#feels like this was a design specifically tailored to my interests and i'm so happy about it!

[sleepyorc]

ATTENTION: ORC THIGHS

[redrandomposts]

Hello! thabk you for writing out tills perspective it was very good! And sad :( what does Till think once he finds Ivan gone? Does he know that Ivan is dead or does he think he’s just gone

and if he gets that Ivan won’t come back how does he mourn? I think it could be cool if till got into sculpting to make a statue of Ivan)

Also , I was wondering what if sua gave Ivan a little more time like 3 months or 3 years to get till to love him/kiss him so we could have more time of them loving eachother secretly. I specifically think Till keeping Ivan in the fancy rooms for longer is fun, because till can try out all the things he says he wants to do just long enough to miss them when Ivan is gone

I personally imagine till braiding and brushing Ivan’s hair quietly (because I love the mental visuals of Ivan with longer hair) and putting 1 thousand little sliver clips in his hair as one thing I find really interesting! Or maybe till collecting beautiful clothes to dress Ivan in and having enough time for Ivan to try them on but not enough time for him to receive them tailored (and I was also thinking maybe till considers proposing to him, or at least asking him to be a concubine if that’s not allowed but he doesn’t get the chance to give the ring- just enough time to have one made)

I am not sure if I make sense, I do not write very well but I hope u like this

-🍎

yeah u make sense 🍎!! dw, i have to sort through my thoughts and get it into a tumblr post... and this is mainly what the baseline looks like.

guys i can't believe i did a bad ending ngl i think i'm un-canonizing the bad end for a happy one and the bad end can stay a thought unreleased to the world.

i was thinking of having ivan be there for a month, but that's a kind of long time not to sort through feelings... so a week it was. ivan was practically bed-ridden and spent a lot of time asleep, so till would sneak in and brush and braid his hair and decorate him up. and, well, a lifetime of yearning for something, getting a taste of it, and then forever losing it...guys i'm sick why did i do that?!

happy ending time or i'm beating past me up (im making them eighteen its kinda weird otherwise)

===

the gentle feeling of his hair shifting along like waves in the ocean woke him up. the moon peaked in through the window, spilling its light across the room. the mirror reflected ivan, who was sitting and leaning on another.

the haziness of the entire situation felt like a dream; calming, slow. ivan's eyes were barely cracked open, irises focused on the mirror and the picture it reflected. his head was tilted onto a shoulder, legs saddling another's to make sure he doesn't slip from the very comfortable position he's in.

the brush glides through his hair, gently tugging on his scalp. ivan leaned in the slightest bit. it felt good. compared to his eyes, his lungs, his feet; this person was like a safe haven, a warm spring bath.

he watched as his hair was carefully divided and braided into a relaxed hair style, not pulled too much this way or that. as the end of it was tied with a silk tie, the other hand reached into a box. ivan didn't see it clearly, but if he did, he'd recognize several silver pins with details impossible to get underwater, each a different design.

throughout his midnight hair, stars were scattered across it.

the sound of pen scratching parchment lulled him back to sleep, forgetting the brief moment of awareness.

another painting hung in till's studio, depicting two characters. one, asleep, was in front and the clear subject; the second was behind, carefully pinning the last hairclip in place, recreating the galaxy.

till's pearl was his muse; from paintings to songs, it seemed as if creativity itself sprouted from ivan.

briefly, till fantasized a life where he and ivan would marry. in a month from now, they'd be engaged, and follow a two-year courting period until they're both twenty, and get married.

the entire empire knew he was courting someone at this point. he isn't sure what gave it away; was it the mass amount of jewelry and clothing and paints he commissioned? perhaps someone saw him carry ivan home? or did a servant gossip about it?

till paused, looking at the painting. he had a new idea, and all he had to do was wait for night to come and ivan to sleep.

flowers were delivered to the palace, where till arranged them around ivan's sleeping form. he let his hair fall naturally, but changed the clothing to be looser, as if ivan were floating on the water's surface. the moon carefully shone on ivan's face, giving a feeling of tragic beauty; as if ivan were a corpse on the water, surrounded by the flowers of loved ones.

...till readjusted the scene to make ivan seem immortal.

and, when he stepped back to paint it, he left a light kiss on ivan's forehead.

one night, ivan woke up during a scene. fully awake with conscious thoughts; it had to happen sooner or later.

this one... was a more dubious one that'd be stored under till's bed. his shirt was rucked up, pillow under his neck and shoulder blades to let his head fall back, hair splaying out. his pants were pulled down just a bit to show his hip bone, and the moonlight fell across him to paint a lascivious portrait. till had left marks of himself too; a cloth that lay across ivan's eyes with till's name stitched onto it, jewelry that till had commissioned himself.

ivan was briefly confused by the darkness, before realizing a cloth was gently laid over his eyes. confused, he took it off, stilling at the sight of till painting him.

"what are you..." he couldn't finish his sentence. his mouth had gone dry. the easel was positioned so that he could just barely see the painting, but the glimpse was enough.

there was an obvious artistic choice in it; in the way that ivan's pearl skin was pink, mouth slightly open.

the night ended with a kiss and a kiss and a kiss.

ivan discovered, the morning after, that the knives had completely left. his lungs stopped drowning in unseeable water, and his eyes no longer burned at the slightest disturbance.

till had paraded his fiancé, who wore a veil to shield themself from the world. it was improper to gaze upon them until they wed, after all.

===

slowly edging to being able to write smut... then no one is safe. this is a mess and ooc, but also, i need to get peace of mind on this au

[cinderswife]

currently rotating rose red around in my brain so here's some outfits i designed for her (this is pre-meeting cinders btw)! bonus design notes under the cut :3

nude

i knew immediately that i wanted rose to be short and built like a brick shithouse. she is dense and compact and impossible to knock over. also, she gets to be a bear girl because everyone in my ouatis au is an animal eared person. its a fun concept i saw trawling the tumblr tag and i have decided it is very canon.

absolutely covered in freckles

yes those are top surgery scars. very recent in fact! its a cross between unrealized gender things and the pain of breasts that are just. too big. always.

her tail is usually too small to be seen from this angle but i wanted to show off her tiny red puff

most of her scars are from military combat with the exception of the top surgery scars and the one on her left hand which came from when she punched a window at the age of 15 defending snow from one of their dads getting super duper upset b/c snow was starting to date

she is 4'10" and so proud of it. will kick your ass if you're a dick about it

pajamas

nothing much to say here, she just. doesn't care all that much. tank top and sweat pants are the perfect combo of temperatures for her.

also she wears heart patterned boxers and we love her for that

military work uniform

do you know how hard it is to design a military uniform when you don't usually give a shit about the military. i spend so many hours going down worldbuilding subreddits and forums before i figured out something i was happy with. anyways! this is a non-combative officer's work uniform (aka the uniform rose wore when she was commander of the prison cinders was in). i picked red because it's the color most strongly associated with cole's army, but i figure that soldiers in combat would have better camouflage built into their uniforms.

the patch on her left shoulder (the one with the deer) is the symbol for colonel. it's also mirrored on a smaller scale on her breast. cole's army uses animals to mark higher ranks

the other shoulder patch marks her current assignment

i liked white as an accent color because of its prevalence in the album. also it looks nice!

the sleeve stripes and the chevrons both indicate that she is a very important officer

the other patches on her breast are the simplified coat of arms for her noble house (the house of grimm) and all of the medals she has earned in her 11 years of service

military dress uniform

the fancy version of her uniform for Events and Public Appearances. it's a bit darker in tone for the sake of visual interest and has a lot more accessories. this one was a nightmare to color i stg but i'm super happy with the way it turned out.

you get to see all her medals! she has complicated feelings on them but they are shiny and look very nice so.

the stripes, chevrons, and deer are all the same as the work uniform for some easy visual shorthand of her rank

the only time rose will ever wear a tie or any other neck decoration because it's regulation.

i liked the way a black undershirt looked over a white one, no other reason lol

the bear medal is because the bear is a symbol of her noble family. most people have a cougar of some sort instead.

the sword and the lion are both special awards granted specifically by cole. the lion in particular came from her first deployment where she accidentally changed the tides on the invasion of the perrault (cinders' planet) and became a war hero/propaganda piece at 19

the boots have buckles. they are never quite tight enough and its annoying.

casual dress

off duty, rose wears crisp, well tailored masc outfits. she knows how to dress herself to look effortlessly important due to being raised noble but she doesn't think too hard about it.

she wears shorts instead of full pants whenever she can get away with it. snow hates this.

no she is not buttoning up all the way. why would you make her put this much effort into it. she's hotter with it undone

fun fact: i initially made her vest and shorts green but i decided that blue looked nicer

fancy dress

i've elected to go with a 1700s inspired look for the nobility. it's very fairytale-esque and also allows me to have fun with it! i wanted to do more embroidery, but i wound up not having the patience for such a thing. ah well, what i've got looks nice enough.

rose usually wears cool colors in her formal outfits. this purple is a particular favorite of hers because it goes really nicely with her hair and ears without being obnoxious

once again, rose out here avoiding any sort of neck accessory or hat. accessories that annoy her for $10,000

the lilac undershirt is not connected to the off-white trousers it's two separate pieces.

the gold accents cut a very striking figure and also look very pretty <3

the boots are supposed to be longer and pointier but idk how well i pulled that off aha

she's very handsome and i love her

[masongrizchel]

Strengthening Relationships Through Shared Moments 🤝❤️📸

NOTE. I'm kind of becoming a hypocrite here. But these are the things that I realized and I should have done.

KEY POINTS:

Quality time is about intentional, meaningful connection.

Open communication about preferences ensures time spent together is fulfilling.

Balancing both partners' needs fosters mutual respect and happiness.

Overcoming common challenges can enhance the quality of your time together.

The investment in quality time strengthens the relationship in the long term.

In my current workspace, I am filled with commitments, deliverables, social engagements, and endless to-do lists. It's easy to overlook one of the most vital components of a healthy relationship: quality time. This essential element goes beyond mere physical presence and taps into the depths of connection, understanding, and mutual growth. Let's explore why quality time is so crucial and how communicating your desires and preferences can elevate your relationship.

Quality time is about more than just being in the same room. It's about creating meaningful moments where both partners are fully present and engaged with each other. These moments can range from deep conversations and shared activities to simply enjoying each other's company in silence. The key is the intention behind the time spent together, which fosters intimacy, trust, and a stronger emotional connection.

For quality time to be truly effective, it is crucial to communicate openly about what it means to you and how you prefer to spend it. This involves discussing specific activities and experiences that make you feel connected and appreciated. Everyone has unique preferences, and understanding these can help tailor your time together to be more fulfilling.

STEPS OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION:

Express Your Desires:

Clearly articulate what activities you enjoy and why they matter to you.

Use "I" statements to share your feelings without placing blame or pressure on your partner.

2. Listen and Validate:

Give your partner the space to share their preferences.

Show empathy and validate their feelings and choices.

3. Negotiate and Compromise:

Find a middle ground where both partners' preferences are honored.

Be willing to try new activities that your partner enjoys.

BALANCING INDIVIDUAL AND MUTUAL WELFARE

A healthy relationship balances the needs and well-being of both partners. Focusing solely on your own preferences can lead to imbalance and resentment, while neglecting your needs for the sake of your partner can lead to dissatisfaction and burnout. It’s crucial to strike a balance where both partners feel valued and fulfilled.

Strategies for Mutual Welfare:

Plan Together:

Collaboratively plan activities that incorporate both partners' interests.

Ensure that your plans reflect mutual interests and alternate between each other’s preferences.

Be Fully Present:

Dedicate time where distractions like phones and work are set aside.

Engage in activities that encourage interaction and connection.

Show Appreciation:

Regularly express gratitude for the efforts your partner makes to spend quality time together.

Recognize and celebrate the moments you share.

Overcoming Common Challenges

Despite the best intentions, couples often face obstacles in spending quality time together. Here are some common challenges and how to navigate them:

Busy Schedules:

Prioritize relationship time by scheduling it into your calendar.

Make use of short, but meaningful moments if longer periods are not feasible.

Different Interests:

Explore new activities that you both can enjoy.

Alternate between activities each partner enjoys to ensure fairness.

Technology Distractions:

Set designated tech-free times to focus solely on each other.

Use technology to enhance your time together, such as planning dates or engaging in mutual hobbies.

Investing in quality time has profound long-term benefits. Couples who prioritize intentional connection report higher satisfaction, deeper understanding, and stronger emotional bonds. By communicating openly about your needs and considering both your own and your partner’s welfare, you create a relationship rooted in mutual respect and love.

Incorporate these principles into your relationship, and watch it thrive. Quality time isn’t just about quantity; it’s about making every moment count.

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #42

previously…

Victor

I hope everyone had a great Winterfest! Ours was relatively low-key, but it was fun.

First things first... before I get sidetracked, let me show you my gorgeous Winterfest present from Yuri. He'd been hinting about giving me something special, but I had absolutely no idea it was going to be something like this.

Isn't it beautiful? This kimono and haori were entirely handmade by Seiji's mother, who is a professional tailor. I love the colours and that it has maple leaves on it. It feels really special to have something like this designed specifically for me.

At first, I felt slightly worried about wearing it because I'm not Japanese, but Yuri did his best to assure me that it'd be perfectly acceptable, and that nobody would think I was doing cultural appropriation or something offensive like that. There are appropriate times and places to wear it, obviously, so as long as I stick to those, I think I'll be okay.

I wore it when we all gathered at Seiji's family's house for omisoka on New Year's Eve, and when we visited the shrine on New Year's day. Mrs. Hinamori was thrilled to see me in it, and kept telling me that I was doing justice to her creation.

Just as a side note, in case you were wondering, Japan celebrates the new year on January first, the same as we do in Canada, although the culture and traditions are different . A lot of other countries in Asia celebrate the Lunar New Year, which is usually a little later in January or early in February.

Right. Now that I’ve showed you my one-of-a-kind kimono, we can get back to the update, such as it is. There hasn't been all that much going on for us since our last update, which I realize was a few weeks ago, but we’re definitely not complaining about life being quiet for once.

Yuki spent Winterfest Eve and part of Winterfest morning with us. We had a fantastic time, dressing in our matching pyjamas, playing games and singing songs. Yuki fell asleep in Yuri’s bed while he was reading us a Winterfest story, and we just let her stay there, snuggled comfortably between us. On Winterfest morning, after breakfast and presents, Yuri took her home while I stayed here to get ready for our dinner guests.

In the afternoon, Sakura and Takeshi came over, as well as Taka and Fox, and Fox's twin sister Clancy who was here visiting him for the holidays. Seiji and his parents were at his grandparents' estate in the country for Winterfest, so he didn't join us. We all missed him, and even Clancy asked about him. If I didn't know better, I'd say there's a small spark of something there.

Yuri says I'm being silly, of course. Seiji barely speaks English, and I'm pretty sure Clancy's only Japanese words are konnichiwa and arigato gozaimasu. They can't possibly have any kind of relationship if they can't even talk to each other. But, I mean... Taka's taking language classes now, trying to improve his English for Fox, and it's astounding how quickly Fox is picking up Japanese just by talking with his host family every day as well as hanging out with us. Maybe Seiji and Clancy will be interested enough to start learning each other's languages, too. It could happen, right?

Yuri says I shouldn't meddle, which I'm trying not to do, but I just want everyone I care about to be happy. That's not unreasonable, is it?

I think one of the reasons things have been more stable for us lately is that since returning to Mt. Komorebi, Yuri and I have been trying to distance ourselves from his family's problems. Amazingly, we've been pretty successful in our efforts. We’ve made it to this point in January without being dragged into anything, after all. We still get regular gossip from Yuki, and we listen to what she has to say about everything, but that's about as far into it as we're willing to get. Neither of us is really interested in Hana's pregnancy drama or Mr. Okamoto's alleged affair with the former housekeeper and how he kicked her to the curb when he found out she’s also expecting.

Yuki seems happy that it's just her and her dad at home now. It sounds like they've been doing a lot of things together, including cooking and housecleaning. According to Yuki, even chores are fun when she and her dad do them as a team. They've been doing actual fun things as well, like sledding, skating, baking cookies and playing music together. Yuki says she's teaching her dad to ski. Honestly, I'd be shocked if he didn't already know how, but I'm glad he's pretending not to know so that his daughter can feel like she's helping him learn an important skill.

I'm not sure how Yuri feels, hearing about all Yuki's adventures with their father. I think he's pleased that Yuki is having such a great time, but there's something else underlying his happiness. I can't tell if it's sadness or anger, or maybe a mixture of both. Maybe it's resentment because he wishes his dad would do those things with him.

Yuri doesn't like to talk about his relationship with his father, or their lack of a real relationship, because the whole thing is too emotionally painful for him. All he ever wanted was for his dad to love him and accept him for who he is instead of treating him like an inconvenience and a disappointment, so I can imagine how much it must hurt to know his dad is bonding with Yuki the way he wishes he would’ve bonded with him.

I wish Yuri's dad would love him the way my mom loves me. Like, I've never once questioned her feelings for me. She loves me so hard, I can feel it from ten thousand kilometers away. Every time I talk to her, it's there in her voice and her attitude. It's in her body language when we video chat. I can hardly wait till we get home in the spring, so she can hug me with one of those super tight hugs that says I never want to let you go.

Sometimes I wonder if my father would love me like that if he were still alive. I often tell myself he would, because I think that's the kind of guy he was; open and ready to give something good to everyone he met. And you know what? The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced Julian also loves me that way, like the son he never had. I'm sure Mom loves Ellie like a daughter, too.

At first, I wasn't certain I liked the idea of Mom and Julian getting married, but now I'm more than okay with it because it occurred to me that we're essentially a family already, in all the ways that matter, and I think we have been all along. So, why not make it official?

On the subject of Mom and Julian, they were supposed to be coming for a visit, along with Ellie and Leo, but in light of their wedding, our big move and our Selvadoradan excursion being put on hold for the moment, everyone's decided to stay put. Last week Mom told me that she and Julian want to give their travel money to me and Yuri to help with the down payment on our haunted house. I'm not even joking when I tell you I cried over that. But, you guys know me. I cry over everything.

As for Ellie and Leo, they're using some of their travel money to move out of their respective parents' houses and get a place together. During Winterfest, they finally worked up the courage to tell each other how they feel, and they're now an actual couple. They called me and Yuri to tell us about it, and needless to say we were very excited for them.

Ellie says Julian is relieved that she's moving out, mostly because he wants to sell his house and move in with Mom. I'm glad Julian is moving into Mom's place. Julian's house isn't all that far away from Mom's, so it'd be totally fine if she'd decided to move in with him, but Mom's is right across the street from the home Yuri and I are trying to purchase, and I like the idea of being that close to my mother when we settle in Willow Creek. I like that we’ll be near enough to see each other in person every day, but that we’ll be under different roofs and free to carry on with our own lives.

In other news, there was an amateur snowboarding competition held here in Mt. Komorebi last weekend. Seiji, Sakura and I all decided to sign up for it, and we were shocked that the organizers actually let us.

Me and Seiji are international-level competitors and Sakura was too, until she retired after last season. Amateur competitions are good experience, which is the main reason we sometimes try to enter them, but it feels kinda wrong to seriously put ourselves up against a bunch of amateur enthusiasts who were just out there to have a good time. To be fair to the other competitors, we asked the organizers to tell the judges not to use our scores for the medal placement, which they agreed to, so maybe that's why they let us enter.

A really great thing about this competition was that Seiji and I didn't need to worry too much about our performances, even if our scores had been counted with everyone else's. This wasn't a qualifier for the All-Japan Snowboarding Championship, so it was the perfect chance for us to enjoy ourselves and maybe show off a little. I'll bet all of you know exactly who I was showing off for.

On the first morning of the competition, which was Saturday, Sakura and Takeshi stopped by our place for tea and a pep talk on their way up the mountain. If I didn't mention it before, Sakura and I work together at the fitness center, but we've been friends for longer than either of us have worked there. We met not long after I arrived, and I think I won her over immediately by praising her hot pink snowboard, Senbazuru. I didn't know he had a name at first, though. I was riding my old board, Silver Storm, at the time and being the snowboarding-obsessed nerd that I am, I introduced both myself and him. Sakura said I was crazy, and then told me her board also had a name. We laughed like idiots, and I think we were instantly bonded for life.

This season, Sakura is also my coach, which is beyond awesome. Last season was tough because Seiji and I had the same coach, and it sometimes felt like we were competing for his attention. Seiji said it felt kind of like a threesome, which is something I really don't want to contemplate. Anyway, Seiji is still with him. Meanwhile, Sakura has been kicking my butt into shape as best she can, considering the chaos and all the interruptions to my training schedule.

Sakura and Takeshi were on the go early. They turned up at our place just as I was putting breakfast on the table. Unfortunately they didn't have time to stay long, because Sakura needed to take Takeshi to work — he's a paramedic with the Mountain Patrol — so I put their tea into travel mugs which Sakura promised to return to us later.

As they were leaving, Sakura offered to transport my gear for me. Naturally, I wasn't going to refuse that offer. With my stuff going up the mountain in Sakura's truck, that meant Yuri and I could enjoy a nice walk without me having to carry anything.

You ever have one of those moments where you suddenly stop and think, 'I'm incredibly content with my life right now'? That was me on Saturday morning. It was a beautiful day. The sun was out, with just enough cloud cover that the snow wasn't blindingly bright, and it wasn't too cold or windy. There'd been a fresh snowfall overnight, and everything around us was glistening and magical as Yuri and I strolled up the quiet Kiyomatsu Point road, hand in hand.

"You're in a good mood," Yuri observed. "I don't think I've ever seen you this calm and relaxed on the morning of a competition."

"I don't really see it as a competition," I said. "Just an exhibition. There's nothing to lose. And I am in a good mood. How could I not be in a good mood when I'm out here with you?"

"This is nice, isn't it? I'm going to miss walking here with you."

"We may be moving, but we're not leaving forever," I said. "We'll come back for visits, and when we do, we'll have our walks. Plus, we can do this every day until spring if you want. Every day you're feeling up to it, that is."

He smiled. "I'd like that."

"We'll find quiet places to walk in Willow Creek, too."

"I know," he said. "I'm looking forward to that, but it doesn't change how I feel about this place. It's part of me, just as much as your hometown is part of you, and it's difficult to say goodbye."

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Please, don't be." He squeezed my hand. "I want to go with you and help you chase your dreams. You deserve to get back some of the things you gave up when you came here for me."

"But, what about your dreams?"

He stopped walking, and gently pulled me to a stop beside him. Turning to face me, he gazed at me and said, "You are my dream, Victor. The only thing I ever wanted was to be loved the way you love me. Maybe I'll come up with a future goal of my own once we're in Canada, but for right now, I just want to be with you and watch you reach yours."

"Thank you," I said, because there were no better words in my head.

Since our visit to Willow Creek in the autumn, I've noticed a big change in Yuri. I don't know exactly how to describe it except to say that he's less clingy than he used to be. No... that's not right. He's still clingy, but not in as much of a selfish, jealous way as before. He's been putting my needs ahead of his way more often, and I've got to say it's doing wonders for us as a couple.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too."

We resumed walking after that, and our conversation turned to lighter things, like our plans to go to our favourite tea house with our friends this evening, and what we were going to get for Taka as a gift for his twenty-sixth birthday at the end of January. We recently found out that Fox's birthday is in January too, and he's also going to be twenty-six. We discussed the possibility of getting them something matching, and Yuri thought matching coffee mugs would be a good idea. I suggested that we could do them up in a cute little basket with some sugar-free snacks for Fox and some of the expensive coffee beans Taka likes. Yuri said he'd be in charge of decorating the basket, which is undoubtedly the wisest option. He has a better eye for that sort of thing than I do. My talents lie elsewhere.

Up on the mountain, the trail conditions were flawless. We couldn't have asked for a better day.

We found Sakura, and then went to retrieve Elsa and my other gear. Yuri carried my helmet. Whenever he's able to come and watch, we have kind of a pre-competition ritual that we do. He carries something of mine, usually my helmet or wrist guards, and we walk together as far as we can. Then, just before I head up to the top of the run and he goes off to the spectator area, he puts that bit of equipment on me.

"Don't break your neck."

"Arms and legs are okay though, right?" is my typical response.

It's kind of a dark joke, I know, and it probably fits into the category of what my uncle Stephen would call 'gallows humour'. But, here's the thing. Snowboarding is an extremely dangerous sport, especially in the alpine events. If a person doesn't know what they're doing or they're not completely focused, they can get seriously hurt or even killed, and regardless of whether you’re paying attention or not, accidents can still happen. Like, you're whipping down the side of the mountain at speeds that are almost as fast as a car would travel on the highway, except you don't have a seatbelt or an airbag to protect you if you crash. Broken arms or legs are a real possibility. Broken necks, too.

Yuri and I both know this all too well. A friend of his died in a snowboarding accident about three years ago. She suffered a broken neck and a catastrophic brain injury. Back home, I used to be acquainted with a guy who wiped out and injured his spine. He uses a wheelchair these days.

So, even though we joke around, it's not because we're taking it lightly. It's actually the opposite. We need something to loosen the tension, because laughing is always better than panicking.

Before we parted ways, Yuri put my helmet on me. "I'll see you later," he said, once we'd done our little routine. "Be safe."

I leaned down to kiss him on the forehead. "I'll see you in a little while. I've got the third position in line, so I'll be close to the beginning. I'll come and find you, and then we can grab a hot drink and then see if we can catch Seiji in one of his events, okay?"

"Okay," he said. "When is Sakura's event?"

"Women's Super-G is this afternoon."

"Do you think she'll be all right?"

"Sakura can handle herself," I said. "She'll put on a masterclass for everybody here today."

And she absolutely did. She nailed it, and she would've taken first place if her score had counted. In my opinion, she probably could've competed for one more season if she'd wanted to, but I also respect her decision to take her doctors' advice and retire. The next injury might not be so easy to recover from, and I feel like it makes more sense for her to retire on her own terms than to be forced into it because she literally can't ride any more.

I'm going to reach that point some day myself, where I'll have to decide that it's time to stop competing. I don't like thinking about it because sometimes I feel like snowboarding is the only thing I'm really good at, and I don't know what I'll fill my time with that makes me feel as self-confident and satisfied and alive as snowboarding does. I'm concerned that if I don't figure something out, I'm going to end up being one of those people who wastes away inside, remembering the glory days and wishing they could get that feeling back.

Yuri says I'm good at lots of things. He says I'll find my new passion, but honestly, I'm really scared that I won't. Don't get me wrong; I'm looking forward to starting university in September and eventually becoming a physical therapist, but I'm worried that I won't do well enough in school. Even if I manage to graduate, what If I don't love my chosen profession? Or what if I suck at it?

If I could've captured a fragment of last Saturday, with all the exhilaration, optimism and positive energy that went with it, I would have. I'd freeze time in that perfect moment and hold onto it until I was emotionally and psychologically ready to let go and move on. But, of course I couldn't. Life marches forward, whether we're ready or not.

Oh... I guess I should tell you that I finished first in my event, if you were curious. Seiji placed in the top three of both his events, but not first in either of them, which was kind of surprising. There are some very talented up-and-coming freestyle boarders around here, it seems.

At the end of the day, Yuri and I decided to go home for a while instead of hanging out in the public square and eating stuff from the food stalls. I needed a hot shower, a change of clothes and a decent meal. Yuri said he needed a nap and a snack, and I wanted to make sure he got some protein into him, which would 've been challenging with all the high-carb junk food they sell in the square.

Seiji and Sakura caught up with us at the square’s exit, and said they'd see us later at the tea house. Seiji was going to his parents' place for food first, and Sakura was planning to wait for Takeshi so they could go home together to eat as well. We all agreed that seven o'clock was a good time for tea and desserts, and Yuri texted Taka to see if he'd be off work by then so that he and Fox could join us.

With our tea party organized, we went our separate ways. Yuri and I retraced our path along Kiyomatsu Point Road, once again holding hands. I kept glancing at him, pleased to see that he didn't look as tired as I expected he would.

"You were amazing out there today," he said, and his enthusiasm shone through his entire expression.

"It's because you were watching," I said. "I always do better when I know you're watching. That's how I know I'm gonna crush it in the All-Japan qualifier in two weeks. 'cause you're going to be there."

"Unless something terrible happens to intervene, I'll be there," he affirmed. "I wouldn't want to miss it, and I promised you I'd be there, didn't I?"

"Like what? The only reason I can think of that'd keep you away would be if you're sick."

"I'd have to be too ill to get out of bed."

"If you were too ill to get out of bed, I wouldn't be going to the competition either," I told him. "I couldn't leave you alone like that."

"Let's hope for that not to happen," he said. "Let's hope we're both feeling our best."

"If this is going to be my year to win a medal at All-Japan, and to make it to the FIS Championship next year, everything has to go right.”

“Is it pointless for me to tell you not to worry about it?”

“You can tell me, but I’m probably still going to worry,” I said. “Just wish me luck.”

“Always,” he said. “You know I always hope you’ll do well. I’m your number one fan.”

“I love that.”

“I’m glad.” He clasped my hand in both of his, and gazed earnestly at me. “Fingers crossed that everything goes according to the plan.”

I nodded and echoed, “Fingers crossed.”

[tj-shmt]

A Day of Curation

Unless its Wednesday, it should be around 11am right now when i get up. First things first, put in my headphones and go get some good music! Its Monday - time to listen to my Discover Weekly playlist, which Spotify usually tailors perfectly to my tastes.

1. 🎶 SPOTIFY 🎶

Fun fact - this weeks "Discover Weekly" suggs. Usually I get the best music from there. I don't really recall the last time any of my friends really showed a song I didn't already know or was adequately good. Tho, I have to give Amelie some credit here, she constanly hits me with great Spanish tunes. (Also to Jasi and Safae which hit me up with some dope music from time to time) I mostly get inspiration from (sad to say but its true) tik tok or by randomly shazaming the world. I also really hate to limit myslfe to music i understand. On the contrary I LOVE LOVE LOVE music arround the world. Trust me i hear Tibetian Throat Singing to Russian Electro and even Islandic and Nativ American Tribal Music. To give you an impression of how important music consumption is for me:

Last Year i spent a total of 210 441 minutes on spotify alone. That is about 9 Hours a day. The average person uses Spotify for about 18 000 minutes a year. (My friend took the freedom to calculate how much money Spotify "looses" by my consumption. i pay $30 a year an Spotify gives $0,004891 per stream to the creator. An average of 3 minutes per song (70.000 streams) means spotify pays $342.37 to the creators. Thats $312.37 of deficit LOL)

Apart form that i cant really give Spotify a certain schedule when i listen to it cuz i listen to it all the time. During gaming, during coding, laundry, gym, work, class, before sleep. ✨Always✨

2. 💬 WhatsApp 💬

There is nothing better than sleeping for an eternity while everyone is already awake for probably 4 or more hours, working! *laughs in privileged design student* Since everyone is already living its live while I still drool, I gotta get up to date in the morning. Before i even leave bed, i checke my messages there. Similar to Spotify, I use WhatsApp the whole day and can't really tell when I would not use it. Except, my phone is always on silent (casual zennial phone call phobia) meaning i wont notice anything while zoning out or gaming (which usualy is the same).

3. 👨‍🏫 TEAMS 👩‍🏫

Yeah Yeah i can already hear it. "You wake up 5 minutes before class withouth breakfast or anything..." - bla bla bla. Yeah that is the case! I would usuly go on teams and enter the classroom, while preparing a breakfast (if you can call it breakfast after 12) sit down at my desk and listen to class. Causally everything that is too theoretical with music and whatsapp. Other classes that are interesting I`ll put my full attention to it.

But i hate teams in gerneral. Not cuz its sh**, no, usualy people that do their clases there have a weird way of using it. Finding material or looking up homeworks is such a struggle sometimes. (Props to you Kevin here, I have never seen anybody using teams in such a clean and struktured way than you do. Even tho you dont neccesarily use it as it was meant to be. (which might be the turning point on why its great))

4. 📺 YouTube 📺

Yup YouTube is usually the place to go after (sometimes during (I NEVER SAID THAT!)) class.

Actually, YouTube is the place to go for me. Relaxation, Entertainment, knowledge - anything! After class I'd usually watch "Cut" or other channels that produce let's plays or entertainment of some sort.

But it's also THE place to go during coding. I rather listen to Lofi or (Slowed, Reverbed) Music that doesnt really distract me. ALSO, during coding watch A SH*TLOAD OF TUTORIALS, cuz I am proud selftaught Zennial. #BestOfBothWorlds

5. 👨‍🍳 CHEFKOCH 👨‍🍳

I love to try new things and I constantly stalk the web for new recipes. Lately a lot of Asian and Vegan stuff. Chefkoch is the app to go where i also write down my own recipes to have them with me all the time. Great thing here is, i share this account with all my family members (currently 13, including my mom, aunts, other relatives). Great way to share the secret family recipes at any time!

(Cant recommend the recipe in the img, tho!)

6.🏐 ADDIDAS TRAINING🏐

Unlike all my sporty friends that used to hit the gym before covid and not got lazy, I started to use Training Apps like Addidas Training with its free Workout plans. I use it regularly and am happy i finally found a way to stay sporty.

7. ⌨️ VS CODE ⌨️

Its either Visual Studio Code, where I would code on my current project, or gaming. As mentioned above, I would get most of the inspiration from tutorials or using dev tools on different platforms.

8. 🎤 DISCORD 🎮

I´ll use Discord as a general term for Gaming since I play a lot but many different games, tho, always use discord to communicate with my freinds while gaming.

A great place to share random BS with friends and talk about anything that comes to my mind. I spent most of the evenings on Discord with my friends. Always did, in fact. Maybe the reason why I don't really feel so affected by the pandemic. I am used to being separated from my friends since they live all over Germany or the world in general. I always enjoy Online Live Events WITH my friends.

For me the web as always been a "with" not an "alone", which is why I never understand why so may struggle with feeling "alone" on live events online. JUST GRAB A FRIEND AND DISCOVER IT ✨TOGETHER✨!

9. 📼 DISNEY+ / NETFLIX 📼

Since I use both the same amount there is not thos or that. I never Really let anybody recommend me anything, cuz ... trust me, I WON'T watch it. IDK why that is, but I need a specific mood for each show. And nobody but myself can provide that. Probably why most ove the algorithms (esp Netflix) do not have an effect on me. I'm not in the mood for your ****, sorry!

Never the less, i periodically Binge a Series and then feel empty after it ended. Then i need some time to face reality again.

Funny tho, I binged Starwars Rebels on Disney+ and after it ended i just decide to buy 4 books on amazon that expand the story to starwars (#nerd i know). I will spend the next few months reading and probably not watching anything on both Streaming services.

10. 🤤 TIKTOK 🌈

... YUP.... I grew up with vine ... but TikTok got me. And honestly I don't regret it. It's the perfect algorithm that constantly finds the best videos that feed my thirsty queer ass. I mean ...

LOOK AT THE IMG ABOVE. YES, give me more....!

Its prolly not good for my digital wellbeing or my mental health but do I care at the moment..? noooooo...

Just give me more of Starwars Parodies, Sleepwalkers, Best off's of streamers, Queer content (cuz its time this heteronormativity world is fed with it! and no i do not indentify as anyting, im just the + at the very far end!) and yeah, even some sexy content if the creator feels good about it.

AND DONT YOU GIVE ME THAT SIDE EYE OF JUDGEMENT HERE - WE ALL THIRST FROM TIME TO TIME!

TOODLES!