#expect me to rant over this more lmaooo

[kunikiiida-kuuun]

Me anytime Asagiri talks about Kunikida and Dazai

[grippingbeskar]

salt, ice and fire | frank castle

chapter twenty six - you bring me home

frank castle x fem! reader

warnings: 18+ content minors dni! (car sex lmaooo, mxf nothing you haven’t seen before, its pretty sweet <3) swearing, canon typical violence, mention of scars, injuries, blood, literally packed everything into this chapter its a big one

a/n: wow. this was so rough oh my god. the entire first draft deleted itself and i had to re write the whole thing from memory, so i lost my planned chapter. i really hope i got everything in here, and im sorry for the wait AND how long it is lmao but i just. can’t believe i really finished it. ill rant at the end, but if you only read this part, i love you. thank you for letting me share the absolute vomit that is my brain. you are the best.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“How was the drive?” Franks voice sends a shiver down your spine, even hundreds of miles away through a crappy phone line.

“Boring.” You sigh, pacing around the tiny motel room.

“You were meant to call an hour ago. Got me waitin’ up for you.” He sounds tired, and it makes your heart skip a beat. It’s stupid, but the image makes you a little giddy. Waiting up for you. 

“There was… traffic.”

“You get lost?”

“Fuck you.” You bite automatically and he groans.

“So yeah?” 

“Yes, Frank. I got lost.” He laughs, the sound managing to take your mind off the dark room you’d managed to secure for the night, the bedside light doing nothing to brighten the small space.

“I gave you a map. It’s a straight shot from where you started.” Rolling your eyes, you look at the map you’d now bundled into a ball and thrown into the trash.

“Who uses a printed map? Seriously, how fucking old are you?” It’s playful and familiar, and all the frustration of driving for 10 hours melts into the bed.

Being a key witness in a now ongoing case apparently didn’t come with any frequent flyer miles, because both Matt and Frank had said you couldn’t risk going through airport security and being flagged in a system, so it meant you had to drive nearly 18 hours to Florida. You thought you didn’t mind road trips, but after today you think it’s only road trips with Frank you don’t mind.

“Maps don’t change, baby. Besides, you’d drive yourself into a god damn tree the second that voice in the car told you you’d missed a turn.” You hate that he’s right— even the thought of that monotone voice droning in your ear for ten hours makes you cringe.

“Whatever. Tell me about something. You said you were going to speak to Madani today?” He’s the one sighing now, and clearly the talk was about as fun as your drive.

“She’s all over the place. Some mishandled evidence fucked their entire case, and Bobby’s lawyers were too well paid to let it go. Murdock said they’ll be able to find more— the appeal’s already been approved cause of how high profile it is, but he’s got no new evidence. He said he doesn’t know if they can get him.”

“That’s… what I expected, I guess.” Frank agrees, and your sudden silence only serves to bring the real issue to hand. “You know where he is?”

“Yeah. I got it covered.” The line goes quiet, and you don’t really know what to say.

On one hand, you want Bobby dead. You know can’t do it- it wasn’t smart, and the last thing you were going to do is drag everything Matt and Madani had worked for through the mud for someone like him, let alone put Sam in danger. Some fucked up part of you is a little mad that it won’t be you, but Frank has every reason to hate him as much as you. You know Frank wants this, and that telling him to stop is like waving a red flag in front of a bull. Your hesitation would only spur him to do it faster, be more impulsive. You don’t want to say anything to put him off.

On the other, you just want him with you. You worry like some love sick child, scared he’s walked out the door and isn’t coming back. You worry he’ll get caught, and end up in the exact spot he was trying to get you out of. You’re scared he’ll get hurt, or worse. Every time you close your eyes you can see him bleeding out, dark red staining your hands until you can scream yourself awake. There’s so many things that could go wrong, and ten hours staring over the hood of your car gives you way too much time to think about hypotheticals.

“It’s gonna be okay.” Frank says softly, and you flop yourself back on the single bed.

“Are you?” He huffs like the question is irrelevant.

“Madani asked about your dad today.” He ignores the question, and you’re too interested to poke him on it.

“Oh?”

“Asked what he knew about your time there. If he ever worked with the Gnucci’s.” A lump forms in your throat.

“You think she knows about the weird... blood stuff?”

“Don’t see why she would. Either way, it’s not gonna matter once he’s dead.” The bluntness of it almost makes you laugh. “He’ll be gone, and no one will come for it. Or you.”

“You don’t have to do this for me, Frank.”

“I’m not.” He pauses, and then sighs. “Alright, I am, but not just that. The shit he said to me in there— the things he said about you. The way he looked at you in there… I watched that shit, and there’s no way in hell that asshole does what he did and lives.”

“What if he was found guilty? Would you of left it alone?” Maybe if you’d been more helpful to Matt and Madani, it would of gone better, and Frank would be here.

“You want me to answer that?” A part of you knew he wasn’t going to let it go. That wasn’t who he was. It shouldn’t make you feel the way it does to know that Frank would kill for you— just to make you safe. It does anyway, and heat flushes over your face.

“Maybe you shouldn’t.” He agrees, a low sound rumbling from his end of the phone. “I spent most of the day wishing you were with me, you know.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Turns out I fucking hate driving.” He laughs again, and if you could listen to the sound all night you think you’d sleep peacefully.

“You remember how mad you were that first time I didn’t let you drive?” Shaking your head, you flick off the lights slide under the covers.

“I was mad because you had a concussion and tried to fucking kill us.”

“Least I was gonna go the right way.”

“You tried switching drivers on the freeway, Castle.”

“Alright, I was a a bit out of it.” He says plainly and you smile so wide it hurts your cheeks. “Wished you were here, too.”

“I bet you did.” He groans, and you hear him shift on the bed. Your bed.

“Too much space in here. Didn’t even know we had this much blanket.” He makes a real noisy show of it, tossing around the blankets you usually roll yourself up in. It’s meant to be a light hearted thing, but for some reason the idea of Frank spread out on your shared bed, one that you’ve both used extensively— it makes your heart race.

“Dickhead.” He groans again, shuffling around some more. “This one’s too small. Probably have to sleep on top of each other if you were here.”

“M’alright with that.”

“Not a lot of room to move, though.” You look around at the room, hardly enough space to stand in the corner.

“We’d figure something out.” You let your eyes flutter closed, humming high pitched at the idea. “What are you thinkin’ about, sweetheart?”

“You.” You admit, and he seems to like it.

“Me too. Haven’t gone a night in this apartment without fuckin’ you in this bed. Drivin’ me crazy.” You hum again, pressing your thighs together to try and dissipate the heat that’s suddenly overtaken your whole body. “You thinkin’ about it now too, aren’t you baby?”

“Yeah, Frank.”

“Don’t say my name like that.” He growls, and you bite your lip to hide your laugh.

“Why not, Frank?” You practically purr the word, drawing it out and saying it all breathy like you do when he’s teasing you.

“Cause you’re gonna make me drive ten hours just to fuck you in whatever dirty motel you pulled off into.” You’re still smiling, but you think if you keep messing with him, he’d do it. He’d drive ten hours, a hundred of them if it meant teaching you a lesson. Or just being with you. “I’ll see you soon. Real soon, yeah?”

“Yeah.” You breathe out, knowing if you keep talking to him your entire plan will crumble in front of you, because you’re half considering driving home just to sleep next to him. “Soon. Be safe, okay?”

The words tumble out, and you try to hide the guilt you feel when you say them. He was only not safe because of you— because you couldn’t finish the job yourself. You’re glad he can’t see your face, because you hear him mumble on the other end and your eyes close listening to him.

“Always. Tell the kid I said hi.” With that, Frank hangs up the phone, and you slide it onto the table right next to the pistol you keep loaded and ready to fire.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Frank pulls the saturated beanie over his head, and it’s probably doing more harm than good at this point, but he doesn’t have a second to really give a shit. His eye-line is perfect— directed straight into the penthouse apartment Bobby Gnucci was driven to three hours ago. He’s been tucked away in the corner of the rooftop for just as long, watching the man pace and yell on the phone.

It had taken him a few goes to get the right frequency to listen in on the calls he was making, but once he had he took as much information done as he could. He’d had enough of watching, and now he was satisfied with the phones calls he’d listened to that the man was alone for the night; not counting his extensive security team layered through the apartment block. Frank felt the familiar hum in his veins, shoving his loaded pistol in his jeans and swinging the strap of a rifle over his shoulder, he headed down the stairs, across the street and slipped into the back of the building.

There’d be witnesses if he didn’t take the right route, and to make this work he needed every chance at an alibi he could get. He was so used to not caring— every time he’d gone into something like this, he didn’t have something to get back to. He had no preservation, no concern for what came after. Hell, if he was honest, he didn’t care if he went out doing something like this. He would of preferred it, maybe even hoped he’d die somewhere in the cross fire.

Even just talking to you on the phone had him itching to get back to you now. He wanted to be careful— something he never really thought of before. A heavy ache in his stomach that twisted something violent when he thought about not getting home, not making good on his promise from a few hours ago, it made him sick. He planned as much as he could, as much as he was capable of, and hoped to God it was enough.

Frank hid his body behind the corner of the wall. He hid his face, too, even though he’d already had Micro’s help shutting out the cameras. He knew it would set off alarms for the security team, but he planned for that. They’d spread out, follow orders that he’d listened to over the radio, three men on all the entries and exits, and then ten through the penthouse. If he timed it right, he could clear the first few levels before the guards arrived.

He didn’t care about making noise now— slamming his way up the fire access while Gnucci’s men no doubt got into position. He’d just past a number 6, and Bobby was on the top floor. 23. He kept going, not hearing any doors open. When he passed 9, the door on the level below him cracked open and he jammed through the next exit he reached, getting into position.

He could hear voices coming from his right, and steadied himself as he turned the safety off his gun. He had a small army of men to get through, but he knew if he could make it, landing the hit on Bobby would be easy.

He wasn’t nervous. Pure adrenaline flooded him, like it always did, and he didn’t think twice before standing out of cover and pulling the trigger.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“How have you grown so much?!” You nearly shout, hugging Sam tighter as he all but latches onto your leg. “God, you’re gonna be my height soon.”

“I missed you!” He says, words muffled in your jacket. You don’t even have to bend really, he’s that tall. It is even possible for him to grow that much in just a month? “Come! I want to show you my stuff. Me and Niko share a room, and it’s the coolest thing…”

You let him drag you around the house, showing you the bunk beds that are set up for him and Nikolai. He shows you books he’s brought home from school, and it makes you smile how chaotic his room is. There’s piles of books and papers everywhere, stuffed under the bed and nearly toppling on the tables. It looks like it’s lived in… like a home, and your heart warms and breaks all at once.

When he finally finishes his impromptu tour, he pulls you outside where the rest of the family has set themselves up, and runs out into the giant back yard to chase after Nikolai. You hardly had a chance to say hello to them, but if you were honest you hadn’t thought of anything but Sam since you saw him.

“Did he show you the bunk beds?” The doctor— Zaed, you remind yourself, comes up behind you on the deck. “He hasn’t stopped talking about showing you.”

“I thought he was gonna explode.” Zaed laughs, and you turn to look at him. He’s still sporting a scar across his forehead, and it somehow makes his older features look slightly hardened. His face was still soft, something about him gesturing kindness, an observation you never made in the months you were locked away. “He told me you made them.”

“It took me weeks. I am not very… handy.” Smiling, you turn back to watch Sam and Nikolai screaming and laughing as they chase each other with Nerf guns. “I am sorry for what happened with the case.”

“So am I. If he’d gone away, you wouldn’t have to stay in Witness Protection.” He nods, turning away for a second only to return and offer you a can of something. “What is it?”

“It’s Russian. You’ll like it— it’s strong.” You crack it open and take a long drink, hoping to drown the rising anxiety that kneads the back of your mind at the thought of what Frank was doing right now. “We don’t mind it so much here.”

“Florida?” He nods.

“We want to stay. Corinne thinks the children— with what they’ve been through, shouldn’t move too much. They seem happy here.” You hum in agreement, listening  to the light squeals of the youngest girl, who’s name you haven’t learnt yet, who’s got the biggest Nerf gun of all and is shooting the shit out of both boys. “It was my idea. To offer to take him in. If you are upset, please lay the blame with me—“

“Upset? God, why would I ever be upset?” He blinks in surprise, looking to you.

“You are here with him, and yet you still seem far away. I figured the suggestion was weighing on you. We only offer because… well, we have all grown quite fond of him, and for you— to you we owe our lives. I thought if we could make any of this easier…” You shake your head, finishing the bitter liquid in the can.

“You looking after Sam is about one of two good things I have going right now.” Zaed seems to relax, leaning forward onto the railing as you both stare out to watch the kids. “I think he’s happy here.”

“He is. He misses you, but he is happy.”

“And safe.”

“Of course. I pity anyone who would try to get past Corinne now.” You laugh at the tinge of genuine anxiety in his voice, as if he imagines it, but his eyes are full of admiration.

“I want to talk to him about it… make sure he’s okay, but if he wants to, I think him staying here would be the best thing for him.” Zaed doesn’t answer right away, just lets the echoed laughter of the kids fill both of your ears before he nods simply.

“He will be safe. And I am sure you will learn to love Florida, too, with how much you will visit?”

“What?” Again, a look of surprise crosses his face.

“Sam did not show you the spare room? We have cleared a space for you— whenever you need it. You… it is the least I could do. You saved my life—“

“Hardly.”

“I owe you it. My families life. My own. Whatever you should need here, the door would be open to you.” You have to look away, because it’s too much, and you don’t know when you became so soft that shit like this made you tear up.

“You don’t owe me anything. You keeping Sam safe is everything I ever wanted. I think we’re even now.” You laugh, your throat suddenly feeling a little tight.

“I couldn’t help but notice you arrived alone.” He questions, and you hide your face, unsure if the way you chew on your bottom lip gives too much away.

“Yeah.” No amount of alcohol could drown out the thought of Frank. You hadn’t heard from him in a day. Zaed looks at you, his eyes crinkling as he assess you.

“I thought he was going to drown with you that night. When he saw you go into the water… I recognise that look in a man’s eyes.” It seems so long ago now, and your hand instinctively goes to your stomach, where Frank sewed you up the first time. “He is coming soon, I assume? I doubt he would let you get too far from him right now.”

“Yeah, he’s…” You trust Zaed— but there’s only one person who takes precedent over the people taking care of your brother. “He’s just finishing up some stuff with the case in New York. He should be on his way now.”

“Ah.” He says, his eyes lingering on you in question. You say nothing, just sink a little more of the can. “Well, when he kills the ублюдок, I hope he makes it last.”

Before you can recover and wipe the shock off your face long enough to ask him how the hell he guessed what Frank is doing, Sam and Nikolai are in front of you, and Zaed disappears back into the house.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Frank grunts, a loud nearly animalistic sound vibrating off the walls as he clears the 23rd floor. Every time he breathes out, blood sprays out of his mouth. He can’t tell if it’s his own or he’s just covered in so much that it’s dripping off him. Either way he can’t help it, chest burning for oxygen after he laid the lower floors to absolute waste.

He’d ditched the assault rifle somewhere between the 18th and 19th floors, not even bothering to pull out his pistol. No— he’d fought every single one of them with his bare hands, and anything he could find scattered between dead bodies.

His right hand was fucked, and he’s pretty sure he got shot. Somewhere on the right side of his body, there’s a shooting pain between his thigh and his ribs, but it’s not enough to slow him down. He shoves his body weight into the penthouse door, throwing himself into guards he knows are ready and waiting for him. He reaches for his pistol, shooting three guys in the head before his eyes adjust to the dimmer lights in the room.

He hears them shouting orders, and he kills three more as he crosses the living room. One of them he puts through the TV screen, glass shattering under his hand as he crushes the man’s skull between the hard surface. The other two he shoots, and then moves towards the last four. All of them shield the door to the bedroom— putting their lives on the line for a man who doesn’t deserve the air he’s wasting.

Frank doesn’t have a moral compass when it comes to revenge. Not when it has to do with the people he loves. It’s why he clears the round of bullets in his gun on all four of them in less than thirty seconds, watching the lifeless bodies pile up in the doorway, there isn’t a single moment that he hesitates.

“Bobby!” Frank shouts, his voice horse and so loud he’s got no doubt the dead hear it.

He hears shuffling, and drops the pistol before stomping his way through into the bedroom. He sees Bobby, crawling across the floor in an attempt to reach for a gun dropped by one of the guards, but just as he goes to reach for it, Frank slams a bloody boot down on top of his hand, feeling the crush of bone under his weight.

“Fuck!” He shouts, and Frank smiles sickly, blood dripping from his teeth. “Get the fuck off me, you animal!”

Frank kicks him in the face, two of his teeth flying out and scattering across the carpet. As he rolls over, Frank grabs him by the collar and sits him up, watching his head lull to the side.

“Wake up.” Frank slams his fist into his skull. There was no way he was passing out this fast. Not after what he’s done. “Wake the fuck up.”

His hands shake with how hard he’s holding Bobby upright. So hard he feels the bone of his collar begin to give, and Frank chases the idea. Bobby thrashes, screaming as his eyes shoot open, the sound kicking Frank back into gear. He lets go of his shoulder long enough to pull back, only to drive his fist and crack the rest of his shoulder.

“Help m—“ Bobby tries to shout, but Frank shuts him off with another well placed shove of his weight into Bobby’s stomach, winding him. He wheezes, the pathetic sound something like music to Franks ears.

He punches him again— over and over. Not enough to kill him, though. No, Frank wasn’t done, he was just feeding the thrill. He’d been waiting too fucking long for this, and there was something satisfying about seeing this man— this weak excuse for a man being blinded by his own blood as he cries for someone to help him.

“Ain’t no one comin’ for you.” He growls, and grabs Bobby’s face so it hangs straight. His jaw is slack, but his eyes go wide when he feels the blade at his ribs. “You know that? That there ain’t a single person out there comin’ for you. No one gives a shit about you. You’re alone in here— your life in my hands.”

“Haaa—“ Bobby tries but whatever it is fades out into a scream when Frank slides the blade between his third and fourth rib. Slowly— real fucking slow. “They… they’ll come. Th-They’ll come f-for me.”

“No one’s comin’. Dead. All of ‘em. You’re alone.” He slides it a little deeper, watching the realisation wash over his face.

In truth, Frank wasn’t doing this for him. Sure, it felt fucking good, and Frank was enjoying the sight of the life draining out of his eyes, but he wants him to know why. Why he’s here, why he took out every last man in this building so he knew there was no hope. No one for him to go to.

He knew that’s what it was like for you. Frank couldn’t give you back those years, and he couldn’t take that much time with this— he’d thought about it, but he wanted this to end here and now. He could do this here, for you. Could make him know just how it feels to have all that power beat out of you, and know that there’s no one out there coming to save you.

“Stop…stop!” He wails, and Frank hits him harder. Every crack of his fist sends Bobby further into unconsciousness, and when he manages to stop himself, he shakes him awake again.

He gurgles on his own blood, dark red pools choking out of his mouth. His face is unrecognisable, already starting to blow up as he strangles in a few short breaths.

“I can… I have money. I can p—“ The effort of the words sprays another load of blood out of his mouth, and even though he’s exhausted, Frank laughs.

“You think I want money?” He leans down, yanking the knife out of his ribs and shoving it in again.

“Fuck! What do you—what do you want?!” Bobby wails again. Frank smiles.

“I want you to know that she’s the reason you’re dead. The last thing you’ll know is me— my face, and you’ll know it’s because you ended up just like you made her. Except she got out, and you never will.” Frank loses sense of time, his injuries starting to catch up with him as he yanks the knife out one more time, before slamming it home into Bobby’s skull.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“I’m watching!” You shout as Sam lines up again, taking a few steps back before rushing forward and kicking the ball towards their make shift goal in the yard. You have to admit, for only been playing a few weeks, he’s got a hell of a kick on him.

“See! I’m getting better— my coach says next year I can try out for the first grade team if I keep training!” He’s smiling so big, and then he’s gone again, picking up the ball to take another shot at Nikolai who’s got goalkeeper gloves on, ready to catch it.

You’d be happy to watch this all day, but then Corinne calls out to you, telling you your phone is ringing, and you all but leap over the railing of the deck. When you race inside, you expect to see Franks name, and your heart sinks when you don’t. You knew he wouldn’t be able to call until it was over, but it’s been nearly two days since you’d heard anything. Then, you see it’s an unknown number calling, and your hands are shaking when you disappear into what is meant to be ‘your’ room to answer.

“Hello?” You recognise the voice instantly when she says your name. “Fucking hell, Karen. You scared me. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, but are you?!” She nearly shouts, and you are still coming back to your mind with relief it wasn’t someone telling you Frank was dead. “I don’t even know how you did it, but I don’t want to. The way they found him… Jesus.”

“Wait. What? Karen, I’m in Florida.”

“What?”

“I’m with my brother in Florida. I came up here two days ago after the trial.” She goes quiet, and you can hear the commotion in the background. Remembering it’s a Tuesday, and that she must be at work, it only furthers your suspicions. “Who’s dead?”

“Bobby is. They found him. They found his body— but…”

“Karen, tell me.” All you need to hear is Frank wasn’t found. That he got out of there before anyone saw him. It would be your fault— all of it would be your fault if he was found. You needed to get back, you needed—

“Sorry. Sorry, I just thought… with everything that happened before, I thought it might of been you. Bobby’s dead, but… there’s nearly 50 men in the building with him. They’re all dead. And Bobby; he was hardly recognisable. It took them nearly 24 hours to identify him.”

“24 hours?” Frank needed to get out of New York as soon as he killed Bobby. If the police had been crawling around there for nearly a day… “Karen, I gotta go. Thank you for calling.”

You cut it off before she responds, and call the only number saved in your phone. It only rings twice before he answers, and you could nearly cry when you hear his voice.

“Stop fuckin’ ringin’ me, Murdock. I don’t know shit and I’m busy.” He grumbles through the phone, and you choke out something between a laugh and a sob. “Oh, fuck. Sorry— hey, sweetheart. Was just about to call you.”

“It’s… did the— job go okay?” You try to calm your voice as best you can, knowing that if anyone traces the call he’s done for.

“It took me longer than I thought. Had to get stitched up, then Curtis drove me halfway— passed out for most of it.” Before you can ask, he answers. “I’m fine, don’t do that.”

“You’re okay?” Relief floods your body, phone nearly slipping out of your hand with how hard you were gripping it. “Everything’s… everything’s okay?”

“Come see for yourself. I’m pulling up.” Like a kid on Christmas, you toss the phone and basically sprint to the front door, hearing an unfamiliar truck rumble down the isolated street.

He’s driving, clearly having ditched Curtis, but when he gets out he’s got a limp, and his hand is bandaged. You don’t run, instead you stand in the driveway and soak up the image— Frank; leaning against the door of the truck, sunglasses covering up what you have no doubt are black eyes. Alive. Favouring his left side and still with dried blood on his head, but fucking here.  

“You’re hurt.” You say it when you finally reach him, but it sounds pathetic, closer to the tone you’d whimper his name in.

“Don’t worry about it.” He says huskily and reaches out, yanking you forward and slamming his mouth to yours.

The soft touch of his bandaged hand is opposite to the greedy grasp of his free one, the one wrapping around your back and fisting the material of your shirt, pressing so you were flush against him. Both of your hands cup his face, feeling the rough surface of his skin. You lose yourself in the taste of him as your fingers trace the patterns of scars peppering around his head— a constellation you’ve memorised a million times over, and yet it still feels as illuminating as the first.

He groans your name, sliding his hand up to grip your jaw, thumb tugging on your bottom lip. You lean back slightly, staying at close to him as possible. His eyes look you up and down, and there’s a glint in his eye; a hunger that never seems to be satiated when he looks at you. He’s still feverish for it, and it makes your toes curl in your shoes.

“Fuckin’ missed you.” He mumbles against your lips, and it makes you smile against his.

“I can tell.” His other hand forgets it’s injury as he searches your body, gripping your hips and pressing you closer.

“Get Sam. Let’s go home.” He tucks his head lower, mouth kissing under your jaw, and as much as you do want to get the fuck out of here with him, you pull away.

“He’s… he’s staying here.” Frank pushes the sunglasses off his face, looking at you through what is actually only one bruised eye.

“Staying?” You nod. “You sure?”

“I talked to him about it. He fucking loves it here, Frank. He didn’t want me to go again, but you should of seen him with them. They treat him like their own, and he adores them. It’s so much better than anything I could of thought.” Frank wraps his arms around your back and hugs you right, and your eyes flutter closed. “And you can’t just leave. They’re expecting you to come in and say hi.”

“Why?” The way he says it makes you laugh, as if you’d just asked him to drink gasoline.

“Come on.” You tug him by the wrists, and even though he groans and leans on you up the driveway, you both stagger inside and follow the sounds of Sam’s laughter, leaving everything else behind.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“They were being nice.” You haven’t wiped the smile off your face since you slid into the passenger seat this morning. “Well, I slept great. I don’t know what you’re complaining about.”

“Mhmm.” Frank grumbles, clearing having a much worse sleep than you did.

It was sweet, and truely, you wanted to take them up on it. When Frank dragged himself through the front door of  where Sam had been staying, everyone had nearly jumped on him. Sam couldn’t contain himself, clearly trying to play it cool but simultaneously thinking Frank was the coolest person he’d ever met. It was sweet, the way Frank was with the kids, the sight making you both smile and want to cry.

Either way, when Corinne and Zaed had offered for you both to stay the night, Frank agreed and all but dragged you down the hallway after dinner. The spare room was nice— set up clearly for two people, and you were only human.

It would have been perfect— had the room not been sharing a wall with your brother and his new best friend. A very fucking thin wall. One that was nearly vibrating with how loud they screamed every five minutes playing some game on the TV. The louder they were, the more it became apparent that neither of you would be getting a lot of sleep, and not in the good way.

Having Frank that close all night but not being able to do anything about it reminded you of the start of this whole thing. How you shared a bed with him but had to force yourself to keep your hands to yourself. It was borderline painful, but eventually you managed to drift off to sleep, not missing how hard Franks hands were gripping your hips like he had to physically cement himself to stop from fucking you through the bed.

When you woke up, Frank had all your shit shoved in the car, and was outside cooking pancakes with Sam. You took your time saying goodbye— making sure to thank both Corinne and Zaed properly, and then promising you’ll be back. Soon. ‘So soon you won’t even have time to miss me’ you’d promised Sam, and he grinned and hugged you before disappearing to get ready for school.

“Where are we going, anyway?” Frank looked to you before shifting in his seat, one of his hands resting on your thigh and squeezing.

“Got a stop to make before getting back to New York.”  You’d been driving for a while now— about half way between New York and where you’d left Sam. You turned in your seat, resisting the urge to roll your eyes.

“Don’t be cryptic.” You try to sound assertive, but you can’t seem to hold any resentment when you could feel the warmth of him palm on your thigh.

“It’s close, alright? Promise.” The words eased something in your chest, the same way his smile did when he looked at you.

A small silence drifted between you as a Billy Joel song hummed softly on the radio, and your head dropped, eyes tracing over the bruises left on his knuckles. Your fingers dance around them, careful to keep your touches light. You follow the lines of black and blue up over his wrist, watching them disappear under the arm of his jumper. Your curiosity gets the better of you, and when you push up the sleeve just slightly, you swear loudly.

“Fucking hell! Is this broken?” You pull the sleeve up higher, and you tighten your grip on his wrist when he goes to pull away. If you hadn’t watched him so closely, you would of missed the way he winced, and you let go immediately. “Sorry. Sorry— fuck, Frank. Is this all from—“

“I’m fine. Just a couple scratches.” He says, keeping his blackened eyes trained on the road. It would of been easy to miss— not seeing him without clothes since he’d come back. Bile rises in your throat at the thought he was hurt because of you— because he was doing this for you. Suffering for you. Like he has the entire time.

“Are you lying?” He shakes his head, and you lightly poke him in the side. He hissed loudly, flinching away from you and swerving the car. “Pull over.”

“I’m not pulling over.” Frank groans.

“You’ve been driving for hours, just—“

“It’s fine. We only got a few more miles till—“

“Please.” There must have been something in your voice, some kind of soft vulnerability that even he isn’t used to hearing, and then the car is pulling off the side of an empty highway, dusk rolling over the hood of the truck.

You reach out, pulling the sunglasses off his face to reveal him slowly. This part you’ve seen, but it still knocks the wind out of you. The cut along his cheekbone, not deep enough to need stitches but you know it will scar over. His right eye is a deep purple, the left nearly green. You go to draw your fingers over his face, but hesitate, worried you’ll hurt him. He sees you pulling back and catches your wrist, placing your palm between his cheek and his own hand.

“Don’t do that.” You choke out a laugh, smoothing your hand over and back into his slightly longer hair, pulling him closer over the console of the car.

“I’m not doing anything.” You say softly, something guilty in your voice. When he hears it, he shakes his head at you.

“Can read you like a book. You got nothin’ to do with this, alright?”

“I have nothing to do with it?” You want to laugh. “I’m the reason you were there. The reason all this happened.”

“I would of been in the same place with or without you. This part?” He gestures to himself, his torso that you know all too well is littered with scars. “This isn’t a part you blame yourself for.”

“But it is. My fault.” He opens his mouth but you talk first. “All of this… watching those kids today, watching Sam— all I ever did was put him in danger. And you. It’s better for him to be there, away from all this. Away from me. Maybe now all this is over, it would be better…safer, if you—“

“Stop. I don’t wanna hear that shit. You know how selfish you sound?” You blink a few times, eyes meeting his. At some point he’s leaned even closer, and you can feel the heat of his body thawing you out. “You’re right— I wouldn’t of gone back to New York the past two days if it wasn’t for you. You know why?”

“Listen—“

“No. I wouldn’t of gone back because I would of killed that asshole six months ago and been home in time for dinner. I’ve been doin’ this a long time, and there’s nothin’ you could of done that would of changed how this ended.” He holds your face up to his, rough hands holding you as gently as they could, and his thumb traces the scar just above your eyebrow. “Sam is safe with them, but don’t think for one fuckin’ second he’s better off without you. God knows I’m not. You’ve done nothin’ but good for that kid, and I’d… fucking hell. I’d be dead without you, you know that?”

“No you wouldn’t.” Your voice was so soft it hardly broke the silence, but he leaned in, his forehead pressing to yours. “You could probably jump out of a building and walk it off.”

“Maybe. But now I gotta be careful nd’ come home to you, don’t I?” He smiles, and then kisses you and you forget where you are. Words die on your tongue and are replaced by the taste of him, mind freezing over when he touches you. He does it every time. Every time he manages to take your breath away with one whisper of your name, one swipe of his thumb over your mouth. It’s intoxicating and dependant, something you never thought you’d want, but it feels so good with him. His hands drop to your waist, their pull demanding and needy as he yanks you up and over the centre console and onto his lap.

“I’d do it again. All of it. Kill every single—“ You kiss him again, squeezing your eyes shut, and he groans as you shift on his lap. “Fuck, baby we should wait till…”

“Till when?” You say breathlessly, and despite his words his hands are already sneaking underneath your shirt, his cool hands meeting your feverish skin. You can hardly keep your eyes open, and your hips roll forward again, seeking him out. “I want you now, Frank.”

“Fuck it. Doesn’t matter.” He says and then crashes into you, your back nearly pressing against the dash with how quick he moves. Your gasp of surprise is lost in his mouth, and you can feel the sparks he makes in your chest crackling their way through you, toes curling in your shoes.

Your half bent backwards, legs in either side of his as he keeps your chest pressed to him, both arms wrapping around you to hold you steady. You tug at his shirt helplessly, getting it stuck around his arm and he smiles against your mouth, leaning back to look at you before whipping it over his head.

In the dark of the room last night you wouldn’t of seen it, but now the lights streaming in from the car window, and Franks torso is nearly a rainbow in it— blue, purple and green bruises all up his side, with a short but deep cut on the low right side of his abdomen. He’s taken the bandage off it too early, the stitches still healing, but you can tell it’s expert work. Much better than the botched job you did a month or so back, something he still bares the reminders for.

“Just… just a couple scratches, huh?” He grunts something illegible and hauls you back to him.

“Shut up.” He keeps you pressed close, not giving you a chance to say something back, but then his hands dip lower and you’re a goner.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Yeah. Fuck waiting.

He’s got you here— now, on top of him, and he can’t even fucking think of anything else. Your hands are being so gentle and cautious when he really couldn’t care less about the pain, but you do. You always do.

He wasn’t gonna waste another second, and seeing your eyes close the second he got your pants off and dipped his hands between your legs… it’s pretty much as close to heaven as he was going to get.

You fall forward, Frank catching you with one arm and pulling you close while the other continues slow, teasing circles just how he knows gets you all worked up. Your head tucks away into his neck, and he lets you hide for now, but when he’s got you home— real home, then he’ll be able to look at you as much as he god damn wants.

Your hips move against him, chasing his slow rhythm, and he feels your teeth scrape agains this neck, wordlessly rushing him along. 

“You need me that bad?” He says lowly, and watches in awe the way his words wash over you and yank you closer to the edge. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Shouldn’t of left you so needy—“

“Fuckkk… right there—please.” Your voice was so high it cracks a little, and it fucking sets him on fire.

“Get my belt for me, baby.” He whispers, feigning a bit of self control as he watches you quickly fumble with the buckle. The slight brush of your hands could finish him then and there, and he had to squeeze his eyes shut to try and remember why he wanted to wait. He had just one more card to play— one that you’d seen him play a few times before, but he doesn’t think you expect it this time, and he needed some semblance of composure to remember it.

A real house, white picket fence and all, smack bang on halfway between New York and Florida. He couldn’t leave New York, not ever, but he had a new anchor now, one that deserved to have it all.

Frank planned to take you straight home. Make a ten hour drive and keep his hands to himself, but how the fuck could he when you were like this? Looking like you do, touching him so fucking sweet and soft and saying how much you missed every part of him— it was a dream come to life, and one of the few moments he’d let himself go in.

You shuffle as close as the seat allows, your now naked chest pressing against his. He dips his head, kissing your jaw, and he’s suddenly surrounded by you. Arms around his neck, warm and soft as your fingers thread in his hair, both of you moan at the feeling of him sliding into you. It’s white hot and nearly painful, how even with the way you’re dripping down your thighs, it still takes you a second to take him all the way. You wriggle your hips, trying to settle yourself and Frank nips at your neck, slowing your pace just slightly. He can hear you sigh, but you listen. You always fucking do.

“Shit— so fucking good. You can take it.” He hums and runs his hands over your skin. You lean into the touch, and when you sigh again he sinks your hips lower, a short punch of your name bursting from his chest when you slam yourself down. “Fuck. There you go.”

He’s a wreck underneath you, and your hands slither away from his hair to his face when you pull him up to kiss you. As much as he loves the feeling of your hips grinding down ever so slightly right now, it’s this part he loves the most. The slow intimacy of it— how he knows he can stay right here for the rest of the day and nothing will change. He can feel how much you love it, how much care you handle him with, and it cracks something old and hard in his gut.

You shudder as he lifts his hips, keeping your mouths together and kissing hungrily. He’d think you’d both been starved for a year the way you two act, but he’d admit it to anyone that asked that he was gone for you. He knows it well and true, in his chest and in the way you bounce in his lap, moaning into his mouth like he’s breathing air into your burning lungs.

“Fuck— fuck, I love you. I fucking… Jesus Christ, you’re so good. I love you.” He can’t shut himself up, and your breath gets faster. He knows you love it when he talks. “C’mon, baby. Let me see you— wanna feel you. I know you want to.”

“Slow… Frank, you’re gonna hurt yourself—“ You suck in a breath and squeeze your eyes shut. His hands stay tight on your hips, and he feels the pleasure buzz under his palms, your skin nearly alight with it on top of him. “Oh my god, don’t stop.”

He wraps his forearm around you and fucks you harder, any pain and injury burnt out by how tight you are around him, and how perfect you fit him. He’s close, so close that he’s hardly able to kiss you now. You both collide in a mess of tongues and sighs, and when he hears you croak out his name into his mouth, he knows you’re cumming for him.

He can’t hold himself back, chasing you into that high with blinding abandon. It hits him like a freight train, bowing him over you like he’s taken a hit, but it feels so good he can’t register that he isn’t breathing like this. He keeps kissing you until he’s sure he’s going to pass out, and only stops when you pull away, eyes darting to the highway where headlights slowly flicker on the horizon.

“Shit.” You say breathless, and you laugh. He can feel it, the sound shuddering through him from where he was still deep inside you, and your giggles soon turned to something less innocent when you heard Frank groan into your chest. “C’mon. Someone’ll see us.”

“Don’t move yet.” He puts his hands on your waist, fanning them out to reach as much of you as possible.

“Mhmm.” It’s like your body gives out at his request, slumping forward and moulding into him like you were made to fit this way. This was what he was talking about. The way you fit together— something that should be out of the question for him fits so right. “I love you, too.”

“Mhmm.” He copies and feels you smile against his skin. His hands trail up your spine, tracing the line of bones lightly to leave goosebumps in his wake. “What time is it?”

“Who gives a fuck?” You mumble, the words half muffled into his neck.

“I want you to see the house in the light, but you wanna go at it blind, be my guest.” It takes you a second, a scoff coming out of you before you sit up abruptly, making him groan again.

“House? What house? Another safe house.” Frank couldn’t keep a secret to save his life when it came to you.

“It’s a house. Twenty minute drive from here.”

“But New Yorks not—“

“I know. Good thing we got cars, yeah?” Your eyebrows are crossed together, and Franks thumb slips over the small scar he left on your face. The movement shifts your gaze to something softer, and he feels the brush of your eyelashes on his finger as you blink up at him.

“You did it on purpose. It’s right in the middle.” You say softly. “Jesus, Frank. You didn’t have to… I mean you—“

“Take a breath. I didn’t buy it. Was a gift from the US Goverment. One thing those guys are good for is their money. I just picked the spot.” He could nearly hear the rave of your heart, and you crushed yourself into him, words hushed and mumbled into his ear, but they melt him to the core all the same.

He’ll never get over hearing you say things like this to him. That you’re grateful for him, that he’s doing a good thing. It’s like nothing he did before you was ever good enough. There was always the next job, always the next group to track, but nothing would be enough. There wasn’t a light at the end of the tunnel for him. But here you were, telling him that he was the reason you were gonna be alright, and if he squints he can see it. The flicker of something hopeful, and if he holds onto you as tight as he can, he might just live to see it light him on fire.

“Did you say… you said twenty minutes from here. Why didn’t we just wait until—“

“Would’ve ruined the surprise.” You laugh again, and the feeling has him gripping you tighter. He leans closer to whisper in your ear, his voice low. “And I wanted to fuck you here and now. Don’t want there to be a single fuckin’ surface where I ain’t had you.”

“Better get driving then, Castle. Sounds like you got a job to do.” The glint in your eye nearly makes him drag you outside and bend you over the hood, but the kiss you give him after is sickeningly sweet, so much so that he lets you slide off him and back into the passenger seat without so much as a nip of his teeth. “Tha–”

“Wait. Wait til you see it.” Frank said, and something about the way he looked at you had you nodding simply, and watching the trees race by as he sped you home.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You were asleep on the balcony again, and Frank moved as slow as he could to let you stay that way.

In the two weeks you’d been here, he could count on one hand how many times you’d actually slept in the bed. There were no neighbours for miles, nothing interrupting the stretch of sky all the way to the hills. Even Frank had to admit it was a killer view.

He came inside, pouring himself a drink, and a strange pit in his stomach settled after the burning liquid soothed his throat. He can’t seem to kick that feeling when you’re asleep. When you were awake, next to him, there wasn’t anything else he could think about. But alone, walking around a house he owned, a life he might try and live staring him in the face, he felt guilty. There were parts of him he wouldn’t ever get back, but this wasn’t something he thought he’d ever have. Peace and quiet, time to himself. A woman he loved within eyesight, buried under blankets cause she was too stubborn to come inside when it got freezing. He couldn’t figure out why now, of all times, was the time to be thinking of Maria. The weight of the ring around his neck was like an anchor. He knew it was stuck on the bottom of the ocean, but he couldn’t find it in himself to let go. He would sit there, hand cut up and bleeding, holding on for dear fucking life if no one moved him, waiting until he drowned.

Your footsteps were soft, in a way that he knows you can’t help. You tread through the open double doors, and Frank would roll his eyes at the way he could hear your teeth chattering if he wasn’t so distracted.

“You should of woke me.” You say, voice muffled from the mess your head was buried under. He took a step toward you, pushing it back so he could see your eyes.

“It’s late.”

“Couldn’t tell.” He can hear the smirk in your voice.

“You finally frozen to death, smart-ass?” You grumble something in reply, and he catches a few curse words before you look at him again. It’s nearly scary, the way you can read him with one sweep of your eyes. You clock his tone, the way he isn’t leaning into you with his full weight, and squint your eyes.

“What is it?” Frank sucks in a long breath, and kisses you.

He’s a complete idiot. That’s what it is. He can feel the buzzing pulse you wake in him, every movement of your lips on his rooting you deeper in his soul, chipping off ice until theres only warmth. How’s he supposed to tell you, after you’ve just kissed him like that, that he was thinking about his–

“You can talk to me about her, Frank.” You say with your head against his. Not it, her. Before he can ask, you smile a little. Even just a hint of that smile and he’s forgetting how to breathe. “You play with the ring when you’re nervous. It’s actually a bit of a tell.”

“Yeah?” He manages, hands trying to search their way through the blankets for you.

“Yeah. You have a lot of tells. For someone in your line of work, it’s actually a bit worrying.”

“You got me all figured out.” He says and means it, but you just roll your eyes.

“And you lean to the left when you think you can’t make a shot. You think it helps your angle.”

“Who woulda thought you were so observant.”

“You know, I actually did watch you when you were teaching me how to shoot.” Frank smiles, your skin finally under his palms. His hands splay on your back, and you lean closer.

“You were trying to fuck me the whole time. Don’t blame me for being surprised.” You try to whack him but your arms are pinned under the layers. Your laughter carries through him, skittering into his chest until he can’t help but laugh too.

“You came onto me.” He laughs harder. “It was very unprofessional. I was there to learn.”

“Damn fucking right I did.” His voice is low, and you shuffle around under his hold until your hands snake up behind his neck. His hair is too long, but he hasn’t cut it just yet. He tells himself that he hasn’t had time, but truthfully he likes the way it feels when you sift your fingers through the ends of it. Like now.

“You can tell me.” You say again, softer. He’s softer too– more malleable now you were here.

“I can’t help it.” He looks over your shoulder, and you follow his gaze to where the sun is now just starting to rise. “She woulda… woulda liked it here. The kids, too.”

“You think so?” He nods, still staring into the orange sky.

“Probably would of had a lot to say about the inside, though.” You wrap around him tighter, head on his chest. “She was so good with those things. She loved when we painted our house. She had all these colors painted next to each other on the wall. All these different kinds of green. Everyone kept sayin’ it all looked the same but she... she could tell the difference. I could see what she meant when she put the couch next to it and shit, you know? She was real good with that stuff.”

“We could use her help around here. This place is sort of… ugly, on the inside.” He laughed again, his throat feeling tighter as he looked around. There was those same colour swatches, but none of them were coordinated like he was remembering. Pinks, blues, oranges and grays were all mixed together in big, sweeping strikes along the wall, stopping right above where your arm would be able to reach. “What would she have gone with?”

He looks down at you, your face washed in the light of the sunrise.

“The light orange. It looks good with the brown.” He nods over to the couch, an old leather one you’d made him pick up off the side of the road.

“We’ll do that one, then.” You tuck yourself under his chin, sighing.

“I think about ‘em everyday. What the kids would have looked like now. What they’d be doing. How Maria and I would of… raised ‘em. I was away all the time, but I just-”

“I think you would have been just fine.” You say into his chest, and Frank takes a shuddering breath.

“Why’s that?“

“Cause she was in love with you.” His chest tightens, and the grip he’s got on your waist gets a little tighter. “I’m… I’ll never be able to fix…that. It’ll always be with you, and nothing will change what happened, but I want you to know that they will always have a place here. You don’t have to apologize for talking about them– the kids, or Maria. I will never, ever not listen, and it will never be something I don’t want to hear. If they’re always with you, they’ll be with me, too.”

Frank takes two steps forward, and your feet pick up just in time to catch yourself before he throws you back on the couch. He’s never been good with words for things like this. He doesn’t think he should try to shove it all in a sentence, either. Not when theres so much he wants to say, but even more he wants to do.

You lay back, and he moves slowly. He wants you to know every move, every brush of his hand and his mouth is by design. He wants to know every square inch of you inside and out like you know him. He wants his hands to pull the strings, letting you hear all the things his mouth could never possibly form.

“Perfect.” Frank sighs against your mouth, over and over again. It was. You were. Are. The pit in his stomach disappears, pushed out and engulfed by the flames in his chest. There was no room for anything, not a single other feeling or word could possibly fit the way you two fit together. Your fingers tug at his shirt, and he takes it over his head. Your hands run and smooth gentle lines over his chest, over the healing wound on his side. It's jagged and wonky, and it nearly spelt your name. Frank thinks it’s the first time he’s looked down at himself and not hated to see the scars.

He unravels you like a gift to himself, savouring every moment even when you try to shrug off the blanket. You hadn’t dressed since last night, and Frank liked it even more this way. You sighed his name, and Frank shuddered, sealing his mouth over yours again. When his eyes opened for a split second, he could see your face, washed in orange light, and your hair swept to the side. He shut his eyes and kissed you again, the image seared into his mind forever.

Frank had faced a lot of bad things in his life. He had been shot, stabbed, pulled apart and put back together more times than he could remember. He thought he’d seen it all, felt it all before, but there was nothing like this. Nothing made him as weak as your fingers in his hair, and nothing made him as strong as the way you moaned his name. Nothing felt as good as sliding inside you, and nothing felt as empty as when you were gone. It made him lightheaded and brought him to the brink of consciousness, but he knew that this was right.

It could of been minutes or hours that had passed when he let himself go, but no amount of time with you under him would stop him from wanting more. The sun was up now, and Frank had you tucked to his side on the small space of the couch, legs tangled together in the blankets and each other. He felt you shiver against him, and the blankets wrapped around you had come loose. He bent to fix them, and when he moved you did it again.

He looked down, seeing the cold line of metal pressed against your bare back. The ring at the end was hanging over your ribs, and when Frank touched it, it was freezing. Holding it in his palm, it didn’t feel as heavy as it used to, and when he read the engraving on the back, he still felt cold.

Looking down at you, how you rolled over and sought him out even with your eyes closed, he leaned down to kiss the scar on your forehead. Then, like it was the simplest thing in the world, he slipped the necklace off over his head, and placed it in a neat circle on the coffee table next to his head.

They would always have a place here. But it wasn’t them who gave him warmth anymore.

When he tucked himself back under the covers, he knew it was you. It was always you.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

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okay theres going to be an epilogue at some point, but it will probably be small and have very little plot, so this is the end of the main story. so, heres a little rant for you. if you read it, thank you, and if you dont, thank you anyways. knowing anyone is reading my words is a gift enough.

i think i have been writing this series for like 5/6 months ish?? thats fucking wild. i dont have an exact word count, but all i know is its fucking long. i cannot believe i wrote this much about a fictional character, but damn. that is a lot.

basically all i want to say here is thank you. to anyone who has read, interacted, or will read in the future, thank you from the bottom of my heart. it might be a lil dramatic but having people read stuff i write, let alone actually enjoy it makes me so incredibly happy. starting to write on here, and for frank especially, is probably one of the best decisions ive ever made. this series was a struggle to finish for so many reasons, mainly my incredible lack of planning and overall dumb writing schedule, but i have met so many incredible people along the way, and i am just so grateful to have a lil space to share my work.

frank castle will probably always own a giant spot in my heart, so thank you for letting me share my version of him. and letting me add as much smut as i want to this with no complaints bc i fuckin needed it okay!!!!!! i love you all. rant over. series over. damn!

p.s. i am never not going to write frank. dont worry. i already have an idea for my next series lmao!!!!!!!! luv ya!

[stormoflina]

Call me selfish but I want all the boys just to rest and not play international. City players always magically pull out of international for injury and then are suddenly fit for premier league games

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

im with you, anon 😭 especially with our South American players with the upcoming Copa América.

as a south american myself, it would be wise if they didn't travel (while it would be amazing to win la Copa, i don't expect my country to get too far in the tournament cause my dearest Lucho cannot do everything by himself) cause shit gets ugly reallyyyy fast in our football. players over here loooooooove their dirty tackles especially those from certain countries that know that they can get away with many things cause they are more successful than others (just like certain countries in other regions lol). many of our matches are aggressive and borderline violent when you see how hard they play each other even without dirty tackles 💀

i will never forget Copa América 2015 and 2016, those two tournaments were filled with fights almost every single match. competitiveness here seems to jump straight from normal competitiveness to violence within like 5 minutes of the game starting lmao.

i remember one Colombia vs. Brazil match ended in a fight after tensions just kept rapidly rising as the match progressed. the whole thing exploded when Neymar kicked the ball just so it could hit a Colombian player and in retaliation a Colombian player came running and pushed Neymar which only helped to make things go even crazier. the whole thing became a meme and many were kinda happy cause goddamn, Neymar was so fucking annoying during that tournament 💀 (not that he has changed tbh, he seems to be getting worse as he gets older).

and oh my god, while this specific moment was not really aggressive or anything, there was this one match (Chile vs. Uruguay) where a Chilean player put a finger up an Uruguayan player's ass (Cavani, out of all people 😭) and the one who got sent off was Cavani after he lightly slapped the other guy and he, as football players do, dramatically fell to the ground holding his face as if he had just gotten punched within an inch of his life. However, the match as a whole was aggressive as hell. Crazy match tbh.

later, the whole thing got reviewed and the Chilean player got suspended for like three matches lmaoo. some look at him or hear his name and go "oooh, that's the guy that put his finger up Cavani's ass".

i remember watching that match with my family and we all just looked at each other all confused cause "did that guy really put his finger up Cavani's ass??? 👁️👁️" and then got mad when Cavani got sent off as if we were Uruguayans cause no one but Chileans were rooting for Chile during that tournament lmaooo.

- long ass rant anon with south american gossip lolololol 🇨🇴

My lovely anon, thank you so much for providing the South-American gossip, this was so amusing to read!!

I confess, I don’t watch a lot of South American football, but when I do, it always leaves an everlasting impression lol. Those players truly play football like they are in war, but hey, violence can be entertaining - especially if the drama is not happening to your favorites, but rather rivals haha. I’m so afraid of this international break, ngl, my favourite ever player is finally back from injury in our nt after 1,5 years and I just know if he goes down even with the lightest tackle I will be clutching my pearls lol. And of course with Domi too, or any players really. They also suffer from the passion disease and act like they are fighting for our country’s independence or something. It’s just a friendly, please protect yourself!!

And hahah, no, I actually remember the Cavani ass touching incident. I didn’t see the whole match but rather the videos and meme after that haha, crazy stuff. Which countries are the favoured ones in your opinion? I'm nosey and live for the drama 😭

[rrxnjun]

ok. i was gonna reply to ur comment but it got a bit too long of a rant HAHAHHA sorry😭

but girl i will never stop raving about ur fics istg like something about the way you write and your characters always seem to hit home for me like i always seem to connect with your characters. you make their emotions and the scenarios they're in so vivid and raw and IBFIWRFO i eat it up😭😭😭

i never used to like reading angst but you execute it so well that i'll literally love it when you do it (e.g. fics like two people, when nobody's watching, potential) IDK MAN it physically hurts my heart I FEEL THE EMOTIONS OF THE CHARACTERS MAN IDK

when nobody's watching: when the reader's looking at renjun thru the years from her perspective when the reader wants to reach out, I WANT TO REACH OUT LIKESJFGOWRG WHEN RENJUN SMASHES THE BOTTLE AT THE PARTY YK????

two people: the way you describe jeno and y/n's suffocating one way relationship, I UNDERSTAND THE READER!!! jeno is perfect, he tries to fix the relationship but IT JUST DOESNT WORK THAT WAY the relationship was way over before he tried to fix it and ITS SO REAL!!!! the inner turmoil the reader went thru and the slow changing feels for mark WAS JUST- UGH *chefs kiss

potential: man. where do i even start with this fic. it's a storyline that i never knew i needed to read in my life. like bar u don't understand, potential had me in despair for the next 4 days. i can understand chenle's pain, y/n's confusion, their complicated love for each other. i don't think words can describe how special this story is to me.

this.... became a lot longer than i anticipated and IM SORRY FOR RAMBLING ON ABOUT THE SAME THREE FICS OVER AND OVER OSBFOWRGO but seriously tho, i genuinely love everything you put out, keep up the hard work💗

(i think this is the longest ask i've ever sent lol)

i treat writing as my therapy session so maybe thats why the characters are always so raw- NO but omg this is such an honor bc i really focus more on the characters than the plot i think and i really try to develop them really well and stuff and i focus a lot on the feelings and emotions so >:((( i am so happy that you like that about my writing !!!

the paradox is that i HATE reading angst. like if its in a long fic where its mixed up i dont mind and i think its important to have angstier parts in a long fic too but if its a drabble and its angsty i just won't read it LMAOOO

when nobody's watching was such a spontaneous fic istg i wrote it in what. two days? at uni LMAO. i got the idea when i was like,, watching this guy from afar and then i realised i ALWAYS DO THIS like i always have those silly crushes on ppl and never tell them bc im scared but i care so deeply for ppl that dont even know i exist 😭😭😭 but also i find that i used to change myself a lot to fit into social circles and even tho uni was really lonely for me at first that i kinda let go of that the same way renjun did so it was definitely cathartic to write :,)

honestly to this day idk how i even managed to write two people. like i think its the only fic i have thats about adult mature ppl LMAO all my other fics are like college aus and shit. like where did all of that pain and angst even come from ???? but i am so glad u liked it, i didnt expect ppl to enjoy that kind of fic >:((

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON POTENTIAL why are my best fics always the most spontaneous. its literally like in my top 5 fav fics ive ever written so i am insanely happy that you like it sm !!! <33 chenle's character in this fic is insanely personal to me also :,) the readers and his dynamic is also one of my favs ive ever written,, idk idk theres just something about this fic...

i am really honored to recieve this in my inbox its so sweet of you and i definitely appreciate it a LOT hope you dont mind me rambling about the fics i just enjoy talking about my writing :,)

[butterscotch-brigade]

theres nothing wrong with liking or enjoying a kids show!!!!! open yiur heart be free!!!!

ppl who are weird about or take too seriously (i mean in a negative way) on the other hand......

ahhh tysm anon!!!!

and oh yeah i totally agree!! trust me, i was an mlp fan during the Brony Era so i have plenty of experience w weird adults in kids fandoms. i think thats why so many ppl are wary of adult bluey fans (ive seen some ppl on twitter calling them "the new bronies") but in my own experience i think bluey fans are MUCH better at keeping the fandom a safe place for kids. a lot of older bluey fans are ppl who fell in love w the show while watching it with their kids, younger relatives, or kids that they may have been babysitting (i first discovered the show while watching it w my baby cousin!!). and while im sure there are bluey fans out there who are inappropriate, i can safely say that it is a MUCH safer community than the early mlpfim one by miles.

and yeah when it comes to the "taking it too seriously" thing ik what u mean, a lot of ppl who like stuff for kids (like bronies for example) will try to put these rly high expectations on the material bc they want to prove that its more Mature than what ppl think. and while i agree that bluey, mlp, and other kids shows CAN have mature moments, sometimes fans get rly carried away w their expectations and subsequently get upset/mad when the show does something that isnt "mature" enough for their standards (i remember bronies getting mad at mlp coloring books for being "too easy" LMAOOO). thats why its important to remember what the shows target audience is while also remembering that theres no shame in liking something thats aimed at kids!! thats how you keep the communities safe while enjoying the source material imo.

and yeah, while there are some bluey fans out there who say stuff like "bluey is better than most modern adult stuff nowadays!!", i dont think that ppl should be mocked for simply having that opinion. bc its just an Opinion, and what someone prefers in media can be very different compared to someone else's preferences. ofc i strongly encourage consuming a wide range of media that appeals to a wide range of audiences, but ppl are still allowed to prefer something thats made for kids over stuff thats for adults. thats just how opinions/subjectivity work!! do what makes u happy but dont be afraid to branch out as well :)

aksksks sorry for the rant i just have a lot of Thoughts on this matter LOLLL ty again anon have a wonderful day uwu

[moririki]

⤷ CLUELESS

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI X READER -> 1.5K despite your best efforts to confess your feelings to the infamous stone wall, he never quite seems to understand

REQUEST -> n/a CONTAINS -> ushijima being fucking clueless lmaooo, reader stumbling around being awkward, tendo being a jackass in the best way, obvious pining MORI'S THOUGHTS -> this imagine is based off of monthly girls' nozaki-kun, which is a pretty good (and short!) anime i watched on netflix hehe. the dynamic just reminded me of ushi for some reason so this became a thing

WHEN YOU FOUND YOURSELF FALLING HEAD OVER HEELS FOR THE CAPTAIN OF A VOLLEYBALL TEAM, YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. the two of you had nothing in common. the most you saw of him in a day was the brief glimpse of him before he headed into class. despite the fact that you could count the number of interactions that you've had with him on one hand, you were quick to develop feelings for the guy.

maybe you just had a type. he was tall, handsome, and quiet, but you were surprised that not many of the girls in your class gossiped about him. from what you knew about him, he mostly kept to himself or the volleyball team, with a very focused mindset accompanying him on and off of the court. the more that you knew about him only deepened your crush, to the point where it was getting unbearable to just admire him from afar.

while you felt like you knew the outcome before it started, you still decided to try your luck. today was the day of your confession.

"um, ushijima?" you tapped him on the shoulder hesitantly, stood next to his desk. he turned to you, face stoic as always. now or never. don't give away the fact that you're sweating bullets, you reminded yourself. your hands were balled into tight fists, nails digging into your palms as you felt your mouth open and close a few times with no sound coming out. fuck.

ushijima's face was blank, offering neither support nor disdain. well, the lack of outright disgust was always a good sign.

"i just wanted to say that i, uh.." you trailed off, resolve crumbling underneath the powerful gaze of ushijima. what were you thinking? you couldn't tell him how you felt, but you couldn't just slowly destroy yourself keeping it from him. might as well get it over and done with. "i want to be around you!" you ended up blurting out. and once the dam broke, more and more words started to spill past your lips.

"i've always admired you and how dedicated you are to volleyball, and i want to be around you more- and it's because i-" you finally hesitared at that, feeling your face flame up when confronted with the three little words which would change everything. but ushijima must have assumed that you had finished talking because your chance to confess had disappeared.

"i'm glad that you feel that way, y/n." ushijima's facial expression was still stern, but you perked up at his words nonetheless.

"you do?" you sounded breathless, eyes wide after you had just exposed exactly how you felt to your long-standing crush. ushijima nodded encouragingly, and you could feel a ringing in your ears as you begaj to think that you were dreaming. this was simply too good to be true, and you felt so lightheaded that you could float away with the lightest gust of wind.

"to confirm your position as manager you're going to have to fill out a form, but you can join practice tomorrow." you blinked, feeling yourself crash back down to earth when ushijima continued to speak.

"wait, what?" ushijima then looked at you in confusion.

"did you not just ask me to be a manager?" you hesitated, struggling internaly as to whether you should confess, again. but your cowardice won, and you sighed, nodding.

"i'll see you tomorrow."

the plasticky squeak of trainers hitting gymnasium floor welcomed you, and you steeled your nerves before stepping through the doors and being welcomed by the bright lights. you squinted as the glare hit you, hands holding onto your arms in an attempt to pull yourself together.

the sound of a volleyball being spiked into the floor harshly grasped your attention, and you watched in awe as the shiratorizawa volleyball team began to warm up. ushijima had just delivered that terrifyingly fast spike, and you felt a blush rise to your face as you saw how concentrated he was. cute.

"oh, hello!" a singsong voice and accompanying face invaded your senses, and you squeaked in surprise, taking an involuntary step back. the red-headed boy grinned at you, his frame towering over yours. "are you the new manager?" you nodded once, eyes darting past him to look at ushijima again. the ace still had his attention trained onto the court, despite the racket his teammate was causing. you sighed when you realised that your crush hadn't noticed you come in, and your action caused the redhead in front of you to narrow his eyes shrewdly.

"tendo, get back to practice!" a second voice called from the court. another guy with grey hair was stood there with his hands on his hips, staring at the male in front of you expectantly.

"coming, semi-semi!" tendo sang, offering you a cheery wave before running back. you were glad that there was at least one friendly face in the gym, though you had to fend for yourself now.

considering the fact that you had minimal support and nobody else to show you the ropes, you had actually picked up rather quickly on how to be a semi-decent manager. you fell into a rhythm over the next few weeks, filling up water bottles and preparing towels for the sweaty players. at least your failed confession had led to you taking part in a club that would look very good on your college applications.

another positive from this whole experience was the fact that you had gained two new friends, who went by the names tendo and semi. it was almost embarrassing at how quickly they figured out your crush for their team captain- semi tried to flirt with you, and tendo cackled as you stuttered out a rejection for his advances. next thing you know, one instinctive glance in ushijima's direction had tendo unraveling the entire mystery as to why you had signed up for a position as manager.

of course, the two assholes found the whole situation hilarious at your expense. however, you couldn't find yourself holding a grudge against the boys when they offered to act as your official wingmen. as for the very reason why you had joined the team, things were going about as well as you could expect. while he made no indication of going out of his way to talk to you, ushijima would gladly return any conversation that you struck up when handing him his water bottle or towel. he'd then return to practice promptly, help to lock up the gym, and then leave with not much in terms of a second glance. it was unsurprising behaviour, but still disheartening to say the least.

that's how you found yourself ranting to tendo during the team's five-minute break, with the boy watching your frustrated face in amusement.

“i just- i can’t believe that i talked myself into being a manager! all because of a crush! a crush that doesn’t even realise that i like him!” you placed down the towel that you just folded in frustration, and tendo couldn’t stop a giggle escaping his lips.

“look, that’s just how he is.” the redhead attempted to console you, giving you a pat on the arm. “he’s difficult to read, and he never talks about his emotions. besides, i don’t think he’s ever had a crush before.”

you sighed, nodding in defeat.

“yeah, yeah. i get it.” tendo’s focus drifted from your face to behind you, and he was quick to sling an arm around your shoulder.

“speaking of the guy...” he muttered to you under his breath. you turned to see the captain approaching, his brow slightly knitted. you smiled as best as you could, offering him a water bottle.

“bye, sweetie,” tendo cooed at you, shooting you a painfully obvious wink that had you blushing and looking down at your shoes. now it was just you and ushijima, the latter being as silent as ever. you coughed once, peeking up at his face.

“you spiked well today.” ushijima nodded once, a small smile spreading across his face. the motion had your heart swelling.

“thank you. you’re a very good manager.” you laughed, mostly to hide your blush and just at how ironic this entire situation was.

“thank you.” you smiled up at the man, and that was the end of your interaction. you watched his back as he returned back to the court, going so much further away from you. tendo shot you two thumbs up and received a slap on the back of the head from semi, and that made you giggle.

hell, even if you got here under circumstances that weren’t in your favour, you wouldn’t trade it for the world. something about getting to watch ushijima perform in his element every day was enough to keep your crush going, reciprocated or not. besides, who knew how the guy really felt after all?

your daydreaming had you staring off into space as the coach blew a whistle to mark the return to practice, and a pair of olive eyes tore themselves away from you to focus back on the court.

you had been paying attention to his spikes, after all.

back to the counter - ,, 💐 ·˚ ༘ ꒱

[jisungsmochi]

just one night - njm

summary: getting wasted at a random party wasn’t on your agenda for your saturday night. but when your best friend’s brother tends to you for the night, one thing leads to another...and suddenly he couldn’t leave your mind. 

genre / warnings: highschool!au, best friend’s brother (oops), slightly suggestive (there is a section where sex is mentioned but it is not detailed at all lmaooo), fluffy, lil angst, i think that’s it ! 

word count: 10.2k (uMMM wow i didn’t expect it to be that long but pls enjoy) 

mini playlist: 

long story short - taylor swift 

love somebody like you - joan 

take me on - joan 

photograph - ed sheeran 

//

your ears were ringing from the intense blasting of the speakers at lee haechan’s monthly ragers. you didn’t know him too well, but your best friend, and platonic soulmate, jisoo, insisted you attend. you assumed it was because she had a growing crush on the party host, despite her constantly opposing the idea.

after taking your first shot of the night, something ignited in you. it had been a while since you let loose and enjoyed yourself. you often placed immense pressure on yourself in your studies, blocking out the outside world when you were in your element. jisoo cheered you on, clinking your shot glasses together as you both consumed the horrid liquid.

as the night rolled by, you had lost jisoo, assuming she was with haechan and the rest of his friends. you started to feel faint, your head whirling, eyes ready to completely shut. you felt yourself land harshly on the nearby couch, the group of teenagers who were seated on said couch, laughed hysterically at your state. you continued to moan and groan, your head pounding along with the beat of the song blasting through the speakers.

you could barely hear anything else, only a soft voice whispering to you,

“stay with me alright? i’ll take care of you”

the voice sounded familiar but you were far too drunk to even bother asking. you felt yourself being picked up, the figure now dragging you out of the house.

“gosh, you two are such a pain” the voice grumbles once again. your eyes started to flutter open, the blurred features of your best friend’s twin brother, jaemin, came into focus. he was visibly annoyed at the sight of you and your better half completely wasted. you noticed that you had been buckled up in the back of his car.

“good, you’re awake, now stay put until we’re home” jaemin sighed, closing the driver’s side door, starting the engine.

you didn’t remember much of the ride home, all you could hear was jisoo ranting about how haechan rejected her moves on him, and jaemin endlessly teasing her. 

you were able to stand briefly as you exited the car, but jisoo on the other hand was utterly hammered. you helped jaemin pull her out of the car and to her bedroom. luckily their parents were away for the weekend, meaning they didn’t have to witness their daughter vomit on her bedroom carpet.

“oh my god, how much did you drink?” jaemin was practically pulling at his own hair. although you were tipsy, you were able to comprehend the situation at hand. you immediately ran to her bathroom, pulling out some cleaning supplies.

“you clean this up while i clean her up for the night”

“fine whatever” the boy rolls his eyes, holding his nose as he begins to scrub the carpet. you made your way over to jisoo, sitting close to her, starting to wipe off her makeup. she had practically passed out by now, only the sounds of jaemin furiously scrubbing and jisoo’s soft snores filled the room. you and jaemin had never really talked while you were over at their house. being jisoo’s day one, you found yourself basically living in her room, yet you couldn’t remember a time you properly hung out or even spoke to jaemin. you looked over at him, his face distorting with disgust at his sister’s mess. it made you chuckle slightly as you finished wiping off her makeup.

“what’s so funny?” he grumbled, walking to the bathroom to dispose of the garbage.

“i guess seeing you clean up your sister’s vomit was something i’d never thought i’d see you do” you shrugged, avoiding his glare.

“oh really? if anything, you two owe me big time” jaemin shuffled over to you, towering over both you and jisoo. your breath hitched once you realised how close he was to you.

“w-why do i owe you?” you muttered, looking up at him.

“because i saved you from embarrassment when others were laughing at how wasted you were” you blushed in embarrassment, attempting to hide your face from him.

“o-oh thanks for that then. i uh better get going” you stand up quickly, ready to leave the awkward situation at hand. but jaemin didn’t budge, he remained where he was, causing you to barge into his chest. he found your clumsiness amusing, holding you by your shoulders.

“you don’t seem too good to be walking home, just stay the night. i’m sure jisoo would want you here in the morning” he suggested, as you both gave the sleeping girl a solemn look.

“y-yeah, i guess so” your tired eyes meeting his. you had never been this close  to him before. he stared down at you with his deep brown eyes that were enough to make any girl immediately swoon. but this was totally cliche, falling for your best friend’s brother? please. 

besides, you’d never go for a guy like na jaemin. he was a loner, although he did have a tight knit group of friends, that you knew of. jisoo was the more outgoing and popular one between the pair, sometimes you couldn’t fathom that they were related.

“here, i’ll help you out” jaemin wrapped his hand around your wrist as he pulled you to the bathroom. he began wiping the makeup off your face, being careful to avoid being too harsh. you were practically holding your breath the entire time. why the hell was he being so nice to you? this had to be somewhat weird, right?

“all done, i’ll let you get changed” he threw the wipe in the bin before leaving the room without another word.

you changed into some of jisoo’s clothes, feeling yourself start to sober up a little. there was a soft knock on the door, in which you answered. you were met with jaemin holding two glasses of water. he gently pushed past you, handing you a glass before placing one on jisoo’s bedside table.

“you tired?” he practically whispered to you, eyes not leaving yours.

“uh not really to be honest” you replied, taking a large gulp of water. jaemin nodded, biting the inside of his cheek before suggesting,

“did you wanna hang out for a bit? i get it if it’s weird, i just thought it’d be nice” he mumbled, eyes breaking contact with yours. you had never seen him so nervous before, it was sort of endearing. you nodded, following him to his room. it had been the second, maybe third time you had been in his room. the first time was when jisoo attacked him on the morning of their birthday with some birthday punches. you observed the various decorations he had up on his walls. some random band posters and some photography portraits were scattered all over.

“did you take these?” you questioned, admiring a particular portrait right above his bed head.

“uh yeah, i dabble in photography” he shamelessly shrugs, sitting down on his bed. you look over at him, too nervous to sit down with him.

“so this is kind of strange huh? i mean, i’ve known jisoo for years but i feel like i barely know you at all” you started rambling, slowly moving to sit at the edge of his bed, keeping a generous distance between you both.

“well it’s not like we’ve made any efforts. you two are inseparable, it’s sometimes insufferable being in the same room as you both” he decided to rant, making you giggle slightly.

“i don’t really know much about you though, as an individual”

“ah well there’s not really much to me, all i do is sleep, eat, study and occasionally drink at parties, it’s just an endless cycle at this point” you sighed, feeling yourself inch closer to jaemin, your legs swinging onto the surface of his bed. your shoulders were briefly touching, but neither of you made the effort to move away.

“here i was, thinking you were actually interesting” jaemin smirked, nudging you softly. you couldn’t help but roll your eyes, gently shoving him back.

“no but really, there’s gotta be more than that. i mean, i’ve seen you at school. everyone likes you, even the mean teachers. i’ve never seen anyone make Ms Kim light up, even if you were talking about some mathematical theory that no one else understood-“ he stopped himself, looking over at you. you couldn’t believe the words that were leaving his mouth. here you were, believing that he didn’t give a rats ass about your existence but you were wrong.

“so you seem to know me pretty well then” you teased, watching as heat slowly rose to his cheeks. he could barely look at you now.

“but i don’t know the real you” he softly muttered, pulling your eyes back to meet his own. you didn’t say anything back to him. instead you admired how gorgeous he looked under the dim lighting of his bedroom. you weren’t sure if the alcohol was making you act upon this or if you were just caught up in his words, but nothing was stopping you from locking lips with the dark haired boy. it took a moment for him to process what was happening, his hand immediately finding the side of your face, gently stroking it as he deepened the kiss. a voice in your head was telling you this was wrong (probably jisoo’s) but you ignored it. the next thing you knew, you were straddling him, your hands moving to his shoulder as you softly gripped onto his white shirt. he was the first one to pull away,

“should we even be doing this?” he muttered against your lips, pecking you one more time.

“probably not” you smugly smiled, pulling him into you once again. nothing more than a heavy make out sessions with some (possible) groping occurred that night. you didn’t say much to jaemin after, watching as he started to fall asleep. you had no idea what just happened,

did he like you?

did you like him?

you decided to sleep on it, hoping that in the morning, it would have all been some chaotic dream. you made your way back to jisoo’s room, sliding into bed next to her. as you rolled to your side, flashbacks of jaemin’s lips on yours and his hands wandering over you filled your mind.

you remember thinking to yourself, this cannot be happening.

//

the next morning, you were woken up by jisoo’s groaning. she started shuffling, pulling the shared blanket between you both, off of you completely. you decided it was a good time to get up and make your way home. you wrote a note for jisoo to wake up to:

‘hey there, drink this entire glass and take some aspirin okay? i spent the night and will return your clothes soon, rest well! - y/n ‘

you hurriedly grabbed all your belongings that were scattered all over her floor. once you were able to gently close her door without waking her up,

“rise and shine” you jumped at the deep voice behind you.

jaemin has a smug smile on his face, flashbacks of the previous night still lingering in his head. you just froze, your mouth unable to form a proper greeting. he was dressed in the same clothes as last night, a plain white tee and grey sweatpants. his hair was shaggy, random ends were sticking out all over the place. yet you still found him really attractive, wait what?

“i-i’m just gonna head home now, bye bye” you tried to push by him, but he stopped you almost instantly.

“do you wanna go get breakfast?” he suddenly asked, why the hell was he being so nice to you?

“i haven’t brushed my teeth yet, and i’m sure i reek of alcohol or something. maybe some other time” you weren’t sure why you were being so hesitant to spend more time with him. you knew that if jisoo ever found out something was happening between you two, she’d probably freak out and cause a massive scene. you wanted to avoid the theatrics of your best friend as much as possible. even if it meant rejecting one of the most attractive guys at your school.

“so you’re just going to pretend nothing happened?” he let out a soft scoff, in disbelief at your attitude.

“no, i’m not like that. i just- i don’t know what this is. it shouldn’t even be a thing. we shouldn’t even be talking right now” you groan slightly, beginning to walk to the front door. jaemin followed in suit, his figure standing right behind you as you reached the door.

“why are you being like this?” he furrowed his eyebrows, the tiredness in his voice still evident.

“it was my first kiss, jaemin. you were the first guy i’ve ever kissed. and i don’t want it to be weird when jisoo is around. can you understand that?” you explained, guilt rising in your stomach.

“i-i didn’t know it was your first kiss. but if you really care so much about what jisoo thinks of you, then that’s your problem. i’ll just pretend it didn’t happen either” he raised his hands in defeat, reaching over to open the door for you. he leaned closer into you, lips lingering by your ear,

“but i won’t forget about it, no matter how hard i try”

what the hell is this guy playing at?

you broke yourself away from him, rushing out the door, jogging to your house that was just across the road. it’s been a wild 24 hours, all you needed was a nice, hot shower, and to forget that you ever made out with na jaemin.

//

the following monday morning, jisoo came knocking on your bedroom door, waking you up for school. you shot out of your bed, your body thumping onto the ground. jisoo entered your room, and immediately bursted out in laughter.

“god you’re even clumsy when you’re asleep!” she giggled, pulling you up. you just groaned in response, shuffling over to your bathroom to brush your teeth.

“anyway, you are in big trouble” the energy in the room just dropped. you looked over at her, worried about the words that would leave her mouth.

“jaemin told me everything” she continued, making you want to shit your pants even more.

“w-what did he say?” you spat out the toothpaste that was in your mouth, eyes now focused on your sink.

“he said that he saw you wearing my new pink pajama bottoms!” you sighed in relief, thank god.

“i know that we have a bestie code and take eachother’s clothes a lot! but i just bought those and i hadn’t had a chance to even wear them yet” jisoo pouted, folding her arms before huffing. you shot her an apologetic smile, finally finishing washing up before you made your way over to her. you handed her the neatly folded clothes beside your bed,

“i’m sorry, they were the first thing i saw! i’ll buy you something from the canteen. can i be forgiven?” jisoo pretended to think, before pulling you into a short hug.

“ah of course! now get ready for school, i’m going to raid your pantry” she skipped her way out of your room. you let out another sigh of relief, not realising that your hands were shaking the entire time. why didn’t jaemin just expose you both to jisoo? maybe he was a man of his word.

you walked through the hallways, jisoo right by your side. your eyes were practically scanning for any sign of jaemin. according to jisoo, he hangs out with his ‘loser friends’ behind the science block. she always assumed they were doing something sketchy there, but you had never seen it for yourself.

“i-i gotta talk to Ms Kim about the quiz, i’ll see you during our free period” you lied through your teeth, but luckily jisoo thought nothing of it, you were always meeting with Ms Kim about your grades anyway.

you cautiously made your way to the science block, eyes still on the lookout for na jaemin. you saw one of his close friends, jeno (?) but there was no sign of him. maybe he didn’t even hang out here, you were about to give up and go back to your own friends, when you heard the familiar voice call out to you,

“y/n? what are you doing here?” jaemin made his way towards you, catching the attention of his entire friend group.

“i-i was looking for you” he immediately perked up. you knew he was about to say something cheesy, but he stopped himself.

“why didn’t you tell jisoo about what happened saturday night?” he pursed his lips for a moment, thinking of what to say.

“i didn’t feel like it was any of her business. it’s between us” he smirked at the last part, making you stomach feel uneasy, but sort of in a good way.

“i’m sorry for rushing out that morning. i just felt really awkward about everything. i don’t want you to think you’re like a bad kisser or anything like i actually quite enjoyed it” you stopped yourself from rambling any further once you saw how amused he looked. god he was gorgeous.

“you can keep going, i like hearing you talk about me” oh this was bad.

“s-so what? do you like me or is this all fun and games to you?” you tried to get to the bottom of this whole mess.

“i do have some interest in you, yes. i wouldn’t be opposed to seeing you more often and kissing you again” he shrugged, still showing off the same smug expression.

“same here” you blurred out. you brought your hands to cover your face, you couldn’t believe you just admitted that to him.

“then i guess i’ll see you around then. jisoo doesn’t have to know” jaemin slowly backed away from you, eyes still wandering over your figure. was he really checking you out right now? infront of his friends? you wondered how many other people saw you two.

to say that you didn’t think about jaemin for the rest of the day was a complete and utter lie. as soon as you got home, you couldn’t get him out of your head.  

//

you were finishing up the last bit of maths homework for the night, when you heard something tapping against your window. you assumed it was some bird that was pecking at the window sill like many others had before, but as you stepped closer, jaemin’s shaggy black hair came into view. you quickly opened your window, dragging the taller boy into your room, careful that your parents wouldn’t hear.

“are you insane or just dumb?” you scold the boy who was dressed in a baggy black hoodie and those same grey sweatpants from saturday.

“both? i couldn’t stop thinking about you” his lip cocked into a smirk as he stepped closer to you, hands now rested at your waist. you were caught up in how good he looked, especially at this time of day. you didn’t realise how strange it was that he literally just climbed through your window with no prior warning. you pulled away from him slightly, still reserved about whatever was going on between you both.

“look, i just wanted to hang out with you, i swear! i would invite you to mine but your bff would just hog you the entire time” jaemin let out a soft grunt, slipping off his shoes and making himself at home on your bed. you moved to the empty spot next to him, letting him pull you in by your waist as he smoothly linked his fingers with yours.

“this just seems like it’s going really fast. can we just slow down for a bit? i mean, we don’t really know eachother that well yet” you explain, resting your head back on your headboard. jaemin looked over at you, admiring how the loose strands of your messy hair were sticking in all sort of places. and how your glasses were slowly slipping down your nose but you were too lazy to push them all the way back up. you were wearing your classic plaid pajama set, which jaemin found absolutely adorable. he reached over to your face, pushing some hair strands aside before gently pushing your glasses back up.

“well what do you wanna know then?” he whispered, aware that your parents probably wouldn’t want to walk in on their daughter with a boy in her bed.

“have you always, like thought of being friends with me?” you thought it was a dumb question to say out loud but jaemin seemed to be hesitant to answer, only making you more curious.

“i- honestly, yeah i have. i actually remember the first time i met you. i was with jisoo and we saw you sitting on the swings on the playground at school. we were kids back then, all we wanted to do was make friends. i was the first one to suggest we go over together, but then jisoo beat me to it” he stopped momentarily, looking over at you once again to see if you were still listening. you gently squeezed his hand that rested so perfectly in yours, as he continued,

“as any other ten year old boy would do, i just shrugged it off and found my own little group. i know this doesn’t really answer your question as it was a long time ago. but since you and jisoo clicked, and you started hanging out more, i couldn’t help but think, what would happen if i went up to you first?” you nodded along at his words, finding his way of storytelling so compelling.

“even if you approached me first, we both know that jisoo would have tried to snatch me in an instant” you both let out soft chuckles, both agreeing that jisoo was quite a character. “but after all these years, you’ve barely acknowledged me. i actually thought you hated me at one point” jaemin’s mouth opened as if he was about to speak before closing it slowly. he thought hard about what he could say to impress you,

“i never hated you. i just never got a chance to speak to you personally. jisoo was always there, and if we start dating or liking eachother, it’s probably going to get worse” jaemin admitted. there was a certain degree in which you understood what he was saying. but if you both ended up having true feelings for eachother, who was jisoo to stop you?

“y-you think we might end up dating?” you couldn’t hide how giddy you felt, leaning in closer to him, your noses gently brushing against eachother. jaemin smiled widely, his heart beating erratically. sure, he’s kissed other girls and even dated some, but none of them could compete with how flustered you were making him right now.

“i-i mean yeah, i don’t see myself with anyone else at the moment” jaemin whispered against your lips, slowly closing the gap. you moved your hand to rest on his shoulder as he glided his own hands to cup the side of your face. everything was so natural with him. you didn’t have to be nervous, or second guess yourself around jaemin. he made you feel safe, comfortable, like you meant something to him. things started getting heated when jaemin started rubbing small circles on your thighs, his lips still attached to yours. you weren’t sure how far he was going to go tonight, but your mind was clouded with how good it felt to kiss him again. jaemin’s lips started trailing down your jaw, to your neck, before you interrupted,

“h-hey, taking it slow, remember?” he immediately stopped, eyes filled with list as he looked up at you.

“anything for you, baby” he mumbled, placing one last kiss to your cheek. you both ended up chatting the rest of the night, telling stories from your childhood to the horrors of puberty. despite the fact that you both had school the next morning, you didn’t want jaemin to leave, and neither did he.

//

“i have a proposition for you” jisoo exclaims, pulling you along as you walk through the local shopping mall, in need of some retail therapy from midterms approaching.

“what is it now?” you playfully roll your eyes as sip on your bubble tea.

“i’m going to set you up on a date!” she practically squeezed you so hard you almost choked on the boba.

“w-who? what? when? where? why?” you couldn’t believe her sometimes.

“it’s with renjun, you know, the guy in our bio class. anyways, he’s recently single, you’re just single. and i think he’d be a good match for you!” she explains further, as you both take a seat on a nearby bench in the middle of the mall.

“what makes you think he’ll even be interested in me? did you threaten him or something?” you give her a subtle glare, still recovering from your choking experience.

“well i saw him looking at you a few times during class, so he must think you’re pretty at least” her logic never failed to entertain you.

“i’m not interested in dating anyone at the moment, please don’t tell me you already set it up” she looked over at you with a soft smile, moving strands of her hair behind her ear.

“god you already did” you groan in frustration. jisoo saw how annoyed you were. you know she had good intentions but you were capable of getting a date...if you really wanted one.

“i’m sorry, i just thought it’d be cute, you know since he’s friends with haechan and you know i have a crush on him. so i thought we could all hang out together!” she started babbling, but somehow you understood it all. you were going to do this for her, and her only.

“okay fine, ONE date, and it’s a group one” you firm with your best friend as she nods in compliance.

here goes nothing.

//

the evening of the double date, you were getting ready in your room. what were you even supposed to wear? your thoughts were interrupted by repetitive taps on your window. you glance over, seeing jaemin’s fluffy hair peek through the glass. you giggle lightly at the sight, rushing to open your window to let the poor boy in.

“hey, you won’t believe what just happened, jisoo is freaking out beca- woah, you look, uh really nice” jaemin stops himself, taking a moment to admire your look for the night. you felt your cheeks heat up immediately, turning away from him to hide them as best you could.

“t-thanks, why was jisoo freaking out?” you tried to draw back to his sudden outburst.

“oh yeah, she was asking me what boys liked, and if i thought haechan would like her back. ahh it was hilarious, she’s a nutcase” jaemin chuckled lightly, flopping himself on your bed, eyeing you closely.

“she’s just nervous! we’re going on a double date” you didn’t get to continue, as jaemin practically leaped from your bed, over to stand infront of you again.

“a double date? who are you paired with?” jaemin furrows his eyebrows, a wave of worry just washing over him within the past ten seconds.

“don’t worry, it’s just with renjun, a guy in our bio class. i’m only going to calm down jisoo, i’m sure renjun is a nice guy but-“ you hesitate, taking in a short breath before continuing. jaemin has his eyes fixed on you, listening to ever word that strung from your mouth.

“but what?” he whispered, his face inching closer to yours.

“but he’s not you” you finally felt a weight lift off your shoulders. your words only made jaemin confirm for himself that he was so completely into you. without another word, he pulled you in for a warm embrace, placing small kisses on the crown of your head.

“that’s all i needed to hear, have fun tonight. let me know if an SOS situation occurs, jisoo can get full on with her crushes” jaemin pulls away from you, fixing bits of your hair that be accidentally messed up.

“you say that as if she isn’t my best friend” you roll your eyes, allowing him to pat down strands of your hair as gently as he could.

“well sometimes i forget. you’re just that amazing, jisoo needs someone like you. i need someone like you” jaemin finishes what he was doing, his hands now moving to cup your face, softly squishing your cheeks together.

“let me know when you get home, i’ll come over and we can uh, lock lips” he started making loud kissing sounds, only making you push him away from you in embarrassment.

jaemin seemed fine with the idea of you going on the double date. you would assume so, considering you indirectly confessed to liking him. you just had to get through tonight, and then you and jaemin could continue whatever, odd friends with benefits but not really, relationship you have.

//

“so y/n, how did you do on the last bio exam?” renjun tried to make small conversation with you, trying to avoid the constant chattering of your friends. you appreciated how considerate he was being, considering you barely knew him or haechan.

“i think i did okay! how about you?” you continued, taking a quick sip of your strawberry milkshake. you were all sitting in a random diner that haechan recommended. you’d think after one game of bowling, a walk through the local park, and dinner at this diner, that they’d all be tired. but no, you forgot how energetic your friend was, and renjun was slowly starting to realise the same thing.

“the last few questions were challenging, i’d be lucky to get one of them right” you both chuckled softly, your eyes diverting to jisoo and haechan who were too caught up in their own world.

“did you want a ride home? i’m 99% sure haechan is going to offer to walk jisoo home” renjun offered, reaching for his car keys. you hesitated for a moment, nudging jisoo softly as she just waved you off. you rolled your eyes, opting to interrupt her conversation.

“renjun’s taking me home, let me know once you’re home okay? and haechan, make sure she’s safe” you sternly point at the cheery boy, who just nodded. you walked with renjun to his car, hopping into the passenger side. the ride was fairly quiet, he didn’t try to force any awkward conversation into you, thank god. all you could think about was going home and seeing jaemin again.

as he reached your house, you quickly gathered your things, ready to bid him farewell.

“thanks for agreeing to go on this double date. i had fun, i hope you did to. maybe we can do this again sometime, but maybe just us...” renjun stooped you from leaving the car. you widened your eyes at his words, was the really asking you out right now?

sure you thought he was a nice guy, but the ‘date’ didn’t seem much like a date to you at all.

“i-uh i had fun tonight, but i’m....actually seeing someone, i’m sorry” you quickly blurred out, even more shocked at your own words. renjun’s mouth was slightly agape, not expecting that answer at all. he pulled himself together, shaking off the entire situation.

“it’s okay, i understand. have a nice night” he gave you a small smile, but you knew it was filled with shame. you didn’t know what else to do but signal him a small wave as you exited his car and walked to your front door. you felt guilty for lying to renjun, but it wasn’t a complete lie. you started replaying the whole scene through your head. as you entered your room, you were met with jaemin looking all cozied you in your bed. he had an oversized hoodie on, with some plain grey sweatpants.

“ah you’re home, i queued up some videos to watch!” jaemin made his way over to you, pulling you in a for a tight hug. and just like that, all thoughts of renjun just washed away. jaemin was your person, one day you’ll be able to tell the whole world. but right now, you were happy with keeping it your little secret.

//

“what’s this i hear about you telling renjun you’re seeing someone? who the hell is it? because surely they have to be able to top this perfect dude i found for you” jisoo starts ranting on your way to first period the following day. your mind was still foggy, memories of the night you spent with jaemin, floating through your head.

“i-i just wasn’t interested in him. or anyone for that matter, it was a little white lie” you shrugged, trying to drop the situation completely. but she wasn’t buying it at all.

“there has to be someone, the last thing you are, is a liar” jisoo furrowed her brows at you, giving you a playful stank glare. you broke eye contact with her, rushing ahead to get to your class so she couldn’t pester you anymore about this situation. unfortunately, you felt your barge against someone with a very hard chest, they didn’t even flinch. you looked up to apologise, the playful glare of jaemin meeting your eyes. you quickly stepped back, pulling yourself together from that embarrassing scenario. jisoo ran up to you, softly giggling, before you saw her face fall at the sight of her brother.

“ugh it’s you” she scoffs, making sure you were okay.

“oh don’t act so happy to see me” jaemin sarcastically responded, eyes only fixed on you as if he has tunnel vision.

“leave poor y/n alone, it’s bad enough she has to see you when she comes over, don’t make it hard on her here” jisoo teased, pulling you away from him slowly. but jaemin quickly caught onto your arm, leaning down to your ear,

“i’m very sorry, y/n”

he had a hint of mischief in his voice, that you hoped jisoo wouldn’t catch onto. all you could do was not a mumble that it was okay, before jisoo completely pulled you away from him. seeing him at school everyday, while keeping everything a secret, was going to be a lot harder than you thought.

why did he have to be so alluring? so enticing? all you wanted to do was sit with him and talk for hours on end. maybe share a few pecks here and there, but as days went by, jaemin would engage in lengthy conversations with you. he would tell you about how spoilt and bratty jisoo could get, and how their parents would push jaemin aside, and support jisoo in all her studies and other extracurriculars, but they couldn’t even attend one of his photography exhibitions at school. he confided in you deeply, telling you things that no other soul would know. you didn’t know why he just lets it all out to you, but who were you to oppose? you loved listening to him talk as he played with your hair. you loved his lame jokes and stories about detention. you loved when he talked about his photography, how passionate he was whenever he talked about capturing the most beautiful moments through his lens. everything about na jaemin was close to perfect. you just wished you could call him yours, officially.

//

jaemin: meet me out front in 20 mins, i wanna show you something

your face contorted into a mix of confusion and excitement. you pulled on your most puffy winter jacket and some black boots, before slowly creeping out your front door to meet jaemin across the road. he was leaning against his car, dressed in a white hoodie with a leather jacket over it and some plain black jeans. you embraced him in a warm hug, as he chuckled into your neck and how adorable you looked in your puffy jacket. he placed a soft kiss to your cheek before opening the door for you, you kindly accepted, hopping right in. you noticed he had a suspiciously packed duffel bag in the back of his car, what the hell was he planning?

“so you’re gonna tell me why we’re going out at 11:30 at night? if you wanted to make out, we could have just done it in my room, my parents aren’t home, we don’t have to be qu-“ you were interrupted with his lips on yours, like many times before. his cold hands reached to hold your face, causing you to jump at the sudden touch. he stops kissing you momentarily, shooting you a smirk before continuing. as much as you were enjoying it, you were still curious as to where he was taking you.

“jaem, seriously, where are we going?”

you pulled away, lips slightly swollen. jaemin wiped his thumb gently over your lips, looking at you with such adoration in his eyes.

“we’re going somewhere i like to go when i need to clear my head, or just be alone. i wanna share it with you” your heart swelled at his words. how was he this perfect?

as he started the car, his hands immediately found its way to hold yours. your fingers instantly linking.

your eyes switched between focusing on jaemin, to your window. you weren’t really used to going out so late at night, never having a reason to. being with jaemin, made you feel like you were finally able to escape from everything else, even if it was temporary. there was a stillness in him that no one else was able to give you. he made you feel like you were doing okay, that you were going at a steady pace in life. jaemin was comforting to you, you wanted nothing to disturb this peace.

jaemin parked the car, tugging on your hand that you had arrived. you observed your surrounding immediately, where the hell were you? all you could see were trees and shrubs, as well as a gravel trail leading up a fairly large hill.

“you’re not gonna like murder me or something, right?” you cautiously asked, pulling your jacket to wrap around you tighter. jaemin chuckled at your words, pulling his fully packed duffel bag over his shoulder as he made his way over to you.

“don’t worry, baby. you just gotta trust me” he placed his free arm around you, leading you both up the hill. as you reached the very top, jaemin set down his bag. he pulled out a small picnic blanket, along with his camera equipment. you took a moment to grasp the view. it was a mini aerial view of your small neighbourhood. although it wasn’t a view of the entire city or pretty bright lights, you understood why he liked to come here.

“so this is my spot. i usually sit, take some photos and uh write in my journal” he sits down on the blanket, signalling for you to join him. you plop down right next to him, leaving no space between you. he pulled you closer, if that was even possible, his arms linking around your waist.

“it’s really pretty up here, thank you for sharing it with me” you leaned your head against his shoulder.  as you were admiring the view, jaemin was admiring a view of his own. your hair was slightly messy, the soft breeze blowing your baby hairs in all sorts of places. your glistening eyes observing the view that jaemin sought for comfort. but he found his new comfort place. and it was with you. wherever he was, if he had you beside him, he knew everything would be okay.

“why aren’t you saying anything?” you gently nudge him,

“i just like the quiet” he pauses for a moment before suddenly reaching for his camera. he removed his arm from your waist, which made you feel slightly empty inside. but he made up for it when he started fiddling with his camera, pulling it up to face you.

“oh come on, stop it” you hid your face with your hands, pulling away from him. jaemin moved his camera down, revealing the most adorable pout you had ever seen. you couldn’t resist his charms.

“ugh fine” you slowly pulled your hands away, allowing your lips to form a small smile as jaemin snapped the picture.

“you look gorgeous, as always” he mumbled to himself, not thinking you would hear him, but you did. the rest of the night was spent taking as many photos as jaemin wanted.

he was attempting to take a selfie with his camera, claiming the quality was much better than your measly phones. he held the camera up slightly, fitting both your faces in the frame.

“okay, three, two, on-“ you leant closer to him, placing a quick peck on his cheek as the camera flashed. his eyes shot over to you, a mischievous smirk washing over his face.

“you think you’re slick?” he mumbled, capturing you in another kiss, carefully discarding his camera to the side as he slowly moved his lips against yours. you felt yourself lean back under his grip, your back now laying on the blanket completely. jaemin leant over you, pulling away for a short moment,

“i-i think i love you” your eyes widen at his confession. love?

you hadn’t put too much thought on how you really felt towards jaemin. you knew you had formed a crush on him since day one, but love? you weren’t even sure you knew what love was. jaemin noticed how nervous you were getting, immediately becoming concerned.

“i-i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have put that on you, i’m such an idiot”

“no, it’s okay, jaemin. i just don’t know what it’s like to love someone, like how you say you love me” you admitted, his face still inches from yours, you hands now rubbing over his arms. jaemin nodded, completely understanding how you felt.

“but loving you, isn’t something i see as impossible. i’m falling for you everyday, i’ll say it back when i know i’m ready” you assured him, watching as his eyes glided over you. he couldn’t believe how unbelievably incredible you were. how you were able to accept his confession. jaemin was confident that you would return his feelings. he couldn’t wait for the day you would confess your love for him.

“you’re amazing” you blushed at his words, pulling him down to lay next to you as you wrapped your arms around him.

“thankyou for tonight, this can be our thing” jaemin couldn’t argue against that. this was now officially your spot. that would never change.

//

at the na family home, jisoo was furiously searching for her usb drive that contained the video for her audition for the school’s upcoming musical. she pulled at her hair, letting out multiple huffs and grunts. her thoughts led her to her brother’s room. luckily he was currently out with his friends, doing who knows what, otherwise she would have been dead. she sorted through his desk, assuming he may have taken it by mistake when she left it on the dining table the previous night. there were stacks of random papers scattered on the boy’s desk, she was slightly appalled at how unorganised he was. after a solid minute of shuffling, the bright yellow usb stick came to view. before she picked it up, a sudden notification appeared on jaemin’s laptop, he must have forgotten to properly shut it off. jisoo ignored it at first, until she noticed the all too familiar contact name.

y/n?

why on earth were you texting jaemin?

jisoo felt sneaky, already snooping through her brother’s desk, only leading her to his precious laptop. if jaemin caught her right now, he’d be furious. but jisoo couldn’t get over her growing curiosity, moving her fingers on the trackpad to open your messages.

y/n: hey, could you send the photos from a few nights ago?

jisoo furrowed her brows for a moment, what photos were you talking about? she swiped over to his desktop, a folder titled ‘special moments’ already opened. it was mainly filled with jaemin’s photography assignments and other things he found intriguing, but the last thing she expected to find, were multiple photos of her best friend and her brother on a date. she scrolled further, eyes landing on the photo of you kissing jaemin’s cheek.

‘are you fucking kidding me?’ she whispered to herself. it all started making sense to her. jaemin constantly sneaking out of the house on numerous nights, you avoiding her nightly facetime calls. how awkward you two would act at school, how you rejected renjun, claiming you were seeing someone else. jaemin was that someone else.

“what the hell are you doing on my laptop? or in my room, for that matter” jaemin exclaimed, storming to his desk. jisoo glared at him, bringing her right hand to slap him harshly on the shoulder.

“how could you?” she gritted through her teeth, pointing to the laptop screen. jaemin held his arm in pain, looking over to what his sister was so mad about.

“we- i didn’t want you to find out like this, i swear” his voice softened,

“you mean you didn’t want me to find out at all, did you?” jisoo couldn’t hide the fact she felt betrayed by the two people she trusted most in the world.

“i thought we were closer than that, jaemin. you used to tell me everything. and out of every person in the world, you choose my best friend?” jisoo still couldn’t fathom the thought of you together. in her mind, you were her friend first before you were jaemin’s girlfriend.

“not everything revolves around you, you know? i’ve been going through shit and you haven’t noticed in years! y/n is the only person who listens to me and makes me feel like i actually matter” jaemin practically shouts back at his sister, causing her to tear up. “and if you hadn’t noticed, we’ve been together for a while, i even told her i loved her” jaemin’s delivery for the last line ended in a sudden whimper. jisoo couldn’t believe what she was hearing, was she really that naive?

“you love her? did she say it back?” was all she managed to say.

“she hasn’t said it back to me yet. she’s scared, i know she is. she’s scared of what you’ll think” jaemin shuffled over to sit on his bed, feeling himself cool down from the confrontation. jisoo softly sniffled, remaining completely still.

“i can’t do this, don’t hurt her, jaem. she’s never been inlove and i don’t want you ruining her first love experience, she deserves so much better” jisoo scoffs, grabbing her usb in a hurry before slamming the door behind her. jaemin couldn’t believe his own sister would presume such cruel things about him. but he knew it was only a matter of time before it was your turn to get the heat.

*incoming call from nana <3*

“oh hey! did you get my text?” you started the call, gently folding your clothes from the wash. jaemin coughed slightly, unsure of how to bring up the conversation. you halted your actions before asking,

“are you okay? do you want to come over?” you quickly became concerned.

“she knows, y/n. jisoo knows. she was snooping on my laptop and found the photos. i’m so sorry” your heart sank at his words. you felt like your whole world was turning upside down. of course you knew that she would find out one way or another. but at such a critical stage in yours and jaemin’s relationship, the timing was just not aligning. you knew that jisoo lived for the drama and theatrics of things, expecting her to blow up the entire situation.

“was she pissed?” you nervously gulped, not ready to face the fury of your best friend.

“yeah, she said some things to me, i-i’m fine though. i just wanted to give you a heads up. i didn’t mean for this to happen” jaemin groaned, pulling at his hair as he thought of ways to soothe the situation.

“i’ll try and talk to her, i guess the truth is finally coming out” you sighed, immediately worry washing over you. this wasn’t good.

//

you hadn’t heard from jisoo in almost a week. to say you were worried was an understatement.

nana <3: uh she wants us all to meet, preferably at our house. she doesn’t seem too mad?

y/n: fingers crossed, i’ll be there in 5

you wiped your palms over your leggings, feeling your hands shake in anticipation. the walk over to the na’s house seemed like a lifetime. you were greeted by jaemin, who avoided pulling you in for a warm embrace like he usually does when you see eachother. he led you to the living room, where jisoo stood, her arms crossed over her chest, an unreadable expression on her face. you cautiously took a seat on the opposite side of where jaemin sat on the couch. jisoo’s glares flickered between the both of you, unsure of how to begin.

“i have gathered you both here to discuss this little...relationship, between you both” she started,

“is it even a relationship?” you looked over at jaemin who was already looking over at you. you had never put any labels on whatever you and jaemin had.

“w-we’re not dating” you mutter, eyes avoiding those of your best friend.

“then what? friends with benefits? have you guys screwed eachother?” she continued to hound down on the details. jaemin noticed how uncomfortable you looked, he needed to just be honest.

“no we haven’t screwed. we made out on the night of haechan’s party, the one where you were knocked out drunk. we brought you home and we found ourselves hanging out together for the night and we kissed. it started from there and we’ve just been seeing eachother regularly ever since” jaemin summarised, hoping it would  bring ease to her mind. jisoo was stunned, so it had been months since it all started.

“but you told me you loved her. do you love him back, y/n?” jisoo’s voice suddenly softened, allowing you to finally look at her.

“i-i do” jaemin’s eyes shot towards you instantly, a soft smirk growing on his face. jisoo’s mouths slowly widened, this was the first time you had admitted you loved somebody in the entire time she had been friends with you. jisoo moves over to sit between you both on the couch, leaning back slowly.

“why couldn’t you guys just be honest with me?” she sounded hurt at the thought of you both not trusting her. you held her hand in yours, noticing how she seemed choked up about everything.

“we just didn’t know how to tell you. especially since we hadn’t made things official yet” you explained, signalling jaemin to jump in.

“we wanted you to know when we both knew that we loved eachother and it wasn’t going to change” jaemin assures his sister, practically pleading for her blessing and forgiveness.

“i-i’m sorry for blowing up at both of you. and i’m sorry for ignoring you, y/n. it’s just so weird, the idea of you kissing my brother” jisoo started fake gagging, causing jaemin to give her a stank glare. you laughed softly at her antics, pulling her in closer to you.

“we didn’t want to hurt you, or make you feel like we didn’t trust you. we just needed time together” you continued to explain, jaemin nodding along.

“y-you guys actually don’t seem too bad together. as long as you’re both happy, i guess i’ll be happy for you too. just, no making out infront of me, please?” after hearing those words, you and jaemin tackled jisoo in a fit of tickles and hugs. her giggles and pleas to stop echoed through the house. everything felt like it had been restored in the world. everything was aligning for you and jaemin to finally be together.

//

that night, you left their house with the biggest smile on your face. jisoo was already knocked out on the couch after you three decided to rewatch all the high school musical movies. jaemin slowly crept you out of the house, grabbing your hand in his. he offered to walk you home, despite it only being barely a minute away.

“tonight was really nice, thankyou” you whispered to him softly, pulling yourself closer to him as you both stood on your front porch.

“s-so you meant what you said? you love me?” jaemin’s eyes met yours as he nibbles on his lip anxiously. you held both his hands in yours,

“of course i do. i love you, jaemin” you finally said it out loud to him. jaemin immediately picked you up in his arms, swinging you around gently before placing endless kisses all over your face.

“does this finally mean you can be my girlfriend now?” he stopped kissing you, his lips only inches from your face. you felt his breath fan over your cheeks, letting out a soft giggle. you enthusiastically nodded, pulling his lips onto yours. jaemin was taken by surprise, but he surely wasn’t going to complain.

“can i spend the night?” jaemin muttered against your lips, your eyes slowly opening to see his pouty expression.

“finally, you can come through the door for once” you both started laughing, rushing you to your bedroom where jaemin helped you remove your jacket. he pulled you gently over to your bed, slowly kissing your lips as gently as he could. you found your arms wrapping around the back of his neck, playing with his hair. jaemin let out a short grunt,

“don’t do that” he mumbled, moving to kiss your cheeks.

“why not?” you whispered, continuing your actions,

“because you shouldn’t start something you can’t finish” he admitted, pulling away from you. you held your breath before you spoke. you hadn’t gone further than some heated make outs sessions with jaemin, you always stopped him when you felt uncomfortable. but right now, it felt right.

“i-i want to go further” you finally admitted, watching as jaemin widens his eyes. he did not expect that from you at all.

“i do too, but uh contrary to popular belief, i’ve never done...it before” jaemin confesses, pushing someone strands of hair from his own face, feeling his cheeks heat up.

you had always assumed he wasn’t a virgin due to a lot of baseless gossip from kids at school.

“really? that’s...great” he looked at you with the most confused expression you’d ever seen.

“i-i mean it’s great because i’m a virgin too” you started to giggle in order to diffuse the tension between you both. jaemin let out a sigh of relief, you truly were the most person person in the world for him.

“so you’re okay with this?” he wanted to affirm once again, earning another enthusiastic nod from you, “yes”

let’s say, the rest of the night took your relationship to the next level.

//

“come on, you two! we’re going to be late!” jisoo hurriedly scurried around the house, looking for her new boots. you all were heading to another one of haechan’s parties. his reasoning was for the ‘mid semester break’ which really was just a long weekend but no one bothered to question him. jaemin opted to be the designated driver, like he always was.

“so are you going to make a move on haechan or what? it’s been months” you slightly teased her as you all entered the car.

“n-no, i can’t flirt to save my life. after the double date, he and i barely talked” jisoo huffed, fixing up her makeup.

“i’ll just have to have a chat to him then” jaemin chimed in, cheekily grinning at the thought. you knew he was going to be up to something, but jisoo decided to ignore her brother’s words, too caught up in her own mind.

as the three of you entered the house, haechan shuffled to greet you all. jaemin met him first, giving him somewhat of a bro hug, followed by you who loosely wrapped your arm around him. once he got to jisoo, he paused, causing her to look up directly at him. he softly chuckled before pulling her into his chest, making you and jaemin snicker in delight. you agreed not to drink much tonight, not wanting a repeat of the last time you got drunk. but jisoo on the other hand, was a complete mess as per usual.

“i’m gonna get some water, want one?” you offered to jaemin as he slowly allowed you to pull away from his warm grip.

“sure, love” you blushed at the nickname he gave you, rushing to retrieve the drinks. as you were in the kitchen, you heard a familiar voice next to you,

“y/n? hey how are you?” renjun’s voice chimed through your ears. you greeted him with a bright smile, slowly fading as you remembered the last time you properly spoke to eachother.

“i’m doing well, and you?” you continued the conversation, sipping on your own cup.

“yeah i’ve been good. you here with anyone?” he asked cautiously, but before you could answer, jaemin cut in,

“she’s with me” you felt his arm wrap around your waist, leaning over to grab his cup. you weren’t sure of what else to say, only able to look at renjun who seemed dumbfounded and a little embarrassed.

“oh, i see. you’re with jaemin, i should have known. have a nice night” renjun scurried off to meet his own friends, wanting to avoid you at all costs.

“you didn’t have to say it in that tone, you know?” you turned to face your boyfriend who had a playful grin on his face.

“i know, it just came out that way, i promise” he brushed his fingertips over your cheeks, making your face slightly heat up.

“jaemin!! y/n!! there you are!!” jisoo ran up to you, grabbing you into some sort of side hug. you helped hold her up as jaemin analysed how drunk she was.

“are you alright?” you questioned, trying to find a seat for her to rest. jaemin followed in suit, watching over the both you closely.

“yes! i’m great! haechan kissed me, well i kissed him and he kissed me back!” she started giggling. you both weren’t sure if she was being delirious or not. until haechan came to meet you all, asking if she was okay.

“she’s had a crush on you like forever you know?” jaemin teases, causing jisoo to slap his chest. haechan started blushing, slowly nodding,

“i-i’m aware. she’s pretty cute” he smirked, watching as jisoo hid her face in your shoulder.

“we should actually get her home to rest, and stop her from embarrassing herself further infront of you. but call her in the morning, yeah?” jaemin shook hands with the other boy, hooking one of jisoo’s arms over his shoulders and you copied with her other arm. haechan led you to the front door, bidding you all a goodbye. jisoo was mumbling endless compliments towards haechan, too drunk to even care what she was saying.

“like i wanna kiss him so bad and run my hands through his fluffy hair” she giggled as jaemin started the car. you both found the entire situation entertaining, recording bits of her rambling for future blackmail. as you reached their house, you helped jaemin lead her to her bed, much like the first time. once jisoo was tucked safely in bed, finally fast asleep, you changed into more comfortable clothes before hopping into jaemin’s bed.

“i’m getting some massive déjà vu right now” he teased, jumping right next to you as he pulled you to his side. you softly played with his hands as you placed small kisses over his knuckles.

“i’m glad you were there to look after us that night. otherwise we’d never be where we are now” you muttered, feeling frostiness slowly taking over.

“i’m just glad you’re here right now. i’m too used to climbing through your window. maybe you should come through mine sometime” he joked,

“i think we should start getting used to front doors don’t you reckon?” you retorted, causing him to pull you on top of him.

“don’t be such a smart ass” he mumbled before placing a chaste kiss to your lips. the rest of your night consisted of endless rambling and chatter on the most random topics, before you both fell asleep.

being jaemin’s girlfriend was always a secret fantasy when you were kids. but now you were wrapped in his arms, all you could think about was how happy jaemin made you. you were grateful to find someone who understood you, someone who cared for you, someone who gave you comfort. being inlove with na jaemin made you feel on top of the world. And if you’re lucky, if you’re the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back.

a/n: not the one tree hill quote as my finishing sentence oops 

[forcebook]

MJ I...

I need forever to recover from that like wow, I'm straight up sobbing I can't form coherent sentences but yay we got inkpha but gods the whole confronting their parents felt so good like "this is why you made me hate pran" I'm just hold on man 😭, I guess pran's mom had a reason (she still messed her child up, which is inexcusable) but pat's dad, geez he turned out to be worse than I thought, but I'm glad they were able to tell them that they had to live that way their whole lives because of how they raised them and honestly, nothing but respect for p'aof, magnificent directing once again, and brilliant, showstopping performance by ohm in that scene (you know which one 😔).

I'm all over the place now, tbh I don't think I watched it properly through the tears but I also don't want to rewatch because I'll be crying again (purely because of the rooftop scene). Also please where's ohm and nanon's award already, like they are exceptionally good.

We finally got the inkpha fluff but at what cost WHAT COST 😭

- awa

i feel you babe, i’m still crying while typing this. haven’t collected all my thoughts yet 😭😭😭😭

INKPA!!!! GFS!!!!! 😍😍😍😍

love how pa came to terms with her feelings for ink as nicely as her brother did lmao

YES PAT’S ANGER AND PAIN SO PALPABLE. I’M SO FUCKING GLAD HE’S NOT OKAY WITH ANY OF THIS

ENOUGH OF BEING NICE. IT’S TIME TO GO APESHIT!!!!

yes. i understand pran’s mom but i want to kick her for slapping pran!! he just told her the truth!! she had no right to do that nor raise him the way she did

like i could rant for days about how DEEP pran’s traumas run and it’s all because of her!!!

but yeah, pat’s dad sucks way more than i expected which YIKES.

yes yes yes 98% of this episode was extremely on point imo. truly so raw and so good. OHM WAS SO GOOD IN THIS EP. THERE WAS THIS UNDERLYING EMOTION THROUGH SO MANY OF HIS LINES. LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO CRY AT ANY SECOND

KING SHIT!!! AWARDS!!! for nanon too!!!

i feel you but i’ll have to rewatch this episode even though it might kill me again because i was a mess through it. i need to face it one more time to try and collect *thoughts* lmao

right??? ohm + nanon + rooftop is a recipe guaranteed for stunning raw acting. jesus christ on a bike!!!

lmaooo but seriously, the inkpa scenes made me so happy. my soul left my body and if facing all that pain is what it takes then i’d do it all over again akdkskkd

stay safe angel!!!

[liberty-barnes]

Hi Libby!

I'm curious to find out what's your take on Sam and Aaron Taylor-Johnson's marriage. Because I really believe she groomed him.

She knew he was a teenager and went after him anyway. She said there was no funny business happening during the set of 'Nowhere Boy', but then she also said that everyone knew that's something's up. She's also his boss at that time, so sus. People keep saying that, 'Oh, he's legal' and 'Oh, he's a grown man'. It is absolutely irking, because had the roles been reversed, it would face double the amount of scrutiny it is facing now. Instead of 'He got lucky', it would be, 'He's a monster, a pedophile' or 'He should be in jail'. This belief never benefited anyone; it only strips survivors, male survivors of abuse specifically of validation, and proper rights to justice.

Anyway, there are so many shady details that come with these two, I can't type them all.

Thanks for reading my very angry thoughts at 11 pm GMT+8 xx

hi lovely!

ooh, smart and controversial discourse, love that, you're welcome to rant in my inbox whenever you want, doll.

so, i didn't follow his career very closely before or after the mcu, but i did see that and it made me a bit icky so i did some research at the time. in my opinion, if you don't agree with something, you have to really look into it and ask yourself "does this make me uncomfortable cause i don't like it" or "does this make me uncomfortable cause something fishy's going on" and it did strike me as kind of strange.

the double standards in the industry when it comes to dating are undeniable, just like in the rest of society. younger men are expected to chase after older, richer women, cause it makes the patriarchy feel like they "tamed another beast". even though it's not right, married women are seen as less powerful than celibate ones, because it's still common for the husband to have control.

i think that's why most people skimmed over that. it didn't bother men cause "good for him, he got himself a rich, hot beast" and for those who didn't like it, the "he's legal" argument was there.

so let me tell you straight up what i think about that "they're legal" argument. people that use "they're legal" as an excuse scare me, cause for them, as long as the law says it's okay, then it's okay. they don't question it, they don't research it, they just follow like nicely trained monkeys. there's nothing more dangerous to the free world than people who blindly follow orders, that's what makes dictatorships thrive. in order for this to be a democracy, people need to question, to research, to demand explanations when things seem to be done in a bad way.

cause that's a bit of what this was. he was legal, but barely so. he wasn't even old enough to drink in the us (which, sucks to be you btw, europe's much better in that sense) and he was supposedly old enough to understand he loved a woman who a)is 23 years older, b) was his boss and c)was his boss in his breakthrough movie. i mean, didn't even know that aaron taylor-johnson was his married name, cause i never knew him when he was just aaron johnson.

that's all kinds of weird.

so if we ignore the age part, cause hey, we're not here to judge the age difference, that's not my point. she was his boss which always makes me cringe cause that's bit unprofessional, but Nowhere Boy was aaron's breakthrough movie, it's the one that really got him out there. could he have gotten another breakthrough? yes, i believe he's a very talented actor and he would've still made it to where he is today, perhaps by another way. but he didn't.

he had to be thankful to her and admire her for giving him a shot, especially being that young, so was it love at first? i'm not so sure.

it might have been admiration, gratefulness, and i doubt he was the one holding/sharing the reins in the relationship at first.

is it possible that he fell in love with her afterwards? absolutely, the foundations over which they built their love and relationship are just shaky cause what happens if one day he realises that "hey, it sounds a bit like i was lured into a relationship and stayed there cause i didn't know better"? they met, got engaged a year after, and it might be a bit fast for his age.

so yeah, i forgot where i was going with this, but to sum it up, there was definitely a weird start to their relationship, and i don't know how it's gonna evolve.

but at the end of the day, they've been together for over ten years and both seem happy in their relationship, so i don't wanna judge them if it works.

it's a weird situation cause half of me is screaming "grooming, weird start, what even is legal age?" and the other is screaming "they're happy, let them love".

so yeah, what i think about their relationship is that i honestly don't know. i think i'd rather focus on his career, watch interviews, and keep an eye out for signs of discomfort when their relationship. i hope they have people in their life with enough critical thinking to intervene if necessary, but until that's necessary, i guess we'll just support him in any way we're comfortable.

hope that helped cause i'm not even sure i understand half of what i wrote lmaooo

feel free to send me more of these, i love it when you guys make me think

-Love, Miah

[miekasa]

do share your thoughts on the SnK final chapter and ending if you read it! <3

OKAY!! Here are just some of my thoughts, none of which are uniform lmaooo and are subject to change if I think about it long enough <22 lots of stuff I haven’t completely figured out or reconciled with yet, but here we go 

Eren’s death

I wanted him to die, and one way or another, he was destined to die; so this is kind of the ending I asked for. 

I wanted him to die for a few reasons, most of which revolve around my desire for him to finally rest and not have to shoulder all the burdens that have been put on him for any longer. So, his death definitely did that for me, and I wouldn’t change it. 

BUT it was heartbreaking to see that, for once, he genuinely did not want to die, and wanted to have time to spend with Mikasa after everything. Eren has asked to die multiple times in the past, and his death was inevitable at some point in time; so to see that in his final moments, he finally said/realized he didn’t want to go made it so bittersweet. 

The thing I’m happiest about the most is that he achieved his original goal: to kill all the titans. As a titan himself, he was always a part of that plan, so, again I’m okay with his death. But it’s a twisted, beautiful sort of tragedy that in wanting to kill himself to achieve his dream, he found a sense of personhood that made him think life was worth living [even if his goal wasn’t achieved]. 

Another important reason I believed he needed to/should have died is because I didn’t want him to have to suffer at the hands of any other government or empire again. Even if none of the shit with Marley or the other nations happened, and he found away to “free” everyone without murder, the government of Paradis wouldn’t have trusted him. They never really did. 

Eren has been locked up and/or under constant supervision since he was 15. And when he wasn’t, it’s because he was kidnapped and somebody else was preying on his death. Even when he desperately pleaded to help and showed that he wanted to use his titan to help, he was treated like a criminal, and less than human.

You can’t... you can’t treat a kid like that and expect him to turn out normal 😭😭 or to not want to go to extremes, or to become a pacifist, or to spinelessly hand over his own life and ambitions. (Honestly... think he should have started with murking a few people in Wall Sina, but whatever 🙄)

This is all to say, that if he continued to live, free of the 13 year curse, he wouldn’t have been free in any nation. He probably would have been executed, or at the very least, locked up until he died. So, I’m happy that he was able to die at his own hand (and Mikasa’s, too). 

Eren’s character

I obviously still love his character, and I don’t think his actions in the final season ruined him for way. There’s a lot to come to terms with, but I like that about him. I’ll work through all the details one day, and I’m okay with that. In fact, I don’t think Eren even ever got the chance to figure himself out independent of his titan.

His secret keeping was questionable, but not out of character. He’s always ruminated until he figures something out, or gets stuck and needs help—he’s always had the whole thing about doing everything on his own. 

Until that one conversation with him, Mikasa, and Armin after the fight with Jean in s3. I’d always read that as him beginning to understand that he didn’t have to everything on his own, and that he was going to be relying on his friends from thereon out. But, sometimes, I feel like that realization got erased...? I don’t know, maybe the more I think about it, the more it’ll make sense, but that’s one part I’m still working through. 

The only other thing I didn’t understand is how he got so smart LMAOOO. His plan and actions required quite a bit of thought, foresight, and sacrifice that he’s never really shown before; at least not to this degree. Like I said though, if you factor in how his was treated, and how his life always had an expiration date, it begins to make sense why he was so quick and insistent to act, so it’s not completely out of left field for me—and I could even make the argument that he wasn’t really that smart and was just as impulsive (ish) and hot-headed as he’s always been; but like I said, I’m still figuring it out. Not sure what it was that awakened his braincells but I’ll get there LMAOOO

Eren + Mikasa

Fuck y’all I like Eremika goodnight. I can’t help it, I’m a simple bitch: I see childhood friends to lovers, and I fold. You should too smh.

I... don’t think the little cottagecore timeline from 138 was out of character for either of them. I see the arguments that it was, and that’s cool, but I see it as something very real and plausible. 

Eren showed that he did all of this to ensure that even if he couldn’t bring peace to the whole world, at the very least, he could do his best to make sure his friends live long, happy lives. An alternate way for that would have been to give Mikasa the opportunity to spend his remaining years with him. 

Eren has always done his best Mikasa and Armin, even if his methods seemed harsh or apathetic. The way I see it, running away with Mikasa in his final year is not only becoming and telling of the kind of friend/person his is, but it would have been his way to atone for being an idiot and not acting upon his feelings [in a more traditional sense] earlier.

He knew either way it was too late, but he also knew that he owed her—and himself—even a piece of peace before it all ended, whichever way it was going to end. And I think that’s a part of Eren’s character that’s often overlooked. 

Mikasa’s ending

I think that Eren ultimately killed himself, but it’s undeniable that Mikasa helped, and I’m glad she did. If Eren was going to die by anybody’s hands, I wanted it to be Mikasa’s or Levi’s. 

I think Levi would have been symbolic, given his speech in the courtroom in s1, about how killing Eren is the best he could do, and that there was no in-between. But I’m happy with Mikasa doing it too, because, in a way, I think she ended up being able to do the one thing Levi didn’t have the physical strength left to do. I also like it as far as Mikasa’s relationship with Levi goes; she kind of becomes him in this complicated way, and it shows how far they’ve come in terms of trust. They’re a pretty good team. 

I don’t see why anyone would give her shit for sitting at Eren’s gravestone. It had been only three years since he died, and regardless of the amount of time that had passed, if it was the anniversary of his death, that’s a perfectly normal thing to do...? So many people hate her for being in love Eren and I don’t get it. She’s just mourning, and she’s well within her rights to do so. 

Actually, I think that Mikasa being shown to have loved and mourned for Eren so outwardly were the most profound displays of bravery in this whole series. 

It takes so much courage to love, especially in her world, but Mikasa has never shied away from it. I would even go so far as to argue that she is the character with the strongest sense of self and self-worth. I don’t think people realize how much it takes to know anything about yourself that assuredly—so many characters are left with unanswered questions about their world, themselves, and their place in it—but Mikasa has always known that she loves Eren. 

That’s an insanely hard thing to know and to do. And she wasn’t blind about it either, nor did she believe her love was unconditional (and if she gets shit for having hope for Eren, then so should Armin, but we know why he doesn’t get the same heat for it). She heard out the concerns of her friends, she let go of the scarf, and she killed him in the end. 

I would have liked to see her talk to Kiyoomi again, and perhaps see her being associated with that nation/country/whatever it was. But she’s still thee baddest bitch and the best girl. 

Levi

WE IN THIS BITCH!! WE ABSOLUTELY IN THIS BITCH!! 

ROUND OF APPLAUSE LADIES AND GAYS AND THEYS FOR THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND HIMSELF!! 

If he died, I would have rioted. On god. 

This is the EXACT ending I wanted for him. I’m so happy that he gets time to rest knowing that none of his decision were in vain; and that he shouldn’t regret anything he did.

l know the wheelchair was literal in the sense that he was injured, but I also think it’s metaphorical in that he no longer has to standing on his own two feet, and carry everyone on his back. For once, for fucking once, he can literally sit back and read a fucking book in peace. 

Also Gabi and Falco taking care of him is so fucking cute, I loved that so, so, so much. 

Others

I don’t think Hange needed to die, goodbye. I get why they did, and I’m glad they went out in a way they wanted do, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it BYE. 

Pieck is far too sexy for her titan to have been that ghastly. Porco, too. Speaking of Porcupine, I fucking love him. I didn’t think I would like him this much, but I do, and now I miss him. 

When did Connie get so s*xy

I stand by the belief that this wouldn’t have happened with Erwin around—and for the worse. Yes, I think Hange waited longer than they should have to act; but I understand they were overwhelmed, and had a lot of responsibility, and regret, clouding over them. 

That being said, I think Erwin would have been 10x worse LMFAO with all his secret keeping and mystery. With all the shit going on, all the information being revealed to Paradis, and with Eren’s own secret keeping, I don’t think Erwin’s character and way of planning would have been conducive the new environment. RIP tho Erwin, you a legend for the shit you did, big ups on that my guy. 

I... guys, I like Reiner. Like, a lot. What goes on. 

I still hate H*storia and I think she caused a lot of problems that could have been resolved relatively quickly if she left 😐😐  yeah, yeah, girl power or whatever, but I don’t like it. I don’t like her. Bye. 

I have more thoughts on Marley and the other nations, but that’s a whole separate rant that I will spare you from for now 

[dreamescapeswriting]

Kim Seokjin x Reader ~ Let’s Do That Again [Request]

➵➵➵ Word Count:

➵➵➵Genre: Fluff, crack?? Ya’ll have to tell me if I can write crack cause idek if I can lmaooo

➵➵➵Pairing: Seokjin x reader

➵➵➵A/N: I hope this is something along the lines of what you were wanting! I had a lot of fun writing this!!

You spent a lot of time with Jungkook, he'd been your best friend since you were kids, you grew up together because your parents were friends with one another so it was no wonder that you spent most of your time with him or your boyfriend of two years, Kim Seokjin. Jungkook had been the one to introduce you to Jin you'd gone to the dorms for Jungkook's coat and he introduced to everyone in the apartment at the time which was Jin, Namjoon and Yoongi, you instantly took an interest in Jin right away because you'd always loved older guys and he'd been kind to you the whole time you were in the apartment. Jungkook had fun teasing you about it for the first three years, promising never to tell Jin the truth because of how embarrassing it would be for you and for him but once Jungkook noticed Jin taking an interest you, he knew he had to do something. His version of doing something, however, was locking you both in a studio alone together without your phones forcing you into talking to one another for hours until Jungkook found it a reasonable time to come and let you out. Resulting in both you and Jin admitting your feelings for one another and Jin asking you out on a date, both of you promising to kill Jungkook for locking you away as if you were two children.

"Jin I'll be fine, it's just bungee jumping." You said one morning as you rushed around the shared apartment you had with Jin, he followed behind you trying to stop you from going but there was nothing he could say or do that would stop you. You and Jungkook had always loved doing adventurous things and this was something you'd been wanting to tick off your bucket list for years. 

"Have you thought it through?!" He asked like a worried parent as you found your jacket and slipped it on, you nodded and looked out of the living room window, Kookie was sitting in the car waiting for you. 

"I'm always fine remember, I'll be home before you know it with another killer story." You giggled running for the door only stopping when you caught a glance at Jin in the reflection of the window. You stopped and turned around, walking over to him and wrapping your arms around his neck, bringing your forehead against his and smiling. 

"I love you." You whispered standing up on your toes so you could kiss him, his arms protectively wrapped around your waist and dragged you closer to his body. He wanted nothing more than to be able to keep you there with him, but he knew how much you'd been wanting to go on the bungee jump. You'd talked about nothing else this week except for that and who was he to stand in your way. 

"Go, have fun." He chuckled letting you go and watching from the front door as you sprinted down the steps to Jungkook who was yelling goodbye to Jin. This week had been full of fun things you'd been together since they had the week off, it started off with Zorbing, the next day was rafting, go-karting, paragliding and now you were going bungee jumping, everything you and Jungkook had been dying to do since you were teenagers and now you had the chance to do it, you weren't going to say no.

Jin should have been used to all the times you went out with Jungkook and came back with horror stories, it'd been happening since the moment you started dating. You were always off doing crazy things together, sometimes dragging Jin along for the tamer things like paintballing and Go Karting. You were always coming back covered in cuts and bruises but nothing major, you were always careful when you went out, you knew how to look after yourself and it was nothing big. It didn't stop Jin from worrying all day though, wondering what you were doing until you text him or sent him a video of you getting put into the harness, 

"See safe!" You yelled down the phone, Jungkook dancing behind you and making Jin chuckle at you both. 

"We're going paintballing after, do you want to come?" You asked down the phone as you waited for your turn to go jumping, Jin looked at the clock on the wall, 

"I promised Namjoon I'd go to lunch, maybe another time though." You hummed and looked over at Jungkook who was waving you over, 

"I have to go, I'll see you after paintballing. I love you! Have Fun with Namjoon." You hung up the phone before Jin could tell you he loved you too but he smiled at how giddy you were being to go and bungee jump. 

The day had gone by so fast that Jin hadn't had the urge to check in with you, only checking his phone to see the occasional photo of you and Jungkook then he would see them on the BTS twitter with a cheesy caption, the fans had loved you since you were introduced in a video with Jungkook, though none of them knew about your relationship with Jin they all had their suspicions about it. Always screenshotting photos of Jin staring at you in videos, or catching you out together without Jungkook there but the paparazzi played it off as that you were just close friends with each member.

"They having fun?" Namjoon asked from across the table and Jin nodded showing him the video of you and Jungkook from that morning, 

"They both take ten years off my life every time they hang out," He grumbled pushing play on the video,

"Jungkook did it upside down?" Namjoon asked nearly choking on his drink as he watched the second video that you'd sent Jin, it had you dying in the background laughing as Jungkook went upside down on the bungee jump. 

"He's insane." Jin groaned laughing along with you in the video, he put his phone down onto the table and went on to tell Namjoon about what you'd been doing that week when his phone started ringing, he stared at your name and answered it, 

"Hello?" Namjoon stared at his phone as it lit up with Jungkook's name and they both frowned. 

"You're where? Y/n? You're breaking up...I can't hear you." Jin said down the phone to you but you couldn't hear him either, all he could hear from you was his name and a cry. 

"Y/n?!" He yelled but the phone line went dead and Jin turned to Namjoon who was shaking his head, apparently getting the same bad connection with Jungkook as Jin was with you.

"I'll call her back, get the car," Namjoon said getting up from the table and paying for the food, dialling your number but getting your voicemail.

"It's Namjoon I'm with Jin, call me when you get this." He said in a hurry, hanging up and trying Jungkook's number but he got nothing with him either. 

"They're probably just out paintballing and lost connection," Namjoon said trying to calm down Jin who looked like he was about ready to throw up as they walked to find the car. 

"She was crying down the phone, fuck. I never should have let her go this morning." He grumbled unlocking the car and getting inside. 

"Not a big deal?! NOT A BIG DEAL?!" Jin screamed at you and Jungkook as you sat across from him sitting there like two children who were being scolded by a teacher. Namjoon stood by the door and shook his head at you both,

"You rang me in tears and then I couldn't get to you!" You watched as Jin began pacing in front of you, something he did a lot when he was going to go on a long rant in front of you. Jungkook stared at him nervously and you looked down at the floor. 

"You're in a fucking hospital and it's not a big deal?!" He yelled again and you bit down on your lip, staring at the cast that was around your wrist and then back up at Jin nodding your head.

"It wasn't as bad as it sounds," You tried to say with a smile but Jin was serious about this and you stared at the floor again, 

"It was an accident, she slipped from the rock-" Jin held his hand up not wanting to hear it from either of you again, 

"Jungkook it's on!" You screamed climbing one of the rocks in the park and aiming the gun at him, shooting him in the chest and laughing as he died on the floor. 

"Fuck!" You screamed your foot slipping on the rock, you didn't expect to fall forward off the rock but you did, landing on the gun and snapping your wrist in a clean break. 

"Shit! Y/n!?" Jungkook screamed dropping the gun from his arms and sprinting in your direction, you were on the floor screaming and crying out in pain, your arm was already turning a purple colour despite only happening a couple of seconds ago and you were whimpering when Jungkook went to touch you, 

"We have to call Jin and Joon," He told you as you walked to find the exit of the paintball area, you were clinging to Jungkook with your good arm while trying not to bang your other one. 

"Look how pretty I made her cast though..." Jin stared at you both clearly not finding any of the story funny and he definitely didn't find the fact that in the time you were waiting for Jin and Namjoon to come and get you Jungkook had turned your cast into Iron Man's arm.

"It's pretty cool Jin, admit it." You said poking him with your finger and he licked his teeth, 

"Joon take Jungkook to get something to eat, he looks famished," Jin said through gritted teeth, no one said anything as they left the room and you looked at the floor. Now you really did feel like a child that was getting into trouble. You felt the bed dip as Jin sat down next to you on it and you sighed, 

"You can't be mad at Kookie, I climbed the rock on my own." You whispered to him, leaning your head on Jin's shoulder and sighing as he looked down at you. 

"I'm not mad at either of you, I just- I was so worried when you called me and then I couldn't get back through." You didn't think about how much it would have affected him, you just assumed he would know you would be fine. 

"I'm sorry Jin, I tried to get back through but the signal was awful out there." He turned you to look at him and he sighed looking at the cast, chuckling a little finding it funny now that he'd calmed down a little more. 

"You and Jungkook are the reason stylists have to keep dying my hair, giving me greys." He joked poking your cheeks before he gave you a quick kiss on the lips. 

"Does this mean I get to spend the rest of the week alone with you?" He questioned as he lifted up your broken wrist and you nodded, 

"Does it mean you get to be my nurse and nurse me back to full health?" You joked getting up from the bed as the nurse walked into the room with your discharge papers. 

"It means I get to look after you until you're fully healthy." He whispered in your ear as you signed the papers, making you giggle as you felt his breath on the back of your throat. Jungkook came back into the room holding up ice cream for you and Jin, 

"This doesn't make up for you breaking my girlfriend." He warned taking the ice cream for the younger member and walking out of the hospital with you both. 

"So when are we going paintballing again?" Namjoon smacked him around the back of the head and you both giggled. 

Tagline: 

@yoongisdumplingcheeks​ @snowy-meowl​ @lynnthevirgo​ @yourguessisasgoodasminemate​ @kpopfanfictionhoes​ @lyoongx​ @rjsmochii​ @btsiguess-kpop​ @callingmyangel​ @mitzwinchester​

[nuoc7mia]

hi so I actually made this post months ago when I was fist reading Tokyo revengers (thank you Mandy), but I just finished this post today :3 most of this post isn’t rlly insightful--I'm either just screaming or rehashing takes that most people here have already made

warnings ofc for major manga spoilers although I also haven’t caught up on the last five-ten chapters:

look ik current!mikey could easily kill me, but he’s so cute:

rlly makes you wonder what happened when you look back after reading more recent chapters ahaha :’D but anyways, give him his flag!!! 

(again I wrote this in June--I contradict myself later in this word dump LOL)

this moment was just so funny to me I'm sorry LMAO (’love & peace’)

hngjksnfgs I love this panel so much :((( sometimes with all of the action going on and how they act or are drawn, I forget that they’re just middle schoolers trying to navigate through life. and here’s mikey who has the weight of the entire gang--literal lives--on his shoulders, and is constantly depended on by the members as this ray of shining light. people literally are filled with relief when they see him during fights bc THE mikey is here to take over and he HAS to win the match, right? which is kind of interesting now that I think about it, because there’s also takemichi, who’s mentally 27 and still struggling to carry the weight of his loved ones’ lives on his shoulders. if a 27-year-old can’t be responsible for the lives of others--if I, a 19-year-old, can’t cope with the weight of my own--then how could we expect mikey to be strong with everything that happened around him added onto the weight of the gang? looking back now, I think what happened to mikey in the future makes sense, as odd/cheesy/out-of-the-blue as it originally seemed in my head.

nothing new but I fucking hate kisaki overall and I'm so glad he never got a redemption arc because there was nothing about him that could be saved

(this was an extremely harsh take but again I'm never forgetting what he did to everyone just bc he was pining over a girl from elementary school)

this panel ALSO messed me up, esp after reading some more recent chapters :( I think takemichi said once that he liked talking to mikey the most because he always feels at peace with him and described his eyes to be this calm sea (which almost reminds me of giyuu and his 11th form: dead calm) (I also might be remembering wrong bc I can’t find the chapter I saw it on). but it feels so double-sided if that makes sense? like with that peace comes a never-ending emptiness because he’s constantly consumed by whatever darkness he has in him (sorry for another kny comparison but it feels similar to muichirou before his whole arc), and so he looks so detached and empty. it’s actually kind of jarring at times when the panel zooms into his eyes because you really feel like you’re going to drown in them, but the way it’s cross-hatched is unsettling--like it’s more chaotic and fuzzy inside his mind. + if you compare the dullness in his eyes with the clarity of the other characters, especially takemichi, it’s as if he knows that there’s no future for him, or at least no future with the others. I ended up crying when he was grabbing onto takemichi and asking to be saved, because that’s the first time that we see any sort of light/reflection in his eyes (of hope, honestly), as well as the first time that he reaches out to have someone shoulder his own burdens + truly be vulnerable + depend on someone else rather than letting others depend on him. 

(this rant is the result of me hate-reading the comments after every chapter on *******):

sometimes idk what some ppl want from takemichi LOL. actually, no, I do know exactly what they want: a strong mc who they can experience the story through and who solves the problem with the physical manifestation of their strength (the typical shounen protag). but that’s not the point of tokyo revengers imo, and if you’re expecting that, I think you’re missing the whole story ????? like the power comes from the fact that he’s an average person who continues to fight despite the knowledge that he has, the weaknesses that he’s constantly forced to reckon with, and the general helplessness + hopelessness that he feels. he just wants to protect the ppl who he cares for, and that desire trumps physical power or charisma. THAT’S what makes him strong and that’s ultimately what changes the course of things in the story (because we already have powers like mikey who still fall into darkness despite his physical strength). obviously it wouldn’t hurt to make takemichi more assertive in different ways and not see him get absolutely pummeled LOL, but that’s also how wakui chose to enforce his themes

also I'd like to make some more literal points: 

1. the manga itself is really long, but when you think about the time frame, there’s not actually much time for takemichi to achieve everything he wants and grow stronger, esp with all of the plot twists that are thrown at him. 

2. his main goal was never to physically grow stronger, but just to prevent hina’s death (and later Mikey’s). it was always to talk someone out of doing something or preventing a major event from occurring, which doesn’t ACTUALLY need power to be achieved

(ofc he rarely, if ever, achieves to make it happen, but the effort counts n is there)

3. the dude is constantly carrying the weight of his friends’ deaths on his shoulders SDHFSLD LEAVE HIM ALONE ;; i’d just shut down if I were in his shoes and try to forget that toman was ever a thing

4. mentally speaking, the guy’s 27 LMAO the last time he really fought was back in middle school, which means he has absolutely little to none of those skills left

once again, I have nothing insightful to offer; I simply like the way this panel was drawn

spouting nonsense out of my butt with this one: ngl it took me a while to get used to this art style? like I thought it was UGLY LMAOOO. but when I did, I really came to appreciate how the mangaka colors things in and uses lines to create movement on each page. for instance, here, you can FEEL the energy of toman not just from the speech and the action, but with the lines that wakui chooses to leave uncolored on the members’ uniforms and hair + how the trees are shaded (which is vertical and for me personally it adds a lot more pressure/force, like they’re bursting with energy). everyone and everything feels so alive !!! but at the same time, their art is so clean... SO FREAKING CLEAN. I just love it o<--<

stop it....... STOP IT......... if I don’t get my 100% happy ending I will bawl. (yes I'm aware that this will probably/definitely not happy and yes I have tissues ready for the final arc)

also timeskip!kazutora, inupi, and chifuyu all in one place........ goodbye!

on a side note: I think I'm just gonna be a manga only at this rate bc I tried watching the first episode and got impatient waiting for all of the big action skjdfskjdh but maybe it was bc I wasn’t in the best mood / head-space at the time LOL 

(I've let this sit in my head a bit longer and yeah, manga only <3)

I needed to end this photo dump with this exact panel because I had to put my phone down and mentally take a walk after seeing inupi in heels. 

honorable mention goes to ponytail!baji and toman founder!baji bc they’re both engrained in my mind forever. likewise with high school!chifuyu ;; he looks like he jumped out of a shoujo manga or some kind of slice-of-life

[lailarain]

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR DANGANRONPA 3

This is a continuation of this post.

I'm watching Danganronpa 3: The End of Hope's Peak High School Future Arc for the first time.

Episode 6:

Makoto, you fucking genius. Then again, can't Monokuma just make that a new rule if he wants to🤨

LMAO MONACA THINKING SHE WAS CAUGHT🤣🤣🤣

BYAKUYA! I missed u🥰

WAIT WHY THE FUCK IS HE BRITISH ALL OF A SUDDEN💀

Wait Geko Gahara is what now😀

KOMARU AND TOKO YES I MISSED YOUUUU

YES OUR FAVORITE ULTRA DESPAIR LESBIANS ARE BACK AT IT AGAIN😎😎😎😎

HAJIME YES MY NON-SHAPE-KNOWING BRO

Wait....Izuru🤨?

Episode 7:

Monaca, Junko killed HERSELF. Makoto didn't do shit🤨

THE TITLE IS ULTRA DESPAIR GIRLS YEAH BABY

THE WARRIORS OF HOPE ARE ALIVE AND HELPING OUT THE UDGs YES

It's so nostalgic to watch my favorite dynamic duo fight monokumas with the megaphone again🥺🥺🥺

The way she says "neutralizing demonic teddy bears" like it's normal😭

"Unless you like it rough😏"

Okay wtf is up with Toko's voice

Toko's fantasies are WAY more awkward when animated. Whatever they pay Byakuya's VA clearly isn't enough

IS THAT ACTUALLY HOW SHE SEES KOMARU LMAOOOO

BYAKUYA SENSED HER BEING WEIRD LMAOOO

Can Monaca just stfu🙄

HOLY FUCK YES THE LESBIANS ARE HOLDING HANDS I REPEAT THE LESBIANS ARE HOLDING HANDS

"Don't you see? I was HOPEING to defeat you. I R O N Y."

YES NAGITO

"Leave me alone. G O O G L E I T."

Who's gonna tell Monaca that she'll automatically suffocate the moment she breaks the atmosphere?

Istg those two are SO gay for each other

Komaru and Makoto are such wholesome siblings😭

KYOKO BETTER NOT BE THE ONE TO DIE I SWEAR I-

Episode 8:

Wait did he just say the name I think he said😀

I don't even know what to say about this episode title💀

NO MAKOTO SWEETIE IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT😭

Yo why tf does the blonde bitch look like that🤨

NO THAT MOTHER EFFER BETTER GET AWAY FROM KYOKO😤

Did that peach-haired asshole just-

HOLY FUCK POTHEAD GUY NO

POTHEAD GUY KNEW KYOKO AND HER DAD

What the fuck was in that chocolate😀

The bitch killed the love of her life? That's fucked up, man.

Kyoko, we're in a pandemic. Don't lick saliva, he could've had COVID🙄

Kyoko tricked them? Man, what a badass.

Episode 9:

Wait, so if that wasn't an actual exit, does that mean she killed her love for no reason?

The building is underwater? This game keeps on coming up with insane scenarios, I swear

Okay, blonde bitch has officially LOST HIS MARBLES.

Makoto please don't blame yourself🥺🥺🥺

DID THIS BLONDE BITCH JUST-

Wait....SO SHE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO KILL HIM?

AND HE STILL KISSED HER WTF

Aoi and Makoto's friendship is so cute🥰

Kyoko's gonna die, isn't she?😟

KYOKO NO SHE SACRIFICED HERSELF KNOWING SHE WAS GONNA DIE AGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

BLONDE BITCH SHUT THE FUCK UP HE JUST LOST KYOKO THIS ISN'T ABOUT HOPE

(No joke I am genuinely about to cry now. She better not be dead)

Episode 10:

Awwww I remember this is when she rescued him🥺

Kyoko really is with Atua now😔😇

"She died protecting me from myself" that line HURT, man

Awww poor Makoto is crying🥺🥺

Blonde bitch looking like he be POSSESSED or some shit

Wait what's that on Kyoko's body

how DARE this blonde ass motherfucker make Makoto bleed. Breathing the same oxygen as him was rude enough🙄

Bullying a girl Makoto? Not cool, Hajime Blonde Bitch

IT HIT HIM IN THE BACK OF THE NECK LMAOOO

Did he.....is Makoto....

Ohhhh He's keeping Makoto alive because he'll be trapped. For a second, I thought this was a redemption arc lol😂

Istg this guy is SO aggressive for no reason🙄✋

THE FACT THAT MAKOTO ISN'T ATTACKING YOU AND TRYING TO TALK IT OUT WHILE YOU BEAT HIM UP IS LITERAL PROOF THAT HE IS ON THE SIDE OF HOPE YOU FUCKING DUMBASS🤦‍♀️

WAIT SO EVERYBODY IS AN ATTACKER!?!?

Okay that's it this blonde bitch and me bouta throw hands for punching Naegi👊

Okay I know this scene is sentimental and all but how the fuck is Naegi still standing😀

Okay I wasn't expecting blonde bitch to cry this is actually pretty sad

WAIT SO WHO'S THE ATTACKER?!?!?

Episode 11:

I was wondering how they reacted to the outside world so this is cool

Wait why is ponytail girl smiling evilly😀

Suicide? Idk sounds unlikely to me🤔

Makoto is such a marder it's actually insane

MAKOTO PLEASE DON'T DIE PLEASE DON'T DIE PLEASE DON'T DIE PLEASE DON'T DIE PLEASE DON'T DIE PLEASE DON'T DIE PLEASE DON'T DIE

Okay who in the literal fuck is the attacker tho

What the fuck is that video and where is Makoto I'm so confused rn

ARE THOSE THE VICTIMS?!?!?

WAIT WHAT'S HAPPENING TO MAKOTO WAS HE TRIGGERED WHAT'S GOING ON

NAEGI HOLY FUCK DON'T DO IT

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIS EYES HE LOOKS LIKE NAGITO WHEN HE'S RANTING ABOUT HOPE WHAT THE FUCK

BUFF GUY IS ALIVE HOLY SHITBALLS

WAIT SO IT REALLY WAS SUICIDE?!?!?

NO BUFF DUDE DON'T GIVE IN TO DESPAIR STAY ALIVE

YES BUFF DUDE STAY ALIVE AND SAVE THEM DONT DIE

YES BLONDE BITCH GO SAFE YOUR BRO AND TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL

NOOOOOOOOOO BUFF BROOOOOOOO

Wait IS TENGAN ALIVE?!?!?!?

(sorry about all the capitals)

Episode 12:

FINAL EPISODE BABY LET'S GO

Wait so is the video that forced the reserve course students to commit suicide and the one that made Makoto go batshit crazy one in the same?

Heh heh spiral eyes go brrr

Shy guy why are you freaking out what did you do

"You need to know the truth. I've liked anime for as long as I can remember" wow what a shock that the ultimate animator likes animation😀

"You're the exception to the rule and you damn well know it" damn shy guy

wait shy guy what are you doing

SHY GUY NO-

WAIT HE COULDN'T USE HIS TALENT

Did he just say eliminate😀

Shy guy what in the ever-loving fuck are you doing

BLONDE BITCH YES

Okay this is such an elaborate plot twist wtf

AWWW BLONDE BITCH🥺🥺🥺🥺

ASAHINA NO

SHY GUY DON'T YOU DARE PRESS YES

Thank god there's a timer😅

TOKO KOMARU NOOOOOO

WAIT MONACA TOO? SHE'S ALIVE!?!?!?!?

This isn't looking too good for Makoto and Blonde Bitch

WAIT JUNKO IS ALIVE?!?!?!?!?!

JUNKO CALLED OLD GUY OLD AND CRUSTY LMAOOO

Why do I like Junko so much

"Get over it, slut. We're dead😋"

WAIT THAT'S IT!??!?! IT'S OVER?!?!? WHAT HAPPENED?

Am I supposed to watch Despair Arc Now?

Okay I think it's over.

Next, it's time for the only reason I decided to watch the anime: to watch the despair arc for more NAGITO.

[kinkymagnus]

okay im fucking LOSING MY MIND LAUGHING

normally i like block anon hate and i might do a quick generic response but i don’t necessarily show the ask but this is too fucking funny not to. this is genuinely the best anon hate i’ve ever gotten. i’m almost wondering if it’s a joke surely someone isn’t this goddamn stupid???

ok ok ok so.

first of all. i actually was joking, mostly because while magnus’s actor, harry,  is very attractive he’s like late 30s and it would be kind of weird for someone that much older than me to have sex with me. and while magnus is, again, super hot, i also ship him with alec more than i actually want to have real sex with him or something, particularly again given the age thing and my own unrelated issues, so like, if somehow magnus bane became real, i would not want to have sex with him. although that’s irrelevant, as he isn’t real, and fantasies are harmless even if i was fantasizing about that, but whatever.

second. even if i wasn’t. what the fuck. i literally wouldn’t even be doing anything wrong.

anon please tell me what’s disgusting about being attracted to a FICTIONAL CHARACTER. it’s not like i’m out here thirsting over a 12 year old anime girl with huge tits or something, so i honestly don’t see the issue. he’s a fictional adult, and also he’s hot. people have fantasies about fictional characters all the time?? this is normal?????

like 1. on a more serious note some people only feel comfortable with sexual fantasies about a fictional character because it’s more coherent than vague “and then im having sex with...someone” but also its unattainable and like, can’t hurt you, and also, you don’t feel weird being attracted to someone (although you never should anyway unless they’re way younger than you or something??) and also again 2. WHY IS THIS A PROBLEM? DO YOU THINK THIS IS LIKE BESTIALITY AND THE FICTIONAL CHARACTER CAN’T CONSENT TO [checks notes] YOU FINDING THEM SEXY??? WHAT THE FUCK they’re not REAL, karen 

and even so no one needs consent to find someone attractive lmao what the fuck it’s attraction not action

i genuinely can’t get over this it’s so fucking funny “ERRRM just learned that you think a fictional character is hot. [vine voice] blocked and reported” i????????

or is this about the specific use of the word “topping” which is referring to the fact that i personally prefer being on the receiving end of things, but would be willing to be the “giver” so to speak for him? it’s a joke, i’m not even necessarily classifying him as A Bottom and me as a A Top in that post (although even if i did mlm joking and/or seriously headcanoning this shit is not the same as like Cishet Women clowning about it)  like..... ok??????? 

also “writing porn of characters is one thing but WANTING TO FUCK THEM YOURSELF? TOO FAR. IF YOU WRITE SELF INSERT YOU’RE GOING TO HELL.” i??????????????????????? I????????????????

I ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW THE LOGIC BEHIND THIS I WON’T EVEN BLOCK YOU YET. because despite the whole “blocked and unfollowed” someone only sends anon hate like this when they want attention, and i have no doubt you are going to be checking my blog to see me crying or angry about this. of course, now that i’ve said that you might not respond out of spite or some childish willingness to be like “NUH UH” but like, we both know the truth. and i mean, congrats, you got my attention, look at how fuckin long this response is

anyway despite how hilarious i find this....  like i just... “oh...i......its wrong to joke about wanting to top a fictional character who literally couldn’t care less....it’s WRONG TO BE ATTRACTED TO FICTIONAL CHARACTER....WRONG TO GET OFF ON FICTIONAL CHARACTER (why do you think people read my porn, buddy, for the intellectual stimulation?) WRONG TO WANT FICTIONAL SEX WHEREIN YOU COMPLETELY SET THE BOUNDARIES AND WHAT GOES RIGHT AND WRONG AND IT IS SAFE AND THE FICTIONAL CHARACTER CANNOT HURT YOU IT’S THE FICTIONAL CHARACTER WE AREN’T EVEN MAKING WEIRD COMMENTS ABOUT THE ACTOR--”

[ahem] despite how funny this is, anon hate isn’t cool, and also, dude. if you really were upset by me.... [im about to start giggling again] being. being attracted. to a fictional character. like................ just......... unfollow. hell, you can block me if you want to, god knows i understand blocking people who make content that doesn’t feel comfortable to you. 

but like, sending a petty anon ask (anon! coward! if you’re gonna send hate show me your face!) being like “WELL I HOPE YOU’RE HURT, BECAUSE I HATE YOU NOW, YOU DIRTY SLUT, HOW DARE YOU DO THIS CONTENT I DON’T LIKE” is wrong! even if i was actually doing something that really was gross! even if i’m following someone and i find out they’re into j*lec incest or something, i don’t go into their inbox and go “DISGUSTING. THAT’S WRONG AND RACIST AND GROSS. BLOCKED AND UNFOLLOWED.” even though it is, and they are, because i have class. i unfollow, block, and move on! 

but like, this is even worse because it’s something so mind blowingly trivial it’d be like if i went into some poor person’s inbox like “YOU MADE A POST SAYING YOU THOUGHT AN ACTOR WAS CUTE. FUCK YOU. THAT’S DISGUSTING. BLOCKED AND UNFOLLOWED.” like??? ok??? bye. good riddance

anyway you’re really hurting yourself more than me. i mean, i’ve got [checks notes] holy shit my follower number has gone up one. 

oh my god this is so fucking funny i’ve got one new follower and as far as i can tell it doesn’t look like anyone’s unfollowed unless there’s another new follower buried in the notifications and/or you unfollowed ages ago. did you even unfollow or are you just trying to shame me for thinking magnus is hot, which he is???

that is so fucking funny oh my god i’m just laughing harder the longer i look into this

anyway i was going to make a joke about 601 going down to 600, a nice round number, and like, i wasn’t going to miss you, i block book stans that follow me all the time and people unfollow me for various anti reasons all the time, i’m used to losing followers, you’re the one who is apparently missing out on my porn--speaking of which, why do you like my porn? you can’t be attracted to the characters, right, because that’s a sin? or is it ok if you’re only watching but not involved. like the “it’s not gay if you’re watching and not touching” kind of rule. 

i just.......

“but then wanting to have sex with a FICTIONAL character???wtf??” LKGJFLGKHJFH I CAN’T GET OVER THIS THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY “i expected better of you” FROM ME? THE PORN BLOG? DID YOU THINK I DIDN’T FIND THEM FUCKABLE IN ANY WAY???????? I?????????????????????? 

also did you send a similarly childish ask to all the other people on that post? not that i’m encouraging you do but tothetrashwhereibelong sadly had their inbox closed and has personally expressed interest in a dumbass rant from you when we were laughing about this, so you can send that to me and i’ll carry the message! they’d be delighted to hear it.

anyway i’m actually not going to block you just yet because i honestly want another response but i’ll give it a few days, maybe longer. i’m so curious and also this is so funny lmaooo 

[atopearth]

Fate/hollow ataraxia Part 3 - Chibi is Justice (Phase 3)

Lmao, I love how Avenger thought the way Bazett died against Assassin was so hilarious. It seems she's pretty numb towards the repetitive resurrections now though. Avenger is right though, Bazett is so violent lmao, she solves everything so practically and violently, it's pretty hilarious, especially when she got impatient at Avenger taking too long to unlock the gate to a Master's (looks like Rin's) house so she just broke in loll. It's pretty cute how Avenger protected her from the milk trap lmao. I wonder if the world Bazett is in, and the world Shirou and them are in aren't connected yet? It seems kinda connected since Shirou and Saber supposedly saw stuff like the house where those randoms died, and they saw the place where Bazett resurrects, but considering the fact that even though they both patrol around at night, yet haven't seen each other, do we need to get through a bit more things for it all to escalate?

I'm not sure if Avenger is the same Avenger that was supposed to be born in Heaven's Feel and whether his story is the same since he just kinda tells Bazett that Angra Mainyu isn't his real name because a friend sacrificed his life to save him, so he kinda just took the friend's name and repaid the world with it, so his hero name is basically honouring his friend whilst he's lost his identity. Anyway, lmao at Bazett telling him her background as if she's sharing her practical work experience lol. Her story in a sense is similar to the Matou since she's from an elite family that retained their unique power but lost influence as an important family, so she kinda tries to prove herself within the Magic Association even though they don't care or like her because their traditions and families are so ingrained, there's no place for anything else to shake the balance. It's funny how Avenger justifies it that he's right that she's technically 30+ (she's 23 lol) because she never really had a childhood so she's been an adult most her life lol.

Ohh so the reason why Shirou could never really "progress" was because of his lack of training. He hasn't done any sort of magic and training in so long! Aww the little kid Saber was watching playing soccer looks like a mini Shirou haha! Lmao when she threw the ball into the goal and everyone was stunned hahaha. HAHAHA, Saber kicked the ball and it broke🤣 so cute how Shirou fixed the ball for them. Wow, they've really upped their game for this fandisk! The battle sequence between Shirou + Saber against Archer was so fluent and cool! I really loved how Shirou was able to think of a pretty good plan of getting Saber to Archer super fast using his last Command Spell, so that she can cut him down right after he shoots his arrow and won't have time to react against her attack. It all looked really good too! I'm also really glad that Shirou was able to use his skills again. It's really been a while! However, when Saber asked if this was really all right, I wasn't really sure. Like, obviously they had no choice since Archer was out to kill them, but at the same time, if Archer was so ready to kill them, there must be something big going on that they're not aware of.

Okay, I legit died laughing when the mini game to defeat Illya and her castle came up lmaooo. It was so hilarious!! The chibi characters are so cute and lmaoo at Saber saying food names when she fights. Legit died when I used Excalibur and she said chashu men/noodles hahahahah, I couldn't concentrate on fighting hahahah. I love how Caster uses Assassin to fight, and it was so funny when Rider rode her Griffon because it looked like some chibi horse hahahaha. I loved the mini game, it was absolutely great. I want to play it again now lmao. Illya losing and then pressing a red button to destroy everything was such a funny finale hahaha. I love seeing the Taiga Dojo Taiga lmao. The quizzes are pretty funny lolll! I love the night quiz where Taiga wants to be the main heroine of Fate so bad lmaooo. Oh, and Sella giving Shirou a storeroom to sleep in was hilarious, poor Shirou🤣 HAHAHA at Sakura getting petrified when Saber told her that Servants don't get fat from eating etc, especially since Sakura tries hard to maintain her weight and everything hahaha. I loved how Rider had to drag the Sakura who turned into a rock away lolll. It was so funny when Sakura called Rider a traitor since she never told her that her body won't change no matter how much they eat🤣🤣 Sakura is so cute, her and Shirou fighting over who should bath first was cute, but when he pushed her in and she started going crazy with her delusions thinking that they were going to bathe together in their swimsuits was just hilarious🤣 Saber being scared of sinking in the water was pretty cute, lmao when she was dashing through the water though hahaha. Never thought she would be able to walk on water because she had the blessing of lake fairies lol. Aww it was so cute how Saber sunk into the water when Shirou said her body shape was nice and everything hahaha. Also lmao at Archer and Lancer invading their little picnic at the poolside and stealing their food lolll. I never really thought about it, but hearing Archer complain/give tips on how Shirou can improve his cooking is kinda cute and funny at the same time since he would know best what he needs to improve on🤣 Anyway, I love it when Saber is such a sore loser that she forces Shirou into competing with her (in this case, swimming) until she wins and is satisfied with her wins hahaha. She's so proud of winning after it all too lmao.

Whoa, I didn't expect the H-scenes in Eclipse, I was so shocked lmao, I had to look behind my shoulder to make sure no one saw me because it was so sudden hahaha! Anyway, I've never been a fan of the Fate H-scenes so yeah, this wasn't any better imo. Lmao, I love how Himuro is so interested in Mitsuzuri's love life and wants to know who her boyfriend is, she's so weirdly obstinate, it's kinda funny🤣 I'll admit that I'm definitely warming up to the trio of Himuro, Makidera and Yukika now haha. It's so stupid yet hilarious how they're so insistent on finding out who Mitsuzuri's dating lol. They've got some crazy dedication haha, legit died when Taiga started thinking Shirou was becoming more and more of a player with all these girls lol. Honestly I know Minori (Mitsuzuri's younger brother) doesn't mean harm, but he really gets out of hand when it comes to his dislike for Shirou. Anyway, I'm glad Himuro dragged him away lol, and with that, I think I kinda like the idea of Minori and Himuro together hahahah. Lmao at the Mitsuzuri dating thing was actually because she was desperately looking for someone to be her boyfriend to win the bet with Rin, so she told her brother to disguise and pretend to be her boyfriend, that is pretty embarrassing hahaha.

LMAO at Archer and Lancer having a fishing battle or something, it's hilarious how petty Archer seems towards Lancer hahaha. Omggg Saegusa can see Kojirou and they're so cute and friendly together!? It's such a random match but I love them. They have such a peaceful atmosphere. LMAOOO when Shirou bluntly asked Illya if he could use her castle dining room for a dinner date and Illya thought it was her and there were like pigeons flying in the background, and then Shirou says for Sakura and she sulks in her chibi sketch form hahahahaha. I nearly died from laughter with that transition.

 Awwww! Sakura in the pink evening dress with ribbons on her hair (kinda like Rin) is so cutee! The dress in itself is kinda ugly tbh but Sakura is adorable. Awww Shirou in a tuxedo is pretty cute too! Anyway, I honestly think it's so sweet of Shirou to have granted Sakura's wish for a fancy dinner like this. Like sure, he really didn't do much besides have the guts to ask Illya for help, but the fact that he remembered her wish and did what he could to grant it was sweet enough. The way Shirou accepts everything about Sakura including all her flaws, and saying all that in his own clumsy way makes my heart so warm. Hearing Illya talk about some memories of Kiritsugu fondly makes me happy that there were at least a few memories they were able to cherish together. Seeing Illya so happy and excited to play and talk with Shirou always makes my heart so warm tbh. The CG of Shirou and Illya sharing a bed together is so heartwarming, I love it. She never got to see Kiritsugu ever again, but at least Illya now has Shirou who will always dote on her and do his best to protect her. Tbh, in the beginning, I really didn't like Illya and always thought there's no way I'll like this murderous little girl, but omg she's invaded my heart so much, I love her, and her relationship with Shirou. Sella and Liz interactions are so funny, I love how Liz is just outing her to Shirou about how Sella is afraid of ghosts lmao. HAHAHA, I loved how Shirou got so scared of whatever he saw in the wine cellar, he ran out and pulled Sella along with him, and described it to her when she told him not to hahaha. The funniest thing was that it was actually Liz with a halberd lmao, that is definitely scary😂 It's interesting to know that Liz is actually the Dress of Heaven to kinda complete Illya, I'm not sure if I forgot that or if it was never mentioned, but now it's kinda understandable why Liz is a guess a bit more different compared to Sella who is basically full maid. Lmao, the more Sella and Liz appear, the more I love them. It was so funny when Liz gave him that possibly 200 years old card that is most likely cursed and then laughed as she left hahahaha. Omgg, it's so funny but I never really thought that Sella, Liz and even Illya drive to and from the castle!! Lmao when Shirou asked Illya if she drove a Bersercar HAHAHA😂😂😂😂 To be fair, that's what I would have assumed😂

Archer saving the kitten stuck on top of a tree and then going on a long ass rant about heroes of justice was hilarious. But, I have to say, the things he said were pretty interesting and right to an extent, especially the idea of heroes stunting the growth of people like this kitten who will start to always think that someone like a hero will save them so they don't need to think about saving themselves. Anyway, now that Gilgamesh isn't in a "serious" game as he says, his silliness and ridiculousness is so much more funny. I love how careless he is to get caught up in crap but be too prideful to ask for help hahahah. And it was so funny when Rider dragged Saber away calling them losers for their masters' affections since Shirou and Sakura are going to the pool together and she doesn't want to interfere even though she probably wants to join lol. Aww Sakura in her swimsuit is cute. Okay, I change my mind, her side angle is hot hahahha. I can understand why Shirou was so stunned hahahah. HAHAHA, I nearly died of laughter when Sakura told Shirou she's not good at backstroke, and he said that would be awesome hahahahaha, he's a pervert🤣🤣 Omg that underwater kiss though! Shirou was being silly as usual, trying too hard to make Sakura happy and staying underwater past his limits, so she gave him "air" through the kiss haha, Shirou is lucky~ LMAO when Rider and Saber popped up at the pool hahahaha. Omg Rider's swimsuit is hot though, I love it. Sakura and Shirou holding hands back home is so adorableeee, I wish their date lasted longer~~ Aww Saber being fascinated by the penguin shaved ice machine is so cute! To be fair, I've always been interested in those too, they're so adorable! I would eat shaved ice just to play with it loll. Well, Bazett's "Noble Phantasm"-like thing is pretty much a cheat if you can negate Saber's Excalibur. But I wonder why everything keeps repeating itself? Oh, and I died when Shirou and Shinji had a "duel" at the harbour LOL, it was so random but hilarious hahahah.

Anyway, yayyy, I'm finally up to the next phase lol! Sure took me a while to finish this one up, I got distracted by so many things hahaha. But yeah, even though I take a long time to get through this game, I honestly really love it whenever I take the time out to read it. The slice of life shenanigans are the best way to brighten up my life lmao, they're all so funny!! I love how this phase really developed Liz and Sella, they're so much more likeable than I initially thought haha. All the swimming pool shenanigans were so funny and nice too. I'm definitely loving Sakura much more than before haha, and Saber has such a special place in my heart now, she's so silly lolll. I really hope to see Rin soon though!

[starryfreckles]

✨ten questions✨

thank you for tagging me fae, grey, and sarah 💛this is three sets of questions so buckle in, this is going to be a long ass post lol but their questions are so good !! i couldnt not respond 🥰grab yourself something to drink, its a whole lot about me... 30 questions about me actually lol

from la twin @fvae​ ✨

#1 If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be ?

a mirabelle. its a mix between an apricot and a plum thats from france and maybe other parts of western europe idk 🤷‍♀️

#2 Free space!! Rant about whatever you’d like

thanks queen, what will i talk about today ?? ooh i know ok not so much a rant but im currently listening to harry potter and the goblet of fire audiobook becuase i wanted to read the stories again. this one is probs one of my favs and so much got left out in the film like DOBBY’S FUCKING ROLE IN IT ! also just the beginning when dudley is on his diet and harry has a fucking stash of food in his room and the weasley’s coming to get him. theres so much more to the story and i know they cant fit the 450 page book into a 2 hour movie but those details are so important for me. theyre part of the world building and we all know im a sucker for world building and character dev. like hell yea storytelling !! but just the wizarding world in general is my pride and joy and means the actual world to me 🥺 also after this one imma listen to order of pheonix becuase SOOOOO many details were left out in that movie and wowow best book but like highkey worst film... ((maybe thats the rant part of this lolol ok this was def a rant LMAOOO)) ok but its a really good one and i just wanted to be in that world again 🥺🥺

#3 If I were to visit your country right now, where would you take me ? What places should I visit ?

right, youd be coming to the southern west coast of the US. if covid wasnt a thing we’d go to a bunch of museums but ART, we are artists 🥰we’d also go to all the open air malls which are super cool and just fun to walk around and window shop. theres the beach for like beachy things lol, more touristy things. but theres also the mountains for hiking and being one with nature. there are a few observatories and telescopes within 2 hour roadtrips and those are cool becuase SPACE and just their location on top of super cool mountains for all the views you could ever want. 

#4 If you came with a label, what would it say ?

« not what you’d expect » or « beware of typos »

#5 If your life was a book, that title would you give this chapter of your life ?

oooh so i this chapter of my life closing soon ((RIP ME)) but i think id be called something like « what do i make ? » or « finding my voice »

#6 What is your stereotype in your friend group ?

oh lordy, im like a mom friend ((hi tasfia if youre reading this lol)), the super organised one that plans things lmaooo

#7 What’s your spirit animal ?

Im an owl or a fox lets be realll

#8 What’s the most unexplainable thing that’s ever happened to you? Does it still happen ?

lol not to get deep and sad but the amount of friends i have somehow managed to push away and lose... uhhh yea it does... im not good with relationships 😔sigh 

#9 What’s your favourite word and it’s meaning ?

extraordinary - adj very unusual or remarkable.

if you break the word down to its compoun words : « extra » and « ordinary » to me its almost as if it should mean something that is incredibly plain but its not, its quite the opposite of that. 

#10 What was something that made you smile this past week ?

i had a bunch of convos with my irl friend and coworker ((about wtfock LOLOLOL and just getting her to start watching skam lol)) that were super hilarious and just really nice 🥰

from @stoffans​ 🌸

#1 What would be the most fitting for you: the sun, the moon or the stars?

I think the moon. it has phases of lightness and darkness...

#2 Where have you felt incredibly out of place?

literally any party or group of people greater than three. im an incredible shy person around people i do not know very well and just sit there awkwardly...

#3 What are the moments in life that make you realise life isn’t all that bad?

when im out with my closest friends or when im making my creative work

#4 Which song makes you feel like you’re floating on a cloud?

visions of gideon by sufjan stevens its so soft and relaxing

#5 Sunset or sunrise?

seeing as im not usually awake fro sunrise lol, imma have to say sunset. i used to live near the beach when i still physically went to uni ((rip covid)) and man those colours and seeing the sun dip into the oceans wowow

#6 Do you like it when people do stuff for you without telling you?

i love that kind of stuff, im an acts of service kind of person and just the little things to show that they thought of me just gets me tbh

#7 Did you ever cheat on your tests in school?

uuhh nei, im a good student 😭

#8 Could you take care of a plant or would it die instantly?

i always had plants in my uni room, they did great 💛

#9 Do you think you’re a difficult person?

emotionally yes, i cant describe what im feeling and im terrible with words in difficult conversations... other than that, im the most indecisive person youll ever meet and pretty easy going.

#10 Give me one word to describe yourself

anticipatory or thoughtful. i guess these two kind go together but i like play out different outcomes in different scenarios and anticipate so much... 

from @grey-mist-exist​ 🍂 ((you tagged me on my main but i wanted to put them all together, i hope you dont mine 💛))

#1 Does your current means of transportation (car/bike/etc.) have a name? What is it?

uhhh so i havent been in a car in about a month soooo imma say my rolly desk chair that i use to zip around me room lol. its from IKEA and its called sporren

#2 If you could learn a language over-night, what language would you choose and why?

ahhh id learn norwegian ngl, dutch is close second. OORRR i stick to my roots and learn vietnamese 🤨 hmmm idkkk there are many languages i would love to learn 😭

#3 If you were an article of clothing, what would you want to be?

id be a jumper, to keep people warm and cozy

#4 You get teleported into a childhood fairy tale / folk story- what tale is it?

peter pan 🥰🥰🥰 my main’s user is enough i think lol

#5 You get the choice between time-travel or travelling to a parallel universe (but only being able to travel one time). Which do you choose?

parallel universe. i want to see how another me is getting on in life. what happens if my parents never moved us out of france 🥺

#6 Sun, moon, stars, or other? Why?

the stars are so interesting and mysterious

#7 If you were a path, what type of path would you be (concrete, cobblestone, dirt road, highway, asphalt, etc.)?

red brick. for the aesthetic lol

#8 How do you know when you’re in love?

i get butterflies in my stomach and my heart drops when they walk in

#9 What is your cellphone wallpaper?

bb fae look ((you already knew this was it but 💛💛)) 

✨🌸💛✨🌸💛this lovely piece of art of my bb is by @jensrolt​ go check out all her other art, its always the cutest thing ever ✨🌸💛✨🌸💛

#10 If you could instantly become an expert in something, what would it be?

expert of molecular cuisine pls. i love cooking and food. that kind of science fascinates me