#for being smart and effeminate hee hoo' * does a berries and cream dance in a crusty $10 walmart wig and I'm also 11 yrs old* | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

icewindandboringhorror · 3 years ago

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I don’t know how much it actually remains relevant to a person in their adult life, but I think it’s super fascinating to see people’s “gender envy” (I guess?? not sure what to call it) lists from early childhood - Like exactly which characters did they see in cartoons or movies or wherever and immediately go “I Would Like To Look And Present Exactly Like This”, like characters/actors/etc. that at 7 - 12yrs old (first conceptualizing yourself) you were very drawn to and attracted to NOT in a “romantic crush” way, but just a “I would like to BE them” gender expression sort of way ... also a fun bonus is that probably anyone you talk to about this, the list is usually ridiculous since children are weird and likely not being very discerning about who they gender imprint on

#does anyone else even have a list or is that just me?? I've talked to like two other people who made them #like is this a Common Non-Cisgender Activity or is it more of a 'thing weird people who analyze their pasts too much' do.. or both #i probably wont share the entire list but just to get an idea on there I have.. Orochimaru from naruto. THE BERRIES AND CREAM COMMERCIAL #GUY .. Niles Crane from fraiser gjwbnjhnbthjnk #Just those three people like... they are SO different how are they on the same list hghbh #and yet..#also like half the people on the list have bobs for some reason?? a weird pattern I noticed later.. as a 9 year old I guess #I would just see any slightly ''''feminine''' man with a bob and go 'Welp.. That's Me'#this is how berries and cream man landed on the list somehow #I see a man with a bob and go 'guess I'm going to dance and sing about berries now in solemn emulation'#SOME of them were personality based too (wanting to look AND ACT and TALK like them too etc.) but I think most were JUST appearance #based?? like for example - Inuyasha was on there - though from what I remember (I haven't watched anime in like 11 yrs) I don't think #I idolized his personality I just liked the concept of that being my first introduction to 'hey boys can have long hair' (which unfortunatel #y.. true story I did at some point dress as him (not in real cosplay - like legit red sweatpants and oversized hoodie from the thrift #store + a $10 platinum blonde walmart wig ghGHJ) and tell people at my afterschool program that they had to call me inuyasha and refer #to me with he/him pronouns or I would 'kill them with my demon powers' (trans rights WIN - local 10 year old threatens people with #violence over misgendering) - though that was strictly appearance emulation and not like.. personality at all. I think most of them are that #way?? like the berries and cream guy etc. Though ones like niles crane are maybe more personality based like - I don't want to be a middle #aged man GHGH but I guess at 10 I was like 'oh cool he's anxious and has weird mannerisms and people make fun of him #for being smart and effeminate hee hoo' * does a berries and cream dance in a crusty $10 walmart wig and I'm also 11 yrs old*#And my fascinations with these characters would usually only last a week or a month or so and then I'd move on to some other one where I was #like 'OH NO i actually want to be like THEM instead!!!' so it's not like I ever siumltaneously had a list of multiple people I gender envied #at once lol .. It's more like a small series of phases that now that I'm older I can look back on and group together as a whole like 'Oh..#that's what what was.. now i Understand my childhood impulse to form minor obsessions with bob-haired men'#ANYWAY . I just think it's neat to see..#like to look at how people present in modern day and then what their ideal presentations were as a child and see if there's #any remaining influence of that or if it's all totally different now. etc. (for example -#my full list is varied but I think MOST could fall under the label of either 1. Weird Nerds. 2. Gender nonconforming in SOME way (by common #western standards I was exposed to growing up). 3. Obnoxious/A Villain/Etc. - Or all three lol.. Which in the most GENERAL sense possible #..yeah sure.. that still mostly tracks with my overall ideal gender expression lol.. In retrospect I can Comprehend The Underlying Vibe

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