#feel that there's a long pointy metal object in my gums and it HURTS | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

running-in-the-dark · 1 year ago

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so, at my appointment today my new dentist informed me that my psychiatrist told her I shouldn't get laughing gas because I could react badly to it. because of my 'neurological condition/disorder'

bitch I have anxiety. what???

and.... I would 100% be willing to risk a bad reaction! no one fucking asked me! I'm SO afraid of going to the dentist now, I don't fucking care if I dont react well to that, I just wanted to TRY at least once!

I fucking switched dentists in part because I wanted to finally try that. and now I can't because that dude said so. like, cool, give me something else for the panic I get at these appointments??? but no it's just like 'yeah no you get nothing bye'

I'm so angry 😭

had a pretty shit day today - I was already in pain, and then I somehow hurt my back (literally just stood there and moved my arm to pick something up and suddenly had this awful pain in my back). so I've just been lying on the couch all day. it's better now but still pretty painful.

I wanted to paint today but obviously that didn't happen. and yesterday I was so tired that I just fell asleep so I didn't paint then either. tomorrow I've got a dental appointment and that always leaves me very fatigued, soo I'm guessing I won't do anything tomorrow either.

then my niece is sleeping here, then my brother is coming over to help me go through all the stuff for my thesis, then it's my sister-in-law's birthday (which I'm also making a cake for).

I'm so tired.

#I asked like three times if she was sure we couldn't just try once and she got really annoyed #I've got an appointment with the psychiatrist at the end of the month but I'm getting two fillings done before that and I don't fucking #want that now. I don't know if I can. pushing myself and just going despite how panicked I am just keeps making it WORSE #because it hurts so bad every time. the needles for the local anesthetic hurt SO MUCH every. single. time.#every time the doctor says it won't hurt and they'll be gentle and it'll be quick #and every time I end up crying and hyperventilating because it hurts SO MUCH. even with the numbing spray. that does nothing! I can still #feel that there's a long pointy metal object in my gums and it HURTS #fuck I really thought this might make it okay. and now that's just gone. so basically what I'm left with is - it'll ALWAYS hurt it'll #ALWAYS be awful and bad and horrible #I haven't gotten any fillings since I started taking the anti anxiety meds so I don't know if that'll help a little maybe. but it did not #stop me from feeling scared before my regular dental appointments or when I had surgery.#so basically what I'm hearing is I'm fucked and it'll never get any better than this and I don't know if I can handle that #I don't know if the psychiatrist has a good reason to say that. because no one fucking talked TO ME. it's ok for her to ask him about #that but it's not ok for them to decide that without involving me or at least explaining WHY.#no my 'neurological condition' is not a good enough reason #I know I'm probably just a stupid whiny idiot and they're probably right but it feels so fucking shitty #this was so hard for me and I finally felt like something might help and then that's just taken from me and no one fucking cares #😭 I know I'm being dramatic and stupid and it's not a big deal but 😭😭😭#I'm literally crying over this rn I hate everything #it doesn't matter that they swore it won't hurt because this dentist is sooo good at doing injections. IT WILL STILL HURT. it always does!!#maybe something is wrong with me idk but it ALWAYS hurts SO MUCH and everyone acts like I'm exaggerating but I'm not??#literally every time there's a needle that goes into my skin it hurts so fucking bad and I don't understand how it doesn't for other people #😭😭😭#I'm ready to give up #every time I try to make things better and more bearable someone goes 'nope just stop being a baby and deal with it' and then I want to die #yes all this because I have to go to the dentist. I know it's fucking ridiculous 😭#personal

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