#entj always finds it freaky that i'm already waving at him before he's standing in the doorway to my office cause i KNOW it's him

[notanotherinfjblog]

A few thoughts on NJs

I'm currently in the unique position where my most frequent social contacts are an ENTJ and an ENFJ, and one thing I find is that NJs generally strongly gravitate towards each other. Coming across a fellow NJ out in the wild is exceedingly rare, so whenever that happens, there is always this strange moment of instinctual mutual recognition. Suddenly you see your own Ni reflected back at you. It makes sense that you'd want to stay close to that person.

In the following, I will just talk a bit about the observations that I've made (not very coherently, I'm sorry). Something that I find interesting is that even though our minds work very similarly (always dissecting everything, searching for patterns and meanings, making seemingly random connections in the search for the root of something etc.), NFJs and NTJs have very different priorities. The NFJ can be completely drowning in work, but that will never stop them from prioritising people over everything else. They will collect and cherish every tidbit of information that someone told them about themselves. They will sacrifice time they absolutely do not have just to be there when an acquaintance they somewhat like gives a talk about something that is in no way relevant to the NFJ. They will be able to recognise all their co-workers by the sound of their steps alone. All of this is precious information. The NTJs, on the other hand, will not even bother to learn your name unless they have taken an interest in you in any way. NTJs will be polite to you, that's no issue, but if they don't care, almost everything you tell them will be deleted from their brains. They prioritise the abstract over everything else. If they are busy thinking about, I don't know, quantum physics, you are welcome to discuss it with them and they will be delighted. If you and the conversation are interesting enough, they will also figure out how your mind works in the meantime. But this is a step you have to unlock with an NTJ first. The NFJs will do this automatically. Funnily enough, I find that NTJs become more openly annoyed by you the more they have grown fond of you. If you are being annoying and they don't care about you, depending on the situation, they will either simply leave or put you in your place. If you are being annoying and they do care, you end up with amazing conversations like this:

INFJ: "I needed help with that work thing, so I asked a friend, but it didn't really go as planned and so I ended up with even more work to fix the thing afterwards." ENTJ: "Well, why didn't you ask ME for my help? I can help you better with this than your friend can." INFJ: "I didn't know I could ask you." ENTJ: "What do you mean you didn't know? Of course you can! Sometimes you are just ... Can you do it over?" INFJ: "Why? I've already done the thing now." ENTJ: "Can't you just throw it away and do it again, but with my help this time? I could help you with it right now." INFJ: "What for? Like I said, it's all done." ENTJ: "Just ask me next time."

Because once an NTJ cares, they care. They want to watch you live a good life, but then they witness you making your own life difficult just by being the way you are, and it will be frustrating because it's not something they can just fix. They will be nosy, they will observe and analyse everything about you (just like an NFJ in default mode but the NTJs are more normal about it). But if they don't care, you end up with actual conversations like this:

ESFP: "I'm going to leave work early today to go to that concert later tonight." ENTJ: "Oh really? What concert?" ESFP: "What do you mean 'what concert'? I literally told you that like an hour ago." ENTJ: "Did you? Sorry, my brain must have registered our conversation as useless information and immediately deleted it."

This is absolutely not something that you will ever hear an NFJ say to someone. If they don't like you, they will just never seek out a conversation with you, but if put into a situation where they have to interact with you, they will remain polite, quiet and a bit awkward (but then again, I have yet to meet an NFJ that isn't a bit awkward in general). Something that I've noticed between ENFJs and INFJs is that we are very similar, but we externalise our Fe a bit differently. I will have the impulse to do a particular Fe-driven thing and then stop myself from doing it because I think it might come across as slightly pathetic. ENFJ just does it. An example: when someone I like (or even only feel neutral towards) tells me a story about something that happened recently and hands me their phone to show me a photo, I get the impulse to look at every photo related to this story because I want to know everything about this person and their experiences, just soak it all up and gather all the information. But then I take a step back and think this might come across as too intrusive, so I do nothing and just listen and look at what is presented to me. In that same situation, ENFJ will straight up ask to see every single picture, zoom in on every face and ask questions about all the people in the pictures and so many other things with genuine curiosity. Meanwhile, I express my Fe more by pulling faces as a reaction to everything that is said to me in order to make a connection with people (think of Jim Halpert looking at the camera in The Office. That's me.). ENFJs, however, are more blank in the face and generally the least emotive of all the FJs. You tell them a funny story and they will just ... stare at you. Their reactions and feelings remain hidden beneath the surface. I never really understood why so many people have told me all my life that I'm completely unreadable. Until I met ENFJ. I know what they mean now. There is a disconnect between the NFJ and other people. They collect all the information about everyone and figure them out in silence, but every non-verbal communication from them seems slightly calculated. Like they are in hiding. It's like there is a window between you and the NFJ. You can see them and interact with them, but you can't quite reach them. There's something invisible between you and it's keeping you separate. I get it now. Many have tried to read me, but only one seems to have cracked the code: ENTJ. Generally, NTJs do show the typical Ni detachment from the world, but their mental and emotional states are not hidden. You always know how they are feeling.