#everybody's freaking the fuck out and i'm just so unbothered

[leslieseveride]

the way i'm not worried about tumblr shutting down cause we go through this rumor every year.

[bilbobagginsomebabez]

there are ways of saying what everybody else is thinking that feel so so so so so good and it's usually when you take the step to reassure someone

like ok you've got an anxious acquaintance and you're in a situation where you can guess where the anxiety is stemming from. it takes nothing to say "I see what you're thinking, it's okay, I see why you think that, I can provide reasoning for why it's not accurate right now, and I'm here to comfort you either way."

ive got a burgeoning friend who clearly feels an incredible amount of anxiety every single time she cancels on me. she grew up catholic and they're all hella fucked up by the guilt-complex motivated Personal Responsibility To Everyone Else so i am guessing that she feels like she's Failing At The Right Thing every time she's too tired to show up for coffee. i am unbothered. i really do not care. she texts me every single time, she's got a stressful ass job with a ton of responsibility to children, and I don't think she'd endure the guilt of cancelling if she didn't actually wanna hang out. so i told her that outright. I told her that I literally do not think she's lying or making excuses, i 100% believe that she's giving me real and valid reasons for her actions, and I am not upset with her at all. I am in fact happy that she trusts me enough to not freak the fuck out on her to tell me what's going on and why she can't come. it's clear that a parental figure regularly freaked the fuck out on her

and that is what everyone else is thinking. everyone that knows this girl is like 'heart of gold, anxious as hell.' and you know what?? she would probably literally be less anxious if more people than me started telling her she's got a heart of gold and we wouldn't even be mad or worried if she was lying. i'd literally assume it was for a good enough reason to just go along with it. she doesn't have a mean bone in her fucking body why tf would I be concerned about her reasons to lie.

and yeah! a good part of this is rooted in what I would have needed comfort for at a previous time in my life. i didn't grow up catholic but i know what it's like to have a parental figure with demands of you they will extract without regard for your wellbeing. it was a different flavor soup, but it was the same broth in the end. and that's part of the joy isn't it? recognizing an unfulfilled need in yourself along with your own fundamental capability to fill that need for another person. to become the person you needed once upon a time. to stop a cruelty you've experienced in its tracks. to save the next person.

there is no better feeling than passing along the fucking relief. becoming the balm. trusting that someday it will get passed forward back to you