#evie karn › thread.

[inkshadow]

      ❝ i broke up with her and it was the worst day of my life. make up for it. ❞

closed starter for @lilacwiine​ ( 2/2 )

[inkshadow]

❝ no faith in me or no faith in general? i'd prefer that you lied to me, actually. i don't care to think much after the fact. ❞

closed for @dysnomiias // continued from here

" that would be called faith, and i'm not sure i really have any of that. sorry and all. but the truth is better than me lying to you, right? "

[inkshadow]

❝ i'm… i'm really happy for you. really. ❞ tonight was going to be the night evie told her how she felt. to be honest before it was too late. it was wrong, of course it was, to reveal such a big thing to her best friend of many years. she was taken, the chances were slim. but evie rarely gave a fuck about circumstances in order to make her own. but as she'd just witnessed the glimmer of her friend's recent engagement ring, her stomach sank and she's left reeling in her head. ❝ d-did you know he was gonna propose? ❞

> happy birthday to my daughter @silvrmoon

[inkshadow]

      ❝ i’m not LAZY! ❞ she is. ❝ you take that back! ❞ 

random closed starter for @neveraftcr​ (2/2)

[inkshadow]

❝ because i can't just keep fucking lying to you! ❞ and evie, lazy and complacent as she is, never wanted to lie to her. everyone else could suffer with evie at her worst but sienna had to know at some point or another; this might've just been a non-ideal time to tell her. sighing, fingers reach up to rake through her dark locks, exasperation evident because she's never done this before. she didn't even want to in the first place but wasn't it obvious that the secret was taxing enough? ❝ that's - fine. whatever. you can do whatever the hell you want, ❞ evie finally concedes, realizing that she needed time herself. maybe space will help but how much space is required to get over being in love with your best friend? ❝ i'll go, ❞ because right now, she needs to take a walk more than anything. ❝ congratulations on your engagement, again. ❞ except this time, there's a longing in her voice. it's strained, and her lips fall into a thin line as she looks at sienna with red eyes for the last time.

-fin.

" what else i'm supposed to do, evie? pretend none of this happened? " maybe if it was someone else, sienna would be more than capable of ignoring this incident, of moving on with her life as if nothing had happened, but the brunette standing before her wasn't just anyone. she was her person, the one person that she couldn't live without. the tought alone has her heart clenching in her chest. " what's the point of telling me if you want me to pretend this never happened ? " delicate eyebrows furrow slightly, and it takes all the self-control in her not to reach for the other and brush away the tears staining her skin. " no, i haven't, i - i just i need time." she finally murmurs, a sigh escaping her lungs. " i need to go. i can't stay here, i need to think and … " voice trails off. " i'm sorry, i just can't do this right now."

[inkshadow]

❝ what? are you really asking me this right now? you never hurt me, not intentionally. i stayed because i wanted to. if this friendship didn't mean as much to me, i would've just left, ❞ which was saying a lot, since evie rarely had the drive to do much for herself, even if it was for her own good. fingers brush away the stray tears evie would claim never existed, despite the wetness that clings to the pads of her digits. annoyed sigh falls from quivering lips, her tone only strained so as to not cry even more. ❝ don't. don't finish that sentence. what ifs don't mean anything. what's the point, sienna? we shouldn't be having this conversation in the first place, i only ran after you so that you wouldn't do something stupid, like you need to give me space or whatever. because you don't. nothing has to change and nothing WILL change. okay? you're engaged, or have you forgotten that? ❞

" maybe that's the problem," sienna murmurs, so lowly that she isn't sure if the other even heard her. " why are you still here if all i do is hurt you ? " this was yet another proof that evie was a far better person than she was, because she doubted that she would be able to stay on the sidelines and watch the brunette be happy with someone else. her heart breaks for her best friend, it breaks for the idea of a love that would never be, only because she'd been too much of a coward to voice it. shaking her head, pearly whites bite down on her bottom lip, shaking her head as tears well up in her piercing blue gaze once more. " this could have been different, we could have … - if i had just told you the way i felt, maybe you'd be my future instead."

[inkshadow]

she refuses for the tears to appear obvious, evie doing everything in her power to force them back down. to never surface despite how badly her cheeks burn from the attempt. to sienna, it must've been a futile attempt, with how pink evie's eyes had grown in the process. but with a few sniffles and the shake of her head, evie's convinced that she's fine and will continue to be even after this. ❝ why not? god, sienna, it's not like anything's CHANGING. i'm still here, aren't i? ❞ evie barked, a little too aggressive in her tone as she feels the fibers of her self-control begin to unravel. ❝ nothing's — ❞ hearing her voice crack, she clears her throat and reaches up to rub her eyes gently. ❝ you're not hurting me. i've lived it for this long, i can do it again. he is where your future is. i have to be happy for you, even if i don't think he will ever love you like i can. ❞ a bold claim for a self-proclaimed deadbeat but it's true; despite not having much to offer, she would offer sienna the world even still.

" i - i don't know, " sienna lies, pearly whites biting the inside of her cheek. she wasn't even sure she had ever stopped loving the other, but how could she admit to that now ? she was engaged to someone else. the life she had always wanted for was only a few months away, she'd never been so close to the dream life she's worked so hard to have. slender fingers brush over her porcelain cheeks, erasing any trace of tears as she listens to the other. her heart breaks for her, for them, for everything they never were and never would be. " i don't know how to go back, to pretend this never happened . " the brunette murmurs, her voice breaking under the weight of emotion. " and how am i supposed to be happy when i'm hurting my best friend ? "

[inkshadow]

did. painful words to hear and swallow as the realization settles in that they could've had... everything. it implied that there was overlapping time they were both in love with one another, especially since evie had harbored feelings for her best friend for years now. the knife is driven further into her chest and knees grow weaker, threatening to give way on the sidewalk. ❝ you did. for how long? ❞ she wonders for a moment if she even wants that question answered. if it was so long ago that it's now negligible or if it was so recent that it was salvageable. ❝ it doesn't matter anymore because you're getting married. what good is it gonna do? you've been with him for so long now. this is.. i don't know, irrelevant, don't you think? ❞ it hurts to say and hearing it played back in her ears makes her want to vomit but she holds it down, keeps her feet grounded as tears threaten to surface, stinging all the way up her face. ❝ it should've been me that proposed to you. not him. ❞

there's a myriad of emotions welling in sienna's chest, threathening to swallow her whole. for someone who claimed to have everything undercontrol at all times, this was definitely something she hadn't seen coming. she welcomes the fresh air with a soft sigh, delicate fingers pulling through her dark strands as she takes a deep breath. she barely has the time to think, before she knows it, her best friend's voice cuts through the air. she was right, there was no point in lying or running away now, not when everything was already ruined. what more could she lose ? " i did," she murmurs, not even sure if her feelings truly are a part of the past. she's never been indifferent to evie, she just convinced herself that their friendship meant more to her than anything else ever could. " but like you said, it doesn't matter anymore, does it? " the brunette points out, a defeated sigh falling from her petals. " i just - i just figured it was for the best, you know? i didn't want to lose this, i can't stand the thought of losing you. "

[inkshadow]

❝ good thing i'm a total thorn in your side that you're never gonna get rid of. ❞ if there was one thing that evie was in this world ( aside from lazy ), it was that she was absolutely stubborn. for better or for worse, if there was no reason for evie to leave then she won't. it's just that this particular engagement may be the first time she's having to force herself to walk away, for fear that sienna will eventually see right through her and her feelings. ❝ oh my god, you either stop talking right now before i throw up or i'm just going to have to kiss you to keep your mouth shut. don't ever say that to me again, ❞ she laughed with slight disgust.

"definitely a perk," sienna assures with a nod. she was grateful to have the other in her life, and to know her in ways other people didn't. there had been a time where she questioned the real nature of her feelings toward her best friend. friends didn't make her feel the way evie did, but she forced herself to forget about them, choosing to put their friendship first. she could lose every single person in her life, but losing her wasn't an option. " you can ? " there's a hint of curiosity in her tone, but she's quickly distracted by the other's next words. "come on, it's not so bad. have you even tried dick before? it's heavenly."

[inkshadow]

❝ wow, that obvious huh? my brother was right… doesn't take much to know how i feel about someone, ❞ she huffs out humorously, eyes dropping to the ground for a moment before flickering back up to her best friend's. it was hard to see her this happy, hard to see that someone else was able to bring such a bright smile to her face. it should've been me, but she didn't know of evie's feelings. how would she? ❝ if it were up to me, i don't think anyone would be good enough. at least he's trying. ❞ hand returns the squeeze, despite the urge to tug her close, to kiss her herself. ❝ you've wanted this with him.. or in general? the fiance look suits you, funny enough. ❞

"i know it's more than just your resting bitch face," sienna murmurs, a sad smile on her petals as steely blue hues meet her best friend's. " i know you've never liked him, and i know you think he's not good enough for me, but he's really trying, e." or at least, the brunette liked to think that was the case. for the past couple of months, things had been really good between them. " yeah, i am," she assures the other, fingers reaching to give her hand a gentle squeeze. " i've wanted this for a long time, i just…i feel like this is it for me, you know? "

[inkshadow]

the laughter that rings out is one that brings happiness and sadness all at once. a rush of emotions washing over her as evie does her best to suppress her feelings. never in her life has she been known as someone who just sits down and takes things but sienna was engaged now; it wouldn't be right to ruin - arguably - one of the happiest days of her life. ❝ again, i'll pass. most girls don't even get off with a dick in them anyways, ❞ she scoffs playfully, brushing hair over her shoulder. ❝ weekly sleepovers? we're not in high school anymore, you really think your husband is going to be fine with you staying over at your lesbian best friend's house? next thing you know, you'll start falling in love with me instead. i'm the better spooner, obviously. ❞

sienna agrees with a soft nod and smile. words would never be enough to describe just how lucky she considered herself to be for having someone like evie in her life. she'd never been one to surround herself with many friends, she was a 'quality over quantity' kind of person after all. rolling her eyes affectionately at the other, she can't help the amused giggle that escapes her petals. " you truly don't know what you're missing," the brunette muses, nudging her best friend playfully with her elbow. " also i hope you don't think you're getting rid of me, i still need our weekly sleepovers, if anything i'll need them more now because otherwise how am i supposed to keep my sanity ? "

[inkshadow]

❝ a.... a while? how long is a while, sienna? ❞ because if this a few months compared to a few years then she's tempted to hound her even more for it. the taste in her mouth is akin to bile and that's exactly what she felt like bringing up with such a twisted gut, her eyes forced to remain on her best friend whom she'd loved for so long. ❝ don't what? i only said that it didn't matter because my feelings aren't going to change anything. i've swallowed my feelings for you for years, si. i have to move on. this... ❞ her lips quiver at the next words, breath shaky in its exhale though she forces her chin to stay up. ❝ this never happened. ❞

" a while," sienna finds herself confessing, giving the other a soft shrug. it didn't matter anymore, none of this mattered, and if so, why couldn't she bring herself to walk away? " y-yeah, you're right," she agrees, although every fiber of her being wants to say the exact opposite. she's given up so much to be where she is now, the safety that comes with having a stable, solid relationship, is unlike anything she's ever felt before. she couldn't give that away, not now, not for evie, not for anyone. " don't," she murmurs, shaking her head. " don't say shit like that, you just said that it didn't matter, so we should just move on, right? pretend none of this ever happened ? " 

[inkshadow]

❝ no, that's not - ❞ a frustrated sigh pushes past deep red petals, due to all of the biting she'd done to keep herself shut. clearly didn't work out as well as she needed it to. just as her mouth was about to fall open with further explanation, her heart drops to the depths of her chest and her mouth falls even deeper still. ❝ what? ❞ the question is incredulous, loud, and she had to shake her head a bit for a moment to really make sure she'd heard correctly. sienna... never loved her the same way. if she did then she should've noticed the telltale signs. she would've known how evie was willing to bend over backwards for her, which is something she wouldn't even do for herself. there were no words, only hints of a stammer as she tried to piece herself together. there was no use in tears but her throat suddenly feels tight, like she's gasping for breath. ❝ sienna, wait - ❞ it doesn't take much for her to jump up to scramble after her, evie's athletic build helpful in chasing her down once she was outside with the wind gusting over them. ❝ you LOVED me? is that - is that what you're telling me right now? don't run away sienna, it's out in the open. just fucking tell me. ❞ // @silvrmoon

" it matters to me! " sienna is quick to exclaim back, annoyance clear in her tone. this was not how her evening was supposed to go. this was just yet another reminder that nothing good ever lasted, not even her friendship with evie seemed to be the exception to that rule. " do you think that's what i'm upset about ? you taking attention away from me ? who do you think i am ? " she can't help how offensive her best friend's comment is, whether she meant it or not. sure, the two of them couldn't be more different, the brunette did love being the center of attention sometimes, but right now? all she wanted was to forget tonight ever happened. " i know that, evie. and you wanna know how i know ? because that's what i fucking did for years," the words escape her before she can help herself, tears finally breaking free and staining her cheeks. " i'm sorry, i can't fucking do this right now," and, without another word, the brunette is pushing herself from her seat, trembling fingers brushing over her cheeks as long legs carry her towards the nearest exit, desperate for some fresh air. / @dysnomiias

[inkshadow]

❝ no, i'm not kidding you. you're about to get married, this shit doesn't even matter anymore! ❞ this conversation wasn't meant to change anything. the ring is secured around sienna's finger and evie's confession isn't meant to rip it off of her. ❝ it's not like i'm trying to take attention away from you, you know how much i hate attention to begin with, ❞ she urges with a waved hand, not like that was really the problem at the moment. the sadness in her best friend's voice wasn't unnoticed, however, but how was she supposed to console her when she was the one who upset her in the first place? ❝ that's normal, sienna. best friends keep that stuff to themselves so they don't fuck up the friendship. it's worked, right? or are you telling me that my efforts at keeping this under wraps were for literally nothing? ❞ she asked pointedly, ire in her voice and her frown deep. ❝ we just do what we have been for forever! how is that not simple to you? me liking you has nothing to do with how you feel for your fiancée. ❞ // @silvrmoon

" what's there to freak out about ? are you kidding me, evie ? " sienna mutters, attempting to keep her voice down. the last thing she wanted was to cause a scene and drag any sort of attention to themselves. " any day would have been better than tonight," the brunette assures the other, a dangerous mixture of frustration and hurt laced in her tone. she can't help but feel betrayed as if a future that she didn't even know she wanted had been ripped away from her. " you clearly have been lying about the way you feel about me," she points out, shaking her head. " if it's not the same, it's fucking worse, evie. how how are we supposed to go back and pretend like nothing's different ? " / @dysnomiias

[inkshadow]

❝ what's there to freak out about? ❞ because it's evident that sienna is freaking out more than she cares to let on, the stammering unheard of from someone who is so comfortable around her. eyes bore holes into her best friend's head, trying to remain trained and focused when, in truth, it was hard to even be here right now. to console her that nothing will change. ❝ oh, i'm sorry - was there supposed to be a better day? you've been dating him for long enough, i don't think the last 2 years or whatever would've been good timing either, babe, ❞ she barked back, annoyed. her lack of a filter and aggressive nature certainly didn't help right now. ❝ what? ❞ incredulous gasp resounds from lips, evie now leaned forward at the edge of her seat. ❝ what the hell have i been lying about? i haven't said anything. that's not the same. ❞ @silvrmoon

evie's words played inside her head as realization slowly dawned on her. for a moment, she thinks she's gonna be sick. her stomach turning in knots at the other's confession. " i-i can't believe you didn't tell me," yet, at the same time, she feels like a hypocrite for there had been a time when sienna had drowned her own feelings for the sake of their friendship. " i can't believe you're telling me this today, of all days," it's hard to wrap her mind around it, trembling fingers are tucking loose strands behind her ears as her gaze fills with tears, angry ones that threaten to blurry her vision in a matter of seconds. " are you ? because i don't even know if i can believe anything you say anymore, you've been lying to me all this time. "  / @dysnomiias

[inkshadow]

❝ everything but THIS, sienna. ❞ because her best friend was the one thing in the world that she was actually hellbent on keeping. even her other siblings sometimes failed in comparison. her skin prickles with discomfort now that the tension between them pulls, a feeling that evie was quite a master at keeping at bay most of the time. the singular question had her shifting in her chair, arms crossed over her chest in defense even unbeknownst to her as she looks away briefly. ❝ it doesn't matter. probably for the best anyways, you're engaged now, ❞ she mumbles almost dismissively, turning her head back to look at sienna with a forced smile on her face. ❝ and i am happy for you, no matter what the circumstances are. ❞

" because we tell each other everything," for a moment, sienna wonders if the other female can feel it too, the way the air has grown colder around them, or maybe it was just her mind playing tricks on her. maybe this entire conversation was nothing but an hallucination, a side effect of the alcohol that had found home in the pit of her stomach time and time again that evening. " what ? " confusion is now spread accross delicate features, oceanic hues scanning her best friend's features for any sign that this was a joke, a sick one granted, but a joke nonetheless. " evie, " shaking her head, she can feel her heart drop into her stomach. " what are you saying ? " had evie been in love with her all of this time ? was she really that oblivious ? " y-you're in love with me ? " / @dysnomiias