#estalfaed's ramblings

[estalfaed-archived]

The fight had been a big one, it had left Kaidan feeling empty and drained. All the anger that had fueled harsh words and snide remarks was gone, all that was left in its place was a hurt still tender and regret. It was terrifying how two people who could fit so well together could clash so harshly. It was amazing how two people could build a life together and find so much happiness in it.

Shepard and Kaidan rarely fought, both of them usually in sync, ready to give or take, an ebb and flow that worked just as well in domestic life as it had in combat. They worked.

Maybe it was because they fought so irregularly, that it made the times when they did fight all that much worse. Kaidan wasn’t sure, all he knew is he regretted the loss of control. He regretted his raised voice and pointed accusations, he regretted the look of hurt in Shepard’s eyes and he regretted seeing the hurt be replaced by anger.

Kaidan mulled the fight over in his mind over and over, replaying the parts he would change, how he should have responded differently, how that would have shifted the outcome completely.

Regret turned to sorrow and a building need to hold Shepard against his chest, to whisper his apology and know that things were going to be ok.  The logical part of his brain knew it would be, that this was just a bump along the road of their relationship. They had faced and overcome much worse. But his heart said otherwise, it ached to make things right between them.

The soft strumming of an acoustic guitar gently pulled him from his thoughts, the quiet tune drifted from their living room, the song plucking at his heart just as Shepard plucked at the strings of the guitar. It was their song, the one they decided summed up ten whole years of their life together, as absurd as that was. The chords were like a balm to his heart, and he followed the sound to see Shepard on the couch, staring out over the view of English Bay. It was a beautiful view, the sunset over the water was a brilliant shade of orange and pink, the light spilling through the windows casting Shepard in a breathtaking light.

His heart quivered and he started to hum to the tune, soft and husky, before the words floated from his lips. Kaidan had always been secretive of his singing voice, a smooth baritone, but Shepard had always been good at discovering his secrets.

As he raised his voice Shepard slowly turned, hands that had held weapons for so long strummed the guitar as if meant to make music, never war. Their eyes met and Kaidan faltered, steps slowing to a halt but his voice kept singing and his eyes kept staring. Shepard’s nod had him moving again until he sat next to them on the couch. Kaidan rested his head on Shepard’s shoulder and closed his eyes, let the song and the music overtake him, soothe the ache in his heart. He felt the subtle flex of their muscles as they strummed each cord.

Shepard kept playing and Kaidan kept singing, that form of unspoken communication. That ebb and flow. He knew it well. It said, every things gonna be ok, that all was forgiven.

Sometimes, it worked like that.

[pigeontheoneandonly]

Once More, With Feeling

I thought about waiting for Kaidan Week’s LI theme day ( @spectrekaidanalenko ), but I liked this one too much not to share.  Inspired by @estalfaed’s post about Kaidan leaving for the Andromeda galaxy (with their permission).

Kaidan Alenko hunched over the bar in Kadara Port, picking at the label on his bottle. Nine years.  2194, in his bones, 2828 by the calendar, as much as calendars meant anything anymore.  Certainly it meant nothing here in this bar, halfway through three days of mandated shore leave.  His new C.O., some angara woman, took a certain delight in fussing over him.  

“No family,” she’d cluck.  “You need to live.”

Family was everything to angara, and he’d left his two and a half million light years away, to face a highly uncertain future.   Kaidan got out of cryo early, in the first wave of military reinforcements ordered up by Pathfinder Ryder, and was stationed at Eos until they figured out he actually knew how to fight, at which point he was shipped here.  

Kadara was a mess.  He welcomed it, work, distractions.  At least after the recent arrival of Ark Endymion, he could stop worrying about what happened back in the Milky Way.  There’d been a massive war— even with the careful way he filtered news that much was unavoidable.  And once he heard that, he couldn’t help but investigate the outcome.  Reapers defeated.  A little of his guilt lifted.

Not all of it.  His mother wept when he told them he’d joined the Initiative. Begged him not to go.  He didn’t know whether either of his parents survived, but for certain they’d died alone, at the hands of the reapers or age or something else entirely, while their only child traveled ever further away, lost in a dreamless dark.

Fear didn’t drive him from the fight.  It was John. Of course it was.  Because after almost two years of trying to get back to okay, nothing sounded better than a nice long sleep, and waking up someplace far away from every possible reminder of what he’d lost.  

Sure. He picked up the bottle and drank. At least the beer was getting better, as less essential crops started coming in.  Nothing like back home.  But palatable.

Six centuries and for what?  Maybe nothing here brought back old memories of his might-have-been life.  But every moment, every fantastical sight, every novel experience, tasted just a little sour from his absence.  John would’ve loved this. Exploring new worlds.  Finding new fights, new friends.  Forging a path on a real frontier.  

The beer was more than a little sour itself, especially as it warmed.  Kadara was hot as hell.  And nothing obfuscated the persistent stench of sulfur.

Kaidan was so deep in his own morose brooding that he jumped ten centimeters when the six pack thumped down on the counter beside him.  “You would not believe how much baggage allowance this cost me.”

The cardboard carrier read Molson Canadian Lager.  

“And in stasis, too,” its owner went on.  “That’s extra.”

Kaidan’s heart had physically stopped in his chest.  A stabbing ache that left him breathless.  He barely managed to raise his head.

John Shepard leaned against the bar, looking down at him with a smirk.  “Miss me?”

So it had finally come to this.  Enough pain and booze and loneliness, and he’d finally slipped over that last edge of insanity, and here was the hallucinatory proof.  John was eleven years dead.  Kaidan watched it happen, as the ship went to pieces over Alchera.

“What’s the matter?” the apparition asked, grin widening, as if pleased by his shock. “Cat got your tongue?”

Kaidan’s mouth moved.  Nothing came out.  Hand spastically gripping his warm beer bottle.

The bartender came over, and gave the six pack a very pointed look.  “Anything for you, sir?”

John glanced away, distracted.  “Uh, sure. Whiskey, neat.”

“You can see him?” Kaidan blurted out, garnering several odd looks.  

The bartender huffed.  “They’re really running you hard out there, huh.  You haven’t had nearly that many.”

Then she took herself off to fix the drink.  John slid into the next stool.  Reached over and tentatively took his hand, solid and real as the simulwood beneath his grasp.  “Kaidan, it’s me.  I wanted to surprise you, not… I didn’t think it through.”

His hand closed on his fingers without thinking.  Clinging so tightly the tips went white.  He suddenly couldn’t look at him.  Burying his eyes in his palm.

The barstool scraped along the floor.  And then John’s arm was around his waist, warm and strong and exactly how he remembered. His chin on his shoulder.  “Kaidan, it’s going to be okay.”

That broke him.  Because nothing had been okay, not once. “How?”

Then, as John opened his mouth to answer, Kaidan turned into him and put his face in his shoulder, his own arms sliding around the man he knew he’d never touch again. “Never mind.  I don’t care.”

“It’s a long story, anyway.  Not a particularly happy one.”  John’s voice muffled in his hair.  “I destroyed the reapers.  Then I got the Ark put together.”

“You—”

“How do you think it got done so quickly after the war?”  Kaidan could feel John’s grin against his head.  

It was infectious, cutting across his stunned disbelief. That cockiness was John all over. “And they didn’t make you their pathfinder?”

A chuckle. His chest tightened again at the sound. “I told them I had a different mission.”

Kaidan pulled back, searching John’s face, seeing it clearly for the first time. The flesh was cut here and there by orange cybernetic scars, their glow muddying his blue eyes.  His hair still buzzed close to his scalp.  He hardly looked a day older than Kaidan’s memories, but there was a heaviness in his expression, a weariness, an age, that spoke of things that could not be unseen.  He stroked John’s cheek.  “And how’s that going?”

“I think I’ll be able to report success.”  He leaned forward and kissed him.

That was the last clear memory Kaidan had of the next several hours.  John’s lips meeting his.  Shepard was a hard man, but his touch was so gentle, and that above all else convinced Kaidan this was really happening.  His whiskey went ignored.  As did Kaidan’s next beer, and the small parade of drinks they continued ordering to justify their seats.  They talked. Kaidan barely cognizant of what about even as they spoke, too caught up in a single circular line of thought: John is here, John’s alive, John survived Alchera and somehow he crossed dark space to find me again.  

Somewhere in there he apologized.  For leaving, for running so very far.  John hadn’t said anything to that.  Just kissed his cheek and held him a long moment. 

But even on Kadara, bars closed eventually.  They needed a few hours to mop up and restock.  The pair of them staggered out into the street, drunk on each other, the only six pack of Canadian lager in twenty-four quintillion kilometers banging against his leg.  Then John paused, leaning into him.

“There’s something else.”  He cleared his throat.  “I brought someone with me.”

All Kaidan could do was stare.  John rambled on.  “I didn’t want to wake her until I found you.  I needed to know… well, there was a chance you’d died somewhere along the way, or something just as horrible, what with the rough entry your wave had to Heleus, and I had to know what to tell her before she came out of cryo.”

He couldn’t believe it.  This was outrageous.  “You brought a back-up plan?”

“What?” And John’s confusion was so genuine it took him several blinking moments to figure it out.  “No.  Goddamn it. What do you take me for?”

“Then what—”

“I brought your mother, Kaidan.”

Kaidan was still as a stone.  Too stunned to move, his throat slowly closing up. John said, “Your father died in the war.  I’m sorry.  I found her afterward, told her what I was doing.  She insisted.  I thought she might.  You told me she’d never been to space, and well, this was one hell of an introduction.”

He took John’s head in his free hand and pulled him down into a long kiss.  “I can’t believe you.  I honestly can’t believe you.”

“I couldn’t believe you just left.  I know how important your family is to you.”

Kaidan rested his forehead against John’s.  “I know, I know.  I just… I missed you so much, I couldn’t stand it.”

John kissed him again.  Light, lingering.  “You won’t ever have to miss me again. Just maybe, this time, let’s skip the cryo?”

He laughed. He couldn’t believe he was laughing.  “Deal.”

[bagog]

May in Review

So after the better part of a year of doing almost no writing, even less writing with my sketches, and not having the heart to compile lists of ANYTHING i did, I got back into this blog in May in a way I haven’t been able to lately.

I need to actually go back and scrabble together what little I’ve written since last year, but I figured I might as well start in May. I tried to do very short things, this month, make them easy to read for people.

May is typically Mimicry May, where I try to emulate other people’s styles. But honestly, this May I just tried to mimic myself back when writing was easier. Bleh. This is turning pretty bleak, let’s commence with some staaaaaats

Characters Created: 11 Words Written for Characters: 3200 Words Written for Prompts: N/A Words Written for  Personal Projects: 21000  

++

Sounded Like Old Me I Think

A surly local Chef is having a bad night

Kept awake by tragic, unwanted eroticism

Father and daughter prepare for a hard day

Vision of a Yoga Dystopia Some sort of Super Hero/Villain

Some More Experimental Stuff

Witch’s magic has become mundane

A second person sorta ramble

Ants in the kitchen

FanFic

I took @estalfaed‘s very sad idea of Kaidan leaving for Andromeda without Shepard and freaked out until Shepard was on his way to Andromeda too

Finally released 2017′s Kaidan Appreciation Week posts. Start Here

As always, please let me know if you had a favorite story or if you’d like to see certain characters again.

[estalfaed-archived]

I still think about you, wonder where you are. I think about past times, good times, I think about you.

I hope you’re well, that you’ve found some measure of peace, a place to rest.

It hits me in the most unexpected ways, the most unexpected times, you’re gone and I don’t know where to find you.

I miss you. My friend, I miss you.

[estalfaed-archived]

Name 5 of your favorite holiday/winter movies meme

I was tagged by the lovely @shotce in THIS post here to name my five favorite holiday/winter movies. This was a neat idea, thanks for the tag! Lets give it a go!

In no particular order of fondness, we’ll start with:

The Holiday - It’s my fav RomCom and just an all around feel good movie.

The Prince of Egypt - probably one of my favorite animated movies? Totally underrated and excellent music.

The Santa Clause - Just an all around feel good funny family movie. Good stuff.

The Nightmare Before Christmas - idk if this one goes here or not, its kind of a go to Halloween movie too, haha. It works though.

Rise of the Guardians - I freaking loved this one, so good, the animation was excellent and the story had me tear up a few times. 10/10 must watch.

Ok! Taggin time! @bagog, @willowdeville, @maxrev, @shepard-alenko, @arkesstuff, @queerbubbles, @threewhiskeylunch and finally @you-are-a-program

[estalfaed-archived]

So Many Questions Meme

Oh boy. These were a doosy, I tell you! I got tagged by the wonderous @ellebeedarling in THIS post and the fantastic @humblydefiant in THIS post. Ok here we go!

Ellebee’s Questions

If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with all the free time? I would probably write more, pick up painting again and maybe finally learn to play that darn guitar sitting on its stand, mocking me.

What hobby would you get into if time and money weren’t an issue? Oh gosh, this is super nerdy, but book binding has always really interested me? The process just looks so damn cool.

What fictional place would you most like to go? Probably someplace that is like our world, but has magic in it.

What job would you be terrible at? Anything that involves complicated math. So a lot of things probably.

When was the last time you climbed a tree? Last year, we have this really great tree in the back yard for climbing and I couldn’t resist.

Would you rather go hang gliding or white water rafting? Been white water rafting, really fun, would definitely go again, but for a new experience I’ll pick hang gliding, though its lowkey terrifying.

What movie title best describes your life? Clueless

What is the best compliment you’ve ever received? An anon recently stated that I was “as fine as a Canadian lager paired with a steak sandwich.” I don’t know if I’ll ever get anything to top that, ha!

As the only human left on earth, what would you do? Probably cry a lot, be lonely and then figure out how to spend the rest of my life.

What did you think you would grow out of but haven’t? Video games I guess? I always thought that as an “adult” I would age out of it, but I haven’t. Still love em a lot.

Humbles

If you could have handpicked your parents before being born, who would you have picked and why? I’m pretty fond of both of my parents, so I’m happy with the ones I have, but honestly, I think Kaidan and Shepard would make really rad parents.

What trait or characteristic do you love most about yourself? I am pretty laid back and easy going but fiercely protective of things and people that I love. Mess with them and all that easy going stuff just flies out the window, haha.

Where is the furthest away you have ever traveled? Bolivia, which is in South America.

I’m a genie in a bottle and you’ve rubbed me the right way, what are your three wishes? Reality warping/altering powers. That’s it, that’s all I’d need, no other wishes, haha.

You’ve entered a wardrobe and entered a land that is forever stuck in a season. You can’t go back. What season do you want it to be? The land of eternal summer, please and thank you!

Name a real life hero and a fictional one. What makes them a hero for you? I’ll do the cheesy answer and say my dad is my real life hero. Not only did he fly medivac helicopters while he served in the military, saving as many lives as he could, he also helped me work through one of the biggest decisions of my life – like, life altering stuff kinda. Vague, I know. That was on purpose, haha. Fictional one...humm, Kaidan Alenko. He’s a pretty down to earth guy who’s been through a hell of a lot and come out the other end as a decent person who really wants to do some good in the galaxy. And I love him for it.

What is a saying you have that is really uncommon? I really love “Cool Beans,” and I get a few stares for using it.

You are the leader of an island country with absolute power. What is the first law you enact? Don’t be a dick to each other.

You’re stuck for hours in an elevator by yourself. AND it’s the one time you run off without your phone. How do you pass the time? SLEEP.

Oops, a monster came and destroyed your city/town, you have to find a new place to live. The government is compensating you for the trouble (because they care) and said they will set you up anywhere else in the world. Where do you move to? Oh no, not (REDACTED), haha, actually, please come monster, come soon. Umm, there are a few places I want to visit, but as for a permanent residence, someplace in Colorado probably, the hill country.

Bonus question (because I can): Have you noticed how convoluted my questions are?  I didn’t really find them convoluted Humbles, just required some deep thinking, haha.

Coming up with my own questions is always the hardest part, so I’m gonna cop out the lazy way and say, sorry not sorry, no questions for this guy! Thanks for the tags y’all :-]

[estalfaed-archived]

Nov 6th - Nuclear Fusion

Prompt: Every star has a beginning, no matter how they end. where did Shepard come from? tell us about their childhood, their family. what made them Shepard before becoming the Commander?

You’re an Idiot Shepard

He pulled the hood up a little further, hiding his face just a tad more, and stepped out of the shadows to trail behind his mark. Some stumbling rich kid, too dumb or too stoned to know that this wasn’t the part of town you flashed that kind of omni-tool. This wasn’t the part of town where you walked alone either. Well, unless you were Shepard, too fool stubborn to bring along backup. It suited him just fine, being alone. His usual partner Finch was a bumbling idiot, messing things up more than helping.

Shepard shrugged his shoulders in annoyance at the thought. Sometimes you don’t get to choose your family, sometimes it was all about necessity and survival.

The man in front of him stumbled and grasped at the wall beside him, some grime covered storefront, long since closed, to steady himself. Shepard took that moment to strike, grabbing the other man and nearly tackling him into the nearest dark alley. He threw a quick punch to his gut, causing a shocked gasp to escape before shoving him against another wall.

John didn’t carry any weapon on him, he didn’t need to. Clenching his fist tight, he summoned his biotics, glowing an ominous blue and giving off a faint light. He could see surprise in the eyes of his mark, but it faded quickly to something akin to excitement, something dangerous.

There was no time to prepare himself as the other man erupted with his own biotics, blasting Shepard against the wall with a throw. The collision could have been worst, but as it was, he may have cracked a rib of two if the screaming in his lungs and ringing in his head was any indication.

“Damn, they said you were a hot head Shepard, but they didn’t say you were dumb.” He loomed over John, condescending sneer easily visible, awash in blue. “I expected better.” With a dismissive flick of his wrist he put a stasis around Shepard, freezing him in place before opening his omni-tool, orange glare clashing against the blue.  He spoke into it softly. “Yeah, 0847 here. Target acquired, what should I do with him? Neutralize?”

Panic threatened to overtake him as he tested the limits of his restraints. John was at a severe disadvantage, whoever 0847 was, they had a biotic implant while he had none. He strained in vain against the bonds that held him, biotics he was once so proud of useless to him.

Shepard was helpless and god did that rankle every way possible. John Shepard had worked too hard, sacrificed too much already to avoid being helpless. Yet here he was, at the mercy of a stranger, only seventeen and once more staring down the face of death.

“Looks like it’s your lucky day kid. The big man wants a few words with yah.” The man leaned down and patted Shepard’s cheek like he would a small child and grinned. “Personally, I would just shoot you for messing with the Blue Suns.” He paused a moment as if to consider this, fingers drumming idly against the gun holstered at his hip. A slow grin spread across the man’s face as he released the mag lock on the gun and pointed it at Shepard’s chest.

“It’s a damn shame you fought back. I really wanted to get you to the boss unharmed but…” He shrugged, callous indifference as he talked about ending a life. That was one thing Shepard could pride himself on, he had never taken someone’s life.

Stuck in the stasis as he was, there was nothing Shepard could do to stop him and he felt the bitter burn of regret and anger in his throat. He refused to close his eyes, refused to hide from the reality before him.

The first shot went high as 0847, surprise marring his features one brief moment, was roughly tackled into the ground, his head cracking loudly against the brick wall. A few brutal punches later and the stasis field surrounding Shepard was gone.

John scrambled to his feet and took in the image before him, 0847 spitting up blood, nose definitely broken, and glaring dazed murder at the younger man straddling him. The other kid, his ‘rescuer’, with small fists slamming into malleable flesh. He contented himself to watch until the punching stopped and 0847 gave a pained groan and passed out.

“Finch what the hell are you doing here?” Shepard asked, trying and only partially succeeding in hiding his relief.

Finch, a scrawny kid no older than Shepard stared at his fists before fixing Shepard with a glare. “You’re an idiot and someone has to make sure you don’t die.”

Unsure how to respond, unsure how to interpret how he was feeling, John shrugged, no longer able to meet Finch���s eyes. “You need to get your hands looked at. Boss’ll be pissed if you broke something.”

“Whatever Shep.”

The two of them walked the streets in silence, the path to the backdoor clinic long since familiar. Finally willing to break the silence, finally understanding what he was feeling, John nudged Finch with his shoulder and mumbled a hasty “thanks.”

Maybe when he got out, when he was finally able to break free from this place, he could convince Finch to come with him. They could escape together.

“What was that? A thank you from John fucking Shepard?” Finch was obnoxiously loud in the surrounding silence. “And me with no omni-tool to record it? Who’ll ever believe me?”

Unable to suppress the smile that graced Shepard’s face he shoved the other man into a garbage can they were passing by. “Fuck you.”

Yeah idk, haha. I struggled the whole way through this one. Ah well, a little bit of history for my default John Shepard. If you want to know how his relationship with Finch ended, go ahead and read it here. Big thanks to @itscommandershepard for hosting this awesome Shepard Appreciation Week!!

[estalfaed-archived]

*queues explosions and blares ‘The Boys Are Back in Town’*

Oh man, idk, I was just so excited to add Garrus to the squad? This was/is my ME:3 dream team and even though he gets annoyed by “humans incessant need for PDA and photo ops,” he really does care for his buddies. Sure he’ll give an exasperated sigh and a roll of the eyes, but a twitch or two of his mandibles, quickly stilled, gives away more than he realizes.

Don’t tell anyone, but secretly Garrus loved the photo op. 

[estalfaed-archived]

Creator 2017 Tag

2017 was a big year for me. I got back into writing, even tried my hand at editing a few things. I was tagged by the lovely @blueteaparty in THIS post and the fantastical @renlyslittlerose in THIS post. Please look at their works, they are fantastic. I am flattered that y’all would think of me for this.

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works you’ve created this year (fics, art, edits, etc!) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world in 2017. Tag as many writers/artists/etc as you want (fan or original!) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works.

1. With Open Eyes - My first foray into the ME fandom and fan fiction in general. It’s an OC/OC fic with Mshenko easter eggs. It was a rough thing that I hammered out as I was trying to process some of my own emotional grief at endings, not always happy ones. It deals with death, depression, suicidal thoughts and loss. It’s a look at a soldiers life after the Reaper War, how he tries to survive losing the love of his life. It’s sad. But then again, sometimes life is really sad. I’m so damn proud of it. 

2. I Fled Your Memory - My first MEBB and it was a doosy of a project. I put a lot of emotional and mental energy into this, and I’m really happy with the way it turned out. It got a heck of a lot more response than I ever imagined as its a rare pair. Pleased as punch people were requesting a sequel. 

3. What We Witness - A little drabble I wrote based off of a stunning few screen caps that were jumbling around on tumblr. There is something really powerful in the changes to Kaidan from ME:1 to ME:3. The mans been through hell and its taken its tole on his body. 

4. You Were My Best Friend - A little fic that I wrote for Shepard Appreciation Week this year. I took a few screen caps that I loved and wrote a little thing about Shepard and Kaidan, about their friendship and how John’s death impacted that. How they can come together and still, well, still be good for each other. 

5. THIS post about Kaidan’s butt and Shepard really appreciating the view. Totally relateable.

Shameless self plug. Here is my list of tumblr writings I’ve done. Its not been totally updated, but its got a good chuck of it, if you wanted to check it out, ha!

Gonna tag a few folks now! Feel free to ignore this if you want! @bagog, @whenthewallscamedown, @threewhiskeylunch, @n0rmandysr1, @autodiscothings, @you-are-a-program, @fiishes, @scottrydcrs

Cheers! I hope 2018 is a year of much creativity for all of us!!

[estalfaed-archived]

That Which Waits

Something dark has moved into the woods outside my house. I feel it in my bones, I feel it in my spirit, and I feel it in the silence; I know. I see it in the empty skies, birds no longer visiting and gracing us with their songs. I see it in the empty yard, deer no longer grazing with their cautious grace. 

The tree line looms ominous along the green edge of grass, the space that separates the civilized world from the wild. I am no longer welcome there, in those woods that I once roamed. I cannot find the trails I once blazed, the trails I once followed. I do not enter those woods, not anymore.

Do not go out when the sun goes down and the stars fill the sky, do not look out along the edge, do not look amongst the trees. The dark thing stirs in the night, the dark thing searches, and the dark thing waits. 

Pull the shades on the windows, lock the doors and check them twice, for an unlocked door is an invitation. A careless glance out a window risks something staring back. 

The night cries are the worst of the tricks, the soft whispers outside your bedroom window, the voices and pleas of your loved ones inviting you outside. Turn on the fan, play some music and put in the ear plugs; drown out the noise and wait for dawn to come.

It was raining today, a cold, miserable thing. A cat I’d not seen before sat beneath a tree, shivering and wet, a pitiful, miserable thing. I tried to coax it inside, called out to it from afar. It looked scared, yet hopeful. As I neared it, still calling out, approaching slowly, it fled. 

It fled to the woods and gave me one last glance before it slipped past the edge of green into the wall of trees. 

I fought the urge to follow, it was day but the sky was dark. The thud of realization matched the frantic beating of my heart. This was new, a change of tactics, a new danger to meet. The dark thing was waiting for me then, to follow and to find. 

I’ll be leaving soon. I’ll leave this home and those woods behind.

I won't look back.

Beware the dark thing that lurks in the woods, beware the thing that waits.

[estalfaed-archived]

Been Tagged

WIP meme! I was tagged by @hotstuffcortez in THIS post and @blueteaparty in THIS post. Thanks y’all! Here we go!

The Rules: Post the last sentence you wrote and tag as many people as there are words!

John was at a severe disadvantage, whoever 0847 was, they had a biotic implant while he had none.

Lol, so super duper dramatic!! This should actually be posted later today if all goes well, who knows. There are 18 words in that really short sentence and I am not about to tag that many people in this, ha! So, to the writer folks I haven’t heard/seen much from lately... @bagog @missannaraven @arkesstuff @mareel @scottrydcrs, @willowdeville !!

As always, participation is totally awesome but not mandatory, though I would love to see some WIP from y’all, haha. Peace and Blessings, peace and blessings. 

[estalfaed-archived]

Been Tagged

Hey look at that! I was tagged in a tag meme. I was tagged by @humblydefiant in this post, by @sweet-ree in this post and @you-are-a-program in this post. Thanks y’all! 

It’s an about myself one. So here we go! Also, putting a lot of it under the keep reading tag, because its a doozy.

Are you named after anyone?

Nope - though my dad does like to go into a colorful anecdote about how he determined what my name would be. It’s always different, and always very involved. 

When was the last time you cried?

Heh, two days ago probably. I am a firm believer in crying/grieving in order to work through and past your pain.  

Do you like your handwriting?

I’m pretty indifferent about it. Though I really love my signature, I’ve worked long and hard to make that thing look good.

What is your favorite lunch meat?

For sandwiches? Turkey, but rare is the day when I have a sandwich for lunch...

Do you have kids?

Nope. Maybe someday? If I find that special someone and they want to take that journey with me. 

If you were a different person, would you be friends with you?

I’m a terrible recluse, so I’m thinking that while I might think fondly of myself, I would have a really hard time being friends with an equally terrible recluse. Though idk, I manage to have some rather rewarding friendships with some of y’all? Some of whom also identify as recluses, haha.

Do you use sarcasm?

Less and less as I get older, unless I’m super salty about something.

Do you still have your tonsils?

Nope. I think they were removed when I was 11?

Would you bungee jump?

No, not even. Sky diving? Yes. Bungee jumping? NO NO NON ONOONONO

What’s your favorite cereal?

Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Captain Crunch, though rare is the day I eat cereal anymore. When I got my awesome Blasto bowls in my Andromeda lootcrate I went out a bought a huge bag of Cinnamon Toast Crunch to celebrate. It was excellent.

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

I wear slip on dress shoes most days, but when I wear my sneakers, I always take them off tied, even if its a challenge to get them back on again.

Do you think you are a strong person?

Yes. 

What’s your favorite ice cream?

Mint and Chocolate Chips

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their hair.

What’s your least favorite physical thing about yourself?

My hair is soooo meh, dull and boring. I try to grow it out and then remember why I always keep it super short, but I’m trying it again and fighting the little voices in my head to cut it off. Time shall tell.

What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now?

Black pants and silver/orange/black sneakers.

What are you listening to right now?

The sound of a fan blowing and minor background conversations around me.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Some sort of really light grey blue color. 

Favorite smell?

Lemon anything

Who was the last person you talked on the phone with?

Uhh, does a skype phone call count? I’m gonna pretend it does and say @ellebeedarling and I had a rather lovely skype call to discuss our current collab WIP :-]

Favorite sport to watch?

If I have to watch a sport then its football, but I’d much rather be out playing one than watching it on TV.

Hair color?

Very boring, very dull brown. With a horrendous amount of grey on the sides. Its one of the reasons I try to keep my hair buzzed short on the sides. Hides the grey. I’m only 29 T_T

Eye color?

Hazel, though sometimes in the right light, they are the most lovely shade of green.

Do you wear contacts?

Only at the gym, otherwise I wear glasses, though I am saving up for lasic eye surgery. 

Favorite food?

A good soup, I’m partial to homemade chicken noodle :-]

Scary movie or comedy?

Comedy, I can’t handle scary movies. I get freaked out and end up having to stop after the first five minutes when the first person dies. Unless its a zombie flick, I will do my best to stick a zombie flick out to the finish. I have a love/hate relationship with zombie films.

Last movie you watched?

The Mummy - the new one, and no, it wasn’t as bad as everyone was saying. It wasn’t great either though.

What color shirt are you wearing?

A navy blue, stripped v-neck.

Summer or Winter?

Summer. I love the heat. I fear the snow. Winter is coming... *weeps*

Hugs or kisses?

Probably hugs. Because you can have really lovely, totally healing platonic hugs that give you the warm and fuzzies. Kisses are pretty intimate, yah know? Though I do like kissing a significant other.

Book you are currently reading?

I finished Dune by Frank Herbert and have not started a new series yet.

Who do you miss right now?

A few people, though it seems silly that I do. Wish we’d chat more like we used to.

What’s on your mousepad?

It’s a really boring, plain blue mouse-pad. 

What’s the last tv program you watched?

I’m gonna go with Netflix and I am trying to watch the new season of The Originals.

What’s the best sound?

That sound dogs make when they’re super excited and they clack their feet/nails on the floor because their shaking their butts and idk, it just fills me with all the warm fuzzies and I love dogs.

Rolling Stones or The Beatles?

The Monkeys - sorry not sorry

What’s the furthest you’ve traveled?

Bolivia

Do you have a special talent?

Oh gosh, I don’t know. I guess I can write? But I’m not exceptional at it or anything. I can sing, but its been a while and my voice is no longer polished. I’m a pretty average guy probably.

I’m a good friend, how about that?

Where were you born?

Fort Rucker, Alabama - USA 

Bless your heart if you made it this far. It’s taggin time. As always, completely optional though I’d love to read more about you :-]

@missannaraven, @arkesstuff, @hotstuffcortez, @rego-mem, @willowdeville, @juleshawke, and @shiplord109

[estalfaed-archived]

Y’all, tonight has been such a riot, i cant even atm. This has been such an enjoyable night!!! @ellebeedarling, @shotce, @sweet-ree. @mshenkoaddiction, and @humblydefiant. Best skype hangout ever!! Y’all are so much fun!!

[estalfaed-archived]

Been Tagged

Well lookie here! I was tagged by the wonderous @the-open-future for this tag game in this post!  Thanks for the tag!! So lets get right to it!

First Ship you ever read fic for: I’m pretty sure it was a Destiel fic, Dean Winchester x Castiel, from Supernatural. 

First Ship you ever wrote fic for: Humm, the first fic I wrote was an OC fic set in the Mass Effect Universe with mshenko as a background relationship? Shamelessly self promoting here, read it because its near and dear to my heart, With Open Eyes.  Otherwise, I have a ton of mshenko one shots that I wrote for tumblr which can be found here. 

Ship you write the most now: Mshenko, without a doubt

Ship you read the most now: Mshenko, haha I know, I know. I need to branch out more, I have a few rare pairs that I enjoy, but yeah, its all about mshenko these days.

Newest Ship: UGH. Ok, so I on again, off again, watched Vampire Diaries and they did this way crazy swing of a romance between Bonnie Bennett and Lorenzo(Enzo) St John and at first I was like, OMG NO, but now I am so damn invested in that relationship? Its like, fuck Damon and Stefan, who cares about those guys and their drama BS, I’m here for Bonnie and Enzo. 

Rare Ship you wanna read more of: Mshazeed, I am just...I really like that rare pair. (Male Shepard x Zaeed Massani) An excellent fic, if you want to dip your toes into it, can be found here, written by @ellebeedarling

Your taboo Ship: I don’t necessarily have a NOTP? But I don’t like incestuous relationships or pedophilia stuff, so anything involving that I guess.

They never met in canon Ship: I have the perfect one for this! Kaidan Alenko and Scott Ryder, haha, Mrylenko, a total of two fics exist on AO3, one of them mine I did for my MEBB, which is here. I never expected to love it as much as I did? It grew on me, and I’ve been blown away by the reception that fic has received, so thanks y’all.

Your unexpected ship: I would say Sterek? Derek Hale and Stiles Stilinski from Teen Wolf? There is a lot of unmentioned sexual tension between those two and it just...haha its great. Plus their screen time interactions are my favorite. It’s not canon, as far as I know, though I’m two seasons behind, so maybe? Fingers crossed? 

The ship you always forget to give love to: Shoker, either Mshoker or Fshoker. Joker is an unsung hero to me and I’ll forever be salty he wasn’t a romance option.

Ship your OC with a canon character (if applicable): My only OC that I’ve written a story about is smitten and in love with the a different OC in the story, though he did have a huge crush on Kaidan Alenko and that biotic booty. Though really, who wouldn’t?

A ship you’re embarrassed to ship: Humm...honestly nothing really comes to mind? Though idk, maybe Destiel? Like, those damn producers keep pulling me back into Supernatural with destiel click bait, and I always fall for it. Thats a ship that will never happen, but damn it, they tease it so bad. ARG. So maybe I’m embarrassed that I always fall for it, idk. 

Your most romantic Ship: Sarah Kerrigan and Jim Reynor from Starcraft. Those two are a really damn close second as far as favorite pairing, right behind mshenko. I just love their story line and honestly, I felt like Heart of the Swarm was such an emotionally satisfying and also heart wrenching chapter in their saga. These two just, damn it they love each other a lot. 

Your sexiest ship: Mshenko. Kaidan Alenko and MCommander Shepard are just really good together. Idk if its the content that the fandom has created that has solidified them in my mind, or if it was their in game chemistry, back story, a culmination of all their trials together finally coming to fruition. I just love them and I love them together, and the thought of them doing sexy things together, being happy together, yeah, it just works for me.

Your most tragic ship: Ahh, I’m torn, I’m really torn about this. On one hand, we’ve got mshenko, two men who have finally found one another amidst the end of the world, and their time is short and frantic and god they are so in love. They might not have enough time, that after all this time, it could be over at any minute. It colors their relationship, this race against time, this impending doom. It breaks my heart and its why I will always choose Destroy, no matter what, because I want Shepard to live, I want him to be with Kaidan, and I want them to be happy.  On the other hand, I have Bonnie and Enzo, because I was so surprised in how much I loved them together. I think a lot of it was great acting, and lets be real, Bonnie Bennett and Caroline Forbs carried TVD for a long time, because Elena, Stefan and Damon were terrible and unsympathetic characters. Anyways, spoilers, but when you’re finally on board with BonniexEnzo and their finding their happiness together, Enzo dies. And fuck if I wasn’t there with Bonnie, crying tears because, I should have known, only Elena gets her happy ending, even as all of her friends suffer around her for it. OK I’M SALTY about how the final season went. 

A ship you want more content for: I am forever wanting more mshenko stories, the long fics, the ones that are 100k+ that take a while to get through. The ones that have interesting plots and twists and compelling story lines. 

All right, I’ve probably bored y’all to tears at this point, if you made it this far, well shit, thanks for reading this mess of rambles. Time for the tagging! As always, totally optional, but I’d love to know ;-]

@shotce, @blueteaparty, @arkesstuff, @thedarwini, @threewhiskeylunch, @willowdeville, @choosyfruit, @omegastation and @rego-mem

[estalfaed-archived]

You know, there are plenty of fics where Shepard dies and Kaidan is left all alone, post-war. Like, that hurts the heart enough.

But the fics where Shepard lives through the war but Kaidan dies? WTF?!!? Do you like suffering? Because that sounds like suffering to me.

Now excuse me while I pick up the pieces of my mangled heart.

[estalfaed-archived]

Been Tagged 2

10 Fandoms, 10 Characters

Rules: List 10 fandoms and a favorite character for each.

I was tagged by the wondrous @sweet-ree for this one in this post! Thanks m’dear!

THIS WAS REALLY HARD!!!!

Mass Effect - Kaidan Alenko

Starcraft - Sarah Kerrigan

Overwatch - Tracer

Dragon Age - Solas

Legend of Zelda - Saria, Sage of the Forest

Warcraft - Illidan Stormrage

Raven Cycle - Ronan Lynch

X-Men - Jean Grey

Fallout - Robert MacCready

Adventure Time - Ice King

I wracked my brain hard, I’m so mshenko focused that really, I struggled to even remember any games I’ve played lately, haha. Mshenko is love, Mshenko is lyfe.

Teenage Mutant Ninja taggin time: IDK. @maximumrevolution, @thedarwini, @renegade-shepard, @enars-usurper, @long-gone-blues, @snakefishes, and @wonder-fool-world. 

As always, participation is wonderful but obviously non-mandatory! Huzzah!