#every time I see this scene I want to make life more difficult for lestrade :\

[buckingham-ashtray]

BBC Sherlock, The Final Problem (x)

[mycrofts-gunbrella]

Favourite Experiment- Sherlock Holmes x Reader (Part 5)

Wordcount- 2.6k

"Come as a pair now, do you? John been sacked off?" Greg Lestrade spoke as you ducked under the police tape.

"Sherlock decided the prettier Watson looked better when the press snap pics for the papers; now tell me, do I capture the moonlight more on the left or right of my face?" You turned your head as you spoke, waltzing over to the front of the building.

"Highly inappropriate to be joking while a man lay dead, Y/N.." Sherlock tutted, shaking his head in feigned disappointment. "And the answer is your left- nicer eyebrow."

"Well consider my right eyebrow utterly offended, Mr Holmes.. A fine one to talk, too, considering your own."

"Utter rubbish, my eyebrows are perfectly symmetrical. And for shape and size they're identical."

"Precisely. Brows are meant to be sisters, not twins."

"Well-"

"When the two of you have finished your lover's tiff, a hand catching a killer would be lovely. Ta." Greg cut in, rolling his eyes hard enough his head lulled back, and headed into the pharmacy.

"Come along, Sherlock. We can pluck each other's eyebrows and paint our nails later, promise!" You gripped his sleeve and dragged.

"Insufferable."

"Oh you are a darling." Inside the little shop was nothing out of the ordinary (well, save the bloodied up shelves and corpse): no thrown shelves, no stolen items, no building damage.. "At least they were considerate." Lestrade frowned and looked back to the body of a man behind the counter. ".. Marginally consider- .. they didn't knick anything." Sherlock hummed in agreement, dramatically vaulting the till rather than just lifting the latch of the counter.

"Nothing except every bit of cash in the till.. Even took the pennies."

"And that means what, exactly? We ask around the area to see if somebody's been buying stuff with shrapnel? Check banks for people handing in a bag of coppers?" Lestrade's voice laced with sarcasm at Sherlock's meagre deductions. Gregory Lestrade didn't need the help of Sherlock Holmes to note that cash was stolen in the act of armed robbery, thank you very much.

"You do astound me, Graham, at how you rose to such a senior position- your way of catching criminals is appalling." Greg was about to speak up- whether it was to point out his sarcasm, the wrongness of his name, or to call Sherlock a dick, you didn't know- when Sherlock continued talking again. "So far, so bored. Why am I here? What haven't you told me?"

"Well if you'd given me a bloody chance to get a word in edgeways.." Lestrade rubbed his brow with his thumb and forefinger- record timing for a Holmesian Headache, you reckon. "Here we have Michael Chatterley, 64 years old, local chemist. Police were called to the scene after the sound of gunfire half an hour before the shop closed. CCTV was minimal." He nodded towards the laptop resting on a small table that housed multi-packs of mentos and Chupa Chups lollies- the English pharmacy staple. The footage was shown at the view of a camera from above the front door. Initially there was no sign of the suspect, the shop being entirely empty excluding Chatterley. With footage sped up, a minute or so in, a figure walks into the building, back to the camera. All that is seen is Chatterley smiling and beginning to talk to the figure before all goes black.

"This is the only footage? One camera?"

"It's a small shop, independent rather than chain. Been here since I was a kid and never had any trouble; if anything, I'm surprised there was a camera at all." Greg continued.

"But still, one camera? In London? And in the one spot where you can see nobody but the shopkeeper until somebody leaves? It's like people want to make life more difficult for themselves.. and for me." Sherlock moaned. "Still, this thirty seconds is enough to tell us two important things. Number one, the killer and Chatterley knew each other. Number two, there are two killers.. Don't look dumb, Lestrade. Surely you didn't think the CCTV magically stopped working out of the killer's luck."

"Could be a timer. Suspect knows the building well, sets a timer for the cameras to shut off at the right moment." Sherlock gave Greg a 'don't be a bloody idiot' glare that shut the DI up.

"And now for a reasonable explanation?" Holmes looked at you and you cracked your knuckles for emphasis as you went back to the body.

"The security system was weak and cheap, literally a tiny box outside of the building on the upper wall- I spotted it when we walked in, clearly been tampered with. Closed off area, no other important buildings around means no outside security footage either- leaving this place the perfect spot for a robbery. One person outside disarming the cameras while the other goes in and distracts the victim. Chatterley's reaction to the suspect was fond rather than polite- he knew them by name, so I'd wager a regular customer."

"Not a friend?"

"Not a friend. Watch his face in the footage, he smiles and talks to the person who walks in. It's a regular occurence, a practiced one by business owners to appear fond and friendly, but not attached. Had it been a friend, the victim would have a reaction akin to surprise, which clearly isn't evident.." You spoke, readying to answer Greg's next question before it left his lips. "Why 'surprise'? Indents of Chatterley's pockets show car keys- he's not local to the area and has to travel in. Too far away for the tube but he loves his shop and doesn't care about the journey to reach it. Houses in the local area, a bunch of flats, but why would Chatterley have friends in a location so far from his own and in an entirely different wealth divide? His shoes are a top brand, tan line on his wrist shows a watch was also stolen- clearly expensive. That's how else to know Chatterley is an outsider. Estates are small, an 'everybody knows everybody' area, so why would you risk killing a man that could be attached to the community? Answer is, you don't."

"And how does that help us?" Greg was scribbling notes onto a page.

"It doesn't. But it means you can cross Chatterley's poor wife and son off your list of bloody suspects since that's always a favourite of yours." He tried to give you an 'I knew that already' look but quickly gave up in favour of ripping out and screwing up a page a couple back from the one he was writing on.

"Of course I could have told you all of that already. Just ensuring that Y/N is a worthy apprentice." Sherlock mumbled, pulling out his little magnifying glass and scanning the hands of the corpse. "Black ink, clearly from today. I don't recall seeing him writing on the video." Sherlock stood hastily, scanning the floor, shelves and tables. "Paper, look for paper. There's got to be some somewhere." While Sherlock and Lestrade began to frantically search the area, you rolled your eyes and reached into the corpse's jacket pocket, producing a ripped receipt with numbers on the back.

"Sherlock, you're slacking." You called, waving the piece of paper in the air until it was snatched from your fingertips.

"Numbers? What numbers?" Greg asked, wandering over to you in hopes of a nicer response than Sherlock would give. "So, what? We've got a dead body of a man who lives nowhere near here, has no friends and wants to replace Carol Vorderman on Countdown?" He joked.

"Rachel Riley did that a while ago, actually." You quipped.

"Did she? I've not really bothered watching telly like that for a bit. Only the odd movie now and then with a, uh.. Mate of mine."

"Film noir, is it?" You winked, Greg's cheeks flushed a little.

"Yeah, actually.. How did you-?"

"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, and he walked into yours?" You twisted the famous Casablanca line and grinned. Sherlock was clearly in the dark about his brother's romantic life (or he just didn't care.. or both) but you couldn't help tease Greg a little with a reference that would go over the younger Holmes' head. "I'm smarter than that one." You pointed at Sherlock who had no cares in the world other than his little slip of paper.

"Yeah and you're stuck with him, I reckon. At least I got the better one. John's got himself some freedom now, though it's buggered my support group. Might just have to extend it to you. We've not known each other long but any Holmesian associates need a shoulder." You raised a brow as he took your phone and put in his number. "Life in close contact with a Holmes, it can be a pain in the arse. A 'running away even though I'm an adult just because you've been overly inconsiderate' pain in the arse. You get my sofa, I get yours and the host buys the one with the sore arse a pint." You smirked and opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off. "If that's going to be a 'sore arse' joke you can bugger off because John did it already." You closed your mouth and instead offered a hand to shake. Greg took it.

"Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"Offer is retracted if you continue quoting Casablanca. I have enough of that in my life already."

"If the two of you are quite done, I've worked it out." The pair of you walked round to Sherlock and hovered over his shoulder to look at the page. "Dead ones are always so clever." His fingers traced a line beneath the numbers as he spoke. "It's a code, of sorts. One Chatterley wanted us to know but one that wouldn't be as obvious as writing names in case it was found while he was being robbed. Look at the numbers again." You did.

19-85-39/28-27-57-16/1

"Very cliche, given his occupation, but simple enough." Sherlock spoke before he began to reel them off by number. "19-Potassium, 85- Astatine, 39- Yttrium." You caught on.

"Oh, Sherlock, you clever bastard." You grabbed a pen off the side and began to mark the abbreviations of the periodic elements as they were written down, the first revealing K/At/Y. "Next gives us Nitrogen, Cobalt, Lanthanum and Sulfur so.. Ni/Co/La/S.. The last gives us Hydrogen for H." You looked at the paper again. "Married couple, in here often enough to pick up prescriptions that the victim remembered their names. Check the records for any variations of the names Katy and Nicolas, surname beginning with H. Oh I love it when they're clever."

With the case now back into the hands of NSY, Sherlock and yourself hailed a cab to get home.

"I have to admit that I'm a little impressed at how quickly you picked up the elements thing." You said, nudging your elbow into Sherlock's arm to grab his attention. "Of course, I'd have picked that up immediately had you not taken the paper from my hand." His drawn 'obvisly' in response paired with a smirk. You looked at the screen of your phone: 20:34. "Though the night is young and I feel we should have a little celebration."

"I don't care for drinking, nor the social situation in which it is done."

"Neither do I. Got any board games? Scrabble? Monopoly?"

"Cluedo."

"I'll kick your arse."

"Rubbish."

---

Shifting to sit cross-legged rather than kneeling on the carpet, you rested your fist under your chin as you worked out the next move. The sound of 221B's door opening cut your train of thought and you rolled your eyes.

"Y/N? Sherlo- what the hell are you still doing up?" John's voice sounded in the room and you put your hands over your ears to shield them from it.

"Hush, John. Thinking." Though your brother paid no attention to your words and sat on the floor between you and Sherlock.

"Oh for God sake, is this Cluedo? Sherlock, you know this has been banned. I binned it months ago."

"Mycroft bought it at our last chat."

"Of course he did, brilliant. How long have you been at this now then?"

"Mmm, that depends. What's the time?" You gave up your attempt of focusing to focus on entertaining your brother for 5 minutes.

"It's half two in the bloody morning. I finished work, went out to dinner with.. somebody.. who failed to tell me she had a peanut allergy and I've been up at the sodding hospital for the last three hours while she gets pumped full of adrenaline for anaphylaxis!"

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah she's fine now bu-" John was cut off at the sound of you and Sherlock laughing. "It's hardly funny, is it? Meet her because she's got an earache and end up nearly killing her!"

"That's karma for breaking code and dating a patient, dear brother." You managed between breaths.

"Seriously, she took one bite of her curry and she couldn't breathe. Her face went all puffy and she'd left her epipen at home and-" John started to laugh with you. "No, you're terrible influences. I shouldn't laugh, I'm a doctor for crying out loud!" You twisted your body to click your back and stretched.

"Fancy a tea to wash away your guilt?"

"No. I'm going to go to bed and have a good, hard think about the consequences of my actions." John grinned, readying to stand.

"Don't want to help with Cluedo then?"

"Normal Cluedo? Yes." He pushed through the pile of handwritten cards and held a few up to read. "Cluedo where you've added extra locations, weapons and people? No. Playing with the pair of you? Certainly not."

"But, John, the original game is ridiculous and unrealistic." Sherlock added.

"Sherlock, you've added Mycroft's umbrella as a weapon."

"It has a sword AND a gun in it!" Yours and Sherlock's voice shouted as though John was the one being ridiculous.

"Yep, definitely not playing. I've got the next week off so I'll see you in the morning.. Well, later in the morning." John rounded to press a kiss to the side of your head and left the room. You walked back into the front room, two steaming mugs in hand and sat down.

"Right, now where were we?"

"Are you sure you're not tired yet?" Sherlock asked, looking at the coffee in your hand as the clear substitute for tonight's rest.

"Nah, I've had a comfortable couple nights. I'm good to go til Thursday I reckon." You answered, peering back over your cards. You looked back at the lanky man when you felt his eyes burning into your skull. "Honestly, I'm okay. But look at you getting all caring and considerate! I'm honoured." You waved your hand as a means of bowing. "Or is this just your way of trying to get rid of me?"

"No." Sherlock's answer cut before you could finish your question and you smiled.

"Such a sweetheart to be enjoying my company. Consider me flattered."

"Don't be. You're simply.. tolerable.. enough to occupy my usual free time."

"That's a win in my book, Holmes." You winked at him and looked back at the board, just missing the light dust of pink that spread over his cheekbones.

/

/

TAGLIST- @ask-the-elf-stuff​, @momos-peaches​

[sherlockfanficwriting]

Sherlock BBC “I’m sorry”

Summary - Based on a request, you, Sherlock’s sister, end up in a disastrous fight with your brother. Having been verbally horrible to you, you storm out and never look back. Not much longer, you have the shock of your life, but you won’t recover in a second from it. Will your brother change?

Warnings - small angst

A/N - please take the poll that I recently uploaded :) and enjoy this angsty story. its short btw hehe

WHo GON send me more REQUESTsssssSSS?? Dracula? Sherlock?

You skipped down the steps of Scotland Yard in a pair of mid black heels. You had just finished a small amount of paperwork with your brother, Mycroft, on a difficult case. 

“I can’t believe I am being seen in a place like this,” Mycroft scoffed, desparately trying to hurry down the steps. 

“No one’s even looking at you!” You shouted at him, lightly punching his arm. 

“Sometimes I wonder how we’re related, (Y/N).” 

You flew down the outside steps with Mycroft and whipped open your car door. He awkwardly bent down to fit in the medium sized car. Mycroft held his phone with one hand and used his index finger to scroll up and down, which caused you to roll your eyes. You drove through the city and parked in front of an immensely tall building. 

Mycroft placed his phone back in his pocket and sat up straight. You sat still.

“You’re not coming inside?” He asked. 

You shook your head. “I’m going to see Sherlock for a little.” 

“Well, okay. I hope I’m not that boring for you.” He opened the door and swung his legs over. 

“Never. I’ll stop by tomorrow and bring you something.” You smiled at him and waited until he walked through the large glass doors into his highly professional  life. 

As soon as you parked in front of Sherlock’s flat, you whipped your body over, searching for the crumpled white bakery bag on the seat behind you. You grabbed it and peeked inside the bag. There, the warm blueberry scone that was his favorite, lay idle. You hopped out of the car, clutching the bag, and let yourself in the apartment. You walked up the steps and knocked on his door. 

“Come in.” He said. 

You walked inside and found Sherlock reading a book on his chair. He looked up to you and his eyes immediately went to the bag. A cheeky smile formed on his face. 

“Blueberry?”

“Just how you like it.” 

Sherlock jumped up and ran to you, wrapping you in a tight hug. He grabbed the bag and as soon as he opened it, it was already eaten. You looked at your brother in pure amusement. 

“Do anything interesting besides being with Mycroft today?” He asked. 

You shrugged. “Just paper work.” 

“I see Anderson’s got something with you.”

You rolled your eyes. “He’s just being friendly.” 

“You like him.” 

“Sherlock, I’m just friendly. Not like you.” 

“Why are you nice to him? He’s nothing but stupidity. He gets in the way.” 

“Don’t be so rude. I’ll be nice to who I want to.” 

“Did you screw him?”

Your eyes widened at him. “Sherlock! What is wrong with you! Like I said, I only join in conversation. Friendly. Nothing more. It’s like I do with everyone else.” 

“Whatever. Just don’t make the same mistake again.” 

“What mistake?” 

“You know. You remember James. I bet you do.” 

You sighed. James was one of your dear friends. He was smart. He was talented. However, one day, you both did the riskiest thing you could ever do involving crime as well as hacking. It was both to challenge your intelligence, but it didn’t end well, especially for James. You had been fond of his name for years. You never liked to remember the past, but it wasn’t all your fault. It was realistic. It was something the two of you did, but one suffered more. It was random, but you would do anything to take it back. 

“Can you just leave it be?” You asked, feeling emotional. 

Sherlock scoffed. “Why did you even do that? I thought you were smart. I never knew. Do you miss him? Well, certainly not, you fundamentally killed him. I just can never fathom myself doing that.” 

You felt your eyes becoming ever so slightly watery. You didn’t know why Sherlock always escalated things like this. Sometimes it was too much. 

“Don’t kill Anderson and please don’t kill Lestrade. We need him. I don’t kill my friends. I hope that was the last one.” 

You looked at him in the eyes. He had no right in doing this. What does he know?

“Just leave me alone.” 

“Was James good to you? Are you hitting up Lestrade too?” He asked, chuckling. 

Your face burned and you clenched your fists.

“I never understood why you did selfish things like that. I should know. I wonder if Mycroft does.” 

You had it with Sherlock. You couldn’t hear it anymore. You bring something nice over to your brother and he treats you like this. 

“At least I’m not a failure in life. At least I don’t live in a trash place like this, acting like I’m smarter than everyone and constantly showing off what I can do. I don’t act like I’m better every single moment of the day. You could have been something big, but what are you doing? Solving whatever you call these easy cases in London and acting like you hit home every time you solve them? You’re just sitting around and doing what? You’re doing nothing. You’re a failure.” 

Sherlock looked stunned at this. Tears were streaming down your face. 

“Why can’t you just be nice? Normal? Why do you think you’re all alone in life except for John? He doesn’t count! He’s mentally unstable and troubled. He’s not normal. He’s just there to make you feel better about your skills and intelligence. No real person wants to be with you ever. Yeah, I made a mistake. I don’t need you doing this again.” 

Sherlock’s eyes grew dark and cold. They lost the familiar glimmer inside. You couldn’t look at him any longer. You whipped your body around and stormed down the steps and into the city. You didn’t look where you were going nor did you care.

“(Y/N)!” A voice behind you shouted. It was Sherlock. You paid no attention to him. You turned a corner and noticed him running towards you. You picked up your pace, wanting to get away from him. You turned your head back to the road, and in a split second, right in front of you, you slammed into a car, which immediately braked. Your body fell to the ground. You heard Sherlock scream your name, but his voice sounded distant. Soon you temporarily slipped into a deep trance while your brother, panicking, picked you up. 

------ an hour later -------

You started to yawn but soon stopped as you winced in pain. You touched a spot on your head near your scalp. It hurt. As you opened your eyes wider and adjusted to your surroundings, Sherlock sprinted in, blocking your view of the table in front of you. 

“What happened?” You asked. 

Before you finished your question, Sherlock’s long arms were immediately wrapped tightly around you. You moved your head into a comfortable position nudged against the nook between his neck and shoulder. After a few seconds, the events came rushing back to you, but instead of becoming angry, you retaliated. After what just happened, it wasn’t appropriate. You grimaced as you thought of it. You couldn’t change everyone. You tried, but you couldn’t and you shouldn’t. 

Sherlock let go of you carefully and examined every part of you with his eyes. 

“Are you in pain?” 

You shook your head. “I’m fine. Thanks.” 

He noticed your attitude and the scene from earlier was constantly replaying in his head. You began to swing your legs over the bed. Sherlock grabbed both of your arms and held you down. 

“I’m sorry. I really am.” 

You were partially shocked and couldn’t really believe you heard him saying this. You covered your surprisement.

“It’s okay. It really is.” You weren’t lying. 

“I’m serious, “(Y/N).” I’m working on it. I can’t do it without you. This was all my fault. You should have never gotten hurt. It was all because of me.” 

You looked into his eyes. The glimmer was still gone. You couldn’t help but feel bad. This wasn’t you. You took Sherlock’s hand, which was freezing, and you held it inside your warm hand. You squeezed his hand and looked into his eyes. 

“There’s nothing wrong with you. Well, maybe a little.” You said, laughing. A smile started to spread on his face. 

“I hate you sometimes.” 

You stood up and began walking out. “Do you want me to walk in front of a car again?” You asked. 

Sherlock’s eyes widened then he soon rushed over to you, beginning to ask more questions and annoyingly pecked at the three bandages you had on. 

[duskowithapen]

Day Five: Soulmates

Fandom: Sherlock

Pairing: John Watson/Sherlock Holmes (Kinda ambiguous)

You’ll Be With Me (Like a Handprint on my Heart)

Sherlock never quite believed in soul mates – in feeling that elusive tug in his soul mark and finding his ‘other half’ – but if he had to chose someone to be bound with, John Watson would be his first and only choice. If only life was that easy. Writer’s Month 202 Day Five: Soulmates

Sherlock never truly believed in soulmates.

That isn’t to say that he doesn’t believe in their existence – a metaphysical bond between two individuals, manifesting as a colourful handprint placed somewhere of significance to their relationship – as it had been well documented and the subject of thousands of research projects and papers over the centuries.

Unfortunately, it had also been the main plot point of various novels, movies and television shows. A soul mark became a marketable product, promoting true love and happily ever after and second halves. Sherlock’s first exposure to this was within the fairy tale of Cinderella – where her glass slippers revealed the handprint around her heel, and how the prince went made searching for the girl who made his heart beat again. Such things were hogwash.

Approximately 42% of marriages end in divorce. Over half of these are between soulmates. Of the other half, almost a third of them are caused by on person in the relationship finding their soulmate. Almost 60% of men cheat on their wife, and an undocumented amount of them involved soulmates on one side of the equation or the other.

Not exactly the perfect love story.

Soulmates, as Sherlock explained to his mother at the tender age of nine, are a waste of time. This proclamation came after his brother left – after Redbeard died – after he learned that sentiment is weakness.

And what bigger sentiment than soulmates?

You’ll change your mind when you meet your soulmate, his mother explained with an expression of long-suffering (one she often wore around him). She had one hand around his leg, just above the bright red handprint that ringed his ankle. They’re going to be a passionate one, she gushed. They’re going to have to bet if they want to keep up with you!

Her own soul mark was a deep blue, cupping the left side of her face. His father liked to cover it with his own hand at any opportunity. Mother would then wrap an arm around his waist, where a deep gold soul mark rested just above Father’s hip. Sherlock had never seen it, but Mother had described it so often that it resided in his mind palace, pride of place in his father’s room.

(Sherlock had never seen Mycroft’s soul mark. He had asked about it once, when he was five. He’d never asked again.)

His soul mark didn’t become an issue till he went to university. There, everyone wanted to know where his soul mark was – what colour was it – had he met his soul mate yet? After giving scathing and painfully true deductions about their sexual preferences, habits and feelings about their soul mate (whether they’d found them or not), the question’s stopped. After all…

Who would want Sherlock Holmes as a soulmate?

Well it seems, Sherlock thought slowly, John Watson might.

They were laughing at a crime scene – something John was swatting at him for, telling him off, no giggling near dead bodies Sherlock – when one of Scotland Yard’s ‘finest’ walked past with a sneer.

“Wish Lestrade would keep Holmes and his soulmate away from our fuckin’ cases.”

Sherlock immediately sobered. John, always attentive to his mood, met his eyes before turning away.

“Oi!”

The hapless uniform turned around and immediately regretted it.

“I don’t give two shits about what you think of me but leave Sherlock alone. If it weren’t for him, you wouldn’t have found this body, let alone had the chance to catch the bloody bastard who did it. If keeping your mouth closed is too difficult, try to not aim it at us.” John was standing with both feet planted, arms crossed and angled slightly towards Sherlock, like he was ready to jump in and physically protect him.

When he didn’t get a response soon enough, John barked, “Understand?”

The officer nodded, saluted, and scrambled.

John huffed. “Hate bastards like that. Don’t know how you put up with it Sherlock.”

Sherlock opened his mouth – to thank John, ask him if it was true, if John was his soul mate, he wasn’t sure yet – but Sally got in first.

“So you are his soulmate? The whole precinct’s been wondering.”

“That’s none of your business Sergeant Donovan,” John said in his ‘Captain’ voice. “You have about as much right to details of my relationship with Sherlock as I do to your relationship with Anderson.” As Sally began to squawk, John turned to him. “Are you ready to leave?”

Sherlock nodded wordlessly and went to hail a cab.

Was John his soul mate?

Later on, after the end of a successful case, Sherlock sat in his chair while John dozed across from him. In his mind palace, he reviewed every piece of information he had on soul mates.

No guarantee that soul mates will meet… Soul marks colour and placement are of significance to the relationship shared… Once meeting one’s soul mate, a person can have a variety of reactions… A soul bond will be created upon meeting, although the intensity and depth of development can vary… some people have reported suddenly feeling their soul mates’ emotions… others reported a tingling in their mark… a pulling sensation within their soul mark has been described by some, often in fantastical terms such as ‘it was like our marks were magnets, trying to pull us together’, ‘a red strong of fate kind of think’, and ‘I can always find my soul mate now, I just need to follow that pull’…

Sherlock moved to John’s section of his mind palace to review their first meeting. There had been interest, curiosity about this person who so clearly was suffering from a psychosomatic limp, the cautious hope of something to help abate the boredom… but none of those correlated with evidence of a soul bond.

Yet why else would John stay?

Now that the prospect had been drawn to his attention, it would not leave. Sherlock would watch as John seemed to anticipate his needs, accurately judge his temper to determine whether to divert Anderson away from the scene or not, and most telling of all – no matter how many times Sherlock played the violin at 2 am, no matter how many body parts were left in the fridge, no matter how many times he’d interrupted dates for Johns’ (not completely necessary) assistance with a case, John didn’t leave.

And yet, Sherlock felt nothing.

No tingling.

No emotions outside his own.

No pull.

Could it be that John was his soulmate, but Sherlock wasn’t his? Or was he just too freakish, too damaged to register a soul bond. Maybe he was incapable of making one at all.

At least, that’s what he thought till he met Jim from IT. When Jim crossed behind him and bumped the dish, Sherlock felt a strong tug, like someone had grabbed his ankle and pulled. For a moment, he thought that Jim had ‘accidently’ twisted his feet to hit Sherlocks’, but he wasn’t close enough. Not to mention, after further examination, the sensation was less of a tug and more of a draw, like his ankle was a metal filling being drawn to a magnet.

The feeling didn’t leave until Jim did.

Sherlock was very careful to hide his revelation from John, and he put it in the back of his mind palace to be examined later. The likelihood of him meeting Jim from IT again was minimal – especially if Molly ended their relationship.

And then there was that tugging sensation again. At the pool. As John stood with ten pounds of Semtex strapped to his chest.

“Did I make such a fleeting impression Sherlock dear?” Moriarty said gleefully. “I thought you felt that tug too – pulling us together. But I suppose you did the smart thing and ignored it.” As Sherlock lifted the gun, a cluster of red dots appeared over John’s heart. “Don’t be silly Sherlock, someone else is holding the rifle. I’m not a fan of getting my hands dirty.

“I’ve given you a glimpse,” Moriarty said dramatically, pacing back and forth. “Just a teensy glimpse of what I’ve got going on out there in the big, bad world. You see, I’m a specialist… just. Like. You.” A grin spread across his face. “Dear Jim, please will you fix it for me, to get rid of my lover’s nasty sister? Dear Jim, please will you fix it for me to disappear into South America? I’m just like you Sherlock – the opposite side of your coin.”

“A consulting criminal.” Sherlock said flatly. “Brilliant.” He wished that it wasn’t. He wished in a way he hadn’t wished since he was a child, to stop feeling that damning tug against his ankle.

“Isn’t it? No one ever gets to me, and no one ever will.” Moriarty looked unbearably smug.

“I did.”

Something dangerous flashed in Moriarty’s face – the closest thing to a true emotion he’d seen on the other man’s face. “You’ve come the closest… But now you’re in my way. And being my soul mate isn’t going to change that.” He held up his hand, the one that had stayed in his pocket the entire time. Flashing back to ‘Jim from IT’, he noticed that his hand had very much stayed out of sight then too.

And for good reason.

A mottled grey and black handprint sat along the grooves and lines of Moriarty’s own fingers. They wiggled. “Like it, Sherlock? I tell everyone that it’s because my soul mate died – pretty sure Johnny boy here can tell you how that feels.”

And indeed, John’s face fell, and his hands twitched. One shoulder ducked for a moment, as if to protect it.

“But no, I was just saving it for you. Know what black and grey means Sherlock? Death and decay. That’s what our relationship is. I am willing to kill anyone and everyone in my way – I cut loose all those people, threw in thirty million quid, just to get you to play with me. So here’s a friendly warning, darling… Back off. Although I’ve adored this little game of ours, playing the friendly IT guy for the lovely Molly, I’ve got bigger and better things to do.”

“People have died for your game!” The words slipped out of Sherlock’s mouth. He was off balance – he needed to calm himself. Otherwise John might not be getting out of this alive.

“That’s what people do!” There was something derivative in Moriarty’s face, in the crinkle of his nose and curl of his lips. “They live and they die and they never amount to anything but momentary distractions.”

“I will stop you.”

Moriarty almost looked surprised. “No you won’t. Two sides of a coin remember – we’re destined to challenge each other forever. You should be excited! I can make sure you’re never bored again Sherlock.” He stepped closer and leaned over John’s shoulder. Sherlock stiffened at the proximity. “You’re awfully quiet Johnny boy. Go on, speak!”

Sherlock spared John a glance. “You alright?” His response was a nod. Sherlock flicked the flash drive in Moriarty’s direction. “Take it.”

He caught it with frustrating ease. “Oh, those! The missile plans!” He pressed the drive to his lips – possibly in an attempt to look coy, but it just turned Sherlock’s stomach – and flicked it back. “I could have gotten them from anywhere.”

It was only chance that had Sherlock locking eyes with John. That’s the only reason he wasn’t surprised by him catching Moriarty in a reverse bear hug the man looked all too prepared for.

“If your sniper pulls the trigger Jim, then we both go up.” John snarled. In that moment, Sherlock could see what war had made him.

“Awww, isn’t that sweet! I see why you keep him around darling. No wonder people think such a boorish person is your soulmate! Such loyalty can be touching, but… you’ve shown your hand Johnny boy.”

From the way John’s face grew tight with concern and anger, Sherlock could deduce that a sniper beam was aimed at him too. John let go and stepped back. There was a glint in his eye. This wasn’t surrender, but a tactical retreat.

Moriarty dusted himself off fastidiously. “Do you know what’s going to happen to you if you don’t leave me alone Sherlock?”

He rolled his eyes. “Let me guess, you’ll kill me?”

“Kill you? Don’t be so predictable. I mean, it’s a given that one day, I’ll be responsible for your demise, but that will be a special occasion. Not something to be rushed. No, if you don’t stop prying into my business… I’ll burn you.” Moriarty’s face went dark as he snarled, “I will burn the heart out of you.”

“I have been reliably informed,” Sherlock said with pseudo-calmness, “That I don’t have one.”

Moriarty huffed and looked deliberately at John. “We both know that’s not quite true. How much did it hurt, Sherlock, to find out that you’re not John Watson’s soulmate?” He didn’t give Sherlock a chance to answer before waving a hand. “I’d better be off. It was so nice to have a proper chat with my soulmate.”

Sherlock’s finger twitched on the trigger. “What if I was to shoot you, right now.”

“Hmmm… you could cherish the look of surprise on my face,” Moriarty said with an overly dramatic face – all raised eyebrows and rounded mouth. “Because it would be a surprise Sherlock, and perhaps a disappointment. Not to mention that fact that you wouldn’t be cherishing it for very long. Do you really think you can kill your soul mate? Kill your other half. I’ve heard that it can cause excruciating pain – huh Johnny boy?” With a finger on his chin, he thought for a moment. “It would be interesting to experience I suppose, but that’s a thought for another time.”

Moriarty flicked two fingers in a salute. “Ciao, Sherlock Holmes!” He disappeared around a corner.

As soon as he was out of sight, Sherlock scrambled to pull the coat and explosives off John. “Are you okay? Alright?” As he tugged at the sleeves, he couldn’t help but glance John over. No obvious wounds…

“I’m okay Sherlock, I’m fine!” At a particularly harsh tugged, John yelled over his shoulder, “Sherlock!”

He flung the now loose coat away, catching John’s collapse in the corner of his eye. He was panting. “Are you,” He huffed between breaths, “… okay?”

“Me? I’m fine.” Sherlock took a few steps closer. “That – that thing – that you did…” Words didn’t seem to want to come out of his mouth, “That thing you did – offered to do – that was good.”

“I’m glad no one saw that.”

Sherlock raised an eyebrow at the non sequitur.

John huffed out a breath of laughter. “You ripping my clothes off in a darkened swimming pool. People might talk.”

Something lightened in his chest at the smile John sent him. He got the message – we’re okay. “They do little else,” He said, for lack of a better response.

Then the lights returned to John’s chest, and that damnable tug at Sherlock’s ankle nearly pulled him off balance.

Moriarty!

************

After they dug themselves out of the wreckage, after the paramedics gave them a relatively clean bill of health, after Lestrade confirmed his presence for the next day regarding Moriarty, John and Sherlock returned to Baker Street.

Flopping into his armchair, Sherlock watched as John made up two cups of tea. His hands were steady as he handed one over, his movements measured as he sat down and took a sip.

“So,” He began slowly. “I take it you weren’t aware of having a psychopathic soul mate?”

Sherlock raised an eyebrow at John’s uncharacteristic bluntness regarding the situation before responding in kind. “Aside from a tug at my soul mark when we met in the hospital, I was under the impression that I didn’t have a soul mate.”

“And… that thing about you not being my soul mate…?”

He stiffened. “Moriarty was trying to get a rise out of me.” He was loath to confess that it worked.

There was silence for a moment. Sherlock itched to get out his violin, create the most chaotic melodies, the harshest tunes to try and release the turmoil in his chest.

“I never bought into the whole soul mate thing,” John said as he looked up. “My parents were soul mates, but that didn’t stop them from getting into rows loud enough to shake the house. Harry found her soul mate in Clara, but her drinking problem stopped them from creating a deeper bond.” He took a deep breath. “In the army, you try not to think of your soul mates. Some guys I knew deliberately avoided anyone who they thought might be their soul mate – anyone who made their mark tingle even slightly, anyone with a similar coloured mark – because they knew what would happen if they died in combat.

“I was one of the lucky ones – or unlucky ones, depending on who you asked. I met my soul mate on my first tour in Afghanistan, and we managed to serve together for years. We weren’t lovers,” He said in response to Sherlock’s unanswered question. “That’s something else I’ve always hated about the soul mate thing – everyone assumes that once you meet, you immediately shag. Arthur and I weren’t ever like that. We were close – closer than anyone else – we could just about read each other’s minds and saved each other’s arse a dozen times over.”

John slowly began to unbutton his shirt. “I know you’ve been curious about my bullet wound.” Sherlock almost didn’t want to look. John spread the fabric out, pulling the sleeve of his under shirt down and away. The entry wound was at the front – something that surprised him, given that John wasn’t one to run away – and something must have shown on his face, because John smiled ruefully.

“Arthur had gone down. Damn insurgents got in a lucky shot to his leg. I was stabilising him when I was sniped. If it wasn’t for Arthur pulling my sideways, I wouldn’t be here today.” He paused for a moment and breathed deep. “It was a through and through shot – and when Arthur pulled, he – it –”

Sherlock closed his eyes briefly. He could imagine the bullet exiting John’s body and hitting the person beneath.

“If you look closely – actually, come here for a second…” John grabbed Sherlock’s hand and pulled him off the chair. His vision whited out for a moment – that warmth against his skin, so hot compared to his own cooler temperature, shocked him. He came back to the feeling of a strong beat under his fingers. He spread them unconsciously and felt the pitted skin. John moved his hand a little, waited, and shifted it another way. “Can you feel it?”

He could. Underneath the exit wound was another wound. It was irregularly shaped, four streaks coming from a larger area that covered the ball of John’s shoulder, before another streak went towards his shoulder blade… his hand stilled. “Is this….?”

John nodded. “Yeah. When your soulmate dies, all the colour leaves your mark like it’s been burned away. It causes a lot of pain, which is why older soul mate couples tend to pass on at the same time – the strain is too much for their hearts to handle.”

I’ll burn the heart out of you!

Sherlock’s hand gripped tighter. “John…”

A hand covered his. Another slipped under his arm and around his shoulders. He was tugged forward to collapse against John’s chest. His heartbeat was so loud.

“I never denied being your soul mate Sherlock,” John whispered, “Because I don’t believe that a person has one soul mate in their life. I don’t believe that you need a mark to tell you how important you are to a person – you don’t need a mark to love them.” When Sherlock shuddered, John held on tighter. “Just because your mark pulls you to Moriarty, doesn’t mean that you’re anything like him. He is a deranged psychopath, and you are going to catch him. You’re going to beat him. And I’m going to be right there with you.”

“Why?” Sherlock breathed. “You’ve already been hurt because of me – you were kidnapped –”

“Because you’re Sherlock. You’re this beautiful, impossible man who saw a broken soldier and showed him that there was more to life than dingy bedsits and flu season. You saw me Sherlock, and I’d like to think that I see you.”

Sherlock squeezed his eyes closed. Slowly, his arm wrapped around John’s waist, and he shifted to sit more comfortably in the other man’s lap. His head lifted enough to sit on John’s shoulder, and John tilted his head to press his lips into dirty curls.

“Just rest Sherlock. We can deal with everything else in the morning.”

“Thank you… John…”

Sherlock Holmes didn’t believe in soulmates. But he believed in John Watson. And that was kinda the same thing

[darnedchild]

Not Exactly Model Behaviour

My response to @sherlollyappreciationweek‘s May prompt - Sherlolly Modeling AU

“Sherlock Holmes and Molly Hooper are rising stars in their modeling agency. While Sherlock’s photo shoots are among the highest rated, he is known to be a pain in the ass to work with. Despite his irritating personality, Sherlock happens to exude power and is amazing to photograph. Since starting at the agency Molly has quickly become every photographer’s new favorite model to shoot as she is practically a ray of sunshine in personality and looks. Now, Sherlock has been paired with Molly and he is completely out of his element, his powerful facade crumbling.“

Not beta’d because I only wrote it this morning and I’m leaving for a three day weekend for my wedding anniversary this afternoon so I don’t have time to be a responsible author.  I will be slapping it up on FFdotNet and Ao3 in a bit though.

Not Exactly Model Behaviour

“I won’t do it.”

“You will,” Martha Hudson—one of the best agents in the business, and the woman who had been representing him since the beginning of his career—calmly replied, as if she were merely discussing that afternoon’s mild weather developments.

John snickered behind him.  Sherlock turned to glare at his publicist/best friend.  The traitor.

“Why her?  Why can’t I work with someone else?”

Martha sighed.  “Because she’s who Gregory wants, and Gregory is the client.”

Sherlock drew himself up to his full height and broadened his shoulders in a manner that exuded authority and visually screamed “I’m important, you will bow to my will”.  Unfortunately for him, both Martha and John had long ago grown immune to the effect.  “Lestrade wants me, as well.”

“He does,” Martha agreed.  “But you’ve been rather difficult of late.”  She ignored John’s barely stifled snort and continued.  “And I suspect that if you push the matter, Ms Hooper won’t be the one getting replaced on this shoot.”

இڿڰۣ-ڰۣ—

John waited until they were alone to voice the question he’d been dying to ask.  “Why don’t you want to work with Molly Hooper?  I’ve talked with a few people who’ve done shoots with her and haven’t heard anything bad, the opposite in fact.”

“And her personal life?” Sherlock pressed.

John frowned as he thought.  Eventually he shook his head.  “Nothing comes to mind.  No scandals have reached the press at any rate.”

“Exactly!”

John tilted his head and waited for Sherlock to elaborate, knowing that Sherlock wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to explain if he just remained silent long enough.

“Everyone loves her!  Even her ex-boyfriends have nothing but kind things to say.  No one is that nice.  It’s unnatural.  Obviously, her publicist is working overtime to do his job.”  John refused to acknowledge the unspoken ‘unlike mine’. “So what is she hiding?”

இڿڰۣ-ڰۣ—

Sherlock scanned the area, ignoring the usual chaos behind the scenes of a location shoot.

He hadn’t seen Molly Hooper when he’d arrived, but he’d been hustled into the make-up trailer almost immediately.  

It only took a moment to spot her talking to the photographer, listening intently and nodding as she spoke.  The model was pretty and petite.  Very fresh faced and ‘Girl Next Door’.  He could see why she might appeal to certain clients with a very specific campaign in mind.  But was she versatile enough to remain in the business for long?

Molly said something and the photographer—Sally Donovan, well known and as talented as she was abrasive—smiled.  She actually smiled.  

Sherlock came to a sudden halt, convinced he had walked into some sort of alternate universe where everything he knew was wrong and topsy-turvy.  Then Sally caught sight of him and her smile morphed into the scowl she normally wore around him and everything was right in the world once again.

“Holmes,” Donovan acknowledged with the barest hint of civility.  

“Donovan,” Sherlock replied in kind.

Molly gave him a wide, sunny smile and held out her hand. “Mr Holmes.  It’s a pleasure to finally have a chance to work with you. I’m Molly Hooper.”

“I know.”  He stared down at her hand for a beat too long to be polite.

She curled her fingers into her palm and lowered her arm to her side.  “Oh. Okay.”

Sherlock felt a flash of something wash over him. Was it disappointment?  He hadn’t meant to be rude, at least not intentionally for once, but he’d been struck by the realization that her hand was so much smaller than his.  That she was so much smaller everywhere, he’d be able to tuck her head under his chin with little trouble if he were to pull her into his arms.  And that thought had momentarily overshadowed everything else.

Now she was going to think he deserved his unpleasant reputation, which he admittedly did, and she would try to avoid him as much as everyone else.  

For some reason, he didn’t want that to happen.  

Perhaps he was simply curious to discover how she managed to keep her dirty little secrets out of the public eye as well as she did? Everyone had something to hide.  

Yes, that had to be it.  It had nothing to do with her pretty brown eyes or her sweet pink lips or the way she’d smiled at him.

“I meant of course I know who you are, I’ve heard so much about you.  I can’t wait to learn more.  Please, call me Sherlock.”  He offered his own hand, which she took with a befuddled expression at his sudden display of friendliness.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

LOVE YOUR BLOG!

Hi Nonny!!

Thank you! I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog!!! You’re in luck, because I LOVE LOVE LOVE slow burn fics!!! First, let me direct you to this post here, where I have a list of Platonics, Fluff, and Bedsharing fics! You also might enjoy my MONSTROUS Pining Sherlock Fic Rec List, because it’s also one of my all-time fave tropes. And my Epistolary / Texting / Letters Fic Recs! (there, I think I got all of the ones I was thinking of)

Next, you can check out ALL my fic recs on this masterpage here, in case I missed any! It’s updated every time the third reblog of the post hits my dash! :)

Finally, I shall take this opportunity to share one of the two last sections I have collected on my offline document of the fluff fics :) (I’ll share the last one when someone unknowingly brings it up, LOL. ‘Cause I’m a jerk like that, LOL.)

You’re lucky that I LOVE SLOW BURN FICS, especially fluffy ones (I also have an angst slow burn list but I’ll save that for one of the MANY angst requests I got!) HERE WE ARE! This is byfar not all I have, but just currently all I have sorted so far! I have SO MANY and am still working through my bookmarks, LOL! Hope you enjoy!

LOVE CONFESSIONS / SLOW BURN / DEVELOPING REL.

New Year, New Beginning by DaisyFairy (T, 810 w. || New Year’s Eve, John POV, Post S4, Friends to Lovers) – New Year at a crime scene and John makes a decision.

Ex by Itsallfine (T, 1,248 w. || Love Confessions, Coming Out, Exes, First Kiss) – One night, in the midst of their post-case high and on the cusp of something more, John and Sherlock run into John’s ex. His ex-boyfriend.

There’s Always Three of Us by Itsallfine (T, 1,765 w. || Post-S4, Parentlock, Love Declarations, First Kiss, Anniversary, S4 Fix it Fic, Fluff) – Sherlock takes John and Rosie out to Angelo’s and gets a chance to correct the biggest mistake of his life.

Want by siennna (T, 1,806 w. || Fluff, Pining, First Kiss, POV Sherlock, Requited, Second Person POV) – When John speaks, you hear more than words. You hear the rise and fall of his tone, the comfortable quake of his laughter, the warm pauses of silence in between. When John laughs, there are stars glittering on his tongue and galaxies resting just behind his teeth, and you wish you could press your lips there and burrow into the warm sound. Part 6 of sienna’s favourites

The Marriage Proposal Negotiation by Goddess_of_the_Night (G, 2,161 w. || Dev. Rel., Possessive Sherlock, Insecure Sherlock, Fluff, First Kiss, Post Mary) – Sherlock hasn’t ever really done anything the traditional way, so of course it wouldn’t bother him to propose to John even though they’re not even dating. And the fact that John is already on a date with someone else when he decides to do it? Tedious.

Moonlight by ConsultingPurplePants (E, 2,213 w. || First Time, Scars, Camping, Sherlock’s Bum) – Sherlock is standing near the door, wearing, for what John thinks may be the first time in their acquaintance, jeans and a jumper. John drags his eyes away from the way the jeans cling to Sherlock’s just-muscled-enough legs to notice that Sherlock is wearing his own backpack, and is also carrying a collapsed tent. John’s jaw drops open. Is he about to go camping with Sherlock Holmes!?

The Case of the Made-Up Case by DoubleNegative (T, 2,394 || Fake Relationship, Clubbing, First Kiss, For Science) - Sherlock takes John to a club. For a “case.” Yes, John, a case. Part 1 of The (Secret) Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

No Strings Attached by Elster (G, 2,714 w. || Magical Realism, Fairy Tales, Love Confessions, Fae/Faeries) – To save John from being spirited away Under the Hill, Sherlock challenges the fairy queen to a fiddle contest.

What He’s Like by magikspell (E, 2,919 w. || Love Confessions, Fluff, First Time, Inexperienced Sherlock) – Realistic first time. They love each other so much.

Right Foot Red by Irrevocably_Sherlocked (E, 3,089 w. || First Time, Board Games, Frottage, Masturbation, Frottage, PWP) – …ok, it’s juvenile, but at least it’s a game where touching is allowed. And if something more were to happen, well, John can’t say he’d be too upset about that. “What are the rules of this game?” Sherlock asks, the disdain evident on the word ‘game’. “I spin, you do as I say.” John thinks he sees a slight widening of those pale grey eyes at that, just for a fraction of a second, before it is shut down. Oh, this is interesting, he thinks.

Affirmation by jamlockk (E, 3,096 w. || First Time, Dev. Rel., PWP, Love Declarations, Emotional Sherlock, Comforting John, Gross Fluff) – “Sunlight dappled John’s skin, casting a glow across his spreadeagled form as he dozed among the rumpled sheets. Sherlock knew the expression on his face was hopelessly soft but for once did not care about showing his true feelings so openly. He simply stood there, in the doorway, gazing at the impossibly beautiful man currently snuffling softly in his slumber.” Part 8 of All the ways we love

It Wasn’t Just the Mistletoe by Irrevocably_Sherlocked (E, 3,593 w. || Christmas Fluff, Mistletoe, First Kiss / Time, Frottage, Masturbation) – Sherlock and John just stood there, seemingly frozen. Sherlock was desperately trying to think of a way out of this. There was no way he could kiss John, even a small kiss, and not have him know immediately how he felt. Sherlock could lie, and fake and sham, but there was no way he could hide this.

Christmas at Holmes Cottage by johnlockedstarkid (G, 4,295 w. || Christmas, Fake Relationship, Love Confessions, Holmes Family, Pining, Kisses, Fluff, Allusions to Mystrade) – Sherlock doesn’t want to have to deal with his mother’s wishes for him to find a partner when he goes to visit them for Christmas, so asks John to pose as his boyfriend. Little does he know he’s not the only one who wishes that the relationship could be real.

Forty-four by jamlockk (E, 4,415 w. || John’s Birthday, Fluff, PWP) – John turns forty-four, gets some advice and the best birthday present he could’ve ever hoped for.

How Will I Know? by eragon19 (E, 4,895 w. || Pining, Love Confessions, POV Sherlock, Fluff, Sherlock’s Imagination, Papa Lestrade) – Here was the problem: Sherlock Holmes was completely and irrevocably in love with John Watson, and he had absolutely no idea how to tell him.

Sociopathy and Other Fibs by kinklock (M, 5,314 w. || 5+1, Miscommunication, Humour, Friends to Lovers, Post S3, Love Confessions) – Five times John called Sherlock out, and one time Sherlock returned the favour.

Tease You Till You Come by phoenix089 (E, 6,090 w. || First Time, Clueless Sherlock, Texting) – Initially, Sherlock was rather put out by John’s lack of presence on the case. But then he starts to recieve pictures, several of them, of an unexpected nature. The case is forgotten rather quickly after that.

Closeted by sussexbound (T, 6,115 w. || Love Confession, First Kiss, Games) – Sherlock and John get trapped in a closet while on a case. Some revelations are made while they play a game to pass the time. Part 1 of Intimacy

Naked by sussexbound (E, 6,166 w. || Fluff, Frottage, Love Declarations, First Time, Intimacy) – This is the sequel to Closeted and MUST be read. It’s so good! Sherlock is soft and clueless and John is just John. Part 2 of Intimacy

Onomatopoeia by aquabelacqua (M, 6,904 w. || First Time/Kiss, Frottage, Dirty Talk, Domestics, Word Kink) – Something is the matter with John. Sherlock is determined to figure out what it is. Mark his words.

What Meets the Eye by worldaccordingtofangirls (M, 8,251 w. || Amnesia, Fluff) – Amnesia is just another case to solve. Piece together unfamiliar faces, reconstruct the old identity, the lost reality. A challenge that Sherlock could even enjoy. He can read people like books. The man with the silver hair is his boss. The tottering old woman, his landlady. The girl with the worried look in her eyes…infatuated. And as for John Watson? His husband. Obviously.

The Thin Line by Odamaki (M, 10,809 w. || Virgin Sherlock, Awkwardness, Confessions, First Times, Anal) – John swallows. Keeps his eyes on Sherlock. Begs him not to ruin him.Sherlock leans forward over the witness box ever-so slightly, “I was distracted,” he informs the court, “by my partner, John Watson.”

Iris by slashscribe (E, 11,948 w. | Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Post-S3) – Sherlock does his best to make John happy when John comes back to 221B with his new baby after the events of Season 3, but Sherlock has a track record of getting things wrong in this area. This story is an exploration of their gradual shift from friends to lovers, told from Sherlock’s perspective, full of a lot of pining and lack of emotional awareness.

Speaker for the Bees by antietamfalls (M, 14,649 w. || Deaf Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Sign Language) – It isn’t always easy assisting a deaf detective. Luckily for John, they make a pretty good team.

A Silver Sixpence by doodle (E , 16,400 w. || LIVEJOURNAL || Fake Relationship, Fake Marriage, Case Fic, ) - John and Sherlock have to get married for a case, and learn some things about each other. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this story, though it’s on LJ.

At the Edge of Desire by philalethia (E, 16,375 w. || Post S3, Pining, Arse Worship, Humour, First Kiss / TIme, Sexual Fantasy, Awkwardness) – While helping John move back in to the flat, Sherlock discovers a strap-on among John’s things. He finds the discovery considerably difficult to move past.

The Effect of Memory by testosterone_tea (E, 6,430 || Praise Kink, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Smut, Virgin Sherlock, Love Confessions, Confused Sherlock) – John has temporary amnesia coming off of anaesthesia after an operation and not only does he not recognize Sherlock, he starts flirting with him! After John recovers, he doesn’t remember the incident at all. But Sherlock does. Confusion ensues.

Tap by doctorcaseyholmes (G, 896w || Fluff, Morse Code) – Sherlock finds an unobtrusive way to let out his feelings for John.

A Need To Know Basis by mattsloved1 (G, 934 w. || Humour, Romance) – As the cab door shut firmly, the DI had yelled out they were to make an appearance at Scotland Yard the next day. It was while John watched London pass by that it happened.

BBCSH ‘How To Save A Life’ by tigersilver (T, 2,784 w. || First Kiss, Angsty Schmoop, Requited Love) – Pining, requited, and unabated spates of ‘first kiss’ fluff. Post Mary, AU, mildly cracky. John lays a smooch on Sherlock’s nape in passing. The world does that thing it does when it wobbles and Sherlock practically falls off his own pins. Part 1 of 'How To…’

A Bit of Indulgence by beltainefaerie (NR | 3,364 w. || Fake/Pretend Relationship, Developing Relationship, Love Declarations) - A case leads John and Sherlock to fake being boyfriends and John runs into an old acquaintance.

Once is Enough by Jominerva for inkandsoul (T, 3,030 w. || Love Confessions, Domestic Fluff, Whump) – Just as the earth rises to meet the sun at every mountain crest, John reaches out for Sherlock and takes his hand in his own.“Tell me it won’t end like this,” he says, blue eyes holding grey while he laces their fingers together. Sherlock lets out a shaky laugh and shakes his head. “I wish I could.”

A Lifetime Together by LondonGypsy (M, 8,886 w. || Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Falling in Love, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Pining Idiots, Alternating POVs, Domestics, Retirement) – John and Sherlock falling in love.

The Newlywed Game: Johnlock Edition by patternofdefiance (E, 9,020 w. || Fake Relationship, Fake Marriage, Friends to Lovers, Humour, Romance, Smut, Case Fic, Self-Esteem Issues) – John and Sherlock pretend to be married in order to be contestants in a Newlywed Game. Of course it’s for a case. Of course it doesn’t stay that way. Part 8 of I Blame Tumblr

Merlot by Itsallfine (E, 14,844 w. || Christmas, Pining Sherlock, Wine, Slow Burn, First Kiss / Time, Love Confessions, Wine, Holmes Family) – Sherlock and John work toward becoming something more as they prepare to host the Holmes parents at 221B for the holidays. Part of 25 Days of Fic-Mas 2015.

Twelfth Night by yourdykeinshiningarmor (E, 15,139 w. || Friends to Lovers, Fake Rel., Fluff and Angst, Mutual Pining) - John is invited to his aunt’s Twelfth Night ball. Sherlock offers to attend with him as a friendly face among strangers, but John’s family force him to address his true feelings for Sherlock. [[this one is cute]]

About Sleep and Coffee and the Existence of Fate by Atiki (E, 17,426 w. || Fluff, Marriage Proposal, Humour, 5+1) – Naturally, John was startled when suddenly the ultimate solution occurred to him: Marriage. This was, of course, a bit of a fundamental problem rather than an actual solution. One didn’t simply use the words “Sherlock” and “marriage” within the same sentence. Not even in a hypothetical context. Five times John kind of wanted to propose to Sherlock, and one time he didn’t have to.

Once More, With Feeling by cellard00rs (T, 21,178 w. || John’s Family, Fake Relationship, Romance, Fluff, Humour) – To put off his meddlesome, matchmaking mother, John convinces Sherlock to play the role of his significant other. Unparalleled awkwardness ensues.

The Norwood Love Builders by flawedamythyst (T, 47,798 w. || Fake Relationship, Slow Burn, Post TRF Angst) – Sherlock and John go undercover to solve the murder of Joanna Oldacre, but things are complicated by the many feelings John has been repressing in the wake of Sherlock’s faked death and return.

No Good Without You by textsandscones (T, 4021 w. || Case Fic, Busking, Violins, Fluff) – A diverting new case surrounding musicians and stolen instruments captures Sherlock’s attention, the consequences of which lead both detective and doctor to see one another in a different light. Part 1 of Prompt Fills

The Importance of Torn Papers by MyLittleCornerOfSherlock (G, 2427 w || Pre-Slash, Love Declarations, Fluff) – Little things make a big difference, even little notes of thanks. Small reminders to show he cares.

Laid Bare by esplanade (T, 6529 w. || Romance, Fluff, Pining, Angst) – “I suppose it comes as no surprise that I always rather detested grand romantic gestures. They struck me as unnecessary and contrived, feeble attempts at desperately holding together relationships, most of which should have been allowed to fall apart.”

Law of Reciprocals by thequeergiraffe (T, 4377 w. || Fluff, Angst) – “Law of Reciprocals, is it? You’ve saved my life enough times. I figure, turnabout’s fair play.” Sherlock finds ways to reciprocate his appreciation of John.

Pleasure to Burn by scullyseviltwin (E, 17,863 w. || Firefighter AU, Firefighter John / Arson Investigator Sherlock, Slow Burn, Pining, Case Fic-ish) – “If you’d kindly stop knocking about in there and destroying all of my evidence, it would be most appreciated!” John groaned and for a moment rested his head against the side of the truck. Of course he was the only captain left on the scene, which meant he would have to be the one to deal with the arson investigator.

A Life Well-Lived by Kate_Lear (E, 20,121 w. || Original Male Character, Sherlock Woos John, Jealous Sherlock, Reluctant Bi-John) – John got scared off men by an abusive past relationship. Sherlock has to try and woo him while not scaring him off with protective possessive rage.

“finally kiss the bloody idiot” by Salambo06 (E, 29,812 w. || Mutual Pining, Declarations of Love, First Kiss / Time, Angst, Misunderstandings, Fantasies POV John) – Inspired by a fic idea on tumblr : “John and Sherlock know the Yard has a pool going for when they’re finally going to get together. It’s been running forever, and it’s worth thousands of pounds. It’s all fun and games, hahaha, until they find out Lestrade is in dire financial straits (dog needs emergency surgery, he’s putting his kid through gymnastics training, I don’t know, something), and they decide to fake a relationship to win the pool for him. Sherlock figures out the day and way that Lestrade thinks it’s going to happen, and they act it out. It’s all for a good cause, fake relationship style, until it’s not.” Part 1 of The Pool

Hitting the Water at Sixty Miles an Hour by what_alchemy (E, 30,568 w. || Fake Rel., Roadtrips, Slow Burn) – “You love your mother, Sherlock?” John watched the muscles in Sherlock’s jaw jump. He nodded in one sharp jerk.“Then we’re going to her party and making her happy.” John let out a resigned sigh. “As a ruddy couple, you bastard.”

A Study In Auto-Signatures, Sniper Dolphins, and Sex Holidays by cwb (E, 32,690 w. || Case Fic, Post S3, Evil Mary, Dev. Rel., Honeymoon, Epistolary, Bottomlock, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Secret Agents, BAMF!John) – John and Mary go on their sex holiday, and Sherlock is grumpy and pining about it. Part 1 of HOT DOLPHIN SEX

Bedtime Stories by Liketheriver (M, 34,388 w. || Emotional H/C, Romance, Angst & Humour, Bed Sharing, John First Person, TRF, John Whump) – John’s POV during Season 2 and beyond when Sherlock takes up semi-permanent residence in his bed. A collection of codas and missing scenes wrapped up into one long fic and topped with a bow that takes the story beyond Reichenbach and into happy territory once more. Part 1 of Bedtime Universe

LHR-HNL by scullyseviltwin (E, 35,066 w. || Hawaiian Vacation, Post-TRF, Friends To Lovers, Slow Burn, Just Talk Already, Drinking, Mutual Pining) – In need of an endangered flora sample, Sherlock and John must make a trip to an unexpected destination.

once upon a time by darcylindbergh (M, 6,501 w. || Fluff and Angst, First Kiss / Time, Love Declarations, Christmas) – It starts with a wish. In the beginning, John comes home. Part 1 of things fairy tales are made of

The Newlywed Game: Johnlock Edition by patternofdefiance (E, 9020 w. || Fake Rel., Friends to Lovers, Humour, Romance, Smut) – What it says on the tin: John and Sherlock pretend to be married in order to be contestants in a Newlywed Game. Of course it’s for a case. Of course it doesn’t stay that way. Part 8 of I Blame Tumblr

Turbulence in the Sky by esplanade (T, Fluff, Pining, Anxious Sherlock, Love Confessions) – “But some things needed to stay secret. Or at least, that was what he told himself every time he lost his nerve.”

You fit me, Sherlock Holmes by orphan_account (G, 10,077 w. || Fluff, Slow Burn, Idiots in Love, Experiments) – An unfortunate series of events leads to John accepting being a part of Sherlock’s study in physical intimacy. As the days pass by, John realizes he might be in for more than he bargained for. He doesn’t entirely mind.

Bread and Wine and Curry Once a Week by cwb (E, 8737 w. || Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Stroppy Sherlock, Love Letters, POV John) – Sherlock asks John for relationship advice. Little does he know that it’s him that Sherlock is in love with.

Correspondence by Cleo2010 (T, 8,031 w. || Letters, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, Pining) – Sherlock’s been spirited away on a case for Mycroft. Part of the deal was that he and John could communicate via letter until the case was completed. Maybe the cliche is true, absence does make the heart grow fonder. Or perhaps something is growing on the feet in the fridge.Read their letters month by month. Written after series one.

Turn the key, and come home by TooManyChoices (M, 2,718 w. || Angst/Humour, First Time/Kiss, Happy Ending) – Sherlock and John have been dancing around what’s between them for years. Will John return to Baker Street, and if so, will things ever be the same?

Overture by Kate_Lear for fengirl88 (M, 4,435 w. || Friends to Lovers, First Time) – A short snippet on how John and Sherlock might have got together.

Acceptable Behaviour by bbcatemysoul (M, 3449 w. || Fluff, Dev. Rel., Miscommunication, First Time) – Sherlock isn’t really sure why John wants to shag him, but he’s certain that if he’s careful to behave properly about it, John can be persuaded to keep doing it. In other news, John is a good boyfriend and Sherlock is an idiot.

First Night Out by verityburns (M, 3251 w. || Romance, Christmas, Dev. Rel.) – As John recovers from the effects of a brutal kidnapping, he and Sherlock attend the Yarders’ Christmas Party. There are… developments on the dance floor…

Confessions by crimsonwinter (T, 4711 w. || Love Confessions, Fluff) – John and Sherlock finally confess their love for each other.

that thing you like by misspamela (E, 7165 w. || Holmes Family, Fake Relationship, Friends to Lovers) – “Happy Christmas, etc. etc.” Sherlock and John go to the Holmes’ for Christmas, and everyone thinks they’re together.

Their Great Reward by BeautifulFiction (T, 10,095 w. || UST, First Kiss, Fluff) – Boxing day, in John’s opinions, is the worst day of the year. Christmas is over, the tree is wilting and stripped of gifts, and there’s a week of dead-time until the clean slate of the new year. However the combination of a blizzard, a power-cut and Sherlock might just make it a day to remember.

Matters of National Security by mistyzeo (E, 8465 w. || Jealous Sherlock, First Time, RST, Idiots in Love, Frottage) – John starts dating a male client of Sherlock’s, and Sherlock can’t figure out why he’s so incensed about it.

Paparazzi by SilentAuror (E, 10,543 w. || Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Post S3) – John moves back into 221B Baker Street after his marriage falls apart and the paparazzi won’t leave him and Sherlock alone about the status of their supposed relationship. Sherlock, of course, never denies it, until one day he does…

At the Heart of it All by SilentAuror (E, 19,812 w. || Virgin Sherlock, Post S3, POV John, Domestics, First Time, Kissing, Romance) – John has been back at Baker Street for four months now and thinks it’s about time they had the Talk to see whether or not they could be more than friends. Sherlock has a lot of uncertainty about this concept for multiple reasons. Unabashed romance.

Hallowed Eve by EventHorizon (T, 14,750 w. || First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Halloween) – It probably wasn’t the smartest idea to let Sherlock choose the costumes for Halloween, but John never considered himself the smartest man in the room, anyway.

Once More, With Feeling by cellard00rs (T, 21,178 w. || Humour, Romance, Fluff, Fake Rel.) - To put off his meddlesome, matchmaking mother, John convinces Sherlock to play the role of his significant other. Unparalleled awkwardness ensues. [[nice amount of fluff and pining!]]

Brief Conversations with the Woman by May_Shepard (E, 21,906 w. || Pining, Love Fairy Irene, Filler Fic, UST/URT, Drug Use, Clueless Sherlock, Relationship Advice, Angst w/ Happy Ending) – Sherlock has a puzzle to solve, and his name is John Watson.

Tomorrow’s Song by agirlsname (M, 24,645 w. || Post-TRF, POV Sherlock, Angst with a Happy Ending, Virgin / Repressed Sherlock, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Pining) – How can he think a relationship with me would be a good idea? I am the sort of person to take a break from my life and when I come back after two years, I expect to find it exactly as I left it. In reality I find it shattered to pieces. (I actually equate you with my life. When did I start doing that?)

State of Flux by Atiki (E, 24,655 w. || Sherlock POV, Slow Burn, First Kiss/Time, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Cuddles and Snuggles, Awkwardness, Insecure/Virgin Sherlock, Romance) – John’s marriage is over and he is finally back home (i.e. at Baker Street, where he belongs). Sherlock is awfully insecure and John is awfully hesitant, and they’re both awkward idiots, of course, but they figure it out. Many First Times happen.

Don’t Leave Anything Out by lookupkate (E, 27,422w. || Epistolary, Falling in Love, Misunderstandings, Alternate First Meeting) – The first letter John writes home from Afghanistan is meant to go to a woman he went on only one date with. How it ends up in Sherlock’s hands is completely innocent. What happens next is not. What do you do when you find out the person you’re in love with has been lying about something as monumental as who they are? What do you do when you’re the one who lied? How on earth do you put the pieces back together?

Hitting the Water at Sixty Miles an Hour by what_alchemy (E, 30,568 w. || Road Trips, Fake Rel., Family) “You love your mother, Sherlock?”John watched the muscles in Sherlock’s jaw jump. He nodded in one sharp jerk. “Then we’re going to her party and making her happy.” John let out a resigned sigh. “As a ruddy couple, you bastard.” (FAVE!)

The Sum of His Parts by CommonNonsense (T, 4,311 w. || Body Worship, First Kiss / Time) – There are eleven major organ systems in the human body. Sherlock knows about all of them to some degree, but none fascinate him as much as the ones that make up John Watson.

The Detective and the Pin-Up by XistentialAngst (T, 15,683 w. || Romance, Humour, First Time/Kiss) – Sally Donovan discovers an old secret John Watson considered long buried - a ten-year old “Men of the Armed Forces” calendar, which has John as a very enticing pin-up for August. The image of John might just change the way everyone sees the unassuming sidekick, even Sherlock Holmes.

Unwasted by patternofdefiance (E, 8,966 w. || First Time, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Dev. Rel. Smut) – John finds it three months after he’s moved back.He’s on the hunt for something to make for dinner, is scrounging through the cupboards, when he happens upon the graveyard of pasta boxes Sherlock still seems to create when left to his own devices. Behind seven boxes of pasta, all almost completely empty, is a dark-glassed bottle, with a paler coat of dust. It’s unopened. John’s face falls slack when he sees it, instantly recognises it, and for a long moment he just stands and looks at it.

Wars We Fought, Things We’re Not by blueink3 (M, 55,204 w. || Parentlock, Fluff & Angst, Kidnapping, Whump, Post-TAB, UST, Slow Burn, Couple for a Case) –  Five months after John’s world has fallen apart, Mycroft sends the consulting detective and his doctor on a case that neither is prepared for.

The Case of the Vanishing Pants by SwissMiss (E, 44,025 w. || Post-TRF, Case Fic, UST, Homophobia, Friends to Lovers) – Five times John and Sherlock lost their pants in the course of a case.

Anytime by SilentAuror (E, 17,995 w. || UST, Porn With Feels, POV Sherlock, Romance, UST/URT, Happy Ending, Drunken Endeavors) – Sherlock blinks and attempts to focus. There is a little too much vodka in his veins at the moment and it’s having an unfortunate effect on his brain and retinas both. There are two Johns sitting across from him, and both of them are frowning at him.“You’re drunk,” the Johns tell him. Sherlock blinks some more. “Says the man with Mrs Hudson’s doily on his head.”

John Watson doesn’t have a Boyfriend by naughtyspirit (E, 18,932 w. || UST / URT, Fluff & Smut, Voyeurism, Masturbation) – John’s date has gone very well. Sherlock requires tea. John wishes he hadn’t resolved that their relationship was strictly hands off and isn’t about to address it.Unless he has to. Smut, fluff and shower time for a naked John Watson.

Just a Kiss by emmagrant01 (E, 19,695 w. || Case Fic, 5+1, For a Case) – Five times John and Sherlock kissed because of a case and one time they kissed for real. (Chapter 7 is the one you want :D)

You Can Imagine the Christmas Dinners by ardenteurophile  (T, 23,584 w. || Humour, Romance, Drama, Fluff & Angst) Sherlock takes John along for Christmas dinner with Mycroft and Mummy (And “Anthea”, too). Over the course of the evening, John realises that everyone in the room - apart from him - seems to think that he and Sherlock are a couple. Part 2 of Xmas Dinners Verse (I LOVE THIS ONE)

Bedroom Tales by Junejuly15 (M, 49,950 w. || Friends to Lovers, Through the Years, H/C, Military Kink, First Kiss / Time, Romance, Insecure Sherlock, Voyeurism, Post-TRF, Ficlets, Fluff and Angst, Fix-It Fics) – Bedroom Tales is a collection of John and Sherlock ficletsThey are set at various stages of their relationship and are in no particular order. Some are fluffy, some sexy, some angsty, there is hurt and comfort, romance and love. What unites them is that they all play in a bedroom, but not necessarily the one in 221B.

John Watson’s Twelve Days of Christmas by earlgreytea68 (M, 53,464 w. || Christmas, Holmes Family, Fake Relationship, Alternate First Meeting, Falling in Love, Fluff and Angst, Hardcore Pining) – It’s the holiday season. John Watson needs money. Sherlock Holmes needs something else.

Uphill by scullyseviltwin (E, 77,750 w. || Olympics AU || Sherlock POV, Skier!Sherlock / Medic!John, Rivalry, 2014 Olympics, Happy Ending) – Sherlock Holmes is striving for gold in this, his fourth and final Olympics as a downhill Alpine racer.

Definitions by siennna (T, 101,528 w. || Dev. Rel., Pining, Fluff and Romance, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Fluff, Cuddles) – Sherlock’s journey in defining his flat mate and stumbling through the muddled world of emotion.{{This feels complete; the chapter count is listed as ? but I feel like it is done}}

between each beat are words unsaid by darcylindbergh, hudders-and-hiddles (T, 107,998 w. || Epistolary, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Angst, Happy Ending) – On their wedding night, John and Sherlock gift each other with the things they each said when the other could not hear, the things they each put down where the other could not see: a collection of writings that illustrate the way their love for one another has grown over the years. Part 1 of between each beat

[sanguinarysanguinity]

Hey! You mentioned a Sherlock Holmes radio play earlier on one of your posts, which reminded me of when I was in 7th grade and my English teacher had us listen to a SH radio play (which I hadn't thought about in years!) Do you have recs for where to start with SH radio plays (or just some that you really like)?

YES I HAVE RECS. I’M SO GLAD YOU ASKED.

Start with the so-called “Bert Coules” radioplays (also sometimes called Merrison!Holmes or simply radio!Holmes), which were recorded by BBC Radio 4 from 1987 to 2010. These consist of:

The Hound of the Baskervilles (1987), Roger Rees and Crawford Logan, adapted by Bert Coules.

The Collected Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (1989-1989), Clive Merrison and Michael Williams; all 60 canon stories, the lion’s share of which were adapted by Bert Coules.

The Further Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (2002-2010), Clive Merrison and Andrew Sachs. Fifteen original stories expanding upon the teasers Watson would mention every now again, all by Bert Coules.

Yes, yes, I know, that’s seventy-six stories, which is faaaaaaaaaaar too long of a list for someone wanting help with where to start. So here’s a shortlist of favorites:

The Lion’s Mane (Case-Book). Bert Coules took a story that is often deemed the worst in canon, and turned it into a masterwork. ACD’s original had no Watson whatsoever in it – it’s set during Holmes’ retirement in Sussex – but Coules builds a framing story wherein Watson comes down to Sussex for the weekend and learns that Holmes, who has been anxious that Watson might be bored, has kept back a case as a surprise and wants to re-enact the whole thing for Watson, with Watson playing the part of the detective. (Because it’ll be fun, Watson!) The episode is adorkable and hilarious and startlingly poignant, Holmes alternately hamming up the death scenes and wondering whether he chose well in bypassing love, whereas Watson is keenly aware that he’s about to go down in history as a not-so-bright literary device who exists to make Holmes look smarter than he already is. These two have been friends for twenty-four years at this point, and it shows. (My god, it shows!) Things to know: the episode begins with Holmes and Watson reading the script of the William Gillette stageplay about themselves. Gillette was basically the Basil Rathbone of his time, and half of the shit we think of as classically Holmes (such as the curved pipe, or the phrase “Elementary, my dear Watson!”) come from Gillette’s version. There are easter eggs in the episode about the literary-tradition-yet-to-come, the one that grew out of Holmesian roots – Batman, the Green Hornet, Star Trek’s Spock – and the episode references their own Study in Scarlet several times. At some point you should really listen to STUD and LION back-to-back, and hear what a quarter-century evolution of a friendship sounds like. 

The Devil’s Foot (Last Bow). You may know the canon story; it’s the one where they almost die together. The episode begins with them walking on a beach, quoting epic love poems to each other about dying for one’s love. And why yes, it is Tristan and Isolde that plays when the two of them very nearly die.

The Dying Detective (Last Bow). The parts about the actual case can be a bit slow, but the Holmes-Watson shenanigans are magnificent. Watson gets to be brave and heartbroken and noble and really truly angry, and Holmes is going to have soooo much sucking-up to do to make that right.

A Scandal in Bohemia (Adventures). FYI, this was recorded during the period when the BBC higher-ups were meddling with the format, insisting that one can’t do Sherlock Holmes without Watsonian narration, boo. HOWEVER. The episode gets Irene Adler right (hurrah!), and also asks a very important question: why the hell is Holmes harassing a rich, noble bully-boy’s ex-mistress for him?? Everywhere else in canon, when a case like this is brought to him, Holmes tells Rich Guy to go fuck himself, so why did he play along that time? There’s also some lovely Holmes-Watson bits, especially at the beginning, when they’re learning how to be friends again despite Watson’s marriage.

Blue Carbuncle (Adventures). Another early story, so Watsonian narration again, iirc. But I love the Holmes-and-Watson interactions, two friends taking refuge in each other during the frenetic Christmas season. And the final moments of the episode frankly make me melt.

Retired Colorman (Case-Book). Yeah, okay, fine, I remember nothing of the first half hour. But the very last bit? When Holmes retires? Makes me cry. Every. Fucking. Time. (You can listen to LION again after if you need to feel better.)

A Study in Scarlet. Holmes and Watson are just so young and enthusiastic and taken with each other, I just.

And hello, here you are at the beginning of the canon! You could do the back-to-back listen with LION at this point, but really, you might as well just start listening in order, right through all sixty stories. :-P

While we’re talking about Coules, I also love the 1987 Rees and Logan Hound of the Baskervilles, which is more vibrant than Merrison and Williams’ take on it. Sadly, it’s difficult to lay hands on, but the BBC re-airs it every now and again.

And I frankly adore Bert Coules’ Further Adventures. It took me a little while to get used to the different Watson, but Bert Coules’ idea of what makes for a good Sherlock Holmes story suits me far better than Doyle’s did. (There. I said it, and I stand by it.) Favorites include Colonel Warburton, Miss Gloria Wilson, Cripplegate Square, Abergavenny Murder, and Miss Franny Blossom, but honestly, it’s a very strong collection. I admit that I’m so attached to a few of them that I have a hard time not reflexively rejecting other people’s takes on the same canon references. You can listen to these before the canon sixty, if you want – in fact, I support that choice wholeheartedly.

There are other Holmesian radioplays beyond the ones Coules was involved with, of course. Big Finish has an ongoing line, but overall I’m not that impressed with it. The Big Finish Holmes productions tend to go heavy on the atmosphere, heavy on the narration, and light on the Holmes-Watson partnership: if you’re not there for the case, there’s not much of anything else going on. (Here, have a review I wrote of their Hound of the Baskervilles.)

THAT SAID, I do like a few of the Big Finish Productions:

The Last Act (1x01). Roger Llewellyn, script by David Stuart Davies, adapting his own one-man stageplay. This one is angst upon angst upon angst: Holmes drinking alone on the occasion of Watson’s funeral, reflecting on all the things he never said to Watson.

The Death and Life (1x02). Roger Llewellyn, script by David Stuart Davies, adapting his own one-man stageplay. Sherlock Holmes and Professor Moriarty join forces to keep Doyle from killing them off. I want a fixit for the Watson parts and there’s a racist bit I don’t like, but mostly I laughed lots.

The Final Problem (2x01). Nicholas Briggs and Richard Earl. See my review of their Hound for my feelings about narration-heavy adaptations of canon stories (tl;dr if you’re just going to read Doyle’s words aloud, I’d sooner have the audiobook), but this is the one instance, I think, where keeping it in Watson’s words worked. Keeping all the narration in made it a story about Watson’s grief, and Richard Earl does a fine job. Sadly, I think their Empty House – which is sold as a pair with FINA – is weak; I vastly prefer the Coules/Merrison/Williams version.

It may be that the more recent Big Finish stories get better again; I’ve only listened to the first three-or-so series.

Lessee, who else? During the 1940s, Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce did thirty-odd radioplays together, and then after Rathbone left, Bruce kept right on doing them. I haven’t listened to very many, I’m afraid: I tend to bounce off of Bruce’s Watson, and furthermore, Bruce is a mumbler and the audio quality is staticky, which isn’t a great combination. However, there were so many that there must be some good ones among them? I welcome suggestions from those in the know. Here are fifty-four of them, available for free download.

And I’m also fond of the Peepolykus radioplay of Hound of the Baskervilles. It’s very silly broad comedy, but it makes me laugh lots and Holmes and Watson love each other (and Watson maybe also loves Lestrade?), and while I’m an incorrigible crankypants about some things, I’m an incredible pushover for others.

Does that help? Let me know if you have any questions about anything!

[possiblyimbiassed]

John’s wedding is a crime scene and Sherlock is the victim

What is BBC Sherlock actually about, and why were HLV and Series 4 so weird? I know there are lots and lots of different theories and alternative explanations at this point, but as far as I can see, there are two principal, recurring themes that are referred to in every part of this show: drugs and suicide. In fact, there’s not a single episode without references to self-inflicted deaths and drug problems:

• ASiP: A serial killer drives people to commit suicide. The victims are threatened and manipulated to take a dangerous pill. Scotland Yard makes a drug-bust in Sherlock’s flat (but finds nothing). • TBB: Killings occur in rooms locked from the inside, suspected to be suicides. A criminal network is dealing in drugs and stolen antiquities. Perpetrator literally falls on his own sword. • TGG: Three victims are wrapped up in explosives like suicide bombers. One victim is slowly killed by repeated injections with Botox which she has agreed to on a limited scale (John refers to this as ‘overdosing’ on his blog). A drug dealer (accidentally) kills his sister’s boyfriend and gets rid of the body. • ASiB: A man is killed by his own returning boomerang. Sherlock is drugged with an injection in the neck. Mycroft and John suspects a “danger night” for Sherlock as a drug user, after Irene Adler is found ‘dead’. • THoB: Henry Knight becomes suicidal when he’s harassed by visions of a monster dog. A hallucinatory drug, which instils fear, causes the visions. Sherlock and John are both affected by it. • TRF: Moriarty drugs a guardian with a spray, in order to steel the crown jewels. Kidnapped children are poisoned with candy. Sherlock is forced to jump from a rooftop in a fake suicide. The villain blows his brains out with a gun. • TEH: Sherlock’s ‘suicide’ has gravely affected John, who seems depressed and almost suicidal himself. John is drugged with an injection in the neck. • ASoT: Mrs Hudson tells John about her husband who was running a drug cartel. Major Sholto, who is stabbed in the back in an injection-like manner, threatens to kill himself at John’s wedding. • HLV: John finds Sherlock in a drug den, high on drugs. Sherlock is shot, and under his recovery attached to IV morphine. Sherlock drugs his family and John’s wife. After killing Magnussen, Sherlock is sent to Eastern Europe on a suicide mission. • TAB: Sherlock overdoses a mortal cocktail of drugs on the aeroplane. In Sherlock’s Victorian Mind Palace he takes a 7% solution of cocaine and Moriarty blows his brains out (again). A bride commits fake suicide, disguises as a ghost, murders her husband and then kills herself. • T6T: Sherlock is drugged by sniffing on a poisonous note from ‘Mary’. A young man dies trapped inside his own car (=classical method of suicide). ‘Mary’ throws herself in front of a bullet. • TLD: The whole episode is about suicide and drug use. TD12 is a drug used to make people forget things. 221B is converted to a drug lab. Sherlock, who is constantly high, deduces that Euros/Faith has been cutting her own wrists lately, and is suicidal (wears a gun in her handbag). Sherlock hangs on the railings of a bridge, but doesn’t jump. He tells Culverton Smith that he wants Smith to kill him. • TFP: Euros cut her own wrists when she was a kid “to see how my muscles work”. The parents thought it was a suicide attempt. John and Sherlock are drugged with tranquilizers.

These are far too many references to the same two themes, in order to be just a coincidence! Why so much talk of suicide, if these are detective stories about murder cases? And what’s with the constant nagging about drugs? In my opinion, whatever the answers are to the greatest enigmas of BBC Sherlock, they have to do with drugs and they have to do with suicide. And I also think TSoT is a turning point, parting from which the show displays an increasing weirdness from HLV and onwards throughout Series 4, because John’s wedding is a crime scene and Sherlock is the victim. And from HLV most of the plot takes place inside Sherlock’s Extended Mind Palace (EMP theory).

My working hypothesis for the moment is this: Sherlock didn’t actually get shot with a bullet; he overdosed drugs shortly after John’s wedding in a suicide attempt caused by heartbreak. John marrying someone else broke Sherlock’s heart. That’s why he imagines ‘Mary’ shooting him in her wedding dress. That’s also why we see him hospitalized so often from HLV and onwards, and why nurse Cornish says in TLD that he has ‘made a mess of himself’. Sherlock is dying from the drugs, but he has to wake up and survive in order to save John from committing suicide.

The villains are basically metaphors. Moriarty is Homophobia and ’Mary’ is Heteronormativity. They work together to keep Sherlock and John from having a relationship and to drive them to suicide. This could be achieved, in Sherlock’s case, by making him realize he has fallen in love, then break his heart and let drugs and self-harm do the rest. In John’s case killing Sherlock (by suicide) could achieve it. Sherlock fears that John would kill himself with his gun; that’s why we see firing guns so often from HLV and onwards. And I do believe this entire part of the show happens inside Sherlock’s mind (EMP theory).

Homophobia (Jim) is there to instil fear, to frighten Sherlock away from John, to have Sherlock believe he’s a monstrous sociopath who isn’t ‘good’ for John and not worthy of him. In most scenes we see Jim, he is extremely sexualized, but in a creepy and frightening way, often flirting with thoughts of suicide: 

Sherlock says in ASiB that sex doesn’t alarm him, but he still seems terrified to talk about it even with John in his own mind palace in TAB. John’s love for Sherlock is ridiculed (Jim calls him a ‘pet’) and made to appear as an unhealthy obsession.

Heteronormativity (’Mary’) makes it clear that an ordinary life - according to the norm - is the best for John; marrying a woman and go live in the suburbs with kids, car and a steady, ‘normal’ job. Unfortunately, John seems to have bought into this norm in spite of his own feelings, and Sherlock is made to believe this is the only life that can make John happy. And if he takes any step towards making this same-sex relationship reality, which would imply telling John how he feels about him, ‘Mary’ threatens to kill him.

In HLV, TAB and S4 Sherlock (in his Mind Palace) seems to go out of his way to find excuses for ‘Mary’; to glorify her and try to redeem her. What she has done to him is completely glossed over and never more addressed until Mary’s dying moment (which still happens inside his mind). But I think ‘Mary’s treacherous behaviour and her theatrical, unrealistic death in T6T are signs that Sherlock’s subconscious is aware that the lie of heteronormativity is not what either he or John needs; ‘Mary’ must actually go. But the fact that Sherlock subconsciously wants to get rid of ‘Mary’ makes him feel terrible guilt, fuelled by his low self-esteem: 

(I’ve tried to express my ideas about these metaphors in these posts: X, X, X and X)

So – what evidence is there for these wild theories?

In this ‘script’ from ASiP published on BBC’s website, we get this scene, which seems to have been left out in the final version:

(Lestrade and Sherlock are standing on the roof top of Scotland Yard talking about the case of repeated suicides; my bolding):

LESTRADE Okay. What am I getting wrong this time? SHERLOCK No notes. No prior sign. Each of them in a strange location that means nothing to them where they’ve never gone before... That’s not how I’d kill myself. On Lestrade. Glances uneasily at the edge of the roof, where Sherlock is standing. LESTRADE ... So. How are you doing these days?

In other words: Sherlock would kill himself, but in a different way, presumably after a) leaving a note, b) some ‘prior sign’s, and c) he’d do it in a familiar place that means something to him.

In TAB we learn that Sherlock has made a list of all the drugs that he’s taken; a promise to his brother since years ago. That’s a kind of note – isn’t it? A note that could help saving his life after an overdose. In TLD Sherlock makes this deduction about Faith/Euros (Thanks to Ariane De Vere for her amazing work with transcripts); my bolding:

FAITH: Sex. How did you know I wasn’t ... getting any? SHERLOCK: It’s all about the blood. (Close-up of the bloodstain on the paper, which Sherlock now gestures to.) SHERLOCK: This one comes from the very first night. You can see the pen marks over it. I think you discovered that pain stimulated your memory, so you tried it again later. I’m no expert, but I assume that since your lover failed to notice an increasing number of scars over a period of months, that the relationship was no longer intimate.

The blood-stained paper Sherlock is talking about is Faith/Euros’ annotations – a note -, which she scribbled in a drug-induced state because she wanted to remember something important. If Faith/Euros is actually a part of Sherlock, what he says here is that he did leave an increasing number of ‘prior signs’ – ‘scars’ - for months before his suicide attempt. Problem is that no-one noticed his self-harm, because Sherlock never talks about his feelings. If Sherlock did suffer torture in Serbia (I’m not sure if the Serbian scene is real though; it seems over-dramatized to me and the guardian’s uniform is unrealistic), he would have had fresh scars on his back when John beat him three times after his return, but he didn’t even try to protect himself. And John didn’t know, because they no longer lived together. Sherlock’s heart (heart-shaped bomb in the subway) was nearly exploding in TEH, but he switched it off.  

I think Sherlock’s maniacal wedding planning when John was marrying another person is also a form of self-harm, which was difficult for John to realize. 

And the drugs are, of course, also self-harm, which Molly points out in HLV when she berates him about throwing away his gifts. In TLD we see Sherlock in a miserable state caused by the drugs he takes. 221B, which is probably the place that means most to him, is converted into a drug lab. Molly examines him and gets to the conclusion that he is dying from the drugs. 

Holmes’ drug use in ACD’s Canon I think it’s interesting to compare BBC Sherlock with what happens to Holmes’ private life in Arthur Conan Doyle’s original stories.

When Watson marries Mary Morstan and moves out from 221B, Holmes resorts to drug use (my bolding):

The Sign of the Four:  “The division seems rather unfair,” I remarked. “You have done all the work in this business. I get a wife out of it, Jones gets the credit, pray what remains for you”?  “For me,” said Sherlock Holmes, “there still remains the cocaine-bottle.” And he stretched his long white hand up for it.

A Scandal in Bohemia: “I had seen little of Holmes lately. My marriage had drifted us away from each other”. “Holmes, who loathed every form of society with his whole Bohemian soul, remained in our lodgings in Baker Street, buried among his old books, and alternating from week to week between cocaine and ambition, the drowsiness of the drug, and the fierce energy of his own keen nature”.  

The Final Problem: “It may be remembered that after my marriage, and my subsequent start in private practice, the very intimate relations which had existed between Holmes and myself became to some extent modified”.

Before Holmes ’falls’ with Moriarty in The Reichenbach Fall (The Final Problem) he leaves a note to Watson (= a classic reference to suicide). It’s known that the storyteller’s (Doyle’s, which could also be seen as Watson’s) intention was to let him die and end the story with Watson living an ordinary life with his wife and only nostalgic memories left from his time with Holmes. But the audience insisted until ACD/Watson resurrected Holmes and published new stories. By the time Holmes comes back, however, Mary has died. Eventually, Watson moves back to Baker Street.

As ACD’s stories continue and the two men keep on solving crimes together, Watson seems to still be worried about Holmes drug use. 

The Devil’s Foot: “It was, then, in the spring of the year 1897 that Holmes’s iron constitution showed some symptoms of giving way in the face of constant hard work of a most exacting kind, aggravated, perhaps, by occasional indiscretions of his own”.

In this adventure Watson has taken Holmes on vacation to Cornwall, after another doctor’s recommendation that he must rest. But they soon get involved in a case where a mystic drug makes people insane. Holmes experiments with the drug during their investigation, and nearly has them both killed. But when Watson has saved them and Holmes realizes what he’s done, he gets a bit emotional: 

“Slowly it rose from our souls like the mists from a landscape until peace and reason had returned, and we were sitting upon the grass, wiping our clammy foreheads, and looking with apprehension at each other to mark the last traces of that terrific experience which we had undergone”.

“Upon my word, Watson!” said Holmes at last with an unsteady voice, “I owe you both my thanks and an apology. It was an unjustifiable experiment even for one’s self, and doubly so for a friend. I am really very sorry.” “You know,” I answered with some emotion, for I had never seen so much of Holmes’s heart before, “that it is my greatest joy and privilege to help you.”

The Missing Three Quarter: “For years I had gradually weaned him from that drug mania which had threatened once to check his remarkable career”.

This makes me believe that Watson is the actual reason why Holmes eventually abstains from drug use. After Watson married, Holmes nearly killed himself. But when he got his Watson back he eventually managed to leave the drugs for Watson’s sake. In BBC Sherlock’s Victorian episode TAB we can also see how upset Watson is by Holmes’ drug use:

In canon, considering the time it was written, a romantic relationship between Holmes and Watson could not be even hinted at. I believe Holmes’ heartbreak is implied in the subtext, however, by the mention of his drug use in relation to Watson’s marriage. 

Another observation that I think is important in comparison with BBC Sherlock is that in canon Holmes never gets shot – certainly not by Watson’s wife - and he never murders anyone. These events in HLV stray so far away from canon, that it seems like we’re entering a totally different story. Which is one of the reasons I think it’s actually not happening; instead, we enter into Sherlock’s Extended Mind Palace (EMP theory).

Why does the story get so weird after TSoT? I firmly believe that John’s wedding is a crime scene and Sherlock is the victim; it’s a description of delayed stabbing where the wound inflicted on the victim eventually makes him commit suicide. 

Two cases of intended murder are referred to during the’ wedding reception, and even John’s stag night before the wedding has ‘murder scenes’ as a theme. The idea of the wedding as Sherlock’s crime scene is, in my opinion, supported by a series of factors:

1. The intensive attention Sherlock pays to minute planning details like who is sitting with whom, the colour of the bride’s maid’s dresses and how the serviettes are folded seems like a desperate burst of OCD. Sherlock normally hates social gatherings and he particularly despises weddings, which he doesn’t fail to point out several times in his Best Man’s speech. And yet he shows this complete dedication to wedding details  – just like he’d pay close attention to the minute details on a real crime scene.

2. It’s also supported by Sherlock’s deductions about what kind of person could only be killed at a wedding and why:

This description fits with Sherlock himself. It’s even spelled out by Mrs Hudson: 

3. Major Sholto – who seems to be a mirror for Sherlock – is stabbed in the back (delayed murder), but even after he’s made aware of this, he threatens to kill himself inside a locked room by opening the wounds already inflicted on him by the Mayfly Man (a mirror for John). Sherlock agrees with Sholto that one should embrace the proper time to die when it comes – just not at John’s wedding!

4. Sherlock seems heartbroken (probably almost suicidal) already at the wedding, and his utter self-loathing shows in the speech, where he calls himself the most horrible things. He’s on the verge of tears when he says he can now congratulate John on his choice of new companion. When he talks about the new story about to begin as replacement to his and John’s ‘frankly ridiculous adventures’, he seems to write himself out of their story completely. But I think he loves John too much to ruin his big day, so he ‘soldiers on’ (both Sherlock and Major Sholto were preparing for ‘battle’ in the morning of the wedding day). Sherlock even leaves a note - the sheet music with the notes of the song he has composed for John - and disappears early from the wedding. 

5. After John’s wedding in TSoT, John stops updating his blog. Sherlock takes over and posts some pics from the wedding makes one last post (a note?) when John is on honeymoon with Mary. After this there are no more posts on John’s blog.

To me the moment when John’s blog ceases to update is an important point in the story arc; it’s testimony that the show passes from ‘truth’ to ‘poetry’. I think we should read the blog thoroughly and watch out for sequences in the show that are not referenced in John’s blog; any ‘adventure’ that is not described by John looks suspicious to me. After TSoT we no longer have any reference or ‘second opinion’ to check what’s going on, and from now on the narrative gets more and more incoherent, fantastical and bizarre. As if someone on crack has dreamt it up… ;)

The derailing story arc by S. Holmes In HLV we see Sherlock resorting to drugs after the wedding, just like in canon. Later, when ‘Mary’ shoots him in the chest, Sherlock’s MP!Moriarty talks about heartbreak and loss. His MP!Molly talks about the pain that’s going to kill him if he can’t supress it.  But wait – how can Sherlock feel the pain of the gunshot if he’s unconscious after three seconds? That doesn’t make sense to me. And what has heartbreak and loss to do with a gunshot? Furthermore: the whole story of Sherlock Holmes getting shot isn’t even mentioned on John’s blog, in spite of the repercussion such an event must have had in the media. But by then the blog is no longer being updated (and yet we see John typing and typing on it in T6T)...

In his mind palace Sherlock sees ‘Mary’ shooting him when she is dressed as a bride. In the Victorian setting of TAB, Sherlock tries to solve a case where a bride murders her husband after he leaves a drug den. She has faked her own suicide, and then she re-appears as a vindictive ghost (hmm, that sounds familiar...)  Sherlock wakes up on a plane, after having overdosed on a mortal mix of drugs. What if the shooting in HLV is merely Sherlock’s drugged brain’s interpretation of the heartbreak of loosing John? What if Sherlock OD:d already early in HLV, and the rest happens in his imagination?

I believe that HLV, TAB and the whole of S4 happen inside Sherlock’s mind. Sherlock, who now tries to imagine himself through John’s eyes, orchestrates all of this ‘play’. But the detective isn’t good at writing detective stories; he needs his Blogger for that.

While John is a somewhat unreliable narrator who romanticizes some things and twists the truth a bit when he feels the need to make the story more attractive, Sherlock just can’t put together a coherent story. Sherlock has the brain of a scientist, and he tries to be a logical person on the outside, detached from Sentiment. But his inner self is highly emotional, and in his heart he has always wanted to be a pirate; he hates boredom. He’s a ‘drama queen’ who constantly exaggerates mundane events and personalities that John would have described more dutifully, albeit in a romanticized context. But Sherlock takes them, converts them into Drama and lets them play out against each other in different scenarios (=experiments), to see what happens. ‘Euros’ in TLD and TFP, and all her incarnations, are all parts of his experimental self.

HLV, TAB and Series 4 are Sherlock’s Big Drama, and at the same time his inner journey towards understanding his own feelings and ‘what to do about John’. He re-cycles John’s earlier words and descriptions of their ‘adventures’ and puts them together in new, bizarre ways, using his vast source of imagination; his brain. Sherlock adds some dramatic ideas from movies and theater and tries to fit it all into John’s narrative framework, but fails miserably. Which, taken at face value, makes S4 a disaster of doom and gloom, ending in a nightmarish horror story where heteronormativity (’Mary’) is still looming over them. Sherlock is the drug user, not John, and his drug-induced story soon derails into absurdity; he needs John to tell him (and us) a better story.

How can a better story be told? I think John is the man to do this; he’s the best storyteller, but that’s for Series 5. However, I do believe Sherlock has learned a lot about both himself and John in his gloomy and heartbreaking inner scenarios, which gives him a good emotional starting point for the next series. The most important acquired knowledge is probably that he needs to stay alive (= not commit suicide) in order to save John Watson. I believe the one thing that may have left a window open for him surviving his suicide attempt was his ‘last vow’ in TSoT:

Already in HLV he realizes that “John Watson is definitely in danger”. He feels he must stay alive for John’s safety, and later (in TLD) he also realizes that “your life is not your own - take your hands off it!” He promised to be there for John, and he needs to keep his promise so John can trust him, which I believe John reminds him of in his EMP scenario in T6T:

Sherlock has been thinking he can protect John by sacrificing his own life (that’s what the principal villains have told him), but he’s been wrong; he can only save John by staying alive. Staying alive is the solution to The Final Problem.

But to really be there for each other, they both need to work together to defeat the worst villains of the story: homophobia and heteronormativity. It’s also essential that Sherlock learn to embrace his own feelings – especially towards John – and express them clearly. 

Sherlock can now defeat Moriarty/Homophobia by acknowledging the value of the very thing Jim tries to frighten him with: his own sexual and romantic attraction to John. Instead of seeing his own love as something dangerous; a weakness, ‘a vicious motivator’ and a culprit that will lead to harm for John, he must recognize and embrace it:

As for ‘Mary’, I think the most important things to remember about her is that she’s a façade used to uphold heteronormativity (and I firmly believe that was her purpose in ACD canon as well), and a liar who’s up to no good. 

Thus, she needs to be defeated for the story arc to be complete. To defeat her, Sherlock and John must stop trusting her, stop believing in her lies and ultimately reveal them for what they are. Which means that both John and Sherlock need to come out of their respective closets; John has to stop worrying about that “people might talk” and Sherlock has to drop his ‘sociopath’ façade and give in to some Sentiment. And I think – and hope – that at some point in Series 5 we will finally see them start working together to achieve this.

ETA: This turned out to be a meta series in five parts; you can find the rest here: [Part II] [Part III] [Part IV] [Part V]

[shooting-the-walls]

The Empty Hearse: my inner monologue because I like writing these

I would just like to point out before we get going that I was rather a latecomer to this fandom. I got into it just as Season 4 was released, so early 2017. When this episode was released in 2014 I was only 10 years old!!! Still probably my favourite fandom though, the one I always find myself returning to.

Anyways, on with my crazy monologue!!

• We stan a quick rundown of the Depression of the Century

• #creepymaskmuch

• Molly be like "oh damn"

• Uno reverse bitches!!!

• Molly be like "YAAAAS"

• I'm sorry can we just acknowledge how hot the window jump is

• Bet John wished he could be Molly in that sitch XD

• DERREN BROWN MOTHERFUCKERS

• Still feel so sorry for John :(

• "BOLLOCKS"

• Greg is so fucking done with Anderson's theories XD

• "You're a guilty lil bitch Anderson, stfu": Lestrade 2k14

• "I BelIEVe iN sHErloCK HOLmeS"

• Eyyyyyyy Sherlock is not guilty!!!! (Obvs)

• When depression hits, get a (terrible) moustache bitches

• WE DON'T TRUST YOU MARY, DON'T ACT ALL NICEY NICE

• Ooooo helicopters and running, Mission Impossible style

• When you just..... give the fuck up

• When you can't stand that screaming so you just turn your music up

• I mean torture is pretty harsh man

• Of course Sherlock would deduce his way out XD

• When Mycroft just doesn't give a Single Shit

• WE STAN THE THEME TUNNNEEEEE

• John be like "nah imma just stare at this wall"

• Mycroft's got a fancy fucking office guys

• John stop tryna be Sherlock with your terrible imitation coat and scarf

• Mrs Hudson always cares for her adoptive sons, but she does with high sarcasm and sass

• Mycroft, why does your office look like a torture chamber??

• Benedict is HOT Jesus

• "Definitely. Enjoying it.": You! Don't! Appreciate! Your! Brother!

• 2 HOURS TO LEARN A BLOODY LANGUAGE!?!?! JESUS FUCK I DID 7 YEARS OF FRENCH AND I CAN BARELY HOLD A CONVERSATION

• Anthea prefers Sherlock to Mycroft, they have bitch sessions about him pass it on lol

• Mrs Hudson is so sassy and honest XD

• John you fucking liar you're not sorry

• Mycroft is so Done with his little brother XD

• Sherlock, stop personifying London dude

• "Yes, we meet up every Friday for fish and chips": Mycroft, the sarcasm is not needed

• MYCROFT TELL YOUR BROTHER WHAT HE FUCKING DID TO JOHN

• Mrs Hudson is such a fucking Queen

• "What's his name?"

• "Sherlock was not my boyfriend": YES HE FUCKING WAS SHUT UP

• "I AM NOT GAY": wow, denial is high there John

• Mrs Hudson ships Johnlock more than the rest of the fandom combined XD

• Mycroft: "oh yeah but the other wine is like so much better. Anyways, your bff hates you now byeeeee"

• I LOVE THE MUSIC IN THE RESTAURANT SCENE GEEEEZ

• Sherlock is such a fucking little twat when he wants to be lol

• "Would I suggest you look at this menus, it's... completely identical"

• THE ACCENT. THE FUCKING ACCENT. I'M WHEEZING

• The way he's just tryna be like "look at meeeeeeee" and John gives not a single fuck

• "Surprise me" "certainly endeavouring to, sir"

• Awwwwwww hey Mary

• John is such an awkward lil hedgehog

• Mary: I agree I'm the best thing that could have happened to you

John: bitch you're not Sherlock

• SHERLOCK FUCK OFF

• Oh damn. OH DAMN.

• John just having a mini mental breakdown here

• "Short version. Not dead."

• John looks like he's about to kill someone (preferably Sherlock)

• "Oh God" "Not quite"

• SHERLOCK STOP MAKING BAD JOKES ABOUT THE MOUSTACHE SITCH

• The look in Sherlock's eyes when he realises that John isn't happy to see him

• #deflectiontechniques

• HE LOOKS IN SO MUCH PAIN ON THE FLOOR BABBBBYYYYYY

• In the cafe, Sherlock just looks like a kid that's like 2 hours late home

• "You know for a genius you can be remarkably thick"

• "That's a little more difficult to explain" "I've got all night bitch"

• "Just your brother, Molly and a hundred tramps"

• I love that they end up in a chip shop XD

• John, your moustache is terrible. Accept it lol

• "One word to let me know that you were alive"

• Mary just laughing her head off in the corner XD

• Sherlock: BITCH STFU IT'S A SECRET (whilst entire chip shop is listening in)

• *headbutt*

• "I said sorry, isn't that what you're supposed to do?"

• Mary knows what's up BUT SHE A LIAR

• SHERLOCK LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO CRY WHAT A SWEETIE

• Honestly don't know why Mollie looks so shocked, like she knew he was alive

• Greg is just like a proud Papa

• "Oo you bastard!"

• Sherlock being vaguely confused/irritated by a hug XD

• BBC, can we talk about the random shot of the back of Una Stubbs' throat?

• THEY EVEN GOT ONE IN FOR THE SHERIARTY SHIPPERS, HAVE THEY JUST COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT JOHNLOCK :(:(:(

• Anderson just doesn't ship Sheriarty XD

• Think the Chip Shop Argument got spilled lol

• Mary is having the time of her life reading the blog XD

• Mary really ships the boys right from the start lol

• "I don't shave for Sherlock Holmes" "You should put that on a t-shirt"

• "SHERLOCK HOLMES GET DOWN FROM THAT SOFA OR SO HELP ME GOD--": Mrs Holmes 1983-present

• The terror alert is on critical and these bitches are just playing chess

• Ngl, missed the burgundy dressing gown

• "Oh bugger!"

• WE STAN THE BROTHERS PLAYING OPERATION

• SHERLOCK'S IMITATION THO

• Mycroft be so defensive

• "Both of us thought you were an idiot, Sherlock. We had nothing else to go on until we met other children" "Oh yes, that was a mistake" "ghastly. What were they thinking of?" "Probably something about making friends": I feel SO sorry for the Holmes parents XD

• Mycroft, I think your brother is trying to set you up with a lil someone (

• "Change the subject. Now"

• Mrs Hudson: :)

• "He's pleased to see you underneath all that--" "Which of us??" "Both of you"

• PLAY DEDUCTIONS WITH YOUR BROTHER MYC

• Sherlock straight in there with the gender equality

• Sherlock: Icelandic sheep wool bitch

Mrs Hudson: ah yes, because the world need a blog on that -_-

• THE CURLS ARE AT A PEAK GUYS

• "I'm not lonely": yes you are stfu

• I love the wink to Mrs Hudson :)

• Mrs Hudson really wants her boys back lol

• Loving the use of transitions to show how much of a dick John is being to Sherlock lol

• "Have dinner?" "Solve crimes?"

• Molly knows she's replacing John really

• "Weight loss, hair dye, botox, affair, lawyer. Next!"

• Sherlock is so gentle with the poor woman :)

• I LOVE THE OLD GUY SO MUCH LOL

• John is so fucking convinced he's right, but it's kinda sad that he doesn't think Sherlock will respect his personal space (because he never has before): JOHN SUBCONSCIOUSLY WANTS SHERLOCK THERE

• Can we just agree that Sherlock is such a sweetie and that it is heartbreaking that John is now his awful internal monologue because he's convinced he hates him after how he reacted once he returned?

• Lestrade just being a concerned dad in the background

• Molly and Lestrade are both just so spooked out

• *dramatically blows dust off book*

• HE WANTS JOHN BACK SO BAD awwwwwwwwwwwwww

• Quick aside, but I have a friend who is a train fanatic (he's coming to prom on a steam thingy) and the train dude reminds me of him lol

• WE LOVE A LIL BIT OF MIND PALACE WORK

• "Excuse you": JOHN YOU SASSY QUEEN

• John: Makin' my way downtown, walkin' fast, getting kidnapped and I fall down

• "Did you get him off a murder charge" "Nope helped him put up some shelves"

• "Do you fancy chips?": HANG ON A MOMENT. In S4E2 Sherlock states that "You're suicidal you're allowed chips. Trust me I should know". Does that mean..... oh Jesus, Sherlock, you little sweetie, you need to talk to someone

• ON PRINCIPLE I HATE SHERLOLLY BUT IT'S ALSO SO SWEEEEEEEEEEET

• *when you wake up after a night out and you don't know where the fuck you are*

• Sherlock is just immediately alert like: wtf is wrong with my John

• The chips just... don't matter, okay

• When you steal a motorbike to help your bff

• I'M SORRY BUT CAN YOU IMAGINE LIKE A 16 YEAR OLD SHERLOCK ROARING AROUND SUSSEX ON HIS LITTLE MOPED AND HIS MOTHER YELLING AT HIM FROM DOWN THE ROAD TELLING HIM SHE'S GOING TO KILL HIM IF HE DOESN'T GET HOME RIGHT NOW XD

• Ngl having the little kid right at the front is real creepy

• But like can you imagine Sherlock and John going to bonfire nights with Rosie when she's a bit older and both of them being dead tense as they watch the bonfire being lit?

• LISTEN TO YOUR DAUGHTER BITCH

• The fact Sherlock figures it out JUST as the bonfire lights up: PERFECT

• Sherlock, with a complete disregard for his own safety: *jumps into a fire and drags John out before tearfully begging him to be okay*

Hetero shippers: ah yes, what a good male friendship

• I LOVE THE HOLMES PARENTS SO MUCH

• I love Sherlock's face lol: he is SO done

• Sherlock totally resembles his mother in terms of personality

• I think the fact this is Benedict's parents makes that scene a million times better: do you think that's how he wants to act during the small talk sometimes XD

• Mr Holmes just looks so Done, and Mrs Holmes is just like "fuck it I'm used to this"

• "She worries!": well of course she bloody does, one son is the British Government, the other is a recovering drug addict who solves crimes as an alternative to getting high and her daughter is locked up in a secret facility

• "Promise?" "...promise": HE LOVES HIS MUM AND DAD REALLY

• Tbf John, you couldn't expect the poor guy to lead his parents on like that, really

• John stop making bad puns

• "Is it to get to you through me?": JOHN KNOWS WHAT'S UP

• Awwwwww he's got his John back and he's just so happy

• Aw c'mon, you've gotta admit that a bit of Sherlock's massive concern is for his brother being in parliament that night

• I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T HELP THINKING OF THE PARENTLOCK EDIT OF THE FACETIME BIT

• "Illegal!" "A bit": yeah, like this is anything new tho John XD

• "I don't understand" "well that's a first": JOHN LIVES ARE AT STAKE STOP BEING A SASSY BITCH

• *sudden flashback to the great game and the painting*

• I actually love the scene in the train carriage so much, because even though it ends up with Sherlock being a little bastard to get John to admit his feelings, I like how it demonstrates that everyone expects Sherlock to know everything all the time, and that's a very unrealistic expectation: despite the fact he hates it, he is only human, and I think this scene nicely acknowledges that

• Two bros, chilling in a tube train, trying not to freak out cos they might die!

• Sherlock: ooooopppsss, John, might have just set off this fucking bomb :/

• "Mind palace!"

• "You think I've just got how to diffuse a bomb tucked away in there!?" "YES!" "...maybe"

• Sherlock may be a little bitch but you have to admit he's a bloody good actor

• John, the whole way through the tube scene: wtf wtf wtf wtf

• "I wanted you not to be dead!" "Well, be careful what you wish for": Sherlock, sweetie, it almost sounds like you wish you were dead.....

• AWWW HE FORGIVES HIM GUYS

• I wanna know what that information Mycroft gave Moriarty was

• "His death wish": yeah, let's be honest Moriarty was just like "I crave heckety heck death"

• How difficult do you thunk Sherlock found it up on that roof, having to tell John all of that??

• You've gotta admit that it was a pretty good plan

• You can bet that all the conspiracy theories were on Anderson's wall XD

• THE GIGGLING JESUS

• "You COCK"

• "You said such nice things, I never knew you cared :)"

• "I will kill you if you EVER-" "scouts honour" "BREATHE A WORD OF THIS ANYONE"

• "Terrorists can get into a lot of trouble if they don't have an off switch"

• "Oh please, killing me. That was so 2 years ago": WE STAN

• Mycroft is just so desperate to get out of Les Mis: "but the pain. The HORROR"

• Lestrade just seems a little disappointed

• John tryna act surprised at Tom XD

• SHERLOCK'S FACE (the memeeeessss lol)

• WE STAN OUR TWO FAVE BOYS TALKING ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS

• Sherlock is just so determined

• Sherlock: oh yeah heard your graveside speech btw, super sweet

• YES THE HAT BITCHES: OUR FAVOURITE DETECTIVE IS BACK

• OOOO CREEPY MAGNUSSEN NUGGET AT THE END THERE

[chibi-luna-chan]

Johnlock Prompts

Sherlock loves John but now that John's suppose to marry Mary he's decided cutting off contact with his blogger would be best and would hurt less than having to see John married to someone else. After all John's already left him and their life behind so it's just up to Sherlock to finish the job. Then he'll be able to lock his heart back up and go back to being alone the way he was before John walked into his life. But what are John's feelings going to be once he notices Sherlock is gone from his life again and that this time he intends to stay gone. They say you don't know what you have until it's gone, maybe John should have payed more attention to what it was he had because now Sherlock might not be willing to give it back.

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John finally notices how much of an ungrateful arse he's been and tries to make it up to Sherlock and win him back. John may have grieved for Sherlock but Sherlock gave up everything to the point that he had nothing not even his identity left just to keep John safe. The only thing Sherlock had while he was gone was pain, loneliness, and the fear that if he messed up the people he loved might pay the price. John at least had his friends and family to help him when Sherlock was gone. But Sherlock was never a trusting person to begin with and John's already betrayed him by leaving him for someone else once so why would he trust that John won't do it again?

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John finds out Sherlock is related to the royal family when they're invited to tea. He may also be having a slight freak out, he's not sure if it's the thought of Sherlock being related to royalty or the queen thinking they're a couple that's causing him the most trouble.

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John and Sherlock met and got married before John went to Afghanistan and now he's back home and wants to surprise Sherlock. But when he shows up at the crime scene Sherlock is at he sees two officers bullying Sherlock and he is pissed. Sherlock might be difficult to deal with but they should not be treating any civilian like that, they should know how to act like professionals. And Sherlock may not care what they say to him but John sure does and he wants them to pay. He doesn't care if they get demoted, fired, or suspended and forced to attend some kind of professional sensitivity class but they won't get away with treating his husband the way they have even if he has to call Mycroft for help.

(In other words I'm annoyed at how Lestrad never seems to do anything about how unprofessional Sally and Anderson act toward Sherlock and want John to demand something be done about it)

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John finally meets the rest of the Holmes family and to say he's uncomfortable would be a understatement. Between Mycroft the supposed British Government, little brother Quinton who's a MI6 quartermaster, little brother's maybe boyfriend James who may or may not be some type of super secret spy, mummy or Victoria a semi-retired wet-works agent, and Ivan the father who seems to be a retired KGB agent, Sherlock seems to be the least likely person at the table to be able to get away with killing him. And after everything John's seen Sherlock do that's not a comforting thought. How was he suppose to know that out of everyone in his family Sherlock was actually the normal one?

(Or I think Victoria from RED would make a lovely/ bad ass mummy Holmes and Q a adorable little brother. And James and Ivan need to be to be thrown in for fun.)

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When Sherlock starts spending evenings with someone else John must re-evaluate his feelings for his best friend. Because green was never a good color on him but he seems to be wearing it far to often lately. But in John's opinion Sherlock could do a lot better than the git he keeps going to lunch with. ...Or maybe that's just the jealousy talking.

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John is in trouble. He was suppose to bring his fiance to his family reunion to meet his parents only for him to walk in on her cheating on him a week earlier, so now he's stuck on his way to a family gathering without a fiance for his parents to coo over. Instead he'll show up alone, have to tell his family what happened, and be subjected to the pitying looks, whispers, lectures over how he should have tried harder, and his mothers lamentation over how he's going to die alone.

But after getting tipsy on the plane in preparation for the humiliation of facing his family he ends up poring the whole story out to his seatmate. The tall, posh, fellow (who he learns is named Sherlock) ends up taking some type of pity on him as he willingly helps John off the plane when they arrive. What actually surprises him is that when his parents mistake Sherlock as the fiance John was bringing with him Sherlock goes along with it! Now the two of them are stuck in a hotel full of Watsons pretending to be engaged and trying to solve a mystery. And maybe they'll find out there's more than pretend feelings between them while they're at it.

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Sherlock rescues a drowning man and brings him to his cove. It's all for the sake of science of course. No Mer has ever had the chance to observe a human up close and Sherlock intends to be the first. Just think of everything he'll be able to learn from this man! Now he just has to figure out a way around that pesky language barrier.

Either John's dreaming or dead because that's the only option for why he's on a deserted island looking at the most gorgeous man he's ever seen. A man who's sporting a honest to god fish tail. Oh and the merman doesn't seem to speak or understand a word of English. Bloody brilliant.

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During a murder case Lestrade and the others at NSY come across something surprising about Sherlock not only is he married, but he treats his husband in a decidedly un-Sherlock way. If it wasn't for Sherlock treating them the same the officers of the Met would have thought he'd either been body snatched or replaced by a clone. Because before they saw him with the unassuming army doctor they would have told you the words Sherlock, nice, cuddly, or affectionate, do not go together ever.

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When the small creature walked into his den Smaug saw a face he had thought never to see again. There trying to match wits with him was his clever, lovely, brilliant, John. He hadn't seen John since the time when he'd solved crimes while running through a city that was now long gone, and was going by his true name of Sherlock. Of all the things he misses in his long life John was at the very top. So maybe he can figure a way to get this version of John to stay with him? A bargain perhaps? And then he can go about getting his silly little jewel to remember him. And this time he'll make sure to bind his frustrating treasure to him so they can always be together. And dear god please have finally let him have come to terms with his sexuality, because if he's still lieing to himself about it at this point there really isn't much hope for him!

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When John offers Sherlock the position of best man, Sherlock turns him down telling him he has a case away from London and couldn't possibly accept. What no one seems to have told John is that the 'case' is that Sherlock is leaving London and not coming back. After all what was the use of coming back to London if the one he came back for doesn't want him anymore? He could do just as well starting over in another city, without John and the constant memories.

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John's seen the beautiful man almost every day but he's never heard him speak a word of English only French. But he really want's to talk to him and maybe even ask him on a date so he spends a month trying to learn French. Only to find out the man speaks English better than John, and thinks his haistly learned French is absolutly terrible.

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When Sherlock returns from Siberia he's entirely changed. He's quiet, subdued, clingy, flinches at the slightest insult, and asks permission from John to do almost everything. Will John be able to draw the Sherlock that he remembers back out or is this scared broken version all that's left of the person he cares most for.

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What would have happened if Sherlock hadn't stopped and grabbed his sheet when Mycroft stepped on it? Would John have been able to keep up his 'not gay' argument after seeing Sherlock completely bare?

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John and Sherlock have to go undercover for a case... at a school. God help them all. John thinks they'll be lucky if Sherlock doesn't send the other teachers home in a fit of tears or blow up his classroom.

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Rosie's class is having a parent/child tea date. Unfortunately John has to work and can't go, but that's fine with Rosie because she can take Papa Sherlock instead.

The teachers are a bit suprised and confused as the tall dark haired man Rosie Watson brought and is addressing as Papa is no where close to the short blond haired man who is suppose to be her father.

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Fed up with Mycroft endlessly parading potential fiancées in front of him, Sherlock realizes there’s one foolproof way to stop his brother. Sure, a make-believe engagement is pretty drastic, and his would-be spouse is hardly his type. He seems entirely boring and normal. But Sherlock soon finds there’s much more to John than meets the eye...

When he answers an ad to a interview, John assumes it’s for a job. The next thing he knows, he’s temporarily betrothed! The easy part: feigning starry-eyed passion for Sherlock whenever they’re in public. The hard part? Pretending he isn’t completely gone on the mad genius in private.

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John and Sherlock have been in a relationship but John's wanted to keep their relationship a secret. When Sherlock sees John flirting with a woman he decides to teach John a lesson on how it feels to be on Sherlock's end of things.

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When Harry learns John's still in denial about his feelings for Sherlock when she'd actually thought they'd already been dating she decides it's time for someone to push her brother out of that deep dark closet he's been hiding in and out into the light.

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Sherlock would really like it pointed out that he is neither female nor Rosie's mother. So no he is not 'Mama' despite how many times she says so. He'd settle for her calling him Sher or even Lock, really any variation of his name will do at this point. Because when a small girl calls a grown man Mama people are bound to comment and he does so hate hearing the comments of idiots.

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After a case a sleep deprived John ends up kissing Sherlock on the forehead before going to bed. Oops.

[immaculate-benediction-batch]

Is there nothing that an episode of Sherlock can’t fix?

By Jean Sergent | Guest writer|Johnlocker July 7, 2017 Sherlock fan Jean Sergeant reflects on the place of Holmes and Watson in her own life, through grieving and pad thai nights.  I remember when the Christmas special ofSherlock, ‘The Abominable Bride’, came out at the beginning of 2016. I nagged my best dead friend Michael to watch it. I’m not sure if he did, because he’s dead now. We were all there, we all said it a million times – 2016 was the worst year in the history of the world, of all time, in all universes, the end. After Alan Rickman died, I said to someone “well, I guess if you DON’T die in 2016, it means you’re not as cool as you think you are”. I was flippant but kinda furious as well, because although we lost some really important and wonderful famous people in 2016, I lost my best friend on Valentine’s Day, and then my baby brother exactly nine months later. In November, my brother died. At his funeral I called him “my Sherlock Holmes”. Look, everyone loves Sherlock Holmes. I’m not pretending I’m like the OG Sherlock Holmes fan, but in my family he’s kind of a big deal. From where I am sitting at my writing desk, if I look to my left I can see two copies of The Return of Sherlock Holmes, wedged in with Agatha Christie and John Dickson Carr. My dead brother was a peculiar, precocious, hyper-intelligent child. I always wanted him to become an FBI agent. He won’t now, because he is dead, but he is still hands down the most remarkable person I’ve ever met. After his wake, having not been alone for for several days, I went home and had a nap. At about 8pm one of my best bitches, Rachel, turned up with pad thai and a bottle of Coke. We wrangled the living room into cosy order, and plonked down to eat and squeal our way into oblivion with the best tool at our disposal – an episode of Sherlock. I mean, I don’t need to tell you how goodSherlock is, right? You’ve seen it. It’s the biggest television show in the entire world, and catapulted the creepy ginger paedophile from Atonement and Tim fromThe Office to outrageous levels of international stardom. But just in case you missed the memo, Sherlock is really good. I have one friend who only watches it for Benedict Cumberbatch, and she hates all of the rest of the acting on the show with a capital H. Which is fine, but you’re wrong Heather. Rachel has the world’s biggest crush on Rupert Graves. Every time his character, Lestrade, is on screen, she makes loud groans. I make them too. So does everyone who has ever seenMaurice. You see, Rach and I have developed a kind of telepathy about what episode we will watch in any given Sherlock and Coke and Pad Thai session. It has nothing to do with mood or theme, and everything to do with some kind of shared algorithm. We never watch ‘The Blind Banker’ because it’s racist as hell. We rarely watch anything from season three because our opinions are too difficult to navigate – we both think ‘The Empty Hearse’ is a disappointment and ‘His Last Vow’ is too stressful. If we’re going to watch ‘The Great Game’ (absolutely 100% one of the top 3 episodes of Sherlock) then we HAVE to watch ‘A Scandal in Belgravia’, because you can’t leave the cliffhanger unresolved. Therefore, ‘The Great Game’ and ‘A Scandal in Belgravia’ are best for a Sunday when you have a hangover. ‘A Study in Pink’ is so good and an easy reliable choice if you want to blob around and have a really really fun time. ‘The Reichenbach Fall’ has a devastating ending – good if you’re in the mood for a cry. So like I said, I’d just buried my brother, and Rachel was there with the food and the drink, and we looked at each other and said ‘The Hound of Baskerville?’ ‘The Hound of Baskerville’ isn’t the best episode of the bunch, but it does grow on you if – like me – you have watched it roughly seven times. It doesn’t have enough Mycroft, but it does have an abundance of Lestrade, some really great gay innkeepers, and Rudge from History Boys. Rach and I watched it, and we laughed, and we groaned, and we had a bloody good time. We ate pad thai and drank coca cola and shared a duvet on the couch, and it was really soothing.Sherlock is always there for me when I need it. So let���s flashback to January 2017: Trump’s presidency hasn’t officially begun, the summer sun is high in South Pacific sky, and we loyal viewers have been gifted three brand new episodes of Sherlock. For three Monday mornings in January, I took a media fast while waiting to watch the new episodes once they had come out in the UK. It’s the “no spoilers” ritual you have to undertake when you’re part of one of the biggest fandoms in the world. Rituals are important. Rituals set the scene for a different way of doing things. In my day-to-day television watching I’m more likely to binge something while playing games on my phone, but a new episode ofSherlock is special. It’s no rerun of a formulaic procedural. It’s a precious gift to be savoured slowly. I don’t even care if one of the episodes is a bit disappointing. This is movie-length television, I get to spend my Monday lunchtime watching 90 minutes of Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman playing Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson. I ship Johnlock so hard. (I once danced to ‘Single Ladies’ with Martin Freeman. He wouldn’t remember that because why should he, but I do because it was awesome and he did the punching moves.) After the episode, I wait for people to slide into my DMs so we can talk about it (hello Tamsyn), or for Heather or Hannah or Rachel to FB message me with “WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW” or “I HAVE SOME FEELINGS”. I open Tumblr and read all of the new fan theories, then in the evening I’ll Skype Rachel and we can talk about the theories, and assess whether or not there was enough Lestrade in the episode. Now me and the rest of the enormous mob of Sherlockians have 13 full-length episodes (the Christmas special counts), an hour-long pilot, and a depressing teaser at our disposal whenever the need strikes. And the need certainly does strike: Sick day? Watch Sherlock. Sad? WatchSherlock. Feel like watching Sherlock? Watch Sherlock. Crawl under a duvet, order some pad thai, clasp tight the hand of a still-living friend, and rush up the 17 stairs to 221b Baker Street – Holmes and Watson are always there. https://thespinoff.co.nz/tv/07-07-2017/is-there-nothing-that-an-episode-of-sherlock-cant-fix/

[magicalthoughtsendinterriblefics]

Waltz - Request

Requested by @smoking-cigarettes-is-my-hobby​:  Can you write something about Sherlock dancing with reader, and make it like this dance for them is something very different and life changing. Perhaps they are always arguing and stuff but they have to dance bacause it's Molly's wedding and reader don't want to upset her so she forces Sherlock to dance. They are dancing so gracefully that everybody is stunned, and they start to feel something towards each other during this dance. :D

Pairing: Sherlock x reader.

Word count: 1,681

Warnings: Quite fluffy.

A/N: I’m feeling fluffy today (for obvious reasons) so I hope I got Sherlock right :’v

Enjoy!

“Stop thinking!” Sherlock groaned as his eyes landed on the girl in front of him.

“We are analysing a clue.” She hissed in a whisper, “I won’t stop thinking.”

“Get out.” Sherlock ordered, pointing at the door of the lab.

“You get out.” She pointed at the door as well.

“This is my case.” Sherlock fumed.

“No, this is my case; I just came here with you because Greg wanted to see what you have to say.” She clenched her jaw.

“Well, I can tell you after you leave and let me think.” Sherlock insisted.

“You’re impossible.” And with that she left.

-

“Sherlock, don’t touch the crime scene for the love of God.” She sighed heavily.

“This isn’t the crime scene.” Sherlock insisted as he touched the strange substance that dripped from the burned car in front of them.

“Yes it is.” She insisted angrily.

“No, the victim was murdered there,” Sherlock pointed to the opposite direction, “this isn’t the crime scene.”

“I hate you.” She hissed.

“It’s mutual, now turn over you’re putting me off.”

-

“Are head? In your fridge? You can’t be serious!” She exclaimed, shutting the refrigerator’s door loudly.

“It’s an experiment.” Sherlock rolled his eyes, “But of course a mind as primitive as yours wouldn’t understand.”

“You’re disgusting.” She stormed out of the flat.

-

Always fighting, always arguing, and always insulting each other. That was how Sherlock and (Y/N)’s relationship went. They couldn’t be at the same room without rolling their eyes at the other or bombarding them with snazzy comments.

Worse thing was that they didn’t really hate each other because Sherlock was mean or because (Y/N) was a common human. No, in fact, they disliked the other because they were too similar.

Everyone knew it, it was impossible not to notice, but no one dared to say a single word because they knew them too much and had a pretty graphic idea of what would happen to them at the slight mention of the subject – they just have to go to the morgue.

Everyone was getting sick of them, obviously. But the fear to their rage was bigger, and they all enjoyed living in harmony… Harmony when (Y/N) and Sherlock weren’t working together, that is.

Then Molly got engaged and her wedding arrived sooner than expected. As usual, Sherlock didn’t have a company and so was (Y/N). The storm was expected, because no one would ask them to dance and they would have to sit at the same table… Oh, the chaos.

The music was loud, and everyone was at the dance floor. (Y/N) and Sherlock were at their table, only separated by a white chair that was used to hold Mrs. Hudson’s bag.

“That girl’s dress is hideous.” Sherlock mumbled.

“I think it’s pretty.” She replied bitterly.

“You’ve got an awful taste then.” Sherlock licked his lips and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Maybe the one with the awful taste is you.” And so she mimicked his moves unconsciously.

“Then your dress would be awful, because I think it’s pretty.” (Y/N) furrowed at his words but didn’t say anything else.

Molly caught them from the opposite side of the ball room. She walked –stormed – towards them and stood in front of their table with a death glare.

“Hey, Molly.” They both greeted with fake smiles.

“I told you that I wanted everyone dancing, didn’t I?” She hissed.

“Technically, yes.” Sherlock stated and leaned to the front, “But there’s no one to dance with.”

Molly sighed angrily. “(Y/N) is sitting right by your side.”

“There’s a chair in the middle, she’s not by my side.” Sherlock whispered, “Did I tell you how beautiful you look? White is definitely your colour.”

“It won’t work, now you two better are dancing in five minutes or less.” She threatened, “Or else…”

“Or else, what?” Sherlock lifted an eyebrow.

“You don’t want to know.” She grumbled and then turned around to walk back to her new husband.

Sherlock sighed heavily and leaned back on his chair once more. (Y/N) hesitated a bit before speaking. “I think we should dance… Wouldn’t like to make Molly upset during her wedding day.”

“I don’t want to dance.” Sherlock muttered.

“You may be an awful dancer, Sherlock, and I don’t give a damn.” She hissed, leaning closer to him, “But if you don’t get up right now and dance with me, Molly will kill us both.”

“I happen to be an incredible dancer.” Sherlock looked down at her.

“Prove it.” Sherlock sighed and stood up gracefully as another song started. He extended his hand to hold (Y/N)’s. She took it and soon they were at the middle of the dance floor.

Kaiser-Waltzer by Johan Strauss started playing and (Y/N) and Sherlock didn’t find it difficult to move along to it.

They were graceful, synchronized, moving at the exact tempo of the song. Everyone else stopped dancing and observed, stared, at them. Some mouths fell into O’s, some others just stared in awe and the ones that knew them personally couldn’t help but to smirk at the scene.

Sherlock and (Y/N) didn’t notice when the dance floor got cleared or the many eyes on them. They were focused on the other. Sherlock’s icy blue eyes were connected to her (Y/E/C) ones, and their faces were inches away, mixing their alcohol smelling breaths.

Sherlock couldn’t help but to notice how her perfectly combed hair was balanced by the slight breeze their movements were creating; and (Y/N) felt her stomach tickle when Sherlock’s tight grip kept her from falling while, at the same time, he moved along with her.

Their steps were clear, confident, stunning. She would spin and Sherlock would hold her and not for a single second would their eyes move away from the other.

There was something about that dance that messed in both of their minds. Something they couldn’t put their finger on. But it was definitely something they were enjoying.

As the playlist was a real mess, the royal ball got changed by a faster song. Back To You by Twin Forks started playing; Sherlock remembered it because Molly had gotten obsessed with it after hearing it at a TV show.

The invitees went back to the dance floor. Sherlock and (Y/N) stared at each other for a few seconds before the ladies dragged her to one side and the gentlemen dragged Sherlock to the other. They were dancing in circles now.

The boys spinning on a circle to the left, and the girls on a circle inside the men’s circle to the right. Sherlock looked for (Y/N) frantically, but without forgetting to dance along. His eyes would find her every now and then when their paths got crossed.

And just when the music slowed down the circles stopped. (Y/N) ended up in front of Sherlock once more. Rose petals and balloons fell from the ceiling as Molly had requested, turning the whole ambience into a clichéd romantic film to any couple on the dance floor.

Sherlock held her hand shyly without moving his eyes away from hers. She shuddered at his touch but didn’t move away. “I think we have to keep dancing.” Sherlock whispered, leaning to closer so his words were only heard by her.

“I think so, yeah.” She smirked.

Sherlock returned the gesture and pulled her closer to him. Somehow, they had danced the hate away and now they couldn’t look at anything or anyone else. They spun in each other’s arms, enjoying the music and each other’s company like a couple of kids who met at a party.

During the rest of the night, Sherlock didn’t let go off her – not like she tried to go away, anyway – and so they dance for the whole night, without saying a single word except for those vague compliments that were barely heard.

“You are an amazing dancer.”

“You smell good.”

“Your hands are cold.”

“Your hands are warm.”

“You’re pretty when you smile.”

Etcetera.

Eventually, the music ended as well as the party. While everyone was saying goodbye, Sherlock dragged (Y/N) outside of the ball room. The night air hit her bare shoulders and Sherlock didn’t hesitate in giving her his coat.

“What happened there was…”

“Unexpected.” She finished his sentence. Sherlock smiled sheepishly and nodded. “You were right…”

“About what?” She looked down.

“You are an amazing dancer.” He giggled shyly, “What happens next?”

“What do you mean?” He inquired.

“We always fight, that’s what we do… So, what happens next?” Sherlock hesitated to speak.

“I don’t want to fight anymore.” He stated.

“Me neither.” She confessed, “I’ve never wanted to fight with you.”

“Didn’t seem like it.” He chuckled.

(Y/N) popped her lips. “I wanted to call your attention, that’s all.”

“Why would you want to call my attention?” He lifted an eyebrow.

“You’re…” She looked away, “Sherlock Holmes, the world’s only consultant detective. You’re smart and heroic and…”

“I’m not heroic…” He interrupted, “But I am smart.”

(Y/N) giggled. “I just… I thought you would notice me if I pissed you off…”

“Why?”

“Lestrade treats you right and you don’t know his name.” She said, “Donovan and Anderson are absolute arseholes to you and you know them… It was logic.”

“I do know Greg’s name, I just like to piss him off.” Sherlock confessed, “And I did notice you… From the second we met.”

“Right…” She breathed in deeply.

Sherlock turned to her and lifted her chin so that she was looking at him just like she did when they were dancing. “I don’t want to fight.”

“We got that cleared already.” She joked, trying to hide her nerves.

“You’re not getting the point.” Sherlock said as a sly smile grew on his face.

“What point?” She furrowed.

“This one…” And so Sherlock leaned down and his lips touched hers in a shy kiss. (Y/N) froze for a second before pulling him closer and deepening the kiss.

“I always knew they would end up together.” Mrs. Hudson whispered as she and Watson walked out of the ball room.

“We all did.”

*Requests are ALWAYS open.*

Masterlist.

Tags: @resurrection-huntress @oaisara @charlottemalfoy @zena-dukmak @just-a-blog00 @wefracturedmotivation @beccamullz @newts-fan-case

[storyspinningspidcr]

Staying alive - Drabble about Jim’s thoughts during the Rooftop scene. This got really long so I’m putting most of it under a cut. 

Patience is something Jim usually has in spades, it's a necessity when running a criminal empire to know precisely when to strike and when to wait. It's different now, this is a culmination of everything he's been working toward, all the plans he'd made had led up to this point and he's done with being patient.

'I'm waiting... JM'

The text is sent out as he sits on the edge of the rooftop, statuesque in his stillness with that incessant song looping again and again. Ever one for the dramatics, it's all part of the scene he's had in his mind for far too long. -- Part of him is hoping Sherlock won't show up, that he'll be SURPRISED last moment with some plan that foils him but he knows that won't happen. He'll win as usual and the world will drone on.

Jim doesn't move even as the Consulting Detective finally arrives, gaze set on the London skyline as he speaks.

"Well, here we are at last. -- You and me, Sherlock. And our problem, the final problem.. STAYING ALIVE. It's so BORING isn't it?-- "

There's a grimace painted across his face as he raises the phone, almost seeming disgusted by the music still playing in the background. He doesn't understand how Sherlock does it, how he COPES with all the idiots of the world and their problems, with such EXCITEMENT too. It's a rare show of honest feeling but that doesn't make the moment any less of an act, a staged performance made only for Sherlock Holmes.

He stops the music sharply, the frustration he's feeling permeates his entire body language and he makes no attempt at hiding it. What does it matter anyway? He has WON.

"It's just.. S T A Y I N G."

Even words fail him, his head burying in the crook of his arm to compose himself for just a moment. When he'd begun his game he'd expected so much more, he'd wanted a fight but it all just fell into place and THAT is the problem. Predictability. Even someone as intelligent as Sherlock Holmes, someone who could have been his equal, is nothing more than a PAWN he can manipulate. This game never lived up to his expectations.

"All my life I've been searching for DISTRACTIONS. And you were the best distraction and now I don't even have you. -- Because I've beaten you."

Remaining still is a chore as he speaks, his foot starts to tap impatiently at the floor, he can barely regard the detective without that frustration and RAGE bubbling up. -- He's not without emotion, far from it. Guilt, remorse, shame, those are things he is without but it takes effort to suppress the rest, to remain controlled.

"And you know WHAT? In the end it was easy. -- It was easy..”

This time there’s no attempt to mask his disappointment, how it pains him to admit the truth of their situation, of their problem. His problem. 

"Now I've got to go back to playing with the ordinary people. -- And it turns out YOU'RE ordinary just like all of them."

Pressing hand to his face, he inhales deeply before finally turning his complete attention on the detective. How will anything compare to playing with Sherlock Holmes? Of course there’s the other Holmes sibling to deal with but he has so much to lose, people in positions of power like himself are easy to dismantle. It’ll be another disappointment undoubtedly but the idea is enough to keep him going a while longer.  “Oh w e l l .~”

All the emotion drains from his face when he finally stands, slow steps taken towards Sherlock like a predator circling his prey. The game is about done but he wants to know just how much Sherlock figured out, how close he may have been to actually winning the game. Everything about his attitude is teasing as he speaks, the occasional glimpse of a smirk taking his expression at times.

"Did you almost start to wonder if I was real? Did I nearly get ya?"

-- "Richard Brook."

"Nobody seems to get the joke. -- But you do."

-- "Of course."

"Attaboy."

-- "Rich Brook is German is Reichenbach, the case that made my name."

"Just tryin' to have some fun."

The entirely joyless smile that spreads across his face is fleeting and his expression steels as he notices the drumming of Sherlock's fingers against his own hand. So predictable, always looking for patterns and secrets even when there are NONE. It would almost be funny if he'd not had such high hopes for the man.

"Good, you got that too.."

-- "Beats, like digits, every beat is a one, every rest is a zero. Binary code. That's why all those assassins tried to save my life. it was hidden on me, hidden inside my head, just a few simple lines of computer code that could break into any system."

"Told all my clients. -- Last one to Sherlock is a sissy."

-- "Yes but now that it's up here, I can use it to alter all the records. -- I can KILL Rich Brook and bring back Jim Moriarty."

Dark eyes are set on Sherlock, watching him dance, watching him trying to use that meaningless beat against him. It's pitiful, truly pitiful and part of him wants to believe it's Sherlock's attempt at playing his own game, that it's a ploy but he can't see how it will benefit him in any way.

"No, no, no, no, no.-- This is too easy. It's too easy."

Again his facade cracks and he turns away from Sherlock, blank expression crumpling into something mournful and disappointed. How could he have ever believed THIS man would keep him amused? This man who can't recognize a simple RHYTHM even after they'd spoken of the composer during their meeting.

"There is no key, DOOFUS!"

Again that burning RAGE pushes him forward, no regard shown for personal space or retaliation as he gets in Sherlock's face. It's over already, this reveals there was no chance the detective would have ever beaten him and it HURTS. Nothing can challenge his mind, even this man is PAINFULLY simple.

"Those digits are meaningless. They're utterly meaningless. -- You don't really think a couple of lines of computer code are gonna crash the world around our ears. I'm Disappointed, I'm disappointed in you ordinary Sherlock.."

-- "But the rhythm..?"

"Partita No.1! Thank you Johann Sebastian Bach!"

-- "Then how did you--?"

"Then how did I break into the bank? To the tower? To the prison? -- DAYLIGHT ROBBERY. All it takes is some willing participants.”  Money can encourage people to do a lot of STUPID things and that’s something he has in spades, it hadn’t been difficult to convince them and if that didn’t work, he could always threaten them into doing what he wants. It seems as though Sherlock thought it too simple to consider, ever looking for something MORE, Jim can hardly take him seriously when he misses something as simple as THAT.

“I knew you'd fall for it, that's your weakness, you always want everything to be CLEVER. Now shall we finish the game? One FINAL act. Glad you chose a tall building, nice way to do it."

-- "Do it? Do… Do what?"

Jim waits patiently at the edge of the roof, watching the detective put the pieces together. Had he really thought he was getting out of this alive after failing as he had? No chance, he'd had all the opportunity he'd needed to prove himself and Jim won't give him another one.

-- "Yes, of course. My suicide."

"Genius detective proved to be a fraud. I read it in the paper, so it must be true.--  I love newspapers. Fairy tales... And pretty grim ones, too."

Hands clasp behind his back as the detective approaches to look over the edge, he can't tell if there's a hint of fear or WORRY across Sherlock's face but it doesn't matter either way, no matter what happens he'll WIN.

-- "I can still prove that you created an entirely false identity."

"Oh, just kill yourself, it’s a lot less effort."

The Criminal is tired and it shows as he turns away from the detective, he has been for a long time but this encounter has truly exhausted him. Even if Sherlock tried do such a thing, which he most assuredly won't be doing, Jim would counter his every move. It would get nowhere and he's sure they both know that. Instead he just urges the man forward, goading him into action.

"Go on. -- For me. Pleeease."

Impassivity remains even as Sherlock grabs him but he's grateful for the spike of adrenaline as he's held at the edge of the rooftop, knowing all too well that he could easily be dropped. He's not afraid of death, never has been and that's not about to change here, especially since he knows it won't change the outcome. 

-- "You’re insane."

"You’re just getting that now? -- OKAY. Let me give you a little extra incentive. Your friends will die if you don’t.."

That has him, Jim can see that spark of concern in his eyes as he realizes those he cares about are at risk and he relishes in it. Caring is the biggest weakness one can have and he knows he's without it, that alone had Sherlock beaten from the very beginning but he never wanted to rely on it. Now it's just the icing on the cake.

-- "John?"

"Not just John. Everyone."

-- "Mrs Hudson."

"Everyone."

-- "Lestrade."

"Three bullets, three gunmen, three victims. There’s no stopping them now."

For a moment he truly believed Sherlock would push him but he’s yanked back from the edge sharply, there's very little satisfaction to be had at seeing Sherlock so stuck, he'd almost expected to see those wheels turning in his head. Instead of that he's granted with what seems to be fear. Jim’s voice is a hiss when he continues, barely inches from Sherlock’s face.

"Unless my people see you jump. -- ..You can have me arrested. You can torture me. You can do anything you like with me. But nothing’s going to prevent them from pulling the trigger. Your only three friends in the world will die. Unless -- " -- "Unless I kill myself, complete your story."

"You’ve got to admit, that’s sexier." It’s a story he’s been working on for a long time and it’s ending just as he expected, he’d be proud of that were he not hoping for something NEW. Of course, this isn’t the only ending he’s prepared for, a lot of things could have changed before this moment but Sherlock had found himself the SIMPLE ending.

-- "And I die in disgrace."

Of course, that’s the point of this. -- Oh, you got an audience now."

Throwing a glance over the edge, he can see the people milling about their boring ordinary lives, like ants unaware of the higher power above them that could step on them at a moments notice. A serpentine head movement turns his attention back to Sherlock, now no less an ant than the rest of them since he's beaten him.

"Off you pop. Go on. I told you how this ends. Your death is the only thing that’s going to call off the killers. I’m certainly not going to do it."

-- "Would you give me one moment, please. One moment of privacy. Please?"

How NORMAL, that hesitation to do what is necessary is just a further show of weakness to him, another example of CARE being a hindrance. Care for yourself. Care for others. All of it just holds you back. If he wants to save them, he'll jump and that means letting go of at least SOME of that weakness. 

"Of course."

Slow steps take him away from the edge and his prey, he's not sure what to expect; Sherlock never seemed like a man who'd believe in something as inane as God but desperation can make a fool of anyone given half a chance. He's a good distance away before he's halted by the chuckling, the sudden amusement in the detective's voice is initially an infuriating sound. It means he has indeed missed something. Turning sharply, he regards Sherlock with a sharp look.

"What? What is it? -- What did I miss?"

-- "You’re not going to do it? So the killers can be called off, then, there’s a recall code or a word or a number. -- I don’t have to die…if I’ve got you."

Now this is hilarious, Sherlock grasping at threads in order to save himself but it's SOMETHING, enough to earn smirk at the very least. Having him simply jump would've been dull, at least he's not resigning so soon, there's some backbone in him afterall.

"Oh… You think you can make me stop the order? You think you can make me do that?"

-- "Yes. So do you."

"Sherlock, you’re big brother and all the king’s horses couldn’t make do a thing I didn’t want to."

He doesn't even bother to humor the detective's attempt to pluck at his proverbial strings, the assumption that he can make him do ANYTHING is laughable to say the very least. 

-- "Yes, but I’m not my brother, remember? -- I am you. Prepared to do anything. Prepared to burn. Prepared to do what ordinary people won’t do. You want me to shake hands with you in Hell? I shall not disappoint you."

Prepared to burn? Where was that moments before when he'd been stood on the ledge, knowing his friends would die if he didn't jump? He refuses to believe it.

"Nah. You talk big. Nah. You’re ordinary. You’re ordinary, you’re on the side of the angels."

-- "Oh, I may be on the side of the angels, but don’t think for one second that I am one of them."

And it's then that he sees it, that spark in Sherlock's eyes that he can't quite explain. -- The detective has COUNTLESS plans just as he has countless failsafes, this is just one of them. Their game will go on, Jim knows he hasn't been beaten and that is THRILLING. Perhaps for the first time, he feels truly alive for a moment.

"No. You’re not. -- I see. You’re not ordinary. No. You’re me. You’re me. Thank you, Sherlock Holmes. "

Offering out his hand to shake, he knows what he has to do now, there's no getting out of this one without spilling blood or locked up and he won't stoop to pushing Sherlock himself as that will completely ruin the game. No, another ending will come for them, one not so finite and he's thoroughly looking forward to it.

"Thank you. Bless you. -- As long as I’m alive, you can save your friends. You’ve got a way out. -- Well, good luck with that."

It doesn't take a moment for his hand to slip into his coat to get the gun, something he'd not thought he'd have to resort to but it's all in hand, he knows what he's doing and there's failsafes in case it goes wrong. Bullet trajectory is nothing but calculations, it's a matter of physics and knowing just where to aim. He doesn't hesitate in pulling the trigger -- and the world goes black.

[jchnhamishwatson]

It happens at a crime scene.

Sherlock is bent double, crouched over the body of the killer’s most recent victim. It’s a lady, late forties, dressed sloppily, grease stained clothes littered with patchwork and holes from a hard life. Bruises and swelling around the carteriod artery make it obvious that she died from oxygen deprivation, strangulation. What was peculiar was the set of lacerations across her back, from the back of her neck to the back of her pelvis, blood seeping through the material of the shirt to stain the white fabric red.

Sherlock has his magnifying glass out, peering fiercely at the abundance of unidentifiable spots dotting her shirt.

“Sherlock.” John’s found a letter, luxurious envelope, embossed with an official looking insignia.

“Sherlock!” Brows furrowed, Sherlock continues to study the stains, probably cataloging the origins and compositions of the blemishes across her shirt.

“Sherlock!” Sherlock remains unresponsive, still taking in the scene in front of him.

Huffing in annoyance, John heads over, already used to this side of Sherlock. Deathly focused on the task at hand, tuning out any outside input he considers a distraction. A smile lifts the edges of John’s lips, exasperation written in the creases of John’s brow, as John leans down to speak to Sherlock.

“Hey Sherlock I found-”

John is met with silence, and straightens up again, sighing. Sherlock was brilliant, but why did he always have to be so difficult.

Standing with hands resting on his hips, John’s lips curled with mischief, shuffling closer, only to poke one finger sharply below Sherlock’s ribs.

What John didn’t expect, was such a visceral reaction from Sherlock.

Sherlock yelped, head whipping around to fix a glare at John’s laughing figure. Sherlock had dropped his magnifying glass onto the floor, expensive glass now useless due to the multitude of lines stretching across the instrument.

“S-Sherlock,” John choked out, still chuckling to himself, “are you ticklish?”

Sherlock stood stiffly, only pausing to pocket the ruined magnifying glass, a faint blush stark against pale cheeks. Sherlock’s eyes flickered over to rest on John’s shaking figure, muscles taut as Sherlock wrapped his Belstaff tighter around himself, walking swiftly away and towards the main road.

John hurried along, hands stuffed deep into his pockets, a soft smile playing across his features.

-

Nestled in the warmth of the taxi and speeding across London back to Baker Street, John let his eyes roam over Sherlock’s lean figure. Sherlock, who had always been cold, untouchable, and had walls so high John would never be able to see over them, was ticklish.

It was an entirely new thing to accept, but personally, John thought it was adorable.

-

“Sherlock”, John was almost at his wits end, this was the fifth bullet Sherlock had put into their fridge.

Sherlock whirled around, heading back into the living room, before dropping heavily onto the sofa, staring sullenly ahead.

“Come on Sherlock, we need that fridge, you of all people should know that,” John fumed, fists clenching sporadically.

“Bloody hell even you use that fridge!” John stopped in front of Sherlock, glaring down at the impassive detective.

“I was bored John.” Sherlock states, emotionless, still staring straight ahead, unmoving.

“Bored are you?” John bites out, blue eyes hard and unflinching, before memories of a yelping Sherlock invades his mind.

John lets his features melt into a blank slate, hoping to mask the sense of childish anticipation building in his gut.

As John leans down, inching into Sherlock’s personal space, suspicion makes itself evident in Sherlock’s verdigris eyes, tracking John’s every movement. Sherlock thinks for a moment, teeth worrying a pleasingly full lower lip, before his eyes widened, flickering up to meet the warm blues of John’s eyes. John can tell the moment Sherlock realises what he’s about to do, nothing escapes Sherlock, not really, but this time, Sherlock is a second too late to stop John from launching himself at Sherlock, bowling him over with his fingers relentlessly attacking Sherlock’s sides.

An unwilling yelp escapes Sherlock, before a series of maniacal giggles bubble out of Sherlock’s throat, accompanied by the frantic twisting of Sherlock’s body, writhing in a valiant attempt to rid himself of John’s hold. As of now, an ear splitting grin has covered John’s features, elation welling up deep inside his gut from the laughing, relaxed image of Sherlock before his eyes.

Soon, Sherlock is tired out, lying loose limbed and pliant across the length of the sofa, head lolling back to accentuate the curve of a pale throat. John is seated across of him, nursing a cup of tea, both men still panting from the exhilaration that they felt not even minutes ago.

Sherlock’s head swivels around to pierce John with his gaze, eyes somehow still cold and passive, but imperceptibly warmer than before.

“That was mean.”

Silence hangs in the living room for a few moments, before John bursts out laughing, the happy, joyous sound ringing loudly in the previously silent room.

“I was mean? Sherlock, you put five bullets into the fridge!” John lets his eyes wander, and they rest on his cup of tea, steaming on the coffee table for a fraction of a second, before snapping back up to Sherlock’s horizontal figure on the sofa.

“What did I say? I was bored John.”

“Go get that parcel by the door Sherlock,” John calls, ignoring Sherlock’s dramatised groan.

“John,” Sherlock’s voice travels over from the doorway, suspiciously thick, “did you get me a-”

“Yeah I did,” John revels in the quiet surprise and muted happiness flickering on Sherlock’s face, “figured since I caused you to break yours the last time that I should get you a new one.”

Sherlock bounds towards his room, coming out with a few sheafs of paper and jumping onto the sofa, causing the tea on the table to shake precariously as he leans back against the armrest of the sofa.

John sighs exasperatedly, but his hands are gentle when he gets up to smooth back the sweat matted curls off Sherlock’s forehead.

-

Sherlock is just about dead on his feet.

“That’s enough.” John cuts Lestrade off, herding a stumbling Sherlock towards the main road with gentle hands and soothing whispers. Lestrade protests weakly, saying something about having to take their statements and witness accounts and-

“We’ll do it tomorrow.”

Sherlock is John’s first priority. Always has been.

John’s insides feel generically warm and mushy as he takes in the sight of a mussed, vulnerable Sherlock. Throwing out an arm to flag a taxi, John slips his other arm around Sherlock’s waist, pulling the lean detective snug into his side, sliding him into the taxi with surprising tenderness.

Sherlock slumps into the seats, verdigris eyes glazed with exhaustion, eyelids fluttering lightly as a fine-boned hand comes up to grasp at John’s sleeve. John’s heart clenches achingly at the sight of a worn-out Sherlock, clutching feebly at John’s jacket, and as John climbs into the taxi, Sherlock tugs at John’s sleeve, pulling John close.

A sound of discomfort escapes Sherlock, as he attempts to curl his entire body into John’s shoulder, head butting placidly against the underside of John’s chin. John smiles, eyes warm and mouth soft, as he wraps an arm around Sherlock, palm coming to rest at the nape of his neck, fingers sorting through the curls he finds there.

Sherlock mumbles something unintelligible, jostling them both in an attempt to coil himself closer to the source of warmth. John is surprised by how protective he feels of this brash, coarse detective in this very moment, wishing for nothing more than to stay in this moment forever as he leans down to press his cheek against Sherlock’s riot of curls as his fingers stroke his love into the skin behind Sherlock’s ear.

Too soon, the ride to Baker Street is over and Sherlock is definitely fully asleep on John’s shoulder, snoring gently and hands clenching erratically in John’s jacket.

“Sherlock,” John shakes the flaked out detective, stifling a snort at the dismal sound that Sherlock makes, a cross between a dissatisfied grunt and a wet snuffle, “we’re here.”

Sherlock gives no indication that John’s even said anything, so John flashes an apologetic look at the cabbie, before leaning down and hissing sharply at Sherlock to wake up!

Sherlock moans under his breath, long limbs taking the chance to curl more firmly around John. In a moment of distraught motion, John pokes Sherlock in the ribs, trying to wake him up.

Sherlock jolts awake, the top of his head colliding painfully with the soft underside of John’s jaw as he straightens up, fumbling with his scarf as he almost trips over the sidewalk in his haste to exit the taxi.

John climbs out after him, catching ahold of the end of Sherlock’s jacket, and tugging Sherlock around so that they stand face to face in front of 221B Baker Street.

John looks up to see the quiet curiosity reflecting in Sherlock’s eyes and chuckles to himself before lacing his hands behind Sherlock’s neck, pulling the startled detective down so he can smile straight at him, before placing a chaste kiss on the corner of Sherlock’s mouth, meeting Sherlock’s gaze with the ever present question of is this okay?

Coupled with a decisive nod, Sherlock swoops down to capture John’s mouth with his own, tracing the seam of his mouth with infinitesimal care, suckling softly on John’s lower lip as John arches into Sherlock, pressing upwards in an attempt to feel more of the soft, wet heat when Sherlock breaks away, panting slightly, a smile curving his features.

Dropping one last, quick kiss on John’s lips, Sherlock pulls away, unlocking the door to 221B.

Sherlock turns back, running an appraising eye over John’s still flushed cheeks, rumpled jacket, and mussed hair, grinning as he holds out a hand for John to take.

“We’re home.”

*** some tags ( let me know if you ever want to be tagged in my crappy works + if you want me to stop tagging you ) : @softjlc ; @thejohnlocker ; @shag-me-senseless-watson ; @johnlockshire ; @b221 ; @gentleholmes ^ i’m hoping to add a little perk & fluff into our lives since the end of tfp so i hope this helps !!!! i love everyone

[midgardiannerd]

At your service

That’s two in the morning. I know nothing about how army works in the UK. That’s my first Sherstrade fanfiction and I’m worried. I don’t know a fuck what I’m doing.

PS: Mark is Mark Strong. Colin is Colin Firth. I don’t give a fuck, I ship these two bastards and Mark & Rupert’s friendship gives me life. 

Writing for the Sherstrade Month #7. Prompt: Uniform

At this particular moment of his life, John Watson knew three things. First, it was too damn hot for Sherlock bloody Holmes still wearing his beloved coat. Two, he would rather be at home with Mary than watching what is clearly a suicide, inventive but still a suicide, at his feet. Third, the second thing wasn’t true because it was finally the day he could make Sherlock Holmes speechless, deducting something that the mad genius didn’t see. And maybe it was cheating because he has a clue than Sherlock hadn’t but he still took it as a personal victory. 

« He was in the army. » 

« Don’t be an idiot John! I know it can be really hard for plebeian people but you should try. He isn’t from the army. A man with his health condition would never be able to be in the army. » « So why an officier of the RAF would just walk in the crime scene? » answered John, a smirk on his lips.

Sherlock turned around, watching a tall man with broad shoulders stretching a blue jacket, and a cap hiding his face. His eyes were piercing through the man and John knew that he was learning everything he could from his appearance to be as disrespectful as he could with the obvious authority figure whom were walking towards them. Finally, a little small could be seen on the detective’s lips and John was ready to call Sherlock about his bad behavior, not letting an ex-colleague being the target of Sherlock’s venom.

The man, a captain, according to the military stripes on his shoulders, stopped front of them and took his cap out, leaving everybody speechless on the crime scene. Front of them was Greg Lestrade, passing an hand through his hair while everybody was watching him with shock. Except Sherlock who was looking at him with burning eyes.

*********

Despite knowing Greg’s military past from the start and their intimate relationship since few months, Sherlock never saw Greg’s in his old uniform. It wasn’t like he never thought about it because he did. Too many times to not be considered as a fantasy. But he would never thought that Greg would look so hot in it. Sherlock knew that he would be great in it, blue was his color after all, but as gorgeous as now, Sherlock never dreamt of it.

Greg gave him a sweet smile and Sherlock bit his lips to not kiss him ferociously right now, front of everyone despite nobody knowing about them. He could wait. More difficult without a complex and bloody murder to distract him though. But right now, he could watch and saving data for his mind palace.

« Why the fuck are you in a RAF uniform? » blurted out John, a frown on his face. « I was to the wedding of a friend. We were in the army together so I had to wear it. » smiled Greg, placing his cap under his arm. « Sir? » asked Donovan, still shocked to see her boss in this uniform even if she knew about his past as a soldier. « I’m sorry to disturb you on your free day but every other DI is ill and I need you for this. » « That’s okay Sally! Just pray to not find my corpse in the Thames tomorrow. If the husband learns that I’m missing, I’m dead » laughed the DI, before asking for more details.

************

After having listen to Sherlock’s deductions, suicide was right by the way, Lestrade went with Donovan to filling the first paperwork about this case. It was the moment chosen by John to attack.

« Why did you have never told me about Greg being a RAF soldier? » asked bitterly the doctor. « Why should I had to? » answered Sherlock, not liking the betrayal he could hear in John’s voice. « Because I’m a soldier too. » « So what? You would have think that you have lived the same thing. You haven’t. » responded Sherlock, maybe too harsh but he didn’t like this conversation. « I had the right to know. » « He doesn’t like talking about it. This conversation is over. » said Sherlock, leaving John to join the DI.

Sherlock made a note to have a deeper conversation with John to instruct him to not talk about it with Greg. Sherlock knew that Greg’s military career ended with a bad experience. He didn’t know what kind of experience. Mycroft offered him to read Greg’s file but Sherlock refused. And he was pretty furious that Mycroft read it, knowing that any information in this field could become a bullet to use against Greg. And Mycroft was really good to fire. Sherlock just knew that Greg still had nightmares from it and that he wasn’t ready to tell him about it.

***********

Sherlock was dragging out of his thoughts when a car came vastly on the crime scene before stopping roughly. A man was stepping out the car, a arm on the roof, looking for the man wearing the same uniform than him. Sherlock recognized him almost immediately. He saw him on a lot of photograph in Greg’s flat.

« GREGORY FUCKING LESTRADE! » he was shouting, attracting all eyes on him « BRING BACK YOUR DAAAAAAAAAMN FINE ARSE IN THE CAR! »

Greg let a grin appearing on his mouth and Sherlock felt a traitorous spark of jealousy growing up in his chest. He knew that the man was married from this morning but he never saw someone getting this beautiful smile from Greg except him and not being the first wasn't something Sherlock liked. The man was now looking at Sally with piercing green eyes and Donovan was left unable to talk.

« You have finished with him? » « Yes sir. » answered the young woman and the man was focusing again his eyes on Greg. « In the car. Now. » « Mark. » responded Lestrade, sighing with a smile front of the show off authority of his best friend. « You need to go back before Colin is aware that you have left. Don’t know for you but I planned to fuck my husband tonight. Not to be killed by him. » told Mark, taking place behind the wheel.

************

Greg was climbing in the passenger seat and ready to go when the back door was open and Sherlock appeared like it was normal. Both men were turning around to see the new passenger and he gave a innocent smile to Greg and a defiant smile to Mark who was smirking with amusement from the bold move of the genius.

« That’s your boy? » asked Mark, looking at Greg with a smug smile. « Yeah. » answered Greg, pride filling his beautiful brown eyes. « He’s gorgeous. » said Mark, driving the car out of the crime scene. « Interested by a foursome? » added Mark with a nonchalance not faked. « You’re married for like three hours » spilled Greg, punching Mark in his arm. « And Colin is asking you for a threesome for ten years. » said the other man with a provocative wink. Greg could only shook his head in disbelief that this conversation was still going on after all this time.

« And you, pretty boy?  Are you open to more than one handsome man in your bed? » asked Mark,  raising his eyebrows suggestively. « Polygamous sexual intercourse is not something I want to experiment. And I doubt that I can find a man handsomer than the one who is already in my bed. » answered Sherlock, taping something on his phone.

Mark could see the biggest grin on Greg’s lips and the newly married let his eyes looking up to see Sherlock’s gentle smile in his rearview mirror. Greg’s heart has suffering too much in the last years. Mark could only feel grateful that someone was here to make his best friend so happy.

« You know! That’s rude to show up to a wedding without a gift. » answered Mark, a smirk on his lips, ready to catch whatever respond Sherlock would throw to him. « Considering the massive uniform kink of your husband, letting him to dance once with Greg would be enough to not be impolite. » « If you think that Colin would wait for your approval to put his hands on Greg’s body, you’re not the genius Greg told you are. » « Could you stop to talk like I was some prize to win? » interrupted Greg, a fake frown on his face.

Mark only responded with a smile, a wink and a chaste kiss on his cheek, side eyeing Sherlock’s reaction. If his boyfriend and his best friend chose to play the little shit with each other, Greg would be dead before having a chance to steal a dance from Sherlock.

« You’re an handsome man Lestrade! » answered Sherlock, like Greg was an idiot, like he was missing the obvious, like always. « Then! Colin isn’t the only one to have a uniform kink so your gift is purely selfish. » said Mark. « And that’s purely Sherlock! » laughed Greg, sharing a mischievous glance with his beautiful lover behind him, through the rearview mirror. « Colin will love him » answered Mark, his hand leaving the wheel to take one of Greg’s hand in his own, squeezing it, a gentle smile on his lips.

Greg caressed the wedding band of his best friend, feeling peaceful.

« Oh! By the way, I’m planning the same thing. » added Sherlock after a long silence. « What? Fucking my husband? » asked Mark, his legendary dark glare casting thunderbolt to Sherlock. « No. » answered Sherlock, being closer to Greg now. « Being fucked by a fine man in a uniform » he whispered, his lips kissing Greg’s neck, just under his ear, giving shivers to Greg. And Mark obviously. « I want a video as a wedding gift. » breathed out Mark, his grip getting stronger on the wheel and a filthy smile on his lips. « At your service Major! » laughed Sherlock, putting on his head Greg’s cap he stole while seducing him earlier, a salute for Mark and a wink for Greg, as a promise.

[abumblebeeat221b]

A List of Everything that is Odd about ‘The Six Thatchers’

I watched it again.

And I have to say I’ve read better fan fics on ao3. Gosh, if this had been something on ao3, I’d have stopped reading by the time they made John cheat on Mary. My comment would have been something like: John is hopelessly OOC. Mary’s characterisation is great, but why would you kill her off?

But since, by some unfortunate events, this happens to be the first episode of series 4, here are a few things which were referenced/out of place/ or just plain odd.

Our doctor said you were clean.

A few hours ago, Sherlock was having a Vicotrian Mind Palace trip. We worried for a year that he might have OD-ed. How does this qualify as clean? Or rather did Sherlock Holmes tip some poor government doctor off to fake his results? Is this some weird AU?

Only those within this room, code names Antarctica, Langdale, Porlock and Love, will ever know the whole truth

Antarctica: no idea.

Langdale is a reference to Langdale Pike from ‘Three Gables’. In the story he is a curator of scandals for some paper, and gives Sherlock Holmes the real name of a rich, famous, beautiful and industrious woman whose actions happen to affect one of Holmes clients. He lets her off the hook after making sure she’d come up for the travel expenses for his client, whose biggest dream is to see the world.

Porlock. Fred Porlock. ‘The Valley of Fear’. First, Porlock warns Holmes in an encrypted message about one of Moriarty’s plans (against a Mr Douglas), but then becomes too afraid of his master. Aaaaaand. On top of it, the story has Douglas faking his own death, who back in America, had brought a gang (the Valley of Fear) to justice, and is busy trying to save his life once the criminals get released again. Douglas dies in the end, even though Holmes warned him. And good old Holmes blames Moriarty once more. (Although who knows. Maybe Douglas just faked his death again?)

There was once a merchant, in the famous market at Baghdad.

The fable of the Appointment in Samarra, a.k.a “You can’t cheat death”. But then Mycroft lets us know that Sherlock wrote an AU where the merchant flees to Sumatra and escapes death. If we are talking about symbolism, then what does that stand for? (Also, don’t forget Sherlock’s vow, his promise he’d help Mary to escape. Maybe he did. Maybe he did not and Mary still escaped?)

But when they opened up his lungs…sand.

The drown man whose lungs were full of sand: no idea what that might be about. I can’t even come up with a scenario where that would be a possible cause of death. Maybe he inhaled water mixed with (river?) sand?

Come back! It’s the wrong thumb.

The severed thumb aka ‘The Engineer’s Thumb’. The only interesting thing about this story is that the criminals manage to flee and a house burns down. I’m not sure if this qualifies as foreshadowing (the burning house from the trailer, anyone?)

It’s never twins.

The case is called The Duplicate Man on John’s blog. We already had a reference to A Case of Identity last series (man plays the suitor for his step-daughter), so I’m not sure what this could be.

Dimmock, look in the lymph nodes.

And the above also goes for the guy with ink in his lymph nodes. What?

The canary trainer?

There is a ACD but extended canon story with the title of 'The Canary Trainer’, which is basically an early Adlock fan fic set after Holmes fakes his death at the Reichenbach falls.

The heart medication you’re taking is known to cause bouts of amnesia.

Not a clue. But since in the episode the case features on John’s blog: why have they really stopped updating the real one? Or why haven’t they at least deleted the Six Thatchers from it?

You can’t arrest a jellyfish.

The one with the jellyfish aka The Adventure of the Lion’s Mane. It was the jellyfish. What a surprise.

Sherlock’s phone. I couldn’t help noticing that Sherlock works a LOT during the first part of the story. We have him solving cases for Dimmock, Hopkins, Lestrade. On top of his private ones. Maybe he is anxious to give whatever Moriarty has set up for him to come his way. Maybe Mofftiss are trying to mirror the ‘That just sort of happened.’ bit with the Sydney opera house serviettes from The Sign of Three.

The really uncomfortable bit with John and the woman on the bus. To everyone who say John is not wearing his wedding ring when we see his right hand combing though his hair: it’s because it’s on his left. When we get the whole bit later in the story, it is there (or just look at the 2 days promo pic).  Of course, why they couldn’t flip the shot so that we see his left hand (Martin Freeman is left handed, I’m sure he could have done the shot with his left hand) is beyond me.

The Thatcher case and the explosion. If you hit a car, usually, there is no explosion. Unless you want there to be an explosion. But even then, staging the whole thing can be difficult. Besides, who came up with the idea that cars are airtight, or that corpses don’t smell? Although, I have the feeling the latter one might be an honest mistake.

Mrs H. Since when are we calling Mrs Hudson Mrs H? I know it’s in the books. But that seems like a rather deliberate change in the show…

The client with the badly removed tattoo. I’m not sure what this was supposed to be about. The Red-Headed League. How did I miss this? Also there is a far-fetched parallel to John, maybe (the tattoo man’s wife left him, just like Mary leaves John, in a way).

And then we get this:

- So, what’s this all about, then? - Having fun. - Fun? - While I can.

And I’m tempted to say that’s foreshadowing. Sherlock honestly thinks something is coming, and he is not sure he’ll be able to have fun afterwards.

Toby the dog. The Sign of Four. Mary Morstan’s origin story. In the book Toby is not a bloodhound.

The hacker. It really happened. Twice, I know of. Last year a British teenager was accused of getting is hands on some CIA e-mails. And they speculated he wouldn’t get charged in the end, because of the case of Gary McKinnon who had hacked US military computers back in 2002. But thanks to the British government, his actions didn’t have any major consequences.

Ajay. Last series, we were made to believe Sherlock spent one and a half years as some sort of agent fighting Moriarty’s network. He is supposed to be a professional. I get finding the memory stick in the bust makes him emotional. But why would he tell that stranger Mary’s real name? And later, why would he tell Lestrade of all people that the guy who almost shot him used to work with Mary?

The memory stick. Even a memory stick with a metal case has plastic parts. And those busts had to be put into an oven to harden. Do you know what happens to a memory stick in an oven? And if for some reason physical rules do not apply in the Sherlockverse, then what happened to the chain the memory stick was attached to? That seems like a bit of an unnecessary mistake.

I also don’t get how that memory stick insurance is supposed to work. There were four of them, i.e. four memory sticks. One of them could have easily fallen into the wrong hands.

The hideout below the church. Before Sherlock meets Mary in that church, he already told John. Who told him to plant a tracer inside it.

The American passport. It says it was issued mid October 2014. Do you know what happened mid October 2014? According to John’s blog, that was a few weeks (maybe a month?) after Sherlock got shot in HLV. Maybe Mary thought she’d need to be on the run again. Maybe Mofftiss just f*cked up.

The Culverton Smith poster at the bus stop.

E at the bus stop. I really don’t trust her. John meeting her is not a coincidence, I think.

The question of all questions: Did John cheat on Mary? I don’t know. I do think he was slightly tempted to, but odds are he didn’t in the end. Because a) as half the fandom has already pointed out before me, it would be ooc. Also, if you are married to an ex-super agent, and your best friend can read you date going by your clothing, then I don’t think you’d really go through with it. Or else Sherlock and Mary would have noticed (of course, them knowing about it would give the story a slightly different turn).

Mary takes the bullet. And Lestrade finally learns who really shot Sherlock Holmes a few months ago (was that supposed to happen?).

Sherinford. What does Sherinford have to do with “13th”?

Norbury. That is a reference to The Man with the Twisted Lip, which is basically a case of a man having the day job of a professional beggar to make money for his family.

Mary’s message. “When I’m gone. If I’m gone”. Mary makes that correction every time. Does it matter? The latter one could be read as a condition. Of not necessarily being dead. I don’t know.

Death waits for us all in Samarra. But can Samarra be avoided?

Why does the episode close with Sherlock asking if Samarra can be avoided? He is not talking about himself. Maybe he isn’t even talking about John.

Go to hell, Sherlock.

Of course, the post credit snippet is on this list. We have Mary swearing eternal friendship to him a few scenes earlier. She is asking him to ‘save John’ in her message she recorded on the run. Before she knew Sherlock would find her. So why the sudden change in tone?

Some have noted that Hell is an actual place in Norway. I think that wasn’t quite what Mary had in mind. But there is not much I can offer as an alternative. At least, Hell would give us a glimmer of hope (and yes, I want that on a T-shirt).

If anything, re-watching that mess of an episode made me realise how much I want Mary to be alive again.

#iwant2believe