#for a bit of entertainment at best. if you do become close then it's a new responsibility in your life. needing to see them or talk to them

[muletia]

d-16 x human!reader pocket spouse au

this crumb was commissioned by very epic @savvymantis. thank you so much for commissioning me <3 <3

cw: none, pure fluff <3

The mechanical sound of fast-approaching footsteps pulls you away from scrolling through your miniature datapad, custom-made for former inhabitants of planet Earth. You don’t have to squint or get up from your open “room” mounted on your spouse’s recharge station to know who is coming. You’ve gone through this same scenario hundreds of times, and it has taken on a nearly domestic feeling — as if you are waiting for your husband to return from work. It has become a routine, though you still feel excitement seeing him after those few hours apart. Relief too, though that is correlated with occupational risk.

Soon, you see him emerge from the hallway, your spouse running far ahead of the other miners, whom you can’t even see yet. His gray faceplate seems to brighten when he sees you, the metal shifting like putty into joy — so clearly contagious you can’t help but wave at him gleefully, datapad forgotten. It is fun, and it can entertain you, but it can’t compete with the company of your spouse. Your D-16.

“Hi, Dee!” you call out as soon as he is close enough.

“Hi, [Name],” he replies, not one to leave you hanging. A large servo slides under the platform you call a room, inviting you aboard. And just like hundreds of times before, you accept the invitation, now safely wrapped in warm, careful digits.

“The usual place?” you ask, more for reassurance than out of curiosity.

“You’re really asking?” and his wide, warm smile melts your heart.

With his passenger in hand, he can’t risk running — too cautious to risk hurting you — but he keeps up a fast pace, glancing back over his shoulder again and again. He only focuses all his attention on you when he makes sure the swarm of miners doesn’t catch up, and that no one is following you two to your little hiding spot in the old warehouse.

“Orion spend the whole shift talking about hitting the city,” he sighs, stopping in front of broken mechanical doors, now completely dependent on the will and strength of whoever opens them, and slides his digits into the gap between the bottom of the doors and the floor. Then, with a single servo, he lifts them easily. “Of course, I tried to hammer it into that empty helm of his that it’s a terrible idea. That knowing him, he’ll zone out and be late for his shift, but he wouldn’t back down.” Dee steps inside and, again with one servo, pulls the door shut behind him, unintentionally feeding you nothing short of awe for his strength.

Maybe it shouldn’t surprise you anymore, or fascinate you after so many months living among iron giants, but you can’t help noticing that Dee is a bit stronger than the other miners. Faster, more agile, the best in his sector. You can’t not admire him, can’t help but be enamored with who he is.

“Sometimes I just can’t deal with him,” he continues. “He’s going to get himself into trouble someday, I feel it! And guess who’ll be stuck saving his aft then, hah. Not me! Because I am definitely done risking my neck for bots with microchips instead of processors. No way. Not anymore.”

One quick glance from those extraordinary yellow optics, and you know he is talking about you. You are his reason.

Warmth spreads through your chest, and your heart involuntarily speeds up.

You wonder if Dee even realizes how sweet — yet dangerous to your heart — his wordplay can be.

Dee sits down on the floor, back against the wall, and places you on his knee, still holding his servo as close to you as possible. Digits wrap gently around your back, guarding you, making sure you won’t fall. Though you suspect the soft strokes across your back have more to do with his own pleasure than your safety; the softness of the human race still a source of fascination for Cybertronians. Especially miners, who still treat humans like a rare treasure. So you give him more of yourself and your softness, snuggling closer to the digits.

“And how is your day?” he asks with a warm, gentle voice. Any irritation from before can only be found with a microscope, and even then, probably not. But when your answer takes longer than usual, and the silence takes on an awkward tone, Dee adds worriedly, “[Name]?”

“Sorry. It’s just… I can’t stop thinking about how strong you are.”

A moment of silence. A second or two. Then the air is pierced by the soft hum of cooling fans.

Oh? He likes the sound of that, does he?

He blinks a few times, the digit on your back pausing, but when he manages to suppress the first wave of embarrassment, he asks:

“Where… where does that thought come from?”

“From the fact that you just opened those doors with one hand.”

Dee doesn’t seem to buy your explanation.

“Oh please, there’s nothing special about that. Bots with cogs are way stronger. I can’t even compare.”

“But I’m talking about you. About my strong spouse.”

Once again, you hear the whir of cooling fans in the ocean of awkward silence, but your attention focuses on his crumbling self-esteem. You want to mend it. Not fix it, because you know that won’t happen overnight, but show him that he deserves to hear something nice once in a while. That he deserves everything good.

“[Name], come on. If you want me to get you something from Iacon, just say the word.”

“You think I’d send my beautiful spouse into the city? And live in fear that other bots would turn their heads for such a handsome mech?”

Ah, now the humming moves front and center. Dee mulls your words over with an open intake, analyzing, searching for irony or an attempt to butter him up, but when his faceplate flushes a deep shade of blue, you know he believes you are sincere.

“Dee, you do know you’re pretty, right?” you continue, not giving him a break. “To me, the most beautiful in all of Iacon. Or you know what? All of Cybertron.”

D-16 covers his faceplate with a servo, clumsily trying to hide the blush. He turns his helm slightly to the side, avoiding eye contact, but your keen eyes track his every movement.

“D-don’t” A second passes. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you mean it.”

“I do mean it, sweetspark.”

“S-sweetspark?!” The second servo joins the first. Oh, how you wish you could gently pull them away and see just how flustered he really is. “Primus, who… who taught you that?”

“Elita. But that’s not the point. Dee, could you look at me, please?”

He doesn’t grant your request immediately, and you don’t push, wanting to give him as much time as he needs. Until finally, through a tiny gap between the digits, a single optic peeks at you.

“I still don’t see my handsome mech…”

“Now you’re just messing with me…”

“Never, Dee. I would never. I’m being one hundred percent sincere. Not as your pocket spouse trying to butter you up or get something out of it. I want you to know how incredible and beautiful you are. I couldn’t imagine a better spouse. And I definitely couldn’t be matched with a better one!”

This time, his engines are running at full power. And you can feel it too, as your warm seat has now turned into a hot heating pad.

This time, Dee slowly pulls away the tightly pressed servos, revealing a faceplate completely soaked in blue. For a moment, he manages to maintain eye contact, but embarrassment wins out and his optics wander all around the storage room, just to avoid looking at you.

Adorable. He is all adorable, but you decide to keep that compliment to yourself, unsure how he’d react.

“Okay… thank you,” he says at last, returning to stroking your back. The blush still floods his faceplate, but this time Dee manages to look at you, inviting you two to exchange smiles.

And how can you pass on another chance to fluster him up?

“Have I told you yet that you have the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen?”

His servo flies back to his faceplate, but after the prolonged wail of your name, you know the compliment has reached his spark.

[doomer-soyjack]

Thought about talking to others about shared interests and immediately got bored and fed up.

[crushmeeren]

࿐ part one of my kinktober series! Hoshina’s version can be found here! enjoy little bats!

࿐ master list link ⇢ ⇢ ⇢ ⋆ FEM READER ⋆

⋆ ⬪ KINKS INCLUDED ࿐ knotting, breeding, scent kink, biting/marking, fighting as foreplay, a/b/o dynamics, praise kink, mentions of blood, mentions of reader becoming pregnant.

┊ ༝ ᭝ ༝ short summary ༝ ᭝ ༝ ┊ ‣ ‣ ‣ ‣ You’ve danced around each other since you were kids. It didn’t start as something romantic, no, it only developed into something more when you turned into teenagers. Once you both reached 21, it’s no secret who you’re deliriously hoping will pin you down during your first, and only, mating run.

⇣ ⇣ ༄ ⇣ ⇣ ⇣ ༄ ⇣ ⇣

You were six the first time you heard Katsuki. Yes heard, not met.

You vividly recall how purple and blue chalk had stained your knees. That it had dusted the fraying hem of your jean shorts like snow as you scribbled pictures as fast as your chubby hands would allow. The concrete of your driveway was filled with your imagination when their car pulled into the house across the street.

Your ears had twitched and perked up when a car door slammed shut. But it was the furious shouting and growling of a small boy that captured the entirety of your attention. An answering warning snarl radiated from the woman standing before him and that piqued your interest even further.

You took a break from, what you would call your masterpiece, and tilted your head to the side as you spotted a young blonde boy with gravity defying spiky hair, close to you in age, stomping his foot, baring tiny canines, and pointing furiously at who you assumed was his mother. After all, he did look like the miniature version of her and her face was pinched with the same anger that he displayed.

You studied them curiously as they screamed at each other when a man with the same crazy hair stepped in between them to calm the situation. You startled suddenly, chalk slipping from your fingers when your mom called your name, and causing the blonde’s scowl to turn your direction instead. Unsure of what else to do, you raised your chalk covered hand and waved tentatively, a shy smile curling your lips and showing off your own premature fangs.

His frown rooted even deeper into his expression in response. Your sharp vision had allowed you to watch as his cheeks turned pink and splotchy from the unexpected attention you gave him. You grinned a bit wider and he abruptly raised his tiny hand to flip you off before spinning and storming towards his front door. His mother had choked on her next breath and screeched “Katsuki you little shit! Don’t you have any manners?!”

His rude behavior should’ve offended you, but instead it made you laugh so hard that your little belly started to cramp and your own face burned with delight. Safe to say you were, for lack of a better word, excited to get to know the new wolf that just moved in.

When your parents introduced you later on, you became fast friends. As brash and nasty as his attitude was, you were able to see the kinder side of him on occasion. You also couldn’t deny that he was unfairly entertaining, even on his worst days.

You both shared similar interests, and he was so cool in your eyes that you were more enamored with him than the sticky mud you both used to make pies with after it rained. Not to mention he always smelled of caramel, which you loved. It reminded you of the first bite of freezing vanilla ice cream with warm caramel syrup drizzled on top.

As you got a bit older, you were allowed to start shifting together. As wolves you’d explore the dense forest behind your home every weekend when the moon was high in the sky. You’d wrestle, playfully chasing and hunting rabbits until your paws hurt. Then you’d take a dip in the chilly creek until your fur hung heavy and was soaked through to the bone. They were, without a doubt, the best moments of your young life.

Reaching your teen years, however, was….different. Your parents took great care and time to teach you about your secondary dynamic. About alphas, betas, omegas, how they all related to one another. About heats and ruts and mates. It was overwhelming at first, but it did help you make sense of the rapidly evolving feelings you were harboring for your best friend. Nevertheless, you continued to take on life side by side with Katsuki.

When you were 16, you presented as an omega. Katsuki was an alpha, and truly you couldn’t even be surprised by the news. What you weren’t expecting was just how intense your feelings got for him after that, how much more powerful and attractive his scent had turned. You were aware you were in love with him by that point, but once you both presented Katsuki wouldn’t leave your side for a single second.

And then late one night he snuck into your bedroom through the window and confessed his feelings with a bright, rare blush of embarrassment on his face and kissed you until you couldn’t breathe. You’d been together ever since. That was five years ago, give or take.

⇣ ⇣ ⇣

Mating runs are traditional for werewolves in your small home town. Once you reach 21, you’re able to participate in one to officially become part of a mated pair. It could be with someone who you’ve only just met, someone from a long term relationship, or anyone in between.

Four times a year, during a full moon, the mating run takes place. It begins in the clearing at the edge of the forest just outside your town and ends at sunrise or once you’ve been pinned down and knotted by your chosen mate. The omegas take off first, then the alphas shortly after.

The heart pumping thrill of being hunted is what pushes you at a breakneck pace now. The bite of autumn wind whips through your fur, but it’s lost to the heat of adrenaline. You dig your claws into the earth each time your paws make contact to send yourself full throttle even further into the forest. You made sure Katsuki was aware you wouldn’t let him catch you so easily.

Seeing in the dark is an advantage, allowing you to dodge trees and jump over obstacles. The muscles in your hind legs clench and propel you over a decent sized log, which inadvertently lands you in a small creek. You create a decent splash on impact and pause only for a moment to get a much needed drink when a set of thundering paws echoes in the distance.

You huff irritably. You stopped for only few seconds, how the hell has Katsuki caught up to you already? You should’ve known better than to assume you could rest at all. Once more you begin sprinting in the opposite direction of your soon to be mate.

Your pulse skyrockets and a yip of excitement escapes you before you manage to reign it in. Katsuki’s answering excited howl sends a shiver down your spine. Now, you’re able to catch stronger whiffs of singed caramel as he closes in. His scent only tinges burnt when he’s riled up.

You burst through a line of trees, skidding to a halt and kicking up dirt in a small field. You whip around to wait for him, panting harshly to catch your breath. Sure enough, within seconds, a huge sandy colored wolf explodes into the clearing, slowing to a trot and halting about 15 feet away.

Tail wagging vigorously, you press your front half to the forest floor, snarling playfully and snapping your jaws in invitation. You’re ready to fight. Katsuki huffs in a way that mimics amused laughter and answers you with a deep rumble of his own, mirroring your position. You pretend you’re about pounce, but fake him out by twisting and taking off like a shot.

You only cover a pathetic few feet of ground when a bag of bricks hits your side, tackling you into the dirt with no mercy. The air’s knocked from your lungs when you land, and the two of you begin to roll as you try to end up on top. Katsuki snaps his teeth too close to your ear for comfort and you sneak your hind paws underneath to kick violently at his belly.

The push knocks his balance off center and you take advantage of the slight window to slip out from underneath him. Standing, you shake out your fur but then razor blade teeth close on your back leg and yank until you fall to the floor. A startled yelp rings free and you twist to the best of your ability to try and rip a chunk out of Katsuki’s fluffy ear.

Katsuki’s chest rumbles teasingly, dodging your retaliation, and spicy warm caramel floods your nose. Your furious growling tapers off into a whine the more the air fills with his scent. You tug your leg petulantly, but a warning snarl from Katsuki has you sinking into the forest floor in defeat.

Katsuki yips happily and releases you, allowing you to roll over and show him your belly as a sign that he’s caught you and of your trust in him. The ash blonde wolf shifts to hover over you and bends to gently to place his jaws around your throat, applying just enough pressure to spike your heart rate.

With practiced ease and only a minimal amount of pain, you shift until your fur is replaced by bare skin, damp grass tickling your back. Katsuki releases his hold and stares down at you, ruby eyes shining. Your lips curve into a smile and you reach up to pet the soft fur on his head and nose. Your mate licks your hand once, causing you to laugh, before joining you seconds later.

He rests his hands by your head instead of paws and straddles your naked waist. His cock is already partially filled out and resting on your stomach when he smirks down at you, an air of infuriating arrogance surrounding him.

“Thought you were gonna make it difficult for me to catch you,” he teases with a husky tone, leaning down to mouth at the scent gland under your jaw. “You taste so fuckin��� good baby, I’m gonna to eat you alive.”

The noise Katsuki makes stands at the edge of a whine when he drags his tongue over your pulse point, dick twitching with interest. You moan softly, fingers threading through thick golden hair, and you bend your neck to expose even more skin to him.

“Yeah,” you breathe, pride welling up in your chest as your eyes flutter shut. “I knew you’d catch me Katsuki. You’re the strongest alpha after all, and you’re mine.”

Katsuki’s chest vibrates with approval, nipping harshly and sucking a mark into the hollow of your throat. It aches dully and you squeeze your thighs together, a feverish heat starting to consume you wholly.

“Such a pretty girl, sweet fuckin’ omega, all for me yeah?”

“Forever Katsuki,” you confirm. “I’m your omega, your mate until we die. So claim me the way we both want, please.” You tug desperately at his hair until his mouth is a hair’s width away from yours, gaze half lidded and starving.

It takes absolutely nothing else to bring the two of you into a sloppy, heated kiss. Your pussy clenches when one of his hands sneaks down to grab a handful of your tit, squeezing and pinching your nipple.

Your lips part and Katsuki eagerly pushes his warm tongue into your mouth. The rhythmic, slick glide has your lower half weeping for his attention. A molten type of heat burns low in your gut and your inner thighs have gone slippery as your mate works you up to an unbearable degree.

You suck on Katsuki’s tongue and his breath hitches before he releases it as a breathy moan, cock fully swollen and throbbing repeatedly. You squirm under him impatiently, noticing the precum gathering near your bellybutton. You trap the tip of his tongue between your teeth and bite mischievously.

He pulls back to glare halfheartedly at you, and the look on his face is blazing, pupils wildly dilated and cheeks flushed beyond compare. You can tell he wants to devour you and you need it just as badly. He chews his bottom lip, gaze trailing over your tits and flickering back to your face as your own cheeks burst into flames. Your blush is so violent it burns your eyes.

Katsuki starts shifting backwards until he can get between your thighs, brushing his lips down your sternum and sucking briefly on your nipple.

“I’m gonna eat this fuckin’ pussy, okay sweetheart?” He noses at your hip bone, stopping to inhale deeply at the crease of your thigh, groaning as his eyes shut. “Then I’m gonna knot you and you’re not fuckin’ leavin’ until you’re full with my pups, you hear me?” He asks hotly.

Your head tilts to the sky with a whine, something like electricity running through your blood. You fist his hair and pull restlessly. “Jesus Katsuki, stop fucking talking and do it.”

Katsuki laughs, voice full of amusement. “You’re lucky I like when you’re bitchy.”

He doesn’t waste another moment, parting the soft lips of your pussy by dragging his tongue upwards until he can circle your clit a few times. The next lick has you fighting for air, muscles jumping as your skull digs into the surface below. He repeats the action multiple times and then places the flat of his tongue on your swollen clit, shifting his head side to side.

The cry of his name gets stuck in your chest when sucks on your clit for the first time, the rolling wave of pleasure branching from your pelvis outwards. You can’t take much more, the animalistic instinct in the back of your mind making it seem as if you’ll die if you don’t take his knot soon.

You push at his forehead, asking for his attention. “Katsuki, c’mon, knot me already,” you plead to no avail. He pulls away by an inch and grins coyly at you.

“Nah, you’re cummin’ like this because I’m telling you to. Then I’ll knot ya, ya spoiled little princess.”

“At least use your fingers then!”

“Hell no! You’re not cummin’ with anything inside you unless it’s my cock.”

Releasing his hair, you push up to your elbows and pout to help persuade your case, but he doesn’t pay you any mind. Katsuki sinks his nails into your inner thighs and your brain fills with cotton when his tongue returns to play with your clit. His heavy lidded stare makes you shiver and the way he eats you out is so obscene you can’t help but squeeze your eyes shut when you cum.

Katsuki lets his tongue spread you open and lazily gather every drop of your orgasm until his spit is all that remains. He raises up to sit on his heels, and the moonlight highlights the way his chin shines because of you. An intense pulse of affection accompanies the thought of how breathtaking your mate really is.

Katsuki smoothes his palms up your thighs, over your belly and trails them up your rib cage before coming back down to squeeze your hips. You shift to sit up and lean in to brush your lips gingerly with his and then Katsuki presses back into it even harder. Demanding fingers grip your jaw and break your kiss. Katsuki peers at you, smirking and rubbing a thumb over your jawline.

“Turn over,” he murmurs, tone smooth like whiskey. A thrill races through you at the command and in the blink of an eye your cheek is squished into the grass, elbows resting by your head, and your ass is high in the air, presenting for him like you’ve wanted to all. damn. night.

The thick, blunt tip of Katsuki’s cock nudges against you, but he doesn’t allow it to catch. You jolt in surprise when he slides over your the rim of your ass instead, toes curling with anticipation.

You whine loudly in protest and Katsuki croons softly to you, relaxing some of your tense muscles. He lets out a deep rumble of approval and places a hand on your tailbone to guide your hips backwards. You’re panting when he finally slides halfway in, moaning in relief from the stretch.

“Katsuki.”

He hums distractedly, holding tight to your hips and rocking his hips shallowly until his cocks fit snug inside, balls pressed against you.

“I love you,” you manage to say, breath catching in your throat when he pulls his hips back and then thrusts back in fluidly.

“I love you, more than anything,” Katsuki promises, tone so sincere you have to shut your eyes in the face of it. He knocks your knees further apart, curling over your back and searches for your hands. His long fingers lace through yours and your spine curves even deeper as he pins you in place.

There’s not much talking after that. You’re too focused on the delicious drag of his cock in and out of your pussy, carving out a space made just for him. He fits inside you perfectly and goosebumps litter your skin each time he makes you remember. Sweat beads swiftly in the valley of your breasts and dirt paints your cheek as you rock with each of Katsuki’s deliberate thrusts.

You scent must be suffocating him because he’s sniffing the back of your neck and whining every other breath. It’s all the same to you because you’re drowning in caramel and the sound of your mate’s hips bouncing frantically off your ass is quite literally the loudest noise surrounding you.

Your gut clenches tight, tight, tight and you’re so close you can’t fucking stand it.

“You’re gonna make me cum! Knot me Katsuki, please!” You manage to untangle one of your hands and reach backwards to push at his stomach, the muscles straining and rolling under your touch.

He moves with you easily and snickers in your ear. Warm breath tickles your nape and your gums start to ache, the omegan urge to tear into his neck and claim him mercilessly grows stronger by the second.

“Yeah? Think your pretty little pussy is ready for my knot sweetheart?” Katsuki huffs between words and then out of nowhere he’s unsticking himself from your back and settling on his calves, cocking slipping free. You’re furious, glaring at him over your shoulder and curling your lip into a snarl.

“What the hell Katsuki!” You whip around to face him fully and shove at his chest. Katsuki rolls his eyes and snags your wrist, yanking you forward so you have to catch yourself on his shoulders. He grabs your waist and forces you to walk on your knees until you’re hovering over his lap.

“I’ve been waitin’ for this fuckin’ moment my entire life. There’s no way in hell I’m knottin’ you without being able to see the sweet expressions you’re gonna make.”

Your eyes widen and your lips part slightly, but before you can answer he’s applying pressure to your hips and helping you sink back down onto his still stiff dick. You moan his name, pressing your sweaty forehead to his and huffing hotly against his mouth.

True to his words, his knot’s begun to swell. It presses against your pussy, begging to pop inside each time you sit down. You ride him roughly, nails sharpening into claws without your permission and breaking the skin on your mates shoulders. Katsuki inhales sharply and howls briefly in excitement.

His canines start to stretch even longer and, with a burst of caramel scent so thick you can taste it, he bullies you down onto his knot. It burns, but the coil that’s been building steadily in your gut breaks then, flooding your limbs with heat.

You all but sob as you cum, claws carving into the base of his skull as he surges forward and sinks his teeth into the mating gland at the junction of your neck and shoulder. Your wail is earsplitting when Katsuki digs those razor like teeth in even harder. His cock throbs, filling you with hot, sticky cum. It rips another orgasm out of you, pussy absolutely choking his knot.

“Katsuki let go!” You’re thrashing, speaking through gritted teeth. “I need to bite you, please!” Your voice is hoarse and wrecked, rising anxiously as you struggle to get free. His scent is so potent it’s making you dizzy.

Your mate groans lowly, finally unhinging his jaw with a heavy purr rattling throughout his chest and tightly grips the base of your neck. Blood trickles down his chin and he shoves your face into his throat, unable to give a single fuck about anything else but being claimed by you.

“Bite me, omega. Make me your mate.”

You moan deliriously, eyes stinging with relief as your teeth cut through his skin like butter and pierce his mating glad, a metallic and overwhelmingly caramel taste floods your mouth.

Katsuki’s cock kicks yet again and he growls hotly, locking his arms around your waist to still your squirming. The muscle in your jaw flexes, allowing your teeth to sink in deeper and his growl abruptly cuts off into a high pitched whimper.

Your mate’s chest heaves from the toll your bite is taking, and you release your jaw unhurriedly to draw it out for as long as he’ll allow. You lick over the wound a few times to help cease the blood flow and Katsuki shivers. Gingerly he shifts your arms up to wrap around his neck and he instructs you to hang on.

He delicately lowers the two of you to the ground, resting on his back so his chest becomes a cushion for your exhausted body while you wait for his knot to go down.

“That’s right, such a good girl. You take my knot so fuckin’ well, you’re incredible. You look stunning with my bite,” Katsuki praises, chest rumbling gently. The soothing sensation of it starts to make you drowsy. He rubs your back lazily as he speaks and you both start to come down from the high.

You purr delightedly, unable to resist teasing him even as your eyes get droopy. Your heart’s complete now. “You look even more gorgeous with my bite, Katsuki.”

He scoffs, pinching your hip playfully, and you purposefully clench around his knot in response. It rips a startled gasp from him and you giggle.

“I have a fuckin’ tease for a mate,” he sulks, letting his head thump onto the dirt floor below. You sound unbearably smug when you reply.

“Yeah well, you better get used to it baby. You’re stuck with me forever now, whether you want to or not.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I wouldn’t want any other omega in the fuckin’ world anyways, idiot.”

About a month later, when you tell Katsuki you’re pregnant, the corners of his eyes crinkle as he grins proudly, saying “told ya you weren’t leaving that clearing until you were knocked up with my pups.”

[rafeovermorals]

thinking about having family dinner with dbf!joel.

it started out innocent, or so it seemed.

he held casual conversation as the two of you sat in the dining room while your father finished cooking in the kitchen.

the usual small talk, “how was school today?” “good.” “learn anything new?” “not really.” nothing out of the ordinary.. until halfway through dinner he felt your foot tap against his leg.

he brushed it off, thinking it was an accident at first. but then you did it again, more deliberate. intentional.

he was wearing his uniform wrangler jeans and a pair of carhartt boots, still layered in saw dust from a long days work. you had on a pair of thigh high socks and a skirt, one that was probably too short to be wearing around guests, but joel wasn’t just anyone— he was like family.

his eyes narrowed at you across the table, speaking to you with his eyes as he chewed on a piece of meat. really, kid?

you looked back at him, a smile tugging across your lips. you scooped a spoon full of mashed potatoes, bringing it to your mouth and letting out a soft hum as the taste buds filled your mouth.

your tongue swirled around the utensil, your gaze not leaving him. joel’s jaw ticked in frustration, watching you. you knew exactly what you were doing, and your dad was fucking oblivious, rambling on about something neither of you cared about.

but you weren’t done there. your foot inched up his leg, running past his calf and knee until you settled it between his spread thighs.

his eyes flickered down, seeing your sock covered foot propped on the chair as it rested against the inside of his thigh.

“it’s really good tonight, daddy.”

joel nearly choked. you were talking to your father, but the teasing tone in your voice let him know your words had another meaning— one that was meant solely for him.

he wasn’t a man to get flustered easily, or really at all, but you were fucking killing him.

you were rubbing into his crotch, continuing to eat like this was just a normal thing to do. he was frustrated now, tongue pressed in his cheek while he held himself back. he could feel the warmth radiating from you even through the thick denim of his pants, which were now straining his cock as it twitched beneath your sole.

you smirked, feeling his length grow and harden under you by the minute. you snuck a glance back at him, meeting his stern expression that spoke to you once more. stop it, now.

you didn’t listen, of course not. damn troublemaker.

the friction of the fabric on his erection was overwhelming. he gripped his beer, knuckles white as he took a swig in attempts to suppress his desire. it didn’t work, not even close.

he had become sensitive with his old age, easily turned on and difficult to restrain his arousals. it was like he was a teenager all over again, minutes away from cumming in his boxers at your touch alone.

he pushed back in his chair, enough for your foot to fall down to the floor since your legs weren’t long enough to stretch. you gave him a pout, which he didn’t bother to entertain.

“lil’ minx.” he grumbled under his breath, turning away from you.

you didn’t like that one bit.

on cue, you dropped the fork you were holding out of your hand, it hitting your plate with a clank to catch joel’s attention before it bounced to the ground.

“mr. miller, can you get that for me please?” you asked, voice sweet and masked of any guilt as you batted your lashes.

he glared at you, letting out a grunt at your faux act. you were playing with fire, too brave for her own good. what girl in her right mind would fuck around with a man— who was her fathers best friend— right next to him?

he bent down and ducked his head under the table to pick it up, only for the sight in front of him to make him freeze.

there you were, legs parted with a perfect view of a thong so thin it was hardly covering your cunt. you were spilling out in front of him— glistening, needy, so pink and pretty.

you were shuffling around in your chair, the material further riding up and pressing into your clit.

as you lifted your bottom off of the seat, he hooked his fingers around your panties and pulled them with a tug, pocketing them into his jeans faster than you could blink.

he returned up from his knees, handing you the tool with a smug.

“so, how about dessert?”

happy birthday pedro <3

[no1blacksapphirefan]

What if we mix up a few of the previous asks about the Self Aware CookieRun Kingdom AU, Hmm? And by this I mean: What if instead of the player being jealous of the cookies, the cookies are jealous of us with whatever media we're paying attention to while we idly play their game?

Example: I keep putting CRK in the background while I play other games on my Nintendo Switch b/c I hate waiting for things to produce in this game. I just wanna make enough resources to feed into the Wish Tree and Bear Train, but noooooo... Every item that they need takes a minimum of like, four hours to produce. And yes, I know I could just close the app and wait, but I like collecting other resources while I wait. So as the things that take multiple hours to literal days to craft are cooking, I play Hello Kitty Island Adventure, ignoring all of my little cookies and only occasionally looking down to refill my cue for sugar cubes and cake logs and jellies and all that other nonsense before getting right back to what really matters to my gaming life at the moment: becoming best friends with Sanrio characters.

So I would like to imagine all of my favorite cookies are trapped in mines and factories crafting enough resources so I can continue playing THEIR game stress free just to look up beyond the screen to see me having the time of my life becoming besties with a bunch of cutesy mascot characters on an island of fun and adventure. You can't tell me they wouldn't be at least a little jealous.

I do this a bit too, usually when Im farming like bounties or such. Let them auto as I concentrate on something else. I can tots see some being jealous though, especially if they're just stuck doing their victory pose till you realise they finished their job

Shadow Milk Hey! HEY!! Look at him, pay attention to him. He is so much better than whatever you're playing, you can't just leave him to cut wood for you and only pay attention when he needs to do more.

He wants your attention, almost craves it. He won't fully admit that though. He won't even admit he's jealous that you're happily playing a different game, oh he could keep you better entertained if you just looked at him. Let someone else cut the wood and he'll put on such a fantastic performance for you that any other would look like jokes...just look at him for more then a second please or else he'll be sulking once you finally log off the the day.

Black Sapphire He’s annoyed, but he has ideas on how to get up ur attention back, I mean being a radio show host he needs to be entertaining after all. But if those attempts don’t work he might make a loud sound come from your phone, something that’ll draw your attention to even for a moment but not let you realise it was him.

Like a screech of sorts as if your audio is distorting. He doesn’t mind making whatever you wish but at least give him some attention, especially since he’s been working so hard

Burning Spice Oh how he wants to throw his axe at that other device. You’ve been paying such happy attention to him, why stop now?? Just because you need some sugar cubes??? You’re lucky he likes you and wants to see you smile. He knows breaking that other device will surely upset you but than again…

He can make you happier, he promises!! Just lay off it for a few seconds and let him fight in the arena, let him hear the sweet praises you give him as he does the finishing move after you thought it was a loosing battle. He could never disappoint you. Just have your eyes on him. Though he wants to he won’t break the other device even if he figured out how…not yet anyways…don’t make it a habit

Black Forest She loves you so much please look at her. You’re who she wanted to marry, the witch she chose. Even if you’re technically not. She’s been doing a good job you know!! Tending to those sheep so you have such nice fluffy clouds.

At least praise her as she gets back to work but oh she doesn’t mind…well she does, shd feels the growing jealousy as your eyes and attention is on a different game. You really like befriending those sweet animals don’t you? Maybe if she convinces the other cookies, she can make it similar!! Surely you’ll stay longer though right? She doesn’t want to feel like you care more for that game.

Pure Vanilla he knows it’s nothing, that you still love the game and you just need to pay attention to something else but he can’t help the growing jealousy as he works tirelessly during Alliance, only having your attention briefly when you’re moving onto the next difficulty, or when you need him to farm that level again.

He feels bad, especially when he realises he wants you to stop play on that game. He tries to remind himself you still love him but seeing you giggle as you play your other game makes him upset, not at you specifically, he doesn’t even know who he’s mad at. He just wants your attention back on him. He’ll be happy for days when you turn back and happily tap on him like you usually do though

[ilikemenolderthanmyfather]

———————————————————————————————————

AN OLD TOY

———————————————————————————————————

Joel Miller x F!Reader

18+ !!MDNI!!

Warning:insecurities(Joel is getting old), rough sex, dubious consent, pet names, strong language and violence, male receiving, female receiving, bondage, cowgirl style, overstimulating, multiple orgasms, unprotected p in v, Joel is a whimperer, kidnapping(twice in the same day), forced marriage? Joel belly mentioned, enemies to lovers ish? Reader’s appearance, age and name is not mentioned or specified. Joel is a dildo. Joel is a survivor!

Summary: Joel gets kidnapped and used like a toy, and best of all, he gets the save a hoarse ride a cowboy treatment.

Words: 3K

———————————————————————————————————

He was surrounded by seven men, all pointing their guns in his direction. Joel knew better than to try and fight back, he’d get a punch in, only to get shot down. That’s not what he needs right now, he needs to get back to Jackson and back to Ellie.

One of the men asked for his name, a common courtesy, too courtesy for this situation if you asked Joel, but he entertained the idea, why not? If he was gonna go out, or take them out, they’ll know to leave him the hell alone next time.

Two others stepped out of the way slightly and you walked past them, now standing only a couple of feet away from Joel.

He looked you up down, a slight glare on his face as he spoke “I don’t want trouble.”

You chuckled at that, “Oh but I do.”

He raised a brow at your words and was about to question you when he was suddenly grabbed by two of the men, holding Joel tightly as a grunt left him.

“Then what the hell do you want lady?!”, Joel questioned you with a bit more anger than intended and a sly smile spread across your face.

“A toy”

Joel stopped struggling as he looked up at you with wide yet concerned eyes. In his knowledge that could either mean a test subject where he’d get cut open or a damn slave, neither being good in this world.

He scoffed and struggling slightly against the two, “Well in that case ya can just shoot me, I ain’t becoming some damn lab rat!”

You stared at him and smirked “Oh you think you have a choice, mister Miller?”

You look at the men holding him “Drag him back to base, and don’t speak to my father about this, this is just between us and then I’ll make sure you’ll all get double your salary.”

They immediately pulled Joel along as he struggled against them, an accessional jab from a barrel of the rifle, putting him in his place.

After walking through the woods for what felt like an hour to Joel, they arrived at a very small base, the fences were high, a few houses could be seen.

You all walk in and the men holding Joel looked at you expectedly. Your eyes met Joel’s uncertain eyes for a second before looking at the men holding him.

“Take him to my room.” was all you said before walking away.

Meanwhile Joel was staring to rethink on those options that he had made, maybe he was wrong as he was pushed into a somewhat a building and finally into your bedroom.

In his shock and daze he was pushed to the ground and left there before the men walked out with mocking laughter.

Joel looked at the now locked door, his hands searching for any weapons, knives, anything that could help him out but it was already confiscated from him.

He stood there in silence as he looked closely at the bed and saw handcuffs on the headboard, his eyes wide with suspicion and questions.

Joel walked closer and in his distracted state did not hear or see you walk in the room.

He slowly turned around with a scowl before two hands pushed against his chest as the back of his legs gave in against the bed. Before he could push back, his wrists were cuffed against the headboard.

He looked up at you with a wide eyes “The fuc-?!”

You shushed him, “Don’t worry I’m not gonna go rough on you…..too much, you’re old.”

Joel scoffed a bit, "Hm, what are you gonna do with me? Whatever you do, can't be any worse than some of the stuff I've been through."

You chuckled, “Well eh, I’m pretty sure you’ve never been through this before.”

He looked back at his cuffed wrists before glaring back at you, awaiting an explanation.

You sighed and sat back onto his thighs, “You see, I’m very needy and like I said, I need a toy and I’m not gonna stop until you either give out or your dick falls off.”

You traced your finger along his jacket as his eyes went wide at your crude words, with slight horror and something else he wasn’t gonna admit out loud, arousal but especially concern.

Joel wasn’t your standard young man anymore, even he came to accept it. He wasn’t gonna complain about it. He can’t even remember the last time he had taken the time to touch himself, maybe once or twice if he wasn’t on edge from almost getting killed but this was way out of his range and capabilities, as embarrassing as it was to admit.

Joel gathered his thoughts, “Wait wait wait wait-" He tugged at the cuffs a bit, trying to struggle against them, but the cuffs were on pretty tightly. “I-I don’t think I can, sweetheart.”

You smiled “Oh come on, you’re a man with experience!”

He shook his head, “Not to mention, old. I can’t even…get it up right” , he admitted with embarrassment.

You laughed as he looked away “Just take what I give, mister Miller, can I call you Joel? I’m gonna call you Joel, mister Miller seems too formal for what I’m gonna do to you.”

He laid his head back into the pillow with concern. You immediately undid his belt that was pushing against his belly before pulling down his pants and underwear, his shoes going down with em.

A gasp left him as the air hit his bare lower body. You slowly spread his legs and Joel immediately closed them with a small glare. You glared back “Be good Joel or I’ll shoot your dick off instead, take a pick.”

He grew slightly worried and spread his thighs reluctantly. You smiled and gave his inner thigh a kiss “See that wasn’t so hard”

His cock stirred up slightly from your attention, cursing to himself. Your hand slowly wrapped around him, slowly moving up and down as short breaths left him.

Joel’s eyes shot wide open as a loud gasp left his mouth when you suddenly took him in all the way, your lips pressing against the hair at the base of his cock. Your mouth sucked him hard and his cock quickly grew stiff with the new found attention.

He could only watch with wide eyes as you sucked him like a damn straw, little whines of protest leaving his mouth, too much and too fast.

You smiled and started moving your head up and down, drool dripping past your lips and onto his hairs as filthy sounds of your slurping, filled the room.

His eyes watched your every move, he’s never felt this hot and filthy at the same time. You kept your focus on your mouth, hollowing your cheeks as you’re wetting his dick as much as possible.

Joel couldn’t even remember the last time he got head, yes he had a few sucks here and there from ex’s but that was it. They always expected him to do the work, not that he minded it, he liked being in control and controlling the pace.

His ex wife wouldn’t even suck him off though, unless he ask and begged her nicely, only getting a few tugs at his dick before he had to do all the work. Thats how it’s always been, doing all the work and then being ungrateful for it, leaving him on the edge like that as he quietly tugs at himself to relieve some of the pressure.

But he wasn’t that young champ anymore. For crying out loud he can’t even last more than one round anymore when he’s by himself. If his younger self was here, he’d probably laugh at how easy he has become.

A tight suck around his tip, made him snap out of his thoughts and threw his head back while his hips thrusted up to get more of your sweet lips.

You glared at his distracted gaze, hollowing around his sensitive tip as another gasp left his trembling body “O-Oh shit!”

You groaned around him, the vibrations tingling his lower belly before you pulled away “You focus on me, only me, Joel”

He looked at you with slight disappointment and arousal, not saying anything as he breathed heavily.

You scoffed before taking off your clothes, if Joel wasn’t hard before, then he’s definitely hard now. He could only ogle at your form before looking away in shame, truly pathetic what a perverted old man he’s become.

Your fingers quickly unzipped his jacket and opened it “I should have probably taken your clothes off before hand, meh, doesn’t matter now.”

Slowly you pulled his shirt up, making sure to drag your hand over Joel’s soft belly and chest as he shivered. As soon as his shirt was rolled up to his neck, you leaned down and kissed his lower stomach, slowly making your way up as your other hand pulled on his dick.

He could only watch with half lidded eyes, his insecurities taking over as you gently kissed him, small breaths leaving his lips as Joel closed his eyes, his hips jerking against your tugging.

You lined yourself up with him, your dripping pussy swallowing him in with ease. Joel watched as you slowly lowered yourself down on him, a deep groan leaving his lips.

A satisfied sigh leaves your lips as you take him all the way, your clit rubbing against his hairs “So good~mmm” your eyebrows pulled together in concentration as you focused on his cock, pushing against every spongy part inside of you, just right.

Joel watched you closely, his hips rocking slightly, trying hard not to just give in and fuck up into you.

You slowly dragged your hips back and forth, trying to catch a pace. Soon enough your slow grinding turned into a full on bounce of desperation for some relief as you moaned out softly “Joel!~”

Joel on the other hand was clenching his teeth and pulling on his restraints as groans fell from his lips, his eyes shut tightly as your slick walls sucked him in deep. “S-shit sweetheart! Oh, Oh wait~! Oh!”

He threw his head back and planted his feet into the sheets as his hips started thrusting up into your clenching pussy.

A surprised gasp left your throat as the thrusting from his hips and the grinding of your clit, quickly made you reach your peak. Your body shuddered as you clenched around him.

Joel groaned softly as he pumped his warm cum into you, a breathless sigh leaving his lips as his legs gave out and laid flat against the bed.

His eyes were shut tightly and breathed softly as tiredness started creeping into his old body.

Suddenly a continuous rise and fall of your hips made his eyes snap open and a whine of protest left his lips. You shushed him and gave him a displeased look before going back to ridding him.

Joel breathed heavily as your walks worked his now sensitive cock, his tip twitching in pleasure as you continue to use him like a toy.

“Fuck sweetheart! I can’t! I-Oh~oh” Joel could only lay there and take it as you moaned out his name.

Your ass grinds against his tightening balls as his tip pushes against your womb and a white ring forming at the base of his cock. He looked at you with concern and pleasure, feeling his lower belly tightening up again, sweat falling from the crook of his eyebrow.

He moaned out softly as he shot out another warm load. You whine softly as you grind against him at a new angle, working him through his orgasm as his started tugging on the cuffs in protest, overstimulation taking over slowly.

You however ignored him and continued to bounce on him continuously, his limp cock twitching in protest as Joel whined out, “Please have mercy!”

You quickened your pace, head thrown back “Joel~oh yes, one more, give me one more!~” your swollen clit being rubbed by his hair perfectly as your lower stomach tightened up, Joel could only shake his head in protest as his cock hardened again.

His tip splurged small drops of what he had left and looked at you with a begging expression. You groaned and slammed your hips tightly against him, his hairs tickling your clit as his balls tighten up against his wishes, his frame trembling at the stimulation.

Your grinding became more harsh as you neared your orgasm once more, soft moans of his name falling from your lips as his cock is pushing in deeper, a breathless moan falls from his lip as his balls emptied out and shot thick warm cum into you once more.

You work him through his orgasm as you threw your head back in bless before tightening around him harshly, a whine falling from his lips as you work yourself through your orgasm.

The roll of your hips came to an agonizingly slow stop as you looked down at him.

You both started at each other in silence, a tired, half lidded look on his face. You leaned down and kissed him gently, a kiss he desperately returned as his hips twitched against you.

You took that as a sign to continue and started bouncing your hips again, Joel shook his head in protest “Fuck! No no please, ah~ no wait! Use my face but fuck! Please I can’t it hurts” he admitted with a small pleading look.

You stared at him for a moment before pulling off him, a groan leaving his lips. You place your thighs on either side of his head before lowering onto his mouth that gladly started sucking on your puffy clit.

You let out a shaky breath and held his hair with your hands, his facial hair tickling against you.

His tongue quickly made its way into you, slurping and curling against all the right places. He looked up at you with focus and determination as you neared your peak again, your walls tightened around his tongue that seemed to have suddenly sped up and curled against that sweet spot inside you.

His nose pushed against your puffy nub continuously as your legs started shaking “O-oh yes, Yes Joel!~”

His groan only added to the pressure before you curled up and rode out your orgasm. He worked you through it slowly before you pulled away.

Joel watched you get off the bed with slightly shaky legs, you walked into the bathroom and started filling up the tub. Joel only laid there in utter shock and bless as tiredness started creeping in.

Suddenly you walked back out and took something out of the drawer before walking towards him. He looked at you with tired eyes as you suddenly start to open the cuffs.

“No sneaky shit” you gave him a warning before he sat up with a grunt, rubbing his wrists slightly as he looked up at you with those innocent puppy brown eyes.

You sighed and walked into the bathroom, a slight signal for him to follow. He took off his shirt and jacket, following after you with a slight limp in his walk.

His eyes fell on you sitting in a bathtub, he suddenly became a little self conscious when you looked at him.

You voiced cut through the silence, “Well get in while the water is still warm.”

Joel just gave a nod and got in and sat between your thighs. You stare at his back for a second and he leaned back slowly but suddenly stopped, you glared “Don’t you dare-“ before you could finish, Joel suddenly knocked out you with the back of his head.

Joel quickly bathed and felt bad and quickly washed you before draining the water. He hurriedly dried himself off and got dressed.

He stared at you, still very much knocked out and sighed softly. Maybe it won’t be too bad having company when he gets back to Jackson. Besides Ellie has been bothering him for years about getting a girlfriend, “Teenagers” he scoffed softly with a smile before it turned into a smirk.

You slowly woke up on a bed far more softer than the one you’ve grown use to. A grunt left your lips and placed your hands on your head where Joel had head budded you.

Your eyes snap open “That son of a-where the fuck am I?” You looked around the cozy yet unfamiliar room. You quickly got up from the bed and stumbled towards a window, your eyes going wide when you read the sign [Welcome to Jackson].

Your eyes snapped open in horror “Fucking Jackson?!” Suddenly a familiar voice could be heard as Joel walked into the room “Nice huh?”

You glared at his smirking face “I’m gonna-“ Joel shushed her “Now now, you ain’t back home and unfortunately for you I got many…..I have friends here in Jackson and they’ll shoot without needing to be asked, so be nice sweetheart.”

You scoffed and clenched your fists onto the jacket that you woke up in, your eyes glanced down at it, realizing it was his.

Your body turned to look out the window with a look of disbelief and crossed your arms. Joel walked closer and wrapped an arm around your middle gently. You sighed softly “You are such an ass, so what now?”

Joel smiled “Says you” you looked at him and he just shrugged and stared out the window “Well I kinda told everyone you’re my girlfriend…and that we’re getting married soon so if ye try and run away, they’ll think you’re ill and will bring ya back to me”

You slowly turned your head to look at him, he looked at you and gave you a smile.

“YOU SON OF A B-!”

Meanwhile Ellie and Dina looked at Joel and you through the window. Dina smiled with a concerned look “I’m happy that Joel finally found someone, but eh, if you ask me that’s a lot of slapping coming from her.” Ellie shrugged “Well from the magazines I’ve found in his closet, he might just be into that.”

[nor-ay]

Our first masquerade ball - (unrequited love story) 

Shadow Milk Cookie thinks that you are... Odd. Different, if you will. It’s in the way you roll your eyes at White Lily Cookie, in the harsh tone that slips out when you find someone annoying, or in the way that you always seem to be out of place. But don’t get him wrong; he certainly enjoys that. He thinks that you have great potential to be his right hand. He just needs to give you a little push on the right path. Sweet talks to you a little until he gets in your good graces and WHAM, controls you like a puppet. It's a win-win situation; he gets to have you on his team and breaks your friend's spirit. 

At least, that is what he initially thought, but that changes when you accept his gift and lie to your supposed friends. You lie to Pure Vanilla Cookie, and that has him clapping and laughing like a king entertained by the best jester there is in his kingdom. He almost can’t believe it! There is no need for him to break your perception of Pure Vanilla Cookie or the nature of Cookies. You already have resentment towards them. 

… 

You think that Shadow Milk Cookie is testing you. That has to be the only explanation for the gifts and fever dream. It’s not like it bothers you, but when you look at Pure Vanilla Cookie, you feel guilt growing and wrapping itself around you. He’s not deserving of this whole situation… Shaking your head, you try to push all these thoughts away. You’re not evil—

Apple Faerie Cookie’s voice cuts through your thoughts. “Cookies! Let’s go to the top of the Spire!” 

“I sincerely hope we’ll find what we’re looking for!” You find Wizard Cookie’s reply relatable. You’re tired too. And desperately wanting to get out.

“I bet you will! Now, shall we?” 

“Um…you guys can go ahead, I have to go, I mean, I forgot something.” You hate how your voice sounds so suspicious! Cringing at yourself, you try to smile. 

GingerBrave is looking at you strangely, and Pure Vanilla Cookie is unusually silent. Strawberry Cookie is the one to break the silence. “Really…? Are you sure?” 

“Yeah! I mean, what's wrong? I’m sure you all can live without me for a bit, right?” You try to laugh, but it sounds forced. When did you become so awkward around…your friends? 

Wizard Cookie frowns “Well, the way you—“ 

“All right! [Name] Cookie, I trust you; I’m sure you’re going to do something helpful! Just be careful.” GingerBrave without realizing it, saves you from being interrogated. And again, your lungs fill with guilt. You find it harder to breathe and the smile on your face falters. You’re not evil. 

“Can you not—ugh, never mind.” Wizard Cookie gives up. And you internally thank the witches for it. 

“Right. Thank you. And- please…be careful on your journey.” Ah, this is what you’re doing now. You don’t feel part of them. You never did. Not even with the five ancient heroes. You were always more of a confidant. Hearing Pure Vanilla’s worries, comforting White Lily Cookie after discovering her other half. Playing along with Golden Cheese Cookie, helping out Dark Cacao Cookie and Holyberry Cookie with their tasks. You never felt like you belonged. And so you grew resentful. 

You turn around and go in the opposite direction. Silence is the only thing you hear while going down the stairs, and you have to blink quickly to stop the tears from falling. You were not lying before when you said that you forgot something. When you arrive at the same spot where you woke up hours ago, the doll is still there. Sitting down, you pick up the mini-you and hug it tightly. Closing your eyes, you confess to no one. “I don’t know what to do… I miss when things used to be easy… I don’t want to hurt them. I’m just, so so so sick and tired of the same things over and over again…it’s like I’m trapped in a loop.” 

…

You don’t know how long it’s been since you parted ways with GingerBrave and company. But, unexpectedly, the doll in your arms starts moving on its own. So you let it go, waiting for its next move. 

Clap

A Colombina mask appears in front of you. It’s beautiful. You smile, thinking it’s a bit ironic. Perhaps even mocking that he gives you a mask. Is this his way of telling you that you’re two-faced? 

Nevertheless, you still put on the mask and follow the doll through some large hallways. Arriving at a luxurious ballroom. “How did we not see this?” You ask, completely in awe. The tiles on the floor are so white that you can see yourself reflected on them.

“Well… I had it hidden, of course; did ya forget that you’re in my domain, mhm?” It takes you a second for your brain to register who answered. 

“S-Shadow Milk Cookie!?” 

“Awe…are you really that surprised to see me? Well? Go ahead!” You notice how he’s also wearing a mask similar to yours. 

“Uh…ah-“ You don’t know what to say. Sweat begins to collect on your forehead. You begin to panic. You have to say something!! But, what can you say that he doesn’t know already?

Before you can think of anything to say, you hear Shadow Milk Cookie groan, as if annoyed. “Ughh right, I’m going too fast, this is a masquerade ball, you’re not supposed to know who I am.” 

“O-kay, let's start over!” You watch dumbfounded as he claps twice and the ballroom fills with different puppets who are dancing and talking to each other. 

You watch all this and can’t help but laugh, and, oh, it feels so freeing to be able to be as loud as you want. Everything is so out of the blue that you just can’t help it. Shadow Milk Cookie seems to be interested in what is making you laugh so much. “I’m sorry…this just doesn’t make any sense, and I love it.” 

He smiles, seeming pleased. “Now, THIS is the type of audience that I like! Alrighty! Let's get to it.” He closes the distance and takes your hand. He runs cold, you shiver at the contact.

You feel relaxed, and that should make you worry, but, as Shadow Milk Cookie gives you a twirl and spins you around the ballroom, you can’t. The giggles don’t seem to stop coming out and your eyes are all teary from all the laughter. Your hands are tightly grasping his shoulders and it doesn’t surprise you how agile he’s on his feet. It’s so easy to let him guide you. 

“Awww look at you! You’re enjoying yourself so so so much! Aren’t you going to ask me where are your frieeends?” 

“Well…,” you start—

“Oh, wait, WAIT, don’t tell me! You finally realize that it’s not with them that you belong? Especially that dreadfully, painfully, unbearably Pure Vanilla Cookie?” You can’t fully read the tone in his voice; it seems playful, but the hate he has for them inevitably seeps in. 

“That’s right,” Your smile wavers as you revert to your natural state of being. “It took me a long time, but… I’ve finally understood who I am and what I want.” A sudden bravery fills your heart as you finally ask him- “Please, take me with you!” You surprise yourself by the loudness of your voice.

Have you always been that desperate to escape your life?

“…” His eyes blink several times and it feels like the whole ballroom has grown silent. You start to feel self-conscious and—

His laugh fills the whole ballroom, and in just a second, Shadow Milk Cookie dips your body back dramatically. You grip onto him like a lifesaver and- and you’re out of breath. “Perfect,” you hear him say. His voice is lower than you’ve ever heard. “Alright, since you asked so nicely…you’re with me now!” 

“Huh, so…”

“Oops, looks like I have to go, feel free to explore my humble domain, hehe!” 

He’s gone in the blink of an eye. All the puppets that were dancing vanished too, all left behind in the ballroom was the mini-you doll and your racing heart. 

“…Did he lose track of time?”

Okay!! I actually struggled a bit with the dialogue. In my mind, there were so many different things about what Shadow Milk would say in certain situations! But, I’m happy about how it turned out. I hope you enjoyed it too!! AND, this is important, the story is going to be on hold until we get episode 8 of Beast-Yeast. It’s not like I can’t improvise, but if I continue, and then they release ep 8, I know that I’ll end up rewriting everything, and I don’t want to do that, to be honest. 

Besides that, I’m already thinking of writing Shadow Milk x reader with a trope that I really enjoy!! Orr some headcanons (maybe nsfw, still unsure about that).

@notboomm @fyodors-belovedxoxo

[spikershoyo]

loving machine | oscar piastri x reader, ex!lando norris x ex!reader | smut, angst | minors DNI!

warnings, tags, and notes: smut, angst, hurt no comfort, rebound oscar, no use of (Y/N), I love lando but he's a massive dick in this, implied Magui (ew), oral sex (fem receiving), pussy-drunk oscar, fingering, breath play (fem towards masc), unprotected P in V (wrap before you tap, kids!), reader denies oscar a creampie lol, time skips throughout the fic, wrote this with a tragic Christmas vibe in mind, mentions of drinking and being drunk, oscar just wants to love someone, inspired by 'loving machine' by tv girl, this came to me randomly and now we're here, enjoy! <3

Breakups are never easy. Especially when it comes to breaking up with Lando Norris. He's a sweetheart all around and maybe one of the kindest people you've ever met, but when he gets angry he can become one of the meanest and cruelest people out there.

You both didn't love each other like you expected. It should have been a mutual understanding, things simply fizzled out and didn't work, but Lando firmly believed you were the gift that kept on giving.

And that made a wound bloom between you two. Lando demanded to know why you didn't love him anymore when he wasn't giving you a reason to continue. When free, he'd come home late, sometimes alone, sometimes with Max in tow, usually tipsy. His best friend would give you a blank stare and what you thought was a sorry smile.

Lando doesn't speak to you anymore. And you're finally relieved. There isn't much more that you could have done to keep that relationship alive.

You're at the doctor's office today, a dreary Tuesday morning in London. You've had sporadic headaches that felt more like migraines than anything. You've waited almost a week for your appointment. Doesn't matter, you're here now.

The artificial light in the waiting room makes your eyes water and your temple ache, feeling just as terrible. You'll get the pills and it will go away. It always does. You decide to close your eyes and rest for a bit.

Time feels like molasses behind your eyes, the darkness comforting but shaky. You feel a bit nauseous. And then someone calls out your name.

You open your eyes, expecting to see an assistant with their name list and beckoning you inside. But instead, you're met with soft brown eyes and a familiar face. You blink once, then twice. "Oscar?" You croak out, not expecting your voice to be as rough as it sounds.

The Aussie gives you a shy smile, familiar with how you and Lando left things. It feels a bit illegal to Oscar to see you and not Lando by your side. "Hi," He says softly, his tone hesitant, as if approaching a wild, scared animal. "Didn't, um, expect to see you here."

"At the doctor's office?" You ask him, a bit annoyed at his question. Oscar blinks a few times, quickly, and shakes his head. "No! No, uh, in London. You know," But you don't really know. It's just a filler. "Isn't Silverstone an hour's drive from here?"

Oscar looks down at you, still standing still in front of your feet, less than a foot away from you. He looks you over, really looks, and shifts his weight from foot to foot. "Well, yeah. I've been having some aches in my knee, my trainer told me to go here."

It sounds strange, but you shouldn't care which doctor Oscar goes to. You shouldn't care if Lando goes to this doctor, too, when he's in London. "Oh, sorry to hear that." He shakes his head in a silent, "Don't worry."

You look up at him and the seat, a small offer. And Oscar complies. He sits next to you and fidgets a bit. You don't look at him, nor do either of you speak much. Time drags on a bit and you each wait for your appointments to end, two prescription bottles in each of your hands.

"Are you doing anything now?" Oscar asks you before you reach for the door handle of the waiting room. You're stunned at his question. What would Oscar Piastri want to do with you? And yet, you entertain the idea, a small flutter in your stomach.

A nagging feeling tells you no, but your pettiness and need are screaming yes!

Blonde and blue flash before your eyes and you remember the times you'd spent scrolling through Instagram handles, looking at Lando's posts, F1 gossip blogs, the pretty smile that haunted your dreams every other night.

Jealousy is a disgusting feeling.

Oscar watches the cogs turn in your head, the offer open until you speak. His eyes travel to your hands, gripping the door handle tightly. Regard her with interest. Let her know she's being heard. Always be polite. Those are all tricks his uncle had once told him at some old Christmas party, giving a 15-year-old Oscar a 101 on flirting.

And when you slightly move, his eyes are back on you. Oscar smiles when you shake your head. A shy smile, somewhat pink in the cheeks. Flames lick in the inside of his stomach. "Can I interest you in some tea then?"

You look up at him and nod. "Yes."

Oscar realizes that he'd much rather have you sink on his cock than win any Grand Prix. It's a crazy thought, the hunger for winning dissipating when you moan in his ear, gripping onto his shoulders with intense need.

He selfishly thinks that he can fuck you better than Lando.

Tea is on the table, the steam gone from the two mugs on the small coffee table in Oscar's hotel room. Instead, he's kissing you on the couch, gentle and giddy.

Your panties are discarded in a pile of clothes along with his boxers. Oscar bounces you steadily on his dick, quickly becoming addicted to the feeling of you. Your hands slide up from his shoulders, settling on his neck, squeezing a bit. Oscar's eyes gloss over and he chuckles breathlessly.

"You're so pretty," He groans, his hands gripping your waist as he moves you a bit faster. Your eyes flutter closed as you moan, gasping when he hits deeply in you. "Oh, Oscar!" You cry out, pleasure wracking over your entire being.

You hope Lando hears you through the hotel walls.

I don't want anything serious.

The words suddenly echo in Oscar's mind as he's holding the Hungary trophy. He remembers the text you had sent him after Silverstone. Still high off his first win, as shitty as it had been.

He gulps and looks at his teammate. Lando was stormy-faced for various reasons. Still, his eyes blur when he stares for too long.

Oscar knows that Lando knows. He'd seen you leave Oscar's hotel room back when they were in the UK. He remembers how Lando's lips parted, ocean-green eyes widening a bit as if he'd seen a ghost.

And Oscar had also seen the satisfaction in your eyes, he knew you weren't good for him, not in the long run. You were just fun. Oscar could use a bit of fun in his life.

And yet, when he sees you again, this time standing in front of your London apartment, he feels that fluttering feeling all over again. He’s never going to be the first choice and that’s alright. He’s fine with just sex and jokes, helping you around the apartment if needed. Oscar was taught to always give back, and you gave him so much. Even if sometimes he wished you’d give him a little more. But it’s okay, he’ll settle by whispering please, love me into your back when you fall asleep in his arms.

Abu Dhabi is huge for McLaren. Huge for Oscar, huge for Lando. It makes you sick in the stomach when you see rumors of a new girl on Lando's arm. You should hate him, but the thought that he's moved on so quickly makes you itch.

Oscar scratches that itch.

He's sweet and he's funny with his particular dry sense of humor. You like Oscar. He's nice company. He fucks good too.

He thrusts deeper, more methodically, deft fingers always leaving you with fried nerves and buzzed. He was almost perfect.

Sure, he didn't pull your hair like you liked. And maybe he didn't spank your ass as hard as you'd like, but you chalked it up to him being gentle. It's fine.

You hate to compare Oscar to Lando. He doesn't deserve that.

And yet you do. You compare the tan skin to his pale one, the ocean green to the woody brown, the curls that seemed to flatten out in softer waves.

Sometimes, and even then, you kiss the two moles that rest on Oscar's neck, the ones that look like a misplaced vampire bite. You kiss them and imagine you're kissing the moles on Lando's face. The one closer to his eye and the other resting over his smile line.

It fills you with a bit of guilt but that's alright, opting to simply run your hands down Oscar's chest and give him a pretty smile. A silent conversation that ends in sex. Just an exchange.

Oscar comes over for a while, wanting to spend time with you before he returns home for Christmas. You offered him a small pre-Christmas dinner and who was he to decline?

He even arrives with a little gift in his hand, looking a bit silly with his Santa hat. "Hi," He smiles, cheeks pink from the cold and from you.

"Hi," You smile, too, and blink a few times. "Take that off, you look stupid," You reach for the hat and take it off his head, messing his hair up a bit. Oscar just chuckles. "Sorry."

Things seem to run in a routine. The door closes behind him and he's pulling you in for a kiss. "Missed you," He admits against your lips. You're not listening, simply kissing him back.

You make pasta and you eat quietly with Oscar. It feels weirdly domestic and that makes your chest tighten uncomfortably. These are just two people who fuck eating together, normal stuff.

After dinner, you're both lying on the floor next to your Christmas tree, all the lights mixing together and casting a slight red glow over the Aussie. Oscar looks contemplative, as usual.

You, you're simply looking at him. You boldly reach out and trace a finger down the slope of his nose, a faint smile on your lips. Oscar turns to look at you, eyes glimmering under the Christmas lights.

It's poetic in a tragic way. You know you're going to hurt him, but you can't bring yourself to put an end to this now.

His hands come and touch, grabbing your wrists and gently pinning you down on the wooden floor. Oscar kisses down your neck, mouthing, and nipping slowly, his fingers unbuttoning your comfy Christmas pajama top, the flannel being peeled off of you swiftly. He kisses over your chest, giving love to each nipple.

He dares to stare at you with those precise and loving eyes, the color of his iris burning into your mind. Chocolate brown, you smile at the thought. A soft moan escapes you then.

Oscar's cheeks are hot and flushed, pulling at the tiny matching pajama shorts, seeing that you're soaked to the touch. He runs a thumb down your clothed slit, your thighs twitching at the featherlight contact.

The Aussie kneels down, resting comfortably on his stomach as he pulls your legs over his shoulders, pressing little kisses to your pussy. It's all a haze as you let your head fall back at the sight. "Yes, yes," You chant, urging Oscar to continue.

Your panties are pulled off and he doesn't waste time diving in, making out with your pretty cunt, eyes half-lidded and concentrated. He whines into your core a bit, thumb pressing down onto your clit softly as he tongue-fucks you.

Hands pull at the roots of his hair, and breathy moans and cries of his name are heard throughout the apartment—a sight to behold.

Oscar knows what you like. He likes what you want because Oscar likes you.

And he doesn't stop eating you out like a man starved until he's pulled two orgasms out of you. By then, his aching cock is begging for attention. He pulls you up onto his lap, snapping you out of your little reverie. Oscar pushes his joggers down and sinks you onto his cock, keeping a steady rhythm to satiate the hunger he has for you.

You both gasped in unison at the smooth intrusion, his pace was desperate and rough, pounding into you like no tomorrow. "You feel so tight, sweetheart," He moans as his hands wrap around your waist. You're a babbling mess, a bit wrecked from the immense pleasure.

"Oh, fuck, cum for me again," Oscar pleads, eyes searching for yours before pulling you into a kiss. You nod frantically into the messy kiss, gasping as he angles his hips to hit deeper. "Yeah, yes! F-feels so good, Osc, fuck,"

It's all surprisingly soft with how high emotions were. "Come on, sweetheart," Oscar murmurs, hips stuttering, thumb coming down to rub tight circles on your clit.

Oscar aches all over as your eyes shut, feeling like this might be the moment he realizes he's in love. He just pushes those feelings down and fucks you harder. "Can I cum inside of you?" Oscar asks, eyes watchful and hips never stalling.

Your eyes snap wide open, and you stare at him. "What? No, Oscar." The rejection doesn't hurt him; it's the tone of your voice that makes him feel small and shameful. "Okay, sorry," he whispers and kisses your lips.

Oscar pulls out and cums over your thighs, his cheeks flushed pink in a cute way. He's biting his lip as you finish yourself off by fingering yourself. Oscar loves you a little more.

After you've both calmed down, Oscar's eyes feel hot and glassy. The words he'd been dying to say rise and fall like bile, his breath short and slightly shaky.

But you don't stare at Oscar at all.

Oscar isn't what you want. He was a pity fuck that fueled your jealousy and sick satisfaction.

And you knew you'd be hurting him, but you've blocked the guilt out.

He's not Lando and he never will be, whether that's a good or bad thing.

The call comes one night in Australia, morning in London. Oscar's voice is slightly frantic at first but he tries to calm down. You know what's coming, and you feel the pit in your stomach grow, hot flashes of guilt and nerves make your vision blur slightly.

"I-I'm- What I'm trying to say is that," Oscar takes a breath, shaky and hopeful. "I think I'm in love with you."

The silence that follows is deafening, and the longer you take to answer, the less hope Oscar has for whatever this is.

Then comes your cold reply. "Then do something about it."

The call ends and you block Oscar's number.

The last time you'd seen Oscar was two years ago, you've already disconnected yourself from the world of Formula 1. If Lando is still with that woman, you don't know nor care. Sometimes you think about Oscar, but it's very fleeting. You know that if you do, you'll never recover.

Oscar hasn't been able to go a day without thinking about you. Some days it's easier than others, but it's always you. Like clockwork, your smile or your laugh comes to his memory.

He could never hate you, even now.

He was simply your fabulous loving machine.

[mountttmase]

Navigating

Note - happy New Year’s Eve babies 🩷 my lasts fic of 2024 can you believe it? This was meant to be a blurb I’ve ended up with over 13k word and if that’s doesn’t sum up my 2024 then I don’t know what will. Love you guys sm and feedback would be appreciated as always 😘🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 13.3k

Warnings - fluffy

Movie nights were becoming somewhat of a monthly tradition at your best friend Libby’s house, and whilst the group had grown in size a little bit lately, it was still a highlight of your week to go and spend time with your people.

Most of the people here you went to school with, however funnily enough you didn't really become that close with them until you’d left school. It was your best friend Libby who was more friendly with them as they shared a lot of classes together but after a few nights out and mini holidays you liked to think of them as your friends too. The group only becoming closer when Libby finally got together with Aaron, a boy who’d been in her history class, who she’d always had a crush on and now you all hung out as often as you could.

The group grew even more when a few of the boys got girlfriends of their own as well as the girls inviting along their boyfriends until there was around 15 or so of you.

Unfortunately for you, you were one of the permanently single members of the gang. You didn’t mind it so much as you were quite happy waiting for Mr Right to come along at the perfect time but when Libby and Aaron were all over each other at all hours of the day it was hard not to feel a little left out.

They say opposites attract and Libby was everything you weren’t. She was fun, energetic and loved having everyone round her’s to entertain where as you just liked to show up and eat the snacks. Her and Aaron were as solid and a rock yet you could barely look at a boy and as new members were added every so often you never had anyone to bring with you.

‘You know what would be fun? Secret Santa’ Libby announced to the room as everyone was taking their seats. Her eyes sparkling with pure joy as she clapped her hands together excitedly but you were just hoping everyone else in the room wasn’t as into it as she was.

Whilst you didn’t hate the idea you also knew you didn’t know everyone here that well and the idea of having to buy for some of the boys in the group filled you with dread. There were some other single girls mixed in and a few single guys but you always made sure you were with Libby when you hung out and as much as you could make nervous small talk sometimes, the thought of picking a gift for some of these people filled you with dread.

‘We won’t be able to see each other at Christmas though, is there any point?’ You asked quietly, trying to make yourself as invisible as possible like always but you could see a few of the others who were in earshot around you nod in agreement.

‘We can just extend the deadline then, we’ll all be at Masons for new years right? We can just do it then it won’t make any difference’ she shrugged and you could see Aaron nodding along in agreement.

‘I’m in’ he told her, looking round to ask the rest of the guys who all seemed to be now nodding along and you knew there was no way you could back out of it now.

‘Okay but can we set a price limit? We don’t need everyone going big and I end up getting someone a stapler’ you mumbled, hearing a few chuckles from across the room and when you looked up some of the boys that had been listening in were smiling at you.

‘Why would you get someone a stapler?’ Libby asked, snapping your gaze away from them but you just shrugged. Your cheeks burning as everyone’s attention was on you and you didn’t know how to act now.

‘They come in handy sometimes’ you whispered, playing with your fingers in your lap in hopes someone would take over and say something else and thankfully Libby read your mind and went into presentation mode.

‘Okay so how about £20? It’s only got to be something small and silly’ she asked the group and thankfully everyone was nodding. ‘Amazing! I’ll write everyone’s name down and we can pick them out of a hat’

The only hat she could find was the one currently on Aaron’s head and as he handed it over to her you sat and looked around the group to figure out who’s name you’d want and not want to pick out but before you knew it she’d passed the hat to you and you’d picked out the first name.

You had to wait before you could read it though, her telling everyone to wait until everyone had a name so you could open them together but the tiny piece of paper was hot in your hand. You knew it was just a silly secret Santa but you didn’t want to make an idiot out of yourself in front of all these people or piss someone off by getting them something they hated.

‘Okay open!’ Libby suddenly called, everyone scrambling to open their notes and you took a big gulp before undoing yours.

Shit.

Mason was at the bottom of your list of people you wanted to pick, that was for sure. What do you buy the man that has everything?

Mason was probably the person you knew the least. He was fairly new to the group as he’d only moved up here a short while ago. The boys had spoken about him frequently as they told you they used to play against him when they were in the united academy but unfortunately none of them made it as far as he had. You’d always figured they were pulling your leg but after he’d moved up and Aaron sent a picture of all the boys in a group call playing fifa you had to concede that they were telling the truth.

You didn’t meet him until six months later, him joining everyone for a movie night at Libby's house and you still weren’t exactly sure why someone like him wanted to hang around with a bunch of nobodies like you lot but he seemed friendly enough and all the boys loved having him around. It also helped that he was easy on the eye but you kept to yourself just like always but you always made sure to say hello to each other if nothing else. From what you could see from his interactions with the boys, he was funny and easy going and had gotten you into some pretty cool parties in the last few months but you’d never had much of a proper conversation with him.

That was about to change soon though, excusing yourself into the kitchen so you could grab a drink but since so many people were here tonight Libby’s fridge had been basically cleared apart from a can or two right towards the back. Unfortunately for you they were just out of your reach and you huffed in annoyance as you cursed her for getting such a ridiculously tall fridge.

‘Would you like me to get that for you?’ You suddenly heard from behind you. Turning to the boy that had been plaguing your thoughts for the last 20 minutes for all the wrong reasons but right now you were happy to see him.

‘Please’ you smiled. Letting Mason grab the last two remaining cans before he passed you one over and you sent him an appreciative smile. ‘Thank you. Maybe you can spread the word to whoever’s got me for secret Santa that I could do with a stepladder’ you joked. Rolling your eyes a bit so you could make it obvious you were being silly but he just smiled back at you kindly.

‘Well at least you’ve got ideas, I dread to think what the person that got me is thinking’ he laughed. ‘I was gonna back out, you know cause I don’t know everyone super well, but Libby was looking at me like she’d rip my head off’

‘Oh trust me, I’ve been on the receiving end of that look many times and I know it's not fun’ you sympathised. ‘Are you happy with who you picked?’

‘Not sure happy is the right word, more confused I’d say but I think I’d feel the same with whoever I got. What about you?’

‘Pretty much the same’ you laughed. It suddenly hitting you how easy you were finding it to talk to him since you’d barely spoken before. You wanted to talk to him more but the sound of everyone laughing in the living room snapped you both out of your little bubble and he was nodding back towards there.

‘Shall we go back? If I miss too much I’ll never be able to get back into it what with my short attention span’ he chuckled and you nodded thinking the same. Following him back into the living room so you could take your place back next to Libby as he took his seat a few spaces down in between two of the other boys.

‘Something you want to tell me?’ Libby whispered. Leaning her head down so she could speak quietly in your ear but you were confused as to what she was going on about.

‘What?’

‘You and Mason? You were both gone ages’ she winked but you just frowned back at her.

‘Don’t do that’ you huffed, watching her smile smugly at you but it soon dropped when she realised you weren’t happy with her teasing. Something she tended to do often and even though she probably didn't mean any harm it still annoyed you. Any boy you so much as looked at she had something to say to you and that teasing glint in her eye was driving you insane.

‘Do what?’

‘Try and make something out of nothing. He just helped me reach a drink that’s all’ you huffed. Crossing your arms as you sunk back into the seat and you knew that Libby realised she’d annoyed you as she offered you her bag of M&M’s with a sorry smile.

You tried to ignore what she’d said, knowing she didn’t mean anything by it but now she’d said it you couldn’t concentrate on the movie as Mason was filling your thoughts. Even sneaking a little glance over at him every so often but he was fully engrossed in the movie and you felt stupid that one little comment from her was making you act like this.

That was until around half an hour later when you seemingly let your eyes wander over to where he was sitting again and you found him looking back at you already. A soft smile playing on his lips as he realised he’d been caught but you just smiled back before looking back to the tv as you felt your cheeks burn.

You didn’t get to speak to him anymore that night, having to rush home so you could get ready for work the next day but that didn’t mean he left your thoughts. Frantically thinking about what you could possibly get him that wasn’t boring or cliche but you were coming up blank. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of him and everyone else by getting him something rubbish and even though this whole thing was meant to be fun you were feeling more stressed than ever.

Soon enough it was Friday though and you managed to get out of work early. Getting off the train a stop early so you could take a wander through the park whilst it was still light outside always made you feel ten times better and you knew your favourite little secret coffee shop would still be open at this time so you headed there first. The sound of leaves crunching with every step was filling you with joy but the sudden sound of a big dog barking made you jump out of your skin moments after.

The noise went as quickly as it came, hearing whoever the dog's owner was calming them down pretty quickly but you could tell they were heading your way and you froze. You loved dogs, but big ones always frightened you at first and when you looked over to your right where the source of the noise was coming from, you saw a huge German shepherd with the fluffiest ears you’d ever seen.

‘Y/n? Is that you?’

‘Mason?’ You questioned. Watching the person come more into view and your suspicions were confirmed straight away as he greated you with his signature wide smile.

‘You alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost’ he joked so you straightening yourself up and tried to look like you hadn’t nearly peed your pants.

‘Oh no, sorry I’m fine’ you smiled as your eyes averted to the huge dog sitting obediently next to him. ‘Who’s this?’

‘This is Ace’ he grinned. ‘Sorry if he was really loud a second ago, he saw a squirrel and freaked out’

‘That’s okay’ you smiled. Reaching out to scratch his head and thankfully enough he seemed pretty placid now. ‘Mase and Ace, huh? You sound like a crime fighting duo’

‘Well if he’s gonna shit himself at the sight of a squirrel I don’t see that ending very well’ he joked and you had to cover your mouth to hold in your giggles ‘What are you doing here at this time?’

‘Oh I finished work a bit early so I was just cutting through here to get a coffee’ you explained and a look of confusion took over his face.

‘Where from? I’ve been gasping for about half an hour’

‘It’s just round the corner, there’s a little coffee shop just in the woods’ you told him and before you knew it the next sentence was tumbling from your lips. ‘You fancy coming with me?’

‘Oh um- yeah sure’ he agreed, nodding excitedly and with that he followed you down the path and in the direction you were going in before he got there.

You made small talk as you walked to the cafe. A small hidden spot in the woods that you wouldn’t know was there unless you’d been shown but it was you who’d stumbled across it one day and was a secret you’d hadn't shared with anyone until now.

‘This is cute’ he noted as you approached and you had to agree with him. The little wooden hut looked like something out of one of those hallmark Christmas movies and it was your favourite spot for a little pick me up.

‘Yeah, well this stays between us’ you winked and he held his hand over his heart as if to promise it would. ‘Why don’t you grab a bench, I can run inside and get them’ you smiled. ‘What would you like?’

‘Oh, uh latte please but let me-

‘I know what you’re about to say, and the answer is no’ you smiled. Watching him roll his eyes before pulling Ace over to a picnic bench and you ran inside to grab your coffees and a few sweet treats

You were just gathering everything together when it suddenly hit you that this could be incredibly awkward. You didn’t know Mason and you weren’t good at small talk so you were beginning to wonder why you’d offered to bring him here in the first place. In the end you figured you could use this to your advantage and see if you could learn anything about him in order to get him something for secret Santa and you rehearsed a few questions in your head as you walked back over.

‘I got us a few treats, you can have the first pick’

‘Oh thank you, you shouldn’t have’ he smiled, reaching for the brownie and you made a mental note that he was a chocolate fan. ‘So how come you got to leave work early?

‘Oh some weird early Christmas thing they do, they let you choose if you want to work the morning or the afternoon and I chose morning. Why anyone would would pick the afternoon is beyond me’

‘This is so embarrassing, but I don't actually think I know what you do for work’ he laughed awkwardly and even though you pretend like you were offended there probably was no way of him knowing as you’d never spoken to him about it before

So you went on a bit of a deep dive and explained to him the wonderful world of data analysing and that you mostly worked with spreadsheets all day. You weren’t sure if he seemed impressed or thought you were mental but he was listening intently and you thought it was nice he was taking such an interest. This wasn’t going how you’d planned though as you were meant to be finding out more about him and so far all you’d worked out was his coffee of choice was a latte and he likes brownies.

You were having a nice time though, laughing away as you chatted easily but there was something about coffee that always made you overheat. No matter if it was freezing outside like right now or if you were just at home in the warm anyway, you always felt the same and you could feel the familiar heat traveling up your neck.

Mason was still asking you questions and taking quite a keen interest in what you did so you carried on speaking as you shrugged off your coat and placed your scarf next to you. This did mean you were only left in a t shirt but the cool breeze felt like heaven against your hot skin.

You were halfway through your sentence when you realised Mason wasn’t listening to you. Looking up to see his eyes fixated on your chest as he looked there intently and you could feel your arms crossing over your body to protect yourself from his gaze.

His eyes were back on your face immediately. Cheeks burning as he realised what you must have thought he was doing and it was like he didn’t know what to say as he fought to get his words out.

‘I’m s-sorry, I was just trying to read what that said’ he stuttered. Pointing to the words on your shirt that were just above your heart. ‘I promise I’m not being weird’

‘It’s okay’ you laughed, uncrossing your arms as you both giggled awkwardly and you sat with your hands in your lap so you could nervously play with your fingers under the table.

‘What does it mean?’ He whispered after a second and you could feel yourself internally cringing at having to speak about something like this to someone when you usually kept it so private.

‘It’s just some lyrics’ you shrugged, hoping he’d move on from it but unfortunately he was intent on finding out more.

‘Oh I see, what song is it?’ He asked and you cast your eyes over the lyrics once more.

But when our fingers touch, I feel my way back home

‘Navigating, twenty one pilots’

‘Ah I’ve heard of them, can’t say I’ve ever listened to them before though’ he told you before taking a sip of his coffee. ‘You like them?

‘Yeah’

‘Sorry, stupid question’ he laughed, he cheeks turning a healthy shade of pink but you just smiled back as it was something you would have probably asked him if you were the one grilling him. ’Have you ever seen them live?’

‘No, like I’d love to but I’ve not really got anyone to go with plus crowds aren’t really my thing and i probably wouldn’t even be able to afford it’

‘Really? Why wouldn’t you take Libby?’ He asked but you just shrugged as that was a bit of a sore subject for you.

‘Not her type of thing’

‘What about your boyfriend?’ He asked quietly. His eyes avoiding yours as he looked to the table and you wondered if he was asking this sneakily to figure you out or just genuinely didn’t know.

‘One has to have a boyfriend in order to take one somewhere’ you told him but he kept his head down as he nodded.

‘I see’

You didn’t have a chance to reply, a little boy and his dad coming over looking all apologetic and asking for a picture so you offered to hold Ace’s lead whilst he spoke with them for a bit and it suddenly hit you in the face that this wasn’t just your sort of friend you were having a quick coffee with. This was Mason Mount.

‘Listen, as much as I’d love to stay, I need to head home. I’m off for an away game tomorrow and I need to pack’ he smiled and even though you didn’t know him all that well you knew he’d been out for a while after an injury and this would be his first time being back in the squad again.

‘Oh cool, who are you playing?’

‘Ipswich’

‘Ah okay, well make sure you take a hat, I’ve heard it’s supposed to be freezing tomorrow and you don’t want your ears to get cold’ you told him. Mentally face palming yourself and wondering why you’d said that but he just smiled at you warmly.

‘I will’ he chuckled. ‘Do you want me to grab you another coffee before I go?’

‘I’m fine, I promise’ you reassured him and his kind eyes made your tummy flip as he sent a smile your way.

‘Well I’ll get the next one then’ he chuckled before bidding you goodbye and leaving you to finish off your drink.

You were putting everything in the bin when you realised Mason had forgotten something. Noticing the bottle that was for ace still sat on his chair and you didn’t know what to do.

You had Masons number, not that you’d ever texted him before but he was part of the movie night group chat so it wouldn't take that much for you to grab his number and text him. You weren’t sure how he’d react though and wondered if he’d be mad at you for not asking permission first but in the end you talked yourself round and sent him a quick text letting him know you had it.

You felt a weight lifted knowing he wasn’t mad at you and the little kiss at the end made your face flush. It was only one little letter but it was in the mind for the rest of the night to the point where you wondered why. Mason was was in a whole different league to you but you couldn’t deny you that you’d had a good time sitting and talking with him that afternoon.

You thought that might be the end of your private conversations with Mason but the next morning you woke up to see a notification from him on your phone and you felt your pulse quicken. Opening it as quickly as you could in your half asleep state and the sight of his face made you smile.

You’d never seen a game of football in your life but you made sure to keep an eye on the score when he was playing but when you saw it came to draw you wondered if you should send him a teasing text about it’s because he’s not worn a hat. In the end you decided against it as you didn’t want to overstep the line or even worse get ignored.

It was him that texted you next a day later as you were coming home from work and when you saw his name flash up on screen after it buzzed in your hand it was like a wave of excitement and anticipation rolled through you.

You were almost home so you quickly nipped into Sainsburys to grab everything you needed whilst Mason texted you his address. Offering to pick you up if he was too far but it was only a few bus stops away and there was one just pulling up as you left the shop. A short walk after you’d got off led you up a private road and when you were outside his drive all you could think about was how it looked like a castle.

You saw his little head moving in the front window as you walked up the path and soon enough he was opening the front door for you when you were about halfway there. His usual bright smile dressed on his face as he stood and waited for you and as you got near he stepped to the side and motioned for you to come in.

‘Here she is’ he beamed. ‘You know you didn’t need to do this, I would have come and got them’

‘I know, but I had Ace’s bottle too so I figured I’d grab that, and you’ve been traveling’ you told him as you stepped inside and a delicious feeling of warmth hit you immediately.

‘But you’ve been at work all day’

‘Yeah, sat on my arse’ you giggled and you followed after him as he lead you into the kitchen, offering you a drink whilst he popped his washing on and you couldn’t help but notice all the random assortment of things on his kitchen counter.

‘What’s all this?’ You asked, eyes taking over the random bits of paper, tickets and photos’

‘Oh just some bits I bought back. I always like to bring something back when I’ve been to an away game’

‘What do you do with it all?

‘It’s just in a big box right now. I’ve been meaning to organise it and stuff, you know so it’s easy to look back on, but I wouldn’t know where to start’

‘You should start scrapbooking’ you told him without even thinking but the short little laugh made your head snap up to look at him opposite you.

‘You what?’

‘Scrapbooking? I started doing it a few years ago with some of my old stuff from when I was a kid. It’s just a nice way of keeping it all together you know?’ You gulped, hoping you didn’t sound too ridiculous but he was nodding like he liked the idea so you didn’t feel too silly anymore. ‘And when I’ve been looking at mind numbing spreadsheets all day it’s nice to do something a little creative’

‘Do you have any pictures of yours?’ He asked, coming round to your side of the island so he could perch next to you and when his arm touched yours you felt yourself flush.

What’s happening to me? You questioned. Wondering if it was just being inside his house that was making you feel so hot and bothered but it didn’t help that his soft smile seemed to be melting your insides.

‘Not loads’ you gulped. Flicking through a few photos you’d taken of pages you were pretty proud of and he seemed fairly impressed. Asking you loads of questions about how you did it and what you used until your conversion moved to him asking about the memories you’d put in there.

‘You got dinner plans?’ He asked as his eyes looked up to the clock on his wall and you realised how late it was getting and you hadn’t had a thing since lunch.

‘No, I hadn’t thought that far ahead’ you laughed. ‘I’ll probably just pick something up on the way home’

‘Let me make you something, for saving my bacon’

‘Oh Mase, I-‘

‘Please? It’s the least I can do’ he told you but you still didn’t know if you should accept. ‘it’s just spag Bol, don’t worry I won’t kill you’

‘Okay’ you laughed. Smiling back at him just as wide as he had when you accepted his offer and he was quick to get up to make a start. Letting you help as he told you where things were that he needed but you also used it as an excuse to have a snoop around his kitchen.

‘Why do you have a million man united pens?’ You asked after a while. Your eyes catching the huge pile at the side by the fridge and you noticed the shy awkward look take over his face.

‘I always take one so I can sign stuff for the guys who wait outside but then I bring it home and forget to take it back with me again so I pick another one up and the cycle continues’ he huffed. ‘Help yourself if you want one’

You were surprised at how much of a good cook he was, asking if you could have the recipe but he let you know it was a Mount family secret and the only way to get it was to join. You knew it was just a joke but the idea made you blush and you knew you’d have to leave soon so you didn’t make a fool out of yourself. He offered to drop you but you knew he had an early training session so you told him you’d be fine on the bus as you didn’t live far. He wasn’t happy with this though and demanded he got you an uber so to avoid an argument you accepted.

It was on your way home you had a long hard think about what to get Mason for Christmas. So far he’d been asking you more questions than the other way around but from what you’d learnt tonight you wondered if getting him his own scrapbooking stuff would be a good gift. He’d told you he wanted to sort all his memories out and seemed really interested in what you’d done but you wondered if it was something he’d start himself or if he’d need a push.

Once you were in bed you made a start to find him the perfect scrapbook. In the end picking two as you couldn’t decide between the deep blue or the red and figured he might like to have both to keep both phases of his life separate. Everything else you figured you could grab from your usual stationary shop the next time you went as you could see the perfect stickers for him in your mind.

You kept away from talking to him until his next game. You knew he hadn’t started the game but you’d seen a lot of praise for him online and you couldn’t help but send him a quick message.

From that day onwards you kept in contact everyday, even if it was just a little good luck text before a game or evenings you’d spend the whole night talking. Your little fingers furiously tapping away at your screen to the point you didn’t want to say goodbye some nights and he never made you feel annoying or like you were a bother to him.

Your aim to try and find out more about him was working wonders as you were finding out new things every day. His favourite sweets, his favourite drink, his favourite holiday he’s ever been on. All now in your brain for future use but it was a week and a half later that you thought you’d learned something you didn’t want to.

You were at Libbys for a catch up, her and Aaron having taken a small trip the week before and she’d invited you over for some pizza and a catch up but you knew before you’d even started you should have done it at your house. Aaron was clearly online with all the boys playing one of their games and his cries were louder than you’d ever heard them. In the end you took it upon yourself to try and sort out the situation.

It seemed to do the trick and you and Libby were able to have a conversation in peace for the most part. Aaron reemerged around an hour and a half later to come and get a drink but he stopped by the sofa to check in on you both.

‘How’s your game?’ You asked and he smiled at the fact you’d taken an interest.

‘Yeah good, it’s just Mase and a few of the boys’ he shrugged. ‘Speaking of Mase, I’m 95% sure he’s got a girlfriend’

You weren’t sure why, but you felt your heart sink immediately. You enjoyed spending time with him lately and knowing he’d kept it from you stung a little bit. You kept your face as blank as possible though as Libby started to grill Aaron about it excitedly.

‘Why do you think that?’

‘He was texting someone as we were playing and you should have seen the smile on his face like that’s an I’m down bad for a girl smile’

‘I’ve never known Mason to even be talking to a girl the whole time we’ve known him’ she said, turning to look at you for some sort of agreement on your part but you just shrugged wishing you’d never asked.

‘Trust me, he talks to girls. He can get pretty much whoever he wants’ he shrugged, your heart now beating in your ears as you felt your skin flush. ‘This is different though, It's not a hookup smile it’s an i worship the ground you walk on type smile’

‘Is that how you smile when you think of me’ she smiled. Her hand on his thigh as he placed a kiss to her head and you felt like you were watching in on an intimate moment.

‘Always’ he whispered sinserly.

‘Ugh, you two make me sick’ you huffed, wanting to get up and leave them to it but you could see Aaron getting up to go so you stayed where you were.

‘Sorry squirt’ Aaron smiled, ruffling your hair as he passed by the back of you and you groaned as you got it back into place.

‘Anyway I won’t believe you until I meet this girl’ Libby called and you wished the pair of them would just drop it. You tummy swirling with sadness as you thought about him flirting with someone else and it took everything in you to try and seem unbothered.

‘I promise you, my spidey senses are always correct and I definitely think he’s got the eyes for someone. Maybe he’ll bring her to the next movie night if I can convince him?’

‘Ooo yes you should try’ she smiled, clapping her hands excitedly as you knew she loved entertaining for new people but you couldn’t think of anything worse than meeting Mason's new lady friend and having to act like it didn’t bother you.

‘Hey y/n? In case I don’t see you before you go, what’s your favourite chocolate?’ Aaron suddenly asked, turning back to you both just as he was about to leave and you were confused by the sudden random question.

‘Dairy milk, why?’

‘Mason was asking. He’s been asking a lot of questions about you now I come to think of it’ he mused but you wanted to move away from the topic as quickly as possible.

‘Oh… I’m sure it’s nothing’ you laughed. ‘Maybe he’s making a list of stuff he needs for new years?’

‘Oh yeah, could be’ he shrugged but you made sure to change the subject as quickly as you could so Libby didn’t ask anymore questions and put you on the spot.

It was less than five minutes later when Mason messaged you. A smug smile on your face as you read it over what he’d said but it wasn’t until you were on the way home and you reflected over the evening that it hit you what might be happening.

Why did you care? He was just a guy in your friendship group who was way out of your league and probably wouldn’t look twice at you anyway. You weren’t even sure if you could refer to him as a friend at this point as it was only over the last few weeks you’d grown somewhat closer so why did you care if he had a girlfriend?

Because you knew he didn’t look at you like he looked at everyone else. Because you knew he was bringing out a whole new side of you where you didn’t feel like a spare part or a burden and because his smile lit up a part of you you didn’t even know existed until now.

You never expected to have a crush on anyone at this point in your life, let alone Mason, and you had no idea what to do about it. The idea of pushing it down was appealing as the thought of him finding out was not on the top of your list of fun things to do and you knew it wouldn’t be that simple. You’d be spending more time with him soon enough and you didn’t want to act weird around him and scare him off so you figured you could just act like everything was normal and hopefully he’d be none the wiser in time for your crush to inevitably wear off.

You managed to keep things up until a few days later when it was movie night again. The last one of the year and you were really hoping you could spend some time with him beforehand as you’d be sat with Libby when the movie was on. Unfortunately for you he was nowhere to be seen and you knew Libby was looking at you weirdly as you constantly looked around the room.

‘Hey you’ you suddenly heard as you had your head buried in your phone, Mason's cheerful voice filling your ears and when you turned to see him you felt your heart thump. Trying to bite back a smile as he made his way over through the sea of everyone else and his boyish grin was making your tummy flutter.

‘Hey, you alright?’ You smiled back, trying not to let on too much about how happy you were to see him but he was smiling back at you just as widely and it was contagious.

‘Yeah good, training was a bit later today and it was tough so I’m knackered’

‘Well at least you can sit down for a bit now’ you offered as you pushed a drink you’d saved for him towards him and he gave you a grateful smile.

‘Speaking of sitting, will you come sit next to me for a sec? I wanna show you something’ he asked as he nodded towards the living and you followed him into his usual spot on the sofa. It was a few seats from where you usually sat but you figured you���d have time to move before the movie started. ‘What do you think?’ He asked as he passed you his phone and it took a second to realise what you were seeing. Laughing as you tried to speak and as you leant onto him he squeezed your thigh softly.

‘What’s this?’

‘I was talking to my tattoo artist the other day and he was asking about Ace. I mentioned you said we sound like a crime fighting duo and he sent me this yesterday morning’ he laughed, enlarging the hand drawn image of Mason and Ace dressed up like superheroes and you thought it was the best thing you’d ever seen.

‘This is incredible’ you laughed. ‘You should so get this tattooed somewhere’

‘Oh yeah?’ He winked. ‘I was thinking on my ribs? Like right under the champions league one’

‘Oh yeah, the perfect spot’ you teased. The pair of you chuckling away as you sat and spoke and just like always with Mason time seemed to pass you both by quickly.

The room had slowly started to fill up but you took no notice until the lights were being dimmed and you realised you weren’t sat next to Libby like always. Looking over to see her pouting at you but you felt too awkward to move now as everyone was sat down and you’d have to shuffle everyone up from their seats to be back with her. Not to mention you’d feel rude moving away from Mason.

‘You want a blanket, Mase?’ You suddenly heard from one of the boys across the room. Watching it catapult through the air but he caught it easily and when he unfolded it and laid it over the both of your laps you felt your cheeks burn.

‘You okay to share?’ He asked quietly. A slight quiver of shyness in his voice but you figured you must have been hearing things. There was no reason he would ever need to be shy with you and you figured it must have just been him trying to keep quiet around everyone. ‘Have you um, have you got enough room?’ He questioned. Trying his best to turn himself into the corner of the sofa to make sure you had enough space but you were quite happy being pressed up against him so you just nodded and let him lay his arm across the back of the sofa behind you.

You tried your best to focus on the movie in front of you but Mason was fidgeting a bit. You wondered if it was just him and that he was always like this but when you looked up to his face you could see he was trying to fight himself from falling asleep. He’d told you earlier it was a pretty brutal training session and clearly he was paying for it now but he looks so awkward and uncomfortable you weren’t sure if you should wake him up.

You went against it in the end, just manoeuvring him a little so he could rest his head on yours as you popped your head on his shoulder and you couldn’t contain your smile as he linked his arm through yours and hugged it to his chest.

You spent the next hour with him peacefully sleeping on you. His gentle snores and warm body almost sending you off to sleep yourself but you kept yourself awake and when the movie was over and the lights back on you felt him jolt awake.

‘Shit, was i asleep?’ He mumbled. Trying to look around the room to figure out where he was and you thought he looked adorable in his half awake state.

‘I think you were only awake for the first ten minutes’ you chuckled, watching his face contort in embarrassment but he had nothing to be embarrassed of at all.

‘Sorry if I crushed you’

‘You were surprisingly comfortable’ you whispered, looking up to see him smiling shyly at you but before either of you could speak Libby had come to stand in front of both of you and you were suddenly hyper aware of the fact you were both still under the blanket with his arms wrapped around yours.

‘Hey Mase? Aaron was sure you’d be bringing your new girlfriend tonight but instead you just stole mine’ she sneered and you felt yourself stiffen with awkwardness. Wondering what Mason would say or do but thankfully he just smiled back at her and held your arm a little tighter.

‘You’ve got Aaron’ he shrugged, trying to make out she was still fine but when she put her hands on her hips you knew she was more pissed off than she appeared to be.

‘But movie nights are our nights’

‘Well unfortunately you’ll have to learn to share’ he laughed. Letting you go before wrapping his arms around your shoulders from behind and pulling you back towards him like he was claiming you. You felt your cheeks burn at how he was acting with you but you couldn’t say you weren’t enjoying this side of him no matter how Libby was looking at you.

‘I didn’t even know you two spoke’

‘Well now you do’ he shrugged nonchalantly before unwrapping himself from you. ‘I wouldn’t worry, she’s only here for my spag bol recipe’ he joked but it went straight over Libby's head as she looked back at the pair of you blankly. ‘Anyway, I need to be getting off. I’ve got training early and I need to sort my washing out’

‘I need to go too, I’m on an early start tomorrow’ you told her but Mason grabbed your arm just as you were standing up.

‘I’ll drop you home, yeah?’ He offered but before you could reply there was a scoff beside you.

‘What the fuck is going on?’ she questioned but you didn’t have time to explain and right now you didn’t exactly want to.

‘I’ll text you, okay?’ You told her. Pulling her in for a quick hug before following Mason out the door and as soon as you were plugged into the seat you knew the questions were coming.

‘Libby is intense sometimes. I get the feeling she doesn’t like us talking’ Mason told you as he pulled away from the curb and you shrugged your shoulders in response. Libby has been your best friend since you were kids but she was a bit of a control freak and whilst she liked to know the ins and outs of everyone else’s business, she very rarely shared much of her own life unless you pushed hard.

‘She’ll be fine, I think she just feels out of the loop’

‘What loop would that be?’ He quizzed lightly but you didn’t have the guts to look at him right now.

‘Well we’ve never really spoken before, I can see why she might be a bit confused’

‘And you didn’t tell her we talk?’

‘No’ you gulped, fiddling with your fingers in your lap for some sort of distraction but the next thing you knew Mason had pried them apart with his own and held one to stop you fidgeting. A kind smile on his face as he continued to look ahead and drive but you were thankful he wasn’t looking at you as you now resembled a tomato and you figured you should keep talking so you didn’t spiral about what was going on right now. ‘I didn’t see the need to and I like keeping this between us. She keeps things from me all the time yet wants to know everything about me. I just liked things being a little private cause I know she likes to make a big deal out of everything, I hope that’s not weird’

‘Not at all, I like it’ he reassured you. Squeezing your hand softly before letting go and you missed his warmth immediately ‘So I guess the next time I’ll see you will be new years?’

You hadn't realised you’d pulled up outside your house already, too distracted by the way his hand felt in yours and when he turned to you in his seat you did the same to get a better look at him.

‘I guess so yeah’ you nodded sadly. ‘I hope you have a lovely Christmas, and good luck with all your games’

‘Thank you, you too’ he smiled before a look of uncertainty washed over his face. ‘Do you um… let me walk you to your door’

‘Oh don’t be silly’ you told him but he was already unplugging himself and reaching for his door handle.

‘No no, I want to’ he smiled and you didn’t want to fight him on it so you just got out and led the way. Turning to face him as you reached your front door and you were both looking at each other like you didn’t know what to say.

‘Do you want to come in or…’ you started but you knew when he popped his hands in his pockets that it was going to be a no.

‘Best not, I’ve got to be up early-‘

‘Oh sorry, of course’ you laughed but he just smiled back softly at you.

‘Don’t be silly’ he smiled, reaching for your arm and pulling you towards his body and before you knew it you were tucked against him as he wrapped his arms around you.

It was like all the noise in your brain stopped. A calmness falling over you as he held you to his chest and your whole body relaxed into his as you felt his body do the same. God he smells so good you thought as you took a deep breath and you couldn’t stop yourself from holding him a bit tighter. You hadn't had a hug like this in a while and it was like you could feel all the broken parts of you being filled up by him.

‘Thank you for letting me sleep on you earlier’ he whispered into your hair and all you wanted to do was melt into him more.

‘Anytime’ you laughed and when he started to pull back you did the same. Quickly saying goodnight to each other before he darted back to the car and you noticed he didn’t leave until he knew you were inside.

You weren’t expecting to hear from him over the next few days. It was a really important game coming up for him and all he’d done was tell you how excited he was to play but the game had barely started and you felt your heart drop.

You hadn't even seen what had happened, but the distraught look on his face as he sat on the pitch was like nothing you’d ever felt before. You wanted to run to him, to hold him like he’d held you a few nights ago and let him know it was okay and that you were there for him but you couldn’t. You just started blankly at your screen as he walked off the pitch and down the tunnel.

You didn’t know what to do, if he wanted to hear from you or anyone at all, but in the end you sent him a text. Even if he didn’t reply you still wanted him to know you were there for him no matter what and later on that night before bed his name was flashing up on your screen.

Not exactly the reply you were hoping for but you understood. He was frustrated and hurt and probably wasn't in the mood for anyone or anything but the next day at around 4pm his name was flashing up again.

So he called you that night, and the night after you called him. Each night turning into one you’d spend on the phone with him for at least an hour but it always felt like five minutes. Letting Mason offload about how upset and disappointed he was with this fresh injury yet with each passing day you noticed him perk up a bit. Taking his mind off of everything and getting him excited for the holidays and it melted your heart to hear him talk about spending time with his family and getting to see all the little ones.

You figured Christmas Day he’d be too busy to talk but he text you in the evening asking for a chat and you loved listening to him talk about his day. Letting each other know what gifts you’d gotten and what you’d done until the excitement of the day had gotten too much for him and you heard his sleepy snores on the other end of the line.

If there was ever a time you wanted to crawl through the phone and be with him it would have been now as the thought of him sleeping all alone pulled on your heart strings. You wanted to hold him and stroke his hair and fall asleep right next to him but to you it was just a dream.

By the time New Year’s Eve had rolled around you’d spoken every day in between. You knew today would be different as you were actually getting to see him and you were nervous beyond belief but also filled with excitement at maybe getting to speak to him later. You knew he might be busy as it was his party but you were holding out hope that he could make time for you even just for a bit.

The plan was to get ready at Libby's house so you could get your drink on a bit early before you left and as soon as you were ready she was calling Aaron in to take pictures of the pair of you. She looked stunning all dressed up in a short sparkly number and you felt under dressed in comparison. Opting for a little black dress that was your trusty favourite as you just wanted to be comfortable tonight but now you were wondering if you should have worn something else.

‘Do you know if Masons, okay? You know after the injury? I'd hate to turn up and he doesn’t want company’ Libby asked Aaron as you all got your coats on and you listened intently to Aaron’s answer.

‘I’ll be honest baby, no one’s really heard from him since it happened. We’ve text him but he’s not said too much’ he shrugged but you made sure to keep quiet. Trying to keep the smile off your face at the fact he was seemingly only talking to you and you couldn’t help but feel a little smug about it.

You didn’t see Mason when you arrived, Aaron just barging his way in like he’d owned the place and after you’d shrugged your coats off you made your first stop in the dining room so you could drop your gifts onto the table before following the pair of them into the main living room. It was full of people and your eyes were only looking for one person to the point where Aaron and Libby had walked off to say hello to some of your friends and you hadn’t even realised.

It didn’t take much longer to spot him, standing with a guy you didn’t know and two girls in the tightest dresses you’d ever seen. Your mood plummeting as you watched the one closest to him laugh at what he was saying as she placed a hand on his upper arm and you had to look away.

You felt a set of eyes on you a few seconds after though, looking back up to see Mason looking your way with a soft smile on his face and you couldn’t help but mirror it. You wanted nothing more than to head straight over to him but the company he was with scared you and you didn’t want to interrupt. He was two steps ahead of you though and quickly said goodbye to the people he was with before making his way over to you.

‘You’re here’ he smiled. Stopping just in front of you and you wondered if he would hug you or touch you in any way but he didn’t. His smile and eyes a little dozy from where he’d been drinking but you knew he wasn’t drunk and if anything it just made him look even more adorable as his eyes flickered all over your face.

‘I’m here’ you laughed, not really knowing what to say as you were so nervous and you knew he was looking at your hands as you were playing with your fingers like usual.

‘You look… you look really nice’

‘Thank you’ you whispered, your cheeks heating at his words and you let your eyes flicker over him. He wasn’t dressed in anything outlandish, a simple boxy white t shirt and some baggy jeans but he looked just as good as always. ‘You do too’

‘Oh this old thing?’ He laughed, fiddling with the hem of his T-shirt. ‘Do you have a drink yet?’

‘No, we only just got here’ you told him, trying to motion to Libby and Aaron who you figured were still somewhere close by but you couldn’t see them anywhere.

‘Come on, I’ll get you one. I know where all the good stuff is’ he smiled and he surprised you by taking your hand and leading you through into the kitchen. You knew there were eyes on you but you kept your eyes on the floor and followed him, letting him pick you whatever drink he fancied and in the end he made you both the same before leading you back into the main living room. ‘Can i introduce you to someone?’

‘Oh um, sure’ you gulped, following him back to the guy who you’d seen him with when you’d first gotten here, but this time he was on his own.

‘This is Ben, we played together at Chelsea’ he smiled. Popping his hand on your waist as he stopped you but to your delight he didn’t move it away. ‘Ben, this is y/n’

‘It’s nice to meet you’ he smiled, his bright blue eyes staring right into your soul but no matter how pretty they were, they were no match for Masons chestnut orbs. ‘Thanks for looking after him up here, I know he appreciates having your little group to make him feel a bit normal’

‘That’s okay, it’s not me you should be thanking anyway’ you explained as you felt Masons hand leave you. Looking to the side to see him saying hello to a few more people you didn’t know but Ben seemed keen to carry on talking to you.

‘Of course I should, he’s been telling me loads about you lately’

‘Oh yeah?’ You laughed. The back of your neck warming as you tried to brush off his comment but he seemed insistent on telling you how much you were helping his friend.

‘I’m serious, I know things took a turn for him lately but he’s told me how much talking to you everyday has helped. Even if you don’t mean to be, it’s a lot to him’

‘Well I care about him a lot’ you admitted. Words you’d never even admitted to yourself let alone spoken out loud but it didn’t feel strange to finally say it. ‘I just want him to know he’s not on his own and he’s got us’

‘Well it makes me feel a lot better too’ he smiled before you felt that familiar warm hand on your waist again and Mason's lips by your ear.

‘Sorry guys, I’m back’ he grinned, squeezing you gently as Ben changed the subject. Probably not wanting Mason to know he’d caught onto the pair of you so quickly and you’d never been more thankful to talk about football before.

Mason didn’t leave your side for the rest of the night, and if he did it was only for a minute or two. His hand permanently on you whether that be your waist or his arm slung around your shoulder and you loved the way he didn’t want to leave you as you definitely didn't want to leave him.

‘You don't have to spend all your night with me, you know’ you told him as he guided you back to the kitchen to get you both a new drink and the look of shock on his face made you giggle.

‘Is that your subtle way of telling me to piss off?’

‘No’ you laughed. ‘But it’s your party, I thought you might wanna talk to some other people’

‘I’m fine here’ he shrugged as he passed you a glass and you made sure your face looked offended by his silly comment.

‘Just fine?’

‘Maybe a bit more than fine’ he chuckled, stepping closer to you as he threw you a wink and you could feel his breath on your cheek.

‘We should get going, secret Santa starts soon and you know what she’s like’ you whispered, a smug smile on his face as he realised what you were doing but he just nodded without breaking eye contact.

‘You go, I’ll see you in there’ he whispered. Letting you leave the kitchen on your own as he went the other way and as soon as you made it into the dining room you went and stood with Libby. You hadn’t seen her in hours but she never said a word about it and just smiled before she cleared her throat for everyone.

‘Secret Santa gifts are on the table. Just go and find the one with your name on and see what you get’ she giggled whilst clapping her hands and you knew she was excited as she dove right into hers.

Yours was next to Libbys and it was the biggest of them all. A big square box that was wrapped to perfection and you knew Libby was eyeing it curiously as hers was only a little bag.

Usually you would have waited until everyone had got going so you could open your gift whilst everyone was occupied but you were intrigued as to what was inside and you lifted the lid immediately. Tearing your way through the sparkly tissue paper until you caught sight of what was hidden inside. The red and yellow catching your eye instantly and you knew exactly what it was as you picked it up and gave it a once over.

‘I swear to god I’m never suggesting this again’ you heard Libby huff from beside you. Snapping you out of your moment with your gift as you looked at what she was holding and you couldn’t deny you felt awful for her. A crappy Christmas mug with the worst pixelated image of Santa you’d ever seen and a little box of hot chocolate powder to go with it. ‘There’s no way this was £20’

‘Ah I’m sorry Libs’

‘It’s whatever’ she told you before her eyes landed on your gift. ‘What’s that?’

‘It’s a vinyl’ you smiled as your eyes flew back to what was between your hands.

‘Twenty one pilots? That’s so random’

‘Not entirely’ you smiled, having a pretty good idea as to who you thought had picked this out for you as there was a certain song on this album that you’d spoken about with someone pretty recently. You were too nervous to look up and find his eyes though so you flipped it over to look at the other side to find two signatures perfectly etched onto the cover. A small gasp falling from your lips as you saw them and a rush of gratitude took over you. This was the most thoughtful gift you’d ever received and before you knew it your eyes were frantically looking for Masons.

You didn’t have to look too far, his eyes were on you already and and from the slight blush on his cheeks you were fairly certain it was him that had gifted you this.

You wanted to run over and pull him into your arms so you could thank him but you held back. Nodding down to the gift that was in front of him in hopes he’d open it but it suddenly hit you that what you’d decided to buy him paled in comparison to the thought he’d put in for you. You’d basically bought him crafting supplies whilst he’d he’d delved into your brain and got you something you’d loved that you would never have bought for yourself.

You couldn’t look, hearing a few giggles from people in his general direction and the nervousness took over your body and you had to flee. Popping your vinyl back into the box before making a swift exit out of the nearest door which thankfully led into the main room and you were back with Ben.

You asked if you could stick with him for a bit and he thankfully agreed. Telling you stories about Mason from when he was back in Chelsea and you loved learning about this side of him. The Mason up here seeming pretty reserved to the cheeky chap Ben was used to but you’d seen glimpses of it and you couldn’t wait for Mason to show you more.

You didn’t know what you were walking into but you found his room fairly easily. The door was slightly ajar and after a quick deep breath and a couple of knocks, you could hear his voice on the other side.

‘Come in’

‘H-hey, it’s me’ you told him as you popped your head round but he was waving you in fully so you walked in and shut the door behind you.

‘Hey’ he smiled ‘I take it this is all you then?’ He asked as he motioned to all the stuff you’d bought that was scattered over his bed and you felt like disappearing into the floor.

‘Oh um, yeah listen I’m sorry I know it’s a bit shit-‘

‘Are you kidding me?’ He laughed ‘I love it’

‘What? Are you serious?’

‘Of course, I’ve started sorting some bits out already but I think I might need your help with a lot of it. Do you think you’d be up for it?’ He asked. His tone excited as he smiled at you wildly and even though you’d be more than happy to help, the gravity of what he was asking you to do suddenly hit you out of nowhere.

‘Those are your memories, Mase’ you whispered. ‘Are you sure, that’s huge?’

‘Is it?’

‘Well yeah, if I help you then everytime you look at that stuff you’ll be thinking of me’ you explained but he just shrugged as he picked the red one up to give it a proper look.

‘You bought me the books, I’ll be thinking about you no matter what’ he laughed before his face got a little more serious. ‘I’m sure, okay? I really need your help’

‘I can help’ you nodded. Taking a seat next to him on his bed but you wanted to talk about something else rather than the random assortment of things on his bed. ‘I take it mine was from you then?’

‘You got me’ he giggled, holding his hands up in fake surrender. ‘Do you like it?’

‘Well I was hoping for a step ladder I can’t lie’ you teased but saw through you right away as he laughed along. ‘I’m kidding, it's perfect. Where did you even get it?’

‘I know people’ he shrugged. ‘I’m glad you like it though, I had no idea at first like we barely knew each other’

‘I did wonder why you suddenly wanted to talk to me so much’

‘I had nothing to go on, I needed something’ he smiled before his face got a little more serious. ‘Your present, It’s actually a bit of a two parter’ he smiled, reaching into his bedside drawer and producing a white envelope that he’d written your name on.

‘What’s this?’ You asked, taking it from him carefully and you wondered if it was just a Christmas card but he seemed a bit too excited to give it to you if it was just that.

‘Open it’ he told you softly and you couldn’t wait any longer. Tearing into it as carefully as you could before pulling out two tickets.

‘Mase…’ you breathed. ‘No Mase I can’t-‘

‘Of course you can’ he grinned, shuffling closer to you until your thighs touched. ‘The only reasons you told me you couldn’t go were you couldn’t afford it, which I’ve taken care of. You didn’t like crowds and I’ve booked you into a vip section so there’s not too many other people around. The only part I can’t help you with is finding someone to go with. You need to pick’

‘Will you come with me?’ You asked immediately. You knew they weren’t his thing as he’d told you he’d never listened to them before but you figured going with Mason made more sense than anyone else.

‘You want me to come? I didn’t get them for you for you to pick me’ he told you softly and you could tell he was biting back a smile at being the person you wanted with you.

‘But what if I want to go with you’ you whispered. ‘It’s my gift right? My decision on who I get to take. I want to take you’ you told him but then it hit you he might not want to go either and you didn’t want to force him. ‘But if you don’t want to-‘

‘Okay’ he smiled, cutting you off as he bumped your arm. ‘We can go together’

‘Look at us, eh. Who would have thought’ you joked, watching the way his eyes crinkled as he let out a laugh and all you wanted was to get closer to him.

‘Not me’ he winked. Bumping his shoulder into yours again. ‘Thank you, though. I was dreading this whole secret Santa thing but I’ve actually really enjoyed getting to know you’

‘I have too’ you whispered. His serious face was making you nervous, like he was about to tell you he’d see you around and burst the perfect bubble you’d created.

‘I know it’s like all over and stuff but we can still hang out right?’ He questioned. Your face breaking out into a smile at the fact you’d read it all wrong and you knew he was laughing at your reaction.

‘Yeah? You mean you still want to?’

‘Of course’ he grinned. ‘I mean I’ve been thinking of excuses for ages to try and see you. Remember when I needed washing tablets?’

‘I remember’ you laughed, grinning as he smiled back at you.

‘I didn’t really need them, I just wanted you to come over’ he giggled. And this last week or so, it’s been shit. But getting to speak to you and offload like you let me, I didn’t realise how much I needed someone for that’

‘I just hated the thought of you being alone and stressing about’

‘Well I did for the first night’ he laughed. Placing his hand behind your back on the bed and leaning into you more but it caused the bed to dip and you felt your heart flutter at how close his face seemed to yours now. His lips merely an inch away and it wouldn’t take much for you to lean forward. ‘But you’ve really picked me back up off the floor you know?’

‘It was nothing’ you laughed. Your eyes now in your lap as you nervously played with you fingers but once again he was. Breaking them apart with his own as he laced his through your and gripped your hand softly.

‘You do that a lot you know’ he chuckled softly, rubbing his thumb along the black of you hand gently and you could feel your tummy flipping as he did.

‘I think it’s just a nervous habit’

‘You don’t need to be nervous with me’ he whispered. Eyes dropping to your lips for a second before he was looking straight back in your eyes.

It was like you could feel the magnetic force of him pulling you closer, wanting nothing more than to kiss him and you were pretty sure he wanted to kiss you back as he was leaning in just as slowly.

This is it, you thought. The last few weeks imagining what it would be like to be closer to him and kiss him was now seeming to come to fruition but oddly enough for you, you didn’t feel nervous. This felt like you were exactly where you were meant to and all you wanted was to close the gap and finally feel him properly.

You were broken out of your trance by the sound of your phone ringing, the pair of you looking down and you cursed under your breath as you fumbled to try and retrieve it. Libby’s name flashing up on your screen and you gulped hard before answering.

‘H-hello?’

‘Hey, where are you?’ She asked. Music pounding in the background and it hit you that you’d barely been around her this evening.

‘Oh I’m… I’m on the loo’

‘Well hurry up and come back, it’s almost midnight’

‘I’ll be down in a sec’ you told her. Shutting off the call and turning to Mason who was looking at you was a soft smile. ‘It’s um, it’s almost midnight’

‘You go, I’ll see you down there in a sec’

‘Mase-‘

‘Go on, before she has another fit’ he chuckled, cutting you off with a smile but his cheeks were bright red and you knew he was feeling a little embarrassed so you made a quick dash and felt downstairs.

You made it down just in time, the whole room buzzing as it was edging closer to midnight and you found Libby fairly quickly. Taking her hand as she pulled you into her side and you could tell she was having a good night with all your friends.

When the count down began you felt Libby reach for you again, pulling you in for a hug first just like always and you squeezed her back before releasing her as you got to five. Knowing she would want to spend the last of the count down with Aaron and you’d be standing there awkwardly just like always.

You hoped this year you’d have at least someone around you but all the other girls were coupled up and you didn’t know where to look. Eventually backing off so you could stand to the side and out of the way like most years but a hand on your wrist stopped you.

It was like the next few seconds happened in slow motion, turning to see who stopped you and when you looked up into those warm brown eyes it was like you were transported back to ten minutes ago. Mason looking at you with his lips slightly parted as his breathing got a bit heavier.

You couldn’t hear the countdown anymore, all your energy focused on the boy in front of you but you knew it must have been finishing shortly as Mason pulled you closer to his body. His free hand cupping your jaw gently so he could tilt your face up towards his and as the words happy new year were shouted around the room he lent down and pulled you in for a kiss.

It was only short. His lips just about touching yours before he pulled back but it was seemingly just to check you were okay before he lent back in to kiss you much deeper and you felt your knees give way as he pulled you closer to his body.

You were aware that your hands were limp by your side but you felt too in shock to do anything with them for a beat until they were trailing up his strong arms and resting on his chest. His heart thrumming under your fingertips and soon enough the reality of the situation hit you causing a smile to break out on your lips that he was soon mirroring.

‘Happy new year’ he whispered once he’d pulled away. His face still close to yours as he stroked your jaw and the little glint in his eye made you lose your breath slightly.

‘Happy new year’

‘Sorry, I just-‘

‘It’s okay’ you smiled. Cutting him off slightly as you didn’t want him to apologise for anything that has just happened. ‘I’ve never been kissed at midnight so thanks’

‘The pleasure was all mine’ he winked as he wrapped both arms around your waist and pulled you further into him but you were still in such a daze you didn’t know what to say.

‘What is going on’ you whispered with a laugh, hoping he understood what you meant and from the laugh he sent you back you realised he had.

‘I don’t know’ he laughed back. ‘But these last two months, getting to know you, you’re not like anyone else I’ve ever met’ he told you but seemingly knew how that must have sounded as you tried to bite back a smile whilst he tickled your sides. ‘And I know that sounds cheesey as fuck, but being with you it’s like I’m finally alright after feeling so lost up here for so long. That song we talked about, I’ve been listening to it non stop and all I can’t think about is the fact when I’m with you I feel at home’

‘Mase’ you pouted, tears springing in your eyes immediately as you’d never heard anything so beautiful before and as he kissed your forehead you felt your skin tingle.

‘I know we were moaning about it, but I’m so glad we agreed to the whole secret Santa thing cause it’s like you’ve been right under my nose and I had no idea I could feel like this about someone. You get me in a way no one else does and the way we just clicked so quickly… I don't know. I’m rambling now but if you don’t feel the same it’s okay but I meant what I said upstairs. I wanna keep hanging out and getting to know you but maybe…’

‘Maybe what?’ You smiled, knowing he was trying to brush his feelings off just in case you didn’t feel the same but little did he know you were just in shock as you could never have imagined him saying this to you.

‘I don’t know’ he laughed, squeezing your sides again to make you laugh. ‘I don’t know how you feel and I don’t want to make an arse of myself’

‘I want the same’ you gulped, trying to find an ounce of courage to try and let him know how you were feeling but even though you wanted to shout it from the rooftops for him, it was like you couldn’t get the words out. ‘Sorry this is all so new to me I don’t really know what to say either’

‘I think we’re both just too shy for our own good’ he told you and you nodded in agreement, loving that he knew you so well already and when he pulled you even closer you wrapped your arms around his neck so his face was closer to yours. ‘So you like me… in the same way I like you?’

‘Yeah’ you gulped. Realising he’d changed his tactics to just ask you questions to make things easier for you and you smiled up at him as he kissed your nose.

‘And you’re happy to keep hanging out… just the two of us?’ He asked, lips trailing across your jaw now as your knees became weak but his strong grip around your waist was keeping you steady.

‘Yes’

‘And I can kiss you again?’

‘Yes’ you breathed, finding it increasingly difficult to answer him as he continued to kiss all over your face and you knew you were blushing like a fool.

‘Whenever I like?’

‘Depends on when you’d like’ you replied and the chuckle he let out just below your ear made you shiver in delight before he pulled back to look at you properly.

‘Right now?’

‘Go on then’ you whispered, watching him lean in a touch before his eyes flashed back up to yours.

‘One more thing’ he asked quietly, his face serious and you had no idea what he was about to say. ‘You promise this isn’t just for my spag Bol recipe?’

‘I’ll never tell’

‘I’ll take it’ he whispered. Finally leaning down and closing the gap again to kiss you softly and claim you in front of everyone.

[kingkat12]

unclean (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: angst, jealousy-schemes, mentions of sex, weird biblical references lol, ANGST (ouch ouch ouch)

summary: will you ever feel clean again? this has become too much-- how are you supposed to make a decision when the people in your life are pulling you in different directions? all you can do is try not to break.

word count: 6,150 (warming y'all up for the last chapter oop)

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°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･seven minutes in heaven masterlist

a/n: THANK YOU FOR 1K FOLLOWERS!! enjoy the second-to-last chapter and the calm before the absolute shitstorm;) MWAH, thank you for all your support my lovelies!!<333

"Think you'll ever be clean again?"

Roman's words echoed in my mind over and over; I realized that my answer was no.

I felt dirty.

Dirty, unclean, and filthy, all the fucking time.

The hallway was loud today, but Letha walked beside me like she was floating through a quieter world, untouched by the noise, untouched by all filth. She always had that kind of ease, that effortless grace that made people part around her without her having to ask them to. Was Letha maybe the modern equivalent of Moses? 

... That was an odd thought; certainly not one I wanted to think again.

Then again, it was either weird biblical references or thoughts about Roman. The weirder my thoughts were, the more they interfered with anything Roman-related that could bring forth a hefty blush to my cheeks, or a feeling of doom settling in my chest.

I was unclean.

And I felt like a dirty fucking whore.

I kept my head down, tugging my jacket higher over my shoulder, conscious of the way the collar barely covered the faint smudge of the hickey Roman had left on my neck from our time in the library. I did my best to conceal it this morning, but I was still terrified the blooming colors were shining through-- Letha hadn't noticed it yet, and I wanted to keep it that way. I had even tried to scrub the hickey off in the shower despite knowing it wouldn't work; I was getting desperate. I had cried, brought my hands over the marks over and over, like I was begging them to go away and disappear.

Marked.

Unclean.

Filthy.

Filthy fucking liar.

"So..." Letha started, brushing a strand of golden hair behind her ear as she smiled knowingly. Immediately, I sensed that this wasn't going to be good. "There's this guy... his name is Jack, and he told me to tell you that he's into you."

I blinked. "What?" Who?

"I also told him I'd ask if you were interested," She cast me a sideways glance, beaming at me like she was serving me the best news of the century. "I think you should be."

My stomach twisted. "Letha!--"

"Don't say no yet!" She looped her arm through mine, warm and insistent. "He's sweet. You need someone sweet!"

I didn't want someone sweet-- I wanted the devil reincarnate that haunted my every waking moment, also known as Roman Godfrey. "Jack... Wang?" I tried. "Which Jack are we talking about?"

Letha bit her lip to contain an excited giggle, squeezing my arm; "Jack Edwards!--"

"No!" The words slipped past my mouth before I could stop them. I cleared my throat, hoping to recover from my outburst. "Not him... He's one of Roman's friends. That's really fucked up."

Letha sighed; disappointment read all over her face. "You'd never have to actually like the guy," she pressed. "Just... entertain it for a little while. Give Roman a taste of his own medicine. Don't you think he deserves it, after keeping... that from you?" 

She couldn't say the word out loud in the hallway-- upir.

Because that was the reason we were in this station in the first place, the fact that Roman was a upir.

The idea of making him taste his own medicine made my stomach twist, and not entirely from disgust. I hated the thought of stooping to his level, playing some shallow game... But the image flickered unbidden through my mind; Roman's dark eyes snapping toward me across the room, his smile dropping as I lean just a little too close to some other guy, making him watch me the way I had been forced to watch him too.

I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking away the thought. "It's childish,"

"He's been childish since the day you broke up! Why should you have to be the bigger person?"

If Letha knew the real truth of what Roman had actually done after we broke up, she'd have a heart attack. There was no way in hell I'd tell her about what happened in the library some days ago. My heart thudded unevenly in my chest; maybe I was being the bigger person because I wanted to be? Because I still loved him, even though I hated him for everything he had done to me, even though he had been a upir all along. Despite my attempts at staying calm and neutral, Roman's voice echoed in my head, images of him curling his fingers inside me with that evil smirk on his face flashing before my eyes; "Think you'll ever be clean of me again?"

Never.

Never.

Letha watched me disassociate and shudder, and her eyes gleamed like she already knew she had me hooked. "This will help you get over him, y'know? I only want what's best for you,"

I exhaled slowly through my nose, fingers curling into fists. It was a terrible idea-- reckless, messy, everything I wasn't supposed to want. But God, how I wanted him to hurt too, for all the lies, all the girls, and for the pathetic mess he had made of me in the library.

Maybe this would scrub me clean of the mess we'd made?

My silence was enough of an answer for Letha. Her smile turned smug as she leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. "There ya go,"

I shot her a glare, but she only giggled under her breath; "It's perfect," she purred, voice teasing. "It'll drive him crazy!--"

"Shouldn't you maybe be a little more worried about your own life?" I snapped. "Why are you so obsessed with mine?"

It took me a second to realize what I had just said. My eyes widened at the same time as Letha's, and her hook around my arm lessened. Oddly enough, there was something satisfactory about seeing her like this-- I had no idea what came over me when I continued; "Instead of setting me up with more guys, why can't we talk about who you're fucking?"

"No one!" Letha huffed, retracting her arm. "What's come over you?!"

The more I watched her bewildered and offended expression, the more I wanted to dig my thumbs into her eyes and split her skull open; that way, I could maybe finally get to see what she was plotting in there. "Don't you have anyone running around you? You always do,"

"Not--" Letha cleared her throat, attempting to save face. "Not recently, no."

"Are you sure?"

"I-- Seriously, I don't get you!" Letha stopped walking in the middle of the hallway, staring back at me in disbelief. "I'm trying to be nice and keep you distracted, and this is how you repay me?"

I placed myself in front of her, folding my arms over my chest. "Why are you getting so defensive?" It felt like I had found an odd rope in the forest, and I was pulling at it with all my might-- I had struck gold, hadn't I? 

Letha's lips parted, wanting to argue, but nothing came out. A shadow flickered over her face-- too quick, too subtle, but I caught it. There was something there. For a moment, I thought she might actually tell me. But then, just as quickly, she smoothed out her features, letting out a soft, breathy laugh like I'd said something ridiculous; "You're impossible," she muttered, shaking her head.

I cocked a brow. "I'm... impossible?"

"You're just lashing out because you don't want to admit I'm right," she teased, looping her arm back through mine like I hadn't just cornered her. "But I get it. It's scary, right? The idea of actually moving on?"

My pulse stuttered. I opened my mouth to push again, because I knew I was right, I could feel it-- but Letha was already moving, already steering the conversation back onto safer ground.

She gave me time to let her words sink in, studying my face with that keen, knowing gaze, like she was waiting for me to break.

"Letha--"

"I just want you to be happy," Letha murmured, reaching forward to put her hand on my shoulder with an earnest touch. "And I know you won't be if you keep waiting for Roman to change."

If only she knew I wasn't waiting for him to change-- I was waiting for the end of the week, when I hoped my answer would come stumbling into my mind with no effort at all. However, it was such a clean, practiced shift in her tone, that for a second, I doubted myself; had I really imagined that flicker of something in her eyes? Was I reading too much into this?

Letha wasn't the enemy here.

She was my friend.

... Right?

"I have to go," she eventually said, giving me a final squeeze before slipping away. "But think about it, okay? Being seen with a friend of Roman would fry his crazy nympho brain." Letha didn't wait for a response-- Letha Godfrey never waited for anyone. She was already blending back into the flow of students, graceful as ever, like she hadn't just left a rock lodged in my throat.

I let out a sharp exhale before I turned back to find my locker, shaken up by the conversation. This was nuts-- was I supposed to let one of Roman's friends flirt with me? Why was he even interested in me? Roman didn't have that many friends in the first place anyway, so I knew this was risky.

With shaky fingers, I worked the combination of my locker, still rattled from the conversation--

Until my body froze.

There was torn page splayed on top of my unorganized heap of books. Someone had snuck it in between the cracks of my locker.

I pulled it out slowly, staring down at the words, ink sinking into the delicate paper; it was a passage from The Picture of Dorian Gray.

You have killed my love. You used to stir my imagination. Now you don't even stir my curiosity. You simply produce no effect. I loved you because you were marvellous, because you had genius and intellect, because you realized the dreams of great poets and gave great substance to the shadows of art. You have thrown it all away. You are shallow and stupid.

What... 

... The actual fuck?

I held back a gasp of shock and disgust, fighting the urge to crumple up the page and throw it to the floor to stomp it. It was clear as day that Roman had left me this-- who else would assume this was a good thing to leave the girl you're begging to take you back? 

Was he trying to prove a point?

Was he trying to tell me that I was shallow and stupid for thinking about throwing everything between us away?

With an angry huff, I stuffed the page into my back pocket-- I was definitely going to burn it when I got home.

... Maybe then, I'd feel clean?

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

I had been angry before, yes; but nothing could beat the tsunami of rage ravaging through me after seeing that stupid passage.

I sat on the bleachers during lunch the next day, tucked into one of the higher rows, the sun casting sharp shadows along the field below-- I angrily picked at the edge of my water bottle label, trying to drown out the chatter of the students scattered around the stands. Letha sat beside me, legs crossed, her chin delicately propped on one hand; "Don't look now," she murmured, voice soft and secretive. "But... I think your admirer is on his way."

My head snapped up to look at her before I could stop myself. "There's no fucking way," I hissed under my breath. "He's here? Now?"

Letha's grin flickered, bright with amusement. My stomach turned as I followed her gaze-- and sure enough, there he was. Jack Edwards, one of the jocks from Roman's cocky friend group. He strolled across the field with some guys I recognized from before, hands stuffed into his pockets, cutting through the groups of lingering students like he owned the place.

My pulse quickened. Panic rose in my chest as I glared at Letha; "You didn't,"

"I might've... suggested you needed some cheering up today," Her eyes sparkled, wicked and bright. "He was more than happy to oblige!"

"Cheering up?! Letha, I didn't agree to this!" With a groan, I buried my face in my hands, hoping the ground would open and swallow me whole. I didn't want anyone but Roman anyway-- fucking hell, I should've been more clear with Letha.

On the other hand, she looked proud as ever; "I'm the best, aren't I?"

Heat flooded my face. I gripped the edge of the bleacher so tightly my knuckles ached. "Letha, I'm two seconds away from lobotomizing myself with my fucking water bottle because of you!"

"Oh, come on," she whispered, leaning in close. "It's just a little harmless fun! You need some distractions, we talked about this!"

But there was nothing harmless about the way Jack's eyes locked onto mine as he climbed the steps.

Unclean.

Filthy.

I felt dirty-- I shouldn't be indulging in this.

Trapped, pinned beneath Letha's gaze, I tried to contain my panic; "Why the fuck is he even into me? He's, like, very close to Roman, no?"

"Well..." Letha cleared her throat, shooting Jack a sweet smile as she waved him over to us. This would've been the perfect time to catapult myself out of my seat and up into the sun's orbit. "Men are primitive, y'know? If they think they can get laid, they don't really care how or with whom."

"Ew, Letha!" I was sick to my stomach just imagining that I'd sleep with anyone that wasn't Roman. 

"Relax," she cooed, brushing her fingers lightly against my arm. "It's only a game! You don't have to do anything but lead him on a bit."

I couldn't breathe.

And then Jack approached-- standing just below our row, flashing a grin that made my stomach flip. "Hey, girls," he murmured. "Need some company?"

I wished the ground would swallow me whole. Before I could even muster up a half-hearted response, Letha was already smoothing down her skirt and rising to her feet. "You bet! I'll leave you two to it," she said sweetly, flashing me a look that was both knowing and victorious before slipping down the steps like she had just orchestrated the most harmless, innocent thing in the world.

But it wasn't harmless, not when my stomach was twisting itself into knots, and definitely not innocent.

And then, like a twist of fate, I felt a shiver run up my spine— I knew that feeling like I knew my own breath. There was a tingling sensation at the front of my brain, sending repeated signals to turn my head.

... Oh no.

I knew who could be doing this to me.

With a pit in my stomach, I turned my head slightly, pulse pounding in my ears, and sure enough, there he was.

Roman appeared at the far end of the field with the rest of his friends, just beyond the fences, half in the shadows of the trees. The upper button of his shirt was unbuttoned, his hands shoved deep in his pockets, but his posture was rigid, unreadable.

Except I could read him.

The tight set of his jaw, the slight flare of his nostrils, the way his head tipped, just barely, like he was daring me to keep looking at him. 

I opened my mouth (whether to call out to Roman or to breathe, I wasn't sure), but before I could do either, Jack's voice pulled me back; "So," he drawled, taking the empty space beside me. "What's a pretty thing like you doing all the way up here, huh?"

I barely heard him. My eyes flickered back to Roman instinctively, but--

He was already gone.

A cold wave of panic crashed over me. I sat up straighter, scanning the field, searching, aching--but there was nothing. No sign of him, like he had never been there at all.

Except he had been, and he had seen everything. He had seen Jack sitting down next to me, he had seen the hungry look in his eyes; I had an inkling that this was going to bite me in the ass. I had screwed over my one-week truce with Roman, all because of Letha's convincing. Swallowing the thick rock in my throat, my mind raced with everything unsaid, everything unfixable. What had I done?

I turned to Jack, not bothering to sweeten my tone; "Let's cut the bullshit, yeah? What are you doing here?"

Blinking, he let out a shocked laugh. He fixed his hair in an oddly familiar manner (it wouldn't surprise me if he had picked it up from Roman) before he recovered. "I've been... trying to get your number for a while. Before Roman got to you, actually,"

... What? 

I felt my face soften. "Oh," 

Jack chuckled, shaking his head as he darted his gaze to the field in front of us. "Godfrey called dibs out of nowhere," he explained. "And if we are to follow bro-code, I had to pull away."

"This isn't very bro-code friendly, though?" It was true-- I had seen Jack hanging out with Roman recently, so they couldn't have had a falling out. "Roman could rip your throat out for this." 

He could. He genuinely could. 

I held back a shudder as I watched Jack, and the way the sun reflected off his pitch black hair. Eventually, he spoke; "Roman's been preoccupied with other girls as of late, so I figured I'd shoot my shot," He was smiling at me now, so smug, so sure of himself-- it was almost charming. "I mean, I had to see if the rumours were true."

I blinked at him, barely processing. "What rumors?"

Jack only grinned wider; "That you're finally over Godfrey,"

My stomach dropped.

Over him? Over Roman?

The laugh that almost escaped my throat was so bitter I had to bite down on my lip to keep it in. I had spent every second of every day thinking about him, hurting over him, wanting him. There was no version of my life where I just moved on.

I should have shut Jack down immediately. I should have told him to go find some other girl to bother, that I wasn't interested, that Letha had put him up to this for her own amusement-- but instead, I just stared at him, hollowed out, my hands tightening around the hem of my skirt as my mind spiralled.

Had Roman lied to me? Was he actually preoccupied with other girls? Was he maybe so desperate to keep me around because I'd be an easy lay? Maybe he was scared I'd tell his secret to people if he didn't keep me close?

I felt my breath constrict in my chest; "He's sleeping with the cheerleaders, isn't he?"

Jack blinked. "Roman?"

"Is he?" Please, please, no. If he had lied to me about this, I would die on the spot.

Something in Jack's charming eyes changed, but I didn't need Sherlock Holmes to decode that look for me-- they softened with the realization that I would probably never be over Roman. I would always be Roman's girl, just like every other girl at this school that had ever been involved with him. Therefore, I watched as Jack sighed, shaking his head; "Nope. I would've heard the details by now, if so,"

I instantly felt my heart fall into its right place. "Thank you," I whispered.

Jack sank back into his seat, looking back at the field in front of us while he nodded to himself. I peeked the small smile; was he maybe relieved to get a proper answer? "Sorry to bother you, then," There was a certain ease about him that made me feel beyond comfortable-- he wasn't snappy about this becoming a failed attempt (unlike how a certain other blonde asshole would react), but he was simply accepting of the facts before him. In another universe, I would've probably gone for someone like Jack, someone confident, someone quietly strong.

I had no idea what came over me when I suddenly found myself smiling too; "You didn't bother me. It's kinda nice to talk to someone that isn't Letha,"

Jack glanced at me with a flirty chuckle. "She's a bit intense, right?"

"A bit, yeah," 

"I think she gets it from that Rumancek dude," Jack continued, shrugging matter-of-factly. "They're always hanging out, the both of them. Did you know that the guy once threatened to gut me for being a bad group partner during a lab project? Funny man... I don't get what she sees in him, but I guess the weirdos gotta find love somewhere too, right?"

... Wait.

What?

I straightened up in my seat. "Peter?"

Jack's eyes widened with intrigue-- "Why do I sense this is news to you?"

"They're not together like that," I huffed. "That'd be nuts. If Peter and Letha were sleeping together, Roman would have a field day chewing them out to the bone."

"Okay..." With a cocky laugh, Jack shrugged again; "I might've misinterpreted it, then. They hang out a lot behind school, that's all I've seen... looking all gooey and shit."

I had to put a stop to this rumor before it got to Roman. Knowing him, he'd jump to conclusions, and Letha could really, really suffer; "No, no... Even if they talk, then it's nothing like that,"

"Alright," Jack snorted. "Don't come running to me when you see that I'm right, though."

The sun, now dipping lower, cast long shadows across the field. It felt like the calm before a storm, and my ease began to settle into a rhythm. I was about to say something, maybe even something nice, but then, I heard it; the unmistakable sound of heavy footsteps approaching. The air instantly grew colder, and I turned my head, dread pooling in my chest. My eyes locked on him-- Roman.

His presence was like a sudden freeze, like he was the shift in the atmosphere. He moved with a quiet intensity that made the world seem to shrink around him; I wanted to shrink into nothing as well, sucked into a black hole where I could hide. 

Before I could process it, Jack spoke again, his tone lowered, almost conspiratorial. "I don't know what it is about you two," he muttered under his breath, just loud enough for me to hear. "But you both always act like you're untouchable... and with him hanging around, I suppose you'll always be."

When Roman eventually reached us, he was completely still, frozen in a way I had never seen before. His jaw clenched, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly as they passed over me, barely acknowledging my presence. I felt my pulse quicken, my breath catching in my throat. There was something about his stoic expression that made my stomach flip, and it made me feel like I was about to be disciplined for acting out, just like the old days in elementary school. 

It was as if Roman couldn't quite let go of the distance between us, eyes flickering back and forth for a good second or two. Then, his gaze darted to Jack with unnatural speed-- upir, upir, upir. "Seriously?" Roman said, snapping his fingers at him as his condescending tone fuelled my anxiety. "You've really got nothing better to do than this?"

Jack froze for a split second, and I could almost hear the gears turning in his head, trying to process the shift in Roman's tone. His voice hadn't risen; it was the kind of tone that made it clear he wasn't in the mood for games, but it wasn't outright threatening-- just... annoyed.

However, to my surprise, Jack shot a grin. "Well, well, if it isn't the big bad Godfrey! Finally decided to join us, huh?"

Roman didn't seem amused at all by his antics-- quite the contrary. "She's not your problem, dude,"

Jack shrugged, undeterred, but his words were sharper than before; "She's not your property either, Roman,"

I held my breath. I really, really didn't want to be here. Little by little, I started sliding down my seat. Maybe if I hit the ground, I could slither away?

But the confrontation wasn't over-- Jack's grin became little more pointed with every second. "You sure you're not just holding onto her out of habit, man? You seemed pretty done before, when you were talking to Jessica,"

That name made me want to barf right down on Roman's shoes, and for my vomit to burn through the leather of his shoes. Jessica, the same girl that had tried to flirt with him at a party a while ago-- Jessica, the same girl he had threatened with his lighter, saying he'd burn her extensions off if she didn't shut up about me. Was he really that mad at me? Was he so mad that he was actually talking to a girl he despised just to get revenge for the heartbreak I had caused him?

Roman's jaw tightened, but he didn't immediately respond-- I knew this was the Godfrey look of mortification. It was clear that he didn't want me to know that he had talked to Jessica at all.

To make matters worse, Jack sensed this and kept pushing. He pointed between Roman and I, biting down on the look of glee spreading through his face. "I mean... you two aren't even together anymore, right? So why do you care if I'm talking to her?"

I could see that he was getting to Roman. A part of me wanted to grab Jack, shake him, and warn him that he was going up against the most dangerous carnivore on the planet, a upir, yet... another part of me wanted to see if Roman would actually snap. After his illustrative show of his control in the library last week, I wondered how this would apply in real life the second time around. 

Roman's chest tightened for a split second, and for just a moment, I was sure he'd flip, I was sure he'd just lunge at Jack to get it over with.

But alas--

"We might not be together anymore, but we still fuck,"

... No.

Oh God, no.

There was a beat of silence. 

My heart sunk in my chest, and I felt the blood drain from my face. It wasn't just the words-- it was the coldness in his voice, like he was speaking in a way that made it clear that pursuing me wasn't something Jack should even be thinking about.

On the other hand, Jack's grin faltered as his gaze flickered between Roman and I. I wondered whether he imagined when we had managed to have sex, where we had done it, what the timeline was-- that must've been a mortifying thought to think. I was certainly not jealous of him. Still, he opened his mouth to say something, anything, to salvage his pride.

But Roman cut him to it; "Maybe you should ask your little friend here what depths of desperation one must sink down into to get fucked on a library floor?"

I felt like the air had been sucked out of me, and it got to a point where I started pondering whether to get up and push my stupidly pretty ex-boyfriend down the bleachers. Then, my next thought was that it probably wouldn't hurt him at all. I hadn't expected to, but I missed thinking about other things, like whether Letha actually was the modern-day Moses or not. And Jack...  poor Jack's face went pale. 

Roman's eyes never left him, and I spotted the evil shimmer in his eyes, the look of complete and utter evil glee. Beyond happy with himself, he let out a huff of pride before he stuffed his hands into his pockets-- "Get lost, dude," he said, his tone final, deadly. "This one's mine."

Jack didn't say another word. He was quick to get up, muttering something under his breath that was unmistakable; "Freaks," 

I sat frozen to my seat, my heart still racing, trying to process what had just happened as I watched him leave, huffing as he disappeared down the bleachers. It felt like someone had just poured a bucket of cold water on me, and now I was left to shiver and shudder.

Eventually, Roman turned to me with that same evil smirk I secretly loved; "You should stop talking to guys like that," he cooed, his tone soft with false concern. "You know they can't keep up, baby. Shoot a little higher, if you want to get over me so bad."

If I could kick the bleacher seat away from me when I shot up, I would. Stepping closer, I buried my pointer in Roman's chest; "Fuck off," I hissed. "You don't get to do this!--"

"No, I do," In an instant, his smirk was wiped off his face, and it revealed the bitter glimmer in his eyes as he grabbed my hand, urging me to get my fingers off of him. "We decided on a week's worth of peace, did you forget?"

Angered, I yanked my arm away from Roman with a groan. "You decided that! You cornered me with your fucking fingers inside me! How the fuck do you expect me to think clearly in that state?! On top of that, now you've managed to tell Jack we fucked, so congratulations! Letha will probably find out in an hour or two, and you've screwed me over again!"

Getting all of that in his face didn't seem easy-- Roman broke eye contact, letting his gaze fall down to his newly polished shoes. "Jack won't say anything," he mumbled. "And if anything, you simply deny it. I won't tell Letha anything if she asks me."

It took me a minute to really feel the weight of what he was saying. At the start of my whole journey with Roman, he was dying to tell Letha everything, and he would do anything for an opportunity to rat me out and get me in trouble-- but now, he was protecting me. From now on, I was sure he'd always want to do that. This snapped me out of my anger, and I retorted to a simple nod; "You owe me, by the way,"

Roman's eyes peeked up, his eyebrows raising-- "That's my line,"

I struggled to bite down on the smile that immediately threatened to crack across my lips. This was highly ironic. "Stop it," I whispered, carefully nudging him. "You owe me forty-nine ninety-nine."

Roman's cheeks seemed to warm from my touch. "What for?"

"The, uh..." I swallowed hard. "The plan B." 

It took him a few seconds to figure out what I had needed that for. Had he forgotten that he had come inside of me? Seemingly not; "Oh," Roman's hand shot to his pocket again, finding his wallet. "You took care of it?"

That line annoyed me to the point where the following words simply slipped past my mind-- "Of course I did! You're crazy if you think I'd have babies with you,"

Roman's hands froze as he reached for the dollar bills in his wallet. It wasn't for many seconds, and I would've missed it had I not been watching his every move. I felt like I had punched myself in the gut, and now I wondered whether he felt that way about it too. In silence, he gave me fifty dollars, not looking me in the eyes anymore. 

"Don't look so sad," I breathed, feeling my heart clench. "Roman, I--"

"I would've been happy," His jaw tightened, and he shoved the bills into my hand with more force than necessary, like he couldn't stand to have them in his grasp a second longer. "If it were with you... I would've been happy."

Roman didn't wait for a reply-- he didn't dare to. Turning on his heel, he stormed off down the bleachers, the sound of his boots echoing in the empty space. 

The fifty dollars burned in my hand. It felt like they were about to turn my flesh into burning lava, making a hole in my palms. I let Roman walk away, I let him leave; what else was I to do when I was this shell-shocked? 

I crumpled the dollars into my pocket, sniffling. 

When had the most beautiful relationship in my life managed to become... this?

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

There comes a point when you have nothing more to say. There comes a point when it doesn't feel worth it anymore, when the pain becomes too much to bear, and your body materializes it-- most days, I could feel the sorrow like a ball in my hands, vibrating, ablaze in a cloud of fire, burning my fingers before slipping through them.

Being without Roman felt like waking up in a dead man's bedroom. Empty. It used to be a place filled with life, with love, yet now it was abandoned, destitute. I used to be a person filled with life, with love, yet now I was alone, rotting. 

I had done it all to myself. This was my own doing, and I had done it while wielding the sharpest of swords, forged just to fight the scariest of beings--

But Roman wasn't scary?

He wasn't even a full upir, something Letha had failed to mention.

If I closed my eyes, I could still see him kneeling before me, clutching onto my body as he sobbed into the fabric of my shirt. Pleading, crying, begging, begging, begging. The broken look in his eyes, the way his fingers trembled against me, holding me like he was breathing his last dying breath and wasting it on me. 

In my mind, when I visited the memory, I'd sink down to the floor with him. I'd bury my fingers in his hair and let him cry into the crook of my shoulder. I'd caress him, hold him, tell him everything was going to be alright, and that I loved him like I had loved no one else. 

Roman Godfrey used to be scary. Now, he was just a boy.

Wailing for comfort.

Begging for forgiveness.

Pleading for another chance to get back the life he had once led, the one I had so cruelly ripped from his trembling arms.

I couldn't breathe. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't want to? Maybe if I stopped breathing for long enough, I'd no longer have to feel the pain of being conscious? I could die of my own volition, on my terms, in my own time.

Yet then I'd...

I'd leave him.

Roman would be alone.

He'd continue walking this earth with no one by his side. He'd wander through centuries alone, he'd eat alone, he'd cry alone, he'd live alone, he'd be alone.

So I whispered; "I don't want you to be alone,"

I adjusted my phone where it lay on my pillow, making sure he'd be able to hear me when he got this voice message. "I don't want you to be alone... All those years, when everyone you know is dead. That was the most heartbreaking thing about all of this, Roman, that I found out that you're destined to live forever if... if you kill yourself..."

My lower lip quivered as I shifted in my bed, rubbing my tears into my skin. I shouldn't have bothered-- I had already drenched the pillow.

"So, whatever I end up choosing, Roman, you need to live," 

Please.

Please.

"You need to go on, and you need to stay strong... and make your heart steel if you must. Do whatever you need to do, just-- just don't do what would need to be done for you to... to be a full upir. Don't ever think about it. Don't even consider it. Could you promise me that?"

I blinked away my tears, rubbing my forehead in a circle with my pointer to hopefully alleviate the pain. 

Nothing ever did.

Nothing ever would.

"You said I'd never be clean of you," I whispered. "But you're not something I need to wash off my skin, Roman." 

Sniffling, I shifted-- I wondered whether he'd be able to hear the shuffling of my bedsheets. "I just want you to be happy. I really, really want you to be happy. So, if we don't end up together... think of me once in a while?"

I hoped he would.

I so desperately hoped he would. "... Please?" And with that, I broke. Letting into a loud hiccup of a sob, I hung up on Roman's voicemail. In the bleak dark of the night, I caught the time; 02:04.

And at 02:27, I got a twenty-three minute long voice message back.

I pressed play over and over;

"I love you,"

A whisper. Barely there.

"I love you, I love you, I love you,"

Again and again, soft, rhythmic, almost like a prayer. Like if he just said it enough times, it would make things right. It was the only thing he could say.

My thumb hovered over his name, over that tiny glowing green button. Roman was awake. I knew he was. Somewhere out there, he was awake with his phone still in his hands, maybe just waiting... maybe just hoping?

I choked my sobs against my pillows, my whole body trembling beneath the weight of the crushing heartbreak-- it didn't matter. None of it mattered, because I couldn't call him.

So I played it again.

And again.

And then I saved it twice; once on my phone, and once on my USB the next morning, just in case I ever forgot how it felt to be loved like that.

"I love you... I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,"

Roman loved me...

But would that be enough to save us?

At least I had until Friday to figure it out-- at Jasmine's party.

(a/n: AHHH I can't WAIT for y'all to see what's gonna go down at the party!! this was like a teeny tiny little appetizer... omfg. thank you so so much for reading this far!! 🥹💕)

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[urinarythreatinfection]

All the child fics I see have the child as a little ray of sunshine that’s loved to pieces by everyone, but I think it would be a little funny if they found a kid that was rather awkward instead. If you have any suggestions on other awkward kid reader like scenarios or other characters go ahead and request.

Shanks, Buggy, and Smoker with an Awkward!Child Reader.

Shanks

“Oh! Hey, there’s some kids here.” Shanks crouches down and speaks to you, but you quickly shake your head. “Listen, I know you aren’t the best at socializing but just try it out. Just for a bit?” He’s a bit worried, you don’t get to be with other kids much being on the Red Force. Looking into his eyes you start to feel a bit guilty, eventually nodding your head. Shanks smiles brightly “Great! C’mon, I’ll make sure you’re safe, okay?” He picks you up and goes over to the kids playing. Once you’re both close enough he sets you down, but you just stand there. He gives you a little push and you stiffly walk to the kids. They spot you and you freeze.

“Huh? Who are you?” They walk over to you and you go as still as possible. “Hello?” One of the kids waves a hand in front of your face but you just stand there like a statue. Shanks looks on, worried that you’ll get bullied. He shakes his head.

‘No, I should have faith in them as their father.’ He thinks to himself as the kids gather around the new strange child. They just kind of stare at you. One of the kids pokes you and you flinch.

“They move! How do you get all frozen like that, are you made of stone?” Your eyes slowly trail to your dad, nervous. He just gives you a thumbs up. Shanks gets approached by someone.

“Chief? Oh it’s you!” Shoot, he’s starting to get recognized, this damn hair. He has to entertain them a bit before they finally go away. Shanks quickly looks back to you, worried. The kids have.. started stacking things on you.

“Woahh…”The kids marvel at you. You have multiple blocks on your head, your stillness keeping them from falling. That’s… one way to socialize I guess. Your record is 10 blocks.

Mihawk

Mihawk holds you in his arms, he had taken you in a few months ago even before Cross Guild. To be honest, he was hesitant to bring you with him, but it was already known he had a child by this point. It’s safer to keep you where he can be with you, it’s one of the reasons he joined. Having a stable place to stay is best for you. Another worry he had is that the clown and Crocodile would be a bad influence on you, that you would turn into some sort of delinquent. Children can be unpredictable, and easily manipulated. However, that ended up not being the case. In fact, they seemed to be a good influence. Not because they were passing on good features, no, it was simply because you disliked them enough that you marked them as “bad examples”, he couldn’t be more relieved. It’s unfortunate you don’t make friends but this is better than becoming anything like Buggy or Crocodile. They had even attempted to appeal to you, trying to befriend you to have some sort of connection to Mihawk. Buggy so that Mihawk would be softer on him, Crocodile so that Mihawk would have incentive to be loyal. It didn’t work out. Crocodile realized very fast you were terrified of him, he isn’t the best with children either; and there’s too much risk trying to get close to you when your father hates when you’re scared. Buggy however…

“Hey, kid, here.” Buggy offers you candy, you stare at it then slowly back away, clearly uncomfortable. “Ah, uhhh.. What about this?” He starts to juggle, but you also look nervous, looking away. ‘This damn brat, aren’t kids supposed to like clowns?’ He curses in his head, but keeps a smile on his face. Finally, in one last effort, he pulls off his head and starts to do tricks with his limbs. “See? Cool isn’t i-” When he looks at the spot you were in you’re gone, like a mouse that skittered away. “God dammit, fucking kid.” Right as he says that he feels an intimidating presence behind him, hawk eyes digging into his back. He might be fucked.

Smoker

“Sea prism works on devil fruit users like Captain Smoker and this person. That’s why you don’t have to be scared, they can’t do anything to you.” Tashigi explains to you, holding the sea prism cuffs. She’s babysitting you for a bit while Smoker is taking care of business since you can’t exactly be left alone at your age. You had gotten startled by a prisoner being led to jail earlier, so she was explaining how they’re harmless with the cuffs on; even showing them to you. “You want to hold them?” You slowly nod and hold them in your little hands, they’re kind of heavy. While you’re looking at them Tashigi looks to the door, Smoker is back. “Ah Captain Smoker you’re ba-”

Click

…Oops. You put them on by accident. Immediately you start to panic, trying to get them off your wrist. “Ah, wait, I can just take them off for you. Stand still!” You’re panicking too much though, waving your arm around while Smoker sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. Before she can grab you though, you end up flinging the cuff off of your wrist. It was too big to fit you anyway, the key wasn’t needed. Unfortunately, you end up flinging them directly at your dad, hitting him on the head. He flinches and falls back, the sea prism making him weak. “Captain Smoker!” He falls to the ground and you freak out like a startled cat, running around the office while knocking things over. Tashigi, flustered, doesn’t know what to do first. The cuffs slide off of his body and he moves again, grabbing you by the back of your shirt like a kitten. “I’m so sorry, sir I didn’t think-” He raises a hand to stop her.

Your father looks at you, your face guilty, and sighs. “It’s fine.” The office is a mess now, it’s actually a bit impressive. At least he doesn’t have to worry about people catching you. “No more cuffs.” He’ll worry about the office later, you’re more important.

[pure-smut]

inexperienced.

featuring: Itadori Yuji x f!reader

contains: first time s*x, friends to lovers, cunnilingus, mildly dom!yuji, virgin!yuji x virgin!reader

note: all characters are over 18!

MDNI | 18+ content

word count: 2.7k

masterlist

a/n: I adapted a story I'd already written bc re-reading it made me realise it's perfect for Yuji lol

Itadori Yuji and you were always the subject of the “will they, won’t they” debate in high school – as if you couldn’t be friends with someone of the opposite sex without wanting to fuck them. The truth is, you’d always viewed Yuji completely platonically. He’s easy to be with, makes you laugh, and you have way more in common than any of our other friends. You're even going to the same university.

The night of your graduation party, you're both tipsy at some guy’s house party and giggling in the corner while you watch a boy in your year helplessly flirt with the head cheerleader.

“Bless him,” you say. “He’s trying his best.”

“Can’t blame the guy for giving it a shot – it’s more than some people do,” Yuji agrees, leaning with his back against the wall.

“Yeah, it’s better than endlessly pining.”

He casts you a sidelong look but doesn’t say anything. Instead, he takes a long swig of his beer.

“You got your eye on anyone tonight?” he asks, changing the topic. You shake your head.

“Nope. I’ve fully accepted that I'm going to graduate a virgin.”

“Yeah, we’re both going to suck at college with no experience.”

“It’s a bit easier for me, I think,” you say, shrugging. “Blowjobs aren’t hard.”

“How would you know?” Yuji laughs.

“I just know!” A hint of defensiveness crawls into your voice. “Anyway, you’ve got the harder job. D’you even know where the clit is?”

Yuji’s cheeks go pink and you think you might have gone too far. You open your mouth to apologise but he interrupts you before you can.

“Are you offering to help?”

You stare at him for a long moment, not quite registering what he’s said. He’s wearing an easy grin but his hands are shaking as he takes a sip from his beer. To be frank, you’ve never entertained the thought of anything romantic or sexual with Yuji, despite all the peer pressure. He’s just Yuji to you. Not a potential boyfriend or even one-night stand.

But then your mind begins to whir, seriously considering him for the first time. You think of losing your virginity in college to someone you haven’t even known that long. Someone you might not trust fully. Maybe even someone who you find out, too late, is an asshole and the memory of your first time becomes tainted.

And then there’s the experience part – you don’t really want to go into college a virgin. You don’t want to fumble around in the dark, unsure of yourself. You want to go in a fully-realised woman, a sexy one who knows what she’s doing.

You’ve been quiet for too long because Yuji shoots you a worried glance and clears his throat awkwardly.

“Listen, I was just joking-”

“I think we should do it.”

The words fall out of your mouth before you can stop them. Yuji’s eyebrows shoot up and he freezes, the tips of his ears turning pink.

“R-really?” he stammers out, his previous grin wiped off his face.

“Yeah. I mean, for practice. Before we go to college, right?”

“Practice what?”

“I guess… all of it?”

You watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows hard and he shifts uncomfortably on the spot. You suddenly realise you’ve gone too far.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Yuji. You were just kidding around and I took it too seriously.” You avert your eyes, cheeking burning. “You can ignore me.”

“No, no, you didn’t.” He leans in close and lowers his voice. “I just didn’t think you were going to say yes.”

“Oh.” You get a waft of his aftershave – something dark and sweet. “So, you were being serious?”

“Yeah.”

You look at each other, pressed together in the throng of the party, and you’re suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

“We… we can’t do it now, obviously,” you say, breaking eye contact. “We’re drunk. And stupid.”

“Yeah. Of course.” Yuji shifts awkwardly again. You glance down and spot the bulge in his jeans.

“Wha… You have a boner?”

“Keep your voice down! Yeah, the thought of getting a blowjob gives me a boner, shoot me.” He rolls his eyes. You trail your eyes over him.

“Is it the thought of getting a blowjob or the thought of getting one from me, specifically?” you ask.

He presses his lips together and rubs the back of his neck.

“You,” he mumbles.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“From you,” he says between gritted teeth. You smirk.

“Why, Yuji, you didn’t realise I had that effect on you,” you say, batting your eyelashes. Secretly, a thrill runs through your chest. He groans and puts his beer down.

“I’m leaving before your head gets too big to fit through the door.”

He turns away but you grab his hand and he glances back at you.

“Come round to mine tomorrow night. My parents are out,” you tell him. It’s only two sentences but they’re so loaded with possibility that your throat goes dry. Yuji licks his lips and nods, once, before exiting.

*

As soon as your parents leave, you’re in panic mode.

Yuji texts to say he’ll be around in an hour so you take a hot shower and carefully shave everywhere below the neck. You have one pair of lingerie you own, bought more out of curiosity than with a goal of wearing it for anyone, so you put it on. It’s black and lacy and slightly uncomfortable but as soon as you look in the mirror, it’s like you see a different person. A woman. Sophisticated and sexy. Your heart sets off at a gallop as you throw a silky dressing gown over the top of it and wait for Yuji.

He arrives an hour later on the dot. You jump up from your bed when he texts to say he’s outside and scurry down the stairs, a ball of nervous energy. You open the door and watch his jaw drop.

“Jesus,” he exclaims, even though he can’t see the lingerie yet. You drag him inside before any of the neighbours see.

“It’s no big deal,” you say even though your heart is thumping so loud you’re pretty sure he can hear it.

“You look… fuck…” he breathes.

“I look fuck?”

“No, you-” He stops when he sees you’re grinning at him. He smiles back and shakes his head. “You look amazing.”

“Thanks.” It’s not the first time he’s complimented you before but usually it’s a “Oh, you look nice” or something. This feels different and heat crawls up your neck. Yuji clears his throat.

“So, you still want to…?”

“Practice? Yeah.” You gesture up to your room even though he’s been to your bedroom hundreds of times before.

We head up in silence, the tension so thick in the air it feels like treacle. You sit side by side on the bed and you gnaw at your thumbnail, not sure where to go from here.

“I think… this is really awkward,” Yuji says and your stomach drops.

“Have you changed your mind?”

“No, not at all,” he says quickly and half-turns to you. “But I think we’re, like, forcing it a bit too much?”

“Yeah.” You chew your bottom lip. “You’re probably right. What should we do?”

He glances at the rest of the bed before snaking his hand around your waist.

“Here,” he says and lays back, pulling you next to him. “Let’s just cuddle for now.”

You draw a relieved breath and lay draped over him, your cheek pressed against his chest and your leg slotted between his thighs. You’ve been physically close before, like when you fell asleep on his shoulder while you watched a movie, but you’ve never… cuddled. You realise you like it. You wrap your arm around his toned stomach and pull yourself in closer. Yuji chuckles, his breath ruffling your hair.

“You cosy?”

“Mhmm. How come you never told me how cosy you were?”

“Top secret information,” he replies, his hand resting on your waist.

This is nice, you think. Deep down, something inside you wants it to happen again. You feel yourself relax against him, warm and firm.

“Hey,” Yuji whispers and you look up.

His mouth catches yours softly. You melt into it as his hand cups your face and his lips part yours. His mouth tastes of mint. You run your tongue across his. Fuck, has he always been great at kissing? He tilts his head slightly and you instinctively turn in the opposite direction, your mouths fitting together perfectly. He catches your bottom lip between his teeth and you moan into his mouth.

Something presses against your thigh and you realise he’s hard. An animalistic urge to touch and suck it overtakes you and your hand shoots down to his crotch.

“Wait,” he says, slightly breathless. You pull back, confused. “I’ll tell you when.”

“Okay,” you reply, still confused, but there’s a command in his voice that you can’t ignore. Warmth unspools between your legs at the new gruffness in his voice and the lust in his eyes that you inspired.

“I want to touch you first,” Yuji says before pressing his mouth against yours again.

His hand travels down to untie your dressing gown, flinging it open and exposing your lingerie-clad body to him. You automatically go to cover yourself up but he grasps your wrist, not hard but enough to stop you.

“Leave it,” he says, so you do.

His kiss is still soft but his hands become rougher as he pushes down under the cup of your bra and kneads your breast. No one’s ever touched you there before and you feel like sparks are running through your body. He pinches your nipple and your clit throbs in response. His mouth leaves yours to kiss his way down your neck before closing around your nipple. Pushing gently on your shoulder, he puts you on your back, still sucking.

“Yuji,” you say. “I want to touch you.”

“Not yet.” He repositions himself so he’s laying over you, nudging your knees apart to make space for him between your legs.

“But-”

“Only when I say,” he orders you and you pout.

Yuji only smirks in response and moves further down, planting soft, slow kisses along your stomach as he goes. You get a brief moment of insecurity over what your body looks like, what he must see, but Yuji grabs your hips and holds you in a way that makes all those thoughts disappear.

You expect him to slide off your panties but instead, he pulls them to the side, exposing your bare pussy beneath. You inhale sharply as the cold air hits you, open and vulnerable for the first time. Yuji doesn’t hesitate, running the flat of his tongue deftly across your pussy lips.

“Oh, fuck,” you breathe, your hips bucking.

You keep your legs spread for him as he moves up to suck gently on your clit. His finger finds your entrance, slick with your arousal, and begins to push in. You’ve fingered yourself before, of course, but it never felt like this. Yuji’s finger is thick and he curves it upwards slightly until the pad of his fingertip grazes against something deep inside you. You give a low moan as pleasure shoots through your body.

He keeps up a slow, relentless pace with his tongue on your clit while he fingers you and you feel yourself opening up to him. Your orgasm builds quickly - too quickly for you to realise what’s happening. You cry out, your back arching and your hands grasping the duvet. Yuji doesn’t stop until you beg him to, your thighs shuddering around his head. When he looks up, his mouth is glistening with your juices.

“Goddamn,” he says, wiping his chin. “That was so fucking hot.”

You try to respond but you’re out of breath. Your chest heaves as he drags himself up until he’s holding himself over you. He brushes a lock of hair from your face.

“I… I need to do you too,” you say weakly, pleasure still tingling through your abdomen.

“No,” he says even as he reaches down to unbuckle his jeans. “I want to see you do that again with my cock inside you.”

You know you can tell him no, but you don’t want to. You want him inside you. You need him inside you. You look up at his face and wonder how you never felt this way before about him.

“Yes,” you say. “Fuck me. Please.”

He makes a noise from his throat, low and dark, and pulls his cock free. you have no basis for comparison but it seems thick and you’re simultaneously thrilled and terrified. Yuji pulls his t-shirt off, throwing it to the side, and you have a newfound appreciation for the firmness of his chest and the definition in his shoulders. You help him tug his jeans off until he’s completely naked on top of you, the heat radiating off him. You run a hand over his hard stomach and down to his cock, grasping it firmly. The tip is shiny with precum.

“God, you have no idea how badly I want you to suck me off.”

“Why don’t I?”

“Because I want to fuck you more.”

The head of his cock nudges against your folds, hard and hot. You’re more than wet enough for him and let your head fall back as he pushes in the first few inches. You sink your nails into his back, feeling him stretch me.

“Jesus,” he gasps. “Fuck. You feel amazing.”

You can only whimper in response, your pussy gripping him as he withdraws and hungrily pulling him back inside as he sinks even deeper. You move your hips in time with his, meeting him halfway until he’s fully buried inside you. You expected pain but there is none, only the raw pleasure from his cock rubbing against the sensitive walls of your pussy. Yuji starts to move at a steady pace, each stroke pushing you closer to another orgasm. He moves to support himself on one arm while the other plays with your tits. His fingers tease and pinch your nipples, catching you in complete ecstasy.

“Cum for me,” he growls, his eyes moving from where his slick cock is sliding in and out of you to your face. “Cum on my cock.”

You open your mouth to say something but only a lustful moan escapes. You reach back to grab the headboard, the bed rocking beneath you with the force of his fucking.

“Yuji, I…” You don’t get to finish your sentence. A tidal wave crashes over you as your pussy contracts around him in a vice-like grip. You wrap your legs closer around him, holding him to you. You buck and shudder underneath him but he doesn’t let up. It’s only when you push him back, your hands on his chest, that he slows down.

He withdraws completely, pulling his cock free and leaving you feeling empty. You reach for him but he’s already grabbing you by the hips and turning you over.

“On your knees,” he instructs, his voice thick.

You do as he says despite your head being foggy with post-orgasm bliss. You bend over, pressing your cheek against the pillow and arching your back. Yuji smooths a hand over your ass cheek before slapping it.

You yelp, feeling the sting of his handprint but you find yourself enjoying it. Your pussy drools for him, your arousal dripping down the inside of your thigh.

“This is even better than I imagined,” he breathes.

You don’t have time to register what he means before he’s lining the head of his cock up with your hole again.

This time when he presses inside you, the ridges of his cock rub against somewhere new. It’s even more electrifying and you push your hips back, wanting him to go deeper. He quickly obliges, grabbing your hips hard enough to mark you and slamming his cock inside. His balls slap off your thighs and he grunts with satisfaction. you can feel yourself getting wetter at the thought of him looking down at you, watching himself fuck you.

“I’m… I’m gonna cum,” he groans.

“Inside me. Please,” you whisper.

You hear him moan, long and loud, as his cock spasms. You feel him unleash a torrent of cum, filling you to the brim. He doesn’t withdraw straight away, catching his breath and stroking your back, but when he does, his cum spills out and down your thigh. You roll over onto your back as he collapses on the bed next to you. He gives you a lazy grin.

“Best practice ever.”

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[imissnanami]

CalebMC cucking Gideon🍎🍊🍍

A/N: yes I'm also in LADS hell💕

cw: cucking, p in v sex, male masturbation

~♡~

Gideon thought he was doing pretty well for himself, bur recently something had been bothering him. He ate well, exercised, and had a career path all planed out with the DAA. He knew he was good enough looking that he never had trouble finding a partner to blow off some steam. So, what was Gideon's problem? Well, that all started with his best friend three years ago.

Upon entering the DAA's program, all wide eyed and bushy tailed, Gideon was quick to make friends and find his place among the other recruits. One of the young men he ended up becoming buddies with was a tall brunette named Caleb.

Caleb was one of those charismatic guys that could make anyone love him. Gideon remembers how Caleb was able to approach the loners and tough guys alike and walk away with a new connection. Wanting to become friends with him, Gideon approached Caleb, and the rest was history. Along with a few others, they formed a group -- and luckily enough -- they were all in the same unit too, taking the majority of their classes together.

Over three years of communal living with the guys, Gideon learned a lot about Caleb. He learned that the latter snored, but not in an annoying way, he was unfairly smart (having a knack for almost anything), and that he was obsessed with a certain girl named MC.

Obsessed may sound a bit mean, but Gideon really didn't know how else to describe it. Now, MC was someone who he had never met, and only saw in photos that Caleb was quick to hide away. He remembered asking the taller boy who she was, and was taken aback at the dopey smile that spread across Caleb's face. The answer of "my best friend" wasn't convincing.

This also tied to the drama surrounding the DAAs "golden boy", and how despite topping the classes and being annoying good looking, he refused any advances from men and women alike. By their fourth year, you were hard pressed to find anyone who didn't know who Caleb was. Which all leads us back to his original problem. Caleb.

Upon starting their last year and being of higher rank, select fourth years were able to break off from communal living and share a dorm room with one other. Having qualified, Gideon and Caleb decided share.

Gideon wasn't blind. He knew Caleb was hot. He's known since meeting him three years ago. What didn't help, was seeing this man put on more and more muscle each year while living in such close proximity.

And yes.

They had seen each other naked. (Oh the joys of having dozens of men showering withing 30 minutes.)

And had he jerked it to his roommate?

Also yes.

But that's all to say Gideon didn't know how he felt about his roommate anymore. He knew he found Caleb attractive and liked to hang out with him, but he's also been in love before and it didn't feel like this. When he entertained the curious thought of sex with his roommate, he could never figure out the logistics of it all. He couldn't imagine himself receiving, but also could imagine Caleb doing the same. Resulting in a standstill. He ended up landing on that he'd never initiate anything, but he also wouldn't say no should it arise.

But, Caleb was desperately in love with MC. Not that Gideon had any issue with that, he's seen her phots and she was also very pretty, his type too. From what he remembers. So, in realizing that there was nothing he could really do about the situation, he decided to forget about it.

And that worked for approximately three days.

Until Caleb announced that MC would be visiting for the weekend. Fuck.

For the next week, Gideon stressed all the way till Caleb was off to pick her up from the train station. A few minutes before Caleb leaves, he grabs his sweater off his chair and tugs it on while looking deep in thought.

"Gideon?"

"Yeah? What's up?" Gideon answers, swiveling around in his desk chair.

Caleb looks uncharacteristically serious, wearing an expression that Gideon's only seen a few times.

"So MC will be over soon...and you know I trust you, but I don't want you to get too close to her."

To an outsider this would seem crazy and possessive as hell. But for Gideon, it was normal to hear when MC was brought up. He already got the more in-depth touch-her-and-die version a few days ago, so this was tame in comparison. Giving an easy smile, he answered;

"No problem, bud" Caleb studied his face carefully for a few seconds before nodding, his usual smile returning.

"Perfect, I'll be back in a bit with her," before checking his watch and leaving.

Gideon leaned back and stared at the ceiling. Fuck, this was gonna be a long 3 days.

~*~

The DAA allowed visitors during the day. And Caleb kept to that rule for the first two. But on the third and final day, something unplanned happened. Namely MC fell asleep while the three watched a movie, and Caleb refused to wake her. Curfew came and went, and MC lay tucked into Caleb's side, softly snoring away.

Gideon watched from his bed as his roommate watched the sleeping girl. The credits had rolled and the tv had been turned off. Long fingers gently and repeatedly pet her hair. A soft smile curved his lips as his eyes twinkled fondly in the lamp light. Anyone could see how much Caleb adored and loved the girl.

Gideon, feeling a touch out of place, decided to turn in, leaving the two in their own moment. Closing his eyes he quickly knocked out.

~*~

"Nghhhh~"

"Quiet, Pip-squeak"

"But-ahhh, but Caleb~"

Gideon furrowed his brow as he was pulled from his sleep. Laying on his side, he cracked an eye open and squinted in the dark room. The small dorm was illuminated by the warm glow of his lamp. As his eyes focused on the slight before him, he suddenly felt very awake.

On the bed across from him, lay Caleb and MC, on top of the covers, half naked. The two were facing him, with Caleb behind her squirming body. Her shirt and bra were pushed up over her head, covering her face and exposing her stuttering chest to the warm air. Her arms, struck in the shirts armholes, were pinned above her head. One of Caleb's thick forearms wrapped around her ribcage, large hand palming her naked breast. Long fingers pinched at her hard nipple, drawing muffled moans from the girl. His other arm lay on her hip, pinning her bottom half to his as he ground against her ass. Her tiny lounge shorts were pushed up, covering no more than a pair of panties would. His other hand dissapeard under the waistband of said shorts. Even in the dim room, Gideon could make out the rhythmic motions of Caleb's hand. Barely restrained gasps fell from her lips as Caleb grunted into her neck, occasionally whispering filthy words in her ear.

Before he could really contemplate the ethics of it, Gideon's hand slowly reaches down under the covers. Going straight for his uncomfortably hard length, he palms it through the fabric. Biting his cheek he stifled a sigh. His half lidded eyes focused on the way his roommate's hand moved under her shorts and how their hips rocked as Caleb's ground into hers.

Moving his hand from squeezing at his length, Gideon began to stroke himself over his boxers. Biting his lip harder, he nearly whines as he focuses his attention on his tip, rolling the head in his palm. His eyelashes flutter as he breathes deeply, getting lost in the pleasure.

"Fuck~" a feminine while peirces the room. Her breathing getting louder and quicker.

"Shhhh" Caleb soothes, pressing loud kisses to her neck.

"Wait-I'm, fuck imma cum soon," she gasps, breathless. Caleb chuckles and his deep voice rumbles,

"What happened to -hah- being nervous?" He teased. MC whimperd before crying out in complaint as Caleb suddenly pulls his hand away.

Gideon watched as the other man brought his glistening finger to his mouth, long tongue licking up her cum. Caleb groaned as he sucked on his fingers. Gideon was hypnotized, staring at the way Caleb's mouth worked around his fingers. Glancing up, he froze, feeling like ice water had been dumped on him.

Bright purple eyes glinted in the light, staring right through his soul. The two men simply stared at one another for a long pause before MC whined and pushed her ass back into Caleb impatiently, not having seen the interaction. While maintaining eye contact with Gideon, Caleb ducked his head and spoke into her tshirt covered ear,

"Hold you horses there pip-squeak, you do want me to take your pants off, riiiight?

MCs head nodded quickly from under the fabric. Caleb finally broke eye contact with Gideon to focus on peeling off the soaked layers of clothing. Gideon's eyes greedily took in every inch of skin that was revealed. From across the room he could see the way her drenched pussy glistening in the light. 

Quickly shuffling back, Caleb tugged down the waistband of his sleep shorts and boxers. With a wet slap, that Gideon definitely heard, his hard length slapped his lower abs. Taking it in his hand, Caleb gave it a squick stroke to release some of the pressure. His large hand lifted MCs cheek, giving him a glorious view of her wet pussy, all for him. He groaned as he lined himself up, head running up and down her slit before finally catching and sinking the tip in her warmth.

Mc let out a whimper as she felt him slip in, the thick crown already stretching her deliciously. Another whimper fell from her lips as she pushed her hips back, starting to sink down on him. Between his laboured breats, Caleb spoke teasingly

"Remember to stay quiet Pip, don't want Gideon to hear~fuck!" Caleb suddenly swore, burying his head in MCs neck again.

At the mention of his name, his head snapped up and his eyes tried to focus. Gideon couldn't help the shiver that passed through his body and the way his still very hard dick twitched. He was quick to focus on the next words Caleb had to say,

"Shit I can't belive you got tighter when I mentioned him. Fuck Pip-squeak, you're-hah-getting off on this aren't you?"

MC seemed to shake her head under her shirt.

"N-no, I'm hahh~, I'm not," Caleb chuckled in her hear while he continued to push inch after heavy inch into her dripping cunt. Upon bottoming out, he looked up across the room, finding Gideon's eyes,

A pause.

"Gideon," Caleb said

A pathetic mewl came from under the shirt as Caleb groaned again,

"Fuck, your pussy can't lie Pip, squeezing me so tight"

Gideon bit back another whimper as his name fell from Caleb's lips. The thought of his roommate saying his name while having sex, on top of the fact a very pretty girl was getting off with said roommate to the thought of being watched? By him? Before he could think about what he was doing, his hips bucked up and into his tight fist. The quick movement immediately drew Caleb's attention, gaze falling to the obvious tent and hand under the covers. Finding Gideon's face again, Caleb couldn't help but smirk.

Fuck Gideon, never thought you'd be into this,

With the other man's attention on him, Caleb's hips began to slowly roll, dragging his cock out of her hot heat, before feeding it back into her. With each thrust his veiny length stretched her walls and his weeping tip kissed her cervix, making a home for itself. And with every pass his plush head brushed along MC's g spot, making the girl see stars behind her eyes. Though the only thing she did see through her t-shirt was the warm glow of the room and a dark blurry mass that was the bed infront of them. Gideon's bed. The thought made her throb, feeling herself getting wetter at the thought. Caleb set a steady pace while his free hand crept down her abdomen, right above her short bush, and pushed down meanly.

Her loud moan peirced through the room. Gideon, having resumed stroking his painfully hard cock moaned at her sound. Luckily for him, Caleb also groaned lowly, as he felt himself through her stomach. Pressing down on the bulge, he felt himself loose it a little as MC clamped down harder, walls twitching in anticipation for more.

As if he knew telepathically, Caleb's hand moved further down to her hard clit. His fingers reached to where their bodies met and gathered their juices on his fingers to use as lube. Bringing them up to her clit once again, his index and middle begin drawing slow circles as his hips continue to fuck into hers.

Gideon devoured the sight before him. Licking his lips, his fist jerked faster along his length. With every upwards stroke more and more drops of pre were pushed from his reddening slit. As his arm moved, his blanket also began moving, slowly falling off, pooling infront of him. Not that he noticed or cared. A red hot fire spread through his veins as he watched his roommates long fingers glistening in the faint lamp light. Soft moans and grunts were muffled through her shirt as he watched MC drown in pleasure.

Caleb continued to pet her clit, bringing her closer and closer to the edge.

"Close, fuck Caleb, I'm gonna cum" she warned, voice climbing with each syllable.

"That's it, I got you" Claeb reassured, keeping up the same pace.

Focusing on how good it all felt, the way his cock stretched her, brushing against all the right places, how his tip reached so deep, how his deft fingers worked her clit, MC felt her orgasm wash over her in waves.

As she came on his length his fingers didn't let up. Instead they kept circling her clit throwing her straight into overstimulation. Her body thrashed and seized from the pleasure in Caleb's arms. Her screams falling freely from her mouth, in between pants to catch her breath.

"-such a good girl" "doing so well for me-fuck"

Caleb moaned openly as her cunt pulsed and squeezed his cock rhythmically, threatening to send him over the edge too.

Gideon panted as he got closer too. He knew he was gonna cum soon, having just watched her cum so beautifully. Honestly he was surprised he lasted this long. Rolling onto his back, head still turned to watch his roommate and MC, he moved his other hand to touch himself. Bringing it to his mouth first, he licked a wet strip up to his fingers, sucking on them for a moment before reaching down to fondle his balls. His gasp faded into a whine as his thumb swiped over his sensitive tip. Letting go of his balls, he fists the base while his other hand focused on jerking his tip. Occasionally he'd stop to rub meanly against his frenulum, squeezing his eyes shut at the overwhelming heat that pooled in his gut.

Tears clung to MC's lashes and escaped her eyes as the pain mixed with pleasure. The thin white t-shirt covering her head did a great job at soaking it up. The only issue was that white fabric when wet turns see-through.

MC panted into her shirt, blurry eyes struggled to focus on the shapes she was seeing. She could now make out a figure on the bed infront of her. As she forced herself to focus, she realised two things with her mushy brain.

1. Gideon was very much awake.

2. He was masturbating while watching them.

She could faintly make out his face, which was turned to them, and the furious jerking of his hand over his impressive length. She had honestly wondered if she was hearing things in the throes of pleasure, having picked up moans that didn't seem to belong to Caleb. The reality of the situation came crashing down and what surprised her even more was that she liked it.

Thinking you're being watched and actually being watched were two very different things. Turns out she liked both.

With this new knowledge she felt herself approaching her second orgasm at an alarming rate. No longer feeling the need to be quiet, she freely expressed her pleasure, moaning and whining with each thrust.

Caleb, who no longer cared to quiet her, began thrusting into her in ernest, feeling his own high nearing. In one swift motion, aided by how wet her sex was, he ground his palm into her clit. The action was angled just right to push back her clitoral hood, providing direct stimulation to her most sensitive area.

Though MC desperately wanted to watch Gideon fuck himself, the new angle of Caleb's hand had her eyes rolling back into her skull as her lips parted in a silent scream. She was sent head first into her second orgasm, electricity coursing through every nerve in her body. 

Feeling her walls clamp down on him tighter than before, Caleb groaned lowly, his eyebrows furrowed, hips drilling into her to prolong her pleasure. Finally Caleb relented and removed his hand when she stopped trembling. Moving his hand to her hip, he forced more of his weight on her, rolling their lower halves flat against the mattress. His hips dug into her ass with each powerful thrust as he chased his high.

Gideon watched as Caleb put his entire body behind each thrust, thick thighs bulging with each move. His ass flexing as he buried himself into MC's snug heat. Gideon's eyes flickered up to her chest, watching the fat jiggle with each movement. His pace increased, using both hands to form a long, tight channel. Twisting his wrist on the downstroke, he felt himself teetering on the edge. His abs clenched, and his moans grew airier, a tell tale sign that he was about to cum. Taking in the sight of his roommate absolutely destroying his girl on the bed one last time, with another stroke and a half, Gideon fell over the edge. His eyes screwed shut in bliss. Thick ropes of pearly white cum spurted from his tip splattering over his abs and chest. With each now gentle stroke, he milked himself and moaned at how good it felt. Eventually coming down he opened his eyes just in time to see a beautiful sight.

Caleb's large body was curled over MC's. His pace was faltering and jerky. Sweat beaded down his bare back and he felt his muscles everywhere tightening. Every single thought right now was tied to his dick and the woman he was inside. With another thrust his balls drew up closer to his body, ready to give her everything he had. Through gritted teeth he managed to get out,

"Gonna cum, Pip"

A wanton moan was his only response.

"Fuck, where do you want it?"

MC mewled and pushed her hips back into him, clenching her core invitingly,

"Wan' inside, cum in me,"

Caleb moaned loudly, with one final jerk he buried himself to the hilt and let go. Throwing his head back, rope after rope of sticky cum shot into her womb. MC moaned happily as she felt his length twitch and kick with each spurt. And it just kept coming. Caleb ground himself into her ass, eyes half lidded in pleasure, as he finished cuming. Dispite his need to plug her full, he could feel his cum escaping back out. There was just so much of it. Feeling weak he collapsed on top of MC, careful not to crush her too much. With tired arms he helped pull her shirt off her head and arms, giving her shoulders a gently massage to help the ache. He pressed a kiss to her cheek as she giggled sleepily. Grabbing and extra throw, he tugged it over them.

Gideon watched the loving exchange before realizing that violet eyes were now looking into his. He watched as Claeb whispered something in MC's ear. After she gave a slight nod, she eyes also landed on his own. Looking back and forth between the two, Gideon didn't know what to do.

Caleb opened his mouth, addressing Gideon directly,

"Wanna join next time?"

Yep, Gideon was fucked, but atleast he was happy to be fucked.

[peachsayshi]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ when gojo has a crush on geto's childhood best friend (pt. 2)

minors / ageless / blank blogs dni

ೃ⁀➷ notes: please read part one here. my baby boy is so sweet and sincere when he's love, even though it's doesn't always come across that way x

ೃ⁀➷ tags: angst and fluff; unrequited(ish) love; pining; hurt/comfort

♡ satoru gojo was not your type. he was cocky, arrogant, obnoxious, childish and a slew of other things that you found deeply unattractive in a man his age. he somehow always manages to take everything just a little too far for your liking. his extroverted persona a bit too overwhelming for you. suguru went on and on about him, but you really couldn't see the appeal. nor could you understand what drew suguru so deeply to him.

♡ okay, maybe he's just awkward, you think. after watching this tall, muscular man walk directly into a closed door mid-conversation. he banged his face so hard against it, he made a funny noise, and you had to suppress a laugh. "are you okay?" you asked concerned, and the man simply grumbled a yes as his cheeks turned a bright pink. it's the first time you saw him blush, and your heart fluttered at the sight.

♡ "look, I know he can be a lot, but you know he's my best friend. other than you, he's the only person I would give my life for," suguru stated honestly. you were both conversing over a tub of ice cream. you were sitting cross legged on the sofa, digging your spoon into the ice cream angrily. satoru made an inappropriate joke in front of everyone that humiliated you. you did not appreciate it one bit. you rolled your eyes and left in a bitter mood. suguru stopped by your place with the ice cream trying to console you.

♡ satoru's face visibly falls when you reject hanging out with him for a movie. two tickets in his hand that he pinches together. it was his way of apologizing apparently, but you were not going to entertain the idea of spending anytime alone with him. "look," you respond with a sigh, "I forgive you, okay? but I'm busy tonight.". it seems your follow up sparked something inside him. he lifts up his face, a small smile highlighting those annoyingly handsome features. "wait, so we are cool? you aren't mad about what I said?" he asks. you exhale, "yeah, we are cool."

♡ "I think you're being really hard on him," suguru stated casually. your cheeks burned with embarrassment. "the guy is obviously making an effort to get along with you, and you keep shutting him down". you stared at your best friend with accusing eyes. "why are you taking his side?" you replied with frustration. suguru gave you a knowing look. "I am not taking sides. but I will defend either of you if necessary." you reached for your arm and pinched it with slight shame. you didn't realize how difficult you were being. "just go easy on him," suguru added on. "if not for his sake, then at least for mine. I just want you guys to get along..."

♡ surprisingly, things started going really well with satoru after you began making the conscious effort to do so. you could even say that you both were starting to become friends. satoru revealed that he was actually quite smart when you both were alone together and not in front of a crowd. he's also insanely talented but downplayed himself quite frequently and nonchalantly. his confidence, his real confidence, about his talents and wits was always subdued. you wondered if the persona he puts on for people is to simply hide away this part of himself. your heart started to expand and contract tightly when you listened to him spitball on some random scientific fact mid-discussion. satoru's incessant chatter not so annoying to you after all. as a matter of fact, he actually had a really nice voice when he was speaking calmly. at one point, he smiled and mumbled that he needed to learn to shut up. he casually ran his long, slender fingers through his snowy hair and gave you a bashful glance. your heart pattered a little faster. he can be really cute when he wants to be.

♡ you're spending a lot more time alone with him. and it's nice. like really, really nice. he's bloomed into someone unexpected. someone that catches your eye in an entirely different way. you do eventually agree to watch a movie together. the two of you were snuggled close in the theatre, sharing a bowl of popcorn. at one point you both reached for the bucket at the same time, the warmth of satoru's touch grazing over your fingers and making your thighs tremble. "sorry," he whispered as he casually lifts his hand, but his hot breath fans your cheek. you gazed up to see that his face is quite close to yours, your eyes falling to his pretty lips then back up to the sparkling blues. "i-it's okay," you answer, taken aback by the proximity of him in your space. you fold your arms over your belly swimming with butterflies, suddenly too aware of your own emotions to eat anymore.

♡ you're falling for him, when did that start happening?

♡ oh. you like him. you like him more than you should. you haven't even told suguru about it and it's eating you up inside. you haven't even admitted it out loud to yourself and that makes you scared. but you can't stop looking at him. he looks so good in his outfit - dressed to kill, and capturing everyone's attention at the party. "who are you staring at?" shoko asks. you try to brush it off, but utahime points out the obvious. suddenly you're bombarded with questions, your words failing you as you try to give an explanation.

♡ they don't accuse you, but they are curious and their wonder spins into hundreds of questions. everyone knows that you didn't like satoru gojo. what suddenly changed?

♡ "satoru is really sweet, but...he's not my type..." you blurt out in an attempt to save yourself and to give yourself some space from the weight of your realization. but only then do you see the girl's expression drop as both their eyes look above your head.

♡ satoru looks back at you crestfallen, having clearly heard what you just said. no, you think, no no no.

♡ he tugs at his collar, "excuse me-" he states as he spins on his heel. you all watch him disappear, and you're suddenly standing there wishing that the ground will swallow you whole. suguru asks the girls to give you both some privacy. the two of you stand in silence for a bit, and you realize that your best friend is giving you a chance to catch your breath. "I have to go talk to him," you blurt out, a sense of panic in your eyes. suguru just smiles. he knows you so fucking well. he takes the drink from your hand and gestures towards the door with the tilt of his head.

♡ "satoru..." you call out quietly, finding him seated outside. he doesn't react like usual, just stares at the ground before clearing his throat. he wipes his hands on his thighs and stands upright, his broad shoulders slumping. he turns around to face you, and the expression makes your brows furrow with concern. "you don't have to say anything," he explains.

♡ he stands upright, slides both his hands in his pockets and exhales in defeat. "I think it's fairly obvious that I like you. But they're just feelings right? It'll go away. I don't want to keep bothering you or wasting your time..." "satoru..." you interrupt.

"you clearly don't feel the same way, and I-I don't want to come across as a creep or make you feel uncomfortable..." "satoru, please" you beg, taking a step closer. "look, it's fine..." he says with a big grin, his eyes glossy and making you ache. "I'm a big boy, I can take rejection..." "it's not fine," you murmur with a shake of your head. "I have clearly been forcing this, making up stories in my own head. I shouldn't...I shouldn't keep taking up your precious time..." he walks up two steps, ready to bypass you but you quickly loop your arm around his bicep and tug him back. "wait-" you stammer, and he halts. frozen, you gaze at each other in contemplation. your other hand reaches for his jaw, and his body stiffens against your touch. "just...wait..." you softly add on, trying to rationalize your own feelings and what this could all mean. you tilt your head up, your thumb outlining his jaw. your eyes fall to his parted lips, your own seeking him out. you kiss him sweetly, apologetically, affectionately.

satoru is stunned. his eyes fall hazy like he can't believe what just happened. he looks so cute that you can't help but smile, your thumb moves to swipe the lipstick over his bottom lip.

"I-..." he mumbles dreamily, slowly angling his body in your direction. he gulps down the raw hurt. "I thought I'm not your type..."

"you're not," you answer back cheekily, your arms moving to circle around his neck while his own hands find your hips. "but I think that's exactly why I like you. you're everything I didn't expect."

his forehead drops against yours as a wave of relief washes over him. "you like me?"

you nip at your bottom lip, teasing the tip of his nose with yours. "yeah," you answer a little breathlessly, before smiling into another kiss "I really do."

♡ when suguru wakes up the next morning, the first text he receives is from satoru. after you both disappeared from the party last night, he had to follow up.

suguru: let me guess, did you both kiss and make up? satoru: I just left her place, heading back to mine now. suguru: spare me any gross details please. satoru: I feel like I am dreaming. last night wasn't real suguru: pretty real, bud. so, don't fuck it up. satoru: just pinch me when you see me, alright? I need to make sure.

[edamameimei]

in another dimension (daniela avanzini x reader)

"i care for you still and i will forever. that was my part of the deal, honest."

synopsis: daniela was your best friend in high school. however, after she graduates, she cuts contact with you. now, you attend the same college as her and you become face-to-face with the feelings you've tried so hard to push away. tags: mostly angst, cant promise comfort. fluff here n there. college!au. an: this is not a REAL portrayal of the people mentioned in this fic. all events are fictional and are for entertainment purposes only. CW: underaged drinking, lots of swearing wc: 15k (LOL)

⏯ now playing: white ferrari - frank ocean

Something you will always love about Daniela is the way she holds your hand.  

Before officially meeting her, you only ever saw her in the hallways. She was always followed by her friends from the cheer team, smiling widely and talking animatedly about something that happened the night before. She always walked past you at your locker. You would look up and for some reason, your eyes always locked with hers.

As if she had already been looking at you. 

But that was impossible. You weren’t anyone special at your school. 

So, you were surprised when she already knew your name when you introduced yourself to her during your shared chemistry class. Her seat was assigned next to yours and although you were nervous to talk to her, you knew it would only be polite. You held your hand out to her, a small smile on your face. “Y/n L/n.” She looks at you, a bit amused by your formality. However, she humored you, taking your hand and shaking it.

“Yeah, I know.”

The rest after that was history.

Despite your incapability to understand the subject, it became your favorite class that year. Daniela made it enjoyable with her quick wit and whispered jokes about the material. You both struggled together and eventually, you were going to her house every week to do homework or just hang out. She quickly became your best friend and vice versa. 

She would excuse herself from her group of cheer friends to talk to you at your locker. She always waited for you to finish packing your stuff up after class. She often offered to give you ride homes which would turn into a last-minute invite to her home or yours. It was an unexpected friendship, and it was even more unexpected when you started falling for the Latina. 

You realized it on a random day after school. You stopped by your locker, grabbing the textbook you would need for homework and returning the ones you wouldn't need for the night. Daniela came up to you, snaking her arms around your torso and pulling you close to her front. She rested her head against your back, murmuring, “I don't wanna go to practice…” Her statement made you chuckle. You closed your locker and leaned into the hug, cherishing the warmth the older girl provided. Daniela holds you tighter and whispers, “I wish I could just hang out with you.” 

Her words made your cheeks flush. Your heart rate picked up and you felt lightheaded when her perfume began to overwhelm your senses. You were hyperaware of the small circles her thumbs were tracing on your sides and just her presence was sending you over the edge. To your disappointment, she let go, sighing loudly and dramatically. You turned around to face your best friend and you felt your words get stuck in your throat. 

Her cheer uniform looked especially nice on her this day. 

She got on her tippy toes, kissing your cheek before bouncing off to practice. You heard her yell over her shoulder. “I’ll come over after, okay?!” 

You nodded, slightly dumbfounded and more fucked than usual. 

It was a secret you kept to yourself for years and a secret it will continue as you sit with her on her back porch after her graduation festivities. Daniela is finally done with high school and is now ready to start her new chapter. You try to give her your undivided attention as she excitedly talks about her dorm decor ideas but you can’t seem to find the strength to hear her words. 

You know you should be happy for Daniela but she’s leaving you in a few months to live an entirely different life than yours. She’s going to thrive while you stay stuck at your high school for another year. 

You don’t notice when she goes suddenly quiet. You’re pulled out of your thoughts when she grabs one of your hands, squeezing them gently. You look into her eyes and see concern in them. She tilts her head, frowning slightly. “Hey… you okay?” 

You nod, shifting your body so you can have a better look at her. Your shoulders touch and your knees bump into each other. You feel Daniela fidget with one of the rings on your fingers, a habit of hers that you’ve picked up on. You place your other hand on top of hers, caressing it gently with your thumb. “Of course. I’m happy for you.” She rolls her eyes, tilting her head even more to give you a look. 

“You can be sad, you know?” She looks down at your connected hands and sighs. “I’m… kinda sad too.” You furrow your brows at her confession. You lean closer to her, a pout on your face as you squeeze her hand tightly.

“What? You just graduated, Dani…” She looks up at you, her eyes glistening. Your throat tightens at the realization that she is on the verge of crying. You immediately cup her face with your hand, your thumb caressing her cheek gently. She leans into your touch, her eyes fluttering close as she lets out a shaky breath. She whispers, “Everything is gonna change, isn’t it?” Your heart drops at her words. 

You know you should tell her the truth. Deep down, you know she’s right. Everything will change, it’s inevitable. But a part of you likes to believe she loves you enough to not allow your friendship to fade. You like to imagine that the distance wouldn’t matter and even if she did make new friends at her university, you’d still be her favorite person. But sometimes, not even love is enough. 

You lean closer to the older girl, resting your forehead against hers. You let go of her cheek and raise your pinky in front of her. She giggles, bumping her nose against yours cutely. She links her pinky with yours and smiles widely, her dimples coming out after hiding all night. You whisper, “Nothing. Will change between us. Okay?” 

She nods, letting go of your pinky to pull you into a tight hug. She buries her face into your neck, her breath warm against your skin. Her lips ghost over your neck as she murmurs, “Okay.” 

Your hold on her becomes tighter as if scared this is the last time you'd ever get to have Daniela in your arms. 

But it isn’t the last time. 

The last time is in her newly moved-in dorm room. She held you so tightly, her tears staining your shirt. She whispered against your chest, her voice breaking, “You can stay a little longer if you want. You can help me decorate…” Your heart broke at her words. You knew if you stayed any longer, leaving would become much more difficult. 

So, you pulled away. You kissed the top of her head. And you bid her farewell. 

You thought, after this, there would be more opportunities to help her decorate. However, days turned into weeks without a word from her. Suddenly, weeks turned into months. 

And then your birthday passed and you foolishly hoped for at least a text. 

Then came graduation and pathetically, that was when you finally gave up on Daniela Avanzini altogether. 

If it weren’t for the full-ride scholarship you got from the same university as Daniela, you would have moved far away from Georgia. But a full ride is a full ride— and a university campus is much larger than a high school’s. 

After settling into your new space, you decide to take a stroll on the quad, needing to decompress after a very long day of traveling and moving. Your headphones are on as you look around your new surroundings. You take your time, wanting to familiarize yourself with the campus you’ll come to learn for the next four years. You glance up at the sky, getting lost in the different shapes of the clouds. 

You’re shaken out of your daydreams however when you accidentally bump into someone. 

Your eyes widen, your head snapping toward the person who had to become a victim of your recklessness. You open your mouth to apologize but when the person looks back at you, your words lodge in your throat. 

It was Daniela, in all her glory. 

Her hair is now blonde and you note how her hair isn't straightened, now full with her natural curls. She widens her eyes as if finally processing who was right in front of her. You can’t hear her, but you see her lips mouth your name. 

You shove your hands in your pocket, keeping your head down as you walk past her hurriedly. You make your way back to your dorm, pretending the interaction never happened. 

After that day, you’ve avoided walking anywhere on campus that was full of students. You know it’s ridiculous, but the thought of seeing Daniela once more annoys you. Thinking about the Latina in general puts you in a bad mood. Since she cut contact with you, bitterness began to fester in the pit of your stomach. Even though you knew it would happen, it still makes your heart ache when you think about that night after her graduation. 

For someone who seemed so broken at the thought of losing you, of things changing, you would have thought maybe she would have put at least a bit of effort into keeping you around. But unfortunately, it was another thing you foolishly believed and you would be damned to allow yourself to do that again. 

On the first day of class, you tiredly make your way to the science building on campus. You don’t understand what possessed you to sign up to take Organic Chemistry at 8:30 AM but here you were. You’ve heard horror stories about this class from your peers within your major. It was required for nursing and the thought of going through this class for a whole semester makes you want to switch what you’re studying entirely. But it was only the first day, how bad could it possibly be? 

As soon as you walk into the classroom, it becomes one million times worse.

You immediately spot Daniela sitting in the back of the classroom. She had her headphones on and her phone in her hands as she touched up her makeup. You grip the straps of your bookbag tightly, looking around for an open seat that is nowhere near her. Luckily for you, the class takes place in a mini-lecture hall. It’s not as big as your other intro classes, but compared to your English 101 classroom, this one had enough seats for you to choose from. 

You decide on a spot a row away from the front, knowing it would be best to have Daniela nowhere in your peripheral vision. You quickly sit down, unpacking your notebook and other materials to take notes. You lean back in your seat, taking a deep breath. You try to compose yourself, closing your eyes to pretend that the girl who meant everything to you at some point wasn’t right behind you. However, your attempt is futile when you hear a loud squeal at the front of the room. You open your eyes to see two girls standing at the entrance, waving enthusiastically. “DANI!” One of them yells, quickly walking to the Latina with the other girl following right behind her. 

You slouch in your seat. You came to college to escape high school and now here you are— getting a strange sense of deja vu. 

Once the class ends, you quickly stuff your belongings into your bookbag, zipping it up and throwing it onto your back. You leave the classroom with a huff, doing everything in your power to avoid seeing Daniela or even hearing her voice. Questions run through your mind such as: why is she even taking Orgo? She’s a dance major, why is she wasting her time? You shake your head, tears brimming your eyes as you continue walking to your dorm. 

As soon as you walk into your space, you immediately throw your bookbag onto the floor. You run your hands through your hair frustratedly, the tears you’ve been holding in are now falling freely from your eyes. You pace your room for a moment, trying to gather your thoughts. You feel like you’re on the verge of a crashout and it has only been a day in college. However, in the middle of your breakdown, a soft voice breaks you out of your head. “Are you… Like, good?” You turn your head toward the voice and your cheeks flare up in embarrassment. You forgot you are now sharing a space with someone. 

“Fuck. I’m sorry.” You manage to say. You sit down on your bed, looking down at your lap. You wipe your tears, not wanting your roommate to feel any pity for you. Also, you only met Megan a week ago and you didn’t want to give her the impression that you were always like this. If anything, this is the farthest from who you are, especially in front of people. 

“No, really. Are you okay?” You look up at Megan, a forced smile on your face. “Yeah. I just– I just came back from my Organic Chemistry class…” Megan nods at your response, taking it at face value. She closes her laptop, placing it at the foot of her bed. The ginger girl sits criss-crossed on her bed and gives you an apologetic smile. 

“God I heard that class fucking sucks,” She throws her head back dramatically, looking up at the ceiling. “I’d be in tears too. You were real for walking in like that.” Her words make you laugh. You sniffle, wiping away the remaining tears on your cheeks. She looks at you again, tilting her head in curiosity. “You’re in nursing, right?” You nod, rubbing the back of your neck anxiously. 

“Yeah… I think I’m starting to regret it.” She laughs and gets up from her bed. She walks over to you and gestures toward the door. “Do you wanna get food with me and my friend? It could cheer you up.” You’re grateful for the offer but you shake your head, looking down at your watch on your wrist. “That sounds awesome but unfortunately… I have like, 30 minutes to relax before my next class.” 

“What’s your next class?” She asks. You smile sheepishly at Megan, responding, “Statistics.” 

She widens her eyes. “Dude, do you hate yourself?” 

You sigh, flopping onto your back on your bed. “Something like that, yeah.” 

The worst thing about Organic Chemistry is that it’s not just a class– it’s also a lab. 

The night before, your professor sent an email detailing lab expectations, assignments, and lab partners. 

You look at the attachment on your laptop, scared to click on the ‘read more’ tab that contains your fate for the rest of the semester. You take a deep breath, clicking on it. It was now or never. 

Group 2-B: Y/n L/n, Daniela Avanzini, Meret Manon Bannerman, & Sophia Lafoteza. 

Group 2-B Partners: Y/n L/n & Daniela Avanzini, Meret Manon Bannerman & Sophia Lafoteza. 

You slam your laptop shut. Megan jumps at the sound, looking at you with wide eyes. 

When you walk into the lab, you can’t help but roll your eyes when you see Daniela sitting at one of the lab tables with the two other girls you saw from class. You feel your anxiety build as you walk toward the table, the grip on your bookbag straps tighten when Daniela looks up and sees you. She smiles but you can tell it was forced. You look away, taking a seat across from her. The girl next to you extends her hand, smiling widely. “Hi! You must be Y/n, I’m Sophia.” 

You take her hand, shaking it awkwardly. “Nice to meet you…” As soon as you let go, the other girl– who you assume to be Manon, waves at you, giving you a friendly smile. “I’m Manon and this–” She puts an arm around the Latina, pulling her close to her side, “Is Daniela!” 

Daniela gives you an awkward smile and a wave of anger spreads throughout your body. You grip the hem of your shirt, trying to remain calm. You simply nod, forcing a smile as you look away to unpack the materials needed for today’s class. The girls continue their conversation, loudly discussing their escapades from the night before. You try to keep your focus on your notebook but Sophia taps your shoulder, grabbing your attention. “What’s your major, Y/n?” 

You clear your throat, your eyes still trained on your notebook as you respond, “Nursing.” 

You hear Manon gasp. “Wait! Me and Dani too!” You look up, surprised. You look at Daniela with a raised eyebrow. “Really?” 

Manon nods her head excitedly. “Yeah! We’re both sophomores right now in the program.” Daniela looks at you and you can’t help but notice a tinge of sadness in her eyes. You ignore it, looking away again once you see the professor walk into the room. 

“That’s cool.” You respond, trying to remain nonchalant. You feel Daniela’s eyes still on you and you pretend it doesn’t bother you. It shouldn’t bother you– it’s been a year without the girl in your life and you managed to make it this far. But hearing her voice again, seeing her right in front of you, it ignited something inside of you that you haven’t felt in so long. And maybe that’s what bothered you the most. 

Manon and Sophia continue pestering you with questions as Daniela sits silently. She nods along to whatever they ask, responding when she feels it’s right to. You find the situation humorous. You and Daniela were playing characters that didn’t know a single thing about each other. The person in front of you doesn’t know where your parents live. She has never seen the room you grew up in and she has no idea what you were like in high school. 

The character you play brings you comfort. As you say your lines, you avoid her eyes, afraid you’ll mess up.

Because she does know what your room looks like. She knows you still sleep with a night light. 

The nursing building was not your favorite place to be in.

Due to it only being your first year, you don't find yourself inside its old and intimidating walls very often. But when you do go, you’re always filled with an overwhelming feeling of dread. Nursing in general is very competitive– known for its difficult curriculum in the first two years solely to weed out the people who aren’t dedicated to the profession. 

That’s why many professors suggest finding your, “people.” There’s no point in struggling on your own. 

But unfortunately, you have come to find out that some nursing students aren’t the kindest individuals to be around. There’s a dog-eat-dog attitude amongst some of them, making alliances purely to benefit them in the long run. Classes have only been in session for two weeks now and there are already several rumors going around. It’s only a matter of time until your graduating class becomes a part of the rumor mill. 

It’s a bunch of bullshit, you think. You’re grateful you never intended to make friends. 

You make your way toward your foundations class, your headphones on to avoid being flagged down by a classmate. You walk to one of the elevators, pressing the “up” button. You wait, your hands finding the straps of your bookbag to grip them tightly. When the elevator doors open, you grip them even tighter when you see Daniela walk out. Her eyes widen when she sees you. 

“Oh, hey…” She says awkwardly. You roll your eyes, pushing past her to go inside the elevator. However, she grabs your arm, tugging you back gently. You breathe out, agitated as you turn around with a glare. You reach up to take your headphones off. “Dude, what?” 

Daniela crosses her arms at your tone. She speaks, a slight irritation in her voice, “Can you stop making this weird?” You give her an incredulous look. You gesture between the both of you, chuckling sarcastically. 

“I genuinely want nothing to do with you, Daniela.” Your eyes look around the hallway, your expression in disbelief. You look back at her with a sharp look in your eyes as you point at her. “We aren’t friends and I’d like to keep it that way.” She frowns at your words and uncrosses her arms. She gestures to you in exasperation, her eyes wide as she whispers loudly, “Can’t you just! Let it go, Y/n? I mean, we’re in college now–“ You hold your hand up to halt her from saying anything further. 

You speak harshly, “That literally doesn't mean anything.” You take a step away from her, your hands finding the straps of your bookbag again. You look at Daniela with a cold expression, your tone low. “Just because we’re in college now doesn’t erase what happened.” You shake your head with a huff. You look down at your shoes as you continue, “We’re only lab partners. Unless we’re in class, leave me the fuck alone.” You don’t give her the chance to respond. You turn away, your lip trembling and on the brink of tears as you walk toward the stairwell. 

A week passes and Daniela has been respecting your wishes. 

For some reason, it hurts more like this. You were the one who told her to leave you alone. But then again, there was a time when Daniela never left your side. You could push her away over and over again yet she stayed. Her unwavering loyalty paired with your stubbornness was what allowed you to let your walls down in the first place. And now, you were both strangers.

You sit at your desk in your dorm, studying notes you took from your Organic Chemistry class to prepare for the lab that awaits you in two days. As you continue highlighting the most important parts, you begin to hear the Fortnite loading screen on your roommate’s side of the dorm. You turn around with a raised brow and an amused smile on your face. “Megan?” She looks up from her Switch, eyes wide. She looks away, murmuring an apology as she turns down the volume. It only makes you laugh, shaking your head. “No, it’s okay. Is that… Fortnite?”

Your familiarity with the game makes her eyes light up. She nods, looking at you with a wide smile. “Dude, yeah! Do you play?” You shrug your shoulders, leaning your shoulder against your desk chair. 

“I used to. I don’t play anymore.” Megan gets up from her bed, padding towards you with excitement. She crouches next to you and shows you her screen. Your eyes glance at her current level on the game and you can’t help but snort, covering your mouth. “Level 110?” The Chinese girl quickly puts her Switch down, looking away in embarrassment. 

“Wait– Don’t judge me,” She brings her Switch back up, pressing a button to indicate she is ready to start a match. She looks at you with a twinkle in her eyes. “Take a break and watch me get a victory royale.” You open your mouth to decline but as she gets put into a lobby, you can’t help but become distracted. You turn your head slightly to check the time on your laptop. 

“Why the hell not? Sure.” She lets out an excited squeal, looking back down at the screen to lock in. You watch her with amusement in your eyes. Something you’ve learned about Megan in the last few weeks is that she is a very silly person. You’ve never seen her open a single one of her textbooks and you always find her in bed, playing a video game on the TV, on her Switch, or her laptop. Sometimes you wonder if she ever actually went to class but then again, with your schedule being so packed, it would make sense for you to never see her anywhere else but at the dorm. 

You watch Megan land in the game and before her character can take a single step, they are taken out with a headshot. In the corner, you notice an achievement, congratulating her for being the first person out in the game. You cover your mouth, trying to stifle your snickers. She groans, placing the Switch in your lap. “I wanna watch you try.” You raise an eyebrow at her, taking another glance at the time. You jump when you feel Megan poke at your side. “Just take a break! There’s a gamer inside of you, I can feel it.” Her words cause you to laugh loudly. You bite your lip, grabbing the Switch to start a new match. 

“I haven’t played since my junior year so don’t give me shit if I’m terrible.” She salutes you, leaning her head against your chair. You shift the Switch so she can have a better view. Finally, you are now in the game. When your character lands in a town, you begin to feel somewhat giddy. 

As you move your character around, Megan begins to engage you in a conversation. From the corner of your eye, you notice her playing with a lock of her hair. “So… How’s nursing?” You shrug at her question, your excitement increasing as you find a chest in the corner of the house your character is currently occupying. 

“It’s… nursing.” You find yourself saying, moving your character into a completely different area. You continue looking for better weapons, not removing your focus from the screen. 

You hear Megan ask, “Are you always this quiet?” Her question causes you to look down at her briefly. She widens her eyes, raising her hands in quick defense. “ I mean like– You aren’t that quiet but, compared to me, you don’t talk much.” You nod at her words, chuckling. 

You look back down at the screen, locking in once again. “I know I’m quiet, it’s okay. I just… don’t really like talking to people…” You trail off as someone attempts to shoot at you but you quickly turn your character, shooting at them until the game notifies you of their elimination. Megan whispers a “nice,” under her breath. You keep moving forward, not wanting to get lost in the storm. 

“Why don’t you like talking to people?” You wrinkle your nose at both her question and the fact you got caught in the crossfire of someone else’s battle. You quickly retreat in the game, your heart rate picking up as you get hit multiple times. Fortunately, you make it out alive and you let out a sigh of relief. 

You realize you haven’t answered Megan’s question, clearing your throat. “I just don’t really like making new friends.” You shoot another person, eliminating them as well. You smile small to yourself, noticing there are only 15 other people in the game. 

Megan grabs your shoulder and shakes you excitedly. “Dude! What the fuck? You’re a liar! You are good at this game!” Her words make you laugh loudly and before you can say anything, you are taken out by a sniper. You two sit in silence as the screen displays your place in the match. Megan covers her mouth and snorts. The sound causes you to lean forward, clutching your stomach as you laugh. You might not be open for friends, but Megan could easily be given a pass. 

You hand Megan her Switch back with a smile. “Thanks for letting me play.” Your roommate takes it from you, a silly smile on her face. You notice how her dimples are shaped like whiskers and her eyes form crescents as she continues smiling. 

She tells you, “You know if you ever wanna make new friends, me and my friend Lara don’t bite.” You chuckle, turning back around to look at your laptop. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

The lab doesn’t go terribly. It actually goes a lot better than you had anticipated. You managed to work well with Daniela, Manon, and Sophia. Despite Sophia and Manon’s constant questions about you, you survived. And as soon as the lab finished, you were out the door, not sparing another glance at the group of girls. 

Once you get to your dorm, you are greeted by both your roommate and another girl sitting at Megan’s desk. Your roommate sits on the floor next to the other girl, her eyes lit up at your return. Megan’s friend turns her head toward you and waves. “Hey, you’re the roommate?” You nod, setting your stuff down on the ground. 

“Yeah, that’s me.”  Megan’s friend– who you assume to be Lara, watches as you walk to your desk, sitting down in your chair. You reach for your Nursing Profession textbook, intending to study for an hour or two. But as you open it, you hear Lara snort loudly. You look over at the girl with a raised eyebrow. “What?” 

Lara waves her hands dismissively, pursing her lips to contain her laughter. “I’m sorry, Megan was literally just telling me how you were an academic weapon– Going straight to work after class is crazy. I want your motivation…” You chuckle at her words. You lean back against your chair, crossing your arms.

You look back at your textbook with an embarrassed smile. “I don’t like feeling unprepared.” You quietly say, your cheeks burning even more. In high school, you were never on top of your assignments. Each and every one of them was turned in with a lack of effort but you managed to keep a high GPA. But once you settled on your major and did more research, you realized the summer before your first year, if you didn’t pick up the slack, you were going to crash and burn before your second semester even started. You couldn’t tell if it was motivation or just the fear of falling behind. Or it could be the fear of not being good enough. That one lingers in the back of your mind every other passing second. 

Megan’s laugh pulls you out of your thoughts. You look at her, a playful smile on your lips. “You’ve been talking shit about me?” You gently tease. Megan sticks her tongue out at you and lets out a dramatic sigh, tilting her head to the side. “No, Lara was just asking where you were. And I told her you were out, “Being an academic weapon.”’ She says the last part with air quotes, letting out a soft giggle at the same time. 

You roll your eyes, turning your head toward Lara with a small smile. She looks back at you, amused by the interaction between you and Megan. She turns her head to look at Megan, her eyes widening slightly. She grabs the Chinese girl’s shoulder and covers her mouth. Her words are stifled but you can still hear them through her hand. “You should invite them to the party tomorrow night!” You narrow your eyes as Megan looks at you, a familiar glint of excitement in her expression. She grabs Lara’s arm and looks at her with a dimpled smile. “You might be onto something.” Your roommate’s words cause you to wave your hands, dismissing the scheming that’s happening right in front of you. 

“No, no. She isn’t. I’m not going anywhere…” Megan groans dramatically. She crawls over to you, gets on her knees, and clasps her hands together. She pouts, giving you her best puppy dog eyes. You look at her with a deadpan expression. “Megan, I am saying no.” She pouts even more, leaning closer to you. “Y/n! Please? It’ll be fun! And you said you’d hang out with me this weekend…” You shake your head, turning away from her to face your desk again. “I will but just not at a party.” You look back down at your textbook, trying to ignore the girl’s persistence. 

However, Megan doesn’t give up. She stays in the same position with the same expression. Her eyes burn holes into the back of your skull and you are very hyperaware of the fact Lara is now smirking at the both of you. You clench your fists, sighing loudly.

You throw your head back in defeat. “Oh my god! Fine! I get to leave whenever I want– Even if that means I was only there for five minutes!” Megan squeals, jumping to her feet. She wraps her arms around your neck excitedly and you roll your eyes when you hear Lara’s laugh from the other side of the room. 

The party is full of people you don’t know and you fear no amount of alcohol could make you enjoy yourself for even a second. 

You stand with Megan and Lara in the kitchen, your eyes looking around the new environment anxiously. Your hands tug at the hem of your shirt then rub your palms against the fabric. The music was too loud and the whole house smelled like cheap beer and sweaty frat boys. When Megan finishes making your drink, you take it from her quickly, chugging it. Your roommate watches you with wide eyes. “Damn, we just got here!” Once you finish your drink, you place the cup back down on the counter and glare at the Chinese girl. “Gotta get through this night somehow.” Lara laughs at your words and pats you on the back.

“Trust, you’ll have fun with us.” She extends her pinky toward you and you stare at it, hesitant to trust her promise. Against any other rational thoughts though, you link your pinky with hers, rolling your eyes as the two girls pull you out of the kitchen and shove another cup into your hands. 

Against all odds, you have to admit, you were having fun with Lara and Megan. 

You find an open couch to sit on, grateful that they follow your lead. They begin to tell you stories about their friendship and how they met in middle school. The conversation is mostly you listening in amusement as they bicker back and forth about how a story truly happened. You’d occasionally take sips from your cup, drinking it slower due to the light buzz you already feel in your head. At some point, Megan reveals herself to be a lightweight, leaning her head against Lara’s shoulder and mumbling nonsensical things such as her stupid English 102 professor and how happy she is to have you and Lara in her life. 

You watch as Lara pats her head gently, wrapping an arm around Megan’s shoulders. “How is it always you the drunkest at the end of the night?” Megan mumbles a response to Lara’s question, wrapping her arms around the other girl’s torso. The interaction causes you to look away, suddenly feeling jealous over their friendship. It reminds you of Daniela and thinking about her changes your mood drastically. You raise your cup to your lips but realize it’s empty. You sigh, leaning forward to place your cup on the coffee table. You turn to Lara and Megan, a small smile on your face. 

You stretch your arms. “I’m gonna go outside and get some fresh air.” You say, needing an escape. Lara nods in understanding. She points at Megan with a playful smile.

“I’ll be here and babysit,” Lara says and it causes Megan to whine, insisting she isn’t a baby. You laugh, shaking your head at the antics of your roommate. You get up from the couch and navigate your way through the crowd to find the back door. Once you find it, you quickly open it and step outside, the cold air sobering you slightly. You close the door behind you, taking a deep breath. 

In the backyard, there’s an old swing set. Your eyes light up and decide to take a seat on one of the swings, your hands instinctively wrapping around the swing’s chains. You look down at your feet as you sway back and forth, a lazy smile on your face. The breeze feels cool against your skin and for a second, you feel at peace. Your moment of silence is ruined when you hear footsteps coming toward you. Your head snaps up to see the intruder and your eyes begin to narrow when you realize it’s Daniela. You’re about to stand but Daniela stops in her tracks, looking at you desperately. 

“Wait. Don’t go,” She lets out a shaky breath and continues. “I just. Can I at least sit with you?” You stare at her, keeping your guard up. A sigh escapes your lips as you look away from the Latina. She takes it as an answer and continues walking, sitting down in the swing next to you. You sit in silence, gripping the chains of the swing tightly. You feel overwhelmed by her presence, wanting to be alone for once. But for some reason, you can’t bring yourself to tell her that. So you keep your mouth shut, your eyes finding the ground again. 

She breaks the silence despite your building irritation. “Parties are your thing now?” You purse your lips at her accusatory tone, your grip on the chains becoming even tighter. “What if they are? You wouldn’t know.” Your tone is harsh and you can feel a lump beginning to form in your throat. That bitterness you’ve been feeling the last few weeks intensifies, eating away at you as Daniela continues trying to engage you in a conversation. 

“I literally had to fight you to get you to come with me to a party in high school…” Her voice is soft as she speaks, her words a bit slurred. Your jaw tightens as you try to push down your emotions. You don’t want to reminisce about high school– especially with Daniela. You close your eyes as you hear her talk again. “I can’t imagine you liking them now, I mean, you always–” 

Suddenly, something snaps inside you. The ugly feeling is finally being released as you speak,  “You don’t even know me, Daniela. You don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.” Your knuckles turn white as you grip the swings. There are tears in your eyes but you keep yourself composed. Your voice is steady as you continue, “You don’t fucking know who I am anymore.” You stand up, turning around to face Daniela for the first time since she sat down with you. You point at her as if accusing her of a crime. “So stop pretending you do! I told you to leave me alone!” You yell at her frustratedly. Your hand falls back to your side as you breathe heavily. 

You take her silence as an answer, turning around to walk away from Daniela, to give her a taste of her own medicine. However, her next words cause you to stop, knocking the wind right out of you. “I can get to know you again then!” She yells. You turn around, your eyes wide in surprise. She is now standing and there is a look of determination in her eyes. She takes a few steps forward and you make a move to step back but you can’t help but feel frozen in place. Once she is only a few feet away from you, she speaks softly, “I got to know you once. I can do it again.” 

You stare at each other, the silence deafening. Your voice shakes as you finally respond. “My- My friends are waiting for me inside.” 

Daniela steps closer to you as if challenging you. She nods. “Okay.” 

You don’t move though. You stay where you are.

You nod, whispering, “Okay.” 

The way she interacts with you changes slightly. 

You can tell she’s holding back as if scared of doing something wrong. But you also wonder if it’s also the influence of Manon and Sophia and the other nursing students. 

Apparently, you’re not very liked. What the reason is, you aren’t sure. You deduce it’s because of your attitude 

It’s not that you weren’t kind, but you also weren’t making much of an effort to get to know your peers within your major. You found it quite useless– if everyone was against each other then what was the point altogether? You’re already against the idea of making real friends, why would you make fake ones just to get through your program? That sounds like a recipe for disaster that you simply don’t have the energy to spend on. Every time you walk into the nursing building, you find everyone in their respective groups, either studying for the next exam or discussing the latest gossip amongst the major. 

So far this semester, only a few classmates have asked you to join their study group– including Manon and Daniela. But you always declined. It’s nothing against them (well, except Daniela), you were never the type to study in a group. You like working alone. It was quiet and you didn’t have to take off your headphones every ten seconds just to hear what someone said. Group projects were always a weakness of yours and that is one of the few reasons why you hated your Organic Chemistry Lab. 

And so, studying at the library is meant to be a solo activity for you. However, Daniela comes to join you randomly one day. She doesn’t ask, simply sitting in the chair across from you and setting her bag in the other chair next to her. You narrow your eyes at her. “Hello?” Daniela looks at you with a small smile and waves. “I saw you in here and decided to join.” You roll your eyes, looking back at your laptop screen. 

You subtly watch as she unpacks her things, taking out her laptop and notebook. She pulls out her glasses case from the front pocket and you feel your heart skip a beat. You’ve always liked Daniela with her glasses on. She always wore them during your shared Chemistry class in high school and for some reason, it always distracted you. You think about the days when you’d lay with her in bed, her glasses on, as you both read a book together. 

Well, it was her mostly reading the book, you always fell asleep in the middle of a paragraph. 

After a few minutes, Daniela gets up from her seat and looks at you expectantly. You look up at her with a raised eyebrow. “I’m getting coffee. You want one?” She asks and you want to say no. But after spending so long already inside the library and nowhere near close to stopping, you sigh, nodding your head.

“Yeah… Actually, can you get me a—“ Before you can finish, she’s already turning around, walking to the small cafe that’s inside the building. You stare at her back, your brows furrowed. You let out a sigh, tearing your eyes away from the Latina to continue studying for your exam. You’re in the middle of one of your readings when Daniela comes back, setting your coffee next to you on the table. You briefly look at the writing on the cup, not registering it completely. Once you realize though, you take a double take, grabbing the cup to get a better look. 

You feel your cheeks burn as you look up at Daniela with a surprised look in your eyes. “You… Remember my coffee order.” It’s supposed to be a question, but it comes out more like a statement. A statement that confirms Daniela still remembers the little things about you and a statement that shows that maybe you didn’t change as much as you thought you did since high school. The Latina looks at you, a twinkle of hope in her eyes that aggravated you but also made your heart race at the exact same time. 

“Of course I do.” She whispers, looking back down at her notebook. You notice how she bites her lip, trying to contain her smile. You narrow your eyes, looking everywhere but at Daniela. You cross your arms and scoff. “Why though?” You ask, looking down at your lap. Your hands clutch at the sleeves of your sweater, gripping it tightly as you prepare to hear her answer. She’s silent for a moment and you begin to bite your lip, scared that you may have offended her in some way. Even though it annoys you that she is trying to sneak her way back into your life, a small part of you is hopeful that she will succeed. As pathetic as it may sound– Daniela was your person. And maybe, she still is. 

You hear Daniela sigh. “I don’t think you just forget those types of things, you know?” You grip your sweater tighter. Your jaw tightens as you keep your eyes on your lap. You want to ask if she got an iced vanilla latte with almond milk. You want to ask her why she changed her major. You want to ask her why she stopped talking to you, why she didn’t want to be your friend anymore after she left. You almost tell her that, for the first time in your life, the loneliness after she left killed you. 

Instead, you shrug your shoulders. You return your attention to your laptop, shaking your head. “I forgot a lot of that stuff, to be honest.” 

After that day in the library, Daniela joins you often. She brings you a coffee every time and never disturbs you, just settling for sitting with you at the table. You both talk sometimes, usually about Orgo, but it has never gone deeper than that. You can tell she isn’t trying to push you and although you’re grateful, you still can’t help but keep your guard up. While playing a game with Megan, you feel your phone vibrate against your leg. You glance at your phone, your eyes widening in surprise to see a text message from the Latina. Megan looks at you curiously, pausing the game. “What’s up?” You look away from your phone, shaking your head at your roommate. 

“It’s nothing,” You say quietly. You turn your attention back toward the TV, sitting up straighter. Your hands grip the controller in your lap tightly, wondering what Daniela could have possibly said to you. Megan reaches out, placing a hesitant hand on your shoulder. “You can… Talk about it.” You turn your attention back to Megan, a faux smile on your lips. “It’s really stupid dude, trust me.” But she doesn’t give up, waiting patiently for you to open up. Another thing you have found yourself liking about Megan is her patience. She might be impulsive and rather reckless in her actions, but she knows when to be serious. 

You groan. You knew this would have to come up eventually, especially due to your growing close friendship with your roommate. But, you’ve never talked about Daniela. Friends from high school often asked you about her and you always lied, not wanting to tell them the truth. You thought saying it out loud would make it real– the fact she was gone and left without even saying a proper goodbye. It was a conversation you jumped through hurdles to avoid. You look away from Megan, not wanting to look her in the eyes as you confide in her. 

“There’s a girl in the nursing program…” Megan lets out a loud “oooh” at your words and it causes you to scoff, waving her off. “Not like that! Just–” You rub your face with your hands, struggling to let the words leave your mouth. Your hands cover your face as you say, “There’s a girl in my program that I was best friends with in high school, and now… We’re like. Not that anymore?” You uncover your face, crossing your arms. You continue, keeping your eyes on your lap. “And she’s trying to be my friend again but it’s… Fucking scary.” 

Megan scoots closer to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. She rubs your arm comfortingly and asks, “What about it is scary?” You let out a breathy chuckle, shaking your head. You respond, “I don’t know. Maybe getting hurt again?” Your roommate leans her head against your shoulder. She whispers, “Was she like. Your Lara?” You glance at Megan, your eyebrows raised. Before you can stop yourself, the words tumble from your mouth, “Are you in love with Lara?” 

Your question causes Megan to widen her eyes, sitting up straight. She shakes her head frantically. “Wait– Oh my god, you’re in love with this person? That is not what I was trying to say.” Your admission causes you to widen your own eyes, your cheeks flaring in embarrassment. You look away and try to backtrack. “No, no! I mean– Fuck.” You throw your head, groaning. “Fuck. Like. I guess? I don’t know, it doesn’t matter anymore.” 

Your roommate frowns at your words. She leans her head back against your shoulder and sighs. “It totally matters. Especially if she wants to be a part of your life again…” She continues, her voice soft, “It’s up to you but… I’d keep my walls up. If she hurt you once, then you make her work for it.” You nod at Megan’s words. Make her work for it. You let it linger for a moment before shrugging Megan off of you and pushing her away. You give her a small smile as you wave your controller in front of her face.

“Can we keep playing, please? I still need plates.” Your roommate gapes at you, swatting your shoulder playfully. “Y/n! I’ve been asking you to bring me my fucking bread for the last five minutes, are you joking?!” You place your controller down next to your phone, the text message from Daniela long forgotten as you begin to argue with Megan over the video game. 

Another week passes and you sit outside the lab classroom. Your knees tucked under your chin with your arms wrapped around your legs. You take a deep breath and close your eyes, trying to ground yourself. Your brain felt like mush and none of the material made sense. After you argued with Sophia over the calculations, you stormed out of the classroom, slamming the door shut behind you. 

It’s fucking overwhelming. Everything is so overwhelming.

You sit there in silence, a crushing weight on your shoulders. You know this feeling all too well, yet it still hasn’t become easier to manage. You know it isn’t that deep— everyone else was struggling with the lab instructions. The argument with Sophia was unnecessary but her constant questions and pestering made you go insane. In high school, this wouldn't have phased you. You would have shrugged it off and took the C. But for some reason, this meant so much to you. 

If you didn't do well in Orgo, then what would that mean for the next three years? 

The thought makes you hug your legs tighter.  You feel tears brimming your eyes as you let out a shaky breath. You wonder if this was a sign that maybe– maybe you made a mistake. 

You hear the lab classroom door open but you don’t pay attention to it. You assume it’s your professor checking on you. However, the person sits down next to you on the floor. You glance over, seeing Daniela’s manicured nails. You sigh, your irritation building. You close your eyes again, suddenly feeling exhausted. You two sit in silence for a moment, as if waiting to see who will speak up first. Suddenly, you feel Daniela’s hand grab yours, causing you to open your eyes. You narrow them, attempting to pull your hand away from her grasp but she holds onto you tightly. You open your mouth to say something but she speaks first. 

“Squeeze my hand.” Her voice is so quiet that you almost don’t hear her. She looks at you softly, her brows furrowed. She whispers again, “Squeeze my hand. I don’t care.” You glare at her as your tears begin to spill from your eyes. You feel them roll against your cheek and without even thinking, you grip her hand tightly. You whisper, your tone harsh, “Fuck you, Daniela.” She doesn’t flinch at your words. You feel her thumb caressing the back of your hand. 

“You can squeeze tighter.” And you do, your grip getting tighter around her hand. You close your eyes, shaking your head frantically. You use your free hand to wipe your eyes, but the tears continue falling. Your shoulders begin to shake as you give up, crying freely. Your voice breaks as you speak bitterly, “I hate you so much. I hate you.” 

She lets you grip her hand tightly as she responds, “I know.” 

“I’m so fucking mad at you for leaving.” 

She responds again, keeping the same soft tone. “I know. Mi amor, I know.”

“You were supposed to be my best friend.” You cry, finally looking up at her. The pain in your eyes is evident as you continue, “You were my best friend and you left me! You made me promise nothing would change but you went and did that bullshit!” You feel as though you were crushing her hand but Daniela doesn’t show it. She looks at you, her own eyes glistening. She whispers, “I’m here now, right?” Your lip quivers at her words. 

Your voice cracks as you respond, “Don’t do this to me right now. Don’t.” 

“Then tell me to leave.” You stare at her, your eyes challenging her. She keeps your gaze, her tears falling from her eyes. 

You pull her into a tight hug. You sob loudly as Daniela holds you. You can’t help but feel familiar with this warmth as if it’s home. You wonder if this is home. 

The next day, she shows up at the library and joins you at one of the tables. She sets her stuff down, turning away to go to the cafe but you lean over the table, grabbing the Latina’s wrist. “Daniela.” She looks at you and your breath catches in your throat. Her eyes have always been so mesmerizing to you. Daniela is captivating, catching the eyes of everyone around her. It always surprised you when she always sought you out amongst crowds of people in high school. It was surprising, but also made you feel so god-damned lucky. 

“I got you an iced vanilla latte with almond milk.” You say it quickly, but Daniela hears every word. She looks down at the table and sees the coffee cup sitting on the table. She looks back at you with a dimpled smile. 

You whisper, “You don’t forget those types of things, you know?” She nods, looking into your eyes.

“I know.” 

It’s been a month since you decided to make peace with Daniela. 

Although you were still guarded, it was a nice change to have Daniela back in your life. It felt as though nothing had changed. Conversations were still easy, her energy still had an effect on you. Seeing her in a room full of people made you light up, your heart racing. She smiles at you and your fists immediately unclench. Slowly, the guard you had came tumbling down. And the Latina was now officially back in your life. 

After being so used to her absence, it ends up becoming something you have to adjust to. 

You are currently at a house party with Megan and Lara. You three stand in an empty hallway, red solo cups in your hands. Lara talks loudly about a girl she saw in the dining hall, distraught over the fact she may have lost her chance with the “goddess on campus.” You listen to her, occasionally taking sips from your cup with an amused smile. Suddenly, Megan’s eyes widen and she grabs your shoulder, shaking you frantically. “Do you remember that girl from my Biology class I was talking about?”

You nod, even though you have no earthly idea what she is talking about. She begins talking about the girl from Bio, her hand still on your shoulder. Whenever her voice gets louder, she tugs at your shirt and every time you stumble slightly. Megan’s enthusiasm always amuses you. She is sunshine and everything good, and you can’t help but think you are the complete opposite. Megan as your roommate didn’t make sense, but you couldn’t think of anyone else you would rather share a space with. She always manages to cheer you up with her stupid jokes and incessant need to play a video game together. 

Her constant rambling keeps you up most nights, but she knows you don’t mind. Something you like the most about Megan is that she never pushes you. Becoming her friend was natural, and it was at your own comfortable pace. If you had to go to bed early, she would put her headphones on so her games wouldn’t disturb you. You feel lucky to have Megan as your roommate and you hope she feels the same way. And with the way she always looks at you while she talks, making sure you’re still listening, she probably does. 

From the corner of your eye, you see Daniela walk by with Sophia and Manon. You briefly look away from Megan, your breath catching in your throat when you see the Latina. She wears a short, strapless black dress with heels to match. Her curls bounced with every step she took and you couldn’t take your eyes off her. She is always a sight to see but every time she planned to go out? You really were no better than a man. 

Your thoughts make your cheeks flush, forcing yourself to tear your gaze away from the older girl. You look back at Megan who is still talking at 100 words per minute. You lean against the wall behind you, taking a deep breath. Lara notices your slight change in demeanor and tilts her head at you, her eyes furrowing in concern. “Are you good, Y/n?” Your eyes widen at her question. You attempt to hide your blush by taking another sip from your cup. 

You pull the cup away from your lips and look inside of it. It’s empty and the desire for a refill overwhelms you. You look back up at Lara with a small, forced smile. “Yeah, my cup is just empty.” You flip it over, shaking it with emphasis and it causes Lara to laugh and shake her head. Megan looks up at you, her eyes slightly glazed and sparkling. She finally lets go of your shoulder and takes a step away from you. 

“I’ll come with you to get another!” She grabs your hand without waiting for an answer. She turns her head toward Lara with a lopsided smile. “Do you need another?” The Indian girl shakes her head, giggling at how tipsy Megan seemed at the moment. 

“Nah, I saw a friend from class just walk in so I’m gonna say hi real quick.” You and Megan nod, waving goodbye to Lara before your roommate pulls you with her toward the kitchen. Her hold on your hand is tight as she navigates through the crowd of people. She moves so quickly that you almost walk past someone calling your name. You turn your head, stopping in your tracks when you see Daniela walking toward you. Megan walks up to you with a curious look in her eyes. Your hands remain connected when Daniela finally catches up to you. 

She reaches out, placing a hand on your shoulder. “Hey! I didn’t know you were gonna be here!” She looks past you and sees Megan. Daniela tilts her head, looking down at your hands. You notice how she bites her lip and looks back at you, her eyes narrowed. “Who’s your friend?” For some reason, the tone in her voice sends shivers down your spine. You look at Megan, then back at Daniela, a soft smile on your face. 

“This is Megan, she’s my roommate.” Megan waves, her enthusiasm present. Daniela waves back to her with less excitement, responding, “I’m Daniela.” You stand awkwardly between the two girls. It feels like your worlds are colliding and it gives you an uneasy feeling in your stomach. You feel Megan tug at your hand and you look back at her, your eyes softening when you spot her whiskered dimples. “Can we get our drinks, please?” She continues tugging at your arm and you smile gently, looking back at Daniela who does not look too happy. 

“Can I join you guys? I need another drink too.” The Latina says. You nod, and before you can process it, Daniela walks ahead of you and Megan, grabbing your hand and pulling you away from Megan’s grasp. You look over your shoulder, relieved to see Megan isn’t affected by Daniela’s cold demeanor. She follows behind, the happiness evident on her face. You turn away and allow the older girl to lead the way. 

Once you’re in the kitchen, Daniela lets go of your hand. You look back at Megan and notice she got distracted on the way. She’s talking to someone you aren’t familiar with and you wonder if it’s someone she knows or she became friends with along the way. You call out to her, feeling a bit weary at the thought of Megan not being close by. The Chinese girl looks over and smiles widely, she points at the person. “Friend from class!” You sigh in relief and nod, giving her a thumbs up. You turn away to face Daniela but her back is turned. She’s at the counter making herself a drink and you eye the heavy pour of liquor in her cup. You walk over, your nose crinkled slightly. “Someone wants to have fun tonight.” She rolls her eyes at you, taking a sip. She grimaces at the taste and hands the cup to you. “Trying to have fun at least.” 

You raise an eyebrow at her, taking the cup from her hands. “You aren’t having fun?” You take a sip and the alcohol immediately burns your throat. You cough loudly, handing the drink back to the Latina. “Jesus– are we having fun or blacking out?” Daniela laughs at your words, shrugging her shoulders playfully. She is about to say something back but Megan inserts herself in between the two of you, grabbing one of the cups on the counter to make a drink. You briefly look at Daniela who has a slight scowl on her lips. You can’t help but wonder what her problem is. 

The thought doesn’t dwell on you for too long because Megan tugs at your shirt, getting your attention. You look down at your roommate and she shoves a cup into your hands, giggling. “That one is yours. Taste it.” When it comes to Megan and mixology, you aren’t very trusting. You take a sip and you’re taken aback by how strong it is. Megan looks up at you, her brown eyes big and hopeful as you hide your grimace, not wanting her to feel bad. “Not bad, Meiyokie.” She beams at you, grabbing her cup from the counter. 

“I’m gonna go talk to that friend from earlier! Text me if you need anything, okay?” You nod and she hugs you quickly. Before she leaves, she leans close to your ear and whispers, “Yeah, I can understand why you aren’t over her.” You push her away, giving her a quick glare. Megan only laughs, waving goodbye, and leaves you and Daniela alone in the kitchen. You turn your head back to Daniela who still stands with an unhappy expression on her face. Her demeanor causes you to sigh, placing your cup down on the counter. 

You cross your arms and look at Daniela incredulously. “She’s really nice, you know?” The Latina scoffs at your words, bringing her cup up to her lips. After she takes a sip, she places it on the counter and leans against it. She avoids your eyes as she responds, “I never said she wasn’t.” You roll your eyes, leaning against the counter as well. You’re very aware of the fact your shoulders were touching but with how buzzed you feel, you can’t bring yourself to care about the proximity. You look down at her, a teasing smile on your face. 

You bump your shoulder into hers, your arms still crossed. “It feels like high school again.” Your bold words cause her to snap her head toward you, her brows furrowed. She has a slight pout on her lips and you can’t seem to take your eyes off of them. The urge to kiss her is strong but you know better than to give in. It felt ridiculous to you– how quickly your feelings for the older girl resurfaced. It lay dormant in your heart, hidden by all the anger you felt instead once Daniela stopped talking to you. 

But here you were, shoulder to shoulder, with that stupid, familiar fluttering in your chest. 

Your face inches closer to hers and your eyes twinkle with amusement. “You always got so mad when I gave my attention to other people,” You tease. You know the game you’re playing is dangerous. You know it would reopen wounds you’ve tried so hard to heal on your own but secretly, you loved this side of your best friend. Daniela can be possessive and somewhat overprotective, but it makes you feel wanted. And you were so desperate to be wanted by Daniela Avanzini. 

She clicks her tongue, taking another sip from her cup. She grabs your hand and holds it tightly,  turning her head to face you. Her face is so close you could smell the alcohol on her breath. Daniela tilts her head, still pouting her lips. You glance down at them, the color of her lipstick becoming more enticing by the second. You tear your eyes away, hoping she didn’t catch you. She only smirks, whispering, “You’re my best friend, Y/n.” She lets go of your hand, reaching up to cup your cheek. They burn at her touch but you blame it on the alcohol. You open your mouth to respond but she beats you to it. 

“I was here first.” 

“Did you ever find another best friend during your senior year?” The Latina asks you one day. She sits in the passenger seat while you drive to your shared hometown. It was fall break and it only made sense you two went together. Your mother was ecstatic to hear Daniela was in your life again, boasting about how happy the older girl made you. She asked you to bring her over for dinner one night and for some reason, it brought you anxiety to allow her back into your childhood home. But when you asked Daniela, she jumped on the offer, telling you how much she missed your mother. 

It was weird, as if nothing ever changed at all. 

You take a brief look at Daniela before keeping your eyes back on the road. You shrug your shoulders. “I mean. I had friends.” From the corner of your eye, you see Daniela pull her legs up onto the seat, tucking them to her chest. She hugs them while she stares out the window, watching the trees and billboards pass by. Her voice is quiet, as if scared to hear your response. “But like, were they anything like me?” The question makes you chuckle, quickly covering your mouth to stifle the sound. 

She snaps her head toward you and glares. “I’m being serious.” Her tone is sharp but you know there isn’t any genuine anger in her words. If anything, you too were curious if she had ever found a person like you during the year you two were apart. The closest person you’ve seen so far to Daniela is Manon but even then, you wonder if their connection is remotely anything like the one you’ve built with the older girl. You run a hand through your hair, thinking about her question. You set your hand back on the steering wheel and grip it tightly. 

“No one could ever be like you, Dani.” You whisper, your eyes narrowed at the road ahead of you. Daniela reaches out to you, grabs one of your hands from the wheel, and holds it close to her chest. Her thumb caresses the back of your hand, as if silently telling you to squeeze. And you do, tightly, feeling scared she may walk away again. You were scared that these words were all for nothing. That opening up to Daniela again would end up with you sobbing in your bed, wondering what you could have done differently to get her to stay. 

You keep your eyes forward as you feel the Latina bring your hand up to her lips, kissing your skin gently. She whispers, her lips ghosting over your hand, “No one is like you, Y/n.” 

On the last day of fall break, you and Daniela decide to spend the night in your old room together. You two sit on the floor, giggling while looking through your old yearbooks and sharing a bottle of wine that you managed to steal from your father’s liquor cabinet. Daniela rests her head against your shoulder, taking another sip from the bottle. She watches as you turn the page and she immediately lights up, setting the bottle down to take the yearbook from your hands. She places it in her lap and points at one of the photos in the “Homecoming Week” section. “Oh my god! Remember when I forced you to dress up with me?” She exclaims loudly. You shush her, reminding her that your parents were asleep. You look down at the page and you can’t help but snort. 

It was a photo of you and Daniela participating in one of the themed days of Homecoming Week. The theme was “Perfect Duo” and Daniela convinced you to dress up as Winnie the Pooh and she was Piglet. You chuckle at your painted-on bear nose, remembering how Daniela did it last minute in her car. She kept scolding you to stay still that morning and cooed at how “adorable” you looked the entire day. You smile softly at the memory, your fingers touching the photo as if to go back to that day. 

“I was always making you do stupid shit.” She says softly, picking the wine bottle back up to her lips. You shake your head, taking the bottle from her once she takes her sip. You look at Daniela with a sincere expression. “I didn’t care, you know?” You take a sip of wine, putting the bottle down on the floor beside you. “I think I secretly liked all the stupid shit you made me do.” She slaps your shoulder playfully and you laugh, rubbing the area in faux pain. “What? You’re the one who said it was stupid!” She gapes at you, rolling her eyes playfully. 

“You weren’t supposed to agree, asshole.” She reaches over you, grabbing the wine bottle again. Daniela scoffs, taking another sip without breaking eye contact. She passes it to you and you take it from her, holding the bottle in your lap. You look at each other for a moment in silence, your eyes both glazed slightly and soft smiles on your lips. You get a sense of deja vu looking at Daniela. In your head, you’re both still in high school and nothing went wrong. You pretend no time was lost. It’s just you and Daniela against the world and that’s what the universe intended. 

But then the Latina grabs your senior year yearbook from underneath your bed and the bubble you were in pops. 

You take another sip of wine and place the bottle back onto the floor. You watch her open it slowly as if she’s scared to see what you were like without her. She makes comments about the different teachers she sees, laughing when she sees photos of peers she didn’t like back then. You talk about the gossip she missed out on, telling her the outrageous stories you’ve heard from others that year. The mood is still light despite the underlying tension between you and the older girl. Daniela turns the page and your breath hitches. It’s the beginning of the senior section. She flips through the pages, her eyes searching for your photo. She finally finds you and it makes you chuckle. 

“God, I hate that photo…” You reach for the yearbook, intending to take it from her but Daniela grips it tightly in her hands. You watch a tear fall onto the page and you look up with wide eyes, realizing Daniela was crying. You place a hand on Daniela’s shoulder, your brows furrowing in concern. “Wait, what’s wrong?” You ask and Daniela covers her mouth, shaking her head as more tears fall from her eyes. She launches herself toward you, wrapping her arms around your neck. Daniela buries her face into your neck and cries softly. You sit there, stunned. Hesitantly, you wrap your arms around the Latina, holding her tightly. You ask again quietly, “Dani, what’s going on?” 

Her voice cracks as she speaks, “Y- You were my best friend, Y/n,” She clutches the back of your shirt, gripping it tightly. “You were my best friend and I left you.” There’s a lump in your throat as you hear her sob. Your chest aches hearing her in pain. A few months ago, you would have reveled in this sight. It would have been satisfying to see Daniela hurt like this over you. But now, seeing it right in front of you is painful. 

After a few minutes, her sobs subside and she begins to sniffle quietly. Your heart races as you ask softly, “Why did you leave?” Her body feels heavy in your arms as if exhausted from a fight she had been a part of for too long.

“I was scared.” She responds, her fingers now playing with your hair. You sigh, pulling away from Daniela slightly. Your hands stay on her shoulders as you look into her eyes, desperate for an answer. “Scared of what, Dani?” Her lip quivers as she looks back at you. She leans her forehead against yours, her eyes closed as her nose brushes against yours. It reminds you of the night of her graduation. The night when everything changed. The night when you both made an empty promise. You wanted to kiss her that night, and you want to kiss her now. 

“I thought losing you would be unavoidable,” She says weakly. “So, I left first to make it easier.” 

You shake your head, ridding yourself of the thoughts that run wild in your mind. You raise your pinky and whisper, “This time, no one is leaving.” 

She locks her pinky with yours tightly. “I love you, Y/n.” 

“I love you too, Dani.” More than you will ever know. 

You’re lying in bed with your headphones on when Megan returns to the dorm. You sit up when she walks through the door with her luggage, your eyes lit up to see your roommate finally back from home at last. When she sees you, she immediately lets go of her things, jumping onto your bed to attack you with a tight hug. You giggle loudly, the force of the hug causing you to lay back down with Megan in your arms. You hold her tightly, happiness radiating from both your bodies. She pulls away slightly, pulling your headphones off your head. She leans close to your ear and yells, “I missed you!” 

Her loud voice makes you push her off of your body, sitting up with a glare on your face. “Megan, you’re so loud.” She ignores your words, hugging you once again. She erupts into giggles when you try to push her off once again. 

“Admit it! You miss me!” Her hold on you is tight and you admit defeat, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. You squeeze her, looking at her with sincerity in your eyes. “I missed you, Meiyokie.” She smiles widely at you. She rests her head against your shoulder and asks, “How was the break with Daniela?” You smile softly as you think about the time you spent with your best friend over break. Megan catches this and shakes you gently. “Oh? Am I invited to the wedding?” She teases. You groan, pulling away from your roommate. You lay back on your bed, looking up at the ceiling. The Chinese girl lies next to you and looks at you with amusement in her eyes. 

“You think she worked for it?” You continue looking up at the ceiling and you have the urge to ask Megan if you two could put up glow-in-the-dark stars. You find yourself glad to have found someone like her. You turn your head to look at your roommate, a soft smile on your face. 

“Yeah, she did.” Megan nods, turning away to look up at the ceiling. She says, “I think we should put those glow-in-the-dark stars up here.” You giggle loudly, your eyes crinkling in excitement. 

“You read my fucking mind, Ms. Skiendiel.” 

It’s considered crunch time at your college and the work is becoming much more difficult to manage. After one of your library sessions, you and Daniela decide to take a walk around the campus. The walk consisted of you two reminiscing on memories from high school. She talked about her freshman year and how awful it was. You told her how your last year in high school was nothing special. At some point, you end up at the quad, and it makes Daniela giggle. You look at her curiously. “What?” 

She shakes her head, walking away from you. She steps onto the greenery and sits down, patting the spot next to her. You chuckle and follow her command. As soon as you sit down, she lays on the grass, pulling you down with her. Your curiosity is still piqued as you look up at the sky. “Why’d you laugh?” Your question only makes her giggle even more and you roll your eyes. “Dani! Tell me!” 

She bites her lip, trying to stop herself from giggling even more. She looks at you, a twinkle in her eyes. “Remember when you bumped into me that day? It was here.” You look away from the sky to look at her, your eyes widening in realization. You remember how angry you were to see the Latina. It sent you over the edge and you couldn’t believe how bitter you used to feel. You frown slightly thinking about it and Daniela notices it. She grabs your hand and squeezes it. “I’m sorry.” She says, her eyes full of worry. You squeeze her hand back, a sincere smile on your face. “Don’t be. It’s all good now.” She smiles and looks away to look at the sky. You mirror her actions, feeling at peace. 

After a few minutes, you decide to ask a question that has been on your mind. “Why’d you change your major?” She’s silent for a moment and begins to fidget with one of the rings on your finger. She responds softly, “I wanted… To be more realistic, I guess.” You raise an eyebrow at her words. “Realistic? You are so good at dancing though…” You say, chuckling at the absurdity. You always attended Daniela’s dance competitions in high school and she always remained on top. Everyone knew she was talented and it wouldn’t have been a surprise if she became big one day. 

Daniela shrugs, she turns her head to look at you and you turn your head as well. You notice the same sadness in her eyes from when she first told you she was a nursing major. It makes your heart drop. You realize you weren’t the only one struggling last year. You feel horrible for only thinking about yourself. There were things Daniela had kept to herself and you didn’t think for a second how she must have felt to be here, all alone. You lace your fingers with Daniela’s, squeezing her hand gently. 

“I’m so sorry…” You whisper. She shakes her head, a bittersweet smile on her face. She responds quietly, “I did it to myself.” There’s a slight waver in her voice. Her usual confident demeanor is replaced by something you’ve never seen from the Latina. She looks so unsure– almost as if she’s lost. She looks away from you, looking back up at the sky. 

“Maybe in another life.” She says, wistfully. You keep your eyes on her. Daniela closes her eyes as if basking in the current moment. You memorize her features, the gentle smile on her face, the way her chest rises and falls with every breath. Her hand in yours— something you’ve always loved, her hand holding yours. 

You continue staring at her, a longing in your chest. “Yeah. In another life.” You whisper. 

Before you know it, your first semester in college comes close to its end. 

You walk into the science building, a pep in your step as you walk to the lab classroom. The final lab report sits completed in a folder in your bookbag. After a few long nights and many caffeinated beverages, you and your group finally completed your last assignment for the god-forsaken class. You stayed up the night before, making last-minute edits and ensuring everything on the rubric was added to the final draft. You yawn, stopping at the doorway of the lab to check your phone. Daniela usually waits for you in the hallway so you both can walk in together but she’s nowhere to be found. You wonder if the girl is running late and it makes you chuckle to yourself quietly, knowing Daniela hates this class more than anything. 

However, you hear her laugh inside the room. You light up, pocketing your phone to meet her inside. 

You hesitate though when you also hear Manon’s voice. She talks loudly, as if her and Daniela were the only ones inside the lab. “I can’t believe we’re gonna actually pass this class.” You hear Manon say. Daniela laughs, responding, “Me neither. We can thank Y/n for that, honestly.” Your heart swells at the compliment. You smile to yourself, feeling giddy over the fact Daniela mentioned you. 

“No, literally. I don’t know how you did it, but becoming their friend was like, the best idea you ever had.” Your smile falters at Manon’s words. Your hands find the straps of your bookbag, gripping them tightly as you continue listening to their conversation. 

“Someone had to do it,” You hear Daniela scoff, “If none of us got along with them, we would be stuck taking this class again.” You feel tears forming in your eyes. You stand there, letting her words sink in. For some reason, you can’t breathe. Daniela wouldn’t do that to you, she would never. 

But Daniela giggles loudly. “The attitude they have is literally gonna get them nowhere, it’s terrible.” Those words become your last straw as you walk in, a look of betrayal on your face. You glare at Daniela, your voice shaky as you say, “You only spoke to me again because… You wanted a good grade in Orgo?” Your heart breaks with every word you say. You furrow your brows at her, your knuckles going white as you grip your bookbag straps even tighter. 

Daniela gets up quickly from her seat, her eyes wide. She steps toward you carefully, her hand reaching out to you. “Y/n… Wait–” You take a step back, cutting her off. You yell, “Are you fucking joking, Daniela?” Hot tears spill from your eyes as you look at the person you gave another chance to. She tries walking toward you again but you’ve had enough, turning around and walking out of the room. You speed walk down the hallway, ignoring when Daniela calls out your name. 

She manages to catch up to you, grabbing your wrist but you pull away, turning to face her. “Don’t fucking touch me,” You spit out, suddenly blinded by anger. Daniela shakes her head with desperation in her eyes. “Y/n, please. It’s not what you think.” She pleads, trying to reach out to you once more but you push her away. She stumbles slightly as you raise your voice, “So, what the fuck was Manon talking about?” She shrinks away at your tone. Her voice trembles as she responds, “I– At first, that’s why I did it, okay?” You scoff, rolling your eyes as you try to leave again but she grabs your hand, gripping it tightly. 

“But then I really did want you back in my life, okay? I still want you in my life.” Daniela tugs at your hand and continues speaking, sounding helpless, “Y/n, please. Please. You have to understand.” You nod at her words, pulling your hand out of hers. You take your bookbag off your shoulders, unzipping it to grab the folder inside. You throw the report at her feet and zip your bookbag closed. You gesture at the papers, chuckling bitterly. “Well, there it is. I hope you get a fucking A+.” 

You look back up at Daniela. With your dignity gone, you decide to deliver one last blow. “I was fucking in love with you, you know that?” Her eyes widen at your admission and it makes you smile sadly, letting out a shaky breath. You put your bookbag back on your shoulders, shaking your head. “I was in love with you and you made me look like a fucking idiot.” You scoff, taking a step toward Daniela. She steps away from you however and you know it’s over. 

This is goodbye. 

You whisper, your voice steady, “Don’t you ever talk to me again.” 

You turn away, walking away from Daniela for the last time. You’ll make sure of it. 

You walk into your dorm quietly, knowing Megan is still asleep. You tiptoe toward your bed, making sure to avoid the squeaky floor tile on your side. You glance at her side of the room and notice how she is underneath her blanket. You can tell she is awake by the way her blanket is illuminated by a screen. 

You look back at your bed, wanting to get under the covers to avoid the world. But for some reason, the usual desire to be alone is trumped with a need to be around a friend. You look at Megan’s side and pad over, wondering if she had her headphones on. You slowly sit down at the foot of her bed causing her to jump out from under the covers, her eyes wide. You look down at her lap to see her laptop open– on the screen is a Roblox game. You chuckle, looking back up at her. Her eyes have softened and she stares at you with a mix of curiosity and concern. 

You can tell she’s trying to read your expression. As much as you try to hide your feelings with a fake smile, your swollen eyes and tear-streaked cheeks tell her everything she needs to know. Megan scoots over, patting the spot next to her. Without any words, you slip your shoes off, crawling over to the empty space. You lean against her headboard as she places her laptop on both of your laps. Megan leans her head against your shoulder, silently clicking through her game once more. She glances up at you with a smile. “Wanna watch me work at a pizza place?” You let out a soft laugh, nodding. You lean your head on top of hers, watching her change the game. 

Your heart aches at the thought of another broken promise. A second chance given so freely but left you so quietly. The worst part is that you almost believed it was wrong timing and you had the rest of your life to make up for it. 

At the end of it, it was just the wrong person. It was never going to be Daniela. 

You wipe your eyes and wrap an arm around Megan’s shoulders, sighing shakily. 

“Sure. Got nothing else left to do.” She remains silent, playing her game. At some point during the quiet morning, Megan’s head moves onto your chest, and your arm is still wrapped around her. She cuddles into your side, now watching you play the silly Roblox game. Not much has been said between you two but it was comforting nonetheless. 

As you play, you hear Megan whisper, “I think you deserve better.” A soft chuckle escapes your lips. You look down at your roommate with raised eyebrows. 

“What’s better then?” You ask in a teasing tone. She looks up at you, her eyes twinkling brighter than the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. There’s something in her eyes you can’t quite put a finger on. 

She looks away and grabs your hand that isn’t on the keyboard. She laces your fingers together. “I don’t know, but you’ll find it someday.” 

You find yourself squeezing her hand. It’s not a tight squeeze, it’s more gentle. You whisper, “One day.”

an: the president of frown town is back! hope u all enjoyed, lmk what u think <3

requests are open

[bum-tan]

Honestly, I'm genuinely surprised that Cartman isn't the bicycle of the South Park Fandom and that the ships involving him aren't as enjoyed as other ships.

Don't get me wrong ! I love Creek and Stendy, and I believe they are popular in their own rights; I just find it weird that ships with Cartman aren't nearly as popular as they could be, especially considering the fact that almost every prominent character has material and a bit of chemistry with him in the show.

For instance:

-Cartman's rivalry with Kyle and their complex frenemies/love-hate dynamic with intense interactions due to often conflicting morals and ideals, which is the base of many episodes. The fact that their very identities are complete opposite from one another, but they still share similar key traits such as being stubborn, egotistical, and driven. Their mutual obsession and the odd codependent nature of their relationship where they just have to one up the other. The constant back and forth where Kyle wants Cartman to change and become a better person, while Cartman wants to break Kyle and prove he is just as bad, if not worse than him. Of course, let's not forget that on the occasions where they do team up towards a common goal and set aside their differences, they work efficiently together. Moreover, they get along surprisingly well when they simply hang out and there is no clashing beliefs or morally charged disagreements. But what makes this ship truly interesting is that despite everything, it has been shown multiple times that they still care for each other, which adds even more nuance to their overall dynamic.

-His evolving relationship with Butters, that started off as extremely harmful and one-sided, is now a more balanced friendship. Butters, who is nice to everyone in general, is especially nice to Cartman and seems to hold him in high regards not just because/in spite of being afraid of him. He is more likely to choose Cartman's side every time there is a conflict and often provides unconditional support. As for Cartman, he has stopped tormenting Butters and he is even nice to him on some occasions due to Butters' loyalty. Furthermore, it has been shown that Cartman confides in Butters, which indicates a certain level of trust on his end, cementing that Butters is a close friend he can rely on. Of course their relationship is still far from perfect, but Butters isn't as naive anymore; he is now familiar with Cartman's cruel nature, having been personally subjected to it. Butters will stand up to Cartman when he reaches his limits and openly express his frustration at times because he no longer blindly chases after his approval. Nevertheless, he still sticks around and helps Cartman because he does care about him.

-Kenny being Cartman's best friend and arguably the one who understands him the most out of anyone in the gang due to their similarities like having the same humor, which usually makes Kenny go along with Cartman's antics, and the same interests (anime, video games, horror movies). The fact that they both have dysfunctional households (Kenny's troubled home with parents who always fight, and Cartman being the son of a neglectful single mother); as well as the fact they're both outcasts because Kenny is poor and Cartman is fat (poor, fatherless, his mom is a whore-) which are all things they can bond over. The occasional rivalry they have (the coon), though not as intense as the one between Kyle and Cartman, is still entertaining. How the show sometime hints at Cartman being aware of Kenny's multiple deaths and immortality (more consistently than other characters like Stan or Kyle, mind you) which adds more potential to their dynamic. Their mutual care for one another albeit in an unconventional way. Adding to all of that is how their relationship has its highs and lows, but they still ultimately remain close friends.

-The fact that Stan is one, if not the only person, Cartman is ever consistently nice to; while he may rip on him for having a crush on Wendy and for being too sensitive at times, it's never truly mean spirited more than it is to tease him. Most of the animosity he showcases towards Stan stems from him, more often than not, siding with Kyle during disagreements as Kyle is the most "reasonable" between the two. More proof of that would be how Cartman will sometime go out of his way to help Stan out when he is distressed, without any ulterior motives or grand agenda whatsoever. He will also encourage Stan when the latter forms his own opinion and acts on his own accord, all while disregarding others' expectations. Of course, this is all only when Stan isn't getting in his way, because it's still Cartman we're talking about; but even then, it's apparent that he likes Stan, even if the other doesn't seem to particularly like him. They do have moments, though, where Stan seems to genuinely enjoy Cartman's company when the other kids aren't around. All in all, their dynamic is just as compelling as the others to explore.

-The episode where Wendy has a crush on Cartman and kisses him. That episode clearly shows they can get along when they work together and that Wendy can find him attractive. However, their overall relationship throughout the show is tense and antagonistic; Wendy is not scared to call him out and put him in his place for what she thinks is just, that alone makes her stand out to Cartman because she doesn't match the image he has of girls (His passive mom, other girls at school who'd rather just ignore him, the girls in the media he consumes etc.). While he usually dismisses Wendy or makes fun of her, he does feel intimidated by her, as shown in the episode where she beats him up. Cartman seems especially mean to Wendy since he dislikes being so openly criticized, especially by a girl. However, it can also be inferred that he respects her even if it's in his own twisted way. As for Wendy ? Well, she is frustrated with him mainly due to his obnoxious and bigoted behaviour, but doesn't harbour personal hatred towards him like Kyle. The implications and potential of their dynamic are what makes the pairing interesting.

Obviously, there is also Cartman's entire relationship with Heidi before and after they started dating, which I don't think I even need to expand on as it was canon in the show and had its dynamic fully explored throughout season 20. All of this, despite Heidi not even being a recurring character, as opposed to the ones I previously mentioned along with others like Craig, and his friends (Clyde, Tolkien, Jimmy, Tweek, etc.) which, by the way, I could go on and on about as well (shout out to people who shipped or still ship Cartman's rare pairs).

Clearly, Cartman is a very compelling character, and he has interacted with almost every kid in the show. There are people who have shipped characters for less (Dip, for example, which is also a ship I like, so I am part of those people), so why not ship him sometimes ?

It's understandable that some fans just don't like Cartman due to how much of a bad person he is, (he is supposed to be hated. Afterall, he represents so much of what is wrong in our society), so it would feel wrong for them to put him under any other light than "horrible bastard". Other fans are just not comfortable shipping him in general since he doesn't fit the usual aesthetic as he is fat (I would argue that doesn't necessarily make him ugly, but I digress).

I for one think it's okay to like Cartman and it's worth addressing that ships involving him deserve more love. Does this mean I condone his actions and agree with his problematic mindset? No. I like him in the realm of fiction only, and that doesn't stop me from exploring and playing around with his character in ways like shipping (wether romantic or platonic).

A ship isn't always "this would be so cute and nice, and it's totally canon!" Sometimes it's "This relationship is fascinating, and exploring it further would be really interesting." It's really fun too.

Got too deep there for a moment lol. Anyways, thanks for reading until the end if you're still here and have a nice day. I'm out !