#fast. easy. perfect for my lazy lil ass

[paraparker-blog]

london boy - t.h.

but something happened, i heard him laughing, i saw the dimples first and then i heard the accent ...

-based off of taylor swift’s ‘london boy’! listen to it while you read :) -warnings: lil language, small sexual refernces, and FLUFF oh my gawd

-

You looked around at your surroundings in awe. Trains bustled, people ran about, chattering in their accented voices, fancy buildings towering over you. It was all so much- maybe even too much. However, that didn't stop you from digging a small notebook out of the crossbody purse slung across your shoulders.

You began walking again, scribbling enthusiastically about all the sights around you. You had grown up in a tiny town; a rural area. You were a quiet, shy, introverted kind of girl. Basically, you weren't used to this kinda thing at all. You were a small-town girl living in a lonely world, never been to New York, Los Angeles, Chicago- etc. But then, here you were, moved to Kingston, London, which was huge.

An elbow bumped into your journal, causing you to mess up your (already messy) records. "Hey," you said sharply, looking up and glaring at the culprit. You'd been bumped already six times today, and you were not having it. "Could you please watch out?"

However, no sooner when the words had escaped your mouth did you regret it. Because underneath that black baseball cap tugged halfway down his face and the black sunglasses framing his eyes, you recognized that face. That was most definitely the face of Tom Holland, Spider-Man actor and hottest British boy alive. Ho-oo-ly shit!

Obviously, acting the typical nerdy, shy, introverted person you were, of course you were also a big geek. A geek of Marvel was at the top of the list, and a geek of Tom Holland at that. Standing in front of him, right then, right here, was so surreal you just couldn't help it when the pen fell out of your hand and you started to say his name.

Tom grabbed your hand and pulled you along quickly, away from the crowd. You couldn't even get yourself to pull away or consider the possibility he could be a serial killer, just focusing on the fact that holy-crap-Tom-Holland-actor-of-Spider-Man-hottest-man-alive was holding your hand. He led you to an alley before finally letting go.

"I'm so sorry," he apologized quickly. Inwardly, you swooned at that rich, deep accented voice of his. "It's just I needed a day off around the town, and nobody's seen me yet. I needed to stay undercover."

"Oh," you muttered, a light blush tinting your cheeks. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"'S no problem, love." He watched you as you hurriedly stuffed the journal back into your bag. He couldn't help thinking you were very pretty, as he watched you huff, blowing a piece of stray hair that had fallen into your eyes, your s/c skin gleaming in the weak light outside, your eyes sparkling and bright. And you were wearing a Midtown School of Science and Technology hoodie.

He couldn't help but grin. "So," he said as you straightened up. "Spider-Man fan, are you, then?" He nodded to your top.

You looked down at it and flushed. The one day you had chosen to dress lazy and wear your nerdy-ass hoodie... but you weren't about to act embarrassed in front of him. "Yeah," you answered haughtily. "I'm a really big fan! I love Marvel." You hoped you didn't sound like a dork.

Tom found it adorable. He laughed, a light, happy sound. "Cool. Hey, weird question. I know we just met, but, uh, can I have your number?"

Can you?! you thought. But instead, suppressing a squeal, you said calmly, "yeah, okay." How was this happening? And why? And why so fast?

You had so many questions, but curious looks were beginning to be thrown your way, and one girl had even stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, narrowing her eyes and craning her neck to get a better look at Tom. He turned his back on her quickly, before pulling a reciept out of his pocket and tearing a piece off.

"I'll just go ahead and give you mine, before the paparazzi come along." Tom said, writing his number neatly and legibly, the pen working fast. He clicked the pen, stuck it in his back pocket, and handed it to you. You took it, your fingers brushing his slightly, a buzz of electricity going through your fingers. He smiled at you. "I'll call you later, tonight, then? Maybe we can meet at Camden Market or something. See you around, love."

As soon as Tom left, you pressed the piece of precious paper to your chest, grinning like a lovestruck fool. You, Y/N M/N L/N were going on a date with Thomas freakin' Holland.

-

It had been about two months since you and Tom had first become an item. On the very first date, you both just clicked. Camden Market had been absolutely wonderful, and you and Tom had clicked at once. The awkwardness had melted once you heard him laughing, then you saw the dimples and the accent. Everything about the man was perfect, and you loved him for who he was. Not Spider-Man, but just a regular guy. (Not that he was 'regular' to you.)

That day, later, the sun had disappeared and the clouds arrived, raining hard upon you. You'd quickly grabbed your umbrella out of your tote, holding it above you and Tom's heads as you ran, Tom waving down a taxi. The two of you had tumbled into the car, giggling breathlessly, falling all over each other. The day had shown you a gray sky and a rainy cab ride, but it was the best gray sky and rainy cab ride you'd ever had.

The days you had ahead consisted of stereotypical London Boy things- rugby, hanging out with his best 'mates', high teas, West End shows, and it was all wonderful. You grew to enjoy the new things to do in London, and enjoyed it even more with Tom.

In the morning, Tom rolled over to face you. You were still asleep, sprawled out, bare body curled into the sheets from the night before. One of your hands were strewn across Tom's chest, nails slightly chipped from digging them into his back the night before. He chuckled and moved slightly, trying not disturb you, but of course you woke up anyways.

You opened your eyes. "Tommy?" you asked sleepily, voice dripping with morning love.

Tom pulled you closer and kissed your head tenderly. "G'morning, love. Sorry for waking you."

"'S no problem." You sighed, snuggling closer to him. "Jus' wanna cuddle you..."

"I have shooting in about two hours, baby," Tom told you regretfully. "Trust me, I want nothing more than to snuggle you all day." You nodded and watched Tom as he got up from the bed and went to your shared dresser, quietly pulling out an outfit. He turned to face you, giving you a smile as he slipped on a plain black tee. "You can go back to bed, Y/N. It's only six A.M."

"Don't wanna," you whined. "I just wanna be with you."

Tom raised an eyebrow teasingly, but the words made his heart skip a beat. "Do you really, now? I'm going to film a British movie. You into that? Because it might be kinda boring-"

"The British Office was good," you argued, energy filling you as you and Tom began your easy, familiar ritual of bantering. "And so were your movies! And Idris Elba's, and Benedict Cumberbatch's-"

"I get it. And for the record, the American Office was way better."

You rolled your eyes but felt your heart fill with love. You loved this boy- so much. Ever since the first time he'd ever uttered the phrase, "darling, I fancy you," you knew you had fallen deep into a hole you'd never get back out of, which was perfectly all right by you.

After all, he was your London Boy.

✨✨

(a/n: hi so yesyesyes this is very very bad, i know! i felt compelled to get it done sooner, since i've basically been promising EVERYBODY that i'd get this published soon, for like two weeks now? also, i feel as if i overused the phrase london boy lmao, it was in here a ridiculous amount of times. it IS my first imagine on here and i'm hoping to get more into writing more but, y’know... school. i hope you enjoyed 💞)

[surveysonfleek]

1548.

Zodiac Bingo 

Aries Gotta go fast Independence Participant, always Fuck you, don’t tell me what do to *brooding intensifies* Good sense of humor I ain’t neva scared “I’m not competitive but I’m gonna win” Assertive Going first Running yellow lights

People are drawn to you even tho you don’t invite them Feelings = action Impulsivity Creative Leader Competent “I thought you didn’t like me”-everyone Accidentally hurting people’s feelings Shares everything with partner What if the pope blasted cigs? Starting shit you don’t feel like finishing “I guess that was rude” No. 9/24

Taurus Treat yo’self Underappreciated at work Loyalty Great tastes in art&culture Spoiled (or wishing you were) Robe appreciation A vice (alcohol, weed, or comfort food) Homemaking/nesting Continuing to do something you don’t love just because you’re resistant to change Affection via touch Easy going Perfecting a wardrobe that is both comfy and flawless Having good ass eyebrows Highkey sensitive Stubborn af Not even taking your *own* advice Gossiping Lady in the street but a freak in the bed Creativity Spooning Commitment Stressing out over a change in someone’s tone of voice Finishing what you started Lots of venting lol 9/24

Gemini Unpopular opinion factory Secret&diverse intellectual landscape “Oh I got really into *miscellaneous hobby or topic* for a while” Intellectualizing or ignoring feelings Cleaning maybe once a year Look, a distraction! Thinking faster than you can talk Restless without hobbies Talking faster than you can think Reading four books at once Tons of energy Teaching others what you know Trivia machine Moodiness Knowing everything but also forgetting everything Existential crisis “Sorry I forgot to text you back” So many interests so little time Accidentally talking too loud Young at heart Pretty good public speaker Endless scrolling Shitposting Unpredictable sleep schedule 5/24

Cancer Connecting with women “Guess I’ll have to love you with my whole heart and soul” Vegetarianism/veganism Fear of rejection Surrounding yourself with soft blankets and  mood lighting Ferocious protector “I’m not going to dwell on it” *dwells on it* Takes child-rearing seriously Hardshell protecting soft ego Feeding sad friends Forecast: mood swings Heart of gold but still a badass Bad with boundaries Learning how to relax like it’s your job Lightweight drinker Yeah. Crying, ok? It’s not a big deal Mama trauma Food = comfort Nostalgia as a coping mechanism Identify built off memories Complaining Very emotionally intuitive of others Big fan of physical and emotional affection People telling you all their BS all the time 9/24

Leo Friendly Self-indulgence Never being able to tell if you’re the best or the worst People trying to compete with you lol Sensitive Decent at cheering people up Great hair Wardrobe swings between hot as hell and lazy af Interrupting Having a sense of honor Not doing something because you’re not good at it Talking too loud Finding dogs pretty relatable Creative talent Super supportive friend Enthusiasm Socializing like it’s your job&then needing to recharge Memes Priorities: eating and sleeping Boo hiss at rejection Looking good even when you feel like shit Drama Needing lots of love Loyal 9/24

Virgo Relating to Hermione Granger Gives great advice even when your own life is in shambles Flirting and running, an autobiography Petty Pretty damn intelligent Loving words/linguistics 8 hours of “studying” = 1 hour of real work Swings between clean and slobbish Indecision Splurging on food Mom friend A freak on the DL Peculiar eating habits Pretty good with words Good with pets and/or kids Known to schedule sex Multitasking af Cleaning as a coping mechanism “It me” Loves self-care but deprioritizes it 0 to hottie in 2 seconds flat Lowkey wood nymph All the receipts Bratty sub or service top 10/24

Libra If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all Pls no fighting Good judge of character Leadership roles in friendships Takes up less emotional space for the well being of others Art adoration Real glo up wizards Nature adoration Hates boredom Wholesome Keep it cute Emotionally braced for betrayal Lowkey running from problems with people Falling in love with people’s hearts/minds Investing in your appearance Loves all things cute Always the mediator Trust issues Charming Staying up to date on culture Taking the high road Always putting your feelings aside for others Aesthetics Mom friend 6/24

Scorpio Growing up early Being a new person every few years Black/dark wardrobe Pain is cool Interest in psychology/criminology/sociology Privacy Sexual but not promiscuous All or nothing thinking Intelligent Loner/lonely Taking care of everyone Would kill or die for loved ones Protective as fuck Bloodhound for truth Deep Fascination with death/insanity/occultism Love-hate relationships “idk I’m just feeling numb rn” Jealous or possessive Trust issues Loyal as fuck Secretly soft Gets shit done Boundaries 6/24

Sagittarius Long ass bucket list Prefers to mind their own business Unbothered Nice enough that people always think you’re hitting on them Fear of missing out Optimism Honest and upfront Your shit is lowkey not together Plenty of friends Snobby enough to have good taste Flirting your way into something you can’t finish Storyteller or philosophical preacher “Here for a good time, not a long time” “…rude” Free spirit “Films” Distracted Smarter than you look I’m just speaking my truth! “I’m just inviting a few people” Falls in love with your mind, then your body Blows up the aux cord Hedonism phases Horniness gets you into some shit lol 11/24

Capricorn On your grind Discipline dgaf attitude Stoic in the streets, softie in the sheets Planning ahead, way ahead Always prepared (Un)healthy coping mechanisms Likes structure Prioritizing self-mastery Loyal protector of friends, babies, and animals Basically born an adult Dark humor People being mad about your tough love Old soul Major procrastinator Kind of a know-it-all on the DL Major sadness and madness People thanking you for your tough love People think you’re responsible “Why was I programmed to feel pain” meme Parenting your parents “Lock that in the trauma vault” Either a loner or a socialite Giving advice like it’s your job 5/24

Aquarius Me, an intellectual: Needing to do things your way Superiority complex Gossip Conspiracy theories Skepticism Not even having the energy to tell people how wrong they are Courteous/considerate People love you but you hate people Lonely Outsider syndrome Relating to cats a great deal Hates being told what to do or when to do it Not trusting someone/something that’s popular Being accused of being emotionless Insightful Feeling like the only rational person in a room Existential crisis Devil’s advocate just to get people to think Rationalizing tf out of your feelings Hates small talk Vices You’re entitled to your opinion no matter how wrong it is Interest in sociology, psychology, and politics 10/24

Pisces Empath Dramatic Poetry or music Lots of imagination, fluctuating identity Getting high on being outside (and maybe weed) Alone time “Idk I’m just a lil sad rn idk” Spiritual af Helping people heal Existential dread Pets love you Mommy issues Good with kids Cathartic crying over art, movies, or nature Knowing how people feel before they do Feeling misunderstood/alone “Go with the flow” Encountering spirits On life: “I’m just here for the ride” Drugs Forgiving others but blaming yourself Kindness Sorry, I was dissociating Exploring nature 3/24

I am most like a: Sagittarius

I am actually a: Sagittarius (I actually don’t really believe in starsigns but here you go lol)

[gamzee-the-capricious-fanfic]

Chapter 4

Notes: Nothing really groundbreaking in this chapter lol, just that on average each chapter is 7 to 8 pages and if I put the big shit in this chapter it would be super long. Hope you enjoy it anyway!!

You wake up to someone shaking you quite vigorously. You blink sleepily and mumble. 

"'m too tired for this shit motherfucker." You glance over to see it's Karkat.

"Well get over it. It's your fault we ended up going to sleep so late." 

"That's harsh bro." You yawn and stretch out on the couch. Karkat is looking at you impatiently.

"You have an hour and a half to get ready so I'd get a move on if I were you." 

You nod lazily, all in motherfuckin time. Tavros walks in rubbing his eyes all sleepily. You can't help but to think he is damn cute when sleepy, well to be fair he is damn cute all the time but especially when he is sleepy. 

"Mornin T-dog" you manage a lazy ass wave. 

"Mornin Gamzee, d-did you uh fall asleep in here?" 

"Mhm, bed was just too damn far."

Tavros giggles. "Could of uh, just went to my bed if it uh, would have been easier." He immediately blushes profusely. "U-uh i mean, uhhh. G-gotta go, talk to you later!" He very quickly heads out into the hall, presumably going to the bathroom. 

You look at Karkat wide eyed, "uh.. did that.. make any sense to you? He wasn't like, I mean it sounded kind of like maybe…" you trail off. Best not get your hopes up on all that. He was probably just joking. 

"God you're such a fucking dumbass." 

"How so Karbro?" 

"Clearly, Gamzee, Tavros has red feelings for you and we all know how you feel about him. I swear you two idiots would be perfect together if you weren't so fucking stupid." 

"Wait.. really? No joke?" 

"Oh my god, yes Gamzee, no fucking jokes here." He gestures around wildly, "do you fucking see any jokes dipshit." 

Dave walks in. "I dunno dude, I think I see one joke in this room." He's looking at you. You growl a bit under your breath but you stop once you hear Karkat chuckle a bit. 

"Bro, are you siding with motherfuckin Strider over me??" 

"No, no, it's just, I mean it's kinda funny Gamzee." 

"Well I think it's motherfuckin rude." 

Dave interjects. "You're literally a clown. A walking joke, literally." 

You stand up swiftly, that pisses you off. "Oh? Want me to show you how motherfuckin funny I can be?" You growl threateningly. 

"Oh I'm so scared." 

You take a step forward but Karkat grabs your arm. "Gamzee. Shower, go." He points towards the door giving you a no nonsense look. You grumble a bit but you do as he says. As you get yourself all cleaned up and ready for the day you can’t help but to think about Tavros. Does he really feel the same feelings as you? I mean Karkat wouldn’t lead you wrong, and he does notice these kinds of things so… Maybe it is true? Should you make a move then? Before you can really consider that much more Karkat comes and shouts at you for taking too long. 

"I swear to God if you make me late for our first fucking class Gamzee. I mean fuck do you even know your schedule?" 

You give him a sweet lil smile. "Nope. But I know you do.~" 

Karkat sighs. "Yeah, you're not wrong. I fucking did your schedule cause I know you're a dumbass. It's the same as mine so just follow me around like a little quackbeast." 

You figured as much. "All right Karbro, I'm all up and ready anyway so lead away." 

"... You literally don't have your bag dipshit." 

"Uh.. aaallrriighhtyy I'm almost ready then." You look embarrassed, of course, the most important thing. You run to the room and grab it real fast then come back to Karkat. "Ok, now I'm motherfuckin ready." 

You give him a double thumbs up and a cheesy smile. He rolls his eyes at your antics and mumbles something about associating with idiots. Either way he grabs your hand and pulls you off towards your first class. You walk hand in hand across campus heading for the humanities building or so Karkat called it. All the buildings kind of look the same to you. As you walk you notice a few humans giving you guys weird looks, you wonder why but soon dismiss it as you enter the building. The halls are bustling with trolls you notice, you give Karkat a questioning look.

“There are a lot of classes about human culture here so of course there is going to be a bunch of trolls.” He gives you a look that suggests you should have thought about that. “Anyway most of our classes are here, Earth History, Human psychology, and English. We are going to English 101 right now.”

You sigh dramatically. You get the feeling that it is going to be a very boring day. And it is, once you got through with the humanities building you and Karkat had to walk all the way across campus to the science building to learn about Earth biology and such. Then again you had to walk a ridiculous distance to your final class. Human Health. It seemed to be a waste of a day honestly, each class went over boring “syllabus” shit and you learned nothing. 

However, throughout the day there was this uncomfortable atmosphere. Of the trolls attending the university the mid to lowbloods rarely glanced you and Karkat’s way. Unless they sat next to you where they looked very uncomfortable and your attempts to look all friendly like were not appreciated and they just looked more scared. Same with the humans. John, Jade, Rose, and Dave are so chill with you and your friends that you assumed other humans would be ok like that too but turns out that was a big resounding motherfuckin no. The case was very different with the Higher Castes. Blue and up were openly disgusted by both you and Karkat. With Karkat it was more understandable, he’s a mutant and we were taught that mutants shouldn’t exist and yada yada. You never really cared. 

You are not sure if they give you looks because you clearly associate with Karkat or if there is another reason. Other than your friends you never really associated to much with other High Bloods despite you being a purple blood of the faith. You were mostly high all the time so you didn’t get out much. But now you can see that your fellow purple blooded motherfuckers are MUCH taller than you and typically built heavier. You never really realized that you were so physically stunted in comparison. That said you still are much taller than most of your friends. Equius is taller than you, so is Feferi. Eridan and Vriska are about your height. And then the rest of your friends are shorter whether by a little or a lot. Nepeta being the shortest of them all yet still as fierce as she is cute. 

When you guys finally head back to the dorm building you make sure to keep Karkat close to you. You don’t think anyone will try anything at least while they are under human supervision but you’d rather be safe than sorry, you would never forgive yourself if something happened to Karkat. You almost laugh, first Karkat was worrying over you and now you are doing the same to him. Karkat was oddly silent for the walk. You weren’t adding any commentary yourself but typically Karkat is almost always going on about something. Neither of you guys speak until you enter the room.

“Wow, maybe this is going to be harder than anticipated.” 

You glance at Karkat then hum in agreement. “I don’t think you are the only problem Kar.” You gesture to yourself. “I’m pretty sure I got some dirty looks too. Never really realized how short I was compared to others of my blood. Then add up the both of us together, the mutant and the druggy.” You sigh dramatically. You had hoped your dramaticism would lighten the mood but Karkat still looks insecure. 

“Look, despite me being all up a short motherfucker I’m still more than strong enough to protect my best bro.” You stick your tongue out at him and flex your arms comedically. It works, Karkat gives a soft chuckle. 

“You look ridiculous, please stop I swear to god I am going to throw up at this display of idiocy.”

You laugh and oblige. “Besides, the humans aren’t all happy with violence and all that. Any troll who does shit will be booted from Earth most likely.” Karkat nods and looks a bit better, reassured by your words. “Now how about we get our comfort on on the couch and watch some shitty romcoms.”

“Fuck you they are NOT shitty!” You just laugh. 

A few weeks pass relatively uneventfully. The humans started relaxing a bit in the trolls presence and some of the highbloods appear to have gotten bored of giving you and Karkat menacing looks. That doesn’t mean all of them have quite their shit but it is way better and both you and Karkat feel much more relaxed about it. The only interesting thing that has been happening has been you and Dave continuing your fued. If you didn’t know better you would assume he was black flirting with you, but as a human you doubt he would understand the concept. The other three don’t seem to. Well, maybe Rose does, she is pretty smart but appears to have no interest in any of the other romances. So there you are, head in Karkat’s lap on the couch complaining about Dave. 

“Ugghhh, Dave is such a motherfucking asshole.” you practically growl each word your frustration quite evident.

“He’s not that bad Gamzee.” Karkat mutters a slight blush on his face.

“Kaaarrrrkkkaaattt, stop defending him! Can’t you see I am suffering? The black feelings in my blood pusher are almost too much for this motherfucker to bear.” you say this very dramatically. 

“Well, maybe stop fucking flirting with him and do something more productive. For example, you still haven’t made a move regarding Tavros. Even though I literally told you that he feels the same as you do. I swear everyone is just waiting with bated breath for you two bulge fondlers to just do something already. The tension between you too is almost palpable. If one of you guys don’t say anything we are all going to start frothing at the mouth starved for the sweet sweet release that you two getting together will bring us.” 

You blush profusely. “Well it’s not like it is easy to just up and confess to your red crush. What am I supposed to say? What if I fuck it up?? You know I’m not good with words when I am nervous!.” 

“Uh, no I am not, for one I don’t think I have ever seen you nervous. You have idiot confidence, which is to say that it’s a lot of confidence because you are stupid as fuck.” 

“..Uh.. Point taken? Still, I don’t know, should I take him on a date? What if he thinks it is just a friendly outing?” You groan with frustration, hiding your embarrassed face with your hands.

“Well Gamzee, you don’t know until you try dumbass. Tavros is probably too shy to make a move so it’s kind of on you bud.” 

You groan again. And of course Tavros just happens to walk into the dorm room. 

“Uh.. Are you alright Gam?” 

You stutter and stumble over your words. “I uh, f-fuck, uhhh, just great, fantastic, um, never better! T-totally wasn’t talking about you or anything! Like hah! Why would I be talking about my cute- u-uh I mean cool! Rap buddy. Yeah.” Your face feels like it is on fire. 

“Um, o-ok, and uhh, thanks m-maybe? I uhh, j-just remembered that I t-totally forgot that I have a class I need to be at uh, so b-bye!” He rushes out of the dorm room as fast as possible. He doesn’t have his bag. Also It is like 8 o’clock and you know he doesn’t have night classes. 

“Well, that was a fucking trainwreck.” Karkat sighs. That is an understatement. 

“Uuuuuuuuuugggghhhhhh!” you groan for the damn third time. “I told you I would motherfuckin fuck it up”

“Yeah, I stand corrected. I didn’t realize the full extent of how socially incompetent you two are. Look, how about you just ask him to a movie or something and you know, don’t be an awkward fuckwad. Just act fucking normal and then just make a move, you know, like the classic stretch and arm over his shoulder thing. If he has literally any braincells he is sure to figure out the meaning of that at least. Look, how about we watch some movies and you take fucking notes on how to actually fucking do this shit.” You are 99% sure this is just an excuse to just watch romcoms. But you just roll your eyes with a smile and just go with it. 

Even later that night when Tavros finally returns to the room you are on the couch trying to look suave and cool but you are probably failing. “Uh, hey Tavbro, sorry about earlier. Um, sooo by chance would you be down to see a motherfuckin movie or maybe um just chill the fuck out somewhere, get some food or whatever. If you want to.” You look away avoiding eye contact. 

“Uh, yeah, that um, sounds like fun. I’d be uh, down to see a movie with you.” In your peripheral vision you can see he is biting his lip. He says the next thing really quickly. “Imeantotallyinafriendwayofcourse!” Your smile falters a bit before you force it back on your face. “..cool, great, yeah, of course..” Your voice sounds a bit strained. Wow this is going badly. 

“Well, um, does tomorrow night sound up and good with you?”

“Y-yeah, uh, sounds great.”

“Wicked. Um, anyway I’m just going to uh..” you gesture towards the bedroom. “..sleep and, yeah.” You abruptly stand up and quickly yeet yourself up into your bed and burrow into your blankets with amazing speed. You bury your face into your pillow to hide the shame written all over your face. You really dicked this up huh. After a few minutes Tavros eventually comes into the room and heads to bed. At least you assume that as your face is buried into your pillow at the moment. It takes you a while but eventually you drift off to sleep. 

[mumpkins]

Private OC Rating

Done by @cho-rates​, I just decided to have the balls to make it public and answer questions! (as well as fix some things)

cho’s comments and questions will be in BOLD. 

My answers and fixed places will be in ITALIC!

Name: Shotaro Kaneda

Hero/Villain Name (if applicable): N/A

Age: 24 ( An aged up verse, he’s a couple years older than 1-A. Though sometimes I will portray his teen years as well, I have more information on his adult verse. I do want to flesh out teen years at some point though lol )

Birthday: September 5 (a virgo eww)

Gender: Male

Orientation: Bi-sexual

Height: 5'7"

Weight: 133 lbs

Hair: ear-length, fixed but slightly unruly, black

Appearance: Athletic agile build, Asian descent, brown eyes, red tinted hands and feet, small red horns on his forehead, long spiked / devilish red tail

Body: Athletic agile build

Quirk: Steam – Kaneda can build up and blow a hot steam that can potentially burn (or even melt depending on the force) his opponents. (Ahaha, the quirk fits the body appearance. I bet this one is going to be a hot head or really sweet)

Weakness: Building up and releasing too much steam at once can cause overexertion to the point where he can and will collapse and not be able to move for a while. Also his fucking ego. (LMFAO, I guess we’re dealing with the former and not the latter!)

Personality: Kaneda becomes the main symbol of defiance, expressing anarchy behavior towards authority and absolutely does not accept blatant disrespect. Kaneda values loyalty and becomes vengeful when trust is broken. He is impulsive, hot-headed, egotistical, and maintains a tough exterior; however, he is brave, independent, and highly empathetic. As a leader, Kaneda will look out for the safety and well-being of his allies, and will throw himself in front of a bullet for them if need be. (This!! I like that you didn’t make him a straight jerk and that you gave him good traits as well!)

Do they work well with others?: You are either with him or against him. By default he will work well if not negotiate unless you have a badge stating your authority.

Family: Parents deceased; family is his gang of brothers, all misfits and loyal to the bone

Friends (other oc’s or in BNHA universe): OC’s; his bike gang

Enemies(other oc’s or in BNHA universe): literally by default does not trust the cops or heroes (LOL)

Romantic Interests: by happenstance, Izuku Midoriya (LOL pt.2)

What do they think about heroes?: Oh shit oh fuck uhhhh

A couple of things about heroes. He sees the rise of fame being motivation for pro-heroes lately. They seem real fake to him, and it runs along the lines of Stain’s idea of “false heroes”. But he also sees them as a bunch of buzz kills when he’s trying to ride out and do his own thing that happens to be illegal. (LOL this guy is so problematic in a very headass type of way and it’s really entertaining. He’s a really fun character to read about.)

What do they think about villains?: They’re somewhat easier to work with, but he does not associate himself with hardcore villains either. As much as he himself could easily be considered one, he considers himself more in a grey area. He won’t kill a hero – actually he hesitates to kill anyone – but he won’t turn on a villain either if only because any of them could either arrest him or kill him. (Ah, he’s smarter than he lets on. I wonder how much of this is empathy and how much of this is him saving his own ass,,)

In terms of villains, he’s very much along the lines of “snitches get stitches”. At this point it doesn’t matter what his views are with a villain or a rival gang, he’s not gonna call the cops or any heroes as that is a lower blow than trying to either run or solve the issue on his own. He would rather risk his dignity than call the authorities. 

Is their first reaction to danger: flight or fright?

Depends on the danger. If he knows it’s an even match, he’ll throw fists. If he knows he has no chance, he’ll turn tail (heh) and run. (i’m actually laughing omg stop)

If they had to be stuck on an island with one BNHA character, who would it be and why?

don’t don’t ever give him the option (brO TELL ME)

Favorite holiday and why?

Halloween. As a child he always loved to dress up as his favorite hero. As an adult, he’s more attuned to the day before Halloween as “Mischief Day” and takes “tricks” to the extremes.

Do they have a certain way of dressing/ style?

His wardrobe is casual and lazy punk clothes. He does occasionally sport a bright red jacket with his gang’s logo on the back.

Pet peeves: Assuming his character for his looks (I mean you right but he hates it) (LMFAO I’m trying to give a serious review here and you hitting me with all this lolol)

Favorite food: shrimp tempura and rice

Favorite drink: Pepsi (ayyeee, pepsi > coke)

What is their favorite season/weather?: Summer

What is their sleep schedule like?: Whenever (mood)

Introvert, Extrovert or Ambivert?: Extrovert

Quickest way to upset them?: Pull his tail (I….I’m so tempted)

What type of student were they/are they?: Given that he only went to school so he didn’t have to do community service… he did the bare minimum, still got held back once (got mightily pissed off about it), and left as soon as he turned 18. Will also add that the school he went to was one step closer to juvie.

Superlative that fits them best (class clown, teachers pet, etc): Most Likely Will Be His Own Boss

A song you associate with them: Survival of the Fittest - Robert DeLong

What’s their diet like?: He will inhale anything in front of him, but he has a real fast metabolism

What’s the last thing they ate?: McDonald’s burger combo

Hobbies: riding his motorcycle and sometimes play video games

Guilty Pleasures: I mean. If you got the dokis for a hero and you’re a real anarchist……..

When and what was the last thing that made them cry?: laid in bed one night. like you do. thought about where his life was. wondered where it was going. you know just one of those fun nights. (this got too real too fast and i feel mildly attacked)

General Extras: In general, he is a real neutral guy that doesn’t play sides unless you’re on his specifically. He doesn’t take being talked down to and will even argue his side to keep himself above it all. Even raise fists. But he is impulsive as shit and does not always think his decision through. Definitely not book smart, but strongly street smart and highly confident in his actions. (I get that vibe from everything you’ve said, you summarized it really well and took the words out of my mouth!)

Do you plan on filling out a roleplay form(No pressure if you don’t want to do it, this is more for me so I can keep your forms together if you send in both): nah I’m just curious about this one

Creator Name (that’s you!): Mumzy

Blog name where I can contact you: mumpkins

Did you have fun doing this?! (pls just say yes so my feelings don’t get hurt): I REALLY DID and eventually there came a point where I was literally like “well shit he’s kind of a dumb bastard what else is there”

PLEASE JUST SEND THE ANSWERS DIRECTLY TO ME I DON’T NEED THIS POSTED 8’D

I’ll post it private and send you the link!

*deep inhales* BOI. Shotaro is such an unintentional meme?? Like big crackhead vibes from him like…he’s really just a lil misfit goin around and doing as he pleases,, so much angst in this one like??? (i hope you dont take any offence to this,, i just really like his character lol) he seems pretty factious to me LOL. I like his quirk, simple and easy and his weakness is plausible, no OP oc’s here! His personality really shined through and you portrayed him well. That little paragraph you wrote summarizing him was a really solid description and would be perfect for a character sheet. The only inconsistencies were, at the top you put his age as 17 but in the “what type of student were they” you mentioned him turning 18 but otherwise he is a really solid character! I’m 20 something so I can’t crush on anyone younger than 20 but he’s really… *deep breath* …moving on. I love his personality and the fact that he’s this punk but in reality he’s an impartial dude who is chill unless something offends him or opposes him but he is also very loyal and empathetic, two qualities that I love!

Idk if you wanted questions since this is a private rating but i’ll put some either way and u can choose to fill em out or nah,, i mainly do it to help develop character and its just fun to talk abt oc’s sooo,,

What job do you see him having in the future? He’s not really here no there so i’m interested!

After he drops out of high school, he flat out does not know what to do. As he is familiar with criminal work, he stays to what he knows with his bike gang... and incidentally gets picked up by mob members. He begins as an errand boy for one organized group, but never is he ever initiated as a member. After having been exposed by a variety of assignments from various villains, by the age of 20 he’s doing all kinds of illegal work. He becomes a man for hire in the undergrounds, helping with drug trafficking, enforcement, body guarding, petty thieving, etc. You name it, he’s probably done it.

But that’s only in the dark. To keep himself balanced, he’s also a bar back for a local bar in the sketchy side of town. An honest job when he meets people and can tell them what he does for work without putting off any red flags.

A couple of reasons why he does shady work is not due to enjoyment. Actually, he wishes he never got involved as everyday feels like he’s at risk of getting killed for angering the wrong person. He doesn’t plan ahead of his life only because he could step outside one morning and breathe his last breath. For one thing, his best friend who grew up with him and is part of his gang is in rehab at this point and Kaneda is the only person who he can turn to for help -- by this, Kaneda opts to pay those hospital bills with the quick and astounding amount of money he receives from criminal work. Another reason is plain and simple: once he has done work for one organized criminal group, once his name is spread around the underground as a reliable hire, there’s no way of suddenly dropping that life without risking it all.

Is there anything in particular he does to relax?? Tv, music, hobbies, etc,

The best way he can relax is riding his motorcycle in the late hours of the night. He loves the city, and will speed through until he finds open road where he will just continue to ride until he feels calm again.

If he’s especially frustrated and the steam has built up in his lungs, he will hold it in until he finds a safe spot (preferably home) to release it all and collapse for a while. Yes, his apartment would be a sauna if he doesn’t open his windows.

Sex also helps.

Is he a pessimist or optimist? He’s very unbiased it seems so I wonder what his personal mindset is,,

More of an optimist, but in a way where he prefers to mask sorrow and tension with humor and a lighter perspective. He can’t afford to not be confident, and he tries his damndest to pass that on given the circumstances. “This will work” he would say to an idea he briefly thought of, mostly trusting his gut and hoping that if he passes on the mindset and convinces others of his confidence, then yes in some way things will work out.

But I also say that he’s not very optimistic of his own future (sorry to bring this back). He lives for the moment, but given the life he lives, he does not trust it will be a long one. 

So it’s hard to explain, but he’d more say, “nothing matters in the end; do whatever the hell you want now”.

[lanx-reads]

DNF Review: Throne of Glass

Final Rating: */***** or 2/10

After serving out a year of hard labor in the salt mines of Endovier for her crimes, 18-year-old assassin Celaena Sardothien is dragged before the Crown Prince. Prince Dorian offers her her freedom on one condition: she must act as his champion in a competition to find a new royal assassin.

Her opponents are men-thieves and assassins and warriors from across the empire, each sponsored by a member of the king's council. If she beats her opponents in a series of eliminations, she'll serve the kingdom for four years and then be granted her freedom. Celaena finds her training sessions with the captain of the guard, Westfall, challenging and exhilarating. But she's bored stiff by court life. Things get a little more interesting when the prince starts to show interest in her ... but it's the gruff Captain Westfall who seems to understand her best.

Then one of the other contestants turns up dead ... quickly followed by another. Can Celaena figure out who the killer is before she becomes a victim? As the young assassin investigates, her search leads her to discover a greater destiny than she could possibly have imagined.

Throne of Glass isn’t the worst book I’ve ever read, but it certainly was one of the most infuriating, which is why I was only able to read about 50% of it.

Since I didn’t finish it, I am only going to review the issues and things I disliked within the first half I read of it. 

I also wanna note that I did read spoilers for the ending to confirm some thoughts I had and will be touching upon those. 

Since this is my first DNF Review, I am gonna discuss why I picked up this book in the first place, the writing style (which is something that, for the most part, doesn’t really change from beginning to end), the premise (rather than the plot since I didn’t finish the book), the things I liked about the book, what I disliked about this book, and finally why I put it down. 

Why I Picked Throne of Glass Up

So. A year or two ago I wanted to get back into reading. Due to a lot of issues and things in my personal life, I completely stopped reading for pleasure during my Sophomore year of high school, which meant I had stopped reading for... about 4 years? Which made me really upset as I had always been an avid reader! And since I was getting really passionate about writing, I figured I should get back into reading.

So I made a post on tumblr asking what YA books people recommended. I had been reading YA when I stopped reading (well... a mix of YA and MG, but mainly YA) so I figured that’d be the best place to start. 

Numerous people recommended me different things, but one anon recced Throne of Glass to me. It was a fantasy (a genre I mentioned liking in my post) and they told me that though they hadn’t read it themselves, they had a friend who adored the series and that it was really popular so it was probably pretty good. 

The. Really popular bit made me nervous, but nevertheless, I went onto Amazon. Bless me, actually, because I decided I’d try and read the little promo Amazon gives you before buying it.

I DNF’d it after half a page. I had never DNF’d a book so fast and so hard. The first time, what made me DNF this book was Celaena complaining about her looks while being in a prison. Like... girl...... priorities.... 

Months later, I started seeing people talking about this book a little as I got back into reading. Getting curious, I read some reviews, both bad and good, and decided to give this book another shot.

It was as bad as I thought it would be, if not worse. 

The Premise (What was this?)

Honestly, I still don’t really know what I read. What even is Throne of Glass? What is life, in fact? What is the universe? I don’t know, but I feel like I’d figure out the latter two questions before I figured out the first. 

So. The premise, or basic story idea of ToG is basically... Cinderella... mixed with Assassin’s Creed... mixed with the Hunger Games.... I dunno about anyone else but when people describe a piece of media to me as a mix of two or more random-ass things, I start getting nervous.

But honestly I have no idea how else to describe Throne of Glass. I couldn’t tell what this book wanted to be! And that was really what fucked me up. It wanted to be a big epic fantasy. It wanted to be a mystery. It wanted to be about girls in pretty dresses kissing pretty boys and having to choose between them. It wanted a princess aesthetic but with a character that has to be nasty to be an assassin. ToG, to me, is a long book of wants that didn’t deliver. 

But said that, nothing was as poorly thought out as the plot. The plot is what confused me most, ground me to a halt, and said, “wait, what?”

Okay, the plot is basically Celaena joining this competition to win her freedom to become the king’s champion. Only issue is... a king’s champion is a real thing. And is something for mainly knights if I recall.

Back in the olden days of yore, when kings needed to fight against one another, or if someone wanted to challenge the king to a duel, they would have a champion to fight in their stead. If you’re a king, you don’t wanna fight your own duels, that’d be nuts! What if you died?! Then what would happen to your kingdom? That’s what a champion was for. 

The champion is basically chosen/hired by the king. The thing is, what Celaena is... describing is well. Not a champion. Not really. I mean... I guess it’s kinda champion-like? It’s really vague in the book and it boils down to “you do dirty work for the king” so basically a hitman?

Thing is... the king is a king... why doesn’t he just hire an assassin? One who hasn’t been caught (looking at you, Celaena!). I mean, in the long run, that would be a lot cheaper than hosting a giant competition with a bunch of criminals who aren’t loyal to you, who will turn on you at any moment, and can’t be trusted? I mean, just ‘cause he has them swear to be loyal to him don’t mean jack shit, c’mon. 

The entire plot of this novel falls directly apart as soon as you know what a king’s champion is! And honestly, the fix to this would be so easy. You could still have the competition, but instead make it between knights or wannabe knights or something. Have Celaena be a knight instead. She acts like it anyways; being all brash all the time and desiring the center of attention 24/7. Or if you really want her to be an assassin, fix her fugly personality and have her be an assassin pretending to be a knight.

And the king being “”crazy”” isn’t an excuse. Using crazy as an excuse is... one kinda insulting and gross and two, lazy. It means nothing and is a cop out at this point. Also, he did nothing in this book to seem crazy to me, really. He’s an asshole and abuses his kid but... besides that he’s basically nothing. He’s an evil king. He doesn’t even have an actual name. That’s how bland he is. There was no thought put into him at all. And again, this too could have had an easy fix. Rather than saying he’s crazy to excuse his nonsensical actions, all that had to be said was: he and his court want entertainment. That’s it. That would have given the competition the perfect excuse to exist in the first place. Sure, it’s not the most interesting of reasons or anything, but it’s better than the book being completely silent of why there’s a competition in the first place. Why does a king need a competition? Why between criminals who will stab him in the back? It’s never explained and it’s dumb. 

God. There are SO many ways where ToG could’ve been better. Just. Better in general. There is so much lost potential here with the plot, which is where half my frustrations come from. 

So. The premise falls apart after thinking about it for over .2 seconds. The second part of the actual plot of the novel (well, at least what’s described on the back of the book, not what I actually got) is a mystery. But... this mystery is really cliche. Someone taking out the competition. Wow. Never seen that before. 

Also, I did spoil myself the ending to see if my guess of who it was was correct and welp. Winner winner, chicken dinner! It was indeed Cain. As soon as he swaggered on stage, and the narration hated him, and Celaena hated AND was a lil racist towards him, I knew it was him. His detailed magic ring and the fact he kept getting bigger apparently every time we saw him also clued us in. There was less foreshadowing in this book and more “beating you over the head with a Cain.”

Also, none of the other members of the competition really got... anything? Most were unnamed or Celaena dismissed them right away. Why even have these characters in the book if they aren’t even gonna be named? I get it’s a big cast, but still. Hunger Games was able to do the bare minimum of this, I mean at least all the tributes had names. Big casts are hard to write, so why not shrink it down a little? It won’t affect the story, in any case. 

So instead of a cool mystery and badass competition, the premise of the competition fell apart, was mainly summarized and not seen from what I read, and in general the tasks were boring. No real fighting, nothing with a lot of tension or excitement. Just boredom. The mystery wasn’t even lukewarm. It was ice cold. I don’t even really know what the pages were filled up with... random bantering that told us nothing more about the characters than we already did. Celaena not knowing what guy to choose. Her wearing pretty dresses. Her reading and playing the piano. Her shittalking about girls with this other chick. Just. the most random stuff. It was fluff. Which is fine. I like fluff! I like pretty dresses and romance and all that!! But not in a book that promised me a MURDER MYSTERY and ACTION. 

Maybe the action would’ve picked up if I kept reading. But something tells me... not so much. If excitement doesn’t happen before the rough halfway point of your book, something is wrong. At least, to me it is. 

The Writing

A lot of people thought the writing was pretty it seemed. Numerous negative reviews praised the writing. I admit, there were some pretty quotes in there. But most of it was clunky and reminded me of Eragon (not good) or just. Laundry list. I can’t pull up the quote right now, I don’t have the book, but I remember when the library was shown to us, the narration just listed everything inside in a sentence with commas. The same was done in the king’s chamber besides a little extra detail on the fireplace. None of the descriptions of the settings were any good.... and neither were the pretty dresses! It was just “this dress is cut bad” “the fabric is ugly and feels bad” and such. What was the fabric made out of? What cut was the dress? There were so many little things like this that bothered me throughout the writing. 

Lots of filler paragraphs that led to nothing were everywhere too. Sentences that danced around world building were common too. Again, don’t have the book, but at one point Chaol and Celaena were discussing books they liked and instead of name dropping some titles, giving us an idea of what sort of books these two like to read, it was just “Chaol listed some titles to Celaena. Celaena nodded approvingly” or something like that. Lazy. Boring. Pointless. Filler. 

There was so much filler writing in this. And so much... passive writing. Especially when Celaena was traveling to the castle and beyond. “Celaena felt” was used so often that I nearly started counting how many sentences began with that. Sometimes, yes, telling is alright. But SHOW us how she feels! Don’t tell us she finds the castle breathtaking but daunting or whatever! Show us! What’s her expression look like? Her body language? What is she thinking?  The moment she saw the castle was supposed to be powerful and tense but it wasn’t because the writing was passive when it shouldn’t have been. Passive writing isn’t the worst thing ever, but where the writing would’ve benefited from being active, it was passive instead, which also made the book a kinda bland read on a technical level. The writing stayed the same throughout. Sentence length wasn’t played around with much, sentence type didn’t change much. The only stand-out pieces were mainly dialogue.  

I like active writing. I like an active writing style. Throne of Glass was passive. And you know what? I get it. I write in third person too. It’s hard.

But writing is hard. Publishing is even harder. This is a published book and I expected better, especially with how popular it is. 

And yes, this is a debut novel. I kept telling myself that when I was reading this. But... I’ve read better debuts. I’ve read better fanfictions online. This is a New York Times best seller and a favorite of many. It should’ve been better.

The (little) Things I Liked

Gonna bullet point all this, hope none of you guys mind~

Celaena being feminine and proud of it. Haven’t really read a character like this yet and as someone who is writing several proud feminine characters, it was nice to see

Chaol. Just him in general. Best character and I loved him. 

SOME of the banter was pretty fun.

That one scene with Celaena working out in her room was A Good TM

Some of the one-liner descriptions were pretty good and I enjoyed them. 

I actually liked some of the traveling bits in the beginning. I thought it would skip straight to the castle but we got to savor a little in the journey there. It was nice (tho it went on too long and got annoying and boring to read)

The (many) Things I Disliked

A longer bullet point list, hope you all are ready! I’ll try and go in a somewhat chronological order

The plot made no fucking sense

Dorian. The only Dorian in my heart is Dorian Pavus and also he was so one-note that I almost cried. 

The world building? The little world building that was like. Actually present was so bland... it read like Typical Fantasy. Listen. If I wanted Typical Fantasy I’d go play one of the many re-releases of Skyrim, okay?? 

Celaena was just unlikeable and her entire character was contradictory. She acted more like a mercenary for hire or a thug than an assassin. Assassins wouldn’t wanna be in the center of attention, people!

Also Celaena acted really dumb in parts and it made me cringe. 

Chaol as the captain of the guard made no sense. He’s too young!

In fact, Celaena as the best assassin made no sense. She is also too young. Also, if she got captured and is KNOWN, she is hardly the best. The point of being an assassin is...... being unknown... c’mon..... 

The tests. The back of the book made them sound really cool but they were just? Running around a track? Some softcore parkour? The archery contest actually made sense I guess but it would’ve been cooler if they were hitting like. Actual moving targets rather than just. Bulls-eyes. 

Also most the tests were just kinda brushed over? At least The Hunger Games was....  well most the book took place DURING the Hunger Games so like. 

The king had no fucking name what the shit who doesn’t name their fucking VILLAIN?!

Cain. Like. He was so stereotypical. I looked up to see if he would end up as the villain at the end and I was right, how disappointing. Also, naming your villain Cain is like.... idk... literally is there a single protagonist named Cain? Genuine question 

The girl hate. Like, I get that girls are people and not all girls are gonna get along or anything but like. There were throwaway lines that just made me roll my eyes and scrunch up my nose.

THE FUCKING GLASS CASTLE MADE ME SO MAD OH MY GOD WHY WAS IT THERE. And if the castle looks the exact same on the inside in the glass part as the stone part, what’s the point then? How is this nation, which is at war, have a glass castle? That thing is gonna shatter. How did they make it? Why did the king make it? The most we get is the implication is that he’s crazy but that’s.... gross for one and two, lazy. You know what would’ve been cool tho? If the king was just a zealot who worshipped his human gods to the point where he wanted them to always see his victories and be able to see him wherever he went, so he created the glass portions of the castle so he could be seen by his gods the entire time. I thought of that idea in the span of 10 seconds. Sigh. 

AND I AM STILL ON THE GLASS CASTLE SHIT listen. If this was a whimsical fantasy and everyone went with it, I wouldn’t have SUCH a huge problem with it, tho it would still be kinda dumb (mattering on context...) but legit. Having your characters point it out doesn’t make them look smart, it makes the author look silly. “It’s a dumb idea, I know it’s a dumb idea, but I am going to write it anyways. For The Aesthetic” listen. We’re past the age of aestheticism. Let’s get our heads outta the 1800s, k?

Honestly there were descriptions but I couldn’t ever get a good image on what was going on, which is weird. All the descriptions were for like. More finer details? But the overall look of the entire world was just blank in my mind. I dunno how else to explain it.

So. Much. Filler. Celaena! Get outta your room and let us explore some! I can sit alone in my room myself irl, I don’t wanna read some chick do the same!

Same with the book shit. Like we could’ve gotten some amazing world building just based on the books Celaena read but whatever that was brushed over too??

Honestly a lot of reading ToG was like reading a textbook where words go through my eyes and their meaning seeps from my ears and I find myself 20 pages in but no idea how I got there and don’t remember a single word of what I read. 

The writing style for the fighting. When you write fight scenes or tense scenes, you want your writing to become choppier usually and sharp. It changes the mood and tone of the scene. The author just used the same flowing prose she had for the rest of the book, which was kinda dull. 

I wish we had seen the murders. I mean, the book is in third person and does switch POV at times! I wanna read some good blood, guts, n gore!

L O V E  T R I A N G L E  O F  H E L L 

I thought Celaena was supposed to be sickly?? But like after a few chapters in the book that’s like, forgotten, besides her throwing up after running? Why only after running? Why doesn’t she worry about this or her health much? Seriously her physiology makes no sense. 

Celaena’s mental health is also questionable. She’s completely fine after being tortured for a year and in a death camp and only has bad nightmares every once in a while?? That ain’t how PTSD works. Seriously what was going on in her head? What was the author trying to portray? You don’t do this shit half-assed. Either throw yourself into the research or go the Harry Potter route. 

There is one character who is fat and he is ofc, a terrible person (I am talking about Dorian’s younger brother, ofc. Sigh. And yikes)

Celaena sometimes talked and acted like she was younger than what she actually was?? I think being childish was supposed to be part of her personality but it doesn’t mesh with her being an assassin. Unless she was doing it on purpose as an act. But she obv wasn’t so......

Yulemas. Honestly, I put the book down around when it was mentioned. It’s a dumb name and I can imagine what sort of celebration it is. 

The timing and pacing of this book is weird. The king needs to learn what an itinerary is. I think it’d help him out. 

 Why I Put Throne of Glass Down

Mainly for two reasons: one I had just bought some books at the library and wanted to read those instead. I just wanted to read a good book again. The second reason is just as simple: I was incredibly bored. 

There was just so much filler for me. Characters talking about random stuff, walking around, trying to figure out a mystery I figured out as soon as the first murder actually happened. It was all so boring to me. 

And then... Celaena started suspecting Nehemia. Her only friend in the castle.

I dunno why that did it in for me. I think it’s because I didn’t wanna sit through at the very least 50 pages of one of the poorest red herrings I have ever stumbled across. I can (somewhat) deal with a book that promised me action and gave me bad romance with pretty girls and boys. I’ll complain a lot, give it a bad rating most likely, but I can finish books like those. What I can’t deal with is a clear waste of my fucking time. At that point, I was already 99.99% sure Cain was the bad guy. I was already tired of Celaena in general since she is such an unpleasant character for me to read. I did not wanna sit through a plot point that just insulted my intelligence and made the book all the more longer than it has to be. I have no idea how someone can make a book this bland and boring so long. I honestly cannot understand how I got pretty much 50% of the way in, and feel like I have moved nowhere when it comes to the characters and the plot. I don’t know how I could be pretty much halfway through this book and feel like not a SINGLE action scene has happened. (Yes, I know there have been actions scenes, but I didn’t like them or the way they were written. They weren’t exciting for me.)

All this realization just kinda came crashing down on me with Celaena suspecting Nehemia. And I was quite done with all of it.

Maybe the book would’ve picked up. Maybe the entire premise, story, characters, and writing style could’ve changed in a single page flip. But I seriously doubt that. 

I’m tired of wasting my time with books I am not enjoying. If I’m gonna read a bad book, I at the very least want it to be entertaining.

And Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas wasn’t even that. 

[surveyhoursss]

4.

Zodiac Bingo

Aries Gotta go fast Independence Participant, always Fuck you, don’t tell me what do to *brooding intensifies* Good sense of humor I ain’t neva scared “I’m not competitive but I’m gonna win” Assertive Going first Running yellow lights

People are drawn to you even tho you don’t invite them Feelings = action Impulsivity Creative Leader Competent “I thought you didn’t like me”-everyone Accidentally hurting people’s feelings Shares everything with partner What if the pope blasted cigs? Starting shit you don’t feel like finishing “I guess that was rude” No. 6/24

Taurus Treat yo’self Underappreciated at work Loyalty Great tastes in art&culture Spoiled (or wishing you were) Robe appreciation A vice (alcohol, weed, or comfort food) Homemaking/nesting Continuing to do something you don’t love just because you’re resistant to change Affection via touch Easy going Perfecting a wardrobe that is both comfy and flawless Having good ass eyebrows Highkey sensitive Stubborn af Not even taking your *own* advice Gossiping Lady in the street but a freak in the bed Creativity Spooning Commitment Stressing out over a change in someone’s tone of voice Finishing what you started Lots of venting lol 15/24

Gemini Unpopular opinion factory Secret&diverse intellectual landscape “Oh I got really into *miscellaneous hobby or topic* for a while” Intellectualizing or ignoring feelings Cleaning maybe once a year Look, a distraction! Thinking faster than you can talk Restless without hobbies Talking faster than you can think Reading four books at once Tons of energy Teaching others what you know Trivia machine Moodiness Knowing everything but also forgetting everything Existential crisis “Sorry I forgot to text you back” So many interests so little time Accidentally talking too loud Young at heart Pretty good public speaker Endless scrolling Shitposting Unpredictable sleep schedule 14/24

Cancer Connecting with women “Guess I’ll have to love you with my whole heart and soul” Vegetarianism/veganism Fear of rejection Surrounding yourself with soft blankets and  mood lighting Ferocious protector “I’m not going to dwell on it” *dwells on it* Takes child-rearing seriously Hardshell protecting soft ego Feeding sad friends Forecast: mood swings Heart of gold but still a badass Bad with boundaries Learning how to relax like it’s your job Lightweight drinker Yeah. Crying, ok? It’s not a big deal Mama trauma Food = comfort Nostalgia as a coping mechanism Identify built off memories Complaining Very emotionally intuitive of others Big fan of physical and emotional affection People telling you all their BS all the time 11/24

Leo Friendly Self-indulgence Never being able to tell if you’re the best or the worst People trying to compete with you lol Sensitive Decent at cheering people up Great hair Wardrobe swings between hot as hell and lazy af Interrupting Having a sense of honor Not doing something because you’re not good at it Talking too loud Finding dogs pretty relatable Creative talent Super supportive friend Enthusiasm Socializing like it’s your job&then needing to recharge Memes Priorities: eating and sleeping Boo hiss at rejection Looking good even when you feel like shit Drama Needing lots of love Loyal 12/24

Virgo Relating to Hermione Granger Gives great advice even when your own life is in shambles Flirting and running, an autobiography Petty Pretty damn intelligent Loving words/linguistics 8 hours of “studying” = 1 hour of real work Swings between clean and slobbish Indecision Splurging on food Mom friend A freak on the DL Peculiar eating habits Pretty good with words Good with pets and/or kids Known to schedule sex Multitasking af Cleaning as a coping mechanism “It me” Loves self-care but deprioritizes it 0 to hottie in 2 seconds flat Lowkey wood nymph All the receipts Bratty sub or service top 14/24

Libra If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all Pls no fighting Good judge of character Leadership roles in friendships Takes up less emotional space for the well being of others Art adoration Real glo up wizards Nature adoration Hates boredom Wholesome Keep it cute Emotionally braced for betrayal Lowkey running from problems with people Falling in love with people’s hearts/minds Investing in your appearance Loves all things cute Always the mediator Trust issues Charming Staying up to date on culture Taking the high road Always putting your feelings aside for others Aesthetics Mom friend 17/24

Scorpio Growing up early Being a new person every few years Black/dark wardrobe Pain is cool Interest in psychology/criminology/sociology Privacy Sexual but not promiscuous All or nothing thinking Intelligent Loner/lonely Taking care of everyone Would kill or die for loved ones Protective as fuck Bloodhound for truth Deep Fascination with death/insanity/occultism Love-hate relationships “idk I’m just feeling numb rn” Jealous or possessive Trust issues Loyal as fuck Secretly soft Gets shit done Boundaries 13/24

Sagittarius Long ass bucket list Prefers to mind their own business Unbothered Nice enough that people always think you’re hitting on them Fear of missing out Optimism Honest and upfront Your shit is lowkey not together Plenty of friends Snobby enough to have good taste Flirting your way into something you can’t finish Storyteller or philosophical preacher “Here for a good time, not a long time” “…rude” Free spirit “Films” Distracted Smarter than you look I’m just speaking my truth! “I’m just inviting a few people” Falls in love with your mind, then your body Blows up the aux cord Hedonism phases Horniness gets you into some shit lol 5/24

Capricorn On your grind Discipline dgaf attitude Stoic in the streets, softie in the sheets Planning ahead, way ahead Always prepared (Un)healthy coping mechanisms Likes structure Prioritizing self-mastery Loyal protector of friends, babies, and animals Basically born an adult Dark humor People being mad about your tough love Old soul Major procrastinator Kind of a know-it-all on the DL Major sadness and madness People thanking you for your tough love People think you’re responsible “Why was I programmed to feel pain” meme Parenting your parents “Lock that in the trauma vault” Either a loner or a socialite Giving advice like it’s your job 11/24

Aquarius Me, an intellectual: Needing to do things your way Superiority complex Gossip Conspiracy theories Skepticism Not even having the energy to tell people how wrong they are Courteous/considerate People love you but you hate people Lonely Outsider syndrome Relating to cats a great deal Hates being told what to do or when to do it Not trusting someone/something that’s popular Being accused of being emotionless Insightful Feeling like the only rational person in a room Existential crisis Devil’s advocate just to get people to think Rationalizing tf out of your feelings Hates small talk Vices You’re entitled to your opinion no matter how wrong it is Interest in sociology, psychology, and politics 12/24

Pisces Empath Dramatic Poetry or music Lots of imagination, fluctuating identity Getting high on being outside (and maybe weed) Alone time “Idk I’m just a lil sad rn idk” Spiritual af Helping people heal Existential dread Pets love you Mommy issues Good with kids Cathartic crying over art, movies, or nature Knowing how people feel before they do Feeling misunderstood/alone “Go with the flow” Encountering spirits On life: “I’m just here for the ride” Drugs Forgiving others but blaming yourself Kindness Sorry, I was dissociating Exploring nature 14/24

I am most like a: Libra

I am actually a: Taurus

[ecotone99]

[HR] [SF] Spence - Chapter 2

‘Fore we got rid of Dr. McFuckknuckle and The Three Stooges, went through all their things and vehicles. No identification at all.

That tablet thing ‘Curly’ had was, along with bein’ a tracker for Spence, a maintenance console kinda thing. Get back to that here in a minute.

The doc’s car had some real interestin’ toys inside. Was a laptop, set up on a stand like in a police vehicle. Opened it up, and it lit up fine, but wanted a password, or a fingerprint. Lucky for me, once I pried open ol’ doc’s torn off hand and cleaned it up a mite, the thumbprint from that did the trick. Couple minutes of tinkerin’ got me my thumbprint authorized jest fine. Tossed that hand back over by its former owner. Spence followed the toss with his head, and chuffed. ‘Good riddance to bad rubbish, right?’ He cocked his head at me, like he was thinkin’ that over.

Was a leather folder which had some papers, a small black nylon toolbag, and a power cord/adapter for keeping the laptop charged.

Plugged the laptop up in the shack, ‘fore we headed out to get rid of the trash.

Loaded the dead weight into the back of that SUV, jerry-rigged a tow for the doc’s car, got ready to haul out into the back-country. Plenty of room for Spence in the back seat. Opened the door and said ‘C’mon bud. It’s garbage day.’ Spence kinda ‘chuffed’, would not get in.

‘You gonna stay here, slick?’

<chuff>

Goddamn, he was sayin’ no.

‘Fair enough, you plenty fast, bud. Follow me.’

Headed out, and Spence was a joy to see in motion. He’d rocket out ahead, swoop around and jet right back. He was playin’ with his lil ol’ slow human. Such a cat, that guy. Wiseass.

Got to where we was gonna dump this sack o’ assholes, and made sure to kick Dr. MFK in the ribs until my leg was tired. Not that it bothered him much, made me feel better.

Not gonna get too detailed on where/how all that was dealt with. Some things are best left unsaid ... but no one is ever gonna find them, or their vehicles ... and there are a couple-three less incendiary grenades left.

Was a long walk back, but Spence had a time. He’d spot a jack-rabbit, start up that chittery thing he does, and off he’d go. Chase the poor lil bugger for a while, and then he’d stop, let that jack run off, look back at me, and speed on back. Keepin’ an eye on his human. Saw a buzzard off on high, ridin’ the thermals. Guess we wasn’t the only ones takin’ care of dead meat today.

Just managed to beat the rain, and nightfall when we got back home.

Was time to get back to those ‘stay tuned’ things, so made up some coffee, and started snoopin’.

That laptop and those papers had some info, but the rest here is some wild-ass-guessin’:

Spence is a ‘prototype weapons system.’ Was the only one that ‘was successful’. Seems ‘they’ (not clear on who ‘they’ really is, but ‘they’ had some deep pockets, as Dr. MFK didn’t seem to have much problem keepin’ the lights on) had built some kinda ’AI’. Too bad for ‘they’, this AI? That dog won’t hunt. Couldn’t manage to ‘code a hunting instinct.’ Some bright-boy lab rat fella decided to ‘look into the feline mind’ to get that ‘hunter/killer’ code.

Dr. MFK was that lab rat. Pretty sure the process died with him. Small favors.

Seems the idea that he come up with was what he called a ‘matrix’ that this AI thing could run in, and the cat ‘code’ part could be copied in there, to give them that missin’ piece. There warn’t no ‘organic’ Spence left in that shiny body, from what I could figger. Just that matrix thing, swaddled up in Spence’s metal and silicon innards, with Spence and that AI all mixed up together.

He also figgered out that ferals and cats not raised ... whaddyacallit ... underfoot? Well, not bonded to humans, they wasn’t gonna work either.

Bastard slaughtered a lot of cats. ‘Spence, Ima thinkin’ the Doc here got off light.’ Spence chuffed again. Ima guessin’ this time he was agreein’ with me.

Spence was a smart fella before, but now he’s scary smarter. Still good company. Conversation is nice, just too damn big for lap-sittin’.

—-

[SIGNAL SCAN IN PROGRESS]

[SIGNAL DETECTED]

[SIGNAL TRIANGULATION ENGAGED]

—-

Also figgered out that the tools in that bag were for openin’ up maintenance ports and the like on Spence’s chrome carcass. One of them had a port for connectin’ that little maintenance console up. Told ya I’d get back to that. Was able to find the tracker tag they had plugged into Spence. Pulled that sumbitch out and unhooked its battery. Put that all away in the toolbag. Oh yeah, Spence is stealth. I can’t claim to understand how it works, but I read that, and tried to take a picture with my old digital camera, and all I could see was a kinda washed out blur, like the lens was smudged. Does the same kinda thing to radar signals and the like, but I ain’t got no way to test that. The black magic don’t extend to regular optical cameras, but that’s ok. Hell, I wanna be able to see him.

—-

[TRIANGULATION INCOMPLETE]

[SIGNAL LOST]

—-

Feelin’ kinda proud of myself at this point, so I closed Spence back up, grabbed a beer, and hit my chair. Spence sat on my left, and leaned his head on my leg. Put my hand on his ear, and he buzzed that purr of his, and lightly thumped his tail. We listened to the rain, until it faded out.

That was pretty close to the last time we felt peaceful.

Thinkin’ that ‘they’ might want to collect on their spendin’, and scoop up Spence. Yeah, well, fellas. Gonna have to go thru me first. Ima thinkin’ we two gonna hit the road. Dunno where to yet, but ‘they’ probably got the shack already nailed down. Also thinkin’ about that buzzard.

Next day, shit to do. Told Spence to guard the shack, and I’d be back. He chuffed and ima sure that was his version of an eye-roll. Walked down to the highway. Waved down the bus. Took that to the city (the other direction from town), and bought a new-to-me truck, with a camper shell on the back. Figgered that would give Spence some cover from all the lookie-loos.

Once I was back home, towed the trusty old truck out to the back-country, for a hero’s funeral. Couple less incendiaries. At least this time, didn’t need to walk back. Yep, could still see that circlin’ bird. Like that paintin’ ... this is not a pipe, and that ain’t no buzzard. Spence was chasin’ jack-rabbits again. I stopped the truck.

‘Spence!’ He spun around and come runnin’ back. ‘Hey bud. Ima thinkin’ you understand me a lot more than you used to. See that?’ I kinda pointed up the bird’s way. Spence’s head tracked the lazy circles for a bit, and then he looked back at me, head cocked. ‘Yep. Ima thinkin’ we on borrowed time. Those ‘they’ fellas are watchin’.’ He thought on that, and gave me a chuff. ‘Time to go, old fella’.’ He didn’t make a sound this time. Just cocked his head, like he does... and then walking over and givin’ me a head bump on my leg. Understood that perfect. I opened up the door, and he jumped in the back of the double-cab.

Got back home, and started packin’ up.

Got my back-country hikin’ gear. Packed some boxes with non-perishables. Loaded up the jugs of water I already had. Wrapped up our little armory in some tarps. Stowed that laptop and the other gear in my pack. Made sure my scatter-gun was loaded and handy. Was just finishing securing ever’thin’ down, when Spence made his chitter sound, looking back towards the road to the highway.

‘Goddammit, guess we outta time, bud. You stay here, in the truck. Let’s see what these assholes are up to.’

<chuff>

It looked to be one of the staties’ prowlers. I got no problem with the real authorities, but I made sure my sawed-off was in easy, hidden reach.

Prowler pulled to a stop. Could see two folks inside. In my experience with the staties, there’s usually only one per car. Somethin’ is not right here.

They both got out. ‘Good afternoon, sir.’

‘Afternoon officers, can I help you fellas?’

‘Yessir. We are out here, working with the rangers, letting people know that there is a very dangerous wild animal in the area. Have you noticed any signs? Any lost livestock? Pets? Anything like that?’

The one talkin’ was bein’ real calm and reassurin’ and walkin’ over easy like, with a nice, friendly grin. The other one was kinda off to the side, movin’ slow and steady, kinda like he was tryin’ to flank me... lookin’ everywhere but at me. Noticed that their sidearms were not the standard statie issue, but more like smaller versions of the Stooges’ weapons, with extended magazines. This is not a pipe, and these ain’t staties.

From where they was at, they couldn’t get a clear view of Spence, but he saw them. I could see him trackin’ their progress from the corner of my eye.

‘Well sir, don’t have any livestock to speak of. Was out hikin’ some today. Didn’t see no varmints bigger than a jack-rabbit.’ Was edgin’ my hand over to the sawed-off.

The chatty one smiled bigger, and started to reply, when the sneaky one finally got to where he saw Spence. He grabbed at his shoulder mike, and they both reached down for their weapons, but they never had a chance. I was spinning behind the truck, grabbin’ my scatter-gun, but I never even got it pulled.

I knew Spence was fast, but the last time he did this, I didn’t see the details. My buddy Spence is a beautiful goddamn chrome murder machine.

Spence went right through the side window of the camper shell. He tore into Sneaky, snipped both hands off clean, and slashed his throat deep, all in one move. Sneaky dropped, no sound but wet chokin’. Never even keyed the mike. Spence was over on Smiley in less than a heartbeat, before he could even get turned. Spence took that gunhand clean, and dropped ol’ Smiley on his back, and held him there, front paws on his shoulders, with the claws slid in for purchase, pressin’ down. Spence smiled, if you can call a mouthful of steely razors smilin’.

It was quiet, ‘cept for Spence’s metallic chirr, and Smiley’s sobs, as he clutched the stub with his remaining hand, ghost white face locked on Spence.

I walked over with my scatter-gun on my shoulder. Put a hand on Spence’s head and rubbed that ear. He thumped my leg once with his tail, not moving anything else.

Knelt down a little off to the side, up by Smiley’s head.

‘Son, meet Spence. Now, you and me? We gonna have us a little come-to-Jesus meetin’.’

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