#first spawn. and now shri'iia is without someone to worship and it's like when she lost her oath the first time and she remembers how

[swordmaid]

THINKING in the ascended astarion x reformed oath shri'iia (unsure abt that name will workshop it but she basically gets her oath back) route that she does not love him exactly. she's simply pouring her previous worship and reverence for lolth onto him, and he's now the subject of her devotion but it's not exactly love. she does not love him the same way oathbreaker shri'iia loves spawn astarion where it's something personal and selfless, and loving him is a choice she is actively making. in this route she thinks there is no other choice but to worship him and with lolth gone she wants to feel that devotion again since it's her safety net. she thinks that's all she's made for, and in a route where she reforms her oath and rejects pursuing self freedom i think that idea will get validated over and over at the course of her journey hence why she comes into that conclusion. and i think that's where the resentment starts too, considering how ascended astarion is so insecure of himself that he's basically overcompensating his whole existence. like the subject of his affection not actually loving him despite the fact that they're bound together by blood, and that he's giving her himself and the entire world if she wanted but that in itself is not enough because she doesn't know how to love in a way that he wants her to. she doesn't know how to love him in a genuine way because she's never known such a thing, and he would not know how to love her in a selfless manner either when the basis of their relationship as spawn and master stems from his own selfishness of wanting to keep her forever. but i do think they'll enjoy each other for some time like maybe for a good amount of centuries, but it'll inevitably go up in flames once he starts getting bored of her and the insecurity of the fact that she doesn't love him will eat him inside. for shri'iia's part, she wants him to stay the way he is forever (and for their relationship to stay the same) but the moment that he changes, or look for someone new will inevitably set her off because that's not what he promised her, and she can't lose her source of devotion again because she's nothing without it. there's no room for change or growth for the both of them bc of the circumstances of their relationship and their vampiric selves (how they're in a permanent stasis as immortal beings) reflects that too