#even other bipolar friends don't have as uh. delicate sensibilities as I do around caffeine | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rabbitindisguise · 26 days ago

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on the negative side, I'm never drinking caffinated tea ever again because it apparently makes me manic. That's especially sad because I found that out after drinking delicious tea I'll never be able to drink again and by becoming manic (i.e. the hard way)

on the plus side, I wasn't manic before I drank caffeine! and I probably won't be come tomorrow afternoon thank fuck. It's so unpleasant. So, so uncomfortable. I'm already starting to come down I think. It's hard to tell.

but yeah otherwise getting tea with my friends was nice. It was kind of magical to do a tea tasting, it's just too bad that- well. Can't drink alcohol. Can't drink coffee. Can't even drink tea either. They need to invent some kind of chocolate milk tasting or something for me personally so I don't feel like a sad wet dog about the situation.

#personal #mental illness #*shaking the bars of my emotional cage* let me be depressed or normal again damn you #I want out #it sucks that bipolar is like alcoholism #you have to watch yourself every damn day like sam vimes does there's no 'being done' or 'solving it'#it's not like healing a wound in a cast #it's not even like celiac's #there is always that psychological component #that little evil weevil impulse that says 'pick the bad decision!' in a voice that sounds just like yours #it'll be fiiiiine #<- words said just before relapse #I want to fit in! I want to have fun!#<- about to ruin my whole week like a dumbass #I was stupid. even at the event it was starting to hit me and I just fucking. gave up #'well it's already horrible'#'might as well have more?'#no. no that's dumb. once you get in a hole there's no reason to keep digging lav! that's A BIGGER HOLE #stop! stop! it's already too deep! [simpsons meme]#etc #it's really hard because it wouldn't normally hurt other people so it's really tempting to just pretend the boundary is fake and not real #long enough to step over it #even other bipolar friends don't have as uh. delicate sensibilities as I do around caffeine #so it feels profoundly bad that I can't indulge in it #though one part is the forbidden aspect #I want it and can't have it- so I want it more because I can't have it #I stayed within budget though #I got a fun trinket to remember the special occasion by (tradition tea brewer and cups that I'll drink chamomile out of because fuck it)#I have enough to get ramen tomorrow (yay! something I enjoy that won't hurt me physically or mentally!)#and I'll probably get weaving supplies this month

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