#for THEMSELVES.

[twdgs]

and it always makes me feel like an outsider anyway. there has ti be something neurotypical people were told that i wasnt because none of it makes any sense. say what you mean and mean what you say please

[plunder-heaven-and-devour-god]

Saw some pretty negative ideas on my dash about the evil little self-depricating thoughts people have, that voice that drowns and burns. Well, I hope I can tell everyone under the cut why that isn’t true. Basically, tw: self-hate, suicide, death, depression, negativity ect. 

I saw a post that tried to say that the negative voice in your head, the negative, anxious, and/or depressive voice is right, that all the worthlessness and unloved thoughts you’ve been fed are right. They aren’t, oh boy, they are wrong. 

Everybody is important, everyone has potential, everyone is loved, whether they know it or not. If you can’t trust abuse people in life who bring you down, how can you trust the voice inside your head when all it does is lie and exist to drown you. How can you trust a bridge that has claimed victims when walked across? How can you trust something that has only wanted to harm you and does nothing else? Do you think you can trust it because it’s yours and you know your ins and outs and dingy depths and murky corners? Well no, you can’t trust your own voice sometimes, you’re just as human, and just as biased. And the person you will live with the most of your entire life is you, now you may see the cracks, and the marks, and your crumbling foundations but don’t you look like a unique and gorgeous gem to someone who has yet to bask in those corners and depths and know you in a way you do not know yourself. Because at the end of the day, those cracks, and depths are not faults, or drawbacks, or reasons to hate yourself.

We are to others in more than one way. There is the person we consciously put across, the information and sentiments we dole out publicly. But we are vast creatures, with oceans worth of complexities and we cannot know ourselves completely. The second way we present ourselves is unconscious, allowing those close to us see a truth to us we cannot perceive. I am not a psychologist but it’s a pretty basic concept, we to others what we consciously make of ourselves, and secondly we to others what do do not perceive about ourselves. 

what I am trying to say is how can you listen to the Fox New Channel of your Brain, the basement production of that conscious person you put across to other people when you are so much more than your imperfections and idiosyncrasies which are part of our human emotional genetics. That negative voice is biased, and unknowing, if it knew you at all, there would be no good or bad, sad, or happy. or ugly, fat, skinny, stupid, or any qualities, there would just be pure unadulterated you, the same way that gender functions without a dress or a toy soldier, the same way nature marches on without a moral compass. the same way a mother fox will feed her babies. You just are, you have survived and there is no good and bad, there is only the best and brightest and loveliest you can choose for yourself in our limited and challenging lifetime.

I love you okay, I do, I really do, and I would do anything for you. That voice does one thing, and I’m pretty sure no one likes that god damned voice. That voice cannot be to you want a friend can be to you. That voice will not get you through any of thoughts that it mass produces which are lies upon lies upon lies. You are not worthless because of your weight, your weight does not determine your worth, nor does your sexuality, or your gender orientation, you race, ect. They are parts of us, but they are not bad and they are not good, they just are, and they are not tied to your self worth.

We all have that voice, we all do really, some have more power than others, some are weak whispers in the night, some are a breathless scream over lifespans. But we all have one, in that sense, 1) you aren’t alone 2) A person who loves you with compassion would understand 3)There are always those who want to help you.

Never trust that voice, it’s just as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker, good things come from better, loving, thoughts. It’s hard to love yourself especially when it seems that no one is stepping up to the plate to contradict that voice or support you, but by god I won’t rest until everyone knows that they are loved, important, beautiful, and infinite.

My godmother is a licensed therapist, and has dealt with innumerable cases of depression, anxiety, mental health in general with varying degrees of the same for herself so sometimes I get tidbits of wisdom. It’s so important to have the compassion you would have for your loved ones as you would have for yourself. I never tell my closest friends the same thing that voice tells me when I think no one else has that nagging whine of negativity. I would however tell my friends how important and beautiful they are, and how much I love them, and their ability to adept and over come. Your self-deprecation needs that positive voice of compassion to yourself, and you cannot excuse yourself from being as beautiful, as worthy, and amazing, and as important as your loved ones just because your you, if anything your loved ones are a part of you.

I can’t say I know enough about depression, and suicide, and large amounts of self-hate to be spewing idealistic nonsense. But I think we all know in our heart of hearts that that voice is bad and so begins the long struggle to control it and live with it. I also can say that it is easier said then done and how dare I try to make it sound so easy. It’s not, really not, it will probably harder than childbirth mixed with fire juggling. But by god, can you imagine what we could find at the end of that dark road, when that compassionate voice regulates the darker one, when we can live with ourselves as we are? Wouldn’t it be exciting to find out.