#extra trauma for Peter because he was never there for MJ in his old world and he's trying SO hard not to be like that again

[hemlock-dreams]

Oooo possessive wade is delicious. Any more? Can't get enough

Peter's attention belongs to Wade, whether Peter likes it or not.

[kittybellestark]

Back To The Beginning

This one shot literally took so long to write but I’m glad it’s finally finished. I didn’t think I’d ever get it done i stg. Basically Peter starts to remember his parents. 

TW: Panic Attack, Blood, speaking about experimentation/torture.

“Tony, I need your help!!”

It’s 11:00pm on a non-patrol night. Peter is supposed to be in his apartment, it’s not the weekend so he definitely isn’t supposed to be here at night. Tony felt the anxiety build inside of him. hearing Peter ask for help was nearly unheard of, and for him to make an appearance at the lab this late at night was only something he did when injured too badly. This was unusual.

Looking up at Peter, Tony see’s he looks relatively not injured. Though Peter’s look is a cause for concern. He’s wearing pajamas and his face is red. Peter’s still wearing slippers and it’s obvious that he doesn’t have a wallet on him, only his phone. Which means Peter walked to the tower from Queens -as his webshooters are not on his wrists- but he most likely ran, judging by his red face and the beads of sweat on his forehead.

“What’s wrong?”

Tony was quick to move, getting Peter to sit down and drink water. The boys eyes were wide and frightened.

“Okay you’re going to think I’m insane because I think I’m insane but I promise this is real and I need help. Something is suspicious about May. And me. And my parents. Something is wrong Tony. I don’t think I’m unsafe but there’s something wrong here.”

“Start from the beginning kiddo. Keep your breathing easy. I can’t help you if I don’t know what the problem is.”

Peter nodded. He looked ready to cry. He was obviously exhausted and Tony was trying to keep his cool from Peter bringing up May and how he’s suspicious of her. Peter was his kid and Tony would do anything to keep him safe.

“Right, yeah. So remember our talk last week, the one where I sorta told you I perceive you in a father figure way and then you saying you kinda think of me as a son? Well I talked to May about it because I felt guilty. Like I had a dad and an uncle who raised me and it just feels selfish and I just needed extra reassurance okay. And May was upset. And she said that it wasn’t fair to my father especially considering he died recently.” Peter paused. “My dad died when I was 6, Ben died just over a year ago and I know she didn’t get them confused.”

Tony went to talk, to reassure Peter or to comfort him but Peter kept going.

“I thought she was just confused. But then I found some pictures of when my parents were alive. And May and Ben were never there. I can find pictures of places they said I was with them and only them, but then the pictures are with my parents. So I did had Ned hack into my grandparents old medical files. Richard and Mary were both only children. Ben is not related to Richard. There’s no adoption forms or anything. So technically May and Ben aren’t my aunt and uncle right?”

“Pete-“

“No Tony, listen. There’s more. May and Ben always pushed for me to work at Oscorp right? That’s where my parents worked so it makes sense. But May had pushed it more since the spider bite which doesn’t make sense, even pushing it even though you’re a Stark and obviously I’m going to work at SI when I’m older. It doesn’t make sense. But I was thinking it’s a legacy thing. But no.

“It doesn’t make sense that I don’t remember anything before my parents died. Doctor’s said it was the trauma of my parents dying. But I was six I couldn’t have really understood that. Unless something also happened to me, which brings me to my next big woah moment. MJ has been having me meditate recently because it’s good for my mental health and whatnot. And I remember being on an airplane with my parents. There’s no evidence that I was ever on an airplane, except before I was six years old. But there’s a ticket under my name for the same day my parents died. And if I go into the airport security cameras on that day I am there. You can see me boarding the plane. So how could I live through a plane crash and not my parents. That doesn’t make sense, especially seeing as my whole life I was told I was staying with May and Ben when my parents died.

“Tony, none of this adds up. And let’s just circle back to the spider bite. That should have killed me. It would have killed any other human. To have lived through the bite I would have had to had been altered or experimented on to work genetically with the spiders they were using. That’s the only way I wouldn’t have died. Which means Oscorp knows about me being Spider-Man, which makes sense because they’ve approached me multiple times since gaining my powers to intern there, even before I met you.

“Something is really wrong, Tony. And I need help.”

Tony agreed to help Peter. Of course he did. The duo researches Mary and Richard Parker and then they research May and Ben Parker. May and Ben never existed before they took custody of Peter. Everything Peter said was backed up. There was evidence for everything.

Peter’s life no longer made sense and Tony feared for his sons safety.

“I’m not comfortable with you going home, kid. None of this adds up.”

Peter leaned forward resting against the work table nodding along to what Tony said. He wasn’t very comfortable either. How could he go home knowing his whole life has been a lie.

“I’ll stay tonight, but I have to go back. We need more proof. Maybe we can get a DNA sample from May.”

Huffing in frustration, Tony pinches the bridge of his nose feeling at a loss.

“When you go back home I’m going to give you some stuff to set up around your room. It’ll activate every time May walks in there, record what she’s doing and saying. It’ll alert me if she does anything to you. I’ll also talk to my lawyers.”

The next day Tony unwillingly brought Peter back home. With a bag full of bugs and cameras, all directly linked to FRIDAY who will tell Tony as soon as anything remotely suspicious were to happen. Peter was well aware of exactly where to put each microphone and camera and that they would only be activated with May’s presence. 

Leaving Peter alone with May, felt impossible. Tony’s chest felt tight with anxiety, worried that this would be a bad idea, that his kid would wind up hurt in the end. Peter being left to May when the facts didn’t add up. Everything was a little too off yet so well put together with their small family that it seemed like a gust of wind could bring it all toppling to the ground. 

From there is took a few hours before May got back to her apartment, then a little while later before she started talking about Peter’s future with Oscorp. At the end of the week Peter finally told Tony that he had a DNA sample from May. 

As Peter entered the lab, toothbrush in hand, Tony had everything set up, FRIDAY ready to go through every person who has ever given DNA ever to find out who May is.

“What if I was kidnapped as a child?” 

“Then the two of us figure it out. We do whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Tony wraps his arms around Peter, letting the teen rest his head on Tony’s shoulder. 

“Boss, I found a match, would you two like to hear?” FRIDAY finally said after an agonizing fifteen minutes.

Tony looked towards Peter, waiting for confirmation before answering. Peter stared at Tony, mouth open clearly hesitating about what to do. After a beat Peter finally nodded, and Tony gave FRIDAY the go-ahead. 

“May Parker has a 100% DNA match to Mary Parker. I do apologize Peter, but it seems May is actually your mother.” 

Everything went silent at that for Peter. His ears were ringing and the world went all fuzzy. He blinked back tears before taking a deep breath and nodding. Tony held both of Peter’s shoulders, keeping him grounded. 

“Oh god, oh man, she lied to me. She lied a lot. She can’t be- she can’t. Tony, Tony, my whole life. She faked her death. And then got custody as me, and told me she’s my aunt. Oh no, that means Ben was probably- that I watched, Tony she said my Dad died recently, Tony I watched him get murdered. They lied to me. They lied.”

Tony pulled Peter into his arms, bringing the two of them to the ground. Peter ended up in Tony’s lap, head in the crook of his mentors shoulders. Tony started to rock the two of them, hoping to bring the sobbing boy some comfort.

~~~~~~

A week after finding out May was technically his biological mother, the nightmares set in for Peter. Well, more like repressed memories coming to him when he sleeps, but nightmares nonetheless. It was already a battle to get Tony to agree to let Peter go home, with promises that he would soon talk to May. Going to Tony about this now would only lead to Peter never going home. 

Sleeping was hard though. Memories of being moved from facility to facility with Mary and Richard strapping him down and taking needles to his skin, injecting him with things that burned, that were so hot but also so cold. Watching Richard take a scalpel to his body, seeing Mary break his bones. Having his parents shock him until he tasted blood.

It wasn’t right. Peter knew it wasn’t right. He stops other parents from doing this to their kids. And now he’s here. He know’s he went through it, the abuse. But that was Mary and Richard. Not May and Ben. They may be the same, but the abuse, it hasn’t been since they started lying to him. Not since they pretended that Peter wasn’t their son. They’ve not hurt him like that since they faked their own death.

And yet Oscorp has been up his ass since Spider-Man. Doubled down since May found out. He’s been followed by people who may have put it together. Who may know his actual identity. 

Peter know’s he should go to Tony. He know’s he should talk to May. Peter is acutely aware that he is an abused child. That his parents abused him. experimented on him. He shouldn’t have lived through the spider bite, not without previous experimentation. He’d be dead if it wasn’t for Mary and Richard or May and Ben, whoever they were. They saved his life with what they did.  

But what if this was Ned’s life? Or MJ’s? OR Betty’s? Or even Flash? If this was literally anyone else’s life Peter wouldn’t stand for it. He wouldn’t let them think that everything was okay in their life. He would talk them out of it. He would support them and help them find other options. But this is his life. And now it’s different. And it shouldn’t be. Spider-Man stops this from happening to other children. Stops the abuse, helps get them into good homes. Yet Peter Parker isn’t doing anything for himself because as far as he’s aware it’s in the past. 

Now Peter is sitting inside a restaurant with May. They’re supposed to be having dinner together. But he needs to know. He has questions and he wants the answers. His phone is on his lap recording, and he that Tony has Happy tailing him, which means he’s right outside if anything happens. 

“So, uh, you know that MJ and I have been meditating together right? She says it’s good for people’s mental health and can help then deal with some personal stuff.” Peter starts saying once the food has arrived. May nods. “Well, I think it’s working. Which is great but I’m remembering some weird things from when Mary and Richard were alive.”

May raised her eyebrow, taking a think before she answers, the fork she was hold with chicken on the end twirling in the air. 

“Are you sure about that Pete? I mean not to say I don’t believe you but the doctors have said it’s extremely unlikely that you’ll ever regain your memories from when your parents were alive. Are you sure you’re actually remember and not just creating these stories in your head about them again?”

“Wait what? Creating stories- again? May, I have no clue what you’re talking about.” 

“Oh, honey. Please don’t tell me you repressed this. When you were you younger you created this whole story about how Mary and Richard would hurt you and take your blood and it was horrible. You worked yourself up into such a frenzy about it that Ben and I had to put you in a hospital to help you. You were in the hospital for months. Do you not remember that?” Peter shook his head. “Honey, if what you remember of your parents is them experimenting on you or whatever convoluted thing you made up then we need to get you some more help.”

Peter was confused. He didn’t remember May and Ben shipping him away. There’s no memory of going to a hospital or saying that his parents hurt him. Peter was sure that never happened. It couldn’t have. And for May to know what Peter was going to his what his memories were. That’s wrong. She knows. She knows.

“I ran a DNA test. I know you’re actually Mary.”

May or Mary whoever she is dropped her fork, her face showing her surprise. 

“Peter, baby, I don’t know where you got that idea from but I’m not Mary, I’m not your mother. I don’t know how you made up this story now but you’re wrong. Get up Peter. We’re going to go get you some help.”

Heartbreaking, Peter felt his family shatter. For the first time in Peter’s life he looked at May and saw a stranger. To tell him he’s making this all up, that he needs help. She’s never done this before. May- Mary- May, she’d never make him feel like he was a liar. Peter had always felt validated by her. May didn’t even do this when Peter went to her about Skip. 

May got up from the table grabbing Peter by his arm and trying to pull him up with her. Peter continued to stay seated, refusing to go with her. Wanted to finish this conversation before this family ended. 

“Sit the fuck down, Mary. I’m not done yet.” Peter heard himself spit out, voice feeling detached. 

Mary sat down across from her son, a scowl set on her face. Food forgotten, her foot tapping. 

“I was on that plane too. I remember being there. There was never a May and Ben Parker before then. Don’t play dumb with me either, Mom, I go to the best school in New York that works in conjunction with the best colleges in the country. I have an internship with a certified genius and have helped develop products at SI, and regularly work with the top three smartest people in the world, and they don’t dumb things down so I can understand. I can keep up with them and I make them see things they didn’t before. I’ve corrected Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. Don’t tell me I’m crazy.”

The two stayed silent staring at each other. The server came around to check in and they only nodded. After ten minutes Mary finally broke the silence. 

“What do you want to know?” 

“Why did you fake your death, create identities that are literally related to me, but not fake my death? You told me you were dead for years. Why?” 

“It was the only way to protect you without ruining your life. I did what I had to do.” Mary’s voice was cold in a way that Peter hasn’t heard since he was young, and strapped to a table.

“How could you ever protect me when you were to the one to hurt me. You and Richard. You strapped me to a table, poked me with needles, injected me with experimental drugs, broke my bones and cut me open and shocked me when I didn’t do what you wanted me too. I was a child and you tortured me.”

“You think I wanted to? You’re my baby. I didn’t want to do those things, but I had too.”

“Why?”

“Peter, we’re done, we’re going.”

“Not until you answer me.”

“We’re leaving.”

“Answer me, Mary.”

“Oscorp. Norman Osborn. That’s why.”

Peter nodded. It was what he was expecting. Of course he was. He just wanted it to be different. He wanted Mary to say anything else. But it was her job. She got paid to do those things to him. Mary could have said no, could have quit her job. Richard too. They could have done something. Anything. 

It was a choice. They chose their jobs over him. They valued Peter as a lab rat, and their job as their child. Peter wasn’t important. Not to Mary, not to Richard. Not in the way he should have been.

“Alright.” Peter said. “I can’t go home with you. I can’t trust you anymore. I’m sorry Mary, but this just isn’t working with us anymore. Someone will be in contact.”

They made eye contact again. And Peter finally stood up. He tapped a button on the watch he was given from Tony, only tapped it once, to let Happy know he needs a ride, to let Tony know he needs him. His phone went into his pocket.

Just as his back turned to Mary, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. There was the sound of gun being cocked behind him. The people in the restaurant as gasped and screamed, chairs moving and people trying to shuffle away. Peter turned back around seeing May holding a gun, aiming it right at him.

“You’re not going to Tony. Tony motherfucking Stark doesn’t get to lay claim to you. You are mine Peter. You are my child, you are my responsibility, you are mine and you are coming home with me. Now put your hands up baby, I can’t have you calling him. We need to go. You need help. We have to go see the doctor.”

She was shaking, tears running down her face. All Peter could see was his aunt. He could only see May. He couldn’t see Mary and that made it hurt more. He raised his hands, putting them behind his head. He found the his watch easily, clicking the buttons in rapid succession, as many times necessary to get help as soon as possible.

“May, May, please. You can’t- please. You hurt me. Over and over again. It was your choice. Please don’t hurt me anymore. Put the gun down, please. You know I won’t go willingly. I won’t, I will let you shoot me. Kill me, May, do to me what was done to Ben-Richard. Make sure no one can ever have me if you can’t. It’s the only way you can keep me safe right? By making sure I’m dead?” Peter sobbed, moving slowly onto his knees, trying to not be a threat to Mary. “You are scaring me. I used to feel safe with you May. You made me feel safe. But Mary, I don’t feel safe with you. I’d rather be dead then go to whatever place you want me too. You either need to kill me, or let me go to Tony. Either way he’ll make sure you go to jail. But I’ll try and get him to lighten up the sentence if you let me walk out of here tonight.” 

Peter was crying. And near incoherent, he wanted things to be normal. He wanted his Aunt May and he wanted to be at home watching a bad hallmark movie throwing popcorn at the tv. He wanted them to order cheap takeout food when May inevitably burnt dinner.

He could see the people trapped in the restaurant in them taking videos of them. He knew this was probably live on Facebook or Instagram or Tiktok or wherever they post live videos now. Tony was without a doubt watching when FRIDAY picked up his face online. Everyone at school would probably see this, him begging Mary to kill him instead of kidnapping him. 

Peter could hear the sound of repulsors, both of the suit and of the quinjet. He knew Mary only had limited time before Tony got here, and only a little bit more time before whatever available Avengers show up. Happy was probably busy securing the perimeter for the police. Or maybe he was working to get some of the hostages out.

“I don’t want to kill you Pete. I don’t want to kill you, it’s the last thing I want to do. So you need to come with me. You cannot go to Tony Stark. He can’t solve your problems. Let’s go. We can be together, forever. We can finally be the family I always wanted us to be. The family you always wanted to have. Mother and Son. We wouldn’t be Aunt and Nephew now that you know.”

Mary was shaking, her face red, finger on the trigger, safety turned off. She was ready to shoot her son, her child, her baby. She was fighting a losing battle. She said all the wrong things and she’s acting the wrong way. 

Iron Man touched down outside. 

“You have a minute Mary, let me leave, Tony is outside. It’ll be better if you let me go.” It was a final plea, he knew it probably wouldn’t do anything but it was worth the shot.

There was a beat of silence. 

“If I can’t have you then no one can.” Her voice was cold.

A repulsor charged. Mary was out of time. They both knew it. 

A shot rung out.

The window shattered.

Mary flew to the side.

Peter fell backwards.

Tony charged in.

Mary lost her grip on the gun, it skidded across the restaurant floor. Far out of her reach. She pushed herself away, trying to escape Iron Man. The attempt was in vain. Tony stood over her, face plate on the suit flicked up.

“You’re done Mary. You don’t get to hurt him anymore.” 

The Avengers swarmed in detaining Mary, working on getting the hostages out, having them checked by medical. 

“She shot me.” Peter cried out, trying to suck in air.

Tony turned to Peter, seeing the boy lying down. Pool of blood around him. A gun shot wound to the stomach. Peter was smiling teeth stained red. Tony broke out of his suit, skidding to his knees beside him. Tony put pressure on the wound trying to smile at Peter, to try and comfort his kid.

“Peter, kid, I’m right here. I’m right here bambino, it’s okay. She’s not going to hurt you anymore. You’re gonna move in with me, I’ve already got all the paperwork sort out. I promise you kid, you’ve got a home with me. I love you kid, it’s okay, we’ll be okay eventually.”

Peter nodded, tears streaming down his face. He didn’t hurt anymore, nothing hurt.

“I’m sorry Tony. I’m sorry. That was stupid of me. I shouldn’t’ve confronted her. She tried to kill me.” He coughed up blood. “I thought she’d tell me it was a lie. Mary never loved me.”

“It’ll be okay bambi, I’ve got you now.”

~~~~~

Peter woke up in the medbay. The lights were dimmed, Tony was asleep with his head on the Peter bed, Tony’s hand resting on Peter’s. The window’s were tinted so he couldn’t see out, and the door was closed most of the way closed. Peter grabbed a cup of water sitting on the nightstand, taking a sip and putting it back down.

“Tony?” Peter whispered, waking the man up.

“Hey Pete,” Tony smiled once he woke up, voice still sleepy, eyes willed with worry. “You comfortable? Can I get you anything? Whatever you need kid, I’ll get it for you.”

“She tried to kill me, Tony. She’d rather me dead, then alive with you. She’s the reason I’m like this. She made me a freak. Because of her I’m some mutant. She never loved me.”

“Oh Peter.” Tony sighed as Peter started sobbing.

Tony got up, crawling into the bed with Peter careful not to irritate the wound. He wrapped his arms around the boy, pulling him into his chest. Peter sobbed harder, clinging to Tony.

“You’re no freak Peter. You’re not just some mutant either. You are my kid though, my son, even if not biologically. You are so important to me Peter. I’m so sorry I couldn’t take care of you. I’m so sorry that Mary lied to you you’re whole life, but you’re my kid okay? You are Peter Parker or whoever you want to be. I’m proud of you. You deserved to be loved, bambino.”

“I don’t even want to be a Parker anymore. I don’t want to be related to my parents anymore.” 

Tony wiped the tears off his son’s face. They made eye contact, Peter’s red glassy eyes and Tony’s watery eyes. 

“Then be a Stark. Or a Carbonell. Or a Potts. Or whatever other last name there is that isn’t mine or Peppers. Right. Be a Hogan or a Rhodes. You can have whatever last name you could possibly want. Rogers. Barton. Romanoff. Banner. Odinson. Maximoff. Barnes. Wilson. You don’t have to be a Parker if you don’t want to be. But personally I like the sound of you being Peter Stark, though Peter Potts has a nice ring to it too. We could hyphenate too.”

Peter laughed. “Peter Stark-Potts-Rogers-Barton-Romanoff-Banner-Odinson-Maximoff-Barnes-Wilson? Is that what you want my name to be.”

“No you silly goose. Maybe Peter Stark-Potts. Or Peter Potts-Stark. Whatever you’re comfortable with. I won’t judge. Basically I wanted to say that Pepper and I want to keep custody of you. We currently have temporary custody, because it’s up to you. We didn’t want you left out. And eventually we’d like to adopt you too.” Tony paused for a beat. “But, I feel like we’re having this conversation entirely too soon and I should let you grieve first. Mary’s not dead, that was the wrong word. She’s alive. But I figured you’d be grieving the family you lost. So we can talk about this down the line. When you’re comfortable. But Pep and I will need to know the custody thing soon at least. Gotta keep CPS off our asses at some point.”

“Tony?”

Tony hummed in response.

“Thank you.”

[pepperony3000-archive]

Wait Endgame is your second favorite? That's surprising! No judgement though, but now I want to know how you rank all of them

Oh goodness… that is TWENTY-THREE MOVIES to rank! That’s hard! This might get very jumbly at around the midway point…

1) Iron Man 3 - Everything about it is so perfect. The Iron Fam being chaotic but also 100% supportive of each other? Tony being the first superhero in history to deal with mental disorders blatantly!!! onscreen!!! The action is top notch. The final battle needs to be taught in film school because it’s literally a metaphor for Tony’s main personal theme of feeling like he’s nothing without his armor, but then at the end he’s able to leap from one to the other because it’s not the armor itself that makes him powerful, it’s that he has the powerbravery/will to leap from one to the other.

2) Avengers: Endgame - Y’all are looking at it wrong. Pretend the Infinity Saga is a TV show and it just ended, and now the rest of the MCU is a spinoff show featuring some of the newer/recently introduced characters, but without the core group of the original show.Suddenly the most important characters getting to leave with a bang isn’t as frustrating.But I also love it because it got my two favorite characters so beautifully right! Tony and Natasha, because they are the two who are deemed worthy enough to be turned into the big talking points of the movies, got to end their TV show finale with a huge glorious heroic sacrifice that will make them remembered forever!The time travel is also REALLY clever. And this is coming from someone who has watched a LOT of time travel shows/movies. There is literally only one movie I’ve ever seen that handled time travel better, and that was Arrival. They did away with the time travel paradox by having every past even just create an alternate timeline. And really? They only asked for suspension of disbelief in service of a joke that was not even that funny and I sort of hated and because they wanted the old Steve scene to have a particular emotional resonance, and having him come back through the portal old… wouldn’t have done that. 

3) Iron Man - I firmly believe that this is the best movie in the entirety of the MCU. It was the first, and yet it has never been topped. (and yet it’s #3 on my list rofl)It gave us a very complex lead character with a supporting cast that had a lot more depth in their first outing than some of the OG6 had after four movies (*cough*Clint*cough*Thor*cough* - Thor only got good development after Ragnarok). There was also subtlety to the story that it seems hollywood writers in general (and MCU specifically) is incapable of anymore.

4) The Avengers - the very first time in history we get a massive teamup of superheroes? sign me the FUCK up!Loki was a fantastic villain, the characterization of all of them (except for Clint… sorry, pal) was absolutely amazing, and it’s just pure unadulterated fun. Not much more to say than that.

5) Black Panther - Live Action Lion King (2019) WHOMST? There was a live action Lion King in 2018 and it was called Black Panther!I have a few issues with it fuck YOU vibranium! but it’s SUCH a good movie. T’Challa is quite possibly the noblest MCU character/lead, and the supporting cast are all incredible. I also loved the idea that the villain was… actually… right? Oh he was wrong a FUCK in deciding that the way to go about getting it was through violence, but his end goal was correct.Which is actually very subtle (and again… one of the very few MCU movies to do that) and very important message - because so often people seem to think that violence is the answer. Because the cause is “right” and “just”, excessive violence or threats of violence are considered the proper course of action. But as Killmonger proved, that wasn’t the way. Instead we all need to be like Nakia - who wanted the same thing, but worked for it through kindness, sacrificing her own desires, and making the first tiny hole in the dam.

6) Captain America: The Winter Soldier - I firmly hold that this is one of the most overrated MCU movies, and it’s what started Steve Rogers down his path to… the character he ended up becoming… but it is an excellent movie!Natasha gets amazing development, Sam Wilson is better in this movie than he has been since, and the emotional stakes are very high and very well thought out. Also I’m sorry but the bold political statement of “nazis torturing people is bad” is… not all that subtle? or bold? I don’t know why people are saying that this is the movie that addresses difficult political questions because… it doesn’t?

7) Spiderman: Far From Home - I’m sorry y’all, but I love my boy Peter Parker and if you don’t like this movie then I might just fight you.It was a terrific followup to Endgame, and Peter’s trauma was dealt with in a very realistic and unbearably painful way. Mysterio was the perfect villain for Peter to face, because he forces him to confront his trauma… even though he forces it by first torturing Peter with it, but Peter is forced to find a way to cope with his fears, his grief, and his feelings of inadequacy. Also Peter/MJ is the literal cutest and I love them so much.

8) Avengers: Infinity War - ngl this was a VERY tough battle between this and FFH, but FFH won by just a hair.Thanos is the greatest villain of our generation, quite possibly of the past 2-3 generations. The characters they chose to pair up together worked extremely well - I didn’t know how much I needed the Thor/tree/rabbit teamup until it happened. And then that ending… never before has the world held its breath together in such shared anguish as when we watched Spiderman all the characters we love so much fade away into dust. And there was a great cry in all  the world, such as never has been or ever shall be again!

9) Captain America: The First Avenger - Steve Rogers has never been better than he was in this film. Unfortunately it was all downhill after that, but it’s because of this film that he was my second favorite character for a good five years. There is a gentleness to this Steve that is utterly lacking starting in The Winter Soldier, where he becomes this machismo who obsesses far too much over anything he has one (1) emotion about because he doesn’t know how to handle it.This Steve Rogers is emotionally very intelligent, and is genuinely willing to do whatever it takes to do what is right.And I will say, I can understand why he made the decision he made in Endgame, because Peggy is such a brilliant and dynamic and interesting person, I don’t think anybody could have resisted staying with her (if she agreed to have him). @Marvel please bring back Agent Carter, because I need more Peggy.

10) Captain America: Civil War - This movie did a lot of studio mandated things, and because of that was weaker than it might have been, but I hold that it is a very good and very solid movie. Unfortunately, a big fault of the movie is that I don’t think Chris Evans believed in what he was performing, and so couldn’t give it the complexity that it needed (particularly as the Russo’s take input of their cast into consideration when making their movies… actors get to choose a lot of their own character beats unless it’s a plot-mandated beat). And unfortunately, Steve Rogers suffered for this.If The Winter Soldier is the one where he began obsessing over anything that gave him one (1) emotion, this is the movie where that tendency grew two extra heads and turned into a monster. Steve sees this argument the way a soldier who is used to following orders during wartime would, whereas Tony sees this argument the way a strategist during peacetime might. Steve thinks Tony is “trying to win a war before it starts”, while Tony thinks he’s deescalating rising tensions. And unfortunately, Steve is too blinded by his one (1) emotion to see the complexities in the situation.Which, while it frustrates me how poorly this movie did Steve’s personality, those dynamics are very interesting to watch play out onscreen. Plus, the dialogue is sharp and witty, and the emotional beats - particularly everything that has to do with Tony, is some of the most beautifully written and performed drama I’ve seen in a while.

11) Spiderman: Homecoming - This movie did such a good job of giving us a teenaged Peter Parker. All the other movies, Peter didn’t feel like a teenager. He felt like a grownup. This Pete is definitely a teenager - he’s a young kid in a big world trying to be a superhero, and because of that trying to take on problems that he is not experienced enough to take on.The journey he takes on this movie is to learn just exactly that, and by the end he probably is experienced enough now  to take on those bigger threats, but he makes the mature decision not to do that quite yet - proving exactly the kind of man he will eventually grow up to be.

12) Thor: Ragnarok - Finally Thor gets developed. Hemsworth really shows off his acting chops in this movie. He’s always been very charming as Thor, but this is the movie where we learned that he’s not just charming, but also a very talented actor. I personally found some of the clumsiness/slapstick around his character a bit much, but Hemsworth performed it perfectly.This is a movie where the story doesn’t actually matter. Honestly… who even remembers the story? The important thing about this movie are the characters, and they are all done incredibly well, except possibly Loki, and even he got some good development at the very end of it. Thor is finally an interesting character, Hela is an amazing villain, Bruce got some fun development, and Valkyrie should have been introduced five movies ago (@Marvel give me a Valkyrie movie! Why the FUCK are we reportedly getting Thor 4 when you could have had Thor stay behind as king of Asgard and giving Val her own  movie instead? Especially since all of Thor’s important relationships are dead or in the gotg movie, so he has nowhere to move on to! If we don’t have good characters/dynamics, Thor 4 will suck! It will also suck because the heart of his movies have been his relationship with his brother, and that’s gone now).

13/14) Ant Man and the Wasp/Ant Man - Honestly these movies can just be grouped together, because they’re very very similar, and all I would have to say about one I’d say about the other.

The Antman movies are very light hearted and comical, and the important thing here (like Ragnarok) is not the story, but the characters. The family relationships explored here honestly feel like real families - they just happen to live in a world with superheroes. I think AMaTW is the better of the two, but only by a little bit.

15) Iron Man 2 - This is another movie that was made lesser than it could have been due to executive meddling. Honestly, if you re-cut the movie and just take out all of Coulson’s scenes it becomes a much better movie (and would have gone higher on the list).As it is, Coulson dumps expositional world building that doesn’t really work in the context of the movie.What does work is the chaotic-yet-supportive Iron Fam (once again), and the introduction of Black Widow. I think Natasha might have had the best introduction in the MCU, because the audience was who she was fooling. Her job is to manipulate people and fool them into thinking she’s what she wants us to think she is, and only reveals the truth when she’s ready for it. And that is exactly how we were introduced to her. The underlying plot of Tony struggling with his imminent death was also incredibly well done. He wanted so desperately to not be dying, but there wasn’t anything that he could do. And when he ran out of options, he behaved in such a way to make things worse for him (health wise), because nothing was worse than sitting back and waiting for death to come. Better for it to come quickly and for the agony of just waiting for it to pass. Unfortunately Coulson takes away some of the gravitas of that by forgetting Tony was dying and threatening to taze him…All in all, a weak story but fleshed out by some of the best characters the MCU has ever created and introduced.

16) Doctor Strange - A decent movie with decent characters. There is nothing particularly memorable about it, but also nothing particularly bad about it either (beyond casting a non-Asian actress as the Ancient One).

17) Thor - Sort of like Doctor Strange, a decent movie with a charming lead but mostly terrible supporting cast. I will hold that none of the human characters are actually very good. At all. The best thing Ragnarok did was drop them all like the movie ruining load that they are.Once again, Loki is a good villain and an interesting character, and while Thor is underdeveloped he’s incredibly charming and likable in spite of that.

18) Captain Marvel - Yes I am a woman. Yes I disliked Captain Marvel. Can we move on from that please.If Thor is a decent movie with a charming lead, Captain Marvel is a decent movie with a terrible lead. I do not find Carol to be particularly interesting, and will hold that Brie Larson was incredibly miscast in the role. (if you want to hear why, you can peruse this). In general, it’s also a movie that relies a little bit too much on 90s nostalgia, and as somebody who personally hates when a movie relies on nostalgia to be considered “good”, all of that rubbed me the wrong way. The same applies to Ragnarok tbh, but I didn’t mention it up there because I wanted to rant about wanting a Valkyrie movie. (@Marvel please)Unfortunately, this movie is also not one bit subtle with it’s message. And as a woman, I do not relate to a woman whose only personality trait is “stand up to men”. Every other female character in the MCU is quite capable of standing up to men, and they all have a lot of character outside of that. And I will stop there because even saying that much risks me getting blocked right off of this hellsite…

19) Guardians of the Galaxy - I am definitely in the minority for this one, but I never liked this movie. If the 90s nostalgia in Captain Marvel rubbed me the wrong way, the 80s nostalgia in this movie was rubbing me the wrong way. with sandpaper.But my biggest problem with this movie is that Quill is not interesting enough (in my opinion) to be the central character. These characters all feel like sidekicks, and without a strong central lead for them to be sidekicks to, everything just feels very underdeveloped. I also find the humor in these movies to be very cheap and childish.However, I love that the team very much became a family. I believe in their relationships with each other even if each person as an individual character feels very weak.

20) Guardians of the Galaxy 2 - If you took GOTG1 and flipped it on it’s head, you’d get GOTG2. This is quite possibly the worst MCU movie ever, except that… somehow… it has some of the most heartfelt and meaningful emotional beats out of all of them.I felt every single emotional beat, and the fact that the characters were all sidekicks… actually worked well for this movie. They didn’t need to be more than sidekicks, because the “kick” part of sidekick stands for “kick ass”.However, the story was atrociously bad, and one of the worst the MCU has ever done, which is why it’s below GOTG1. But only slightly.

21) The Incredible Hulk - Does anybody even remember this movie? It was boring, uneventful, had the wrong guy playing Bruce Banner, and was just poorly written throughout. 

22) Thor: The Dark World - This movie is a boring, dreary, horribly written, badly directed mess. Some of the stuff up on Asgard was decent except for the fact that they fridged Frigga for no goddamn reason, and everything that happened on earth was goddamn awful, verging on embarrassing. And don’t even get me started on the dark elves. They were rightfully dropped from the MCU and never mentioned again because they are just That. Bad.

23) The Avengers: Age of Ultron - the movie where Joss Whedon fucked up Natasha’s backstory for the sake of his self-insert ship, infantilized Wanda Maximoff by insisting the woman with cleverly displayed cleavage who was clearly in her 20s was actually only 15, did not solidify the team as a family (THIS IS THE MOVIE WHERE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN GODDAMMIT), and disrespected literally every movie that came before (including his own goddamn flick).Wow I just realized that most of the awful shit he did was done to the female characters. Can you believe this disgusting asshole has the audacity to call himself a feminist? Fucking disgraceful…Fuck Whedon. He doesn’t deserve to come within a thousand yards of a woman.

[ampersands-and-guitars]

Endgame Reaction (spoilers)

You know, I hate it when fans get angry when a movie doesn’t go the way they personally wanted or expected. I try to not be that person, but man is Endgame making that hard.

I was a huge fan of Infinity War. I’d never felt that devastated coming out of a movie theater and I felt that it just hit all the right notes and set up an incredible solution. But I’m still trying to process Endgame, and I’m not sure it is a complementary follow up to Infinity War.

Criticisms

The deaths of Loki, Gamora, and Vision were, to me, the heart and emotional anchor of Infinity War. Those deaths deserved emotional payoff in Endgame. We had Thor walk right past Loki in Asgard and not even look at him, there was one brief reference to Vision, and only a quick moment between 2014!Gamora and Peter that was a weirdly light moment.

Thor’s trauma from Infinity War was mocked and played for laughs even though Cap ran a support group.

We spent so much time talking about time travel, joking about time travel, and figuring out the logistics of time travel that we didn’t have enough time to wrap things up in a satisfying way. It leaves the audience to connect all the dots re: What happened to 2014!Gamora (dusted, I guess, but Peter seems to be searching for her — does that mean 2014!Thanos and crew are not dead, but somewhere else in time?), the fact that Peter and Ned and probably MJ were all conveniently snapped together so that they could finish out their high school years together, how Old Cap got to the bench, how the hell society will readjust the the other half of the population returning, what Avengers will continue the legacy of the OG6, etc. We can figure most of these things out, but as of right now they’re just head canons.

The shift in focus with characters was a bit odd to me from Infinity War to Endgame. Of course we always love and care about our OG6, but...I don’t know. There was a lot of weight put on Doctor Strange, Wanda, the people of Wakanda, and the Guardians in Infinity War. To have this one be focused on the OG6 was to be expected given the snap, but I wish we could’ve spent more time with everyone else other than the battle sequence.

Also with that...I’m not sure this movie carried the emotional weight I anticipated. Infinity War was devastating. This one was...kinda more like the 2012 Avengers movie in tone for me for the first half of the film, at least. It was certainly incredibly sad in parts, obviously, but on a whole I didn’t feel as moved as I thought I should at the conclusion of a 22-film saga. It felt kinda...empty? 

I totally understand not wanting to erase the five years that went by after the snap. A lot of babies were born and life went on. But that puts the people who come back from the snap in an awkward, potentially devastating spot. What if their spouse remarried or died? What about the people who missed five years with their children that they’ll never get back? What if a family member committed suicide because it seemed like the end of the world? What about the plant and animal life that is now suddenly back — wouldn’t that cause a catastrophic event on its own? What about the people who died as a result of the snap, like in car accidents? I completely agree with Tony’s logic. But I don’t agree with the writers that they chose to jump five years ahead in time instead of maybe like, six months or a year. Five years is way too much time to expect the world to go back to normal, sorry.

Nitpicks: 

How did Nick Fury not get a single line when he started the Avengers Initiative? 

How did he and Carol not have even a tiny reunion after what we just saw them go through? 

In fact, another way this film didn’t match with what immediately preceded it: Nick signaled for Carol, and then we saw Carol showed up at the compound asking for Nick. How did she know to go rescue Tony and Nebula? How did the Avengers on Earth know Tony needed to be rescued? 

We’re just like...not gonna talk about Vision?

We’re just not gonna worry about the fact that 2012 has a branch alternate timeline now because Loki escaped? It was just an oopsie-daisy? (I know, it’ll lead to his Disney+ show and I’m SO EXCITED, but the reaction from Tony and Scott was freaking weird.)

After all that Nebz didn’t have an true opportunity to get revenge on her father, eh? K.

I am feminist through and through and find it SO important for good women’s representation in media, but ugh that moment where all the women came together in battle felt kinda cringeworthy. It was just so ham-fisted. Seeing all of the women displaying their powers and fighting like badasses would’ve been enough. But all of them just so happening to be together at the exact same moment on a giant battlefield? Alrighty then.

If I were Taika Watiti I’d be a lil pissed that all the development in Ragnarok is just POOF. Gone. Love me some Valkyrie though. I can’t believe Thor casually handing the throne to her didn’t summon Loki to stab him right then and there.

Loved:

Loved Nebula throughout. Loved her growth and relationships with Rhodey and Tony. Loved the idea of 2014!Nebula switching places with present day Nebula and bringing forth the 2014!Thanos and crew. That surprised me and was a cool twist. I also like that present day Nebula had a chance to talk to 2014!Gamora.

Tony’s anger when he was first rescued and brought back to Earth was excellent. He was completely and entirely right, IMO.

Loved the throwbacks to old movies and extra details we got to see. I’m partial to 2012 New York (moments of Sassy!Loki made my life), but I also loved Tony’s conversation with his father.

LOVED the battle scene. Goosebumps everywhere. What an incredible moment. It felt very Lord of the Rings, which is a very good thing in my book.

I thought Tony’s death was beautifully done. I think Cap was the more obvious (and better) choice to die as he was already living out his second chance at life. But if Tony had to die, I thought it was handled well. I cried. I cried a lot. Love you 3000, Tony.

Final Note: I am admittedly a fan of the more space-oriented Marvel films a-la Thor and Guardians. I always kinda knew I possibly wouldn’t enjoy this Earth-based story as much as the space-based Infinity War, but...oy. I’ve been sad all day at how disappointed I am. It didn’t help that this movie got GLOWING reviews that I’m currently not understanding. I’m hoping another viewing will change my mind. 

I’ve always felt (and I think a lot of people feel this way) that Empire Strikes Back is a stronger film than its follow up, Return of the Jedi. It doesn’t impact my love for the trilogy, it’s just how it is. That might just have to be my final opinion on Infinity War and Endgame too.