#first is on 16 and sec 25 so that week i'll have to stay at the apt 😔

[gatual]

so i already have the bus tickets for next wed when i'll leave home to go take my final exam im ;_;

[bakugou-ou]

Ik I'm anon and all, but I don't wanna get off it because the embarrassment would probably make it worse. I'm just tired of life… mines is pretty useless if you ask me, and according to everyone else who if ever met, I'm ugly too, I wouldn't kill myself because I'm too much of a coward to do that, but I don't know what I wanna do with my life and I can never be happy without someone ruining it That's why you and other creators' story helps me, it makes me think about my dram life I'll never get

Listen, friendo, whoever you are, you’re not ugly, and not useless. You don’t need to come off anon if you don’t want to, I get it. This is gonna get v personal here in a sec, so I’m putting the rest of this down under a cut in case no one gives a shit about my personal life and doesn’t wanna see my tragic anime backstory, but I’m sharing it with you because you said that you like my writing. This is the story of how I ended up running this blog, it’s got lots of talk about suicide, mentions of rape. It’s not pretty, so read at your own risk. Also, it’s long.

When I was four years old, I tried to jump off the balcony of my apartment, I wanted to die. It wasn’t a kid doing a stupid thing, I literally thought if I fall from this height and hit my head on the ground, I will die and then went for it. I fell onto a 7ft tall cinder block mailbox on the way down, four feet below my balcony, crawled off of it, and walked back upstairs to my parents like nothing had happened. 

What was wrong that someone barely past toddlerhood wanted to kill themselves over? I don’t know, maybe it was just that my parents were fighting all the time and hated each other, maybe it was because I have the genes for it. More on that last bit later.

When I was six, I tried to throw myself in front of a car, thinking that if a small child like myself got hit by a car going 25+ mph, I’d die. The driver hit the brakes, I played it off like I’d tripped into the road, no one knew how I really felt. When I’d told my parents I wanted to die, they thought I was being dramatic, they didn’t think a kid my age even knew what that meant, the finality of it. But I knew, and I craved it.

When I was eight, I tried to hang myself in my older sister’s bedroom with her sheets. She found me, took me down before I blacked out, and we never spoke about it again after that night. I was pissed with my sister for saving me, I cried and punched her as she held onto me.

When I was twelve, I tried to eat a bottle of Xanax, thinking it would kill me. It didn’t, it just made me really, really fucking sick. Not sick enough to go to the hospital, but very sick. I had no lasting organ damage, but I still wanted to die.

When I was fourteen, my boyfriend dumped me over the phone on a day he was supposed to come to my house, and ignored me while I cried. He had me on speaker phone, actually, and his friends were laughing about it and I could hear them. I could hear him laughing along with them. So, I decided to eat a bottle of asprin for dinner a couple of weeks later. I was stupid, it didn’t work, and I was hospitalized in the mental ward for 2 weeks.

When I was seventeen, I had just left an abusive relationship, graduated high school, and my mom told me that my ex raping me repeatedly for 9 months was my fault and that I was asking for it by continuing to date him the whole time. I was too scared to leave, I had been told by a counselor at school that no one would believe me. I tried to eat all of my antidepressants. I was hospitalized for 3 weeks in the mental ward.

When I was eighteen, I tried to do that same thing again, in conjunction to another thing my mom said about my abuser. My cousin had been raped while studying abroad, and she was talking about poor cousin, your poor cousin, it’s so traumatic, but when I mentioned that I’d been abused for three quarters of a year and no one batted an eye, she told me I was being selfish, and that my time for being the victim was over. How dare I detract from my cousin. So, again, I tried to eat a bottle of pills. I was hospitalized for one week in the psych ward.

Earlier this year, at the age of twenty, I was hospitalized because I felt like I was going to slit my wrists if I stayed home. So I checked myself into the hospital. I was there for a week while my doctor tried to find better meds for me because clearly mine weren’t working. My mom had told me that she was ashamed of my sexuality and my gender identity, and the rape issue came up again, with her saying I wanted it, that I let it happen.

I have bipolar II, borderline personality disorder, OCD, PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and selective eating disorder. A lot is messed up with me. I get the anxiety from my mother, and the bipolar II from my father. The PTSD was a gift from my ex boyfriend, and the rest I just ended up with.

When I was a little kid, I loved books; my father read all sorts of books to me, all the time. Artemis Fowl was the first series we read, then Harry Potter, then my mother read me the Chronicles of Narnia, then my father read me A Series of Unfortunate Events. We also read other books, things that weren’t series. I loved reading, and I wanted to write things that made people feel the way I felt about the stuff I read. 

Both of my parents are naturally talented writers. At the age of six, I began to write fan fiction for Harry Potter. I was way too young to be on the internet, but I was online writing fanfics on snitchseeker. Some of the only validation I found in my life was from random strangers on the internet, encouraging me to continue writing and complimenting my plot lines, even if my grammar and spelling were atrocious; on the internet, no one knows you’re a little kid writing Drarry fanfic.

I was a really athletic kid, so I didn’t spend all my time writing, but a good chunk of my free time was spent writing if I wasn’t surfing, playing soccer, or skateboarding. I didn’t have a lot of friends, I wasn’t likable, apparently, and I had a really hard time in school. I got into a lot of fights because people picked on me, but I was always the one who got in trouble for defending myself. It pissed me off. I developed issues with authority. I wrote in composition books to escape all the crap around me.

By the time I turned 11, writing was my life. I had just moved to California from Hawaii, my life was basically turned upside down, and I was miserable. So, I made a myspace account, wrote fanfic on there, and threw myself headlong into it. I have a fanfiction.net account I’ve long since forgotten my username and password for, but it’s out there with dramione fanfic, sasusaku, things that I liked at the time. I need to escape everything happening around me. My dad, my best friend, wasn’t anywhere near me, my mom was a bitch, and my demented grandmother moved in with us. It was miserable.

By the time I was 15, the only hobby I had outside of practicing for orchestra, was writing. I laid in bed on days off and just sat on my laptop, writing. I stopped publishing things after I got a mean comment once, my first one ever. It bruised the ego I didn’t even have so badly that I refused to publish anything for three years.

When I was 18, I published my first fanfic in 4 years. It was a Criminal Minds fanfic, featuring an OC and Spencer Reid. I was so fucking proud of it, and while lots of people loved it, a lot of people said mean shit. So, I posted Loki fanfic, which got infinitely more love, and then I did an alternate version of my Criminal Minds fic, that one got even more hate than the original. Then I published a Wallander fanfic. I haven’t touched them in 3 years, despite people asking me for more.

Up until this time last month, I never showed my writing to anyone. I kept everything to myself, hidden, I was ashamed of it. It is my only coping mechanism, but I couldn’t share it with anyone. My parents had my computer passwords up until I was about 16, sometimes they’d look through my text files and come to me later and tell me how amazing my writing was, and encourage me to publish it. But I never believed them.

On a whim, I started this blog; I love Boku no Hero Academia, it has given me something to look forward to every week. I live Chapter to Chapter, episode to episode, I track my time with it, it’s a coping mechanism. I saw that there was a decently active fandom on here, and I wanted to be a part of it. I hesitated on making the blog for a few weeks, thinking that no one would want to read my writing.

A month later, there are nearly 600 people here, constantly asking me to write scenarios and headcanons for them, telling me they love my writing, and think I’m a nice person, and that they’re glad I’m here. Every time I get a message like that, I cry. I never thought anyone would ever care about my writing, let alone write it. When I got a single follower that wasn’t a friend I know in real life, I cried. I was so excited. When I got my first request, I was so, so excited. When people began sending more stuff in, when people started talking to me and wanting to be friends, I cried. I’ve made a dozen friends on here as a direct result of their writing, and my writing.

I love running this blog, and I love writing for everyone. I have felt useless and like a waste of space my entire life, I’ve been told that my entire life, I’m made to feel like that every day of my life even now by the people around me, save for my friends, but when I log on here, I’m reminded that hey, maybe I’m not useless. If I manage to make even one person happy with what I do, that’s all I want.

So, you saying that my writing helps you, helps me. All I’ve ever wanted in life is to make other people happy, to please them, and my writing is apparently doing that. I’m really, really lucky to be in this position.

Even if you don’t have something like this, you’re not useless. You should be here. I know you said you’d never kill yourself because you’re too cowardly, but I’ve never seen suicide as cowardly, but that’s probably because I’ve tried to do it so many times. I’ve made a total of 8 attempts in 21 years. I don’t think I’ll be trying it again, though. It’s taken me 21 years to find something that I’m kind of maybe a little good at, that makes me even a tiny bit happy, and that does some good for other people, too.

Shit sucks, life is really awful, and I completely understand the plethora of reasons any given person would feel like wanting to die. I’ve never thought it unreasonable or dramatic to feel that way, it’s just how some people feel. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life until 3 years ago, and even now I’m unsure if it’s really what I want to do with my life. I’ve got a lot going on behind the scenes that makes me feel like shite, and a lot of the time, the people around me try to ruin what little I have that I enjoy and that makes me happy…

Even with all that happening, somehow, I’m still here, and I’m writing this. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I get your feelings, I hear you, they’re valid, and I love you, stranger. Because I feel the same way as you all the time. This blog is my escape from that. It’s really the only thing I have keeping me from my intrusive thoughts.

If you never come off anon, that’s fine, but if you need to talk about things, I’m here for you, or anyone else who needs it. Really, if I can even try to help, I’ll do my damnedest to help. I hate seeing other people feeling as junk as I do on a daily basis, I want to try and make it better. If being a friend, even if I don’t know who you are, helps, I want to help. If writing things helps, I want to do it. But, for me, it’s not just helping other people, it’s helping myself. You coming into the box helped me. So, you’re not useless. You’re keeping me here, too.

[permanentplaceholder]

No one wants to talk about this, but we all should be. - Citadel Has No Clothes (original research by u/atobitt on Reddit) - If you've heard about Gamestop, you should read this to get a better idea what's really going on.

source

EDIT: This is not financial advice. Everything disclosed in the post was done by myself, with public information. I came to my own conclusions, as should you.

TL;DR - Citadel Securities has been fined 58 times for violating FINRA, REGSHO & SEC regulations. Several instances are documented as 'willful' naked shorting. In Dec 2020 they reported an increase in their short position of 127.57% YOY, and I'm calling bullsh*t on their shenanigans.

I've been digging into the financial statements of Citadel Securities between 2018 and 2020. Primarily because Citadel Securities actually has a set of published financial statements as opposed to the 13Fs filed by Citadel Advisors.

First... Citadel is a conglomerate.. they have a hand in literally every pocket of the financial world. Citadel Advisors LLC is managing $384,926,232,238 in market securities as of December 2020...

Yes, seriously- $384,926,232,238

$295,347,948,000 of that is split into options (calls & puts), while $78,979,887,238 (20.52%) is allocated to actual, physical, shares (or so they say). The rest is convertible debt securities.

The value of those options can change dramatically in a short amount of time, so Citadel invests in several "trading practices" which allow them to stay ahead of the average 'Fidelity Active Trader Pro'. Robinhood actually sells this data (option price, expiration date, ticker symbol, everything) to Citadel from it's users. Those commission fees you're not paying for? yeah.... think again.. Check out Robinhoods 606 Form to see how much Citadel paid them in Q4 2020.. F*CK Robhinhood.

Anyway, another example is Citadel's high-frequency trading. They actually profit between the national ask-bid prices and scrape pennies off millions of transactions... I'm going to show you several instances where Citadel received a 'slap on the wrist' from FINRA for doing this, but not just yet.

Now.... the "totally, 100% legit, nothing-to-see-here, independent*"* branch of Citadel Advisors is Citadel Securities- the Market Maker Making Manipulated Markets. The whole purpose of the DTCC is to serve as an third party between brokers and customers (check out this video for more on DTCC corruption). I'll bring up the DTCC again, soon.

Anyway, Citadel Advisors uses their own subsidiary (Citadel Securities) to support their very "unique" style of trading. For some reason, the SEC and FINRA have allowed this, but not without citing them for 58 'REGULATORY EVENTS'.

So that got me thinking.... "WTF is Citadel actually putting out there for the public to see?" Truthfully, not much... a 12-page annual report called a 'statement of financial condition'.

Statement of Financial Condition in 2018.

The highlighted section above represents securities sold, but not yet purchased, at fair value for $22,357,000,000. This is a liability because Citadel is responsible for paying back the securities they borrowed and sold. If you're thinking "that sounds a lot like a short", you're correct. Citadel Securities shorted $22 big ones (that's billion) in 2018.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Same story for 2019- but bigger: $25,270,000,000

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2020 starts to get REALLY interesting...

Throughout the COVID pandemic, we all heard the stories of brick-and-mortars going bankrupt. It was becoming VERY profitable to bet against the continuity of these companies, so big f*cks like Citadel decided to up their portfolio... by 127.57%.

That's right. Citadel Securities upped their short position to $57,506,000,000 in 2020.

We've all heard Jimmy Cramer's bedtime stories: "It's important to create a narrative in your favor so that your short position helps drive those businesses into bankruptcy." Personally, I'm convinced that most of the media hype throughout COVID was an example of this, but I digress.

EDIT: Credit to u/JohnnyGrey for the deeper-dive, here..

Out of the $32,236,000,000 increase in shorts during 2020, $22,740,000,000 (70.5%) were increases in financial derivatives (options)...

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Anyway, Citadel shorted another $32,236,000,000 in 2020 and rolled into 2021 with some PHAT $TACK$. Now it's time for a quick accounting lesson; this is where you're going to sh*ted the bed.

You see the highlighted section below? Citadel (and other companies reporting highly liquid securities) uses 'Fair Value' accounting to measure the amount that goes on their balance sheet (including liabilities like short positions). The cash that Citadel received (asset) was accounted for when the security was sold, but the liability (short) needs to be recorded at the CURRENT MARKET PRICE for those securities while they remain on the balance sheet..

At the end of 2020, the 'Fair Value' of their short positions were $57 billion.

At the end of 2021, however, Citadel will need to adjust the value of those liabilities to their CURRENT market value... Since we don't know the domestic allocation of their short portfolio, you can only imagine the sh*tsunami that's coming for them..

Take $GME for example....

We KNOW that Citadel "had" a short position in $GME along with Melvin Capital... Can you imagine the damage that r/wallstreetbets has done to the other stonks in their portfolio? If Melvin lost 53% in January from this, there's no telling what the current 'Fair Value' of those shorts are..

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I trust a wet fart more than Citadel, Melvin, and Point 72. Here's why.

This is a FINRA report published in early 2021. It cites 58 regulatory violations and 1 arbitration. After explaining how Ken Griffin basically controls the world through the tentacles of the Citadel octopus, it lists detailed cases and fines that were usually 'neither admitted or denied, but promptly paid' by Citadel Securities.

Let me shed some light on a FEW:

INACCURATE REPORTING OF SHORT SALE INDICATOR. FIRM ALSO FAILED TO HAVE A SUPERVISORY SYSTEM IN PLACE TO COMPLY WITH FINRA RULES REQUIRING USE OF SHORT SALE INDICATORS. DATE INITIATED 11/13/2020 - $180,000 FINE

TRADING AHEAD OF ACTIVE CUSTOMER ORDERS... IMPLEMENTED CONTROLS THAT REMOVED HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF MOSTLY-LARGER CUSTOMER ORDERS FROM TRADING SYSTEM LOGICS... INTENTIONALLY CREATING DELAYS BETWEEN MARKET MAKERS' TRANSACTIONS WHILE THE UNRESPONSIVE PARTY UPDATED PRICE QUOTES.... NO SUPERVISORY SYSTEM IN PLACE TO PREVENT THIS. DATE INITIATED 7/16/2020 - $700,000 FINE

FAILED TO CLOSE OUT A FAILURE TO DELIVER POSITION; EFFECTED SHORT SALES. DATE INITIATED 2/14/2020 - $10,000 FINE

BETWEEN JUNE 12, 2013 - OCTOBER 17 2017 (YEAH, OVER 4 YEARS) THE FIRM PRINCIPALLY EXECUTED BETWEEN 248 AND 7,698 BUY ORDERS DURING A CIRCUIT BREAKER EVENT; FAILED TO ESTABLISH AND MAINTAIN SUPERVISORY PROCEDURES TO ENSURE COMPLIANCE. INITIATED 1/22/2020 - $15,000 FINE

ON OR ABOUT 11/16/2017, CITADEL SECURITIES TENDERED 34,299 SHARES IN EXCESS OF IT'S NET LONG POSITION (naked short); DATE INITIATED 8/21/2019 - $30,000 FINE

CEASE AND DESIST ORDER ON 12/10/2018: FAILURE TO SUBMIT COMPLETE AND ACCURATE DATA TO COMMISSION BLUESHEET ("EBS") REQUESTS. (BASICALLY FAILED TO PROVIDE PROOF OF TRANSACTIONS TO THE SEC). BETWEEN NOV 2012 AND AUG 2016, CITADEL SECURITIES PROVIDED 2,774 EBS STATEMENTS, ALL OF WHICH CONTAINED DEFICIENT INFORMATION RESULTING IN INCORRECT TRADE EXECUTION TIME DATA ON 80 MILLION TRADES. DATE INITIATED 12/10/2018 - $3,500,000 FINE

TENDERED SHARES FOR THE PARTIAL TENDER OFFER IN EXCESS OF ITS NET LONG POSITION (more naked shorting); FAILED TO ESTABLISH SUPERVISORY PROCEDURES TO ASSURE COMPLIANCE WITH THE RULES. INITIATED 3/22/2018 - $35,000 FINE

IN MORE THAN 200,000 INSTANCES BETWEEN JULY 2014 AND SEPTEMBER 2016, FIRM FAILED TO EXECUTE AND MAINTAIN CONTINUOUS, TWO-SIDED TRADING INTEREST WITHIN THE DESIGNATED PERCENTAGE (scraping pennies between bid-ask) ABOVE AND BELOW THE NATIONAL BEST BID OFFER.... INITIATED 10/13/2017 - $80,000 FINE

ANOTHER CEASE AND DESIST FOR MAJOR MARKET MANIPULATION BETWEEN 2007 - 2010. INITIATED 1/13/2017 - $22,668,268 FINE

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Quite frankly, I'm tired of typing them. There are STILL 49 violations, and most are BIG fines.

Naked shorts, failure to provide documentation to SEC, short selling on trade halts..... is this starting to sound familiar? When r/wallstreetbets started exposing the truth, they lost the advantage. Now that the DD is coming out about this sh*t, they're getting desperate.

Let's look at some recent events that occurred with trading halts in $GME. On March 10 2021 (Mar10 Day) we watched the stock rise until 12:30pm when an unbelievable drop triggered at least 4 circuit breaker events (probably more but I walked away for a bit).

Price drop of 40% in about 25 minutes

Now... I do not believe retail traders did this.. most importantly, the market was totally frozen for the majority of that 25 minutes. Even if people were putting in orders to sell, there were just as many people trying to buy the dip.

The volume of shares flooding the market- at the same exact time- was premeditated. I can say that with confidence because several media outlets (mainly MarketWatch) published articles WHILE this was happening, after nearly a week of radio-silence. MarketWatch even predicted the decline of 40% before the entire drop had occurred. When Redditors reached out to ask WTF was going on, the authors set their Twitter accounts to private... slimy. as. f*ck.

"But wait.... didn't example # 4 say that Citadel was fined $15,000 for selling shorts during circuit breaker events!?"

Yup! and here are TWO more instances:

CITADEL SECURITIES LLC EFFECTED TRANSACTIONS DURING NUMEROUS TRADING HALTS..

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2: And another...

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Think Citadel is alone in all of this? Think again... It's actually been termed- "flash crash".

$12,500,000 fine for Merrill Lynch in 2016..

$7,000,000 for Goldman...

$12,000,000 for Knight Capital...

$5,000,000 for Latour Trading...

$2,440,000 for Wedbush...

PEAK-A-BOO, I SEE YOU! $4,000,000 for MORGAN STANLEY

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I can't tell who was responsible for the flash crash in $GME last Wednesday; I don't think anyone can. However, to suggest that it wasn't market manipulation is laughable. The media and hedge funds are tighter than your wife and her boyfriend, so spending time on this issue is a waste.

But what we can do is look at the steps they're taking to prepare for this sh*tsunami. So let's summarize everything up to this point, shall we?

Citadel has been cited for 58 separate incidents, several of which were for naked shorting and circuit breaker flash-crashes

The short shares reported on Citadel's balance sheet as of December 2020 were up 127% YOY

The price of several heavily-shorted stocks has skyrocketed since Jan 2021

Citadel uses 'Fair Value' accounting and needs to reconcile the value of their short positions to this new market price. The higher the price goes, the more expensive it becomes for them to HODL

We know that Citadel is on the hook for $57,000,000,000 in shorts, but at least they're HODLing onto some physical shares as assets, right?.... RIGHT??

This should soothe that smooth ape brain of yours...

"UHHHHHH ACTUALLY, THE DTCC & FRIENDS OWN OUR PHYSICAL SHARES".....

Well that's just terrific, because the DTCC just implemented SRCC 801 which means they DON'T have your f*cking shares... I've seriously never seen so much finger pointing and ass-covering in my LIFE....

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I know this post was long, but the story can't go untold.

The pressure being placed on hedge funds to deliver has never been higher and the sh*t storm of corruption is coming to a head. Unfortunately, the dirty tricks & FUD will continue until this boil ruptures. There are several catalysts coming up, but no one truly knows when the MOAB will blow.

However, desperate times call for desperate measures and we have never seen so much happening at once. For all of these reasons and more: Diamond. F*cking. Hands.

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once more, original credit to u/atobitt on Reddit, source here