#for a moment I took it personally like 'a mom?? me??' xp but my heart made dokidoki <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[zu-is-here]

Hello zuzu^^💜💜💜💜💜,Hmmmmm happy mothers ^^💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Hii! <3 Awww thank you sooo much (〃ω〃) Happy (belated) Mother's Day! ☆

[sebthesnipe]

The Dreamer by Whatwashernameagain an Analysis? Chapter 2! Part 1

All portions:

Chapter 1: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Chapter 2: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

The Dreamer

@whatwashernameagain

Guys! We finally made it to Chapter 2!!!! Prepare for the feelz!

As always, Spoilers under cut.

So… Lets recap what we know about Roman before we dig too deep into Chapter 2… We know that Roman is overzealous, hopeful to the point of naivety, innocent, sassy, playful/teasing, endearing, misguided and moral. He sees the good in everyone (especially Logan). Roman cares for each person individually, while Logan cares more for humanity as a whole. Lastly, Roman is pretty much the embodiment of hope for Logan and maybe the world. No pressure.

Okay… That’s pretty much what we know about Roman’s personality thus far… and he’s only been mentioned a few times… Not bad, not bad. Let’s get to it!

Eva wastes no time jumping right into Roman’s back story, though I’ll admit the first time I read this it gave me a bit of whiplash. We did just come out of a very dramatic scene, after all. Still as usual there is a lot to be said in the first para. First off, drawing the reader in within the first few lines is always a great idea and she manages it with; “Young Roman was shaking with righteous anger. How dare this – this fiend targeted the company of his father?” (Whatwashernameagain). This should send us into a whirlwind of emotions. We learn a lot about Roman and Roman’s father with these two sentences. First off, we see that Roman is very quick with his emotions which is not surprising at all, judging from what we have learned about him. However, when he uses the word ‘fiend’ in italics the inflection nods towards his overzealous nature which honestly warms my heart a bit. Once again, Eva is very strategic with her italics and beautifully so. We can assume that this ‘fiend’ is none other than one ‘Utilitarianist’ judging from the context of the previous chapter and the rivalry that we are already familiar with. But this begs the question: Why would Logan target Roman’s father unless he is a bad man? Well, I’d say the answer is in the question… But Roman obviously doesn’t believe that.

“He was the hardest working man in the world! His idol, his hero! He was donating to charity, pursuing a career in politics to support the attempts of the republican party to protect this great country’s safety and now he had to deal with an investigation into the state of his breeding facilities” (Whatwashernameagain).

This makes me… so sad. Roman obviously idolizes his father. He is a young man here, years before The Dreamer and it certainly shows in his naivety and innocence. As children many of us are fed information that our parents wish for us to believe or are simply told in order to stop us from questioning this or that. Some parents do this consciously while most don’t even think about it. It’s like when your parent tells you that its illegal to drive at night with the cab light on… I don’t know if this is going to shock you but its not illegal. At least not here. But their parents no doubt told them that when they were younger to keep them from messing with the light and distracting them; then they grew up believing it and now they tell their children the same thing. Or my mother use to tell me that her first husband died in a car accident because she didn’t want me to know she was divorced… Turns out he lives in Cali with a wife and three kids… but questioning her about him hurt her so she made up a lie to protect herself and me. Its not surprising that poor innocent Roman would be fed similar lies to help idolize his father.

The thing is… there comes a point in time in every adult’s life that they look at their parent and reality hits them so hard in the face they stumble. The person you thought your mom or dad was isn’t exactly who they are. For example, I idolized my own father and I of course still love him very very much; but growing up I thought he had the answer to everything and was an outstanding person. He had very few flaws (mostly just promiscuity)… Then about the time I turned twenty-four I watched as he went into a rage about abortions and how pro-choicers are idiots when most of them are pro-life but ‘just want attention’. It took me by surprise and when I showed him the statistics that the majority of ‘pro-life’ and ‘pro-choice’ both agreed that there should be exceptions to most abortion issues (“Abortion”). He chose to deny the fact and continued to hate the opposite party simply because they labeled themselves something other than what he labeled himself, despite believing in the same concepts…. I’m getting way off topic… Sorry… I realized in that moment that the man I idolized was an ignorant man who was content with his choice in being ignorant. It was a shock… The image of him I had painted my whole life came crashing down. It was alright of course, we just don’t talk about politics anymore… well… not often anyways. My point is… I’m curious to see when Roman has the same realization that his father is not the man Roman expects him to be… Truth be told; our parents can never live up to their children’s expectations. We set the bar too high and they are only human, doing the best they can… The good ones anyways XP

Again! Getting off topic! Sorry! Back to the analysis….

Roman sees his father as everything he strives to be. His father is a hard worker, who gives to the needy, is charismatic (a politician), a protector. No doubt, Roman was conditioned to see these things; conditioned to believe that this is what a ‘real’ man looks like. A conditioning that most of us have experienced. Girls that don’t dress pretty enough, or don’t like the color pink, or rather play with a football than a barbie; or boys who love pink, enjoy makeup, don’t enjoy sports… I can’t tell you enough how much crap my husband gets because he rather read a book than play football, especially when he was in school (he’s 6’4” and almost 400lbs). Its wrong!!! Here Roman’s father stands, the picture-perfect image of everything Roman is expected to be… of course he’s going to fixate on the good, rather than accepting the bad. Looks like Logan isn’t the only one in denial.

This denial is cemented when Roman begins to talk about the ‘caramel colored Highland cow’ that his father had given him when he was twelve. Roman uses this as an example of how his father cares so deeply for animals…. -sigh- My poor baby… All of this is an indication of unconscious rationalization. Yup, you guessed it I’m jumping back into psychoanalysis and Freud. YAY! Rationalization is when an individual avoids feelings of displeasure by explaining their own loses and failures as someone else’s fault (Rivkin, Julie). In this case, Roman isn’t even aware that he is doing it; hence the denial. Instead of subconsciously accepting the fact that these investigations could be in the right he chooses to blame the investigation of victim blaming…. Well, the investigations and The Utilitarianist.

Though Roman’s us of terms such as ‘hard-working Americans,’ ‘terrorist’ and ‘gross injustice’ in the next few paragraphs really boldens the image that Roman eventually grows into; the one we saw in Chapter 1. As if Roman should be wearing the stars and stripes on his cape, flapping in the wind behind him. A whole-hearted apple pie American! These terms are a direct parallel to a lot of the Republican campaigns throughout the last few years. Terms like this tend to be used to sew discontent and fear into people, making them easily controllable. Honestly, it’s a great symbolism on how America’s masses are being persuaded to follow the path of anger and certain politicians that I will not name. Roman, here is the picture-perfect representation of America, his father a Republican extremist (like many politicians lately) who has fed him so many lies and promises… provided pretty things to satisfy him temporary and allow him to do as he pleases without any consequence to himself. Sound familiar?

**Personal note: I have nothing against the Republican party. I agree with the platform on a few issues as well as with the Democratic platform. However, anything to its extreme is a bad thing. Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk.

“Roman could not stand for this! It was gross injustice! He wanted to help, to support his father and show him that he could trust him! He was almost twenty now – a man – and it was time he finally managed to prove himself!” (Whatwashernameagain).

Within the same paragraph we see Roman’s need to win his father’s approval. We also see the societal gender norm of being ‘a man’ once more. There is a lot to unpack here. Roman wants to show his father that he can ‘trust him.’ Which wouldn’t be something a normal person would be concerned about unless there was a sense of past abuse; which judging by the rationalization is no doubt the case. This implies that Roman has always been informed that he’s not good enough, or that he is incompetent. This small sentence shows us a side of Roman that we have yet to see… his insecurity. Sure, as The Dreamer he hides it well… He must, he’s the hope and dreams of the world, he can’t afford insecurities. But deep down he is just a child wanting his father’s approval. He wants to be needed, needs to be accepted. He wants to prove to this man that he’s not worthless… Hmm… Kinda sounds like a certain villain we know doesn’t it? Actually, Logan and Roman have a lot more in common here than meets the eye. Imagine what Roman feels here… The desperation, the loneliness. Perhaps he feels as if there is no one else in the world that could possibly understand how he feels. He is no doubt surrounded by staff but when it comes down to it, he is just as alone as Logan is. Both using their pain to change the world; both defining themselves by the work that they do… by their usefulness. Once again, Roman focusing on the individual (his father) while Logan focuses on the masses. He and Logan share the same goal, the same hurtles, and the same pain… and yet somehow ended up on opposite sides of the coin…

We see more of Roman’s insecurities in the next paragraph, underlining the emotion; proving to the reader that it runs far deeper than we would first assume. He states that he tends to ‘ask the wrong question’ and makes ‘stupid suggestions’. However, the questions he asks are regarding the wages of the workers, and the suggestions involve the wellbeing of animals. The dimension this contrast provides really rounds out Roman’s character. As a reader we see that these questions are anything but wrong and the suggestions are far from stupid, but we are a mute onlooker that can do nothing to change the scene unfolding before us. These words paint Roman’s heart as much as his pain. We see his concern for his father’s employees and the animals as well. We see that he cares for every living being, bringing up back to the fact that he focuses on the individual, reinforcing this concept. At the same time, he doesn’t see it himself. I’ve learned early on in life that if you are told the same thing over and over in your life time by someone you look up to… you are bound to believe it and the best and worst thing about belief is that once you have it… its hard to let go.

“Shame rose into Roman’s cheeks as he remembered his silly question about fencing in a meadow for their calves in their Laredo facility to play in with their mothers. He’d just remembered how much Nugget had always enjoyed jumping around with them. Of course, he should have known they needed to be separated from their mothers after the first day to avoid losing the milk they sold. It was necessary, he guessed. So, they’d said” (Whatwashernameagain).

So, they’d said… -sigh- Three little words and yet… so much pain. I don’t really need to explain the whole being told something repeatedly etc etc etc. Because I just did; but the fact that Eva ends the paragraph so simply is so elegantly impactful… I just… wanted to bring attention to it.

It also serves to point out that despite the fact that Roman rationalizes his father’s mistreatments and dirty deeds, he has his doubts. “It was necessary, he guessed.” Implies that Roman doesn’t truly believe this despite what he’d been told (along with the ‘so they’d said’). It adds even more depth to the man because while we are looking at a young Roman with no self-confidence he knows right from wrong. At least, deep down he does. It is the environment around him that is forcing this sense of morality to be buried deep deep down to the point to he can hardly recognize it… but its there. This also makes for some great foreshadowing. The small rebellion of nothing but a seed of a thought will no doubt grow into more.

Tangent: People always talk about how changing your thoughts are a sure-fire way to change your life and it is true. In fact, there is scientific research to prove it. No, I’m not talking about some kind of poll or mental screening. It’s much bigger than that. Dr. Masaru Emoto, a Japanese scientist and doctor of alternative medicine, conducted an experiment to try and discover how our thoughts can physically affect the world around us (“Water”). He took samples of water and exposed them to written and spoken words and music to see how thoughts and feelings affect physical reality (“Water”). Dr. Masaru Emoto discovered that crystals formed in frozen water reveal changes when specific, concentrated thoughts are directed towards them such as ‘love’, ‘thank you’, ‘I hate you’ (“Water”). The findings were unbelievable especially when you consider the fact that 90% of our bodies are made of water. Water that changes in reaction to thoughts. The implications of this research create a new awareness of how we can positively impact the earth and our personal health (“Water”). Dr. Emoto has been called to lecture around the world as a result and has conducted live experiments both in Japan and Europe as well as in the US to show how indeed our thoughts, attitudes, and emotions as humans deeply impact the environment (“Water”). I learned this many years ago watching the documentary ‘What the Bleep Do We Know?’ which I highly recommend… But if you would like to watch the short clip on water molecules and thoughts you can find it here.

I bring it up because Roman’s rebellious thoughts have a far more drastic impact than he probably assumes. We shape ourselves to our thoughts… Which only intensifies the foreshadowing here.

Once again, in the next para we see Roman’s rationalization in full swing as he talks about his father having a difficult time with him. We also see the reinforcement of social norms when it comes to gender: ‘he lacked a sense of ruthlessness a strong man needed to improve the world’, ‘he was a bad hunter, had the wrong interests’, ‘spoke too softly or loudly’ (Whatwashernameagain). I’m not going to go into it too much because I’ve already touched on the ridiculousness of this… and because forcing social gender norms onto someone like this piss me off like no other and I’m not turning this into a big rant and pulling it away from Eva’s amazing work! I’ll just say that its wrong to assume what it means to be a man or a woman… why isn’t just being a person enough?! and leave it at that. We also see more of Roman’s idolization of his father; his need for approval and his distaste for Logan and his so-called victim-blaming (which is rationalization once more).

The sudden shift from such a somber tone to the next paragraph proves to be refreshing and provides Roman with a small burst of passion we know and love! Eva writes: “Roman had one thing going he was good at, though. He was strong, brave and determined. Someone needed to put a stop to this renegade liberal, and it might as well be him. It wasn’t like all the other things he’d tried and failed at. This time, he felt a calling to fight the war of the righteous” (Whatwashernameagain)!

This provides us with a small glimpse of The Dreamer we’ve come to know in Chapter 1. Roman may not have confidence in himself but the image of who he wants to be is another story. For those of you who don’t know I worked in Law Enforcement for six years and its things like this that remind me of some of the good parts of the job. Roman is relatable here to be. I’ve known a lot of officers who are very different outside of the uniform, myself included. We have insecurities, weaknesses, ticks, that all seem to fade away when we put on that uniform. You become a different person, a stronger person; someone you look up to… and looking up to yourself is an amazing feeling… its like your indestructible… you can do anything! Officer Liz and the Liz writing this analysis are two different people. Yes, we share the same experiences and likes and dislikes but… I’m just a regular person, staying up too late, worried about laundry and dishes… while she… she’s a hero who protects everyone, always has a solution, and never lets her emotions get the better of her. Roman is getting his first taste of the high that comes with the alter ego. He sees the Dreamer in that instance, though he refers to himself because in a way they are the same person… The difference is, is that The Dreamer has already won his father’s approval and pride… Roman has not.

*******

I will have to end it there, friends. It is way past my bed time, and I have to be up in a few hours for work. Thank you for joining me though and I hope to see you in Part 2!

   “Abortion.” Gallup.com, Gallup, 10 Nov. 2019, https://news.gallup.com/poll/1576/abortion.aspx.

Rivkin, Julie. Literary Theory: a Practical Introduction. Wiley-Blackwell, 2017.

“Water.” What the Bleep Do We Know!?, https://whatthebleep.com/water-crystals/.

Whatwashernameagain. “The Dreamer - Chapter 2.” Hello Guys Gals And Non Binary Friends, 8 Sept. 2019, https://whatwashernameagain.tumblr.com/post/189407228487/the-dreamer-chapter-2?is_related_post=1.

[eldian-scum]

I was tagged by @amateurmagic . Thanks! :)

Rules: Tag 10 people you want to get to know better

Name: Emily

Height: 5′6″ or 167 cm

Put your iTunes on shuffle. What are the first 6 songs that popped up?

1. The Driver - Bastille 2. Sober - Lorde 3. Elastic Heart - Sia 4. Madness - Muse 5. Arabella - Arctic Monkeys

Grab the book nearest to you and turn to page 23. What’s line 17?

The nearest book was 1984 by George Orwell (I’ve been rereading it lately). The line is “It was a good job it was not a real pistol he was holding...” 

Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Ha! Probably not, at least not that I know of

When was the last time you played air guitar:

Lol, I think that was today actually. I was messing around with some friends while we were listening to music in the car

Who is your celebrity crush?

I don’t really know, I’ve never really crushed on a celebrity much. I do find Chris Pine to be very, very attractive though (who doesn’t?) so I guess him XD

What’s a sound you hate? How about love?

I hate the sound of fingernails scraping against absolutely anything (especially fabrics), it’s a major pet peeve of mine for whatever reason. I love the sound of boots or heels clopping on tile or wood floors, there’s something so satisfying about it

Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I do drive, but luckily I’ve managed to avoid crashing so far

Last book you read:

I don’t have much time for reading for fun at the moment, so I don’t really remember what I was reading before I began rereading 1984. Unless, of course, you count snk

Do you like the smell of petrol:

Uh, no

What was the last movie you saw:

Guardians of the Galaxy 2 (I know I’m super late on that one haha)

What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Well once when I was little my brother was trying to be a gentleman and open the door for me, but I (as usual) wasn’t paying much attention to what was going on and somehow managed to turn around in a way that slammed my face right into it. One of my two front teeth took the brunt of the blow and completely broke in half... luckily I wasn’t in any pain. My mom was much more freaked out about it than I was, I kind of just sat there and stared at it. Even though it didn’t hurt I would chalk this one up as the worst injury though because I had to spend the day being carted around to various dentists, tons of needles and drills in my mouth, eventually a root canal. But I ended up with a crown on my tooth and it looks like normal, so all's well that ends well. 

Do you have any obsessions right now? 

Well, if you couldn't tell from my blog, snk XP 

Do you tend to hold grudges against anyone who's done you wrong?

 I don't really hold grudges, but I won't necessarily trust that person much after that, and I may be a bit paranoid around them. 

In a relationship? 

 Nope, single and living the dream :D 

I tag @tatakaeeren @goodguyjean @kyojinofbraveos @strongest-armored-braun @dirtylevi @all-my-ships-are-snking @sluttttysurveycorps @jaeeg @shitpost-no-kyojin and @ymiress :)

[southernconstellatiions]

Get to know me!

Tagged by @pyroinquisitor !!

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag people

THE LAST:

1. Drink: i had an orange soda with lunch xD 2. Phone call: i called my mom to have her pick me up so i could do laundry o: 3. Text message: sent a snap to my boyfriend telling him i love him and to he safe while hes delivering food in the rain 💕 4. Song you listened to: motion sickness by neck deep (im so excited for the new album) 5. Time you cried: tbh i just cry in my sleep sometimes because im a mess and constantly over stress and worry about everything xD

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: only this one time a year ago because my boyfriend was going through a rough time and we took a ‘break’ kinda ;-; 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yeah, all my exes and more than once ive played drunk spin the bottle 8. Been cheated on: every relationship except this one :s 9. Lost someone special: lost, as in died? only family members when i was a lot younger. im absolutely terrified of anything ever happening to my boyfriend or my mom 10. Been depressed: once i didnt leave the house for three months straight so take a wild guess lol 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i spent most of my freshman year drunk but i hold my liquor real well so thats always been good xD

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

12-14. dark blue, purple, and red

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: kinda, in a way? 16. Fallen out of love: no, thankfully i fall more in love each day 17. Laughed until you cried: at least five times that i can think of 18. Found out someone was talking about you: not that im aware of which is hopefully good 19. Met someone who changed you: met him years ago xD 20. Found out who your friends are: ive only got like three and im okay with that 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i dont technically use facebook but my boyfriend was on my facebook list

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: maybe less than a hundred, the other 4500 friends and 2000 subscribers are all from when i did sitemodeling years ago because i was an emo fuck 23. Do you have any pets: eight dogs xD 24. Do you want to change your name: maybe my last name xp 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: went out to this bar where they make you custom cheeseburgers with my boyfriend, mom and her boyfriend 26. What time did you wake up: around 5pm like usual :p 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching the last episode of K o: 28. Name something you can’t wait for: my boyfriend to get home from work and to get a car since i finally got my license xD 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: two nights ago o: 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: if i could be a little skinnier and rich thatd be great xD 31. What are you listening to right now: the new episode of teen mom 2 xD 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: when i was in high school i knew this guy i called handshake guy because he never gave me hugs and i didnt know his name, but he finally rold me what it was the day he left school 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: how hot it is, 110°+ daily is absolutely ridiculous. thankfully monsoon season makes it slightly more bearable at night 34. Most visited website: probably twitter or tumblr 35. Mole/s: none 36. Mark/s: i have a scar on my knee from when i fell down a hill on elementary school during olympics day xD 37. Childhood dream: to eat more party pizzas than anyone in the worls 38. Hair colour: my original hair color is an ugly brown :/ but at the moment its half blue and half purple 39. Long or short hair: definitely long, my hairs never been shorter than my shoulders, right now its mid-back 40. Do you have a crush on someone: my love cx 41. What do you like about yourself?: i have good relationships and good taste in anime 42. Piercings: nose and snakebites but ive had so many more 43. Blood type: never gotten my blood drawn and havent been to a doctor since i was in elementary school so who the hell knows xD 44. Nickname: kaylaa, lightpole #1, white grape 45. Relationship status: taken 💗 46. Zodiac: scorpio 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favourite TV Show(s): game of thrones, naruto, one punch man, greys anatomy and like a billion more xD 50. Right or left hand: im ambidextrous which is pretty convenient sometimes lol 51. Surgery: none, that shits scary 52. Hair dyed in different colour: red, blue, pink, blonde, black, purple, brown, white, yellow 53. Sport: i hate sports and ive never played anything. i even took online pe to graduate lol 55. Vacation: id love to go to Japan or Europe. my favorite places ive been are washington and pennsylvania                                         56. Pair of trainers: idk what that’s referring to xD

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: wish i could be eating taco bell 58. Drinking: nothing o: 59. I’m about to: finish this episode of reen mom and then go to walmart xD 61. Waiting for: my love to get off work 62. Want: unlimited money xD 63. Get married: i neved wanted to but now i do 64. Career: id love to make a career out of my mosaics and stained glass

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: my boyfriend gives me these super big hugs and kisses my face all over and its one of my favorite things cx 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: taller 68. Older or younger: older 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: stomach xD 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive i suppose o: but my boyfriend gets loud and excited when he’s playing games with his friends and its cute seeing him all happy cx 72. Hook up or relationship: def. relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant, ive had enough trouble throughout my life xD

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: during drunk spin ths bottle years ago lol 75. Drank hard liquor: so damn much 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: forever thankful i have perfect eyesight xD 77. Turned someone down: so many people tbh 78. Sex on the first date: nah 79. Broken someone’s heart: tbh probably 80. Had your heart broken: not yet thankfully 81. Been arrested: when i stole stuff from walmart in high school :/ 82. Cried when someone died: mmhmm 83. Fallen for a friend: my best friend and its been the best thing thats ever happened to me c:

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: not really 85. Miracles: ehh 86. Love at first sight: kinda cx 87. Santa Claus: no xD 88. Kiss on the first date: thats fine i guess as long as it goes well??

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: lorenzo 💕 91. Eye colour: this greyish color :o 92. Favourite movie: balto, harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban, just like heaven o:

[therealbrittanychiz]

8.27.18

Welp I think it’s safe to say I suck at updating this thing. I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently though and I have sooo much that’s happened over the last year.

2017. It was the best and worst year of my life. If you read my last post I mentioned going to London and meeting Jenny for the first time! Well that was amazing. We had so much fun. I was really worried we wouldn’t get along or Denee would get along with her more than me but everything worked out fine! There were a few times were I apparently annoyed Denee and a couple times where she annoyed me so that rocked our friendship a little bit. Of course we’re still bffs and that’ll never change. But now we know to never travel with each other again xD Anyway! When we arrived I was so tried and we were running on 3 hours of sleep over the course of two days. Our flight had a layover in Iceland but it wasn’t too bad. We got lucky and landed the door window seat so there was lots of foot room! When we arrived we met up with Jenny and her dad. I literally had butterflies the entire time even after meeting her. I constantly had to pinch myself to see if I was dreaming! It was just so surreal I was finally with her. So we got to her house and just talked and rested up since the next day we had to catch the train to Paris!

Paris was incredible. It wasn’t too hot or rainy at all. I just wish I wasn’t totally exhausted and cranky (hangry)! So of course we needed food so we walked from our hotel to the Eiffel Tower just to look around. We finally found a place and I just got a sandwich so I was happy to just be eating. I was still tired so I was trying my best not to put Denee or Jenny in a bad mood either. I just stayed quiet and ate my food.

Afterwards we headed back and rested up. We went back out to see the tower at night and looked for a place to eat dinner and grabbed some snacks. The next day I felt much better after getting well needed sleep. I was also super excited for Disneyland! We didn’t really ride any rides since none of us were really ride people so we wandered around and shopped and had lunch. Then I saw they were having a meet n greet for princess aurora so Jenny waited an hour and a half with me so I could meet her! It wasn’t too bad. Denee went off on her own and apparently she met Captain Hook and had a sword fight with him xD so she kept occupied. On our way back to meet Denee we ran into the queen of hearts and tweedle dew and tweedle dum. They were fun! After that we grabbed slushies and we realized we had to be back to meet our bus to get back to our hotel. By then we were exhausted from walking so naturally I was the slowest and I was way far behind them but I made it eventually. We even waited like 20 mins for our bus to even get there! Still it was a fun day. We got back to our hotel and just hung out.

The next day was our Eiffel Tower day! We grabbed breakfast and headed out. The walk was actually much further than we anticipated. Still, we went all the way up to the top and it was so much fun! (More on this later). Then we did some shopping and wandered around and got some food.

Our final day in Paris was the louvre! It was incredible. It was so big and we didn’t even walk all of it. We maybe did half and by then it was almost time to leave. There was just so much to look at and we spent most of it trying to find the Mona Lisa! We found it though. It’s a lot smaller in person and the room was crazy crowded. It was still really neat. We then left and headed back to our hotel. That night we went to the arc de triumphe to see it all lit up. We took a few pics and went back.

We left Paris and headed back to Jenny’s house and I was sooo glad to be “home”. So we hung out for a while and got some sleep. The next day we headed off to London! We got a flat pretty close to everything so that was nice. Our first day we did the London eye and did a boat tour on the river of Thames. We went back to our flat after that and relaxed a bit.

The next day we had afternoon tea and got to see some more sites so that was a lot of fun! We also did the queens jewels tour and walked around the castles.

Then we went up to the actual palace to see the changing of the guards so that was really cool to see. When we got back to our flat we went to go check out the shard but we hadn’t booked tickets to go inside though it was still cool to look at.

Denee went back to our flat but Jenny and I walked around the little garden park and sat on a bench for a while and just talked. We headed back and grabbed dinner. It was our last day in London as well so we had to go back to Jenny’s the next day.

At this point in our trip it’s been almost two weeks. When we arrived back the next morning we just hung out and tried to rest. The day after that we headed to Harry Potter studios! It was so much fun and I think the place where I spent the most money xD

The next day we went to a little beach town with a lot of arcades and shops and places to eat. We got legit fish n chips and ate by the water. We also played some arcade games and did some shopping but Jenny got the times messed up and we had to catch our train. We just barely made it bc I was in line to buy something but I had to put it back since our train was literally leaving within that minute so luckily we made it on!

The day after that was mostly a rest day. We had a concert and horse races to go to that evening. It was a lot of fun! We saw a British group called little mix who I listen to all the time now :p we placed some bets and of course won nothing but it was still a great night! Our final day was resting and packing. It was a bittersweet moment but we didn’t cry xP

We finally made it back home after a long 11 hour flight with another layover in Iceland. I was so happy to be home as much fun as I had. I missed my bed and my dog! Poor Jenny tho was so sick after our trip but she finally texted me after a few days saying how much fun she had.

So yeah that was my trip to Europe! And I totally plan on going back in 2019. We shall see!

Now onto the bad stuff. Remember in my last blog where I said we were having a cookout with my uncle and Mommom? Well that never happened. I was in the middle of a game day with my friends like I had previously said. Then I got the second worst call of my life. My Mommom has been in a car accident and they were trying to revive her. I was still hopeful she’d be okay. Then I got the first worst call of my life. I screamed and cried when my mom called with the bad news. Not to mention I was in front of my friends and one of Juan’s friends whom I’d just met that day. Mary ended up taking me home and she stayed with me until my parents got there.

Mary went home and we went to the hospital where she had died. It was so hard seeing everyone so sad. Definitely one of the worst days of my life. It was so horrible and I couldn’t believe it was happening. I just wish she had been alive long enough to see and hear about my Europe trip which she was excited for me to go. However...

Back to the Eiffel Tower! I was connecting to their WiFi when all of a sudden the WiFi name “Linda” popped up! I was just in awe and I took a screen shot to send to my mom. So it was if she really was with me in a weird way. (Maybe telling me to get off my phone and enjoy the view!)

I still feel her around me sometimes and I dream about her constantly.

So now onto August 2017! My friend Crystal was getting married. It was an okay wedding. I was not a bridesmaid as she wanted a small ceremony but me and my friend Amanda spent the night with her at the hotel so that was fun. Like I said it was an okay day. I was so tired when I got home tho!

Annnd now onto October!! Mary and Juan’s wedding was SO MUCH FUN. Denee and I were her maids of honor so we made a speech and everything. I was so nervous I dropped my phone with some notes from my speech so I could remember it. It was fine tho! Ofc we danced and ate and it was an all around good day.

Other than that the rest of the year was pretty chill. We went to downtown Annapolis for fireworks on nye so that was fun.

Annnnd now it’s 2018.

Im writing because I’m having surgery next week and I’m really nervous about it. I say it’s no big deal but on the inside I’m like freaking out. I always got the feeling I would die at a young age so maybe this is it. I have no idea. Maybe I’m just looking too much into this and everything will be fine. Who knows! I hope I’ll live through it xD

Lately I’ve been feeling a higher presence of my Mommom and I even had a dream about her today while I was napping. It was weird, she told me not to have sex with Ryan. Which i say is weird because we had a convo about it the other day. It was a really deep and meaningful convo and we usually don’t talk about stuff like that since we aren’t together yet. So who knows. Maybe she was just warning me but I doubt it’ll happen?

Anyway, Mom, if you’re reading this now you know the real me. I’m sorry I’ve been hiding this for so long. But I wanted you to see the other side of me. I hope you’re not reading this because that means you’ve found the sticky note on the side of my night stand. It means I’m dead, basically.

I want you to know I’ve always had a deep connection with my power of empathy and you might think that’s weird and I’m more strange than you thought. This is who i am. When I was younger I used to think I was psychic but now I know its empathy.

If you’re still reading know that I love you and dad and Hannah. Even though we didn’t always get along we had the typical mom and daughter fights probably more than normal but we always ended things on a good note.

Let the rest of my family know that I love them all and I’ll be watching over everyone and haunting y’alls asses so be prepared 😈

Tell my best friends (Mary, Denee, Juan, Michael and Andrew) that they are amazing and wonderful and thank them for being my truly awesome friends.

Especially to Mary and Denee. Mary, mostly for putting up with me for 21+ years. And Denee for 16+ years. I’m sorry for leaving you guys and I’ll be haunting you tooo ;)

Also tell Patti thanks for everything. She was my work mom and I’ll always love her too. I’m glad we became friends even if we didn’t get along at first! Bethany too, thanks for being my best work friend!

And tell Jenny what happened. Tell her I’m sorry for not being able to do the cruise with her and even just visiting her next year. Because I really wanted to. Tell her I love her (In the friend way, I’m not gay, I promise) she just has to know I loved her.

I suppose that’s it. If I really do die, I don’t really have any special requests. Do what you think I would’ve wanted. Take what I have in my account (you know it’s not much) and pay off my bills and then use it to divide between the three of you.

Okay now I’m done. Sorry this was such an emotional post and I really really hope I make it to see September 6th.

Later for now!

~ Brittany