#every day i lie in fear he's gonna get thanos snapped in the finale

[gentil-minou]

Since I know you’re a therapist I’m really curious to hear your opinion about Felix and his actions through the show

(Pretending to be Adrien in front of his friends , trying to kiss Ladybug without consent , trying to make an alliance with Hawky-Stinky and yet being so kind with his mother, and travelling from London as soon as he saw how sad was his cousin on TV . Impersonating his cousin again and then finding out about his dead aunt)

I've kinda been hesitant about any analysis of Felix cause I haven't quite figured out what his motivations are, and I'm hoping we will know more once Strike Back comes out! There isn't enough for me to be able to pathologize about him, but I think he could maybe get a headcanon for ASD. He is definitely an interesting character and quickly becoming one of my faves!

I do think his character serves as a kind of foil to Gabriel, especially in regards to Adrien.

Both of these characters are portrayed as manipulative and cunning (though okay not Gabe but HE thinks he is and I guess one could argue you need a bit of cunning to be able to pull the shit he pulls right under everyone's nose). They both are aware of what the other is, and often play around each other. All of Felix's episode have shown him going head to head with Gabriel, which I found interesting since he's kind of neutral when it comes to the whole good and evil thing (which is why I'm waiting for Strike Back to really think about what he's trying to do, especially by taking Adrien's identity).

But back to the Gabe thing, we get these shots of Felix where he genuinely seems to love his cousin, aunt, and mom. They're all moments where he doesn't need to pretend or has a chance of being seen, so we can assume those are when he's being most vulnerable. Gabe, in comparison, doesn't even really smile at Emilie or Adrien, at least not in the same way you can read affection and adoration like Felix does

(side note: this analysis by @cookiesaddict was soooo well done and it talks about how Felix appears to be perfect for the kwami of adoration)

In Gabriel Agreste, the two of them are literally pitted against each other in a bid to see who can beat the other one. And then in Risk, we see Gabe being completely out of touch with what his son wants and needs, to the point where he isn't even facing him. Adrien's back is turned to Gabe, show's that this guy has no idea what kind of pain he is causing his son.

Then you have Felix, who recognized Adrien's pain even from 1000 miles away, and while we don't really know what his plan is here, other than to get the miraculouses, it's interesting to note how they framed this scene.

In contrast, Felix is facing Adrien directly. He is clearly and obviously making the point to read Adrien's emotions and his feelings. He is already being wayyyyyyy more interested in Adrien's feelings than Gabe is, just by being in front of him instead of ignoring him the way Gabe does.

Felix also immediately recognizes the horror of keeping the body of one's wife preserved in the basement, in contrast to Gabe who probably thinks it's romantic or something (ick)

Both Gabe and Felix are motivated by love, but they appear to have very different definitions of it or at least different ways of expressing it. Both appear to be cold somewhat distant individuals, but at least Felix is able to feel and express love in a way Gabe doesn't seem to be able to.

This could all change once we find out what Felix's big plan is here, and although there are a bunch of theories I think whatever happens it's clear there's more than meets the eye to him here

[druigsfavwitch]

It’s Ok- Natasha Romanoff x Daughter! Reader

warning- angst, endgame spoilers, mom! nat (my specialty) there no fluff, it’s only angst sorry :(

summary- after the snap, natasha had lost everything: her family, friends and others. the one thing she didn’t lose was you. scott comes back with a plan but everything has a price, even happiness

words- 1553

~~~~~~

Natasha could remember that day so clearly. She watched as everyone around her just disappeared into dust. He first reaction was her child: you.

You were also in wakanda, fighting thanos and his minions with your mother. She ran around, calling for you. She would walk past piles of dust, hoping it wasn’t you. She walked back out onto the field and saw half of everyone. She did a quick once over and saw you stand up from the ground. She sighed, letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She ran across the field and engulfed you into a hug. “I’m so glad you’re ok.” She said, tears forming in her eyes. You looked around at the piles of dust, some being swept away by the gust of wind.

“What happened, mama?” You asked, your voice small and quivering. She looked around and let a tear slip. “I have no clue, моя любовь. We’ll make it right, though. I know we will.”

~~~~~

A few days passed and you all were no closer to bringing everyone back. Your birthday was the day after everyone got snapped. You didn’t even want to have a party. You refused to get any gifts but, of course, your mom got you something. You felt guilty. Why did you have to get gifts when your family was killed? You guys should be trying to save them. A day or two later, you lose count when you don’t sleep, a space alien lady came with tony and nebula who, surprisingly, stuck in space. It turns out steve had told her tony was in space.

She had brains. You guys managed to find out where thanos was because he had used the stones again. You guys set off to find him.

When you guys landed, carol, wrapped her in a headlock while you guys arrived. It turned out he had used them to destroy them. Thor wasn’t having any shit from him and he sliced his head off. “What, i went for the head.” Your eyes filled with tears, it’s all over.

~~~~~

Years passed this time. About 5, you lost count. By this time, you were 22. You had lost the happiness to do anything really, it was like you were numb. Every year, your mom would try to throw you a tiny party, something to lift your spirits, but you just laid in bed.

Until, one day, a crazy dude waved at the entrance to the compound. They let him in and explained it was scott or ant man. He explained that he didn’t get dusted because he was in the quantum realm. He said that we could do a back to the future type thing and get the stones, reverse the snap and return them.

When they were going over the stone, you took extensive notes. That night, when everyone fell asleep, you read about the most confusing stone to you: the soul stone. It’s found on vormir and the price for it is another soul. You knew you had to be the one to sacrifice their soul. Everyone else had a purpose. You snuck back to your room and started to sleep but couldn’t. If you were going to die, you might as well let your mother know. You grabbed a piece of paper from your dresser and a pencil and started writing. When you were finished, you smiled with tears in your eyes and folded it. You grabbed the pencil again and wrote her name on the top. You sighed and fell asleep.

~~~~~

When the day came, you laid the note on your pillow and ran out to get in the suits. “ok, you all know your goals. the stones.” Your mom turned to steve. “See you in a minute.” She said. She turned back to you and grabbed your hand. You smiled at her and everyone went their separate ways.

~~~~

You, Clint and Natasha landed in vormir and climbed the mountain. When you got to the top, you saw a man in a good. He spoke up. “Natasha, daughter of Ivan. Clint, son of Edith. Y/n, daughter of Natasha” Your mom spoke up next. “Who are you?” He responded. “Consider me a guide. To you, and to all who seek the Soul Stone.” “Oh, good. You tell us where it is. Then we'll be on our way.” Your mom said. You looked at them. He guided you all to the cliff. “The stone is down there.” Your mom said. Your heart rest quickened. “For one of you. For the other... In order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love. An everlasting exchange. A soul, for a soul.” The three of you sat down on a log. “Whatever it takes.” They both sais. “Tell my family i love them.” Clint said. Your mom tackled him. “Tell them yourself. You saw this as an opportunity. You bolted only to be yanked back. “i don’t think so!” Clint said. You swept your leg out and knocked him down. You ran over and tried to jump off the edge but your mom caught you causing you both to fall. Clint jumped down and grabbed her hand and shooting an arrow. He was holding on to natasha who was holding on to you. Natasha had tears on her eyes. “You’re gonna love kid.” Clint said, choking on tears. Natasha wrapped her hand around as you gave her a smile. “I love you. I do, mama. So much, please, don’t forget me.” Natasha sobbed. “You’re gonna be next to me. You still have so much to live.” You smiled through your tears and your fear. “I lived my journey. Part of it is the end.” You kicked your leg off the rock, knocking your mom off balance and letting go of your hand. She screamed as she watched you fall and eventually land with a sicking crack. She hid her face in cried. Then, both of their visions went black.

~~~~

When they woke up, they were in a puddle. Natasha looked in her hand and saw the soul stone. She looked up the sky and screamed. She had lost the one thing she had been living for.

Her and clint made the journey back, none of them saying a word to the other. Natasha was to busy staring at her hands. The hands that held her baby, the ones that failed her.

~~~~

When they arrived back, everyone had their stones. Steve looked at Natasha and saw her bloodshot eyes. He looked to the spot next to her and saw you were missing. “Natasha, where’s y/n?” At the mere mention of your name, she broke down. She fell on the ground crying. Clint tried to comfort her but she just screamed and cried. She had lost her will to live.

~~~~

Bruce had been the one to make the snap. Just seconds after, the compound blew up. Natasha and clint were trapped together They fought their way out.

They had witnessed the portals and everyone come back. Natasha almost cried again. Her baby did this. “Avengers....assemble.” Captain America yelled and everyone started to fight.

When thanos grabbed the gauntlet, Natasha thought it was all over. Her baby’s death for nothing. But then, he snapped and nothing happened. Turns out tony had taken them. He said “i am iron man” and snapped.

~~~~

Natasha and the others watched as tony slowly died, his finally words being “hey pep.” They all took a kneel. Natasha cried. She had lost two people in a day.

~~~~

At his funeral, she sat in the back, on a bench, looking at the sky. Carol walked up and cleared her throat. “Um, i found this is the rubble of the compound. It’s for you.” She looked at her hand and saw a note folded up with her name on it. She could recognize your handwriting. She started to tear up as she unfolded the letter and started to read it.

‘Dear Mom,

Chances are, i’m not there with you. If i’m being completely honest, i knew one of us wouldn’t come back from vormir. It had to be me. Think of it as every animal or flower has their time. Then, they wilt or die. I wish i could hug you and stop your tears. Trust me, i really wish i could but this is how it was meant to be. You have chances. I finally got to be a hero. You don’t have to cry anymore. I’m ok, i’m happy. It’s ok. I love you and i’m safe. I’ll save a seat for you. I’m happy mommy. Don’t cry, i’m right here. Always and forever

Love, your baby- Y/n Romanoff

She sobbed and looked up to the sky, smiling. You weren’t there with her but you had tony. You both were happy. She would see you eventually. She would eventually get to hold her baby again. It would eventually be ok.

(ok, not gonna lie, i cried writing this)

tag list- @emmaloo21 @ssebstann @xxxtwilightaxelxxx

[ohwereusingourmadeupnames]

“You almost died! And for what?” - post endgame, please!

Where All Your Biggest Fears Are Gonna Come For You

Pairing: Peter Parker/Tony Stark (Starker) Rating: Mature (M) Notes: I had a great time with this one - thanks for the prompt, anonymous friend!  Word Count: ~3K Warnings: Tony losses an arm and the symptoms of PTSD are described. Summary: 

Peter never thought Tony would be the one to snap the world back to normal. When it happens, there’s a desperate scramble to save his life. 

do the thing, send in all the prompts 

At the end of 5 years slaving over theories and ideas, Peter never thought the end of Thanos would lie in Tony’s hands.

They spent hours a day working through the time travel capabilities and even longer trying to tap into the makeup of the pym particles. Between the late nights in the lab, Peter and Tony found comfort in each other. It was the one consolation prize of the fucked-up situation that wrapped its hand around the planet.

Adventuring with Steve and Tony to get the stones was like watching a movie of their past lives – the younger Tony didn’t seem all that different than the one he knew intimately; but then again, Peter didn’t think Tony would ever feel like a stranger.

After watching Thor resuscitate Tony with his illustrious hammer, Peter quickly realized losing Tony was his worst fear. They weren’t entirely open about their relationship, but Peter craved the comfort of Tony’s touch and held his hand the entire way back to their present.

Bruce stepping up to take ahold of the gauntlet the first time gave Peter a sense of false hope. There were others willing to step up – people that could handle much more than Tony; no matter what though, Peter should’ve known better. So many people wrote Tony off as someone who only worked for himself; it made his chest ache, how wrong they actually were. Peter knew that Tony’s biggest fear was losing the people that meant the most to him. Luckily, the entirety of the world was included in that.

Completely absorbed in keeping as many of Thanos’s soldiers at bay during that final battle, Peter didn’t realize what happened until everyone stilled. Turning on his heels, Peter let out a loud wail – Tony was stumbling, his brief look of triumph giving way to pain and disorientation. Glad to have his super speed, Peter closed the distance between them quickly, his hands grabbing Tony’s shoulders before the man could hit the ground. 

“Tony – Tony, it’s okay. It’ll be okay.” Peter repeated those words over and over again, Tony grasped his hand and looked at him helplessly, the energy he absorbed obliterating the right side of his body.

“Fuck, please no,” Peter groaned, his palms on Tony’s cheeks. Despite it all, Tony was looking at him with a dazed sort of smile, the haze in his eyes one Peter saw so many times over the last few years. He wasn’t willing to part with it, either. Leaning forward, not giving a single fuck about the people gathered around them, Peter pressed a kiss to Tony’s head and let go.

Before he could turn away or think or come up with a plan, a hand was on his shoulder – T’Challa was looking at him with a serious expression. “Let Shuri try.” As if his words summoned her, the technological genius appeared. “He doesn’t have much time,” T’Challa said without hesitation, his arm pulling Peter away from Tony to give Shuri room.

Without being asked, Stephen created them a portal that lead directly to Shuri’s workspace in Wakanda. Peter watched with wide eyes as Tony was laid across a table that Shuri immediately started to interact with. His heart hammered when he noticed the heart rate monitor fluctuating between low and non-existent.

Tears he couldn’t help were rolling down his cheeks, the sobs that felt trapped in his brain were shaking his shoulders. Seeing Tony like that pulled him apart one cell at a time. He didn’t know how hysteric he was until T’Challa pulled him from the room, the man’s hand a solid weight around Peter’s shoulders.

They didn’t exchange any words for a while – Peter was too immersed in his agony to be able to form anything coherent or even listen to someone talking at him. The heavy pressure of T’Challa’s arm stayed there until he cried himself out. His head ached, the front of it pounding from the ruthless feeling of grief and confusion and loss. The last vision of Tony was burned in his brain – he’d never seen the man he knew to be one of the strongest on the planet so lifeless. The white of his face would haunt him for a long time to come.

“Shuri will do everything she can, Peter Parker. You must keep the faith,” T’Challa remarked, breaking the silence after Peter’s sobs subsided. “I know that I won’t get you to go far – but you need to get cleaned up and refuel before standing vigil. Her work may take a while.” He gave Peter a brief squeeze before leading him down the hall. Peter could do nothing but follow, his emotional instability no good for anyone in that moment.

He made his way through the food put before him on autopilot – his body must have needed it, because it was gone before he even realized he’d been spooning it into his mouth. The shirt and pants he was given to wear were deep red and made of the softest fabric he’d ever felt. A small comfort in a time when he didn’t remember how to put thoughts in sequence; his brain bounced back and forth between worry and the horrible sight of Tony’s blackened side.

When he felt more or less like a human again, Peter wandered back into the small chamber they set up for Tony. The fact that he hadn’t been sent for during the last couple of hours was reassuring, but the paleness that still clung to Tony’s skin as he laid against the sheets gripped at his heart. He looked frail – Tony’s fragility staring him right in the face. The overwhelming feeling it evoked in Peter raw and devastating. 

Grabbing Tony’s hand between both of his, Peter pulled it towards him – his lips lingering on the skin there. The usual warmth wasn’t there, but at least the subtle thrum of his heart could be felt when Peter checked his pulsed every few minutes.

It took five days for Tony to open his eyes for the first time. Shuri did what should could for the damage on his right side – she had to remove his arm completely and the skin of his face was riddled with scarring; but he was alive. The first time Peter saw Tony’s deep brown eyes after what felt like a lifetime, he flew forward and wrapped him up. Peter pulled back when Tony groaned, his heart fluttering at the sound. “God, Tony – “ Peter babbled, tears already streaming down his cheeks.

Tony didn’t stay conscious for very long. He stuttered out Peter’s name and drank a little bit of water before passing out again. And it went like that for a while. He slept for long periods of time, then woke up just long enough to blink blearily Peter’s way. Despite the progress, Peter was slowly going insane. Shuri didn’t see a lot of changes in his condition, but attempted to meet Peter with a smile when she told him to keep hanging on to the hope that everyone who entered in the room tried to project.

Since the most pressing threat was under control, most of the Avenger’s scattered to do their own thing. The few that were planning to stick around and take up the next fight made their way to Wakanda to be with Peter and Tony. Steve, Bucky, Sam, Wanda, and Natasha took turns sitting around with Peter while he morosely clung to Tony’s hand. 

Peter mainly watched the rise and fall of Tony’s chest and tried to listen to whatever his concerned friends were trying to tell him. He always shot them an embarrassed attempt at a smile when they had to repeat themselves for the second or third time.

Peter woke up a little when Nat sat down next to him after a couple of weeks of the endless moping. She wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him against her side, fingers on him tight – her grip telling him he wasn’t going anywhere. Sucking in a breath, he turned his head to look at her, eyebrows quirking.

“He would hate to see you like this, Peter,” Nat said plainly, the white in her red hair still something that made his breath catch. The passage of time blew his mind, even after all the crazy shit he’d seen in the last few years. Dropping his head against her shoulder, Peter felt himself start to cry when she pressed her lips to his forehead. “You’ve gotta do something else.”

It was the exact thing he needed. The next day, Peter approached Shuri; she was fiddling with something under a microscope, the recognizable hum of vibranium engulfing him the longer that he stood there. She broke the silence – the sharpness of her voice bringing a sort of smile to his face. “You want to help, I assume,” she said, Shuri’s eyes coming up from the microscope to look at him head-on. “I could use it. Your familiarity with vibranium will come in handy.”

He didn’t understand what she meant at first, Peter was honestly just willing to do whatever he needed to. When she showed him the arm she’d been working on for Tony, he suddenly understood. Shuri wanted to give him an arm that would function with the rest of his suit. It was absolutely brilliant and terrified Peter to the core. The thought of Tony stepping onto the battlefield again made him want to drop to the floor and curl up into a ball. In the depths of his heart, Peter knew he would never be okay with it – not after the close call they were still dealing with.

Pushing passed it, Peter dug into the work. As it turned out, his knowledge on both the nanotech and Tony’s work with vibranium made the process a whole lot easier. They wouldn’t know for sure whether the suit extension would work until Tony tried it for the first time – but, the arm was stellar. The creation and design was very remnant of Bucky’s – Peter pitched a color change and grinned when Shuri showed him the red and gold accents she added to it.

Tony finally woke up entirely after four months of coming to and dropping back off again. 

Peter walked into the lab to start working when Shuri gave him an unrecognizable look. Tilting his head, Peter shrugged on his lab coat and rolled up the sleeves before asking – “What? Is something wrong?”

With a firm shake of her head, she grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the machinery monitoring Tony’s condition – even without any expertise, Peter could see the noticeable change in brain activity. “This is good, right? Maybe he’ll actually wake up!” Peter exclaimed, his shoes squeaking on the spotless floor as he ran over to Tony’s bedside. He gripped his hand tightly, his eyes slamming shut. “Please – wake up, Tony.”

The clench of his fingers a little while later had Peter looking up, his eyes wide. Tony attempted to sit up, the shift in his weight apparent when a grimace flashed across his face. As quickly as he could, Peter hefted him up and placed a couple of pillows directly behind him. After being fed by a tube for the past few months, Tony was probably extremely weak – the slump in his posture speaking volumes.

“How am I alive?” Tony asked first, his voice scratchy and deep – like each word was being pulled out of his throat like it didn’t want to leave. His fingers twitched again in Peter’s hand; the weak touch probably meant to be reassuring. Peter sat on the edge of Tony’s bed and got his hands on as much of his boyfriend as he could. The limbs below him were too skinny – the paper-thin skin so different than the lively flush of the man that stepped out of their house in hopes of finally defeating Thanos.

Giving himself a second to process the question, Peter drew his bottom lip between his teeth, the tension on his skin there enough to help him think. “T’Challa offered to help. We’re in Wakanda. Shuri worked her magic and did everything she could to make sure you’re sitting here with me right now. It’s been 4 really long months.” Peter’s last few words were gut wrenching, his mouth sour from saying them out loud.

Still exhausted, Tony nodded and relaxed into the pillows. “Can’t say I expected to be here. But, I’m so happy to see you.” He reached for Peter, his hand not making it very far before falling back to the bed. Moving without thought, Peter rearranged them until Tony was in his arms, the frail body against him one he missed so desperately. There was nothing like the warmth that was steadily attempting to creep back into Tony’s center.  

----  

Tony’s recovery was slow moving. A couple days after he woke up and started moving around, Shuri and Peter presented him with the vibranium arm they created. Peter didn’t want to delve into the additions made to incorporate the nanotech yet, but Shuri went off excitedly. The small flash of excitement in Tony’s eyes made his stomach roll, the nauseous feeling of pure panic settling deep in his gut.

Once he got used to the weight of it and how the absence of his actual limb felt, Tony seemed more determined than ever. With every passing day, he got a little bit more color in his cheeks. He put on weight and let Bucky take him through exercises that would help to accommodate for the extra points of force the new arm brought with it. The part of Peter that loved to watch Tony flourish burned brightly – the Stark determination wasn’t a made-up thing; it was tangible in the way he put his all into every part of the process that would make him better.

With the increase in energy came an increase in the need for constant stimulation. When he wasn’t working out or training, Tony was annoying Shuri in the lab with his constant questions. And when he wasn’t doing that, Peter captured his attention and kept him as close as possible.

Luckily, nothing had changed between them. In fact, the bond they fostered over the years seemed to burn brighter than ever. Tony didn’t have to hear from the team about Peter’s dedication to his bedside to know how devoted he’d been. Despite not being entirely conscious, Tony swore he could feel Peter there every single time he managed to come to.

A month later, Tony felt good enough to travel – so they headed back to upstate New York to disappear in the comfort of the little house that’d been their sanctuary for such a long time. It felt amazing to walk through the door to something familiar – watching Tony’s face light up in recognition and obvious affection had him grinning, his palms gripping delightfully rosy cheeks to pull him into a kiss. “Welcome home, Mr. Stark.”

The happiness surrounding their homecoming lasted for about 6 weeks – Steve Rogers pulled into their driveway and broke the bubble to pieces on a rainy Thursday. Peter shot him a murderous look when he knocked on the door – “Can I talk to you for a second?” Peter asked before Steve and Tony could shake hands. He pushed Cap down their porch stairs and didn’t stop until they were within feet of his car. “Why are you here? You can’t be here with Avenger’s shit already, Steve – he’s just now getting back into the swing of things. And still healing.”

Steve put a hand on his shoulder, like the parental gesture would erase the fear and anxiety that wouldn’t stop rushing through his veins whenever he thought about the inevitability of their next mission. “It’s time, Pete. Threats are imminent. We’ve got to be better prepared next time.”

He presented it in that exact way to Tony, too. Steve kept flashing looks over in Peter’s direction the entire time he talked, but never stopped the words from coming out of his mouth. It made his head spin, all the details about rounds and patrols and training schedules. Peter figured they’d eventually make it back into the helm of things – but, he wasn’t ready. The idea that he’d be faced with the helpless feeling of waiting by Tony’s bedside again so soon like a claw gripping his heart and wrapping it in doubt and uncertainty.

Peter felt Tony’s arm on his waist when he pushed the door closed after Steve left – neither of them giving him the go-ahead, but both aware that it was coming, that not answering the call wasn’t in the cards for them. Sighing, he reached up, his fingers tangling with Tony’s on his shoulder.

“I’m not ready,” Peter admitted, the pressure in his chest too much to keep inside any longer. He was surprised he made it through Steve’s visit before coming undone. “I’m not ready to worry, yet. I’m not ready to put how I feel about you away for the greater good. You almost died! And for what? To just jump back into the fray and not enjoy the life you fought so hard to secure for everyone else? I can’t lose you, Tony. I can’t.”

His hands framed Tony’s cheeks as he spoke, Peter turning around and tugging him close when he felt the man’s weight shift behind him. His thumb ran across the scars on Tony’s right cheek – the lines there still a bright pink, the noticeable effects of healing enhancing the point for him more. “Can we wait – please? Just a little longer.”

Tony didn’t answer right away – he let Peter’s fingers run over the skin of his face, his eyes following every movement he made. Leaning forward, he closed the gap between himself and Peter, their lips meeting in a tender kiss. Tony brushed their noses together as he pulled away, the caress sending a shiver down Peter’s spine. He closed his eyes, the steady rise and fall of Tony’s chest soothing in the silence that surrounded them.

The softness of Tony’s voice had him stepping away, his eyes desperately seeking out the warm chocolatey pools he loved so much. “I’m not ready, either. I thought, just for a second, that I might be. Then he started talking about battle plans and my heart started to race.” Tony gripped his hips with both hands, the coolness of the vibranium against his skin still something Peter was getting used to. “I’m scared, Pete. I don’t want to go just as much as you don’t want me to.”

Throwing his arms around Tony’s neck, Peter pulled him into a tight hug, a beaming smile slipping across his face.

“That’s the best thing you’ve ever said to me.”

[angelkurenai]

Whatever it takes - Steve Rogers x Reader

Avengers: Endgame SPOILERS BELOW read at your own risk

Title: Whatever it takes

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader, Male MCU Character x Reader

Warnings: Avengers: Endgame spoilers

Summary: Steve finally gets the courage to speak about the love of his life in one of his group therapies. The love of his life that unlike whate everyone believe has always been you. Only problem is, despite how you have survived the snap, he hasn’t gotten the chance to tell you that you are the one he wants and not Peggy because he fears you have already found somebody else.

“So yeah-” the man cleared his throat and nodded his head a bit as Steve's attention was all on him, and he felt like it was the least he could do after having failed to do the most important thing that he could of all: defeat Thanos and keep half of existence to life “I'm gonna be seeing him tomorrow too.”

“That's good.” Steve nodded his head own head “You did the hardest part and that's important.That's what matters the most. Our lives are in our hands and it's our job to live them, otherwise Thanos would have killed us too. We must have been left back for some reason and it's up to us to figure it out.”

He looked around the group, somehow feeling like these words had come out of his lips before but he couldn't exactly remember when. Maybe they had, maybe they had not. Maybe they were the exact same or maybe they were a bit different. It wouldn't matter much, anyway. The past five years he had been doing nothing but trying to comfort people, trying to help them move one – hence the group therapy because deep down he felt like it was his fault that things had come to this.

At first it was about dealing with the grief, dealing with... everything Sam had once told him when he advised him to join a group therapy, but after some time he realized the bitter truth that it wasn't about him dealing with the pain of loss. It was him dealing with the guilt of loss, the guilt of letting down people who believed in him, of letting you down. Good Lord, it felt like an eternity since he'd last seen you and he still couldn't bring himself to face you, to talk to you and even more hear what you had to say about him.

He had figured out from the first moment that you were alive, he couldn't bear to live with the doubt of course, but he could also not bring himself to stand in front of you after what had happened with the Accords. He knew you were going to be heartbroken, hurt beyond belief, even more after all these years because not only did he leave you to go to Siberia despite your pleas but also had not contacted you in all those years. In his defence, he'd always come by when he had the time, in secret, and look at you from afar or try to to learn news about you and he was always on the run, so he couldn't drag you down with him no matter what. But despite his reasons, he knew the fact that he seemed to shut you out, had broken your heart worse than that day before he went to the airport and fought against Tony.

Sometimes, when he laid awake at night for ours, gazing at your photo in his compass, he's think how bad he wished he could go back in time and listen to you. Not caring if they got the shield from him or the title of Captain. He'd trade it, he'd give it all away for you. There's nothing he wouldn't do for you but now he realized that he had indeed not done the most important thing of all: stayed back with you. If he had the chance, he'd take it all back for you. For you to smile and not watch him with glossy eyes as he left your apartment after having been unable to stay out of the fight. For you to know, to fully know, how he felt for you all these years and how truly important you were to him.

He wished he'd have stayed back with you when you asked him, that he'd have stayed home but he just couldn't and now he was left to deal with the consequences. Because now Steve realized it, he had not lost just the fight, had not lost half of existence and nearly all of his friends, but he had lost the most important person in his life and he didn't think there was any getting your back. Not that he had the courage to try anyway. He was only left to dream of a life that would've been if... Far too many ifs.

The corners of his lips lifted into a bittersweet smile “I went in the eyes seventy years ago just when I had just met the love of my life. Woke up to a whole new world and an entirely new time only to find out then that... I woke up just to meet her.” he nodded his head softly, looking down for a few seconds “Turns out everything I thought about my life and about my feelings was a lie, to put it simply. (Y/n) is the love of my life and it could never be more clear. I thought that, when I woke up seventy years later, everything was lost but turns out I had just found everything. Real love, a new reason to fight and live, happiness and so much more, more than I would have ever dreamed of. Granted-” he sighed, his smile fading “We're not really on speaking terms right now b-but I'm glad that she's still alive so that matters the most.”

He cleared his throat, looking back up when he realized he had gotten carried away speaking about you “My point is, things happen for a reason and when you think everything is lost... then you always have more to hold onto. And sometimes, we may not see it from the start but, it's so much better than what we left behind and so much better than what we thought we could ever get. The world is in our hands, guys, and it's up to us to do it right this time.” he nodded his head with a tight smile “It's up to us to find happiness and if we do, I'm sure it's going to be so much more than we ever dreamed of.”

The group remained silent for a couple minutes but it wasn't as if he realized himself. Too many thoughts running through his mind, as always these days, so it never really got quiet in his head. It was only a couple seconds later that he heard the small voice, tentatively speaking, as the question registered in his mind “And why are you not with her nw? What happened between you two that could not be fixed?”

He looked up to see Kate, the youngest of the group, ask with small tilt of her head. He didn't respond for a second, looking sadly down at his hands “I sadly made too many mistakes with her. But probably the biggest one is that I- I didn't tell how much I truly loved her when I had the chance to. If I ever find the opportunity to forgive myself for everything that happened with- with Thanos I might, but hurting her this way is something I will never forgive myself for. For letting her believe that...” but he trailed off, the thought too painful on its own for him to even put into words.

One more thing he couldn't forgive himself for, was letting you believe that he was still hooked on the memory of another woman. But he had not had the time to tell you, to show you that you were and would always be his best girl, after everything that kept being thrown at him in his life. If only he'd just let you see how much you truly meant to him, not let you slip of hid fingers like that even more... How no longer than a year after he'd met you he caught himself having completely forgotten of his compass and the photo inside of it, of how much he kept thinking about you and of how when he came across the small object and took another look at the photo... it didn't feel right. It didn't feel right to have that photo there when he spent literally every second of his entire day and night thinking, and dreaming, and talking, and smiling, and aching, and longing, and breathing for you. He was living only for you. He had then realized that he had just met the love of his life because that's how love felt like and Steve was utterly and forever in love with you. And in no longer than a couple seconds after having opened the compass he took out the photo and placed the one who should rightfully be there from the very beginning.

If only you could see it, if only you could know it and not believe he was still looking at Peggy's photo when it had all along been yours. If only you could know... but you didn't.

“I didn't tell her how I felt and she either probably thinks I want someone else or thinks that everything I told her, everything I made her believe about my feelings was, well, a lie after I couldn't stay when she asked me to and I...” he could hardly fight the tears in his eyes, could certainly not fight the way his heart tightened so painfully in his chest and he almost choked on his words “I don't know what I'd hate myself for, more.” he shook his head a bit.

“This has to do with Peggy, doesn't it?” a soft voice asked tentatively and he nodded his head.

Some of them already knew about her, he didn't doubt that probably the entire world did and he hated that even more because he couldn't stand the thought of you having to hear about it from practically everyone when people got to know you and Steve were close.

“Thing is...” he started slowly, the lump in his throat feeling weird and almost painful because he realized what he was about to say he had never spoken about it out loud “I didn't talk much to her about Peggy, sure said enough about my life in the past because she always loved to hear new things but n-not about Peggy. Not because she could find out all out about us on her own b-but because I just forgot about everything and everyone when I was around her. She-” he smiled fondly “She's truly one of a kind and God I love her so much.” it lifted some of the weight off his chest, not all but certainly enough and he smiled to himself, nodding his head again “I'm madly, hopelessly and helplessly in love with her! It makes my heart burst sometimes but it's so beautiful too. A- and it's crazy cause I- I thought I felt love but love is- it's so much more than what I have ever felt, and I had not realized it not until I met (Y/n).”

“But she doesn't know any of it, does she?” the questions kept coming and Steve was probably thankful for it. For the past years he had not been able to forget about it, let alone let go of how he felt about it.

“No, no she doesn't. It's her, it's always been her, but she- (Y/n) doesn't know that.” he let out a shaky breath “See, I have this compass a-and it had a photo of Peggy, for many many years and sure most of them I was on the ice but still, you get it. And when I came back, it was one of the few things I had left to remind me of who I was, partly because of the object itself and partly because of her photo. I always reached out for it, for obvious reasons. Just a look at her photo and things felt better, you know? Kept me grounded, reminded me of the past and made me feel like home. W-well, it wasn't until I met (Y/n) that I actually started, almost, forgetting about it. I seemed to need it even less, seemed to reach ot for it less. She kept me grounded and made me feel good... soon she even became my home. It was about a- a year later, a year into knowing her, that I realized I had actually stopped. I came across the compass by accident and thought about it and I had not reached out for it in months, I didn't need it anymore but somehow I did open it. I felt this need to... verify something inside of me, inside my head.”

“And what was that?”

“I opened it, held it right there in my hand and looked at Peggy's photo and realized it didn't feel the same. Or maybe it did but I realized it didn't feel enough, not compared to (Y/n). And then the photo- it just wasn't the right one. I felt like it didn't belong there so I- I did the only thing that I was capable of... I took Peggy's photo off and placed (Y/n) and you know what?” he looked up with a half smile on his lips “It felt right. Like it was always meant to be there, leading me back home... leading me back to her once the war was over.” he paused for a second and chuckled at the thought “Sometimes, I'd think about it. How if she saw the photo she was going to tell me about how her hair looked terrible or that I could have found a better one but it feels so good, so right for her photo to be there that I wouldn't dare change a thing.”

“And yet... you don't dare tell her about it, about any of it. She's hurt because of it and she's not the ony one. You're hurting yourself too that way.”

“It doesn't matter, none of it does at this point. As long as she's alive she can be happy one day, certainly away from me, then everything... will get better.”

“Are you sure about that?” the man who was speaking before was the one to ask him this time and Steve looked up with a frown “I mean, are you sure she will be happy... without you?”

“I- I only gave her pain when I was around, why would she want to-”

“Love is a complex thing. As much as you may think you've hurt her now, no amount of pain can compete with the one she must be feeling now, now that you're not there with her.”

“Or she could probably be relieved I'm not there...” he mumbled, his eyes casting down because he didn't want to let his hoped get up for no reason “After all, I'm responsible for all of it.”

“With all due respect, my husband was-” Mary said with glossy eyes “A huge pain in the ass sometimes. We've had our fair share of fights, all couples do anyway. And yeah, maybe we can't compare it to what has happened between you and (Y/n), but if there is one thing I can be damn sure we have in common is that I love him so much that I'd give everything to get him back despite anything that happened. There is no pain like losing your other half, none.”

“Well, loss can be... interpreted in more than one ways.” Steve whispered, mostly to himself, his lips pursed for a moment as he clenched his jaw.

“What worse can there be than not being with your soulmate?”

“It's just...” he shook his head softly, his chest feeling tight at the mere thought, the words that came next feeling foreign but so real at the same time and he knew that if he didn't speak about it now then he wouldn't really start dealing with it“I'm scared to find out. I'm scared to know if... Am I hers? I know she's mine, there is no questioning it anymore, but don't think I'll bear to know I'm not hers.”

“Well, only one way to find out.” Mary shrugged softly “You should go talk to her. It's worth the try. After all, she must have survived for a reason, right?” she said, practically quoting his words from before and he would've laughed but he just couldn't bring himself too.

“It's just not that and that makes it even worse.” he chewed on his lower lip for a moment, eyes casted down. They were down for the mot part as he spoke about you and what had happened, what he'd done to hurt you. It wasn't because he wasn't feeling comfortable with them knowing but because of the shame that lived deep within his heart. He was ashamed probably of others knowing how he'd hurt you and definitely of you, even if you weren't there. He was ashamedof how he had failed you on so many levels. He was ashamed of saying it out loud because it all then became real.

“That's not the only thing you're scared of, isn't it?”

He gave them a tight smile, unable to form any words in that moment as the lump in his throat prevented him from breathing in the first place. But he had to swallow it down, after giving them a week nod and spoke softly “I'm scared, even more, that when I go and see her I won't be the love of her life because she's found that in somebody else. Truth is-” he sighed “I'm most certainly sure she has someone already there with her. I know that she does, because I know him too. I know how he's always felt for her so if he had the chance to be with her then why not take it? I would have done the same. Would've... Thing is-” he sighed, shrugging softly and yet with so much pain in his heart that it had started becoming physical he was sure “I'm scared to see it for real, I'm scared to see that she is with him.”

“I keep telling everybody they should move on, I keep telling you guys that. Some people do but... I hope not her. Gosh, I pray she hasn't moved on.” his head hang low as his eyes closed softly and he let out a deep breath “I don't want to see her move on from me.”

“And again... she could be worth the try. Whatever it takes.”

[crystallized-iron]

"I know you love me, but I'm sick of lying when I say it back." Maybe Bucky or Steve and Tony in a winterironshield relationship or whoever tickles your fancy honestly.

So I was very wrong about the word count, but it felt like it might 5k...

Angsty Prompts

“I know you love me, but I’m sick of lying when I say it back.”

Rating: T

Words: 1624

Steve stared at Tony’s weak body in silence as the other man rested. Seeing him get off that ship alive had given Steve a flutter of hope of getting Bucky and Cosima back, until he realized just how damaged the glue that always struggled to keep them together was.

Tony had nearly been killed in a one-on-one fight with Thanos. Steve had seen the scar. A through-and-through wound. How did Tony survive?

Steve tried thanking Nebula once, but was met with only silence.

With a shaky sigh, he checked his watch. It would be morning soon, and he didn’t want Cordelia to wake up all alone.

One last look at Tony and then Steve left.

After everything, they lost. Tony had gotten separated from them, disappeared, and they lost. There was no ‘together’ in this battle. Tony was the only one that knew they would, but Steve had promised ‘together’, and it didn’t happen ‘together’.

A mask replaced the pain when he arrived at the penthouse and prepared breakfast for the little girl. A simple enough task to let him forget for a few moments. Once the food was ready, he got her up and to the table. As she finished eating, he told her, “Your daddy is back. We can see him when he wakes up.”

“Daddy?”

“Yup. Do you want to see your daddy?”

“Yeah! Daddy!”

Steve couldn’t help but smile. She lit up just like her father would.

The reunion was less than ideal. News of losing both Cosima and Bucky hit Tony so hard, and then learning that Mia was gone - and just too many others.

It wasn’t until Steve had returned after putting Cordelia to bed that he saw Tony’s true reaction to it all, harsh sobs shaking his entire body. “Tony,” he said from the door.

Tony looked up at him with wet and reddened eyes.

Slowly approaching, Steve said, “We still have each other. Right?”

With a snort, Tony muttered, “Right. Stuck with the guy that only stays because of Bucky. But now Bucky’s gone.”

“Not just Bucky -”

“No, you love Cos too. It’s fine. They’re both gone now, so I guess you’re free to do whatever.”

It hurt Steve to hear. Tony felt completely alone and it was breaking him.

So Steve told him, “I love you too.”

It was out.

Tony stared at him. “You what?”

“I love you too.” He took Tony’s hand as he knelt on the floor in front of him. “We’ll be okay. We’ll get through this. Together.”

“You promised me ‘together’ when I said we’d lose to him.” Tony pulled his hand free. “Even in our relationship, you and I weren’t together, still aren’t together.”

“Then give me a chance.”

Tony’s eyes wouldn’t meet his. “Are you lying to me? Scared what I’d do if left alone?”

“Always scared for you,” Steve whispered, taking a careful hold of Tony’s hand once more. “But I’m not lying.”

Their fingers intertwined and Tony met Steve’s gaze. “You really mean it?”

“I do, Tony.”

Tony’s recovery was slow, but he began to smile more with the daily visits. Steve knew it was for his daughter, so that she wouldn’t worry, because at night he needed to help Tony get through the nightmares, the memories, the pain and fears. It wasn’t easy for either of them.

Tony returned to the penthouse, but clung to Steve. Memories, good and bad, flooded back.

“I can’t stay here,” he admitted to Steve one evening. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s been hard for me too,” Steve confessed. “But we couldn’t leave while you were still in recovery.”

Tony nodded. “Maybe we’ll do what Cos wanted; go somewhere quiet.”

A smile pulled at Steve’s lips. “Whatever you want.”

There was a pause, and then Tony looked away. “You sounded just like them.”

Confused, Steve said, “Sorry?”

“It’s fine.”

Steve watched him but said nothing more.

They found a small house they could call home. Steve homeschooled Cordelia while Tony worked in the basement, building himself a new lab. DUM-E was swiftly moved in after its completion.

It had been a year since Tony returned to Earth when he and Steve finally kissed.

Dinner was cleaned up. Cordelia was watching cartoons in the living room. Tony made a comment; what it was, Steve already forgot. He only focused on the feel of Tony’s lips against his, the breath of surprise.

They stared at each other after the moment passed. A cold reality tugged at them both.

“I need to, uh, get downstairs,” Tony stated to break the silence.

“Yeah,” murmured Steve. “What’re you working on?”

Tony wrapped his arms around himself. “A jeep.”

“A jeep?”

“Toy jeep,” Tony clarified. “For Cord.”

“I see.”

“Mhm.”

Steve stepped back with a smile. “Guess I’ll let you get to it then, huh?”

“Yup.” Tony frowned as Steve turned to leave. “Steve, wait. Please.”

Turning back, Steve asked, “What is it, Tony?”

The nervousness was written all over Tony’s face, but he said, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Crossing the distance between them, Tony finally kissed him back, standing on his toes to reach. Steve’s hands held him by the waist.

As they parted, Tony flushed, not meeting Steve’s eyes. “I’ll see you later.” He retreated from the kitchen, leaving Steve alone.

Steve didn’t stop him. It was only a year. Things were still difficult.

A few more months passed with cautious kisses and nervous glances.

Steve had fallen asleep in a chair, little Cordelia curled up in his arms. Tony stared at the peaceful sight, the genuine and honest love that his daughter had for Steve so obviously there. She had two parents here, two people that both loved her very much and would do anything to keep her happy.

“You’re a very lucky kid, you know that?” he whispered.

It had been almost two years after Tony’s return when he made a decision.

“Hey, Steve?” he said as the other man stepped into the hall after putting their daughter to bed.

“Yeah?”

“Come to bed with me.”

Steve blinked at him. They had been in separate rooms up to now. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure,” Tony assured. “Come on.”

Steve followed him to the master bedroom, softly closing the door behind them. He watched Tony pull off his shirt, then stop. “What?” he asked as Tony turned to him.

“Come here. Please.”

Steve approached, and Tony dropped his shirt to the floor, then began to unbutton Steve’s. “What are you -”

“Do you plan on sleeping in your jeans tonight?”

“No.” He grabbed Tony’s hands to stop him. “I can undress myself.”

“Maybe I want to do it,” Tony told him as he stared into Steve’s eyes. “Maybe I want more than a quiet night.”

“So you’re lonely.”

“Not just lonely.”

“Tony…”

“Do you still love me?” he suddenly asked.

“I do. You know I do,” Steve answered.

“Do I?” Tugging his hands free, Tony said, “Then why do you avoid me so much?”

“What?”

“We had sex before, Steve. I’m not going to break. It’s just weird you claim to love me but then refuse to even touch me.”

Steve narrowed his eyes. “That’s not what’s been happening.”

“Then why -”

“You’re the one avoiding me.”

“Shut up,” Tony told him before pulling him into a heated kiss.

Three more years passed as they acted the part of ‘happy family’.

Tony nudged Steve a bit. “Wake up, sleepyhead.”

Steve groaned but opened his eyes. “Hey.”

“Hey. Come on. Cord’s gonna be up soon and -”

“Tony, slow down. Just a few minutes.”

Tony shut his mouth, smiling when Steve reached up and caressed his hair.

“I had a good dream last night,” Steve whispered.

“Did you?” Tony lay back down with him, enjoying being held.

“Yeah. We actually had a wedding.”

Tony’s heart froze.

“Nothing compared to what you had with Cos. But it was nice.”

“We got married?”

“We did.”

Sitting up, Tony stared down at him. “You love me that much?”

“Guess I do,” Steve murmured. “What’s wrong?”

“Steve, I…”

“Tony?”

“I… Give me a few minutes, okay? Just, please?”

“Okay… okay. Didn’t mean to scare you. I thought -”

“Stop. Just stop.” Tony got off the bed and left the room.

Steve stayed in bed, confused, concerned. Did he do something wrong? Was it wrong to dream of them being so happy together?

It was hours before he saw Tony again.

“Let me explain?” Tony hoped. When Steve gave him a nod, he began. “I… I know you love me, but I… I’m sick of lying when I say it back to you, Steve.”

“What?”

“I’ve lied to you every single time I’ve said it back,” he said again. “I’m so sorry. But you lied first!”

“Maybe I did,” Steve snapped back, “but you always wanted all of us. You loved me before.” He let out a frustrated sigh. “Or was that a lie?”

“It wasn’t, but my heart broke the day you drove your shield into my chest!”

“And I’ve tried to talk to you about it since then. You kept pushing it down. Same thing with Bucky and your -”

“Don’t. Do not bring them up.”

“We tried talking to you so we could all get passed this shit but you never wanted to.”

“And how can I just talk to you guys about it?! It brings up too much pain, pain that I just can’t deal with.”

“And look at where we are now. Tony, we can’t continue like this.”

“We need to.”

“Tony…”

“We need to for Cordelia.”

There was a knock at the door. Steve passed Tony to answer it. First he saw Natasha, but his eyes widened once he noticed who was with her. “Scott?”