#essentially bean's nostalgia fest 2020 lol

[my-happy-little-bean]

Patton Sits Outside

pairings: logan/patton (just in the background though, it’s fairly patton-centric) words: 1541 warnings: drinking, implied history of homophobia, mention of arguments summary: on the night patton moves out of his family house, he decides to have one last drink at home.

or: patton sits outside and reminisces, as per usual.

a/n- hello! welcome to a series of one shots called ‘let’s indulge bean in their slightly low quality, very personal fics’ lmao.

there’s actually one other one shot im working on that has a very similar personal vibe lol (so essentially, im working on everything except for golden slumbers pls dont @ me–)

but yeah! this one was written outside my house at 2 am, where i wrote on my front porch steps after lying down on the empty road for like, five minutes. i’m currently going through a thing :’)

read on ao3 ~

enjoy!

–––

Patton checked his phone as he sat outside on the porch stairs of his old family home. 2 AM. 

He then looked down at his other hand, holding a beer bottle. He couldn’t remember the brand, but he did know that it was his third one that night; and it’s not as bitter anymore. 

He set his phone aside, a single song playing on loop through the fuzz and static of his speakers. A moth landed on its bright screen, causing him to jump a bit. When the phone eventually dimmed to black, though, it flew off. 

Huh. 

Patton cracked open the beer bottle and took another sip, a warm feeling settling in his chest. It was nice, he thought. The warmth spread from his chest to his head, making it feel like butterflies were beating their wings in his skull, trying to make it float.

He really wouldn’t be endorsing heavy drinking to anyone he knew, but tonight was an exception. Tonight, the alcohol would make it all feel a little less heavy, even if he was supposed to feel lighter than air.

Because tonight, he was moving out and moving on. 

He tilted his head up towards the sky. Nothing. At least, nothing worth remembering. The sky was an inky black, devoid of any stars or like, at least an airplane or something. But nope! There was nothing. It was just darkness, probably a few clouds, and the moths that have flown off his phone screen in search of more light. 

Patton closed his eyes and tried to remember the vibrant, late summer nights he’d spend in his front yard, crouching down near the grass with a small mason jar, trying to catch fireflies with his dad. He pictured one successful night, actually; one where he quickly flipped the jar so he could cover the top, leaving a crack between his fingers for air. 

And in the jar was light; a small bundle of it, fluttering confusedly against the glass. He stared at it for one whole minute before letting it fly off into the night sky. It was like it joined the rest of the stars; the stars that were practically glowing that night. 

Him and his dad talked about during breakfast the next morning as his mom flipped a pancake. 

Patton sighed, taking another long sip. He never caught another firefly with his dad ever again. 

And he never will. 

Patton straightened himself up and squared his shoulders. No, he had to stop dwelling on it all. It wasn’t like he was never going to see his family again. He’d come back for dinners and holidays, all the works. It’s not like anyone was leaving for good.

But he’d never live there again. 

The song repeated itself and Patton sighed. It was his mother’s favourite, ABBA’s “Chiquitita”. She used to sing it all the time as she ironed the clothes in front of the TV, swaying softly as she folded his worn out jeans and handed them to Patton, who would always be right beside her, ready to place them safely in the laundry bin. She’d ruffle his hair when she sang the chorus, always. She even did it last week, on his last laundry day; as she taught him how to work the iron without burning himself.

And when she ruffled his hair, she suddenly seemed so much older. 

So did Patton.

A sigh. Moving out was a natural part of growing up. Eventually, you outgrow the playground in front of your house where you met all your friends; and you outgrow the cramped bedroom you had all your phases in. Sure, he skipped the part where he moved to residence because his school ended up being so close, but eventually? 

Well, eventually you meet someone. 

Then suddenly, staying is the furthest thing from your mind.

Moving in together was something Patton and Logan went back and forth about for a long time. They didn’t live too far from each other, but they weren’t close enough for Patton to stay much longer. 

And Logan always talked about moving forward.  Patton could never listen without looking back. 

He loved Logan. He loved him a lot. But if he were to be honest, he was terrified to move in with him. In a blink of an eye, everything would suddenly be different. Logan would be making them both coffee in the morning instead of his mom making pancakes. He would be talking about the articles in the paper instead of his dad pointing at the comics. Logan would be the first person he saw in the morning, and would kiss him on the forehead at night; not his mother. 

Logan was so sure that this was the best kind of change, but Patton didn’t know if that even existed.

Another sip. Patton opened his eyes and took a deep breath. His eyes drifted over to the playground across the street and if he squinted, he could see two blurry figures under one of the lamp posts. They were younger than he was now. The silhouette of one of them revealed themself playing with a necktie. The other was rocking back and forth on his heels, slowly inching closer. 

And they kissed when they got close enough; just for a brief moment. 

Patton remembered the day as if it was yesterday. 

Life with Logan was going to be amazing, he remembered; and the heaviness in his head disappeared for a brief second. Life with Logan was going to change so many things, but it’d move him forward; away from the small town he had admittedly outgrew in his second year of college, and away from all the old. He wasn’t starting from scratch, he was just starting something new.

Patton closed his eyes again and tried to picture his parents saying goodbye to him as he walked away from his family home, teary smiles painted on their faces. 

When he opened them, tears were rolling down his cheeks.

Patton suddenly heard the sound of the door opening behind him and turned his head slightly, though didn’t need to look for who it was. He knew those soft footsteps from anywhere. 

He scooched over to his left, letting his dad sit beside him. His dad looked at the bottle of beer in his hand almost questioningly, but Patton’s nod seemed to diffuse any stern talk he could muster. 

They sat in silence for a bit, Patton wiping his tears with the sleeve of his jean jacket every now and then. When “Chiquitita” inevitably started up again, his dad cleared his throat. 

“When’s Logan coming tomorrow?” 

“10,” Patton murmured, his voice cracking. “We’ll be driving back and forth to grab boxes and stuff. It’s not that far.” 

His dad chuckled. “Of course it isn’t.” 

Patton turned to face his dad, his eyes still teary and his head suddenly heavy again. 

“Do you think I’m–”

“Pat, come on.” His father nudged him slightly with a small chuckle. “Think about it before you say it.”

Patton forced his stare ahead, but smiled regardless. “Yeah, you’re right.” 

“You love him.” 

“I do.” 

“And besides, you’d have to move out eventually. Your mother has been considering charging you rent now...”

It was supposed to be a joke, but Patton didn’t laugh. Instead, he took another sip of beer. His dad leaned back on his hands, looking up at the sky. 

“I’m excited for you two,” he said, his voice slightly quieter. 

Patton recalled the arguments he had with his dad about Logan, after he just came out to his parents. He remembered slamming the front door and marching down the stairs he was sitting on right now. He remembered seeing Logan’s car along the curb in front of his house, and he remembered hugging him tightly before hurrying into the passenger seat to drive away, swearing to never come back.

“I’m glad you are,” Patton finally said, sincerely. “I am too.”

“And you’re making the right choice,” his dad continued. “I know how you feel about this kind of stuff, but I promise you’re not leaving anything by going. You’re going to bring back so many new things whenever you come back; it’ll be like you never left, and then some.”

Patton smiled at the thought. “Thanks, dad.”

He set the beer bottle beside his phone and paused the song, giving way to the sound of wind moving through the trees and the crickets in the grass. 

He took one more deep breath of it all, before something lit up in the corner of his eye. 

His breath hitched. 

A small firefly flew out from the grass on his front yard, floating lazily amongst the blades of green and moving up to weave itself through the tree branches. Soon enough, it drifted so far up that Patton could have sworn it was a star. 

He then looked at his dad, who was staring up at it as well. 

They both smiled. 

Change was good. It had to be. It wasn’t a lot of the times in his life, but tonight was an exception. He prayed and hoped on the firefly in the sky that it was.

Because tonight, Patton was moving out, and moving forward.