#erwin looks so dreamy in Levi’s memories | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

karikarasuno · 4 months

Text

sonder ch. ix

Pairing: Erwin Smith x Fem!Reader x Levi Ackerman

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Warnings/Tags: none

Word Count: 6.4k

song(s) for the chapter: landslide by fleetwood mac & birds of a feather by billie eilish

chapter viii | chapter ix| chapter x

“So,” Marco said, walking into your office with restrained excitement and a grin brighter than anything you’ve ever seen plastered across his face. His cheeks were a touch pink, making the brown of his freckles seem darker than they usually were.

“So…?” You mimicked him questioningly while looking away from an email you were in the middle of reading. You raised a brow at him when he shut the door, his grin widening impossibly.

“I have news,” he said, reclining in the chair in front of your desk before resituating himself so that he sat up straight with his hands rubbing up and down his thighs. The gesture could be easily mistakable for a nervous tick but he looked much too excited to be stressed out about anything.

“Are you going to share said news with me or are you gonna keep staring at me like a maniac?” You chuckled and slid your chair back so that you were directly facing him instead of your monitors.

“Well, you see,” he said slowly, torturing you because he knew how impatient you grew when presented with new information. Your blatant curiosity was honestly your downfall and you hardly ever could feign indifference when it came to it. You motioned your hands in a way to tell him to hurry up, your fingers together and moving rapidly over each other.

“You know how Jean had to leave early today?”

“I didn’t.” And his eyes rolled at your quick response before he continued.

“Anyway,” he started, cheeks burning further and you tilted your head with interest. “We decided to go out to lunch together and before he left the cafe to go to his appointment, he…”

You gave him another look that told him to hurry up because your mind was beginning to make up all sorts of nonsense as to what could’ve transpired not even half an hour ago. He chuckled at your expression, shifting again so that his hands were braced against the wood of your desk and his face drew closer to yours.

“He kissed me,” he said in a rushed, giddy whisper. And you were shocked, but not because of the kiss but because of Marco’s clear delight.

“That’s it?” You blurted before you could think twice and when his face fell you immediately backtracked. “Not that it’s not significant, I just thought, well… I assumed you were already together?”

His eyes widened and his ears burned red and furiously. “What gave you that idea?!”

“I don’t know actually. You two just looked right together. Like you were,” your brain stuttered to a halt as it dawned on you. You were Moblit in Marco’s life. “Like you were dating.”

Marco couldn’t meet your eye, instead he bit at his bottom lip. “Really?”

Your lips pressed into your mouth as you nodded at him in confirmation. The parallels of your situations sat oddly in your stomach and you weren’t too sure how to digest it. The air between you two started to become sticky with awkwardness. The silence grew until he chuckled and shook his head.

“I can see why you would think that. I mean we were practically glued to each other’s sides for the last few months.” He shrugged, relaxing in his chair and looking at you with a dreamy smile.

“You’re quite cute together,” you smiled back at him, affection growing for him for how content and happy he seemed. You could envision yourself in his position. Happy and satisfied in a life with Erwin and Levi, if only you would just talk to them. Express to them how insanely you were falling in love with them. But that didn’t seem like a reality you could remotely indulge. Just some delusion that you clung to to fall asleep at night.

“Thanks,” he responded shyly, his smile small and you playfully rolled your eyes at how wistfully pleased he looked.

“So, tell me about the first date,” you prompted, and you watched his eyes light up and he sighed at the memory.

“He invited me to an art museum and I thought it was gonna be a group thing,” he laughed. “But when I showed up and it was just him standing out on the steps, it hit me that it was a date and I felt like such a moron.”

He spent nearly forty-five minutes in your office that day. It wasn’t terribly uncommon for him to do since he was your intern, but you didn’t speak about anything work related. Instead you swapped stories and you actually learned about him. It was nice getting to know Marco and in those moments where you only seemed to laugh and tease each other, you realized how much of yourself you cut off in the move. It wasn’t just a fiance you left behind, but it was yourself that you seemed to be running away from.

You called Levi on your way home that day to ask what their plans were for dinner. He responded with an uncharacteristic, “your place or ours?”

“Mine.”

The menu for that evening was beef bulgogi with a shot of nerves and tequila as your appetizer. They were running late. Which was odd considering they lived a mere six feet away from your gate to theirs. The food was freshly done, but now you were worried that it would get cold. Not that it would be terribly difficult to reheat, but impatience was eating away at you, gnawing on your ribcage searching for escape.

Another fifteen minutes passed and you were nearly done with your glass of Pinot Grigio when the doorknob twisted and you heard familiar male voices bickering behind the wood. You smiled in spite of your nerves, but thanks to the alcohol swirling pleasantly in your gut.

“I told you to pick up the lemon cake,” Levi complained as their voices drifted from outside your door to inside your home.

“They didn’t have lemon, Levi,” Erwin argued in return, annoyed.

“So you thought red velvet was an adequate substitute?” Levi kicked off his shoes at the door, still grumbling under his breath.

“You love red velvet cake,” Erwin said, mirroring Levi but shouldering past him once his sneakers were off holding a box which you assumed was the infamous red velvet cake Levi was so upset about.

“But it’s not lemon,” Levi grumbled once more, walking into the kitchen, kissing your cheek and slipping your almost empty glass from your fingertips and swallowing the rest of the wine in one easy gulp.

“I love red velvet cake,” you whispered to Levi who was still standing so close to you that you could smell the white wine on his breath and the eucalyptus scented body wash on his skin. You fought the urge to nuzzle your nose right into his neck, just above his collarbone, and inhale.

“You always take his side,” he said, amusement finding its way into his voice as he held your eye contact once you ripped your eyes away from his clavicle.

“Don’t push me into the middle of this.” You wagged your finger between him and Erwin, who was gently sliding the cake from the box and placing it onto the center of your island. You watched as he licked some cream cheese frosting off his finger, your eyes following the path of his tongue and you were positive he knew you were staring when his lips curved into a sly smile and he made his way over to you.

“But I know how much you love being in the middle of things,” he said as he stalked towards you. You really had nowhere to go with Levi’s chest a breath away from your shoulder. You could have taken a step back, but you felt cornered. Trapped between both men with truly no motivation to move out of the way, so when Erwin’s arms bracketed both sides of your body and his hands found themselves planted on Levi’s shoulders you had no choice but to remain there. In the middle. Sandwiched between these two men in a fierce embrace that you typically would have squirmed your way out of. But your body was tired of fighting and your heart was exhausted from running. So your mouth protested in their place.

“Erwin,” you whined around a laugh, “you’re going to suffocate me!”

But lack of breathing wasn’t the issue. It was the fact that the air was filled amorously with both of their scents. If you had died in that moment, with the smell of cedarwood and musk and citrusy earth being what filled your lungs on your final breath you would thank the heavens and kiss the stars in gratitude.

It smelled like love. It felt like love. Yet you couldn’t act like love was what enveloped you. Not even when the words tasted so pleasant sitting on the tip of your tongue. Levi was the first to move. His hands were planted on either side of your waist as he used you as leverage to pull away from Erwin’s tight grip, while pushing you further into Erwin’s broad chest. When Erwin’s arms loosened around you, you stepped away from the intoxicating smell in hopes of steadying your current dizzy spell. But that was fruitless. Not when Erwin’s arms pulled you back in. His lips pressed a sure kiss to your temple before letting you go and helping himself to a taste of the meat that was still sitting warm in the pan.

You decided to sit at the table that evening, even lighting a candle in the center of your small dining table with the rest of the lights in your home dimmed or off completely. It was practically romantic. Candlelit dinner in an intimate setting with the two men you could finally start to envision a life with. A life full of more than what the bounds of friendship could offer you.

It should have made you feel uncomfortable since you sat with such a pit of yearning in your gut once you realized your feelings. But it was impossible for you to allow the discomfort to fester when the conversation was free flowing and high spirited and your wine glass never seemed to be empty.

It was a Thursday evening and even though you had to work tomorrow, there was nothing keeping you from indulging in whatever whim you found yourself riding on. And somehow, before you could truly understand how the conversation led here, Erwin chuckled and offered a startling tidbit about Levi.

“I don’t know why me having lost my virginity to a girl has anything to do with anything,” Levi said defensively, the clear signs of innocent embarrassment coating his cheeks. Just beneath his usual wine flush. “You did too.”

“Yes, but I assumed I was straight until I met you,” Erwin shrugged, only having ever been in heterosexual relationships before Levi came along. You knew this though, having already been told about the torrid love triangle that consisted of him, Nile, and Marie.

“How sweet,” you mused, sipping your wine again and giggling as it softened your movements and you looked at Levi through the gentle flame. His eyes were heavy and a strand of hair fell down his forehead despite the headband he wore to keep it out of his eyes. But you stared dreamily at the way it tickled his lashes and he was too tipsy to move it away. Instead he looked as surly as ever at Erwin who couldn’t help the impish grin from stretching his lips.

“Isn’t it?” Erwin winked at you over the candle from his place across from you. Only to choose that moment to lean over and kiss Levi. And it wasn’t like the usual pecks he typically planted on Levi’s lips. This one was sloppier with his tongue parting Levi’s lips before holding him there against his face by the back of his neck. Levi acquiesced at first, with stiff shoulders but pliant lips. Until he seemed to remember they had an audience. You.

With a blush you could feel rushing down your neck and spine. Your body was hot and the telltale signs of arousal swirled so dangerously low in your stomach you had to shift in your seat and clear your throat. But you couldn’t seem to avert your gaze. Not when Erwin tilted Levi’s head so that his neck appeared to be strained yet you could tell it took great effort to pry himself from Erwin’s insistent lips.

When they broke the look they shared was startlingly coated in desire. A desire so palpable it hung in the air with the sickly sweetness of honey that stuck to even you. The hairs on your arms rose and goosebumps traveled involuntarily down your arms and your cheeks were burning at the sight.

“Anyone else ready for a slice of cake?” You squeaked out, mostly to fill the silence but also to give you something to do. Because if you didn’t do something you would only seem like a voyeur in your own home. Which was horrifyingly unfair. If anyone should be getting some it ought to be you.

Suddenly, a grouchiness overwhelmed you. An emotion that stemmed from pure envy and somewhere, deeper down, rejection. Not that you had been outwardly rejected, but the feelings presented itself just the same. You shuffled over to your kitchen to keep from looking at them, terrified that if you made eye contact that they could see every sordid emotion you felt plainly on your face.

Your back was to them as you sliced each piece evenly, trying your damnedest to keep your mind from straying to that kiss. Because even though it wasn’t you, you sure as hell wished that it was.

“You know.” You jumped out of your skin at Erwin’s voice which was not at all where you left it across the living room at the dining table, but right behind you. You hadn’t heard him approach. Usually stealth was Levi’s domain considering how large Erwin was and he always had heavy footfalls that you could track even from the other side of your home.

“You didn’t tell us about your first time,” he continued plainly as if he didn’t just blatantly makeout with his partner in front of you.

“Having sex?” You feigned ignorance because you forgot this all started with Erwin’s admission of Levi’s virginity loss to a woman.

“Well that was our last topic of discussion, was it not?” He replied sarcastically and when you looked up at him with an expression of exasperation, he only smiled at you slyly. Which unfortunately made your insides twist in a distinctly carnal manner.

“It’s not some big story,” you shrugged, placing a too thickly cut slice of cake on a small plate. “I was 20 and it was with my ex.”

The room went uncharacteristically silent. There was none of the usual traces of comfort you often found in the silence when the three of you were together. This silence was filled with an inquisitive air. Charged with unspoken questions that made you cut another large slice of cake. At this rate you may as well have cut the small cake into thirds.

“What?” Was Erwin’s instinctive reaction. And now your cheeks burned again, but this time it was from a weird sense of shame. Not that there was anything wrong with having too little or too many sexual partners. You knew just like most sane people that it was arbitrary and irrelevant. But both of their distinctive shocks somehow embarrassed you.

“I’ve only ever been with Onyankopon,” you muttered, cutting the final slice smaller than the other two with precise concentration this time.

“Really?” Erwin said again, his body tense beside you as your admission rolled around his mind over and over.

“Don’t be weird about it,” you replied somewhat defensively when you finally glanced at him and he was looking down at you with question marks floating around his head. Approaching you the same way you would a stray animal. Hesitant and coaxing.

“No no, it’s not weird,” he started, jumping away slightly when he realized just how odd he was behaving. “I just wouldn’t have expected it.”

“Why?”

“It’s just-” He stopped to think. “Well…”

You waited.

“Not even a random one night stand?” That question came from Levi. But instead of answering you grabbed two of the three plates from the island and walked back over to the table that Levi was still sitting at. You could feel Erwin’s presence behind you. The strong masculine urge to question and interrogate was being reeled in purely due to the fact that he wasn’t sure how to produce a question without sounding insensitive. And truly you didn’t mind the shock or the eggshells that seemed to suddenly litter your floor. Because it just so happened that in this life you only ever had the opportunity to be with one man. The cards fell in the exact places they needed to. Yet somehow you were now in a position of pining after two men. Both of which were sending you strange signals that you weren’t too sure what to do with.

“No,” you finally answered with a chunk of cake poised at the end of your fork ready for you to eat. But instead of doing that, you walked out on a limb, raising the fork closer to your lips and looking right at Levi as you uttered the words, “unless you’re offering.”

The silence deepened and then hollowed out. There was nothing between all of you but space. But that space, while empty in theory, was filled to the brim with buzzing tension that could have sparked a fire if a match was striked against it. You reclined in your seat, chewing on the cake languidly, as if you had all the time in the world. While for them it must have felt like time had frozen. Erwin stopped mid step behind Levi’s seat, while Levi who always seemed to have an air of indifference about him was awestruck. He was at a loss. You could sense it. Erwin was quite literally buffering where he stood. And for all the nerves that were constantly and persistently vibrating beneath your skin, they seemed to disappear just then. It was power you felt in their place. A sense of superiority. In this moment, you finally had the upper hand. You smirked, and it was smug, but to cover up your newfound courage you offered a demystifying, “I was kidding,” to placate them.

Time resumed. Erwin sat and Levi shook his head once before taking a forceful bite of his cake. But you effectively opened the door. Even if for now it was just a crack. The feelings and tension were seeping in, overwhelmingly so. And your heartbeat pattered relentlessly in your chest at your half admission. Anxiety resuming its rightful place in the center of your chest, but this time it held no traces of regret. Instead it was beginning to mold into anticipation. Excitement.

“We shouldn’t do this,” you said, half naked beneath a fluffy robe and standing at the door of Erwin and Levi’s guest bedroom. You were fidgeting in place. Your fingers tightening and knotting the tie around your waist that held the robe firmly in place. Meanwhile, Levi had an air of professionalism about him. He was in his work clothes, which you found comical since he wasn’t at work, and was dressing the massage table so that you could promptly slip between the crisp sheets once you rid yourself of your robe. Sure, Erwin offered this up to you on a silver platter not too long ago. And you even thought it was weird then. But it was so much weirder now that it surely was about to happen.

“Don’t be silly,” he said, stepping away from the table and finally looking up at you. What you expected to find was the typical indifference, but what you were met with was something hungry in his eyes. Especially when his eyes dropped and lingered at the opening of your robe. The v-shape was wide since it was too big for you, so your clavicle remained exposed and the illusion of your breasts was more apparent. Your chest warmed and you averted your eyes until you saw him walk towards you from your peripheral.

“I’ll be right back,” he said when he was close enough to you and when you forced your gaze to his, he added, “We’ll start with you face down. I heated the table for you as well.”

That alone had goosebumps rising on your skin and all you could manage was a meek nod as he stepped around you once more and closed the door behind him. Everything since that dinner at your home a few nights ago was riddled with sexual tension whether it was on purpose or not, it was so palpable every time you inhaled in their presence you breathed it straight into your lungs.

Once it dawned on you that this was really going to happen. That soon enough you would be laying naked, besides your underwear, beneath a thin sheet with Levi’s hands all over you a minute had passed. And as soon as that realization struck you, you remembered that he would be coming back any second. So you threw the robe off of your shoulders, shuddering at the kick of AC as it hit your bare skin, and nearly threw yourself beneath the flat sheet. Blissfully sighing when your chilled skin met the warmth of the bed and you thanked Levi for this thoughtfulness.

You lied there measuring your breaths in an attempt to calm your racing heart. This was supposed to help you relax, instead you were forcing yourself still and praying that your heart would take the hint and stop beating so erratically in your chest. When Levi lightly knocked on the door you couldn’t suppress the sudden jolt of your body. Your hand flew up to your chest instinctively and then the feeling of your bare breast seemed to startle you even more as you pushed your arm back beneath the blanket while letting out a shrill “come in.”

As soon as he entered the lights turned off, only leaving the yellow lamp in the corner and a few candles to illuminate the room. You smelled lavender and patchouli incense. It wasn’t until he came up to stand above your head that you realized you were lying face up instead of down like he instructed. You muttered out an apology when he smiled knowingly at you and before you could shift to flip over his hands found your shoulders.

“We can start like this,” he said softly, his voice had taken on a gentler note as he whispered into the quiet room. There was music thrumming in the background, but all you could focus on was the weight of his palms pushing your shoulders from your ears to help you stretch. His hands were surprisingly warm. You registered this distinctly because they were usually cold and then you remembered that before his sessions he would run his hands beneath hot water. And the thought of him doing just that while you panicked in here alone brought a small smile to your lips.

“More or less pressure?” He asked, his thumb applying pressure on the space where your neck met your shoulder.

“More,” you sighed, the word exhaling alongside your breath. He pressed harder, but you could sense the hesitance. You knew he was used to dealing with elderly clients, but your body wasn’t so frail, so you added a confident, “you don’t have to worry about being too rough. I promise I won’t break.”

You heard his chuckle above you and you peeked at him through heavy lidded eyes because the moment felt like a sedative. Like a drug was being pumped into the small room and you had no choice but to relax and fall victim to his touch.

“Noted,” he replied, flattening his hands and pushing them between your back and the bed. He lifted you slightly with the motion while massaging either side of your spine with his fingers. You expected this whole ordeal to be fueled by the intense sexual tension that has been plaguing you for weeks, but instead that tension took a backseat. And you drifted peacefully in between a serene state of your subconscious as his hands moved from your shoulders to your neck. He used your pliancy to his advantage, using his fingers to move your head this way and that. All the while you relished in the simple feeling of being touched. Touched with care and consideration. Touched with a specific sense of devotion where his only goal was to make you feel good. Great, even.

Soon enough, when his hands spread out wide over your chest you knew your nipples were hard, but you couldn’t be bothered. Not when his hands continued their course down each arm until his fingers met yours. He intertwined them to roll your wrist before printing his thumb into the palm of your hand and kneading the fat of your heel. You gasped involuntarily at the feeling, not realizing how stiff your hands had become over time.

“I’m gonna shift to your legs now,” he said in warning as the sheet that covered your leg was moved up to expose the skin just beneath your hip. He tucked the excess fabric politely between your thighs and you elected to keep your eyes closed because you feared that if you saw him under this lighting and connected that this touch was Levi’s touch, you would fall into the same spiraled state whenever you were around him or Erwin. The one where you kept blurring the lines until the colors all blended into each other and the lines disappeared into the landscape. Into a picture where you fit perfectly.

You just hummed in acknowledgement, turning your head to the opposite side so you could continue to relish in his touch without the fear of guilt rippling through you. His hands felt perfect against your aching muscles and you hadn’t realized how tense you actually were until you were beneath Levi’s devoted touch. When he asked you to flip over you were in such a state of dreamy bliss that you barely recalled the actual motion until your face was in the cushion and his hands were making deep sweeping motions across the expanse of your back. The weight of his upper body pressing you into the warm bed made you moan. Involuntarily. But when you uttered an incoherent apology all you heard in return was a rumbling chuckle.

At some point, sleep managed to touch you as ardently as Levi was. She whispered sweet temptations against your ear until you fell victim to her prowess. Refusal wasn’t an option, not when Levi’s fingers found the sole of your foot and you effectively melted like butter only to be eaten away by time.

You had no idea how long you slept for since Levi didn’t wake you up when he was done. But you awoke naturally to distant voices. Not that they were trying terribly hard to be quiet but the spa music was still playing and you weren’t sure if you were truly awake or just experiencing some lucid dream. You stretched instinctively only to find that none of your usual aches and knots were there. Honestly, the feeling was akin to being high. Your limbs were liquid and your muscles pulled languidly like sweet taffy.

When you found the boys after throwing your robe back on, Erwin was standing in the kitchen stirring something in a giant pot while Levi lounged on the couch no longer in his work clothes and back to the version of him you were used to seeing around the house.

“Good morning,” you said, voice still rough with sleep and you had to lean on the wall to keep yourself standing. Erwin peeked at you over his shoulder and his smile, while familiar, sent molten lava over your already pliant body.

“Hey you, how was the massage?”

“Good.” You pushed yourself off the wall and slowly and carefully made your way over to Erwin. Your legs were still jelly so each step felt like your knees would buckle beneath you at any moment.

“Just good?” He responded cheekily, throwing a dishcloth over his shoulder and leaning back against his counter beside the stove. He crossed his arms over his chest and you blatantly tracked the movement.

“Super good?” You tried again, smiling as you peered over the boiling pot allowing the steam to mist over your face.

“I’m making Italian Wedding soup,” he said while taking a step closer to you so that he could stir it again. You grinned up at him and he grinned down at you and it all felt so domestic. Peaceful. Comfortable.

“Mmmm, smells amazing,” you replied, eyes closing as the smell wafted through your nostrils and sighing contentedly.

“Drink water, please.” Levi called from his place on the couch. “It’ll help with the soreness that is gonna set in.”

When you shifted to glance over at Levi who was scrolling through his phone, your robe shifted where it was caught between your bicep and torso pulling the collar down to expose your shoulder.

“Are you still naked under that thing?” Erwin asked amusedly from his place behind you. Your hand flew up to fix the fabric back into place.

“Yes and yes,” you laughed, taking a much needed step away from Erwin who had completely begun to crowd your space, even if he didn’t realize that was exactly what he was doing. You kept walking backwards, both sets of eyes now on you as you made your way to the fridge to grab that bottle of water Levi was insisting you drink.

“I’m honestly feeling too lazy to put my clothes back on.” You shrugged to convey nonchalance and you were lucky you were left practically sedated after that massage if not you knew your shoulders would be too tense to feign any kind of indifference.

The tension was back, though. The air always seemed to thicken when it became inexplicably charged with sex and desire. Your water was too cold to chug so when you tried a bit of it had dripped down your chin. It felt like the beginning of a poorly written porno. Especially when your thumb subconsciously rose to wipe the wetness from beneath your bottom lip. Your chest grew warm and you had to avoid eye contact in order to calm your pulse and conjure up something to say. But the issue was the lack of thoughts hidden within the safety of your skull. Your body was feeding into its most basic instincts. And you saw Erwin take a step towards you. It was riddled with hesitancy. Your eyes were glued to the other foot, readied to take another step in your direction but waiting. For what? You had no idea. That was until your eyes slid over his bare calves. Coasted over his clothed thighs and lingered over the black fitted shirt that covered his abdomen. It felt like ogling. Well, you knew you were ogling. It was becoming increasingly more difficult not to ogle the more time you spent in their presence. Some would think containing this attraction would be easier the longer that you spent together. But that didn’t seem to be the case between the three of you. Every moment since you and Levi almost kissed had felt just like this. More touching, more looking, more yearning.

Your eyes met eventually. His irises were shadowed by dilated pupils. His chest was rising with deep, measured breaths. His control was astounding and you had to admit that. Everything about his stance was being held back by sheer resolve. And that resolve, the string that held him in place was somehow tethered to you, so when your eyes locked it snapped. His foot that was tentatively propped behind him finally moved. The space between you decreased quickly and when he was just within arm’s reach–close enough that if you lifted your arm your fingertips would graze his body– the timer went off. The sound was shrill and more than startling. You jumped so harshly that water splashed over the lip of the bottle and cold droplets fell against your flushed skin.

Erwin’s shoulders deflated, but in a second that was too quick for you to process in real time he was standing back at the stove. It was as if the moment never occurred. You, by the fridge, him stirring the soup, and Levi on the couch. The only evidence that anything amiss was about to occur was the water dripping down your arm, the towel that was once on Erwin’s shoulder now tossed in a ball on the counter, and Levi. He was no longer reclined in his comfortable position. His phone was no longer in his hand. And he definitely wasn’t mindlessly scrolling. He was poised to rise. His hands braced on the cushion beneath his thighs. When you looked at his face, his eyes were trained on Erwin.

For a moment you thought you saw anger in his gaze. Or even jealousy. But when his eyes switched to look at you. The depths of his gaze held no anger. Maybe envy sat there, but what rattled you to the core, was the carnality of a starving man. You took a physical step away from him. Even though he was feet away from you, his appetite was large enough to eat the distance between you.

“My job is having a fancy fundraiser next Saturday to raise money for the library,” you blurted out when your shoulder bumped into the fridge. “I can bring a date, and I’m sure I can swing an extra ticket if you’d both like to join me.”

Somehow, you ended up a few days later at the mall with Hange. Moblit had asked – begged– you to accompany them to the stores so they might find something other than jeans and a t- shirt to wear to the fundraiser coming up. It was a black tie event and you had yet to find a dress to wear for it either. So when you mentioned to Moblit that you would be leaving work early that day to shop, he took it upon himself to have Hange meet you downstairs and the both of you would head to the next town over to do some browsing.

“I have a suit, you know,” Hange said as the rush of cold air blew both of your hair from your faces once the sliding doors opened.

“And how old is this suit?” You asked, guiding them over to the nearest retailer after you saw some promising dresses on display in the window.

“Only a few years old,” they mumbled, which told you more than enough as to how old this suit actually was.

“Doesn’t hurt to add another one to your wardrobe and then once we find what we need we can raid the food court for samples,” you offered almost in bargain. Hange was extremely reward driven. You learned this much from merely watching how Moblit could coax them into doing something they really didn’t want to. The rewards were always whispered into their ear which meant that you really didn’t want to know what they were. But food was an easy enough treat to offer since it would benefit you both. And that way you had an excuse to overindulge on cinnamon sugar pretzels too.

“I don’t see the point in buying another black suit,” they groaned when you passed a row of tailored suit sets.

“Good thing it doesn’t have to be black,” you chuckled, pulling out a deep green ensemble and thrusting it into their hands. They looked it over skeptically, their eyes taking in the three piece suit with question, but eventually they draped it over their arm disinterested as they followed you around the store. You pulled out dress after dress and nothing seemed to work for you. Until funnily enough, Hange called over to you from a random alcove of the department store.

“How about this?” They asked, holding out a red dress. It was strapless with one of those long pieces of fabric that you draped around your neck like a scarf. The material felt luxurious in your hands as you took it from them. It was heavier than it appeared but the extra material layered at the bottom gave it a floating flowy effect.

“This is stunning,” you said in awe, pivoting so that you were facing the mirror on the column beside you. The length looked a bit long for you, but nothing a cute pair of heels couldn’t fix. This particular shade of red reminded you of Levi. A deep blush. A wine flush. Your insides warmed with affection as you just stared at your reflection.

“And together,” Hange came up beside you, leaning over so that their head was propped on your shoulder, “we’ll look like Christmas.”

“And you know how much I love Christmas,” you whispered conspiratorially to disguise the mirth in your voice. They grinned back at you in the mirror and excitement, real and true without the confines of anxiety, scattered through your chest. For the first time in what felt like a very long time you felt as if happiness was at your fingertips. Too large to hold in your hands but more than enough to fit securely in your embrace.

“Now what do you think about trying these suckers on and then heading to the food court like you promised?”

You breathed out a laugh before nodding in agreement. “Just let me grab one more size in case this one doesn’t fit.”

You watched as they practically skipped towards the fitting rooms with the suit you picked out thrown inelegantly over their shoulder. It was nice, the feeling of settling that washed over you. Like your feet were both on the ground and your head was held securely on your shoulders, and your heart, however haphazardly stitched back together, was nuzzled comfortably in your chest.

It wasn’t clear to you if all of this was just some red herring thrown your way to make it seem as though everything was going to work out. But you decided not to question it anymore. Because after all, you found people that finally made this city feel like home. And you wouldn’t trade that for the world.

#eruri x reader #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #eruri

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junosartsthetic · 3 years

Text

Nostalgia.

Fandom: Attack on Titan

Pairing: ModernAu!Erwin Smith x female!reader

Word Count: 1876

Warning(s): Mentions of virginity loss, mild language

(Taken from my Quotev)

Photos scattered across the wood floor. The fan spun lazily in the spring air. Through the window, a breeze fluttered in. A cardboard box sat in the center of the photo collection, on it written ‘ERWIN’ in large scrawl.

Hands delicately flipped through the photos, brushing at the figures within them. You remembered these moments fondly.

A certain camera strip caught your eye, and you grasped at it from its location in the corner of the box.

The edges were worn. ‘XOXO’ was written at the bottom of the four images.

You glanced at the large stone building in front of you, unsurprised at his choice of a first-date location. Though he was barely 18, Erwin acted so mature and refined. The local history museum fit his character perfectly.

You glanced about, searching for the tall blond. Spotting the familiar gelled hair, you strolled over to where he was reading a paper on a stone bench.

He looked up and his face glowed a faint red at the sight of you.

You wore a yellow sun dress with a jean jacket, though the weather was warm. The highlighter dusted on your cheeks shone in the midday sun, and he took a breath.

“You ready to go in?” you prompted, giggling at his frozen posture.

He regained movement, standing up and holding out an arm for you to take. “I’ve been here a lot, so I can give you a tour. Just let me know if it gets boring.”

You nudged him with your shoulder. “Oh, nothing you could say would bore me, Erwin. You’re too fascinating of a person.”

He cleared his throat, cheeks glistening pink. Rather than responding, he gave a swift nod, smiling gently. “Shall we, then?”

You winked. “Lead the way.”

He guided you inside, stopping at every exhibit to describe it to you. Each sentence enraptured you. The way he spoke so passionately, so confidently, like he was on a podium delivering a battle plan and not with you discussing an old plane engine.

His eyes lit up when he talked. His hair became breeze-blown by the air conditioning.

A bashful smile graced your lips the longer you two wandered. You held onto his arm like you’d known him forever, as though you two were soulmates.

When you spotted a photo booth near the gift shop, you knew you had to capture this moment. You had a feeling this first date was going places, and you knew you had to look back on it when it did.

For the first photo, you two smiled awkwardly, sitting on opposite edges of the photo booth. By the third, you two had migrated and were laughing together, you grabbing onto his arm.

When the notification flashed for the fourth one, you glanced to your side, noticing his gleeful expression. His eyes were shut, his mouth open in a laugh at something you’d said.

Quickly, you placed a light kiss on his cheek and the camera flashed.

His cheeks were red and his eyes were halfway open, shock just beginning to appear on his face. You were turned to the side and the lip gloss you wore could be seen glistening on his cheek as you started to pull away.

You let out a lighthearted sigh. You remember how bashful the two of you got afterwards.

You set the picture aside, glancing back into the box.

An old polaroid caught your eye, and you pulled it out, examining it. It was a rather blurry and too bright picture of a homemade cake. A giant red ‘X’ ran across the word ‘virgin’ and behind the cake sat the pair of you. Your arms were across your face in embarrassment and Erwin was in the middle of laughing, a bright red blush on his cheeks as he pointed to Hanji, who had just set the cake down on the table.

“What are you all even doing here?” you asked, arms still firmly covering your face. You were wrapped in only a robe, your hair a wild mess. Erwin only had his boxers on.

One moment, you two were asleep in his bed, exhausted from….. Not important. The next moment, arms were pulling you out of bed as Hanji shoved a cake in front of your faces.

“Congratulations, you nerds!” she said, a large grin on her face. Behind her lurked your other friends, all mildly amused. “You’re no longer virgins! How does it feel losing your virginity in your twenties? Is it embarrassing? On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?”

As Hanji continued to ramble, Mike grabbed each of your arms and sat you two at the kitchen table, the cake now in front of you.

The cameraman was Levi, his usually stoic expression replaced with a slight smirk. Your arms raced to cover your face as Erwin laughed.

The camera flashed.

You laughed at the memory.

Returning to your reminiscing, you gazed into the box once more. This time, a rectangular photo drew your attention. You reached out, grasping it gently.

Your eyes began to swell with tears as you looked at the photo.

You had your arms around Erwin’s neck, you two locked in a kiss. A bus waited behind the two of you. Erwin donned an Army uniform, a bag at his feet.

You sniffled as you grabbed onto Erwin’s arm, the bus pulling up. You knew his dream was to become a great military leader, but you didn’t want him to leave.

You knew his friends were accompanying him, but you didn’t care.

When the bus finally came to a stop, you looked into Erwin’s eyes. He gave you a soft smile as though to say ‘everything will be okay.’

You threw your arms around his neck, kissing him one last time before he left for an entire year.

The camera flashed.

Wiping a stray tear from your face, you set the photo aside, continuing to rummage.

The photo which gave you pause was a Polaroid. There was a hospital bed and two figures. The first lay in bed while the other hugged them.

As soon as you pulled into the hospital, you ran out, racing towards the entrance. A familiar face gave you pause.

At seeing Levi, you sprinted towards him, pulling him in for a hug.

He gave a light squeeze back before gesturing for you to follow.

Upon entering the desired room, you spotted him. Erwin was currently asleep, his normally pristine form now messy, his hair swept about. Bruises littered his body. You spotted scars that weren’t there before.

Most heart wrenching of all was one of his arms. Where it once was, a bandaged stump remained.

“A grenade,” Levi said. “I tried to—”

You looked behind you, giving him a sad smile. “Levi, this is not your fault.”

You stepped slowly towards the bed, moving to his good side.

Reaching a hand out, you cupped his face, tears splashing onto the hospital bed as you sobbed. “Sweetheart,” you prompted, rubbing your thumb across his cheek. “Can you hear me? You were hurt badly, baby. I’m worried about you. Can you open your eyes so I know… you’re okay?”

Slowly, two piercing blue eyes fluttered open, and you let out a cry of relief, clutching at his hospital gown.

A large calloused hand rested on your back, rubbing soothing circles. “It’s okay, darling. I’m here. I’m okay.”

Erwin glanced towards Levi, who held a camera. Levi had an almost unnoticeable smile on his lips.

The camera flashed.

You blinked away your tears, moving to the next photograph which interested you.

A vibrant and large photo was pulled from the box. A man and woman were kissing. People along the edges of the photo cheered.

You tried your best to keep your eyes tear free as Erwin recited his vows. He’d written them on a piece of bright pink paper. He said it represented how he felt around you.

Hanji, who managed to snag a license just to officiate your wedding, stood between the two of you.

After Erwin finished, Hanji spoke up. “Without further ado, you may kiss the bride.”

With that, Erwin swooped you towards him, still dipping you excellently despite his missing appendage, and kissed you so hard you had to wrap your arms around his neck to keep your legs from giving out from under you.

The cheers of your friends echoed in your ears. A vintage love song played over the speakers. The breeze lilted through the outside venue, cherry blossoms scattering about.

The camera flashed.

You let out a dreamy sigh. That was only two years ago and now you two were living in a nice suburban house together.

The grandfather clock in your living room sounded.

You snapped out of your daydreams. You knew he’d be home any minute now, so you quickly gathered up the photos, placing them back in the box before setting it back in the basement.

You jogged up the stairs, hearing a doorbell ring.

You opened the door to find all of your closest friends and beckoned them inside.

“So what’s up?” Hanji asked, taking a seat on the blue sofa. “You sounded urgent over the phone. Something wrong?”

You shook your head. “No, there’s just… I feel like I need to tell everyone I love at the same time, not just Erwin.”

Levi quirked an eyebrow. “What, you getting a divorce?”

Mike nudged Levi, who shrugged. “Just asking.”

Hanji let out a laugh. “Even if they did, she’d never fall back to you so don’t get your hopes up!”

Levi’s pale face gained a red color at that. “That’s not what I was implying, you shitty-shit.”

Hanji went to respond, but the door opening stopped her.

Erwin looked shocked at seeing his wife and closest friends gathering in his living room.

“Uhh, darling, what’s going on? Did I miss a holiday?”

You laughed, strolling over to kiss his cheek and take off his coat. “No, just sit down please. Someone get a camera ready.”

Hanji pulled out her phone, as did Mike and Levi. Once all of them found a seat, you cleared your throat, still standing. “Okay, now, Erwin, sweetheart, don’t panic.”

He threw you a concerned look, eyebrows furrowed. “Panic?”

You took a deep breath, intertwining your hands before placing them on your stomach. You gazed about the silent room. “Okay, here goes…” You formed the biggest smile you could. “I’m pregnant!”

Hanji shrieked in excitement. Mike flashed a look of extreme concern. Levi clicked his tongue. Erwin remained silent, a hand running through his hair.

You looked at your husband, eyes searching for any emotion.

He made eye contact with you, and you soon realized he was crying.

“Sweetheart, are you—”

Your words were cut off when he stood up before gently kneeling in front of you. He placed his hand on your stomach, looking up at you. He looked so infatuated. So in love with you. “I’m going to be a father?”

You sniffled, nodding. “Yes. You’re going to be a father.”

He leaned his forehead against your stomach, his hand still resting there. Tears fell down his face. “I’m going to be a father…”

The camera flashed.

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clefairymuke · 4 years

Text

regrets | chapter five

prev. chapter | next chapter

pairings: levi ackerman x reader / eren jaeger x reader

themes: enemies to lovers, slowburn, angst, fluff, smut

tw: violence / explicit sexual content

word count: 2028

Erwin had made an announcement at breakfast, and it took a few hours to settle into your bones. At first, you were excited -- you all were before the reality of the next few days really set in. Finally, something different, you had thought, knowing your friends shared the sentiment. Now, as you laid out your uniform for the events of tomorrow morning, fear infected your brain. There would be a scouting expedition outside the walls tomorrow.

You had just returned from another stables rendezvous with Eren. Today made a week of meeting him every night. You had one more week of bliss ahead of you, and this had to fuck it all up. You were angry, and afraid, and exhausted. Everyone was fast asleep around you, making you envious. You doubted you would be able to sleep much that night. You dropped into your bed, letting out a soft groan. You loved being a Scout, and you weren't necessarily afraid of titans, either. You were mostly afraid of losing someone. Before every mission, you thought about your friends. Sometimes you felt like you were the only one in the group that wondered if you would all make it back alive.

You tried to distract yourself by thinking about Eren, but it didn't work. He was nothing but excited about tomorrow's expedition. He had talked about it all night while you nodded your head in agreement, not wanting to ruin his mood. You knew you would be riding alongside him and your friends the next day, led by Levi. Having Sasha, Connie, and Jean near you would ease your mind a bit, you hoped. It was hard to be upset that you were on Levi's squad, despite hating him. At least you knew your friends would be well protected.

After what felt like hours of laying there in frightening thought, you finally drifted off to sleep. Instead of terrifying memories in your dreams, you saw your friends being eaten right in front of you. It's safe to say you didn't sleep for long.

---

You could feel your horse breathing underneath you. His breaths were slow and calm. You wished you could share his collected nature. Your breaths, on the other hand, were shallow and quick. You could feel your heartbeat in your skull; it seemed to block out all the noise around you. You started forward, kicking your heel into your horse's side as your eyes focused on the back of Levi's head. Jean was next to you, then Eren and Mikasa. Connie, Sasha, and Armin were behind. You thought Jean might have said something before he smiled over at you, but you couldn't hear him. As the walls grew further behind you, your heart sunk to your stomach.

You could see red flares shot along the edges of the formation every few minutes. It was morbid, but you couldn't help but be glad that you and your friends were positioned in the middle. You worried for Historia and Ymir, but you knew they wouldn't allow anything to happen to the other if they could help it. They were likely safer with each other than they would be with Erwin himself.

It was unlikely that you and your friends would encounter a titan on this mission until it was time to complete your objective. The goal was to capture an abnormal titan; it was mostly to satisfy Hange's insatiable curiosity, but there was no denying that any information would be valuable to the people of Paradis.

You saw it. A mix of "finally" and anxiety settled into your bones as the black flare shot into the sky, seemingly straight into the sun. It was on the edge of the formation, too far for you to actually lay your eyes on the titan. Then, less than a minute later, another column of black erupted -- closer this time. You winced at the thought of your dead comrades on the edge. Another erupted, even closer to the middle.

"This titan is moving impossibly fast," Jean commented, his voice strained in worry. Levi did not look back, or at the flares.

"Stay focused on the objective," he said flatly, not allowing his eyes to falter even as the flares grew closer.

You could see the titan now, just barely. The top of its head was covered in dull brown hair. It seemed to be a quadriped titan; it ran like an animal, the ground exploding around each step. You tried to ignore the blood and limbs mixed with it. It wasn't easy. It and the black smoke grew so close you couldn't stand it.

"Levi," you called, your voice unwavering despite your stomach being in knots. "What do we do?"

"Focus on your mission."

"Do you see how many people are dead?" you asked, anger filling your chest. "We cannot capture this titan."

"What did you expect to happen? Did you think the abnormal we captured would be The Peaceful Titan? Don't act dense. You are a soldier. Focus on your orders," the ice in his voice fueled the fire in yours.

"So we're to wait around while our comrades die?"

"Yes."

You could see it clearly now. The titan bounded toward the middle. You were nowhere near where you needed to be to successfully capture it. There were no trees, nothing to grab onto. The plan was absolutely meaningless. It was like you were blinded when you saw its horrifying face. You were sure this would be the moment you experienced your friends meeting their end. Connie shot his flare as it edged closer.

"Push forward," Levi stated coldly. "It will chase."

"Our horses can't move that fast," Armin spoke up. "We'll be dead before we reach the forest." You could feel the ground shake. Fellow scouts approached it in waves, five to ten of them fighting to protect Levi Squad at a time, and all of them dying one by one before your eyes.

It happened so quickly you knew you'd be completely unable to recall any of the events unfolding in front of you. Like time skipped, the titan was gripping Jean in its hand, so large it nearly covered him entirely as it lifted him to its open mouth. You weren't sure what happened between witnessing your worst fear and your ODM gear penetrating the titan's shoulder, but you were hurdling toward the titan without any plans.

Your instincts kicked in as you ripped out of its shoulder and connected your gear to its legs instead, slicing the wrist that held Jean on your way down. You went for its ankles in an attempt to render it immobile, but you knew it could continue to drag itself forward with its hands if need be. It fell, unable to catch itself because of the deep slice in its wrist. You watched, almost allowing yourself to smile, as Jean wiggled free and climbed atop Connie's horse. Your celebration was cut short, however, when the titan's knee fell onto your leg, pinning you to the ground.

Everything was blurry for a moment after your head slammed to the ground. It was almost enough to keep you from feeling the excruciating pain in your left leg as the bone snapped. But not quite. You laid there in absolute agony, unsure of what exactly was going on around you. You could feel the heat as the titan healed above you, but you couldn't focus enough to consider what would happen when it healed completely.

One second you were still on the ground, hearing the shouts of your friends as slurred-together, entirely meaningless words. The next, you were in the titan's hand, your body completely enveloped. The pressure on your leg was not doing you any favors. The only coherent thought in your head was that you were absolutely going to die.

In your next conscious moment, you were laid across a pair of arms -- a touch you didn't recognize. Your vision was blurred as you tried to see the face above you, slowly coming into focus. The head was backlit by the sun, like a halo. You felt your lips turn up a bit, woozy and dreamy. Your smile dropped as your eyes focused and the pain set back in.

Levi was holding you. The titan lay dead behind him.

---

You were getting tired of blurry vision. You awoke in an infirmary bed, your leg elevated in the air by some sort of sling. Your eyes started to flutter closed again, though you fought your hardest. The only thing able to keep you from returning to peaceful and painless sleep was the voice piping up at your side.

"Are you a fucking idiot?"

Levi. Again. You were absolutely exhausted from his seemingly constant presence.

"Sometimes. Why?" you managed to get out of your aching, dry throat. You looked around for water and saw some on the table next to you. You started to sit up and reach for it, but he knocked your hand back to your side with his own and grabbed it quickly. He handed it to you, almost gently. You took it from him, brow furrowed, and lifted it to your mouth.

"Do you realize how completely stupid your stunt out there was? You nearly died," he told you, leaning back in his chair.

"Was I supposed to just let it eat Jean?" you asked him, anger in your voice. "I would've rather died."

"No, you were supposed to let me handle it. You had no orders to attack."

"I didn't need orders. My friend was about to die. You weren't handling it."

"I ended up handling it anyway, didn't I? If you would've stood down in the first place, I could've done it without any injuries on my squad. But, because you had to protect your boyfriend and couldn't trust your commanding officer, I'm left with one of my best soldiers stuck in bed for no fucking reason. Can you see how frustrating that is?"

"He's not my boyfriend," you told him. It felt stupid that that was the first thing that came from your mouth.

"Ah, yes," he pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "There's the boyfriend situation as well."

"What boyfriend situation?"

"Eren came to sit with you last night. He felt inclined to recount certain events in the stables," He said flatly, his grey eyes piercing yours with strange anger.

You were mortified. Your hand clenched around the glass of water so tightly you were sure it would break. You struggled to maintain eye contact, the last thing you wanted being showing weakness to the insufferable man sat beside you.

"He's already aware that I know, and is awaiting punishment. I haven't yet decided what would best suit this situation. I'm sure your fellow soldiers know, as well. I wasn't exactly secretive in my scolding," he smirked, so small you were sure you wouldn't have noticed it it your eyes weren't focused so solely on his expression.

You finally gained the courage to speak as his words sent rage flooding through your veins. "Why does it matter to you?"

"Well, you broke explicit rules, to start with. Secondly, what if you were to fall pregnant? Do you realize how dangerous that could be for yourself? Not to mention that Eren is not entirely safe to be around; we do not know all that there is to know about his titan. He is dangerous."

"He's not dangerous, Levi."

"Perhaps he isn't. But I can assure you that I am. If there's one thing you will learn before you are healed enough to fight again, it's respect. I'm tired of you acting stupid, brat. Grow up a bit."

You huffed, taking a gulp from your glass of water. You refused to look at him.

"I'll be back to monitor your progress. For now, I have to leave. I'm sure your friends would like to discuss your secret meetings with Eren, anyway. I think I saw Jean waiting in the hall."

With that, he rose, took the glass from your hand and set it on the table, turned, and left.

You promptly decided that you were fucked.

#levi x reader #levi ackerman #levi attack on titan #aot fanfiction #aot #aot x reader #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk x reader #snk #eren x reader #enemies to lovers #eren jaeger #eren yeager #slowburn

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