#for extra context it popped up on my screen out of nowhere with the more expensive option pre-selected

[cottoncandysprite]

This is the most dystopian screenshot I've ever taken

[butterflydm]

finished my re-read of EotW

Some definite improvements happened in the show, some of the changes that I was uncertain about make a lot more sense after my re-read, but there are definitely some bits from the book that I’m sad weren’t able to make it into the show.

Stuff I wish we could have gotten:

1. Mat and Rand’s half of the road trip is so good and I wish we could have gotten more of it on-screen. I loved Dana and think she worked well as a compression of their trip and I understand why it was compressed so much but, man. Gode and the Four Kings and Rand learning the flute and Mat learning juggling. The show did a good job with the vibe of the road trip, but I wish they’d gotten those two extra episodes that Rafe wanted for S1, because I feel in my bones that we would have gotten more of the stuff that got elided in that “one month later” title screen.

2. Rand and Elayne’s first meeting, which I genuinely think works so well as an introduction to Elayne and the Caemlyn set of characters, but also does set up their romance in ways that showcase Elayne as a protector and as brave and compassionate but a bit naive and definitely more than a bit entitled. And there’s an interesting symbolism for their relationship that the books mention that I did not pick up on when I was younger (I’m sure that people have noticed it over the years, lol, but I did not) -- Rand is told that “the Queen is married to the land” and then, in a dream, that the Dragon is “one with the land”. I know it’s not a popular opinion, lol, but I genuinely like Rand and Elayne’s relationship best out of the pairings embedded in the polycule -- I think their scenes together ‘pop’ and I just think they needed more scenes and more ‘on-screen’ time. Anyway, obviously Elayne will get introduced in S2, but we might not get anything like the garden scene and that makes me a bit sad. I hope she does get a good introductory scene and she’s not just introduced as Already Egwene’s Friend In The White Tower.

3. Bayle Doman. :-(

4. I am sad that we missed out on Lan bonding with Rand, because even though he does teach Rand some really bad lessons, he also has good intentions and teaches him some useful things as well. We may get that in the next couple of seasons, but we also might not. I guess we’ll see!

I do notice all the things that I ‘wish we could have gotten’ are things that would have developed Rand’s character further. Not sure if that’s part of why I missed them, but I thought I’d note it. If all of those things had been included, though, then the season would have weighted even more strongly towards Rand having more screentime than everyone else except Moiraine.

Wait, I do have another thing:

5. More Loial would also have been nice! We didn’t get enough with him.

Stuff that I think was an improvement:

1. Getting the Aes Sedai politics in so early! Good choice, considering how important they will be later on.

2. While I’d wish that we’d gotten the full history of Shadar Logoth, I do think that the way Mat got the dagger in the show was a vast improvement over the three boys being willing to go help this random shady dude in the middle of a dead city.

3. Min’s introduction I did like better here than in the books. I like that she met Rand a bit later, when he’s already going through it, and I really liked the new addition about her having had her first viewing when seeing Tam before he found Rand. That’s neat!

4. Making Siuan/Moiraine a current relationship and not just a ‘when we were young’ thing. That was really well done and a big improvement.

5. Adding more scenes to show Lan and Nynaeve developing feelings for each other. I was able to pick up on some hints during this reread but the extent of their feelings still kinda comes out of nowhere. Good to get some context.

6. Everything with Logain’s storyline was fantastic. Loved it.

7. Ishamael is a lot better in the show than he was at this point in the books. I loved everything with him and Rand in episode 8.

8. Speaking of episode 8, I also still really approve of them splitting the climax up so that Rand doesn’t basically Do Everything. I wish they’d gotten a chance to film their pre-Covid vision, because it sounds like it was even better from the snippets that we’ve heard about what they lost but had originally planned on having, but the Ishy and Rand stuff was gold regardless.

9. While I wish we’d gotten one more episode with him in the middle, I liked this introduction to Thom more than the books! It made zero sense to me that Moiraine and Lan let Thom tag along in the books in the reread, tbh. Moiraine is just weirdly fatalistic in EotW sometimes, very ‘I guess this might as well happen’. The Moiraine in the show feels like a much more proactive character. Makes sense, I guess, because she’s now a protagonist too, not just a mentor figure. And I feel the same with Egwene as with Thom, re: the trip. I like that Moiraine has a reason to take her along on this potentially incredibly dangerous journey and isn’t just ‘lol it’s part of the Pattern I guess’.

10. I like that Egwene and Rand were sleeping together at the start of the show. For two reasons -- it shows us that the Two Rivers doesn’t get so worked up over this stuff as it did in the books, and it means that Rand’s focus on Egwene (which exists in the books too, btw; the show didn’t make it up!) feels like it’s more based on reality and not on wishful thinking. In the books, Egwene basically breaks up with him before they ever start dating, and they manage to be Weird On-Off Exes without ever having actually been a couple, and it just... idk, feels like it makes more sense the way they did it in the show.

11. Padan Fain! I liked this version better than the dirty scuttling beggar deal that we got in the books. And it fits more with what he becomes later on, if I recall correctly.

12. I think it’s good to push Elyas back and let Perrin start to get into the wolf stuff on his own before he meets a potential mentor figure. There’s still a lot that Elyas can teach him if they meet in S2, which I believe he’s been mentioned to be casted for.

[totallyfrandom]

Sooo... I’ve watched the new Netflix movie “Over The Moon” a couple weeks ago or so but didn’t write about it here until now. I’ll write more what I think about the movie below but it contains heavy spoilers. For now I’ll just say it was a good movie. Just that. It was just good. Not great or something I’d say would be the best movie of the year or a new favorite. I liked it and it was well made, but it didn’t really impress me that much. I enjoyed it, but that’s it.

Now for the spoiler stuff below.

I find the story and visuals good. The story actually hit a vulnerable spot for me personally due to how I can relate to the main character, Fei Fei. More about that later.

I think the visuals nailed it the most here, but as for the music... not impressed. I liked Fei Fei’s song “Rocket to the Moon”, that one was nice and was the only memorable song. I also like the nice song that Gobi sang and the song that Fei Fei and Chang’e sang, but they’re not as memorable when I can’t even remember how the melody went. I barely remember the song early in the movie, “Mooncakes”. I like the song Chang’e sang in Mandarin until her beloved appeared and sang with her. But the two first pop songs that Chang’e sang? Nah, I didn’t like it to be honest. It felt too out of place for me and the added visuals to her pop song (which I previously complimented but here it’s about context) made it way too similar to Eurovision Song Contest. Chang’e is supposed to be this legendary Chinese moon goddess, this just didn’t fit her. The other song, “Hey Boy”, when she challenged Chin for a match of table tennis was more catchy but still it felt out of place for her to break out in a rap song. The best song for her in my opinion was when she sang in Mandarin and then rest in English with her beloved. That felt more true to her character as a moon goddess.

As for the characters, Fei Fei is okay and can relate to her. Chin is the typical annoying brother-like kid but he’s harmless (though I was annoyed at him for the predictable situation of hitching a ride to the moon without Fei Fei’s knowledge). Bungee was cute but... I think that’s all she was in the movie. Just an animal accompanying the main (girl) character being cute, but Bungee did have an important role that affects the story... once. The Jade rabbit was fine, I don’t know the mythology around him so I can’t say much. Gobi I felt was a bit extra add, maybe either to contribute some bit of comedy or just as someone to have a pep talk with Fei Fei while Chin was still in the moon palace. Idk, he felt like being added as an extra. Nothing bad, but don’t know if movie would be all that different without him. Chang’e I found interesting (other than the Eurovision-like pop songs that I wasn’t a fan of). At first you’d expect her to be all nice and helpful, but she turned out to be self-absorbed and cold. I’m glad she didn’t stay that way and wasn’t an all out “bad person” (not exactly a villain/antagonist but still not one of the good guys), she was just someone who was hurting and that affected her and in turn affected the people around her.

There are some characters I found really unnecessary and despised and those were the three biker chickens that Fei Fei joined to find “the Gift”. They were obviously very much inspired from Angry Birds. I don’t know why they were included but that really took me out of the movie whenever they were on the screen. If they’d be changed into other characters/creatures I think that’d be fine I guess (or Fei Fei find other means to get to the crash site) but those bird bikers were just too much. Also it was very predictable that they’d stab her back (not literally) and take the Gift for themselves and just leave her there, I don’t know how Fei Fei, who is generally a smart girl, could be so foolish to not see that coming.

The other human characters back on Earth were just okay. The grandfather always talking about crabs gives me a chuckle. The other characters that I didn’t mention I guess I forgot.

Now for the story. It’s basically about grief and learn how to find peace in you and move on. That hit the vulnerable part of me because this relates to me on a personal level as this is still a current situation in real life. I have a very hard time to let go of things and move on. I just can’t. So this movie I kinda felt called out but also sad (I tried not to cry though because I was watching it with a friend so I’d feel silly to cry in front of her). I wouldn’t say this movie taught me how to move on because... I kinda know how to do it, somewhat? I just am not able to. There was a reference to The Big Darkness in the movie and I’ve been there. Sometimes I felt like just curling up in loneliness like Chang’e did in The Chamber of Exquisite Sadness. So I relate to Fei Fei and somewhat to Chang’e.

However, there’s one part in the movie that I really got confused about and felt... cheap. Unless I missed something, I find this particular scene of Fei Fei finding the true Gift inside a rice cake (the one the biker chickens stole was not the Gift) very deux ex machina. Like when we first saw the ricecake that was given by Mrs. Zhong, Fei Fei was angry and threw it in her drawer and said she never wanted Mrs. Zhong (in her life) and never wanted her mooncakes (she only wants her family’s/mother’s). If that’s the same mooncake that she out of nowehere decided to bring to her journey to the moon, then how come it had the missing piece that Chang’e wanted? Why was a piece of Jade baked inside it? If it was truly Mrs. Zhong’s mooncake that was brought up again in the movie, then why did Fei Fei decide to bring it with her if she hated it and Mrs. Zhong? I thought she’d let it rot inside the drawer. If it was her family’s mooncake I get that she’d bring it on the journey, but then again why was a piece of Jade inside it? Nowhere did I notice such reference before this point of the movie, so the plot twist felt out of nowhere. It’s not insulting in any way (Disney did it way worse in a particular movie) but it’s just confusing and felt cheap. If I did miss something and anyone could explain this to me then please enlighten me.

In overall, “Over the Moon” is a good movie and it did make me laugh and chuckle at some scenes, but that’s about it. Still I recommend it - maybe any of you reading this would appreciate it more than me despite its flaws that I listed. I’m gonna give it another chance and watch it a second time, just to try take in more of it and maybe change my mind about the songs (I won’t promise anything though). I’ll see when I get the time to do that.

[thuskindlyshescatters]

HI! I was wondering, when you make AMVs, are there some general things that you keep in mind or try to do? For example, synchronizing the changes in the clips or whatnot with the music. I'm kinda asking for advice, so I'd be really grateful to hear anything you have to say.

Ohhh, boy...

OH BOY,,,,,,,

This is probably gonna get really, really long, because I happen to be an aspiring filmmaker, so seeing someone ask ME for advice on AMV craftsmanship just makes my heart soar. So, thank you for that

Here’s a couple of my tips and tricks! Note that these are just my preferences, as many other styles and techniques are available to people who use different software.

You’re correct in the assumption that changing clips to the beat of the music (beat-syncing, as I unofficially call it in my head) plays a HUGE role in making AMVs. To make that smoother, I think that being able to see the waveform of the music you’re editing to is a great tool, because I know exactly where the downbeat I want to sync to is. As well as syncing cuts to beat, I think syncing the action within a shot to the beat, like someone blinking or their footsteps, adds an extra layer of immersion. This can be hard to do sometimes given the length of the shot, but the effect is worth it.

Sometimes beat-syncing isn’t precisely the way to go, however. Often, slow, soft fades are much more effectively when matching tempo adagio or slower, or quiet music. And never underestimate the power of a black screen; when the audience has just been hit with a pensive moment, give them time to think. I point to my “Bohemian Rhapsody” video for advice on both of these -- if it’s a slow song, slo-mo, fading, and sometimes straight-up darkness is the way to go.

Just for general creation advice, my “routine” for making videos follows thusly:

Choose the song you want to use. If you scroll through my channel, a lot of the songs I choose are 4+ minutes, mostly because songs that are longer tend to be about something. It’s hard to show meaning and create a visual story to a song with no relevance to the themes of the show.

Write down all the lyrics to the song and break lines according to when you want to change visuals, or make a note indicating when the shot will change (i.e. “One shot per downbeat”, which is usually hell to make and so fun to watch). 

Think to yourself, how do I want to organize these visuals? For example, will each verse go chronologically through the show? Will I follow the character arc of one specific character? Just trailers? Just Volumes 1-3? Just 4-6? If it’s a song with multiple “acts”, like “The Killing Kind” on my channel, the answer may be all of the above. Or none -- maybe just all the fights in the show! Just know that the viewer tends to associate chronology the best with the logical progression of a cluster of shots -- if I show the fight on top of the train, Cinder vs Neo, and the fight of the Grimm Reaper, your brain goes “oh, she’ll probably show the mech fight, or the fight with Adam, or the Silver Eyes sequence next” because your brain has figured out that all of these intense scenes are from Volume Six. This is why I find it annoying to do meaningless, upbeat pop songs -- action is exciting, but often when the entire song is action, you have to jump around a lot, and the audience quickly becomes lost.

Now it’s time to “block,” as I call it. For each line or phrase of the song, find the most appropriate shot in the context that you’ve just established (a character’s arc, a Volume, an episode, even), and write a brief description so that you, when you read those words, know what shot that means. I also tag the volume and episode it’s from. For example, some of the common shots I use are “Arm severing (3:11)”, “Pyrrha disintegrating (3:12)”, and even silly ones like “Cinder gets rekt (5:13)” that still get the point across, because I know what I mean. This step is where having an obsessive, encyclopedic knowledge of the show is pretty useful, especially if you want to avoid reusing shots but have the same lyrics as before to work with.

After that, you FINALLY start editing. I cut out ALL of the shots I’m using first by ctrl+F-ing the document I blocked in and going in release order, starting with the Red Trailer, all the way through 6:13. I find the shot and cut it at the very first frame and the very last. It doesn’t matter if it will only be used for 0.4 seconds (literally) -- having all 10 seconds of material may come in handy. Sometimes in this step I see an unused shot that might be better than what I originally intended, so a lot of swaps can be made. After that’s done, I put the shots in order and add the song.

Then you CUT THAT SHIT DOWN, SON. You might have 45 minutes of content before you start editing. In this stage, don’t add any sorts of transitions or anything -- just beat-sync the shots as well as you can, then go back and rewatch to see if there are things you want to fix. Consistency is key; sometimes, lyrics and the beat are syncopated, and you have to choose whether to sync to the downbeat or the words, and then remember that decision for the next verse. This step is my favorite part of the entire process, but it usually takes the least amount of time.

Once you’re SURE it’s properly synced, now it’s time for transitions and colors and whatnot. Transitions should always follow the tone of that part of the song -- is it fast? Is it full of movement? I’ve found that cymbal crashes and other high-pitched percussive noises are best accompanied by a flash or white-fade transition. I generally prefer more simplistic transitions; the meaning and tone of the song is more important to me than looks and showing off. Same goes for color editing; the eye expects to see an approximate parallel to what it’s used to, which means you better have a damn good reason if it’s suddenly going to be in X-ray mode. Obviously, black and white or washed-out colors are more somber or grimdark, and fully saturated colors are more jubilant. Mess around with it -- you have been a consumer of art your entire life, so at this point, your eye knows what looks nice!

That’s probably nowhere NEAR all of my thoughts, but that’s mostly how I do it! My best advice is to find what you love to do most about it -- for me, it’s beat syncing -- and study in AMVs you like to watch how they do it. Don’t plagiarize, but do imitate if it helps you learn, because I know for a fact that I learn something new from every video I watch and create.

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask them! I’m thrilled to receive them. And, if you're planning on making a video, shoot me a link -- I’d love to see your art!

[gaypasta]

do you want fries with that?

CHAPTER 12

Read on Ao3 Chapter Directory

Stan can’t really say he saw much of Richie the week following their… well, whatever it was. Richie hadn’t mentioned it afterwards, not even in passing, so Stan was left trying to grapple at all the words in his mind to find one that fit his and Richie’s rather odd predicament. See, they had sex - Stan was aware of that much and he couldn’t justify dumbing himself down to call it anything but. The only issue is, that sex is a heavy word, a word which is sexual in nature - obviously - the word sexual literally stems from sex. And that right there is the big, glaring issue. In big glaring, neon letters. They had sex but it wasn’t sexual . It was just messing around. A bit of fun, they had both agreed.

Can sex be non-sexual? Does that even make sense? Well, Stan supposes that nothing really had to be anything. Kissing under an alter is technically the same action as kissing Richie with a belly full of booze - but the context changes its meaning so drastically that Stan’s head spins at the notion that they may even be related at all. So sex - with Richie - his best friend - Richie - was hardly comparable to the romantic throws of passion he had witnessed painted across the big screen of the Aladdin on the occasions that they had managed to sneak into an R-rated movie.

Richie’s lips were sucked into his teeth, barely letting the sharp pants that were being punched out his lungs. His eyes screwed tight and fingers wrapped almost painfully in Stan’s curls - cupping the back of Stan’s head to bring him closer. Stan tried to hold back a groan as Richie panted openly into his mouth - tongue licking at Stan’s lips. Stan entertained the kiss, more hot panting and wanton licking than anything else - but it made Stan’s stomach ache for more. Stan increased the pace of his thrusts, letting a keening groan escape into Richie’s mouth, feeling the way Richie tightened around him. Richie let out a broken curse, voice strained and arched his back into Stan, fucking back onto him with earnest.

Stan thought carefully about the previous week - trying his best to compare the moans and violent reactions of Richie - laid sprawled out on the bed, writhing with Stan’s dick up his ass - with the gentle, almost rose-tinted feminine breaths of passion from one of Bill’s stupid romance movies. Stan found himself grimacing at the thought. They were always fucking terrible. Terrible, but granted Stan with a vague understanding that what he and Richie did was different,  it wasn’t sexual or romantic at all. It was just as they had said, fun.

Stan forcibly shook the train of thought from his head as he focused on work. He overcomplicates things, or so his friends say.

The Diner was no busier than usual, having two or three orders coming through every couple of minutes. The casual steadiness was nice, giving him and his friends enough to keep them busy - or in Richie’s case - out of trouble, without overwhelming them. Beverly and Ben were kept just busy enough to keep them out the front, which Stan is sure that Ben is secretly glad of, getting a chance to talk to Beverly without Beverly skirting out to talk to Bill or Mike - not for any particular reason other than Beverly likes talking to everyone. Although Eddie usually ushers her away when she starts to describe the customers whose lips were wrapped around the forks he was cleaning.

Stan was currently busying himself by writing next week’s rota. Which thankfully, was much simplier now that the kid with the piercings had ‘quit’, since the only part-timers who were employed were all currently working. Although, it did mean that each of them had to pick up an extra night shift a week in his place which admittedly, meant their nightly trips to the Marsh were always on member down, but they managed to adjust alright.

He popped his head out through the red swing-door to catch Beverly, who was organising some notes in the cash register. She was watching Ben with a sort of dopey expression, as he wiped down a fairly clean-looking table near the door. Stan felt as though he was somewhat intruding, as he usually does when he interrupts a conversation - verbal or not. So he coughed, and Beverly turned her smile to his direction.

“Hey, I was meant to catch you earlier - but you were busy talking to Bill.” She said, folding over a wad of twenties and slipping them into the drawer.

“Oh?”

“We’re out of band-aids.” She had this sort of knowing smile tugging at her lips and with great reluctance, Stan sighed.

“Richie tried juggling the vegetable knives again?” Beverly responded with a half laugh and a roll of the eyes. “Sometimes I wonder how he gets himself dressed in the morning, honestly.”

Richie - who had a strange tendency to appear whenever he’s being spoken about -  walked out through the swing door, jostling Stan, who was half in the door, in the process, carrying a plate of pancakes and setting it down in front of a rather unimpressed looking trucker, who barely waited until the plate was set down before stabbing his fork into the food. Stan glanced down at the half a dozen plasters stuck around Richie’s fingertips and he couldn’t help but follow Richie’s hands down to his thighs and - oh my God - Richie was wearing his shorts inside out.

Beverly must have noticed it too and grabbed Stan’s arm and squeezed - don’t say anything - and he didn’t, just held the door open for Richie as he bowed and made his exit at the two. “I think I spoke too soon. How long do you think it’ll be before he spills coffee on his legs?”

Beverly dropped her hand and snorted, shaking her head, “It’s like fifty degrees in here how is he not freezing?”

Stan handed over the clipboard he was holding to Beverly, who began to fill her name into some of the blank spaces of the table. “He’s a nuclear reactor - he never gets cold, he sleeps without a shirt on some nights with the window open. In the Winter. I believe he has advanced brain-rot.”

Beverly paused for a split second, “You have a lot of sleepovers?”

Stan blinked, oh - probably shouldn’t have mentioned that. Not that it’s a big deal, friends have sleepovers all the time - it’s not like he has anything to hide. Well, within reason. “We used to have sleepovers all the time - before we started working here - now between work, school and the marsh I think if I had to look at any of you anymore I would blow my brains out.”

“Hey!” She said it lightly, clearly finding it more amusing than rude.

“We don’t have any classes together. You, Ben and Mike are exempt from my previous statement.”

“Not true, we have Gym together.”

Stan rolled his eyes as he took the clipboard she presented back to him, “Yes, we converse so much in Gym, between stopping Richie from pulling Bill’s shorts down, stopping Bill trying to break a Tennis racquet over Richie’s head and shoving Eddie’s aspirator in his mouth every two minutes, I always have plenty of time to stop you for a leisurely chat over the fence.”

She laughed and turned back to the cash drawer, eyes falling straight back to Ben, who was now fiddling about with the jukebox. Stan was tempted to tell him that no, they haven’t got any New Kid on the Block added yet, Ben, but there’s only so many times a man can have that conversation before he loses his mind, so he decides against it and moves back into the kitchen - setting the clipboard on a space beside Bill, who was staring intently at a frying egg.

“Stare at that egg any longer Big Bill and you’ll fertilize it!” Richie barks out, appearing from nowhere as he usually does and poking Bill in the ribs, earning himself a smack in the shoulder from Bill’s spatula.

“Don’t puh-poke me - you know it hu-hurts!” Bill tried to look upset, but Bill was terrible at controlling his face and his mouth twitched a little as he battled a smile.

“It only hurts cuz you’re so skinny.” Richie rubbed his shoulder dramatically.

“No! Your fingers are just b-b-boney.”

“You’re both technically right.” Stan pointed out. Richie scoffed and knocked Bill’s hat to the floor as he moved past Stan, shouldering him as he went past. Stan pulled a face and rubbed his shoulders - even his shoulders were boney.

Bill picked up his hat and set his attention to the clipboard, sending the egg what could only be construed as threatening glances every so often as he all but carved his name into the sheet in his unnecessarily heavy chicken scratch. “Do you th-think I’m too skinny, M-Mike?”

Mike made a nuh-uh type of low noise from the fryers, “You’re a stud, man.”

Bill glowed at the praise, everyone, including Bill himself ignoring the obvious glaring lie. Somewhere from the direction of the fridge Stan heard Richie sing the opening to Scat Man, replacing Scat with Stud. No one made any notice to him, except a small groan from Eddie when Richie starting scatting.

Bill waved the clipboard at Stan, who took it from him and managed to catch a glimpse at the griddle. “You’re burning your egg there, stud.” Bill’s face dropped into a scowl as he spun round and started scraping the blackening egg off of the surface, swearing at it in anger. Stan doesn’t understand how, but anything Bill keeps his eye off seemingly burns in seconds. At first they blamed Richie, thinking he would turn the temperature up when Bill’s back was turned - turns out Bill just has bad luck. This usually meant Bill would just stand and glower at whatever he was frying, tongue stuck up out of his lip in concentration. Richie would say if Bill concentrated that much in Math then maybe he wouldn’t be failing, Bill usually lobbed his spatula at him, wordlessly pulling another from the large pocket of his apron.

Stan moved away, purposely avoiding making eye contact with the black char left on the griddle - it usually burned into his skull until he would go over with a wire scouring pad and scrub it clean - burning his fingers in the process. Whenever Bill sees him moving over to his station after that particular incident, Bill moves his body in front of the griddle, an almost guilty smile on his face, like a child hiding Mommy’s favourite mug behind his back after seeing how far he could drop it before it broke.

He asked Eddie if he wanted to work any nights next week - Eddie was a fifty fifty shot - depending on how he felt. See, there was no cook come evening time, so usually it was just coffee - maybe the odd sweet treat from the display cabinet but there was usually little to do besides cleaning. The prospect didn’t bother Eddie - except the risk of having to touch the dirty coins from a dirty trucker’s hands. He would rant about how many particles of excrement have been discovered to live on coins, and how 99% of one dollar bills have traces of cocaine on them - that means it’s been up someone’s nose guys.

This week, Eddie barely let Stan finish his question before deadlining a hard no. Stan side-stepped a small puddle of bubbles that he has begun to just expect whenever Richie slinks his way over to Eddie, and made his way to the fridge - where he could hear Richie still scatting. Stan groaned into himself, preparing his mind for Richie. He tapped the handle of the fridge six times before opening it, hardly recognising that he had done it.

The cool air of the fridge blushed his cheeks almost immediately, and there Richie was stood, balancing several stacked tins of buttermilk on his finger, wobbling around trying to balance the teetering tower, wearing inside out black basketball shorts and a grey t-shirt which looked a size too small for him, clinging onto his shoulders. Stan assumes he stole it from Bill, who seems to come in complaining every other week about losing the shirts he wears to work.

Stan closed the door behind him, to keep the fridge at 35 degrees, as per regulation. He taps the handle six times after he closes it. He opens his mouth but before he even begins to form a sentence, Richie raises his free hand to silence him, swaying in the opposite direction to counteract the motions of the tins.

“Staniel, I am extremely busy - this better be important.”

“Don’t call me that - I’m completing next week’s rota, what evenings do you want me to put you down for?”

“I thought I said it better be important, and this ” Richie waggled a finger at him, “doesn’t fit the bill.”

“I can tell you what does fit the Bill though,” Stan taps the pen six times against the paper as Richie accidentally kicks a box, edging it every so slightly into an angled position. Stan found it difficult to tear his eyes away from it.

“Pray tell.”

“That shirt you’re wearing.”

Richie swears as he overbalances himself too much, and the tins clatter to the floor. “Aw fuck, almost beat my record.” Richie gives Stan a look that Stan knows is a prompt for Stan to ask him how long his stupid record is. He doesn’t. Richie makes a face to himself and picks up the tins, one is dinted, Stan notes. “Well, one of Georgie’s shirts could fit Bill so that doesn’t really add a notch to your belt.”

That’s a fair point. Bill is an estimate of three inches wide and thirty-seven feet tall, well - five foot eight - but in the middle of a growth spurt, which if the constant complaining about the pains in legs are to go by, is set to send him shooting.

“What shifts, Richie?”

“Well, tell me what’s left and we can work from there, pardner.”

Stan grimaced at the voice - and also at all the tins not being rotated so the front text and the dusty-coloured orange label sits front.

Monday:   Bev (5pm - close) Tuesday: b i l l (5pm - c l o s e ) Wednesday: b i l l (5p m - cl o se  ) Thursday: Bev  (5pm - close) Friday: Saturday: Ben (12pm-close) | Stanley (6.30-3.30) | Bill (7-4) | Mike (8-5) | Eddie (9-5) | Beverly ( 9-5 please) | Richie ( 9-5) | Sunday: Bev  (12pm - close) | Stanley (6.30-3.30) | Bill (7-4) | Mike (8-5) | Eddie (9-5) | Ben (9-5)  | Richie (9-5) |

Stan reads Richie the rota and Richie contemplates it for a moment before fixing his glasses and taking the clipboard and pen from Stan’s hands. “How come Beverly always gets first dibs, is she giving her supervisor … sexual favours?” He winked suggestively at Stan and wiggled his hips a little. Previously, Stan would have thought nothing of it, but the sight makes Stan think back to Richie’s hips wiggling to adjust to Stan being full flush inside him made his mouth turn to cotton.

“Shut up, Richie.”

Richie quickly scrawled his name down and pressed the back of the clipboard into Stan’s chest, pushing until he was walking Stan into the door of the fridge. Stan’s eye caught the smudge of ink on the fleshy part of Richie’s hand - he was left handed so Richie usually had ink markings there during class, but he usually washed them off when he was at the bathroom. The black smudge stayed fixated on his mind even as Richie opened the door behind him, almost sending Stan sprawling to the floor. He managed to regain his balance, as Richie cackled at him.

He didn’t tap the door handle.

Stan knew this wasn’t significant. A door handle didn’t need to be tapped six times before it was opened and closed, it’s redundant and time consuming and sure, before he got his meds he would have cried for hours into his Mother’s shoulder about it, convinced something terrible was going to happen. He’s better now, he knows better. So that leads Stan to ponder, why was he pushing Richie back into the freezer and furiously tapping on the door.

Six times for Richie opening it.

Six times for Stan closing it.

Six times to open it again.

Simple.

Stan felt ridiculous doing it, a strange heaviness in his belly of embarrassment - he wasn’t quite sure what was causing this particular tick to come back and to be honest, it was worrying. He made a note to call his Doctor on Monday.

“Is that morse code? Who are you signaling, Stanny-boy.”

Fuck, he was almost done, too. With Richie’s interruption he has to start again, “Richie, shut up for a minute - just don’t talk or say anything.” He continued tapping, and Richie - who had his hand raised to his brow in a salute - stayed dutifully silent until the tapping ceased and Stan sighed in relief as he opened the door.

Stan waited for Richie to walk out after him and tapped six more times before closing it. He moved the clipboard back into the shelf near Eddie - top shelf of all the clean plates and such was reserved for the paperwork and rotas. Not that Eddie knew - he couldn’t reach it.

Stan went to move to go over to the Kitchen area, to make his way out the front and make sure everything was running smoothly but came face-to-face with Richie, who seemed to be looking at him rather strangely.

“What are you-”

“Why are you acting so weird?”

Stan scratched at his wrist, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He said, moving around Richie and through the kitchen, barely getting to the red swing-door before Richie was putting on the bow of his apron. “Get off, you’ll mess up the knot.” He tried to slap Richie’s hands away - hands which have a smear of ink on the flesh.

“Why were you tapping the door like that? Were you having a minor epileptic fit or something?”

“Richie.” Stan warned, trying to pry Richie off of him. Richie lowered his grip on his apron, but Stan didn’t move away, rather he turned around to face the boy in question, hands folded behind his back, gently scratching at his wrist.

“I’m just wondering why the stick up your butt is deeper than usual today, that’s all.” He had the audacity to twist his voice into one of genuine concern. Stan itched his wrist quicker, he needed to move his fingers. Then, suddenly, without reason and without prompt, the world got very overwhelming all of a sudden.

Richie absentmindedly tousled his hair, as he does sometimes. Only, Stan could feel the knots, he could see Richie’s fingers catching them and tugging a little. Stan could feel Richie’s straw-like hair all over him, again. He could smell the faint smell of cigarettes masked with Febreze overpowering his nose and making him choke. The sizzling of the boiling oil to the right of Stan bled into his ears and he tugged on his earlobe to dislodge the sound from his head.

Stan’s head was blistering, why was everything so much all of a sudden.

“Earth to Stanley? Hellloooooo? Oh my gawd - we’ve lost him, Bill!” Richie’s accent smoothed over his head like acid, Stan slapped Richie’s smudged hand out of his face and tried to breathe around Richie’s smell. “Geez Louise, what the hell is wrong with you, you look like you’re gonna spew.”

“Richie. Leave me alone.” Stan choked out, Richie must have taken what Stan was saying somewhat seriously, because he stepped back a little out of Stan’s personal space but didn’t leave. Richie wasn’t wrong, Stan’s stomach was twisting and knotting every time Stan noticed something that made his skin itch. One of Bill’s shoelaces is untied, the clock is hanging off-centre on the wall, Mike had a black mark on the back of his otherwise white t-shirt, Richie was wearing mismatched black socks - his right one had a ribbed lip, the left one was more of a blue-black than the inky black of the other. The ink stain on Richie’s hand, the box in the fridge being left lopsided, jutting out over the perfect squares of tile, the buttermilk tins not being lined up. Every single thing Stan seemed to look at made him want to peel his skin off. “Were you too busy jackin’ it to take your meds this morning?” Richie asked, before slapping himself on the forehead in a mock- duh moment, “I knew I shouldn’t have watched those Indiana Jones movies with you last week, you always get so heated seeing Indy - ugh but who can blame you, those biceps just call out to you.”

“I don’t have a crush on Harrison Ford.” Or any guy for that matter. He bit his lip and clawed a little at his sleeve.

“Oh! Is it me then? Because I definitely remember you getting pret-ty heated last weekend about someone .”

Bill’s voice stuttered for a second - Stan hadn’t even noticed he was listening, but thank God, Bill was going to tell Richie to shut his mouth before Stan stuffs it with breadrolls, “No one wuh-wuh-wuh-wants you to stick their-their dick in you, Rich, I swuh-swear.”

Not quite the diversion that Stan was hoping for but thanks for the help, Bill. Richie eyed Stan up like a dog eyeing up a steak, “Oh no, you haven’t heard?” Richie sing-songed, it pinched Stan’s ears. “Our Stan is a pitcher! See, Bill, I even put it in baseball lingo for you - anything to help the cogs grind in that empty head of yours. Yes, our little, innocent Stan, loves nothing more than to go for a quick cave exploration under the sheets.”

Stan felt his resolve snap, like Bill accidentally snapping his ‘shatterproof’ ruler in half to test its claims, “Just because you take it up the ass, Richie, doesn’t mean we want to hear about that shit all the time. I know you think it’s funny, or cute or whatever but it’s not. It’s gross, and I don’t want people in the Synagogue talking about me even more when they overhear you saying shit like that - if they find out I’m friends with a queer I’ll be fucking killed, are you really that self-centered that you can’t get that?” The words seethed out of Stan before he even had a chance to stop them. As soon as they were out of his mouth he regretted them, but he stitched his lips shut and stood his ground.

Richie’s face took the shape of an injured puppy before he let out a laugh which sounded so forced Stan was surprised he didn’t choke on it. “Better than convincing myself I’m not a queer with my dick in a guy’s throat, like some people.” Richie didn’t say it in an accusatory way, but Stan knew what Richie was getting at, he just said it in such a way that Stan didn’t receive any questioning glances.

Stan opened his mouth to reply before he felt Ben’s firm grip on his shoulder, he noticed one on Richie as well. “I th-think we should ta-take a breather.” Stan didn’t need to be told twice before he shook Bill’s hand off his shoulder took himself to the smoking area. It was freezing and he didn’t have a coat but he didn’t care, he came out half out of spite because he knew Richie would be dying for a cigarette, and half because being outside usually helps to calm him down.

Stan tapped a fast tune into the inside of his wrist, stinging the slightly tender flesh that he had been scratching at. The cigarettes littered around him were burning into his flesh, so Stan looked away.

Breathe.

Stan forced his staggered breath through the movements he had coaxed Eddie with so many times before, breathing deep and slow, trying to calm the sharp staggered breaths that had his lungs burning with the sharpness of the cold air.

He was angry. He directed that anger at Richie - because it was Richie who had made him mad, surely. Richie had absolutely no right to say shit like that to him. Richie knew what they were doing, he had initiated it that night, with cigarette smoke in his lungs and six shots in his belly - so why was Richie suddenly being all bitchy about it? Stan couldn’t understand, they were having fun, they were messing around and spending time together in such a distinct way. Richie and Stan’s connection was special, Stan knew that much, I mean - he wouldn’t dream of making out with Eddie on top of his perfectly made baby blue bed sheets, or bucking up against Bill and breathing breathy groans into his mouth, or laughing as Beverly accidentally brains herself on Stan’s headboard as he bottoms out. Stan’s face involuntarily twitches - thinking about Beverly like that made his stomach twist in discomfort.

He found himself replaying that thought, he has too much respect for Beverly to think about her like that, imagining her sprawled out, so dirty and open like Richie had been felt wrong. Stan feels dirty. Rightly so - Beverly is one of his best friends and picturing her in such a position feels inherently misogynistic in a way. He isn’t sure why.

He finds himself quickly shaking the thoughts from his head, fingers dancing up and down his arms as he folds into himself to try and warm himself up from the cold. He loved Richie, of course he loved Richie, Richie was his best friend and that was a title that as juvenile as it may seem, Stan takes seriously. He and Richie have a connection, a special one that makes Stan’s stomach twist and turn whenever he thinks too much about it - their bond is so special, so definitively them that Stan finds a little pride in the way he and Richie spend their evenings together, whispering moans into each other and grinding against each other with laughter and moans on their lips, the best way to practice for whatever girl Stan may find himself with, and for whatever girl or boy Richie finds himself with too.

The thought makes his gut lurch so violently he almost falls off the plastic chair.

Richie was using him as a trial run before he falls into bed with someone else. Stan, of course, was doing this as well - but the thought barely ghosted his mind as the turning of his stomach moved up to his chest. Richie was essentially using him. Their heavy make-out sessions, with Stan whispering for Richie to stop making stupid fucking jokes were under the pretense that it was all, ultimately, for someone else. Someone that Richie would kiss with the ghost of all those nights with Stan and the person would be none the wiser. The thought made Stan feel ill, he felt his chest ache.

They would stop, then. If Richie finds someone they would have to stop. Stan doesn’t want to admit that he doesn’t want to stop. He likes what he and Richie had, he likes the secret whispers and quiet breathy moans that they braid together under the covers of Richie’s bed. He likes it, he loves it. Of course he likes it, he’s relieving sexual tension and he’s doing it with his best friend. There’s nothing in that which Stan doesn’t like. Richie’s dick is maybe, inconvenient, Stan thinks, nodding to himself. It would be better if Richie was a girl.

He finds his stomach growing sicker and sicker by the minute.

No, he’s been through this already. Richie being a boy means there’s no risk for pregnancy, there’s no risk for … feelings getting involved - it’s actually better that Richie is a boy - since Richie knows how to kiss and pull on his Adam’s apple perfectly, knows how to grind with just enough pressure to hurt a little bit, knows how to twist his wrist at the right part under his head that makes Stan grapple for purchase on the sheets. Stan breathes through the blood pumping through him. Which definitely is not pumping down south at the pictures of Richie mouthing on his cock flood his vision.

Then it’s not his cock. Richie is grappling a faceless body, moaning and writing under a stranger, crying out in desperate breaths into someone else’s mouth. Punching moans out like he’s getting paid for it, fists curling in his hair, in his sheets, around the stranger’s shoulders. Stan feels his face flush with anger. Stan wants to scrub at his skin, he feels dirty, he feels used. Stan doesn’t spend nights tangling his legs with Richie, grinding until he feels tears prick his eyes, just to be thrown to the side when Richie finds some random John to keep his bed warm.

Stan doesn’t dwell on the thought that pushes through his head that maybe he only wants Richie to himself. He wants them to keep their nights of fun exclusive to each other forever. The thought  is too much for Stanley to wrap his head around, so he promptly ignores it and imagines it never crossed his mind at all.

[thelogicalghost]

Hellboy (2019), a review

First, some background.

Hellboy is the title of a comic series centered around the character of the same name. Its core concept is a subversion of the Lovecraft genre: a demon (summoned by Rasputin working with Nazis, for extra evil) destined to bring about the apocalypse who, having been raised by humans, instead travels the world killing other eldritch creatures and preventing dime-a-dozen Lovecraftian apocalypses. Though it's been handled by multiple artists and writers, there's a definitively unique art style and tone that stays constant. Hellboy is a combination of antihero tropes, preferring to shoot things first and ask questions later, although how much his impatience and irreverence may be masking considerable intelligence varies from writer to writer.

In 2004, Guillermo del Toro directed and co-wrote a big-screen adaptation starring Ron Perlman as well as other highly capable actors such as John Hurt and Doug Jones (the latter of who played a fishman who likes to read, and then 13 years later would play another fishman for del Toro). While not perhaps the most faithful adaptation, the 2004 movie got a lot right, and del Toro helmed a sequel in 2008. The movies came just before and after another del Toro classic, Pan's Labyrinth (2006), and the aesthetic and atmospheric similarities do suggest that del Toro was maybe going through a bit of a "fairies but horror" phase. Neither movie was received well at opening, but they've slowly risen in popularity as the comic adaptation genre picks up new converts who now return to these movies and enjoy them as the dark demonic superhero genre-flip that they are.

So now it's 2019, 15 years after del Toro's Hellboy, and with superhero and comic book movies raking in big bucks even on R ratings and nostalgia for del Toro's vision still present, the movie industry has tried to revive the franchise. Kind of.

What this means is that this new movie not only has to adapt one of the trickiest kinds of source material, with a highly stylized feel of its own, but also has to follow two movies made by one of the most incomparable creatives in Hollywood today. Like him or not, del Toro's work is neigh impossible to copy. It also has to recast the equally unique Perlman.

The short version is, it doesn't succeed. Probably no one could have. It has a number of deep flaws, some of which are common to comic adaptations but some not.

I'll start with the plot, because the overall plot is, I think, a strong example of why I had to go through all this background.

The new movie begins with Hellboy as an established character, both to the universe he's in and to the audience, and I liked that. Hellboy's in Tijuana looking for a fellow agent but the rescue is derailed because the agent's been turned into a monster and Hellboy has to kill him. This is classic Hellboy, where all other characters are inevitably killed by the darkness and only the indestructible demon is left to finish the job and move on to the next. Except that Hellboy gets SUPER depressed by the death of this agent, going on a drinking binge for possibly weeks? Unclear dialogue? Anyway, okay, so it's a younger Hellboy. Oh, also, the movie quickly establishes that Professor Broom - Hellboy's dad - is still alive in this movie, and still parental.

This was, to me, the first warning sign. The 2004 movie did the establishing-universe-coming-of-age story, killing off Broom as part of that. So we're resetting the universe, but also not bothering to frame this movie as re-establishing Hellboy's character, assuming that the audience will already be familiar with the basic premise. It wants the easy access of an origin story but also getting to take the shortcut of building off previous incarnations. What that means is that the movie opens with a flashback to Arthurian times to set up the antagonist, but ALSO has to incorporate the re-tread flashback re-establishing Hellboy's origin as a Rasputin/Nazi experiment. We get the awesome sense of worldbuilding with characters who refer to a shared history, but then that history is blatantly exposited or flashbacked. The coming of age narrative has to share screen time and space with a plot that only really works when it's not the first in a series, so plot elements pop up and then are discarded or timing isn't explained or consequences are unclear.

Nowhere is this more keenly felt than in the character of Alice: her introduction is fantastic, implying that years ago when Hellboy saved her as a child they established some sort of relationship that sets up a great sibling dynamic between the two. BUT then in order to explain how a secondary villain is relevant, there's an extended flashback to how he saved her, as a baby, with no indication of further association as she grew up, which completely invalidates the previous worldbuilding and implied relationships.

I don't know exactly where the blame for this falls specifically, but I think it's indicative that the director, Neil Marshall, has to now mostly helmed the kind of blood-filled horror flicks where the quality of the dismembered body props is more important than the quality of the plot. Whether it's his direction, or the direction of producers (there are so many listed in the credits I don't know who to research first) or other creative controllers, it's clear that this new movie is intended as horror first and foremost, a sentiment supported by the excessive screen time devoted to redshirt humans being dismembered with unnecessarily vivid brutality.  This in turn brings with it the hallmarks of cheap horror: ignoring plot for the sake of blood and scares, spelling things out so the audience doesn't have to think and can just mindlessly consume, and generally mishandling pacing and tension because the ending is a foregone conclusion.

I understand WHY someone might get this idea from the del Toro movies, especially since I'm pretty sure the creative team also watched Pan's Labyrinth while putting together specific scenes. Unfortunately it's the most surface-level reading of the movies one could get, and it completely misses the point about what makes Hellboy an interesting character and property. They literally did not have his right hand DOING anything, which showcases how much they missed the point.

However.

Strip away the CGI gore and ham-fisted retreading (and cut the retelling of Broom's death, it would be effortless to replace that subplot), and there's actually a pretty awesome movie hiding underneath.

Someone on the writing staff knew what they were doing. The actors are almost all great. (Seeing Ian McShane as Broom here was weird, but I think that's partially because my feeds have been flooded with American Gods S2 trailers, so I had some strong "the fuck is Wednesday doing here" dissonance.) I love the lack of love triangle and instead the strong teambuilding with sibling-style chemistry with situational allies developing trust through necessity.

The main through-line of the plot is exactly what Hellboy should be: monsters, undead things coming back, an ancient evil threatening to engulf the world in darkness, and a determined attempt by the villain to appeal to Hellboy's demonic nature to draw him to her side. If the movie had been confident enough to position itself as a sequel to the del Toro films, rather than a reboot, the revelation of Hellboy's ancestry would have been a great development of his ironic destiny. 

Just take the secret society set up in the first act. An old boy's club of British gentlemen who ritualistically hunt down undead giants on horseback with electrified lance/spears and mount their heads in a Victorian trophy room? This is the world of Hellboy, absolutely. Love it. Baba Yaga! Bleeding trees! Whatever the hell those throat-ghosts are! A fairy ripping out someone's tongue and putting it in their own mouth in order to speak with the person's voice! Hellboy! (Granted that last point was utterly terrible in the context of the plot, but I already ranted about that.)

The movie is pretty optimistic about setting up further sequels, and while I don't know if the box office and reviews will make a sequel happen, I would love for the seeds planted by the good movie underneath the bad one to be nurtured into an actually good Hellboy movie. It just desperately needs to be taken away from people who prioritize cheap horror and its tropes, and given back to people who understand that Hellboy is a fantasy superhero narrative within a Lovecraft setting, the way that del Toro did. 

[britneyreviewed-blog]

"Gimme More”

Dignity, Dirty Dancing, and Defending Britney Spears (Also, Conspiracy Theories)

Released 10/5/2007 Directed by Jake Safarty Rating: 3.75/5

Previous posts: “Toxic” “Womanizer” “From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart”

This blog has turned out to be darker than I expected. I guess I just didn’t pay attention when I was younger, but Britney got so much hate. I watched the infamous Chris Crocker “Leave Britney alone!” video, and honestly, it isn’t that funny in 2018. “I know it’s hard to see Britney as a human being, but trust me, she is,” he says at one point, and like, he’s not wrong. Yes, the tears are overwhelming and excessive, but when reading an article like the one by Alec Hanley Bemis I discussed last week, the vitriol is overwhelming and excessive as well; it was an absolute avalanche of derision that spanned at least a decade. I’m not sure if we are necessarily any kinder to pop stars today, but I’d like to think that we wouldn’t do that again.

I chose “Gimme More” this week because it seemed like an obvious next choice in terms of the direction of the blog. To start with, Chris Crocker made that video following Britney’s performance of Gimme More at the 2007 VMAs as a response to the huuuge backlash she received for a supposedly lackluster performance. Rewatching it as I write this blog, I honestly don’t think it’s that bad. Definitely not so bad to warrant the amount of notoriety it has and had. Critics called her listless, dazed, lumbering. Part of me wonders if they hated it so much because she wasn’t rail thin and still dared to put on a bikini. Anyway, you can watch it here if you’d like to refresh your memory.

“Gimme More” also pairs nicely with last week’s discussion surrounding “From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart.” As I previously wrote, back in 2000 Bemis was horrified that Britney had worked with a director who had formally made adult films; he predicted that she would turn into a porn star herself. Now, roughly seven years later, she was starring in a music video as a stripper! I wonder what he’d have to say about that? (Just kidding, I’d rather not know--the thought of how smug and righteous he’d be makes me gag.) 

The thing is, I think Britney is being ironic in her choice to play that role. And it was her idea! Like other music videos, the concept for “Gimme More” was Britney’s. According to the on-set makeup artist Mikal Sky, Britney “sabotaged the director by refusing to perform and follow the script,” which I find a bit strange if she came up with or at least significantly contributed to the script, and additionally according to Wikipedia Britney handpicked director Jake Sarfaty, but whatever. The point is, it seems safe to assume that Britney had some control over playing a stripper in this video, and I think it’s actually subversive. But I guess I can get more into that when I go over the video itself.

One last thing before we get started: there’s at least three different versions of this video floating around: two or three “official” versions with varying levels of censorship in terms of how much skin is shown, and a director’s cut from 2011. There’s also this really weird Internet rumor/borderline conspiracy theory about an unreleased version, which sounds interesting and something closer to what Britney herself would come up with for a video than what was released publicly. It’s something like, Britney goes to a funeral except it turns out she’s in the coffin and she’s burying her old self and starting anew, predating Taylor Swift’s zombie “The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now” thing for “Look What You Made Me Do.” It’s believable but I found no credible sources supporting it. However, I’ll link to a YouTube video at the bottom which has leaked stills and such and builds a somewhat convincing case, although it’s poorly made and if anything just serves as an example of how intense the rumors were about the video. I’ll also link to the comparison of four different “Gimme More” videos, which features three “official” versions and the director’s cut. The "official” versions are all so similar that I didn’t have the patience to watch all the way through.

The director’s cut is similar enough, but there are some key differences: the club goers (which I will talk about below) have been edited out and replaced with shots of Britney lounging on a bed and walking down a sidewalk in black and white. It’s often referred to as the “funeral version” because these new shots were filmed for the alleged “original” version of the video. With all the rumors swirling around the filming of the video, I can see why there would be a new version released four years later, but I find these shots to be boring. They don’t contribute anything, and overall this version seems to focus on being titillating more than the official version. This is an important difference because I argue that in both the song and the video Britney is not trying to simply arouse but also to draw attention to you as a voyeur. OK, let’s just roll the video!

This song is the origin of “It’s Britney, bitch.” And honestly, while spoken word stuff in pop song usually makes me cringe, here it’s pretty badass. As the song opens, we see Britney in a blonde wig (having shaved her head just eight months prior to the release of this video) laughing with some friends at the bar. We get a quick get to Stripper Britney in a bowler hat and fishnets sitting on a couch, who says, “I see you,” and causes Blonde Britney to look over in curiosity.

I find this exchange between the two Britneys interesting. While the song can is very much about media scrutiny, she cuts out the media (and the male gaze) in the video by making it a performance dedicated to herself, from herself. I think this is one of the most subversive things about it. Blonde Britney is fascinated by and attracted to Stripper Britney--a bit heavy-handed but given the context of 2007 a poignant metaphor for loving yourself.

The video kicks off, and for the most part it’s Stripper Britney swinging around on the pole. A lot of people complained about how unsexy or unskilled her pole-dancing was, which to me is the epitome of how Britney Can’t Win, because you can bet your butts that if she’d put on a “proper” routing on the pole, everyone would be clutching their pearls over how Britney was still on the road to destruction. This was the first single that had come out since her breakdown, and so all eyes were on her.

I don’t really analyze the lyrics on this blog, because it’s more about the videos, but I think they’re really important in this case. “Feels like the crowd is saying, ‘gimme gimme more, gimme more,’” is so spot-on. While some of the lyrics point to this being a hot-and-heavy love song, to me it’s a song to the media. “Every time they turn the lights down, just want to go that extra mile for you,” sounds a bit sarcastic when the “you” is more literal--YOU, the person watching this video, the person watching this woman who just had a very humiliating year and is now performing a strip tease for you. “They keep on watching.” Her lack of enthusiasm or skill or sexiness or whatever you want to call it just draws further attention to the viewer’s voyeurstic position, and what your expectations are. More, more, more.

The first 45 seconds of the video are just Britney dancing on the pole, but the cuts are really fast and the colors change a lot, so it’s visually interesting enough.

At a certain point, she starts dancing against the nearby wall mirror, which I think only further underscores the dual concept of self-love and voyeurism. Then the bowler hat comes off for certain shots.

With her hair down, her dancing does get noticeably more suggestive, with more shots of her body, especially her butt and legs. 

It was hard to get any flattering or even clear screenshots of this video, because the cuts are so fast and both Britney the camera moves around a lot.

I think Britney with the bowler hat is an interesting choice for a couple reasons; first, on its own, it gives her a masculine appearance with clashes with the stripper aesthetic, and second, it is then juxtaposed with her long black hair flowing, which is much more feminine. It’s like she’s playing around with her appearance since she shaved her head. It gives her more flexibility and again it toys with the viewer’s curiosity--since she shaved her head, what’s under that hat? Overall, though, the video is shot in a gritty style, even in black and white at times, including her feminine shots, which further subverts your expectations of what Britney as a stripper would be. The blur effect that is frequently used obscures her body, once again making the viewer self-aware as you are frustrated by your attempts to visually consume her body.

Blonde Britney returns to the screen, still watching from the bar.

I think it’s interesting that Blonde Britney appears to gossip about the performance with her friends, laugh, and makes a face, but she’s still watching.

Then out of nowhere, this guy appears on screen!

There’s no explanation given about him--they just show his face and go back to Stripper Britney. Obviously he’s like a bar patron or something, but he serves no purpose other than I guess to hetero the place up a little bit. Can’t have Britney love herself too much without a man showing up!!

Back to the pole, where Stripper Britney is joined by other dancers.

Then the song shifts to the middle spoken word part, where Britney says, “They want more? I’ll give them more,” and she takes her top off!

Then the rest of the video cuts together all the different shots: her dancing alone with her top on, dancing alone with her top off, and dancing together with all the other dancers. The last minute of the video is pretty unremarkable, just a repeat of what we’ve seen before. Britney seems to be having fun, and there’s a couple nice shots of her smiling, particularly when Danja says in the outro, “The legendary Miss Britney Spears.”

The random man from before shows back up, again just for a few seconds, this time not even seeming to be watching Britney at all. I think these shots build the strongest case for that alternate unreleased version, because they seem so out of place. 

The final shot is of Blonde Britney, still laughing, but still watching.

This is a great song. I remember finding the chorus a bit annoying when it came out, but now I think it’s quite good. On top of that though, the verse melody is a jam. The synth production is dark but still poppy. And I like the video, too. I can understand some criticism of it, but I think the layered meaning intended or not really saves it. However, it’s still really repetitive and the visuals get old fast, and regardless of what the truth is about the funeral version or not, there’s something off about the way the crowd is shown in relation to Britney. Because of that, I give this video a 3.75 out of 5.

After all that, I want to do something a little more light-hearted. The more I research for these videos, the darker this stuff gets, so I could use a week off. Stay tuned next week for “Criminal.”

Resources “Gimme More” official music video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elueA2rofoo Comparison of four different versions of “Gimme More”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjTrfPVGsZs “Gimme More: The Story of the Unreleased Video”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTKtgqfm3Sc

[lynchgirl90]

#TwinPeaks Star Chrysta Bell on Being David Lynch’s MuseIs her Agent Tammy Preston the new Dale Cooper?

There was more than an air of mystery surrounding David Lynch’s revival of Twin Peaks—it was an impenetrable fog. But curious fans of the original series and of the mythology that both Lynch and co-creator Mark Frost continued to build around the world of Laura Palmer, Agent Cooper, and the Black Lodge had one primer to go on: Frost’s 2016 novel, The Secret History of Twin Peaks. In that book, one alluring new character takes center stage: Agent Tamara Preston, who appears on almost every page. Twin Peaks fans had no idea who would be playing Preston in the new series until Episode 3, when singer, model, and actress Chrysta Bell showed up to debrief Lynch’s Agent Gordon Cole and Miguel Ferrer’s Agent Albert Rosenfield. We may not know much about the rest of Twin Peaks: The Return, but we can count on Agent Preston—who serves as something of an Agent Cooper proxy—to feature prominently for the rest of the season. How, though, did the actress land such a plum role?

Though her name may not have immediately popped against the rest of the Twin Peaks revival’s starry cast list, David Lynch devotees will recognize Chrysta Bell (full, first, and only name) as the writer/director’s longtime musical collaborator. The pair met in the late ’90s when she, then a jazz/swing singer, was chasing dreams of becoming the next Vonda Shepard from Ally McBeal. She met Lynch through a series of agents and managers and it was musical love at first sight. “The first time I saw [Bell} perform, I thought she was like an alien. The most beautiful alien ever,” Lynch said in 2016. “I had to kiss a lot of frogs to find that,” Chrysta Bell tells VF.com during a recent phone call. They released two “dream pop” albums, This Train (2011) and Somewhere in the Nowhere (2016). But not even Chrysta Bell suspected Lynch would tap her to take on her first major acting gig in his Twin Peaks revival—let alone in such a pivotal role. Though Chrysta Bell, like the rest of the cast, is sworn to Peaks-ian secrecy, she did hop on the phone to discuss her new album, We Dissolve, as well as Agent Tamara Preston’s most memorable on-screen moment thus far.

Vanity Fair: Given your longstanding collaboration with Lynch, I imagine you weren’t made to jump through the same audition hoops as some other people in the cast.

Chrysta Bell: [laughing] I think my audition lasted about 19 years!

Yes, maybe more hoops than anyone.

If anyone had to work for their part, let me just tell you. I had no idea David was going to ask me to be in Twin Peaks. I did not know that our collaboration would extend beyond music, and I didn’t honestly dare to dream. But David knew what he was getting with me, you know, because we’ve been pals for many, many years. Plus David’s one of those people—if intuition were a muscle, his would be really big and strong. And he uses it a lot. And so he was flexing his intuition muscle and fortunately I was uplifted in the process.

Most F.B.I. agents on TV, even someone like Dana Scully from The X-Files, have a really drab sense of style. But not Agent Preston. How much say did you get in creating her look?

You’re the first person to ask me about this. Nancy Steiner is the style maven for the show, and we probably tried on, oh I don’t know, 50 shirts before we hit gold. The skirt probably took like, seven to nine incarnations before we realized we wanted to get a nice kind of high waist on it. But finally we were able to hone in on the fact that David wanted a retro look for the undershirt and tops. He liked the crêpe and the silks and the lace—but the kind of more vintage-looking lace. It was kind of desolate there for a while, but that was definitely David’s idea and David’s vision for Tammy’s look and we worked to find it.

Unlike most of the other actors playing new characters, you had this kind of playbook for Tammy in The Secret History of Twin Peaks. Did you read it?

I did! I wasn’t aware what a significant aspect Tammy was until I kept reading and turning every page and I was like, “Damn, she’s actually kind of a big deal.” I learned a lot about Tammy from Mark’s perspective, you know, because Mark and David have their different views. I loved every minute of reading The Secret History, but I’m kind of way into the whole extra-terrestrial cosmic expansion awareness-type jazz. I loved reading Tammy’s thoughts, but I’d already filmed, you know.

You didn’t get to read the book beforehand? They didn’t sneak you an early copy? Were you like, “Thanks, guys, this would have been helpful before”?

I mean, as I’m watching Twin Peaks, I’m learning about what my character does later. I mean, everyone is. We didn’t get anything in the script except our own lines. And how they were in context with only the lines immediately following and preceding. So, we’re all learning together how everything works itself in. And so, yeah, there was none of that. We didn’t get to do any research. It was all just giving yourself over to the experience and allowing the process itself to infuse all that you needed into the moment of being your character. Every part of the process was mysterious, like, unreal in a beautiful and maddening way.

But Kyle MacLachlan got the script in full. Were any of you tempted on set to interrogate him about your character?

No, because there is just, there’s a reverence for everything going on. It’s like we’re all holding something that’s very fragile and yet mystically powerful. And so you’re just kind of doing everything that you can do to help transport this thing that you don’t even know what it is. But you’re all working together to do it, and you feel so fortunate. A couple of times, I would read something online about the show that kind of led me to believe that there had to be some kind of breach somewhere. But not from anyone on set, because I could not imagine anyone on set letting a piece of this thing go out into the world. Everyone was protecting it—reverence is the only thing I can think of. David, you see him giving heart and soul, and Mark’s there, and you just can’t help but feel like, okay, you have to step up to the best of who you are to be able to hold space for whatever this amazing thing that’s happening is.

Getting to watch and and discover the show along with the rest of the audience, was there a particular moment in the first five episodes that surprised or delighted you?

The sequence, I don’t know if it was a dream, with Cooper and the blind woman in the room—I feel like I could watch that 27 times and I would still be seeing new things. All the visuals at the top of Episode 3, with the purples and the ocean, was David Lynch getting to really express himself with support and with resources. And so there’s the comical and the meaningful and the Easter eggs people talk about. But that one sequence had my jaw, like, on the floor. Like wow, David. I was so proud of him and amazed. He’s such a humble, lovely person, and it’s just been so many years—and now seeing him finally get to fulfill his purpose and give this to the world is really something. And then, of course, for me the other incredibly significant thing is seeing [the late] Miguel [Ferrer] again, and remembering him. I can’t say that any of it hasn’t been a delight, because so many parts of it are just simultaneously sweet and awkward and expansive and ridiculous and it’s all covered in the Lynch patina.

What do you make of the fans who want to brand you as the new Agent Cooper?

I stopped reading everything because, you know, I was going to take David’s advice. Because I am not prepared to delve into everyone else’s ideas and thoughts about Tammy. I can’t speak for how David does it, but I think he’s pretty insulated from a lot of the noise, you know, about what the world is saying. But as far as being the new Cooper, I think Tammy and Cooper have a lot in common as far as just really, really wanting to be great F.B.I. agents and being studious and very curious. I think that I would say, you know, maybe Cooper is more open in some ways, and Tammy’s still learning to be open. But I think there can only ever be one Cooper, and I think as far as that’s concerned, Tammy would very much respect and admire Agent Cooper—yet want very much to be known as Agent Preston and find her own way.

I wanted to get your read on one Agent Preston scene at the end of Episode 4, where she walks away and the camera follows her as Agents Cole and Rosenfield look on and comment on her appearance appreciatively. What does that mean for you?

I have to admit—I’m personally kind of also a lover of the feminine form, and have almost, like, driven off the road looking at a woman on a bicycle. I have the same thing within me. And so when I was reading the script, you know, and Tammy walks off, I was like, “Oh my God, I get to walk off?” It never occurred to me that people might take it in a different way. I myself have always had really great father figures and personal, sensual, healthy relationships in my life and with myself. So I thought this was just a sweet moment. Tammy is such a badass, and is also dressed a certain way. She may be sensitive to her power as a woman, but her power as a woman is not what is at the forefront of who she is. It’s the power of her mind, and how she can figure things out and work a room. She’s just kind of built how she’s built, and she knows what she knows, and it all works together to be, you know, a pretty powerful force.

And I think women get to appreciate the human form, and it’s not seen as being lascivious or objectifying. Like maybe if there was a man who was ogling a beautiful woman—like I do sometimes—it might be taken the wrong way, but because I’m a woman who sees it as like appreciating, you know, art of a form. I see it as a compliment. At the end of Episode 4, it was like a bunch of concrete, and then you’ve got a woman walking away. Seemed like the natural thing to do, but I’m kind of a weirdo.

Are you a longtime fan of Twin Peaks?

My relationship was definitely with the original airing. Even though a lot of the nuances and sophistication was definitely over my head, what I did get was how the music connected to the visuals and, in particular, the theme song was expansive for my little bean. So that was a really precious association that I had with David’s art.

And you recently covered Julee Cruise’s original Twin Peaks theme song, “Falling.” How did that come about?

No one knew much about the new Twin Peaks, but in my mind, there was going to be a different theme song. I just figured David would make a new one. So I was inspired by this Guardian article, which made me realize that “Falling” came first, and the theme music for Twin Peaks was taken from the song. I always thought it was the other way around. So I thought I’d give my respect the only way I knew how, which was with my voice. And this is all happening before the show was out. This producer, John Fryer, made this beautiful, dark, very somehow cold but inviting track out of it, and it turned out to be very reflective of the mood of the new Twin Peaks. But this was nothing to do with the revival; it was just an homage to the song that captivated me as a child and made out of reverence for Julee Cruise, Angelo Badalamenti, and David.

And now you’re releasing a new album, We Dissolve, in the eye of the storm of Twin Peaks. How does this experience differ from your previous album releases?

Well, all of this happening at once was of course to some degree by design. But I don’t know that I was fully understanding what that would look like. You know, you’re doing all this administrative stuff, and I own the record label, and I’m also tour managing for my upcoming European tour, and preparing the live show as well as all the press. I’m sometimes overwhelmed, to the brink of tears—but I’m growing because if it. I think part of that is what David has imbued in me, because I see him do everything he does with such grace. And I see the tools that he uses to do it, which is the meditation. I don’t know how I would have done all of this without the meditation, because when you are on the brink and you’re like, ‘Okay, it’s either six Valium or TM [transcendental meditation]. Okay, I don’t have a Valium, so let me go ahead and meditate so that I can keep going.’ Without that, I would be probably somewhere in the stratosphere like a basket case. I mean, it’s a little silly, but every time I think that I can’t do it, I can. And that’s been a pretty remarkable thing to feel about myself. Maybe it’s Tammy. She’s helping.

link (TP)

[jurassicparkpodcast]

Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous – Our Dreams for a Jurassic Park/Jurassic World Television Series

As many of you may have seen by now, the internet has been over-run with rumours and speculation about a title which recently popped up on Netflix: Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous. Now, our friends over at both Jurassic Outpost and Collect Jurassic have already done a fantastic job covering this news – so I didn’t want to just jump in on the train late and provide you with information which is already out there. No. Instead, I thought we would talk a little bit about the potential for Jurassic on television – and maybe explore some of the story threads and extra canonical details which we think could make for compelling stories on the small screen.

So, without any further ado, let’s explore a little bit more about what ‘Camp Cretaceous’, and television in general, could mean for the Jurassic World franchise.

Origins of Jurassic Park

One thing which both haters and fans of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom agree on is the fact that John Hammond’s best friend and partner in the original Jurassic Park venture, Benjamin Lockwood, seems to have appeared out of nowhere. He is not referenced anywhere within the original trilogy of films – with both The Lost World: Jurassic Park and Jurassic Park III taking place without any mention of Benjamin or his legacy as co-creator of the original park. Now, whilst we all know that this is because he was never intended to exist during the original stories, that doesn’t mean that there is not now scope to explore a little bit of that within a small screen adaption. Whilst I doubt much, if any, of Jurassic World 3 will be spent in flashbacks – a Netflix original would certainly be an interesting way of allowing us to explore the legacies of these characters and their relationship.

Fallen Kingdom does give us quite a bit of context for what stories we could explore here – particularly when it comes to Lockwood and Hammond’s early creation of dinosaurs within the Lockwood Manor basement. Seeing this familiar location brought to life once more would be incredibly fitting – providing us with interesting prelude to the prominence of the location within the latest film – as the location which ultimately unleashes dinosaurs upon the planet. Needless to mention, as well, is the fact that this would also be an interesting vessel to revisit Isla Nublar one final time – giving fans who were upset at its destruction in the latest film the opportunity to revisit and say farewell to familiar and iconic locations. This short small-screen production could be the perfect nostalgia-filled piece to fill the void between Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom and Jurassic World 3 – and could provide us with one final opportunity to revisit long lost characters and locations.

The Fallout of Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom

Another exciting concept is the idea of potentially exploring the fallout of Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom on the small screen – something which could lend itself quite nicely to a more serialised format. Not only do we now have dinosaurs out in rural California (and possibly further afield), but we also have the science out there. The technology. Across the globe – everywhere from Moscow to India and further afield. And that, I feel, provides a lot of potential for interesting story telling in and around the plot of Jurassic World 3. Say, for example, in JW3 our story focuses on Owen and Claire tracking down Blue and Doctor Wu to solve a problem or to potentially relocate the dinosaurs to the Sanctuary Island we see teased within Fallen Kingdom. This would be an exciting storyline and something which I could see JW3 excelling with, but there is no way that a film which is roughly two hours long would be able to cover all the dinosaurs being rounded up and sent to the island. So, the best format would be a serialised series.

I picture something akin to Primeval (yes, I know I am a fanboy), where we follow a team of characters attempting to contain and capture a different animal each episode. You could have some incredibly tense sequences – like a Baryonyx in a sewer, or a Carnotaurus on a woodland trail, and this would lend itself to incredible variety across a serial format. This would also then allow the dinosaurs to have more breathing room then they do in a movie – giving each their own time to shine on screen and have their own memorable sequence. Take, for example, Fallen Kingdom. We have several dinosaurs, but beyond our stand-out stars, the main ones to get memorable sequences are the Baryonyx, Carnotaurus, Sinoceratops and Stygimoloch – when there were in fact additional species like the Allosaurus within the film. As such, I think it is fair to say that each episode would give dinosaurs ‘their moment’ – and would, in turn, do more to explore a greater variety of animals. Plus, with the advent of technology now being available, there is nothing to stop more dinosaurs being out there. My personal choice would be the Giganotosaurus. Imagine one of those on the loose in a city…

Jurassic World: The Evolution of Claire

The next one is probably a little bit unexpected – but I think a serialised version of Tess Sharpe’s The Evolution of Claire could also be a hit for Netflix and Universal Pictures if handled correctly. As is self-explanatory, a novel is already divided into Chapters and so lends itself quite nicely to television as it is. Combine that with the fact that Evolution of Claire is a fundamentally Jurassic story, and I think you have the makings of an incredibly nice story which could explore the beginnings of Jurassic World. There would be the potential to revisit characters like Simon Masrani and Dr Henry Wu – spending far more time with them in episodes of the show then we ever get to in either of the Jurassic World movies. And we would also get the opportunity to experience the slower-paced moments which are often not seen within the Jurassic films – such as the sequence with Pearl the Brachiosaurus. Whilst Jurassic has its fair share of slow and tranquil moments (Think Sick Triceratops or Apatosaur Valley), I still think a show would provide a greater opportunity to explore moments like these at a much more rewarding pace.

Plus, who doesn’t want to see more of Jurassic World in action, right?

Jurassic Park: Stolen DNA

Lastly, we have one of the greatest Jurassic story threads of all time – the infamous specimen-can which Dennis Nedry died carrying. Whilst it would be incredibly hard to continue the story with a character like Lewis Dodgson considering the numerous issues with the actor (which we won’t touch on here), it could be interesting to see another team from the Biosyn company attempt to return to Isla Nublar to recover the lost embryos – or some other form of technology from the island. I can imagine a story which borrowed elements from Jurassic Park: The Game, including the idea of rogue mercenaries and individuals returning in a bid to recover items and make a quick pay-day. Plus, there would be interesting opportunities to greater explore the island – perhaps looking at things like Nublar’s tunnels, which Fallen Kingdom set-designer Andy Nicholson hinted may have been there since the 1993 days.

There is a lot of time between our first visit to Nublar in 1993, and then our return in Jurassic World – and whilst a lot of this is covered within the viral marketing created by the team at Chaos Theorem, I still think that there is ample opportunity to place stories like this somewhere within that gap. There is a lot to love about the heritage of this series – so I will never be opposed to revisiting those memories and locations in one form or another.

Conclusion

To conclude – Camp Cretaceous poses some incredibly exciting ideas for Jurassic fans. What could this series be? Where and when will we explore? Or is it something else entirely?

Whatever Camp Cretaceous may be, it makes us consider the potential that Jurassic as property has for television and for the small screen – and that is something which I think is not only incredibly exciting, but which has a lot of potential too. So, I pose the question to you now. What would your dream Jurassic television show be?

Let me know in the comments below, and stay tuned for more news on Camp Cretaceous as and when we have it!

Written by: Tom Fishenden

[junker-town]

The Apple Cup live blog: Washington destroys Washington State

The Pac-12 North’s biggest rivalry ends up clinching the division for Stanford.

Fourth Quarter

0:00 - UDub 41 Wazzu 14

Wazzu is getting palindrome’d

— Brian Floyd (@BrianMFloyd) November 26, 2017

Falk finally throws a touchdown pass, hitting freshman Davontavean Martin from 33 yards out. Martin does a great job of adjusting on a ball that’s thrown outside of him. He will be a star in Leach’s offense, assuming that Mike doesn’t take one of the several jobs that have been mentioned as potential destinations during this broadcast. Here’s the view that the Wazzu defensive line had all night:

7:29 - UDub 41 Wazzu 7 - The Huskies recover the onside kick and then score a touchdown with the outlandish strategy of handing the ball off to Gaskin three times. Miles now has 192 yards and four touchdowns on 25 carries. Wazzu is putting extra men in the box and it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference. Gaskin is a thousand-yard rusher for the third straight season. Put him in Wisconsin’s offense with the Badgers’ ball distribution and he might approach Ron Dayne numbers.

9:01 - UDub 34 Wazzu 7 - Washington is the best team in the Pac-12 and they aren’t going to play in the conference title game. They brought this on themselves by contriving to lose in Tempe, but I’ll bet you that if you hooked USC fans up to a lie detector, they would say that they are relieved not to be playing this team for the conference title.

Oh, and Washington State finally scored. They put the ball in the end zone after a 15-play drive. They finally blocked Vita Vea, so here’s to small victories.

Third Quarter

0:00 - UDub 34 Wazzu 0 - the only drama left is whether Washington will get the shutout. Falk takes a sack staring at a Mesh concept that he has probably seen thousands of times at Wazzu. After a dropped pass, the Cougars punt to the Huskies, who continue to mash the ball on the ground. So here’s a picture of my kids on a hike in North Cascades National Park:

Seattle is a HIGHLY underrated summer vacation spot. The weather is great. (This hike was the only time in a week that we used our raincoats.) There are three national parks within a two-hour drive, so you can alternate outdoorsy activities with urban fun. And for those of us in landlocked cities, there are ferries!

6:06 - UDub 34 Wazzu 0 - So here’s Kurt Cobain’s guitar from the Seattle Museum of Pop Culture:

Somewhere I have heard this before In a dream of memory restored As a defense I'm neutered and spayed What the hell am I trying to say?

Falk throws another pick. Gaskin scores another touchdown. Washington has outscored Wazzu 124 to 27 in the last two-plus games.

8:45 - UDub 27 Wazzu 0 - Hercules Mata'afa has the best name in college football. He will also not be participating in the rest of this game after he gets called for targeting, prolonging a Husky drive after the Cougars got a rare stop. Later in the drive, Isaac Dotson punches Miles Gaskin in the midsection and the refs decide that boys will be boys, so they call nothing. Vizcaino drills the field goal and the Huskies lead by 27. The potential for a fight has gone up. Can’t wait to see how Vea responds to his quarterback taking a head shot and his running back being punched in the kidneys.

13:40 - UDub 24 Wazzu 0 - “Whoever has the laser, please put it away.” A ref said that, in between Luke Falk sliding short of a first down and then UDub blowing up a WR screen. The second half has begun like the first ended. Purple as far as the eye can see.

Took that picture at Mount Rainier National Park this summer. There cannot be a better part of the country in the summer.

Second Quarter

0:00 - UDub 24 Wazzu 0 - Vita Vea is unblockable, at least for this Washington State team. Wazzu punts from its own one. Washington gets a first down and then turns the drive over to Tristan Vizcaino, who boots a 44-yard field goal just to show that the Huskies have everything. With 90 seconds left, Falk finally hits a few passes, then throws a bad pick under duress by Vea. That’s a third turnover in the half for Falk, who will not be putting this game in a Facebook status update.

Washington is a West Coast Ohio State. When the Huskies have been bad, they’ve been REALLY bad. Most of the rest of the time, they have looked like a Playoff team. If not for the tiebreakers in the Pac-12 and playing their games late at night, the Huskies would be in the Buckeyes’ shoes as a Playoff dark horse.

Rushing yardage in the first half: Huskies 181, Cougars -25. Somewhere, a south Georgia high school coach who was skeptical of the Mumme-Leach offense when they brought it to Valdosta State is feeling validated.

4:51 - UDub 21 Wazzu 0 - Wazzu really needs an answer. Called to the front of the classroom, the Cougars blurt out a first down and then stall when they cannot run for anything close to the two yards they need on third down. Wazzu has no running or deep passing game. The only plays that have produced anything are the short passes. Powell, who has been Wazzu’s best player, then hits a 56-yard punt to pin the Huskies at their own seven. Browning gets Washington some room with a pretty sideline throw to Andre Baccellia, then Gaskin hits a couple big runs. Washngton’s offensive line is kicking all manner of butt. A few runs later and Gaskin is tumbling into the end zone. This is like one of Leach’s games at Texas Tech where his Red Raiders played a much more talented Texas or Oklahoma team and just got whipped up front. This is a compliment to Chris Petersen for getting Washington to that level.

12:34 - UDub 14 Wazzu 0 - UDub’s drive stalls at the 41, so Browning hits a perfect quick kick that the Huskies down at the one-yard line. This game has been a showcase for punting. Wazzu then gets a first down before Falk fumbles. It takes Washington all of two plays to turn the game’s first turnover into a touchdown. This is like every other recent vintage Apple Cup.

The Joe Montana/Kat Dennings ad for Masterpass is playing on a loop on Fox. I keep expecting Montana to break into his Honest Guy persona and talk about how he is going to go upstairs to masturbate.

Joe Montana's Classic Skit on SNL from Mike Moyer on Vimeo.

First Quarter

0:00 - UDub 7 Wazzu 0 - Washington gets one first down to get some room away from their goal line and are then forced to punt. Wazzu starts a promising drive with a pair of first downs, but then a sack is followed by a horrendous throw by Falk into ... lots of defenders. Washington hits a WR screen down to the five, but a holding penalty brings it back. Huskies have the ball at midfield at the end of the first quarter. Cougars are still without a first quarter touchdown in Seattle since 2007.

6:38 - UDub 7 Wazzu 0 - The teams trade three-and-outs. Luke Falk still doesn’t have time to throw, but the Cougars finally have something good happen when Erik Powell hits a line-drive punt that dies on the Huskies’ one-yard line. Wazzu was aided on the play by the Huskies’ normal returner Dante Pettis being out with an ankle injury.

8:28 - UDub 7 Wazzu 0 - That was quick. Wazzu’s first drive goes nowhere. We’re on immediate blow-out alert. On a happier note, the Apple Cup is sponsored by Boeing, which I love because if any company is going to slap its name on a game, it should be one with a local presence. In homage, here’s a shot of a B-29 from the Boeing Museum that I snapped this summer. Anyone want to debate the merits of the dropping of the atomic bombs or the strategic bombing campaign against Japan? We might need to go that route if Wazzu doesn’t start playing.

9:25 - UDub 7 Wazzu 0 - the Huskies have a perfect opening drive, predominantly on the ground. They face only one third down - a third and three - and put the ball into the end zone thanks to a short Miles Gaskin run. After one drive, this game seems like a continuation of the last two years. Bad news for the Cougars.

The game is only kicking off at 8:15, so the wife and I are explaining jewelry commercials to our kids. I referred to shiny gifts after a certain period of marriage as “maintenance jewelry.” Need to remember that line for the future. Also, we’re going with the Falcons pint glasses for the Dark & Stormies in honor of Blair Walsh.

Pregame

When Mike Leach came to Pullman, Washington State had not had a winning season in its last eight. The Cougars were coming out of the disastrous Paul Wulff era, in which the team won nine games in four years. Washington State has won as many games this season and tonight, it goes for the Pac-12 North title in Seattle against arch-rival Washington.

The Huskies are one year removed from a Pac-12 championship and a Playoff berth. They have had another excellent season, as they rank sixth nationally in S&P+, but two losses - most notably an inexplicable setback in Tempe - mean that Chris Petersen’s team can do nothing more than play the role of spoiler.

S&P+ likes the odds of the Huskies to do just that, making Washington a 10.4-point favorite. Part of the reason is that Washington State’s 9-2 record is a little soft. One-third of its wins have come in instances in which Wazzu’s win expectancy was below 50%. This is also an odd Mike Leach team, one whose offense ranks behind its defense. One wonders how Leach will coax points out of his attack when they are going against the #3 defense according to S&P+. It’s also worth noting that after winning his first Apple Cup, Leach has lost the last four, all by double digits.

As for the cultural context, let Brian Floyd’s excellent piece on the rivalry set the scene:

As you leave Seattle and head east on Interstate 90, cutting through the Cascade Mountains, you’ll notice the scenery changing. The range, which extends from Canada to California, serves as a natural dividing line in the state: East and west; rainy and arid; urban and rural; Huskies and Cougars. There’s a tension between the two sides of the state in politics, environment, and lifestyle.

Fittingly for a game on the rainy side of the state, the forecast tonight in Seattle is for rain.