verdantcrimson

[renthony]

Some people would dangle a scrap of rotten food over the head of a starving person, force the starving person to take a political compass test, throw the scrap of rotten food in the trash if the starving person didn't get the "correct" score, and still somehow come away feeling as if they've made the world a better place.

[voidix]

So my dear friend @kittytudor and I were discussing some takes the fandom has on Dazai and especially his interactions with Mori and I thought I’d share

I really hate the train of thought that goes like “they’re super smart so they know life has no meaning and nothing matters” like that’s cynical for no reason whatsoever and just nihilistic

Yea when you are intelligent you see all the bad in the world and feel like you’re powerless to stop it a lot of times but the things is

You know scientists see beauty in everything geologist will get excited about literal dirt a marine biologist about a gold fish. When you’re intelligent you see all the bad but also all the good

However it’s easier to see the bad and often times it clouds your view but part of the healing process is starting to see beauty and happiness in the smallest things and I think that’s a journey Dazai is slowly going on.

So I really don’t think intelligence is the issue here and I’m gonna assume you’re an edgy bastard if you say so

I feel like Dazai’s issue is more the environment than anything and the lack of meaningful relationships. I know we clown the scene where he says actually living is okay now 1 day after meeting Chuuya but here is the thing. This might have been the first time he had someone his age who wanted to hang out with him or even less just someone his age who tolerated him. I personally know nothing about his life pre mafia but you can assume it wasn’t a good life if at age 14 you decide the bloody mafia is preferable to wherever you’re at at the moment

In my opinion Mori didn’t encourage it per se but he didn’t try to stop it either I really think that for him he did not expect Dazai would go through with it (again) and /or as cruel as it sounds if he actually did it which Mori didn’t think was likely he had one less rival to worry about but I really think that’s Mori’s reasoning for staying “neutral” for lack of a better word on this issue

That being said I’m sure being surrounded by death and suffering did not do any good for an already depressed 14/15yo

Which leads me to the second point. I really don’t think Mori expected Dazai to leave or tried to make him leave. For Mori Dazai was a powerful asset because of his ability and because of his intelligence that y’all are obsessed with. So why would you want to push that person away and it’s not like he was encouraging him to suicide here which would make much more sense than wanting him to leave.

And I have evidence

I’m gonna start it with: Oda did not die to set an example I don’t think so no. In his conversation with Chuuya he said something like “being a leader means making sacrifices for the well being of the group” or something like that and that’s what he did here.

He sacrifices Oda to get the permit.

The strange thing is I do think Mori meant what he said to Chuuya that he is a leader but also a servant to the mafia he wants the mafia to gain more power and that’s why he did what he did to get the permit.

I do think it could be a lesson to Dazai but not in the “if you cross me this is gonna happen to you” because Oda didn’t cross him Oda didn’t want power he is the last person who was interested in that. I think if anything it was more a lesson as in “when you take over this is something you’ll have to do and I’m showing you how it’s done”

Evidence for that is he was chuckling when he mentioned that possibility that Dazai would kill him and take one someday. And I agree that Mori

Wouldn’t mind if that was better for the Mafia. Like he wouldn’t make it easy for him and he wouldn’t give up but if he is defeated he wouldn’t be angry or annoyed because like I mentioned above I do think he was genuine when he said he is also a servant to the Mafia

My other piece of evidence is that when he showed Dazai the permit he seemed proud of what he’s done. The way he presented it and the entire scenario he seemed proud more than smug. If he really wanted Dazai out I feel like he would’ve been more smug about the whole thing and we know he can do that well.

And obviously there is also the fact he offered him not once but twice to come back. And what’s interesting is that the first time the offer was secret like he sent Gin and Higuchi and it was in a shady ass tunnel

Now the other time is where it gets interesting because it was very public in front of Dazai’s colleagues the black lizard and Fukuzawa.

Now Mori is a smart guy but also he has a sense of pride as we learned so I really don’t think he would risk being humiliated in front of Fukuzawa of all people just to mess with Dazai and he seemed genuinely surprised when Dazai said “you kicked me” and he didn’t offer him to just come back no he offered to be back as an executive and having Dazai decline and clown him in front of Fukuzawa like that I don’t think he would risk that if he was just playing

The thing is Mori is smart but he has tunnel vision in my opinion. He was so focused on getting the permit he forgot that this plan has consequences that aren’t just “we get the permit”

And also one of Mori’s issues is that he never takes into consideration people’s emotions. You can predict human Behavior to a certain degree a lot of times you can know what to

Say or what to do to get a certain result but the thing is humans aren’t algorithms they don’t always operate on logic they have emotions. And these emotions can be so strong that they override any crumb of logic left which is something I think Mori fails to understand. That’s why he didn’t expect Dazai to leave he forgot about the emotional factor.

That’s what Mori lacks but Dazai has and my evidence for this is a scenario we laughed at because it was presented in a funny way but I think that’s something that shows that Dazai is better at this 4D chess game than Mori.

On the Moby Dick he knew that Akutagawa would abandon everything to talk to him. If Dazai only operates by thinking about logical Behavior he wouldn’t have told Atsushi to do this but he realises that the emotional factor is one of the strongest drives humans have.

And you know I think Mori knows that when it comes to 4D chess Dazai would defeat him but he doesn’t mind that he isn’t scared of that. In dead Apple he couldn’t have possibly known the whole business with the pill but he told Chuuya to interfere. Mori has a strange sense of trust towards Dazai even now that they’re part of different sides.

I think Mori is has always been aware that although he says he does Dazai doesn’t actually want to die and I think the scene with the hyper and hypo tension medication in 15 shows this. If you actually want to die why would you Mix medicine with effects that cancel out each other and Mori is a doctor he knows this. That’s why I think he didn’t expect Dazai to commit and that he believes Dazai actually wants to live and because of that he will try and preserve himself and by extension Yokohama which is why he told Chuuya to go in dead apple, which is why he let Akutagawa go on the Moby Dick in season 2 because he realized Dazai wanted him to go there and he trusts Dazai to a certain degree .

I really feel like his underestimated the emotional factor and this will ultimately lead to his downfall. Like he didn’t expect Dazai to leave he wouldn’t expect anyone to react super emotional to god knows what he’ll do and thereby underestimate their response to that which will make him meet his end.

I don’t think the “you kicked me” is Dazai in denial he acted ok emotions or at least that’s not the whole thing. I think that Dazai’s reasoning for saying that is this:

Oda died so Mori can get more power which was part of Mori’s plan all along so looking at the bigger picture it was Mori’s plan and actions who drove me out of the Mafia so he basically “kicked me out”

Also I wanna add that I feel like Mori because he underestimates the emotional factor he doesn’t understand to this day why Dazai left like he knows it’s related to oda he can follow that train of events but in his mind it doesn’t make logical sense why Dazai would do that which is why he didn’t manage to win Dazai over back to The Mafia because in his mind be doesn’t know the logical reason why Dazai left which is also another reason why he was so surprised when Dazai said he kicked him

Also I’d like to add that I really don’t think he felt threatened or wanted to just get rid of him

Dazai was already suicidal so if it would very easy to make it look like that. And like I mentioned before if it was the best choice for the Mafia I really don’t think Mori would be that bothered about being replaced by Dazai.

I also don’t think he thought Dazai would be more useful on the outside because once again why lose a valuable addition like that

And it’s not like

He wanted to use him

As a spy or anything we know that would’ve been arranged differently see Ango

So Mori the logical guy he is wouldn’t want his enemies to have someone with Dazai’s ability because that’s a pain in the ass and also

He wouldn’t want an insider like Dazai to join his enemies and spill all his secrets. Dazai had a very high rank and like I said I don’t think Mori expected him to leave so he had no reason to hide things from

him so even without his ability he would be a very strong asset to the Mafias enemies so there is no way Mori would think he is more useful on the outside since

1. we already said mori has tunnel vision he couldn’t possibly predict that much that he thinks Dazai is better out

2. We established that he isn’t afraid of him

3. He wouldn’t want the ability and the information to fall into his enemies’ hands

4. If he was actually scared and wanted to get rid of him making it seem like suicide or actually driving him to suicide would be much easier especially since mori is a doctor

So yeah this is long thanks if you read until the end it was super fun to write this id love to know what others think I’m sorry if it’s a bit unorganised it’s copied from my notes app

[jjmichie]

Jeff and Stone Return From NYC

Fic:  sequel to Jeff and Eddie Have a Beer

Disclaimer:  Fiction, not true. 

The sounds of a guitar and a bass and a voice reverberated through the small room, causing a stray newspaper to ripple across the floor and the concrete walls to rattle ominously, unable to escape the pounding intensity that assaulted them.  But as the final notes of the song were fading, the newspaper and the concrete began to blur and the walls began to waver and the black floor seemed to rise then recede and rise then recede again as if breathing on its own. 

Stone quickly fumbled to pull his guitar over his head and set it down in its stand.  The guitar and the stand were blurry now too, mimicking the undulating walls and the newspaper, oddly becoming two guitars, then three, then two again while blackness began to rim his vision and the walls closed in, forming a flickering tunnel and a hazy grayness that seemed to fill the air around him. 

What . . . was the last thing he remembered thinking. 

“Nice!  Way to give that one a rockstar finish,” Jeff laughed as he looked up in time to see his friend collapsing on the floor next to his guitar stand.  Stone had fallen to his knees first as his legs buckled underneath him,  and then rolled back, as if in slow motion, his arms outstretched, his head eventually hitting the floor, with his hair fanning out around him like a halo.  

Eddie laughed in surprise too.  

But their laughter quickly dissolved into silence as they realized the pile that had previously been their guitar player was now completely still.  Jeff and Eddie looked at the pile, then at each other, then back at the pile, their brows knotted in confusion.  

“Stone?”  Jeff asked, a bad feeling suddenly coming over him. He took a step forward.  

Eddie took a step forward too.  

“Stone!”  Jeff called louder.  Still nothing.  The pile didn’t move.  “Oh fuck!”  Jeff darted over to him, with Eddie close behind.  

They both knelt down beside Stone.  The first aid training Eddie had once received in a former life back in the surfer days suddenly kicked in, and he heard himself automatically asking:  “has this happened before?  does he have any medical conditions that you are aware of?”  

“N-No,” Jeff sputtered.  

Eddie leaned in close to Stone, pressing two fingers into his neck, and positioning his cheek next to Stone’s nose and mouth.  Breathing.  Steady breathing.  Steady pulse.  

“Oh fuck fuck fuck, why doesn’t he wake up??”  Jeff demanded, not bothering to hide the panic in his voice.  “Stone!!!”  

“Shh, it’s ok,” Eddie looked up at Jeff.  “I think he just fainted.  He’s breathing fine, his pulse is normal.”  Eddie gave Stone’s cheek a gentle slap.  “Stone?”  he prodded, and grabbed one of the hapless newspapers off the floor and began fanning him.  

“Mmmm,” Stone finally moaned and turned his head towards the comforting breeze that Eddie was creating. 

Jeff breathed out slowly, and put a hand over his heart.  

“Oh shit, what happened?”  Stone whispered, opening his eyes, surprised by the frightened expressions that hovered over him. 

“You blacked out, dude,” Jeff answered, touching Stone’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”  

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Stone sat up abruptly, pushing Jeff’s hand away, pushing the newspaper away, embarrassed by the attention. But immediately a wave of something something something filled his head and his stomach again and made the room wobble again as the grayness threatened to return.  “Or . . . maybe not,” he began to lie back down.  

Jeff had maneuvered himself so that he was behind Stone, and caught him as he fell, letting Stone’s head rest on his shoulder.   He put his arms around him.  

They were all quiet for a few moments, letting Stone rest, waiting cautiously for him recover as he leaned against Jeff.  

“I can hear your heart,” Stone finally observed with smirk, his eyes still closed.  “Jeez, is it always that fast?”  

Jeff didn’t reply.  Instead, he closed his eyes too and breathed in deeply, through his nose, then out through his mouth. 

Eddie watched them.  He unconsciously moved back, just slightly, away from them, feeling a sudden sensation that he was intruding.  

“Uhhhh,” Stone suddenly grimaced and sat up very straight.  His face turned pale.  “I’m going to puke,” he whispered to Jeff.  

Jeff immediately rose to a standing position using nothing but his thigh muscles, pulling Stone up with him in the process.  

Eddie backed away further, clearing the path between his bandmates and the bathroom.  

“I wonder if it’s something you ate in New York,” Eddie heard Jeff speculate, over the retching coughs that were now echoing throughout the practice space.  Trying to decide what he could do to help, Eddie grabbed a water bottle, and held it up in the doorway, before cautiously peering into the bathroom himself.  Jeff was holding Stone’s hair back, while attempting to stand at a safe distance as Stone violently evicted the noxious contents from his body.  Jeff nodded thankfully at the water bottle, so Eddie set it down by Stone.  

“I don’t know . . . “ Stone moaned, pausing to flush.  “Shit, this is awful.”  

“I bet it was that seafood platter,”  

“Oh god, don’t mention that -- ”  just the thought triggered another round of miserable heaves.  

Eddie smiled sympathetically as Jeff winced at him.  He couldn’t help but notice how comfortably the two could touch each other.  He got the feeling that the scenario he was witnessing wasn’t new, that Jeff had probably held Stone’s hair back at some point before, and that Stone had probably held Jeff’s hair back on occasion too. Somehow he couldn’t picture his own previous bandmates doing this for him.  No.  They would have been annoyed, and probably would have mocked him. But this band was different.  Seattle was different.  

“Here, Eddie brought you some water,” Jeff offered, as Stone came up for air.  

“Thanks . . . “ Stone took the bottle, his hand shaking.  He took a sip and leaned back against the door frame.  Jeff flushed the last remnants away.  “I think I’m better now.  I’ve just been feeling kinda off all day.”

“Yeah, well we got back so late last night, probably didn’t help.  Did you get any sleep?”

“No.”

“Did you eat at all today?”  

“No.”  

“Do you want to lie down?”  

Stone nodded. 

And for the second time, Jeff effortlessly lifted Stone to a standing position, and the two of them hobbled over to the couch, where Jeff delicately deposited his ailing bandmate.  Stone immediately curled up and closed his eyes.  Jeff pulled a fleece blanket off the back of the couch and covered Stone with it, tucking the edges underneath him.  

Pleased with his work, he stepped back to join Eddie, who was standing to the side, trying to somehow give them privacy.  

“Man, he’s got it bad!” Jeff commented as he and Eddie wandered away from the couch, toward the amps.  

“Yeah!” Eddie agreed.  “Are YOU feeling okay?”

“Yeah, good thing I didn’t eat any of that seafood.  It was a stressful trip though.  I mean, we got everything taken care of, thank god, and even had some fun, but it was just -- go go go, you know? And then our flight got delayed, blah blah.”  

Eddie nodded.  He noticed that Jeff continuously glanced toward the couch as they talked.  

“Speaking of food,”  Jeff looked at his watch, then back at the couch again.  “I’m starving.  We’re probably not going to get much more practice in.  Do you want to go grab a burrito?  I’m guessing he doesn’t want to.”  

Eddie paused before answering.  Jeff looked so uneasy.  He got the feeling there was a right answer here, and a wrong answer.  Eddie quickly weighed his options.    

“No . . . “ he decided to say.  “I actually had a huge breakfast.  You go ahead.  I’ll stay here.  I need to work on some lyrics anyway.”  Now they both looked at Stone, his hair peeking out from the blanket.   “I can. . . keep an eye on him while you’re gone.”  

“Would you?’  Jeff asked too quickly.  His uneasiness immediately seemed to dissipate.  He looked at the floor for a few silent moments, and then looked up again to meet Eddie’s eyes.  He bit his lip.  “Honestly . . . that scared the hell out of me.”  

Eddie nodded and waited quietly, unsure if Jeff was going to elaborate.  Jeff opened his mouth, struggling with the decision on whether to or not.  The ugly memory that had intruded his mind the minute he had realized his bandmate was unconscious was still lingering and Jeff knew it would never erase itself.  But it was still too fresh, too raw, too . . . ugly . . . to talk about.  No, he couldn’t elaborate.  Not yet.  

Instead he slapped his strong thighs and stood up.  He walked to the couch and leaned over to peer at the blanket.  Upon reassuring himself that Stone was just sleeping, breathing regularly and peacefully, he nodded, gave Eddie a goodbye salute, and left.  

Eddie’s eyes lingered on empty space where Jeff had been standing, feeling an odd pang of emptiness himself.  Maybe it was the memory of his surfer days, or his old band, or maybe it was envy at their closeness.  In the short time he had known them, he had already seen them bicker like an old married couple on multiple occasions, and yet.  Yet.  Their familiarity and intimacy was apparent in their body language and their innate ability to comfort each other when it mattered.  Eddie wondered how long it would be, or if it would ever be, that he would feel that connected with them.  

With Stone’s breathing now the only sound in the rehearsal space, Eddie watched through the window as Jeff emerged from the front of the building, and began untangling his bike from the rack.  With elegant dexterity, he maneuvered the bike over the curb, weaving between the parked cars, and rode away, down the misty street toward the burritos, out of Eddie’s view.

@gardenofstoney @mookiebaelock - a little Jeff/Stone love for you!!