#except i CAN'T move to Maine because the housing market is currently hell on earth
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i want to make new Stella/Stellnis content so bad, but my brain is completely overloaded with stress right now
my anxiety has got me so exhausted all the time, i just feel like i'm in a constant daze
#it's the world it's the housing market it's the cost of living it's my career it's health anxiety it's family issues#it never lets up#i should be in therapy and i WANT to be in therapy but i don't have health insurance#i could sign up for MA's shitty health insurance but it's a mess getting qualified and then they 'upgrade' you and bill you without warning#so then i think 'WELL you're not staying in MA anyway so it's fine you can just get health insurance after you move to Maine'#except i CAN'T move to Maine because the housing market is currently hell on earth#there are people with 4x the savings i have who can't get a house because they just get out bid by 30 other people#it is a nightmare#i feel like i'm frozen in place like my life is some sort of limbo where everything feels wrong at once#and i don't want to move backwards but i can't move forward either because there are too many things preventing me#like my circumstances are fucking up my mental health but the same circumstances are also preventing me from getting therapy#and my mental health probably wouldn't be so bad in the first place if i could afford to move and be independent#everything just continuously cancels each other out and i am so fucking tired
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