#feels weird thinking I don't have a gallbladder anymore though

[zoroshark]

Hey! This is Zoro coming with an update about my health as quite a few things have happened the past couple of months. As some may know, I've been dealing with chronic pain and illness since February of last year as mentioned in this post here.

A quick summary of it was that I have been dealing with constant bladder and stomach problems suddenly that were disrupting day to day life as they were painful and constant. Despite the multiple hospital visits, nothing was really done and at the time I could only wait to see certain specialists (which required a lot of money to see). Recently however, I finally got an answer to what was causing me pain in one part of my stomach! The culprit was my gallbladder and it has been removed!

The rest of the post will be caught off so for those who want to read in more detail, but one issue has been solved (at least i hope so)!

I also want to note here and thank everyone who's been supportive of me during this rough patch in my life. I also want to thank those who sent money for the GoFundMe! However, due to a few circumstances which will also be explained in the read more section, I will be refunding it all to those who donated.

TLDR version of my reason is that I was advise to do so for the eligibility medical/financial benefits I've been looking into. The refunds should be sent in about a week, so keep and eye out!

TW for Medical related subjects such as surgery.

For what was causing me pain in my stomach, or at least one of the reasons:

Turns out I had gallstones that somehow CT scans and ultrasounds didn't pick up last year, despite the pain and discomfort I was in from them. It got to the point where the pain was so unbearable, I was crying for about 2-3 hours before going to the ER. They found one stone had thicken walls through the ultrasounds and my gallbladder was infected from these stones.

Because of the findings, I underwent surgery to completely remove it during my stay in the hospital. I am now close to two weeks post-op and so far it has relieved most, if not all, of the constant pain I've been in my upper right. While I still have issues elsewhere in my body, it feels nice to have one issue solved. I just hope I don't need another trip to the ER anytime soon.

As for the detailed explanation for refunding the GoFundMe donations:

A few months back I after the go found me, I was accepted in a financial assistance program that made doctor's visits way cheaper. From close to hundreds of dollars to 3 dollars, that was way more an affordable price range for me. Despite that, i kept the donations on hold just in cause anything changed or something wasn't covered by the program until now.

Along with that, I've been applying for disability as I am considered disabled by my psychiatrist due to my mental health. After talking to a few folks who knew about the system, they mentioned that the money from the fundraiser could harm the process in gaining these benefits. Their recommended course of action was to refund the money as a precaution, so I'm following their advice. After the refunds have gone through, I will be closing the fundraiser.

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Again, I want to give a massive thank you everyone in general who have supported me through all this. Its been difficult, especially since I had to accommodate to the pain and changes in my body. There has been MANY ups and for sure downs, but I'm still holding on!

Thank you for reading on this update, and expect to see me slowly become active again on here! I'm still in my Zonai phase so expect more content revolving around that, along with possible Zora content. Original works not involving fandoms will also (hopefully) be posted too!

Im also thinking of opening commissions in the future! I'll need to ask about that first due to what I mentioned above, but as far as I'm aware, I should be okay to do so (but don't quote me on it). So keep an eye out!

[jodilin65]

I'm having a very cold and tired day. The weird thing is that I start off the first few hours of my day feeling cold—not every day, but enough days to worry me that my TSH is out of control. After I eat, I warm up a little, and even more so if I have a glass of wine.

I'm tired because I was up for a long time. I've been doing that a lot lately, so I hope I fall asleep on time tonight. I haven't been able to remember my dreams for the last few nights, and it's been a while since I've snored, as far as I know. So, I'm not sleeping too badly, just up for a long time. Who knows if part of the fatigue is tied to my thyroid or not? I still worry that I'll have to increase my dose without knowing if it's due to the gland dying some more or absorption issues. I have symptoms that say I'm hypo and others that say I'm not, but I would bet just about anything that my numbers aren't good, as usual. Did something make me lose my gallbladder so I could have absorption issues, leaving me unable to get my TSH consistently in the single digits now that I've beaten most of the anxiety? I swear it's like I'm not meant to have a good TSH! When the same thing keeps happening over and over, it's hard to believe it's all one big coincidence, but that still doesn't mean I believe in God. I just don't know what to think anymore.

It's funny how those affected by Hurricane Beryl are praising God for giving them their electricity back, but they won't hold Him accountable for allowing it to happen in the first place.

I just wish I knew what was wrong with my brain. I swear I'm demented at times. I made us burgers earlier, and I couldn't keep things straight to save my life. I like my bun toasted, so I toasted one. But then, like an idiot, I put ketchup on what was going to be his burger, so he ended up with the toasted bun.

We had a nice thunderstorm earlier, which waited until I got up. My luck is going to run out soon, though, as I push onto nights.

Thanks to my shitty vision, I set the cross-stitching kit aside for now. It's not only hard to see overall, but since the back of the canvas isn't marked, it's hard to see where I'm going when I poke the needle from back to front.

Surprisingly, there's been nothing for a while from Andy regarding his weight. No more declarations of milestones reached or photos, and I'm wondering if maybe he hit a plateau. That's what usually happens, and then the weight comes flying back.

I've been continuing to follow the post regarding the corner nut job. While I believe she should be evicted and made to live on her own, it kind of pisses me off that my complaints about barking and motorcycles weren't “valid.” Your complaints and feelings only matter if most people can relate. Otherwise, no one gives a shit, and no one wants to hear it.

[scorndotexe]

months ago i had somehow convinced myself i was going to die at some point before something else happened. which is so weird to think about now because it did just happen. and then it happened again after my gallbladder surgery i was like "well maybe i'll have killed myself before then." in the world's shittiest comedy about adhd where i'm like "wellll i'm bad at doing things when i don't have a deadline. but i can't make my own deadline that doesn't work" so i just end up living my life. honestly i have no idea what to even do anymore. i kind of hate therapy. but it's not like i can quit because my mother has somehow made my therapy about her. and the therapist is like "whatever you choose to do it's between us your mother isn't involved" girl i WISH that were the case my mother is very much involved. i don't know why either. YOU try telling her that she isn't involved in my decisions about therapy. one moment you're eight years old being forced to go to therapy by your parents and the next you're an adult being forced to go to therapy by your parents. i've never felt more connected to my eight year old self they were so real for the violent urges and the hating their mother. "ohhh but she's not that bad and she's your mother" you're right she isn't that bad but i've somehow never loved her i don't even know why. genuinely unable to love my family. they're not terrible. and they may love me but i'm pretty sure they all kind of can't stand me as a person. which is fair. i haven't exactly been the greatest to them. and we can argue all night about whether i was justified but whatever.

i complain about my mother a lot but it's not even like it's bad enough to count as abuse she just kind of sucks. and i also suck. because she raised me. i'm pretty much like if both my parents were worse.

you know i'm already in this deep when i was about eight years old my uncle physically abused me at some fucking christmas dinner and i repressed the memory until i was fifteen and i told some people and then basically never told anyone again. man how did i even manage to tell people at fifteen??? if i tried to do that now i don't even know how i would start that conversation. i didn't tell anyone at eight either it felt like something i wasn't allowed to talk about. again not much changes. except now i don't have to talk to him and thank him for fixing my camera and thank him for making me dinner while my mother was in the hospital two years after it happened. which is fucked up btw. i don't know why my mother thought that was a good idea. and then a few years ago she was like "what happened at christmas finally made me realize i didn't want my brother in my life anymore, it was unforgiveable" clearly we have different memories of the aftermath. god. thanks for pulling my hair up the stairs to get me out of the room too. very kind thing to do to a child.

i've been having trouble eating lately too and it's not like i can DO anything about it. i make meals i like and i put extra care into them and then my brain rejects most of it and i feel like if i eat any more i'll throw up. so i just abandon the meal. and then i throw it out eventually. and i don't know what's wrong with me. i like food. and it's not even everything like i made cookies and i ate them all in less than two days. they WERE delicious though i'd make more if i had more chocolate to put in them. that's a nice note to end this whole thing on. um if you read all of this i'm sorry and i swear my mother is not abusing me we just don't have a great relationship.

i can't even make increasingly concerning posts on here my friends follow me