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lifeinahole27 · 5 years ago

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CS ff: “Walking the Tightrope” (Chapter 1/10) (au)

Summary: Killian's daily routines are a matter of habit. When he wakes up late one morning, his routines all change for the better. Emma doesn't care about routines, but she does care about Killian, no matter how reluctant she is to admit it to herself.

Rating: E (much later in the story)

Content Warnings: There will be a part where pictures are posted without permission. It happens much later in the fic but if that’s not your thing, I want to put it out there now. And, of course, sexual content will be present. I will update these warnings for each chapter to pinpoint those sections!

A Special Thank You: Oh man, how do I put my gratitude into words? There are two constants in my CS fic writing life that I am so incredibly lucky to have. Thank you @captainstudmuffin for just downright prodding me in the ass to keep me moving when I wanted to give up. You were always there in the right capacity to keep me going. You did that reverse psychology thing with me that I always do to you with “Well, if you want to give up, that’s your choice...” and it worked. And then there’s @phiralovesloki who has listened to me self-depreciate for hours on end and still keeps me moving forward. And then you both turned your attentions to helping me get this thing edited and proofread. You handled all my tantrums, all my fits, all my problems. I love you both to the moon and back.

And of course, thank you to the @captainswanbigbang for going with this rewrite idea. All of you modding this and putting shit in line and answering questions and being awesome and informative and helpful... my eternal gratitude for helping get this, my possible magnum opus, finished and out to the fandom. Much love to you all!

A/N: I wrote a lot of notes above here to start. Because of that, I’ll keep this line brief. Enjoy!

Find it on Ao3 & FFN!

-x-

Chapter 1: The Art of Routines

September 30: Monday

Every day, Killian Jones walks from his respectable dwelling by the Storybrooke Harbor to where he works, located right off the main drag. Storybrooke is nearly the definition of small-town America, but it houses a quaint-sized office of a British publishing firm that opened a branch over here last year. Three months ago, Killian took a chance to upend his whole life and applied for a junior editing position.

From a life in the Navy to a redirection of passions towards the fine art of literature, Killian has used a rigorous set of routines to get through every major upheaval in his life, including but not limited to the aforementioned relocation from London to a small speck on the map.

He uses his daily habits from the moment his alarm sounds in the morning until he shuts his eyes at night – operating his life in a tidy way and controlling what he can control while doing his best to accept whatever tries to throw him off.

Because of his method to build up his regimens, he knows that anything that lasts beyond two weeks becomes more likely to stick.

And for six weeks, Emma Swan has been part of his routines. Monday through Friday they cross the street together. They never speak. Sometimes they’ll smile and nod in greeting, but it’s enough in Killian’s book. Or at least, they’ve come to some unspoken agreement that it’s enough. Since the middle of August, this has been his norm, and thus it is now just another thing that marks time throughout his days.

The only reason he knows her name is because of the star-shaped badge she wears on her hip. That and being the sister of the sheriff are dead-giveaways to an identity. He’d heard of Emma long before he saw her as Will Scarlet filled him in on the townies. She, on the other hand, probably doesn’t even know his name. But he’s okay with that. He’s not out to meet the love of his life – not after what he went through with his last major relationship – but to enjoy a walk across the street with an ease he doesn’t understand and doesn’t have to.

Day after day, he continues on, never looking back to see if she’s still looking at him. He’s afraid of what he might find if he does: either she’s also glancing back and this immediately becomes something different, or she isn’t and he’s effectively found himself with some kind of rejection complex. Both ideas are ridiculous. At the mere thought, Killian snorts and picks up his pace.

On October 1st, Killian discovers how easy it is to throw off the delicate balance of a routine as strong as his. The alarm never goes off, or if it does, Killian either doesn’t hear it or turns it off in his sleep. He wakes, instead, to the sound of his text messages going off in quick succession, followed by the phone ringing and Will’s chirpy voice alerting him as he answers that he’s going to be late.

With that, his eyes shoot fully open and he throws himself into action, hoping to get out the door in record time. He skips the coffee and the shower, throwing on the clothes he set out last night and hoping his hair stays in place with the water he combs through it. He’s out the door fifteen minutes late. His boss, Robin, will hopefully understand - he’s one of the most easy-going people Killian has ever met. Will is going to take the piss out of him, but that’s no different from any other day. Killian knew it was a mistake to share his location with his friend but in this case, with Will able to see that he was still at home when he should already be making his journey, he wasn’t going to complain about it.

Instead, what he’s most upset about is that he’s going to miss Deputy Swan standing at their corner.

And he’s right: she’s not there when he gets to the intersection. He pushes the button and diligently waits until it turns before crossing, just as he always does. It’s when he gets a full view of the patio in front of Granny’s that his steps suddenly halt. There she is, checking her phone and sipping from a to-go cup, standing at the table closest to the entrance. She glances up and sees him on the other side of the small fence that surrounds the front of the patio, and her eyes go wide.

Quickly, she jams her phone in her pocket and exits the patio with two cups in hand, heading towards the sheriff’s station and away from him until she stops just as suddenly. She turns around to where he’s still glued in spot, knowing that each extra minute is asking for more torture from Will, but she walks up to him and he wouldn’t move if a bus came careening down the sidewalk at him.

“Hi. This might be weird but… nevermind. Forget it.” She turns again, but Killian hastens after her.

“What seems to be the problem, love?”

She spins around to face him again, a perturbed look on her face. He doesn’t know if it’s at him or herself, though, so he waits for her response.

“I’m not…” The words trail off, but she redirects. “I thought you might need coffee. You’re always so punctual. Figured if you were running late, you didn’t have any. But that’s probably ridiculous and just…” she trails off again, turning to dump the to-go cup into the bin nearby but Killian lunges for it.

“No no, wait!” He catches the cup just before it leaves her grip, smiling wide when he successfully rescues it. “Thank you, Deputy. I appreciate it.”

“Swan. Emma Swan.”

“Oh, I know,” he responds, surprised at the devilish tone to the words. The only time he flirts anymore is when he’s two pints in at The Rabbit Hole on a rare night out with Will, and even then it’s with no intent behind it. His watch buzzes and Killian glances down to see Will is calling him again. When he sees the time, he can understand why. “Bloody hell. I’m incredibly late,” he says quickly, moving to continue his journey to the office and forgetting all his manners.

“Is there something else I can call you, Incredibly Late?”

“Killian Jones!” he calls out as he gets to the corner by the post office. He spins on his heels to turn back to her, lifting the coffee again in thanks.

There’s an odd little smile on her face when he says it, but he’s still moving and has no time to wonder what it’s all about. “See you tomorrow, Jones!”

Her words follow him around the corner and he grins as he picks up the pace to the office.

He’s amazed at how quickly his day turns around after officially meeting Emma Swan. Robin isn’t even mad when he shows up late, just happy that he’s finally sitting in front of his computer working on the endless edits he’s been helping with for a new book by an established writer. One that has terrible punctuation skills, apparently. And spelling. And grammar.

It’s barely been a half hour when he finds his thoughts drifting to the woman he only knows by name and reputation, and knows that somehow, his daily routines will never look quite the same. He wonders how much this little interaction means to her, too, if she looked so out of sorts when he was late today. And startlingly, he realizes that it did turn into something.

Running a hand over his face, Killian looks back at the page he’s supposed to be proofreading. He’s read the same sentence at least three times and still can’t figure out why it doesn’t feel right. It’s too early in the day to shut his office door and start reading everything out loud, however, so instead he saves his changes and closes the file, opening up a rain app on his phone and letting the sound soothe him while he stands up and stretches.

“If you’re playing the calming sounds, I feel like you’re ready for more coffee,” Will says from his doorway.

“You’re probably right,” Killian says, finishing his current stretch and turning off the app. “Shall we?”

“Ask Robin what he wants. Your treat since you were so late this morning,” his friend adds as he turns from the doorway.

Killian makes a noise of aggravation, but still walks the short length to Robin’s office to inquire.

Robin is locked in his own work, looking back and forth between three cover mockups that Will’s department would’ve sent over when they were ready. He glances up when Killian enters but only barely. “Coffee run?” the other man asks as he nudges each design around.

This, too, is like clockwork in his life, which is why Robin already knows why he’s standing in his doorway. “Aye. Would you like me to bring back the usual or will you need something stronger today?”

“The usual is fine. Else I’ll be tempted to add liquor to it and no one at the home office will appreciate what I think of their last company email.”

“I have that whole rant recorded. You’d better make sure I don’t have anything stronger today or else they’ll get it verbatim.”

“Remind me to have you killed later this week after that chapter is edited.”

“I’ll pass it on to your secretary to be added to your calendar,” Killian mentions offhandedly while he leaves Robin’s office. This isn’t the first time Robin has scheduled to kill him for information he has on his superior. Killian’s sure it won’t be the last, either.

As he leaves, Killian catches sight of the pictures on the wall. There’s a few scattered around his office, mostly of Robin’s adorable son Roland and his late wife. Marian passed just after Roland was born, making Robin’s decision to head up the American branch of NeverEndings Publishing House an easy one. The reason he’s stayed so long is also evident in the pictures of Regina Mills, the mayor of Storybrooke, scattered among the others. Regina was his “diamond in the rough” - the woman he never expected to meet and fall in love with shortly after he set up shop here.

Along with pictures, there are paintings and his degrees, an antique wall clock that matches everything else, and a vintage bow and arrow hung behind the mahogany desk he nearly lives in some days. The whole thing feels like the den of some expensive cabin in the woods, but Killian knows for a fact that Robin put most of this together on the cheap.

He passes his own little office again, noting the blank walls, the tidy desk, the single chair on the opposite side for small one-on-one meetings. He’s never really gotten around to decorating his work area. His degrees are still in one of the boxes in his flat, as are all the pictures of his friends and family from back home.

There’s a single frame on his desk - just a picture of him and Liam at graduation that was packed into his luggage when he moved. Liam is beaming with pride while Killian looks like he’s about to bolt from the courtyard they had all gathered in after the ceremony. His left arm is tucked close by his side, and he knows for a fact it’s because he was trying to hide the prosthetic hook he wears from being in the pictures.

“So, why were you late today?” Will asks when they reach the doors and head outside.

“Alarm malfunctions,” Killian responds, as if there could be something besides human error to blame. Will just nods as they make the short trek down the street to Granny’s. Foolishly, Killian hopes to find his favorite deputy out patrolling or stopping for her own midday caffeine, but the only blonde in the diner is Ashley, the attentive but clumsy young server.

Well, the only blonde woman. Dr. Whale, trying his best to flirt with Ruby, doesn’t count.

“Have you heard anything I’ve said in the last three minutes?” Will asks, a touch of exasperation in his voice but humor lighting up his eyes. Instead of answering, Killian just pushes him forward to place his order. He pulls Killian up next to him and presents him to Ruby. “Tell Jones here that he has to come out with us on Friday.”

“The only thing I have to tell Jones is to place his damn order,” Ruby responds, her expression challenging Will in the way that only Ruby can. She looks back to Killian with a sweet smile. “You paying for all three?” He nods as he hands over the cash. Ruby winks at him, processing the change and handing it back before spinning from the register to make their drinks.

“Come on, mate. Come out this Friday.”

“I still have things I’m trying to unpack.”

“You’ve been saying you were going to unpack those things for the last three months.” He throws air quotes when he says “things” as if they’re fictitious items Killian invented for the sake of an excuse. He almost invites Will over to see what he’s talking about but feels like that would somehow turn into a standing invitation for his colleague to come over whenever he pleases.

“Yeah? And now I might mean it,” Killian retorts instead. Ruby places their drinks down on the counter before Will can press any further, and Killian spends an extra moment thanking the younger Lucas for exceptional service, as always.

“Kiss ass,” Ruby says as they gather their drinks and leave. There’s a smile on her face, though, and Killian knows that her days would be infinitely less exciting without him and Will pestering her at least once an afternoon.

When they get back, Will takes Robin his coffee without having to be asked, which Killian is grateful for. But he’s barely seated in front of his computer again before Will is popping back up in his doorway.

“You’ve been summoned to the dungeons, mate.”

Killian drops his head for a second, trying to gather the energy to just… get up and go see if suddenly his benevolent boss has had a change in heart regarding his tardiness this morning. But Robin just waves him in and motions for him to sit down.

“As you know, we originally hired you to be a junior editor to collaborate on projects.”

“Aye, that was the explanation I was given when I interviewed.”

“Well, we’ve gotten a new project that I’d like to see you take on. This isn’t quite a promotion, but it’s a test to see if I can trust you with something bigger than just standard edits to a pompous arse that doesn’t know his p’s from his q’s… literally.”

“I’m definitely interested. What is this project?”

“A young author has written a novella that twists fairy tales. It’s short but it’s deep, and I want your best on proofreading, but also on suggesting edits. He’ll be in to discuss the project at the end of this month, so keep working on your current progress until then. I’ll send all the files your way this weekend so you can start reviewing them whenever you’d like. Sound good?”

“Sounds excellent,” Killian says, genuine enthusiasm coloring his answer. “I look forward to it.”

Another disruption to the orderly life he’s been living, but honestly, this is almost as good as meeting Emma Swan. At least this feels like his disastrous start to October is no indication on how the rest of the month will go.

-x- October 2: Wednesday

The next morning, Killian is back to his impeccable schedule, so he’s calm and collected when he strolls up to the crosswalk. Only minutes later, Emma walks up, eyes trained on her phone, earbuds playing music that she nods her head in time with. He takes a moment before she notices him to appreciate the view, to take in the dark jeans she likes to wear instead of a uniform, with black boots up to her knees. Her red leather jacket is half-zipped. Soon the weather is going to grow colder and he wonders if she’ll be warm enough on her walks.

She looks up, then, and smiles at Killian while he raises a hand in greeting. She hesitantly waves back, moving to stand next to him while they wait.

“Good morning, Swan,” he greets just as the light changes and they start to cross. Her response is mumbled as she pulls the earbud from one ear.

“Have a good day, Jones,” she says, dipping her head as a parting gesture. There’s a smile pulling at his cheeks, and he turns to look at where he’s going instead of risking the possibility of running into something and ruining his mood.

For the rest of the week, they get to the crosswalk and he greets her. They part ways at the diner with her sending salutations before she walks up the path. In a way, it becomes a new routine for them. It’s one of the only changes to his days that he’s accepted as a normal progression instead of an uninvited intrusion.

On Friday, hours after his daily dose of Emma, he’s in the middle of the last chapter he has to edit when Will pops into his doorway in the afternoon. He goes to save the files and start the coffee routine, but Will enters the room fully and places two coffees and a bag with lunch on the corner of his desk.

“I hear you’ve got a bigger project coming up. Figured I’d be a good mate for once and encourage hard work instead of mucking around like we usually do on Fridays.”

The times that Will has been genuinely kind to him are definitely countable on his hand, so he’s almost afraid to ask if there’s a “but” included somewhere in there. However, Will just gives him a cheeky grin and heads right back out the door.

When he’s made the final change and checked over the whole chapter again, it’s beyond the time that he normally leaves, even when he stays late. His eyes are burning and his stomach is growling again, but there’s a sense of victory when he sends the files back to Robin and shuts down his office for the weekend.

He’s surprised to find Will on the couch in the reception area, asleep by the looks of it, and Killian is this tempted to leave him there because he knows exactly why his friend is still there. But the man brought him lunch and still owes him a beer for repayment of some good deed or another, so he knocks into one of Will’s shoes and snorts as he startles awake.

“Come on, then. Sorry to have kept you waiting.”

“Damn right, you are.” Will’s response is groggy and expected.

Killian makes sure the building is locked up tight before they walk the few blocks over to The Rabbit Hole. He’d rather be in bed, or watching whatever his neglected Netflix queue has in store for him. While Will obviously went home and changed into something more casual, Killian is still stuck in his suit from work. It’ll have to do.

One drink, that’s all he’s promised, and then he’s going home to get the sleep he deserves and return to his normal order of events.

They’re barely through the door when he realizes his plan is going straight into the bin. There, in all her blonde glory, is Emma Swan. She’s parked near the end of the bar waiting for Jefferson to take her order. As he moves towards her, he hears Will greeting other acquaintances, but he’s too focused on getting to interact with Emma outside of their usual crosswalk that he doesn’t veer off course.

“Fancy meeting you here, Swan,” he greets as he props up next to her.

She jumps a little, clearly not expecting him to be there beside her, but regains her speech far easier than he would’ve if the situation were reversed.

“I’m sorry, you’re that figment of my imagination that only lives on Main Street. What are you doing here?”

He chuckles at her description of him and rubs behind his ear in a nervous gesture. Two more sentences and this will officially be the longest he’s ever spoken with Emma, and he’s enjoying it far more than he should.

“Out for a drink with my mate Will to celebrate a project ending.”

“Scarlet? See, I always thought you had better taste than that,” she says, a smirk on her face and her eyes shifting over Killian’s shoulder to where Will must’ve come up behind him.

“Oy, just because I’m romancing your friend doesn’t mean you have to insult me.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what it means,” Emma responds to him, but there’s lightness and sarcasm in the whole exchange.

“Romancing? You mean you finally worked up the nerve to tell Belle you fancy her?”

“Like three weeks ago, mate. This is why I tell you to come out more often.” Will claps Killian on the shoulder with those words, accepting the beer that Jefferson deposits on the bar for him, and walking back to the large gathering of people in the middle of the room that Killian is just realizing are mostly people he knows.

“Not one for socializing very often?” Emma asks, following his line of sight and waving to her brother at the table. Killian swallows a little harder when David sizes him up, eyes scrutinizing the whole time.

“Not as much as I used to. Will and I usually make our ventures out earlier in the evening and in the middle of the week when we do.”

“So is it the expat club or something? You and Will, Robin, Belle. I think Tink stops in and drinks with them every couple weeks or so, too.”

“Will and I work at NeverEndings with Robin. The rest is all just coincidence.”

She hums in consideration, sipping slowly from her drink. “There’s room at the table. Wanna come join us, too?”

“That depends.”

“On?”

“Is your brother going to murder me for speaking to you for longer than three and a half minutes?”

She glances back at David, who turns back to the group suddenly, clearly pretending he wasn’t watching them.

“Listen, he’s overprotective but he’s yet to kill anyone I had a conversation with. People I’ve dated, on the other hand…” she trails off, lifting her eyebrows to emphasize with a little shrug.

He can’t help the laughter that erupts from him at that. She’s delightful. He could spend all his days having frivolous conversations with her and probably never grow tired of it.

“Come on, I promise he doesn’t bite unless you ask. Which is unfortunately more than I ever wanted to know but that’s what happens when you become best friends with your brother’s wife.”

“Thanks for sharing your pain with me. I hope it eases the burden of your knowledge,” he says low enough so only she can hear as he pulls out one of the remaining chairs for her. Her thank you is a quiet and pleased murmur, and he has to remind his heart to stop the constant drumroll so he can get through this evening with his dignity intact. He drops into the seat next to Emma and tries to bury the way his skin itches at the sudden change in his routine.

A chorus of introductions goes around, with Emma giving names to random faces as she goes. He does know a majority of the people at the table, even if just by reputation. It’s nice to meet the kind schoolteacher that is David’s aforementioned wife, though he’s seen her in the library more than a handful of times since his arrival in town.

“Everyone calls me Snow,” she explains after Emma calls her Mary Margaret. “Less syllables, more Disney Princess-ish.” When the topic shifts from greetings to the usual breakdown of everyone’s days, Killian seizes the moment no one is paying attention to them.

“A Disney Princess that enjoys a little kink in the bedroom. Good to know,” Killian whispers in Emma’s ear, and her hushed laughter is music he wants to play again and again.

When the conversation really starts flowing, he finds he’s less interested in drinking away his week and happier to engage with the people around the table. David still regards him with suspicion, but it probably helps that he doesn’t look like he’s trying to crawl into Emma’s knickers as the night continues on. He finished his singular beer ages ago but opts for water during his next trip up to the bar, along with food because Emma bursts out laughing when his stomach growls in the middle of her talking about a digital filing system they’re implementing.

Emma nurses her one drink, and so he’s relieved to find her willingness to talk is due to genuine interest instead of alcohol’s influence. Of course, it may be because he’s supplying her in onion rings until she finally orders her own.

Their group slowly begins to break up, starting with the people who have someone home waiting on them. Then the couples start to leave, and Killian is pleasantly surprised when Emma all but shoves David out the door with Snow, insisting that she’s more than capable of taking care of herself.

They talk of all things small: she tells him about working law enforcement in a small town, and he shares his experiences in Storybrooke since moving. She asks about his job and actually listens when he starts talking.

“What’s this then?” Killian asks when Emma pushes up her sleeves.

She looks down at it, scoffing a little. “A dumb symbol of youth and rebellion,” she replies. “I got it when I was sixteen because James and I got in an argument about how perfectly behaved I was.”

“James?”

“Oh, David has a twin brother. You know how people joke about having an evil twin? David actually has one.”

“Your family is delightful,” he comments, wanting to reach out and touch the heavy lines of the flower on her wrist. “Why this?”

“Buttercups are my favorite flower.” He’s learned so many new things about her so very quickly, but he files this information away in the event he has a chance to use it.

It’s when their whole group has officially departed that they realize the rest of the establishment is similarly abandoned, with only Jefferson wiping down bottles behind the bar.

“Sorry about that, mate. Time for us to clear out?”

“I was gonna wait until I was done cleaning to see if you even noticed the place was empty,” Jefferson responds when Killian sets the last few glasses on the counter. Emma is behind him at the table still, gathering the smattering of bottles and the rest of the stuff to be washed. “Been a while since I’ve seen her talk that much to anyone she didn’t grow up with,” the other man remarks, nodding his head towards Emma.

“My favorite bartender back home would probably say the same of me,” Killian admits, placing a few extra bills on the bar as a tip and wandering back over to help Emma get the last of the dishes from his late dinner and her ridiculously large pile of onion rings, of which she ate every last one.

“Thanks Jeff. Have a safe trip home,” Emma tells him as she hands him the items.

As they start walking, he expects anything but for Emma to fall back into casual conversation with him about the moving process he went through. He takes it in stride as they slowly amble down the street and back to their crosswalk.

“I’m this way,” Emma says, indicating the direction she normally arrives from in the mornings.

“I know,” Killian responds, his tone soft and content. “It was lovely getting to meet you, Emma.”

He holds out his hand, giving hers a firm shake. Once upon a time he was a lad who could court a woman without blinking an eye. It’s that thought that has him turning her hand and bringing it to his lips, eyeing her playfully from beneath his lashes as he looks up at her. This small gesture feels so foreign, but he likes the way she’s giving him a puzzled little smile.

“Goodnight, Swan.”

“See you Monday, Jones,” she almost whispers as he releases her hand.

They head off in their separate directions, with Killian gently brushing his lips in wonder.

Routines be damned, this is much better than a casual wave in the mornings.

-x-

Chapter 2

#cs ff #cs ff au #sarah writes ff #csrt

96 notes · View notes

britishchick09 · 4 years ago

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sherlock ep 3 the great game livewatch

since i did a live-re-watch of ep 1 and a re/new livewatch of ep 2, i figured i’d finish off the season! i’ve never seen this one, so it’s the first totally new livewatch of the year! :D

ooh spooky beginning!

sherlock is talking to a guy for a case why in an old school tho?

omg sherlock keeps correcting this guy’s grammar lol :D

the guy will get hung for it (sorry hanged) is this victorian england

dramatic intro strikes again!

YO GUN SHOTS WUT

sherlock just chillin

AND SHOOTING WTF LOCKIE

SMILEY FACE!!!!!

john: “what the hell are you doing??” SAME WTF MR HOLMES

he’s shooting because he’s BORED OMG SHERLOCK LOL

omg john almost said the f word :o

WHY IS THERE A SEVERED HEAD IN THE FRIDGE

ooh they referenced ep one’s title in john’s blog post!!!

does that mean john comes up with the ep titles coolio :D

sherlock doesn’t like it tho :/

he deletes things he doesn’t care about like the earth going around the sun woah sherlock computer! :o

sherlock just said ‘hard drive’ epic B)

sherlock: “UGH HELL, WHAT DOES THAT MATTER?? so we go around the sun or we go around the moon round and round the garden like a teddy bear IT WOULDN’T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE!” ...teddy bear?

oh hey mrs hudson

awww she called their argument ‘a little domestic’ :)

let me guess sherlock hates the quiet peaceful world

RIGHT!!!

MRS HUDSON SAID ‘BLOODY’ OMG

and she’s putting the smiley face on the rent ‘young man’ :/

OMG WHAT THE FRICK EXPLOSION

hey is that sarah cool! :D

oh crap THE FLAT EXPLODED!!!!!

WTF DID SHERLOCK DO????

i thought this would happen in like s4 since that’s super dark not s1!!!!

lol sherlock’s just plucking his violin like nothing happened :D

yo is that moiarty mycroft?

ok this is his bro so according to google it’s... mycroft!

mycroft: “a case like this would require... ‘leg work’” ...leg work?

in my holmes inspired series the sherlock and mycroft characters hate each others guts and act like children around each other so it’s good to see that these bros just act cold and keep correcting each other

mycroft: “your business seems to be booming, ever since you and sherlock became.. ‘pals’’ johnlock shippers be like: ;)

mycroft wondered if it was hellish and my holmes character describes his bro as hellish COINCIDENCE I THINK TOTALLY!!! :o

the plans were on a ‘memory stick’ does mycroft mean ‘usb’?

sherlock putting rosin on his bow during the conversation tho ♥

mycroft: “you need to find those plans, sherlock. don’t make me order you” wowoza older bro much?

is sherlock badly playing his violin to test it or to kick mycroft out faster lol :D

this is probably benedict cumberbatch really playing because he didn’t take violin lessons until s2 i think and even then there was an overdub!

OMG I JUST REALIZED I’VE BEEN SPELLING HIS NAME AS BENNEDICT WHY

sherlock: “i’d be lost without my blogger” aww he really does like the posts! ♥ also major johnlock squee there

sherlock likes the ‘funny cases’ ;)

hey is that lestrade cool he’s back

the first thing sherlock says while reading the letter is ‘nice stationary’

john: “that’s the pink phone!” guy: “from the study in pink!” sherlock: “you read his blog?” lestrade: “of course we all do!” awwww :D

everyone’s snickering at sherlock not believing the ‘earth sun’ theory lol :D

ooh a warning! :o

john: “hold on, what’s gonna happen again?” sherlock: “BOOM!” bada bing, bada... B O O M!!!”

mrs hudson can’t get anyone interested in the flat aww :(

some weird lady’s calling what

SHE JUST SAID ‘STUPID BISH’ WOAHHHH

woah she was a hostage??

sherlock wants john to delete 8 mycroft texts lol :D

sherlock sarcastically called john ‘doctor’ lol :D

molly: “why did you say ‘gay’? we’re together!“ WAIT DID SHERLOCK JUST SAY THAT?? JOHNLOCK SQUEEE!!!!! also sherlock is aromantic sorry molly :/

molly: “he’s not gay!!” woah john much?

also that was about her bf sorry johnlock shippers :/

sherlock says his makeup and underwear peeking out make the guy gay RUDE MUCH LOCKIE??

john: “that wasn’t kind” yeah LOCKIE

john: *figures out who the shoes belong to* how did i do?” sherlock: “well, john, really well! i mean, you missed almost everything important” lol :D

sherlock is great at finding out things props to him :D

the shoes were bought 20 years ago just like su lin!

sherlock: “a child with big feet-“ you mean senpai lol

1989 is 21 years ago here wowza :o

oh no the kid had a fit in a pool and died :(

someone stole his shoes! :o

aww john wants to help :)

mycroft is texting john now lol :D

john: “it’s of national importance.” sherlock: “how quaint.” john: “what is?” sherlock: “you are�� :)

john is wearing a suit to see mycroft how quaint ♥

john: “he’s investigating now. investigating away” that’s sherlock for ya :D

mycroft knows it all just like sherlock what bros they are! :D

oh no the kid had poison! :o

it’s cool how a 21 year old mystery could tie into a bomb from a day ago :D

NO IT’S CRYING LADY AGAIN

she lives in cornwall camilla who

ooh pager! :D

sherlock is bored WHY

OH GREAT IT’S THE ‘FREAK’ LADY FROM EP 1 UGHHHH

oh no another mystery caller!

sherlock guessed he’s ‘stealing another voice’ ooh :o

aww they showed the guy he’s crying :(

they have 9 hours to solve the puzzle!

sherlock is faking being super sad to get info from this lady oh lockie!

random lady: “fishing! try fishing!” john’s reaction tho :D (this is like ‘daang that’s rad!’ but not as funny)

sherlock says ‘mazda’ weird but it’s cool :D

sherlock: “you’re very helpful” ...he’s not

sherlock: “mr. hewitt’s a liar” SEE I WAS RIGHT!!!

the drops in the lab look like the intro :D

phone guy: “we were made for each other, sherlock” woah woah YOU’RE NOT JOHN

ooh the blood was frozen :o

the way lestrade says ‘columbia?‘ is funny :D

the case is solved yet we’re only 37 minutes into the ep hmm....

sherlock: “i am on fire!” YAS LOCKIE!!! :D

great another call...

why is this guy constantly crying WHO HURT YOU SIR?

a restaurant scene... ep 1 was queerbaiting, ep 2 was stereotyping and this one is... SHERLOCK EATING??? :o

epic 2010 smartphone ;)

john: “lucky for you mrs hudson and i watch too much telly” yas john!!! :D

CRYING LADY SAID ‘BISH’ AGAIN

12 hours now WHO ARE THESE PEEPS AND WHY ARE THERE TIME LIMITS

throughout the scene there’s a snoring sound... is someone sleeping in the afternoon??

a dead 54 actress died 2 days ago... connection?

she cut her hand on a rusty nail dean from supernatural who

sherlock: “goodnight vienna!” *ringo voice* ♫ na na na na na na goodnight viennaaa!!!!!!! ♫ :D

lockie’s mind is racing again!!

john’s dr skills and sherlock’s mind are perfect for this :D

sherlock: “do you want to help?” john: “of course!” ♥

lestrade: “tell me, what are we dealing with?” sherlock: “...something new’ ;)

ughhhh her again!! THREE HOURS HAS IT EVEN BEEN 12 YET???

awww kitty!!!! ♥

the kitty is so loud and cute awww :)

the tv lady taught mrs hudson how to do ‘colors’ aww :)

sherlock went to fan sites for the show coolio :D

...omg what if there are fan sites for him and people ship johnlock in the show besides mrs hudson :o

awwww kittyyyy!!!!! :D

john thinks the lady got tetanus because of the cat NOT THE KITTY!!!

so are the shoe kid, tv lady and creepy phone people connected?

the phone people are bombers so at least that’s a connection

great the phone lady wants help UGHH

she’s telling sherlock things about the guy GIVE THE ADDRESS LADY!!!

wait was that a gunshot

it was another gas leak explosion! :o

the bomber killed the lady oooohh :o

sherlock: “heroes don’t exist and wouldn’t be one of them” oh but you are lockie ;)

sherlock: “you SEE you just don’t observe!” john: “okay, okay, girls calm down!!” GIRLS OMG LOL :D

sherlock: “you’ll never find him (some guy named gollem). but i know a man who can” lestrade: “who?” sherlock: “...me.” ;)

lady: “any change for a cup of tea?” sherlock: *gives her fifty* wowza what a generous lockie!

onto part 2!

the lady said a message was left ‘on the landline’ how 21st century of you...?

other lady: “am i supposed to be impressed?/” this is sherlock holmes we’re talking about here lady

lady 3: “we were having a night in...” *wallace and gromit intensities*

joe: “are you the police?” john: “sort of” he’s a consulting detective assistant thank you very much :)

sherlock sure likes giving lots of change to people in need :)

and he said earlier he doesn’t care about people unless it involves the case!

aww moonlight walk ♥

they’re in the tunnels like the netflix pic! :D

i wonder if this inspired that pic...

YO THEY BE RUNNING

the lady is watching a show on jupiter a gas planet hmmm...

she just wants neptune :D (i know her fave sailor senshi...)

OH NO SHE DED!

the tape is going backwards it’s so weird

OMG IT BE GOLLEM!!!

john: “let go or i will kill you” oooohhh gollem’s in trouble...

yo wtf is going on

SHERLOCK SHOT

who is this fancy french lady

sherlock s n a p !

the painting is a fake and that’s why she was killed?

some kid is counting down WHO ART THOU SMOL ONE???

sherlock: “shut up it only works if i figure it out!” yeah that’s true

aaand it worked!

the planet film helped sherlock discover the nova in the painting coolio :D

the mystery kid needs help! but where is he...

i still have no idea what’s going on tho it all went by so fast!

is this new french lady the one behind everything?

THE WHISPERS ARE MOIARTY OH FRICK

lockie be like ‘oh god...’ i’d be the same way if my mortal enemy was behind the case

why is john talking about strawberry jam with lestrade

oh it’s blood?

cool lifejackets :D

a wild sherlock appears!

is memory stick british slang for usb or just a holmes bro quirk because sherlock said it too

sherlock just broke into someone’s flat lol

and their last name is harrison... george much? ;)

so harrison stole the memory stick and gollem put in the bomb, moiarty hiring them both and having creepy people call sherlock and kill the tv lady, the guard at the gallery with the nova painting and maybe the shoe kid? is that how all this is connected?

john: “i’m not the world’s only consulting detective” aww he considers himself one too instead of just an assistant! :D

HOLD UP there’s a pool... is this the infamous tackle scene from the sarah z tjlc vid?

john is wearing a big coat hmm...

this is the pool where the kid died CONNECTION!!!!

oh no is this the calling guy

why does he sound like a silly american

YO he’s an american pulling off a brit accent

MOIARTYYYYY

moiarty: “jim moiarty! hiiii!!!” lol :D

plz shoot him sherlock this guy sounds so stupid

DID SHERLOCK JUST CALL HIM ‘DEAR JIM’??

the near fake kiss in that one ep makes sense now

moiarty in a sing-songy voice: “daddy’s had enough nowww!!!!’ DADDY WHAT

moiarty said gay :o

he just called sherlock ‘johnny boy’ why

AND HE SAID ‘borr-ing!!!’ OMG MOIARTY WHYYYY

i already hate moiarty so much but his lines are so funny what a villian!

sherlock: “what if i were to shoot you right now?” please do lockie

sherlock: “catch... you... later.” moiarty: “no you won’t!!! :D”

sherlock took off the jacket was that the scene?

john: “you ripping off my clothes in a darkened swimming pool...” THAT’S THE SCENE OMG JOHNLOCKERS ARE SQUEEING!!!!

omg moiarty’s back how stupid

SHOOT HIM LOCKIE PLZ

the music is intensifying...

LOCKIEEEEEEE......

and it ended!! i’m guessing sherlock doesn’t shoot moiarty which is a bummer but hey at least we’ll get more lols next season with them! :D

this was a great season finale! the beginning was wild and it got crazier from there. this is my least fave ep so far, but i still really liked it for how insane it was (and that kitty/moiarty lols!). it took 4 years to reach the end of s1, but it was well worth the wait! :D

#livewatch #this season definitely ended on a great note! :D #this might be the final sherlock livewatch until the series finale #8 more livewatches would be a lot (and it takes about 2 hours for these)#for regular watches it would be straight through with a post here and there #much quicker!#although i still love doing these livewatches #so many thoughts compared to the others (besides 'it happened one night' that was a long movie)#it's time for other content instead of many little lockies #it'll still be a fun time! :D

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6 Terrible Stereotypes (That Came From Positive Things)

You probably expressed the view that every slur and negative stereotype jump from the minds of history’s most bigoted people, like that time Sir Misogynist fabricated sexism whole cloth in 1204. But history is more nuanced than that. Sometimes inventions, positive trends, and good aims end up harming the exact people they were supposed to help. Take how …

Every Witch Stereotype Comes From Women Working A Cool Job

Picture your favorite witch. Unless you moved with ‘9 0s Sabrina, you’re likely picturing an old woman wearing all black, with a pointy hat, a broom, and maybe hovering over a black kettle. You might have a felines in the mingle as well. Everything you portrait was a relic of a kind of cool minute in history when women could earn a living doing a very concrete task: brewing beer.

Medieval people who didn’t know jack about how the Universe operated, how to read, or why someone should fabricate toilet paper as soon as possible understood at least one thing us sophisticated modern characters can agree with: Their clean drinking water was garbage. Which was why some of them skipped water wholly and booze brew instead. In a world in which hunting, warring, whoring, and maybe cobbling (?) took up most of the day, boys didn’t have time to wait near a kettle to make their own beer. So the brewers were usually( pause for dramatic impact) … females . i>

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You could find them if you knew the right signs. Typically she’d be near a big black kettle. And she’d have a cat to retain all the barley-eating vermin at bay. She’d likewise have an ale stake, which they were required by law to display. What’s an ale bet? A long wooden pole with a bunch of branches at the end, like a broom. And if you were out and about at the market, you could look for the big black pointy hat they wore to stand out while selling their brewskies at marketplace. Sound familiar yet?

David Loggan The green skin thing may have been from a hangover.

But everything started to change for lady brewers in the 1300 s. Men suddenly decided that they craved in on the rising booze market, which entailed girls had to move their ass out of the behavior. And when they refused? Well, there was a certain medieval saying about smart, strong-headed females: witch! She’s a witch! Burn the witch!

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Read Next

5 Hilariously Disgusting Minutes From Your Favorite Shows

Suddenly , now that it suited the men, the tall hat became the witch’s evil uniform, and the barley-protecting feline a “familiar” given to her by Satan. And the broomstick? She plainly rode it to go to her secret devil sessions. And that simmering brew wasn’t beer anymore, but some sort of evil beverage that would induce you go all weird — you know, unlike brew. By the 14 th century, people had been poisoned( ironically) against the idea of female homebrewers, right in time for large-scale breweries to take over. And so today, super vexing guys will make sure you know all about their latest microbrew , not realizing their shitty hobby get girls burned at the stake.

“Dumb Blondes” Was Accidentally Birthed By The Suffrage Movement

Once upon a time, a troupe of blonde performing women arrived in New York from Great Britain. They set up shop doing a burlesque performance and constructed indecent sums of money. The purpose. Except that the particular day this story was in was 1868, so a lot of sexist bullshit then occurred.

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When we say these blonde wives performed burlesque, it wasn’t burlesque as we think of it today, which is basically stripping with better music and nipple tassels. No, this was the extremely-risque-for-its-time burlesque, wherein women put on a play-act while presenting their legs ! Legs covered in thick tights, like they’re some kind of comfortably warm prostitutes. Some of them even dressed like boys. The nerve! Being a living, breathing girl would have been enough for most misogynists at the time, but add in the sexy prancing, the cross-dressing, and the fact that these British immigrants were taking indecent American occupations, and you have massive outrage on your hands.

Via Musicals1 01. com “Is that a dog garmented as a lamb ?! Will these loose wives stop at nothing ?! “

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So far, so depressingly normal, right? Nonetheless, at the same time, these UK gals were drawing the ire of American suffragettes. These proto-feminists had a difficult tightrope to stroll. On the one hand, the burlesque musicians were owning their sexuality and succeeding at a task in public. On the other, they were openly mocking the suffragist movement — among many other things, like Shakespeare, way, and marriage. In the end, many decided to speak out against the blonde British beauties, enabling another stereotype: that of the sour-faced suffragette who can’t take a bloody joke.

One in particular, Olive Logan, simply couldn’t let it go, even denouncing the women in front of Susan B. Anthony, who had most significant shit to deal with than throwing tint. Logan talked at length about how these blondes were a detriment to the gender, as they had nothing to give intellectually or talent-wise, and people simply went to see them for their bodies. Soon the latter are being put down with the insult “British Blondes, ” which we’re sure we’ve understood printed on a Maxim cover somewhere.

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Eventually, this jargon wasn’t used to refer to simply the burlesque dancers anymore, but to any woman who was famous for her appears, the so-called “professional beauties.” “British Blondes” transformed into “dizzy blondes, ” which is an old-timey term for hella dumb, and so we arrived here the quaint insult still used to this day. It certainly is tragic that Susan B. Anthony, who fought her entire life for equality, could have nipped one of the most damaging female stereotypes in the bud by telling her friend to chill for a second.

Cops Eating Donuts Came From Long, Terrible Hours

During the daytime, you can stop in for little bit anywhere, but in the old days, if you were working the night shift and craved something to feed, your options were limited. Sure, you try to find an all-night diner or pack a big lunchbox and thermos, but for cops on the job, one of those is very impractical and the other constructs your collaborator call you a big ol’ nerd.

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But after World War II, a new food fad made the entirety of the U.S .: donut shops. And because donut shops basically operate like bakeries, they open crazy early. Abruptly cops had a one-stop shop to grab food and coffee on the go, keeping them fed and alert as they roved the street. And “its been” cheap too, so even when other options becomes available, they bided loyal to the hole.

Of course, donut stores enjoyed the fact that policemen would hang out at their venues — especially before dawn, when the drug fiends are at their most feral. Dunkin’ Donuts founder William Rosenberg claimed in his autobiography that he actively induced his stores the kind of places policemen wanted to hang out for a while.

The Idea That “Lesbians Drive Subarus” Saved The Company

Here’s one you might not “ve heard quite a bit about” “unless youre” homosexual: All lesbians drive Subarus. Weirdly specific, sure, but the stereotype has been hardwired into gay culture. Why? Because of a logical fallacy. Not all lesbians drive Subarus. But for a period, all Subarus were driven by lesbians.

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It all started when Subaru was completely bombing as a company. In the 1990 s, big flashy autoes were coming into manner, and the company’s modest, compact brand wasn’t cutting it anymore. Simply one part of their line was selling well: the four-wheel-drive vehicles. However, the company couldn’t figure why. Then, one executive had a mind-opening converses with a homosexual friend and realise the reason: lesbians.

Lesbians loved everything about the outdoorsy Subarus. They were small, dependable, and cute in an off-road culture that leaned more toward dick-swinging big rigs. This revelation did pose a problem, as Subaru couldn’t openly advertise to lesbians, because this was the ‘9 0s and even Friends was making a million gay gags. Alienating their heterosexual customers, nonetheless few there were, “wouldve been” corporate suicide. They had to stay in the wardrobe, advertising-wise, and had to be subtle. Their new ad bureau created a series of publish ads showing Subaru vehicles from behind, all of them with sapphic-signaling license plates. One plate said “Camp Out, ” and the other said “Xena Lvr, ” after lesbian icon Xena: Warrior Princess .

Subaru Since then, their ads have gotten a bit more direct.

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The final one said “P-towny, ” which supposedly stood for “Provincetown” and not the other favorite p-word.

By 2000, when we all started to loosen a bit more, Subaru decided to go all in, gay-wise. They hired ex-tennis-player and famous lesbian Martina Navratilova as their spokesperson. As dog whistles run, it perked all the ears in the country. And it worked! 12 months ago, and Subaru had its best-ever sales time. The lesbian gamble had paid for by in spades.( Lesbians like gardening, right ?)

Hollywood Made The Festive Latina Stereotype To Sell Movies To Latinos

During WWII, Hollywood had a problem. Europe was being overrun by Nazis, which means they weren’t buying American movies!( Likewise demise and demolition, etc. etc .) So the studios necessity a new foreign market to compensate for the loss in revenue. Fortunately, there used to be plenty of movie fans waiting for them south of the border. Simply one problem: They were the same people Hollywood had been racist to since day one.

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Previously, South Americans and Mexicans had been negatively typecast as the bad dudes in movie — bandits tying females to qualifies and things. But with this new upsurge of Latin-oriented movies, they had to become good guys. However, Hollywood kind of … overcompensated. Needing a new Hispanic stereotype, Hollywood looked to Brazilian Carmen Miranda.

20 th Century Fox

She was the fruit-wearing, banjo-strumming, happy-go-lucky Latina who managed to get people crazy about bananas. And despite her best intents, a new Hispanic stereotype was born, one of the constantly happy, guitar-playing, sing, samba-dancing dummy.

According to one novelist for The Washington Post in 1942, the new movies constructed it seem like it was always Carnival and everyone “re dressed like” Carmen Miranda with skimpy clothings and fruit on their heads. You can see why this didn’t go over so well with people who lived there, those hard workers who were mostly non-fruit-covered.

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Miranda’s influence can still be felt today, when you ascertain person like Sophia Vergara. Now the highest-paid wife on television, her “act” is the happy Latina — she even dyed her blonde whisker brown to conform to the dark and somewhat stereotype. A stereotype that trumps other stereotypes. Ay, caramba . i>

Most Racist Job Stereotypes Come From Success Stories

This might shock you, but Americans used to be rather shitty to immigrants. Hard to believe, we know. Not content to simply impair them economically, socially, and culturally, people had to start calling them names as well. But despite those severe limitations, many immigrants rose to the occasion, creating empires out of the scraps that had been left for them.

Which simply devoted people further ways of being racist.

While now a lighthouse of progressiveness and decent coffee, 1800 s San Francisco had a serious racism difficulty, what with the many immigrants “re coming out” over the Pacific. Most San Franciscans discovered them far too … what’s the word … not-white for their inclination, and refused to work with them. Eventually, the only two areas these Chinese immigrants observed openings were in the restaurant business and taking in laundry. The pioneer of laundry was Wah Lee, who called himself “King Lee”( awesome) and set up a laundry business in Chinatown around 1855. As his business thrived, his Chinese employees were inspired by his success and started setting up their own laundry enterprises. Soon there were dozens, then hundreds, and by the 1880 s, over 7,500 all across California. So naturally, as a reward for their ingenuity and drive, 150 year later, Chinese immigrants are still linked to the idea they are the absolute best at getting stains out.

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The exact same has come to Vietnamese. During the Vietnam War, Hollywood royalty Tippi Hedren( of The Birds fame) noticed two phenomena: 1) Many Vietnamese women fleeing their homeland were stuck in refugee camps with no way to earn money, and 2) Get your fingernails done cost a lot of fund. Hedren decided to kill two issues with one stone and fly in her own manicurist to teach Vietnamese the trade and give the free market of nails a shot in the arm. Soon, business was booming. These days, 51 percentage of all manicurists (8 0 percent in California) come from Vietnamese backgrounds. But while Hedren is celebrated as both a great actress and the godmother of the fingernail industry, Vietnamese females only get stereotyped to hell.

Via BBC Hedren in back row, middle.( We guess. All white people seem the same to us .)

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Of course, America didn’t invent occupational racism. For that, you have to look to the treatment of Jews in medieval Europe. They were are prohibited from doing or owning almost anything, but one field that was open to them was banking. Christians were are prohibited from accusing concern because of something Jesus had once said in the Bible, so they weren’t that keen on the whole banking nonsense. Nonetheless, Jews had no such restrictions, so European commonwealths utilized this religion loophole to get their financial infrastructures off the ground. Eventually, Jews had a decent job prospect, and all that was asked for in return was for them to live in ghettos and wear a badge or hat so that you are able tell who they were at first glance — a bargain that really didn’t work up in their favor.

Unfortunately, like bankers today, Jews didn’t build themselves popular by charging people interest, and soon the stereotype leapt up that Jews were greedy and money-hungry. So you force outsiders into a profession and then dislike them for doing that profession correctly? Stop being such a Christian stereotype.

Screw it, be a witch. Brew some brew at home. Here’s a good read on how to get started . i > b>

If you desired such articles and want more content like this, support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you . i > b>

For more, check out 5 Gender Stereotypes That Use To Be the Exact Opposite and 6 Absurd Gender Stereotypes That Science Says Are True . i > b>

Also follow us on Facebook. We’ll love you for it . i > b>

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