#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

californiaquail · 13 hours ago

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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before

#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up #sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation #even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been #some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss #but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time #over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either #i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane #i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after #i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at #it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same #silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time #it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen #of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately #this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country #again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want #things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao #i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot #everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me #and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d #anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that #to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm #recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca #also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before #anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun #and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have #i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired #and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that #i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip #whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn #(<- guy who should be in therapy)

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