#flawless people making flawless compliments and making me blush :D

[dangandeez]

Comfort for Nagito! (kind of a nagito x reader ?)

Nagito needs some fucking comfort and compliments and damnit I am going to give it to him!! this is just purely wholesome fluffiness

this is kind of more platonic than romantic, but I mean ya know, reader is implied to have a crush on him given all the compliments? also non-despair au

You’d asked Nagito to come down to your little studio that Hope’s Peak had provided for you to make good use of your cosmetology talent, you wanted to test out some makeup on him, and you just generally enjoyed his company.

“I just don’t know why you’d want to waste your incredible talent on someone as disgusting as me.”

“Hey, no, none of that.” You scolded.

“But it’s the truth-”

“No, it’s not. Here, sit.” You instructed, having him sit in one of your swivel chairs and turning him to face the mirror, resting your hands on his shoulders. His eyes immediately went to your reflection. “No, no - I want you to look at yourself.” He did as you instructed, though he didn’t seem very happy about it. You noticed this, and wrapped your arms loosely around him, resting your head near his.

“You’re so fucking cute Nagito.” You praised, resulting in him averting his eyes. With a small huff, you grabbed his chin and directed his face back towards the mirror. “I mean it. And so goddamn handsome. I mean, come on - your skin is like porcelain, and absolutely flawless. You know how many people would kill to have such perfect skin? Seriously, do you even have pores?” You were back to hugging him now. His lips briefly twitched up into the smallest of smiles, though you could tell he still wasn’t buying it, but his cheeks did gain a bit of a blush.

“Your facial structure too, it’s just - so nice. And those eyes? Holy fuck, you have such pretty eyes. I’ve never seen someone else with eyes that color, you know? They’re just so incredibly beautiful, so unique, I could look at them all day and never get tired of seeing them. And that hair, oh my god! Your hair looks like a fluffy cloud - I just wanna run my fingers through it.”

“Y-You can if you really want to..” He spoke in a small, but hopeful voice. You could see the slight quiver of his lip. With a smile, you did just that, your smile growing as you did. Nagito could see the softness in your eyes, and it made him think that maybe, just maybe, you were being genuine with your compliments.

“It really does feel like a cloud - it’s so soft!” You mused, hugging him once more and giving his shoulders a little squeeze. “And you smell really nice, y’know that? Being this close I can actually tell now. But you do. And you’re so nice, to everyone here. You’re a really sweet, caring guy, and I feel like the lucky one since I get to know you. Since I get to call you my friend.” He swallowed hard, his breathing seeming a little more forced to keep steady.

“Can you do something for me real quick?”

“Anything..”

“I want you to look at yourself, and say ‘I’m cute’.” He sucked in a breath, tensing up, his eyes once again filling with that dislike and criticism. “Please?”

“I.. I’m cute.” He said with a sigh.

“Good!” You praised, hugging him a little tighter. The joy in your voice made him relax a little. “One more time?”

“I’m.. Cute…” His lip was trembling again, despite him biting the inside of it to try and hide it. You could see him blinking back tears.

“Yes, you are!” You cheered. “Now, can you say ‘I’m handsome’?”

“Y/N…” His voice shook.

“C’mon, please?” You pleaded, and he shut his eyes for a moment, taking another steadying breath before opening them back up.

“I-I’m.. H-Handsome..” His cheeks were burning, and a tear finally fell.

“Good! Good job!” You praised, gently swaying back and forth with him now to try and comfort him. “You know that I mean every single compliment I’ve given you, right? You’re so stunning, Nagito. I don’t know who made you think otherwise, but they were wrong. You’re absolutely amazing, and so very attractive. And you deserve so much praise, and so much love.” You continued praising, and more tears fell despite his efforts, a small sob escaping. It broke your heart to see, because you knew that he really did hate himself so much that he believed all of the negativity thrown his way. You turned his chair around, wrapping your arms around him properly, holding him close, and rubbing gentle circles on his back. He shook as he cried against the crook of your neck, holding onto you tightly, like he was scared you’d slip away if he let go. You placed a kiss to the top of his head, with no plans of letting go any time soon.

It would take some work, and probably a lot of time, but you were determined to undo the damage that’d been done to him.

You were going to make him see himself through a kinder lens.

Because he deserved to see the truth.

[inumaki-roll]

hi!! could i please request mha (( deku, bakugo, todoroki, kirishima, denki, sero, shinsou, tamaki, mirio, shindo, monoma, shiggy, dabi + hawks ?? I’M SO SORRY IK THIS IS A LOT..... )) + danganronpa guys (( nagito, hajime, makoto, rantaro, shuichi, chihiro, byakuya, izuru, kazuichi, & kiibo )) with an s/o who is like tall & chubby ? they get insecure about it and really are body-insecure to the point it’s like super frustrating bc they want to express themselves through their outfits but absolutely hate clothes shopping and will break down bc of the amount of people, the clothing sizes, and being upset after trying things on... sorry this got kinda personal lol i just really am in need some comfort and would appreciate this!! thank you so much!!

hi anon !! unfortunately i don’t have writing requests open for bnha !! i’m sorry abt that !! but here are the dr ones you requested !!

- mod rantaro ✧･ﾟ: *✧

➽───────────────❥

MAKOTO NAEGI

- makoto would love it that you’re taller than him omg 

- he’d be so confused on why you’re insecure abt it bc he finds it so cute 

- if you can’t find anything to wear he’d let you wear his jacket if you want !! 

- he would 100% ask komaru for clothing advice and she would let you borrow some of hers to avoid going to the store and being uncomfortable in the store 

- she could also help you online shop !! 

- if you guys were ever in the store together and you started panicking bc of insecurities, he’d immediately get you out as soon as he senses your uncomfortable 

- hed hype you up if you were trying clothes on in a store i know it 

- he doesn’t know much about “fashion” but i think he’d like picking out clothes for you but he’d also be nervous bc he doesn’t wanna pick out the wrong thing 

➽───────────────❥

CHIHIRO FUJISAKI 

- he’s also short so i think he’d think it’s so cute that you’re taller than him 

- OKAY BUT. HED BE AWESOME AT FASHION ADVICE YOU CANNOT TELL ME HE ISNT. 

- he literally dressed in both masculine clothes and then feminine clothes. he’d know a lot about how to dress 

- he’d give timid little tips of advice it’d be so cute please 

- he’d like clap for you when you try things on 

- like cute little claps with the biggest smile like “y/n! you look amazing in that!” 

- he’s also quite insecure so you guys would be able to comfort each other !! 

- he’d always feel so worried if you got upset and would try his best to calm you down but he’d be so panicky 

- i think he’d also make a website that like... gives you clothes recommendations like specifically for you 

➽───────────────❥

BYAKUYA TOGAMI 

- he’d be very shocked when he finds out

- like he’d be like “y/n! why are you so concerned about something so insignificant? looks do not matter, although the feelings you feel are valid. many people experience this problem as well, so you are not alone. if you wish, we can go shopping together sometime if you are comfortable with that.” 

- he’d be very concerned about you and would constantly check up on you

- he’s also tall so like,,,, power couple 

- he’d buy you whatever you want no matter how expensive 

- he’d be very nervous if you started crying at a store, he’d pull you to the side and talk to you to calm you down 

- he’d say very heartfelt things to you, and he’d really mean them 

➽───────────────❥

KAZUICHI SODA 

- HED BE SO CONFUSED ON WHY YOURE INSECURE 

- “if y/n pretty... 🤨 why they not think so... 🤔”

- he’s the biggest simp so he thinks you look amazing in literally anything 

- if you try on clothes at a store his jaw would be on the floor the entire time 

- CONSTANT PRAISE AND COMPLIMENTS 

- like if there’s a commercial on tv and it’s for clothes he’d look at the outfits and points to the ones that you would look good in (it’s every single outfit btw)

- he would want to try his best to help 

- he’d find your height so cool too though 

➽───────────────❥

NAGITO KOMAEDA 

- OKAY BUT HED BE SUPER SUPER CONFUSED WHY YOURE INSECURE 

- HE SEES YOU AS FLAWLESS

- he lets you take your time, he lets you call the shots when you want to go shopping so he won’t invite you bc he doesn’t wanna offend you accidentally by inviting you to go shopping with him 

- i feel like he’d like immediately hug you when he found out 

- like he’d be genuinely SAD that you feel that way 

- he’d wrap you up in his big jacket and lay you down on the couch and hold onto you 

- if you do want to go shopping he’d be willing to spend sm money 

- he’d also be literally drooling over how you look the entire time too

➽───────────────❥

HAJIME HINATA

- he wouldn’t even notice

- he would have to have a flat out sign that you’re insecure 

- as soon as he suspected it, he was a little hesitant to confront you 

- he had no clue what to say 

- but he did give you many compliments and saying that if you need something to always come to him because he will try his best to help 

- if y’all ever went to the store together he’d be blushing the entire time bc he thinks you look so good bye 

- he would give recommendations occasionally but when he does give recommendations they’re wicked good 

➽───────────────❥

IZURU KAMUKURA 

- he would immediately know and would know exactly how and when to comfort you 

- when he notices that you’re having a particularly bad day, he’d drag you to lay with him and pet your hair with no words whatsoever 

- he’d give the best recommendations. like they literally look perfect on you 

- i think he’d also like buy you clothes without taking you to the store 

- he already knows your taste in clothes and what would compliment you, he would go out and buy them for you 

- he could also make clothes for you !! 

- pls. imagine him sewing. why is that so cute bye 

➽───────────────❥

RANTARO AMAMI 

- he’s got 12 sisters, he’s used to this 

- he’d know immediately as well 

- but he’d confront you almost immediately 

- i feel like he’d make a little plan to make you feel better 

- like when he notices, he’d buy you a little “comfort sweatshirt” and a bunch of flowers and would buy a new movie so you could hang out with him and watch it together, to get your mind off of insecurities 

- he’d give you a bunch of his jewelry and say they look pretty on you 

- he’d let you wear his shirt too bc that shirt looks wicked comfy 

➽───────────────❥

SHUICHI SAIHARA 

- okay he’d also put all the clues together and know immediately 

- he would not say anything about it, he doesn’t wanna make you upset 

- instead, he does little things that might make you feel better 

- he’d let you wear his hat while shopping, to block out other people 

- he’d be very comforting and would avoid crowds of people bc that makes you uncomfortable 

- if you ever complained about yourself this boy would not be having it 

- “y/n!! don’t talk so bad about yourself!! you need to see how pretty i think you are!! i don’t care how tall you are, or what you look like! you’re very beautiful to me!!” then he’d realize he was kinda yelling so his voice would soften up

- “ah, y/n, i’m sorry about my tone- i d-didn’t mean to be loud. but you get what i meant. i think you a very.. pretty and i wish you would see yourself that way too.. please?” 

➽───────────────❥

KIIBO

- he’d google how to help you and would be kinda shy about helping you but he knows that he needs to help you 

- i feel like he’d be kinda lost on this since he’s a robot and he’s always looked the way he looks 

- he would.. understand how you feel though? 

- not exactly the same as how you feel but he would relate in a way because he does get teased and discriminated on for being a robot 

- he’d give you little pep talks 

- “y/n. as your significant other, i think it would be good for me to confront you on this subject. this subject may be a bit awkward but i hope to make you feel better about this. i have noticed you are not confident in looks, but there is no need for you to feel this way. you are extremely attractive, and it’s insignificant what you look like anyways. what matters is how you treat others. i am a robot, i an aware of that but i am not ashamed of it. this is why if you think you are lacking in something to acknowledge it and to embrace it. there are plus sides to being a robot as well as there are many plus sides to being tall like you are. if you would like to accompany me on a shopping trip i would be more than happy when you are ready.” 

- i dont think people realize how short kiibo is so he’d think the way you’re taller than him is absolutely endearing

➽───────────────❥

[archdukecaleb]

Monochrome Week 2020 — Day 6: Music AU

Word Count: 1757

The halls of Beacon High were empty as Blake walked down them with her hands in her pockets. The final bell had rung mere moments ago, and most of the students had already gone home. The few that remained in the building were here because of various clubs and extracurricular activities. The faunus with black hair and amber eyes, however, did not fall into that category.

She adjusted the guitar case strapped around her shoulder. She was headed for the band room so she could play her guitar. Some of her friends always asked why she did not want to play at her house and, although she could, she preferred the privacy of a big, empty room. She always felt a bit self-conscious when other people heard her play.

A few posters on the walls caught her eye. The school was hosting a concert where students could try out and perform.

Blake would be lying if she said she had not thought about trying out once or twice. Ultimately, she knew she could not do it. She loved playing her guitar, but she could never handle being on a stage all alone. She sighed and kept her eyes forward.

On her way to the band room, she began to hear something. It was so faint at first, she could not put her finger on what it was. As she got closer, she realized it was a voice. Someone was singing their heart out and it sounded beautiful yet heartbreaking.

With her curiosity piqued, Blake followed the song and found herself at the doors to the auditorium. She slowly pushed the door open and was met with a massive, dark room. The only light was on the stage, and it shined over a single girl in white.

Blake sat down in one of the many vacant seats near the back. She was mesmerized by what she was hearing. The song was almost like a lullaby, but it made her feel distressed instead of sleepy. She did not realize she sat through the entire song until the girl stopped singing.

“How was that? Should I do it one more time?” the girl in white asked through her microphone.

Blake furrowed her brows and followed where the spotlight was coming from. She saw a few people—the tech crew, she inferred—give the girl a thumbs up. The music started up and Blake felt herself grow excited to hear the girl sing again.

She only listened until she got to the part she heard when she arrived and left the auditorium. The girl in white had a beautiful voice, and Blake adored hearing it, but she still wanted to play her guitar for a little while.

Finished with her little detour, Blake found herself humming the tune of the song she just heard. She finally made it to the band room and went into a closet near the back where she knew was an amp she could use. After plugging the amp into an outlet, she unzipped her guitar case, plugged it into the amp, and sat down on a cooler near the back wall.

Blake took a moment to tune up her guitar and strummed a chord. The sound of her guitar gave her chills every time. She went through a few chord progressions all while the song she heard dominated her mind. The chords she played soon began to match the song and she had to stop herself.

She gasped as an idea popped into her head.

I should make a cover of that song…

Giddy about her idea, Blake re-tuned her guitar and chose a key that was different from the original song’s. She did not want her cover to sound so familiar that she would be accused of copying the girl in white’s song if anyone heard her playing.

She started off slowly. Her style matched how the girl in white’s song began. It sounded like a lullaby and made her feel distressed. After the first chorus, she paused until a smile found her face. She cracked her knuckles, increased the tempo, and changed the style a bit. Now, it sounded less like a lullaby and more like a statement. It made her feel rebellious. She loved the sound and kept it that way until the next chorus. From here, a chuckle escaped her lips and she kicked it up a few more notched. Her fingers flew across her strings and her head bobbed to the beat. She felt amazing and powerful. By the time she was finished with the song, she had to take a deep breath.

Blake snapped her head to the door at the sound of someone clapping.

“Wow! That was incredible!”

Blake blushed as she locked eyes with the girl from the auditorium.

She had flawless, white hair and the crystal eyes of the lightest shade of blue Blake had ever seen. And she was coming right for her.

“You’re really talented! I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone play like that,” the girl laughed.

Blake’s cheeks grew redder, “Really?”

“Well, I suppose I have seen other people play like that,” the girl tapped her chin, “all of them are professional guitarists!”

Blake frowned, “Oh…”

The girl laughed, “That was a compliment.”

Blake looked up, “Oh!”

The girl laughed again and pointed to the cooler under Blake, “Do you mind if I grab a drink?”

Blake flinched and hastily stood up, “N-no. Not at all… Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” the girl smiled.

Blake watched as the girl opened the cooler and plucked a water bottle from the ice.

“Want one?” the girl asked, looking back at Blake.

“No, I’m good.”

The girl shut the cooler and greedily drank from the bottle until half the water remained, “That’s better. Singing for that long can really make your throat dry up.”

“Yeah, I bet,” said Blake.

The girl turned to Blake and extended her hand, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around before.”

“I usually like to keep to myself,” Blake chuckled, “I’m Blake.”

“Nice to meet you, Blake. My name is Weiss,” said the girl as Blake shook her hand, “So… That song you were playing… It sounded like it would fit perfectly with the song I’m performing at the school concert. All that would need to change is the key. Can you play that again in C-sharp Major?”

“R-right now?” Blake asked.

“Yeah, I just want to hear it,” said Weiss as she grabbed a microphone off a table nearby and plugged it into the amp, “Well, go on. Sit down!”

Blake blushed again and reclaimed her seat on the cooler. She looked up at Weiss.

“Ready when you are,” Weiss smiled.

Blake swallowed hard and tuned her guitar again to better fit C-sharp Major. When her fingers strummed the guitar, it started out slow again. The passion in her heart led the song until Weiss began to sing along. Blake watched Weiss’ expression.

Weiss’ eyes were closed as she nailed each note with perfect pitch and tone. She was gorgeous…

Blake began playing the first chorus and Weiss sang just like she did in the auditorium. She felt her heart flutter as Weiss opened her eyes and winked at her.

As she did the first time, Blake increased the tempo slightly and altered the style. She was surprised to hear Weiss do the same.

Now, Weiss was putting more passion behind her words and was having trouble stopping her body from moving with the beat.

Blake felt her smirk return as the next chorus came by, and Weiss sang it flawlessly in this new style. She readied her hands to increase the tempo again and was blown away by the sheer power behind Weiss’ voice.

Weiss was pouring her heart into the next verse and when the final chorus came along, Blake could not help herself from joining in.

“I’m not your pet!”

“Not another thing you own!”

“I was not born guilty of your crimes!”

Weiss opened her eyes again and grinned as she moved the microphone so they could both sing into it.

“Your riches and your influence can’t hold me anymore!”

“I won’t be possessed!”

“Burdened by your royal test!”

“I will not surrender,”

“This life is mine!”

Suddenly the room was quiet and Weiss stood by Blake, breathing heavily.

“That was amazing!” Weiss cheered as she spun in a circle with a laugh, “There are a few things we could work on, but I love it! It’s like a rock version of my original song! God, it’s almost like your accompaniment was made for this!”

Blake laughed and scratched the back of her head, “Who would’ve thought? Ha ha…”

“Ugh, I feel so powerful right now!” said Weiss as she turned to Blake with a massive smile on her face, “I want you to be on stage with me at the concert. I want to perform this version of the song!”

Blake blushed and looked down at her guitar, “I… I don’t know…”

Weiss crouched in front of Blake so she could see her, “Please come on stage with me? You are so amazing, and I really want to perform this song! Pretty please?”

Blake found herself lost in Weiss’ pouting eyes. She was irresistible.

“Okay,” Blake smiled, “I’ll do it!”

“Yes! Thank you!” Weiss laughed as she squeezed the life out of Blake with a crushing hug.

After the shocked expression on Blake’s face disappeared, she reciprocated the hug.

Weiss pulled away, practically bouncing where she stood, “I have to let the tech crew know about the change. In the meantime, there are some things I want to look at and practice before the concert. How about we meet up later and discuss it over dinner?”

“Dinner?” Blake asked.

“Yeah, we can go wherever you want,” said Weiss, “What do you say about tonight?”

“Uh…” Blake felt her heartbeat skyrocket, “Sounds good to me.”

“Excellent!” Weiss cheered as she turned, only to turn back, “So… It’s a date?”

Blake was caught so off-guard she almost forgot to answer, “D-date…? I’d like that.”

The smile on Weiss’ face doubled in size. She spotted a marker on a table and snatched it. After looking for a piece of paper and not finding one, she grabbed Blake’s hand and scribbled a few numbers on her palm.

“See you tonight,” Weiss giggled and walked out of the band room.

Blake looked down at her hand and sighed as the butterflies in her stomach faded away.

“What the heck just happened?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The song I used in this is called “This Life is Mine” from the RWBY Volume 4 soundtrack by Jeff Williams

[its-3am-sadness]

getting lost up in the past— this is what I found

Friday February 1st, 2013:

ugh..im sitting in third hour..i wanna cry, but i cant theres to many people..

can anyone really save me? ..no.. noone ever can.. i just wanna be happy, truely always happy.. )': ughhhhhhhhhhhh! i gotta go..

Monday February 4th, 2013:

holy shit that was a longg weekend.. i almost cut saturday.. i got a new razor & everythingg.. Jake told me to go chuck itt in the snow, soo i did, but then on sunday i went & found itt.. soo i have itt in my ipod case like my other one.

I stayed up till 3 saturday nightt watching 'Enchanted' i love that movie now (: and i sent Jake a 7 and a 9 page text.. he was asleep though..but his best friend is a girl & i have nothing at all against that, i don't have a reason to hate her at all, i havent even met her, but i still am so super jealous.. i hate that they hang out and slepover together and i dont know, i trust him.. but look what happend with the last guy, i trusted him with all my heart, i never thought he would cheat on me and he ended up fucking his ex-girlfriend and lying about it.. im so scared.. i dont wanna be here.. i was thinking saturday & yesterday how i wish i was single just so i don't have to be so paranoid..but i love being around Jake that i wouldnt dream of ending it..

Shawntay said i should tell him about how i feel with him & his besty, but i idont wanna be the dumb bitchy girlfriend who is all 'you cant talk to girls-blahh blahh blahhk' shitt, ya know?? So ima just leave it to myself because i don't care..

im really trying not to cut.. Tabby (my ex's girlfriend) told me that it takes 21 days to break a habbit & we both last cut on the 22nd, soooo we'll see how that goes..

on wednesday it'll be me & jake's 4 months.. & next thursday is valenitines (how ever you spell itt) day and i wanna get him something.. hmm..

my tits now have names.. right one is Adam & the left is Ryder (:

I love him, my baby. <3 soo much.. </3

Wednesday February 6th, 2013:

today is 4 months with my baby!! i love him sooo much. dude. <3 he is so amazingg. i just want to push him in the snow and kiss him and be crazy. i am crazy about him.. like super crazy aboutt him. <3 i dont wantt him to be taken awayyy! ):

Hunter said he was going to ask me out last week on friday on the bus.. god he's a douche.. he broke my heart so many countless times and just left.. and my ex. my good lord, he is such a dick. im sick of them both fucking with my head and heart. ive moved on and it Shawntay's words 'have a new life with a better guy'.. god i love her. i dont know where i would be right now if it werent for her.. <3 i love you shawny'z forever <3

Friday February 8th, 2013:

well..i almost cut last nightt, i didnt but i was aboutt to.. im not taking my meds, im just throwing them in a bag & ima sell them.. they weren't working anyway soo..

Im seriously so sccared that Jake's going to leave me.. even though he says he's not going to an yada yada yada, but still.. im paranoid.. it's just who i am... i love him with all my heart though.. ya know??

im diguesting..im a whore..a damn slut.. in love with a guy who prolly cant stand me.. im fucking pathetic.. why..why..why would, HOW could anyone like me, or put up with me.. i mean, what the hell..im a little ugly bitch. a fat, pathetic, stupid, idiotic, loud, sluty little damn bitch...fuckkkkkkkk.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

Monday February 11th,2013:

well..i hate myself. terribly. fucking. little. cunt. thats what i am. a fucking bitch. a pussy, more like a pair of balls.. pussy's are actually quite strong.. so im a pair of balls. GROSS!.. i like pussy better.. whatever. so anyway.. i hate how much of a bitch i am. im so mean to everyone. im not good enough for shawntay. i dont deserve jake and i feel like i treat both of them like shit.. i dont mean to. they're both my whole world..damn.. i couldnt live with out both of them.. i really couldnt.

Conversation on Saturday Night:

me: how isn't it? if you go then you wont have to worry about me.

Jake: ill worry more

me:no

Jake: yeah i will

Me:no

Jake: why cant i?

me: Because..you just cant. you shouldnt. its not worth it.Never. You should leave before you get hurt.

Jake: this isnt about right now anymore is it?

me: i guess not..

Jake: cause ive told you before im not leaving unless you stop loving me ima be here for you until you dont want me to and ima be with you till you break up with me, i love you and im gonna stay through thick and thin. you wont hurt me. You wont.

Baby i friken love you and i wanna be with you no matter what im yous i dont want anyone else but you and im gonna stay okay?

Me: i hurt everyone. i want to be with you. i am in love with you. but i am so hard and difficult. i push every single person away because i just tear people down. i dont want to do that. You are so amazing and that cant die.

how can i call that mine? that is a way to good for me kindda guy.. ive fallen in love with him. but he is way to good for me.

Tuesday February 12, 2013:

i almost cut last night.. i lost it and i started crying terribly. my mother is such a damn bitch. i cant handle her anymore.. she's having surgary on the 25th of this month.. but shes forcing me to appologise for being 'rude' to my brothers wife.. fuck that.. she told me i didnt appriciate anyone.. you dont tell someone who hates themself, who seriously cant stand to look at herself or hear herself, you DONT TELL THEM THAT THEYRE NOT FUCKING APPRICATIVE! what the hell.. so i have anger issues so i flipped out, not to her, just annonmusly over facebook & shes not even my friend on there so fuck her. seriously. and my mother is sticking up for HER, an not ME. bitch.. i have enough shit i dont need to deal with this, its from over a month ago.. i hate my mother.. she fucking came running downstairs screaming at me for taking something that i really didnt.. i didnt even know what she was talking about.. why... im always to blame. FUCK HER! god... she makes me want to kill myself. she thinks that i look up to her and that she's this perfect little angel and does everything for me.. but all she does is make me feel like shit.. i mean we have our moments that we get along an laugh an are friends. when we're friends we're totally fine, but than she turns in to over protective bitch mode.. i hate itt.. i dont wanna stay after school to get extra help.. and shes fucking making me. i hate it. i hate her. i want to get the fuck away. HELP ME! i need to be saved.

Wednesday February 13th, 2013:

theres not a lot of time to write here today...i only got about 3 minutes.. but damn.. i wanna die.. im not going to stopo myself tonight if i wanna cut. i gotta do it.. its to hard. my parents and my one brother are douches..they fucking dont know when to stop making me feel like shit.. i hate it. goddamn.. i cried so much last night.. i wish i were alone.. it'd be easier not to worry about hurting someone.. i hate myself. im absolutly disguesting. fat, ugly and just so gross.. i hate what ive become.. i cant stop myself. it's who i am now..

my razors fell out of my case this morning, it was scary i thought that someone was going to ask me what they were when i bent to pick them up.. i was so shakey.. i hate myself. ughhh. fuck. i hate everyone, my self the absolute most though.. good bye..

Thursday Febraury 14th, 2013:

well.. i stopped the 21 days last night.. 16.. 2 on my thigh, they're small. and the rest between my two arms. im such a fail..

Jake did the cutest thing ever.. he put a bunch of choclate kisses in my locker & taped it saying 'i <3 u' i keep blushing today.. i just told someone i like they're hat & he said he liked my face, i blush to much, i dont like him even, but it was kindda a compliment, soo.. *sigh* i hope shawntay doesnt get mad at me.. i told her i cut in our notebook, i havent told jake & im nott gunna unless he asks.. i cant tell him.. i HATE THAT THEY CARE!!!!!!!!! ugh... i just hurt eveyrone.. i make everyone want to kill themselves.......... FUCK.

ive been handing outt 'my little pony' valentines today.. only 4 gurls, and like 15 or more guys.. the girls are Shawntay, my friend Kenzie, Tabby & Heather. God.. all of them are so FUCKING gorgeous..ugh.. i seriously wish i could be even half as pretty as them.. Shawntay, everything about her is perfect, i wouldnt change a thing. Perfect long hair, flawless skin, perfect body.. McKenzie, she's in love, happy, so beautiful. Tabby, SO gorgeous, i find her easy to talk to and i think we could be pretty good friends. i love her hair.. i want it terribly. and Heather, her makeup, my lord is it always so damn perfect. no flaws to it, always perfect all the damn day long. She may be a bitch sometimes, but she's also hillarious as fuck. i could see me an her being better friends then we are, but not anything long-best friend. but damn.. i wish i were them..

Friday February 15th, 2013:

last night i broke down terribly and cried for hours.. i could stop. my douche fuck parents.. goddamn.. i wish i could just love them and call it good. but my mom comes down and bitches about facebook.. so now i have to delete it.. god. she controls every damn thing of my life.. she doesnt even know what tumblr is or instagram & she fucking wants me to delete them. HELL TO THE FUCK NO! dumbass. i hate her.. she ruins my life..

Tuesday February 19th, 2013:

okay..well this is reallly really stupid.. but on friday, i realized that with my ex boyfriend, he fucked her while we were together & i had sex with him countless times after.. so now i obviously did something wrong. it showed me how worthless i am & how much i seriously fuck people up..it's all my fault. i loved him wrong. i treated him like shit and look where that's gotten me.. im such a pathetic fucking fail of life. i hate myself.. im used and worthless. im the damn slut of the fucking family for fuck's sake!! my oldest brother just got married & the other just got engaged.. ugh..

ive been starving myself latley too.. it's kinda hard because i love eating, but ive been not eating lunch for about a week & i rarley eat at home soo..

[the-depressed-shiny-buneary]

Interview Time: Rivals

1. Hi! What's your name?

Chris: Sup, I’m Chris Daiki Oak.

Dusk: Hmph, I’m Dusk Yesfer Shinji. 

Sirius: U-Um, I’m S-Sirius Pavel Sh-Shinji.

Sheryl: I’m Sheryl Alice Kirkia.

Rosetta: I’m Rosetta Akira Koyasu.

2. Do you know why you were named that?

Chris: Not really, I know my middle name means impressive or grand tree, and our family name is based on a tree, so I guess it fits.

Dusk: Dad said he named me Dusk because I’m the opposite of mom who’s named Dawn, so I guess that’s why I was named Dusk. My middle name means star-like, I guess that also fits since Dusk is when you see the stars.

Sirius: I-I’m named after a constellation, m-my middle name means small and humble. Wh-Which f-fits.

Sheryl: My name means darling or beloved and my middle name means noble and graceful, both names fit me of course.

Rosetta: My name means rose blossom while my middle name means clear and intelligent, which I am. 

3. Your age?

Chris: I’m thirteen~

Dusk: I’m fourteen.

Sirius: I’m...I’m twelve...

Sheryl: I’m sixteen.

Rosetta: I’m thirteen as well.

4. Have any abilities or powers?

Chris: No, I wish I did though.

Dusk: I don’t need abilities or powers to make me happy.

Sirius: N-N-No...

Sheryl: I don’t need it.

Rosetta: Nah, I don’t. 5. What's your eye color?

Chris: Dark brown.

Dusk: Blue.

Sirius: B-Black...

Sheryl: Purple.

Rosetta: Light brown. 6. How about hair color?

Chris: Dark brown.

Dusk: Purple.

Sirius: B-Blue..

Sheryl: Dark brown.

Rosetta: Gold. 7. Have any family members?

Chris: My mom, my dad, my older brother, my grandparents and some others.

Dusk: My parents, my shy brother, my grandma, my aunt and uncle and that might be it.

Sirius: S-Same as D-Dusk...

Sheryl: Valerie and the furisode girls. They raised me.

Rosetta: My mom and my dad.

8. Fav color?

Chris: Orange and black.

Dusk: Purple.

Sirius: Indigo and t-turquoise.

Sheryl: Pink and purple, the colors of fairy tales.

Rosetta: Yellow and orange.

9. Fav food and drink?

Chris: Natto beans and rice, my mom makes them the best. I also like green tea.

Dusk: Sweet and sour beef soup, I like any kind of tea.

Sirius: Potato pierogi and I like to drink juice.

Sheryl: It’s a tie between profiteroles, which is a cream puff filled with ice cream and drizzled with warm chocolate sauce and Mousse au Chocolat. As for drinks, Kalos hot chocolate is a favorite of mine.

Rosetta: I really like udon and soba, for drinks I like milk tea.

10. Who's your crush?

Chris: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on anyone! Especially not Ashley, or as I all her ‘Sunny’.

Dusk: Don’t need a crush.

Sirius: *blushing heavily while thinking about Ashley*

Sheryl: I don’t have a crush on anyone.

Rosetta: Ha! I don’t need anyone to be happy!

11. If you have one, did you kiss yet?

Chris: I don’t have a crush so I don’t want to kiss anyone. *thinks about kissing Ashley and blushes lightly*

Dusk: *glares* No...

Sirius: *whole face is red and is covering his face due to picturing him and Ashley kissing*

Sheryl: Uh, no.

Rosetta: No..

12. Your hobbies?

Chris: I like to groom my Pokemon and I like to read.

Dusk: I train with my Pokemon.

Sirius: I-I like to bake poffins with m-my mom...a-and I like to draw and write stories...They aren’t much b-but I enjoy it, I-I also took an interest in f-food decorating and fashion d-design, m-mom said I c-could be a Pokemon St-Stylist if I w-wanted.

Sheryl: I like to create flawless designs with my Pokemon, I also sew new clothes for myself. I also take an interest in room design and floral arrangements, I just like designing anything.

Rosetta: I like to croquet, I also have a small interest in singing.

13. Who are your friends?

Chris: I like hanging out with Sun and Hau. 

Dusk: I don’t have many friends.

Sirius: I-I like b-being wi-with Ashley a-and her f-friends...

Sheryl: My dear friends Daffodil, Clementine, Flora and Harmony. When I’m the new gym leader they’ll be my gym trainers.

Rosetta: I have one friend, her name is Ivy.

14. Fav weather?

Chris: I like the rain.

Dusk: Cloudy.

Sirius: S-Sunny...

Sheryl: Sunny, of course.

Rosetta: I do enjoy the sun.

15. What season do you prefer?

Chris: Winter, it’s the greatest.

Dusk: I also enjoy winter.

Sirius: I-I like fall...th-that’s where I g-get most of my inspiration.

Sheryl: Spring, the best time of year.

Rosetta: I really love summer.

16. Your biggest fears?

Chris: I....don’t know....disappointing my family probably...my older bro is the leader of a pack of Rockruff and I got nothing for me yet...

Dusk: Not beating Ketchum...

Sirius: Ashley rejecting me or my family berating me f-for liking her.

Sheryl: *frowns* I don’t want to talk about it...

Rosetta: *looks down* No comment...

17. Any persons you don't like?

Chris: Those guys who think they’re better than me!

Dusk: Ashley Ketchum...she’s just so damn happy all the time and she always wins when I challenge her to a battle!!

Sirius: Anyone who’s mean...

Sheryl: My so called rival Grey Ketchum, he thinks he has a chance to be a gym leader when he doesn’t when I hold the type advantage.

Rosetta: That blue haired girl Salvia, she thinks she can be a performer with her ugly Poison types. I also hate people who don’t get my name right!!

18. Do you like cute things/persons?

Chris: My Pokemon are very cute, so yes.

Dusk: Cute doesn’t do much for me.

Sirius: Y-Y-Y-Y-Yes...c-c-cause A-Ashley’s v-v-v-very c-c-c-c-cute.... *blushing heavily*

Sheryl: Of course I do.

Rosetta: Obviously.

19. A compliment you get to hear often?

Chris: That I’m a genius when it comes to grooming Pokemon~

Dusk: That I’m very hardworking.

Sirius: Th-That I’m s-so c-cute wh-when I-I’m sh-shy...

Sheryl: That I’m beautiful and strong.

Rosetta: That I’m great at coming up with performances.

20. Name your worst habits.

Chris: Worst habits? What worst habits? (A/N: He’s too arrogant)

Dusk: I’ve been told I can be ruthless in battle...

Sirius: I-I don’t have a lot of c-confidence...

Sheryl: I do not know what you mean. (A/N: She’s also arrogant and she looks down on males)

Rosetta: I don’t have bad habits! (A/N: She’s cruel to those around her.) 21. Do you look up to anyone at all?

Chris: My dad and my mom! Oh, and my older brother!

Dusk: My father, obviously.

Sirius: O-Oh, my mom..! A-And Ashley...~

Sheryl: Valerie, she’s what gave me the idea to become a gym leader.

Rosetta: I’m not sure actually. 22. Do you go to school?

Chris: I sure do!

Dusk: Yeah, what of it?

Sirius: I-I-I d-do...

Sheryl: Not really, I’ve been homeschooled.

Rosetta: I’m also homeschooled. 23. Ever wanna marry and have kids one day?

Chris: Pffft, no way.

Dusk: Useless.

Sirius: *blushes heavily at the thought of him and Ashley getting married*

Sheryl: I don’t know yet.

Rosetta: No way. 24. Do you have fangirls/fanboys?

Chris: Darn right I do~

Dusk: No, it’s useless.

Sirius: N-Not really...

Sheryl: I have fanboys, but I ignore them.

Rosetta: Nah, I don’t. 25. What do you usually wear?

Chris: I wear this cool shirt that’s designed to look like a Growlithe’s fur and I have cream colored shorts. I normally wear black sneakers with it.

Dusk: A violet hoodie, orange pants and purple boots. I also have magenta fingerless gloves and an orange scarf. 

Sirius: A turquoise shirt, indigo shorts and aquamarine sneakers.

Sheryl: I wear a variety of furisodes, but my main one is a orchid furisode with a deep purple skirt and a floral pattern on the skirt, lavender ribbons that hold up my pigtails and fuschia sandals.

Rosetta: A yellow shirt with puffy sleeves, a orange skirt, lemon yellow tights, an burnt orange vest and headband and amber shoes. 26. What class are you? (low class, middle class, high class)

Chris: Middle class.

Dusk: Middle class.

Sirius: Middle class.

Sheryl: High class.

Rosetta: Lower middle class.

27. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

Chris: A lake is safer.

Dusk: I guess the ocean.

Sirius: I like a lake.

Sheryl: Ocean, me and my dear Pokemon can play together more easily.

Rosetta: The ocean is the best.

28. What's your type?

Chris: I don’t care for Pokemon types. All of them are great.

Dusk: Ghost types because they beat Psychic types and they have interesting battle styles.

Sirius: N-Normal types, they can learn a lot of d-different attacks th-that’s good f-for contests.

Sheryl: Fairy types, the type that Valerie mains.

Rosetta: I don’t care, types mean nothing.

29. Camping or indoors?

Chris: Oh, I love camping!

Dusk: Camping is good, good for training.

Sirius: Camping sounds like fun..

Sheryl: I guess both have pros and cons.

Rosetta: I’ll go with both too.

[tuwam]

beautiful.

@cetteau for hyunshik! )

 [ a, b, c, d, e ]

aka the ballerina au i suddenly thought of.

when taeyang started this, he was told he’d hear a lot of things from a lot of people. and he told them, he didn’t do it for that. no one really ever does something like this just for the praise. there’s no perks for that, no salvation in that. the praise helps, but the ego’s already been broken before it gets there much like the body.

they’re taught to hate themselves before anyone loves them. loves what they present. and on the stage is the only time they can feel it and not show it. bathe themselves in it before scrubbing down with humility when they step off. he knows it well, but he’s also trained his smile to not be so forced.

taeyang loves what he does, he thinks that’s the real salvation. to not grow to hate it and grow to continue loving it and loving that he can do it. as long as he loves he can endure.

and he loves it. loves being on stage, loves being behind stage. loves spending hours and hours even through blisters and bruises. even though his skin is no longer as smooth and immaculate as they make it out to be. even if there are days he can’t get up in the morning. he will always love doing the only thing his heart has ever craved.

the praise is something he can’t quite get used to. it’s something that still colors him bashful. it’s how they want the ballerinas to be, appealing. and there’s something so appealing to them about someone so flawless on the stage being so humble off it. there’s also something powerful about the grace being displayed just as poignant off stage. the people love it, adore it. 

taeyang is bashful because he’s not used to it. his body belong to dance, so the praise cannot go to him. maybe to his teachers but not to him.

‘you were beautiful.’ ‘excellent job.’ ‘exquisite.’ ‘i’d love to have you dance for our gala.’

taeyang’s ears tinge red, ears and cheeks alike as he goes from person to person. the other dancers do the same. smile and laugh as they’re taught and accept the gifts and the pictures. the hands on their arms and in the smalls of their backs.

some compliments are less flattering than the rest. some are accompanied with hands on his shoulders, with flowers, smiles. none forced, but all a little too eager. he accepts them all, head bowed, shoulders just a little hunched. he blames it on the toll of the performance and the schedule. it’s left him with three hours of sleep in the past two days.

the diet too. he hasn’t had a stable diet in the days leading up to the performance and the food laid out before him is tempting and torture. he knows what’s expected of him, knows that he has a small grace period after this to consume to his heart’s content but that doesn’t stop him from hovering by the tables.

‘did you need something?’ sometimes, between all the words and the laughter, voices begin to blur out until it’s all over. sometimes all he hears is the music even after he’s off the stage and done dancing. sometimes he needs to hold onto that to keep the night enjoyable. then it’ll dull into a pleasant buzz that helps him sleep after it all. he has to shake himself out in order to address who’s speaking to him. one of the gala servers, and taeyang’s smile is automatic, trained.

“no, no i’m fine.” the man’s busy fixing and rearranging dishes, handing out platters to waiters and waitresses alike. he doesn’t meet taeyang’s eye, so taeyang gets to observe, the food and him alike, wide-eyed and interested. genuinely so, as everything else in the ballroom has been a ruse. ‘you look about ready to drool.’ to that, the blush reaches his ears. he’s taught to be poised, and his back straightens at the accusation, meeting the gaze of the man who looks both amused and perplexed. “if anyone’s drooling in this ballroom, it’s not me.” it’s a rushed response, stuttered out and said with his eyes avoiding contact. he’s embarrassed, ‘is that so?’ but the response and the look taeyang gets when he finally looks up only make it worse. he’s struggling to compensate.  “that’s -- that’s not what I meant.” but the man’s eyes lower again, tending to the old dishes and straightening the displays. he’s meticulous, his hands working quickly and efficiently. taeyang wonders if his hands are as his appear to be, immaculate but worked to the bone.  ‘i suppose you’re used to the fawning?’ when he’s addressed again, he has to break out the stupor yet again. taeyang’s not used to actual conversation at events like this, not when he’s all dolled up and expected to act like one. that’s why his response is still a whisper, and his eyes can’t quite make level. “suppose I’m not quite used to being treated human.” the stares that he gets from strangers here are always the same. admiration and adoration of a facade, a need to observe but not understand, a need to receive a rehearsed person, an image that they don’t ever expect to leave the stage. and taeyang can do it but he can only do it for so long. ‘hm. would you like to be?’ he would. and his teeth digging in his lower lip might be the answer. the man still hasn’t moved from his spot, though he’s taken to spot cleaning the glasses. “my name’s -" he doesn’t finish because there’s a hand on his shoulder. ‘taeyang, we were wondering where you’d ran off to.’ “nice to see you again commissioner.” ‘always nice to see you.’ taeyang’s gratefulness is a practiced blush and dip of his head.  “did your wife enjoy the show?” he makes a nod in her direction and she gives him a smile, fond, a little too amused. she’s always a joy to have at events, and a pleasure to make smile, something she must not do to often with her fool of a husband. ‘you were wonderful darling.’ she says with two kisses on either side of his cheek. he gives the commissioner a shake to match the firm grip he once had on his shoulder and bids them adieu.

when they’re gone, the man behind the tables is still there. his look is a little different now, not as confused as before, still amused though. taeyang sees the beckoning of his teachers and his fellow dancers, and rather than continue his interest he’s dipping his head in a bow again.

“if you’ll excuse me.” and he’s off heart racing for reasons he can’t yet identify.

‘you did wonderful dear.’ ‘yes you were great.’ taeyang holds the flowers close, the praise a little distant as he prepares for the grilling from his teachers. prepares for it to strip away.

the next time he sees the waiter, he learns his name.

‘two tequila shots for us hyunshik.’

he doesn’t expect to see him again, this time behind the counter of a bar. dressed comfortably but refined. a blue button-up and black slacks, and taeyang’s trying to find a focus rather than how well the suit looks or how the male looks looks at him.

“you’re a bartender?” hyunshik, simply gives him a nod before moving to prepare the drinks. and his co-worker is noticing the exchange and visibly nudging him about it. ‘so you two have met?’ he doesn’t dignify that with a response and instead moves up to sit on the stool. he’s been tired since the event, tired and worked thin. first came evaluations and practicing to correct everything that was said in the evaluations. then came the beginning of new projects for which they were given time to recuperate. ‘tae here has had a bad day so i’m going to loosen up.’

bad is an understatement.

“because starting with tequila is such a good idea.” he’s too tired to argue, or move when han’s arm slinks around his shoulder, or when it pats the remaining life he has in him, out. ‘just supporting my friend hyunshik here.’ taeyang hears the name again, a little giddy at finally knowing it. not bothering to question how han knows him because han knows everyone. ‘i get paid whether you drink or not idiot.’ the sound of two glasses clinking beside his arm accompanies hyunshik’s voice and taeyang shivers. he wills the smile away as he lifts the shot glass.

‘here’s to asshole teachers and a few weeks off!’ he’ll cheer to that. they toast and down the shot. taeyang tries not to think about the fact that’s he’s as lightweight as they come and lets himself familiarize the burn with something else. like, the soles of his feet this past week. ‘so you’re going to be bothering me a lot?’ is what he hears from behind the counter, head still a little buzzed from the burn of the shot. he knows hyunshik couldn’t possibly be addressing him, but he turns to tune in to the conversation anyway. han is patting his back, scooting up the shot glasses for another refill for taeyang can protest. ‘if I drag tae out here enough, I get the most response when I bring him out with me.’ “shut up.” it’s weak because he’s downed the second shot and he’s still getting used to it. it’s also a little false because tae knows han will be just fine if he came on his own. the man draws stares on and off the stage. he’s sleek and sexy and uses it to his advantage, complains about how tae doesn’t use his potential to the fullest. taeyang could care less about his potential.

‘i find that hard to believe, he seems more bearable than you han.’ taeyang’s tinkering with the third glass, letting it wiggle between his two fingers when he registers the words. registers but doesn’t really do much but look up at hyunshik from behind the shot glass. he doesn’t get much of a look though, everything distorted because he’s looking through the liquid. liquid courage at this point, is still a lie. “you have brown eyes.” ‘you’re perceptive.’

‘i’m going to go find, entertainment. watch my buddy for me hyunnie-ah.’ han leaves him, like the traitor he is, with another pat to his back and taeyang struggles not to spill it on the counter. ‘you’re - not a drinker I presume?’ he expected silence, he hadn’t expected hyunshik to want to speak to him with han beside him but taeyang’s looking up and those eyes are indeed directed at him. his sleeves are now rolled up and he’s spot cleaning glasses. “i - hm. my body doesn’t handle alcohol well.” he gets what could be the sliver of a grin, maybe even a bit of a laugh and it has his shoulders perking up. chest thumping just a tad.  ‘no one’s body handles alcohol well.’ he steps away from a moment and taeyang’s putting the shot glass down in favor of resting his hands in his laps. ‘i’m saying, you don’t routinely torture your body with it?’ “i’m a dancer, I think I routinely torture myself enough.” that’s meant to be a little light-hearted. this, taeyang thinks is the real curse of alcohol, not the courage but the lack of a filter. there’s a part of him, a big part that struggles to escape loose when he’s not at the company or surrounded by investors and such. but it never knows when to come out, a little bit of comfort and a little bit of warmth and taeyang can’t control his mouth. he’s also not sure if this warmth is because of the shot or because of the smile hyunshik gives him. ‘that sounds fun. spoken like a man with true passion.’ that sounds like something he’s used to. the judgement, the sarcasm. maybe it’s a little blurred and it comes out that way because it’s what he expects. everyone always asks him why he puts up with this torture. asks him how it is with eyes wide and ready to whisper about in disbelief after he leaves.

‘how could he do that to himself.’ ‘you know they starve themselves right.’ “spoken like one who lacks it.” so the response comes out before he can stall his tongue. ‘hm.’ taeyang feels the blood go to his ears after that. doesn’t dare look up, but his eyes remain trained on the bartender’s hands. still busy cleaning glasses unless he’s called away for another order. “your hands.” taeyang’s regained some of his control back. his words come out softer, embarrassment still a little present, but curiosity getting the best of him. hyunshik gives him his full attention each time, a slow gaze, and taeyang swallows. composes himself. “the tops are softer than your palms.” his gaze drops yet again when the smile on hyunshik’s face transforms into something playful, almost dangerous. ‘you’re very perceptive.’ “you work hard. I didn’t mean to - knock that.”

for that he gets another glass sliding his way. it’s pink and red at the rim, and has a lemon on the side. taeyang fixes him with a look, a firm one and the first one he has since he’s sat here. ‘try it.’ “i-” but he’s already walking away to tend to a customer and taeyang’s left staring at the glass. contemplating if he wants to embarrass himself even further. he’s halfway into the third sip when han bounds back over, someone already attached to his hip.

‘oh, someone’s enjoying his sex on the beach with hyunshik.’ taeyang almost spits and hyunshik’s smile is cruel. han is just smiling, oblivious to the doe-eyed look his companion is graving him with. taeyang’s seen people give his friend several looks, never quite as innocent. he almost wants to warn the poor guy, tell him he’s really in for it if he isn’t careful. but han’s arm is a little more attentive, slipped around the man’s waist and tightened. he must know him. ‘these aren’t on the house han.’ ‘yeah yeah, do me a favor, show my friend a good time hyunnie.’ before taeyang can even get some words out, mainly because his lips are still around the straw, han’s waving to them after placing a bill on the table. ‘bye taetae, text me when you’re home and not a minute after.’ the straw’s sucking on nothing when han’s out of his eyesight and it’s only then that taeyang dares to look up. ‘for someone who doesn’t like torturing his body, you enjoyed sex on the beach huh?’ now, he can’t tell if the flush is because he’s had three shots and an entire cocktail. or if it’s because hyunshik keeps saying things that make him shift in his seat and stumble over his words. whatever it is, he’s had enough and would very much like to cease embarrassing himself. he moves to take a step, and for all the grace he’s practiced and drilled in, he can already tell it’s a bad idea. ‘please don’t make me catch you while I’m still working.’ liquid courage really gets the best of him because taeyang turns around just to ask, “if you weren’t working?” ‘while i am working, i am required to call you a cab home.’ hyunshik’s not looking at him at him yet, he’s still passing out drinks, making a very prominent pop of a new bottle of wine. ‘while i’m not working, i’m allowed to escort you home.’ taeyang’s turned all the way around again, leaning his chin, and most of hie weight into his palm. “sounds sketchy.” his words are a little slurred, but more muffled than anything. ‘no taeyang, that’s just the alcohol.’ “hm. probably.”

he’s probably a little too tipsy for his own good. probably should just call a cab and leave hyunshik to his job. he’s trying to think up excuses while he sobers up, that he has lessons tomorrow morning, that he’s on break but he still needs to be up and at the gym not waterlogged from all this alcohol. excuses that he doesn’t get around to voicing while he sits in the stool. instead he takes to listening to hyunshik’s counter conversations, the ones he shares with other customers while handing him a glass of water every now and then. he keeps his mouth shut, to risk further embarrassment and just watches.

‘truthfully speaking if you weren’t so cute, i’d have kicked you out with a cab already.’ “really?” his words are still muffled, less slurred than before but taeyang’s position hasn’t changed, gaze hasn’t moved. it’s probably a little softer, but that’s probably the alcohol. then again, hyunshik hasn’t been drinking, he has no reason to lie. and taeyang could just be guessing, but that look is a little too sincere to be a lie. ‘really.’

it’s another half hour before hyunshik starts cleaning up and taeyang feels himself again, casual banter aside. he feels good enough to get home. he even tests it by standing up, stretching himself thoroughly once his feet hit the ground. he has no clue what time it is or how he ended up staying here this late but the fatigue is settling in and the club’s quieter than he remembers.

‘you’re not walking home by yourself.’ “i - i am.” ‘you’re not, give me fifteen minutes.’ “i’ll be sober in fifteen minutes.’ “good, then you can give me proper directions.”

and taeyang gives him fifteen, maybe twenty. he’s not counting, but he is watching. the methodology hyunshik engages in as he starts cleaning. as everyone around the club start to clean up and he wonders just how late it is. he finds himself moving along, gathering glasses clumsily and surrendering them when hyunshik fixes them with a look. he grabs a napkin next and moves up and down the counter. at some point hyunshik stops trying to stop him and they get everything cleaned and closed up.

‘alright big shot, address?’ “i’d appreciate it, if you took me out for a drink first.” he’s not as tipsy anymore, maybe just a little nervous. for what or because of what, he’s not sure. ‘my place it is then.’ and taeyang is forced to scramble and type his address into the other’s phone.

he doesn’t remember much after that. not the walk there, not whether he leaned on hyunshik or he was being helped walk. he doesn’t remember typing the code for his apartment or the nonsense that might have left his lips. he just remembers a burning in his chest, and a rumble of laughter that’s too soothing to forget.

taeyang wakes up naturally to a headache. it has him sinking back into bed, and then as the memories of last night flood in, he sinks further. he can still smell hyunshik’s cologne as he helped ease him into his apartment. his manners as he insisted taeyang go right to bed and drink some medicine in the morning.

he’s got a few text messages, a few from han:

( text: hannie ) i told you to text me when we got home ( text: hannie ) i’m going to kill hyun if anything happened to you ( text: hannie ) tae pick up or so help me i’m storming your apartment ( text: hannie ) nvm loverboy let me know you were okay ( text: hannie ) let me know how the night goes, my own knight keeps calling me ;)

and one from a number that makes him bury his head in his hands.

( text: xxx-xx-xxxx ) you probably forgot that we stopped and bought some hangover medicine and soup from the market. drink that and take it easy.

he heads for that first, determined to get his head at least cleared of pain so he can process it all. his body’s already punishing him for not eating properly and so he heads for the soup next. scarfing it down after a nice shower, his eyes never leaving the last message. he goes over what to say, wonders if liquid courage is really a curse or the only courage he could have.

( text: xxx-xx-xxx ) thank you so much, i really hope I wasn’t too much trouble. 😣😣😣😣

he sets his phone aside and gets properly dressed for the day.

seeing as wallowing in his apartment won’t help, taeyang heads out to wake himself up properly, and go through some files. files meaning past performances and the music for the next event. he has another week and a half off but he can’t rest. and any flutter he has in his chest can only leave when he’s focused on work.

he arrives at the coffee shop within twenty minutes, enjoying the walk even though the sun punishes him. he deserves it. he also deserves the punishment this coffee will give him but it’ll do the trick. he’s fidgeting through his bag when he reaches the counter.

‘didn’t expect you to be up this early.’ and the next punishment comes a little too early. he recognizes the voice, the tone, the way his stomach tumbles when he hears it. and taeyang doesn’t want to look, but he does anyway. and there’s hyunshik, behind the register, looking as thoroughly amused with the situation as always. “you - you work here?” immediately taeyang’s words aren’t working and he wants to disappear. ‘assistant supervisor, so only when I feel like it. though I was called in this morning.’ he’s suddenly very aware that the man had even less sleep than taeyang, going from working a bartender shift to coming back after dropping his sorry and tipsy ass off at home. “i’m - so sorry.” the phrase seems to catch the male off-guard and taeyang’s really trying to keep it together. medicine and hangover soup can only do so much. ‘tae? i’ll have your usual ready!’ a familiar face snaps him out of it and he’s both relieved and too overwhelmed to do anything but lay the money on the table and stalk off to find a table.

he dives into his work the minute he sits down. reviewing and reliving the motions and the criticisms. it wakes him up and keeps him occupied, so occupied that he doesn’t hear his name called, doesn’t notice someone coming over to hand him his coffee until they’ve arrived.

“sorry, i wasn’t paying attention.” ‘you apologize too much.’ before he can even add an apology to that, hyunshik’s head is canting towards the tablet in his hand. ‘narcissism?’ “self-deprecating.” ‘ouch. I thought you were good.’ hyunshik seems keen on making taeyang spill every drink he comes into contact with. granted he hates black coffee whether he’s used to the taste or not. “pardon?” ‘your dancing? it’s good.’

taeyang’s heard his dancing described as several things before. mesmerizing, intoxicating, gorgeous. but this adjective, with the way hyunshik views the tablet so casually. has him feeling more overwhelmed and vulnerable than anything. god and he’d come here to escape this.

“thank you.” ‘you’re thanking me?’ “you’re complaining?” finally, taeyang can keep a firm gaze. he’s used to being humble in this profession, takes a bit of pride in that, and appreciation in those who are genuine. hyunshik is quiet for a moment, eyes having left the tablet and resting on the dancer’s. tae’s eyes that are the only thing visible as the cup covers the lower half of his face. taeyang’s a little challenging and hyunshik’s eyes soften when he speaks. ‘no, I suppose i’m not.’

‘boss!’ joo calls from over behind the counter, breaking their eye contact and their little - is it a moment? whatever it is. it’s there and it isn’t. ‘need your help for a little bit then you can go back to flirting.’

oh, taeyang’s definitely got to get out of here.

he leaves about an hour later, thanking joo and nearly tossing the empty cup at him when he makes obscene winks his way.

( text: xxx-xx-xxx ) if you were trouble, I would’ve kicked you out earlier.

this time, he doesn’t ignore how his heart responds. 

‘you were great.’ ‘you were exquisite.’ ‘you could have been better.’ ‘you need to be better.’ ‘you need to get better.’

next time is at the grocery store.

he’s been given an extension on his time off, and he’s bitter but following orders. also trying desperately to lift a ten pound bag of dog food into his cart.

‘need help?’ taeyang doesn’t know whether to be excited or cursing. he manages a nod from behind the bag and the two of them get it into the cart, expertly away from the loads of food he’s already got stacked in.

“what, you work here too?” he’s snapping, he knows why he’s snapping but that doesn’t excuse it. hyunshik almost doesn’t respond. his face goes through a few expressions that taeyang pays a little too much attention to. a little annoyance flashes by, before he’s eyeing the items in the cart. ‘impressive haul, you planning on disappearing?’ the question makes tayeang’s throat ache, close up, he’s almost glad the words don’t stop there. ‘and no I don’t work here, came to pick up something for my mother.’ if taeyang didn’t feel bad before, he feels worse now. his head hangs a little low, not noticeable because he’s shifting to move the cart from the aisle. “i was running low on groceries.” ‘and the dog food?’ “babysitting my sister’s wolf.”

he’s tight-lipped. he knows why and he can’t help it. it’s not the time, not one of those early morning or monday attitudes. he knows why and he should run off and leave hyunshik before he gets worse, but taeyang quite likes being able to speak like this and not dug into because of it. likes that he can speak when normally he’d walk by without a word. he does start moving and hyunshik surprisingly, is by his side.

“you’re off today?” he doesn’t remember this shopping cart being this heavy, or needing to exert so much effort, but right now even talking seems like effort. ‘surprisingly. you?’ taeyang’s busy tossing some sauces atop everything. “got extended time off.” is all he says as he pushes his way to the checkout. ‘hold on, most of that’s instant food.’ taeyang bites his lip at the observation, but hyunshik’s not looking at him, still eyeing the stack in the cart. ‘you don’t cook?’ “no...” ‘you have time off and you’re going to stuff yourself with instant food?’ he feels his grip on the handles tighten, stomach drop at the words but hyunshik’s just smiling. he even thinks he hears a laugh. ‘turn back around, you're going to run yourself down.’ his lips juts out at that, ready to make a comeback but hyunshik’s already ahead and he can either, power his way to checkout and feel guilt or follow suit.

so he follows.

when they’re done the cart feels a little lighter, taeyang can actually look at it, though the contents terrify him. raw meats, vegetables, spices. 

‘you’re probably wondering who’s going to cook all of this?’ hyunshik speaks while helping him load them onto the conveyor belt. ‘definitely not me.’ he makes a move to respond, but the cashier is asking him to pay, and while he does that hyunshik helps load them into the cart, another snicker becoming audible. one he can’t comment on because, ‘fancy meeting you two here!’ han’s coming in, all bright-eyed with a bushy-tailed male by his side. taeyang recognize him as the doe-eyed guy from before and is surprised first, and then annoyed. because it’s not a coincidence and he knows exactly why han’s here. he doesn’t miss the way his eyes scan over the food in the cart and he looks up at taeyang for confirmation. 

“he was helping me carry some. we’re leaving.” han doesn’t give him a chance to stay in a sour mood and instead slips an arm around his shoulder. ‘don’t treat me like the enemy tae.’ it’s said in a sing-song voice but with a small squeeze at his shoulder. he shoves his friend off, though it’s fond and hurries past them with hyunshik right beside him. ‘you two okay?’ “yeah.” and it could come out just as snappy as the other responses. but tae turns to look at han, who’s got his hands on his hips and is looking at him with both suggestive eyebrows and a gentle smile. he can’t stay too mad. so the response is quiet, a little annoyed but just as fond.

none of this is han’s fault anyway. han’s just trying to be a friend. hyunshik is too.

when the cab drops them off, there’s a bunch of unloading, a bunch of heavy lifting. a forced smile when the driver recognizes him from a press coverage of a gala and then a struggle to get past sanha who is bouncing and bounding at the apartment door.

‘someone’s happy to see you.’ “she’s hungry. can you pour her some food while I put these away?” he’s already carrying the bags to the kitchen. ‘someone’s demanding.’ but hyunshik’s helping, lugging the bag towards the corner of the kitchen where sanha’s things are laid out nicely, sanha padding happily at his feet.

putting the food away take thirty minutes. deciding on what to cook takes another fifteen. deciding on takeout takes about five and another twenty to actually arrive. truthfully, taeyang’s surprised hyunshik sticks around for all of it. by this time taeyang’s into something more comfortable, a sweatsuit, hiding everything he’s angry about it comfortably underneath. hyunshik’s reserved to the couch, television on and sanha at his feet after having had her fill.

“you’re comfortable.” ‘you’re awfully crass today.’ “you’re perceptive.”

he keeps snapping but he does decide to sit beside sanha on the floor, letting the dog drape herself over his thighs and lick at his face.

‘want to talk about it?’ “do you want to hear?” ‘i’m willing to.’

they make eye contact again. and taeyang can read it a little too well, the look hyunshik gives him. tries to ignore the fact that it might be purposeful, that the sincerity is not something hyunshik wants him to mistake for anything else. it makes his heart stop, and his averting his gaze, giving his attention to sanha to allow his heart to breathe.

“i’m fine.” he says this after a few more commercials have passed. after sanha has settled down. “just itching to dance.” ‘hm. then dance.’ and taeyang laughs, really laughs for the first time since he’d gotten up today. ‘i mean it, just dance, right here.’ “you’re kidding?” he’s trying not to remember the past, the days when he’d been this down, this broken apart and it’d been so simple. get up and dance. and dance and dance. except he doesn’t move. he keeps his legs firm under sanha’s frame. disappointment licks at his bones and he can’t will them to cooperate, not now. “maybe next time.”

they settle on a movie.

next time, he’s on the phone and staring at the spread before him, visibly stressed.

“hyung, what do I do with all of this - I really can’t cook why did you talk me into this?” he’s partially panicking, partially. the pacing helps to calm him but every time he looks over and sees the spreads, he frowns. it’s more of a pout than a frown but he figures hyunshik can hear how he feels regardless. ‘give me about an hour.’

the first try is black bean noodles and braised chicken.

the next is braised wings. then cold noodles. seafood soup. spicy rice cakes.

taeyang feels himself come together.

be better. be better taeyang. you can’t.  you must.

and fall apart again.

it’s about a week and a half into this. he calls it the disappearing act. han calls it him being an idiot. he hasn’t spoken to han in a few days. hasn’t been in his kitchen much, if only to grab a pancake and give sanha her food.

he knows why his sister dropped the overgrown pup off at his place, but it doesn’t help much. if only to bring a smile each time he wakes up. if only to help him take care of someone, something other than himself.

( text: hyung ) han’s worried. and when he’s worried, he pesters me. you alright?

taeyang tries to define the word, and make sure he’s not lying when he responds. any response would be a lie. so he ignores the question.

( sent: hyung ) texting at work is bad hyung!!!

and leaves it at that.

he ignores orders, finally, three days later. he did get around to talking to han, hyunshik too. got around to apologizing and reassuring them. got around to standing up only to cave back in.

the lie begins when he tells himself he can do this. that he has to.

but the cold tile is perfect against his feet, missed. each leap, each glide, is perfect, needed. even the falls, the unplanned ones, are perfect. the slide, the sweat that’s started to drip, to drench, it’s all what he needs. he tells himself. repeats it silently as the music courses through, echoes. he keeps going through the loop, even as his phone dies and the loop stops. he keeps going.

it’s needed. it’s necessary. it’s all he knows.

the criticism and the perfection in the destruction.

and the destruction is bearable. even when he’s spent, not in satisfaction but in desperation, his body giving up. he thinks he’s done all he can.

‘you about done?’ the music’s stopped echoing by now, all he hears is his own breath. sees his chest rise and fall through sweat clinging to his eyelashes. then hyunshik’s in his line of sight, crouched over. taeyang can’t read his face, and part of him is a little glad for that. ‘can you stand?’ he swallows. it’s audible, a little painful because his body’s still trying to come alive again. trying to distinguish what being alive feels like.

he feels hands on him, his arm thrown over hyunshik’s shoulder and another around his face. he catches his breath with every step, slowly comes back to earth, the studio and soon enough his own apartment. he feels the comfort of his couch, sanha’s nose against his palm and hears the sound of tinkering in the kitchen.

“i was beautiful wasn’t it hyung?” hyunshik only responds when he’s beside him. the only light is from the kitchen, some filtering from the television. his eyes are darker than usual, taeyang tries to reach for them but instead a spoon’s put in his hands. ‘you need to eat.’ “answer me.” he’s persistent, petulant at hyunshik ignoring all attempts. meeting his desperation with indifference. instead he sits taeyang up, and spoons the soup into his mouth himself. they’re two-thirds into the bowl before hyunshik places it aside, hands in his lap as he observes the younger. taeyang tries again, voice small. “answer me.” ‘get some sleep. your body’s exhausted.’

he does sleep, the minute he lowers himself he sleep. dreams of sweet words and not the lies that have been drowning him.

“you told him.” he’s in the kitchen again, pickng at the kimchi pancakes and rice that’s in front of him. it’s been three days. ‘you weren’t picking up your phone. i couldn’t come get you so I called someone who could.’ han sounds shameless, not an ounce of regret in his tone. “i was a mess.” taeyang is up the wall. hyunshik had stayed with him into the next morning, and fed him until he was wobbling around the living room and sinking into the couch. he’s embarrassed to say the least. it was a mess and all he gets is the laughter of his friend on the other line. ‘please, it wasn’t like you were drunk. he’s already seen you drunk. drunk you is actually cuter I imagine.’ “han.” a sigh, and taeyang prepares himself for what comes next. ‘tae, i was worried. I had to call someone. you could’ve hurt yourself going like that.’ “i know.” ‘you don’t, but maybe seeing how worried he was shows you.’ “think he was more annoyed than worried.” ‘hyunshik doesn’t just do things because people ask, he does them because he wants to. and if he were annoyed, if it was a bother, he wouldn’t bother. i think you understand that by now.’ by now his lips have formed into a pout, not at all convinced or feeling better about the situation than before. whether han has a point or not. “i was a mess.” that one’s a whine, a little lighter than before. ‘that you were, think next time before you neglect your body like that and then overwork it you asshole. you had me worried.’ “i’m sorry.” ‘yeah yeah. finish your food, i’ll check on you later.’ “bye mom. tell your boytoy I said hi.” he’s satisfied when he hears the shuffling in the background. 'yeah, right after you tell your high school crush. bye brat.’

he does finish his food, and it takes another hour to gather courage to text.

( sent: hyung ) hyung are you off today? ( received: hyung ) are you alright?

taeyang’s heart leaps. he gags a bit at it.

( sent: hyung ) can you teach me how to do braised wings again?

he sees the typing notification for about five excruciating minutes before a message comes through.

( received: hyung ) this link should help. ( received: hyung ) just kidding, i’ll be by later tonight.

when hyunshik drops by it’s much later, taeyang’s almost forgotten he asked. he’s slipped into shorts and a white tee, busy lazing in his couch with sanha spread on top. nothing interesting had been on the television so he was scrolling through youtube when the doorbell rings.

sanha beats him to it and he’s yawning when he opens the door.

“you ordered takeout?” taeyang blinks at the bag being held up. hyunshik looks tired, his smile is lazy, still as handsome as ever. “you smell like coffee beans.” ‘and you smell like dog.’ he’s stepping aside and watching as sanha jumps where she can to get her obligatory head rubs. “now you smell like dog.” is his only response as he follows suit, locking the door and cutting off all unnecessary lights. hyunshik’s already comfortable on the couch, sanha enjoying the attention she gets, situated between his legs and leaning into all the ear scratches and sweet words. “why don’t I get a greeting like that?” taeyang doesn’t have time to regret it because hyunshik’s already looking at him.  ‘you want head rubs?’ that gets him a pair of chopsticks thrown him way as taeyang sits himself at the end of the couch and opens the spread of food, careful to keep sanha’s nose as far away from it all as possible. ‘it’s been a long day, didn’t feel like slaving away in your kitchen.’ taeyang’s nose turns up but he keeps his eyes trained on the chicken. he’s hungrier than he realized. “wanna talk about it?” he asks only after they’ve started eating. he keeps his eyes trained on the television though. ‘rude customers, incompetent employees. joo likes to crack jokes at inappropriate times. college students have no sense of responsibility.’ taeyang snorts, and that’s how the night starts. at some point he stretches his legs out, and when hyunshik reaches forward for another piece, he doesn’t remove the hand that rests on the younger’s calf. and taeyang doesn’t flinch when it happens, just digs into the next piece of chicken. 

‘oh, you’re on tv.’ that gets his attention. has his head snapping up because yep, there’s a re-run of an old performance because it’s late at night and sometimes galas and event recordings are shown when no one’s up to really remember. taeyang lunges for the remote first, but hyunshik’s tucked it behind him, and the minute he gets too close to the older’s face he’s instead met with a smug grin and a flush on his cheeks that demands he either step back or burn up. so he does that and flies for a pillow to either chuck at the television or hide behind.

he chooses to hide behind it.

‘you were young here.’ it’s an observation and taeyang can’t read the tone, so he peeks out. “that was two years ago. ah i made so many mistakes.” he can almost feel the shrug. ‘you look fine to me.’ he huffs at that, pillow flopping on the floor immediately. “are you kidding?” the look on hyunshik’s face shows that no he’s not kidding and that he probably doesn’t know better.

taeyang finds himself standing up, leaning over to observe the routine, replay and pull it from the corners of his mind. the body never really forgets and suddenly he’s recreating it. in the middle of his living room, sanha having moved to claim his spot on the couch while he glide across the carpet. it’s easy to remember, simple to execute, he almost laughs at how much trouble this routine put him through back then. now its child’s play.

he finishes a little late, remembering how he’d rushed through the ending last time. it has him laughing as he’s hovering by the edge of the couch, hyunshik’s hands keeping him from doubling over until sanha is attacking him in kisses and licks all over his face and he does indeed, fall back. taeyang’s so overwhelmed and catching his breath that he almost forgets where he is. when he finally looks up, the man’s eyes haven’t left him. he flushes again, and recalls that these eyes haven’t left him since the moment he got up. when taeyang finds his voice, it’s nearly drowned out by the television, “told you i made a lot of mistakes.” ‘tae.’ hyunshik’s gaze is the unreadable one that makes his toes curl underneath him. “hm? pretty bad right?” he wants to laugh, to force it, feels the high he’s on start to die out as the memories of that day flood back. but hyunshik’s pulling him, it’s not quick, a little urgent but it’s gentle, it’s coaxing. taeyang inches forward on his knees until they’re pressed against the bottom of the couch. hyunshik’s sitting up now, and when he lets tae’s hands go, the fall to grip the top of his thighs. hyunshik’s hands go to his face, holding, admiring. blatant and almost too much, it makes him want to look away and yet stay trapped for the rest of the night.

‘tae, you’re gorgeous.’

hyunshik’s wiping away the tears before he can really feel them slide down. wiping them until his thumb slides over his lips. his cheeks. his neck. parts of a body he’s tried to hide. mapping the beauty he sees with his eyes and his hands alike.

for years, people have told taeyang he’s going to hear a lot of things when he starts. people are going to praise him, use words to describe him that he’s never heard before. use words he’s heard before but mean them in different ways. then, he’d told them he doesn’t do it for the praise, couldn’t imagine ever needing it or liking it.

now, he whispers for hyunshik to say it again. quietly, so that it barely leaves the space they’ve created between them. and he obliges, says it again, just as gentle and honest as before. ‘you’re beautiful.’

and taeyang understands why he’d dance again, just to hear that again.

there might not be complete salvation in that, but there’s light. warmth. something he can sink into when he can’t be around anything else.

when he wakes up, it’s with hyunshik beneath them and his chest as the pillow. it’s with his face red and a squeak that blows his cover.

‘nice bed-head sleeping beauty.’

tae feels drunk, a little stuck in the cloud that hasn’t quite left since last night. it makes him giddy, also makes him want to jump up and bury himself in his room for the next few days. he can’t move though, hyunshik’s got a firm grip around his wait. and well, sanha’s took her place right between their legs at the end of the couch.

‘you move, you wake up the real sleeping beauty, and we both fall.’ “you - make a convincing argument.” he can’t find his words, knows he can’t because there’s that grin again and if he can’t bury his head in a pillow, he’ll go back to hyunshik’s chest. he hears the rumble of the same laughter that’s been escorting him through the dark since that night and smiles to himself, warmth surrounding him. “hope you don’t have work today.” ‘took today off. i still have to show you how to make braised wings.’  “yeah, guess you do.”