#extremely unecessary but i cannot shake this feeling of being in a pit where I owe people things bc i'm slow and i don't respond to dms | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dikiyvter · 3 years

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Okay yeah, I’m officially calling it, here’s a very light semi-hiatus / general v low activity notice for October, I’m just not in a mentally sustainable place rn and trying to keep up with things around here and lately I am VERY much feeling this vague weight of ‘I Owe Things’ in terms of rp in general which has become a major bit of a Stressor on top of everything I’m dealing w/ OOC-- Not to mention I will be on the other end of the country from the 24th -28th, and I need to make sure everything is prepared for that, and I just--

I’m sorry guys but I feel like I’m drowning and I need to lighten the load

#❄ ⤚ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴊᴏᴋᴇs ( ooc. ) ⇾#i feel terrible posting another ooc thing thats just 'im not going to be here today' bc i genuinely do feel that posts like that are #extremely unecessary but i cannot shake this feeling of being in a pit where I owe people things bc i'm slow and i don't respond to dms #quickly and i move at an absolute snails pace in regards to threads and asks #owing not just replies and asks and interaction and dms but also never ending excuses as to why i'm not doing them in a timely manner #i dont usually feel this way and i think its v much a byproduct of the medical and insurance shit i've been dealing w/ the past 3 months #and the fact my living situation is getting rather toxic and difficult to deal with #i think i feel weird abt these most of all beacuse i KNOW its not like i'm going to fully step back and take a break bc like #rp and writing and being here is something I do enjoy and I love interacting with people #but i'm so overwhelmed that lately even this feels like a lot and i just want to go back to feeling like it's this casual thing and now me #*not #owing a billion people a hundred different things #so i know that this is almost entirely for myself to try and regain that sense of feeling but?#idk #i dont know how to explain this and i'm like. perpetually worried abt committing social suicide by acting weird and doing odd things.#i dont want to become a circus or a trainwreck for people to watch #i havent slept at all and just got more stressful news so maybe after sleeping i'll feel better #idk idk idk! I feel mentally on the edge of oblivion rn #i just wish i could feel like i'm enjoying things at my own pace again instead of this like #waking up like 'ok what do i need to get done today bc i said i'd try but i know i wont do it so im going to spend the whole day feeling gu #ilty for not doing it like its Homework and not a Hobby?'

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