#except it's like. going after those things knowing they'll be temporary. knowing he'll never be able to keep anything.

[waters-and-the-wilde]

oh god this has been simmering on back burner in my mind next to the rotating kebab spit, like every time i think about that note i'm like. 'so when you say you meant every word'

hi op do you mind if i piggyback on this bc i was having Tag Thoughts and they got unwieldy

bc Nureyev strikes me as a very like. situational. short-term off the cuff seat of his pants sort of thinker - because he has to be, because that's how he survives, he's extremely equipped to deal with being decisive in the moment due to Mag's A+ Parenting - and probably barely knows how to make a life decision when not in crisis mode

and obv he's pretty sharp about people, he gets at least a little bit of what makes Juno tick, he could offer him a way out at least, throw in the alliance and a whirlwind romance to sweeten the pot, knowing they both know that they're in no position to make anything last. he could be sincere about the offer with a kind of subconscious gambit of knowing that juno would either never take him up on it as you said, or dip the moment he found out about brahma or mag or slip or something else he couldn't forgive (and he Would find out obviously he would find out, Nureyev can't hide from this man, and isn't that Exhilarating, for now at least). or maybe he even accounted for Juno pulling a whole self-sacrificing 'it's not you it's me' thing somewhere down the line but got blindsided by how soon and sudden and hurtful he was in doing it. maybe the most nureyev could hope for was getting to run together for a bit, because neither of them could have made it work but maybe it would be enough to have someone to watch his back for once.

and god the aftermath of miasma. he offers juno a cybereye. again with the 'powerful friends'. because Peter Nureyev and The Massive Guilt Complex can't just leave it all behind and he can absolutely go 'well fuck it what's a little more debt if it's for Juno's eye that's my fault too anyway'. plans within plans. sufficient grounds to stay connected to his creditors and an opening to explaining his circumstances to Juno, assuming he didn't get caught making suspicious phone calls on like. day three. and then never finds out how that conversation would have gone because Juno beat him to the punch.

the crux of it all, that they were never supposed to last. long-term was never in the picture. and then boom it's Buddy Aurinko with a Steel chair (that joke is never getting old to me) and yeah they can kiss and make up but like. of course he's not making new promises, of course Juno wouldn't make promises when he's just barely figured himself out and doesn't know if he can keep it up yet, of course they're not ready to open up about their pasts. he's already taking a massive leap of faith just letting Juno back in at all.

jfc and then the wedding. 'it's difficult for me too.' probably the moment Nureyev starts to really grapple with the wedding, and there's Juno right there, and he's realizing that they could make it work that they are making it work, well. Juno could. Juno's grown into somebody who could do that. And Nureyev can't give him that. or maybe he thought he'd have a shot at clearing the debts and whatever's happened on his end during S4 put the kibosh on it re: 'my aims have shifted'. probably extra delays because of having to get in and out of Dark Matters again. but as far as he's concerned it's off the table and it's all he can do to beg Juno not to put himself on harm's way on his behalf again because fuck knows he can't bring himself to cut those ties definitively himself

girl help my pot boileth over

Okay, I’m re-listening to the Murderous Mask and Peter’s “run away with me” monologue is recontextualized SO MUCH in light of recent events!

When Juno asks if Sasha/Dark Matters were in on the heist, Peter says no—“it pays to have powerful friends”. That struck me as odd up until recently, because we quickly learn that Peter…doesn’t have friends or allies or, well, anything, really. He works solo and burns through identities too quickly to make or maintain those kinds of connections. But now we know he’s in deep debt to a pharma corp, which are some of the most powerful forces in the solar system, even rivaling Dark Matters.

All well and good, except Peter also says “You can leave Hyperion City behind, I’ll leave my powerful friends behind. We’ll sell the mask and live a life of thrills and decadence across the galaxy, always running, never looking back.” And that…we know that’s wrong. We know Peter can’t leave Slip behind. So what gives?

I don’t think Peter ever actually thought Juno would leave Mars with him in the Murderous Mask. It’s why he left his name on a note in Juno’s couch (before he even makes the proposition) instead of just saying it. He knew Juno would say no. He was always planning on coming back, of course, but if Juno runs away with Peter, he could be used as more leverage against him. Another person for the corporation to balance Peter’s debts against. …but it’s a nice idea, right? Being able to finally leave behind the pressure of ever-growing debt and run off with the detective who he’s fallen for so quickly. Running away was a dream, and there’s no harm in keeping the fantasy alive because he knows Juno won’t leave Mars. I don’t think that ever really changed until the aftermath of Miasma—when he thought Juno had died and he lost everything again, only to miraculously recover it. Anything seems possible after that. But reality would’ve sunk in eventually, even if Juno hadn’t left that night. Let’s say they had run away together back then. It would be the same situation that made Peter leave in season 3: he’s still in ever-growing debt and Juno would be just new collateral for Peter’s creditors. It’s too dangerous, and Peter can’t bear to lose him again.

All this to say that I firmly believe that if Juno hadn’t left that night, Peter would’ve. Better to throw away something precious yourself than watch someone else shatter it because of you.

They were both always going to leave. Juno just reached his conclusion faster than Peter, is all.