#feelings that scare him. but they're *there*

[faeriekit]

In every "the JL has never met the batfam" au in my brain, whether it's because the Batfam are murder-happy or pretending to be cryptids or are secretly the mob, whatever, it is always always ALWAYS funnier to have Nightwing still on the JL team. Like. Everyone feels so bad for him since he lives right next to demon town or whatever and then one day he just drops the information that they're all his baby siblings. Actually, that big scary guy? His dad. Yeah it's like a whole thing. What do you mean you're scared of Robin? He's like a baby! <- said baby almost killed Superman for sport like twenty minutes ago

[tobi-smp]

I don't want to hold anything against this specific person, because I Remember the discourse that lead to this and I know exactly how it could get passed around and warped (either through telephone or someone's own memory shifting with time).

that said, I never liked that discourse specifically Because it was a clear misreading of the text, and what better opportunity do I have to talk about it now.

the context was the bench trio therapy stream. tommy had been beaten to death by dream, sat in limbo for months, and then revived and told Explicitly that dream was planning on escaping prison and tormenting the rest of the server.

the mindset that tommy is in is that he Has to do something, but he's deeply traumatized by what's happened to him. he's Scared to go back to the prison, but he has no choice but to do it for the safety of everyone else in the server.

the "therapy stream" was bench trio Trying to do exposure therapy on tommy to help him work through his trauma in the lead up to attempting to infiltrate the prison. and the entire point is that they Absolutely Were Not actually helping.

what they were Actually doing was triggering tommy by exposing him to things that he was traumatized by, because they didn't actually know how to do exposure therapy and what they were trying to do wasn't healthy in the first place.

so the Context of this conversation is tommy desperately trying to just, Get Rid Of his trauma (something that is absolutely not possible) while entering a worse and worse mindset because he was intentionally triggering himself.

Likewise, the context for Tubbo's half of the conversation is that he Very Intentionally represses his own trauma, both from Himself and from other people. he puts himself in a little box that he buries under the floorboards and asks people to ignore the way the boards creak when they walk on him.

there's a million ways you could cut Why he does this. part it is his people pleasing, willingly pushing himself down for the sake of everyone else no matter how painful. seeing Himself as an accessory to the people he cares about, rather than a whole complete and important person. and in part because it feels Safer, it's Safer to pretend that nothing hurt him.

and Why that is is complicated. part of it is External. he doesn't Get to be angry about what he's been through, because the people he's angry At will just hurt him again. and if he thinks about how he's hurt then he Will get angry, so he just Won't Think About It.

and part of it is that I don't think he wants to process his trauma any more than tommy does. because it's painful, because he doesn't have the tools to actually work through it, because they aren't Safe so he can't afford to break down now (trouble is, there never Seems to be a "safe" time to think about himself).

they're the Repression Brothers. the difference being that tommy's at a different stage of it. not a Healthy One, but different.

tommy spent months not being able to put into words what exile was, what pogtopia was, was the final control room was. and he still won't be able to put it in plain words for some time from here.

but he's reached the point where he Can't ignore it anymore, but he still doesn't know what to Do about it. he's still frustrated with an (to an extent) Ashamed Of his trauma. he feels Lesser Than he was before and wants it to all just go away and go back to Normal.

he's doing this because he Has To, because he Has to be strong enough to fight dream. because if he's too scared to do it then he'd be sacrificing everyone else's safety.

he and tubbo are doing the Same Thing in different fonts, sacrificing their well being for the people Around Them, including Each Other.

so, lets go back to that moment that started all of this.

the exposure therapy was on the final control room section, with tommy working through having been killed by dream.

tubbo mentions that he died that night too, and tommy says something to the effect of "you did, but you have thicker skin."

this has been taken out of context to mean "you did, but I have it worse than you," when IN CONTEXT it means "you did, but you're stronger than me," or more accurately "you did, But I'm Worse Than You."

tommy does not see his trauma in the context of stupid apologist discourse. he sees his trauma as something that makes him Worse, as something he Shouldn't Feel. as something that makes him Weaker than everyone else, who Obviously are so much more put together than he is.

when he says this he's not saying that he's more important than tubbo, he's putting himself down in comparison TO tubbo.

and this is absolutely still harmful ! This is legitimately one of tommy's character flaws ! but it is Not the selfishness that people make it out to be.

it's tommy accidentally hurting other people by seeing Himself negatively. it's an unhealthy relationship with mental health, and a Realistic one considering the circumstances and setting.

likewise, it's Just As Much born from tubbo's own unhealthy coping mechanisms. tommy assumes that what happened didn't bother tubbo the way it did him because Tubbo wants him to think that.

Tubbo doesn't let tommy see how much he's hurting, which in turn feeds into this cycle.

tubbo assumes he Has to shove his trauma down for tommy's sake (for the sake of Everyone he cares about), and so tommy assumes tubbo was just Stronger than him and wants desperately to just shove his own trauma away the way tubbo seems to be able to.

this moment IS tragic, it IS an example of the two of them hurting each other. but it's BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER !!!

Both Of Them are trying to be strong enough to protect the other, and it's Hurting Them. it's unhealthy, but it 's not Malicious. it's self-sacrificial not Selfish. it's not something they've done to each other but what's been done To Them by the world they live in. what they've done to Themselves trying to live in it.

this shouldn't have been a discourse moment, it should've been clingyduoers tearing each other apart in the street at the tragedy of it

[meo-eiru]

In a realistic way, I'd be genuinely terrified of Micah and Elias, to me Micah is a looming presence, it's like he's not even there but you feel him behind you, he'd put me into a constant state of paranoia of constantly feeling of being watched, he'd make me so tense if he was to interact with me, he's like someone you want to trust just because of his face and the purity of his appearance, but yet. You'd feel a bit of uneasiness when he talks, he's like a walking antique doll, innocent to look at but In another angle completely terrifying.

Elias in the other hand terrifies me since to me, he's so unpredictable, like at any moment he could just break and do something bad to himself, it's not myself I'm scared of, I'm scared for him, he's dangerous not to me but himself, I'd be in worry all the time "what if he does this? What if he's gonna hurt himself because I did this?" I'd feel so guilty to the point I'd stay with him just to look after him. I feel like a relationship with him is really toxic to the point it's suffocating, so restricting. I wouldn't bring myself to even think about breaking up with him since he's so unstable that I'd just walk on eggshells around him.

I'd love to see these two in a deeper sense, in a way where their personalities are dived in depth, they're just so amazing!

ILOBE YOU SO MUCH, YOU MAKE MY DAY BETTER WHEN YOU POST AGHHH

Yes you get it!!

Micah is a threat to you, and Elias is a threat to himself. I think both are extremely hard to deal with and I would rather not find them in those situations, but doesn't that make them so exciting!

They are both very extreme and threatening, it's like playing with fire and I love it

[ghouldtime]

Scare Actor! Ghost

No thoughts, head empty. Only full of Scare Actor! Ghost

Scare Actor! Ghost who:

Only thought of the idea after seeing an ad for one on the telly one day. He immediately thought back to his brother Tommy and their youth

Though he didn't have fond memories then of the skull masks Tommy used to wear to freak him out as he grew up, he'd long since adjusted to it and wore his usual mask at work in part as memory (as well as for anonymity and intimidation)

Wearing the mask also helped him separate 'Ghost' from 'Simon', but Simon still hung onto the masks in remembrance of his brother. Carrying that part of him, even if he had long since passed away, helped him stay connected to why he kept fighting for the world

Seeing the masks and actors trying to get a scare out of others brought him back to specific memories of his brother, nostalgia flowing through him in a bittersweet way

What better way than to keep his memory alive than to partake in such things? Though the difference is people at haunted houses were ones who WANTED to be scared, he's not there to create anything more than good memories

Luckily he has that large form and intimidating nature that make him a natural at it - it meant getting hired was a breeze and doing his job came naturally

Usually is cast as a butcher character. He did work as a butcher so he already knows the routine. And he fits the role. He's a big beefy dude who can work a knife. Hauling fake carcasses is easy work as is standing there, twirling fake knives

Has a variety of masks. He doesn't usually wear plain skull ones because it's too... basic most times for such an environment. He wants to keep that work separate and not chance anyone recognizing him.

He has a zombified face, a Frankenstein pig's head, and a boar's skull mask - he has them with him so he can switch if needed mid-job

Made the masks himself. He thought the ones offered in stores weren't to his vibe and felt too cheap and inauthentic. Not to mention, he already made his skull mask for his main job. Soap wasn't fully wrong when he joked about the mask making

Is skilled in a variety of crafting techniques that he's picked up over the years due to needing something to keep him busy in his down-time so he can feel productive and keep himself mentally there

Quickly becomes a fan favorite. Not only did he have the intimidation factor, but he had the mysterious, haunting vibe that drew people in

Is a natural at hiding in the shadows and moving silently. Stealth is his middle name which means he's getting the best jump scares there are

Can follow the group throughout the house for ages before they realize something is off. They only know when it's too late

Doesn't keep to a routine. He knows better than to stick to predictability. It keeps things refreshing and means if anyone dares to go through twice, they won't be experiencing the same thing

Usually isn't a chaser or one who runs after. Instead he's methodical and calculated as he tracks movement throughout the building, herding the crowd to the right area and picking them off one by one

Figures that cold, calculating steps as his 'victim' of the night is cornered with no way out is a whole lot scarier than just screaming and chasing them

Enlists the help of junior scare-rs, aka the kids going through. The little menaces who try to spook the scare actors or who put on a brave face as usually taken aside by him to help get at their parents or friends (it's always worth it to see the looks on their faces)

He's still a gentle giant. He might be playing the role of a cannibalistic butcher or a crazed serial killer, but if someone appears particularly distressed, he'll leave them be or will even take them aside and behind the scenes if they're clearly not enjoying it

Is well loved by any haunted house he works at. Due to his crafting skills, he's often helping out the props department. His strategic thinking means he can coordinate better scares among the actors too and adapt to everyone's strengths which creates a WAY better atmosphere where everyone can be in their element

Works with the makeup department, helping to correct their work to make sure it's the most realistic looking gore-y effects when possible. He never says how he knows why it would look like that, but sure enough, it always looks better when they listen to him

I love Scare actor! Ghost. I need to write for him for REAL and there's a reader insert on the way as a WIP cause I can't get it out of my head

(I'd love to write a haunted house actors AU for TF 141 and the other guys/gals too 😭)

[mama2bears]

The Storm Of Life Chapter 3

Pairing: Tyler/F.Reader

Warnings: None.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3

A loud clash of thunder startled you awake, lighting lit up the room. “MOMMY!” the kids starting screaming for you from the other room. “I am coming.” you sighed, standing up. You had a headache and your stomach felt like it was doing somersaults. You felt like you were burning up, yet a chill ran down your spin. Great, you thought. Now I am sick on top of everything else.

“Hey guys, it's okay.” you open the door to the children's room, turning your head as you coughed. “Mommy is here.”

“I am scared.” Harley was crying and hugging her teddy bear.

“Is a tornado coming to destroy this house too?” Billy asked, tears streaming down his face.

Thunder boomed outside again and lighting struck something nearby, shaking the house with a boom. The nightlight in the room went out and the kids screamed. You started to tremble with fear. Was there a tornado out there?

“Hey, everything okay?” Tyler came up behind you, placing a hand on your shoulder as he shone a flashlight around the room.

“We're scared.” Billy cried, “Is a tornado coming?”

“No, this is just a thunderstorm, buddy.” Tyler reassured the child. “No tornadoes tonight. If there was one, we would go into a place called a storm cellar that's connected to the house and we'd be safe in there. This is nothing more then thunder and lighting.”

“Excuse me.” you take off running for the bathroom, feeling your stomach getting sick. You stumbled in the hallway before finally making it to the bathroom fumbled around to the toilet. It was so dark you could hardly see anything.

“You guys stay right here. I am only going across the hall to help your mama, okay?” Tyler said.

The kids nodded and huddled under their blankets.

“You okay?” Tyler asked, shinning the light into the bathroom.

You were sitting on the floor, head hung over the toilet as your stomach emptied it's self of everything you ate or drank in the last several hours.

Tyler got a wash cloth from the closet and ran it under cool water. “Here. This might help.” he said bringing it over to you and brushing a strand of hair away from your face.

“Thanks.” your voice was barely a whisper as you took deep breaths and held the cool clothe to your face, trying to get your stomach to settle down.

“Not a problem.” he responded, resting a hand on your shoulder for a moment.

Finally, you decide your stomach was over with being sick and you stood with the help of Tyler supporting your arm and dropped the wash clothe in the hamper.

“Come on, I'll make sure you get back to your room okay.” Tyler said softly, shinning the flashlight in front of you to light up the hall.

“No, I gotta go back with the kids. They're terrified of storms.” you turn to head towards the kids room.

“Let me sit up with them, as long as they are okay with it. You should be in bed resting.”

You shake your head, “I couldn't ask you to do that. I am not even sure they will be okay with a stranger.” you glance at him, “Well a new friend at least. They just met you today. It takes a lot for me to calm them down in storms.”

“It's okay. You aren't asking me, I am offering. I don't have any big plans for tomorrow, and you're sick.” he said, “Go back to bed. I'll sit with them for a bit if they want me to.”

You nod and Tyler leads you back into your room, making sure you made it to the bed. As you crawled under the covers once more he turned and left, closing the door halfway behind him.

“Hey guys...how are we doing?” Tyler asked. The storm had seemed to be calming down now and the kids didn't seem so afraid.

“Is it gone?” Harley asked.

“For now. I think there are more coming.” he answered.

“Is mommy okay?” Billy asked.

“Mommy is okay, but she's sick. She went back to bed to lay down so she can feel better.” Tyler explained. “You know how it is to be sick, right?”

Both kids nodded, “I don't like to be sick. I feel yucky.” Harley made a face, sticking out her tongue.

“I just want to lay down when I am sick. I don't feel good when I am sick.” Billy added.

“That's right.” Tyler shook his head, “And that's how your mama is feeling right now. How about you guys come down stairs with me and we'll get your mommy some medicine and water to help her feel better, then I'll sit in here with you until all the storms are gone. Will that be okay?”

“You chase storms, right?” Billy asked.

Tyler nodded, “That's right. Sometimes I do.”

“Do you know when there is a tornado?” he asked.

Tyler nodded, “Normally, yes. We have a very good idea when and where the tornadoes are going to hit. That's why we chase the storms. We try to warn people of the danger before the tornadoes come and we help them after the storm.”

“Are there tornadoes coming this way tonight?” Billy asked.

“No, buddy. No tornadoes tonight. I promise. Only thunder and lighting and lots of rain.”

“It's still scary.” Harley added.

“I know.” Tyler went over and gave the little girl a hug, “That's why I am going to stay in here with you after we get your mommy some medicine. I'll stay up and watch the storms to make sure there's no tornadoes or anything bad in them. I used to be scared of storms too, you know that?”

“Really?” Billy asked, “What did you do?”

“Well, come on downstairs with me and I'll tell you while I get some stuff for your mommy.” Tyler picked up Harley and extended a hand for Billy to hold. “Billy, you can be in charge of the flashlight if you want.”

“Cool!” Billy was happy to hold the flashlight and light the way down the stairs as Tyler continued talking. “Now, when I was little like you and scared of storms, my mama would build a little bed out of blankets and pillows and we'd snuggle down and play games, or tell stories, or even sing songs. Sometimes, we'd have milk and cookies for a snack.”

“I want milk and cookies.” Harley whined, laying her head on Tyler's shoulder as he carried her into the kitchen. He sat her down in a chair and Billy climbed up in a chair next to her.

“Alright guys. I am going to fix you some milk and cookies, but you can't tell your mommy about this, okay?”

They nodded as Tyler took down three glasses, filling two of them with milk and setting them down in front of the kids. He got two cookies from the cookie jar and placed them down.

“Can we sing songs and tell stories tonight?” Billy asked in between bites of his cookie.

“Sure buddy.” Tyler agreed, fixing a glass of water for you and getting some medicine for fever and upset stomach. “We'll make a little area of blankets and pillows and we will sing songs and tell stories until you guys are ready to go back to sleep.”

“Yay!” the kids cheered.

Thunder rolled again and instantly, their smiles faded and they got a look of fear.

“It's okay, just another storm rolling in.” Tyler assured them as they finished their cookies and milk. He put their glasses in the dishwasher and then picked up your medicine and water. “Billy, do you want to lead the way again?”

Billy nodded, holding the flashlight and leading the way up the stairs and to your mom.

You hear the door open and turn to look, “Hey, I got you some medicine for your stomach and fever.” Tyler said softly, setting the water on the nightstand and handing you two pills.

“Thanks, you didn't have to.” You sat up and gave him a smile, then looked at the kids, “What are you two doing out of bed?”

“Helping Mr. Tyler.” Billy grinned.

“And we had cookies and milk!” Harley added.

“Hey! That was suppose to be a secret! You gonna get me in trouble!” Tyler grinned then turned to you, “I kept them with me so they didn't get scared. I am going to sit with them until the storms are gone. Sounds like another one is rolling in.”

“We are going to sing songs and tell stories!” Billy added.

“Thank you.” You give a soft smile to Tyler and look over at your two kids, “You two be good for Mr. Tyler, understood?”

“Yes mommy.” they both say in union.

“Okay, guys. Ready to go make a cozy area out of your blankets and pillows?” he asked.

“YAY!” The kids cheer and each grab one of his hands and pull him out of the room.

“If you need anything, let me know.” Tyler called to you as the kids pull him down the hallway and you smile.

The kids eagerly grabbed the blankets and pillows from their bed, and Harley grabbed her favorite bear, Lulu. Tyler helped them set up a seating area in the corner far away from the window and then sat down and both kids climbed up in his lap.

“Alright, do we want a song or a story first?” he asked.

“I like the Mowana song!” Harley said.

Thinking for a moment, Tyler remembered a song from the movie. He enjoyed the Disney movies, but he didn't tell anyone else that. In a way, he was still just a kid himself. As his mama kept telling him...he never grew up.

Tyler leaned back against the wall and wrapped each kid in their blanket, then began to sing.

Every turn I take

Every trail I track

Every path I make

Every road leads back to the place I know

Where I cannot go

Where I long to be

As Tyler sang, his mind wandered. This is what he had always wanted, but could never find. This was where he could not go, but longed to be. Being with you today and being with the kids made him realize what he had been missing all these years. Horseback riding with kids in tow, watching them pick wildflowers for their mama, shopping for the kids, and now...being the protector during a storm. This was what he wanted, but could never seem to have. He dated a lot, but nothing ever really got serious. A family of his own was what he really was searching for all this time, but just could never find. 'Maybe someday.' he thought to himself with a sad smile. For now, this was enough. This felt like home. This felt like exactly where his heart wanted to be.

[love-byers]

i'll never not be unhinged about this

the way it cuts to mike as he says "changing" after a full season of mike having a huge personality change and trying to grow up, and his relationship with will suffering because of it

"and i guess..." as mike hesitates to leave and everyone else bikes away

"if i'm being really honest..." as he hesitantly looks back at wills house, after repeatedly getting in trouble all season for lying to his girlfriend

"that's what scares me" as he hesitates to look away from wills house, looking conflicted and upset

"i don't want things to change" as he bikes away from wills house after a season of being mean to will and pushing him to let go of 'childish' things they used to enjoy together and accept that they will never be as close as they used to be

and the next time we see mike, he's in a dnd club. playing games. shaming lucas for trying to be normal and fit in.

and before hop is done saying "change", it cuts to will crying in jonathan's car.

"so i think maybe that's why i came in here. to try to maybe..." as mike walks into his house and stands silently in front of his mom, clearly too emotional to speak.

"...stop that change. to turn back the clock. to make thing go back to how they were." as mike accepts comfort from his mom (a clear parallel to s1 when he thought will was dead)

and after s4, we now know that mike barely reached out to will after this. why? because he was scared. he was scared of his feelings. that's what scares me. i don't want things to change.

they're endgame deal with it

[aithusarosekiller]

I have some trans regulus for you

Non-stereotypical trans Reggie who doesn't really think that short hair suits him or makes him feel better. He tries it for a while because he thinks it's what he's meant to want but then lets it grow back out a bit because it just isn't him

He didn't always know. He figured it out pretty late and it scared him bc it seemed to come out of nowhere until he really looked into it. Because it was so late on, he doesn't really have a set plan on what to do next. He gets some gender affirming stuff (binder packet etc) but doesn't wind up using them much bc they're new to him. He knows who he is in his head so the reminder that it's not how he looks from the outside is odd to him and he takes a while to warm up to it.

His coming out stories aren't big and emotional. Lily is surprisingly the first to find out but it's because she figured it out and kindly asked him: he felt her warmth and kindness and just said 'yes'. He blurts it out to Sirius one day in the middle of a visit to andromeda's and they silently move on, not really talking about it but sirius instantly changes his language. Narcissa doesn't really understand when she picks up on the shift in the way Sirius talks about him but she doesn't make a comment. James is probably the most emotional, just because he thought he was going to get dumped when reg started pulling away, just to find out it's bc he was scared after realising he was trans. There's a whole big thing about it and it all turns out okay in the end.

He never corrects people that mess up and gets awkward when certain people do it for him because he'd been taught that it was 'wrong' his whole life so he instinctively tries to hide away and make his presence as a trans person mininal. Sirius and Dorcas understand his worry but will NOT have people purposefully misgendering him

Regulus who doesn't cry much but ends up cuddled up on the sofa sobbing to his brother one night because he just feels wrong next to his trans peers, they all seem to have a distinct path to follow and a way they want to look but he can't figure it out because it's just not the same for him

He had weird dysphoria around his nose, hands, eyebrows, ass etc

Trans regulus who takes a while to figure it out and separate himself from his socialisation as a woman because it shaped so much of his past

[iz-star]

My thoughts and guesses / theories about Zayne's upcoming main story branch.

Like I've said in previous posts, I've been hella busy with work and most of all, exhausted so I haven't been able to come here and scream about the game updates (let alone draw something) but I still want to summarize my reactions from the past few days.

About the main story update, I'm really excited to see what's going to happen! I love the Dawnbreaker references but I have to be honest, I don't really think this is Dawnbreaker, he's still Dr Zayne (they both are part of each other somehow, but you understand what I mean).

Here's why:

At first, I genuinely thought this time we really would get the chance to interact with Dawnbreaker since Zayne is wearing DB's outfit and not a jumpscare outfit like in Snowy Serenity but the more I watched the trailer, the more I realized that this is still Dr Zayne which both makes me feel alleviated (cause if it were to be Dawnbreaker, it would leave us wondering where Dr Zayne is) and scared cause if he gets to suffer/ sacrifice himself in this time line like he did as Foreseer and MoF, I don't know well how I'll handle it.

He's a male lead so I don't think they will kill him off (? but somehow with Zayne one never knows, he's honestly always surprising us. In any case, my wildest theory is that if something happens to Dr Zayne, then we'll continue his branch with Dawnbreaker... idk? Anyway, don't really pay too much attention to this since it's most unlikely that something like this happens.

The impression I got after watching the trailer so many times is that this is actually Dr Zayne in the process of becoming 'Dawnbreaker' (maybe not exactly his other self but the concept) which has been one of his biggest fears; the reason? Because the Xander Sciences experiments, the severe cases of Protocore Syndrome and Metaflux anomalies are probably speeding the process of humanity to get doomed since in Dawnbreaker's world, humans turning into wanderers is something pretty recurrent and the very reason Zayne is a killer and his world is apocalyptic. Dr Zayne knows of this, he knows using protocores in human hearts is dangerous (the very reason he gave up his research in university), he also knows that to be exposed to big quantities of metaflux is what turns humans into Wanderers, he knows it because when he and William fought side by side in Mt Eternal, it was in order to destroy a Protofield that got out of hand and the Metaflux anomalies there were bringing to land more Wanderers. It was until they destroyed the protofield when William started to turn into an Abomination and then, a Wanderer.

In the trailer, Dr Zayne says something like 'We have no choice but to destroy this place" so my guess is that there is another big Metaflux anomaly like in Mt Eternal but this time in a place where there is a lot of ppl and due to being exposed to it, they're turning into Wanderers, something that Zayne as a Doctor can't cure: "Aren't you a Doctor. You should've save me!"

In fact, this is something he can only cure as Dawnbreaker:

I'm really interested to know who was the guy who asked Zayne to kill him. My guesses are:

William (and this probably a flashback).

Carter

Greyson (most unlikely since the voice didn't mach but goshh could you imagine the angst if it was him??)

So if there is another Metaflux anomaly it means that there's a Protofield that got out of hand and it probably was in either Akso Hospital or Xander Sciences company cause they had a special patient that accoring to what they say in the trailer, had a fragil heart that would've stopped long ago.

If I'm not mistaken (and since I'm currently sleepy and feeling lazy) in the World Underneath anecdotes Carter and Xander Sciences tried to keep some patients alive or to revive them using protocores and keeping him in pods but it didn't work? However, long before these anecdotes were released, we knew that there were already organizations doing research about immortality:

It seems that 'A special energy field' is necesary in order to reach better conditions to regenerate the human heart. What if this 'special energy field' is something similar to a Protofield? If we remember correctly, in both Rafayel and Xavier's myths MC's heart was necessary for them to live immortal lifes? In Rafayel's case, she seemed to give ppl some kind of energy? But at the same time she couldn't leave their city neither. In Xavier's case, her heart was like an unending source of energy for Philos core and they wanted to feed Philos core with her so they would stop to sending humans and then Philos core would stop crearing wanderers.

In both cases, it seems that MC is the source of energy of a Protofield that both gives it enough quantities of energy to keep it balanced and making ppl within this field to be immortal (like her) without the risk of becoming wanderers. In Rafayel's myth, she was already the source of this field, so there are actually no wanderers in this myth. In Xavier's myth, she wasn't the source of it so they were creating wanderers bc of it.

What if in this case, Xander Sciences discovers that the key to reach immortality lies in creating a Protofield with enough energy to create the needed conditions to regenerate human hearts for indefinite amount of time and that the KEY to achieve this lies in MC's aether core??

What if what Zayne is trying to protect here is MC's heart so they won't use her to reach immortality, EVEN if he knows that this most likely will avoid tons of deaths and will stop the creation of wanderers and ALSO will avoid his future as Dawnbreaker but even so he chooses to save her, just like he did as Foreseer and Master of Fate.

And lastly, he mentions "When that day comes... When I can't wake up" my only guesses are:

His nightmare of becoming "The Grim Reaper" will become true.

By destroying the Protofield that is creating the anomaly, he also freezes himself?

Maybe he steals part of MC's power or even he takes the creatio protocore he gave to her as Foreseer and uses it on himself so instead of using her as the source of energy for this Protofield, he offers himself as this unending source of energy? (This one is quite wild and seems unlikely to happen but I still wanted to mention it ahaha).

Anyway these are all my thoughts for now. Please take this with a grain of salt, since these are only silly theories and nothing official. We'll have to wait some days more to discover the truth.

[laughroditee]

Queen behavior

Characters: little Simon Riley (age 6), his dad, his mom, Tommy (age 4) CW: domestic abuse, verbal abuse, yelling, fearful children, crying, anxiety, alcoholism and/or drug abuse Word Count: 554

Lay down and sleep with all the ghosts again, again, again, again

“One, two, three, four….” Simon counted inside his head, looking for a distraction – anything to keep him from hearing the voices that drifted through the tiny crack under his bedroom door.

It was late, and his father must have come home the way he does some nights where he acts meaner than usual and smells bad, sometimes going as far as to pass out on the couch or fall up the stairs. Simon didn't understand it, but it made his mother uneasy, and anything that scared her scared him.

A shout leaked into the room like gas, filling the space with its dread, and Simon squeezed his eyes shut against the apparition it conjured. He wished for once that he could sleep as soundly as Tommy could; maybe something about sleeping in the top bunk made you fearless.

At least, that's what he would have thought had his little brother not suddenly jumped into bed with him, diving beneath the covers and wedging himself between Simon and the wall. 

Footsteps on the stairs brought his parents' voices closer, and his mother sounded panicked. Simon covered Tommy with his blanket as if that shredded square of yellow fabric could shield him from their father.

“They're just children! I won't have–” 

The slap echoed so loudly that Simon could feel it in his teeth, and he stiffened in bed, holding his breath.

“Did I fuckin' ask you what you will or won't have, you slag? Think you're the bloody queen or something? You ain't nothin’ but a cunt, so don't you act all high and mighty with me!”

Simon counted the blows his father inflicted upon his mother, the hellish compulsion to keep counting — to seek distraction and order — undeniable.

His mother's pain-filled cries reverberated in the hallway right outside of their bedroom door, and at last, he heard a clunk against the wood. It seemed she dragged herself forward and took her station on the floor against his door, stubbornly keeping their father out despite the beating.

After some time, his father scoffed, then spit. “You ain't worth my time. Useless fucking woman,” he muttered. The stomping gait of his father retreated angrily down the stairs, the walls rattling when the front door slammed behind him. 

For about ten seconds, the Rileys held their collective breath, the ensuing silence filled by their mother’s quiet sobs.

”Mummy?” Tommy’s quavering voice called out, his head emerging from under the blanket.

A sniffle. “Tommy?”

Simon could tell his mother was hurt by the way she grunted as she pulled herself up to stand, and the way she leaned heavily on the other side of the door, but what was just as telling was the long pause before she opened it.

Mrs. Riley came in with a smile, a calm mask to present to her children despite the bruises and her shining eyes. She strode to their bedside, blinking rapidly as she sat on the edge of the mattress, taking her boys into her arms and kissing them.

Tommy burst into tears, their mother’s hand carding through his fair hair as she cooed soothing words at them both.

“Mum?” Simon asked.

“Yes, love?”

“You'll always be a queen to me, Mum,” said Simon quietly, and he listened as his mother crumpled into sobs, bearing the grief of them all.

[sun-snatcher]

i know you're writing blurbs for matt murdock but if you ever have the itch to write for frank castle please know i never stopped thinking about your post on your Punisher + COD references...

( all credits to @mcgregor for this lovely gifset of our boys! )

☠️ — PUNISHER + CALL OF DUTY

a/n. All the pretty boys of COD in one Marvel universe is a thought indeed! This blurb's set in s1 of Punisher, when Frank & Billy first reunite after their radio-call.

"WHERE THE HELL DID RILEY go, eh, Bill?" Frank says, kicking back into his squeaky chair. "Last I saw him, we were workin' at some border, when Keller still had his leg."

The sun’s setting over New York waters, and for a moment, it feels like they're on tour in Afghanistan all over again— dirt and sand in their combat boots, sharing shitty, flat beer at some rickety outpost where they talked shit until dawn.

( Billy’s missed this. His brothers. Frank. )

"Riley? Simon Riley?" he laughs, eyebrows high at the snap of memories suddenly rushing forward. "Shit, haven't heard that Brit’s name in years. The hell was his callsign again?"

"Ghost," they say in unison, snorting into their drinks. That dirty-white skull mask is still imprinted fresh as a daisy across their minds. Frank shakes his head. "Scariest motherfucker I've ever seen.”

( “Don’t think I’ve ever seen his face. D’y’ever wonder, Frankie? I mean, Roach was the only one who did, s’far as I can remember, and he took that shit to the grave, too.”

“Scared Ghost’s got a prettier face than you, Russo? Ah, fuck off I’m kiddin’. Nah, he got it on for a reason. S’long as he can do his job— And he sure as hell fuckin’ can, that’s f’sure.” )

"He’s in a task force. Still S.A.S, Black Ops stuff, CIA redactions, y’know the drill. Price recruited him— think it’s called the 141?” Billy recalls, canting his head.

It’s been a long while since he’d checked on his tea-sipping allies. He ought to meet up with Gaz, soon.

“Last I heard, they headed a mission in London— that one, yeah, the terrorist attack down in the subway— and I heard they lost one of their own. MacTavish.”

“Soap? Ah, fuck.”

Frank had met him through the Captain. A bright-eyed Scotsman sharpshooter who’d leave a lasting mark in just about everybody he came across; either by a bullet or by his sharp wit.

“I contacted Price at the time, offered Anvil’s services on whatever they needed, but he declined,” Billy says, and Frank wonders if the bitterness he caught in his tone was just the alcohol getting to his head.

“Think he’s been put off by PMC’s ever since the whole Shadow Company scandal with Graves and the General.”

“Can’t blame ‘im, Bill. Brothers turnin’ against each other? Worst kind.”

A beat.

Billy Russo blinks back to the horizon, blindsided.

“…Yeah.”

[cuckaracha]

Ohhh please give Ace opinions. I love seeing people yap about Ace

With pleasure ^_^!

V spoilers talk! V

Most of my opinions were revealed to be sort of true on the last episode so it wouldn't surprise me if this is one-to-one what everyone believes now: Ace to me seems like an extremely love starved person, like, its so painfully obvious that he's faced some sort of neglect in his life. So much so to the point that he keeps himself guarded all the time to avoid falling for the trap of liking someone and then they immediately turn on him. Hence what he said to Levi during the trial. Ace is feels too much. He's well aware of his surroundings and how shitty he acts, but if he doesn't feel anger or fear, the loneliness kicks in. It's a toxic cycle of self-hatred, low self-esteem and cynicism. Though I do believe that it's mostly the situation making his bad habits shine more brightly, because during the prologue/chapter1, Ace is kind of just a bratty jock. He cracks jokes, he hangs out with everyone and he seems to not be plagued as much by his fear unless you breach the topic.

Hence why I personally think that there's no other person like Levi to be used as foil for him. Regardless of how you think on their relationship, be it romantic or platonic or whatever, it's nothing new that their attitudes clash so much, it comes back around to them covering each other's weakness very well. A little guy that feels to much and is scared of giving out of fear of being hurt, and a big guy that feels too little that gives to others out of necessity. So when taken to their natural extreme, they would very obviously have problems, specially under the circumstances that they're both in. Ace, tragically believing the one thing he knew he shouldn't have, and Levi hopelessly attempting to fix what he inadvertently broke. It's peak toxic yaoi imo.

(which also, at least in my opinion, makes Levi the one true Ace lover. None of the other boys have as much of their nuance intrinsically mangle with Ace's as him. But again, that's just me. Ship this little freak with however boy you want. Fuck it. Make him a slut even.)

The other thing that has popped in my mind a lot is his family situation. I know with my take of his family, he's like a middle child or whatever, but that was just me wanting to be contrarian to the obvious, more solid interpretation of Ace being the eldest of the 9 brothers. Because when you think about, him being forced into jockeying by his family to maintain them economically makes sense. He hates it, but if he doesn't do it, he'll be the loser everyone knows him to be. He'd be disposed of by his family, believing that they only care about him for his talent and the money that comes from it. And if he doesn't do it, the job might fall to one of his younger siblings. Something he can't morally do. Because as much of a stupid little shithead as he is, he's not an idiot. Ace knows what's right and what's wrong. He understands the cruelty of the world to an extent. And as such. He's forced into being the breadmaker for his big ass family until the day he either retires or dies.

All this to say. I love Ace Markey. He's such a silly little goofball full of depression and anxiety that is one fart away from going insane. Like I haven't even touched on my thoughts on Taylor (which I also got right on my earlier theory) and how that affects the Ace economy. I relate so much to this guy it's fucking unreal. I don't think I've ever hyperfixated on a character this much. Like. So much so that I even got a fucking custom plushie made out of him and am constantly drawing him.

Anyways thanks for listening to my old man ramble, have an Ace my friend Fennex made.

[iid-smile]

how they hold a baby

sakura, suo, kaji, umemiya

if you were dating them series

sakura haruka | under the armpits, completely away from him

do not let this man hold a baby, because he does NOT know what to do

if he's handed a baby randomly with no warning, he's so panicked. comically looks left and right when nobody else can carry them for him

kinda scared they might poop, because he's got an impression that babies have full diapers all the time

tries his best to comfort them, but his knowledge is completely based off what he sees other people do. his arms get so confused when he attempts to copy different holds from memory

suo hayato | hip hold

actually knows how to hold a baby

no offence, but he'd rather not have a baby touching all over his face. fingers are okay, but he washes his hands afterwards. not a big fan of kissing or being overly cute with children either, unless they're immediate family

he wouldn't mind then touching his earrings either, as long as they don't tug

would hate to have a baby throw up or use their diaper while he's holding them

when his back is turned, the baby somehow starts crying. who knows what kind of face he pulled for them to cry instantly like that?

kaji ren | by the back of their clothes

do not let this man hold a baby part 2

he's not as confused, but he doesn't know what to do either, so he goes with what's easiest

it's a genuine hazard seeing him walk around holding them like a dumbbell or shopping bag. the weight feels like nothing to him

eventually does correct himself with advice

he does it best when he's sat down, not that it's much better. he holds them upright and stares down at them as if he's got nothing better to do

umemiya hajime | in the air

...

do not let this man hold a baby part 3

honestly he holds a baby normally, usually cradle hold, it's just that he cannot stop throwing them in the air

he's one of those guys that pretends to nearly drop the baby as they come down, but also has a huge heart attack if anyone else does it

definitely coos or plays peekaboo with them, because it's something he always does and is used to. he loves burping babies as well and finds it really cute

he's comfortable holding any age of child in general

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

OMG would you like some SAD TIME?💙

I really can't stop thinking about a 'what if one of the Haitani brothers died' so I'mma share a slice of my brain in the hotpot. Ok, so, the ending was rushed but if it wasn't rushed, I imagine Ran is more likely to die in the fight. Right? That'd be so juicy. Like just imagine the after of it, just Rindou going through the life of gang and violence all by himself without the guidance of his brother. I imagined that he'd be reckless and would probably get into more trouble without Ran clearing the front for him.

Ran's death would overwhelm him with grief that he might question his own worth and abilities. He might even start feeling that he’s now even more in the shadow of his brother who was seen as the more popular one when he was alive but is dead now. You know, Ran lived his life being more known than him, he was the popular brother. And now, Rindou will be known as the little brother of the deceased Ran Haitani. It'll just remind him that he's gone everytime.

On the other hand, he'd feel guilty and lost. He feels guilty for getting separated in the fight and to be woken up by Ran dragging him to safety and losing him at the same time. He feels lost because the Haitani brothers wouldn't be called that if there was just one, they're always a pair. He's alone and there's no one by his side. No matter how much he rolls his eyes at his presence, he's still his big brother, there's no one else in the world that he's closer to than Ran.

Rindou's scared, really scared. He's scared of Ran leaving him.

Btw, I love your updates and posts! It really makes the TR fandom very lively!( ≧ᗜ≦)❤

Ohh this reminds me of all the Ran death theories/ predictions because of this image!

Rindou would definitely take it very badly though, he's always had Ran, always been part of a duo. So if Ran was gone I think Rindou would struggle a lot with what to do, losing Ran would hurt him so badly. He'd probably start using alcohol to try and cope too, since he already is known to drink a lot. Actually do think the remaining S62 members would try to be there for him though, Shion especially seems to think highly of him so could see him try to kinda be a big brother to him (it probably goes pretty badly but in a way Shion being a bit silly would likely provide at least a bit of a distraction to Rindou).

[caprisunnydays]

Stardew Valley x Reader Bachelor Headcanons

Alex

Before you and Alex got together, you probably became long time friends

He was def like "damn they hot" but then when it became more than just that he was like "DAMN THEY'RE HOT"

It's been a bit since he's felt those silly little butterflies, it genuinely makes him nervous

Que him leaning against a wall like "Hey bbg" but he's sweating bullets

After his confession, he feels much better, and the nervous air that only you could really pick up on has disappeared

Very PDA, arm is always around you, probably not in the back pocket but if he's tipsy enough then boom it appears

Insists on going in the mines with you but saw a slime and wanted to dip so bad but you protected him <3

"Heh...I totally wasn't scared. Don't worry babe I'll protect you" nah boy

He feels his heart melt every time he sees you and Evelyn baking together, or her just acting like your grandma

Even George has become a grandpa figure, giving advice with alex or general things

Alex is secretly insecure about himself, but with you, he finds room to grow as a person and find that those worries are unwarranted

Though he doesn't say it often, you make him feel seen, and he truly appreciates that

Elliot

(Personal fav right now so I'm about to go OFF)

If you picked romance for his book he's imagining you both as the main characters

Not a complete parallel because he's like "can't be creepy" but a teensy bit

Speaking of "can't be creepy" he has written multiple sonnets about you since realizing his feelings

Unlike some of the other bachelors, he embraces his feelings more, using his passion to inspire his writing and other endeavors

Heavy on the gifts and courting stuff

Gives you love poems at least once a week he has so many piled up but he doesn't wanna go overboard

Says the sappiest things all the time with this love struck look in his eyes

PRETTIEST MANNNNN

Words of affirmation kinda guy, he's poetic like that

Leah pokes at him for being a simp but mans could not care less he's proud

Picks out pretty sea shells that wash up on the shore and gives them to you, and they're always intact!

Big fan of the flower dance and looks forward to getting to dance with you in front of the entire town! maybe your worst nightmare but he's just happy to show you off (and his dancing skills lol)

Speaking of which, mans is gonna teach you how to waltz and a bunch of other old timey dances

At some point he WILL show up in the pouring rain to profess his love, or give you flowers, or both

You're like "Elliot we're literally dating was this necessary and he's like "OF COURSE MY DEAR"

He'd love heartstopper

Harvey

Insert too sweet by Hozier

Silly little doctor guy tries to avoid you but can't help but be drawn to you

He sees you running around doing your daily tasks, and just watches you from afar from the window of the doctor's office

Maru notices and tells you to come in sometime cuz her boss ain't gonna get nowhere by himself

When you start coming in more often he can feel himself die of embarrassment when he fails to make interesting conversation

Is very worried about your health though and fusses when you pass out in the mines/street

He gets even more adamant about you taking care of yourself once he's confessed

Way less nervous though!

Looks at you with adoration eyes when you do anything

Tipsy Harvey is a cute Harvey because he starts spilling his guts on how often he thinks of you

Whenever you're not busy with work he appreciates you stopping by the office, just to talk about both of your days

He yaps to everyone about you btw

Doesn't mean to but when someone brings you up he's like "oh yes me and my partner love to-" or "my partner loves-" etc etc

I used to not be a fan but he's such a sweetiepie

Sam

"I just love a guy who plays guitar <3" - u @Sam

That's it

I JEST

Originally he's like "hey come and hang out with me, Sebastian, and Abigail"

Then you start coming over and it's just you both alone

He's not creepy about it, just wants to spend time with you one on one

Loves showing you the songs he works on and if you want he'll show you how to play guitar too!

He's also happy with how well you get along with Jodi, always trying to get you both to bond, it makes him feel nice that you feel like you're apart of the family

Once y'all are together he does sneak you in anytime he gets the chance

He'll text you like "come over" You : I've gotta be up at 6am Him : "PLZPLZPLZPLZ-"

OG golden retriever bf

You both go shopping at Joja at 3am for fun and goof off

Or go run around in the forest taking aesthetically pleasing pintrest photos

Sebastian

You can't tell me he's not an arctic monkeys kinda guy so insert R U Mine? By Arctic Monkeys

It took him time to warm up to you

When he did you became one of the few people he could hang out with after a long day of socializing and not feel drained around

I can see him doing things that aren't always super platonic and thinking he wants to do them because

"Platonically" holding your hand, cuddling, etc

At town events he stands all close to you, complaining about how much he hates it, but showing disappointment when you mention leaving

Everyone's like are y'all dating and he goes NO way too fast

When you both finally ARE together though he's actually much less affectionate and public, but it doubles when you're in the comfort of his basement room

Finds the most joy in keeping you trapped in his bed with him until noon when you say you should be working on your farm

Especially in the colder months, then you can also share his mom's pumpkin soup

He's almost catlike with his affection

Another guy you run around and take aesthetically pleasing pintrest photos with, but his are more grunge esk

"Accidentally" leaves his hoodies at your place but he likes seeing you in em

I imagine that the characters have those closets filled with the same outfit, so when you try and give him his stuff back he goes "nah" and whips out his 100th hoodie

Shane

PACK IT UP SAVIOUR COMPLEX I mean what who said that

After you rescue him from the depths of his depressive alcoholism, he feels guilty for having feelings for you

Part of it is because he's like "fuck do I actually like them or is it just cuz they basically saved my life" and partly because it feels painfully stereotypical

Not a lot changes, though he is a lot more open to you then he is with other people, even with Marnie

Helps out with your chickens when he has free time

Talks to them about his problems and once you almost walked in on him ranting about his feelings for you (bro was shook)

But once he's confessed, well, he's still insecure about some things, but accepts your help with stride

Jealous easily, but tries not to show it

Acts of service kinda guy, so if you need him to run an errand while you're swamped with farm work? He's on it

Pulls up to your farm with a bunch of snacks and a bag full of movies for you to pick from

He sets it up while you take a shower to wash all the grime and dirt off from a days work so you can just come and cozy up on the couch with him

You're also basically besties with Jas, such a sweet girl, always asks you to play jump rope with her

You both go "say no to drugs" to her l o l

Marnie is also now your bestie so even when she's not working you can get stuff from the shop #WIN

I loooooove stardew valley it's so cool so great

[thelonelyshore-if]

Beck Drabble

Or, Beck wakes up next to MC for the first time.

Beck wakes up to the feeling of a warm body tucked snugly in the curve of his arms. Consciousness creeps, slow as frost on a window, as he tries to make sense of this. Shouldn't he be alone?

No–wait. 

A memory comes, springing to the front of his mind. Last night. It was late, and he hadn't wanted it to end, and he…he asked you to stay. 

He asked you to stay and you said yes. That one simple word–yes–dripping from your lips like honey. It terrified him. Excited him. He likes you, but this is a whole new level. You're in his bed. Your body fits against his like a puzzle piece, and his lungs are so tight they feel like they're going to pop. 

Air. Beck needs air. This is too much, too fast.

He untangles himself, attempting to gently pry his lithe form away from yours. He doesn’t want to wake you, regardless of the way panic stampedes through his chest. You look so serene. Beck slips his arm out from under you, tries to replace it with a pillow. Slowly pulls away, rolling over and dropping off the bed onto his feet.

The noise of his soles hitting the hardwood makes him flinch. Dark eyes shoot up and settle on where you lay, curled up with your back to him. No reaction. He exhales, relief not quite making up for the instant pang of loss in his chest. The AC unit in the window blows hard enough to leave a chill in the air, even though it’s October.

Usually, he likes it cold when he sleeps…but now the chill reminds him of how good you felt in his arms, warm and snug.

Beck turns his back on you. Closes his eyes. What was he thinking, asking you to stay? Had he lost his mind? He doesn’t know what to do with you here, in his bed, in his apartment. Sleeping the morning away, sure to wake up soon enough.

For a second he imagines himself in bed beside you when you do. Feeling you stir in his arms, turn around and look at him with sleepy eyes. Maybe you’d reach up, catch his lips with your own. Start the day with a kiss, bodies pressed flush together. 

He swallows hard, shaking his head. He can’t fall into that trap. He bounces in place, nervous energy coursing through him. He refuses to turn back and look at you–instead he pitches forward, taking a few stumbling steps towards his bedroom door.

The problem is, he thinks as he flees, that he likes you. Too much. More than he’s maybe liked anyone before. And he has absolutely no idea what the fuck he’s supposed to do about it. He’s not...not the type. He never has been. Relationships are tricky. Hard to pin down.

Beck isn’t really the type to be pinned down.

He reaches the doorframe, his heart in his ears. He grabs the knob, palms slick with sweat, and pulls it open. The creak sounds like a gunshot. He pauses, gritting his teeth and squeezing his eyes shut. Hardly daring to breathe. Does he look back? 

What the hell is he supposed to do if he does and you’ve woken? How could he even begin to face you, if you looked up and saw him running away?

“I’m sorry,” he envisions himself saying. Hands shaking as he looks away, “I’m scared.”

Yeah, right. Like he’d ever.

Anyway, he isn’t scared. Beck doesn’t get scared. He’s just…

He doesn’t know. He doesn’t have the words. All he knows is that he has to get out, to get some air. To think this over. 

You haven’t spoken, so he assumes he’s good. He finishes opening the door, stepping out into the hallway. Each step is tiny. Like his body is manifesting the hesitation he’s pretending doesn’t exist. His thoughts race, doubt chewing away at him.

Isn’t it silly, running away from his own bed? Especially considering he wanted you with him? And the way he felt with you in his arms, like everything in the world was right? 

Beck comes to a stop, excruciatingly slow. The fear still rages inside–fear of commitment, fear of letting you down, fear of fucking this up–but fear’s an old friend. One he’s used to ignoring. He looks over his shoulder at his door, propped half-open. 

It’s freezing in the hallway. You’re warm.

That’s what sells it. He’s cold, and you’re warm, and he misses you, besides. Slotting himself beside you in bed for a little bit longer isn’t a lifelong commitment. It’s just giving you the morning. Giving himself the morning. And what’s wrong with that?

Beck shoves down the fear and the doubt. He decisively turns heel, marches back into the room. Climbs back into bed quickly, not even trying to avoid waking you. He leans over you, long black hair framing your face.

Your eyelids flutter open, and you’re none the wiser. Beck smiles, bends down. He kisses you, hard and fast, cupping your cheek in one hand. You’re barely awake but you kiss back, and the feeling of it sparks something hot and smoldering deep in his chest. He lets the fire burn for a long moment before pulling away.

“Good morning?” you ask, voice heavy with sleep

Beck grins. He kisses you again, just a peck.

“Morning,” he says, before rolling to the side and flopping onto his back.

He wraps an arm around you, drawing you in close. The warmth of you is addictive, compared to the cold of the room, and he wants to lose himself in it. You burrow yourself deeper into his side. He thinks you’re still mostly asleep.

All the better. This is how the day started. Beck lets go of his hesitation, overwrites it with this moment. No need to dwell on uncertainty. He’s certain of you now, in this moment, and that’s all that matters.

[euryvices]

weird things about my town that lowkey remind me of tma

god, this is going to be a long post.

okay so. i grew up in a town in the middle east (about 200 people), with my bestfriend Whom I Will Not Shut The Fuck Up about apparently, and it was a strikingly different experience to most people who've grown up in the middle east, or in america. it was yk, a rich people town, populated and run mostly by generational wealth owners. as a result, our town was very hush-hush, despite it being in the Crackass Of Nowhere.

i started listening to tmagp about two months back, under the instructions (*cough cough coercion cough cough*) of my lovely moots (im looking at you @forflightlessbirds and @need-a-name-101) i've noticed a few things which may be...off.

the first thing i need to clarify are the rules. we had five of them, that nobody really stuck to, but we all knew of. the rules in and of themselves are normal things any parent tells their child, but weirdly specific. there weren't really any repercussions if we didn't stick to the rules - but most of the time, we didn't like breaking them. they were, as follows :

don't tell strangers your real name, and if you do, run and tell the head of the community center.

if people approach you about 'coming to god' (i.e, christian/muslim/jewish missionaries) tell them god has moved.

do Not enter the junkyard at night. (we broke this one)

always carry a knife. most of us were given jade knives, but my bestfriend got a gold one. ive teased him about it most of our lives, even after we shifted.

take a buddy with you everywhere, and if you can't find one, don't go out.

me and my brother have broken all these rules about once at least, except for the knife one and the junkyard. me and my bestfriend broke the junkyard one though. we shifted together when we were barely teens. first, we lived in the uk, then in the states. we headed back home and barely spoke for a year before he died, at the ripe old age of 17. i miss him, but thats not the point.

it was only after we moved, that we realized how truly Fucked Up our town was. we were living in the middle of war ravaged county, and we had swimming pools, and ipads, and sunset cocktails? obviously i didn't realise it as a kid, as a pre-teen even - but looking at it from the outside feels like a gut punch.

now here's where im going to yap about the similarities between tma and my shitstorm of a childhood and hopefully Will Not Piss Anyone Off. if you're from my town - you'll know exactly what im talking about, and i seriously hope you reach out and/or message me.

the things everyone knows the things. they're just. there. kinda like the bogeyman your mom scares you with when you don't eat lunch except most of us have just accepted that they're real

old man hanna if you've lived here, you know him. he's weird, he's kooky, and he's got a million books and tape recorders and vinyls. he's maybe the only person in that place that doesn't come from money. he hates electronics, says they can't capture things the way old school stuff does

the graves now, our town is mainly christian. uber arab christian. we've got graves, we've got cemeteries. but outside it, on the outskirts, lie a long line of unmarked graves. are they from the arab-israeli war? the gulf war? lord knows

the 2015 blackout this was the creepiest thing that happened here. the blackout, and then the radio stations playing that reading of the bible? my parents shut everything off and rushed me and bulos to the master bedroom

the skydiving institute i have no idea if the government approved this godforsaken place, but it was there. it led to the disappearance of nahren, who was deathly afraid of heights but she said she was ready to face her fears

the church when i shifted to the uk, i saw the proceedings of the greek orthodox church there. and let me tell you - it's so different to our church. for starters, our church doesn't even seem to have any affiliation to the goc, even though it should?? the entire thing is so different

the pond now this is rather controversial. our town's pond was created in the early 70's, but no one knows How or Why. realistically, there shouldn't have been any water supply that far inland. and the water should not be that salty. we don't acknowledge it, and no one drinks from it, even if its really hot. there's a sign outside that asks parents to hold their children tightly when passing by the pond

the soldiers they're mainly american (at least the one i met was), but they rarely enter our town. and when they do, they can only stay in one specific motel - we're not allowed to talk to them. once i did, though. im still...fucked up from it

there's a lot more, but i don't think y'all wanna know about my fucked up town anymore. just writing this is giving me the heebie-jeebies.

we usually aren't allowed to leave our town once we're in it. but my dad got special permission for us to leave, before the divorce. so we did. and then my parents got divorced. which made our family Not Happy, so we weren't exactly welcomed back.

that being said, i don't think there's anything really wrong with my town. it's just a bit...different. and i love it. even if it doesn't seem to love me right now.

god, i think i need to go lay down. i hate remembering all this.