#everything sucks and i'm between therapists so ranting at the void is my solution???

[midnight-herald]

my GI Bullshit is acting up today because i’ve been rlly stupid stressed for like at minimum a week but honestly closer to a month and a half if i change the threshold to match a healthier definition of rlly stupid stressed 

So yeah uh my white blood cells are attacking my intestines again which means low energy, terrible poops, etc and also my pup is in the animal hospital because she had terrible diarrhea and vomiting last night and got dangerously dehydrated and i’m fucking furious at the people who had her for the first few months of her life because even though she was lying in her own sick and scared and uncomfortable and probably in distress and pain she didn’t make a fuss, or at least didn’t fuss enough to wake us up and she had to have learned that somewhere... 

Sorry i’m just like really depressed and overwhelmed and i’m finally making it to Youth Symphony again tomorrow night which will feel good but i’ve missed so many rehearsals because of my stupid fucking job and the stupid fucking time-off request system deleting my preferences several times 

I’m really excited to quit this job and train as an electrician which is the current plan but i’m caught up in a spiral of not wanting to fail the test so not going down to the local branch of the NETC to put in an application becuase i haven’t finished my tech-math course online yet and i’m not being smart and jumping into the chapters i remember poorly to feel prepared again and it’s just kinda shitty

But yeah work is becoming really dehumanizing lately. The way that the systems around tool rental centers are set up means that Corporate can send us a bunch of tools we didn’t ask for and don’t have room for, which is already shitty because there’s no way for us to veto or cancel the orders but then the real fucking amazing kicker is that the tools they send us come out of our personal operations budget. They fucking buy an entire new chainsaw-on-a-stick while our current one works just fucking fine and then turn around and yell at us for over-spending. 

Corporate also mandated a ‘reset’ of our TRC that meant that everything is in newer shittier places and while the TRC is much more visually appealing to customers it’s lost like half of its functionality. It’s starting to get to the point where getting to work is anxiety-inducing enough that i’m vaguely visualizing self-harm situations that could get me out of going there. And i honestly just wanna sleep for a week straight, cry for a week straight and run into the mountains for three months because everything is moving so fast and being so overwhelming and i cant process half of it/the half of it that i can process is Really Fucking Depressing and it’s just a lot more than I can handle right now...