bad guy, but he's actually a decent human being if given the chance to grow.

The game has been sold to some fanfic app called Dorian, so NyxHydra [the original company] does not exist anymore, so I wouldn't take anything Dorian says about the characters as canon. And even then NyxHydra never really got the chance to show Lucio or answer stuff about him after his Good ending was released because they literally sold the company after all the secondary routes were completed so anything they talk about with him is like… purely through the lens of other routes and you know what i said earlier, yada yada Aus yada yada grains of salt.

My point in all of this is that Lucio at least tries to change in his route. The other guy [so sorry idk him i just read all the propaganda] seems like the creators said he changed and in reality he.. Didn’t….. So uh yeah! May the worst guy win 😎👍

ROUND 1, MATCH 64

Propaganda under the cut!

Lucio Morgasson

He's the villain in everyone else's route, and even in his own he's STILL kind of a dick. Like, everything bad he did before the game begins happens exactly the same, and it's only when he begins that he gets better (as in he regrets his actions and tries to fix it (it being a plague. He caused a plague because he wanted more power. (Spoilers: the plague killed the MC))). All the other romanceable characters still hate him tho so that's good. The one thing he's got going for him is that in one ending, he stepped down from being the count (idk about the other)

He literally caused a plague that kills thousands of people including THE PLAYER 😭 LIKE HE LITERALLY KILLS YOU DAWG

He is simply the worst. I'm pretty sure he purposefully infected his kingdom with the plague. He made a deal with the devil maybe. Gonna be real with you I haven't finished his storyline.

imagine a guy who is both incredibly pathetic and willing to screw over absolutely everyone for fun. lots of fun as a character, absolute dogwater as a partner

He has directly tortured or somehow harmed all the other romancable characters and every other route tries to kill the mc to take over their body, is also responsible for a plague that killed a large portion of his kingdom and *spoiler* killed the MC

I'll admit I haven't played his route but that's cause he's such a pathetic icky man that I don't think I actually can. And I pride myself in completing every route. I know people like their pathetic meow meows but I want to hit him with a brick

He acts as a manchild who needs someone to guide him through life and show him the difference between right and wrong when I'm pretty sure he's in his forties or fifties. He also abuses his power to do horrible things to people he's not in a romantic relationship with, which should tell you a lot about him.

He’s a selfish asshole who is the villain in every other route and he’s a punk ass bitch I wanna kick his ass so hard his skeleton disintegrates as he fucking deserves 

Dude, he SUCKS. He's the villain in every other route. He's a horrible husband, he forced Muriel to fight for his entertainment, he makes deals that he can't pay for. He threatens and pouts and is obsessed with people loving him. I've been with the Arcana since the very beginning and he wasn't meant to be a romance option, but the writers basically went with it because there was such a demand. So embarrassing to see Lucio fans being like Lucio did nothing wrong ever. Falling all over themselves to blame his mom or Nadia or Asra or anyone else for Lucio's selfishness and shitty behavior. It was peak uwu he's A BABY fan dementia that excuses all his shitty actions because nothing was his fault. The only sane Lucio fans are the ones that are like "he sucks so much <3 I can make him worse."

He's literally described by the devs as flaming trash. He is literally only nice in his route and the main antagonist (or at the very least a jerk) in every other route. he was a very bad husband to ex-wife. he is literally - and with 0 exaggeration- a plague upon the country he ruled. he's also a grown man who calls his fuck ups "oopsies" and honestly, i love him but that gives me the ick.

Cullen Rutherford

stupid racist cop creep whose fans cry about how hes "changed" and "you can't judge him he was addicted to magic drugs" nah he still chose to be a racist cop and abuse his power over innocent people and i hate him. the writers making him romanceable in da:i after how blatantly horrible he was in da:o and da:2 is baffling but i guess they had to appeal to the part of their audience who watch those "mafia boyfriend" videos on tiktok or whatever

He's creepy in origins, though still 100% willing to kill the female mage pc he's crushing on, as well as all the other mages trapped in the circle with him. He's the second-in-command in an even worse circle in 2, listening to and defending the increasingly obviously insane meredith until literally the end. He's one of the people still pushing for the circle system by inquisition, and yes he's going through withdrawals and working through the traumas of previous games. And to be brutally honest his was the first romance i took and while i don't remember much from it, its not worth all the girls going absolutely nuts over knockoff terrible alistair.

He's basically a cop who thinks being born a certain way can revoke personhood and by Inquisition still thinks mages are monsters to be controlled, not people. He gets a fairy tale cutesy romance that focuses on his personal struggles with addiction while showing absolutely no regard to the atrocities he committed and still thinks were justified. He can be romanced BY A MAGE and his actions and beliefs are just glossed over. He believes mages are 'not people like you (Hawke) and me', but if the Warden was a female mage he canonically had a crush on her and would deliberately hang around her despite the fact that he was her *jailer*. If that Warden romanced Leliana, there is war table dialogue in which he pesters Leliana for news of his 'former' crush despite her repeated statement that she doesn't want to talk to him about her. All this shitty behavior and lack of introspection gets swept under the rug by the game, not even giving the PC the chance to really challenge his beliefs. Like damn even Fenris could apologize when he lashed out due to past trauma with mages, and if anyone has a reason to hate mages it's Fenris. If you want an ex Templar hottie Alistair is RIGHT THERE. Tbh I know Cullen is a popular romance and I'm not here to tell anyone what they can or can't do or like in a video game, I'm just saying I think he is deeply undateable

Spends the first two games as an antagonist, fervently devoted to the cause of subjugating mages, then a bunch of "character development" happens off screen and the games treat him like he's completely reformed. However he's actions make it clear he still sees mages as dangerous and lesser. Not to mention if you romance him with an elf he doesn't pay your culture more than lip service respect like most of the devout characters 

He was a total villain in the first two games who was violently prejudiced against mages and uses one single bad experience as an excuse for it (a bad experience that is pretty much exactly what he in his job subjected graduating apprentices to, mind you, but this is never brought up). Now he says he's changed, but his words and actions say otherwise. He still distrusts mages, sympathises with the rebel Templars trying to kill them, and he never owns up to the terrible stuff he did and helped others do in the past two games. He totally knew what Meredith was doing and says he doesn't, and he still tries to defend her intentions. And you have no option to call him out on it. If you romance him as a mage, he angsts about how he might have seen you as subhuman in the past but NOW you're one of the good ones, and when you ask him if he'll kill you if you get possessed, he dodges the question. And the PC is written as being almost sad that she's a mage? Like 'can you love me despite what I am??' Also if Leliana romanced a female mage PC in the first game who is still alive, he asks her creepy questions about their relationship. Fitting considering his original purpose was to be creepy to the female mage Warden. 

I hate him and want to cause chaos. Plus his VA is an asshole.

cop

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

if the requests are still up, can I have more big dog/werewolf! captain headcannons? :0

Yeah! I had zero inspiration for this till ISWM 2 dropped so big spoilers ahead!!!

............

After the truth about you being a werewolf comes out, you become less shy shifting between forms.

Ofc some of the doors don't accommodate your height, so you gotta crouch a lot but it’s no problem, especially since you can run on all fours if need be.

Mark made tons of modifications to your suit so it can adapt to both forms without tearing or breaking.

He always wants to sit in your lap and just pet your fluffy tail when things on the ship get stressful...or just bc he wants to.

CC, Gunther, and literally every other crewmember scold him for “distracting” you but they’re all just really jealous.

Though because you stayed a werewolf when the universe collapsed (as the stress of the whole situation with the warp core, Lady, and Old Mark overwhelmed you), you were unable to change back to human when it rebooted.

Not matter how much you focused or tried calming down...nothing worked.

You were stuck.

Even when travelling through wormholes and space-time continuums, this was the only constant.

The many Marks you encountered had a variety of..interesting reactions to seeing a werewolf in place of a human, but they all recognized you nonetheless.

Murdock/Murderiplier? Offers to let you feast on the victim's flesh if you so desired.

Romanceiplier? Is down bad for you regardless, saying "this changes nothing <3"

Camp Counselor Mark? Is frozen in place when you growl and scare everyone else away (hell, you even intimidate Heehoo when you meet him).

Camo Mark? Thinks you're a badass by tearing into the intruders with your claws and teeth.

Crying Mark? He doesn't care he just bawls into your fur before the scene glitches.

The only one who was genuinely surprised was Yancy (even though he's not a variant of Mark) but he recognizes your smile and now understands how you beat him in that fight.

In the end where Mark attacks you, you nearly attack him back--at this point being near-feral considering how long you stayed a werewolf. 

He thinks it’s all the more reason to go back and prevent your humanity from slipping, managing to rip the crystal out of your paw, wherein you howl in pain.

That awakens your humanity briefly, and you desperately try to reason with him, saying going back won’t fix anything.

After saving him from the wormhole, he screams that you’re a “stupid mutt” for stopping him, but after a moment..he realizes that he not only broke the universe, but he also broke you.

It hurts especially as you revert back to a feral mindset, and he slumps to the floor, thinking the [y/n] he knew was gone forever.

“I-I’m so sorry, Captain..you’re stuck like this all because...o-of me. I did this to you."

He’s ready to accept death but...instead you sit down, pulling him into your lap and cuddling with him--just like old times.

And he sobs, apologizing for everything and begging you to come back to him.

As the paradox resolves and you both wake up on the ship, your paw is healed and you could think clearly again.

Mark was worried when he saw you walk out of the cryopod...until you turn human again and smile, embracing him and drinking some coffee as you overlook the planet together.

“Honestly..it feels great being human again.” You sigh. “I think I’ll stay this way for a while.”

[nevertheless-moving]

Ok so I don’t know if u remember that snippet u wrote about obi wan starting in Space Moulin Rouge but I’m obsessed with it. I want to know how that screening went down SO BAD. the entire concept is fucking hilarious and I can’t watch that movie without thinking about how delighted quinlan would be.

Thank you very much anon, of course I remember Space Moulin Rouge! May it put all the temple padawans through the same awakening Earth Moulin Rouge! put me through. I did actually write the next minute of the ficlet, but decided to cut it where I did for maximum comedic, so it picks up immediately where the fic left off. Here's what I've got:

Obi-Wan’s horror reached new levels. The entire temple had seen him...him prancing and, and singing. About love. He cleared his throat.

“Master Windu, I’d like to request a temporary transfer to a watchman position in the outer rim territories. I’m sure-”

“Request denied.” Mace interrupted. “Come on, Knight, on your feet.”

Obi-Wan staggered up, staring blankly into the void.

Master Windu clasped him on the shoulder and Obi-Wan almost fell on his face. The Master of the Order sighed. “Really, Kenobi. Everyone on the council assumed it was some bizarre scheme of Jinn’s. The Corellian Guilds assignment, right?”

Obi-Wan nodded, numbly allowing himself to be steered by Mace on one side on and Garen on the other as he accepted the fact that the entire HIGH COUNCIL had apparently watched him make goo-goo eyes at a burlesque dancer, or at least knew that he had. Master Windu hummed in acknowledgement. “I had wondered how he resolved that so quickly.”

“Well...now you know.” Obi-Wan continued to walk, shattered pieces of dignity falling to the ground with every step.

“Come on, Obi-Wan, you have nothing to be ashamed of,” Garen assured him. “You were great! You won all kind of nominations and awards! I cried at the end, it was that moving!”

Obi-Wan almost fell to his knees once more. “It- I don’t even remember the plot- It was only two weeks of filming, really-”

“Oh now you have to watch it,” Quinlan said solemnly.

Windu sent a bolstering wave of reassurance through the force, which was immediately undermined by his words. “Really, Knight Kenobi, you're a fine actor. I’d recommend you for shadow work just on this if it wasn’t for- well, maybe in a few years.”

Obi-Wan whimpered. “It- it wasn’t supposed to be released with my name.”

“It wasn’t!” Bant reassured him quickly. “It was actually quite the mystery apparently, the Globes nomination committee didn’t know where to send your invite for the ceremony-”

He did not whimper again, but he wanted to.

“But at somepoint a Nabooian citizen put together the musical stills together with the holophootage from the, ah, Nabooian liberation parade-”

Naboo. Of course. All terrible things can be traced back to Naboo.

Okay, perhaps he was being a little melodramatic.

“Let me guess,” Obi-Wan asked hollowly. “The mystery already was a source of gossip, and when they realized that the unknown actor was actually a Jedi, the news really sunk its teeth in.”

Quinlan coughed, clearly still wrestling with amusement. "Yeah...you might not want to use the front door for a little bit. Or any of the public entrances."

I suppose I didn't have it in me to make Obi-Wan sit through the screening. Assume that everyone is genuinely impressed and—Obi-Wan's good! Obi-Wan is just embarrassed because he's him and doesn't like the attention.

Eventually the fervor dies down. Obi-Wan shaves his head, grows out his beard, learns to stop flinching when the movie is mentioned and instead laughs it off before changing the subject. Gets recognized less frequently the more time goes by

Obviously when the war starts and they plaster his face on every space billboard it becomes a thing again, because Obi-Wan is meant for infinite suffering.

The big positive from all this (though Obi-Wan in universe fails to see it as such) is that Anakin gets super into musical theatre. Turns out that having a Healthy Creative Outlet does wonders for his general...Anakin-ness. Narrowly avoids the Tusken genocide. [Maybe saves Shmi? Not sure how—return to later] Slows down his relationship with Padme just a tad. Dramatically improves his relationship with Mace Windu, since Windu is also a huge theatre geek, so that's nice.

[nincompoopydoo]

DEBRIS AND MISERY

CURIOUS MINDS THINK ALIKE ; PART 5 / ?

PAIRING: Loki Laufeyson x Female!Reader WORD COUNT: 3.1k SUMMARY: Through guessing games and walking on eggshells, it’s you and Loki that dance the strange choreography of two curious minds trying to figure out the other. A/N: Slow moving chapter! If any of you speak Norwegian and know that sentence is wrong, please tell me! I took a risk, not sure if it's worth it. Anyways, I promise there’s more stuff coming in the next chapters. Tell me anything about this chapter, what you love, what you hate. Enjoy xo gif from this gifset by@marvelheroes WARNINGS: Swearing? More paperwork. support my writing through ko-fi💖 MASTERPOST ; MASTERLIST

The narration of Miss Minutes accompanying the grainy animated graphics of a training video on how, why, and when a branch of a timeline is reset seems to be the source of Loki’s absentmindedness. If he is typically referred to as outrageously and mostly unnecessarily communicative, it is his mind that beats his mouth—the tumult of his thoughts is loud and overwhelming like the people who amass at taverns every evening to drink themselves silly whilst singing jolly drinking songs until the wee hours of the morning. Except, his thoughts are far from jolly. He, mastermind of language and a silver-tongue, has no words of any language to describe the complexity of his mind with accuracy.

Kraftig regn som faller i en fossende elv.

Like heavy rain falling on a cascading river. Water from the sky on water streaming through the ground—thunderous raindrops from above against the river that strikes every rock of every winding turn.

Those were the words of his mother.

Maybe, that’s how his mind should be described.

It’s the mechanical creaks of spinning wheels against the polished floor that pulls him out of his thoughts and finds that he had been staring blankly at a page of men riding jet skis of a magazine he'd nipped from the stack of junk on Mobius’ desk for the last minute or hour. A second or a day? He isn’t sure.

Time works differently at the TVA.

“Hey Casey,” he hears you chime, the cart squeaks as it pulls to a halt. “Do you have a paperweight or something I could use?”

There’s a sound of rummaging as the clerk searches the drawers. Loki restrains the urge to look.

“Uh, yeah...Here.”

“Thanks.”

Probably an infinity stone.

The clerk then wheels by, pushing the evidence cart as he casts a cautious glance his way.

Right. He did threaten to gut him like a fish earlier on although the threat was not as deadly as he intended but proved to be surprisingly effective. Yet, Casey is probably the type to be afraid of his own shadow, he would comply with any sort of threat even if it isn't death.

Pathetic. But amusing.

The training video continues to play in the background, and Miss Minutes’ stupidly charming and cheery voice is starting to sound like gibberish to him. At this rate, it’s white noise to him—attention elsewhere but somewhat listening to a certain extent. He loves multi-tasking and isn’t afraid to admit he’s great at it though it likely plays a huge factor in contributing to the uproar of his brain. It’s why he doesn’t get any sleep for most nights.

There’s just...so much to think about.

And now, it’s filled with the reminder of how you met another version of him. Somewhere. Sometime. An inferior Loki, obviously.

Suddenly, the jet ski magazine becomes less interesting, his mind fleeting.

Discreetly, he spins in his swivel chair and sees you through inked writings and diagrams on the glass partition of your cubicle. Your coat’s discarded, and you have your sleeves rolled up, looking less formal, less tense than before. Yet, still as fierce with that constant scowl of your brows. He watches you bring your fingers to scratch the left side of your cheek and notices a vague resemblance of a fading scar.

He hadn’t seen that before.

The glowing orange hue of the soul stone sits idly on top of a stack of papers beside you.

Loki makes some sort of contemptuous noise in his mind at the sight.

The TVA is a strange place. The thought of a cosmic organization that overlooks all of the time doesn’t make it any less weird and neither do the uniforms—dull color combinations and collars that never seem to end. And the Time-Keepers, well, he isn’t sure what to make of that. Things are a little too straightforward, too simple for handling such a complex matter of the universe—Time. It doesn't make sense.

You spark his curiosity. You had a connection with him. Another Loki trusted you to a certain extent. He wonders what makes you so special, that Mobius was willing to try everything to convince you to help.

He also wonders what your name is.

The clearing of his throat comes off as a sudden and disruptive sound that resonates clearly through the somewhat silent environment of the office floor. A subtle way to gaining your attention although it's proving ineffective. You continue to flip through documents, scribbling notes on a notepad.

He wheels his chair closer to you. For a moment, he catches sight of a white mug amongst the mess. It says, 'Rocket scientist at work.' There’s no way a person as intimidating as you have that kind of mug.

He clears his throat once more.

Still nothing. It’s like he doesn't exist to you.

Then, he notes your vague attempt to fight down a growing smile.

Oh. Oh. You—

Hm.

He scooches closer and taps on the glass partition a little too aggressively.

“I know you can hear me.”

His tone comes out in a sing-song manner. Finally, your eyes turn up to meet his. They are different from when you first saw him emerged into the hallway. Less angry and shocked. Now, you just look unimpressed.

Loki somehow thinks it’s a great idea to charm his way to you.

A grin finds his way to his lips, curving widely with oozing allure.

Or so he thinks.

“Pardon me, but I believe we haven’t properly met and I didn’t catch your name earlier on.”

You don’t say anything, only blink in response.

Tough crowd.

Loki shifts in his seat.

“...What is your name?”

He articulates his words with care, and he doesn’t know why he finds it a need to tread lightly around you. Like with a touch, you will transform into a fiery beast from his childhood nightmares and eat him alive.

You and Mobius are polar opposites—personality-wise. It’s a wonder how the two of you get along.

Do you scare him? No. Definitely not.

Do you intimidate him? Perhaps. But, he will never admit it.

Maybe it’s the way you’re gazing at him with that constant, deafening deadpan look.

Then, you finally give him an answer.

“Agent.”

And with that, you're back to scribbling notes on a notepad.

Agent.

Loki scoffs silently to himself.

Well, that turned out to be completely pointless.

He turns his back to you, returning to scanning through Mobius' jet ski magazine within his grasp.

Loki doesn’t see how you’re now staring at the back of his figure, tapping your pen against the notepad absentmindedly.

Curious minds think alike.

-

You needed a change of scenery.

With all the noise of the muffling narration of the training videos from Mobius’ desk, you began to feel like you forgot how to do your job. The only job you were created for. The disturbance seems to be putting your brain into a frenzy and it’s preventing you from getting your head straight on report protocols. Trying to think of better words to describe the things you’ve seen on Sakaar that weren’t words that meant trash and didn’t end up sounding unintentionally sexual, is where you draw the line.

Times are hard for the variant turned analyst.

The archives are serene amid your solitude. Extensive tables hidden between shelves of identical-looking binders that expanded throughout the hundreds of floors of the building. The spot that overlooks the three looming statues of the Time-Keepers is your favorite. The occasional swish of a passing elevator calms your nerves from all the frustration and pressure ever since you were released from your arrest. You’re just happy to be somewhere familiar although it’s not home.

Although all distractions are gone, you manage to find new ones as you gaze at the glowing ‘357’ signage from across the building as you decide to let your thoughts run for just a little while. You feel like you’re looking through foggy glasses and your brain feels like it’s about to shut down any moment.

Dream away the pain, then.

Then, you hear a voice from afar. Two voices. It’s Mobius; you’ll recognize that quintessential Texan accent anywhere from the times he would rave about a new jet ski magazine he’d found on a mission...something along those lines.

Much to your chagrin, you also hear Loki with that irritatingly posh accent of his.

You should probably move somewhere else. Run and hide before you're being pulled even more into this mess because you know Mobius is trying to get you to spend as much time with the variant turned analyst to gain trust.

You’re still not sure how it’s helping with his case. Loki has better trust in Mobius than you as far as you’re concerned.

Before you could even gather the mess of your files, the two men you’ve been trying to escape are already by the desk you’re sitting at. You suddenly notice the stack of files on the other end of the desk, not remembering seeing the archivist putting that there.

Crap.

“Let me park ya at this desk and don’t be afraid to really lean into this work...”

You look like a deer caught in the headlights, signaling to Mobius that you really don’t want to share a desk with Loki. He continues to speak to him, ignoring your silent plea. Then, he gestures to the seat across from you.

There’s still time to leave.

Mobius addresses you with the stretch of his pointer finger.

“You, keep an eye on him. I’m gonna get a snack.”

Well, too late.

With a turn of a heel, you and Loki watch him walk away and pass neverending shelves of the archives. Once again, the two of you are left alone in the silence and the white noise of the TVA.

You meet each other's eyes at the same time, struck with the thought that you and he will probably be seeing each other a lot until the Loki variant is arrested. Plus, you’re tired of giving him the cold shoulder although you believe he deserves it.

This is a different Loki. The one who’s still power-hungry. The one who still wants to rule.

Time to start fresh.

You notice he now wears a jacket, a color somewhere between green, grey, and brown with a striking image of the TVA’s official badge above his chest. The lapels of his jacket jut out in an attempt to replicate his sense of pride and confidence.

He must have been on a trip with Mobius to the Renaissance Faire in Wisconsin, 1985. Oh, how you would kill to tag along. Everyone who knows you knows about your obsession with Earth’s music pop culture, specifically the 1980s. It explains the cassettes you have lying around. Your apartment has more of it.

Unfortunately, you're grounded. That's reality.

Thus, you decide that Loki deserves a second chance because he’s also somehow looking at you for some kind of approval. You’re starting to wonder if this is the same Loki that was tapping aggressively on your cubicle earlier on.

With an open palm, you gesture to the empty seat surrounded by stacks of binders and folders. It's the first time he has experienced some kind of acknowledgment of his presence that you weren’t ranting or screaming about. Oddly calm. Oddly inviting. Momentarily, he shifts in his stance, eyes darting between a fading figure of Mobius rounding the corner and to the seat, across from you.

The air is tense. However, still breathable.

Loki slides into the seat, legs shifting under the desk as it brushes against your by accident. You shoot him a pointed look, and he responds with a coy expression, blinking at you innocently. It’s mischievous.

Classic Loki.

You turn back to your case file, ignoring the way his gaze seems to burn holes into the side of your face for a fleeting moment before flipping a binder open from the stack to his left.

-

You snore when you sleep.

Loki wouldn’t describe it as a snore; it's more of a wheeze. Soft and subtle but it’s there, cutting through the ambiance of the archives, drifting and resonating in his ears. Through turning pages, uttering words to himself for his amusement, and having an irritating lady shush him for that, he realized how it became a lot quieter. The grazing sound of pen furiously scribbling words onto the yellow notepad has stopped.

Then, he hears it. Your pathetic snores. Your cheek is unceremoniously pressed against the back of your hand while the other holds the orange pen that’s still pinned down on the paper, mid-scrawl. The tip of the ballpoint pen sits idly, halfway through the curved stroke of the last letter of the word, ‘debris.’ He cranes his neck, face tilting in an attempt to read the chicken scratchings of your handwriting.

0132: L1190 hauls me through the time door and I miserably land on Sakaar, the planet of wastelands and debris.

You are quite...miserable. In a comical way. And he knows how much you hated your time on Sakaar—Mobius warned him of your apparent irritation in reminiscent of being stranded and then having to resume paperwork immediately. He wonders if he, too, is the reason for another boiling rage.

Apparently, you were pardoned on behalf of not only Mobius but the Time-Keepers as well.

You, an agent, are recognized by the holy and almighty Time-Keepers.

You, an agent, who sleeps with your mouth agape.

The statues of the TVA’s creators loom over him like they’re watching his every step. Every movement. Every lingering thought. Right now, he has the urge to uncover, perhaps deduce, the holes within this whole mess. In a carefully calculated and discrete movement, he reaches to prod you on the forearm. You don’t move.

He prods you again.

You still don’t move.

Now, Loki is trying to chat up the archivist who watches him through narrowed eyes, glasses framing the austere and rigid structure of her face, in favor of files that turn out to be classified.

Classified, classified, classified. Only able to gain access to his own file.

His journey from the desk proved to be useless and unproductive although the much-needed stretch somehow made it a little worthwhile.

When he returns, you're surprisingly still asleep, brow twitching and lips still parted.

Aren’t you supposed to be keeping an eye on him?

The pen you held has now left your grasp, rolled over to his stack of binders. He notices the words inscribed on it, ‘Mars is there, waiting to be reached.'

Through your fury and chaos, he knows there’s a part of you that feels, a part of you that loves. And you love everything about the Midgardians’ space program. It's shown in the way you cling to collected memorabilia.

There are dark circles that adorn your shut eyes, barely hidden under your lashes. You’re exhausted, fractured.

Loki is having a difficult time trying to suppress how he likes the way the frizz of your hair glows against the glowing table lamps from the desk behind you. You’re raw, flaws presented on a silver platter for everyone to see. Maybe, that’s the reason why you entice him the way you do.

He’s staring. Right. Back to work.

Loki returns to running through neverending case files, engrossed in the pixelated monochrome images that accompany the monospace typeface of endless reports.

Then, he sees it.

‘Destruction of Asgard’ in big, bold, and red letters. It glares at him sharply, images of his once divine home of Asgard, crumbling at the feet of Surtur. Buildings, people, engulfed in the flames of the fire demon. The prophecy of the end, Ragnarok—it was meant to be.

His home, it still was. Although an untrue Asgardian.

He knows how it ends. He knows he dies. He wishes his true self, the one on the Sacred Timeline, could have done more.

He doesn’t realize the forming tears that linger. He doesn’t realize that in the sense of premonition, you’ve awakened. He doesn’t realize that even with sleepy eyes, you notice the grief that glints in his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

With three words, you’ve struck him with those eyes that seemed all-knowing. You see through the facade he has created, sealing the true nature of what is truly a child that is afraid of his destiny and to lose all he had ever known. His mother, father, and brother. His people. You see through it all.

You know that face. You’d seen it on Sakaar when he sat at the doorstep of your makeshift home, watching the splintered moon drift through the star-lit sky. You’d seen it in yourself through the dusty reflection of the screen of the tempad.

He longs for home. He longs for family.

For a moment, Loki sees Frigga in your eyes.

Then, his world shifts, hauling him back to reality. It’s you who’s across his way, not his mother. Loki blinks, partly to get his head straight with the excuse to blink away the sting in his eye. He shifts in his seat, rolling his neck and squares his shoulders.

“Yes. I’m alright. It’s just...”

Trailing off, he clears his throat. You follow his gaze and from your spot, you catch sight of those deafening crimson letters. Maybe, it was the spur of the moment. You blame your drowsy state, but there’s a growing warmth that spreads across your chest from the pit of your stomach. It’s subtle, a spark, but evident. Before you know it, you’re uttering words that leave your lips faster than your brain could perceive.

“I’m sorry.”

You don’t know when was the last time you said those words and meant it. Loki doesn’t know when was the last time he’d ever heard those words addressed to him, spoken from the lips of a stranger. Until now.

You mean it. He sees it in the curve of your brows.

Loki swallows, nodding curtly. For the first time, he has nothing to say. And as quickly as the moment comes, he brushes it off and so do you. Whatever is reminiscent of a residing unknown feeling, bubbling within, has disappeared.

He sees your hand reach for the pen and for a while, he thinks you’re about to reach for his arm.

But no, you’re back to scrawling notes on the paper and he’s back to studying useless documents.

It doesn’t take long for the two of you to fall back into your normal antics as you find yourself chasing after Loki, who abruptly left the desk with wide eyes.

Curious minds think alike. Mostly.

TAGLIST:

@lareinedususpense

@poubxlle

@mystoragehatesme

@the-maroon-panda

[hopeswriting]

YEAH IT IS DONT WORRY IT DEFINITELY RINGS A BELL FOR ME TOO. i'm not gonna look for it either because the future arc is a long ass one lol, but either way it's clear throughout the arc that tsuna just can't understand how anyone could have brought them to that kind of future, and then understands even less when he learns it's his future self who did it. it's clear that he's the one who understands that decision the least. which i think is the one thing that really alienates tyl tsuna from being seen as tsuna, both in universe by the other characters, but also by the readers. because if tsuna himself, his past self (present for us), just really can't fathom he'd ever grow up to take the same kind of decisions as him, then you just really have to take a moment to sit and ask yourself just who is tyl tsuna. or more accurately, just what kind of person he became.

if we want to be fair tho, i think it's important to keep in mind that among all the reasons why he can't, a very simple one is that he simply doesn't have enough shared experience to go on off. because by the time of the future arc, he still deals with mafia stuff only occasionally. in fact, he's only dealt with it twice so far (kokuyo gang/varia), but meanwhile tyl tsuna has been vongola decimo for ten years. so for all he knows, he's exactly what he'll grow up to be should he go through the same thing. for all we know, tsuna with ten years of mafia under his belt will look exactly like the tyl tsuna we're given glimpses of during the future arc.

but all that said, that tsuna just really doesn't recognize any of himself in himself, well... you can hardly just wave that away and dismiss it.

That was his best friend - The first member of his family taken away from him.

i know you mean here that reborn was the first casualty among tsuna's family at the hands of byakuran's war, but it made me think about how reborn is also the first family member tsuna's made. like, before there was ever any of his other guardians and then everyone who came after, there was reborn.

tsuna became friends with reborn first, put his trust in him first, made him family first. and on the other hand, reborn is the one who gave him his name back first, and in doing so, gave him back his worth and value as a person. gave him the confidence to build back up his self-esteem and self-worth, the trust that it was something he had ground to have, and the strength to fight for it so it won't ever be taken away from him again. reborn's the first one to ever tell him "of course you're not useless and have worth. of course there's nothing wrong with you just as you are now, but you can become so much more and so much greater. you're a diamond in the rough, and i'll see to it to help you refine and polish yourself to perfection."

reborn's the first one to ever tell him "you're name's sawada tsunayoshi, and being sawada tsunayoshi is the single best and greatest thing you can be."

and byakuran went and killed him? of course tsuna just went "oh. oh yeah? i'm going to undo and erase your existence from every single world, or so help me god." and then he DID. because of course he did.

(okay but on a more lighthearted note, i'm not the only one finding this hilarious right?? like tsuna really just. not only erased his existence, but also undid it entirely. ten years worth of it. from every single world. i mean, goddamn right esdfgvjhgdf???

and this isn't quite relevant, but consider this: tsuna is often made to be the one who keeps the monster reborn is, or at least can be, in check, but i think an underrated part of their dynamic is that reborn also does more keeping the monster tsuna can also be in check than we might first assume at first glance.)

I think it’s really interesting that at the end of future arc, he walks up to his coffin to read what his past self said in that notebook.

oh, is THAT what that scene is about? i've never realized it lol. but now i'm curious about what tsuna wrote in that notebook.

Tsuna got the idea that Yamamoto was mercilessly attacked (Which he was LOL)

HE WAS LMAO. i made a post about it during my reread because that was shocking, but past the shock, it's also kinda funny?? like, the way kaoru just jumped straight to murder in a fucking blink? i mean, yams joking "that couldn't mean overthrow vongola, right?" (which btw, is so, soo fucking funny, it cracks me up every time i think about it. like, THAT would have been his last words if he really died 😭😂) must have shaken him as, unbeknownst to him, it was exactly what it meant, but like, damn. murder right away? not even knocking him out so you can panic a bit and think about the next best course of action or something?

but then again, at the same time, of course it makes perfect sense when you keep in mind kaoru is a shimon. and i doubt they had the luxury to learn about mercy or half-measures when they've always been the weakest ones all their lives.

but that aside, i think your analysis is on point! yams is... well you know, tbh i wouldn't necessarily call him the most peaceful ones among the 10th gen, but he's the one always willing to talk things out first. the one who mediates tensed situations and rising, heated emotions so to keep things from escalating. he's the one who keeps a cool head so he can have a clear grasp on the situation and decide on the best course of action, however dire the situation might be at the time. and he's definitely not one to first starts fights if he can help it at all.

he's--he's the rain. tsuna's rain. and they did that to him? no wonder tsuna was on a warpath to make whoever did it regret it.

HI HELLO, I FELT BAD CONTINUING THE CONVO IN THE POST BUT OOOOOHHOO YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE FEELING UNWELL ABOUT TSUNA HOPE. I AM INSANE ABOUT HIM.

FIRST OF ALL, I checked the link you sent and oh my god SAME "The Truth Revealed" is an INSANE CHAPTER TO ME. Tbh Future arc is one of my favorite arcs in KHR all together. I don't think I ever recovered from Tsuna waking up in a fucking coffin. Like I think that irreversibly altered my brain chemistry I havent been the same. My brains been spinning since i saw that. To find out that TYL Tsuna planned it in the Truth Revealed??? Like WHO is TYL TSUNA. WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM. Like you pointed out that Lal yelled out at Tsuna wasnt like that, but to find out he was?? oh my GOD. Like it makes me wonder how much stress TYL Tsuna was under or how he came to the point that he felt like this was the only solution they could pull off. I think there's an addition that Irie did say that Byakuran would've found a way to bring the younger gang to the future anyway must have absolutely added to TYL Tsuna's stress and desire to get his younger self ready before Byakuran decided it was time before he was. Like I need to know IS HE HAPPY LIKE YOU SAID. I HOPE THIS MAN FINDS PEACE GOD KNOWS HE DESERVES IT. This is more of a headcanon than any solidified proof, just a GUT feeling. But I have to feel as if TYL Tsuna's actions being so... like that had to do with TYL Reborn's death. We know that they're close and Rainbow arc shows us that Tsuna would lift the entire world on his back if it saved Reborn. I can't help but theorize the mental state TYL Tsuna was in, after losing Reborn. Seeing how..hotheaded Tsuna can get about Reborn in Rainbow Arc and how he willingly goes to the Inheritance Ceremony for Yamamoto.. I can see him conjuring a plan like this to fuck the shit out of Byakuran post Reborn death, or even just for the possibility of getting Reborn back. But this is just a headcanon again. Either way?? Im FOAMING at the mouth with you.

As for the rest of our discussion, first of all I lost my shit when you sent the manga panel of Reborn looking shocked but holy shit i didnt connect those dots that Reborn was ?? shocked?? that Tsuna was going along with it. And that its coming from a place of anger and vengeance from Tsuna, which isn't usual for him but fuck they attacked his family. As you mentioned, they crossed that firm line drawn in the sand and Tsuna was going for their throat this time bc how dare they? When, in Tsuna's eyes, Yamamoto was done NOTHING wrong to his attacker. As for Tsuna becoming Vongola Decimo and how he would've been shackled, this is actually something we discussed in our server as well. The conclusion I ended up coming with is that in the end it didn't matter to Tsuna. He was seeing red. He was furious. He was willing to sacrifice everything, even his own freedom from the Mafia to avenge Yamamoto. It's either that he was so blinded by rage that he didn't consider the consequences of his actions, or even worse he was willing to take up the mantle of Vongola Decimo if it meant catching the person who did this to Yamamoto. For Yamamoto's sake, he would be Vongola Decimo. AND THAT IDEA??? OOOHHHH. UGHHHH. THERES SO MUCH TO TSUNAS CHARACTER AND IT DRIVES ME MAD BC HE SEEMS SO SIMPLE AT FIRST LOOK. AND IM??? IM AAAAH YKNOW??

[follow up to this post]

the future arc isn't personally my favorite, but i totally get the people for whom it is. the writing for it is really solid and really steps up from what we had so far, and i DO love so much that first part of the arc up to the end of the merone base raid.

you know, at times like this i wish i'd remember what my reaction was to it the first time i read it too, but my memory is shit lol. but i don't need to to agree it was so iconic and insane of amano to make tsuna appear in the future in a coffin. like not only it's the first thing we learn about the future, but also the first thing we learn about his future. that ten years later he's dead. absolute fucking power move from amano, like hello??

but also, while we're on the subject... this literally just came to me so idk if i'm going to be articulate about this lol, but i think there's something to be said about how the first thing we learn about tyl tsuna is that he's dead. and then he stays dead throughout the arc, mentioned and talked about, judged and defended, praised and blamed, but it all happens through other people. everything we learn about him, every choice (or lack thereof) and decision attributed to him, every glimpse into his personality and what kind of man he was, we learn all of it it through someone else's words. through someone else's eyes, and tho we're given no reason to doubt they're saying the truth, they can only be biased as they say it. like, amano could have made him appear through flashbacks, but she didn't. she gave him no physical appearance, no face, no voice. and then when she does do that (tho even then she still gives him no face), he only talks about his present self. has only words for him. and idk what is there to say about all that, but i know it's relevant to the themes of the future arc.

I think there's an addition that Irie did say that Byakuran would've found a way to bring the younger gang to the future anyway must have absolutely added to TYL Tsuna's stress and desire to get his younger self ready before Byakuran decided it was time before he was.

you're right! i tend to overlook that bit of information, but it is canon that either way, the present 10th gen would have found themselves in the future. so for tsuna to decide he'll be the one to make it happen and have control over it instead of byakuran, was of course the right choice to make. the safest one, both for them and their present selves. as well as the kindest ones, because of course, tsuna didn't just bring them to the future to leave them to die in it, the way byakuran would have done. he came up with a plan to make sure they were ready to face the future like you said, and would be strong enough to see it through. and the plan was still harsh and painful and arguably cruel on them, but it still was kindness from tsuna at the same time. consideration for the situation he had no choice but to get them involved in. it was him taking responsibility for it and sparing them the worse of it as much as he could and as much as realistically possible. and maybe it made little difference, but it's still more than byakuran would have allowed them for sure, and it did play a non-negligible part in them not only surviving the future, but coming out on top of it.

you know... for some reason i've always thought tsuna was level-headed when he agreed to go along with the plan. like of course his hands were being forced as he was backed against a corner, facing a hopeless and desperate situation, but in my head he still had himself together somehow. sat and considered the pros and cons of the plan with a cool head, before deciding it was worth the gamble.

but like. knowing tsuna, it's much more likely he hadn't, you're right. that he was standing on the brink, and maybe had already fallen from it. i mean, yamamoto's dad got killed, his parents were unaccounted for, vongola's hq fell and vongola was hunted, namimori was invaded and every people there connected to him hunted too, forcing kyoko and haru to be on the run, with lambo and i-pin after them to keep them safe when they were just fifteen but still forced to take part in a literal war. tsuna had already lost so much by that point, while still being at risk of losing much more. and at the same time, he had already lost the worst thing he could lose, because of course, there's also reborn. reborn who also died, who also got killed when he's the one person who's always been by his side, who's always been his rock and anchor, who's always known how to give him strength again when his own failed him. and MY gut feeling headcanon is that reborn died not too long before tsuna put the plan in motion. maybe even died only just a couple of days before that, and that was the last straw, the deciding factor that made tsuna go along with the plan.

so like. maybe tsuna was heartbroken and crestfallen when he made that decision. maybe it was an entirely emotional one, one he made out of spite and vindictive feelings for byakuran like you said. out of fear he'll end up with nothing more left to lose, and out his guilt for letting things come to that point and not being in a position--not having the power to make things right again. a decision he made out of his grief and the desperate hope he could get back everything he lost. the hope he could get reborn back. and okay, consider this, but independently of whether it was the right thing to do or of the chances of the plan to be successful, maybe he simply agreed to it too out of the certainty it's what present tsuna would have done too. that it's what he'd have wanted too, that he would have taken any chance that might bring reborn back to him. because it's reborn. oh i'm soo normal about this and their bond.

For Yamamoto's sake, he would be Vongola Decimo.

YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT TO ME LIKE I HAVENT THE SOFTEST SPOT FOR YAMS AND TSUNA. oh my god. oh my god??? for yamamoto's sake... for yamamoto. and i mean, i know tsuna would have done the exact same thing for any of his other guardians, but that amano chose to go along with yams instead of any other guardian... like again, i do very much believe tsuna would have reacted the same way were it anyone else, but at the same time i really do very much believe the fact it was yamamoto played a part in his anger and resolve to avenge him. i really can't explain it, but like. it's yamamoto, you know?

NO I KNOW!!!! tsuna is... he's so easy to overlook and deem unworthy of a second glance, but if you DO look back at him, and then really look at him, you can't stop and can't look away, and the longer you look, the more there is to look at. which is even more insane because at his core tsuna still is truly, really just some guy. he's just a complex character in very simple ways i guess??

anyway yeah, i need to LIE DOWN now, thanks.

[levok]

American anon here! YES to Aalborg University! It's got a very strong, internationally recognized technical program. Additionally, it's mostly young researchers, which in my experience means less harassment, mansplaining, and other unpleasant etceteras (big problem for female-presenting individuals in technical fields...some places can be an absolute nightmare and even openly hostile if you're queer).

Good news! I do drink! Though, being Felicia-sized, it takes two drinks for me to go from sober to overshare to projectile vomit. So, might have to come up with a new plan.

I will take our Southern European friend's advice and not attempt to show off my, yeah...admittedly, shitty Danish skills (I may have started learning Danish before I got a job interview). After several months of Duolingo Danish, I was rather disheartened that I couldn't understand a single word in a Danish Netflix show. Actually, my obsession with YR started when I realized that I understood more Swedish than Danish with my Duolingo knowledge (please don't take offense to that, your language is fucking awesome!)

If I get the job (all my fingers and toes crossed!), I will be moving alone, which hopefully will make socializing and making friends easier! If I become desperate, you may be able to find me by following rumors of a human from a far-away land roaming around bus stops and coffee shops conversing with anybody who will listen.

Also, I am so, so sorry for these non-YR related asks. And thank you, thank you, thank you for being so amazingly awesome and kind with your responses. It's just that you're the only Danish person I "know"! A big thank you to the wonderful former expat anon as well!

Bless you for trying to learn some danish! It’s the shittiest language to learn or understand. We don’t really separate the words and only pronounce half the letters. We don’t even understand each other 🥴 and unless you plan out a lifelong stay, no one expect you to learn danish, but have fun with it if you want. We never take offense in people butchering the language, we just find the effort endearing, because we know it hard!

’m sure you’ll be able to bond privately with some of your new colleagues then! It sounds like a work environment where that’s possible. And Danes are well aware of Americans non-ability to drink alcohol 😅

[lovelyirony]

Hi! “If I fail, I’ll fall apart/Maybe it is all a test/because I feel like I’m the worst / so I always act like I’m the best” -Oh No! This is one of my favorite lyrics ever, and I'd really like to see what you bring out of it :) You're amazing, ily! 💞

what if maria had more of an effect on tony’s upbringing than most? howard’s still a dick but make it funny

Tony has known he was probably not the best human on earth ever since he was five and his dad made a bigger deal out of a dead man’s birthday than his own. 

At age five, you don’t really know a lot about the world yet. There were about two things that Tony didn’t know that he wishes he did know: 

1.) The word “fuck.” It would have helped with a lot of his situations. 

2.) The concept of jealousy. He probably could have gone to a child therapist or some shit, he’s not sure if those even existed back then, or if his parents would have even let him go. 

(After all, he’s supposed to be their perfect little boy, just the right amount of precocious and the other amount being something like genius or respectability.) 

It is actually his mother who takes the reins on his life. Howard has effect, he has huge effects. 

Maria is a socialite who absolutely refuses to let her son succumb to Howard’s devil-may-care attitude that he’s so infamous for. Her son is going to be well-mannered, respectable, and know exactly how to treat a lady of high social standing. 

This involves training at a young age. Six would be a fine age. 

It’s not Howard who sends him to boarding schools, it’s Maria. She ensures that he goes to the finest schools available, most abroad in Europe. She trains him out of the American accent, into something a bit more refined. 

He spends summers learning different languages and different skills. He learns how to fence by the time he’s ten, and becomes quite proficient at it. 

She quizzes him on established families, up-and-coming families, and never keeps him far from her sight. 

Anthony Stark is not going to be a wild-child, she decides. 

-

Anthony isn’t, for the most part. Sure, he usually stays up past what is acceptable for the night to work on some mechanic stuff and uses the word “damn” a bit too much for his mother’s liking, but that’s the reason make-up and apologies were invented. 

He follows rules and is known to smile like his mother and enjoy listening to quartets play out in the open air during the summer months. He travels to Europe and participates in various activities and is the talk of many socialites who eagerly await his arrival. 

He’s a portrait, holding still for all’s approval, and he’s not quite sure how to move. 

That’s troublesome, he thinks. 

The problem is this: Anthony Stark doesn’t have any interests outside what is required. He loves working on inventions, and they are necessary for the company to survive, but his father hates any robotic invention he pushes for, and mother thinks that if he tells people he’s rather fond of AC/DC then he’s a plague to society and will be shunned. 

(He doesn’t say it to her face but they haven’t shunned Sunset yet, and she’s a whole world of problems, so rock music is the least of their problems.) 

There is one thing that he pushes for: university in the United States. He’s been traveling to Europe since he was a child, and he honestly needs to do something for himself. 

Maria is not pleased. 

“So after I sacrifice so much for you, this is how you repay me?” she asks him over dinner. 

He places his fork to the correct side. 

“Yes. This is how I am repaying you. By getting a perfectly respectable college degree from a critically-acclaimed university that anyone would be lucky to attend. Not to mention it might reflect badly on Stark Industries if I don’t go to an American college. Do I not trust American institutions to run an American business?” 

“You shouldn’t.” 

Anthony laughs. 

“Mother, they cannot teach me anything that Europe can’t. Let me go to college in the United States. Please.” 

“No.” 

- 

It takes Howard to convince her, and a.) Howard doesn’t even like Anthony that much, and b.) he also doesn’t like his wife that much. 

“He’s going to a damned college here, Maria. We don’t need him to go to any more of that fancy bullshit you call school over there.” 

“Fancy bullshit, Howard?! Bullshit?! You mean what has gotten him this far in life and will make him a better man of social standing than you?” 

“My god, is social standing all that matters to you? What are your little friends going to do, choke on their silver spoons when they find out that your son is going to an American college?” 

- 

Jarvis also convinces her. 

“It will be easier to monitor his progress from a shorter distance,” he advises. “And you can visit frequently.” 

Anthony gives him a very dirty look. Apparently, he wasn’t supposed to mention that. 

Oops. 

-

But, Anthony gets his way. He’s going to MIT, and he has a roommate. 

(Okay, so mother doesn’t know that. But he supposes she will if she ever visits. Or maybe not considering if Tony can successfully convince his roommate to “disappear” for at least a day.) 

-

Rhodey does not give a singular shit about high society anything or anyone. Anthony Stark is a name he registers, but doesn’t recognize. 

“Anthony’s a mouthful,” he says a week into their cohabitation. “You have a nickname or something?” 

“Ah...no? I mean, not yet,” Anthony says. 

“How do you feel about Tony?” 

“I...I suppose that that is alright.” 

“Are you from Europe?” 

“No, from New York.” 

“Well holy shit, you sure as fuck don’t sound like it.” 

- 

Anthony--well, Tony now--learns quite a bit about American schooling and what he’s actually supposed to be doing to pass off as normal. 

Rhodey (yeah he got a nickname that ended in ‘y’ too, Tony said he wouldn’t be the only one) takes him to the thrift store and tells him to pick out some clothes. 

“...there’s a shirt that’s advertising a restaurant from Montana.” 

“And? Does it look hilarious?” 

“Is that the point of this?” 

“Fashion is supposed to make you like what you’re wearing or like yourself. I swear if you say that those boring black suits make you feel better about yourself, I will be dragging you to any therapist that will take us for at least five dollars.” 

“Five dollars?” 

“Maybe less if I can negotiate.” 

“Hey!” 

- 

Tony learns how to have fun. He loves it. 

Rhodey makes him go to record stores and find the bargain bin, and they play the warped records and laugh as voices go up and down in pitch. Tony blasts Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden until the RA begs him to go to bed and Rhodey throws all of his pillows off of his bed. 

In return, Tony teaches Rhodey how to read other’s facial expressions, dress for any occasion and be the best-looking there, as well as avoiding any sort of conflict by bringing up past embarrassments. 

“Are you serious about the color of my shoe affecting my social standing?” Rhodey asks, trying to shove his foot into a shoe that was a brown color that Tony had described as a “golden mahogany.” 

“Yes, I’m dead serious.” 

“No fucking wonder everyone says eat the rich all of you are so fucking pretentious. It’s brown, Tony.” 

“Tell that to any high society woman over fifty.” 

“I will.” 

- 

As it turns out, he ends up doing it much sooner than anticipated. 

Tony’s parents come to visit. 

They call him Anthony. Which is gross. Rhodey hasn’t used the name “Anthony” in about six months. 

“I wasn’t aware that you were his roommate,” his mother says. 

“Well, here I am,” Rhodey says. “Name’s also on the information they sent out to the parents about the living situations.” 

Tony tenses as his parents brush off the obvious comment on how little they actually know about his situation and move right into the room. 

Maria stops at the huge poster of a rock band. 

“I assume that this is...James’?” 

“No,” he says timidly. “It’s...it’s mine. Their use of movement on the guitar strings-” 

“Take it down,” Maria demands. “It’s unsightly.” 

“Oh give the kid a break,” Howard says tiredly. “For once he’s not listening to you talk about the merits of paisley prints.” 

“I’m training our son for a more successful life than yours,” Maria hisses. “Of course, you’d have to stay away from your friend Jack to understand that.” 

“Rhodey, leave,” Tony says. “Trust me, it gets messier from here.” 

He does think about it. How easy it would be to walk out and check in with a couple of his other friends and talk about how crazy Tony’s parents are. How he could check back in near dinner time and then Tony could tell him all about how terribly it went. 

But Tony already looks terrible, and he’s doing that weird thing with his hands where he wrings them and then remembers he’s not supposed to wring them and makes it worse. 

“No,” Rhodey says. “I am staying until the bitter end. Who knows? Maybe I can give your mom a heart attack when I ask her the difference between kelly and forest green.” 

Tony grins. 

“You can leave any time, it’s about to get...interesting.” 

- 

Tony’s family is quite dysfunctional. They can put on a good front in public, for what it’s worth. 

Howard is impressed that Rhodey’s planning on going into the Air Force and then talks about Captain America for a lot of the dinner. Rhodey is very uncomfortable and then asks about business and Maria rolls her eyes and orders another glass of wine. 

After Howard finishes up talking about some contract and making vague threats against businesses that Rhodey thinks might actually be in trouble, it’s Maria’s turn. 

“So, Rhodey, where is your family from?” 

“We live in the Boston area,” Rhodey answers. 

“And what do your parents do?” 

“Dad works as a consultant for a local construction company, and my mom works as a high school history teacher. They both like their jobs.” 

“Hm,” Maria remarks, and it’s so light and casual and yet so cutting. Tony can see how Rhodey squirms, and he can’t just let it stand. 

It’s one thing for Maria to cut her own son down until he’s nothing. Still fucked up, but Tony can handle it. He’s been handling it for years. 

“Rhodey, how did your mom come to want to know she liked teaching?” Tony asks. “That sounds like it could be really hard to figure out.” 

“Oh, well it all started when she was in high school and wanted to change how one of her teachers treated students. It was a really inspiring moment for her.” 

“That sounds really cool,” Tony says. “What does she like most about her job?” 

“Probably the kids,” Rhodey says. 

The conversation carries on about Rhodey’s family until their dinner arrives and his mother manages to cut in with more questions. 

“So, what else does your mother do?” 

“She volunteers at the local food kitchen and helps some of the younger kids at the after-school program,” Rhodey answers. “She also makes a mean Thanksgiving turkey.” 

“Would you look at that,” Tony says. “Mrs. Rhodes sounds like a fine cook, I wish I could say the same for you, mother.” 

“Oh?” 

Howard actually laughs at that as he signs for the bill. 

“The kid is right, Maria. At some points I think your kitchen is only used for decoration.” 

“Oh, and you know how to cook, Mr. Stark?” Maria asks, raising her eyebrows. “I’d love to see you make anything other than coffee.” 

“I’ll make toast.” 

Rhodey laughs, and so does Tony. 

“Ready to go?” Tony asks, and part of it is a way to get away from an isolated conversation, and part of it is to make his parents leave for their hotel room sooner. 

“Tony, I want to have a talk with you before we retire for the night,” Maria says, and Tony tenses up. 

Rhodey can’t protect him from that, and he squeezes Tony’s hand as they walk behind his parents. 

“It’ll be okay,” he whispers. 

“Maybe,” Tony says. “Maybe.” 

- 

Rhodey goes into their building, and Howard waits in the car. He nods to Tony on his way out. 

“You’ve...changed,” mother says. 

“Well, that’s how humanity goes,” Tony says dryly, looking anywhere but her eyes. 

“Rock music? These snappish remarks towards your own mother? I don’t know if this college was such a good idea.” 

“It is,” Tony says. “I just...learned new things and incorporated it into my life. Nothing the matter with that.” 

“Nothing wrong with that?” Maria reiterates, surprised look on her face. “Rock music is for other people, you know things that others don’t know! You can perform violin and piano, you don’t have to listen to the personal manifestation of a headache!” 

“And if I like that headache?!” Tony asks. “If I like something that’s outside of what you approve, why so angry about it? Is it because you finally can’t control every single aspect about my identity? Is it because I’m not like your perfect little toy that you can make walk and talk how you like?” 

“You know it’s not that.” 

“Isn’t it?” Tony asks. “Because you want me to change every single interest that I’ve found I like by myself. I bet you want me to listen to Bach for fun.” 

“I do not want you to change from who you are,” Maria says. “You have eaten at the finest restaurants in the world and now you brag about making something called ramen in a microwave. A microwave?!” 

“A surprising amount of families in America have them,” Tony says. “And I’m a college student! I’m supposed to eat crappy food and then laugh about it in twenty years!” 

Maria turns red, and her lips screw up into a tight line. 

“I don’t think you should be here,” Maria says. “You’re forgetting your place. Your roommate is...” 

“My roommate is what,” Tony starts, glaring at her. “My roommate is what, mother? You want to honestly finish that sentence?” 

“He’s not good enough!” she yells at him. “You are a Stark!” 

Tony stares at her for a moment. And then another moment. 

“Leave,” he says. “Get the hell out of here.” 

“You don’t tell me-” 

“I do,” Tony says, using his full height to his advantage. “You can tell me how many times I’ve fucked up as many times as you want, but you never talk about James that way ever again.” 

He twists on his heel, forcefully opening the door to the dormitory and not once looking back. 

- 

Rhodey finds Tony back in his room when he gets back from getting ready for the night, and Tony is clutching a pillow and laying face down on the bed. 

“You know, you’ll have to turn over eventually to get some fresh air.” 

“Leave me to die, Rhodey. Oh my god.” 

“That bad?” 

“That bad. She’s probably going to try and put me in a prestigious college or some shit.” 

“Oof. Wanna fake your death and run away?” 

“Please.” 

“Well, too bad. I have a test next week, and you need to do your poetry notes.” 

“But poetry sucks.” 

“It only sucks because you don’t like modern poetry, suck it up and pull it out of your ass or something.” 

“Ugh, fine.” 

- 

Maria is trying very hard to get her son away from MIT and towards a fancy school in Europe. She doesn’t even care where, just away from his roommate and his classic rock posters and the dormitory. Anthony needs an environment where he can focus on networking, meeting more people. 

Howard says no. 

He can’t even bother to remember her son’s birthday, and he says “no.” 

“We need Anthony to go to an American school, and nothing is better besides maybe Cal Tech, and he’ll have to finish another year of college and Hammer Industries can use that as a sign of an unsteady heir.” 

“Well then get rid of his roommate.” 

“I’m not doing that, you’re asking for a PR death sentence.” 

“He’s a bad influence.” 

“No he’s not,” Howard says tiredly. “The kid is finally standing up for himself, and you hate that.” 

“I don’t hate that he can be his own person.” 

“You just wish he were his own person under your specifications,” Howard drawls. “He’s staying at MIT, that’s final.” 

“Hmph.” 

Howard rolls his eyes. 

“Go back to planning whatever charity gala you’re hosting this week, honey. I’m sure things will be fine.” 

Maria doesn’t speak against her husband, just fumes and decides she’s going to try to get Jarvis’ opinion. 

-

Edwin is also a flat no. 

“He will not forgive you if you do this,” he says, pouring her tea and adding in one sugar cube. “He loves his school, he talks about it all the time.” 

“And what, he calls you?” 

Edwin Jarvis realizes he shouldn’t have mentioned this. 

“At times, madam. At times. Will that be all?” 

“...that will be all.” 

Jarvis does bring up a good point. Besides her, of course, he knows Anthony best, even if he does keep calling him Tony. Anthony will grow out of that nickname soon enough. 

She has hope for her boy. He will most likely grow out of this silly little phase in life and finally appreciate her lessons. 

- 

Tony Stark doesn’t. 

Well, he learns her lessons. Can appreciate some of them and how much he hates that he uses them. 

But he learns a far more important lesson from Rhodey, and it shapes everything: 

“You’re your own person, and you’re far better as your own person,” Rhodey says. “I wanted to kick the shit out of you when we first lived together.” 

“You did?” 

“Of course I did!” Rhodey explains, gesturing with his coffee mug and getting yet another stain on the pillow. (Laundry again. Ugh.) “You talked like you were from a movie from the forties, it sucked.” 

“Oh, you mean the transatlantic accent?” 

“It’s pretentious, just ditch it. You’re interesting enough to listen to on your own. I listen to you talk about how much you hate Picasso sculpture, don’t I?” 

“You do,” Tony admits. 

“So then be yourself. Use what your mom taught you sometimes, but otherwise don’t.” 

“You sure?” 

“Of course I’m sure, I’m a fucking genius.” 

Tony snorts. 

“Okay, Mr. ‘I Forgot to Run the Dishes Again.’”

“I already said I was sorry!” 

-

Tony takes Rhodey’s advice into account when he walks into any board room. He wears the worst possible shoes with every single suit, usually uses all sorts of cultural references that fly over the old board members’ heads. 

He does things his way. It’s unconventional, it’s unpredictable, and it earns him a reputation. 

He’s in an interview in a suit and patterned tie (patterned with tiny robots), and the woman is smiling in a plastic way on the other side. 

“Now, a lot of people are saying you’re taking the business world by storm with your unconventional methods and personality. What helped you formulate this, your father?” 

“Oh god no,” Tony says, laughing. “He’d probably curse me to hell and back for even wearing this tie. My mother would drag me back down to hell again for this.” 

“Then who helped you with this?” 

“Rhodey, who else?” Tony asks. “He always gives the best advice, even if I’ll deny that about fifteen minutes later. He really is the reason that I’m who I am today.” 

“Seems like a great guy.” 

“He is. He always is,” Tony says with a grin. “Except, of course, when he doesn’t fold his laundry, that bastard.” 

The interviewer laughs and moves on, but Tony smiles to himself. 

He doesn’t have to be the best, he just has to be Rhodey’s. That’s all that matters. 

[mtab2260]

Okay, I desperately need to rant about Apocalyptic Natasha Romanoff in this episode of What-If and I've decided to do it here over Reddit. Screw me.

First off...

Holy Fucking Shit! That was bloody AMAZING!

Second, I'm basically going to be explaining my excitement and jumping on the ceiling about each scene she was in, but also pointing out a few things as well.

(This feels like a Guardians of the Galaxy reference. No?)

I absolutely love this line because it says so much. In the main timeline, Steve had no clue about her Russian Vodka Family (as I've seen someone call it). In that timeline, I don't think she told anyone, not even Clint. But in Peggy's timeline, that Natasha clearly had to have opened up to Peggy which just shows how close those two had become during the year following the Battle of New York. Natasha Romanoff isn't an open person with anyone, in any timeline— even with Clint, the person she literally sacrificed herself for so he could live.

That says a million words I can't explain.

I also love the fact that the filter on Apocolypse Ultron World is dreary and it dulled out all the colour, and the sun's missing too. But in this shot, you can see hints of the sun shining through. It represents the hope Natasha saw when she saw them. The colour on Peggy's face and hair pop out. It automatically feels less dark and hopeless.

Also, I don't care what anyone might say this line is what sold Natasha that Peggy was an ally and that something was going on that she didn't yet understand. At the mention of Alexei, she just knew.

However... I must point out there are a few inaccuracies with this line. Actually, this entire line doesn't work.

Not really.

As because, up until ghosty Red-Skull said it on Vormir, Natasha had no clue what her birth father's name was and Peggy getting the serum instead of Steve wouldn't change that. So if she didn't know, there's no way she could tell Peggy.

And for the second part of that line... up until the events of Black Widow (the movie), Natasha was still lying to herself that their family in Ohio wasn't real— that it was just a mission and they were all just roles, nothing more.

But, I will say, maybe in that universe she and Peggy had a talk about it and Peggy make it clear she was a bloody numpty for thinking that and it was real regardless of the reason they were brought together. That could've happened in that universe. It's been made clear that those two traded stories with each other as her Nat knew about Steve, yet, main-timeline Nat didn't know about Peggy until she saw him staring at her photo. So who really knows.

But regardless, I still let out a jump of joy at this line because the What If series is letting the Russian Vodka Family be real!

Not that it wasn't real, but you get what I mean— anyways, onward!

This scene... oh my gawd... bloody-hell it's fucking terrific!

I cannot say how fucking overjoyed I am that when it came down to it, fucking Natasha Romanoff and bloody Clint Barton saved the entire bloody-fucking multiverse!

The (and I quote some random asshole) "Useless Avengers", saved everything ever known while also being the only survivors in an entire universe.

Let that sink in.

IT'S FUCKING AWESOME!

Like...

Holy Shit That's Awesome!

(I need more adjectives)

That's Bloody Insane.

I don't care how tacky they may be, I fricken loved these slow-mo arrow shots. And with the mirroring of Clint's (albeit fucking stupid) sacrifice coming full circle and to a close is outstanding.

Which brings me to my next point, that's kinda also this point too.

This point is part II we'll call it.

I

Am

So

Fucking

Happy

They

Didn't

Forget

About

What

Clint

Meant

To

Nat

And

Also

Just

Plainly

Forget

About

Clint

'Cause that would've sucked. I would've sued Marvel if that happened.

This scene. These two shots.

For someone who hides behind fake smiles and witty remarks, these shots show exactly what she's thinking at that moment and it's amazing. You can literally see the absolute peace on Nat's face that they did it, they ended Ultron, she avenged Clint's death, she avenged everyone's death, it was over. And hey look, Yelena, they didn't even need one of the big ones to do it!

But also look, see what I said about the filter— Natasha's hair actually looks fiery red instead of vibrant brown. Also, SUN!

Moving on...

I don't really have much to say about this line, but I fucking loved it, and serves the dude right.

She Has A Very Valid Point.

The pure amazement and life in Natasha's eyes and face is everything.

She saw everything she ever knew nuked and murdered because a robot spent five seconds on the internet and yet here she was now in a clusterfuck war full of life. Life that was at war with each other. But an alive war nonetheless and that's all she cares about at that moment.

Natasha and Clint being best buds part threeeeeeee........

On come on we all know what was going through Natasha's mind at this moment.

PAYBACK BIATCH!

Seriously I just love this short little bit. And the fact that Loki took over the world in a week, yet, this Natasha took him out with a kick and a small poke says things.

It's awesome.

As heartwarming as this scene was, I was hoping for more and truthfully it's a load of bullshit.

I don't care whatever the fuck Nick Fury has seen in his days, he did not know about the multiverse and if he wasn't happy as hell to see her on that Helicarrier then he was suspicious as hell as to who was this Natasha Romanoff imposter was. I'm sorry, I refuse to believe otherwise. No one's first thought after they've seen an alive version of someone they buried in the ground is—

"Oh, you must be Natasha just not my Natasha. Yeah, that makes sense."

Yeah, no.

Also... might I again remind you EVERYONE ON HER PLANET WAS FUCKING NUKED TO DEATH?! Did everyone seem to forget about this?

The first time we've seen Natasha Romanoff cry (almost cry) was Fury's death in The Winter Soldier. That's proof enough for how much Fury meant to her.

So the first person in like over a year (probably) she sees that she recognizes (besides Thor) who she also knew for a fact was dead— her reaction should've been more than a smirk. Especially if it was someone she cried over when they died. The line the two Natasha's share after Peggy's "I've got the shield. You've got the sword." line proves that different universes don't change a person's personality. So her seeing Fury again should've been a helluva lot more emotional for her, hell, for the both of them.

It probably should've gone something more like...

"Natasha...?" A very familiar voice behind her breathed. It wasn't one she's heard for over a year but she recognized it immediately. She froze— which was not a thing she did, ever, but it was only truly hitting her now that not everyone she knew was dead anymore. That the Steve Rogers over there was, in fact, alive. That the Nick Fury behind her was alive. That hundreds, millions, billions of other people were alive.

Natasha turned around slowly like her limbs were stuck in the gallons of maple syrup Cooper put on his pancakes.

"Fury—" She choked, honestly too overwhelmed to say anything else coherent. The tears in her eyes stung as she didn't let them fall.

Nick's one eye narrowed, he was pissed. "Who the hell are you?" He questioned, voice threatening. "I know you ain't Natasha Romanoff 'cause she's dead. So who are you?"

She was sure she just stared at his face probably for a full minute but she didn't really care. It was really nice to see and hear another face and voice.

Nat took a much-needed breath. "I know your Natasha is gone, the giant baby-man cape dude said so. I'm not her. I'm from somewhere else. But I am Natasha Romanoff... and it is really good to see you, Nick..."

Ah, shit the tears fell.

But maybe it was worth it as his eye widened and some form of recognition or some sliver of understanding set in. It was honestly hard to tell through her blurry eyes.

"You're aware none of that makes any sense, right?" He asked, voice much gentler now. Fury looked over her outfit and very dirty/beat-up appearance. "And I take it wherever you're from didn't have showers either? Because I can smell you from here." His nose wrinkled as he smirked.

She knew he was trying not to gag.

Natasha choked out a wet laugh. "Not for like a year, they kinda got all nuked from a psychopathic robot."

She was pretty sure that was the first time she'd ever seen Nick Fury actually shocked.

Okay, yeah so basically something like that.

And the reason I kept saying over a year is because Clint lost an arm and was honestly ready to die. He did die. After a year of being almost the only person on an entire planet and losing Laura and the kids, he hit his breaking point. In the five years of the blip he definitely became close to his breaking point, probably was about to hit it before Nat showed up, and that was with half the universe gone and he was alone without Nat. It could honestly be longer than a year, it probably was much longer, but then I started thinking about food and how much food would actually be safe to eat— or actually there. It was a matter of time really until both starved to death honestly.

And the shower thing, it's honestly impressive anyone could stand near here and not pass out. Like seriously if everyone is dead, I doubt any showers still worked— let alone be standing.

Anyways, I do have a couple problems with this episode despite how much I loved it.

Going back to the "EVERYONE ON HER PLANET WAS FUCKING NUKED TO DEATH?! Did everyone seem to forget about this?" part I mentioned earlier.

It seems no one outside of Nat actually seemed to acknowledge that everyone was dead. That Natasha, previous to their arrival, was the only living thing in that universe and that was it. You would think even Peggy would show some care or sympathy or some consoling words to her so-called BFF. If not that at least recognize the truly apocalyptic scene around her and look at it with disbelieving eyes. For someone who has so much compassion, she seems to have none in this case. Or at least she didn't outwardly show it. Which is completely fine. But it just bothered me no one seemed to really think about it all.

Another thing:

This isn't really towards the episode per-say but I'm just really fucking pissed about it.

It's great— no sorry— it's absolutely amazing that Apocalyptic Natasha is now in a universe that was thriving with life. It's awesome and she deserves it.

HOWEVER....

Are you fucking serious that out of all the universes that Natasha died in, you put her in a one that ALSO has a STILL DEAD Clint Barton???

SERIOUSLY?!??!?

I've said this what, three, four times now— Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton are more cursed than FitzSimmons. Because at least FitzSimmons always find their way back to each other in the end, Nat and Clint always just find the other fucking dead.

I swear, how the other doesn't have PTSD from heights now is a bloody miracle.

Anywho:

That's my entire rant on this week's episode. If you actually read this all, one, I'm so sorry for wasting your time, two, wow— congrats.

Also, I really need to see someone make a fic about Apocalyptic Nat seeing Laura and the kids for the first time again, and also for Coulson too.

[illyaana]

4 to 10 - Sugawara Koushi

credits to @kvsagi for the Suga art!

Tags: Timeskip! Sick Suga x Doctor! Reader, No Specific Gender for Reader, Angst

Synopsis: Suga has been diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis ever since he was 18, a few days after he graduated from high school. He works as an author in the hospital room he currently lives in. When he was 26, you entered the hospital as an official resident doctor and you were assigned to him.

In the beginning, it was just wheezing. After serving a ball to the ace, Suga just needed a few minutes to breathe air back into his system - nothing else.

It slowly became long nights of consistent coughing. It was just a dust allergy - nothing more. Almost all his family members had it - his allergic reactions were just stronger.

It became shorter hours of practice and any forms of exercise. His lungs were just weaker than the rest of the team's. It didn't mean that he was not as skilled as them - he just had to work more efficiently - more success, less time.

Then came the first lung infection.

Then the next.

Then the next.

Then the next.

It was no longer something he could just write off anymore.

Then came the tests; one sweat test and one genetic test.

The next time people saw him, he carried a bag connected to a tube that was in his nose.

He could still live his life normally - he just needed regular checkups. The only thing he needed to do was keep his distance, keep clean and not mess up.

That's all he needed to do, right?

The attacks got worse and worse.

His lungs became so fragile the slightest amount of dust or germ could kill him.

If he wanted to live, he needed to live in the hospital.

Until his clock stopped working, he needed to stay in the white walls of the Hospital of Tokyo forever - and that is what he did.

For the next 8 years of his life, he stayed in the hospital as a 'permanent resident' and lived peacefully.

His life consisted of college online, eating, studying, cleaning his lungs, talking with the other 'permanent residents' or just 'guests', playing with kids in the pediatric ward and sleep.

That was his life - and he didn't hate it.

He soon graduated from college and university and became an author - a well-known one, may I add.

He still talked to his friends from high school - Daichi and Asahi being common visitors with the occasional visit from Kageyama and Hinata.

This was his life until his life ended.

But all that changed when you came into the hospital for the first time.

Sugawara was never one to eye at the doctors or the nurses in the hospital - he believed that it was irrational and very wrong. Yet, you somehow changed his mind almost instantly.

He couldn't muster the bravery to even welcome you on your first day by himself, despite everyone who knew him literally pushing him to do so.

He begged all of the nurses to introduce him to you, but they all wanted him to do it by himself.

"Staring at our newest doctor, huh?" said Sugawara's doctor, Hizashi Yamada from behind him.

"You want me to introduce you to them?" He asked, smiling deviously.

Soon, Suga's doctor brought him to meet you, despite all of Suga's resistance to it.

"Hello, Y/N-sensei. Welcome to the Hospital of Tokyo. It is a pleasure to have someone so well-versed in our hospital as a permanent doctor," said Hizashi-sensei.

He placed his hand out, only for you to shake it. "No need for the praises, Yamada-sensei. The fact you recognized me is a privilege itself."

"This," Yamada-sensei pulled Suga forward, "Is Sugawara Koushi. He has been admitted to our hospital ever since he was eighteen."

Suga blushed furiously.

He wasn't ready to meet you up close so quickly. He wanted to admire you from afar for at least another two more days so that he could learn about your interests, but fate wasn't on his side this time.

Not to mention, you were a doctor, too! One of the younger ones, too... and hotter...

Suga awoke from his daze when he saw your gloved hand reach out to his to give him a handshake. "Pleasure to meet you, Sugawara-san. I believe you are an author? My sister loves your books!"

Suga was internally thanking Daichi for telling him to become an author.

Suga raised his hand to meet yours in a handshake. "The pleasure is all mine."

"As you both know, I am retiring this year," Yamada-sensei said, making both you and Suga face him.

"I've discussed with the board. Y/N-sensei, you'll be in charge of Suga starting tomorrow. I will send all the information about his condition soon," He ended off with a smile.

Wait - you were in charge of him?

Suga was shaking even more now.

It would no longer be Yamada-sensei seeing the uglier side of him but the very person he was developing a crush on.

"Fate works in mysterious ways, huh?" you said, breaking Suga's train of thought.

"I guess it was good I met you today then, Sugawara-san," you ended with a cheerful smile.

"I leave myself in your care then, Y/N-sensei," Suga said while bowing to you.

"Just call me Y/N. I think you're older than me, anyway," you said, laughing a bit. "I'll see you tomorrow!"

You walked towards the nurses that were calling you, leaving an extremely red Sugawara in the middle of the foyer.

The next day stood as a challenge for the silver-haired male.

He was going to act as good as he can so that your job could be as simple as it can be - no cheeky comments, no playful jokes.

Just being a boring, normal patient for the few hours you'd be in his room.

Well, that resolve almost failed immediately when you came in and begged for a conversation with him.

"It's too quiet for me to work properly, Sugawara-san. I know you think that keeping the room quiet helps, but the tension in the room is a bit too strong for me to work normally," you said, aching for some noise to come out of him.

But he didn't say anything - not even a noise.

"If you don't say anything in the next few minutes, I am going to begin talking a bit too much and trust me, you don't want that."

You turned to prepare the machine to remove the excess mucus in his lungs.

"You can call me Suga-san if you want," Suga whispered, scared to speak as loud as he usually does.

You chuckled and turned to face him. "I was going to call you Koushi-kun, whether you liked it or not."

"So, Koushi-kun," you started, "where and when does this author's life begin?"

He chuckled softly. "I was actually born in Miyagi. I was a replacement setter for the volleyball team in my school. Then again, I played a few times even when our main setter was there."

"What school?"

"Karasuno."

You opened your eyes in shock. "Wait - you were part of the Karasuno's volleyball team that went to nationals back then!"

He stared at your wonder-filled eyes and smiled. "Yeah, I was."

"So you know Hinata Shoyo and Kageyama Tobio? The Japan players?"

Pride swelled in him when he heard those two names. "Yeah, I do. I actually taught Hinata the basics."

"You've done well, my friend," you said, earning a laugh from the 26-year old.

And that small conversation began the long conversations you both had when you were doing long hours in the hospital.

After handling other patients, you'd often spend time with Koushi in his room with the pretence of 'I'm his doctor - it's my duty to be with him most of the time.'

But that was far from the truth, wasn't it?

You were developing feelings for your own patient.

How could you not fall for him?

Behind the beautiful exterior of his was a man of true beauty itself.

He was a hard worker - spent most of his time working on his new project.

He was kind - helped the nurses with managing the kids in the pediatric ward when they went for their lunch break.

He was the ideal man for anyone.

Time passed and you had been taking care of the former setter for the past two years.

He introduced you to his friends - Asahi, Daichi, Kageyama and Hinata, if you remember correctly - when they came over.

They soon became close friends of yours too - despite your fangirling over the Japan volleyball players. They often spent hours on end with Suga in his room.

All of you enjoyed the small talks you all had together and talked about the things happening in the outside world - be it a small injury or someone's wedding.

"Y/N-san, what about you? Are you in a relationship?" the orange-haired man asked, a small yet beaming smile on his lips.

You instantly blushed and looked at Sugawara. His eyes focused solely on you, taking you in.

"I've been single my whole life. I don't think I'd be getting into a relationship soon, too. The doctor's life doesn't really revolve around romance, despite all the TV shows and movies," you ended, earning snickers from almost everyone in the room.

"How about the rest of you? Is there a conquest of love happening in your lives?" you asked. Now my turn to grin.

Both Kageyama and Hinata stared at one another, faces beet red.

Koushi sighed. "Why can't you both just tell that you're a couple? We all knew ever since high school."

"How did you all know?" Kageyama shouted. You immediately shushed him, earning a small 'sorry' from him.

"You both aren't quiet in the storage room, you know?" Daichi said. Everyone except the couple began laughing hysterically.

"Damn, the money I'd get if I leaked this to the news," you jokingly said, teasing the two players.

When the clock showed 8pm, you pushed the four of the visitors out of Suga's room.

Their time had ended and they needed to head home.

Once they left, you felt a tug on your doctor's coat. You saw Koushi asking you back into the room, not ready for you to leave yet.

"Is everything okay?" You asked him, worried about his health.

"Do you feel like there isn't enough oxygen in your tank? I can always get you a replacement right now-" Koushi placed his finger on your lips.

"Please, just listen to what I have to say," he asked, his eyes begging you to listen to him.

You closed the door behind the two of you. He pulled you to sit beside him on his bed.

"I know I don't have much time left. I already had 10 years after diagnosis when the norm is 4," he said, chuckling.

You wanted to intervene - hell, the sentence was already prepared in your head - but you didn't. From what it looked like, he wanted you to just accept whatever he had to say.

"My drive to write is long gone - I can barely write a sentence I like anymore. I love playing with the kids, but I feel like I would just disturb them rather than entertaining them. I - I feel my life slipping away from my fingers, Y/N..." he said, tears forming around his eyes.

"Yet, when I see you walk along the halls of the hospital, I feel re-energized. I only met you two years ago, but I already am so dependant on you - and not just as a doctor. You are the only thing that makes me want to get up in the morning. You are the only thing I think of when I fall asleep. You are..." he gripped on your wrist, "the only thing I want right now."

"Koushi-kun..."

"I love you, Y/N. I didn't want you to leave today without knowing this. I love you so much - as a doctor and as a person."

You hugged the male in front of you, letting his tears fall on your jacket.

"I know you can't reciprocate my feelings, but I just needed you to know."

You gripped on his shirt.

This was the only man you've ever wanted, but you could never have him.

You held your tears back as you walked out of his room.

The next day was just a blur.

The mucus in his lungs built up at an extremely fast pace.

A severe infection formed in his lungs.

You rushed from your apartment to the hospital to conduct surgery as fast as you could.

Luck, however, wasn't on your side.

In the midst of the surgery, the electrocardiogram flatlined.

Sugawara Koushi was pronounced dead at 3:45 am at the Hospital of Tokyo on the 19th of December in the year 2022.

I hope you enjoyed the fanfic! As always, if you have ideas or tropes you'd like me to try, don't hesitate to leave a suggestion here! Thanks for all the reblogs and the likes too! <3 If you want to learn about Cystic Fibrosis, I watched this video and it helped me in understanding the science part of it~

[lowkeyorloki]

hello this is a different anon but the questions about the ages has given me some questions about y/n is she a grad student? Is she undergrad? like what’s the standing of the class she’s takin w Loki if she’s on the younger side for that class? this may seem irrelevant but I want to know every detail about the lowkeyorloki cinematic universe im more invested in the asis college experience than my own currently

STOP you're literally the sweetest 😭 this message made me smile so much, omg. also yeah her college years are going way better than our covid-ified ones. there's a lot of reasons the fic is set in 2018, and i'd be lying if i said that wasn't one of them.

the answer to this question is a bit convoluted. i can't give you an exact answer because there isn't really one - like i said in the previous ask, the more traits you assign a reader insert, the less accessible they become. class standing usually correlates with age, and i don't want to alienate any of my older readers who might be past the average college age. i did establish that the absolute youngest the reader could be is 23, which is about how old a typical undergrad senior would be. this is because a) yes this is a professor AU but i think the reader being any younger is too much of an age gap, and b) she has to be older if she's taking all these advanced classes, like you observed!

basically, here's how i see it (which again, is a tad convoluted):

the university asis takes place in is one where the undergrad program flows directly into the grad program. basically, if you go to this university that loki teaches at, you go with the knowledge that you will also attend the graduate program. it's been established that the school is fairly well known (you know how the university of chapel hill is NOT an ivy league but everyone considers it one? i imagine in a ranking of colleges, the university in asis would be whatever rank is under the way unc chapel hill is perceived. does that make sense?).

this would put y/n at the end of her undergraduate or early in the grad program. the class y/n is in (which, if you'll recall, is called Advanced Representation In Literature) is at the second or third level you would take in the English track. it's not like she's 5 years younger than everyone else in class with her, but she is 1-3 years younger than them.

this, of course, begs the question of what nat is doing in the class with her, to which my answer would be... i think nat is the type of person who would dip her toes in multiple different programs because she recognizes that you need a lot of general knowledge in each subject, even if you just want to succeed in your specialized field. hence, she'll take classes that she doesn't necessarily need to. it makes the advisors like her more, too.

and, you know. plot.

do you remember when i asked y'all if you wanted a reading list at the end of the fic? everyone said yes, and what i ended up doing instead of making a list was actually writing a syllabus for loki's class. i'll publish it as an extra chapter when the fic ends, but i think it could also help clear things up! for now, does this help? what do you think of this? let me know, and i'm so happy/flattered that you were interested in the first place ❤️

[spencers-dria]

Entranced by Her Touch

Someone To Stay Ch. 16

Spencer x fem reader

Spencer POV:

"What is all this?" She turns to me, a twinkle of excitement in her eyes.

"Well I know how much music means to you, and I've never had the pleasure of hearing you play."

I see the color drain quickly from her face. "Spencer I...I can't! It's been years! It wound sound..."

"Beautiful. I know anything you play would be beautiful. You'd be surprised how long muscle memory sticks around. You know, muscle memory allows us to do things like swimming or riding a bike without stopping to think or analyze each movement. The longer you played the more likely it will have stuck with you."

"Eight years" she whispers, running her fingers across the top of the keys, lightly enough to not make a sound.

"Eight years that's...wow umm...yeah I think it would be a fair assumption that you probably remember more than you realize, especially pieces you played the most, or that meant the most to you."

I realize the position I have put her in. I don't know why I didn't consider the possibility that she may be too shy to play in front of me. I guess I was just so used to seeing her be completely herself around me.

"Y-you know you r-really don't have to. I'm sorry if I made you feel pressured. If you want we can just..." I feel my confidence fade as I pull at my fingers. I keep my eyes glued to the floor, afraid to face the reality of rejection if I dare to look up. That's before I feel a soft touch on my arm. I look up to see her soft smile and the twinkle that has returned to her eyes. That's all it takes to break down any insecurities building up like walls within me.

"Spencer, I would love to." She gives my arm a reassuring squeeze. "Just give me a minute to do some boring. cheesy scales and stuff. It's been so long. I don't think I can jump in without some kind of warm up."

I turn on my heels and begin to walk off the stage, headed to my seat. I glance over my shoulder to see her propping up the lid and sitting to adjust her dress on the bench. She makes sure to get acquainted with the pedals in her heels. I smile at how happy she looks, how comfortable to be at a piano once again. It doesn't take a profiler to see how much it meant to her. I know I've made the right choice for tonight.

I settle in a seat as she finishes warming up. I can tell she's nervous as she lets out a few deep breaths, vigorously shaking her hands to try to rid them of any tremors that threaten to intrude on her performance. She takes in one last deep breath as she glances over towards me. I give her a smile and thumbs up. She laughs in response, seemingly less nervous. I'm glad I could help her in some capacity, if even for a moment.

https://youtu.be/x5ibvz38jOs

As she places her hands down, she begins to play a soft, lullaby like melody. I see the tension begin to fade away as the song picks up and she gains more confidence. It took me a moment to recognize the song, only because I had been so focused on her. It's a beautiful theme from the Deathly Hallows. How perfectly fitting, seeing as our movie nights brought us so close together.

After a minute or so, her demeanor changes along with the music. It's deeper, darker. Her face becomes more serious as I watch her pour all of herself into the music. I start to feel something, assuming it comes from the bass-like boom of the grand piano as it stretches to fill every crevice of the elaborate theater. My breath hitches in my throat and my eyes start to water. I rub at them, confused by my reaction. I'm sure there's all kinds of dust that's been stirred up.

I continue to watch her, completely mesmerized the way such dainty hands can play with such strength, such emotion. A memory quickly flashes through my mind.

"Music is so much more than just notes, Spencer. It can make you feels things you've never felt, understand your own emotions, or express them."

I had simply taken the comment as something that described her, and how she felt. For the first time I really feel the music resonate with me on an emotional level. I feel wonder and sorrow and enchantment all at once. Is this what she experiences on a regular basis? Is this why she's always listening to music, or talking about it? It's incredible to see the passion she has overflowing so effortlessly into the music.

I had planned this part of the date in an attempt to see her happy, but also to try to understand her in a new way. I never expected to learn or feel this much. She's so much more complex than I could ever fully understand, but I want to try to learn as much about her as I can.

The song quickly changes to another melody I recognize from the movies. I can practically hear the emotion in ever chord. How does she do that?

Before I know it, I'm standing on the stage behind her, unsure of how I got there. She doesn't seem to notice. She is pouring every ounce of herself into the keys.

I take a few steps closer just to be able to observe her hands. As the song slows, I notice her eyes are closed. She's not even looking at the keys anymore as she continues to the end.

She takes a deep breath in and opens her eyes. She looks out to meet my eyes but is met with a seemingly empty room. Anxiety and fear that I have left fill her eyes before I step closer, sliding onto the bench.

"Oh! You scared me for a second" she laughs. "Well, there ya go. I don't know it as well as I used to and there were definitely plenty of mistakes." Her confidence from only a minute ago starts to leak out with every self-criticism.

"Y/N stop." I reach up to turn her face toward me so that she has to look me in the eyes. I want her to see the truth and sincerity in them.

"That was...beautiful." I run my thumb over her cheek, enjoying the softness of her skin, the way she leans into my touch. "You're beautiful." I feel butterflies erupt into a flutter in my stomach at my sudden confession.

Her eyes dart down for only a moment before I see her nerves return. I decide to take a leap of faith as I slide my hand to the back of her neck, locking my fingers in her soft waves. I wait for just a moment, to read her response.

She leans in, resting her forehead against mine, not breaking eye contact. She looks into my eyes like they have the answers to the universe. She leans in just a bit more, nuzzling her nose against mine as her eyes flutter shut. She lets out a breathy giggle and I can't help but smile, laughing with her. There is something unbelievably beautiful about this moment, the racing of our hearts, the shared breath, the softness of her touch. I want to do more than just commit it to memory, like anything else in my life. I want to savor it, the sound of her laugh, the smell of her perfume, the feeling she gives me.

Unable to hold back any longer, I pull her in, kissing her gently, careful not to push her any further than she's comfortable with. She seems to have ideas of her own, placing her hands on the back of my head to pull my much deeper into the kiss. I lose all track of time and my surroundings, completely entranced by her touch.

She finally pulls back, looking at me as though I'm her favorite person in the world. "I hope this isn't a bad time to tell you... I'm crazy about you" she finally says, holding back a smirk.

I burst out in laughter. "Goofball" I jest, pulling her in for another quick kiss. "I almost forgot, I uhh...well I have something I learned for tonight."

"Spencer Reid, you learned a piece just for me?" she stands up to give me space to play.

"You don't have to go, if you don't want to." I try to hide the completely pathetic look I know is on my face. But I didn't want her to leave my side. Being with her is the comfort I need to get through this without my extra nerves.

She can see the neediness in my eyes. Based on the smile on her face as she sits back down, wrapping her arm around my waist, and I don't think she minds.

As my hands start to play the notes I had spent a few weeks learning, I look over to see her eyes light up at the sound of Where Is My Mind. I can't help but smile, proud of my success in bringing her joy.

The song is simple, not nearly as complex as what she had just performed for me, but that wasn't the point. Based on the look on her face, I can tell she remembers and that it means something to her too.

When I finally finish, I look over to see her wiping her eyes. "You remembered" she says quietly through a few sniffles.

"Of course I remembered." I turn my body on the bench to face her properly.

"Y/N, I asked you here tonight because I think it's time I showed you just how much you mean to me. This isn't new. This isn't sudden. I'm nothing if not extremely analytical and thorough."

She lets out a small laugh through tears now trickling down her face. I would be worried if it wasn't for the pure smile of joy she is unable to hold back.

"So believe me when I say I have thought about this for a long time. Pretty much since that very day." I know I don't have to elaborate; she already knows exactly when I am talking about.

"Y/N I love spending time with you and getting to know more about you each day, but I would be kidding myself if I pretended that I only wanted friendship with you any longer. I hope I'm not being too forward, and I apologize for setting this all up and asking you without any warning. I know I probably put you on the spot to join me on this date but..."

My spiral into self-doubt is cut short by the feeling of her lips on mine. I feel myself melting into her once again, worried I may never want to come back for air.

She eventually pulls back opening her mouth to respond to what I feel was quite an embarrassing display of my emotions.

"Spencer, I have been trying to figure out my feelings for you for so long. I had just been working up the courage to say something to you, but it seems you had plans of your own. This is more than I could ever..."

Tears fill her eyes once more, spilling over as she starts to turn her head away.

I scoot in to wrap her in my embrace. "Hey, hey its ok, shhhh." I rub my hand across her back, hoping to sooth her. After a few deep breaths she finds her words once again.

"This is more than I could ever ask for, ever dream of. No one has ever done anything like this for me before. No man has ever...cared this much about something I love. In so many past relationships I felt as though they were merely tolerating my quirks, including all the things I am so overtly passionate about. Tolerating me until they just...left. All I've ever wanted was someone to appreciate how passionate I can be and won't let it scare them away. Someone to stay."

I feel my heartache knowing that she has felt this way for so long. I lift her chin as I lean in to give her one gentle kiss before pulling away to whisper, "I'm not going anywhere."

A/N: I hope everyone is still enjoying the story! Let me know your thoughts in the comments 😁💖

Also sorry for how gushy this is but it won't always be that way so enjoy it while it lasts 🙊