#fkjdshksj but fr thank u for the ask! I'm sorry if my answer isn't very satisfactory

[b4kuch1n]

If you’re okay answering it- will you explain what it was that you imagine “the end” was in your recent body horror artwork? I am so lured in by it and I want to know so badly!

aight so I shall put my version of the events under read more; I never shy from giving away the context or process of my art, but I insist you never take my word as the one and only truth. I am not adding to the text after the fact here. once a piece is done and posted my interpretation is as valid as yours, always.

this piece started with a very hazy amalgamation of things - I remember two days ago I was somewhat crankier than usual at 4AM, it was a tenday streak into serious sleep schedule fuckup, I got the idea but couldn't even get my brain together enough to sit up and sketch it out, I pulled out my phone and tweeted deliriously

then went to sleep.

the original vision is admittedly lost fully to my fucked up sleep schedule now, but I remember it fully starting out from the result. the final vision. the cause was nowhere near my mind at that point, and I think to me now the cause still doesn't matter nearly as much as the after.

I did figure some stuff out in my own brain as I drew this - on stream but I don't think I can post this VOD on youtube haha - but it was not... really fully fleshed out, I'll say. the catalyst is of course a light, and I was thinking this is the end the end, there will be no witness in this world after this event, to see how the light slide forever into twilight everywhere on earth. it's supposed to kill you painlessly, but it doesn't manage that as much as it rewires your emotional reactions to turn pain into joy. a feeling of being tickled, or of- laughing gas high, but inside as well. makes you want to dance, to laugh, to celebrate. like being in a happy crowd and you feel your body instinctively shift into the happy body language.

I want to say the subjects of the piece were people who've gotten used to both the rowdiness of a party and the barren loneliness of the afterwards, cleaning up alone and feeling sick to the throat with the idea of smiling at anyone else while craving the commotion at the same time. maybe it's how they came into the presence of each other - staying to help with the cleaning instead of leaving to detox. they've come to known together that happiness is often very uneventful. quiet, an undercurrent of other emotions.

so, they recognize when a joy is manufactured. something condescending, pitying, an anesthesia that failed to work on them. a mercy killing, probably because whatever let the light down misread humans emotion cues, thinking the population so ill and in pain it's better to put it down early. they understand when an emotion's forced on them, so there's fear still in their mania. so they hold onto each other as the light flays one and twists the other.

in my mind it happens very quickly; one of them saw the light, called the other over to the window to look at it, and in a few seconds they're dead. it's pure chance that their hands survived holding each other. reminds me of those lovers' tombs we discovered, two people long dead, now only known as being dear to each other. their names, their beings, their history, all long gone. except that they loved each other.