#everyone's asleep bc 15 hour time difference rip

[yumikat]

rip here we go bois. was tagged by @kwamimusings (yeh bud) i’m very canadian so i changed all the “favorite”s to “favourite”

Rules: Answer the 20 questions and tag 20 like 2 because i’m lazy amazing followers you’d like to get to know better!

Name: let’s go with Yumi

Nicknames: see above. idk y’all can make nicknames or smth??

Zodiac Sign: gemini

Height: 6′4″-ish

Orientation: i sexually identify as an attack helicopter (jk i’m straight)

Ethnicity: chinese

Favourite Fruit: i would kill a man for an orange slice. vitamin c flows through my veins. 

Favourite Season: winter. snow. yes.

Favourite Book: ohhhh boy. i will still have to say the original pjato series, though harry potter and lunar chronicles are really good. 

Favourite Flower: what. 

Favourite Scent: this will sound weird but i like the scent of my friends. also butter frying smells reaaaaally good

Favourite animals: cattens are life. though wolves and marine life are pretty cool too. 

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Cocoa: sauce me my tim hortons iced capp

Cat or Dog Person: did i say i love cattens because cats are my life

Favourite Fictional Character: there’s a lot of those. let’s go with homestuck characters - tz, dave, vriska, roxy are up there. 

Dream Trip: ??? uhhh hiking the lotr scenery in new zealand or driving up to the northern territories to stargaze with mes amis

Blog Created: octoberish 2015?

Number of Followers: 134

What I Post About: whatever’s on my dash + my art. (typically homestuck, voltron, ml, and dumb posts)

Do I get asks on a regular basis: naw son

Aesthetic: stuff that is aesthetic is like really nicely lit photography with good contrast levels, but my aesthetic is like idk neons/pastels/rainbows and crap. i guess idk. 

Hogwarts House: HUFFLEPUFF PRIDE!!!!! WE HAVE NEWT AND WE’RE BETTER THAN YOU 

right so i wasn’t sure if i was supposed to do the next part but i’ll just put a cut right here because it’s getting long

Rules: Write 92 rules about yourself, then tag 25 people. who even knows 25 people

LAST ___:

Drink: watermelon juice at a hot pot place Phone Call: probably my mom????? Text message: i don’t have a phone but last IM thing would be a group chat with some girls from church Song you listened to: no idea let’s say the heathers soundtrack Time you cried: i teared up for logan

HAVE YOU EVER ____: Dated someone twice: “Kinda need to date someone once to do it twice.” -aaron Been cheated on: “Again, kinda need to have ever been in a relationship in order to be cheated on.” -aaron Kissed someone and then regretted it: “Can’t regret it if you’ve never kissed anyone. (Insert picture of guy tapping his temple here)” -aaron (haha single squad) Lost someone special: no, luckily Been depressed: i don’t get affected by much so no Gotten drunk and thrown up: i’m. underage. 

LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS: turquoise is a blessing to this planet, maroon is pre nice, black is the colour of my soul but it doesn’t count, so there are certain shades of pink that are pretty nice, even though i’m a non-conformist. 

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU _____: Made new friends: ya bud new girl in the ib fam and some kool kids here on tumbs Fallen out of love: *insert joke about the bitterness of school* Laughed until you cried: @mrs-linny-universe remember that post with the googly eyes Found out someone was talking about you: no...? Met someone who changed you: i think everyone you meet changes you, because if you never met them then you would be a different person completely and the path of your life would have diverged (is that enough bs yes it is let’s move on) Found out who your true friends are: what does that even mean it sounds omnious Kissed someone on your Facebook list: wat. (actually, yes. i peck my friends on the cheek all the time)

GENERAL: How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them. i keep getting friend requests from friends of friends in edmonton and it confuses me because do i know you? no.  Do you have any pets: i had a crested gecko named charlie but he died Do you want to change your name: no? What did you do for your last birthday: i think a movie with my friends.  What time did you wake up: 9:30am here, 6:30pm back home. heck yeah time zones What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping lol i only slept 3 hours during the 20-something hour travel time. 

Name something you cannot wait for: for ib to be over and for hiveswap to come out When was the last time you saw your mother: she’s beside me right now hi mom What is something you wish you could change about your life: i never really thought about it?  What are you listening to right now: parents/aunt/uncle/grandparents chatting Have you ever talked to a person named tom: yeah man. every time i see him i say hi to him but he’s neurodivergent so he never really replies Something that is getting on your nerves: vpn is slow but it’s better than not talking to my friends for 2 weeks.  Most visited website: email and tumblr Elementary: classified High school: classified, but it’s a private school and we have hoodies with our uniform which is pretty nice College: i’m still in high school rip Hair colour: black. i’m asian.  Long or short hair: got a pixie cut a few months ago, i always grow it out really long and then chop it off again Do you have a crush on someone: i guess??? What do you like about yourself: arty art Piercings: naw son  Blood type: idk but mosquitoes love me and i hate mosquitoes Nickname: we’ve already established this Relationship status: married to @seokgis​, in a side relationship with @thelifeditch (jokes i’m single) Zodiac sign: we’ve already gone over this Pronouns: she/her  Favourite TV show: idk i guess ml or voltron for animated and stranger things for live action? i don’t think about this much.  Tattoos: underage lol Right or left hand: right

FIRST ____: Surgery: naw son Piercing: lol Best friend: first bestie i remember is this girl named sharon back when i was like 3-7 i think.  Sport: mom forced me to do swimming but i really liked skating before i was too inflexible Vacation: does immigrating to canada count, bc then i think it was the time my friend dz and i went to capilano Pair of trainers: i think this means either bike trainers or what british people call runners but i still don’t get what the question is asking so sure?

RIGHT NOW ___: Eating: just ate an orange. they are my lifeblood Drinking: i literally never drink liquids it’s so bad for me (but yeah i just drank some oj and i’m laughing because i didn’t even realize) About to: sit here and waste time on tumblr, maybe do some tok, probably sleep because we’re going to leave for the airport at like 3-something-am for the chinese tropics or smth Listening to: we’ve done this let’s move on Waiting for: i live in the moment. *snickers and breaks down in laughter because the real answer is i have no idea* Want: sleep, maybe? i always want to sleep. also, like aaron, i would like a hug.  Get married: like i said, i’m already married (jk i’m still in high school, but yeah i would like to get married in the future) Career: “your high school career is very important” - said no one ever (or maybe it’s everyone ever, who knows)

WHICH IS BETTER ____: Hugs or kisses: hugs Lips or eyes: eyes  Shorter or taller: like think is for ppl im interested in right. taller, then.  Older or younger: older would be less weird? Nice arms or nice stomach: arms? i ain’t spending time looking at ppls’ stomachs Sensitive or loud: what.  Hook up or relationship: relationship Troublemaker or hesitant: lemme just ask WHAT ARE THESE QUESTIONS

HAVE YOU EVER ____: Kissed a stranger: naw song lol Drank hard liquor: what defines hard liquor, because i’ve sipped some like really high percentage alcohol but i don’t drink. Lost glasses/contact lenses: rip my contact lens just fell out of my eye once.  Turned someone down: um i don’t think so? Sex on first date: SHEILD MY INNOCENT EYES YEESH I’M 16 I PREACH ABSTINENCE Broken someone’s heart: idk about broken, but maybe Had your own heart broken: nope :) Been arrested: i’m too young for this Cried when someone died: no one really close to me has died so no Fallen for a friend: haha everyone i’ve fallen for has been my friend

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ____: Yourself: yeah? Miracles: if i didn’t i would have to not believe in Jesus (awkwardly phrased but i think you get the picture) Love at first sight: if you see someone and you just “fall in love” then that puts love lightly. i think that love is something really serious and needs to be developed.  Santa Claus: i’m too old for thi-- JUST HEAR THOSE SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING Kiss on the first date: depends on who Angels: yaaa. again, comes with my faith (i hate phrasing stuff like this because it makes it sound trivial but i honestly don’t know how to say it)

OTHER ____: Current best friend’s name: i have several Eye colour: brown Movie: oooooh boy. i love lotr but i’m also that one person that loves every single movie, even the ones that every say sucked. proof: i absolutely loved suicide squad. i’m also a cinematography nerd but i just fangirl over the shots and never really think about them lol

okay i tag everyone who read this to the end and the people who i mentioned earlier because i’m really lazy 

[set-phasers-to-whump]

breaking down

prompt: nightmares (from day 15)

whumpee: kurt wallander

fandom: young wallander

hi! back on my yw bullshit tonight :) this fic is set after the first ep, i would say ostensibly before the end of the show but like. it can fit wherever you think it can fit lol. hope you enjoy!

The nightmare starts the way that night had started. 

The fire alarm blares. Kurt finds the flaming trashcan, flips it, beats out the flames with his coat. The crowd clusters around the fence and he joins and people all around him are speaking and their voices blur together into one solid thing. The boy, Hugo, is up against the fence and the tape is over his mouth and people are jeering and people are saying that someone should help him and Kurt is pushed and then he has to act because this is what he does. His badge and his voice announce his now-unwelcome presence. He tries to take command of the situation, to push the crowd back as they murmur and sneer at the revelation that one of their own is a police officer. And then the man pushes past him and rips off the tape and reveals the grenade and someone shouts ���grenade!” and then Kurt is shouting, get back, get back, get back, and he is moving on autopilot, arms stretched out, pushing everyone away as they begin to scream in fear and his back is turned as he’s guiding them out of danger and then there’s a boom and chunks are falling from the sky and his ears are ringing and where Hugo had been there is nothing at all and a piece of singed fabric lands at Kurt’s feet and he doesn’t - he doesn’t - he can’t - all around him people are still screaming, loud enough to hear over the ringing, and some are holding their hands over their ears and some are running away and some are just standing there, stock-still, looking at the spot along the fence where seconds ago there had been a person. He should do something. Call someone. But surely somebody else has done that. Still. Maybe he should call, just in case. He pulls out his phone but as soon as he turns it on it transforms and there is a grenade in his hand like the grenade that had blown up Hugo and he tries to scream a warning to the people still nearby but the words catch in his throat and he hears a beep and - 

Kurt shoots bolt upright with a shout that echoes off the walls of the room. His entire body is trembling and stiff and his breath is coming in shudders and his heart is pounding and he can’t think can’t think can’t think -

His hands find his phone, unlock it, and place a call, without him knowing what he’s doing. It’s not until a voice speaks at the other end of the line that he realizes he’s even moved. 

“H’lo?” Reza’s voice is thick with sleep, and Kurt can barely hear it over the pounding of his heartbeat in his ears, over the sound of the explosion, over the ringing…

“Kurt?” Reza sounds more awake now, worried. The change in tone is enough to get Kurt to focus slightly. He needs to say something. He needs something. 

“Umm…”

He still can’t think. His mind is a jumble of images, the flames, the crowd, the grenade, the explosion, the pieces falling from the sky, god. He can’t…

“Kurt?” Reza is insistent now, a real undercurrent of fear in his voice. “You okay? I’m coming over.”

“You’re…” he takes a breath, but it’s too deep and he half chokes on it. 

“I’m coming. Give me fifteen minutes.”

Before Kurt can reply, Reza’s hanging up, and then it’s just him. He presses his back firmly into the wall behind his pillow and draws his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around himself. He’s shaking so hard that it actually hurts, and his throat feels scratchy and his mind clears enough for him to realize that he must have been screaming in his sleep. He buries his face in his knees and tries to breathe and waits. 

--

By the time Reza arrives, Kurt’s heartbeat has slowed to an almost-normal pace, and some of the shaking has subsided. He’s less tense, too, and starting to ache. His mind is still not where it should be, and he’s still not breathing right - too jagged, too quick, almost painful. 

“Kurt?” The door closes softly, and for one second Kurt’s head shoots up from his knees and he looks around in terror, and then he remembers that this is Reza, who is supposed to be here. He relaxes minutely.

“Here,” Kurt calls out, and listens as Reza’s footsteps approach. He feels the bed dip when Reza sits down next to him, and for a long moment there is silence. 

“Are you okay?”

He laughs, thickly and humorlessly. “No. No, I’m - fuck, Rez, I’m...I’m…” His breath catches, and he’s already breathing wrong, and then Reza’s hand touches his back, warm and firm and there, and Kurt breaks. 

A sob tears its way out of his throat, followed by another, and another, and hot tears are pouring down his face and he’s shaking maybe even harder than before and he feels like he is actually, physically, falling apart, and then Reza must move, because he’s being pulled forwards and his forehead bumps into Reza’s shoulder and his arms come up almost instinctively, hands grabbing the fabric of his best friend’s jacket. Reza’s hand is still on his back, and the other one is holding on to the back of his head, and he’s saying something soft and calming and whatever it is sounds natural and practiced and it sounds like safety. 

They sit there for what could be minutes or hours. The sobs turn into crying which turns into sniffling which turns into something that resembles a normal breathing pattern. Kurt is exhausted, achy, and more than a little embarrassed, now that the worst of it has passed. He pulls back slightly from Reza, turns his eyes downwards. 

“Sorry,” he says, and winces at how raw his voice sounds. 

“You don’t need to be.”

“But I -”

“You’ve been through some horrible shit. Nobody expects you to be fine all the time. Nobody wants you to be, either. It’s not good for you.”

Kurt just nods and leans his head forward again to rest on Reza’s shoulder, trying to ignore the dampness of his jacket. “Thank you.”

“What else is a best friend for?”

“Getting us breakfast in the morning?”

Reza laughs softly. “Sure,” he agrees, easily. “That too.”

“‘M tired.”

“D’you think you can fall back asleep?” And not have another nightmare?, is the unasked question underneath.

“If you stay.”

“Course I’m staying. We’re getting breakfast, remember?”

thanks for reading! hope they weren’t too ooc, i feel like that can be hard when you write something very different from like, the general atmosphere of a show lol. anyway i wanted to do some soft caretaker reza bc i think he would be so good at that since he has a lil kid :) i hope u liked this! (also sorry its so short!)

[tinytigerrrr]

11 for 11 may 🙏, 15, 21, 23, 25, 28, 31, 38, 45, 48 😉 & 49!

11 for 11 may, my god bless you my friend!! <3 And Also THANKS FOR THE ASKS!! <33 Sorry it took so long I really wanted to take my time hehe c: 11. Describe your ideal day. I think my ideal day is sleeping in late, what for me is normal, around 12pm. Then I wake up, eat a good breakfast, sit with my cat on my lap for smtn like an hour. And then I go outside, bcs the sun is shining. I meet my friends and we go picknick somewhere in the sun beneath a few little trees. I buy smtn to drink somewhere because its very hot and ofc I forgot my drink. Its so refreshing and I feel so alive and the world is so beautifull. Me and my friends, we laugh a lot and just enjoy the good weather, the nice day and the little foods. And than at the evening we bbq or eat smtn else nice, and have a good evening. We sit outside for a while, feeling the summer evening becoming cooler. We watch as the stars come out and think to ourselves if we ever looked up at the same stars together in another life. And then when it’s really late, I go back home, feeling the cool breeze against my skin while I ride my electric bike. At home everyone is asleep so I walk in very softly and there I see my cat sleeping in the chair so I walk to her and bent over giving her a gentle kiss on her little head. She makes mmrrr sound and I tell her I love her and that I had an amazing day. After that I give her some food and I go to bed. Maybe take a showe bcs it was so hot today. And then I lay in my bed, tired but very fufilled after such a wonderfull day. Storing the happy memories in my head thinking how blessed I am with my life. As I fall asleep I feel gratefull for today and all the beautiful things that brought it.  Yeah, I think thats mu ideal day. Friends, good weather, sunshine, little food, laughter, love, my cat lucy, summer - yeah smtn like that c: 15. What is your favorite compliment to recieve? I like all kind of compliments. Im a sucked for compliments. I know I do a good job most of the time, but there’s just smtn in me that really likes the validation? I know I don’t need it. But it just makes my soul shine like: Ohmygawd thank you so much this makes me so happy D:. But If I had to think, I think I like the compliment saying I have a good energy or vibe the most. Bcs its so pure and real and not everyone can sense/say that. And you’re energy is not smtn you can fake or make more beautiful. So its such a sincere compliment, that I think thats my favorite compliment to recieve c: 21. Tell us about your music taste. Bro, this is a long one HAHAHA. But I will keep it short: ‘Diverse.’ I think that describes my music taste the best. Because I listen to A LOT of different things. Just what I feel like or in what mood I am. And one thing I also like a lot is when a song makes me feel ‘free’. As if im totally cut off from the world. Thats a really nice feeling music can give you. And ofc songs that make me feel things. Bcs often then I can use it as inspiration. So yeah, thats abt my music taste haha c: Also! I like it when songs have a deeper meaning. Idk why, but thats just megical c: 23. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid? OH I already answered this one so I will just copy and paste it here! c: ‘’ YES! I HAD. AND I STILL HAVE IT! I dont sleep with it anymore but it has a honorable place among my other stuffed animals. It is a cow, that is formed like a teddy bear so its more cartroony instead of animal like, her name is Koetjeboe and you could play a musicbox song of A Small World from Disneyland. It was my favarite soung and whenever I felt anxious as I child I would play it and it would sooth my soul and fill me with happyness. Aaah good times c: I also had a cat, named, Poes, she is very very very soft, well was, nowadays she aint HAHA she looked like my cat when I was younger, Sjimmie, I loved the plush. Mom bought it for me in England in the Harry Potter castle. It was amazing c: So, I kinda had two, but Koetjeboe the cow is rly my birth stuffed animal haha c:’’ 25. What dream trip would you take with your wife? Honestly, anywhere with her would be a dream. And if she has somewhere wehere she really wants to go, I would just go with that c: Seeing someone you love happy is such a gift so I totally wouldn’t mind going anywhere. That is also because I have so many places I want to go, and almost every place interests me. I can’t think of a country or city or place I am not interested in visiting. I always loved to travel, and still do, so anything would be good c: But if she’s like: Hey what do you want badly? I would probably say somewhere with a beach. I love the sea and I love the beach. So that would be a thing I would love too hahaha. But yeah, anything rly, and the beach c: 28. What makes you smile? Oh boi, what doesn’t?! HAHA. A lot of things make me smile tbh bcs I get happyness out of almost everything. I can remember that I was crying and felt sad, and even then I smiled because it was such a special experience haha. But if I had to say some things I would say; My cat Lucy, cant help but smile whenever I see her, my friends, you super included <3, sunshine, good food, baby animals and honestly just life in general c: 31. How do you show your love? Again, how don’t I? I learned at a very young age to show love in different ways. Bcs I wanted to be a good person. And one of those things is showing love. So I do it with words, saying I really love someone or giving them compliments, thats a big one for me haha. I also like to really support my friends through words. Just supporting them for whoever they are! I also like to give things. It can go from small presents to food to many or big presents on their birthday. Also I like to help people, to give them advice or agai support them any way I can. I also show it through physical contact, as in hugs ans such. And I even sometimes lean toward just really cuddling up to someone HAHAHA But I don’t do that tbh, bcs at the same time it makes me feel uncomfy, but at the same time im like: Ohmygawd I love yo uso much just lemme huddle up against you to share my love with you and ahfgs. So amny ways HAHAHA some more difficult for me and others really easy. Like presents or food, hit me up, imma get you some nice flowers or some sweets or a book you really like bcs I love yu!

38. Who do you admire? Myself *smirk* HAHHA no kiddin. I admire my friends. Because those people have been through hell, or still going through hell, and still decide to be genuine good persons. I’ve seen from upclose what they have to deal with. And they still give so much love tot he world and people and want to help. Its really a blessing to have people like that around me. And I thank the heavens for that. So I would say my friends. Yes. (pls know you are in this picture too. Hello, going through hell still being super good person, ok.) 45. Do you have tattoos or want any? Yes, I have one underneath my feet. HAHA oke jokes, sorry HAHA. No I don’t have any. And I would like one yes. Im not sure what I want tho. I am always thinking of a tiger. Or a lotus flower. Or a little symbol on the inside of my left wrist. That last one I smtn I’ve had for years. I dont know why but I would really like that. A small thing on that place. But what that is gonna be, I have NO idea. OH and I want a smilie face underneath my big toe! Thats just one for fun, but I would rly like it haha.

48. Did you know you’re actually a gift tot he world, for real? IM NOT CRYING YOU ARE *SOB* Thank yo uso much frend!! It means so much to me to hear that I just can’t. My gosh. When I see yu imma hug ya big time. SOB 49. What’s your favorite memory? Ooh this is a hard one. Mostly because I have many good memories and also because Im actually pretty bad at remembering things HAHHA thats two opposites I know xD But uuh, oke I thought about it, but im so sorry i cant think of one RIP. But if I had to choose I would choose smtn that made me smile. That made me really happy. So one with Lucy, many with Lucy, or one with my friends, many with my friends, with my mom, traveling, and so fort. There are a lot and I wish i could show them all to you. Sadly I can’t. BUT We can make our own favorite memories. So lets do that, okay? <3

[cjwallflower]

Marvel Gender Headcanons

because i doubt some of these people are cis

Peter: 

i claim this man for the trans community

he realised he was trans at around present time (15-16 years old)

he knows his family and friends will accept him

he’s still N E R V O U S

but he still wants to be true to his identity

so he wears the trans flag colours!!

Ned obvs catches on, but doesn’t say anything

Tony’s the first one Peter comes out to, bc i’m soft and irondad owns my heart

Tony gets him a spider suit with a binder built in

Peter is absolutely the kind of trans guy who forgets to take off his binder (i’m not projecting what do you mean)

he comes out to his aunt May next, and she breaks out the scissors

the other eventually figure it out, and they accept him immediately

Peter: Hey Clint?

Clint: Yo

Peter: I’m trans

Clint: *takes a gulp of his soda* wig

Peter: ???

they love him though let’s be real

Natasha Punches A Transphobe

someone calls Peter a tr*nny 

Natasha sends them on a one way trip to space :)

Peter absolutely decides to go on T

and he is a handsome!! boy!!

he eventually tells Ned and MJ, and they accept him too

Ned buys him a trans flag

NED BUYS HIM A TRANS FLAG

by the time they’re graduating high school, Peter passes as cis very well

Tony:

i’m claiming Tony as trans too

i promise there’s other gender identities here jdsfhkhsdfkjh

Tony came out in the 80s of all times

we know Howard

it didn’t go over well

Maria didn’t say much about it, but Howard was actively against it

Tony didn’t care at all

he literally snuck out and got a fake ID so he could start on T

Tony was almost 18 at that point, but he still used Howard’s money

just to piss him off

well Howard ended up dying like 3 years later

Maria survived because fuck you

but Tony never ended up getting any surgeries because he ended up getting busy with the company

he just didn’t have time, with all the recovery that goes into it

he’s still on T though!!

mans has tiddies and a beard, the boomers get confused

he tends to keep it more private though

Pepper knows, how could she not?

Pepper is the sole reason Tony survived to adulthood lbr

Peter found out accidentally

Tony got oil on a shirt while fixing one of his machines, and Peter walked in while he had it off

he saw the binder and boyyy was that a surprise

but it totally explained how Tony already knew so much about supporting Peter in his transition

the problem with being an ADHD workaholic?? 

hyperfocusing

when Tony hyperfocuses, he forgets to take off his binder

Jarvis: Sir, you need to take off your binder

Tony: Gimme like five more minutes, I need to finish this

Jarvis: Sir, it’s been 38 hours??

Tony: *already moving onto the next task* What’s your point?

his ribs are so fucked

Pepper and Peter remind him too

my boy is a mess

Thor:

this is solely because my nb loml claimed thor as nb and it’s super fucking valid

i love you babe 🥺

so Thor learned about different genders from Loki

and also from Peter tbh

but Thor LOVED the idea of being in between

it just made him really happy!!

he started using those labels a lot, even though he didn’t know much about what they meant

being on Earth more, he started to learn more about them

mostly because they replaced cops at pride (Peter’s idea)

so Thor decided to learn more

he knew he liked boys, that wasn’t uncommon on Asgard

gender expression was very open, but that blurred the lines a lot for him

when he got to non-binary, it clicked

“oh that sounds like me”

“THATS ME”

he was excited he’d figured it out

his immediate instinct?

he went to tell Loki

the only problem was Loki was asleep

“LOKI LOKI LOKI-”

“what do you wANT-”

“I’M NON-LIBRARY!!”

“WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN-”

it took like ten minutes for Loki to figure out what he meant

Loki was tired give him a break

he just kinda pushed Thor’s face away and went back to sleep

they talked about it again in the morning

after Loki got some coffee he was more receptive

“I accept you, just please stop waking me up at 2 am”

Thor’s just trying his best

he doesn’t know how to be non-binary though

(there is no right way to be enby though)

so Loki tried a few example sentences using they/them pronouns

Thor LOVED it

so now Thor wanted to use they/them pronouns

Loki isn’t a brain cell by any means

but he sure feels like one sometimes

and he’s tired of it

ANYWAYS

Thor announced it to everyone they saw

some people heard it multiple times

“GUYS I’M NON-BINARY!! :D”

they were happy for their thude

and Thor wore an enby flag to their first pride!!

now the protector of the lesbians says non-library rights

Loki:

Loki basically always knew he was genderfluid

it just seemed really obvious to him?

he realised he wasn’t cis when he was 7

he transformed into a girl for fun 

and she was like “oh i like this-”

so she experimented with that

and she fucking loved all of them

so she turned back into a boy and went to Frigga

that’s how he found out about the word genderfluid

so he basically just grew up shapeshifting as much as he wanted

when they eventually went to earth, Loki couldn’t shapeshift as much

after he was redeemed, he still needed to be recognisable so they wouldn’t think he was to pull a fast one on them

he was uncomfy 

Loki stays in his room a lot

he just really doesn’t wanna deal with it

he still shapeshifts in private!

Thor ends up being the one to catch on

but he kinda knows that Loki won’t talk to him

so he sends in the spider child!

Loki and Peter have a pretty close bond

so on one of the nights they hang out, it’s a she/her day

and Loki just kinda snapped and went on a bit of a rant

and she ended up coming out to Peter

Loki totally didn’t end up crying what do you mean

she just needs a hug

obvs Peter was accepting

he gave her that hug don’t worry

this was all on a rooftop eating bad street food jhshkfhjfkhkd

he did ask if he could tell the others, and Loki reluctantly agreed

yeah, the others felt kinda bad

so they ended up compromising!!

Loki could shapeshift, but not into other people 

and she could wear whatever she wanted

they also gave her bracelets so she could express her pronouns

its a long road

and it takes a long time to build trust

but Loki really does appreciate Thor and Peter’s efforts

Bucky:

trans enby rights. send tweet

let’s jump back to 1930s

Bucky was transitioning before the war

he had the surgeries and was on T

Steve was the only one who really knew 

it was right when HRT was starting to become a thing

he was one of the first people to try it

and it worked pretty well!

Bucky passed easily after ~2 years on T

but then he died

RIP Bucky :(

when he comes back as a Hydra agent, they use T supplements to make his body stronger

“Jokes on you, I like that shit”

yeah no the others end up rescuing him from there

but Bucky still takes T

everyone is a bit worried about it

they think he’s still under Hydra’s control

Steve has to explain it (with Bucky’s permission)

but Bucky really starts feeling a disconnect with being a male

it’s mostly due to the trauma from Hydra

he knows he’s not a girl anymore

but he hates the idea of being a boy now

so he has no idea what he is

he ends up drawing the parallel between himself and Thor

but Bucky still sees some masculinity in Thor, which confuses him a LOT

Bucky’s always confused lbr

so he ends up finding the term Agender

and he understands it!! and likes it!!

he’s too nervous to tell the others, so he writes sentences using they/them pronouns

“Their name is Bucky Barnes”

“Bucky is tired, they need a nap”

“Bucky’s best friend is Steve. They’ve known Steve since the beginning”

Bucky is WAY happier with they/them pronouns

the problem is they don’t know how to communicate that

even to Steve, they’re just nervous

Steve ends up finding the paper, which now has over 100 sentences

so the next time they’re alone, Steve brings it up, and after a little bit of avoiding answering, Bucky tells him about it

Steve is super accepting 🥺

“Do you want me to tell the others for you?”

“Yes please, I have no idea what I’m doing-”

“I don’t think any of us do”

so Steve lets the others know, and they start using they/them pronouns

Bucky’s IMMEDIATELY so much happier

i just think they’re neat-

MJ:

MJ isn’t cis, fuck you

MJ is a demigirl

and no one even figured it out for the longest time

she kinda groups herself on the more non-binary side

Peter finds out because someone calls her by they/them pronouns

“MJ?? Are you?? Non-binary??”

“Nope”

“Are you still a girl??” 

“Nope”

after like 20 mins Peter figures it out

and boy is he confused

“Why didn’t you just say it?”

“I couldn’t. Gotta keep ‘em on their toes”

“Who??”

“:)”

the M in MJ stands for mystery

anyways!!

she switches from lesbian to the term Trixic (NBLW)

MJ goes to pride with Peter and Ned that year

MJ gets a girlfriend there!!

she comes out to her girlfriend upfront. she doesn’t feel like waiting

yeah she gets intense

she gets it from her moms

who can blame her

MJ sometimes wears a binder

she wore one on the first day of school, because Peter was nervous about being out (he’d come out over the summer)

MJ will punch transphobes and homophobes

even just for fun tbh

but she won’t do it immediately

she heard someone make a comment about Ned and his boyfriend and waited a few days

and then came out of nowhere

B O N K

the douchebag kinda knew why though 

in conclusion, MJ is elite

[ddaenggtan]

from eden | myg + jhs (preview)

you've been in the dark a long time, overworked and exhausted. the only bright point is your gatekeeper, hoseok, your closest friend and the man you love but can't have. you've accepted that loneliness is inevitable for you. when a voice calls to you, though, and moves you so deeply that you rip open the earth to help them, you meet a mint-haired boy that changes everything you thought you knew about your prison.

pairing | yoongi x reader x hoseok

genre/warnings | greek god au, hades!reader, thanatos!hoseok, persephone!yoongi, fluff, angst, smut, mild depictions of violence, mentions of blood (well, blood equivalent, bc gods), pining, depictions of abusive parenting (seriously, I don’t go into a ton of detail, but it’s enough, pls don’t read this if that triggers you at all), love triangle (kind of), polyamory, v v smutty, mutual masturbation, oral (female receiving), face-sitting, fingering, dick-riding, double penetration, unprotected sex (gods can't get sti's but u can! Wrap it b4 u tap it!), creampie, everyone hates Zeus but what's new, demeter sucks and is the literal worst

word count | 15.6k | will be cross posted to ao3

[ coming saturday june 15, 8pm est ]

It's dark when you open your eyes. You've spent so long down here, you're used to it, but the shadows always seem to make the air colder than it should be. Though you suppose the land of the dead isn't supposed to be warm.

You stretch and wince at the crick in your spine. Another night sitting at your desk, greek fire burning through the hours so that you can scratch away at the papers in front of you. Your siblings always enjoy doing whatever they want, using mortals and throwing them away however they please, cleaning up after each other whenever they can spare the time.

No one ever seems to think about you, nor do they remember the chaos up top only worsens your constant migraines.

No, instead they start their wars and slaughter their enemies and are absolutely oblivious about the fact that the Meadow is at 80% capacity as it is, with more souls arriving each day. Thanatos did well at his job, as did Charon, and you were always sure to be thankful to them, but you wish, not for the first time, that there was someone - anyone - to help with your work.

Your brothers have the naiads, the winds, and the lesser gods to help them with their oceans and skies. Gods of vengeance and retribution help with war, while the fertility goddesses and the muses aid the lovelorn.

And yet here you are, still alone after all these years. Millenia, you've been stuck down here, forced to live out your days in the cold darkness and manage the dead mortals. You've always been introverted, even before you drew lots with your siblings, but never like this. You've tried to leave, of course; at first making short visits to Olympus or the mortal realm, just to speak to another living soul again, someone else who understands what it's like to be trapped in your own life. It seems like every time you came back, though, the underworld had gotten smaller and smaller, nearly suffocating you in an attempt to keep its claws in your skin. And then, of course, came the curse.

You haven't felt the sun on your skin in nearly a thousand years, and while you've always been one for the shade, you miss it. You miss the smell of the flowers in the temples, you miss the sound of the river as it babbles past, you want to feel the warm summer breeze ruffle your hair as you stand in the middle of a marketplace. You're tired of the Fields, you're bored of walking the streets of Elysium with the weight of their stares at your back, sick of standing at the steps to the Isles and wondering if it is, truly, euphoric and if any mortal would ever find out. You don't wear your sandals around the palace anymore; you don't want to hear the footsteps echo. It's just a reminder that you are, truly, alone.

Even the other deities in the Underworld have stopped calling on you. The aura that surrounds you is enough to wilt most any plant, unnerve most every animal, and the gods are no exception. The only exceptions are Hecate, who makes it her personal mission to bribe you into visiting the Meadow if only for a moment, and Thanatos when he can slip away for longer than a moment to distract you from your work. They rarely succeed, but it's the thought that counts, you suppose.

You muse on this as you walk, bare feet skimming lightly over the soil of the Meadow as you make your way to the Gates. You could probably just shadow-walk, if you wanted, you do enjoy giving your Thanatos a fright, but you figure the walk would do you good. There’s no one to bother you as go, thankfully. The dead wander aimlessly around you. There's no acknowledgment as you pass; there's never any recognition of anything in the Meadow, the price mortals pay for being so utterly inconsequential and mundane.

You smile when you see that your friend is busy, and you give a silent command to Cerberus not to alert the man to your presence. The dog whines a little, but sits back on his haunches, shaking the ground as he does so. You're silent as you move up behind the judge.

"You wanted me to tell you my judgment and I have," Hoseok says firmly. "You could have gone straight to the Asphodel Meadow and existed in relative peace for eternity, and instead you request a hearing, and then have the gall to question my decision?" You grimace slightly; perhaps putting Hoseok in charge of judging the souls was not the best idea, but he has yet to be wrong about someone.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... 

When you emerge from the shadows, you settle at the base of your garden tree. The only living thing that would grow down here, the sole reminder of the world above. Its branches show that it should be close to the harvest soon, maybe a month away at the most. You reach up, weaving through the darkness to pluck a pomegranate from the tree. You don't even like pomegranates anymore, you think as you inspect it. Ripe, juicy, and utterly disgusting; the gods' idea of a joke. The thing that brought about your isolation, your solitude, yet it continues to be the only thing that grows in this wasteland.

You laugh bitterly before tossing the fruit up in the air, letting it fly through the shadows to land beside Hoseok, whatever he's doing. He always appreciates your little gifts, the only real thing you can do to show that you aren't cross with him and are glad for the work he does. He's long been stuck here with you, but the fruit doesn't turn to bile on his tongue the way it does yours. Perhaps the willingness he had that first time made a difference.

Please.

You glance around, looking for the voice that suddenly echoes around you. It's soft, a memory of a whisper. It's not rare for you to hear the voices of the dead in your realm, but this is different. This one strikes you to your core, for this…

This one sounds hopeful.

The prayers that make their way to you are never hopeful. They are sad or angry or scared, always filled with tears and regret and more than a little hesitancy, but never do they have any shred of hope in them.

You stand, eyes narrowed as you look through the darkness for whatever soul may be calling to you.

Please. I don't want to go back. Don't let her take me.

Without thinking, you reach into the shadows. The blackness swirls around your fingers, unsure where you're trying to go. You don't know yourself, and you wish you did. You aren't sure why you're doing this; you rarely answer prayers, least of all the ones that don't mention you specifically, but something in this voice calls to you. It resonates in your chest, shakes your very being because you remember that feeling. You remember the way it felt to be free, standing in the sun and clawing at the earth as Gaia dragged you back down to your post, tears mixing with the dirt as you pleaded, begged her not to take you back down there.

With a jerk, you pull the shadows apart, and the ground quakes above you. You watch, anxiety pooling in your gut, and it's only the intensity of your focus that lets you see it: a figure, falling limply through the earth that you've opened. The string of curses you let out would make even Ares blush, and it's with a rush you haven't felt in millennia that you weave the shadows together into a net and toss it upwards. The figure falls into it with ease, shadows wrapping around the body to glide gently downwards until they can deposit the person with ease at the roots of your tree.

Your breath catches in your throat as the darkness recedes, revealing soft mint hair with flowers woven into it, pale green robes that are sliced nearly in half at the back and caked with mud. The man is beautiful and soft and bright, every inch the antithesis to your own black and grey clothes. You hesitate to even look at him, too afraid of dulling that sun-kissed skin with the death you carry on your fingertips.

His brow furrows and he winces, though his eyes remain closed. You blink owlishly before guiding the shadows around him once more; when you're sure he's secure, you pull him along behind you until you reach the only spare room you have in the palace. You situate him on the bed there, fluffing pillows and smoothing blankets until you can almost pretend he fell asleep there of his own accord. With pursed lips, you assign three of your Bones to watch him; one just inside the door and two outside of it, just in case whatever he was running from attempts to come for him.

You don't want to leave him, but you have work to do, and the land of the dead cannot rule itself.

[cerealmonster15]

friend thing yaaay tagged by @notsebastianstan

rules: answer the questions and then tag blogs u want to get to know better

Nickname(s): online it’s usually cereal or cm

Gender: mostly female probably lol

Sign: scorpio

Height: 5′3″ or 5′4″

Time: 7:55pm

Fav band(s): shrugs

Fav solo artist(s): continues to shrug

Last movie I saw: oh man i feel like i just watched something uhhmmm... maybe thats just been binge watching shows ummmmm probably spiderman homecoming?? i watched it like a month ago

Last show I watched: i think it was catfish

When did I create my blog: july 13 2012. oh damn i just had my 6 year anniversary recently lol... dear god kfldsj

What do I post: videya games and rvb and memes i guess lol

Last thing I googled: "fever dream define” bc i was mentioning fever dreams to a friend but then wasnt sure if i actually knew what they are even tho i use that term freely quite a bit. ive never actually had a fever dream so i had to CHECK

Do I have any other blogs:  yaaaaaaaaaaa i have

@tangosdonut as my stim/aesthetics blog (mostly stim but i find some stims aesthetically pleasing and vice versa so shrug)

@tangoscereal food blog; mostly desserts and pastas. second most updated blog after my main

@sometimesgrimer i draw grimer sometimes 

@tweekscupcakes south park blog

@imaginedonut one of those character imagine blogs for frankie d donut. i dont update it much these days but i’d liiiiiiiike toooooooooo

and i had @spoiledcereals for that one year everyone was doin spoiler blogs for rt stuff when the week difference in first membership seeing things happened, but apparently no one uses those any more which is really unfortunate so rip

most of these i dont update too often but. theyre there.

Do I get asks: ya every so often

Why did I choose my url: hmm emoji that’s a good question lol. i wanted something more gender neutral than before and i think my explanation was “i like cereal and am a monster” or something. also i was 15 lol. 

Following; 3,387

Followed by: 1,649 ; ive dropped like 6 followers the past few weeks

Average hours of sleep: uhhhhhhhhhhhh like 6-7 but i tend to have a hard time falling asleep and i wake up a lot so shrug

Lucky number: dont got one tbh

What am I wearing: a tshirt from when i did an exchanged thing in spain in hs, some lazy gray shorts, and a purple sweatshirt

Dream job: 3d modeling or video editing or something... i think i wanna work on games but tbh something in entertainment is my main desire

Fav food: pasta or my dad’s beans and rice bc #colombian

Nationality: american

Fav song: i dont really have one

Last book I read: i........................ have no idea................. it’s been so long since ive read a book uhhh i wanna say it was when i finally finished the last few chapters of the perks of being a wallflower last summer/early fall during the hurricane bc i had it on my ipad and had started it ages ago and never finished i mean unless u count the various books i glanced in about c sharp and unity and stuff but i know that’s not the kind of book reading this post is about lol

Top 3 fictional universes I wanna join: animal crossing, harvest moon, pokemon those are also my fave games lol bye

UHM i dont feel like taggin anyone in particular but THANK U FOR UR TIME

[randisnotonfire-blog]

Daisy Love  Stan Uris X Reader

Summary: The reader is having on and off occuring dreams of when she had to face her fear when going to Pennywise’s house with the Losers’ club. Her dreams always went something like this: Every member of the Losers’ Club including her splitting up to go kill off Pennywise, but he catches her in the blink of an eye trapping her in a room. He would start to fill the room with water, which drowning was one of her fears, and then he would leave. Which meant she was trapped in a locked room without anyone knowing she was. The room would fill up with dark deep water and she would shout out their names, “Stan!? Bev! Richie! Someone please help!” she would always scream out their names. Starting to realize what is happening she gathers enough oxygen to swim, trying to break the door open it was helpless. She started to drown, floating to the top of the water. Thankfully her friends heard the screaming before and ran to the room, Stan, Richie, and Bill would bust the door open to only realize you were floating at the top of the dark water. “She is drowning!” Richie would cry out, you would fall down with the rest of the water when the door burst open. You were lying on the floor while everyone was frantically panicking. “What the fuck do I do?!” Richie had begged for a answer. “Give her freaking CPR dippy!” Bev would shout at them. Stan would be the one to give you CPR he tried everything until you woke. Starting to cough out water you balled up, your knees’ meeting your face. You would cry. Then you had woken up from the dream. The dream had happened when you spent the night at Stan’s house and he would try to comfort you which causes unexpected daisies 

Warnings: Fluff, light cursing,mentions of drowning, all the other spooooky stuff you would find on my account for fan fics lol also SPOILERS

Requested: Nope ;-;

A/n: Sorry and SORRY that the summary was sooooo long lol but I had to describe the occurring nightmares that the reader was experiencing! It was kind of deep but also not my idea for the nightmare scene, I don’t remember who came up with the idea but I am trying to give them some type of credit. ALSO this is my first ever IT fan fic btw, and if you didn’t know. The movie IT is based off of Stephen Kings thriller/drama book. The 2k17 version is just a remake of the book and the original movie. And I HAD to make a IT fan fic for Stan bc like he is a angel lol. AND NO I DIDN’T SEE THE MOVIE JUST JEEZ I’M SORRY!  allssoooo sorry this is like rlly long lol ALSO lol I changed the age of their group to like 16/17 

                                                          *  *  *

                                                          *  *  *

                                                             Prologue:

       When you were younger you always did hang out with Stan,Bev,Bill,Richie and Eddie. They were technically your only friends considering you were kind of a loner, but you befriended them easily since they were easily attracted to your personality. Richie on the other hand was kind of a asshole to you, but you both knew you loved each other like a family. All of you were like family to each other actually. But when Bill’s brother had gone missing and was known dead things changed. Almost everything did. Bill acted differently, your friend group know as “The Losers’ Club” didn’t hang out that much. But then Bill changed all that when he started talking about clowns. From there on you all knew about Pennywise, you were all a target for him. And in the grand scheme of this it seemed that Eddie and Richie were too close to be friends or even best friends. They Richie hadn’t came out about it yet since the death of Eddie and now your all sophomore’s in high school. Still traumatized from that stupid clown. But at least he brought you guys closer together. But the worst things that he had ever done to all of you left scars and horrid memories, I mean first of all he killed George and he almost killed you too from drowning you and he killed Eddie. He tried to kill all of you guys and got away with one person. You still remember the day when Eddie died. While you guys were fighting IT for the last time in the sewers, Pennywise manifesting as a giant spider ripped off Eddie’s arm. Which caused him to bleed out and die, you remember the fear in his Eddie’s eyes when this happened.  I remember his last words being to Richie, you and Richie both insisted on carrying the poor boys body out of the sewers. But everyone was saying to leave him there, and that’s the horrible decision that we made. To leave his corpse there to rot and decay, they acted foolish considering Eddie was like the baby of our group but still the mother. You remember how strong Richie was for kissing him on the cheek and leaving him. You always wanted to see what Eddie would be when he was older, see if he would travel the world. See the stars that shone from infinity miles away in a different view. You always felt guilty about leaving him there, and always will. But now times have changed and you and the rest of the Losers’ Club are sophomores in high school. 

                                                        *  *  *

            “Oh come on Y/n! Why would you choose that answer for a math quiz” Richie exclaimed as he skimmed through your already graded math quiz, “Its not my fault Mr.Allan wasn’t specific for #8″ You rolled your eyes playfully as Bev walked in to Stan’s living room. “Hey guys” She smiled, you waved and the other boys had their fair share of saying their greets. You turned on the TV and flipped through the channels but stopped when the news channel turned on, “Hey!” Stan said as he snatched the TV remote from your hand. You sighed when you saw the news talking about important stuff like the robberies and deaths or missing kids. Stan saw your reaction and quickly changed the channel. “Where is Bill?” Beverly asked as she looked around. “He is probably stuck at home with his parents” Richie spoke then handed you back your science quiz paper. “You did good though Y/n” He said “Thanks Rich” you turned around and smiled at him. Richie was still having emotions flowing through him like crazy ever since Eddie passed away sadly, but he was good at hiding it. There was a couple of people who understood Richie’s emotions like he was a open book to them. You, Eddie, and Bill completely understood him out of the group. After a hour or two of just you all talking about school,music, and whats been happening lately Richie finally agreed that it was getting late out considering that it was now 11pm. “Bye guys” Richie said with Beverly. “Bev do you need a drive home? Or did you bring your....” Richie started talking to Beverly as he left the room and the house. “Are you gonna stay the night again?” Stan asked which snapped you back into reality because you were still thinking about what had happened a couple years back. “Y/n?” He asked waving his hand in front of your face to capture your lost attention. “Y-yeah” You said with a smile when you looked at his face. “Cool” He smiled back at you

                                                   *  *  *

         You had already packed some clothes, which you had just changed into when you walked into the bathroom, walking back out you saw Stan cooking a small meal for himself. “Oh hey Y/n” He said while being focused on not burning the cheese sandwich, you walked over and sat down on the couch. You turned on the TV and started looking for something remotely interesting to watch, “Please don’t turn on the news channel, okay?” Stan said as he finished making the food for himself. “mk” He walked over and sat on the floor so he would get crumbs on the floor, which made it easier to clean up.  

  Soon enough you guys got tired and walked to his room, “Are you sure you want to share a bed? You can always sleep out on the pull-out couch Y/n” Stan asked. “I’m okay with sharing a bed with you Stanley” You said, he hated when you called him ‘Stanley’ because he thought it sounded weird sometimes. He rolled his eyes “Fine”, he walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth while you got into the side of the bed that faced the wall. When he was finished getting ready he walked back into the room. He climbed into bed with you, making sure both of your backs were facing each other. It was somewhat kind of awkward but comfortable silence. After a couple of minutes you could hear the soft sound of him sleeping. You on the other hand were kind of scared to go to sleep in fear you might have the same dream again. And it only happened when you would think about when you were 15 and all the traumatizing stuff that happened. Shit. You already expected it to happen. When you fell asleep after 4 hours, it would be 3am, the dream happened. 

     Every member of the Losers’ Club including her splitting up to go kill off Pennywise, but he catches her in the blink of an eye trapping her in a room. He would start to fill the room with water, which drowning was one of her fears, and then he would leave. Which meant she was trapped in a locked room without anyone knowing she was. The room would fill up with dark deep water and she would shout out their names, “Stan!? Bev! Richie! Someone please help!” she would always scream out their names. Starting to realize what is happening she gathers enough oxygen to swim, trying to break the door open it was helpless. She started to drown, floating to the top of the water. Thankfully her friends heard the screaming before and ran to the room, Stan, Richie, and Bill would bust the door open to only realize you were floating at the top of the dark water. “She is drowning!” Richie would cry out, you would fall down with the rest of the water when the door burst open. You were lying on the floor while everyone was frantically panicking. “What the fuck do I do?!” Richie had begged for a answer. “Give her freaking CPR dippy!” Bev would shout at them. Stan would be the one to give you CPR he tried everything until you woke. Starting to cough out water you balled up, your knees’ meeting your face. You would cry. As they tried to comfort you in hopes to help you get up and leave the place forgetting what happened. 

                Then you woke up to realize it was only just a dream, thankfully. You tried not to cry so you wouldn’t wake up Stan, you only called out his name. “Stan?” You asked hoping he would wake up. And he did. “What?” He asked groggily, “I-I had a nightmare...” You said quietly. He turned around to look at you but only to see just your clothed back. “Is that my shirt?” He said as he wrapped a arm around your waist unknowingly. His eyes widened for a moment then realized that you didn’t have a reaction to his arm around your waist. You closed your eyes at the touch of his cold hand wrapped around you, “No, it’s Bill’s. He gave it to me when it didn’t fit him anymore. But it’s a  bit big on me” you said. He smiled then shook his head, “Sometimes I wonder if you ever get to close to the boys” you turned around so now you were facing him. He wrapped his arm back around your waist and you rest your arms around his shoulders, “Seriously?” You asked as if you were surprised. Stan rolled his eyes “Yeah dummy” he said with a shit-eating grin. You smiled and buried your head in the crook of his neck. You took a moment to realize that you were actually “cuddling” Stan Uris, your best friend. He wasn’t no stranger to being like this but he did have a soft side. One that you sometimes would see, but he was more mature and clean person. The only time you would ever be seen like this with him was when having a movie night with him and everyone else from the Losers’ club. “Y/n? Will you tell me what the dream was about?” He said as he looked down at your tiny figure, “Would you be mad or ever surprised that I still haven’t gotten over Eddie’s death and when I almost drowned to death” you said when you looked up at him. “No, why would I get mad at you for something  that had horribly happened in our past. That’s a serious topic Y/n” He sighed, he always knew that you would never get over anything that happened a couple years back. He always had felt guilty for ever letting something like that be seen by you and everyone else. “I know you wouldn’t bu-” You started to talk but Stan nicely interrupted you by saying “Just please tell me the dream”, you sighed. “You remember when we went to IT’s house and how I got stuck in t-that room and the water and me almost dieing” You spoke softly as you rested your forehead on his. “That was the nightmare?” He said as he looked at you with his dark fawn colored eyes, you nodded. “Oh” There was that familiar silence that fell upon the room when you had to tell something to Stan or say the truth.

             “Y/n, he is dead why would still think, talk or ever have nightmares about him?” Stan said as he lifted his forehead away from yours. “Stan, I’m sorry” You said as you looked down. “Why would you be sorry?” He asked, you started to cry from the horrid memories of everything that happened, “No Y/n, please don’t cry” He said as he lifted your chin up so you made eye contact. He didn’t know what to do from the moment he did that, you both didn’t know what to do. He furrowed his eyebrows and took a moment to realize what he was about to do. Then suddenly your worlds collided with one simple kiss. You blushed like crazy then buried your head in the crook of his neck to hide your embarrassment, his eyes widened and then his eyes wandered looking around the room just to take a moment to realize what he just did to his best friend. “Wow” you mumbled. He scoffed, “Was is really that bad” He asked quietly. You shook your head, “Your really asking your best friend if the kiss we just shared was good Stanley” You smiled. 

                                                      *  *  *

   And that’s it lovelys for this creative Stan Uris fan fic, it was so fun to write. This was totally unexpected and look forward to new fan fics since my internet is running smoothly (Yey!) But this was a creepy but yet fluffy fan fic and if you would like a part 2 where they decide to tell everyone else that they kissed and what happens after that let me know by direct messaging me! Like I said this is my first ever Stan Uris fan fiction because I absolutely adore the cast and the characters! Thank you so so SO much for reading this, and I hope you have a wonderful day my lovely’s! <3 

[theoreticallytrying]

25 questions!! again i think lol

tagged by fae my best bae, she cray but she slay (@peachiichiim!!)

1) any pets?: ye! un shih tzu named coco, he’s crazy honestly

2) 3 things that are physically close to you: twelfth night, an exposed unmarinated chicken, and wuthering heights ( @peachiichiim @ummmm-n-o hc)

3) current weather?: dark and cold, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing, etc. etc. etc.

4) do you drive? if so, have you crashed?: ask me again in three years and probably it’ll be yes and yes

5) what time did you wake up this morning?: like 9...then i watched three episodes of merlin so technically like 11 bc i didn’t actually get out of bed until then lol

6) last time you showered?: like four hours ago. i love showering. it makes me feel all warm and tingly inside

7) last movie you saw?: i saw the new star wars yesterday but i fell asleep during the first one and didn’t see the second so i was basically very confused throughout the whole thing. rip finnpoe/stormpilot tho,,,

8) last text message?: ‘ceck card is best card’ no context is best context

9) ringtone?: n/a i don’t have a phone rip

10) have you ever been to a different country?: ya yeet! everyone in my family except for my parents and me lives in the philippines so holidays are lonely. but we visit every (other) year usually! 

11) sushi?:I LOVE SUSHI I HAVE SASHIMI LIKE TWICE EVERY WEEK LOL. BEST IS KANI I WILL FIGHT UUUUU

12) where do you buy your groceries?: safeway or target...if you blindfolded me i would know how to find my way through.

13) sleep meds?: “And I’ll sleep.” act 4 scene 1, as you like it bc sAMEE (again lowkey hated this play but it was a freakin meme)

uMMM about the question never! but last novemeber when i first got braces i was hella hooked on advil and i think i was taking six per day? also sneaking it into my no-medication-without-permission school and taking it at lunch?? so i started taking it b4 bed too so kinda ya.

i good now bc i ran out lmao

14) siblings?: si un brother. he ok i guss, mainly plays computer and minecraft all day so

15) desktop computer or laptop?: laptop

16) how old will you be on your next birthday?: older than juliet was when she married the dude who kissed ‘by the book’ haHAhA  14

17) contacts or glasses?: neither i do not like nonconsensual physical contact or wine glasses

18) do you color your hair?: i tried but it didn’t work, but depending on where i go for high school (all girls or liberal catholic or public) my mom said i could dye it purple this summer so that’s cool

19) something youre planning to do today?: entertain children, my dad’s godchildren from conneticutt

20) last time you cried?: omg this is the saddest thing ever but i was watching a bootleg of great comet a while ago hha and just dust and ashes man

21) perfect pizza topping?: sue me i like white sauce

22) hamburger or cheeseburger?: cheez w/ nO KETCHUP I HATE KETCHUP IVE HAD IT LIKE FIVE TIMES IN MY ENTIRE LIFE AND NOOOO BLURGE

i like mayo tho. sue me for this too.

23) ever had an all-nighter?: oh MY GOSH so on my birthday in april, we had a poetry assignment due the next day. and i was a lazy arse and i was like ‘poetry is easy and ill just do it all in like three seconds’

i stayed up all night, on my birthday, to finish a hecking poetry portfolio which didn’t even end up going into the gradebook?????

to be fair it was terrible poetry but whatever

24) eye color?: “as brown in hue. as hazel nuts” more dark than petruchio says...like coffee (without the creamer :P)

25) can you taste the difference between pepsi and coke?: i’ve never had pepsi and i don’t like coke so nope

[somasean]

ICYMI - Maxx’s Stream (August 20th, 2017)

-had to get rid of nightbot bc it was "being a jerk"

-gonna have a subscribe button next stream

-it's '90s day

-they're filming a new sio (youtube) video!!

-new layout!

-he's feeling better, just a little sniffles

-loves IOS11 (thinks it looks ugly though)

-let's get this pokemon show on the road

-walked into a caver and now everyone but karen is dead

-nevermind it was birb

-is stuck in a level 29 Dugtrio fight -thinks he put on a setting to where the streams are archived now

-he might win this!!

-he won with 24 hp!

-birb leveled up!! and learned whirlwind!

-someone from Austria donated!

-talking about what hosting means (you're playing whatever maxx is playing on ur channel)

-finally got out of it

-cody's in the stream!

-playing destinys child

-people are spamming his talk dirty lyrics now gross

-fighting  level 15 drowzee

-karen fell asleep :( but still won!!

-had to store cathy :(

-"who names their kid youngster dave?"

-"could you imagine someone singing so peacefully you fall asleep and then immediately after they slap you like 18 times in the face"

-karen grew to level 18, is poisoned, and still has three hp left

-"I'm rip vine's biggest fan"

-talking about bob ross's fountain and bed

-wants florida tour dates

-talking about smackdown

-almost all of his pokemon have fainted fighting two magnemites

-someone's going as pistol for halloween

-might die (two magnemites, and a mageton)

-he died :(

-wants to go back to japan and play mexico

-getting chiplote after this stream ("i might start a twitter thread for every day")

-"do i like shrek? uh, duh"

-"what about the bee movie? that's rip vine's biography"

-might die

-"'my cat made me do this at gun point please send help' im calling the police immediately"

-"i didnt know there was a difference between rock and ground"

-might be coming to the UK and midland europe next year once they write the new album

-won!!!

-backstreet ('s back) boys!!

-doesnt have a fave song off of cinematics but first one that came to his mind is "i'd rather drown"

-next emo night is soon

-someone asked if zaxx or carziger is real lol

-wants to do another Maxx Tries Something New

-abra evolved!

-backstreet again lol

-"am i the bad guy?"

-pistol flashed everyone

-someone said hi bby girl u with daddy grOSS

-fought two pikachus

-banana is level 23 and learned reflect!!

-edgar's here!!

-someone called him a jerk???

-finally defeated the whole boat

-fighting an electric gym

-didnt know what spooptober was

-pistol joined to watch the battle

-rad-ish died

-so much double team from pika & raichu

-"i just beat him with a hotdog in the ground"

-streamed for two hours

[cryhavok]

middleground au bc i am alexraven trash

i.

the first thing alex decides when he sets foot back on american soil is that he is never, not for his life, getting on a plane again.

the second thing he decides is that he’s going to find raven.

ii.

“how was vietnam?” she asks, in the out-of-the-way diner in nowhere, california that they’re sitting in.

“hot,” he tells her.  “and --- loud.”  and there were bodies in the trees and the jungle sang with birds until it didn’t and the napalm smelled like laundry detergent mixed with diesel fuel and the dirt crawled with bugs the way it does everywhere but you never notice it until your face is pressed to it and you’re praying you won’t die.  the dog tags around his neck ( his own now, not christopher summers’ ) hung heavy some days and mosquitoes never touched him because of his fever blood and his captain knew he was a killer and a mutant and never said a word about it until it was time to go home.  “how was america?”

“you looked good in your uniform, soldier,” raven replies.

he doesn’t want to give her the satisfaction.  he tries not to give her the satisfaction.  but despite his best efforts he flushes.

“ha!” she crows, pointing.  the diner turns to stare at them.  alex only goes redder.

iii.

“do you know where they were going to take you?” she asks him, lying on the hotel bed across the room from his.

“take me?”

“after vietnam.”

“oh.  no.  --- where?”

“i don’t know yet.  i was asking if you knew.”

“they just told us ‘home.’”  not that he had believed it.  not after the fifth time it was said and he noticed what they all were.

raven’s face goes dark.  “home,” she says.

iv.

“alex,” she says when he gets back from his early morning run.  he does two a day now---can’t sleep past six, so he runs, runs again before he goes to bed so he can actually fall asleep.  “do you know there’s labs?  for mutants?”

it’s sudden.  he half expects her to say, next: that was where they were going to take you.  but she doesn’t.  “yeah,” he says.  he knows his answer won’t surprise her.

“i found one,” she says, after he gets out of the shower.  she’s lying on his bed in the motel room, naked and blue, and he grabs a shirt out of his bag and disappears back into the bathroom to put it on.  when he doesn’t answer, she continues.  “a lab.”

“yeah?” he says.  he doesn’t look at her.  he focuses on his belt.

“yeah.  i’m going there.  tomorrow.”

“where is it?”

“arizona.”

“if we start driving now, we can probably get there in two days.”

she smiles at him.  her teeth are so white against the blue of her face that alex ends up nearly blinded.  he drops onto his bed.  she stares at the ceiling.  he does too.  there’s a crack running along it, his bed to hers.  “let’s go buy a car.”

“i have a car.”

“a car that won’t break down in nevada.”

it’s alex’s turn to snort.

v.

arizona is a shitshow.

they get a couple of kids out alive---they don’t know about the rest of them, because they have to leave them.  raven is busted up.  took most of the punches, dealt most of them out.  her knuckles are swollen.  her feet are bleeding.  her body is covered with bruises he can’t see under the feathering scales covering it.  in the motel room she sits across the room from him and lets him clumsily slap bandages onto the hands of one of the kids, who burned them on the door alex melted on their way out.  she ties her own bandages.  one of the girls is sitting in the corner crying.  her brother’s still inside.

“we have to go back,” alex tells her quietly, alone in the room two days later.

“we can’t,” she says, and he’s starting to get angry but then he sees the muscle in her jaw working, the clench of her fists.  how much it hurts her to say this.

“not right now,” he agrees.

“not right now.”

vi.

here’s how it goes.

they make plans in hole-in-the-wall restaurants and motels with holes in the walls.  alex pretends to be a journalist and distracts clerks long enough for raven to steal permit blueprints and waits in the car with first gear waiting to go while she slips into the bases and checks to make sure the plans aren’t lying.  they fight over the stained showers in the mornings.  they watch the news on the grainy tvs at night.  raven teaches him intelligence-style recon.  alex teaches her how to fold her socks tight enough that she can fit an extra weapon in her bag.

after arizona they develop a better system. raven uses someone else’s face to get in the front door while alex parks the car two miles out and waits for 45 minutes.  it’s a 15-minute run to the building, and then he rips open the back wall to draw security while she breaks into the lab.

they meet in the middle of the building.

here’s how it goes.

alex the long-range weaponry.  alex the wrecking ball.  raven the infiltrator.  raven the scalpel.  the two of them sitting in the car in the parking lot in front of their motel room, tallying wounds.  raven always comes out bleeding, purple with bruises.  after norfolk she lets him support her the twenty feet from the car to the room.  after orlando she starts pretending to fall asleep in the car so he’ll carry her in without making her ask him to.

vii.

alex doesn’t kill.  people die because of him, probably, because sometimes he brings down the side of a building on their heads and sometimes they fuck up and can’t protect everyone.  but he doesn’t kill, not exactly, and raven pays, because that means she has to.

she doesn’t complain.  he doesn’t explain.  they silently agree not to talk about it.

“i’m sorry,” alex says after fort meade, breaking the agreement.

“don’t,“ she tells him.  “just.  save it, alex.“

“let me help you --- ”

“go for a run.“

viii.

in meridian raven makes alex laugh in the middle of swallowing a mouthful of water, and the liquid burns its way up through his sinuses and drips down his face from his mouth and nose all over his food.

“oh my god,“ raven says, watching him sputter and cough.  “that is disgusting.“

alex hits the table with his fist and points at his throat indignantly, shoulders shuddering.

“you are not dying,“ raven informs him.

he keeps coughing into his eggs, giving her a reproachful look across the table.

“yes, it would kill me to pretend to be concerned,“ she says, even though that wasn’t what he was going to say.  “you’re still going to eat that, aren’t you?“

“i hate you,“ he wheezes.  “probably.”

ix.

“how was vietnam really?“ raven asks, lying against alex’s side and eating half a burger while they watch coverage of war protests in dc.

“i hated it,“ he says.  “i feel a lot better about... this.“

she points at the tv.  “you want to go to one of those?“

“i don’t think they’re gonna want me there.“

“let’s go anyway.“

x.

things go sideways again when they go back to arizona.  when alex is powered up and firing bullets can’t really touch him; they explode before they get too close.  but neither of them has any special resistance to bullets at short distance, and raven catches one to the side while she’s in the process of disarming one of the guards.  the blast doesn’t register with him over the rest of the chaos, but when she doesn’t come to help him release the limb restraints on the test subjects, he realizes she’s still standing in the door of the lab room, leaning into the wall as red drips to the floor beneath her, the fingers of her hand wrapped loosely around the grip of a stolen gun.

“no,“ she says when he starts towards her, and waves the gun. “go away.  i’m --- i’m covering the door.  keep going.“

alex swears and starts tearing at the cuffs.  a gunshot sounds by the doorway.  he doesn’t look back.  knows it’s her gun. “can everybody walk?” he asks.  silence.  “good.  we’re gonna lead you out.”

“i don’t think she can walk,“ says one of the boys from the end of the room, pointing at raven.

“she can walk,“ alex tells him.

“go,” raven says, when he starts herding them past her.  he stops.  “i’ll cover the rear.”

“rav --- mystique.“

“go,“ she repeats.

alex goes.

he gets them past the destroyed wreck of the fences he burned through on his way in.  “run,” he says, and turns around.  “run, okay?  just --- run, don’t stop.  there’s a car two miles out, there’s money in it.  run.”

they start running forward.  he starts running back.

“you are so stupid, alex,” raven tells him when she sees him.  “you are, you are --- “

“i’m so stupid,“ he finishes, and drags her upwards, wincing when she makes a strangled noise of pain.  her blood is all over his hands.  he lifts her into his arms, and she’s heavy with muscle, but he starts walking.

“i’m going to kill you,” she tells him, and squeezes off a shot over his shoulder.  he can’t check to see if it hit anyone.  “i told you to go.”

“just cover the rear,” he says.  “you said you were going to cover the rear.”

xi.

“raven, we need to go to the doctor,“ alex tells her.

she doesn’t reply.  there’s blood all over the motel sheets, and the backseat of the car, and his shirt is black, but it’s sticking wetly to his chest.  his heart is pounding in his chest, and he thinks he’s starting to panic.  he doesn’t do so well with this much blood.  he doesn’t do so well with the knowledge that maybe raven is going to die tonight.  he doesn’t know what life without raven looks like, these days.

“raven,“ he says, voice cracking like he’s still fifteen and going through growth spurts.

her skin seems chalky under the blue scales, somehow.  her eyes don’t open.

“raven.“

nothing.

xii.

the first few nights after alex carries raven into a vet’s office an hour before opening and starts begging, he checks into a different motel every night, traveling north in tiny steps.  they break into utah on thursday and he runs out of pain medication on friday.  he watches the news alone while she dozes through the infection fever.

they’re out of money.  next friday they’ll be out of antibiotics.  after they get to salt lake city alex sells the car to solve those problems and starts looking for a job.  he doesn’t know how raven has been getting their money before this.  he’s never asked, and she’s never shown any inclination to tell him.  he’s pretty sure it wasn’t like this.

then again, he’s pretty sure raven wouldn’t’ve gotten into the situation he’s gotten them into in the first place.  the news in arizona is reporting mystique’s presence.  he can’t help but think he’s really fucked up.

“would you have done this?” he asks.

“i would have listened to me when i said to go,” she tells him.

he doesn’t know whether or not to believe her.

xiii.

they stay in salt lake city for three months.  raven uses his face when they’re not together, because they’re looking for two people, not one.  when they are together she switches between a number of men’s faces, because they’re looking for a woman and a man.  he works a construction job.  the wound in raven’s side knits together, and then smooths over, a dark, raised knot on her side, mostly hidden by the scales that close over it.

“next time,” she says, “leave me.  i had a plan.”

“next time,“ he tells her, “don’t get shot.”

xvi.

“if you take me to the vet’s again,“ she says on the way to tacoma, washington in a new, beat-down sedan that has one green door and one blue door, “i will kill you.”

“i saw it in a movie,” he replies.  “it seemed like a good idea.”

“was it in a movie about a bank robbery?“

“ --- i won’t do it again, okay?“

xv.

“no new leads,“ says raven, and climbs into bed next to him, draping herself dramatically over his chest.  “they’ve gone to ground.“

“if i pretend to know what that means, will you get your elbow out of my solar plexus.“

“it means we spent too long in salt lake city,“ she answers, appearing not to have heard the second part of the sentence.  “i need a new string to pull on.”

“talked to magneto recently?“

“no.  but i’m sure he knows it’s me.“  destroying the labs, she means, and he knows it.  it’s been four years, and twelve labs.  thirteen if you count arizona twice, which he does.  she’s been so careful to keep his face off the lab cameras.  disabling them before he gets in.

she hasn’t asked for anything from him that he hasn’t volunteered.  she’s left the door open for him all this time.  he could walk away.  have this little terrorist half-decade of his life be nothing more than a phase that he gets to leave if he decides he doesn’t like it anymore.  he rests his chin against the top of her head.  there will be no grand gestures to show her he doesn’t regret it, because he can’t change faces like she can and it’s stupid for them to start showing his.

“if anybody had a lead...”

raven hums against his neck.  “maybe.”

he doesn’t regret it.

xvi.

in the early days of planning, alex dreams in blueprints.  as they get closer he breathes the knowledge of pain that isn’t his.  by the night before they go, he never knows how to sleep, remembering the faces of the people they’ve broken out together.  the hollows of their cheekbones.  the bruises on their thin arms.  the track marks on the insides of their elbows, the drugged stupor in their eyes.

he knows raven doesn’t sleep the night before either.  after a while they stop pretending.  they spend the nights before they hit a lab sitting on the roof of the car, staring at the stars above the motel parking lot in whatever state they’re in.

xvii.

life inside a 300-sqare-foot room runs like this --- alex wakes up plastered to raven’s back and crawls out of bed, trying not to her up.  he pulls on running shoes and tries to be quiet when he sneaks out the door, but it always creaks, and she always sits up and gives him a look.  when he gets back she’s always in the shower, so he sits on the spare bed and does cooldown stretches while she makes him wait.

they bump shoulders on her way out of the bathroom and his way in.  in a 300-square-foot room they bump shoulders constantly.  she yells at him through the shower door about taking 45 minutes.  he puts mustard on his eggs and she tells him he’s gross, but she’s started dipping her fries in milkshakes too.

life in a 300-square-foot room runs like this --- most of the day they don’t say anything and in the evenings when they’re watching the news they talk about nothing.  after they turn the news off they go to sleep with alex’s palm resting over the nearly-invisible bullet scar.

xviii.

“hit the floor,” he says, as his chest begins to glow.

“oh my god, havok, get over yourself,” she says, and swings around a corner and out of sight, ignoring him.

xix.

there are no photographs from the years on the road.  they always have to be ready to peel out at any second, leave everything behind if necessary, and they can’t leave behind a camera full of photographs in a motel room too close to the scene of the crime.  so there’s no way to prove they were ever at a vets against vietnam protest or in a lab in nashua that’s a smoking hole in the ground these days or a roadside diner in montana where raven won a free meal by eating a steak the size of her head.  there’s no proof alex ever owned a mello yello shirt or any proof that raven burned that shirt, ostensibly because there was blood on it but really because it was fucking ugly.

“remember dc?” she asks.

“i still have the scars from dc,” he says.

“they didn’t beat you up that bad.”

xx.

“be more excited,” he imagines her saying.  he doesn’t look at her.  two sundays ago they woke up in a motel room in oklahoma with her drooling into his neck but today they have to pretend they haven’t seen each other since vietnam.  he doesn’t think he can keep a straight face if he looks at her.

they don’t say hello.  he keeps trying to look at other people.  hank.  charles.

when he finally catches her eye, she winks at him.

[welcomelionheart]

Reflecting: When I look back over the majority of last year…and then before that…my life. I feel like my world has been some sort of blurry, psychotic, and torturous storm where everything has been completely flattened, broken, and almost scraped off the earth only to be hurled back into the reality of the panicky situation and memory I am forced to face: life-as it has existed for me. Lately I’ve been comparing it to��the torment of being caught up in an angry sea. And the sea is alive, and perhaps I’m a mermaid. Or perhaps, the sea has wrapped itself around my legs. Regardless, the sea is seething, and in its anger…it has twisted and dragged me senselessly against the bottom…the sharp coral reef…and I can’t

breathe, or see, or kick, or scream. There is nothing I can do, no matter how hard I try. I just…endure. I almost drown. Then the sea allows the intake of air only when it lifts its arm to whip my body…like a raggedy anne…and my face smashes against the rocks over and over. And I get to breathe, finally…but the intake is only ever around the pain of the water in my nose, the salt in cuts and in my lungs, and in wait… only before or after the sick fear, and pain, and shocks of my head hitting hard, sharp, bloodied, stone. The words that keep weaving through every new and old pain as I go through this cycle have been “how long, God…how long?” And even more simply… “why?” The sea ruthlessly and senselessly knows only cruelty, and this methodical cycle of the undertow drowns, drags…and twists everything you know about life… eventually…. giving into the temper and wave that shatters whatever is caught inside against the shore…again. This is all the sea knows, and it doesn’t matter that I’m a part of it…because, it simply doesn’t matter. That’s just life, right? And most would say, I’ve been dealt a preeeettyyyy sucky hand…

Avril Lavigne is right (Lol). This sort of sickness-Lymes/co-infections/”fibro”-it’s been like drowning. And maybe if she was sick for as long as others have been, she’d have written her song about it with more of the full potency of all the infection can do, and does…in all its harm. (Or maybe, she’s just a mediocre writer…lol – but still, I fully appreciate that she is so open about her lyme struggle and wish only the best for her!! ❤ )

In less poetic terms and involving the present: There are days, while doing LDA Immunotherapy…I feel like I just get to …unsteadily…stand, and enjoy the beauty of life. Its like someone has used heart defibrillators to bring me back to life. A completely different life. I open my eyes, and my face and body aren’t swollen…and I can think and move with such ease it almost seems supernatural…because… I haven’t known what “well” has felt like, for …for how long? Two decades? I feel like a completely different person, and panic doesn’t greet me every moment I need to move or think, because pain isn’t constant…or even, its very minimal. I think “Wow, if this was me every day, I can’t imagine the JOY I would have!” And then knowing I’ve been like a Yo-yo lately, I choose to use the day to the full extent (12+ hours! of energy!), and…I am so happy. On those days, I feel… well… like the sea has…*ALMOST* let me go. And that day-on those “good��� days…isn’t it so easy to have faith?

But then again…like whiplash, in the blink of an eye… an instant, (last week) I’m hunched in the hallway…wondering if I should hide again, trying not to cry all over and alert others that there is a huge pain issue that I can’t handle. Or I’m on the floor, or in bed, or sitting, writhing in pain and days of insomnia again… with no rhyme or reason. My heart is beating strangely. I’m in utter panic. Asking God for the beauty to sustain, for forgiveness, for the kindness or encouraging word in a stranger, for a word or picture from him, for grace from my friends and family, for sleep, for peace in this moment…for just a minute piece of revelation for the purpose of all of this-just to keep going. And it feels like…punishment. It feels like I’m forgotten in torment. I know…we all have come to this point at sometime in our lives. So, incredibly, low…and broken.

But…I can feel it…and I believe it. The sea has a new cycle, and one…where I am-(you are!)-breaking free. There is a hint of victory in the air. And it fills your lungs-it can fill your lungs…even when they still sting of salt. Even around the memories of what was, even when you are again pulled into the undertow. Even though I got new scary diagnosis’ this year (POTS and possible Mast cell disruption), and even though I’ve had a lot of scares this year-I believe I am in the process of being healed. I’ve been feeling it lately, sometimes I even get goosebumps when I declare victory on the bad days. Can you feel it?! Whatever you are facing-this year, this new year-I declare breakthrough for you.

And I dare you, to put some plans into the works for your breakthrough!!! I personally believe it so much (or just enough…with a mustard seed amirite… 😛 lol) that for the first time since I’ve started talking about wanting to be a flight attendant/working in another country (what, like 5, 6 years?) I took all my pictures they required (erm…quite a lot), stayed overnight in a hotel, and went to a job fair/ applied to Emirates…regardless of the pain/sickness that was so evident on that day. I didn’t make it to the final stage, but that’s okay!!! I have also been in the process of applying to more, and looking into moving into different regions with ministries and/or taking on a part-time at the airport, etc etc! (Look at my flight attendant pics tho, aren’t I cute?! Lol… But I digress!…)

I’ve been reading my new Passion Transation Bible (which has been such a beautiful version to read!)…and I’ve been saving up this lil’ nuggy nugget of a story for the New Year (SOOO excited to share!). I used to love the story of how the woman who had some sort of blood issue for years and just touched Jesus’ cloak got healed (and spent all her $$$ on doctors-hits home for me lol-and esp bc RMSF rips red blood cells apart in your blood…)-but this year, this other portion has stood out to me like crazy, and I’ve gained such courage from it (especially in Aramaic, which I LOVE LOVE LOVE and declare over myself a ton!) So herezzz what I’m talkin’ bout ya freaks…(lol):

Mark 41:35 (TPT) And before he had finished speaking, people arrived from Jairus’ house and pushed through the crowd to give Jairus the news: “There’s no need to trouble the master any longer—your daughter has died.” 36 But Jesus refused to listen to what they were told and said to the Jewish official, “Don’t yield to fear. All you need to do is to keep on believing.”37 So they left for his home, but Jesus didn’t allow anyone to go with them except Peter and the two brothers, Jacob and John. 38 When they arrived at the home of the synagogue ruler, they encountered a noisy uproar among the people, for they were all weeping and wailing. 39 Upon entering the home, Jesus said to them, “Why all this grief and weeping? Don’t you know the girl is not dead but merely asleep?” 40 Then everyone began to ridicule and make fun of him. But he threw them all outside. Then he took the child’s father and mother and his three disciples and went into the room where the girl was lying. 41 He tenderly clasped the child’s hand in his and said to her in Aramaic, “Talitha koum,” which means, “Little girl, wake up from the sleep of death.” 42 Instantly the twelve-year-old girl sat up, stood to her feet, and started walking around the room!

  OHHHHHHHHHHHHH ❤ ❤ ❤

I have goosebumps again! “Talitha Koum!”

Other translations of Talitha Koum are variations of, “Little Girl, get up”.

This year, I declare the word God whispered over me earlier this year, which seems so fitting for where I have been, what I’ve endured, and where I want to be (flying-quite literally!)(and perhaps-God is whispering this also over you!?): ELEVATION!

And I declare over you what Jesus declared over her: LIFE. Don’t listen to the people who have told you to let hope die, or to those who said to stop asking God for a miracle (and especially if its yourself!). I know how painful it can be to keep trying, and getting nowhere…I know, because I stopped asking, and tried to be “okay” with the diagnosis’ that kept stacking one on top of another. I tried to be “okay”, taking one med after another to mask or alleviate pain, inflammation, or insomnia for 15+ years. But through a miraculous/weird (dare I say, destined?) strain of events, a THERAPIST I saw was super knowledgeable about LYMES DISEASE (of all things!) and helped diagnose me just this April. Although they suspected it 13 years ago and everything came back inconclusive-although now my immune system is attacking my own flesh and Immunotherapy/supplements still haven’t completely pushed through for me-I believe and declare healing is happening and will continue to come. No matter where your hope has been obliterated, no matter who has abused, shunned, devalued, you….no matter who has let you down…or what the locusts have taken, what illnesses or deaths you have endured- no matter what diagnosis you have had-I declare LIFE and HE RESTORES. And that is his heart for you. 🙂

I pray you tell fear where it goes-it can go to hell! I pray you have a peace-filled heart in your waiting & believing! “Why all this grief and weeping? , “Don’t yield to fear. All you need to do is to keep on believing.”

I declare this over any dream that has died: “Don’t you know_______ is not dead but merely asleep?”

I declare over you, and I speak over you the words I believe He speaks over me, over us: “TALITHA KOUM!”

Get up! Keep going!!! Don’t you play dead any longer-you can’t afford to. Keep pressing in for your miracle. You have one life to live, and it isn’t one marked by death and decay. Wake UP from your sleep of death! Fear is a liar.  Sickness is a liar. Mountains are being moved for you. You are being realigned, reassigned, and elevated. There is no dead that cannot be raised back to life.

Talitha Koum ❤ Happy New Year.

May you be Elevated to the status of beloved daughter or son, hemmed in by such heights and depths of His love, released of all fear and bondage. May you experience unending joys and dreams coming true this year. ❤

“Talitha Koum!” : Your New Years Declaration, Trust Me!!  Reflecting: When I look back over the majority of last year...and then before that…my life. I feel like my world has been some sort of blurry, psychotic, and torturous storm where everything has been completely flattened, broken, and almost scraped off the earth only to be hurled back into the reality of the panicky situation and memory I am forced to face: life-as it has existed for me.