#every now and then a synth album pops up in my watch again recs and its like oh

[theresaplatypuscontrollingme]

Lover Review (Long Post Warning)

Now that I’ve listened to the complete album six times today, I feel qualified enough to review it. Spoiler Alert: I FUCKING LOVE IT. 9.4/10

1. I Forgot That You Existed (10/10)

Favorite Lyric:  

And I would've stuck around for ya Would've fought the whole town, so yeah Would've been right there, front row Even if nobody came to your show

Favorite Vocals: I’m obssesed with how she sings “ And I thought that it would kill me, but it didn't” in the last chorus. Love it so much 13/10

Overall Thoughts: I love this song. It’s catchy and was the one that was stuck in my head after finally going to bed at 2:30. I get excited every time i realize it’s coming back on next.

2. Cruel Summer (10/10)

Favorite Lyric: “I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you”

Favorite Vocals: When she shouts “he looks up grinning like a devil” is a religious experience. So into it.  

Overall Thoughts: It’s fun and sounds very 1989.

3. Lover (10/10)

Favorite Lyric: “Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years”

Favorite Vocals: “Swear to be over dramatic and true to my lover And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me” my favorite lines to hear and sing.

Overall Thoughts: gorgeous song. If I ever get married I would play this at my wedding. very romantic

4. The Man (10/10)

Favorite Lyric:

“They'd say I hustled, put in the work They wouldn’t shake their heads and question how much of this I deserve” (YOU DESERVE ALL OF THIS TAYLOR ilysm)

Favorite Vocals:  

“What's it like to brag about raking in dollars And getting bitches and models? And it's all good if you're bad And it's okay if you're mad If I was out flashing my dollars I'd be a bitch, not a baller”

Overall Thoughts: I was kinda worried about this song before hearing it but I’m obsessed. Beat: amazing. Lyrics: fantastic and so truthful. vocals: fabulous.

5. The Archer (8/10)

Favorite Lyric:

“All the king's horses, all the king's men Couldn't put me together again 'Cause all of my enemies started out friends”

Favorite Vocals: “I say I don’t want that but what if I do”

Overall Thoughts: it’s pretty. I love synth pop so i’m very into the sound of it. It doesn’t strike me as a true track five though. Not enough of a story for me. All too Well was so descriptive and had such raw emotion that you can just feel listening to it. This definitely has the emotion but lacks to the description to really transport me somewhere.

6. I Think He Knows (10/10)

Favorite Lyric: “I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans”

Favorite Vocals:  

“Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh We could follow the sparks, I'll drive ‘So where we gonna go?’ I whisper in the dark”

Overall Thoughts: This is the other song that was stuck in my head from my first 2 listens. Dress was a sultry “sexy” song and this is playful af. Definitely gonna be dancing to this in my kitchen until to the end of time.

7. Miss America & The Heartbreak Prince (10/10)

Favorite Lyrics:

“ You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes”

American stories burning before me I'm feeling helpless, the damsels are depressed Boys will be boys then, where are the wise men? Darling, I'm scared (Ah)

Favorite Vocals:  

It's you and me, that's my whole world They whisper in the hallway, "She's a bad, bad girl"

and when she sings

“just thought you should know”

Overall Thoughts: WOW. this song is fantastic and every time i listen I find something else I love about it. also same to “darling I’m scared” because America is terrifying right now. The lyrics and vocals are both so strong. this song also reminds me of another song but i can’t put my finger on it yet. at first I thought it was a little gwen stefani(hollaback girl) and then i was thinking cher llyod and then i was like maybe it’s pink(the Truth About Love)? Still can’t think of the song it makes me think of but I’ll figure it out sometime.

8. Paper Rings 30/10 Just kidding that would throw off my scoring but (10/10)

Favorite Lyric: “ I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this”

Favorite Vocals:  “ In paper rings in picture frames in dirty dreams”

Overall Thoughts: I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this song. I’ve listened to it 6 times and cried 3 out of the six. This song is so reminiscent of the fearless era to me that it just reminds me of being 15. I feel like I’m 15 again listening to this. it’s like I’m transported back before all the bad shit in my life really started to happen. Then it makes me think about all the teens who are 15 now and getting to experience this song and this feeling and then i cry for 10 minutes lol. I cried typing this.

9. Cornelia Street (10/10)

Favorite Lyric:  “We bless the rains on Cornelia Street”

Favorite Vocals:

I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

Overall Thoughts: I was so happy to hear this song! this is the RED type of soundtrack that I spent months wishing for. (im very happy with what we got but red is my favorite album in existence so i’m hoping for more of that some day.) It gives me major RED vibes and reminds me of starlight a little bit. I love the imagery as well. I’ve never been to Cornelia St but i can picture it. I’m transported. MORE OF THIS PLEASE.

10. Death By a Thousand Cuts (10/10)

Favorite Lyric:

“I look through the windows of this love Even though we boarded them up”

Favorite Vocals:

“My heart, my hips, my body, my love Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch”

“Our songs, our films, united we stand Our country, guess it was a lawless land”

Overall Thoughts: I loved it from the first time I heard it and I really love the arrangement of this song. I also just found a quote saying that she wrote it about Someone Great and that makes me love it even more because I’m totally obsessed with that movie. Whenever I have a conversation about Tv with someone, I’m alway like “HAVE YOU WATCHED SOMEONE GREAT????? Why not?/? What are you doing with your life because it’s perfect.” This song is also perfect.

11. London Boy (10/10)

Favorite Lyric:  

“They say home is where the heart is But that's not where mine lives”

Favorite Vocals:  “ Just wanna be with you Wanna be with you”

Overall Thoughts: This sweet. I know nothing about London geography but I’m rooting for Taylor and her London Boy. Their relationship is adorable and I’m glad they’re happy! This song is gonna be really fun at tour.

12. Soon You’ll Get Better (Featuring the Dixie Chicks) (10/10)

Favorite Heartbreaking Lyric:

“And I hate to make this all about me But who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do If there's no you?”

Favorite Melody:

“I'll paint the kitchen neon, I'll brighten up the sky I know I'll never get it, there's not a day that I won't try”

Overall Thoughts: so many emotions. When we got the Dixie Chicks easter egg, it was the song i was most excited for... until I realized that the song they would be featured on was this one. I was expecting Goodbye Earl and I got Traveling Soilder. OUCH. This breaks my heart and I really hope that Andrea does get better. losing someone is terrible and I’m praying it’s something Taylor and her family don’t have to experience for many many many years. I’m not religious but praying for you.

13. False God (4/10) oww sorry

Favorite Lyric: ?IAMCONFUSION.

Favorite Vocals: the whole thing sounds great.

Overall Thoughts: I don’t really like this song? it’s just kinda meh. it feels jarring to hear after Soon You’ll Get Better and I DON’T GET IT? like it makes me feel dumb. I’ve listened to it 6 times and still don’t know. When I heard it the second time I was like Oh I Forgot That You Existed. Then I was just confused.  What is the false god... is it her.. is it new york city, is the love? I don’t know. Why is she singing from the point of view of the city? This song stresses me out which is a really bummer because I love how the vocals sound but then i listen to the lyrics and get frustrated. Also the only song I wanted to skip all six times. I think part of it is just placement though. after soon you’ll get better i’m not in the mood for this especially when I know there are better songs coming up and I want to hear them now. Someone explain this to me if you get it because i’m lost.

14. You Need to Calm Down (10/10)

Favorite Lyric:  

“Say it in the street, that's a knock-out But you say it in a Tweet, that's a cop-out”

Favorite Vocals:  “Why are you mad when you could be GLAAD? (You could be GLAAD)”

Overall Thoughts: Love it. Such a jam. Loved the music video.

15. Afterglow (10/10)

Favorite Lyric: “Meet me in the afterglow”

Favorite Vocals:  

“This ultraviolet morning light below Tells me this love is worth the fight, oh”

Overall Thoughts: I love this. One of my favorites on the album. It’s like a more pop sounding Back to December with a possibility of a positive outcome. Back to December was like i’m sorry i wish i could take it back and this is like I’m sorry can we fix this and meet in the afterglow! Meeting in the afterglow sounds so poetic and light. It brings imagery and peace to my mind and I’m all about it.

16. ME! (Featuring Brendon Urie) (9/10)

Favorite Lyric: “Livin' in winter, I am your summer”

Favorite Vocals:

“I know that I went psycho on the phone I never leave well enough alone And trouble's gonna follow where I go”

Overall Thoughts: I liked Spelling Is FUN. fight me. still gonna yell it at tour. I would have liked a little more complexity in the lyrics though... while keeping spelling is fun.

17. It’s Nice To Have a Friend (9/10)

Favorite Lyric:

“Light pink sky, up on the roof Sun sinks down, no curfew”

Favorite Vocals: the whole song is my favorite vocal because it’s amazing and it sounds great. (I said this like how craig from parks and rec said this is my friend madison she amazing and SHE DROVE ME HERE. it’s very important that you read it like that because that’s how I meant it. IT’S GREAT)

Overall Thoughts: Apparently every one at secret sessions didn’t like this song but I love it. Also saw a couple people describe it as creepy sounding which WHAT? are we listening to the same song??? I think it sounds romantic and gives me the imagery I want. I can picture this love. it’s innocent and wonderful. Very light and very airy sounding. Kinda gives me a Marina vibe which I love. Only complaint is I wish it were longer.

18. Daylight (10/10)

Favorite Lyric:  

“I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked Clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke”

Favorite Vocals: I’m living for the entire bridge.

Overall Thoughts: YES YES YES. This should have been track 5 but I also understand having it at the end as a valid choice as well. ALSO SHE MENTIONED RED. okay je suis calme but this song is beautiful and i’m just so happy and so proud of you Taylor. I cried at the end. “You are what you love” I have loved her music since I was 12 and now at 25 it still means so much to me. it’s been a vital part of my life and honestly the only reason i’m alive right now.  Thank you.  

OVERALL THOUGHTS: if you’re still reading by now bless you because I’m rambling. I truly love this Album. it’s got some solid bops and some beautiful poetic songs. I think my favorite songs so far are

I Forgot that you existed #1BOP

Paper Rings #1emotioninvoking

Daylight #1lyrics

170 out 180 which means that this album is a 9.4 in my opinion!!!!

Taylor if you read this, I love you. Your music means so much to me. It’s gotten me through so much. I really hope your Mom does get better.  ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡  

[grimelords]

I’m all caught up and presenting my August playlist just in time for September to end! Disco! Italo-pop! 90s gangsta rap! 3 hours worth of music for everyone!

Good To Me - THP: The most surefire way I’ve found to track down a great song you’ve never heard before is to look up every single sample on the Duck Sauce album. It has quite literally not failed me yet. This song is great, and being so used to the sped up sample in Goody Two Shoes this song sounds like the expanded chopped and screwed version to me which is even better.

Who Do You Love - THP: The other thing about THP is they’re extremely hard to search on Spotify because it thinks you’re trying to type ‘The’ and suggests 'The Beatles’ which is helpful.

Beleriand - The Middle East: I started rereading The Lord Of The Rings this month, and even got so deep in it that I started reading the Silmarillion for the first time and I suddenly remembered the time The Middle East wrote a song about Melkor and Angband and all that. Maybe the best Lord Of The Rings song I’ve heard almost exclusively for the drum work in the intro before it really settles into its Tolkein vibe.

Dead - San Fermin: I love this song but god I wish it were louder and more out of control. The sax sounds great but every other part isn’t nearly as turned up to 11 as it should be. The problem is that everyone in this band is such a professional they don’t know how to play like the maniacs this song deserves!

Tuesday Fresh Cuts - Bree Tranter: I’ve been looking up what all the members of The Middle East have done since they broke up and the best thing I’ve found is Rohin Jones writing music for a Dulux Paint commercial after the verse in Ninth Avenue Reverie about the guy who sniffs paint every night and dreams about being dead. Anyway as far as I can tell Bree Tranter is the one that’s had the most consistent and normal output since they broke up. This song is very much an ultimate night driving type song, except the lyrics are really not great but you can ignore that for how great it sounds, especially near the end when it really gets into a meditative state.

Ted, Just Admit It - Jane’s Addiction: Continuing my Jane’s Addiction phase, I really love this song. This is such a great brooding piece of music before it finally explodes into the declaration that sex is violent. Kind of a shame that it’s a serial killer song because he’s right about everything. Sex IS violent, the tv DO got them images, etc.

Fire Back About Your New Baby’s Sex - Don Caballero: I think this is probably Don Caballero’s most popular song, and with good reason. It’s among the most straightforward of their backward-ass songs and gives you a good grounding in how to understand the total chaos that is everything else they’ve done.

Ballad Of Circling Vultures - Pageninetynine: The entire last half of this song, when it slows down, is one of the best things I’ve ever heard. It feels like the entire mix begins to close in around you as it gets darker and darker before a door slams and you wake up somewhere else entirely.

You’ve Never Been Alone - Andrea Balency: I was watching this live video of Mount Kimbie https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6co64HYurg and they’ve got like a full band now! They’ve been slowly expanding from a duo and I suppose it makes sense because their last album really sounded like a band playing in a room rather than two guys on computers. Anyway it turns out the woman in their band is Andrea Balency and this song of hers is very beautiful and you can see exactly why they asked her to join.

The Conspiracy Of Seeds - 65daysofstatic: I was going through Circle Takes The Square’s performance credits on discogs (very cool hobby) and found out they’re credited on this 65dos song and was shocked that I didn’t know that already. It feels like they pretty much split the song down the middle and did half each, which is great!

Spanish Sahara (Deadboy remix) - Foals: This song isn’t on Australian spotify as far as I can tell, so if you’re in the UK I think you can listen to this. Otherwise it’s on youtube for everyone here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lk24ujPN4Lo This is probably one of my favourite pieces of music ever, it’s such a beautiful remix even though it’s not particularly far from the original. It just does the work of focusing the vibe down to a laser point. I love how mechanical every part of it is contrasting against the dreamy vocals and organ, until it almost feels overloaded with hats and clicks in the highest points before it focuses down again and introduces the bassline alone. Then the last section! The stabbing insistence of the synth driving the whole thing to a fever pitch.

T69 Collapse - Aphex Twin: I’ve never been huge on Aphex Twin because all his songs sound like you pressed the demo button on a keyboard and then turned the tempo way up but I really like this one, almost exclusively for the bassline the comes in in the second half after the big space-out breakdown. It’s groovy! It’s the most I’ve ever liked the evil man!

Kansas City Star - Kasey Musgraves: The Kasey Musgraves album everyone was going wild for didn’t really do much for me but this cover is so fantastic, the slight melody change she’s done to the chorus is such an improvement and really makes it soar. Also google is good because right now the 25th image result for 'kacey musgraves’ is a deviantart pic where someone’s photoshopped her to be extremely obese called Kollosal Katy. Not really related to the song but I thought it was worth mentioning.

Pyramids - Frank Ocean: A big group of friends and I went to karaoke a couple of weeks ago and the version of Pyramids they had didn’t even have the second half! If I can’t subject everyone to ten full minutes of me doing it badly then what’s the DAMN point?

Aqua - Eurythmics: I heard this song on NTS and was instantly in love with the lyrics. Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, throw me in the water, watch me drown! It’s that simple!

gonk steady one - Autechre: I went and saw Autechre when they were here a few months ago and I’m still thinking about it because it was like a multiplayer dream. They insisted on total darkness and everyone just kind of stood still or sat down for the whole show in the dark while an endless wave of sound from another dimension washed over us all. Then eventually the music stopped and the lights came on and I never actually saw Autechre the whole time I was there. I’m still working my way through their fucking 8 hour long new album but this is an early highlight. I don’t know how to explain this but it sounds good. It sounds like music by and for aliens that we can listen to and understand a small part of.

Poor Kakarookee - Venetian Snares: I was listening to this song and thinking the other day there’s a certain subset of Venetian Snares songs that sound like that bit from Parks and Rec where Adam Scott is like 'could a depressed person do THIS?’ and is holding up his deformed little stop motion figure from the deformed little stop motion movie he’s making. This is absolutely one of those songs. It’s a great song but it’s one of those songs.

Future People - Alabama Shakes: For a long time the only Alabama Shakes song I’d heard was Don’t Wanna Fight because it was just so good I figured there was no need to go further, which it turns out was extremely wrong because this whole album is completely killer. I just can’t believe her voice. The album version is great but the live version really shows it off https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbR999N5MiALa 

Mia Mania - Giani Morandi: I rewatched all of Harvey Birdman a couple of weeks ago and finally looked up what the song is in this clip https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xkhqce43mA because it gets stuck in my head all the time, and the only version I could find is this one with vocals which sounds even better!

Capriccio - Gianni Morandi: Then I dug deeper and started looking up the rest of this guy’s songs and totally loved it. There’s nothing better than digging around and finding what you think is some obscure artists before looking them up and finding out they’re incredibly famous and like the Italian Neil Diamond.

Parli Sempre Tu - Gianni Morandi: This is my favourite of his just for the insane pitch shifted vocal at the start, what an insane piece of sound for 1964! I’m desperate to know how they made it.

Forgotten Children - Mouse On The Keys: I suddenly remembered Mouse On The Keys the other day and thank god. They’re an instrumental band that’s two pianists and a drummer that looks like its jazz because of the instrumentation but is really more like post-hardcore in execution.

Can’t Get Right - Ghost-Note: I normally don’t go in much for this sort of drum clinic type music for musicians only but the central groove in this is just so good. It feels like two completely different songs playing at the same time, except if that sounded good. I found it because the bass genius Mono Neon played on it, watch the video and see if you can tell which one is named Mono Neon https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVw1b4gVYrU Also one of the guys seems to be playing a vibraphone that is a midi controller which I have never seen before in my life.

Shoot Myself - Venetian Snares: Venetian Snares has such a great melodic sense and it feels kind of underappreciated just because of how much his percussion is at the forefront of every critical appraisal. In songs like this where the drums are more restrained you can really feel the melody and harmony shine through, the layers of cascading synth lines piling up louder and louder before returning to the jazzy organ near the end is just such a beautiful moment.

Bad Boy - Den Harrow: This song sounds like an 11 year old wrote the lyrics and I absolutely love it. The best and most sexy lyrics: “Some dress Valentino, others wear t-shirts to show what a shapely bust they’ve got.”

Summertime - Barney Kessel: Barney Kessel the jazz guitarist that I only found out about this month did a bossa nova album when bossa nova was the biggest thing in the world and it’s so so good. He also does some very interesting playing on it that’s a lot closer to surf rock and rock n roll than anything else I’ve heard of his. This is also a good example of that thing when Stereo sound was brand new where every single instrument is panned hard left or right which is a treat in headphones.

Slice Of Heaven - Dave Dobbyn: It’s kind of a shame that this song never really gets better than the intro but when the intro is this good it’s fine. I remember this song from when I was a kid because it’s on the soundtrack to New Zealand’s first ever feature length animated film, Footrot Flats which I watched a lot.

Sailin Da South - ESG + DJ Screw: The hardest part about putting any one song from 3 N Tha Morning Part Two on a playlist is they’re not designed for that and it sounds awful and cruel to cut them off like that. So really instead of listening to this song listen to the whole album and turn purple.

Right Action - Franz Ferdinand: I think Franz Ferdinand deserve better than the sort of one hit wonder status they’ve got, because they’ve got a lot of great songs and this is one of them, and probably the danciest summary of the Noble Eightfold Path I’ve ever heard.

The Thing That Should Not Be - Metallica: I have done zero research but to me the 80s feels like the decade when HP Lovecraft and the Cthulu mythos really hit the mainstream. Dungeons and Dragons and all that. Anyway apparently Cliff Burton was a huge Lovecraft fan and they would all read his stories in the tour van which is a funny thing to imagine. Metallica have five or six Lovecraftian songs and the bulk of them were written after Cliff Burton died which is sort of touching in a way. Paying tribute to your friend by invoking the nameless horror that sleeps in R'lyeh.

Waters Of Nazareth x We Are Your Friends x Phantom - Justice: Justice’s new album is so good because it’s sort of halfway between a remix album, a live album and a Best Of. It’s essentially a studio live album, or maybe just a live recording straight from the soundboard with no crowd noise. Either way it’s great and leads to incredible three way mashups of their best songs like this one.

Mr Ice Cream Man (feat. Silkk The Shocker) - Master P: I was thinking about how you don’t really hear about Master P these days, but according to the first result when you google 'richest rappers’ he’s doing fine with a net worth of $227 million, which is more than Eminem. So good for him. Even if his music hasn’t really lasted I’m sure his many, many business dealings will leave him in good stead for the rest of his life. I’m just going to copy and paste some phrases from his wiki article here because it’s truly ridiculous: “He has since parlayed his $10,000 initial seed capital investment into a $250 million business empire spanning a wide variety of industries” “As a businessman, Miller was known for his frugality and keeping business expenses down and profit margins high” “He has since invested the millions of dollars he made from his No Limit record company into a travel agency, a Foot Locker retail outlet, real estate, stocks, film, music, and television production, toy making, a phone sex company, clothing, telecommunications, a jewellery line, auto accessories, book and magazine publishing, car rims, fast food franchises, and gas stations.” “Miller also has his own line of beverages, called "Make ‘Em Say Ughh!” energy drinks" “first rapper to establish a cable television network.”

The Party Don’t Stop - Mia X: Anyway via Master P I found Mia X, who sings the hook on Mr Ice Cream Man, and her album is actually good as fuck for an 80 minute No Limit album, mostly because it’s so packed with guests (it feels like everyone else on No Limit is on here, including guys with great names like Mo B. Dick and Kane & Abel, but also Mystikal and Salt N Pepa are here!) that you never get tired of the flow, and the production is nicely varied too.

Shut Up - Stormzy: This is like Stormzy’s biggest song and I’m dumb as fuck because I haven’t heard it until now when I was listening to Functions On The Low and found out he used it as the beat for this song. What an absolute thrill to see this perfect beat back in the limelight thanks to the man bringing grime back to the limelight!

All N’s - Mia X: I wanna talk about the beat on this Mia X song because it’s incredible front to back. (Lyrically this song is fucking great, especially the chorus) but the vocal synth bass sound is just amazing, and the hook melody is the damn 'there’s a place in France where the naked ladies dance’ melody. Every part of it’s insane.

Milk - Kings Of Leon: I got into a real groove this month and learned how to play this whole Kings Of Leon album on guitar for some reason. So now I’ve got that knowledge. But I forgot just how incredible this song is. It’s a testament to how if the music is good enough and the performance is good enough the lyrics can be absolutely anything. By the time he says “she’ll loan you her toothbrush, she’ll bartend your party” I’m already crying.​

listen here

[vroenis]

Notes On A Conditional Form

I need a break from games writing, and I guess playing video games I’m not entirely enjoying. To be fair to the Uncharted series, I was also briefly dipping in and out of Battlefield V and that’s just not been going well for a long time. I’ll just sit quietly and wait for the new maps.

Today’s title is the most obvious and terrible of puns, for which I should be fired. You’re fired from your own journal - pack your shit and get the fuck out, Vee. Fine, I never liked this job anyway. Who am I kidding, I love this job - I’ve been writing consistently again since the 16th of February this year and really enjoying it.

For once I’m going to use something topical as a springboard for today’s discussion, so as I say on Twitter - Saturday is writing day.

The 1975′s new album Notes On A Conditional Form is out now, available on all the usual distribution platforms except for the good one that counts (Bandcamp) so go get it.

I’m just finishing up my first full listen-thru in the studio where I do my writing as I begin typing out this piece - actually Guys has just started up so it’s the final song. It’s the second time I’ve heard this track, the first time was last night when my week ended and I finally got a chance to sit down on the couch in-front of YouTube and the promo was in my recommendations. What an adorable video.

For the duration of this writing session, I’ve queued-up Telefon Tel Aviv because it suits my mood better - NOACF will play after Dreams Are Not Enough and it’ll probably play if I write for long enough.

I joked around on Instagram yesterday that I bought NOACF Friday morning but wouldn’t get a chance to listen to it until today. I could have listened to it during my work day but there’s no way I’d have had my first listen on the shitty UE Booms that have transducers made of stale bread I have at my work-from-home desk, plus I don’t want to have distractions for my first listen - be talking over it while I work and have to stop-start music during teleconferences and video-meetings etc. Friday was a particularly hectic day for me, but even if it wasn’t, the speakers alone are enough of a reason for me to not want to engage in critical listening in my work-space. I can’t use the 535s or 555s even, because constantly swapping from music to teleconference headphones would be a nightmare.

It’s fine - I just have to be patient. At some point you just stop having to listen to everything the minute you get it. Years ago, I absolutely would be slamming tunes as soon as I would download them - or back when we bought CDs from stores, R and I would be in the car, peeling plastic wrap and jamming them into the slot and cruising around having a listen. Even then, tho, I made it a practice of setting aside time for dedicated listening. Music has always been important to me, I don’t know if it’s tied intrinsically to being a musician, I don’t think it is but it could be, hard to tell. For as long as I’ve been recording things onto cassette from the radio and then buying CDs with my own money, I’ve spent time just listening to music - not while reading, not while doing chores or homework or recreational things like building Gundam kits and Lego, play board games or entertaining guests with other people altho it has its place backing all of these things.

I’ve always wanted to spend time having music as the main focus - the specific activity I engaged in.

When I studied Audio Production and Engineering, it was taught as a subject called Active Listening, albeit as a pragmatic subject of analysis both sonically and musically and I still appreciate it being taught this way. It engages students to perceive musical listening as something you should do as a verb the same way that it’s taught in psychology and social studies. While there are some specifics you can probably educate yourself with regards to the physics of audio and music theory, at some point it begins to become about what’s subjectively pleasing to your ear - this much is absolutely also taught - that much about sound is about perception and is subjective, and the industry of music (the actual course is literally called Music Industry: Technical Production) is about honing technical skills and combining them with understanding your own subjective perception and successfully marketing them.

The real art of active listening is simply paying attention - it’s rudimentary - it’s just not being passive. Most folks aren’t participants in their appreciation of music and that’s not a facetious statement - there’s nothing wrong with people who don’t take a greater role in their digest of music in general, it’s perfectly OK because it’s probably not that important to them. The point at which they feel they want more from what they hear is when they need to do something about it, but they don’t owe it to anyone else to do anything before that. You’ll get no soapbox ranting about pop-music from me.

What’s perhaps less OK is if an individual regularly expresses discontent at a generalised lack of quality or availability of good art but does nothing to seek it out. Good art has never been more accessible. “Oh Vee,” I hear you cluck, “Are you here fixin’ to tell me The 1975 is good art? Cos we gonna throw down.” If you disagree then firstly that’s fantastic. I mean, you’re wrong, but I’m happy for you. But also you’re already in a good space to know what you do and don’t like and should already be good and finding good art.

I’m getting distracted again.

As meandering as my writing seems to get, hopefully some of it is still healthily circular in some ways - and coming back to the reasons I’ve stepped back from other platforms and am finding it comforting to write regularly here on tumblr is that observation of the longer form. Here I get to set aside more time and give myself more consideration to a topic. I sit in the studio and get my thoughts out over a few hours, then over the next few days, I revisit and re-read snippets or all of what I’ve read, in part to proof-read and correct it but also to go over the subjects I’ve written about in review. Sometimes reviewing inspires further notes in my phone that may or may not turn into journals in the future, but that doesn’t have to be a thing, I’ve not decided yet, but I’ve long ago abandoned the need for every action to bear fruit; it’s a very capitalist way of thinking, this framing of return on investment, that a thing is only worth doing if it’s profitable in the future. The action often has value then and there, it’s the act of doing it, but there has to be an action beyond just the thought, because if I don’t write it down, I know a day later when I want to summon the thought again because I liked it, it’ll be gone from my brain and I’ll hate myself for not noting it. This is how the brain works - it’s immensely capable and sometimes, when everything is important but there are a lot of things, it can’t keep track of them all so at some point it starts discarding them, especially in the short-term.

I watch a lot of YouTube. I really enjoy Rooster Teeth videos and I’ve had a First subscription for almost two years now. Oddly I still watch almost all their content on YouTube simply because it’s more convenient to do so across all devices,  but the point of having a premium subscription for me is to support them as content creators, not to access content earlier or really to access anything exclusive - I’ll be honest, I’m not watching any exclusives at all and couldn’t tell you what that content is. I’m also super glad that they opened up First access free during Covid, so right now you can sign up for First and watch everything thru their web portal and see all that exclusive stuff plus watch everything early and it won’t cost you anything. Yes - part of the point is the marketing benefit that after Covid, they hope you’ll see that First has economic value for you and that you’ll pay for it afterwards, but they transparently, plainly and frequently acknowledge this in their shows which I suspect is more than other companies are doing.

Outside of Rooster Teeth - which do create a lot of content at 30 minutes and above, often 1 hour shows but often 10 to 15 minute episodes, I still do watch a lot of typical 10 to 20 minute YouTube clips, especially after work. My reasons for watching these are probably similar to a lot of people - after an arduous day of office admin, often it’s easier to watch smaller, more easily digested pieces of media instead of material that takes potentially more psychological commitment. How that commitment takes shape is different for everyone - for some people, heavy narrative is more demanding. For me, if you’ve taken any cues about my tastes, you’ve probably figured it’s a little different.

Some of the short clips I watch are video gamers arsing about being funny; a lot of Funhaus (under Rooster Teeth) falls into this category, but a lot of my watching is comprised of Synth Tubers and musicians. There’s some stuff in the periphery - because of Gavin Free’s adjacency in Rooster Teeth, I might watch the occasional SloMo Guys clip that might appear in my recs, as well as the odd 1975 promo because I’m subbed so their single releases appear in my feed and Dirty Hit and adjacent artists will hit my recs too, so again once in a while I might try them to varying success - I bought half of Wolf Alice’s Visions Of A Life but couldn’t bring myself to pay for the full album. Maybe next time.

YouTube is a bit like the thumb, heart and like. It’s the short-term hit, the low-level engagement for my visual and auditory senses. I’m not knocking it, it’s fine. It’s good. It’s not entirely like but not entirely unlike sugar. Does the analogy carry all the way thru to if I consume too much of it, it’ll give my brain virtual brain diabetus? I’m not entirely sure but it could be worth being cautious of. I don’t think that’s a real thing but one thing I certainly have been missing is real cinema, and the other night I finally turned everything off and put on a bluray I’d bought of a film I’d as yet not seen, and was really glad I did;

I don’t often get to watch films that are for me, as egotistical a statement as that might sound. When J is home, I try not to subject her to my film taste, or at least some of the more rigorous sides of it. There’s a decent amount of crossover in our tastes which is plenty fine for us to share, but for some things I’d wait for her to go to bed or be out or away. I’m not sure how she’d take something like The Favourite, there’s a lot to like about the narrative as a whole, but I certainly can understand how people might not like it.

Nevertheless I adored the film, it’s almost perfect for me with the exception of some of the editing - Yorgos Lanthimos edited it himself, it would seem, so that’s ah... a thing. Anyway, alas were I here to discuss the film because it’s an absolute smashing delight.

I really do miss sitting down and just being able to be immersed in good cinema. It isn’t because I don’t want to, either - it really is because I find it so difficult to find film aligned with my tastes. If you want to know what those tastes are, there’s a page full of it, and yes, David Lynch and Terrence Malick are on it so I’m one of thooose people. Whatever, I so don’t fucken care. I’m not a snob, tho - I’ve talked about it before, can’t be arsed digging thru the journals but they only go as far back as Feb so have at it - but I dug the first John Wick, Michael Bay has his place, I mean, he’s a cock, but I respect and admire the cinemacraft - I totally talked about that (maybe I should go find it). I really *really* love action and stunt-craft a lot - there’s a lot of hard work that goes into that - not just sets and props but personnel, stage-craft, lighting, vis-fx and camera. It’s good industry, it looks great and it’s simply fun to watch.

Anyway.

I have action films on bluray, I just don’t talk about them. Instead I keep a list of my weird shit because they get less attention, less money and I feel like they speak more to my experience and there are fewer things in this life that speak to my experience. The list of video games in the journal before this one speak more to my experience, that’s why there’s a list of them. Uncharted speaks infinitely less to my experience, and that’s probably why I hit it with a stick so much, because dear lord jesus fuck look at how much money it gets, and yet look at how poorly the people who made it are being treated and how much fuck-all is being done about it, so fuck that shit, unite and unionise, and support your fucking indies. I’m getting distracted again... it’s not hard to do at the moment...

A dear friend had a birthday recently and they asked for some music - actually let’s roll back. Once our state went into lock-down and we couldn’t go visit one-another, one of my best friends K and I started talking over video-calls instead of our normal phone-calls. We’d normally speak over the phone because we’d see each other when she’d come over and have dinner with J and I, or we’d all have lunch etc. So me being me, there’s no way I’m going to be happy just using my phone - of-course I can run Zoom from my PC and use my webcam, but run all my audio gear thru my interface - meaning a nice condenser mic instead of a shitty phone or hands free, plus all my synths. This is how our video-calls go - I play music for her while we talk. It’s an absolute blast.

On one particular call, she told me the music I was playing at the time would be really great to help her with the work she was doing (also working from home). I was only just playing a Rhodes patch thru the reverb unit with a massive tail but she did have some decent bluetooth headphones on and it sounded great. That weekend, I spent a couple of hours recording a few pieces of simple music, just one instrument and fx direct - no sequencing, straight into audio - lightly normalised - topped and tailed, encoded to mp3 and sent them to her.

I haven’t had a lot of studio time at all over the last two years - J and I have had a really rough year - not with one another, but challenges that we’ve had to face. If you read back thru the journals, you’ll see another one of those which has further flow-on effects for us that we continue to deal with. That’s life. Both she and I have been dealing with these kinds of challenges for most of our lives from a very young age. Sometimes I spend a bit of time noodling, as J calls it, on a piece of gear here and there, and in the past I’ve taken a few bits of gear out of the studio down into the kitchen and recorded videos for Instagram that have been fun - usually for a weekend or week while she’s been out of state with family.

There’s that thing again with only doing things in short bursts and hopefully I’m able to illustrate this pattern of shortness, of us having to live our lives in short bursts. I’m not going to hook it into the evils of YouTube (I like YouTube and use it) or Spotify (I hate Spotify and don’t use it) - as always, these things seem to follow people’s patterns of behaviour rather than shape it - but there are probably some other evils that have shaped our patterns of behaviour and the consumer services have simply followed. Are we being over-worked and is the quality of our life out of balance? Probably. Are we losing touch with a better sense of engagement with one another, activity, focus and art? Very likely. Do we point a furiously waggling finger at Twitter and Facebook and YouTube and yell BAD and run to the hills to farm organic vegetables and hide from 5G (couldn’t help it) for the rest of our days? Not at all because that’s clearly stupid.

I like Twitter. I really like Twitter. I really like YouTube. I really like the Wire and the accessibility and ease it’s brought about. Just because we haven’t quite figured out how best to utilise it doesn’t mean we have to set it on fire and huddle in the dark. I don’t get that approach - we are astonishingly intelligent beings, yet our reaction to not being able to fully process complex things always seems to be SHUN AND RUN. Don’t credit me with that, I’m sure I read it somewhere - I wish Mamoru Oshii’s external memory (or wherever he shoplifted it from) was a real thing and I could check it (NB: I did exactly that, but couldn’t find anything culturally remarkable enough as a source).

Dedicating time to recording those pieces of music for K was really amazing. I just listened back to them and I’m really happy with how they came out. If you ask nicely I might post one of them up here but you’ll have to ask really nice and understand they’re super ambient so they might put you to sleep but that’s one of the desired effects, I guess. Watching The Favourite was amazing, and I have to try to dig out more cinema to dig into. I’m really hoping Ghost of Tsushima reviews well for PS4 because I’m pretty much sold on it - I’d like a game I can play for long periods rather than short bursts because I value enduring video game experiences that aren’t frustrating. And writing here every week has been the most positive step I’ve taken this year, super beneficial and I hope at some point I can get around to discussing some of the other artefacts of art I keep mentioning in greater detail, or at least more about my engagement with them. That list of films has a lot going on in it as far as how it’s influenced my life. I say that it’s listed in no particular order, but Ishikawa’s Tokyo.Sora remains to this day my most favourite film by a long way, no other film has come close, but there are a lot of films that are almost as special and that leave everything else a long way behind. Most of Lynch’s films are pretty special to me, so too most of Oshii’s, but I’d love to talk about why films like Polgar’s Exit and Fliefauf’s Womb are there for their tone and feel more than their content.

I think that’s coming. For the moment I’m still writing as a capture of my mental state in time. Barely anyone uses the term microblogging in reference to Twitter any more but that’s exactly what it is - it’s a granular timecode of people’s pragmatic and emotional reactions to their experience of life - usually too granular to be useful without strange barely accessible tools to process. For me a return to traditional writing has been both immensely useful and satisfying. I enjoy both cataloguing and documentation, but I also love the mechanical process of such. Sitting down and spending time writing has given me perspective on how and when to use a granular tool like Twitter - even for shitposting - and Instagram too, tho shuttering Instagram is still on the cards - and it’s amplifying every activity I dedicate time to.

More and more I’m getting down on the floor with our dogs and playing with them - I did this anyway but I do it more, to bond with them and enjoy a sense of play and place at their level in pack harmony. There’s nothing overly spiritual and wanky about that, they’re just our dogs and we love them, it’s just about understanding canine behaviour and enjoying it.

This isn’t a puff piece about the perfect life, far from it. I’m not just trying to be positive either. There’s still an immense amount of shit happening around me, never you mind. It’s hard to contextualise everything all at the same time, so don’t be tempted to believe I’m here doing a HASHTAG BLESSED post because you can fuck right off. Go back and look at my taste in films damnit and tell me a positivity-only person digs those films get fucked. You wouldn’t know what we’ve been thru and I wouldn’t know what you’ve been thru either. Let us talk about shit sometimes and don’t do that whataboutism shit. You should be more mature than that. If there’s anything granular media has done it’s make you a lazy thinker so shake yourself out of it. You know better. You *know* you know better. Come on.

I might draw some art for you to steal, come back and insert it but I’m happy with ending here.

[avecorviidae]

Fic: falling out of feeling

Fandom: Gorillaz Rating: T Relationship(s): Murdoc Niccals/Stuart “2D” Pot Word Count: 2246

Ao3 Link

It’s an unbearable number of minutes before 2D finally stops pretending to drink the shite canteen coffee and looks him in the eyes.

“How’s the place treating you, then?”

A neutral question, as far as things go. Or, it would be, if Murdoc were anywhere other than here.

“How do you think, faceache?” he spits, but it comes out weaker than he would’ve liked, bitterness giving way to exhaustion. 2D flinches back nonetheless, wincing as his eyes trace the steady line of reddish bruises up Murdoc’s jaw and into his hairline. Murdoc sneers, juts his jaw out, puts on a big old show of refusing to be ashamed. They’re being watched, after all, by the officers and the huge fuckoff sods who roughed him up, and their nice wives and mumsies come to see them, all of them gawking at the black-eyed bright blue poofter in the fucking patterned floral shirt who’s come to see Murdoc Niccals. Beyond that, though, beyond his cred, his inside rep, he’s putting it on for 2D, like he always does, the fuckoff-I-don’t-need-you strop he always throws before he crawls back every single time.

Trust 2D to toss it right back at him.

“Listen, Muds,” he starts abruptly, and Murdoc’s eyes snap up to him, already put on-edge by the tone. He’d thought 2D’s discomfort was about the locale, the sterile, grey visitation centre of Wormwood Scrubs pressing down around him, but Murdoc knows that tone, and a we need to talk by any other name still tastes as fucking sour.

“Muds,” he starts again, learning forward over the low plastic table, “my head’s not on straight right now, yeah?”

Murdoc bites back a when is it ever?, in favour of scowling in petulant silence.

2D’s voice takes on a desperate edge. “My head’s not on straight, and, look, Noodle’s got this mate, right? A bloke named Ace, and he’s a bit of a bassist I guess, has this nice place in L.A., and he’s invited me and Noods and Russ to maybe hang out and jam with him for a bit. And, Muds, I think I might take him up on it.”

Well.

At least he has the decency to look guilty about it.

“So that’s how it fucking is, then.”

“No, Murdoc,” 2D says, pleading, but Murdoc’s already pushing his chair back, ready to get the fuck out of here. His cell, the rec yard, even the communal fucking showers would be a welcome reprieve from this.

2D stands as well, leans over and grabs Murdoc’s wrist before he can react. “Look, I know you’re angry and you probably won’t cool down for a while, but I’m leaving you my phone number, yeah? And just, call me Muds, okay? Whenever. And if I don’t answer, I’ll call you back, quick as anything, okay?”

Murdoc blinks once, then tugs his hand away sharply, out of 2D’s grip. “And why the fuck would I ever want to call you?”

2D sighs, all the fight going out of him. The way he’s built, he looks like a marionette cut from its strings, all jutting bones and awkward angles. “At least take this,” he says, voice resigned. He rummages in his jean pockets, and after a moment, produces a crumpled tenner, dropping it on the table between them. He must’ve brought it for the canteen, Murdoc supposes.

He sneers. “What, and get hep A from the fucking beans on toast? I’ll pass, thanks.” Still, he pockets the cash, knows it could do him some good.

“Call me,” 2D repeats dully.

Murdoc leaves.

-

HMP WORMWOOD SCRUBS

INMATE PHONE CALL TRANSCRIPT OUTGOING: INMATE ID: #24602     INMATE NAME: MURDOC NICCALS

RECEIVING: STUART POT (LOS ANGELES, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA)

-

STUART POT: You called! Are you… Uh, are you alright, Muds? Not dying or anything, yeah?

MURDOC NICCALS: Me? I’m great, just fucking dandy, Dents, I’m just in fucking prison.

SP: Oi, don’t get snippy mate, you called me!

MN: Well. Had to make sure you were still kicking, didn’t I? Make sure this Ace bugger didn’t turn out to be some evil fucking serial killer out to murder my whole band, eh?

SP: [LAUGHS] He’s not evil, Muds. Just a bit, er. Thick.

MN: I’m sorry, are you fucking joking? You’re calling someone else thick? This bloke must be a fucking vegetable!

SP: Oh, sod off. He’s just, you know, a bit odd, innit? We were doing some shoots for a music video on Venice Beach, and we wanted a shot of him playing basketball with the locals, because he’s a bit of a local, right? Being American, and that. But one of these kids throws him the ball, and he catches it, and takes out a flipping flick knife and pops the bloody thing!

MN: [LAUGHS]

SP: It ain’t funny, Muds, they were right angry!

MN: Well that’s what you get, isn’t it? Filming a music video on Venice flaming Beach, for chrissakes. What’s it even about?

SP: Not about much, I guess. It’s a, a happy song I guess, so I just roller skated around for a bit, and we got some shots of all the folk milling about, and it was pretty good up until Ace pulled that shit. And Russel tripped me up, but I don’t know that he meant to.

MN: Rollerskating? 2D, what the fuck are you doing to my band?

SP: Just messing about, Muds. I think it’s turning out alright, so far, we’re cleaning up the audio for the rest of the album, and Jaime’s said he might wanna do these uh, things, these, visualizers for some of the songs, yeah? And it’s–

MN: Are you enjoying this? Getting to fucking gloat about replacing me in my own band, writing your hippie dippie alt-pop shit with some fucking Californian bassist, putting out a whole fucking album without me in my fucking band–

SP: But it’s my album! It’s your band, Muds, of course it’s your band, but I’ve got to do this, right, and you can’t take it like that, like we don’t want you back, ‘cos it’s not the same doing this without you. Ace is thick, Muds, seriously, musically thick, he just plays whatever me and Noodle tell him to, never adds anything himself. Which is alright for this I guess, ‘cos it’s my songs and I know what they’re supposed to sound like, but I keep hearing you in my head going, “And that’s where the synth oughta stop, you always want your stupid little midi solos, Dents–”

MN: [LAUGHS]

SP: Sod off, stop laughing! You sound just like that, you do, you always fucking barge in and say every song ought to go exactly your way, and we’d stay up half the night tweaking one chord progression over and over ‘cos we knew it didn’t sound right and I can’t do that without you, Muds, so quit saying I want rid of you, alright? I can’t keep doing this without you.

MN: Then don’t. Just fucking wait until I find a way out of here–

SP: I can’t, Murdoc. Not with these, yeah? I’m sorry.

[CALL END]

-

SP: Do you ever miss Kong?

MN: No.

SP: Go on. Not even a little bit?

MN: No! Why would I miss that infested, stinking pit of garbage?

SP: Sorry, are we talking about Kong or Plastic Beach?

MN: Bugger off. At least Plastic Beach wasn’t in fucking Essex.

SP: [Singing] The only way is–

MN: Stop. Stop! I could’ve gone the rest of my sad, miserable life without being reminded of fucking TOWIE. You really are a poof.

SP: Guilty. I miss Kong, though. Really, I do. I mean, not the smell, or that portal-thing you kept downstairs, or the bathrooms, or really anything about it, but… It was alright, the stuff we did in there, weren’t it?

MN: Alright? D, it wasn’t just alright, it was fucking revolutionary! Changed the international music scene forever–

SP: I miss when we’d order pizza in, and the Domino's delivery bloke always got lost on the way up, and ended up calling us all curled up in a ball crying ‘cause he saw a ghost or summink, and we had to go out and collect him.

MN: Ah, yeah. Think they blacklisted us eventually.

SP: And Noodle tearing through the place. Skateboarding up and down the hallways at midnight–

MN: –Screaming like a banshee in Japanese because we hadn’t been watching how much sugar she’d had, yeah. God, she were a great little sprogget, weren’t she?

SP: You know she’s seeing someone?

MN: What?

SP: Yeah! Some bird named Buttercup, lives round here apparently.

MN: She’s too young to be dating! You’ve told her she’s not allowed to be dating, Dents, fucking tell her!

SP: She’s twenty-summink, Muds, I don’t think we’re allowed to tell her what to do anymore. If we ever were, really.

MN: Still! What if she gets hurt! What if this Buttercup bird breaks her heart! I don’t trust anyone named fucking Buttercup, D.

SP: Me neither, really. I wanted to, you know, stand on the porch with a shotgun and be all, you have my daughter back by midnight young lady or there’ll be hell to pay, like in the movies, right? ‘Cept the place we’re in don’t have a porch, and Noods never brings her round anyways. The only reason I even know she exists is ‘cos Ace kept running his mouth when he weren’t supposed to. She were right angry at him for that.

MN: [LAUGHS] Good for her.

SP: I do… I miss the people we were when we were doing music at Kong.

MN: We were terrible people, D.

SP: Still are. But at least it was fun. Least it was just us up on a hill and half the fucking world weren’t watching us and writing articles every time we got high on something.

MN: D…

SP: I think I hate L.A., Muds. Really, I do. I know I was the one who wanted to come here, but I think, once this album’s done, I need a break. Middle of nowhere, you know? Not like Plastic Beach, but, us, like…

MN: Jamaica.

SP: Yeah. Yeah.

[CALL END]

-

HMP WORMWOOD SCRUBS

FORM BP-S383.058: INMATE PERSONAL PROPERTY RECORD NAME: MURDOC NICCALS ID: 24602 TYPE OF PROPERTY: COMPACT DISC QUANTITY: 1 DESCRIPTION:

JEWEL CASE CONTAINING: -ONE COMPACT DISC (C-D) OF ALBUM TITLED “THE NOW NOW” BY “GORILLAZ”

-

He looks tired. Probably not quite as haggard as Murdoc, one eye still bandaged over, half his face an inflamed, angry red, but still, he looks a bit like he walked off the plane high and half asleep and stumbled straight into the visitor centre. Hell, he might’ve.

He’s not making any pretenses about drinking the coffee, this time, but he’s got his skinny fingers wrapped around it, leeching warmth from the Styrofoam cup.

Murdoc blinks, winces, glances away. Doesn’t know how to start.

“I mean, do you get it now?” 2D asks, abrupt as ever. “Why I had to do it without you. I couldn’t just… I couldn’t let you play those songs, not like, not when they were for…” He trails off, scowls down into his cup.

“I know,” Murdoc murmurs. “S’why…”

He shakes his head, forces himself to spit it out. 2D gave him this, the least he can fucking do is stop being a coward and finally return the favour.

“S’why I couldn’t let you sing Plastic Beach alone.” 2D looks up at him sharply, eyes wide and disarming. “What?”

“I brought in so many collaborators so you’d make a story with them. Not think about me, or the lyrics I wrote, or why. Couldn’t listen to you singing my words back at me all alone.”

All at once, 2D’s face goes slack and soft with understanding. Murdoc finds himself unable to look away, skin crawling with shame and fear and a thousand other things, but still staring right back at 2D. He’d always found his eyes a bit unnerving, glassy and blank, like squid ink. Opaque and reflective, and Murdoc’s always seen more of himself that he wants to, when 2D looks at him like that, like there’s not another thing in the world that could possibly keep his focus.

2D hums, low and crooning, “I’ll wait to be forgiven, maybe I never will–”

“Don’t,” Murdoc says softly, “Stu, stop.”

Because of course he’d know, pick out the one that Murdoc can barely stand to think about. He was a showman, was 2D, and way back when they’d actually gotten Little Dragon to perform live with them, he’d sung to her full-throated, down on his knees pleading and bright and shining with sweat, had looked at her like nothing else existed–

Like he was looking at Murdoc now.

“We’re not good people,” Murdoc says, like he’s realizing it for the first time. He might be, in a way, because he can’t quite wrap his head around the kind of poetry they’ve been writing each other, like they’re the kind of people who pine, who love like that, who get to have that.

“That’s alright,” 2D says serenely. “I still try, sometimes. And I guess it’s never too late for you to start.”

“Cheeky shit,” Murdoc says, but he’s smiling, almost. “You’ll– Will you be there? When I get out of here?”

“‘Course, Muds.”

“Then I’ll start trying.”