#every single time ive mentioned a tech issue or something comes up shes like 'that cant be happening. i dont believe you' and without fail

[bitchthefuck1]

Genuinely cannot fathom how this woman's mind works, it'll be a genuine miracle if I don't kms before the year ends

The universe saw me finally getting out of a toxic social circle and moving away from my family and said let's balance this out by giving her a manager with the poorest communication skills known to man

[latina4rmbx]

To My Sweet, Sweet Boy

Today is my son’s 9th Birthday (AAAHHHHHHHH).  Of course, as any mother would, I’m feeling a big nostalgic.  He is my Baby and time is flying so fast.  Soon, he’s going to be a teenager and my heart can’t stand it.  This one is dedicated to him.

Hi Poppa.  Happy Birthday!  Baby, did I ever tell you that I dreamt you into life?  No?  I did.  My friends could tell you, I’d say, by the time I’m 30, I WILL have another baby.  I don’t know where the baby fever came from.  I don’t know how I knew I was going to have YOU specifically, but my heart told me.  YOU will be it.

Now mind you, I wanted a girl when I pregnant with you, but I never dreamt that I had a girl.  It was always your face.  Always your smell I remembered.  I don’t know how that happened, but I literally dreamed you into life.  I’ll just say it’s “Mommy Power.”

Mommy Power is a special power Mommies have.  We make boo boos feel better with just a kiss.  We make tears stop falling with a hug.  It’s the “special” ingredient we put in our food.  It’s all the same thing...LOVE.

My Mommy Power had me dreaming about you before I even knew your dad.  When I held you in my arms, it felt like I knew you already.  Not because you were inside my belly all that time, but because I had been dreaming of your face for years.

I didn’t even know you were going to be a reality.  My health hadn’t been great, but it definitely wasn’t bad.  But I would say it, I AM going to have another baby.  When I found out I was pregnant, women usually find out first (LOL) I was alone.  I was so happy to make this dream a reality.  To make YOU a reality, I cried.  

Fast forward to the day before you were born.  This would be yesterday, 9 years ago.  I had a routine Drs appointment, however I was high risk, due to the health issues I alluded to above.  I was going to have another ultrasound to see how things were flowing.  I was excited because I was going to see you.  The possibility of my labor being induced had been mentioned, but I didn't want to dwell on it because the thought of it scared me.

This brings me back to when I found out if you were a boy or a girl.  I can see your little stuff on the ultrasound clear as day.  It was funny because I look and I go, oh...OHHH.  I saw your little penis and your dad and I laughed.  He didn’t see it at first.  It’s fine, not everyone sees it at first.

So, I had my last ultrasound and I got to see you again.  Oh, you were beautiful to me.  Then the Ultrasound Tech said:  There’s not enough fluid surrounding your baby, they may have to induce.  You may have to confirm with your dad this part, but I believe I started crying.  I was so scared of being induced.  They didn’t let me go home, they kept me at the hospital.

So I check in, pay my co-payment and wait to be put into a room.  Luckily I was in a room by myself, meaning there were no other mothers in labor with me.  Your dad and your sister Awilda where there with me. They were my support.

A doctor comes in and explains what he is going to do with me.  First, they stick a little pill up my vagina called Pitocin.  This pill is supposed to soften my cervix (lol, google it) to start the laboring process.  Mind you, I’m sitting on a bed, strapped in like a mental patient listening to your heart beat and feeling you try to wiggle, but no labor, no labor pains.

After about a few hours the doctors check my cervix and nada is happening.  Then he says, I guess we’re going to have to give you the medication via IV.  WHAT!!!!!  The doctor says, don’t worry, we’ll start off slow and EASE you into labor.

Baby Boy, I know you will NEVER go into labor, but if you’re with someone that is having your baby and doctors say they’re going to EASE her into labor, be prepared.  This is when the action happens.

So, they give me the IV Pitocin and we wait.  Awilda and Adam are leaving and coming back because they’re hungry or tired and I’m just...waiting.  NOTHING IS HAPPENING!!!  

The doctor comes back in and is like, well we have to increase the medication.  WHAAATTTT!!!!!!  At this point, I don’t even want to have you.  I figured you were going to live inside my belly forever and I would be ok with that.  But noooooo, the doctor had to increase the pitocin.

Now, I have a pretty high tolerance for pain.  I can’t go into detail about hour 1 this happened and hour 2 this happened.  I do know that labor began and I felt every single part of it up until I finally got the epidural (OH. MY. GOD.)

So I had been in active labor for about mmmmmmmm, 12-ish hours but I was sticking it out.  It wasn't so bad and I was eventually going to MEET my little baby.  The nurse offered me an epidural and I refused.  WHAT A MISTAKE.

CAVEAT: GET THE EPIDURAL!  I mean, it’s your choice but you wouldn’t suffer with Wisdom Teeth pain or a migraine for over 24 hours, so why go through labor pains when you don’t have to, is all I’m saying.

The labor pains became so intense that I wished I had taken the nurse up on her offer when she initially asked.  It was too late now.  I made a bargain with myself.  If she asks again, I will say yes.  Now mind you, I am scared because I was being induced, happy because I was going to finally meet my baby, in pain due to this induced labor and pissed off because I was hungry, in pain and my two “supports” were asleep.

About 19-20 hours into ACTIVE labor (active labor is me IN PAIN) the nurse finally comes in and is like would you like an epidural.  Lets just say I could’ve kissed her lips.  The doctor had to stick me twice but after I was stuck I was GOOOOOOOOOD.  I barely felt anything and my baby was ok, so far.

Fast forward to RIGHT before I gave birth, this 25+ hours of labor.  A PA came in, read my scans and told me I was ready and asked me to push.  When I pushed, your heart beat slowed down.  She told me to stop pushing.  She looked at the scans again and said, ok, I’m going to ask you to push again.  I pushed and the same thing happened.  Then shit got real.

She tells me, it seems the baby’s umbilical cord is wrapped around his neck and every time you push, it’s decreasing his heart beat.  I got so scared, I thought I was going to have a C-Section (when the baby is cut out of you) She then looks me in the eyes and says:  I’m going to tell you to push and you’re going to push with all of your might.  We’re going to get the baby out.

She goes between my legs and says:  Ready mommy?  PUSH!

I know you don’t know what labor is yet, but the first part of the baby that comes out is the head.  So your head is sticking out of my vagina and the PA says to your dad:  Dad, I can’t ask you to cut the umbilical cord because your baby is in distress, I am going to do it, but come here and watch. (or something to that effect, because I AM TERRIFIED, plus I have a human head sticking out of my nether region, I’m not really paying attention to the specifics).

She cuts the umbilical cord and then she says:  Mommy, get ready to push again.  The shoulders are the hardest part of pushing a baby out of your body.  They’re broader than the rest of the body so more effort has to be put.  Mind you, these things are happening simultaneously so it’s quick.  I’m probably typing longer than it actually took for you to come out.

I push again, but I am TERRIFIED and tired and hungry and worried.  Maybe a second push and your shoulders come out and the rest of you come sliding out of my body.  I have an oxygen mask on, I look like a total mess and they are rubbing you fiercely.  At the time, I didn’t think of it, but they were bringing you back to life.  You were born blue.  Your umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck and as I pushed, I was choking the life out of you.

It didn’t take long for you to start crying and then for me to start crying.  I will honestly say, I didn’t realize it then, but have realized it every day after, that you almost didn’t live.  I almost didn’t get to have the baby I had been dreaming about for years.  Even today, especially today, I realize how blessed I am to have you and believe you have been put here for some truly amazing reason.

One more little story and I will end this post.  After I gave birth, I was in my room and some guests wanted to see you.  You were in the nursery with all of the other babies.  I say, let me go get him, or tell them to bring him.  I start walking toward the nursery and I hear a baby crying.  Now, I will say this is one of the Mommy Power things I was talking about, I knew it was you crying.  The sound of you crying made me cry.  I kept walking toward the nursery and I stop at the entrance and I say:  Baby Velasquez?  There were like 5 people in lab coats surrounding this crying baby and the nurse says:  This is him.  I already knew that because like I said “Mommy Power.”  We will bring him to you.  We are almost done checking him.

No one said anything to me in the room.  I’m guessing I looked horrible when I walked back.  I was just crying.  I also don’t remember correctly.  I remember saying:  They’re checking him, they’ll bring him to us when they’re done.  

Then they did:

XOXO

Thanks for reading.