#everything feels so hollow and i don't know hoe to vocalize that because my family is always trying so hard to heal and i don't want to | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

selfinflictedgunshotwound · 1 year ago

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IGNORE ME I'M SORRY I KEEP TALKING ABT IT i'm just so not used to my cat not being around and it kinda kills me inside to not hear him walking around or meowing or sleeping at the bottom of the staircase anymore... it used to be like a nightly routine where i'd go downstairs and make myself a drink and give him some water and now i just. don't even wanna go down there anymore.

#you really underestimate how different things will be when they're gone. 18 years of learning his new routines and favorite places to nap #and it's just all. gone. not like i didn't experience it but just the fact that i will never experience it with him again... it's so hard #& that's like the last vestige of my childhood gone too. i mean i got my current dog when i was around 13/14 and she's gettin' up there too #so it's just like. my life dropped out from under me and i'm desperately clinging to what is left but there's not much #everything feels so hollow and i don't know hoe to vocalize that because my family is always trying so hard to heal and i don't want to #make their grief process any harder by accidentally awakening the same latent feelings in them. or whatever #i just miss him so so much but i know we made the right choice. he was old and we had a lot of good years together and we saved him from #spending his last few days in suffering by ending his pain early and offering him as much love and warmth and comfort as we could #and i know he appreaciated it and i know he loves us all and like that's not the part i have issue with #it's just. his lack of presence. i don't deny that his ghost may be around (my famjly is very spiritual like that and i have heard him) but #physically he's gone forever except for chunks of his fur and whatever else is laying around #loss is just so fucking unfair because it's completely understandable and makes total sense but it will never ever be unable to be felt...#idk. i'm just exhausted and sad and i miss my little guy. hell i still miss my dog and that happened like 5 years ago #love never goes away it just changes shaoe and makes you really really sad and kinda wanna kill youself but that would make THEM sad #so. you gotta live. you gotta be brave.

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