#even if i don't super feel in control of the whole responding and socializing and functioning thing

[skrunksthatwunk]

eughhh i feel dumb

[twst-drabbles]

oliii I liked your interpretation of vil *hug* it's not a request but I was wondering if the same would happen with a reader who responds to him all the time and does what mc wants bc in the game, except for Leona I think, no one else seems to have the upper hand against vil... and I don't understand the truth xd that's why I was wondering what it would be like with a rebellious reader who doesn't like to listen to him or who responds when he scolds him

Depends, but then again all interactions have a big "depends" on it if given the circumstances. But yeah, if the Rebellious Reader is someone who is rebellious out of spite for Vil and nothing anything deeper than that, then Vil will treat the whole scoffing of his attitude as something childish and not really worth his time unless, unless Vil ends up with an opportunity to highlight to the Reader how childish they're being. Cause, after all, Vil loves nothing more than to be proven right. And if Vil isn't right, well, he can shrug it off and go about his day, because a Rebellious Reader who's like that from the start without being cordial or giving the minimum amount of manners one gives to a stranger, they'll be marked off as "not worth fretting over," and therefore Vil is above them.

(I should probably make this it's own special tag cause I've been doing these kinds of writing a little too often.)

See, overly rebellious readers do not come off as "super cool" as people seem to think they do, because an over reliance on that personality trait makes the audience think that they're trying to cover up for something. That they have such a loose grip over the control of their life that they have no choice but to continue to be overly rebellious. Because they have nothing else to hang onto, so all they can do is spit and stomp and try to make everyone else lose control so they're not alone in that feeling.

In the acting world and with how deeply into it Vil is, he 100% has seen and known people that are like this, so a super rebellious reader is really nothing to pay much mind to. Will he get frustrated if what's being done is impeding on his path? Yes he will and he will not hesitate on shutting that shit down. Usually with people he likes, like Epel, he gives them some wiggle room so as to not completely choke out their fire. But with people he doesn't like, there will be none. You will take that attitude somewhere else, otherwise he'll just get a restraining order or get you kicked out. The social consequences that come of it will be of your own hand. So best be prepared.

Now, when it comes to a reader that's clearly solid in terms of their self control and how they view themselves, that alone would warrant Vil's respect, at least the minimum amount of it. So, when after the getting to know period the Reader gets more and more rebellious, that bothers Vil more than anything. Because, what that says to Vil is that something about him is incompatible with the way you view things. There's a more solid reason, to him, for the Reader to starts disagreeing and going out of their way to be this way. Sure, a super Rebellious Reader might be the same way, but Vil didn't get to know them, so he doesn't care. But this reader can get under his skin.

Super Rebellious Reader feels like a sidekick to some bigger villain, while this reader feels like a leader, an equal that finds these glaring flaws in him that he somehow can't find.

One can't forget that a majority of Vil's confidence and need to be the most beautiful heavily relies on the downfall of Neige. His end goal, whether he knows it or not, is Neige losing to him as a way to prove to the masses that he is the most beautiful. And it's also a way to prove that to himself, cause, to an extent, he doesn't believe it but masks that very heavily from even himself.

So, a rebellious reader that he respects, and took the time to get to know him before they turned to the path of rebellion, ends up being a person that highlights his own childishness to himself with how convoluted his path to true self confidence is, cause the Reader's source of self confidence is not compatible with his. It's from a different, more stable source, and Vil can't take that implication.

[khodorkovskaya]

Hey so men are shitbags and I'd like to ask your opinion on a situation here......

So right been talking to this guy...... and we often had quite slowish convos like answering every few hours when we werent busy etc....

But he was kinda chatty lile telling me about his day and sent a selfie after having a drink etc

But then after that got odd.... like didnt respond to my question for 2 days, but then responded to it and asked me a question like what I was planning for the weekend etc so I thought he wanted to talk... but then didnt respond for over a day again but was nice like, oh that sounds lovely are you planning on doing much there?

So again I thought he wanted to talk becasue why would you ask questions if not right??

Again answered a day later, like it literally took him 30 hours to say what his dog was called... I said happy birthday and he was like thanks so I asked if he had a nice time,and he got a bit chatty again like answering within an hour etc, yes he did then he asked if I had much planned for this week so obvs I responded and asked if he did too??? But like it's the end of the week now and hes never responded so I'm like?? Did he actually want to speak to me or not?

Hes also liked my photo I posted of me

But I'm a bit like, does he actually wanna talk to me?? Becasue one min I think he does when he asks questions right because why would you if you didnt wanna talk but then hes read my response and question asking what he planned and just not replied and ifs been a few days, that makes me think hmm maybe he doesnt wanna talk actually????????

What's your thoughts please??? Also ik not a psycho on just generally confused becasue I thought he might like me and I just want a bit advice or opinions please becasue I've never talk talked to a guy in years....

Do I message and ask if he had a good week??

if there's one thing that my past relationship's taught me is that if you want a fulfilling relationship with someone, they have to have the same texting style as you. both of you have to be on the same page in terms of how you communicate. (and im not talking only about romantic relationships, this can apply to anything really.)

so my ex for example would always take super long to reply and i always found it super frustrating. as my mum says, i always be on my damn phone! so it's weird if someone takes over an hour to reply. for me, if i don't reply, it's because A im extremely busy or B im ignoring you. otherwise i reply almost immediately to any text i get bc my phone is always next to me. that's how i function and i want my future partner to be on the same page.

my ex was completely different, he didn't have social media and his phone would always be on silent and he would often even leave the house without it. so he would always take hourssss to reply. i, being the lonely teenage girl with low self esteem that i was, would send him a billion texts, spam him with memes and call him all the time and when he wouldn't reply id feel sad and abandoned. so i totally get what you're saying with the guy being chatty and then ignoring you for two days, that was literally my ex. we'd see each other, have sex, and then he just wouldn't reply for 24+ hours. and id want to kms.

and every time i would be super frustrated, not only because i felt like he didn't care about me, but also because i felt like i couldn't rely on him. what if something urgent happened and i needed him to pick up the phone? every time id text or call him there would only be like a 10% chance that he would pick up or reply immediately.

and it also imposed the fact that he was the one controlling the relationship. id text him "let's hang out" and then wait for the whole day for him to reply, unable to make other plans bc what if he replies and im not free anymore. so id spend days in my room, ignoring my friends, hoping that he will check his phone and agree to hang out with me. if he said yes, id reply the very second bc it was that rare for him to be on his phone. and sometimes the day would go by and he'd text "no" at like 8pm and it would be too late. i even changed the notification sound for him to be sure i don't miss a text from him... my phone usually vibrates once when i get a text, but for him i put two long vibrations, so even if my phone is in my purse, id know it's him.

anyway, please don't make the same mistake i did and chase after a guy who doesn't respect you enough to answer your texts. i know we're all different and we all have different habits when it comes to using our phones. but at the end of the day, if the guy's texting style doesn't match yours, you're gonna feel frustrated and unappreciated and it's gonna ruin your days. and he's gonna have power over you.

xoxo

[kakejiszka]

Studio Fun

This is my first Jake smut, hope you enjoy! :)

Disclaimer: contains lots of smut, you have been warned.

After changing at least six times, you still hadn't chosen among the three set of clothes that were lying on your bed, surrounded by several other pieces of clothing that together created a mess in your entire room, that smelled like citrus, makeup and despair.

You couldn't help but tremble with anxiety at the sight of yourself in your lingerie in the mirror, after all, the occasion you were dressing for was unprecedented. Should you wear a fancy dress? A slutty short skirt? A rocker leather jacket?

You had hit the jackpot: after a few weeks going out with Jake, he had finally invited you to meet the studio where he and his band rehearsed every week. And furthermore, you would meet his brother Josh and Sam and their friend Danny for the first time. You were nervous, as shit was starting to get serious.

Jake was living rent free in your head. Since the first time you saw him, your standards for men had never been the same, after all, no one could surpass his beauty, talent and charisma. To top it all, he was so romantic: on the three times you went out together, he managed to surprise you even with the simplest things. On your first date, you had coffee together, but he gifted you white roses. On the second date, you two took a walk around the town and he held your hand the entire time. On the third date, where it's socially acceptable to have sex, he took you to a super fancy restaurant with wonderful food. You even wore a beatiful black dress and made sure to wear your best lingerie. But, despite taking you home and kissing you by the door (for the first time), that was it. Maybe he was shy, maybe he wasn't ready, but you couldn't help but feeling a bit disappointed for not spending the night with him.

You chose the skirt. If there was even the smallest chance of you seducing him that day, you were willing to try. You finished the look with a black tank top, which was so tight you didn't feel the need to wear a bra, an oversized jeans jacket and black boots. You applied some eyeliner and mascara.

You called an Uber to the address Jake had texted you and quickly you arrived. Your phone vibrated in your jacket's pocket. "Be there in 15" his text said. You felt your legs tremble during the whole time you spent waiting for him, which seemed like an eternity. Despite all his qualities, it wasn't new to you that Jake Kizka's worst flaw was that he was always late.

You noticed the studio: it was very big and it seemed like a place full of quality equipment. The street where it was located was full of different records and musical instruments stores, what made you realize you were in a part in town where you could find everything that was music-related. As you waited for him, all the thoughts in the world were crossing your mind: what if he's not so into me? What if his brothers don't like me? What am I doing here? What kind of idea was this? Do I still have time to go back home?

"Hey!" you were surprised by a familiar voice behind you.

"Jake!" you said, nervousness resonating in your voice.

"Did I scare you?" he asked, giggling.

"No, I'm okay, it's just that..." you didn't even have to finish what you were saying so that he could understarnd the situation.

"There's nothing to be nervous about, they will love to meet you."

Jake gave you his hand and you held it, now feeling much safer and calmer than before.

You two entered the studio and followed through a long dark hallway. The walls were painted black and were full of band posters and stickers. There were other rooms there and you could hear other bands rehearsing inside them. Jake guided you to the end of the hallway where a small set of stairs took you to the second floor.

For your surprise, there weren't other rooms on the second floor like there were on the first floor. It was a single room entirely, where you could find everything: a big couch, a frigo, technical equipment for recording, vending machines, snooker table, a mini bar, all sorts of things...

A section of the room was isolated by a thick glass wall. Inside it, the walls were covered in acoustic panels and the room was filled with many amplifiers, pedals, instruments and a bunch of other things you didn't know what were called were there.

Lying on the couch were Danny, Sam and Josh, waiting for Jake.

"Goddamnit, finally!" Josh shouted "we waited for like an hour!"

"I was getting ready for her" Jake answered, smirking and pulling you close to him by your waist. You couldn't hide the embarassment on your face.

"What a fancy studio!" you said, trying to change the subject "I didn't know you rehearsed in such a cool place."

"It wasn't always like this, ya know" Josh said while standing up and putting his hands in his pockets "we started playing at our house, but it was starting to get too noisy for miss Karen" he laughed.

"It's true, we had to look for cheap studios, but it was hard to find anything in a small town like Frankenmuth" Sam said.

You all talked a bit and, fortunately, the boys were all very nice. You felt very welcomed by Josh's sense of humor, Sam's big smile and Danny's kindness.

After you got to know them, they entered the acoustic room and started rehearsing. You sat on the couch to watch them and, although you were scared to feel bored, you had a lot of fun with the private show they were performing for you.

You couldn't take your eyes off Jake. What he did to the guitar was phenomenal, sexy and even pornographic. The way he slowly slid his hand over the guitar's neck while sweat drops fell on his forehead were making you cross your legs a bit too hard over the couch.

He noticed you were staring at him and smiled at you through the glass, making you cover your face with your hands out of embarassment. You must have been making a funny face, because he giggled at the sight of you.

After two or three hours of rehearsal, they were done. Although the air-conditioning was making you shiver, they left the room all sweaty. Josh, Sam and Danny went to the frigo to get some beer. Jake went there as well, but he made sure to get one for you too.

"Did you like to watch the rehearsal?" Jake asked, offering you an already open Corona bottle.

"I loved it!" you said, getting the bottle from his hand and taking a sip.

"I was scared you would get bored" he said while he sat by your side on the couch and opened his bottle.

"How could I? I felt very special for watching such an exclusive show!" you said, making him laugh.

For the first time, you noticed what he was wearing: a dark purple silk shirt with the buttons opened showing his chest, as he always wore them. He had tight black cuffed pants and brown boots. On his neck, some long necklaces that reached the middle of his bare chest, and on his wrists a few bracelets. His style was casual and attractive, but goddamn, he looked so fucking hot.

The rest of the day was very fun. You two drank together and talked a lot, what got you even closer to each other. Josh, Sam and Danny played snooker and drank a lot, until they decided to leave.

There were only you and Jake, that were now a bit tipsy and still had a lot to talk about. You noticed that, although you two had already went out before, this was the first time you talked this much. When you realized, you were physically very close: your legs were resting over Jake's left leg and his hand was caressing the back of your head. Your index finger was circling around Jake's bare chest. He looked so great in that shirt.

"Do you wanna see something?" he excitedly asked. You, curious as you were, immediately answered:

"Sure."

Jake stood up and walked towards the platform where there was a panel with a billion different buttons you had no idea were for. After pressing and regulating some of them, he made a sign with his fingers invinting you to join him.

"What does that thing do?" you asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Everything" he playfully answered.

"Everything what?" you asked again, laughing impatiently.

"This is the sound mixer, where we can control everything inside the acoustic room. Bass, treble, autotune, tuning, echo, volume... and so on" while he patiently explained to you, you admired him. He would get so excited when talking about music.

"Wow" you responded, without taking your eyes off his.

"Wanna try it out?" he asked.

"What? Are you serious?" you almost spit the liquid of the forth or fifth beer bottle you were having that day.

"Very serious" he said, looking deep in your eyes.

"Okay then..."

"Put this on" he said, grabbing the two headphones thar were lying on the table over the mixer and handing one over to you.

You did as he said and Jake left you responsible for the sound mixer and ran inside the acoustic room, almost tripping due to his light state of inebriation.

"What is he doing?" you quietly asked yourself.

He shut the door of the acoustic room and got one of the 6 or 7 guitars that were inside. After that, he put on the headphones that he brought with him to the room, turned on the microphone that was resting over a tripod and said:

"Can you hear me?"

The sound came out so loud in your headphones that you got scared and jumped, almost turning deaf. After that, you laughed a lot and so did he.

"How do I turn this thing down?" you asked him, screaming so he could hear you through the glass wall.

"Slide the red button down, on your right. Oh, and you don't have to scream, on your left there's a microphone that's meant for you to talk to me while I'm inside, just hold its button down."

You did as he told you to and laughed at yourself, feeling silly for not knowing how to use those things.

"There. Can I do what I want here?"

"Yeah!" he answered.

Jake started playing a random melody and you played with the sounds, having fun like a child. Distorting, increasing and decreasing the echoes, you two laughing like fools.

When you had enough fun, Jake spoke on the microphone again.

"Did you know this room has an almost perfect acoustic insulation?"

"Almost perfect? Like, no one can hear from the outside?" you said while pressing the mic's button and arching a brow, without believing him.

"Exactly" he said, putting his guitar away "I can scream as loud as I want here, no one will listen. Wanna try it?"

"How do I do that?" you asked, searching for the function among the million buttons on the sound mixer panel.

"Just turn the volume down, all of it."

And so you did. As you turned the volume down, it was getting harder and harder to hear what he said, until you couldn't hear a word. He only realized you couldn't hear him when he saw the surprise on your face, caused by the magic of the acoustic room. You could tell by his facial expression that he was laughing, and you laughed as well.

He made a gesture with his hand, like he asked you if you could hear him. You answered through the mic:

"I can't hear anything! This is amazing!"

He smiled and made another gesture, as if he was inviting you to the acoustic room. You quickly removed your earphones and walked to the door, thinking it would be your turn to stay there as he played with the sound.

When you opened the door, Jake immediately pulled you inside and shut the door with both of you inside. Then, he pressed you against the wall, pinning both of your wrists against it over your head.

You couldn't help but feeling surprised, after all, Jake had never acted like this before. He had always been romantic and careful, so you were pretty curious about his sudden dominating attitude.

He approached his face to yours, whispering close to your ear:

"Wanna test the acoustic of the room's acoustics?"

His tone was everything but innocent. You finally understood where he was getting to, so you decided to play his game.

"How can we test it?" you answered, faking innocence, and he smiled at your acting. So he put his leg in the middle of yours, gently rubbing his thigh against your groin and pressing you even harder agains the foamy wall.

"We can try it the best way possible."

After he said it, he kissed you deeply. His hands let go of your wrists and slowly slid down your arms, all the way to your neck. One of his hands held the back of your head and the other choked you slightly, but strong enough to make breathing a little harder. Your arms, now free of his grip, curled arould his shoulders, pulling him closer to you.

The kiss was getting hotter. You felt the hand that held your neck go down to your waist, and the hand on the back of your head gently pull your hair, bringing your head back and making you moan softly. Jake stopped kissing you and smirked, watching your pleasure face.

"They might see us through the glass!" you said, but he didn't pay much attention as he immediately returned to kiss your lips.

"I don't care" he answered, and although it was a bit scary, the fear of getting caught was also thrilling and exciting.

Your neck was completely exposed now, inviting Jake's silky lips which left soft kisses on your skin, making their way to your ear lobes where he gently nibbled. It sent shivers down your spine and goosebumps on your skin, something Jake noticed and made sure to show he enjoyed.

"You like this, huh?" he whispered in your ear. You nodded with a small moan, still a little overwhelmed by the situation, but certainly enjoying it.

Jake went back to kissing your neck, now a little faster. The tiny threads of growing beard on his jaw scratched your face, the sensation was even more arousing. You were so focused on that that only later you realized that his hand wasn't on your waist anymore, but was grabbing your ass.

Your body was warm, but you had chills. The mix of sensations Jake was causing on you gave you so much pleasure, but at the same time it was torturous. It wasn't enough, you wanted more and he knew that, but he wanted to keep you waiting.

Jake put both on his hands on your ass, squeezing it hard and making you moan softly. But after a short period, you felt his hands leave the place, which surprised you. Only then you realized he was taking off your jeans jacket and tossing in on the floor. The black tank top you were wearing left your collarbone and your shoulders exposed, which was exactly what Jake's lips were looking for. But before he went back to what he was doing, he took a good look at your newly exposed body part. His eyes traveled from your face to your breasts and there they stood, what got you a little embarassed.

"You're so hot, did you know that?" he whispered, staring even harder at your cleavage and then at your eyes. You smiled and blushed. The way he said those things made you feel a way no other man had ever managed to do to you. "You don't have to feel ashamed..." he said, smirking at your reaction.

His lips met yours again, but only for a short period of time. They quickly moved to your collarbone. His hands were now were wandering around your whole body, moving from your neck to your shoulders, back, waist and ass, as if he was desperate to feel you. Which was amazing, because you were eager to feel his hands all over you.

You also wanted to feel him, so you did as he did: you took one of your hands to the back of his hand and slightly pulled back some of his long brown hair, what made him moan and smile in response. Your other hand traveled through his chest, gently dragging your nails around the small part of exposed skin. My god, he looked so hot in that purple jacket. The only way he could look hotter than that would be without it.

You started to slowly unbutton the shirt, which made him stop kissing you and look at you with a naughty smirk.

"So much hurry!" he giggled.

"You take mine off, I take yours, that's how it works" you answered, winking at him.

He helped you take off his shirt and toss it on the floor, next to your jacket. You enjoyed the view of his shirtless body, staring at it just like he did to you before, sliding your nails and digging them on his torso. He held your hand over his chest, looking deep into your eyes. you were expecting him to say something nasty, but instead he just went back to kissing you, now even more intensely.

He embraced your waist and pulled you closer to him, as if it were possible. Then, his hands slowly moved upwards, passing through your waist and reaching your breasts. He squeezed them softly, making you moan. Your skin, that was already shivered, got even more chills under his touch. You weren't wearing a bra, which made your nipples appear through your shirt. Jake noticed and liked it, since he touched and tweaked them over the thin cloth. At this moment, you were already wet and impacient, but you were only getting a small portion of Jake's sexual expertise.

"Jake..." you moaned in agony between his kisses, suffering with his touches over your clothes. Although it was very hot, the throbbing sensation in your groin was starting to feel unbearable and painful.

"I know, babe" he answered, resting his forehead on yours, without ceasing to fondle your breasts "you're eager, but I'm only getting started."

Hearing that made the situation of your arousal even worse, to the point where if he decided to just lift your skirt and fuck you at that moment you wouldn't even feel pain, so horny and ready you were. He went back to kissing you, never letting your breasts go. But suddenly, you felt him pull your shirt up and reveal your stomach.

He kept on pulling it, enough that your breasts dropped down from your top, due to how tight it was. He watched that pornographic scene without blinking, dazzled. Rapidly he went back to fondling your breasts, only now he took his lips to one of your nipples.

He sucked it gently, making you let go a pleasurable moan. Glad with your reaction, he kept on sucking it, sometimes licking, nibbling and kissing. He moved to the right breast, but without stopping to give attention to the left one, playing with the nipple with his thumb. The saliva he left on the thin skin of your nipple in contact with the air made you feel a little bit cold, but it gave you pleasure.

Jake took his time there, enjoying the sensation he was causing you. You, on the other hand, dig your nails a bit deeper all over his back, feeling his skin also get goosebumps.

Jake finishing sucking your nipples and went back to kissing your lips. He took off your top with a bit of hurry, tossing it on the floor and then pulling you closer to him by your waist. His hands were now back on your ass, but now he started to lift your skirt.

"This short skirt of yours... I spent the whole day thinking about lifting it and fucking you" he said, holding the cloth with the tip of his fingers and raising it slowly. The fingers that lifted the fabric softly scratched your thighs and your hip, making you shiver.

Jake saying those things made your legs tremble with pleasure. You didn't know how good it felt to hear that dirty-talk until it was Jake whispering it to you.

"I wore it thinking about it" you answered, what made him smile in a sexy and predatory way at the same time.

When he lifted your skirt high enough, he slid his right hand over your thigh. He gently slid back and forth towards your groin, torturing you with the desire of his touch. He looked you deep in the eyes with a serious expression, like he was in control of the situation. When you couldn't stand the teasing anymore, he caressed your pussy over your panties.

"Wow, you're soaking wet... I didn't know it was that easy to make you horny, baby."

You looked at him, almost not believing what you had just heard. After half an hour of teasing, he thought it was easy?

"Jake, please..." you moaned in desperation as he now rubbed your clit over the thin lacy fabric.

"I know, love, I'll give you what you want."

Jake pulled your panties down and slid his index finger between your fold, reaching your clit. You were so wet it was slippery inside you, making his job even easier. He then started to rub your clit in slow and circle motions.

You let go a fairly loud moan and, out of embarassment, you covered your mouth with your hand. He took your hand out of your mouth and pinned it against the wall behind you.

"Moan all you want, no one's gonna hear us. Moan loud for me."

And so you did. The harder he rub your clit, the more pleasure you felt and the more you moaned in his ear. He, who was also feeling pleasure, had his lips parted, watching you squirm against the wall.

Jake increased the speed with which he masturbated you, driving you insane. But you also wanted to torture him. Therefore, catching him by surprise, you took your hand to the huge bulge in his pants. He wasn't expecting that, but he enjoyed it.

You stroked his cock, that was very enhanced outside his pants. You were surprised with its lenght.

"You did this to me" he said, grabbing your hand and rubbing it harder against his dick.

But you didn't last for too long, since Jake's expertise in masturbating you was making your legs shake so you couldn't concentrate in anything but your own pleasure. You kept on moaning ach time louder until your orgasm finally hit. The pulsation made you almost scream.

You couldn't help but feel a little embarassed, but the look on his face comforted you and made you realize there was nothing to be ashamed of, since the man was clearly enjoying it.

He removed his fingers from your pussy and licked them. what made you feel another throb of pleasure. Next, he deeply kissed you.

"Fuck, your moans are so hot" he whispered in your ear. You couldn't answer him, since you were still recovering your breath.

Although you didn't say a word, you went back to stroking his erection. Gladly, he let you masturbate him over his clothes, torturing him as he had done to you.

"It's your turn to suffer" you said, and he smirked in response.

"This is nothing, I've been suffering since I first saw you in those tight clothes, your tits almost bursting out of that small top of yours. It was hard to hide how hard I was" he answered, gently pulling your hair behind your back so he could delight himself again with the sight of your naked breasts.

You rolled your eyes, giggling. He always had an answer on the tip of his tongue. But the fact that he said he got an erection only by looking at your cleavage made you feel powerful and sexy.

You kept masturbating him over the thick fabric of his pants, watching him twitch out of pleasure. After a few minutes, you removed his leather belt, tossing it on the floor together with the rest of your clothes. Next, he unzipped his pants himselft and lowered it a little, just enough so that you could see the bulge on his boxers. You could see the tip of his cock, since it had scaped the prison of its tight black fabric, which was already wet with his precum.

You licked your lips at the sight of his rigid cock. You wanted to suck it, but you would make him wait, just like he did to you. You stroked it over his underwear, which was way thinner and allowed you to move up and down much more easily. Jake was panting, anticipation taking over both of your bodies.

When he couldn't stand it anymore, he grabbed your hand and put it inside his underwear, surprising you.

"Couldn't handle it?" you laughed.

"I need to feel you" he murmured, almost out of breath.

So you masturbated him, now inside his underwear. You started off slowly, gently touching the tip of his cock with your thumb. It was wet with eagerness. You then started to move more quickly, but the fabric of his underwear was making the job a little difficult, so you impaciently pulled it down, completely revealing his penis. Now that you could see it completely, you masturbated him even faster.

You looked at his face saw the expression of pure pleasure, small groans escaping from his mouth. You smirked and he smirked back, pleased with how much fun you were having while touching him so intimately. You then looked back at his cock and realized you couldn't take it any longer: you had to suck him off.

When he noticed you were getting down on your knees, his eyes widened up in anticipation. Knowing what was about to happen, he helped you take off his pants and underwear and took off his shoes, tossing it all on the floor. Then, he grabbed all of your hair and held it tightly in the back of your head, not letting any strand of it get in the way of you doing your job, but at the same time being able to mildly control your movements.

You slowly licked his entire shaft from the base to the tip, making him shiver and moan. Next, you placed your lips around its head, gently sliding his whole cock inside your mouth. When it reached your throat you gagged, but you kept going. Starting off with slow movements and then increasing the speed, sometimes licking, sometimes kissing, sometimes harder, sometimes easier, sometimes just masturbating it while you gathered some air. With one hand you stimulated it, with the other you grabbed his butt. You looked him in the eyes, knowing he was enjoying it. His pleasure facial expression was incredible, only making you want to suck him even more.

You kept going, so eagerly you reached a very high speed, but it didn't last long. He gently pushed your head away from his cock and pulled you up, asking you to stand up.

"If you keep going like that, I won't stand for long, babygirl..." he murmured, catching some air.

"Sorry, I guess I got carried away..." you said while wiping your lips with your hand, making him giggle.

"Don't ever apologize for giving me the best head I've ever got."

Jake gave you a deep and sloppy kiss. Next, he is the one who went on his knees.

Jake laid kisses on your chin, neck, the middle of your breasts, your tummy and, after taking off your skirt and your boots and throwing them on the floor, he kissed your groin. Your body shivered in anticipation, nervous with what was about to happen.

Jake lifted one of your legs up and laid it over his shoulder, in a way he could be face-to-face to your entrance.

Before he got started, he looked up deep into your eyes, grinned and held your hip firmly with one of his hands, while the other squeezed the thigh that laid on his shoulder so tightly you had marks of it the day after.

Jake touched his tongue gently on your entrance, spreading your lips allowing his to explore your pussy. His hot and wet tongue in contact with your soaking folds sent shivers through your whole body, and several others followed it when he started to lick your clit.

The sensation was even better than the one he caused you with his fingers. Which was surprising, since he was a guitar player, you always thought he would be better with his hands. Turns out Jake Kiszka was god with incredible with string instruments and even more skilled in pleasing a lady.

He kept licking your clit, now harder. You, who were already having trouble standing on one leg while getting your pussy eaten like that, reached a tripod that stood nearby, dropping the microphone from it. Your other hand grabbed his light brown hair tightly between your fingers, trying to hold up to something and not lose grip from reality. You two were making a mess in the studio but you didn't mind, for he continued to go down on you and you kept moaning as loud as you could.

But it didn't stop there.

Jake slowly inserted his index finger inside you. You felt your walls clench around his finger as he moved it up and down, hitting your g-spot so easily you regretted not doing this earlier. The mix of sensations his tongue on your clit and his finger inside you were causing on you combined drove you insane. At this point, you were moaning so loudly you completely forgot where you two were. Your eyes were closed and all you could say was Jake's name between groans and breaths.

Jake inserted another finger and started to estimulate you really rapidly, as fast as he was sucking on your clit. Your pleasure had become unbearable and your second orgasm hit like a tsunami, wetting even more your folds and Jake's tongue. Although you had shown him he could stop so you two could move on, he didn't want to. He didn't stop, never allowing your orgasm to reach its end and making your legs shake uncontrollably.

When he thought he had enough he started to slow his movements down, for your relief. When he finally stopped, he laid a soft kiss on your wet entrance as a demonstration of affection and stood up, immediately kissing your lips making you taste your own bitter juices.

"You taste so delicious" he whispered between your lips "I can't get enough of it."

You two kissed once more, now more romanticaly and tenderly. When you two finally caught some breath, you looked at each other and smiled, excited with what was about to happen next.

He then grabbed your hair very firmly, bringing goosebumps to your skin. Next, he whispered in your ear:

"Are you sure you want it?" he asked, you thought it was sweet of him to ask for verbal consent.

"Yeah" you answered, embarassingly anxious.

"Then ask for it."

As he said it, he turned you over, making you face and lean against the wall, your back completely exposed to him. He still had his hand holding your hair very tightly. You moan at his dominance.

He bent you over in a way your ass was tilted up for him. He enjoyed the sight of it, caressing and squeezing it really hard. Next, he rubbed his hard cock over your entrance. You arched your back even more, feeling exposed like that felt hot and thrilling. The sensation of his entire lenght rubbing against your wet folds was torturous.

"Ask for it" he repeated impaciently.

"F-fuck me" you stuttered, nervously enjoying him telling you what to do.

"I can't hear you" he rubbed his cock against you even harder.

"Fuck me, goddamnit!" you shouted, feeling obligated to put all shame aside to please that wonderful bossy man.

"Good" he said in a husky voice, seeming pleased.

Jake finally put the tip of his cock inside you, slowly so your walls could adjust to his size. It wasn't necessary to wait for too long, since you were so horny and ready that he slipped right in. When his entire lenght slid inside you, you felt chills run from your neck to your back. Finally feeling Jake inside you was incredible.

Jake started to fuck you, increasing the speed bit by bit. You impaciently start to move your hips in his direction, showing him he could go faster.

"Oh, you want more, you slut?" he asked, squeezing and then slapping your ass, what would leave a red mark on the next day.

"Yeah..." you moan.

Jake then did as you asked, increasing the speed. You were now fucking really hard, his cock moving in and out of you at a rapid pace. The pressure of his shaft hitting deep into you gave you so much pleasure your eyes were rolling to the back of your head, and your moans had become screams.

Jake slapped your ass again. The pain was intense but extremely hot. He, looking for more pleasure, pulled your hair back even more while his other hand reached one of your breasts, which shook due to the harsh movements you were making. Jake's groans were low, but vibrant and rough. He moaned your name while gasping for air.

"Your pussy feels so tight, so good."

Then, for your surprise, he got out of you. You turned over to him to see what was going on, but he pulled you to the floor before you could say anything. He lied on the floor and placed you on top of him, then putting his arms under his head and laying down, enjoying the view of your completely naked body on top of his.

"Ride me" he commanded, and you obeyed without question.

You began to ride him, getting used to the position before doing it faster. As soon as you managed to find balance, you started to ride him really quickly. That position hit different a different spot inside you, and you could see by Jake's expression that it hit different for him too.

You were fucking him so hard Jake was cursing between his breaths. He put one of his hands on your butt to guide the movements as he wanted to and the other hand on your right breast, holding it and squeezing it. You two kept that position for a while, looking deep in each other's eyes, chills running through your spines.

Jake wanted to change positions again, laying you under him. For the first time you could feel how harsh the carpet felt under your soft skin, only then remembering the place the two of you were. But that didn't matter. Jake leaned on his knees and pulled one of your legs, placing it over his shoulder and going back to fuck you again.

That position was taking you to heaven, what seemed impossible. To make it even better, Jake began to estimulate your clit with his thumb while he slid his cock in and out of you. At that moment, any drop of sanity that you still had disappeared.

"Yes!" you moaned, biting your lower lip.

"Fuck!" he hissed, sweat running down his beautiful face.

He kept fucking you in that position, which didn't take long to make you come for the third time in a row. Your orgasm made you scream and moan his name for the millionth time that afternoon, and that was driving him insane.

"I'm gonna cum" he said, increasing the speed with which he fucked you, not allowing your orgasm to end. The noise your hips crashing against each other was so loud it filled the room.

Jake reached his limit, letting his fluids fill you up inside. You, still experiencing your multiple orgasms, enjoyed the sensation the hot liquid mixed with the bliss caused you. The two of you began to slow the pace, until you fully stopped. Jake laid over you, without pulling out. You two were dripping in sweat, his hair all messy and glued to his forehead.

The both of you stood there for a while, catching your breath. He caressed your hair and you stroked his back. When you could finally breathe again, Jake looked you in the eye and you both giggled in complicity.

Jake pulled out and lied next to you on the carpet while holding your hand.

"This was..." he said.

"Wow..." you said.

You two laughed for having spoken at the same time. You two stood there for a long time, staring each other in the eyes. His dark brown eyes sparkled with joy and both of you were enjoying the serotonin the intimate moment you two had just shared produced, cuddling.

"I think I'm falling for you" Jake said, breaking the silence.

You couldn't hide your surprise in hearing that declaration, but you gave him a big smile in response.

"Me too" you said, unable to contain the huge smile on your face.

"Phew!" he said, laughing "This means we will be able to do this more often."

"Obviously. But can we do it in a more comfortable place next time? This carpet is so rough!"

"You didn't like the studio? But we can make as much noise as we want in here!" he said, comically offended by your preference of having sex somewhere else.

"It has its advantages, yes, but I bet it can't be better than Egyptian silk sheets on a king-sized bed" you said, convinced you knew better than him.

"Okay, you've got a point. But I can't promise I'll be able to provide the Egyptian silk sheets and a king-sized bed by tonight."

You hit his arm and laughed, glad for having found such an amazing partner.

[jojohotel]

Hello! I hope that this follows the service rules! And this is a SFW scenario!

But if it's possible, can I have a scenario where Giorno or Josuke act different due to a Stand? Giorno acts hyper, bubbly and happy-go-lucky while Josuke acts super shy, meek, and timid? And just cuteness and hilarity ensues for the reader!

I hope I wasn't being rude!

You weren’t rude at all, don’t worry!

I don't know if you want romantic or platonic, so I gave some headcanons for both situations just in case.

Enjoy your stay.

Giorno, Josuke (separated), and the reader after being affected by a stand that changed their personalities

Giorno Giovanna

If this happened while the gang was around, everyone would be asking each other which person gave Giorno something to be acting like that.

They think it's Abbacchio, since he doesn't sympathize a lot with Giorno, and could have given him enough wine to get the boy drunk. At least that's what Mista and Narancia are most convinced.

On the other hand, Bruno and Fugo think it was a stand user. Leone was too busy trying to convince Mista and Narancia that he didn't get Giorno drunk.

If you and Giorno were dating, then he would just be hugging you all the time, while laughing at the most non-sense things and telling jokes all the time. He would have a silly grin on his face all the time while looking at you and sometimes complimenting you with really silly flirts

Now, if you two are friends, it would be almost the same. He would be telling a lot of dumb jokes and laughing out of nowhere. If you also started laughing and joking with him, then would be a complete chaos

This is something Mista takes some advantage of you both, so, at some point, Giorno, you, and Mista are hysterically laughing because of a bland joke.

On the more "happy-go-lucky" aspect of things, Giorno is probably creating really bad plans about how to defeat the stand user that did this to him, or even worse, not even making plans. He's screaming their name hoping he responds.

When he is like that, he'll mess a lot with Abbacchio.

The house would be in complete chaos. He, you, and Mista would stay up late, and Giorno would laugh loud, enough to wake up some members. It wouldn't be a pleasant experience at all.

You three would cause chaos in the house. I mean, why not try to cook something that has a high risk of going wrong at 3 am? Why not?

If someone asks what is up with Giorno, the gang says that he hit his head somewhere and isn't feeling well.

When the effects pass, Giorno has flashbacks and feels extremely embarrassed. Mista makes a bit of fun of him by remembering things like: "Remember when we woke up the whole house with our laughs?" and the boy just tries to hide his face in his hands.

Josuke Higashikata

The whole gang finds it strange when Josuke starts acting shy, but at the same time, it's fun to see how both personalities change. Josuke is shy and quiet, and you are all extroverted and laughing at everything.

When he is like this, you and Okuyasu would try to get him to be a bit less shy by inviting him to play some games together, drink a coffee with the gang, and do things like that, which does nothing to the effect.

It would be hard for you to socialize with him. Considering how your personalities are so distinct by now.

Josuke will speak in a low tone, and whenever he wants to say something, he'll go to the person he wants to say it, and speak it in their ear.

When others ask what's up with him, ya'll just brush off saying that he doesn't wanna talk about that by now.

The most reaction that you'll get from Josuke would be from talking bad about his hair, which is a given.

Whenever you approach him in your more abrasive manners he just stays there and doesn't give a lot of attention.

If you two are dating, Josuke would just give you affection when you two are in private. But, if you start a touch in public, he would blush hard and look away trying to hide his face.

When the effects are gone, he would be so sorry for treating ya'll like this and would be constantly apologizing even if he had no control over it.

[cinnamonest]

I got these and more asks regarding the post from last night so I wanted to elaborate and explain some things, and also make another point about the anniversary thing and clarify for anyone confused. After this I promise I'll shut up about this lol sorry

1) yeah please do NOT come after the VAs for any of this, not even the actual developer side either is at fault. This is largely an issue with the PR and marketing and higher up people. It's really awful that some people are harassing people who have no responsibility here. And thanks to the original asker's reply, I feel like I'm really bad at conveying my thoughts so I tend to overexplain lol, but thanks that means a lot.

2) I have seen people confused on this so if you didn't already, you should know that this isn't just about the anniversary so much as the anniversary was a final straw. While Honkai has similar rewards/exchange for irl money as genshin, mihoyo itself has some of the worst in comparison to other gachas from other developers. Games like Arknights, Granblue, Azur Lane, Dragalia Lost, hell even a cutesy casual gacha app like LoveNikki have much better real money to game currency ratios, huge anniversaries where they give out tons of free shit, and much more generous systems (such as Arknights giving free 10 pulls with a lot of events/new characters/etc). All despite being smaller, less profitable games. There's major glaring issues with the game that have gone unresolved for a long time despite people asking over and over to change it. It's a combination of the rewards, general stuff, and mihoyo's refusal to solve certain issues for a long time that has people upset.

In any industry, any company is going to be held to the standards set by the mainstream industry, which is what is happening here. It is natural to hold a company to it's competitors for comparison and expect them to match standards, especially when the company that is lacking is the richer one and could easily meet the standards if they were willing to.

This is especially true for people who put money into the game. Due to the nature of gachas/online games, companies that produce these games are usually very adamant on rewarding players because whales/P2Ws, people who buy welkin and similar stuff, etc keep the game alive. When they do not match the standard of the industry, those people will feel unappreciated and go elsewhere eventually, which means they will not be able to afford much progress, then even F2Ps won't have content, and the game will burn out.

3) I probably should have clarified this last post but, I know review-bombing does seem like a kinda shitty tactic at first and I get that, but the reason people are doing that now is because mihoyo has completely ignored people complaining for months normally, and even now has started to censor and ban people, deleted critical posts, etc. Basically it's clear that mihoyo will just ban and censor criticism until people do something that actually forces them to listen, hence review bombing. Banning/censoring criticism is a really, really bad move for any company, historically speaking, it's insulting to players who keep the company afloat and results in losses. The review bombing + a lot of people uninstalled the app apparently + people who usually pay refusing to do so anymore, all of that hits them to where they can't afford to ignore it when people do it en masse. Because it will cost them money/players.

What people are kinda really upset about, even more than rewards itself, is just the silence and censorship on their end, which is more frustrating than the lack of rewards itself. I did have some sympathy for them up until they started censoring and deleting criticism on their site. At that point they're doing this to themselves by doing that.

4) Also, notably, this has worked with plenty of other game devs. You may remember the disaster that was Fallout 76. Bethesda also responded poorly at first, but spamming bad reviews and horrible coverage for Fallout 76 got Bethesda's attention, and they went the whole nine yards formally acknowledging the complaints and more or less apologizing to the whole world of players at E3 and even gave refunds, which is a very surprisingly humble thing for a company of their level of fame to do. The situation calmed down because people felt listened to, and while Fallout 76 was kinda a lost cause and didn't get fixed, the idea is that the refunds/open and honest communication restored the consumer base's relationship to Bethesda. That was a big blow, but Bethesda was willing to take that hit to maintain the sense of communication and mutual respect/value between players and devs.

In contrast, with mihoyo, what most people have been trying to beg/bargain for for an anniversary rewards is a free permanent banner 5 star, which would cost mihoyo essentially literally nothing.

So far they have responded by banning people for literal years on hoyolab, deleting posts, banning people from various social platforms etc, for criticism. Even putting whether or not that's ok aside, it's very unusual and not how game companies usually handle these things, and can only end badly for them.

Also mihoyo has had time to fix this -- it's not like Fallout 76 where they released the game and then the backlash came very suddenly and they had to scramble to prepare a response/plan and needed time. People have been complaining about these rewards for well over a week, so they could have easily fixed it by now if they had any intention of listening to people's complaints, especially considering the proposed fix of a single free permanent 5 star would be very simple and quick to implement.

5) also? it's extra unfortunate and really a marketing team issue bc they could have *profited* from giving more, if they opened rewards to new players as most gachas do. Genshin is incredibly popular right now, to the extent that a lot of people in the gaming/weeb sphere who don't play it, but still know of it, and even know a bit about it.

If you were someone who had never played genshin but had been considering downloading it for a long time, but just kept putting it off or forgetting, and heard "hey join now and you get free Diluc/Keqing," that would have convinced a lot of people to go ahead and join, and they would inevitably get sucked into the game and bring mhy profit. So it's a little strange imo that they chose not to do that, it would have been beneficial to them.

6) also, be aware that the glider we're now getting was supposed to be paid originally. Releasing it free now is damage control. It's also, well, a glider. Again, while it is pretty, it's paltry in comparison to the industry norm and does not have much use to most people.

Finally, criticizing all of this/the game/mihoyo does not mean people hate the game. I do see some people lashing out in defense of mihoyo and I get that bc they produce something we all really like. I really really do not want to see genshin become "that one game that was super popular for a year or so and then died" -- that's why people want improvements, because if improvements aren't made, that's where it's headed. What people are asking for right now is stuff that is very easily in mihoyo's capability and would not cost them much of anything. It would be one thing to ask them for something that would cut their profits or take time to develop, but that's not what's happening. People are asking for very little in the scope of their capabilities/the norm.

[happyselves]

Wine { Daniel Ricciardo x reader one shot }

You were invited to a garden party, one of your neighbours was throwing one for the launch of his wine or something, you heard of it before receiving the invite in your mailbox. Weird cause you didn't really known anyone here since you just got here and that neighbour, he was never here but you know from his house that he was rich as fuck.

Anyways you weren't planning on going but free food convinced you, but what to wear now ... to a garden party ? At 7pm ... who does that ? He must be an arrogant prick. You were torn between a sexy dress or a chill outfit ... and you end up with a combination of both, a sexy top and a chill pants . You didn't forget your purse and took your keys, do you really want to drive there ? Well no you were living next door but you did make the walk barefoot cause you didn't want to have sore feet already.

You arrived at your destination and entered the huge house and gave your invitation to a security guy, he did look at you with questioning eyes cause first you still weren't wearing your shoes and secondly you weren't really the type of guest this reception was expecting. What the fuck were you doing here plus more you were actually looking more you didn't see any other neighbour that you recognize.( you didn't know them personal but you always greet them when you see them )

Your shoes back on you start to look around, pretty decoration, very aesthetic and very chic but simple, a bit like yours but you could see some helmets and paintings of cars ? Super cars like the one being driven on circuit ... Formula 1 it was called ... ohhh that would explain a lot about your neighbour ... he must be a F1 driver then. The curiosity was growing inside of you, you knew Lewis Hamilton from this sport, you mean ... knowing is a big word, you've heard his name and saw a picture of him from one of your friends somewhere. If all the drivers were as handsome as Hamilton then your neighbour was getting interesting. What was his name again dammit.

You found the food and took some, not too much to not sound like a bizarre person, you were already underdressed and you were alone, that does look suspect. Socializing wasn't really your forte but some of the guests came to talk to you, they were wearing chill outfits like yours, you felt relief in your heart, like a big weight lifting up, those you will stick to them all evening that was decided. They were his friend to that mysterious guy that you only remember the first letter D. So the friends of D were making you feel at home and asking you random stuff not pressuring you but making you feel so comfortable, so maybe D will not be a prick after all if his friends are this nice. One of his friends, Scott, directed you towards the true star of the party .... THE WINE !!

As soon as you tested it your taste buds went into paradise, the sweet texture, the raspberry taste that was prominent, you liked it right away and wanted to have more. During the whole evening you end up maybe drinking more than you should have and food wasn't making it better. You weren't drunk like a crazy drunk. You just felt more relaxed and laughed with D' friends until you excused yourself because you wanted some water and there was none in the living room. Scott points at you in the direction of the kitchen and tells him you will be back in a sec. His friends were so nice and it felt like you've always known them, they have the same vibe as you and you were already planning on seeing them again this week.

What was strange is that after all this time you still haven't seen the host of the evening, you thought he was speaking with everyone but you would have met by now, you were with his friend after all.

In your thought, the glass of wine in your hand you didn't see the tall person in front of you as you entered the kitchen and kinda crashed into him, the glass of wine ruining his cream pullover. Fuck ... you watch the red spot trying to clean it but you made it worse.

You : Oh I'm so sorry I was in my thoughts, my lord come down here.

You close your fist on his pull and bring him towards the sink without even looking at him or asking him if it was okay. The dude just follows you without complaining, you turn the water, get the closest thing you could get to help and clean it. You were so focused on the spot that you didn't notice he had put his hands on your arms, very warm hands and his chest was firm.

You : Nah take it off I won't be able to take the wine off on you.

Stranger : It's okay really

You hear his voice for the first time and what a voice, sweet like honey but deep as well, from what you could pick from it, he feels amused. You finally look up to see your interlocutor's face and you stay shocked at his, you couldn't react, you froze literally and your cheek went red ... he was handsome and you had way too many glasses of alcohol to behave like a normal being without being embarrassing. Trying your best to put some composure on you but of course he noticed it.

Stranger : We should introduce each other before you take off my clothes, don't you think ? He joked

You throw your name so quickly which made him giggle.

Stranger : Hi nice to meet I'm Daniel

He tried to shake your hand and that's where it hit you, Daniel !! Your neighbour Daniel, the host, the one with the wine !!! You were freaking out in your head but shook his hand

You : Oh I see, I was wondering where the host of the evening was, but I see hiding in the kitchen.

Dan : And I was wondering where the neighbour that my friend kept talking about was and invited me.

You were feeling the alcohol in you taking the place and you knew that the next phrase coming out of you will be out of character.

You : Well if I knew that you were this handsome and hiding here I would have come get water much sooner.

It was his turn to feel shy and scratch his hand, looking away from you he cleared his throat.

Dan : Well I know that's kinda impolite of me to not be with my guest but I've been on the phone all evening, it wasn't planned at all. I'm sorry, am I a bad neighbour ?

You : Don't apologize and you don't have to explain yourself, you are a busy man after all from what I saw. But not to sound too neat freak, your pull over might be ruined. I should be the one apologizing for that.

Dan : Oh it's okay it's not like it was my only clothes.

And with that he took it off, finally you whispered in your head, or by the face he just made you think it was in your head. Damnit ... again not in your head freaking wine

Dan : Ah I see you liked the wine ? I will give you some bottles then, free of charge in the house cause I'm a terrible host.

You both went silent, it wasn't awkward but he was curious about you and why you were looking at his chest like that ... he was wearing a white tee shirt underneath, not like he was naked.

For you it was the layered gold necklaces that threw you off, you loved men wearing jeweled jewelry especially because you had a thing for neck, large neck and god damn that an F1 driver had to have a large neck. You snapped out of it, almost feeling dizzy.

You : Wooo I'm sorry I zoned out ... I think it's the wine, I'm not a bad drinker but the raspberry touch in was my favorite.

You didn't notice you were getting closer to him, like night butterflies attracted to light, your hands were moving on their own, putting the wet tissue you had in one of your hands since you started cleaning his shirt, on the counter and bringing it to his necklaces playing with it. Daniel didn't move, he couldn't. It was like a flash of lightning was striking him down on his feet. He was looking at you helplessly, catching the counter with his hand to keep you both balanced cause he felt like his legs were about to give him up at this instant. That were he takes the time to admire you, how beautiful you were with that sunset lightning hitting you

from the window. His secondhand automatically pushed away the hair that was stopping him to look at your pretty face.

You : I don't know what's happening, you breath out

He heard you thought

Dan : I don't know either but it's not like I want to stop.

You lock eyes with each other and in a last movement you close your fingers against his necklaces, bringing him closer to you, collapsing your lips together, the taste of wine was intoxicating. He responds to your kiss instantly, slowly catching your lips and making you forget every kiss you had before him. You both were in sync, kissing slowly but deeply that it was sloppy. His hands were now on your hip, not letting you go and you were glad anyway cause you just couldn't have enough of this man. The romantic kiss turns to a more ferocious one, bringing teeth and tongue to the party. He was making you moan at every chance he gets cause it was already obsessed with the sound that was leaving your body. You were soon out of breath and had to make your lungs full of oxygens again so you were the first to break the kiss not without having him complaining with a groan.

Your eyes still close, you take a huge amount of air.

You : That was ...

You didn't had the time to finish

Dan : Unexpected

You both : but so good

You both opened your eyes at the same time, they were different from earlier, dark and full of lust for each other.

After a little while catching your breath you were both fighting the urge to kiss again but control yourself.

Dan : Well I'm so glad my friend invited you, they said I needed to know my neighbours, I thought they would invite everyone but I guess they only saw you.

You : Well I'm glad to have forced myself to come even if I didn't want to.

You both laughed and his hands joined yours on the counter, first caressing your skin before intertwining your fingers.

Dan : So do you think it would be impolite of me to just tell everyone to leave ?

That picked the curiosity in you

You : Perhaps yes, since you didn't even show up but I might have an idea.

Dan : I'm listening ...

You : You could simply eclipse yourself by the back door with a couple of wine bottles and I join you outside so we can go to my place and finish whatever is going on between us right now.

Dan : Ouuhhh I dig that plan a lot.

He quickly catch oyu lips before leaving them again

Dan : Meet you outside at 5 ?

You : Yes

You find your best lie to excuse yourself from Daniel's friends, telling them that the wine was getting into your head and that you needed to go home, it wasn't technically a lie though. Of course they ask you if you needed someone to come with you until you're home safe but you reassure them that it was only 200meters away and they let you go.

You felt like a teenager again, meeting Daniel outside of his own house, ruining as quick as you could to go back to your house and spend the most scandalous night you ever experienced with a man.

Masterlist

[found--family]

not to rain on anyone's parade but I don't get why everybody is so happy to see Jensen working on The Boys, and therefor Kripke in regards to "getting away from Spn after it stabbed him in the back".. i thought Jensen called Kripke and that he talked him into "accepting the finale"? don't get me wrong I am super excited for Jensen to get more recognition and stuff but I can't help but think that^ maybe i'm missing/confusing something here?

i mean.. okay, I'm NO expert on the writers of SPN - i refer to my mutuals for the highs and lows and meta of it all, and i also haven't watched The Boys yet..

but Kripke created Supernatural. he's responsible for bringing Dean and Sam and the whole story to life, and for giving us the seasons 1-5 arc. when people fawn over *early spn* that's the era they're talking about: the writing, the character journeys, the cinematography, the visual meta, the vibe.

the thing about the different writers of SPN is - when you read the meta and look through the relative episodes - you can see who prefers focusing on what themes and characters, who is better at narrative cohesion and continuity, etc. BUT there's also TPTB (The Powers That Be) to consider, ie. The CW network folks who have the ability to make creative decisions/tweak what they don't think is on-brand for them, ie. the (conservative) audience they're trying to appease.

-- you should check out meta from @drsilverfish @mittensmorgul​ @postmodernmulticoloredcloak​ and so many others in the fandom (search "spn+meta" in tumblr and see what's what) for insight into the network/spn writer’s room because they know their stuff.

my point is: getting away from The CW and their narrative meddling is a HUGE step up for Jensen. as has been said, The CW (not Dabb, although there is debate on that too) sacrificed the ending of Supernatural on the alter of Walker, so it's understandable and also a positive thing that he's breaking free of a network that screwed over his 15 year-long commitment to them and the stellar journey of one Dean Winchester.

but YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT about Kripke trying to convince Jensen the SPN ending was good for Dean: we've seen the clips from cons + interviews of Jensen telling that story and IT HURTS. Kripke hadn't been directly involved in the show for years at that point, so was he just out-of-touch with the narrative and the fandom? or did he just want to try and get behind the ending of his baby, hype the show that did so much for his career, even if he didn't like it? or did he feel obliged to agree with whatever was pitched to him? 

(IMDB has him listed as 'executive consultant' through season 15 including the finale. I'm not sure how accurate that is or what it means exactly, but it's by no means Creative Control.)

it's obvious Jensen hated the SPN finale, but i don't think he'd squander his freedom in leaving The CW to go work with someone he doesn't trust to do justice to his new role and the narrative as a whole.

i hope some of this fandom's meta writers will enlighten us on these fronts though: Kripke's showrunning of The Boys, Amazon Prime as the distributer and what that means behind the scenes, as well as content freedoms and restrictions and what we can expect from Jensen's Soldier Boy performance! 

(btw: if anyone knows any meta writers in The Boys fandom please let us know) 

whatever the case may be with Kripke saying what he did to Jensen about the finale, we'll just have to wait and see what else comes to light about it, and what he does with Soldier Boy, and how Jensen responds to this new experience on social media, etc.

reports say we might not see season 3 of The Boys until 2022 (COVID being a factor) so we all have plenty of time to catch up on the first two seasons (and the comics too!) and delve into the meta surrounding it all.

i for one am extremely excited to see Jensen 1) in a dark superhero role 2) in whatever form-fitting costume they give him (i hear the fuckmepumps are involved!) 3) cussing his beautiful little heart out.

-- once i binge both seasons I'll probably post a bunch of wishlist items for season 3 and thoughts about the show, but for now I'm just excited and super happy for him being involved in such an awesome project. 

feel free to add your thoughts. 

[laundryandtaxes]

I get where you're coming from, but I think in this instance with Elliot Page it's more about the specific accomplishments/actions/statements made before transition and the rush to erase them and/or remold in terms of the new identity. I think people in the public eye have a bit of a different circumstance surrounding them since people/society have this weird thing with public figures where we consider them sorta authority/important figures above regular people and emulate or idolize them, so it's not quite the same as an average person living through the same situation. I feel like I wouldn't even bat an eye at an acquaintance or local person I've met before transitioning and I certainly wouldn't bother a stranger, but a celebrity is putting a certain message out there with their actions and how they handle their lives. It comes with being famous, and this whole thing with abandoning the past, changing the nature of past roles and works, and disavowing any statements made before transition as associated with womanhood or lesbianism is not exactly a good look. I also think that by becoming famous and choosing to live in the public eye, you open yourself up to public critique and you don't (and shouldn't) have the ability to fully control that. Honestly I think this situation could have been handled better or something if this is them living their truth, but it's not like you can change things that already happened anyway so 🤷‍♀️ it is what it is.

This is probably the only time I’ll address this because I honestly don’t care all that much BUT I do want to respond because I think you’re being honest and normal here instead of dishonest and weird, and I appreciate that, but there are several points where I disagree. I’m gonna pull and highlight different parts because I’ve been spending a lot of time on reddit and it seems the easiest to me.

it's more about the specific accomplishments/actions/statements made before transition and the rush to erase them and/or remold in terms of the new identity 

That may very well be the case with SOME reactions, but I’m very much referring to people who, within a few hours of that social media post, were whining in public about someone they don’t know using a new name and pronouns.

I think people in the public eye have a bit of a different circumstance surrounding them since people/society have this weird thing with public figures where we consider them sorta authority/important figures above regular people and emulate or idolize them 

I totally agree with you here, but if people are doing that then frankly they are acting stupid and that is their own fault. Celebrity culture is stupid. Buying into it is stupid. As grown adults it is stupid to be invested in what strangers do because they’re decent actors, or because they’re famous and gay or famous and black or whatever. If someone is engaging with celebrities in this way, that is their own fault, and it is a poor decision and it is honestly just...stupid. And I say that having been on the other side of that weird relationship on tumblr on a scale that is obviously about a million times smaller, where people will just assume because they’ve followed you for a long time that they can talk to you in ways that are disrespectful if you’re not a friend, or have the right to have input on your life, or place stock in you being a certain kind of way.

a celebrity is putting a certain message out there with their actions and how they handle their lives 

Again, the issue here is that you THINK they are putting a certain message out there when in reality they’re just living a life, with good decisions and bad decisions like everybody else. They are literally just people, just like the other 7 billionish people on the planet. Was Paul Walker putting a certain message into the world when he crashed his sports car into a tree in a residential neighborhood and died? No, he was just being stupid and making a stupid decision and doing something to have fun. It truly is not that deep. Celebrities are nothing except human beings that some people choose to keep up with. They’re literally not even special. There are musicians as talented as all your favorites who you’ll never have the opportunity to listen to. There are actors as talented as whoever won the last big acting awards (I get them mixed up) at your local theater, I guarantee it.

this whole thing with abandoning the past, changing the nature of past roles and works, and disavowing any statements made before transition as associated with womanhood or lesbianism is not exactly a good look 

I haven’t seen any of that, and if it is happening then yeah I agree it is stupid but also people say and do stupid things literally every single day and I shrug and move on. But even if it IS the case, it is not what the people I’m referencing here were bothered by. They were bothered by someone transitioning because they had an investment in that person (who again, is only special in the way that any other random human being you pull of the street would be special) not transitioning, and it is stupid to have that kind of investment in a straight up stranger. It is one thing when you have a buddy that you think is transitioning for the wrong reasons or with unrealistic expectations, and it is one thing to look at the rates of masculine female people who transition and just scratch your head because the rates of us who can only find dysphoria mitigation through transition cannot possibly be this high- both super reasonable imo. It is another to find out some random person is transitioning and whine about it on the internet and expect people not to regard that behavior as ridiculous when it is, in fact, ridiculous.

by becoming famous and choosing to live in the public eye, you open yourself up to public critique and you don't (and shouldn't) have the ability to fully control that 

Agreed here. I also think that if you believed you were x and millions of people made fun of you for it, since again celebrities are literally just random people, you’d be upset by it. But agreed, at the end of the day you cannot and should not get invested heavily in attempts to control the way people look at you.

Honestly I think this situation could have been handled better or something if this is them living their truth 

All due respect, I think the kinds of people complaining that I was referencing agree with you that the whole thing could have been handled better, but I think that “handled better” in their opinion means not coming out. Which, fair enough, but you have to own up to that and just cop to the fact that you generally oppose transition- it is much more reasonable to say that than it is to say you don’t generally oppose transition but every time you hear about it you assume it is coming from self hatred.

I’ve been pretty open about what I think about nonbinary identity (and, while I try to stay very uninformed on celebs in general, it is my understanding so far that that’s how they are identifying) AS it is expressed and discussed by the majority of people I’ve seen fully embracing it- I think the majority of the time it implies really antifeminist things about what men and women can do and like and look like and be like, I think it very often appeals to women because it sucks to know that the world hates women and to be one, let alone to be one who doesn’t fit the image of what women are supposed to be, I think it very often solidly reinforces gender roles by insinuating that people who do not fit the prescribed gender role for their sex are in fact a whole different entity because real women are straight and pretty or whatever, I think it very often hinges on this idea that the majority of people in the world are walking around with a gender identity when the vast majority are absolutely not- like I am not coming at this from the position that all kinds of identities are good and valid and reasonable and that there is NOTHING TO SEE HERE when it comes to the politics of how nonbinary identity is most often presented. I’m just saying that, if a random person who happens to be a celebrity picking a new name and pronouns really deeply shakes you then that probably indicates that 1) you have a baseline issue with transition in and of itself, which, okay but don’t pretend that that isn’t the case, and 2) you have a problem with celebrity worship and that is nobody’s fault but your own if you’re a grown adult.

[mybodyliberation]

My Mooncup Experience | Paid Partnership

A few weeks ago I had the privilege of working with Mooncup on a new campaign in which they talked to us, real Mooncup users, about our experiences with the product.

The first thing I should say is that this was a paid experience that came with multiple prilveges including being compensated for my time, efforts, and content creation.

Secondly I want to recognise my privilege in menstrual cups being accessible for me. I recognise that each body is incredibly different and what is comfortable for me might not be comfortable for you. I recognise that having access to menstrual cup, and also a body that responds well to them is a privilege. I want to acknowledge the economical privileges that come from having access to ethical products for menstruation because we are not all in that position. If menstrual cups don't work for you that is more than okay. I would still encourage you to look into the resources out there for accessing ethical and reusable menstrual products.

Now discussing my period history and health in such an open way really moved me to focus on my motivators and the more we talked the more it made me realise that the biggest motivators for me was having something that forced me to be in my body and allowed me to have control of my lifestyle.

You see it's incredibly easy for us to pass through our lives every day without checking in with what our body is residing to. We get stuck in routines and adapt to living with discomfort and shy away from change because we love structure. In the later part of my 20s it became incredibly apparent to me that I wasnt tuned in with my body at all. I would be surprised at its fatigue, I would be baffled at my pre menstrual symptoms and be confused if there was ever any pain. I wasn't clocking the transitions my body shifts through and I was sick of feeling out of control. I didn't want to live in a state of confusion and surprise at my body. I wanted to work alongside it and give it the respect it needed. Part of that was transitioning out of using disposable menstrual products. I knew my body wasnt responding to that lifestyle anymore.

The stress alone of tracking my days around my periods was manifesting in anxiety and irritability. I've always had heavy periods and it's never been fun or convenient changing super super tampons every few hours. I initially looked into the Mooncup and was instantly terrified because I said, I was in my routine and structure and anything new and unknown just didn't seem that appealing. I backed off and told myself I'd get to it. I'd get to it.

Eventually one day when I was talking to my colleagues in a dressing room just before a show, I got to it. We started talking about the fact that most of our periods were coming up. I've tracked my periods for years. I commented out loud that my period was due and how frustrated I was to know I'd be darting back and forth between scenes changing tampons.

The conversation turned to menstrual cups and I realised I was ready. I was ready to set my lifestyle free and I was ready to really be part of a present process engaging with my period. Cut to last summer. I did a shout out on my socials and had an incredible engaging conversation with all of you about periods and ethical menstrual products.

I ended up taking a quiz about the type of menstrual cup best for me, because there are variety, and landed on the Mooncup.

I reached out to them and begun the three month documented transition of moving into using a reusable menstrual cup. It was one of the most fascinating periods of time in which I consciously began engaging with my body in a way I had never done before. It was no longer a passive exercise that I was trying to get to the otherwise of. It was an experience in learning what my body likes and doesn't, what it needs and what it doesn't.

The first time I still did the old routine of darting back and forth between the bathroom and I found they were wasted trips because everything was fine. It was pretty comical to watch my first fumbles and gymnastics moves for insertion and honestly the less tense I was, the easier it became. The more willingness I had to just engage the more fun I had. I stopped trying to have expectations beyond just engaging in each moment and learning what I could.

I found it to be quite spiritually aligning. You are brought back to the basics and witnessing the movements of your body. I began to really negotiate and communicate with myself and internally dialogue. This is the amount of blood that passes. This is the colour and consistency and here are the meanings behind it.

These are the movements and positions that are comfortable for inserting the Mooncup, and actually my body is incredible flexible and capable. Here is the amount of time my period now lasts. I realised that before disposable products this is where we lived. Historically those of us experiencing periods were actively choosing reusable products because that was what we had.

We learned to navigate our lifestyles and spaces and interactions with ourselves. It made me realise there is this whole other option out there that is not only beneficial for me but for the environment and honestly why wouldn't we want to be active in helping our planet if we are in the position to do so? I looked into other sustainable menstrual products and even purchased period pants to have the ability to switch between reusable products because it was a privilege I could afford at that time.

It was the alignment of thought and body and it's something I've been searching for, for a long time without realising. Unconsciously I'd made the decision to not use birth control to manipulate my periods. I recognised the need to allow my body to natural move because that's what was right for me.

The time between my periods has oscillated back into its natural rhythms. I'm consciously in a place to recognise my pre menstrual symptoms. My periods don't last for as long as they arent all as heavy consecutively as they used to be. There has been a change for me. One that I've loved and don't see myself turning away from. Its pretty darn wonderful and I'm pretty darn grateful.

So if theres one thing I could say its, find what is going to work with you, but get back in check with your body because you and your body deserve it.

[patchdotexe]

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

[thepaperpanda]

Don't get caught || Bucky Barnes drabble.

Words: 1680

Warnings: Slight smut

SUMMARY: A nice training with Bucky

Author: Cass and Beast.

It was one of these days, when Bucky was full of rage. He recently has came back from very tough mission in Eastern Europe. He has been sent to Nizhny Novgorod and he had to invigilate the training of young Shield's recruits.

Now, brunette was at the gym, where he was doing his cardio training, trying to get rid of bad emotions.

You went at the gym out of pure boredom, your day was really boring, so you decided to go there and do something.

Shirt and shorts were all that you were wearing at the moment, you felt comfortable in that outfit.

You entered the gym and looked around, then you looked at Bucky and smiled at him. "Hey there, Barnes!"

Bucky's eyes wandered slowly over you. "Hi" he only mumbled under his breath.

He didn't pay too much attention to your presence in the room, he just kept going with his exercises

You frowned softly and walked to him. "Hey, why are you so angry today, huh?" your eyes wandered slowly from top of his head to his toes. You licked your lips a bit and smiled at him.

Bucky was lifting weights, putting his whole attention to the exercise. He was slowly tautening his muscles to slacken them after few moments. "Why so curious, Y/N?"

"I'm always worried about my friends and my team mates." You looked at him worried.

Bucky chuckled darkly. "And tell me, Y/N, since when me and you are friends?" he gave you a look, the specific one, which was reserved only for special occasions, when Bucky was really not in a mood to conversations.

You rolled your eyes theatrically and you sighed heavily, you always were trying to be nice to this guy. “Hmmm. Let me think.. Maybe since Cap forced Tony to take you to the team and since Cap even brought you here? Maybe since that day.” You muttered annoyed.

Bucky stopped for a while, putting barbells onto its place. "Heh, yeah." he looked at you briefly, then he grabbed his towel and went at the other side of the gym. "Did anyone tell you, that you're annoying, Y/N? Can't you see I am trying to do my daily workout? And can't you see I need to stay focused?" man sighed deeply. "What's your business?"

"Nope! Cap says I'm sweet and Stark likes fact that I care." You said, watching him from behind. "Everyone likes me... well, maybe 99% of the team." You shrugged.

"So I am that 1 missing percent" Bucky chucked. "Well.. Yea. Listen to the man, who has been stucked in the ice for last 70 years and the man, who only knows, how to love himself and how to be a narcissus" Bucky looked at you above his metal arm.

"Heh, still better than listen to the man that spent like... last 70 years as a psycho killer controled by Hydra." You smiled at him. "Why you are so behind everyone, Bucky... it's so sad..." you said quietly with sadness.

Man shrugged slightly. "I used to be alone. And I still appreciate it. As you could saw for last months, I am definitely not a social type of person. I like to be on my own, without bunch of 'fake' friends around" his blue eyes, after little travel along your figure, have stopped on your eyes. "Now. Let me finish my training."

You walked closer to him. "Come on Bucky, how do you know, that they are 'fake', if you even didn't give them a chance." You stood next to him. "Look, when Cap brought me here from S.H.I.E.L.D., I was scared of everyone. Everyone looked so serious and scary, but I gave them a chance and look, I don't have any fake friends. There are people, that really wanna be friends with you."

Bucky rolled his eyes. "I think I've made myself clear enough. I don't need others." Man continued his training.

You grabbed Bucky's metal hand tight. "No, it's not 'clear enough' for me. I can see you aren't like this, Bucky. I know you are different... Just tell me what's wrong. Because I'm worried, and I am not the only person who's worried about you." You said, frowning.

"Nothing. I had a tough mission. And I want to relax a bit. And it's my way to do so, Y/N" he snapped angrily. "Listen, doll, it's a gym. Can you take your sweet little butt and take a step or two away from me, huh? Maybe train a bit too, it's gonna help you to think clearly."

"So come on, let's train. Come at me, bro!" You said. smiling at him. "Come on, show me, how much of relax do you need, unless you are scared of me." Your smile changed from nice one into shabby within second.

One of Bucky's brews slowly rose, when a grimace crawled onto his rough lips. "Are ya kidding me, doll? You don't have any chances."

Bucky wiped his hands into towel, then he tossed it on the bench and slowly went into your direction.

You got ready on him, you were scared because this guy was three times bigger than you. 'I hope he will be gently,' you thought to yourself and bite inside of your cheek, looking at him.

Bucky was looking straight into your eyes, without any signes of hesitation.

With one huge step he approached you and grabbed you by your left forearm, at the same time undercutting your legs. Both of you lost the balance immediately and you both fell onto the ground.

"Oh, shit!!" You growled and let out a loud whimper, when you hit the floor with your back.

You tried your best to free yourself from his grasp, but there was no chances for it, Bucky was just too strong for you. "Damn you, Barnes." You growled deeply, wiggling like a crazy.

Laying on top of you, Bucky was smiling proudly as he was looking down on your face. "Doll, I've been telling ya, that you ain't gonna beat me." His bangs, wet from sweat, fell on his eyes.

You turned your head to him. "Maybe..." you quickly grabbed his hair and pulled his face closer to yours, than you kissed his lips hardly. A mean smile appeared on your face. "But I can do different stuff.." you whispered with a quiet purr.

Bucky at first was trying to pull away from you, but within a second he got all comfy and gave a kiss back. It was a messy kiss, full of rush and insecurity.

"You kissed me back.." you said quietly and moved your hand through his hair. "But... Why so shy, Bucky?"

Bucky swallowed hardly, licking his lips. "It's a bit inappropriate.." brunette mumbled quietly against your soft lips, brushing them with his rough one. His metal hand has been placed on your hip. "I think I will rethink our relationship, Y/N."

Quiet giggle left your lips, then you slowly turned around in his arms. Your lips started slowly kiss his neck. "Oh really... So... I'm not annoying anymore?"

Bucky didn't respond, kissing your clavicle and slipping his impatient hands under your shirt.

"Come here." You whispered and pulled him into deep kiss, while you started to rub yourself against his crotch.

Bucky let out a moan, pushing his tongue into your mouth and humming deeply. His cold metal fingers were running along the curve of your waist.

You whimpered loudly into the kiss and clenched your arms tighter around his neck.

Bucky placed himself completely between your legs, slowly pulling your shirt up to reveal your breasts.

But suddenly..

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OVER HERE!?" a loud yell could be heard next to the door.

You blinked and looked up, your vision was upside down, but you could see Tony, who was angry as hell and Steve, whose face was covered in a blush.

"Bucky..... Y/N... What you two are doing here..." Steve asked, obviously shocked by an unexpected view.

"Exactly! What the fuck!" Tony crossed his arms over his chest, cocking his brow. "We left you for 5 minutes, and you just fooling around with Mr Barnes?! Y/N, I don't recognize you!"

You could feel, how your face is getting hotter. "I... I... I just...." You bite your lips and hugged to Bucky tightly, hiding your face into his chest.

"Tony, calm down." Steve said softy. Than he looked at Bucky. "You.... get off of her and help her get up." Steve muttered.

Bucky, with a huge blush on his cheeks followed Steve's order without complaining. He offered you his metal hand and helped you to get up.

"C'mon guys, it's just a wrestling" Bucky used the only explanation, which came to his mind.

Tony laughed shortly, shaking his head in disbelief. "Jesus, give me some patience, please" Stark put his hands up in a gesture of helplessness.

You quickly got up and pulled your shirt down, looking at man with a stupid smile on you lips. "I don't think this explanation will work."

"Of course it won't." Blond man growled softly. "You should be happy, that they haven't done anything else." Steve looked at Tony.

Stark shrugged, turning around. "I see you in my office, Barnes. 5 minutes!" he ordered harshly before he left the gym.

Bucky improved his sweatpants and went to Steve. "Sorry, pal."

"Just go there before he will kick you out of the tower." Steve sighed heavily, patting his friend's shoulder.

You improved your shorts a bit and went to Steve. "Cap, I'm so sorry... So so so so sorry." You whimpered. "But I couldn't stop myself from... him." You sighed sadly and looked down.

Steve smiled at you when Bucky was gone. "Good work, Y/N. Don't let him be alone." he whispered.

A/N: Hello guys, Beast's here. I just wanna say I found it super interesting and developing to write stories for you in cooperation with my beloved girlfriend. And, besides, I wanna share with you little information (yeah, I can't stop myself from boasting), so... We got engaged  Now I have an honor to call Cass my fiancée. Hope you all are gonna have great weekend, pals! Song from Beast: ♥

Pandies 🐼: @blue-dragon-ice @calkingwood @imidarogerson @grossograsso @thewildgardensstuff @irai-lauri @leven-and-ashley  @la-verdura @bearded-steve-rogers @sebbystan-plantlover @atuckyismylife  @krispyjellyfishzombie @personality-within  @haseki-huricihan @choppedgardenwhispers @vroobelek @lattimelka @chris-beamz @hidden-secrets69

[tacity]

I? Don't get it? When Jimin is like this?????? Lately it seems that he's always avoiding JK in public, it's so weird?????

Lately it seems that he’s always avoiding JK in public

This happened three days ago (at the time of making this post the date was May 6th):

Jimin being domestic with his husband Jungkook in front of millions of viewers (13 days ago):

Jimin VERY willingly rushing to JK’s room and sharing this look (14 days ago): 

In a span of 2 weeks, we have Jikook almost kiss each other & having a family dinner in front of tons of viewers, posting selca on social media, and Jimin very discreetly touching JK on stage. 

I? Don’t get it? When Jimin is like this??????

Jimin is a shy person:

Palm reader, Tony Leggett’s Youtube video (bless you @harunyany for bringing this to my notice) suggests that Jimin may act confident on stage, but he’s actually very shy. 

He himself once said in an interview that he’s a shy Busan man. 

Jimin said this about himself once:

Jimin always aims to be a cool person:

source

My point here is that maybe Jimin struggles to strike a balance between how much of his feelings to show on stage and how much to restraint. It’s extremely challenging to be hundred percent expressive when you’re a popular public figure. Everyone has eyes on you and you never know how your actions could be interpreted.

Over the years, Jimin has become more and more reserved. As much as we would love to see Jimin shower his affections on JK, it’s for his own (and the team’s) well-being that he take caution, all the more reason if Jikook are actually in a real relationship. Jungkook is another story altogether. Jimin has the dual responsibility to keep his emotions and also JK’s in check. He was born in Busan first after all. 

We have to accept the fact that their (or anyone’s) personal relationship is none of our business (we’re bystanders relishing the supposed chemistry they have) and so beyond our control. How Jimin handles his interpersonal relations is solely up to him. Even as die-hard Jikook shippers, we have to try and give them some space. We can’t expect Jimin to be all over JK in every concert, nor should he be. Our basis for their relation to be a reality is the fact that they’re almost always subtle and their moments aren’t in your face which would make it more of a fanservice (like the 21st Century Performance).

I would humbly request that people don’t judge Jimin for not being super eager in responding to JK’s affections. There could be so many reasons for that and what I’ve pointed out is only tip of the iceberg.  

A final note:

Wait, one more:

Okay, last one. I promise!

I lied

tl;dr

The way Jimin acts around Jungkook is weird-ass great and a dream come true for thirsty feisty shippers like us who like going down the rabbit hole and setting the whole place on fire with Jikook’s love.

[yukipri]

Hey, I want to start posting my own art but i don't know if i should do it on tumblr or instagram...which one should i choose? i noticed that you use both, but all your art has your blog URL... any thoughts?

Okay so here’s my best attempt to answer this, it got a bit long sorry! ^ ^;

I think different people have vastly different experiences posting art on various social media platforms depending on what you post, how you want to present it, how many followers you have, and how you regularly interact/WANT to interact with those followers.

I technically have an instagram which I tried to get myself to restart using after my last convention since so many cosplayers use it, and i tried putting a very small amount of art on there but tbh it’s already fallen back to its original use, which is to sometime post photos to tumblr through it ^ ^; I realized Instagram’s not a great platform for me personally to post art because 1) I personally do not have a lot of followers on it, 2) of those followers, many are rl people who found me through fb which i try to keep separated from my fandom blogs, 3) Instagram heavily controls image dimensions so it’s not great if you frequently post tall or long posts and the majority of my art is portrait, 4) Instagram is good for individual aesthetic images, not so great for long story-telling multi-page comics, which is a lot of what I do, 5) I’m not entirely sure how people find your blog on instagram since no reblogging and tags and stuff seem strange and most of the attention seems to come from people who already follow you, and I’m too tired to learn another social media platform now, and 6) Instagram is full of a TON of art theft and I’ve had too many personal bad experiences to have a good impression of the platform as a whole.

So uh, yep, in other words for me Instagram is mostly for cosplay, selfies, pet pics, and merch pics ^ ^;

I also post on Twitter, but that has its fair share of issues too. It, like instagram, is pretty bad for posting portrait images and works better with square/landscape aligned images. It absolutely SUCKS for long comics and multi-page things because the previews are awful. The text limitation is also pretty miserable for someone like me who loves talking a LOT on my posts. It also has a really weird HUGE hit or miss gap between art posts, and I feel like the amount of followers or comments you get per successful art post is far fewer than Tumblr, though others may have different experiences. It IS good for connecting to a less English and tbh far less America-centric community though ^ ^;

I personally prefer to use Tumblr as my main art posting platform for several reasons, some simply because I’ve been more successful here and that’s motivation to continue, and some also just because of what I post. This was the first fandom social media I was really active on, and I’ve been active for YEARS and have sloooooooooooooowly but steadily gained more success, bit by tiny bit through various fandoms (so yeah, tons of art posts with only single digit notes? been there, done that WHOO).

Because Tumblr’s been my main social media, I’ve gotten used to formatting my art specifically for it. Almost all of my art uses Tumblr’s ideal image posting proportions (2 width: 3 height, for those wondering, anything taller blurs), and I’ve learned to take advantage of Tumblr’s vertical scrolling to make posts that stand out when you speed scroll. I’m also the kind of artist who again, rarely posts a “look a pretty picture anyone can appreciate” type art, and more “here’s a really obscure hyper specific AU comic that you’ll have to follow all the links and read the text to appreciate,” type work. This latter means that being able to write long comments (and being able to put it beneath a cut), add links to other posts, and properly tag is really important.

I’ve also found that when I personally post this hyper specific content, on Tumblr and only Tumblr of my social media platforms do I get significant feedback. This is almost entirely because my own unique followers are truly amazing and I’m so incredibly grateful to them, but also partially because there’s so many methods of feedback for people at various comfort levels. There’s the askbox, which I can respond to publicly and where people can send anon if that’s easier. There’s IMs, which I can rarely respond to but it’s an option. There’s replies and comments in reblogs of posts. And there’s tags for people who want to ramble but don’t necessarily look for responses from me. The combination of all of these results in quite a decent amount of feedback that I can enjoy ^ ^; And again, this isn’t for every post; I find that art with less specific context, even if it gets exponentially more notes just don’t have the same type of feedback as my more specific content. And experiences will vary heavily between users, but this is just the community that I feel has grown around my own art here (Thank you all, dear followers, you’re all amazing ;A;).

Tumblr’s url is the one stamped on all of my work because it’s the one I’ve created my brand on, it’s the one that contains all of my content as I meant for it to be seen (comments, tags, links to other related posts and all) so it’s the one that most of my reposts on my other social media link to anyway, and also to be blunt, it has many more times the number of followers than all of my other social medias combined >.

Of course, Tumblr has plenty of cons too. As noted above, but horizontal images are CRAP to post on Tumblr bc they take the least amount of space when you’re vertically scrolling so even it’s a ridiculously huge and detailed long post, it’ll barely blip on most dashes. There’s a limit of 10 images, which can be annoying for me sometimes as a comic artist who has to work around that. Tumblr also does this ridiculously stupid thing where it resizes the image that appears on the dash so it’s really crappy quality and it’s a pain for people to open up the actual resolution image. Tumblr also has, ah, a very specific and rather hostile culture around many things, and depending on what you post you could get a lot of unsavory comments that will be a LOT more rare on other platforms. I’ve found that users on other platforms tend to understand the “You control what you consume,” concept a lot better ^ ^;;;; And given the above various forms of interacting with your followers that I’ve listed above, this also means that people have a variety of tools to make you feel like crap too! And then there’s all that stuff about safety mode going on recently, among other problems. Not a perfect platform, not by a LONG shot.

So which social media platform will be right for you? Again, it really, REALLY depends. If rl people follow you on one or the other and you want or DON’T want them to see it, that’s a factor. If you’re used to talking to your followers on one account and maybe they’d be interested in seeing something else from you, that’s an option. If you want to divide personal from fandom or combine them, that’s a factor. If you prefer more “artistic” or aesthetic art, perhaps instagram and twitter would work far better for you than me. If you have a certain art orientation you prefer, that’s a factor (again: Instagram = square, Twitter = square/landscape, Tumblr = portrait/square). If you want to write a lot of comments or post multi-page work, perhaps Tumblr is better. And of course, it certainly doesn’t hurt to try posting on multiple simultaneously and seeing what works for you, which could be everything! 

But most importantly, please don’t get too discouraged if your work does not immediately get the response you were hoping it’d get. Gaining a following takes time and there are so many factors involved beyond your skill level alone, including the popularity of the fandom if it’s fanart, timeliness, frequency of your posts, and the biggest one is sheer dumb luck. Most if not all followers won’t ever comment. Most of your followers won’t even bother to hit like. It WILL feel exhausting and unrewarding and thankless if you go into it for the notes alone. So please, it’ll be hard but it can be a wonderful and rewarding thing to share things you’ve put your love and passion into, so enjoy drawing, draw what you love, and share because you want to share that feeling ^ ^

Sorry this got SUPER long, but I hope it was somewhat helpful! ^ ^;

[adventurousrecovery]

"Friends"

(I had met with my ex to exchange items after my chiropractor appointment. My lengthy speech days before was not enough clarification so he sought further, questioning our status. I smiled at the stupidity of the question and responded, "Friends." My answer was not the one he wanted and I received numerous messages before I had returned home. He wanted to make sure all items had been returned.)

Me: Yes unless I come across something else.

Ex: super great

Ex:I removed myself from your artist page

(I had made him an admin when he questioned my loyalty after my previous ex and his wife had messaged me.)

Me: Ok. I don't think I'd know how to do that lol

(I wouldn't.)

Ex: ok

Ex: pictures.

Ex: i need to remove tags and pictures

Ex: fucking facebook

Ex: its all like oh something went wrong

Ex: im about to just block you and see if that takes care of it

Ex: did you do a thing or did it work?

(He was looking for a response and I wasn't going to give it. I was more so stressed that he wouldn't leave me alone.)

Me: idk?

Ex: did you delete pictures on your end?

Me: No?

(I responded in the form of a question because I had deleted pictures of us weeks before we broke up, but not from social media. I felt he would not respond well to my confessing of the prior.)

Ex: oh ok

Ex: ok i think I got them all

Me: Good job lol

(What did he want...a pat on the the back?)

Ex: thanks LOL

(LOL was his common response when upset or not in control while seeking the last word in an attempt to feel in control. I find it to be the equivalent of "I'll pray for you" when Christians argue.)

Me: *sends a GIF of A. C. Slater and Zack Morris from "Saved By the Bell" giving themselves a pat on the back*

Ex: I take that as sarcastic

Ex: im still debating blocking you lol

(He was still looking for a response.)

Me: If you wish

(Encouragement in hope that he does.)

Ex: k bye

(I saw an opportunity.)

Me: There is one thing you should know.

Ex: ?

Me: *sends a picture of the Joan Jett and Styx concert tickets*

Me: Hahahahahaha! Bye

Ex: wow.

Ex: im glad you think thats funny

Me: You threatened me with Journey. I got the tickets the day after Indy.

(We went to Indy for my appointment and had both looked forward to getting out of town. On the way he questioned my delay in response to his questions the day before. Eventually he suggested, "Maybe we should break up", which was his go-to when things got rough. I took his offer. I went to my appointment and he sat outside. During that time he managed to convince himself that I had been using him the whole time. We left and got in the car where he proceeded to drive recklessly while being verbally aggressive. His excessive fidgeting had me worried he was going to hit me. I sat in silence as he brought up every concern and emotion he had ever tucked away. He attacked my sexuality. He put me down. He spoke on my behalf, answering his own questions. We were halfway back to Terre Haute before we began to communicate appropriately. By the time we returned to my apartment he was convinced we could work things out. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I told him if we were to further pursue this relationship I would have to see changes made, but that did not guarantee permanence. We went to DD for coffee. I knew he would pay. I didn't order. He was surprised. I didn't want him to think I was using him. We returned to my apartment and I got out of the car and walked away. It was only a matter of minutes until I received phone calls and messages.)

Me: But, still...its funny?

(He doesn't deny his threats.)

Me: This whole conversation is ridiculous.

Ex: I get that you got tickets to something

Ex: im glad you did

Ex: I hope you have a good time

Ex: but honestly I didn't expect you to tell me like that. I assumed you were a little better than that.

Me: I am certain I will. I didn't want to tell you like that but you weren't being nice.

(It was a dick move, but it was a good one!)

Ex: sure

Me: Threatening me with Journey tickets is an attempt to get an emotional response and gain some sort of control was a dick move, but then I quickly realized joan jett was the same night and I can still make it to work. I tolerated your harsh words and irrational behavior. I hoped things could be nice but it was clear that was not gonna happen, especially now.

Ex: ok

Me: I do wish good for you and believe you are better than you present.

Ex: ok

Ex: When did I threaten you with journey tickets exactly?

Ex: How so?

Me: In the car, "I think I'm gonna sell the tickets."

Me: "Okay"

Me: "Try to get my money back"

Me: "Okay"

Ex: that wasn't a threat, that was me hoping you would offer to buy them

(I offered to, but then I realized it was symbolic of all the times he pulled the "Maybe we should break up" card and me finally responding as he wished by begging and pleading no. I am not that person. I will not be that person. Instead, I bought tickets to Joan Jett and Styx after remembering they were to be performing in Noblesville the same night Journey was performing with Def Leppard in Louisville. Plot twist, asshole.)

Ex: call me.

Ex: please/

Me: I can't right now cause I'm still with my sis and packing up kaine to drop stuff off at work before going to the dog park

Ex: ok

Ex: well, nevermind then.

(I thought the conversation was finally over. Nope.)

Ex: I have $240 in the tickets, and at that moment i was frustrated and it was becoming clear we wernt going

Ex: I apologize that you lack the ability to see things outside of your scope and also lack the ability to recognize that sometimes people have moments.

(Again, he was speaking on my behalf. What I experienced was not a moment. It was the red flag I needed for the others had been bright enough. It was not just a "moment". It was an indicator of what I would experience if the relationship continued.)

Ex: Especially for someone who has so many. You complain so much about people not understanding you but it seems like you also arnt willing to take the time to understand other people.

Ex: and im sorry that you view everything as an attack on you, i know that sucks for you.

(Seems my voice was never loud enough and I admit that. I do fail to understand things. Ya can't teach a know-it-all. I do not view everything as an attack, but a potential attack. Trust is a HUGE issues and I didn't have that with him. I admit there are people I do not understand. I have become better at recognizing when to take time to understand because I know that whatever behavior or words were present were not of that person's character and who is actually an asshole that I cannot and do not have to fix. I understood that it was more than a moment and I was not going to stick around to "understand" and be manipulated and brainwashed to think otherwise.)

Me: I told you the truth of my limitations upon entering the relationship.

Ex: I know.

Me: School, work, mental health, recovery etc.

(I was extremely thorough with all that surrounded my mental health and placed great emphasis on my education and limited availability. I suggested he build relationships with those around him, staying in communication, and even attend counseling because there would be times I could not give him the support he was seeking.)

Ex: right

Ex: well, congrats.

(Congrats on my newfound freedom and reduction of stress? Yes!)

Ex: I guess the whole friends idea is done then?