#eventually I'm gonna work this thing so much that you can't even see my sketch underneath :D

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Month 4, day 16, lightened up the foreground so Frey and the campfire don't blend into the night around them so much. I'm having a lot of fun playing with blend modes to get the firelight effect going on :D

I still haven't started a new file and taken reference shots of Cuff so I can get him more accurate, but that's okay. He still looks quite handsome, accurate or no 💜

[dropoutfailure]

Would absolutely love to hear more about mishka and gus? Like anything really. Maybe you could explain the timeline of how their story happens (i love that kind of thing) or just tell me something you find interesting about them or just ramble whats on your mind?

I'm excited to answer, but are YOU excited for the wall of text you're about to see?? I probably overthought and revised this answer for way too long. these OCs have wayyyy too much lore and backstory which I might draw at some point. eventually.

backstory in short:

Mishka is a 22yo depressed lonely college dropout NEET trans guy. he's in love with his dad, bc he can't connect to new people easily, and his dad's the only one who has just always been there for him, unconditionally.

his 45yo dad Gustav is a woodworking teacher. a single father who's doing his best. caring, and maybe even lenient with his precious son. he does not reciprocate though. at first.

backstory in long:

so basically Mishka was doomed from the start. his mom was not good at being a mother (violent) and gave him childhood trauma. she left eventually, and dad became a single father when Mishka was 7-9. he comes out as a trans boy in his teens, 14-15. his dad is accepting but his school is not. he makes no permanent connections in 12 years of being in school. just internet friends.

Mishka drops out of college at 22 because of many problems piling up there (adhd, loneliness, misunderstandings, transphobia) and overwhelming him for months. he breaks down in the middle of his last year of undergraduate (he probably could've weathered the storm and finished...), gives up, drops out, goes home and holes up in his room, in his dad's apartment...

Mishka developed a crush on his dad while halfway through college, at around 21 yeard old, but thought he'd get over it and not feel that way anymore when he got back home. lol. lmao.

when dad hugs him after he gets off the train, that notion quickly disappears.

at first he tries to hide it. he doesn't want his dad to hate him. Gustav is happy to see him again, and can tell something's bothering his son, but can never get a straightforward answer. he's worried.

confession scene comic drafts:

eventually, after a month of being back home, Mishka says "fuck it, I've already fucked up my life, I'm already a social outcast, I'm already a garbagefire, I have nothing to lose, I'll tell my dad and either he feels the same or he disowns me!!"

(here, I'll add some sketches I've made for the confession scene. amongst other sketches.)

Mishka confesses kinda hopeful (delusional) that maybe his dad might feel the same.

...but dad does NOT feel the same... he takes some time to process what he just heard.

Mishka is red in the face, sweating, panicking, tearing up bc this is humiliating and painfully awkward and he "should not have told him, should have taken it to the grave!! fuuuuuck"

Gustav is confused and concerned. it doesn't register until he asks again and Mishka's like "this is humiliating enough, don't make me say it again...."

(I need to work out the dialogue here I think..... Gus doesn't disown him, he's extremely uncomfortable with the idea, but ALSO doesn't want to reject Mishka!! he's at a loss and doesn't know how to respond so he's like "it's late, I need some time to think, let's talk about this tomorrow")

he loves his son. but not like that.

(extra long post and more sketches under the Keep Reading)

and then there's an awkward moment / fake-out where Mishka may or may not have been aiming for a kiss. dad turns that down real fast though, uncomfortable. Mishka fears this may have just caused a permanent rift between them, that they can never be affectionate again, and begs him to forget the whole thing.

Gustav can tell that Mishka's gonna be agonizing over this (oh, Gus is too. but doesn't want to double the panic here*) and tells his son to not hurt himself. (Mishka tends to pull at his hair and scratch his skin up to release emotion)

*main things on Gustav's mind: since he's a teacher, he would not only get fired, but hunted for sport if he was actually in an illicit relationship with his son, so he really doesn't want to even entertain the idea. especially since he already feels like he's on thin ice at his workplace - he's good at his job, but it's an open secret that he's "gay" (he's not even gay, he's bi!!)

they retreat to their rooms to turn in for the night. Mishka writes to his bestie Kaito who's the only one he talks to about his feelings for his dad (strangers on the internet and people who took his incest vagueposting as a joke don't count haha).

Gus looks to the internet for any advice on this situation he never expected to be in as a father. "wtf do I do when my own flesh and blood, my own son, half my age, is in love with me, romantically? and maybe sexually?? how do I turn him down without hurting his feelings" he somehow phrases it in such a way that he mostly gets porn results, which is the opposite of what he's looking for! XD it's a very popular porn category and that makes him feel even worse.

here's another WIP I'm trying to work on about this scene. the confession, plus a moment when Gus remembers fearing homophobia in his teen years, but confessing to a classmate regardless (he's bi but most people assume he's either gay or straight)... and immediately shuts it down, thinking to himself "wait that's not even remotely the same thing!! s-some things are societally unacceptable with good reason!"

I'm just trying to work out the dialogue more, to better show Gustav's confusion, apprehension, empathy and an attempt at a gentle rejection.

afterward, they try to go on as normal but now that it's out there, Mishka gets bolder with his affection. and gets reprimanded. occasionally. Gustav's body welcomes the touch, but Gus himself is not happy with this for a multitude of reasons!!!! it's ok, he gets over his incest aversion. he may have felt some sort of way about Mishka's scruffy facial hair and deeper voice when he saw him again for the first time in half a year, but chalked it up to aesthetic appreciation? "what the hell, my son's grown so much... he's so cute... uh, objectively."

they got some mutual desperation and loneliness going on, they're perfect for each other.

I like this fragile and uncertain time in their life and relationship the most so I draw it the most. guilty and hesitant indulgence in forbidden fruit... typical will-they-wont-they situation. but it's like they-probably-shouldnt. but they will.

thanks for asking!! 💘 hope this has been an interesting read. glad you like my characters. :) if this caused more questions than answers, feel free to ask more about them!

[nananarc]

EXCUSE ME WHILE I RANT FOR A BIT

So anyway I finally started with the graduation project and, lemme tell ya, it was annoying. I mean I expected this, but it's still annoying.

The school and the mentor wants things to be of a certain aesthetic and standard so it can fit with the general public's taste and eventually it can be picked up by a publisher. it has to be commercial and easy to digest, for a lack of better words. Which is like, the opposite of essentially what i am as a person and as an artist.

So anyway I'll be doing Truyện Kiều again, illustrating the full book with better art this time. Here are some sketches I did:

Below is the mentor's very quick sketch for demo:

Which is. Ok cool, it's very traditional, Vietnamese fine art design and aesthetic. The thing that you see everywhere in books and media. The thing that is taught in fine art school. And it's also very HIM because he's a very prominent artist since a long time ago. I'm not talking about the difference in the era clothing tho because he demoed in Nguyễn dynasty while mine is of the Trần dynasty.

My style was criticized (politely) that the face doesn't look pretty, the nose is too prominent and big, the lineart is too scratchy and loose, and that I have to restrict the freedom in my lineart more.

Which is. Like. Pretty much all the things that i like about my art the most. I don't really like drawing "pretty" people, I wanna draw distinct and unique people. I like the fact that the nose is prominent because that's a very Vietnamese facial feature. Our nose is big, flat and flared. And I like it. AND I DIDNT EVEN DRAW IT THAT BIG. it's already stylized and stuff. The lineart is scratchy and spontaneous because that's how my ADHD brain works! And I like the freedom, the raw unfinished feel to it. And my way of scrawing is kinda similar to sculpting in a way that I like to put in a block of line or shape (yang) and then erase it and putting in more nothing space (yin). And I like Maximalism and Kitsch and Neo-traditionalism so I love to do things a bit crazy and new and filled with emotions.

My mentor comes from a very different generation, and a different field than me. He's very commercial, leaning more into minimalism, fine-art conservative and traditional aesthetic. WHICH IS THE OPPOSITE OF ME. Sadly we don't get to choose mentor cos there's only one lmao.

And also I don't understand why I have to aim for publishing in Vietnam too, because that's not where my target customer is. I'm a niche artist with limited customer base and they are international clients (who mostly pay better, treat you better, and appreciate your art more than the general public in VN do). Luckily I have a bachelor in business admin so I know how to do brand and marketing myself, othewise id just keep on trying to please everyone (flexing a little bit, but i was graduating with excellence and on the top 10 of my intake lmeo). Not to mention the fact that why do I even have to publish in the first place, because this is a school, it is a place to experiment, make mistakes, and learn. It's not a place to conform to the industry to make a living. If I wanna do that I would not be here and start working for a company already!

I understand it when they said that it would be a huge advantage if you can get published, but then again, that route is not for everyone, and it's not the only way to be an illustrator like they said. I have my own path to walk on, and I don't think they are aware that we even have those paths, because they are from a different generation. I mean, that's why I was struggling so much before to find a footing, because virtually no one here knows there are other paths! I had to dig things up myself through sweat, blood and tear.

Anyway I rant but i will keep trying to fight and do it on my own terms. They can't make me anyway. There's gonna be sticks and stones, but I mean, I can't physically make myself do something I do not wanna do. There's another option which is to drop it because I don't need the certificate anyway, but I wanna finish a big project of my own too.

[hottakehoulihan]

"My Hero Academia", otherwise known as "Boku No Hero Academia" or BNHA, is a story about a world where EIGHTY PERCENT

(what the fuck)

of people get a super power.

In Worm (the story that matters. ...but I'm trying to be nice here and to have an open mind) powers end up with about one person in FOUR THOUSAND.

(oh, and for those of you on the outside? Wildbow has brain problems when it comes to math and numbers. I sympathize.)

Right, so I'm liveblogging this shit.

I mean stuff.

I'm five minutes in. Holy holy fuck but the dub is unendurable I had to stop and websearch to figure out how the new version of Crunchyroll lets you switch to Japanese language (which might also suck but I'm insulated by not actually knowing the language very well)

Somehow people are treated as being special for their powers even though....like everyone has them?

At least in "The Slime Tamer Goes On A Journey To Pick Up Trash" (or whatever it's called) it wasn't treated as unusual when a hugely normal thing was hugely normal.

Yeah; already I'm seeing some major logical flaws. Right now we've got a "Spiderman" fighting a "Big stompy" who is raging because he (I feel bad for him already) was stealing a *purse* and got cornered and ended up entering big stompy changery form.

Good luck to him, I wish. But I don't think it'll happen. I need alcohol for this. I might have a problem.

--------

Nope. Before spidey's web could wrap the big guy up some other giant butt-lady jumped in and KO'd him. Looks like villains are an exception to the post-scarcity situation.

Episode one, and the biggest, stupidist, most unforgivable flaw is this "80%" bullshit.

Okay, classroom scene and...well the kids are all prima-donnas and maybe that's power-related but I think it's just because they're kids.

This series would at least pass the "guess who the protagonist is" test. Because the protag is no more odd-looking than anyone else.

That wasn't praise, but it wasn't a damn either.

I am NOT gonna judge how quality the drawing or animation is, BTW. That would be unfair. Even though the fan-animations Worm has (including "A Completely Normal Amy...") are better. Because Wildbow is a writer not an animator or sketching artist.

We're just looking at the story here, folks.

(Except for me, alas.)

(Sorry. I really don't want to hatewatch this.)

(There's a spiky-headed blonde guy being framed as a villainous hero-wannabe and...I bet our hero will be best friends with him eventually.)

No seriously, if only two out of ten don't have powers, why is it that ANYBODY is revered as amazing? That's like being amazed at people who can put their hair in a bun!

Thing is? 80% is also flawed because it's too SMALL. Boyo is treated as special at the moment because he didn't get anything, but that's also absurd given how he's in the 20%. That's like being "Whoah! A boy!? With BLUE EYES!? Fuuuuck. Wildbow's struggles with numbers are small potatoes compared to this stuff. ...and this stuff? Had a team of editors and assistant writers working on it.

Fail. Sauce.

But no. I must be strong and give it a chance and try to like it.

Boyo is crying because he isn't getting powers. Well. It does suck to learn you rolled a ...shit, we don't even have a good metaphor for a this. This ain't rolling a one on a 20-sided die. This isn't snakeeyes. This is more like getting a spade when you wanted any other suit and no game works like this.

Bleh.

He's getting tentacle-violated and I'm bored.

I have watched every Urotsukidoji movie ever made. This is unlike me.

A new hero has stopped it before it happened. I won't bother remembering them. They won't come up again. So to speak.

I'm not wired to care much about porn, but...shota ain't my thing and I can't remember the plot of Boku no Piko. And

No, actuallly I'm having fun now. Some goofy hero has the power to suck people into small bottles and imprison them. And before the protag can ask for an autograph, he finds out he's already got one. That's actually cute.

This is 100% the best part of this episode. It's pretty great.

This is a goofy gag anime like Love After The End Of The World or something.

And...the first episode doesn't count.

Nothing I've said so far counts.

Because the story hasn't started yet, really.

And this isn't the same genre as Worm no this is a gag anime. Like "Love At The End Of The World" (bad camel-case but I'm drinking and IDC) (Also it's called 'Proper Case" in this context)

Okay, episode end. Still bored, but I know from pre-reading the Wikipedia analysis that this weird boring hero will give powers to the kid-protag maybe?

[feeblescholarmyass]

Headcanons

to motivate me to write chapter three

these all take place after they're all together and are completely separate from the plot

tags: poly relationship, Sumeru Boys x GN! Reader, sfw, fluff, slight spoilers for the fic in the future but idgaf (wanderer/scara is now involved. I can't get him oUT OF MY HEAD)

cw: cursing (mild), mentions of the reader's parents (m&f, good relationship)

masterlist

Alhaitham

I'm gonna be totally honest rn if you're hella tall good for you but I see the reader as like Cyno height so keep that in mind

Haitham here is definitely going to do that thing where he pretends not to see/hear you because of your height (half because you startle him all the time since he doesn't see OR hear you approaching)

he's not that big of a fiction reader but he loves listening to you recount the plot of your latest favorite book or fic and sometimes he actually gets really into hearing you tell the story so if you leave him off on a cliffhanger if you need to go do something he will seek you out until you finish telling him the story

if you're in his way/can't reach something he just like,,, picks you up

say you're putting away the dishes or standing in front of a cabinet he'll lift you up by your waist either to help you reach something or to put you down somewhere else

smells really nice so sometimes you take his shirts or something when you're at home all day and you look like you're wearing a tent and he notices but doesn't say anything unless he wants to get his laundry done and reminds you to put his things you took in with the rest of it

both your parents have mixed feelings on him but he doesn't give any shits

Kaveh

You two definitely spend hours alone in the studio of your shared living space sketching either in silence or having the most distracted conversations ever

he'll be designing something meanwhile you're sketching one of your boyfriends (one of the actual ones or some character from a book you've decided is cute)

and he'll look up at you and ask "what's missing?" while holding up the sketch

you'll spin around (of course you've got the spinny chairs you aren't living unless you have a nice spinny chair) and peer over at it for a while, the either describe it or sketch something down silently and he'll go "that's exactly what it needed!"

and vice versa

say you're having trouble with a pose/lighting/detail and you'll point at it and say "how do I fix it" and he'll give you a few pointers or suggestions

eventually one of the others has to remind you to leave and go get some sunlight and both of you will be shocked at how much time has passed

also y'all know that voice line where he says he's already learned to play an instrument? you learned to play along with your father at a young age and now being able to play together makes both of you so happy 🥺🥺

I can totally see him trying to practice one day but just not being into it until he hears you harmonizing to what he's playing, either with your voice or your instrument of choice

and don't get me started on the improv opportunities

like he plays one pattern and you build off each other back and forth until you're both tired and giggling

he cherishes those moments with you the most, seeing as how art is so rarely appreciated as highly as academics in Sumeru

both of your parents adore him and ask about him all the time

Tighnari

as your Amurta senior he gets on your ass about schoolwork even more than Alhaitham 😔😔😔

but you don't mind since he helps you with your work rather often

he is the most worried about your health so he checks up on you rather often. if you're inside for too long, he'll ask you to take a walk outside with him. if you haven't eaten yet, he'll make you a meal and chastise you for forgetting to take care of yourself. if you've been a little overwhelmed lately, he will sit down with you and keep your mind off what is stressing you, either by snuggling with you and talking nonsense about fungi or a grooming session for the both of you (face masks and painting of nails, the whole shabang)

of the four, he also is the most critical of the way some (*cough cough*, Scara, Alhaitham, and Kaveh's endless bickering *cough cough*) of the others act around you. If you ever need a break from them, he is more than willing to pull you away.

very open with his feelings and affections for you, almost as much so as Kaveh, who is ever such a romantic

not against PDA, but if you're not a fan he keeps his hands to himself. in public, he loves soft, quick brushes of his hand against your back or cheek, a quick kiss stolen in the privacy of your home

also top tier cuddler. of all the five, he finds himself sleeping in your bed the most often.

your mother absolutely adores him

Cyno

he definitely had some trouble getting the hang of things in the beginning, especially with being affectionate

he gets very flustered 🤭🤭 sometimes you'll say something to him with so much adoration in your voice that he'll just go silent and stare at you with the most loving look in his eyes like he just witnessed magic

he once tried to throw in a pick-up line with his usual joking, but got wayyyy too embarrassed and ended up not saying the punchline, instead just staring at his feet with a mortified look

you love to play with his hair, trying out new hairstyles and cute accessories in his hair. any time you ask he'll sit down and let you do his hair. he doesn't say it, but he loves sitting like that, with his eyes closed and your thighs around his waist as he feels your fingers combing through his hair. sometimes he even lets you cut it if it's getting too bothersome or has a lot of split ends

gets along with your dad scarily well like you didn't think he would get past that awkward "yeah I'm dating your child yeah I know it's weird yeah please don't hate me" stage but now your dad texts him every day and they go back and forth making jokes all day every day

he taught your dad emojis and now it's the only way your dad communicates with you

there are so many more for him that I can't say yet because it spoils the plot

Scaramouche / Wanderer

as the newest victim of your allure, he still is getting used to the dynamic of the group

since he's the only one the same age as you, you have a lot more core classes together. he also follows you around and glares at anyone who he doesn't deem worthy of your time.

when he's not with you, he talks about you all the time. he thinks about you constantly. it's a little insufferable, to be honest. he's a complete ass to your classmates, and he still holds a grudge against them. for what I can't tell you yet 😔

he spends the most time in your room, just observing you and being near you. he'll complain about something or other while you do your school work, and you'll listen and smile. he sneaks closer and closer until he's practically draping himself over you and you give up on finishing your work, instead opting to hold him and tease him for being so clingy

your animals won't leave him alone. they follow him around *almost* as much as you

your mother hates him, your father thinks he could bother to be a little more respectful to others, but otherwise likes him

taglist: @ratty-rat-toot @em-asian @hypernovaxx @surgeonsofazaroy @xiaosimper @i-loveyou013 @strwbrysweets

let me know if you want to be added! (if your name is in bold, it means I can't tag you)

[gamerkats]

Sorry, I'm not gonna yell at yah. I'm probably not what you're looking for in terms of motivation. So, I'll let others be the kick in the "go get it" for you.

But I will say, to me, it sounds like the muses are talking to you with world building right now. And that won't always be the case, and then you might be sad you're working on the story and can't seem to get the world when you need it.

I always go with the flow, wherever it takes me. I don't worry about getting lost in the weeds, or spending too much time doing something and not enough elsewhere. The more I fight it, the worse I write. When I start thinking, "Omg, why am I still describing furniture!?", my imagination is like, "What are you? A cop? You trying to enforce some kinda word count time laws around here bro?!" and I get blocked.

So, I absolve myself of guilt for not doing what I think I should, and I just let the writing come out as it wants. Eventually, it all comes together in a way I'm happy with. My motivation stems from what I apparently wanted to write but didn't know it. The more I force something the worse I get.

Write what makes you happy!

No writing is wasted writing. People don't ever say, "Wow, you really wasted your time on these sketches" to artists. Because sketches are product, and product is portfolio. But writers tend to feel like if they don't have a finished novel, they don't have a product. And thereby aren't a writer because they don't have a portfolio.

When, in reality, they have hundreds of products making a huge portfolio of works. Just all in the form of snippets and ideas. World building, and writing out small chunks of random, is the writing form of sketching. And it's really hard for many writers to share them, because they worry about plagiarism, and or not being "polished" or "long" enough for others to enjoy. So it becomes a writing slump of thinking; "I'm not doing enough, I'm not doing the right thing, I'll never finish, I'll never be a writer." because the "product" is seemingly not being made.

When we write in small abstract chunks, all we see are small abstract chunks.

But many painters paint over sketches. And writing from snippets and snapshots is the same thing.

All you're seeing are the pieces and not feeling like it's wholly worth anything. But I've gone back to things I wrote 20 years ago and stuffed in a folder thinking, "Ok... That was a weird brain deviation...", only to pull it out now a go, "Omg, this is perfect!!!"

Writing is a puzzle we don't ever understand right away. Sometimes, we spend a lot of time making all the edges before we ever fill the middle. But without a good, solid edge of the world, without the world building boundaries, the rest of the puzzle doesn't seem to come together right.

It should be noted, that myself, and my sis, are outliers in our not Tumblr writing group, and much of what I say should be taken with a grain. I get into a lot of writer arguments about the importance of world building, and sketching without point or purpose. And I'm always slammed down. Especially, with the whole CS Lewis versus Tolkien thing, and "don't throw away words, time, and energy, do it right the first time with a perfect plan" thing. So, as a lone weirdo in my circles, who writes lone weirdo works that don't resonate very much with readers, my thoughts don't have a lot of weight on what's right or wrong. (It should also be noted, that those other writers are quite successful, so we don't ever have much to stand on in our debates. 😊) Meaning, I'm probably not the best person to ever talk about the writing process. And I don't want to ever give "bad" advice.

But we write our way because it makes us happy. And to us, that's all that matters.

I guess, I just hope you'll find the happiness in your work too. Whatever you write. Because writing is a gift. Not because we're fortunate enough to have the time, means and literacy to do it. Not because of other writers who it motivates and inspires. Not even because of readers it provides escapism, support, happiness, and a sense of belonging to.

Writing is a gift, because you are a gift.

And the world needs more of you in it. Even if it's just pages and pages of a new world, full of all the vast pieces of your light and love that makes you special and unique. Nothing you do is wasted. Ever. Because you're not a waste. So that, to me, is motivation enough to keep going in whatever it is you're trying to do.

We believe in you! ❤ You got this!

Every time I open my WIP to try to write something, I always end up deviating into worldbuilding. Like, I'm not complaining, but my WIP has a whopping 3 pages, while I have over ten different worldbuilding documents with over five pages each. I need motivation to stay on track 😭

[radioactivesweet]

I'm gonna request for Qin because your requests are open for Qin 😃.

So here are the details-

Needy modern Qin x Modern female artist reader

Qin and reader go on a date.

But reader keeps on focusing on her drawings and doesn't pay attention to Qin and Qin gets needy that's all for my request bye bye 😃👋!

aaa I like modern aus a lot! Sorry it took me so much to write it^^

Qin Shi Huang is flustered to say the least, despite his attempt to mantain a fiery facade. He had been confident enough to ask you out on a date - he had a feeling you might like him back, which was confirmed by Alvitr too - yet, now that you're sitting in front of him entirely focused on your sketchbook insetead of him, he feels like his beliefs may have been wrong.

Still, Qin Shi Huang isn't going to waste this chance. He plays with the pencils you've left on the table, trying to build something, only to let them fall immediately after - since you don't seem to notice his actions.

He can't help but feeling like an ignored child who's trying tirelessly to be acknowledged. He also sulks like one, you notice, hiding an amused smile behind the piece of paper you're holding.

He yawns and then pretends to have fallen asleep, his head resting on the table. One eye open, he tries to see if your expression had changed. Then he sits straight again.

"Why don't we go somewhere else?" he asks, hoping that your disinterest was caused by the café you were in - and not because of him.

Even when you are outside, walking, you keep looking at your sketchbook, focusing entirely on your work. He tries to take a look at what you're are drawing, but you're faster, turning the page before he could see it. You smile in victory and he's happy because, for once, he has had a reply, he managed to catch your attention - but it's still not enough. And now, he also want to know why you'd need to hide what you were doing.

As his hand brushes against yours, he isn't feeling anymore like a child, but like a teenager in love, straight out from high school. I am too old for that, he tells himself, but he knows too well how he'd love to grab your hand. That hand, though, is still holding the sketchbook, even if your not drawing in it anymore.

"I think I should go. It's getting late." eventually says Qin Shi Huang, who wants to put an end to this never ending embarassment. He'll think about your drawings another time, first he needs to ask Alvitr for some advice. They'll sort things out together.

"Oh... I thought you wanted to take a look..." you reply, pretending to be surprised "But maybe we could do it some other time." as you say this, you slowly pull the sketchbook inside your bag, Qin Shi Huang's eyes lingering on it.

"Maybe it's not that late." he adds, smiling smugly.

And when he starts going through your drawings he realizes that you had been focused on him all along. The pages are covered in sketches of him made throughout your date. You laugh loudly as a shade of red covers his cheecks.

"Next time you should teach me how to draw like this, these are really good." he declares, "But I bet the model played a huge part in it too."

[crispys-laptop]

aeonian (h.h.j)

genre: fluff, angst, immortal au

word count: 1.4k

~warning: mentions of death, character death

Network tag: @stayverse

a/n: thanks to @blueprint-han for the banner and helping me with this fic. I swear if it's not for you, it wouldn't turn out this good 🥺🥺 (and I come back to tumblr :3)

The first time you saw him was when he stepped inside the cafe that you worked at. His presence was enough to captivate people, their gazes lingering on his form as he walked past them and went to the counter.

"One cup of Americano, please."

His order was simple. Just a cup of Americano. He ordered the same thing the next day. Until it became a routine. He would walk into the cafe and come up to you. You would be ready with his usual order. You both exchanged smiles, you being too shy to start a conversation.

"I think he likes you." Your co-worker would say, giggling.

You shook your head at her ridiculous statement, continuing your work as you felt his gaze on you, watching you intently.

A few weeks later, you mustered up enough courage to talk to him. As you made way timidly towards his table, your heart beating frantically, fearing his reaction.

"Excuse me? You come around a lot but I haven't caught your name yet. Mine's Y/N and I just hope we can be friends?"

His smile was beautiful. Too beautiful to be human. Yet his eyes were carrying something, like sadness and longing but you couldn't pinpoint it.

"The name is Hyunjin. Nice to meet you."

"Why do you keep coming to our café even though it's miles away from your place?"

Hyunjin looked up from his cup to stare at you, lips lifting in a smile. He pushed the cup away from him, finger drumming on the table as you waited for him to answer.

"Your coffee is delicious. They remind me of someone. That's all."

You frowned at his answer. Hyunjin seems to notice that you were not satisfied with his answer yet he didn't say anything.

"Why don't you ask that person to make your coffee then? Did you guys fight or something?

You asked, absentmindedly stirring your coffee. Hyunjin went quiet for a while before opening his mouth.

"She died a few years ago."

You stopped stirring, guilt starting to fill your being. You grabbed his outstretched hand, nearly knocking the cups over.

"I'm sorry. That's rude of me. I don't mean to bring that up." "It's okay."

Hyunjin smiled lightly, patting your hand as you kept on apologizing. You eventually picked up your head to look into his eyes, fighting back his gaze.

A wave of nostalgia suddenly hit you. You didn't know why but his eyes seem familiar somehow. Like you already saw them before.

"Y/N? Are you there?"

You jerked out from your trance as Hyunjin waved his hand in front of your face. He looked worried.

"I'm okay. It's just I think I remember something when I stared into your eyes." "Oh. That's good."

And the next day, he didn't come back.

People think being immortal must be nice. You won't die. You won't get hurt. You could live for so long and you won't ever get old. It's a way of avoiding death, the thing that people feared so much.

But not for Hyunjin. If he had to choose, he chooses death.

For starters, he needs to see all his loved ones die with his own eyes and it will continue to haunt his memory forever. He can't stay in one area for a long time just in case anyone noticed him. No matter how much the town means to him, he had moved away to avoid causing a ruckus.

He needs to change his identity often which is the only way so people won't recognize him and sell him out. He hates being immortal.

Not to mention, it's hard for him to fall in love. Hyunjin has been falling in love with the same person every time for 400 years now. No matter how much you changed over time, he still falls for you.

It hurts to see you falling in love, getting married, having kids, and hearing you passed away. He could have approached you yet he knows he won't stand a chance with you and the thought of seeing you dying hurts him.

Yet, this was the first time you approached him first. He still looks after you from time to time, helping you in secret if you have ever been in trouble and it surprised him when you approached his table shyly, asking to be friends.

And so Hyunjin agreed.

But when she started to remember a little bit from her past life, Hyunjin knew it was time for him to flee. He couldn't risk you remembering him. As much as he hated to leave, Hyunjin knew it was for the best.

For 40 years, he lived alone, far away from your city. He suppressed his desire to see you, to know if you're doing good, to find out if you got over him.

Until one day, he couldn't take it anymore. So he went back to your city, just to watch you from afar. Seeing you after all these years, still smiling brightly while running the little cafe, made him feel relieved to see you doing so well without him.

He was surprised to find out you still didn't get married yet, like your other past life. Until he found out you were still waiting for him and you already knew the fact about him being immortal.

Turned out, Hyunjin stupidly left his sketchbook, the one where he keeps all his sketches of Y/N from her different life after their last encounter together. And it seems like she pieced it together to form a conclusion that he's immortal.

And so Hyunjin decided to come back. This time, to stay until your very last breath.

The bell on the door chimed merrily as someone stepped inside the cafe. You picked up your head from the old cash register, smiling at the person in front of you.

His presence, as always, drew people in to look at him, gaping at his figure. Even after 40 years, he still had that dazzling smile on his face.

"You didn't change much, Hyunjin." "And you aged beautifully, Y/N"

You chuckled slowly, shaking your head as tears collected at the brim of your eyes. Hyunjin helped you to get out from the counter, his hand gripping yours tightly.

"I may be old but I'm not fragile yet."

You mumbled as Hyunjin fussed over you, asking if you were comfortable. You sighed, smiling, a bit amused at his antics. You pulled his hand to sit next to you. Smiling, he held your hand tenderly, as your tears once again flooded the brim of your eyes.

"I missed you."

As the noises from the background faded into silence, you focused solely on Hyunjin as he did the same, the feeling of longing evaporated as you both basked in each other's presence, letting out the yearning for each other.

"Me too, Hyunjin. Me too."

Hyunjin took one last look at the graveyard, focusing on your tomb. He watched as your close ones went back along with him. His mind flew back to the last conversation you had with him yesterday before you passed away in your sleep.

"I'll try to remember you in my next life."

Hyunjin smiled as he fixed your blanket gently, patting your hand. You smiled back as his hand intertwined both of your hands together.

"Don't bother, Y/N. It's never gonna work."

You chuckled but it was quickly cut off with a cough. Hyunjin quickly handed her some water as he helped her sit up on the bed. You waved his hand away as the cough subsided, shaking your head.

"We just need a miracle, Hyunjin. If I can remember you after our last encounter 40 years ago, why won't I remember the next time we meet?"

You reached out to your nightstand and took out his sketchbook, handing it to him. Hyunjin reluctantly accepted it, feeling a bit lost.

"If you show me that sketchbook in my next life, I'm sure I'll remember. After all, I won't forget the person who draws me so beautifully like that."

You chuckled as Hyunjin flipped through the pages. He nodded.

"Now let's get you to sleep. It's late."

That night, Hyunjin drew you while you were sleeping peacefully with a smile on your face as you breathed your last air.

He gripped the sketchbook tightly in his grasp, willing himself not to cry. He let out a watery smile as he walked away from the graveyard, promising himself to do what you told him to do before.

Except, you were never reborn.

[just-like-playing-tag]

A totally self indulgent compilation of my favorite works on this blog of the year June 13, 2019 - June 13, 2020

I wanted to do this for the blog's first anniversary but then completely forgot about it lol.

The following lists are all in chronological order according to the date each post was first published.

Top 10 panel edits:

#1: Don and Gilda - Chapter 138: Demon serch (1)

Date: Jun 14th, 2019

Time: ~ 1:30 h

My very first redraw from my very first edit posted here, so it deserves an honorable mention. Back then I was young and inexperienced, I didn't even apply a gray filter (lmao I was so unskilled I even unintentionally scratched the picture, I hadn't realized until today). I'm actually very happy my first redraw was of Don, boy deserves all the love.

#2: Emma and Ray - Chapter 140: I’m Here!

Date: Jun 28th, 2019

Time: ~ 1 h

Back then this looked like so much work to me!!! And to this day, I think it turned out pretty well. I'm particularly proud of how the bow turned out. This is one I was really proud of right after having finished it; it gave me the confidence to try redrawing bigger areas. Also, the edit were I first applied the opacity of layer / opacity of brush for the gray filter that would have stuck with me.

#3: Krone's birthday edit

Date: Jul 15th, 2019

Time: 15 mins

I don't know I just really like how Krone's hair vanish to a more sketch-like style here– and consequently, how I managed to replicate such effect. I think Krone's beautiful.

#4: Emma, Norman and Ray - Chapter 153: Coward

Date: Oct 4th, 2019

Time: 4:07 h (and 67 layers lmao)

Probably the single panel redraw I'm the most proud of. That Norman panel was beautiful and very poignant at the end of a chapter I adored, so I believe it deserved all the time I've spent working on it. It's far from being perfect - the back of his head is too plain, and the difference between my brushes and the original brushes is pretty visible - but I still like it very much and am extremely attached to it. The horn looks kinda big but I honestly believe it to be more of an issue with the original than with what I had redrawn lol. Funny enough, the whole picture didn't make it to the final edit and had to be trimmed.

#5: Full Score Trio - Chapter 154: A Breakthrough

Date: Oct 11th, 2019

Time: 29 mins

I don't have a particular reason for this I just think Emma's hair turned out amazing. It took just half an hour and I didn't even use references like. Wow. @Redrawing skills where did you go please come back

#6: Mujika and Queen Legravalima - Chapter 158: The Reason I Was Born

Date: Nov 17th, 2019

Time: 2:09 h

Sis I love this so freaking much. The shift from redrawing almost exclusively people and clothes to redrawing this mess was so fun and refreshing. Even though it's a mess I think it turned out very clean and overall it looks beautiful? I remember after finishing this I felt so powerful, like now that I had redrawn this thing I would have been able to redraw anything I set my mind on lol.

#7: Emma - Chapter 161: Never Be Alone

Date: Dec 13th, 2019

Time: 57 mins

Again no particular reason except this is a very cute Emma and I think the redraw turned out pretty well. There's this big lock on the left that doesn't make a lot of sense but overall I really like it. Cute Emma is cute, and I love her determination.

#8: Emma - Chapter 166: Going Back Home

Date: Mar 9th, 2020

Time: 3:45 h

I'M SO FREAKING PROUD OF THAT RIFFLE I have not the slightlest idea why this took so damn long BUT I'M SO PROUD OF IT

#9: Norman's birthday edit

Date: Mar 21st, 2020

Time: 1:04 h

This is cool! I didn't know I could manage to draw this, but I did it! The feathers were particularly hard to clean but I think they turned out fine.

#10: Full Score Trio - Chapter 174: A New World (part 1)

Date: Apr 6th, 2020

Time: 2:11 h

I just think they're very pretty? I can't understand if I like Ray's face a lot, or not at all, but I think overall there was a lot to redraw and it turned out pretty cute! Sorry Gillian.

(Also insert pretty much every panel from the chapter 177 Isabella edit– I've spent so many hours on basically every panel there's no way I could choose only one).

Top 5 edits as whole:

#1: Emma and Ray - Chapter 140: I’m Here!

Date: Jun 29th, 2019

Complessive time: 2:57+ h

The very first edit I'm actually proud of; I'm really attached to it. It's the first edit I had put all of my effort into, and I remember feeling anxious people would have left it without notes. It kinda feels weird to think about it now, because I really don't care about notes anymore; yet, it somehow makes me happy to think that past-me wasn't let down. Thank you @neverlandstrio for your support, you may not remember but it really meant a lot to me back then! And it still makes me smile. You're the best!!!!!!

#2: Mujika and Queen Legravalima - Chapter 158: The Reason I Was Born

Date: Nov 20th, 2019

Complessive time: 7:12+ hours

This whole edit was an hella wild ride. It's midnight before a school day, when I think: "Mh, it's been a while since I last made an edit, why not make one about Musica and the queen from the last chapter?" And seven hours after this was born. I'm particularly proud of the queen's redraws on the 3rd, 7th and 9th picture (ofc), the areas which have been redrawn are pretty huge yet I think the difference with the original is almost impossible to notice?? @Redrawing skills where did you go please come back (part 2)

#3: Emma - Chapter 174: A New World (part 1)

Date: Apr 12th, 2020

Complessive time: 6:53+ h

I think the panels that were selected work very well together, especially considering the close-up / full body alternation. I love Emma, and I've always been kinda sad noticing that edits that focus one her take the less notes... She deserves all the love. Also, fun fact: for the last but one panel, I had redrawn Emma's whole left ear before remembering she doesn't have one, so I had to redraw the panel from the start. Besides from the error with the ear, the reason why this (and all the others after) took so long is because official panel take way longer to clean.

#4: Isabella and her children - Chapter 177: Mother

Date: May 22nd, 2020

Complessive time: 13:41+ h (ahah.)

Lmao tbh I can't understand how this has so few notes it's like. Technically speaking, probably the best edit I've ever done. I don't even like Isabella that much, I haven't got the slightlest idea why I decided to spend so many hours on this. Anyway, I find the composition (full body on the left / headshots on the right) really good looking in this as well! And I think the redraws turned out fine, especially Isabella's.

#5: The Promised Neverland manga ending countdown→ 1/7 chapters: chapter 1 - Grace Field House

Date: Jun 9th, 2020

Complessive time: 1:59+ h

I don't know how I came up with that idea for the composition but I find it really beautiful??? I think it does a pretty good job conveying the sudden, terrific shift of atmosphere from the first chapter, and I think that sharp bridge is very nice. I'm very, very proud of this.

Honorable mention #1: Full Score Trio - Chapter 154: A Breakthrough

Date: Oct 13th, 2019

Complessive time: 3:44+ h (+ 1:13 h of working on a panel that ultimately didn't make it to the final edit)

A very good chapter, and the edit turned out surprisingly amazing??? All the redraws look great and make it almost impossible to distinguish them from the original; honestly I feel like I'll never be able to redraw so neatly again lol.

Honorable mention #2: Don and Gilda (+ Norman) - Chapter 160: Shackles

Date: Dec 11th, 2019

Complessive time: 3:14+ h

That one is really one of my favorite scenes; I'm telling you peoples, Gilda and Don are a blessing to the earth. I think I've never mentioned it, but Gilda's hair is a nightmare to redraw??? More specifically, it takes me h o u r s to fill the texture without making it look too weird, it's the worst.

Honorable mention #3: Norman and Ray - Chapter 179: Compensation

Date: Jun 6th, 2020

Complessive time: 4:16+ h

I was so glad to finally be able to make a Norman / Ray edit, and it turned out it was just in time before the series' finale. I like how it turned out and I'm pretty satisfied with the redraws (even though my sister helped me with the lineart of some panels - it was exams time and I really couldn't afford to spend more time on it), too bad we didn't have more chapters that focused on the boys. Ray sweetie one day I'll fix your ear it's just today's not that day.

Btw, I justed realized I have never done an Emma / Norman centered edit? I'll have to make one eventually. I remember considering focusing on them alone for the chapter 154 one, but then I thought "even if the manga is gonna ignore Ray, I will chose to do not" lol.

Top 5 long posts:

#1: Reconstruction of how the Grace Field children were settled in the three bedrooms

Date: Aug 28th, 2019

I just had really a lot of fun doing it. I love putting all the little things to their own place, it's so calming to do and that's why I love making this kind of things. Also, loved how @temporoom contributed to the post! It was so nice of them to add what they had noticed to come up with more exact conclusions, that's one of the things I love the most about the internet.

#2: A study of how many times the characters of The Promised Neverland call each other through the first season of the anime

Date: Sep 10th, 2019

I REALLY LOVE IT! I mean it *was* kinda stressing to note everything, but it was very also very satisfying to see everything methodically divided and organized! And it's not just that– it's also the fact that it looks good. That's one post I have fun rereading because it's actually pretty! Also, even though it can be very stressing to learn to use new programs and sites, it's always very satisfying to look at the final result. Again, I really adore compiling these tiny little details! I would love to make more posts of that kind if i had the time.

#3: The Promised Neverland musicals headcanons

Date: Oct 27th, 2019

I mean it's literally. Putting my two favorite fandoms together how could I not love it. This is another one I really enjoy rereading, I find all the musical / character associations so fitting! I really want to make a second part, I hope to find some time to do it.

#4: Considerations on the reward / eventual series' finales (and Emma's sacrifice)

Date: May 7th, 2020

It's always nice to put down all your thoughts regarding a particular matter. It can take a lot of time (at least for me it does because... I need time to think about things), but it's so satisfying to see all of them there once you're done. Bonus points when, like in this case, it was something asked by someone else because “Wow! Somebody wants to hear my opinion on this subject! I'm flattered (◍•ᴗ•◍)”

#5: Some other considerations on the series' finale and Emma sacrificing herself

Date: Jun 13th, 2020

Pretty much the same as above. It's like some kind of clarity when the post is done and signed. Another fun fact, I had to censore the post a lot; the first version was extremely sharp and harsh, but I believe it's right to express your opinions calmly and politely.

Bonus: A thread of what the tpn characters would wear at the Oscars

Date: Feb 9th, 2020

Imagining all the children in those pretty dresses makes me so incredibly happy (╥﹏╥) I go back to look at that post a lot. I really love red carpets, I love looking at pretty dresses!!!!!

Lmao it's so funny how the post of mine I like the most are also the ones with the less notes

Anyway this was just a personal report! You don't have to read it all (or any of it actually). But it was indeed fun making it! Here's to many more months in the fandom!!!