#fic: interlude | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

etherealising · 1 year ago

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interlude one | parle-moi

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summary: a glance into the final couple of weeks of carmy and baby's senior year.

wc: 13.7k

song inspo: parle-moi

please don't let any graphics hinder your imagination of fem!reader/baby, you could imagine her as a fucking smurf for all i care. any pictures used are NOT a representation of baby they just fit the chapter!!!!

also i describe hayden as atj's character in kick-ass because that's what i was watching while writing this chapter but you could imagine him as rasputin or liteally whoever you're into.

but also like atj and jaw are literally the same person just different fonts ya know? happy reading!

May 2013

Carmy watched as you manned the front of house at The Beef, you and Richie working seamlessly around each other as the both of you took turns at the cash register and running food to the customers who had decided to dine in. Carmy wouldn’t lie, he was a little miffed that Mikey had given you a job here but strictly forbade him from even thinking about working at The Beef, but it was okay because he had a plan. Carmy was going to pursue his dream of becoming a chef, not only that, he was going to become the best fucking chef he could be and prove to Michael exactly why he deserved to work alongside him at the family business.

It wasn’t necessarily fair for Carmy to be mad at you for earning yourself a job at The Beef, and he wasn’t. He knew you were only working there to save up money, he knew how badly you and your mom needed it. Things had gotten worse with your mom in the past two years. One of your aunts had come from the west coast to stay with the two of you as you finished up your senior year waiting to whisk the two of you away at the first chance she got. Carmy had met her a handful of times. She was nice he would give her that, but she always looked at him like she knew a secret he didn’t.

Leaning against the end of the counter as he waited for you to go on break, he watched as you made your way back from the dining area to the front, doing his best to capture your features. The slight sheen to your skin from running back and forth and the slight humidity that could be felt in the air. He took notice of the way your hair decorated your head, which pieces looked out of place. Carmy studied you with a curious eye, fingers drumming against the small sketchbook you had got him for his birthday. He had wanted to draw you for a while, and he tried once, but after picking out everything wrong with the drawing he decided that maybe your kind of features weren’t meant to be confined to the lines on a piece of paper.

Carmy watched as you laughed at something stupid Richie said, your laughter singing through the restaurant. Even as you turned to the window of the kitchen to share the joke with the rest of your crew, the large smile still hadn’t left your face.

You turned from the window removing the apron from around your waist as you approached Carmy, the remnants of laughter still on your face. You grabbed his hand pulling him along to the dining area where the two of you plopped down at your favorite corner table. The patrons are still there sending greetings to both of you. You nodded at Carmy’s sketchbook that now sat on the table, his hand lying flat atop it.

“Got anything new for me to look at?” You eyed the small book, always happy to look at whatever new drawing had taken over Carmy’s mind, even if they were of Claire.

Carmy followed your line of sight, a slight blush rising to his cheeks at your intrigue. He usually wouldn’t think twice about letting you parse through his artwork, your genuine interest always pushing him to keep up his hobby. “Uh, I’m not sure if you’ll want to see what’s in this sketchbook.”

Carmy’s fingers began drumming away again, the constant contact with the small book keeping him calm. You sent a teasing smile his way “Why afraid I’ll get tired of seeing your drawings of Claire?” You had meant for the quip to be a joke, although you were tired of seeing Claire’s face staring back at you through Carmy’s drawings, it wasn’t your friend's fault that she had stolen the heart of the boy you had been pining after for the better part of a year.

The frown on Carmy’s face told you that he may have taken offense to the slight joke, your teasing smile dropping as you felt the guilt creep in on you. “I don’t draw Claire that much do I?” The vulnerability in his tone catches you off guard.

You quickly shook your head wanting to appease him, “No Carm, guess I’ve just been around Mikey and Richie too much working here.” You sent him a small smile hoping to raise his spirits, “Word of advice though, some people might find it a bit weird if they knew someone was drawing them without their permission.” You leaned your head on the palm of your hand as you watched Carmy flush even more.

Carmy felt the heat of his blush rising on his neck and painting his cheeks an even deeper red, of course, you would think he was weird for randomly drawing your friend. His lack of experience and newfound fascination channeled into his drawings as he saw no other way to deal with his crush on Claire. He cleared his throat, eyes finding yours again, “Would you?” At the confusion on your face he swallowed, not wanting you to think him any weirder than he already felt, “Would you find it weird if I was drawing you?”

You watched Carmy sink into himself after asking you that question, your own heart melting a bit about the shyness Carmy exuded. “Carmen,” your hands reach out to clasp his between your own, “I would be flattered if you ever decided to draw me. Hell, maybe I’ll even commission you.” The ending joke is made to bring yourself back to reality, if Carmy was drawing you it wasn’t for the same reasons he was drawing Claire.

If it was possible for Carmy to blush even more, he was sure he would’ve looked like a tomato sitting in front of you. You always knew exactly what to say to stave his self-doubt, but recently your words had been more warming to him, something that he couldn’t explain. But he found himself hanging on to every word that left your lips a little bit more.

Before Carmy could get his response out Tina appeared by your table with two signature beef sandwiches for the two teenagers she had watched grow up. The two of you thanked her watching as she made her way back into the kitchen, not being able to spare a minute with the dinner rush starting soon.

You smiled up at Carmy before digging into your food, the warm bread and the seasoned beef caressed your tongue. You let out a sound of appreciation as you swallowed your first bite head tossing back to savor the flavors in your mouth. Carmy let out a small chuckle as he watched you, always finding your reaction to be overdramatic, he wouldn’t lie though, he was excited for the day he would earn that same reaction after you tried his food.

A content sigh escaped your lips as you wiped your mouth with the provided napkin, “I’m gonna miss this when I’m gone.” Carmy could hear the sadness in your voice, his own sense of sadness filling him as he remembered what fate held for the two of you after graduation. The two of you would be separated from each other in what felt like the first time in forever.

Carmy sat his sandwich down, slumping a little in his seat while trying his best not to bring the mood down, “You leave at the end of July right?” His question met your ears as you took in his kicked-puppy look, you remembered how well Carmy took the news when he found out. The betrayal on his face when he found out you chose to go to a college on the West Coast.

You nodded your eyes not meeting his as you tried to lessen the hurt in your heart. It's not like you wanted to be that far from Carmy but it really was out of your hands. Your mom and aunt decided it would be best to be closer to family amid your mom’s ever-declining health. “Yeah Carm, our flight leaves on the 31st.”

You took another bite out of your sandwich appetite dwindling, but not wanting to waste the food you know the crew loved making. The two of you finished your sandwiches in silence, neither of you wanting to talk about the future and more than happy just to sit in the other’s presence.

Reaching for Carmy’s plate you stacked your own on top of his before moving them onto the edge of the table, ready to take them when your break came to an end in five minutes. You sat up straighter in your seat imbuing yourself with confidence as you prepared yourself to broach the topic you weren’t sure Carmy even cared for.

“So Carm, prom is coming up, have you given it any thought?” Carmy knew you were trying to come across as nonchalant, but the gleam in your eyes told him otherwise. Hiding the small smile that graced his lips, he watched as you tried hard to act as though you didn’t care about prom. It was a bit funny to him.

“You know it's not really my scene Baby,” he watched as your shoulders slumped a bit. You had been expecting his answer so you weren’t sure why it affected you so much

You nodded your head, “Yeah, you’re right. Not sure why I brought it up.” You began playing with your fingers, you aren’t sure what you were hoping would be different this time compared to the other times you had brought it up to him. You knew Carmy wasn’t interested in you romantically, and you knew he wasn’t interested in going to prom, but you were holding out hope thinking he might pity you and join you at prom as your friend as one last hurrah before your big move.

Carmy felt bad, he didn’t mean to make you sad. He was just waiting for the right time to ask you. He knew how much prom meant to you, and had listened to you talk his ear off about going to your high school prom after your mom and his mom showed you pictures from their respective proms. He was still working up the confidence to do so though, every time he thought he was ready he would overhear the idiots in his homeroom with their own plans to ask you. Thankfully though you had rejected every advance, and what kind of friend would Carmy be if he asked you to prom at the dinghy sticky table in the back of his family’s business?

“I’ll think about it okay?” It was Carmy’s turn to reach for your hands, to assuage the sadness he could see overtaking your features. Your eyes met Carmy’s not sure if you had heard him correctly, you wouldn’t allow yourself to get too excited at the prospect that Carmy might want to attend the prom.

You sent Carmy a small smile and a nod before standing up from your seat and grabbing the two dishes still sitting on the table, “I’ll hold you to that Bear.” You headed towards the door to the kitchen disappearing from Carmy’s sight.

It was always odd for Carmy to hear you use that nickname for him. You had usually just stuck to ‘Carmen’ or ‘Carmy’ when you were feeling extra friendly. But hearing you call him ‘Bear’ always made his heart beat a little faster, the way the nickname left your lips making him feel warm on the inside. Knowing that such a special nickname had countlessly graced your tongue, a family name just for him that you had felt comfortable enough calling him always made his head fuzzy and his chest feel like it was on fire. The sound of the bell above the door snapped him out of his thoughts, he quickly gathered up his sketchbook, he didn’t know where he was headed, but hopefully, some fresh air would give him the courage he needed to finally ask you to prom.

Your shift ended an hour ago, but you always stayed later to help the crew clean up. Mikey began giving you rides home as you took on more hours, the one plus side of working for your neighbor. At that moment Tina was helping you clean the front of the house her favorite oldies CD popped into the ancient radio, the two of you had created a tradition since you started working at The Beef. Tina would shoo Richie to the back to clean her area so the two of you could catch up.

Tina had taken you under her wing when you first started working there, teaching you what she could in her spare time. Although you had no plans to work in a kitchen anytime soon, you still cherished the time spent together taking what she taught you and using them in your kitchen. Happily sharing with Tina what your mom thought about a recipe she taught you and bringing one of your mom's famous recipes for Tina to try.

Being able to connect your mom and your work mom through food always brought warmth to your heart. The women in your life all doing their best to raise you to be the best woman you could be. As you and Tina finished cleaning up, the two of you headed to the dining area where you would usually wait for Mikey as he finished up whatever he was doing in his office and Tina would sometimes keep you company.

The two of you occupied the same table that had earlier housed you and Carmy. “So did Carmy get his head out of his ass and ask you to prom?” The smile on Tina’s face showed how excited she was to hear about your progress in getting Carmy open to going to prom.

You hid your face in your hands, your big smile hiding behind it, “He told me he’d think about it, which isn’t a no but, I’m too scared to get my hopes up,” You smiled in Tina’s direction watching as she nodded the smile never leaving her face.

“Mama, why don’t you just ask him yourself?” Tina questioned searching your eyes, your smile faltered as you listened to Tina’s question, why hadn’t you just asked Carmy? It would’ve given you a straight answer, and you wouldn’t have had to wait around while he was being indecisive.

Your eyebrows pinched together as you looked at Tina in earnest, “But what if he says no?” The self-doubt creeping in, of course, you would ask him as friends, you didn’t want to freak him out but insinuating you wanted something more, even though you did.

Tina shrugged her shoulders, a small warm smile decorating her features “You can’t control his reaction Mija.” She leaned forward to clasp your hands in hers, “If you don’t ask you’ll never know.” You could always count on Tina’s solid advice to ground you.

And she was right the worst thing that could happen if you asked Carmy to the prom was his swift rejection. But the answer would always be rejection if you never asked. Tina squeezed your hands as you nodded, letting her words sink in as you calculated the best way to ask Carmy to prom.

“I see the way you look at him mama, and listen,” one of her hands shot out to raise your chin so you were looking at her directly. “It’s going to hurt if he doesn’t feel the same way, but you can’t keep living ya life waiting for him. You can be there for him as much as you want, that’s fine ma, but at the end of the day you gotta remember you’re the only person who got you.”

You could feel the tears on your waterline threatening to spill out, leave it to Tina to serve you the most heartfelt advice on a random Thursday night at a dining table at The Beef.

“I’m not saying you gotta let go of your feelings for him, just don’t lose yourself waiting for that boy to come to his senses.” With that Tina patted your hands as she stood from her seat, coming to your side of the table and planting a loving kiss on your forehead.

“You get home safe now ma, a’ight, make sure Mikey ain’t driving all stupid with you in that car.” You laughed at the jab Tina made about Mikey’s driving.

Standing up the two of you embraced each other in a hug, you were grateful to have Tina in your, and you were grateful to have met the Berzattos because without them you wouldn’t have been able to make all the wonderful connections you have now.

You waited for Tina to grab her stuff so you could walk her out. The two of you exiting The Beef you stood outside the entrance watching Tina as she made her way down the street, waiting until her petite figure was officially out of your sight before heading back inside and locking the door behind you.

Venturing to the back you stopped in the office doorway, Mikey sitting in the desk chair as Richie leaned against the desk the two of them whispering fiercely between each other. You gently knocked on the wall hoping to catch their attention, you learned the hard way that being privy to any whispered conversation these two had was never worth it.

“Uh, I’m ready when you are Mikey,” you looked between the two of them, the two giving off a more sketchy vibe than they usually did.

“You uh, didn’t hear anything you weren’t supposed to did you?” Richie’s question caused you to frown. They were definitely doing some sketchy shit that you wanted no part in.

You rolled your eyes before bending down to pick up your backpack on the floor next to the door. “You two are so fucking weird,” you crossed your arms over your chest as you looked between the two of them. Mikey finally rose from his seat and tossed you the keys that were sitting on the desk.

“Hey! That’s rude you know, I think I’m fucking great,” Richie’s response caused a tired smile to form on your lips.

“Yeah Rich, you can be cool sometimes. Goodnight Rich, get home safe.” You sent a small wave his way before leading the way to the car parked in the back of the lot, wanting nothing more than to get home, shower, and bundle up in your warm bed.

You unlocked your door before quickly sliding in and reaching over to unlock Mikey’s door. Silently rushing him along and immediately turning on the heat as Mikey settled into his seat reversing out of the lot.

“What were you and Richie even doing anyway?” You looked over in Mikey’s direction as your hands were placed in front of the vents supplying warmth to your body.

Mikey smiled at you before facing the road again your curiosity was always something he could count on, “Just keeping the business afloat. Nothing to worry over.” You nodded along, no stranger to the many problems The Beef ran into. It shocked you sometimes that it was still up and running, but you knew Mikey always found a way to keep things going.

“How’s school?” The question gained your attention, one of these talks is almost mandatory between the two of you, Mikey checking in on you and in a not-so-subtle way checking in on Carmy through you. You couldn’t pretend you knew why it was so hard for them to just talk to each other, but you guessed any effort was effort.

“Alright, I guess, just preparing for finals. Oh, guess what?” The giddiness in your voice earned a chuckle from Mikey as he nodded for you to go on. “I’m planning to ask Carmy to prom, but like as friends you know?” It was a bit ironic that every Berzatto except the one that mattered knew about your crush, but according to them, you weren’t very subtle about it.

Mikey’s laugh crumbled your resolve a bit, you weren’t sure if he was laughing at you or your idea. You flicked his shoulder sure he couldn’t feel it through his jacket, he raised his hand as a way to ward off your attack. Not that it was doing anything to hurt him.

You watched as Mikey pulled into your driveway never forcing you to cross the street on late nights. His hand reached for the ignition turning the car off as he shifted to face you in his seat.

“You know I’m proud of you right?” you nodded as you listened to Mikey’s words. “You’re gonna do big fucking things, Baby, don’t forget about us little guys alright.” You laughed a little confused about where this topic of conversation was coming from.

“I could never forget about you Brother Bear.” You teased the childhood nickname you gave Mikey pulling his lips into a smile. “I’m gonna write about you one day Mikey, gotta remember you to do that.” You watched as he just stared at you eyes roaming over your face, you reached across the console pressing a quick kiss on his cheek before moving to get out of the car.

Mikey’s hand reached out to grab your arm, “You gonna look out for Carmy even when you leave right?” You nodded at the question, feeling no need to elicit a verbal response. “Just keep an eye out for me will you, you’re good for Carmy.” You had no plans to cut Carmy off after your move, the two of you already discussed the best ways to keep in contact, the best season to catch a flight in.

“Come on now Mikey, you Berzatto’s are stuck with me for life, you can’t get rid of me that easily.” You laughed as Mikey rolled his eyes

“Get your ass in the house, Baby, I told your mom I’d stop bringing you home so late,” you nodded, picking your backpack up from by your feet on the floor. You quickly walked to your front door turning back to send Mikey a wave as he watched you get in safely.

Mikey sighed as he easily parked the car in his driveway just across the street. It was selfish but he needed you to stay in Carmy’s life in whatever way you could manage. Carmy would need you, the role you played in his life making him a better person than he already was. Mikey just hoped for your sake that Carmy put in the effort to keep you in his life, his little brother honing in on the Berzatto family habit of self-sabotage.

Mikey would speak to Carmy about it, if there was one thing he would get his little brother to understand, it was that allowing you to walk out of his life would be a colossal mistake.

Carmy was waiting for you in front of the school. Since getting your licenses the two of you had been taking turns driving the other to school, and today was his turn. He knew it would take you a good minute to make your way to the entrance since your class was located at the back of campus. It didn’t bother him though, it gave him a chance to try and calm his nerves. There was one week left until prom and he still hadn’t asked you.

He purchased the tickets a week ago. You had given him the perfect opportunity at lunch when you decided to spend the period getting help from your creative writing teacher.

Carmy just never felt like it was the right time to ask you, at least that’s what he was telling himself. In reality, he had plenty of opportunities, he just kept losing his confidence. Forcing him to constantly postpone the question he so desperately wanted answered.

For example, when he was visiting with your mom over the weekend and you were teaching him your mom’s famous peach cobbler recipe. He swore he was gonna ask you in the midst of baking, he knew you were into romantic gestures. Not that he wanted to go to prom with you romantically or anything like that. But then the two of you made a mess with the flour while trying to perfect your mom's homemade biscuits, flour getting everywhere including on the two of you.

Carmy decided as he watched you clean your face that right then was as perfect a moment as ever. The two of you were in high spirits enjoying each other's company, but then he watched as the evening light streamed through the kitchen window just perfectly. The sunlight lit up the features on your face he had somehow been overlooking for all the years he knew you. Your bright eyes and cheeky smile were solely trained on him.

And there he was standing in your mom’s kitchen, drowning in the attention you had always allotted especially for him. His smile faltered as he couldn’t help but just watch you at that moment, his breath hitched while his eyes skated over the planes of your face, the ache in his chest slowly dwindling his confidence. And Carmy decided he just couldn’t ask you that day. The timing wasn’t right. The two of you were a mess and he needed to find a bottle of Pepto Bismol asap.

So that’s how he ended up nervously waiting for you to exit school on a random Monday in May. Carmy made sure he was in the regular meeting spot as you two had dedicated it, out of the way of any other students. The two of you weren’t loners, well you weren’t, Carmy didn’t care too much for high school labels. But the two of you were fine being in each other’s presence with no need to include anyone else, and yeah sometimes you would run off with Claire or Hayden and try to invite Carmy, but Carmy didn’t need any of that. He got you and your attention every day of the week whenever he wanted, and for Carmy, that’s all he really needed.

Carmy finally spotted you making your way through the crowd of teenagers who were either waiting for their rides or just trying to prolong the day with their friends. An unconscious smile graced his features he had been waiting all day to finally just get things over with and pop the question. The two tickets held so tightly in his hands they were starting to crinkle. Letting out a deep breath, Carmy straightened up, wanting you to take his inquiry seriously, not sure his usual shyness would exhibit that he truly wanted to go to prom with you.

No longer able to wait, Carmy began walking in your direction, doing his best to avoid the bodies that didn’t care enough to pay attention to him. He made it halfway before the sight in front of him caused him to abruptly stop. Walking next to you was the tall boy he always felt himself feeling insecure around. Hayden had never shown Carmy any ill will and had even tried to include Carmy in conversation in the times he joined the two of you for lunch. But the teenager had something Carmy didn’t have; a reserve of confidence and natural charisma. The two of you had just met this year in your creative writing class and Carmy swore he would never hear the end of it.

Hayden was drinking in all your attention right now, the two of you bouncing ideas off of each other for your creative writing final. You thought Hayden was cool since your first meeting at the beginning of the year. The two of you became instant critique buddies, always asking the other to analyze a class assignment before you submitted it. At times you had thought about inviting him to hang out with you and Carmy outside of school, but you didn’t want to make Carmy uncomfortable, so the two of you remained friends inside the confines of high school.

You laughed at one of Hayden’s outlandish ideas, knowing if he turned in a paper on the topic of whatever conspiracy theory he was into at the moment they would probably withhold his diploma.

“Hey, check it out,” your eyes followed the path Hayden’s finger was pointing at, a small scowl painting your face at the scene playing out in front of you. “Looks like Carmy finally asked Claire to prom.” The words made your ears buzz, and the tickets in your back pocket felt like they were on fire now.

The two of you watched in silence as Carmy and Claire traded shy smiles with each other before he handed her one of the two tickets in his hands. When he told you he’d think about it, you weren’t aware he would think about going with someone else. The hope in your heart immediately died out as you watched the bright smile overtake Carmy’s face. You didn’t blame him, if you had the opportunity to go to prom with your crush, you obviously would have taken it too.

“You good?” The nudge to your arm broke you from your longing gaze, eyes finding Hayden’s through his dorky glasses. You nodded trying to shake the sadness off yourself, Hayden was great at reading people.

“Yeah, actually,” you took a small breath before continuing. “I know this is kind of weird, and you’re totally allowed to reject me. But would you maybe wanna go to prom with me? It doesn’t have to mean anything obviously, just two friends having a good time together.” You slipped the two tickets out of your back pocket brandishing them to Hayden. Even if you couldn’t go with Carmy you still wanted to attend prom and Hayden was a great second choice.

“Hell yeah! I’ve been waiting for you to ask me.” The lame joke caused the both of you to laugh as you shoved Hayden’s shoulder. He took one of the tickets from your hand walking backwards while still facing you. “Don’t sell yourself short, maybe I want to go to prom with you to mean something.” His loud voice catches the attention of the teenagers surrounding you. A group of underclass girls fawning over how cute they thought the scene between you two was.

You watched as Hayden disappeared to his car, a small laugh leaving your lips at Hayden’s antics, a part of you feeling giddy at the idea that someone wanted to go to prom with you as more than friends.

Carmy wasn’t sure how long he stood there staring at the interaction going on between you and Hayden, but it sure did suck the confidence right out of his insecure body. The thought of going to prom with you was just another failed idea as he was sure Hayden would ask you.

“You okay there Berzatto?” Carmy was snapped out of his trance by the presence that made their way to his side. His eyes shot to Claire’s, momentarily widening before he tried to calm his exterior. He nodded his head, giving himself a minute before even thinking of gracing Claire with an incoherent response.

“Ye-Yeah, just waiting for Baby,” his free hand raised to point in your direction as Claire smiled at him, eyes leaving him for only a moment. He dropped his hand not knowing how to continue the conversation, Claire was your friend and yeah he did have his fair share of classes with her, and she did only live down the street from the two of you. But he had never been alone with her on purpose.

The two of them stood in a stilted silence, both overcome by their shyness to say anything. Trying to ease the awkwardness Claire’s eyes landed on the tickets still tightly grasped in Carmy’s hands, finally finding an out to the silence. “I didn’t know you were into prom Carmy,” the statement reminded Carmy of what he had been planning to do in the first place.

One hand raised to run through his slightly grown-out hair, head nodding rapidly in response, “Yeah, Baby seems to be really into it.” Carmy didn’t notice Claire’s smile falter, of course, he was taking you to prom, you were the only girl that existed to him.

Carmy finally faced the girl standing next to him. The least he could do while waiting for you was hold a conversation with her. “Did you want to go?” Carmy watched Claire’s smile brighten, a confused look painting his features. Not realizing that with his overall awkward and shy personality, the girl in front of him thought this was his way of asking her to prom.

“With you?” She questioned the giddiness in her voice, easy to point out. Carmy’s eyes widened this time, this was definitely not his original plan. But he couldn’t just say no and turn her down he would’ve felt bad, plus he did have a huge crush on her, and Mikey and Richie had both told him to stop being such a pussy when it came to girls. So Carmy realized he had his answer.

“Yeah with me, i-if you want to I mean,” Carmy waited with bated breath hoping he hadn’t read the situation wrong. If Claire’s blush and wide smile were any indication he was on the right track. He raised the hand that contained the tickets between the two of them, plucking one out and offering it to Claire.

Their hands brushed as she reached for the ticket, Carmy’s smile matching hers as they fell into polite small talk about their day and their plans for after graduation.

“Don’t sell yourself short, maybe I want going to prom with you to mean something,” the sound of what they both knew to be Hayden’s voice drew their attention. They watched the fading interaction between you and Hayden, Carmy’s attention zeroing in on a laugh he heard over a hundred times.

The squeeze on his bicep removed his attention from you, eyes falling back to the girl he had just asked to prom, albeit accidentally. “They’re so cute! I can’t believe they’re going to prom together,” Claire’s excitement had somehow increased after Hayden’s obnoxious display. “Hey, maybe we can carpool,” It was wrong but Carmy couldn’t get himself to focus on the words leaving Claire’s mouth, too busy watching you watch Hayden.

“Oh hey, my mom’s here. We’ll figure it out later, see ya Carmy.” He sent a noncommittal nod in Claire’s direction, a slight wave sent to her mom who was patiently waiting in the car. Eyes immediately went back to your figure that had finally begun to make its way in his direction, the smile on your face confusing him. You didn’t like Hayden did you?

Carmy watched as you stopped in front of him before your hand reached out to shove his shoulder, “Why didn’t you tell me you were asking Claire to prom?” Carmy wasn’t sure why but your question irked him, the excitement in your voice crawling under his skin. It’s not like he had to run his whole life by you, you obviously didn’t.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were asking Hayden to prom?” The hostility in Carmy’s tone and the frown on his face confused you, “You just asked him to prom so he’ll sleep with you.” Your eyes widened at Carmy’s insinuation that the only reason anyone would go to prom with you was to fulfill their carnal desires.

You scoffed rolling your eyes at his immaturity, “You have an ugly fucking attitude, Carmen.” The shove of your shoulder into his as you stormed off to the car cooled his anger down.

Carmy had no clue what the fuck had been going on with him, with the two of you recently. But he knew he needed to cool it with these mood swings before you decided to leave him behind for good. He only had you for the rest of the summer before your constant presence in his life would disappear. He didn’t want to give you a reason to cease all contact after your move. Carmy followed after you knowing it would be a silent car ride home.

Prom Night | Saturday

The week leading up to prom had been the most awkward week between you and Carmy since the dawn of your friendship. It's not like you were giving him the cold shoulder, but you sure weren’t as nice and friendly as you usually were with him. You only spoke to him out of necessity that week, your friendship with him on rocky ground after the accusation he threw your way.

It had gotten so bad that you had even begun inviting Claire and Hayden to your’s and Carmy’s self-proclaimed lunch table. You had told Carmy it was under the guise of figuring out the plans for prom night, but you just didn’t want to sit alone with Carmy as he acted like everything was fine between the two of you. And Carmy knew two, and if he was brave enough he would’ve admitted that it hurt to see you so upset with him to the point that you were no longer comfortable in just his presence.

He had even broached the topic to Sugar, hoping she would be able to give him advice since she was a teenage girl at one point, and probably understood your thought process better than he did. He regretted the decision immediately when she explained to him that because of the situation, he should be more worried about the way his words hurt you, rather than his feelings of you distancing yourself from him. She had gone on a long tangent about how you had every right to want space from him, the two of you were longtime best friends, and having someone you trust with your whole life deduce you to just your body would make anyone question the friendship. Carmy learned the hard way that Sugar wasn’t going to tell him what he wanted to hear just to make him feel better.

It was a tough week for Carmen Berzatto and it was nobody's fault but his own. Sitting on his bed he stared at the suit he would be donning tonight, the excitement he once held for prom, slowly dwindling with every smile you saved for Hayden that week. Every time you asked for Hayden’s advice before Carmy’s he felt his resolve cracking, for a constant time in his life your friendship with him was the only thing that truly belonged to him.

He wasn’t used to having to share your attention with anyone outside of his and your family. He wasn’t prepared for the smile he thought was reserved just for him, to so easily graced your lips when speaking with Hayden

You and Claire were getting ready together at your house, you had invited the girl to join you after she explained her mom would be out of town for a business meeting. The friendship between the two of you was still rather new, you wouldn’t go as far as to call her your best friend, but she was your first close girlfriend and you thought that counted for something.

Claire was easy to be friends with. She was a sweet girl with a bright personality and the two of you wondered how you had lived on the same street all this time and never became friends before senior year. Claire was easy to be friends with; that is until Carmy decided he liked her. After that day it was no longer just you and Carmy, it was you, Carmy, and Claire. And Claire was never even actually physically there, she was just a topic of conversation that Carmy couldn’t go a day without somehow bringing up.

You didn’t blame Claire though, how could you? And just as naturally you watched as your new friend fell for your oldest one. It hurt in the beginning to realize Carmy would never speak of you the way he spoke of Claire, but as time went on you got over it, the mantra ‘if Carmy’s happy, I’m happy’ slowly getting you through senior year. But it was agonizing when Claire confessed to you she had fallen for your shy doe-eyed shadow.

Luckily for you though the two of them were too shy to ever do anything about it. And maybe you were a shit friend for not telling Carmy that he did have a chance with his dream girl, but you would’ve been an even worse friend for revealing Claire’s secret behind her back. It was a lose-lose situation. So now you were relegated to being the middleman, lending both of your friends an ear to talk about their infatuations with each other.

And that’s exactly what you were doing right now as you listened to Claire drone on about how sweet Carmy was. And how cute he looked when he asked her to prom, and if you thought he would look good in his suit tonight; which yes, you did but Claire didn’t need to know that. You were almost starting to regret inviting her over, but you had to remind yourself it wasn’t her fault that you were too scared to admit your feelings to Carmy, or that you should’ve just asked Carmy to prom yourself with no hesitation.

“Which color?” Claire’s voice broke you from your pity party, the two of you sitting on the floor in front of your mirror, your respective makeup set out in front of you. You looked at the two eyeshadow palettes Claire was pointing at, quickly pointing at the one color palette that would work best with her blue-green eyes.

“I think these colors will make your eyes pop,” the small smile on your lips encouraging Claire to take your advice. “Can I be honest with you?” You were unsure that you wanted to have this conversation with Claire, but you’d always have Carmy’s best interest at heart.

Claire shifted to face you, your serious tone drawing her undivided attention. “Just be careful with Carmy, okay?” Your eyes flickered between hers to make sure she understood the gravity of what you were saying. “Not in a bad way or anything, it's just…he really likes you. And he’s not that experienced in the romance department, so just don’t expect too much of him,” you paused, eyes going down to watch as your fingers picked at the hem of your robe.

“He’s shy, ya know, and he’s a little self-conscious even though he does not need to be because he’s so cool once you get to know him. But if he seems a little clueless or doesn’t pick up on your queues, just don’t hold it against him okay? I know he’s going to try not to mess things up with you Claire.”

Your eyes found Claire’s face again, a small endearing smile on her lips, “You care about him a lot.” You laughed not meaning for it to sound as sarcastic as it came across, you did a lot more than care about Carmy. “I’m glad Carmy has a friend like you in his life,” Claire’s hand patted your knee, the truth in her words causing your heart to sink a little in your chest.

“Enough about me and Carmy, I didn’t know you were into Hayden!” The two of you giggled about the fact you were talking about boys and getting ready for prom, neither of you thought you’d be in this situation right now.

“I’m not. We’re just going as friends,” you said as the two of you began to paint your faces. “Well make sure he knows that.” You put down the lip liner you were examining, eyes flashing to Claire as she shot you a goofy smile.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You watched as Claire rolled her eyes at your obliviousness, you threw a makeup brush at her that she easily swatted away. “I’m just saying” the other girl’s hands raised in defense, “Hayden has like the biggest crush on you, he’s just too nonchalant to say anything.”

“Really?” The surprise in your voice stole a laugh from Claire. “Of course! Look, you didn’t hear this from me but he had plans to ask you to prom. You just beat him to the punch.”

You watched Claire for a minute as she resumed doing her makeup. Your own eyes find your figure in the mirror, a shy smile curving your lips. Maybe your head had been so far up Carmy’s ass you were too blind to see that there was another great guy out there ready to make you happy.

You thought of the advice Tina had given you a few weeks back, you would always care for Carmy. But if he was getting his happy ending tonight, it was only fair that you tried as well. As you and Claire sat there chit-chatting and getting ready, you thought about how different your life would be if you set your feelings for Carmy aside, and tonight was the best time to figure it out.

You and Claire made your way across the street to the Berzatto household where everyone was waiting for the two of you. Your mom and aunt left 30 minutes ago, Donna having invited them over for dinner while you all attended prom. You saw Hayden’s car parked in front of their house and couldn’t help but feel excited at the idea of spending such a fun night with him, you had only ever seen him as a friend but maybe tonight could change things.

You were pretty sure Donna was snooping through the windows excitedly waiting for the two of you to arrive because the moment your foot hit the sidewalk Donna threw the door open with a loud voice surprising the two of you.

“Oh my goodness! Look at you girls, you look beautiful!” Donna exclaimed as she made her way towards the two of you pulling Claire into a hug before throwing her arms around you, careful to mind the bulky Polaroid camera in her hand.

Removing yourself from the hug you peered behind her to see everyone else filing out of the house. Your aunt helped your mom as she talked Nat’s ear off about something you couldn’t hear. Mikey and Richie do their best to interrogate a calm Hayden, and Carmy awkwardly follows behind at the back of the pack, his suit hugging him well.

You were quickly pulled away from your assessment of Carmy as Nat made her way to you with a huge grin on her face. “Baby! Oh my goodness!” Her words became muffled as she pulled you into a hug. “You look so gorgeous, Carmy is such a tool. Well, no offense to Claire.” You let out a small laugh as you parted from Natalie, the two of you joining everyone else so the picture-taking could begin.

Before joining Claire and Carmy you stopped by Mikey and Richie to pick up your date, hoping they hadn’t gone overboard with the ‘intimidating older brother’ act. Squeezing in between the two older men you looped your arm around their torso pulling them into a double-side hug.

“Are tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumb giving you a hard time Hayden?” The words leave behind a mock pout on your lips. You gave Hayden a bright smile, easily taking his suited figure in, he had forgone his round dorky glasses. But his signature unruly dark curls were in their usual mess atop of his head, and you would admit you appreciated it.

You watched as the once apprehensive look on his face turned into a bright grin at your words, a pretty blush painting his angular cheeks. “Wow, you look uh-”

“She looks what buddy?” Mikey’s tone left no room for questions, his arms moving to cross against his chest widening his stance to appear more intimidating.

“You look pretty.” You weren’t even given a second to respond as Mikey started in again.

“I look fucking pretty to you? Richie, this boy just call me pretty?” Mikey’s eyes never left Hayden’s even as his question was directed at Richie.

You watched as Richie copied Mikey’s stance, your arms falling from their movements. “Yeah Mikey, I think he fucking did.”

“Richie’s a looker too, you gonna call him pretty?” You watched as Hayden fumbled with his words, eyes searching yours for any help.

“Yeah Curly Sue, I wanna be fucking pretty too.” You weren’t sure how the conversation had gotten so out of control but luckily for you, your mom was there to save the day. Pulling Hayden’s attention to a conversation so he could escape your two personal bodyguards.

“You two stop giving that poor boy a hard time.” Mikey and Richie having no defense against your mom, let him join her as Donna came up to the three of you for a picture.

You resumed your initial position with them, arms finding their way back around their torsos. The two of them leaned down to press a kiss against both of your cheeks, a cheesy smile taking over your features as the three of you posed for Donna’s camera.

“Okay Baby, grab your cute little date and take some photos,” Donna motioned you over to where Nat was finishing up the couple photos of Carmy and Claire, now waiting for you and Hayden.

You maneuvered yourself from Mikey and Richie’s grip standing in front of them, the two of them looking at you with smirks decorating their faces. Although you found their antics to be stupid, you were glad to have people in your life who cared enough about you to try and scare your dates away.

“This kid not weird or some shit is he Baby?” Mikey scowled at you, arms finding their way across his chest. You shook your head, you thought you knew enough about Hayden to vouch for him. “No, he’s just a friend. It was a last-minute decision.” The two men stared at the boy who was waiting for you to take pictures with him, the pretty flower corsage in a box in his hands.

Mikey nodded in his direction signaling for you to go and join him, “You guys stop by The Beef after. Don’t want you and Carmy getting into any stupid shit.” You nodded before making your way to Hayden’s side. His smile caused one to grace your lips as well.

“Everybody wants pictures of us but uh, I need to give you this first.” You smiled as he shyly showed you the corsage, you watched as he removed it from its box. You held out your hand as he carefully slipped it on your wrist, surprised to see how perfectly the colors chosen complimented your skin tone.

You couldn’t help but share a small smile with him when the two of you caught each other’s eyes again. “Thank you, Hayden, it's beautiful.” The click of a camera drew your attention, eyes finding Nat’s as she looked at the image on her digital camera.

“Awe Baby! The two of you are so cute, okay give me a few poses.” Carmy couldn’t help but watch as Sugar gushed over you and Hayden, his mom keeping Claire’s attention as they discussed whatever it was they were so enraptured in.

He watched as the two of you took photos as if you were a couple and not just two friends going to prom. The two of you stood in the standard prom pose looking like the perfect match, Hayden standing behind you with his hands wrapped around your waist, the two of you smiling happily at the camera. The position changed slightly as Hayden rested his chin on your shoulder for one shot, slightly turning his head for the next shot so his lips caressed your cheek. From Carmy’s vantage point, you didn’t seem to mind.

Carmy was pulled into Mikey’s side as his older brother wrapped his arm around his shoulder. The two of them watch you and your date in silence for a moment. “Baby’s growing up isn’t she?” The question was not something Carmy was expecting from Mikey.

“Do me a favor and look out for her Carmy alright?” Carmy nodded, no one ever needed to ask that of him. “Better start treating her right before this becomes your feature.” Mikey looked down at Carmy hoping to drill the words into his younger brother, sending one more squeeze to his shoulder and an encouraging smile his way before leaving to join Richie in conversation with your mom and aunt.

Sugar caught Carmy’s eye, a melancholy smile on her lips, “Carmy come, let me get a picture of you and Baby together!” He looked to his mom and Claire, the two of them giving him nods of encouragement. He gently took the Polaroid camera from his mom's hand knowing you’d like at least one Polaroid of the two of you before heading in your direction.

He approached you and Hayden as the two of you were having a quiet conversation, “So if I potentially called you baby non platonically how would you feel about that?” Carmy wanted to gag and was relieved as he watched you roll your eyes at the cheesy pickup line.

“Eww, actually please don’t,” Carmy stood there in silence watching how chummy the two of you were and feeling awkward for just listening.

“You’re right, my girl has a better ring to it.” Carmy’s eyes widened he had no idea where the fuck this kid's confidence was coming from but it sure was starting to piss him off. He watched your mouth hang open partially at a loss for words apparently just as appalled as Carmy.

The hand reaching up to cup your chin almost sent Carmy into a full spiral, “Close your mouth, can’t have my girl swallowing flies.” Camry was about to blow his shit! Who the fuck did this model-looking motherfucker think he was?

“Hey, pretty boy! None of that slick shit in my yard!” Carmy had never been more thankful for Mikey’s obnoxious personality, watching as you and Hayden laughed together looking thick as thieves.

He quickly took his opportunity to squeeze his way into the space Hayden had once taken up. Carmy could feel the tension as he stood next to you, he quickly handed the Polaroid off to Sugar so she could take the picture before making his way back to your side.

Neither of you spoke a word as you got into position standing in a side hug so the awkward tension between the two of you wouldn’t be as noticeable in the final photo. As you fixed yourself to make sure you were presentable, Carmy found himself enraptured with you carefully sliding his arm around your waist.

The way you had chosen to style your hair was something he wasn’t accustomed to. The new style allows the angelic planes of your face to be showcased, the apples of your cheeks and your cheekbones catching his eye. The pretty sparkly stuff on your eyelids catching the dimming sunlight he was almost tempted to touch it. He liked the earrings you had chosen and the way the pearls sat so prettily around your neck he wanted to trace each one.

The square neckline of your dress showcased your perfectly sculpted collarbones. Carmy was so lost in his study of you he hadn’t thought twice about running his thumb across the one closest to him. The touch tickled you enough that your body was now slightly turned into his. Carmy cleared his throat, “Uh…um there was a bug.” He watched as you nodded along with his lame excuse.

Your hand came up to smooth out his pocket square that sat atop his heart. Carmy caught your eye before you could face the camera head-on, he gave your waist a slight squeeze to give himself a boost of confidence. Carmy watched as you stared up at him questionably the two of you just staring at each other for a moment.

Carmy’s eyes darted over your face, taking in your features before losing himself to the shape of your lips for a moment. “I think you look beautiful tonight Baby.” The words left Carmy’s lips with no sense of apprehension, no shyness. He was sure of himself; sure of his statement.

You had leaned into him a little bit more, your eyes rapidly blinking as your brain realized what he said. Carmy watched as a small shy smile graced your lips, his own soon following as he realized just how important it was to keep that pretty smile in his life.

Unbeknownst to the two of you Sugar had watched the whole moment play out, quickly raising the Polaroid to capture the intimate moment between the two of you. A moment she was hoping would finally lead to more between the two of you.

“Thank you Carmy,” Carmy watched as you leaned in slightly before stopping yourself and quickly readjusting so you were facing Sugar head-on. Carmy wasn’t sure what had changed between the two of you in these last couple of weeks but as Carmy forced himself to look away from you, he found himself thankful for whatever ushered in that change.

Carmen Berzatto knew at that moment, he would want for no one else the way he did you. And he would spend every day for the rest of his life proving that he was enough for you.

You and Hayden were leaning against his car as the two of you watched Carmy walk Claire down the street to her own house. Hayden had volunteered to drive you all to prom, and when your fun was done there happily drove you all to The Beef, excited to try the sandwiches you couldn’t stop raving about.

And now the night had come to an end, the four of you all ending back up at your starting destination. You thought the media embellished high school prom a bit, but you hadn’t regretted your decision to go and were happy to have spent such a memorable night with people whose company you enjoyed.

Hayden’s arm was brushing against yours, his suit jacket almost swallowing you up. You were grateful for the jacket, the night growing colder as time went on. The two of you were calmly standing in each other’s presence, the silence not bothering either of you. Tonight with Hayden was fun, you enjoyed how goofy he was. Always doing what he could to make you smile and laugh, you were scared things might have been awkward due to the romantic undertone of the event.

“I had a really good time tonight Hayden, thank you for being my date.” You couldn’t help the shy smile on your lips, you were sure your cheeks would be sore from smiling the whole night away.

Hayden sent you a bright smile of his own head nodding along, “Me too, I’m glad you decided to ask me.” The two of you stood there for a moment just smiling at each other.

In the movies, this was usually the moment a kiss would happen. But you weren’t sure if you wanted Hayden to kiss you, you enjoyed his company and you thought he was a great guy but you didn’t feel anything romantic for him yet and didn’t want a single kiss to lead him on.

You leaned up slightly, your lips caressing his cheek as a form of thanks. “Maybe…we could hang out some other time?” If you were really going to put your happiness first it would be necessary to put yourself out there.

“I’ve got you till the end of July don’t I?” Your eyes find Hayden’s cheeky smile as his hand raised your chin. You nodded eyes searching his face, wondering what these next two months might hold for the two of you.

His thumb began to rub back and forth on your chin, your breath hitching as you watched him lean down. Mind going blank, panic filling you as you tried to figure out if this was something you wanted. You stood still, nerves racing through your body as you were about to have your first kiss.

You watched as Hayden’s eyes flicked to the side before he reluctantly stepped back, thumb brushing your chin one final time before his hand returned to its side. You followed his line of sight to see Carmy approaching, standing a little distance away to wait for you.

Turning back to Hayden you sent him one last smile, the boy pulled you into a hug engulfing you with a slight kiss pressed to the top of your head before the two of you moved apart. You quickly slipped off his jacket before handing it to him, moving back so he could get in his car. You watched as he sent Carmy a small nod in goodbye before his car disappeared down your street.

Letting out a small sigh you turned to where Carmy was waiting for you a shy smile on his face. You smiled back as you approached him the two of you walking up the sidewalk to his front door, you knew your mom and aunt would still be here at this time.

The two of you entered the house greeting the four women that were sitting in the living room having their small party. Questions were thrown at both of you about your time and making sure your dates made it home safe all the usual questions to be expected after prom. You listened as your mom told you that you would be leaving soon. Knowing that when it came to your mom soon could mean in the next five minutes or the next two hours.

Your eyes found Carmy’s as you let out a small yawn, his eyebrows raising in question before nodding towards his room. You made your way to follow him up the stairs too tired to contribute to the conversation happening in the living room.

Entering Carmy’s room you made your way to the foot of his bed to sit down, quickly removing your heels a sense of relief filling you. Dropping your heels you watched as Carmy stood by his door looking as though his mind was racing. You smiled at him patting the spot next to you, a sort of peace offering.

“How was your night, Carmy?” You watched as he made his way to sit next to you, head falling to rest on his shoulder as you awaited his response.

“It was fun, yeah, Claire was really nice.” You watched as he blushed, you might have felt a little sad any other night but right now you were too exhausted to care.

“Why didn’t you kiss Hayden?” The question hit you like a shot of espresso. You raised your head from Carmy’s shoulder trying to find his eyes as he kept his head focused on his clasped hands. “I don’t know, I don’t think it felt right.” You genuinely had no good explanation for Carmy, you didn’t even have one for yourself.

“Did you kiss Claire?” Your question came off a little more hostile than you had intended. Carmy sat up, eyes finally meeting yours as he shook his head. You felt guilty at the relief that flooded through you.

“No, it didn't feel right.” You let out a small laugh at the recycled explanation, a similar one leaving Carmy’s lips as he didn’t take his eyes off of you.

“Gosh we’re such losers,” you giggled, bumping your shoulder with Carmy’s. “I thought for sure you would’ve taken your chance to kiss Claire tonight.” You wiggled your eyebrows in a teasing manner, the ice that had been ruining your friendship this past week seemingly forgotten.

Carmy gulped as he continued to study you. “Maybe she wasn’t the girl I wanted to kiss tonight,” Carmy’s words caused your joking mood to quickly sober up, the smile disappearing from your face completely as you realized just how intently he was staring at you.

“Carmy,” your voice trailed off, not sure what the boy in front of you was getting at. You stood up needing a bit of space to understand the underlying message in Carmy’s words. “Carmy, what are you talking about?”

He followed your movements, the two of you both standing up now, faces inches apart. You couldn’t help but follow Carmy’s tongue as it quickly traced his lips, your own coming out to wet yours. The room was silent as you waited for Carmy to say something, anything. Your heart began to beat faster as the 10 words Carmy spouted in your direction gave you a sense of hope.

Your breath hitched as you watched Carmy’s hand raise, his eyes falling to your neck. You felt his fingers delicately trace the path of borrowed pearls, each touch leaving behind a whisper of something you couldn’t place. You allowed him to continue, too nervous to say anything at that moment.

His hand began to trace its way up the side of your neck, soft touch making your knees weak. He looked to be in a trance lost in the idea of you. A gasp escaped your lips as his hand gripped the side of your neck, fingers gently tugging the hair at the nape of your neck.

Carmy couldn’t explain it, but this, you standing so beautifully in his room right now, lips parted slightly as you waited for him to make the final move felt right. It felt so right it didn’t matter who either of you went to prom with, it didn’t matter that this would be the first kiss for both of you. What mattered was that it was you here with him; you who had always been with him, he would’ve given everything to be deserving of you.

The small nod of your head was the last sign Carmy needed before he surged forward capturing your lips in a harsh kiss. The two of you were so inexperienced your teeth clashed together. The roughness brought the both of you back down to earth, you couldn’t help but laugh at how awkward that first kiss was. You didn’t even think it could even be considered a kiss, more so a smack of lips against each other.

You watched the shy blush rise on Carmy’s cheeks, you could tell he was feeling self-conscious about the whole situation. Your hand raised to gently caress the hand that was still placed on the side of your neck.

Eyes locked you sent him a warm smile leaning in slightly a small whispered “c’mere” breathed between the two of you as you gently pressed your lips into his. Your eyes closed as you felt Carmy relax into the embrace, a sigh leaving his lips as he tugged you closer by the hand wrapped around your neck.

The two of you pulled apart eyes fluttering open as you drank in each other. Neither of you say anything for a moment, the room is filled with the sounds of your soft breathing. You couldn’t believe this was finally happening, all these months of unrequited feelings and secret pining, and here you were kissing Carmen Berzatto in his bedroom.

You watched as Carmy let out a shy laugh, thumb caressing the space behind your ear. Your smile matched his, the two of you watching the other with goofy smiles playing on your lips.

“Can I-,”

“Yes.”

Carmy gave you no chance to finish your sentence before he eagerly agreed and surged back in to kiss you. His lips felt like heaven against your own, you had wondered what this moment would feel like if it ever happened. If Carmy’s lips felt as soft as they looked, what would their natural taste be like?

The kiss continued as Carmy’s tongue poked out to shyly glide across your lips, you smiled into the kiss before parting your own. Easily inviting him in, the two of you languidly moved in sync, no battle to be fought as the two of you enjoyed the caress of each other’s mouths.

You couldn’t help but moan into Carmen’s mouth a hunger you didn’t know you had finally being satisfied. The small tug on your hair caused your mouth to open wider, the kiss becoming sloppy as the two of you gave in to your desires. You felt Carmy’s hand delicately trace your neck, his infatuation constantly leading him back to it.

The bite on your lip caused a harsh gasp to leave your lips, Carmy quickly pulling away at the noise. He looked at you with wide fearful eyes scared that he hurt you, ruining a good moment too soon.

“I - I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to.” Seeing Carmy so worried and vulnerable at the moment sent a thrill of warmth through your body. Your confidence grew as his faded, you took a small step into his space backing him up into the foot of the bed which caused him to resume his sitting position.

You could get used to looking down at Carmy.

You raised the hem of your dress so you could maneuver yourself into his lap, arms going to wrap around his neck. Carmy watched you like a deer in headlights, this new sense of confidence making you feel brave. As Carmy sat there like a statue you gently removed your hands from around his neck to guide his to your waist.

His hands squeezed your hips as you quickly adjusted yourself in his lap, Carmy’s eyes following the hem of your dress as it moved up more exposing your thighs. “Won’t you kiss me again Carmy?” The small whisper bounced off of Carmy’s lips due to your proximity, you watched as he rapidly nodded his head, hands squeezing your hips for dear life. You gave him a small smile before the both of you surged forward eager to be connected again.

As the kiss between you deepened you began unconsciously rolling your hips into Carmy’s the feel of his lips searing into yours making you want more. You listened as a strangled noise left Carmy’s lips before he pulled away again, you quickly stopped your ministrations.

“Is this okay, do you want me to stop?” The question caused Carmy’s head to rest against your rapidly rising and falling chest.

“No-no I-I just need a minute.” You were beginning to feel guilty, maybe you had come on too strong and Carmy was just confused about his feelings. You began moving to get off of his lap not wanting him to be any more uncomfortable than he probably was.

You stopped as a blissful sigh escaped Carmy’s lips, his eyes finally moving to meet yours. You sat there silently as the grip on your hips tightened a sigh parting your lips as Carmy bucked up into you while he guided you back and forth. The direct eye contact somehow increased the sensation between the two of you.

“I-I like it when you move like that.” You nodded along to Carmy’s words, continuing the movements yourself as Carmy’s lips found your neck trailing open-mouth kisses on any bare piece of skin he could. One hand quickly reached up, sliding the thin strap of your dress down, so he could finally appreciate your collarbones in the way they deserved.

In all honesty, neither of you had any clue what the hell you were doing, but whatever it was, it was working. No matter how messy the touches were, or how sloppily you were kissing each other every movement felt right.

Carmy was lavishing your chest and neck in any way that he could, kisses trailing over each collarbone. An impromptu bite in the space where your neck and shoulder met caused your breath to hitch. Your hips created a rhythm against his as the two of you lost yourself to the bliss.

A loud knock at the door interrupted the two of you. Carmy quickly removed his lips from your neck, doing his best to shield your body in case someone walked in. Neither of you knew how long it had been, too caught up in losing yourself to each other, too caught up to realize how far things had almost gone.

The knock sounded again as your aunt said your name, “We’re heading out, meet us downstairs.” Footsteps leading away from the door calmed the nerves both you and Carmy had been feeling, eyes peeling away from the door to match with each other.

No one said a word as the two of you stared at each other, you taking in Carmy’s flushed appearance. As he admired your disheveled figure above him, the confidence quickly left your body as you shuffled to get off of his lap.

The hand on your hip stopped you as you eyed him curiously, he slowly reached up to fix the straps that he had slid off of your shoulders, the slow shy touches caused your head to spin. He helped you stand up before adjusting the hem of your dress. You quickly glanced away as he tried to subtly adjust himself.

The shout of your name from downstairs forced you to rush to his bathroom mirror to fix any obvious differences in your appearance. By the time you came back, Carmy was holding one of his knit crew necks out for you to slip on.

His hand reached up to scratch the back of his neck, “Uhh, it's cold outside.” You smiled gratefully before slipping the crew neck on, quickly scooping up your heels as you made your way to the door. You turned around facing Carmy one last time with a wide smile on your face, you leaned in prepared to end the night with a sweet kiss.

Carmy leaned in pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead, the two of you scoring the intimate moment. Carmy couldn’t help but smile as he watched you leave wearing his knit crew neck, part of him hoping it smelled of your scent upon its return.

Carmy hadn’t expected the night to take the turn it did, but he was thanking his lucky stars that you went along, no questions asked. Neither of you knew what this meant for the future of your friendship, or if this would blossom into something more. But the two of you were both lost in the bliss of your actions to think too long on it for the rest of the night.

Sunday Evening

You hadn’t seen much of Carmy over the rest of the weekend, instead spending the free time with your mom and aunt. You also weren’t quite sure how to approach him, and the fact that he hadn’t approached you either signified you were both at a standstill, neither of you sure how to broach the topic.

It was Sunday evening and you were on your way to The Beef picking up an extra shift after Mikey called to ask if you could come in. Richie had to leave early for whatever the hell he did in his spare time.

As you parked in the back lot, you were surprised to see Carmy sneaking through the back door. Your heart began to thud a little faster, it was stupid, but you hadn’t thought you’d be seeing him so soon. You sat there for a moment calming your nerves, you were sure the conversation wouldn’t be brought up while you were working, but maybe Carmy came here looking for you specifically.

You got out of your car, locking it behind you before entering the establishment. Quickly punching your time card before grabbing one of the spare aprons and heading to check in with Mikey.

The dinner rush would be starting soon and since Richie was gone you’d have to balance working the cashier and running food to the diners. You walked around, head popping into the office to let Mikey know you were there.

The two of you crashed into each other as he was making his way to the kitchen, arms shooting out to steady you so you didn’t fall.

“Thanks for coming Baby, but uh if you wanna go home I won’t stop you.” You watched Mikey awkwardly scratch the back of his head, eyes darting around the kitchen as he watched the controlled chaos ensue. Surprise etching your features, not used to Mikey being the awkward Berzatto in your life.

“No, I don’t mind kind of needed to get out of the house anyways,” you smiled at home before heading to the front to take care of the line that was beginning to form.

Most of the orders were for takeout so you hadn’t been rushing back and forth too much. But the Johnsons, an old couple who ate dinner here every Sunday, was your first dine-in order, the two greeting you before heading back to their favorite table.

You turned to the window waiting for the order you had already given, watching as Tina made her way to you apprehensively.

“I can run this for you Mama if you want me to.” You shook your head sending her a smile before taking the two red baskets from her hand and making your way to the dining area, eyes instantly spotting the older couple.

“Two famous Italian beef sandwiches for my favorite regulars,” you smiled down at the couple setting a tray in front of each one respectively.

“Say, honey, isn’t that your little friend over there?” You watched as the woman subtly pointed at another table, you and her partner both taking in the scene in front of you.

You felt a wide smile spreading over your face as you took in Carmy’s figure, the shyness exuding off of him. His lips brandishing a small smile, it took the laughter of his table mate to slap the rose-colored glasses off your face.

So caught up in your infatuation with the boy you’d been crushing on and finally got to kiss the other night, you hardly noticed Claire.

The two women sitting at the table in front of you sharing a knowing look, guilt seeping through as they alerted you to something you’d rather be ignorant to.

“I’m so sorry honey, I didn’t mean to upset you. Mabel been telling me I oughta learn when to shut my big mouth. If I ain’t listen 20 years ago I sure wasn’t gone figure it out by now.” You let out a sad pathetic laugh at Ms. Sadie’s explanation doing your best to compartmentalize your feelings.

“Shame though Baby, that boys missing out on something good. You looked at that boy like he parted the heavens and earth. My Mabel used to look at me like that, you know, the only thing she looks at like that now is cake and these damn beef sandwiches.” Ms. Sadie’s laugh unconsciously draws one of your own, finally taking your attention from Carmy and Claire.

“Oh hush up now Sadie and let the girl get back to work,” another watery laugh escaped your lips. “Talking this sweet girl's ear off like she wants to listen to you on top of watching the boy she loves on a date.”

Your head shot to Ms. Mabel’s slightly taken aback by her word choice, she settled you with a look. “Don’t go giving me that look now. You may be foolin' that boy and yourself but you ain’t foolin' anyone with eyes baby.” You let her reach out to gently pat your hand, the two women in front of you made it hard to keep your calm facade up.

“You gone on and head home Baby, and if Michael has a problem with it you let him know Ms. Mabel and Ms. Sadie said it was okay.” You let out a real laugh, the sound caught the one boy’s attention you didn’t care for right now.

“And tell your momma to stop by if she’s ever feeling up for it,” you sent the couple a small smile nodding your head. “Yes ma’am, you two enjoy the rest of your night.” With that, you began your journey out of the dining room.

You stopped as you heard Claire call out your name, turning inside the doorway as she sent you a wave, returning a small one as you purposefully avoided giving Carmy any attention.

You made your way into the kitchen no one needed to ask what was wrong as they took in your somber mood. You silently slid into the walk-in, maybe it was unsanitary but you didn’t think you could face anyone as you finally let the first sob wrack your body.

The fact that you knew this incident wouldn’t change your friendship with him irritated you to no end. But you cared for him so much that you just couldn’t force yourself to quit him. Maybe this move was what you needed, the time spent apart would allow you to discover who you were outside of Carmen Berzatto. You would do your best to allow the friendship between the two of you to keep flourishing, but whatever Carmy decided was best for him, you’d just have to live with it.

You hadn’t realized how long you were standing in the walk-in until Mikey entered. Body engulfing yours in a hug as his warmth radiated through you. The older Berzatto allowed you to stain his shirt in tears, neither of you saying a word as the sound of your sorrow painted the walk-in.

The youngest Berzatto’s hand stilled on the door handle as he listened to your faint cries. His own heart broke as he realized that he hurt you again. Head hitting against the exterior of the door, he didn’t deserve you, didn’t know if he ever would. Carmy forced himself to listen to your faint sobs wanting to console you at this moment but not knowing where the two of you stood.

Two friends stood on opposite sides of a steel door, hearts breaking in unison as it felt like everything was fighting against what they both wanted. July would come and they would part ways, promises whispered to stay in contact and remain friends, neither soul knowing what the years apart would have in store for them.

a/n: i apologize if anything in this chapter doesn't make sense or is wonky, i've been editing for 3 days straight and i feel like i can't read english anymore. hope you enjoyed! i also have a whole playlist if anyone is interested!

taglist: @hawkins-2000 @elliesbabygirl @allbark-no-bite @anakinswh0re3005 @rexorangecouny @thecraziestcrayon @fruitcupsworld @nishinoyahhh @lilylovelyxo @ridingthehotmessexpress @noas-ark @jadeittic @hellokittyever @luvr-bunnyy @sxgees @fandomhopped @is-this-a-febreze-commercial @kravitzwhore @chanluuvr @readingwiththereids @chims-kookies @ladygrey03 @ferida-kahlo @wanderlustnightwanderer @how2besalty @armydrcamers @jointherebellion215 @jackierose902109 @blkbxrbie-esther @ajordan2020 @head-slut-in-charge @magnet-girl @thebookwormlife @sevikasblackgf @writers-hes @senassn

unable to tag: @khena @kailyn-g05 @ovaqma @fire-treasure-iii @frequentnosebleeder @gcidrvsh @awatt31 @cauliflowerpatch

#carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto angst #carmen berzatto x you #the bear x reader #carmy the bear #carmy x reader #carmen berzatto fluff #all i ever knew only you ₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊#[aiekoy] interlude one #the bear fic #carmen berzatto

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ghstzzn · 10 months ago

Text

til kingdom come | choi jongho

pairing: choi jongho x f!reader wc: 6k

summary: being hip to hip with your new bodyguard (technically, your punishment) isn't as bad as you thought.

warnings/tags: fluff, smut, royal au, strangers to lovers, princess reader, fingering, unprotected sex, soft sex tbh, no part 2, idk if i need to add more

note: another re-upload from my deleted account yunho-mp3, if it's familiar, that is why. c:

Biting back yet another yawn, you continue to stare at the map placed on the wall behind your fathers desk. The same big, stupid map of the kingdom your father ruled and this is the fourth time you’ve stared at it this week, except this time it wasn’t for a silly meeting about your future endeavors. More like, your past ones.

“Are you listening, Y/N?” You’re quickly pulled out of your daze.

“Huh?”

Your father sighs, straightening out his robe while your mother shakes her head in disappointment. “You are to be the lady of another land in the near future. We cannot have you acting like a child.”

“I’m not acting like a child!” You whine back.

“Child, you will listen to your Mother.” Your father demands and you slump back into your spot on the couch.

“This is your final warning, as I will no longer tolerate sneaking out!” Your mother begins, “You are a lady of this kingdom and we cannot have you be making a fool of yourself. You are to stay within the walls of this castle.”

You sit up once again, almost too fast for your head. “Not even the gardens?”

“Can we trust you to stop at the gardens?” Your father asks.

You nod your head violently, sure you were upset about being pretty much locked away, but at least you had the gardens. Your safe place. “I promise.”

Your parents turn to face each other, giving a small nod of approval before facing you again.

“Once more, Y/N,” Your father gives you a stern look, one that you should be afraid of. “Once more, and I will see to it that your marriage plans come way sooner than you want. I’ve pushed it off for your sake, but I am at my wits end with you, my child.”

You flinch slightly at your fathers threat. You had spent countless nights begging for any marriage plans involving you to be pushed back as far as possible, as you weren’t quite ready to be sold off (though your mother is not a fan of that word.) to some spoiled, ill-mannered son of a Lord who cheats on his wife regularly. They often say, like father, like son.

“Yes sir.”

And with that you hurriedly walk off to your quarters, not wanting to stick around for any extra scoldings for whatever else you had done wrong in the past week. Though you can't hear it, your parents do continue.

“We are too soft on the child.”

“You helped create her, my dear husband.” Your mother responds, making her way to him. She now stands behind your father with her hands on his shoulders, softly rubbing circles into his skin. “She reminds me so much of your younger days.”

Your father sighs, “My threat is no joke.”

“I know that, my love. As does she.”

“Though, I do not wish for the outcome so soon,” your father stands from his chair, “see to it that it does not have to happen.”

“And I’m too soft on her?” Your mother lets out a giggle, “As you wish, my king.”

“And you are?” You stand in the castle's library face to face with a stranger, a handsome stranger, in light armor. You were about to make your exit before an arm was suddenly thrown in front of your body.

“Choi Jongho, princess.” He looks down at you. Is he seriously glaring? “The queen sent me.”

“And?” You ask, with an obviously annoyed look from his vague answer.

Jongho lowers his arm and straightens out, “I’m from the kingsguard. Starting today, I am to be at your side for almost every minute of the day.”

“What?!” You almost shout from the shock.

“Orders from her majesty, m’lady,” Jongho smirks, “A few complaints about a princess not following mere rules.”

“So, what? You’re to follow me around, up my ass for the rest of my life? Did my mother really send you over this?” You ask, obviously exaggerating the terms of his commands.

“If that’s what it takes.” He replies, “Though I’m not too interested in following you inside of any washrooms. Unless necessary.”

“It’s not. Plus, I’d command you’d wait outside anyways.”

“Unfortunately, that is not up to you. My commands are from the queen only.” Jonghos smirk still has not fallen. “Only if you truly need my help or protection, I’m here to watch and protect. Unless of course, I am needed in any of your private rooms, my princess?”

You roll your eyes and scoff, “Gross. And to think you’re of the kingsguard.”

Your eyes glance from the book in your hands to Jonghos face. His stupidly attractive face. He only stands still.

“Every second?” You ask, though it comes out as a whine.

“Almost every second, princess. Not how I’d spend my day but I have a job to do, nevertheless.” He replies, “A punishment for both, I’d say.”

“I am going to ignore that. And could you drop the noble terms? Not like you answer to my commands, anyways.”

“Sure.” Jongho says, dropping all formality. (If he even had any.) “Go on.”

You give him one last annoyed glance before making your leave, hearing the soft clank of his light armor as he follows behind. Your father was sure to get an earful later.

Sat in one of the many common rooms of the castle, you read your book, glancing up at the man assigned to you as you flip each page. Though it was hard to read when you could physically feel his eyes on you at times.

This time you look up, instead of awkward eye contact, you catch him as he watches outside the window, staring into the garden below. You couldn’t deny such beauty that he wore on his face, almost as if the gods took their special time with him. Especially his hair, you could imagine running your fingers through- what? You sigh and return your attention to your book. Not being able to focus, you decide to break the silence.

“What did you do?” You ask suddenly. Jongho turns to you, confusion evident on his face. “You said punishment for us both… What did you do?”

“Is it of your concern?” He asks in return.

The question left you quite flustered. “I just wanted to make conversation. You know, you are going to be watching me for the gods knows how long.”

“I don’t believe I’m here to befriend you.” And with that he returns his attention outside the window once more. Leaving you irritated and flustered. You mumble a few words at him before turning your body to face a different direction than him.

Jongho watches your back. He didn’t have to be rude, no, but he really did not have plans to get close to you. He was to finish this job and get back to his life and friends in the kingsguard. He can already hear the teasing from them, though it's half their fault he’s in this situation anyway.

You really hoped he over exaggerated when he said almost every second, but he meant almost every second. It had been a fortnight since Jongho was commanded to be at your side. The sun had set hours ago and he was currently guarded below your window. You technically didn’t need him in the castle at night, mostly because your sneaking out involved you leaving out the window. You would feel bad but you had seen another guard take Jonghos spot during the night for long hours at a time (you had stayed up multiple times to fact-check yourself.), so you weren't worried too much about the man.

Your days with Jongho were still slightly awkward, as he refused to hold long conversations with you, only answering most of your constant questions. At this point you did it to watch him become annoyed with you. It was payback for your first encounter and him avoiding you otherwise.

You toss and turn in your large bed before finally sitting up in defeat. You relight the lanterns and candles around your bed and grab a book from your shelf. Plopping back onto your plush bed, you try to focus on the words of your book. With a frustrated sigh you slam the book close after one paragraph. It was moments like this you wish you could crawl out of your window and make your way to the night markets and surround yourself with the people of the kingdom. The music and lights made you feel less lonely and more alive. Or you would sit by the beach, watching the stars disappear as the sun rises, always stealing a bottle of wine from your fathers study for the trip. At least you had the garden.

You sit up from your bed and make your way towards the window, looking down to spot Jongho. You almost feel disappointed to see the other guard instead of the familiar face. Not wanting to ask the unknown guard to accompany you, you decide to just sneak to the gardens by yourself. Though it was allowed, you didn’t want to get caught without Jongho.

You tiptoe your way through the large castle, shutting doors behind you as softly as you can. You didn’t bring a lantern, in case anyone were to be awake it’d draw too much attention. While continuing your journey to the garden, you hear a loud creek from behind you. Immediately stopping in your tracks, you turn around in a panic. You weren’t sneaking out beyond the garden, but you know it’d be hard to defend yourself when questioned by either of your parents at this moment.

When you hear nothing else, you pull your silk robe closer and turn around. You were greeted by a hard chest, before thinking you were going to scream. In an instant, a hand covers your mouth and your arm is grabbed. You look up at the figure before you start thrashing your body, only to see Jongho. Though it's dark, the moonlight through the large windows illuminates his face just enough for you to not panic.

You slap his chest and he releases his grip on you. “You terrify me!”

“Must I muzzle you?” You hold up your hands to block any further actions from the man in front of you. “What are you doing? Making an escape as soon as you saw I had left?”

“You say that as if I’m held captive.” You reply, “I’d like to sit by the garden.”

“And you were going by yourself?” He questions.

You roll your eyes and walk around Jongho, continuing your walk to the garden. “You may follow, if that's what you want.”

Jongho stands in his spot as you make your way to the final door leading outside, as soon as you exit, he moves to follow behind.

You inhale deeply and exhale as you find your spot on the bench. There are a few lanterns keeping the large garden lit, the rest of the lighting was left to the moon. The garden was beautiful, but you found it in its true glory when nobody was around. Silence filled the air as Jongho had made his way to the gazebo where you were sitting.

“Just can’t keep away from me, can you?” you say, softly giggling when he gives no acknowledgment to your words.

You brought your knees up to your chin and studied the way the wind softly blew against the plants. Though Jongho was silent behind you, it wasn’t as awkward as you thought it’d be. In fact, it was almost comforting to have someone so close.

A few minutes of silence passed before Jongho spoke up. “I- well, we were intoxicated. We had two nights off and we used one to celebrate within the kingsguard.”

“What?” You look towards Jongho, confused. Not having a clue of what he was talking about.

Jongho brought his hand up to the back of his neck, rubbing it. “You had asked, almost two weeks ago, why I called this a punishment.”

“Oh.” You giggled. “And you were drunk?”

“Too drunk,” He replies with a small smile, turning his gaze elsewhere. “We had brought it to the streets, where we were caught by some nobles of the castle. They had told the king, it was around your scoldings when they had decided to just punish me that way.”

“And the others?”

“Ah, they weren’t the ones to bite back at the nobles.” Jongho says shyly.

You let out a hearty laugh, not expecting his reply. “Oh, please tell me you remember!”

“I don’t, not sure if that’s good. But as you know I have a slight authority issue, especially when inebriated.”

You continue to giggle softly as you return your focus to the flowing garden, “Thank you, Jongho.”

He nods, you can't see it but he nods. Not sure if either of you knew what you were thanking him for, but there was an understanding between you both. A mutual feeling. Jongho places himself in front of the railing, leaning against it. You take this moment to study him as he is now in front of you. Your eyes scan over his casual clothing, it suited him. The loose clothing but yet so perfectly fitted where it was needed. The breeze pushed his white shirt against him, outlining his muscles in his biceps and chest, you couldn’t help it when your eyes traveled over his arms. Taking in each detail under his rolled up sleeves. Your eyes make their way back to his face, where he was looking right back at you. You blushed deeply, thanking the night as it masked the color of your cheeks, yet you couldn’t look away. Instead you gaze over his face.

He was truly a beautiful man, it didn’t surprise you of his visuals as you have seen many attractive men. But he truly captivated you. What is such a man doing in the kingsguard? You don't let yourself think further when he chuckles and turns his head towards the garden again.

“Where did you wander at night?” Jongho asks suddenly, ripping your attention away from his face. Were you seriously just swooning over your bodyguards looks?

“The night markets,” you reply, “I bring a pouch of coins and make my way around. People of the kingdom are truly talented, you know?”

Jongho doesn't reply, instead he lets you continue talking. He wouldn’t tell you now but he’s grown to like your voice, and how you ramble. Even growing to like your purposely annoying questions.

“The food there, it’s nothing like in the castle. There are times I’ve taken recipes back to our chefs.” you continue. “Oh and Jongho, the people! It may not be of your liking, but the music, dancing and the social aspects are out of this world. How I could spend the rest of my days down there.”

“I’ve been a few times with Wooyoung, another member of the kingsguard,” He says, “the two of you would mingle greatly.”

You smile at him, “They have animals down there too. Horses, birds and snakes.”

Hugging your knees tighter, you lay your head on your knees and let silence fall once again. You haven’t attended the markets in about three weeks, since you were caught sneaking back into the castle's gates. They only happened once a week so you always made sure to go as much as possible, it was one of the things that brought you the most joy throughout your days. The castle was boring and could be suffocating. And the weeks before meeting Jongho were just talks of possible marriages to other families if your mother were to give birth to a son soon.

“Jongho?” He faces you, “Would you come with me to the beach? I would love to show you where else I go, if it is possible.”

“I’m unsure if this is a smart idea, princess.” Jongho replies. Though it is technically your title, the phrase made your heart warm. No way, Y/N.

You bite your lip, in search of how to convince him to go with you, or else you would have to sneak out at another time. “Oh, please! Jongho, I’m sure you would enjoy it, only for a bit?”

“And just last week you were complaining to the queen about my presence, were you not? Shall we go then? Quickly, as I am not trying to lose my job or my head.”

You blush in excitement, but also embarrassment as you recall the outburst you had with your mother with Jongho present. You quickly rise from your spot to lead the way.

“Mother, I seriously do not understand this arrangement!” You shout across the table. Jongho was to your right, looking away in second-hand embarrassment and awkwardness.

Your mother slams her hands on the table, “Young lady, watch your tone! The king is present, as is Jongho!”

You pout and slam your back against the dining chair.

“I have no privacy, and I feel confined to this castle.”

“We do what we must to teach you your lesson, in a few months may we revisit this conversation.” Your father steps in. “Now eat your meal. Kingsguard, that applies to you as well.”

“As you wish, our king.” Jongho replies, shyly picking up his utensils to eat.

“A few months?! Unbelievable!” You protest.

“The weather is absolutely beautiful, wouldn’t you agree?” You ask Jongho. You both had arrived at the beach after a short walk, well it seemed short. The walk consisted of small talk between the two of you, much to your surprise. You aren't so used to Jongho being responsive to you. Now, you sit in the sand, side by side but not too close. Though, a small part of you wishes he was closer to feel his body heat. Snap out of it, Y/N. He is just here under mothers commands!

“I would,” he replies, “I’ve not come here often. The sky meets well with the ocean.”

You smile widely at his response, having to look away to not embarrass yourself in front of the man whom you're not sure even enjoys your presence.

“Say, Jongho.. forgive me if I’m being wrong, but would you tell me about yourself?” You suddenly ask. “Were you born here?”

“Ah, what is there to know? I was born here, yes, though I was orphaned at a very young age until I joined the royal military.”

You didn’t know which was more unexpected, him answering or the answer he gave.

“My.. Jongho, I apologize but you were orphaned?” You ask but with hesitance. Not wanting to overstep boundaries with him too soon.

Jongho leans back on his hands in the sand, “No apology needed. My father is a fisherman, I haven't seen him since I was a toddler. But my mother passed away while giving birth to my younger brother.”

You offer your condolences but he waves them off, “Your brother, where is he now?”

“Safe, I hope. My grandmother took him in after I joined the guard.” He replies, “she wanted to take me in too but I could not leave at that point.”

“Jongho, I’m sure my father would let you leave for them! Have you asked?”

“He’s offered, but I am content with visiting them as much as I do. I have a family here.”

“The rest of the kingsguard? I’ve seen some of them around.” He nods, you don’t push further. Leaving that conversation where it’s at.

The sun starts to peak from the horizon, and you let yourself relax into the sand. Jongho doesn’t mention the time, which you're thankful for. You needed to get out of the walls of the castle, you could understand your parents' punishment for you but you could not fight off the feelings of claustrophobia and loneliness in the large castle, making you stir crazy.

The sun continues to rise and now it’s Jonghos turn to study you. Were you always this beautiful? Maybe he was also going crazy, his job is to just watch over you and offer protection if needed. But why is he becoming comfortable around you? Perhaps it was just your effect on people. He thinks back to what you told him about the night markets, wondering if the people there thought the same of you. He lets his eyes travel to your face and body, as carefully as he can. But quickly looks away when he feels himself get comfortable doing so.

“Thank you, princess.” He clears his throat, “for bringing me here. I’m sure this spot means well to you.”

You smile, “I hope to show you the night markets soon.”

A month has passed since your early morning at the beach with Jongho. As if a door had opened, your relationship with him blossomed. Nothing too deep but it was a start. Your conversations were longer, in fact, Jongho and you had talked for the remainder of your time at the beach and the entire walk back, even wishing each other a good night's rest. You giggled to yourself as you tried to sleep, replaying the conversations in your head like a young girl who had a crush.

Now you even found yourselves playfully bickering with each other. Having personal jokes and even landing playful swats on eachothers arms. You have to remind yourself that he is just your bodyguard, under a punishment. But you can’t help to lean into the way you so easily open your hearts to one another. The way you helped him go from snarky and closed off to playful in just over a month or two. It was wrong but you continued to play around with those feelings.

And Jongho felt exactly the same. He hadn’t indulged with feelings like this since he first joined the royal guard. Though he lets himself go on nights of drinking, those women are just strangers and one night stands. He won’t let him fall deep into you, or think of you in such a way. But can he really deny the floating feelings towards you? The way you make his heart softly flutter when you giggle or whine his name when he teases you. Jongho lets himself melt into all the deep, late night conversations and the inside jokes. When you rest your head on his shoulder at the gardens as you read, he should be pushing it off and reprimanding you, asserting that your relationship is nothing but business. Bodyguard and princess.

But it couldn’t hurt, right?

Tonight you were bringing Jongho to the markets. It took so much convincing and pleading but he had agreed nevertheless, and you couldn't even contain your excitement when he did. You learned he hadn’t been in months which only excited you more. You had waited until you were sure your parents were asleep, and the guards had switched shifts, which some included Jonghos fellow kingsguard mates.

“You know your way out of the gates very well. Must I tell the king?” You tease as soon as you both walk towards the city.

“Ah yes, make it a point to mention how we were hand in hand as we escaped the treacherous castle walls!” He replies with dramatics. You lightly smack his bicep in response.

“You suit such casual clothing, Jongho.”

“You noticed. Shall I wear them more often when meeting you, princess?” He asks, linking his arm with yours.

“You flirt!” He only lets out a laugh, one that makes your heart flip right into your stomach. You pull his arm closer to you and he studies your face. The smile on your face grows wider as you arrive at the market.

You pull him along as you point to various stands, telling him how you have to visit them all while he tells you to slow down. You first stop at a food stall, grabbing a snack as you walk around the stalls selling merchandise.

“Try this on.” You shove a necklace into Jonghos chest.

“I-”

“I command you!” You cut him off. Knowing that you technically can’t, but he follows anyway.

Jongho slips the necklace and he swears your eyes light up. You clap your hands together and smile. “That's the one! Oh, Jongho, you must see yourself.”

You slip the shop merchant gold, ignoring Jonghos complaints and you tug him to the next stall.

After getting through half of the stalls, you and Jongho sit at a table near the courtyard where people were dancing and singing as a band of bards played their songs. You were both nursing a mug of beer each and sharing a plate of various foods from nearby stalls.

“Is this not delightful?” You ask him, head resting on your palm.

“I have to say my favorite part so far is the music.” He responds.

You sit up straight and take a sip of your beer, “you like music, Jongho?”

“Of course. My mother had said I have a good voice.”

“You must show me soon.” You perk your head when you hear a new song, and grab Jonghos hands. “Let us dance.”

You're pulling him up before he could fight against you, dragging him into the crowd of people. Pulling his arm up above your head, you twirl under him, bringing him to laugh at your action. You can’t say for sure that you're both the best dancers in the crowd, but you know for a fact that this is the most fun you've had at one of these markets. You're giggling into his chest everytime he moves you a different way or makes a remark about you or another couple dancing nearby, making Jongho blush up his neck.

After taking a small break to finish your drinks and eat more, you were both back in the crowd, dancing and talking. The night was ending soon, as you saw some merchants packing up their stalls already. The bards start a slow song as if on cue, and Jongho gives you a knowing look while you smile slyly at him. “May I have this dance, my princess?”

You nod eagerly, placing your hands on his shoulders while he places his hands only slightly above your hips, softly gripping your hips. Slowly swaying back and forth to the calmer music. You look around and notice there were now fewer people and merchants were bidding their goodbyes to guests.

“I'm curious.. No one has mentioned your name here, Y/N.” Jongho suddenly speaks up, “They know you, correct?”

“I assume that they don’t, or it is just a mutual understanding. Though I was only caught because someone had recognized me.” You reply. “The people here are uncaring of status.”

He nods and brings you closer, resting his chin on your head. You couldn’t even hide your blush if you tried, so you were thankful your face was hidden.

“I must thank you, princess. This was a good experience for me, and I am glad it was with you.”

You don’t respond, you only continue the small movements in your bodies, sighing in content. Your heart has been beating at a fast pace since you started dancing and you can’t control the blush that spreads across your cheek every so often. There’s a sad tug on your heart when you silently wish you could take whatever this is a step further. Fully accepting your feelings for the man all while accepting whatever he felt and that it could go nowhere. Not just because he could not feel the same, but because of your statuses.

You look up as soon as you feel a few water droplets hit your shoulders, Jongho must’ve also felt them as he was also looking up. He lowers his head to yours and you both laugh. The sprinkles turn into light rain but the two of you stand still, searching for answers in eachothers eyes.

“Jongho, I…” The words stuck in your throat. But it’s as if he reads your mind when Jongho leans down, eyes on your lips, tongue darting out to wet his own. You push up on your toes and he beats you to it, landing his lips onto yours.

Softly pressing his lips into yours but holding your body close to yours. His grip on you is tight like he is afraid you’ll disappear so suddenly. You both pull back, eyes wide but full of love, triggering Jongho to connect his lips to yours again, but with more passion. Molding your lips with his as his hand travels to the back of your head, the other on your lower back.

He pulls back first this time, leaning his forehead against yours. “Let us go home, princess.”

You nod and let him take the lead. Smiling to yourself and your hand remains in his until you reach the door to your quarters.

“I bid you a goodnight.” He says, cupping your face in his hand.

“May I suggest you come in? I’d want nothing more than for you to be at my side tonight, Jongho.”

Jonghos eyes dart back and forth between yours. You slowly slide into your room with him in your hands, but before you're halfway in, he crashes his lips onto yours. The kiss only gets deeper when he leans your back against your now closed door, hands traveling down to your hips as he tugs you closer to him.

“Princess, you must not tempt me.” He says in between kissing you, bringing a hand to the back of your neck to deepen the kiss.

“Let us be selfish tonight, as I don't know when I can get you next.” You respond, out of breath.

“I will allow myself to you every day, and every night, Y/N.” His lips ghost yours, “I am yours for as long as you need. But tonight, do you want this? Are you sure? I only assume you know so much about this.”

“I trust you, Jongho. I trust you with my heart and body, as much as you are mine, I am yours.” And with that he is latching his lips onto yours again. Jongho hooks his hands under your thighs, commanding you to jump and you do so. He walks you to your bed, setting you down softly and moving his hands behind you to untie your corset, not letting his lips leave yours longer than a few seconds at a time.

Not beforelong, your corset is off and thrown to the side. Jongho works on untying your dress as he leaves soft kisses down your jaw and neck. He lifts his head, staring into your eyes as he slowly drags your long dress off of your body. Leaving you only in your stockings and panties. You lift your arms over your breasts, almost as an immediate response, not helping but feeling slightly insecure.

“Don’t, my angel, for you are beautiful.” He says, moving your arms down to your side again.

You reach up and tug on his shirt and he chuckles, “for you.” He pulls up his shirt and tosses it behind you somewhere.

Jongho softly lays you back, connecting his lips with yours for a brief moment before traveling them down your neck, softly sucking on your sensitive spots, eliciting soft breathy moans from you. He brings his lips down your breasts, softly cupping one in his hand as his mouth kisses around the nipple on the other. Latching his lips onto your sensitive bud, he brings his thigh up to your center, offering you some friction.

You gasp and bring your hands up his hair as he sucks and kisses your nipples, slowly switching between the two every now and then. Jongho then sits up and slowly slides each of your stockings off.

“Beyond gorgeous,” He softly says, “And so ready for me. How I could never forget this moment with you.”

He hooks his finger under the hem of your underwear, dragging them down at a painful speed. You grip his arm, “Please, will you kiss me.”

“I couldn’t deny you if I tried.” Jongho lays his lips on yours again, almost with more force but never too rough. You don’t even realize your panties are completely off until you feel his fingers at your core, gathering your slick and bringing it up to the aching bundle of nerves. You can only moan and buck your hips into his hands at the sensation.

“My sensitive princess..” He coos.

Your moans come out as quiet whines as he massages your slick, gathering more of your arousal as he continues. Jongho latches his lips to your neck once again, leaving love bites up and down your neck and chest, making sure to massage your breasts as he continues to bring you to your high.

You almost jump as he inserts a finger into your core, slowly pumping in and out as you adjust to the foreign sensation. He brushes against your most sensitive spot as soon as he adds a second finger, causing you to moan louder than intended. You could only hope the walls and doors are as soundproof as you imagine.

You gasp when Jongho lays his thumb against your click, rubbing as he pumps his fingers in and out. It was more so to prepare you for him but you can’t hold back the warm feeling in your stomach as he scissors his fingers and slightly speeds up his pace. You continue to let out breathy moans, thighs shaking as the warmth spreads.

“Ah- Jongho, keep going,” you moan out, “I think- I-”

Before you say more, your back uncontrollably arches as you let out your loudest moan yet. Jongho rubs the side of your thighs with his free hand as you ride out your orgasm on his fingers. Your thighs start to force themselves closed. Taking it as a sign, Jongho removes his fingers and brings them to his lips, sucking the juices off as you watch in awe.

“So sweet, as expected from my princess,” he whispers before kissing you once again, “my love, are you ready for me?”

You nod your head quickly, “Yes.. Yes! Jongho, please.”

Jongho kisses you again, cupping your face with one hand as he frees himself of his pants with his other. He lines himself up at your entrance, giving you one last look before entering himself in your warmth.

Pain travels through your lower half as your grip onto his bicep and your sheets.

“Jongho..” You cry out.

He shushes you softly and latches his lips to yours, and you desperately kiss him as he bottoms himself out in you. You deepen the kiss as he pauses his movements inside of you.

“M-move, please.” You plead in between kisses.

Jongho moves his hips at a soft and slow pace, making sure you adjust well. He’s well aware it’s your first time being intimate, so he holds himself back with so much restraint from himself. He grips your waist and grabs your hand with his other, pinning it above your head and he speeds his thrusts up, enough to make you moan but never rough.

Your soft moans only encourage him to quicken his pace.

“Jongho, please, faster.”

“Are you sure, my love?” He asks.

“Please, yes. Just more.” You moan out.

His thrusts hit harder and deeper, the only noises heard are your moans and skin slapping.

“My princess, you have no idea what you do to me,” he groans. “How I could fuck you all night.”

He grabs your waist and lays a hand on your lower stomach, rubbing your clit with his thumb. You almost scream out and arch into his hands. The heat in your stomach returns, but hotter and stronger. Your brain fogs as your eyes slam shut, not being able to voice what was happening. You let it go and cum onto Jongho, who was more than pleased with this outcome. He only speeds up to chase his own high, which comes soon after. After a few thrusts, he quickly pulls out, pumping himself with his hand before releasing his seed onto your stomach.

He says kneeling, arms caging you in as you both catch your breath. You grab Jonghos face and pull him in for a final kiss.

“Let me fall in love with you.”

#interlude-ateez 🎬#interlude-jongho #jongho x reader #jongho smut #jongho fluff #ateez fanfic #jongho fanfic #ateez x reader #ateez x female reader #ateez smut #ateez imagines #ateez fic #ateez fluff

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blazingstar29 · 4 months ago

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Bob sits up in the bed, bedsheets pooling around his waist as he reaches for his glasses.

“That was nice,” he says. “Probably not again, though.”

“Blunt,” Bradley mutters, a little bit hurt. He thought he had quite a good track record.

Bob looks at him slightly alarmed. “Sorry, that’s not what I mean.”

“Well what did you mean?” He hears the defensiveness in his voice and wonders if there was a time when he didn’t have a chip off his shoulder.

His room mate shrugs. “It wasn’t your performance, I just like us as friends and you like to empty your balls more often than I am up for. Ergo, you need a better fuck buddy and I like having a friend.”

#tidbit from a a fic of bradley struggling with ocd through the years and theres a brief interlude where he and bob are flatmates #bradley bradshaw #bob floyd #robert bob floyd #top gun maverick

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overly-verbose · 7 months ago

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Part 9 is gonna be kinda funny honestly, since it's basically

SIkuna: *tries his best to balance coming off as Sukuna-like (kinda conceited and such) with also being relatively nice and making Yuji as comfy as he can despite the circumstances

(without letting on just how much he'd like to hug the kid, and ask a billion questions about whether he's alright or not, and tell Yuji just how badly he wanted the Detention Center thing to end differently-)*

Meanwhile, Yuji: 'I can't prove anything, but my Bullshit detectors are telling me that he's trying to Bullshit 🤨'

Though even more meanwhile (probably not outright depicted in the Part for now but it is happening);

Nobara, Megumi, and Satoru: *deal with their respective parts of the Plan, and try not to feel murderous at the people happy to see Yuji 'dead'

(whilst also attempting not to think about just how every single second lost could impact their 'deceased' friend/student)*

Ijichi: *gets his hand fixed and makes sure that Shoko is well-informed of the Plan, hoping that this will not end in an utter disaster*

Shoko: *is very outwardly chill about it all, but at the same time has a Lot of internal Hmmmmm's on the matter*

#Thinkings™#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fic #jjk fix it #jjk fix it fic #SIkuna #(deliberate misspell)#syuuya #jjk sukuna #ryomen sukuna #ryoumen sukuna #jjk yuji #itadori yuuji #yuji itadori #jjk nobara #jjk megumi #jjk gojo #jjk ijichi #jjk shoko #(they're getting less tags because they're less mentioned but they're there lol)#Also a whole lot more detailed stuff is actually gonna be happening in the background/outside the Domain lol #-I'll give some details in the Notes and/or a future non-chronological Interlude because honestly it all could maybe deserve being written🤔#Perhaps 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔#But yeah poor SIkuna's gonna try his best but Yuji actually being able to see him properly is just gonna also make it easier to read him 😂#(he's not gonna sus him out completely just yet but hmm; stuff is not adding up with everything - not to mention Part 8's SUS moments 🤨)#Anyway yea 👍👍👍

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jadewritesficshere · 3 months ago

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Watching

Vampire!Eddie Munson x reader

Contents: stalking, talks of kidnapping, violence (guns mentioned), vampirism (blood, biting, and all that entails)

18+ only

Eddie watched you from a distance. You caught his attention that night, and he couldn't stop thinking about you. It was a shame, really, that you had such potential and were wasting it being good.

Well, not good for Eddie.

But that's neither here nor there. What matters now is that he knows where you live. He's only seen your apartment from the outside. You rarely close your blinds, thinking you are safe in a third story apartment.

You didn't count on Eddie hiding in the trees. You didn't count on Eddie turning into a bat and getting a closer look. You definitely weren't counting on Eddie watching you while you slept.

Which, okay, Eddie knows is creepy. But if Edward can do it why can't he? Besides, he always told people he wasn't a good person. Ever since being turned, he no longer said it because of insecurity. He said it because he could feel this thing inside of him. This urge to feed.

The guilt never seems to come when that voice rises in him. So, yeah, not a good person. Eddie doesn't try to be a bad person, tries not to go out of his way to hurt people. But he feels less human each time he feeds, feels less shame and guilt.

Just like the rational part of his brain tells him he shouldn't be watching you right now. Yet that voice inside drowns it out screaming that you are his, to feed on you, to claim you.

You looked so peaceful at rest. Eddie couldn't help watching the way your torso moved with every breath. He could practically hear the calm thudding of your heart pumping the blood that called his name.

Your blood was so so tempting. Eddie knew it would taste like heaven. Just one drop...

Eddie watched you for weeks. He didn't have a job, took whatever money he needed from who he fed on. Didn't really have plans, only allowed himself to be around the others the day after he fed just in case he, ya know, snapped. Steve tried to get him not to self isolate but Steve also seems to be the one to sacrifice himself the most, and Eddie really doesn't want to end up hurting his friends because of his own weakness.

Every night you would spend a long time in the bathroom. Eddie could hear one night when you had cracked a window to let fresh air in. You brushed your teeth, cleaned your face, and talked to yourself, going over a plan for your job. A new tactic. A cute little pep talk.

You really were cute. Cute enough to eat. And Eddie wanted to sink his fangs in you. Wanted to feel you pressed up against him, gasping as he sunk into you (in more then one way). Wanted to watch the hazy euphoria fill your eyes, hear you moan for more.

But he can't. Not yet.

By the time the sun comes up, he's gone and you're none the wiser. Eddie never liked the sun to begin with, pale skin always burned in the summer. Now, being a vampire it's like having an allergy to the sun. He gets all itchy and tired- no thanks, if he wanted to feel that he'd have went to prom.

Eddie has a plan. Not the best plan, but a plan. Step one is getting invited in. He couldn't just use the education he got from his dad and break in. Vampires had rules, or at least whatever was inside wouldn't let him cross someone else's threshold without permission.

So step one, get invited in. Which also was step 3-5. Step two was get you to trust him. Eddie knows you already don't. Can still feel the sting of the silver gun you held under his chin. The way it bit into him, the way your face was hardened into a glare but your eyes were alight with mischief.

He thought about swooping in when you were on the job one night. Wrapping you in his arms and biting you quickly to subdue you. Get that blissful ignorant feeling to fill you up and then he could drag you home. But he didn't want to hurt you, not unless you begged for it.

He wanted you to come willingly. Eddie wanted you to give yourself willingly. To turn against your own code because you were so enraptured by him.

Eddie would get you to trust him. Then Eddie would get you to let him taste you. In any and every way he could.

Even miles away, his unbeating heart calls out for your blood. And soon, your heart will return his call, or at the very least tolerate him.

#This is a sequel to the hunt but also an interlude into a vampire Eddie series I plan on starting #This is some world building and I dont expect this to do v well because yall don't like vampires now apparently #Who knew the site about monsterfu-#And yall just dont like or reblog vampires...for shame #Anyways dark fic so is it dead dove idk #vampire!eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson/reader #eddie munson x y/n #vampire!eddie munson x reader #Jade is talking #Oh right on the tail end of Halloween is this gonna be posted sweet

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kithtaehyung · 1 year ago

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upcoming: yoongi’s interlude: fugue pairing: 3tan!yoongi x reader(f) series: masterlist | three tangerines | fireworks | house party | basketball | stay | sidewalk talk | friends | dalo | like that | anytime | sundress season | yoongi’s interlude | forfeit | flutter | video call | busted rating/genre: m (18+) ; [redacted] ; brother’s best friend au, implied age gap au summary: fugue—in music, a compositional procedure characterized by the systematic imitation of a principal theme in simultaneously sounding melodic lines. note: well, the first interlude was a total surprise. but now.. y'all know what this is basically gonna be :')) note 2: interestingly enough.. that sugafree video came at the best possible time for this banner to be done (and you'll also find out why i'm shook when this drops.) like i'm speechless. warnings: posted at drop date est. drop date: oct. 2023 est. word count: 8k 18+ 3tan taglist: form here

#WHEW here we go y'all #so basically.. the chapter was getting too long again #splitting it up and now we have another interlude #bonkers rly #but let's GOOO #i love you all so much #bts imagines #bts reactions #three tangerines #3tanFugue #*ryenfictalk #*latest #yoongi fic #yoongi x you #3tan

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agenderlesstree · 1 month ago

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chapter 2 of i am my mother's child is up now!

chapter excerpt:

“Eddie- what?” He looks over Buck again, moving closer and mentally cataloging every inch of him. He runs his hands down Buck’s arms, presses into his ribs, grabs his face and shifts it so the light covers it in its entirety. There’s a small, fading bruise across his forehead. But, Eddie knows that bruise, remembers the exact day Buck got it, so it’s nothing new, nothing to provoke immediate concern. He knows there’s something wrong, it’s practically radiating off Buck. But, physically, he’s in perfect health. There’s not a single scratch or bruise that wasn’t there when he saw him earlier that day. "You're okay? I just- you didn't answer and I thought maybe..." he trails off, unwilling to finish the sentence. "No. I'm okay," Buck says, in the tone of someone who is definitely not okay. But, he's here. He's right in front of Eddie and he's leaning into his hands, and- Eddie realizes then that his hands are still cupping Buck's cheeks, tracing across his skin in a gesture both soothing and reverential. And, maybe if this was a few months ago, he would've pulled away. But, this is now, and he has spent the last couple hours convinced Buck was bleeding out somewhere. So, he lets himself have this.

#911 #911 abc #buddie #911 fic #buddie fic #tommy kinard bashing #hurt/comfort #an eddie centric buddie interlude before i get back to torturing buck #evan buckley #eddie diaz

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starkeycore · 5 months ago

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Stargirl Interlude (Song fic)

Warning: Smut, 18+, Edging, Teasing Sitting on the countertop with my legs wrapped tightly around your waist, I moan as you pump your cock in and out of me. A squelching sound vibrates through the kitchen in addition to your labored groans and your hips coming in contact with mine. I cry out as I grip the ragged edge of the countertop, my nail catching on a splinter, but I’m too consumed by the pleasure to process the pain. My arms fly to wrap around your torso using them and my legs to pull you closer, arching my back, causing your chest to be flush against my own. I moan your name as I feel you hit a deeper spot inside of me. ““F-Fred I’m close” my eyes squeeze tight as my legs begin to shake. “Not yet.” you say lowly as tears slip out my eyes, and you reach up to gently wipe them away. “Feels so good” I moan, choking on my words. I begin to babble incoherent moans of pleasure, you lean down to kiss and suck my already bruised neck with a smirk on your face. “I can’t hold it, I’m so close, so close, I’m gonna… fuck” I whisper as my body shakes violently in an attempt to hold back my orgasm. You pull away from my neck and grab ahold of it before bringing your lips to mine, swallowing my moans delightfully. I can feel your pulse quicken against my chest as your dick twitches inside of me. “Cum” you say shortly, that's all I need to hear before I let go, moaning as my juices cover your cock pulses against my walls. Warm liquid floods my core deliciously and your thrusts slow as you ride out both of our orgasms. You move your hand from my neck and to my face and wipe away the remnants of my tears, placing a kiss on my temple. “It’s okay, you're okay” you say softly, placing a hand on my back, rubbing it soothingly.

#fred weasley #fred weasly x reader #fred weasely x y/n #fred wealsey fic #came from ao3 #harry potter #harry potter movies #song fic #smut #stargirl interlude

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103rafes · 3 months ago

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TAPE 005

VARSITYBOY!POGUE!reader

"Get your head on the fucking ice, bro."

varsityboy!pogue ; he's tough and certainly doesn't give a shit about what you think. the varsity hockey captain who's unrelenting, always doing good on his team and practicing to get better and better, just to destroy the other rival universities. He's charming, but in a messy way. He earned a sports scholarship through sweat and tears, and it certainly paid off. Need help with academics? Don't ask him, because he probably needs help too.

varsityboy!pogue ; is by any means, not ugly and nobody has said such (maybe some of the kooks trying to get under his skin). Has clear skin and has a body alright; athletic, which would be inevitable for a guy like him. He takes his sport very seriously, even if sometimes he does get drunk and makes bad decisions which sometimes gets him late to practice; but with how good he is, it seems like practice might need him. He smells of this woody, rose smell which is odd for someone who's always doing physical activity and making himself sweat. He could care less about his hair - seriously, he's debated shaving it before. He dresses casual. A hoodie, sweats or joggers with a snapback and he's out the dorm with his lanyard and keys. Guys don't like him because their girls do.

personality log ; isn't rude, but he certainly isn't the kindest either. Always has his guard up, though it does lower around his friends which is a big group, mostly of his hockey team though; he doesn't interact with much people besides that, it was a miracle Rafe somehow even got some words into the guy's head. He despises kooks, and he doesn't care what they have to say. He's humble, and is pretty quiet (pass him a couple drinks and he's a goner though). It was only through alcohol did Rafe figure out the liking he took to him, having heard the words, "Y'all should see that ass on Cameron, he's fine as fuuuck!"

- FRAT!Rafe shows up to your game randomly

#tags ☄. *. ⋆#hooters mooters ☄. *. ⋆#zane yaps ☄. *. ⋆#intros interlude ☄. *. ⋆#viewbooks ☄. *. ⋆#varsityboy!pogue!reader ☄. *. ⋆#rafe x varsityboy!pogue!reader ☄. *. ⋆#rafe obx #rafe cameron #rafe x reader #obx #outer banks #fics #smut #103rafes

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dokjaphd · 3 months ago

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here’s a doksoo snippet from ch3 of interlude of our dreams 😚the final draft may look entirely different to this bc im going through an insane editing process since i wrote all this soooo long ago and my writing has changed a lot

#interlude of our dreams #doksoo #nyara’s fic #orv #yoohankim

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flipppyflopp · 4 months ago

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Twisted Neverland

Departure: Ace Trappola, Deuce Spade

Deuce was running late. The bright moon overhead seemed to be mocking his tardiness. For once in his life, he wanted things to go right, for a day just to be good. Unfortunately, today couldn’t have been worse.

It all started when he overslept this morning. His mom came and woke him up, but he fell back asleep. He stayed out late the night before trying to fix up his bike that he wrecked last week, so he was exhausted. His mom had just assumed he was getting ready, so she didn’t bother checking on him till he was supposed to get on the bus. Deuce panicked and started getting ready in record time. He already had nine tardies for the school year, one more and he’d get suspended again.

Out of frustration, Deuce yelled at his mom that she should have woken him up. He yelled at her. She didn’t deserve that. Deuce knew that. She deserved so much better. She worked two jobs in order to provide for Deuce and herself after dad left them. During the day when Deuce was in school, she worked full-time at the local car garage and then she worked part-time in the evenings as a delivery driver for White Rabbit Deliveries. She worked hard to provide a good life for herself and Deuce, and here he was just screwing it up like usual. He wanted to do better, be better, but every time he tried to stick to the right path, he just screwed it up. Just like this morning. What good kid yells at his own mother? It was his fault that he stayed out. It was his fault that he fell back asleep. It was his fault that he was a bad kid.

His mom, his gracious and forgiving mom, took it in stride and simply handed him his book bag and a lunch she packed herself. She told him to have a great birthday and that when he came home, she would have something for him.

Oh yeah. To top it all off, today was his birthday.

Deuce grabbed his book bag and lunch, and ran to the front door. Just like every other morning, Deuce’s mom told him to promise to do his best, and Deuce hurriedly replied that he promised. A promise he broke each and every day.

Deuce ended up being late to school by three minutes. He tried to plead with the principal, but he refused, citing each day that Deuce was late this school year. He said that if Deuce really cared about his attendance, he wouldn’t already have nine tardies. The principal then grabbed the phone and began to dial his mother’s number to tell her that starting tomorrow he would be suspended for the rest of the week.

Deuce didn’t know what else to do, so he left. He grabbed his book bag and ran right out of the office. He didn’t want to hear the principal talk with his mom. He didn’t want to feel the shame and guilt overwhelm him when hearing his mom’s shock. He couldn’t bear it.

So he ran out of the school and into the nearest alleyway. He took turn after turn to make sure to lose anyone who came after him. Once he himself wasn’t sure where he ended up, he slid down the wall and sat on the ground. He brought up his knees to his chest and rested his head on his knees.

Deuce didn’t know when he started crying, but he knew he cried for quite awhile. It started out quiet, but then his sobs grew louder as the day’s events washed over him. Why couldn’t things go right for once? Why couldn’t he get his act together? Why couldn’t he be a good kid? He asked himself these questions over and over, but he couldn’t come up with an answer for any of them.

As his thoughts began to overwhelm him, Deuce cried louder and louder. Eventually, his cries drew the attention of others.

“Look at what we have here boys. A little baby who can’t find his way home.”

A hand grabs Deuce’s hair and yanks his head up. Deuce immediately registers that it’s some member of the Black Bunnies gang, recognizable by the gray letterman jacket with a black rabbit patch on it.

Once the guy gets a look at Deuce’s face, he calls out, “Hey, wait a minute. Isn’t he the Cauldron Duke?”

Three more members of the Black Bunnies emerge from the shadows of the alleyway. Deuce feels his stomach drop. He should’ve just run back home.

One guy with short, blonde hair says, “It really is! What’s he doing out here crying?”

Another guy with long, black hair retorts, “Maybe he’s not all what the rumors say he is. Maybe he’s nothing more than a snot nosed brat.”

The one holding Deuce’s hair, a guy with pink hair, asks, “Got anything to say for yourself, Cauldron Duke?”

Deuce steels his nerves and doesn’t respond at all. He narrows his gaze, trying to look somewhat intimidating. He knows it isn’t successful when he sees a frown cross the guy’s face in front of him.

“You think you’re above us? Answer me when I’m talking to you!”

Suddenly, Deuce is sent reeling backwards. A punch sends him flying into the brick wall behind him. He falls to the ground and tries to catch his breath.

The pink haired guy grabs Deuce’s face again and yanks it up so that Deuce is looking him in the eyes.

“Does the baby not know how to talk?”

The guy punches Deuce in the chest with his free hand while his lackeys walk up behind him.

“Need someone to hold your hand?”

This time a kick to the gut from the lackey with blonde hair.

“Come on boys! Don’t let me hog all the fun!”

Deuce just wants it all to stop.

“No way this is the Cauldron Duke!”

He wishes for it to end.

“Wish you had some friends, don’t you!”

He wants someone to come flying to his rescue, but no one does. No one ever does.

“Let’s get him good! He’s all alone now!”

He’s always been alone.

“I bet you want your mommy!”

Mom. He’s always had her. If no one else, he’s had her. She’s waiting for him. He needs to get back to her.

“How about one more boys-“

The pink haired leader gets sent flying into the nearby garbage dump. The other three lackeys stare dumbfounded at Deuce who managed such a feat with a single punch.

Deuce shakily rises to his feet and wipes the blood slowly dripping down the corner of his cheek. He’s going home. He’s not going to let anyone stop him.

Deuce doesn’t like to fight, he knows that it’s wrong and that his mom would be disappointed in him, but he does like the feeling. He lets his mind shut down, letting his body go on autopilot. All those thoughts weighing him down just disappear when he prepares to fight. Step. Punch. Step. Duck. Repeat.

He takes care of the lackeys quickly. They end up turning tail and leaving before the fighting gets too intense. After the last one runs out the alleyway, Deuce lets out a breath that he didn’t even realize he was holding in. He begins to assess himself, seeing what damage was done. Other than some nasty bruises, he seems to be ok. A bit sore, but ok.

Deuce stretches his arms above his head, closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath. As he releases his breath, he opens his eyes and takes in the scarlet sky that’s beginning to give way to a deep blue with stars just dancing on its edges.

Wait. Stars?

Deuce curses to himself and mutters, “I’m so late! Mom said she had something she wanted to show me after school. But those guys jumped me and-“

Deuce immediately takes off running in what he believes to be the direction of his home. How did it get so late so quickly!? He was supposed to be home by now.

The day just continues to get worse and worse. As Deuce didn’t pay much attention when he ran out his school earlier, he got lost trying to find his way back home. By the time Deuce finally manages to get back home, the sky is full of stars while he is out of breath. He quietly approaches the door and pulls out his key. He tries to think of something to say to his mom, but his mind is empty. What could he possibly say to her at this point? His mom is probably already asleep anyway, so he can just ask her about whatever she wanted to show him tomorrow morning. It might be better if he just slips into his bedroom and goes straight to bed, putting this awful day behind him as quickly as possible.

As Deuce makes up his mind, he turns the key and quietly steps inside, making sure to lock the door behind him. He tiptoes towards the kitchen to put his book bag away, but he pauses when he notices that a light is on down the hallway. It’s the light in his mom’s room. Why’s his mom still awake at this hour? She usually goes to bed early during the week because she has to get up to get ready for work. Deuce quietly walks down the hallway and listens to see if he can hear if his mom’s still up. Maybe she accidentally fell asleep with the light on? If he doesn’t hear anything, he’ll just quickly open the door to shut the lights off.

As he reaches the door, he begins to hear noise from inside the room. Crying. It’s muffled, but it’s definitely the sound of his mother crying. Did something happen at work? Did someone mess with his mom? While Deuce debates entering the room or slipping away and pretending he never heard anything, he hears his mom speak.

“Mom, I just don’t know what to do. The principal called and said Deuce skipped school again.”

Oh. It’s because of him.

“I just don’t know what to do! I love him so much, but it must not be enough if he’s doing all this.”

He’s screwed up again.

“Maybe I can’t do this on my own…maybe Deuce needs a real family. I just want him to be happy, mom, but he keeps getting into trouble.”

Deuce bites his lip and balls his hands into fists.

“Am I doing something wrong? Am I not a good mother?”

He turns on his heel and walks towards the kitchen.

His thoughts fly as he makes his way back down the hall.

‘No. Mom…she feels like this? I’m…I’m a terrible son, making her go through all of this.’

Deuce grabs the handle and quietly turns it as a tear slides down his face.

‘She’s the one who deserves better! She’d be better off without me screwing up her life! I should just-‘

The state of kitchen sends his racing thoughts crashing into an abrupt halt. The kitchen is decorated in streamers and banners of varying shades of blue. Balloons sit in each corner of the room along with some shiny tinsel. In the center of the room sits a cake topped with sixteen unlit candles. A banner boldly declares in a bright and cheery font, “Happy Birthday Deuce!”

That’s right. Today’s his birthday. How could he have forgotten?

This is what his mom wanted to show him. What she had planned. She went through all this trouble for him, yet all he does for her is cause trouble. Why? Why would she go to such lengths for him? He only ever brings her grief and she did something so kind for him.

Deuce feels his heart drop. He wishes he could simply disappear.

He drops his bag by the closet before walking towards the cake in the center of the kitchen. Deuce takes small steps, making sure that his footsteps are muffled. He peers at the cake and reads the words written in blue icing on the cake, “Happy 16th Birthday, Deuce!” Deuce bites his lip while grabbing one of the candles from on top of the cake. He turns on his heel and quickly speeds out of the kitchen towards the stairs. He tries to be as silent as possible, but he’s not sure how much noise he’s made. His heart seems to be knocking loudly on his chest. He’s convinced his mom can hear his guilt.

Deuce closes his bedroom door and cries out, “I wish I could be a son Mom could be proud of!”

“It’s not too late. You could still become a fine son.”

Deuce’s head whips up at the sound of another voice in his room. A boy stands in front of his window that he was positive was closed before he went to school this morning. The boy is small, Deuce would’ve mistaken him for a middle schooler based on his looks; however, his voice was cold and dignified, making Deuce think he was actually older than he appeared. The boy had red hair hidden beneath a red pirate hat with a large black feather in it. The hat matched the rest of the boy’s ensemble of a bright, long red jacket with black and gold accents.

Deuce knew he should immediately start throwing fists at this person who broke into his room. He had no clue who this person was, or what he might do. Even though his body was ready to move forward and start swinging, Deuce’s mind was exhausted from the day’s events. He didn’t think he had it in him to do much more than lay on the floor and cry.

Not to mention, the boy had said something that echoed in Deuce’s mind. He said that Deuce could still become, “a fine son.” The way the boy said it sounded like he was reciting a fact. That he knew Deuce could become good. Deuce had never met this person before and yet they sounded like they knew him in such a familiar way. It was strange. His body wanted to fight. His mind wanted to hear more. For once, he went with his head.

Deuce declares to the stranger, “Tell me how!”

The red headed boy scoffs and says, “Not even going to ask my name, or how I arrived here? You are quite reckless. I shall take you aboard my vessel, the Queen’s Court, where I will turn you from a fickle youth into a fine gentleman worthy of everyone’s praise.”

The boy turns towards the window and adds, “That is, if you’re willing to change.“

Change. That’s all Deuce has wanted to do, but it didn’t seem possible. At least, not on his own. When he tried to change, he just screwed it up. Trouble found him in different ways and Deuce ended up right back where he started. It was like he was stuck on an endless loop, all alone wallowing in his guilt. Maybe what he needed was the help of someone else. An outsider. A friend.

Deuce balls his hands into fists and says, “I’ll do anything!”

The boy turns back with a smile on his face as he responds, “Then welcome aboard, Deuce Spade. Come along, we depart now.”

The boy begins walking back towards the window and Deuce quickly says, “Wait! Don’t I need to pack? I-“

The boy cuts him off, “Everything you need will be on board.”

Deuce takes a step to follow the boy, but he hesitates before making another move. He turns back towards his bedroom door. Could he really just leave?

“Your mother will be fine without you. She won’t even know you’re gone.”

Deuce whips his head back towards the window and says, “You promise?”

Deuce isn’t sure if he imagined it, but it seemed like sadness briefly appeared in the red headed boy’s eyes. Deuce couldn’t be sure though because as quickly as he saw it, it disappeared and was replaced with a determined gaze.

“Of course. I promise on my name Riddle Rosehearts.”

Deuce takes one last glance at the door and raises his fist. He opens it revealing the candle he took from his birthday cake in the kitchen. He would become someone his mom could be proud of. Someone she could brag about to all the neighbors. No longer would she have to apologize on his behalf. He would become someone worthy of her love.

He quickly slips the candle into his pocket and turns to follow Riddle. Then he realizes he’s not sure where he’s following Riddle to besides his window. Would they leave by climbing out and leaping into the alleyway below?

Just as his mind begins to think of other places Riddle might be leading him towards, he notices what lurks just outside his window. A large ship has laid down a plank leading up to his window. Deuce blinks several times before finally believing his eyes. There’s a floating ship right outside his house. A ship that apparently can turn him into a good kid according to Riddle. What a strange day it’s been.

Deuce quietly follows Riddle onto the ship where people are milling about pulling on various ropes and moving crates around the ship. Everyone seems to know their task and is getting it done without a moment to waste. He notices that some of the boys begin to whisper to one another after realizing Riddle has come onboard the ship. Their whispering ends just as quickly as it began, the boys quickly resume their work with even more vigor in their steps. Riddle walks up to a boy with orange hair who is carrying a box with various pieces of clothes inside.

The orange haired boy smiles and says, “It’s totes good to see you again, Captain! You sure know how to get the job done quickly!”

Riddle pays no mind to the boy’s praise and says, “Cater, would you please take Deuce to the sleeping quarters?”

Cater winks and retorts, “Do you even have to ask? Cay-Cay would be more than happy to show the way-way!”

Deuce inwardly cringes at Cater’s wordplay, but he’s probably just trying to make Deuce feel more at ease. After all, Cater understands everything that’s going on onboard this ship, while Deuce is completely in the dark.

Riddle pays Cater’s silliness no mind and says, “Thank you. I’ll be off to make sure the preparations are complete for our return to Neverland.”

Riddle turns to Deuce and continues, “I’ll leave you in Cater’s capable hands. If you have any questions, I’m sure he will be able to fill you in. I’ll see you in the morning, Deuce.”

With a swish of his red jacket, Riddle makes his way up a flight of stairs towards some unknown part of the ship. Deuce watches Riddle until he fades from view before taking in Cater. Cater has orange hair that is partially clipped back with some pieces falling down to frame his face. Underneath one of his green eyes, Cater has a red diamond painted on. His outfit consists of the same outfit as the other boys milling about, a simple blue striped shirt with jeans that are covered in a variety of patches. One accessory sets Cater apart from the other boys and that would be a camera attached to a strap hanging around Cater’s neck.

Deuce isn’t sure what to say or do, but luckily Cater quickly begins to strike up conversation saying, “Welcome aboard Deucey! My name is Cater Diamond, expert coordinator on board the Queen’s Court. Any questions I can go ahead and answer for you?”

Deuce has a million questions sitting on the top of his tongue. What is this place? What’s Neverland? Why is Cater here? How was Deuce chosen for this experience? How was the ship floating? Why was everyone acting so calm? Did his mom hate him? Was he making the right choice by being here? Despite all these questions, Deuce can’t bring himself to ask a single one. He’s tired. He’s had a long day. If he received any answer to any of his many questions, he’d probably end up forgetting it right away. That, or it’d probably be the last straw and Deuce would just collapse into a sobbing mess.

Cater seems to notice Deuce’s overwhelmed state and gives a small smile as he says, “I’m sure this is a lot for you to take in, so how about we head on down to barracks so you can go ahead and crash?”

Deuce returns the gesture with a smile of his own and says, “Yes, please.”

“Right this way.”

They head through a nearby door and down a flight of stairs. Deuce can’t help but wonder what he’s gotten himself into. Perhaps this is the first step in his journey to become a better son; however, it’s just as likely this could be him sealing his fate into some crazy adventure. Regardless, Deuce felt a strange sense of peace. No matter what lay ahead of him, he knew that he would not be the same person as he was at the start. Change was all around him and he was sure that it was bound to become a part of him. All he needed to do was continue to walk forward on this new path he embarked upon.

#another excerpt from my fic #next will be an idia interlude #then back to the Heartslabyul boys #twisted neverland #twst neverland #twst neverland au #twst x neverland #deuce spade #riddle rosehearts #cater diamond #heartslabyul #twst #twst fic #twisted wonderland #ツイステ #ツイステッドワンダーランド

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etherealising · 2 years ago

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interlude zero | dear carmy

↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣ | masterlist

pairing: carmen berzatto x self-sabotage | carmen berzatto x fem!reader

summary: a look into carmy's life and thought process in the aftermath of the berzatto family christmas.

wc: 4.6k

thank you for all the love and support, please enjoy this first special chapter dedicated to all of you! 💜

January 2019

Carmy sat on the fire escape of his New York apartment, cigarette hanging loosely from his lips, the sun slowly setting behind all the high-rise buildings. It wasn’t the best view but it allowed him to take advantage of the somewhat fresh air New York had to offer. He had been out there for quite a bit now on his second cigarette in 15 minutes.

His thoughts were racing as they usually did, never being spared a quiet moment from his thoughts. His head raced with ideas he’d thought about trying in the kitchen, thoughts about a new tattoo he was hoping to get, wondering when Mikey would finally see how far he’d come. His mind pushed forth anything and everything he could think of, all so the slideshow in his head kept what happened a month ago between the two of you in the dark recesses of his mind.

Carmy told himself that if he didn’t think about the things he wasn’t ready to resolve, then there was no way that they could hurt him, no way that they could force their way out and get him to admit that they indeed were a part of his reality. Accountability wasn’t Carmy’s strong suit, and over the years when it came to the two of you, he felt it best to sweep things under the rug, no point in prodding at old wounds if the friendship between the two of you was well past saving.

He sat there as the sky transitioned colors; blue bleeding into orange, a sunset he knew you would’ve appreciated. Cigarette already burned out, the poison coating his lungs helping to warm his body from the chill that was settling in the air. There was a knock on his apartment door, the unit was so small that even sitting on the fire escape made him feel like he was right next to the door. He ignored it, no one ever stopped by his place, it’s not like he was inviting coworkers back to his place or anything, if it was important they’d come back tomorrow. The knock sounded again, and again Carmy ignored it, his knee bouncing up and down as he hoped whatever nuisance at his door took the hint to leave.

Carmen Berzatto was never lucky enough to get what he wanted. An incessant knocking began on the front door with no indication that the strings of knocks would be stopping soon. Hands running down his face Carmy aggressively stood up from his chair, if he wanted to be bothered at home he would’ve put a fucking welcome mat outside of his door. He reached the door twisting the knob and yanking it open, he frowned at the sight of legs, face covered by the package in their hands.

“Package here for a uh, Carmen Burzetto.” The mispronunciation of his last name caused Carmy to cringe. He nodded at the delivery person wanting to end this interaction as quickly as possible, he was presented with a package slip and pen quickly signing his name without paying attention. The package was handed off to Camry, tucking it under his arm he closed the door not giving the delivery person another second.

Walking to his kitchen Carmy set the box on his countertop confused at what it could be. He never ordered shit so he knew this wasn’t of his own volition, he found the packing sticker, the return address of his family home jumping out at him. He grabbed his only knife, cutting the box open. He could only assume that the package was from his mom, and what she felt the need to send him he had no clue.

Setting the knife to the side he quickly removed the medium-sized box covered in bubble wrap. Tearing at the protective wrap, he stopped as he realized exactly what he was looking at. Sitting on his counter staring back at him was a matte black box with a matching bow and envelope addressed to him; a box he had purposely left behind a month ago, the same night he had left you.

He checked the bottom of the now empty box the gift arrived in, hoping to find some sort of return slip, only to come up short. His gaze fell back on the present, hands moving up to tug at his hair. He couldn’t open it, didn’t think he deserved to. Not after having left you to wake up in a lonely bed the day after Christmas, no apology or excuse just you and a confused Richie wondering how he had suddenly been roped into dropping you off at the airport. Not with all the disappointment he had caused, he wasn’t worthy of the kindness you had shown him time and time again.

Carmy paced around his tiny kitchen, he could always ask Sugar or Mikey for your address. Returning the present he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he accepted. You were a great gift giver, so great in fact he had your gifts in a designated box that traveled with him everywhere he went the last couple of years; even Copenhagen a box of memories taking up space in the small boat house. Memories from the person who had held his heart long before he realized it for himself.

He stopped in front of the box, hands resting on his hips debating the pros and cons of opening the gift. In a way he owed it to you to open the box, sending it back would’ve just made him an even bigger asshole than he probably already was in your book. His hands reached out pausing on the edge of the countertop to calm the shaking. When he deemed himself stable enough he reached up to untie the velvet bow, the softness that caressed his fingers reminding him of what it had felt like to hold your neck in his hand as he thumbed the ink stain behind your ear.

How his breath hitched as you shamelessly told him the small letter permanently inked into your skin could have represented his last name if he wanted it to. Losing himself to memories, he wondered what would have ensued had he taken up your offer to let the brand on your skin represent a part of him. He had wanted to give in, wanted to paint your skin with more than a letter that he knew, in reality, had nothing to do with him. It confused him all the same though, hearing those words leave your lips felt like a cruel joke to him. He was just a grown-up version of the little boy that had been your best friend, was sure you were just in need of a distraction, and Carmy had laid the perfect opportunity in your lap by inviting you to spend the night with him.

He broke from his reverie dropping the loosened bow from his grasp, eyes landing on your pretty cursive that painted the black envelope with his name. His fingers traced over the letters, the closest thing he had to touching you at this moment. Holding the envelope in his hand Carmy’s gaze burned into it before setting it off to the side. He was already opening your present, he didn’t think he had the guts to find out what was hidden inside the ominous black envelope.

Carmy took one more deep breath before removing the top of the box from its joined position with the bottom part. Carefully unfolding the tissue paper to not rip it, he uncovered two decent-sized velvet bags with the logo reading ‘Made in’ in gold foil. Carmy carefully removed the two bags from the box, pushing the empty box off the countertop to make room. He opened the first bag confused at what was in his hands for a moment before something clicked and he sat the block upright. Grabbing the second bag he took out the heavy roll laying it down before quickly unrolling it, the unblemished metal reflecting the kitchen light onto his face.

He sat his hands on the counter, head dropping between his shoulders as he let out a deep sigh. He knew this had to have cost you a pretty penny, he could tell just by looking at the knife set. Unable to help himself he pulled the Chef Knife out, testing the weight of it in his hands, he carefully looked over the tool, appreciating the wood-like finish of the handle. Before he could return the knife to its rightful place his eyes caught sight of an engraving on the handle. Holding the knife up to his eyes he felt his breath hitch as he took in the letters, fingers ghosting of the initials ‘C.B.’ that had been a personal touch. One by one he removed the other three knives only to find that they had all indeed been engraved with his initials.

Carmy threw his head back, eyes staring at the ceiling as a sorrowful laugh escaped his lips. He felt a tightness in his chest as he tried to come to terms with what you had gifted him. The thoughtfulness and the care that you put into this gift proved to him that you had always been a better friend than he had ever been to you. The fact that you had gone out of your way to get his initials engraved into the set, something he knew definitely cost extra, squeezed at his chest. He wasn’t good at this shit and he hated it because you were, it came easy to you, the caring, the friendship, everything.

Carmy came back to earth choosing a spot to showcase his new knife set and block. Just because he didn’t have any guests over didn’t mean Carmy himself didn’t want to be able to marvel at the gift every time he came home. Unconsciously positioning them so they were the first thing his eyes landed on as soon as he stepped through the door. He stood there for some time just admiring the set, envelope lying forgotten on the countertop as he mentally berated himself for all the mistakes he made with you.

April 2019

Carmy had just returned home after a particularly rough shift. His chef coat was stained with whatever concoction his co-worker had spilt on him. Carmy felt like everything that could go wrong in the kitchen during his shift, did. He felt like he was off his game, constantly striving to be the best in the kitchen, working his ass off to show how much he belonged, how much he deserved to be there. The praise he desired was nowhere to be found instead being told he was “a worthless fucking idiot not even McDonald’s would hire.”

Not even the knife set he had set up three months ago could raise his spirits. He had half a mind to knock the fucking thing over, the metal mocking him the longer he stared in its direction. He threw his soiled chef coat on the cheap dining table chair he had acquired making his way to the fire escape, a much-needed smoke on his mind.

Sometimes he wondered what would happen if he just decided to give it all up one day. He never would, he knew that, but sometimes he just needed a few ‘what ifs’ to help calm him down. He would regret it, that’s what would happen and he’d probably be more miserable without it in his life than he was with it. He sat on the fire escape for a while burning through three cigarettes in all with the stress he was feeling.

Moving back into the apartment he made his way to the kitchenette hoping to make himself a quick PB&J and call it a night. He removed a cup from his dish drain running it under the faucet to refresh himself. He drank a quarter of the cup before moving to set it down on the countertop, hand missing by an inch as he practically slammed the glass into the countertop, the cup breaking on impact as his mail fell victim to the flood.

Carmy let out a sharp curse, the feeling of being cut racing through his palm as he dropped the remaining glass from his grasp. For a moment he just watched as his mail soaked up the water, before grabbing the closest dish towel and doing his best to clean up the mess. He dried the mail as best he could snatching it up to sit atop the little dining table where the air from the open window could hit it. Carmy glanced down at his palm, the cut was not deep enough to warrant any stitches, he used the damp dish towel as a makeshift bandage and wrapped his hand.

A black water-stained envelope caught his eye stopping him momentarily before he rushed to grab it, the lettering on the front already smeared and unreadable, “Fuck!” The loud curse reverberated off of his apartment walls as he ran to quickly flick on his stovetop, hoping the heat would help to dry out the contents. He stood over the stove envelope dangling over the burner careful to not let it get close enough to catch fire. If there was ever a day to finally face what he had been avoiding and open this damn envelope, today seemed like as good a day as any.

Zoning out Carmy stood there racking his brain for what the envelope could contain. A traditional Christmas card would have been the easiest thing to find in there, but he knew you didn’t do easy. That’s why he allowed the envelope to age on his countertop, whatever you had sealed into the sleek black pocket would be a tough pill for him to swallow.

The singe of his thumb brought him back to reality, the heat of the burner licking at his fingers burning his forefinger and thumb as he unconsciously dropped the envelope right onto the stovetop. “Shit! Fuck me!” The expletives left his lips as he forcefully plucked the envelope from its position and played hot potato with it before he was able to get it to the countertop. He brought his fingers to his lips aiming to soothe the throbbing in them.

Carmy stood with his hands on his hips, angry breaths leaving his nostrils as he tried to keep the slim thread of his calmness in check. Snatching the singed envelope from the countertop he made sure he still had a pack of cigarettes in his jean pocket before making his way out to his normal spot on the fire escape. The cheap lawn chair he had sat out there was a welcoming sight.

Plopping down in the chair Carmy lit a much-needed cigarette before stilling his shaking hands and delicately opening the envelope, not wanting to ruin something that had once been in your hands. He was right, things with you were never easy, because what he was hoping to be some cheesy Christmas card, was instead a folded letter with your pretty cursive dancing across the pages.

Head tilting towards the sky as Carmy tried to find strength in the cosmos, the weight of the letter settled into his lap where he had placed it to gain his bearings before diving straight in. Focusing back on the pages he carefully straightened them out; slight water damage had seeped through them but not enough to ruin them. Taking one last deep breath Carmy began reading the letter.

𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒚,

𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒚 𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒓𝒚. 𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑰𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒅, 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒎𝒔 𝒕𝒐𝒐 𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒂𝒈𝒆. 𝑲𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒊𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒊𝒄 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰’𝒎 𝒂 𝒋𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏’𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒂 𝒇𝒆𝒘 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒂 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅. 𝑫𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒂𝒚, 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒚? 𝑨𝒕 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒅 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆, 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒎𝒆, 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆, 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒆.

𝑺𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚, 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏’𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒂 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓, 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕’𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒐 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒆𝒇𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒔𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒇 𝑰 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒂𝒈𝒆 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏 𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒅𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇. 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚’𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒃𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒆.

𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒔𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝑰’𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒅𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒓, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏’𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒖𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒓. 𝑺𝒐 𝒘𝒉𝒚 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒈𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒑𝒆𝒏 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕?

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕 𝒎𝒆, 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒚. 𝑰 𝒃𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒏𝒆-𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒕𝒆𝒙𝒕, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒃𝒖𝒔𝒚 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒚, 𝑰 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒐𝒅.

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒕𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒘𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒖𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒔 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒗𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒍. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒅𝒆𝒇𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒖𝒑 𝒆𝒙𝒄𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒖𝒅𝒅𝒆𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈. 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒌𝒔 𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒔 𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏’𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒗𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐 𝒆𝒙𝒄𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒓𝒚.

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒄 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒇𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒚 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒆, 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒓𝒆 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒂 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒅-𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒏𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘.

𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒆, 𝑰 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒑𝒊𝒅 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍 𝒃𝒆𝒈𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒓. 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕’𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒚 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒑𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒘𝒉𝒐’𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒍𝒆𝒇𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇?

𝑰𝒕’𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒇𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒘𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒌𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒂𝒏 𝒊𝒅𝒊𝒐𝒕 𝒗𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒅𝒐𝒛𝒆𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒑𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒂𝒍 𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒎𝒂𝒔 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑾𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒂𝒚 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚 𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒍𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝑰’𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒏 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆.

𝑰 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒚, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒔. 𝑰𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒂𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒘𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑰𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑴𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑵𝒂𝒕, 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝑹𝒊𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒆 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒖𝒑 𝒊𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒄𝒍𝒖𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚’𝒓𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕. 𝑰𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝑰 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒚 𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕. 𝑰𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑱𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝑩𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝑨��𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝑹𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒓 𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒇. 𝑰 𝒃𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏’𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒏𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒖𝒔𝒉 𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒂𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒆.

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒆𝒏, 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒏’𝒕 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒎 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒔. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒏 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝑰 𝒂𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒐 𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒖𝒕𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒚. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑰 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒈𝒐 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒖𝒑 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒖𝒔 𝒂𝒕 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒅𝒖𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒈𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒐𝒏𝒆'𝒔 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒂 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒂𝒖𝒍𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒕 𝒖𝒑. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒚 𝒆𝒇𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈. 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒐𝒏, 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒏’𝒕 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒎 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐.

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒆𝒏 𝑩𝒆𝒓𝒛𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒐. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰’𝒅 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐 𝒊𝒕 𝒂 𝒉𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒇 𝒊𝒕 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆. 𝑴𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒅𝒖𝒎𝒃, 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔𝒏’𝒕 𝒊𝒕?

𝑾𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒂 𝒋𝒐𝒌𝒆? 𝑨𝒔 𝑰’𝒎 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒚 𝒄𝒊𝒈𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒔𝒐 ��𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒃𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒆𝒏 𝑩𝒆𝒓𝒛𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒐.

𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒕? 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒆𝒂𝒌 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒊𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒔𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒐.

𝑵𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝑪𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒉𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒎𝒂𝒔, 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍𝒚, 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆. 𝑩𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒈𝒐 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖.

𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒊𝒄𝒖𝒍𝒕 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒉 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈. 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒂𝒚.

𝑼𝒍𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒚, 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆. 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒂 𝒓𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝒇𝒆𝒘 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒚 𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕.

𝑴𝒂𝒚𝒃𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝑰’𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒂𝒚, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓. 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝑰’𝒗𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒆. 𝑨𝒍𝒔𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒔𝒐 𝒂𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒈𝒊𝒇𝒕, 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆?

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒏𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒚, 𝑰’𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔 𝑨𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔,

Carmy let out a slight chuckle about your lack of knowledge in the culinary arts. He traced your closing signature fingers taking extra care when tracing over the longtime nickname in your sign-off. He allowed himself to let what he’d just read sink in, he was going to have to look for that article you mentioned. The tightness in his chest was ever present as he devoured every word you had written for him. He should’ve opened the letter sooner, he knew that now. He distracted himself from your words by digging through the discarded envelope fingers hoping to latch onto the pictures you mentioned.

He brought forth two aged Polaroid pictures. The first is a group photo of the five of you - Mikey, Richie, Sugar, You, and Carmy - all squished together in the photo. The date on Mikey’s hat reminded him exactly what the occasion was. The five of you were all huddled around The Beef’s booth, Mikey and Richie on the far left side, arms thrown over the other, big smiles directed at the camera. Sugar stood smiling in the middle hands placed on the cheap fold-out table in front of them. Carmy’s eyes drifted to the last two figures in the photo, the two of you taking up the right portion of the Polaroid.

There Carmy was sitting at the table relegated to manning the cash box because Mikey wouldn’t let him help with cooking. You were behind him, bending over to be at the same level as him, and your head sat comfortably next to his. Your arms were thrown around his shoulders, hanging off of him like a koala, your bright smile mesmerizing as it was directed at the camera. While you were looking at the camera, he was looking at you, head slightly turned in your direction, a small shy smile directed your way as he focused on you.

Carmy’s thumb came up to gently caress the 15-year-old versions of the two of you trapped in the Polaroid, the same small smile gracing his features as he remembered that day. He sat the picture in his lap before moving on to the next.

The second Polaroid was just the two of you. Dressed in your finest garments for senior prom, standing on the porch of the Berzatto home. He remembered that night, the night he took Claire to the prom and realized that no girl he took an interest in would compare to the way he felt for you. He focused on the old photo in his hand trying to ignore the lavish corsage your date had bought you.

The more he looked down at the photo, the more he decided it was his favorite of the two of you together. You and Carmy stood side by side, neither of you paying any attention to the camera, your body turned slightly into his as your right hand rested right where his heart was. His arm settled around your waist, both of you staring at each other, the picture capturing the moment Carmy knew he wanted more than a friendship with you. Right before the picture had been taken Carmy had whispered about how beautiful he thought you looked, he remembered the look in your eyes as his compliment caught you off guard, the way your eyes quickly flashed to his lips as he gave you his small shy smile.

Carmy patted his pockets before pulling out his wallet and slipping the photo into the clear partition. He collected the other photo and the letter you had sent him entering through the fire escape and heading to his kitchen. He found the random magnet that had been on his fridge since moving in and placed the group photo on his freezer.

He quickly maneuvered his way out of the kitchen, making his way to the closest in his bedroom. He rummaged through the mess looking for your designated box in his closet. Eyes finding the wrapped present he had meant to send you three months ago, even though it was April he was hoping you wouldn’t be too miffed about the lateness of your gift. He had tried to convince Mikey to send it for him but was called a “fucking idiot” before Mikey promptly hung up on him, and when he tried to ask Sugar for your address she told Carmy to ask you himself.

On top of not bringing you a present when he returned home for Christmas, it had taken a month to find a reputable seller for the specific vintage camera he was looking for. And another month on top of that to bargain with them and actually buy the camera, so Carmy thought he was doing a pretty good job for himself.

Making his way back into the kitchen Carmy sat the present on the countertop. He paced around the enclosed space, hyping himself up to make the call and ask for your address, and if he was lucky, maybe even invite you out to New York if you had any vacation days. He couldn’t help himself, although your letter to him was less than heart-warming, it ignited hope in him regarding you that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Leaning against the countertop, Carmy slipped his phone from his pocket. Opening up his contact list he scrolled down to your name, he clicked on it momentarily checking the time. It was 10 pm where you were, he knew you wouldn’t have been asleep yet. Carmy took one last deep breath before pressing the call button.

Camry listened to the phone ring as he placed it against his ear, foot tapping rhythmically against the linoleum. Eyes focused on your present sitting in his kitchen.

The tightness in Carmy’s chest intensified tenfold as he listened to the automated voice streaming through his ear.

“We’re sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again.”

a/n: tag yourself, i’m carmy x self-sabotage : ) i almost changed carmy’s gift because i forgot his knife (the one he gave tina) already has his initials, but then i realized baby wouldn’t even know that and since carmy seems like the type to not spoil himself baby will lol. i promise carmy won’t be an asshole forever he’s just stupid atm. also i don’t know shit about culinary tools and i got caught up looking at pretty knives so i just picked my favorite 😭

let me know if there are any questions regarding the timeline and i’ll make a post about it or something!!

#carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto angst #carmen berzatto x you #the bear x reader #the bear fic #all i ever knew only you ₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊#[aiekoy] interlude 0 #[aiekoy]

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