#even tho I'm just gonna be awake spiraling for hours anyways
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being so so good at expressing to my partner that I was upset by something they did and then feeling worse when they don't respond in the exact way I want them to and then feeling evil and manipulative for continuing to tell them how sad I am haha my brain has a broom and is hitting me with it repeatedly
#this communicating shit sucks why can't people just read my mind#personal#''you certainly can't change your mood by doing nothing and spiraling“ wrong i can make it worse#the urge to have a healthy relationship and the urge to self sabotage and push people away are having a cage match in my head#and boy does it not look pretty#ventinggggg#trying to subtlely communicate that i want some attention and validation without saying it outright#bc she's downstairs havin fun with her friends and im totally invited but i got into a weird mood like an hour before so i don't want to#be around any people. plus i ''have to sleep for work“#even tho I'm just gonna be awake spiraling for hours anyways#but my attempts to get reassurance are probably coming off as argument and she seems so annoyed with me#so now i definitely can't ask directly#and I'm definitely gonna get off work tomorrow in a bad mood and probably be a bummer at the goth club on nye#i fucking hate myself and my dumbass emotions i either need to kms or get high
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